Bob Mortimer, pork pie, kedgeree and an IPA

Bob Mortimer is an English comedian, TV presenter, fisherman, author, podcaster, pork pie detective and 100% certified national treasure. He’s with us to chat about his new book, The Long Shoe, his third work of fiction following the successes of The Hotel Avocado and The Satsuma Complex. Bob has sold over 2 million books (and counting), crowning another significant chapter in his legendary career. Bob first appeared on our screens in the early 90s in Vic Reeves’ Big Night Out. His working relationship with Vic has continued for decades and the pair are regarded among the funniest acts in British comedy. Bob is also known for his part in another double act, with Paul Whitehouse in Gone Fishing, a programme which documents their time together on the shores of rivers, streams, seas and lakes as part of Bob’s recovery from open heart surgery. Upon entering the Dish kitchen, Bob quickly spots the pork pie starter and crisp bowl, which is followed by Angela fulfilling his nostalgic request and serving kedgeree-style monkfish rice alongside a fresh and cold IPA. Waitrose’s wine experts pair this meal with a glass of Paul Mas Réserve Languedoc Blanc. From stories about accidental house fires to avoiding dinner parties and the perfect pasta name for a cat, we learn an incredible amount in Bob’s company. We also find time to put his love of eggs to the test in an action packed end of show finale. And remember: eat pie as often as you can! You can watch full episodes of Dish on YouTube and, new for this season, on Spotify. All recipes from this podcast can be found at waitrose.com/dishrecipes A transcript for this episode can be found at waitrose.com/dish If you want to get in touch with us about anything at all, contact [email protected] from Waitrose is made by Cold Glass Productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  After Faye Fruits Yogurt, I'm never going back. So fruity, so thick, so gorgeous from the packet. Called Faye Fruits Yogurt. It's a smooth and fruity snack. Gimme, gimme that Faye. Passion fruit or strawberry flavour, my way. And taste the coconut, gimme that Faye. Go down the shops for this fruity snack after Faye Fruits Yogurt. There's no going back.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  Dish from Waitrose is a Cold Glass production. This podcast may contain some strong language and adult themes.

• 1:00Speaker 03

  Hi Bob. Welcome. Lovely to see you.

• 1:04Speaker 04

  How are you?

• 1:05Speaker 03

  Lovely to see you. Lovely to see you.

• 1:06Speaker 04

  You all right, Bob?

• 1:07Speaker 03

  Pork pie.

• 1:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08Speaker 03

  Pork pie. Pork pie.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  Pork pie.

• 1:11Speaker 03

  Maybe we should get you sat down.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's get you sat, come on, let's get you sat.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  Pork pie. You always know when you're in the presence of a pork pie. Everything's just chill.

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20Speaker 03

  Life's good.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  Hello, welcome to Dish from Waitrose. I'm Nick Grimshaw. And I'm Angela Hartnett. How are you, Ange? I'm very well, thanks. How are you? Good. I'm just trying to think when the last time I saw you was. Royal Albert Hall. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we went to see, friend of Dish, Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age. Yeah. He texted me and I didn't have his number. He said, "Hi, Grimmy, Joshua Homme here. I'd love to invite you..." Joshua? Joshua. "I'd love to invite you to come to Royal Albert Hall this Wednesday, blah, blah, blah. I'd also love Angela to come, but I don't have her digits. I'd love to invite her as well." So then I texted her. I was in Milan, I was working in Milan. So I texted Ange, I said, "Two things. Do you know anywhere nice to eat in Milan?

• 2:05Speaker 02

  And two, can Joshua Homme have your number?" And she wrote back, "One, no, and two, yes."

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Efficient, chef efficiency. No, yes.

• 2:17Speaker 04

  That's how I answer all my texts.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  No, I love it. It's, listen, let's not [__] out.

• 2:21Speaker 04

  You asked me two questions, I answered them.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  Lucky you got an answer.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  So I sent your number once you approved.

• 2:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  And I sent it and I said, this is H R H Angela Hartnett. He said, I shall reach out to H R H too. And I said, she will obviously need some sort of royal box. Anyway, so then we.

• 2:41Speaker 04

  We all went.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  We went.

• 2:42Speaker 04

  And it was great.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Me and Meech went down there and then we met you.

• 2:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  Wandering the corridors.

• 2:46Speaker 04

  Wandering the corridors, going, what is going on?

• 2:48Speaker 02

  But I tell you what, the show was really sp- because I thought it was just a regular Queens of the Stone Age show.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  It was incredible. It was.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  But it wasn't.

• 2:55Speaker 04

  It was off of another, off the charts.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  And we saw some ex Dish people there as well, didn't we?

• 3:00Speaker 02

  We did.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  Graham Norton was there.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Graham Norton was there. Damien Lewis.

• 3:04Speaker 04

  Damien Lewis was there, yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I tell you what, I like when someone invites you to something.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  And they know how to do it. Like, he hosted us.

• 3:14Speaker 04

  Yes, it's true.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  He was like, come, have a drink before.

• 3:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Not just us, like.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, whoever invited, yeah.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  And then he had his mate Clem making margaritas.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  Oh, yes.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  And I got chatting to Clem and she said that Josh went for dinner at her house.

• 3:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  After he'd been to Dish and he was raving about your food.

• 3:31Speaker 04

  I know, he loved it, he had a great time.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  And he said he came and was like buzzing because he'd had Angela's food. And then, yeah, so shout out to Clem who made the margaritas.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  She was great.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  I thought she worked there at first.

• 3:40Speaker 04

  You did, actually?

• 3:42Speaker 02

  So she said, well, she said, do you want.

• 3:43Speaker 04

  Where's the tonic? Where's this?

• 3:45Speaker 02

  No, she said, do you want a margarita? And I said, I'd love one, please. And she said, I've made them. Hello, that makes me feel like you worked there. And I said, amazing. I said, can I get a glass of water? She said, we can help yourself to a glass of water. I don't work here. And I was like, oh shit, sorry. She was like, I'm his friend. I was like, oh, well, you're. It was because she was at the bar and asked me if I wanted a margarita. So apologies to Clem.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  She was brilliant.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, and today we have Bob Mortimer. I love Bob Mortimer. Have you ever met him?

• 4:10Speaker 04

  Never met him, but a big fan.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, me too. We had a really nice time on, he came on the radio not too long ago. And he was, he's one of the most loved guests.

• 4:20Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  That we've ever had on, like the reaction you get from him. Bob is in so many brilliant things on the telly, Would I Lie To You, Last One Laughing, Gone Fishing. But he said today to talk about his book, The Long Shoe. So had a lot of books, Bob.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  I know, I've read his other book. Well, he's done a few, but I've read the Hotel Avocado, which is brilliant over the summer. And I'm sort of about two thirds of the way through that. I started reading it last night and the night before. And now I just.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  And you're on it.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  Basically want this show to be over today so I can get back into the book.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Okay, well, that's a great sign.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  That is a great sign, great sign. We can't wait to talk to Bob, but we are gonna first talk about parsnips.

• 4:56Speaker 04

  We are indeed.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Feels like the natural thing to do, doesn't it?

• 4:58Speaker 04

  Feels the natural thing.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  We'll shake them like maracas for me.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Right, what do you wanna know about parsnips? What do you do with the parsnips?

• 5:07Speaker 02

  What do I do with a parsnip? I would slice it. Long, not chunks.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  Right.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  And then I would roast it.

• 5:14Speaker 04

  Okay, nice.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  With some little bit of oil, salt and pepper.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  Lovely.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  Carrots as well.

• 5:20Speaker 04

  In there, yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  And then maybe honey at the end for like the last 10 minutes or something.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, what's the key you need? I like it on Question You.

• 5:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, come on.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  What's the key thing about knowing when to eat parsnips?

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Well, I wouldn't eat them in the summer.

• 5:32Speaker 04

  You need a frost, that's when they taste better. Parsnips always the best. Never had parsnips unless it's been really cold weather. Cause they're just much sweeter after the frost.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  So you'd wait until frost?

• 5:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, wait until frost.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  So you won't eat these yet?

• 5:44Speaker 04

  You can still eat them now, but cold, you want cold. There's been a little frost, there was the other day.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  I've been to Scotland, there was snow.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm talking about where I am.

• 5:53Speaker 04

  Down in Hackney, when are you growing parsnips in Hackney?

• 5:56Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, they don't grow there. Oh, okay. I thought you meant for me to be in frost.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  That makes more sense.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  There's been no snow, we call me Hesley.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  Well, when there's frost in Hackney, I was like, oh, I see what you mean.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  That does make...

• 6:19Speaker 04

  Maybe I wasn't clear.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Sorry, no, you were.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  The parsnips need the frost, yes, that blue jumper.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Okay, when there's been frost, where the parsnip has grown.

• 6:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, they need cold weather.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Okay, okay, got it.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  They come much sweeter, that's so it's better to eat them after a frost.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  Okay, so you can roast them, like you said, you make parsnip soup with them. You can do thin strips and fry them.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Like a slaw?

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, you could put them in a slaw, but you can fry them, so you've got parsnip crisps as well.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  I love parsnip crisps.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  Parsnip crisps, so they work really well. And you can use them like carrots and put them in a cake as well.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I've known people who've made parsnip ice cream.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  I wonder if Meech would like that.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  I would like that, yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 04

  Savoury but sweet there.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  It's good shape to feed to a donkey.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 7:05Speaker 02

  It is though, isn't it?

• 7:06Speaker 04

  And hash browns. Grate them into hash browns with potato. That's very versatile, parsnip.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Fragrant. Okay, well, that's parsnips done. Shall we welcome in Bob Mortimer?

• 7:15Speaker 04

  We should indeed.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  Let's do it. Time to welcome our guest to Dish today, Angela. And like a great pork pie, bear with me.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  I will.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  He is a British classic.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  He's made of meat.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:30Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  No, I am. It's a fact. He can be enjoyed with relish.

• 7:35Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Um, please welcome National Treasure, Bob Mortimer.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Woo!

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Hello, everybody. Hi, Bob.

• 7:45Speaker 04

  Hi, Bob.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me. What a privilege.

• 7:48Speaker 04

  No, it's a pleasure.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Amazing.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 7:50Speaker 04

  And we've got some pork pie with mustard, pickle lily and some chutney.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 7:55Speaker 04

  And crisps as well.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Crisps as well. Well, they're not crisps, they're like onion, onion.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  Ringos.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  Ringsos.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Ringos, ringos.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  I think the greatest snack ever invented for me.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  May I try one?

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Please, that's for you. That is your starter. Angela's been making them for days. Very delicate. Took me a long time to get that recipe. Am I right in saying that the Ringo is how you got your Michelin star?

• 8:19Speaker 02

  The testicles.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Do a Ringo. But have some pork pie as well, please. Please do get involved.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  I didn't have any breakfast, so I'd be hungry.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  Oh, there you go. Absolutely perfect start to the day. Pork pie. You having some pork pie, Andy? I'm gonna have a bit of pork pie. Yeah?

• 8:33Speaker 03

  Have a bit of pork pie. I mean, I can't eat all the things that I like, I really love.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  Because of me, um, heart problem.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  Well, I do eat it.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Right. Well, while you're having your pork pie, we have some heart- hitting questions to ask you.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Beginning with. You fire away. We were, we were talking, and we also introduced you as a national treasure. And we were wondering, that has been, you know, assigned to your name for some time now.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Who assigns it now? Is it you?

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Me.

• 9:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Once I say it.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  You're welcome. Now I said it on a podcast.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  Andrew's a national treasure.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, Andrew's a national treasure, yeah.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  I don't think we are.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  No, I think you are.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  I don't think we are, do you?

• 9:15Speaker 02

  I think you are. Why don't you think you are?

• 9:17Speaker 03

  I'm not saying you won't, Ben, but.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  No, I don't. People love you. You say your name, people go. Yeah, I think you definitely are.

• 9:23Speaker 03

  Oh, it's still meaty.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  Just one slice.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Oh, it's enough. It's enough. It's enough. Why do you think you're not national treasure? And then he said National Express. Why do you think?

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Why aren't you a coach?

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Oh, they're some of my favourite memories, getting National Express coaches all around. Eight hours down to Brighton.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  I remember getting one from, uh, Oldham to Glastonbury, and it was really fun on the way and then really not fun on the way home. Yeah. Yeah. Really not fun. But on the way there, it was quite jovial way back.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  I liked it in the eighties, they took, they tried to go a bit fancy. And I was always going from the North East.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  So they started having hostesses. I love the Geordie accent, and they always try to be a bit posh if they've got one of those. So they go, hello, welcome to the National Express to, to London, Victoria. Now, we've got sachets of coffee.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Sachets.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Tea box and hot water.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  It's like, oh, wow, I've arrived.

• 10:31Speaker 03

  It's sad. I used to have fond memories of the National Express. So if you want to call me a National Express.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  You are.

• 10:38Speaker 03

  Then that's fine.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  You are a National Express and you are a national treasure, yeah.

• 10:41Speaker 04

  You're both.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, you are loved is the point.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Are you a National Lottery?

• 10:45Speaker 02

  I'm a National Lottery.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  You're a National Lottery, yeah.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  It could be you.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, it could be you.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  Do you ever miss it, Meg?

• 10:57Speaker 03

  Do I know her?

• 10:59Speaker 02

  She knows me, unfortunately, can't avoid her. Do you remember her?

• 11:03Speaker 04

  I remember Mystic Meg.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  I feel like she gets mentioned quite a lot in this room.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  By you, I think.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  I think as a gay child, I really was attracted to her. No, I know, the sex, I thought she was very glamorous and mysterious with a bit of an edge.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  Wanted to be part of her world.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, big time, yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Did she try and be Mystic Meg again in your room or something?

• 11:22Speaker 02

  No, but I just was like, I like her. She's a bit of a dark weirdo.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Do you have a poster of her on the wall?

• 11:27Speaker 02

  No, I didn't, I didn't. I did have one of Heather Small.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  From them people in a trouser suit, yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  It was that hairstyle, wasn't it?

• 11:37Speaker 02

  The hairstyle, I loved it, I loved it, I loved it. Hey, shall we?

• 11:43Speaker 04

  Brilliant.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Well, that's everything, come on.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  I think so, yeah.

• 11:45Speaker 04

  Thanks for coming on.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  We want to talk about this because we get an email in from our guests and we say, what do you want? And you wrote in capital letters, I would love Angela to cook me a kedgery.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  I did, yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  And has it happened?

• 12:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  Oh, wow, it's happened.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  It's just one of those nostalgia things. My mum was a cook. And she could do the most amazing kedgery.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  And ever since she passed, I've never had a kedgery that lived up to it. And I just wonder if it exists.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  Oh, God, now you've put the pressure on me now, then. I didn't know that. If I'd known that, I would have said no to that.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  Thanks Bob, you never told me that.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  Nostalgia raises the stakes.

• 12:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean that's like another 20 points on that easily, you know.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  I was saying to Andrew, I was like, I don't think I've ever had kedgery.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  It's beautiful.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  It's really good.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Traditionally breakfast, isn't it?

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, you'd get it at breakfast, but now it's like a brunchy thing, the I would do it and stuff. But it's, yeah, it's one of those old fashioned dishes, so John do it. But people don't make it a lot, but when it's made, it is absolutely fantastic, yeah.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  It's one of those things that gets better after a while as well. Do you put egg in it?

• 12:54Speaker 04

  I've put egg in it. We've changed the haddock to monkfish though. So, yeah, you see, I knew as soon as he's mentioned his mum and then I thought monkfish, your mum's gonna be like, she don't know what she's doing, that one or two, what's she on about? Oh, just don't start.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  I saw that you had an air fryer through there. Do you, do you cook on an air fryer?

• 13:15Speaker 04

  Not me, no. No, do you?

• 13:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  I've got a turbo twin.

• 13:19Speaker 04

  Turbo twin. You use it for everything?

• 13:21Speaker 03

  Everything nearly.

• 13:22Speaker 04

  Everyone who's got an air fryer becomes addicted, I think. They just love it, yeah.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Chicken 35 minutes.

• 13:28Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Whole chicken?

• 13:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, whole chicken. I brought it up because I take a power bank, you know, a little power bank to the, to the riverside, and then I can use the air fryer. And that's really opened up me cooking opportunities.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause quick.

• 13:42Speaker 04

  So you don't light a little fire or anything?

• 13:45Speaker 03

  A lot of places won't let you, cause I burnt my house down when I was a kid, so I've got a bit of a reputation.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Hmm, fair enough.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  No, no, accidentally, yeah. No, I was only seven, I didn't say I'm gonna burn my house down.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Accident, sparklers into firework box. Fireworks went off. Ran through to kitchen like a hero with the box and they all went off in the kitchen.

• 14:11Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Spent about half an hour with Flash and Ajax and that trying to clean up all the burns. Went back to the living room.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  It all ablaze, ran next door to the old lady who lived next door and said, "Mouse is on fire?" And she said, "Yeah, we thought it was."

• 14:26Speaker 04

  No.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  God, you're amazed that nothing happened to you. You're lucky.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  No, and I was, in a funny way, I was lucky. If I'd just burnt the kitchen floor and everything, I'd have been in such big trouble. Because I burnt the house down.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  What can you say?

• 14:45Speaker 04

  You made one little mark.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  It goes from being like, you've ruined the kitchen floor, to like, there's been a disaster.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  Are you all right?

• 14:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. I burnt down our, we had like a wooden, old conservatory. Conservatory is the wrong word, because that makes it feel a bit, it was like a wooden.

• 15:00Speaker 04

  Lean to. Lean to, yeah.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, like a wooden extension with a plastic roof. You know, like the plastic that went like that.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  Like that. We had one of them, and we had like wicker sofas in it, and a little wicker table. And I lit a candle. I was obsessed with candlelight as a child, and I was young. And then I lit a candle and then went in another room and it burnt down the candle, and burnt a wreath, and then set the whole wicker table on fire. And our neighbours, my mum and dad were both ill in bed, and I was watching telly in the lounge. And they knocked on the door and they said, "Your house is on fire." And I was like, oh. And then I could smell smoke, but the film I was watching had smoke in it. And I'm not joking, I swear. And I remember being like, oh, I thought it was like.

• 15:44Speaker 04

  Sensual experience.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  My mum and dad were mad, it melted in the roof and everything.

• 15:47Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  Well, I wish I'd lived next to your neighbours. You're a lot more proactive.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  Than your neighbour.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Shout out to Nadia from next door.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  Well done, Nadia, yeah.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you so much.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Well, should we do your food likes and dislikes, as we always like to do? We're gonna start with your dislikes. There was only two, truffle and pizza.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's all I could think of.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 16:09Speaker 03

  Just try and be honest.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  As one commodity or two separate things?

• 16:14Speaker 03

  They're the two things that I'm not keen on.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  Truffle, I get, because I actually had truffle the other day and I messaged, oh no, I saw you in real life. And I said, I was in Italy, and they were saying it's truffle season, truffle season. Everyone kept saying it was truffle season.

• 16:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  So I had some eggs with truffle on it, and I said to Angela, I was like, it tasted of eggs. And she said, yeah, no, they have no taste. I was like.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's the flattest of aroma and smell.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  Eighty quid, the eggs, to have truffle on the eggs. I said, but they don't taste of anything. She said, yeah.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  It's the aroma of them.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  You just smell them.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's that whole aroma thing, lifting it off. And when it smells amazing, but yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  I get the same thing with the pork pie.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, there you go. We all get it, you see. But why pizza? I get the truffle. Lots of people don't like it.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  I mean, I don't, I would just would never choose to have a pizza.

• 16:56Speaker 04

  Right, okay, fair enough, yeah.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  I don't think the bread's got much taste.

• 17:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:01Speaker 03

  I'd rather have tinned tomatoes and sardines on toast, maybe.

• 17:04Speaker 04

  Nice, yeah, yeah, good option.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  It's not, I don't dislike pizza, but I would never bother with pizza.

• 17:09Speaker 04

  Not if you could have a pork pie.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  You know, you grab around in your freezer to see if there's anything. I would go fish fingers before pizza.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  I'd even go frozen peas before pizza.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  Love a frozen pea.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  It's nice, isn't it? With some mash or something.

• 17:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, perfect.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  A pizza at home, though, it doesn't hit like a good pizza.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  No, it's never the same.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  Would you ever make a pizza at home?

• 17:28Speaker 04

  I'd make it when we're on holiday, if you've got like, you've rented some oven or something. But no, I think it's ju— I think pizza, like fish and chips are best eaten there. Straight from the fryer, onto the plate, you eat them.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  It's really hard to get decent fish and chips down. It's really tricky.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  I imagine it's the price of the cod or something, but you tend to just get the little tail end and...

• 17:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. My mum loves a tail end, though. She'd, she always asks for a tail end.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Anyway, uh, well, she's on next week, so we can talk to her about that next week. Um, your likes were, um, highly anticipated. We were really looking forward to this.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  It's essentially a really good buffet spread. Uh, pork pie, as this goes, corned beef hash, halibut, mashed potatoes, fish and chips, syrup sponge pudding, rumba, cheese and onion ringoes, which we have for you, which they don't actually sell in Waitrose.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  Oh, do you?

• 18:15Speaker 02

  So we had to, uh, ruin our relationship with that great supermarket for you. Um, foam shrimps and bananas.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's a good list, yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 03

  It's not bad, is it?

• 18:25Speaker 02

  A fantastic list, yeah. And now one dish, uh, that didn't come up, but you have mentioned it previously when we did our, our research, is, uh, bird's eye boil in the bag beef.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, that's my favourite meal ever. Uh, with um powdered potato and tin peas. I just loved that, but sadly they don't do it anymore.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, boiling the bag used to be, that would be what you'd have for your tea every night.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, boiling, I like the boiling the bag cod.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  With parsley sauce.

• 18:51Speaker 04

  With the parsley sauce, I love a parsley sauce.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  And you'd risk your life, wouldn't you, getting it out?

• 18:56Speaker 04

  Yes, that's right, it was high risk.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, and like, it was quite risky in the kitchen, you'd boil in a bag of maybe a chip pan.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, very risky. Very risky fireworks.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  Chip pan fires have gone right out of fashion.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Really?

• 19:10Speaker 04

  Since, since these air fryers have come in, you see, they've ruined the business there.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  They're the two things we don't gather around a piano anymore.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  No.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  And sing, and we don't have chip pan fires.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  We don't, and you'd put a wet tea towel on it, no one's wet a tea towel since nineteen ninety one.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  We know from your memoir that food is, uh, you know, the heart of, of living your best life. And there was a few rules to live by. And here's a few things that I wanted to get Angela's seal of approval on. So these are all things from, from uh Bob's memoir, Anne.

• 19:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  See what you think about these. Always have a hot dog on every visit to the cinema.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Is it, yeah?

• 19:51Speaker 04

  I love a hot dog cinema, I really do.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  I think I prefer a hot dog to a burger, if I'm honest.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're there, I'm with you there, Bob, see?

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Always say thank you at drive through ordering machine.

• 20:02Speaker 04

  Very true.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  True, you've got to thank the box.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  You've got to thank it, yeah. Eat a pie as often as you can, tired of pie, tired of life.

• 20:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 20:12Speaker 03

  There's some truth in that, yeah, because it's a celebration of life. If you, if you've become dreary.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Then the pie's a challenge.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  A pie, a pie. Um, aside from the pork pie, is there a pie that you cite as your greatest pie? Maybe a particular one made by a person?

• 20:26Speaker 03

  Upek Pie's in Middlesbrough is a great pie.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  I used to like the pie they used to do at school dinners, the steak and kidney pie, but there you go. No puff pastry.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  No.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  No, thank you.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  Okay, we wanna get into some big food questions whilst Angela is in the kitchen. Uh, you have said previously, I can't remember ever cooking food to impress a woman.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that's true.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Do you like to cook?

• 20:48Speaker 03

  No. My wife's a great cook, so, and I think she enjoys it.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  So that's fine by me.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't ask.

• 20:55Speaker 03

  I don't, yeah. Do you enjoy this cooking? Yeah. No, thirty years.

• 21:03Speaker 03

  I don't mind, because as I say, my mum was cook. So when I was a little boy, she was taught me to cook. I was a little helper, you know, topping and tailing Brussels sprouts and gooseberries and things. So, yeah, I'm okay. I'm good at cooking the meats.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  And my mum always said, the test of a chef is their egg work.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  That's what she always said. I thought that's true. So I'm quite good at eggs. She's taught me I can do good scrambled eggs and omelets and stuff.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, but good scrambled eggs or good omelette, that is fantastic. No offence to the best chefs in the world, but good omelette or good scrambled eggs?

• 21:40Speaker 03

  Love it.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  Fantastic.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  You once said a very long time ago that about dinner parties, that you'd only been to one in your life.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Is that still the case?

• 21:49Speaker 03

  That's still the case, yeah. Sounds like torture to me. I think it's because I was brought up in pubs and that atmosphere and I'm comfortable then and you can have a chat. I hate that sort of formal fear.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  Right.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  I mean, it's for different folks, isn't it? It's not for me.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  What about a group of people in the summer having a barbecue? Would you go to that?

• 22:10Speaker 03

  So this is outdoor?

• 22:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  Is it at someone's house?

• 22:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  Do I have to walk through the house?

• 22:16Speaker 02

  You do, yeah. No side access, it's terraced.

• 22:19Speaker 03

  There's no escape from the back end.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  I'm afraid not, no, no.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  No, I would decline. But if it's family or whatever, yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Then fine, yeah.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  So what do you do if you do get, because you must get invited out to dinners or go?

• 22:33Speaker 03

  No, no one, the few people that I know don't invite me to anything.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Right.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  And don't take any offence.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you. So you just don't like going out to things at all?

• 22:43Speaker 03

  I occasionally go out to a restaurant.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Three times a year, I'll probably go out.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  And what days are they?

• 22:51Speaker 03

  You know, wedding anniversary.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 22:54Speaker 03

  And a dull day in February.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  Something like that.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Quite nice, yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  And then if, yeah, maybe it's only two.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, just two.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Maybe it's only two.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  That's enough.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  Food is here, Ange.

• 23:06Speaker 04

  Food is here.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Wow. Oh my God, it smells fantastic, Ange.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  So it's a kedry style monkfish rice recipe by Malika Asu.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  So you've done it with monkfish?

• 23:15Speaker 04

  Done it with monkfish because it's a really meaty fish and I think monkfish can really take all that spice and those curry flavours. And it's.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  And it's traditionally what's?

• 23:25Speaker 04

  Haddock, smoked haddock. You use the smoked fish because that's especially when it came over in the Victorian times. That's where a lot of the fish was all smoked because it was a way of preserving all the fish. So we've just sort of fancied up a little bit with monkfish. Do you like it with the monkfish, Bob?

• 23:38Speaker 03

  It's beautiful.

• 23:39Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  It's really beautiful.

• 23:41Speaker 04

  Good.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  So run us through this recipe. You poach, you poach the fish in milk, right?

• 23:45Speaker 04

  So you cook your rice, rinse your rice off, and then cook your rice for about 20 minutes. So the rice we use, you normally use a white rice, but we've used a mixed rice and a brown basmati rice with some wild rice. And poach your monkfish in the milk, okay?

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Why do you do that?

• 24:00Speaker 04

  That, because that's how you sort of cook it because it just, and then you use that milk to reheat everything up, you see? Have your boiled eggs separately, we've cooked them for about six minutes, and your peas separately. And then while your monkfish is poaching and your rice is cooking, you chop an onion, finely diced, some garlic, and you saute that down or cook that down so it's nice and soft in a pan with butter. And then you bring it all together. So add the milk that you cooked the monkfish in to heat everything together, bring it all up, rice in the pan, and then you add your turmeric and your French style curry powder. Add your monkfish and your peas, put your eggs on top. That's it.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  That is really good, that French curry powder.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Mmm, I love that one.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  That was quite subtle, isn't it? It's lovely. Thank you very much.

• 24:43Speaker 04

  No, it's a pleasure. And we've also got some lovely, a Paul Mass Reserve L'Andot Blanc, which is a full-bodied white with peach flower blossoms and a rich citrus aromatics. I'm happy, is it, is it, how's it, how's it compared to mum?

• 24:55Speaker 03

  It's a different level. You know. I've got to be honest, my mum's was just plain rice.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  Oh, but no, but that's the way to do it, yeah.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is absolutely amazing.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  If you wanna try making this recipe, or try the ingredients, or the wine pairing, you can go on Waitrose.com forward slash dish recipes. You'll get the recipe, the how to, all of that is on there. Did you ever have this entry?

• 25:18Speaker 04

  Never as a kid. We used to have kipper. My mum would make a kipper. But she'd never make kedgery. But I think she loves kedgery though, that sort of meal. It's that generation, I think, that loved that sort of spice suddenly got introduced to their palate. And I think they loved all that.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  No, that era, that my mum and a lot of my contemporaries' mums used to do an egg curry.

• 25:37Speaker 04

  Mmm.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  It was just rice, eggs and this sort of curry powder. Someone must have introduced it in the seventies, some brand of curry powder.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  So where did your mum cook at dinner school, at schools?

• 25:48Speaker 03

  She would, she would taught at, um, is there a Gordon Blair, Gordon Blair School in Edinburgh?

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Oh, right, okay.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  She's there. And then she and my dad ran hotels. But she ended up, uh, teaching cookery.

• 26:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  At school.

• 26:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  And did you learn anything from your mum that you still do in cooking?

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Um, I mean, she taught me that, like, the lot, you know, how to make nice mash. And, um, I should have asked you to do mashed potato, actually, because I've been on a few of the cookery shows.

• 26:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  And on Sunday brunch, Simon Rimmer did me mashed potato. He does about 50% butter.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  Oh, wow, yeah.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  No doubt, but it is really nice.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  I bet, yeah.

• 26:28Speaker 03

  And then the fellow from Saturday Kitchen.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  Cooked me mash, um.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  Matt Tebbett.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  And it wasn't as nice as that.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  Really?

• 26:37Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  So I wouldn't have minded keeping that going.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, he's got the best.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  I'm gonna text Matt that.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Do you think you could do a better potato than Simon Rimmer?

• 26:45Speaker 03

  Do you know, it wasn't Matt.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  Easy, easy.

• 26:49Speaker 04

  Simon and Matt, I could both do better potatoes.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Oh, come on.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  Now, I'm supposed to be going on that, so that's me set up for when I go on Sunday brunch. I'll be like, here are your potatoes, come on.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Here's your potatoes, come on.

• 27:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Come on. So did you, did she, uh, did you have a good mashed potato recipe off your mum?

• 27:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, just standard, but I mean, my mum taught me when I go shopping with me mum, she wouldn't buy any potatoes until she scratched and sniffed them.

• 27:14Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  Because if a spud's got no smell, it'll have no taste.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  So the more earthy the smell from the spud. And that's the key to it, isn't it, is just having a really nice spud.

• 27:25Speaker 04

  Great ingredient. And what was her, how did she check her melons? You said she taught you.

• 27:29Speaker 03

  At the pointy end, yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  She said, sorry.

• 27:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, sorry, God, sorry. Talking about his mum here.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 27:38Speaker 04

  That's rude.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  Bloody hell.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I picked everything up, you know. Because she was a widow and there's four boys, so there's a lot of cooking going on. And I was the youngest, so I would help her. So yeah, I learnt a lot of her.

• 27:56Speaker 04

  My dad died like your dad when I was quite young, I was seven. And so I used to help my mum a lot. And then when we moved nearer my grandparents, I used to help her mother. And I'd always be sent shopping. And if things weren't right, she would send me back up the road. I mean, literally and say, I'm not having that soft celery or those carrots. You know, and so you learnt to sort of check everything. Because again, it was a generation who had come out of the war. They weren't going to waste money on things that weren't right. So, you know, you learnt the value of it.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  And she cooked a lot of waffle, you know, just because of money saving and bacon bones and things. So I've still got an affection for that, for kidneys and liver.

• 28:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  Well, we had a problem, she would cook sheep's heads and none of us boys would eat that. And she used to eat quite a lot of tripe.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  Right.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  And again, none of the boys would eat it. Yeah. She loved it. It's a difficult ask, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Hard to make it nice, isn't it?

• 28:50Speaker 04

  Well, I'm going to make, Neil's going to make, my husband's a cook and he can really make great tripe. He makes it like a bolognese and it's absolutely delicious. Because it doesn't feel, in a way, it's not the chewiness of tripe. You've got that lovely sort of vegetable sauce around it and the tomatoes, it is delicious. But all those things now, like all the kidneys and everything, everything's more expensive now. Because that was the cheaper cups as well. And now you can't love no money.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  Why is that?

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Well, because idiots like me have put them on restaurant menus, so we'd make them all fashionable, haven't we, you see? We'd say, it's all our fault, calves' liver and all the rest of it, you see, it's all gone up.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, eggs are going up again.

• 29:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  That's going to surprise a few chickens.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Shall we talk about Bob's book?

• 29:35Speaker 04

  Oh, yes, let's do it.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Is this my incredible book?

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Bob's incredible book?

• 29:40Speaker 04

  This is fantastic.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  That book looks incredible!

• 29:42Speaker 04

  It's incredible!

• 29:44Speaker 02

  Is that book?

• 29:45Speaker 04

  That is.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  The long shirley mystery with three or four suspects. And congratulations.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  Your books have done phenomenally, phenomenally.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  Well.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Well, sort of a two million book.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's incredible. Didn't see that coming.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Did you not?

• 30:04Speaker 03

  I didn't see that coming. If there's any reason, I think, I'm not a great, I don't read, I find books difficult. I don't like lots of prose and stuff, I don't like things to crack on. So I tried to write the sort of book that I would read. And I do a show, often on the show called Would I Lie To You? And I spin these yarns on there. And I thought, I wonder if I can do a, I wonder if I can do a seven hour one.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, in this one, it's me, I always write it as me. Then I think what I do is authentic, you know? And his partner, his girlfriend disappears and he doesn't know where she is. And then four or five people suddenly, they come into his life or whatever. And it seems to me that some of them might have something to do with that disappearance.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  And that is the mystery.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  But who is it? It's a kind of whodunit mystery for a thing. And then once I've got a nice, sort of thrilling story in place, I then go back and try and bring the characters to life, so.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  How long does it take you from sort of beginning to end?

• 31:13Speaker 03

  It takes about an hour.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  I think, I don't know, they take, they take about maybe four months or something, but you can, there's a limit to how much you can write in a day. You can promise you'll do eight hours, but it'll never happen. You can maybe do two, two, three hours. I try and do a thousand words. I just sit on my sofa with my laptop, with the telly on, watching Married At First Sight or Real House, whatever, all that stuff I like. And then just type away till it says a thousand words.

• 31:45Speaker 04

  But when you say it's like you, you mean like the main character sort of based on, because when you read it and then you, I mean, I don't know you at all, Bob, but you you're quite private, I think, as a person. You're not one of these out, you know, every celebrity party, barely go to restaurants, you know. But but both the, because I read the uh, Advocato Hotel in the summer. And that person felt quite like lone, not lonely, but he kept himself to himself. And then this protagonist as well is the same, you know, he's only got one or two mates.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:16Speaker 04

  And then you suddenly, obviously, all the characters get introduced and he's got his girlfriend who's his whole life. Are they the sort of similarities or?

• 32:23Speaker 03

  They're they're things that I feel familiar with, that so that the way that I act and so on has got an authenticity, at least to me.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Anyway, you know, like, because I was very shy when I was young.

• 32:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:35Speaker 03

  And so when you when you're a shy person, life, certainly up until your forties or something, is kind of every every meeting, every occasion is a little bit of a battle.

• 32:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  And so it comes a little bit from that perspective.

• 32:50Speaker 04

  But you see the one line, I'm about two thirds, a third of the way through, and when he's met the first person who could be a potential without giving it all away.

• 32:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:57Speaker 04

  There's the one line as how he describes them. And then you think that's pure sort of Bob Mortimer in a way, how you're writing it. It's just like how you describe those people, I think are brilliant.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  So when you are writing on the couch, Bob.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  What are you snacking on? What are you eating?

• 33:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Well, Ringos for sure.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  Um, absolutely. I like cashew nuts.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  I like that. I think their shape's quite amusing.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  Yes, true.

• 33:21Speaker 03

  You know what? That stuff, I love rubbish. It's such a shame. You know, when I did my bypass, the the dietitian came in afterwards. I said, can I have some cheese? I'm ever gonna eat cheese again?

• 33:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  And she said, you can have a matchbox size every week, that's all. I broke my heart, you know. And it's it's, I don't, there'll be people out there who do stick to it. But I I think I'm probably in the school of thought, I'd rather have three years less.

• 33:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, and enjoy your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  You could also say, uh, like a Cook's matchbox size.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, big matchbox. There's a lot of big matchboxes. She didn't specify. She did, yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 04

  Like fire. Like that. That is basically 250 grams of cheese there.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  It'd be all right. What what else did they say definitely have in a matchbox size? Probably pork pies.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Well, I'm not, I mean, you shouldn't eat processed food, shouldn't really, but um, but I'm not allowed to eat this stuff.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  Have another bit, we got a couple in the bag.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  You get obsessed with your cholesterol levels and stuff, so you think, you know, I got, you get a result in at 4.2 and think, yeah.

• 34:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm alright.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Let's go gab some pie.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course. Next day it's 9.7.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Come on. We like when we, um, we're doing our homework on you, that you, you say you like to have certain foods and snacks with certain TV programmes.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Oh, right, did I say that?

• 34:44Speaker 02

  You did say that.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  You did say around Real Housewives.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Right.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Do you remember what your snack was?

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Well, if it was Salt Lake City.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  If it was Salt Lake City, it would probably be takeaway.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Rubbish, right, yeah, yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  You know, Pepe's.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  20 Pepe's hot wings.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, something like that.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Something like that. If it was New York, maybe a, you know, like a bagel, something like that.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Get in the mood.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, but this is a lie.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:15Speaker 03

  I don't, I just eat whatever's there.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Do you have that? Because certain things make me want certain drinks.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  I like certain tastes.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  And the truth is, if the, if the wife's away, I, I watch zombie films and I absolutely will have a doner kebab.

• 35:32Speaker 04

  Right, wow, it's all coming out now.

• 35:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  It's risky for me, risky for me to include that in the show.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  And with that in mind, we thought we could pair food with certain situations. We'll give you a, a situation and you tell us what food you would pair with it. So I'd say zombie film, you'd say?

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Doner kebab.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Correct. What about watching football on the telly?

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Watching football, do you know those very light, are they called Dutch bread? There's nothing to them, they're just like air.

• 36:06Speaker 04

  Right.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  Nobody knows.

• 36:08Speaker 04

  Dutch crackers.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  Waistcoats?

• 36:10Speaker 04

  Not a rice.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  It's not a rice.

• 36:12Speaker 04

  No.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  I love, I like crab.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  Let's just call these Dutch things crackers.

• 36:20Speaker 04

  Crackers, alright, it's a cracker, yeah.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  So I will, on the little, I, I always watch telly on me knees if it's important, I like.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  Right, but the telly on your knee?

• 36:29Speaker 02

  No, no, joking.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  I'm a little bit, I have a low, very low computer. So I'll put like crab.

• 36:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Cheese.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  And maybe some pie next to it.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Line up me crackers.

• 36:44Speaker 04

  Crackers.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then like that.

• 36:46Speaker 04

  Nibble, oh, right, yeah.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Oh shit.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  And that.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  Horse, what happened there?

• 36:54Speaker 03

  Moves through them.

• 36:55Speaker 04

  What about if you were watching an episode of The Wheel?

• 36:57Speaker 03

  I don't know The Wheel.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  The Wheel?

• 36:59Speaker 03

  It's obviously, it's a circular kind of show.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  It's very circular. Yes, very circular.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Well, let's think of something circular then. To celebrate it.

• 37:07Speaker 04

  Wagon Wheel?

• 37:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Um, what about if you were driving to a doctor's appointment?

• 37:14Speaker 03

  Ah, now the car meets, the car food is an entirely different area. At the moment, I've got two hard boiled eggs in my car in foil. So that's car dairy. But it's usually meats, Scotch egg with a bottle of, is it called Oasis?

• 37:32Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Tropical?

• 37:33Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  Oh, wow. Wow.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Oh, I could eat that now.

• 37:41Speaker 04

  We can do that anyway. I want Bob to be a food critic, you're so good, it's brilliant.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  And I ginkgos, getting hard to get now at the services. I like cold meats.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  So they, they, they stay on the passenger seat quite a lot.

• 37:55Speaker 04

  Right, okay.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Take the thing off and then you could just reach over.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  Something more salami like, chocolate trick, yeah.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, salami's, chicken.

• 38:02Speaker 04

  Any, any cold meat whatsoever.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  All the meats.

• 38:05Speaker 04

  All the meats, all the meats.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  All the meats.

• 38:08Speaker 03

  I don't like stop, I go to the football a lot, so I have a long journeys on, I come Saturday or whenever it might be. So yeah, I fill the car up with the meats and then I, then I don't need to stop and I don't need to have a pie.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 04

  Uh, so what about if you're being held hostage in a bank?

• 38:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, that has happened a few times. So I'm a hostage, I've got to ask for it, I presume.

• 38:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  Are you using this as a way of getting rid of them? So like, go to KFC, because that's at the retail park. So that'll get you out.

• 38:35Speaker 04

  Could be, but not many banks at a retail park, are there?

• 38:38Speaker 03

  No.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Are these catering robbers?

• 38:43Speaker 03

  They're robbers primarily, but we also do catering.

• 38:47Speaker 04

  Let's have them as catering robbers. They've got an air fryer.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  In the getaway car.

• 38:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, they've got that, yeah.

• 38:53Speaker 03

  They could put a chicken in, thirty five minutes.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Roast chicken, please. I'll have that as my demand.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  Can I just say, you've been really nice kidnappers, thank you.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, thanks for the chicken.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  You used an air fryer? Wow.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  I've got one of those.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  I think it's going to be chocolate bars or crisps. It's going to be, that's the easy things, yeah.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  I was thinking, do you know Buttercase toffee popcorn?

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  I can't think of a circumstance when I wouldn't be able to have that.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, big time.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  So, yeah, just watch, watch the kidnapping unfold.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  No, I couldn't do that, could I?

• 39:31Speaker 04

  But it's big enough, so it'd be like, you'd be like, that's what you'd be doing, yeah. And then you could easily, no.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Kill your head down.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  I'm glad we got that covered.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Bob Mortimer, are you ready for your fast food quiz?

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Yes, please.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Okay, all you've got to do is answer these questions. So please tell us your favourite way to eat eggs.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  Soft boiled.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Scariest way to eat eggs?

• 40:00Speaker 03

  Ooh, none of that, I don't fear any of the eggs.

• 40:02Speaker 04

  No, none of the eggs, yeah. What's your favourite sandwich filling?

• 40:05Speaker 03

  Cheese and onion.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Favourite form of potato?

• 40:08Speaker 03

  Mash.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Okay, what is your favourite pie?

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Steak and kidney.

• 40:12Speaker 04

  It's steak and kidney.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  What is your favourite herb?

• 40:15Speaker 03

  Ooh, is coriander a herb?

• 40:16Speaker 02

  She is.

• 40:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  Coriander, please.

• 40:24Speaker 04

  Anyway, what's your favourite chocolate bar?

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Um, 12.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  12? What's a 12?

• 40:29Speaker 03

  12.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  Oh, 12?

• 40:30Speaker 03

  Or 12.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  Oh, 12? I've never heard of 12.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  12.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  Just 12, that's all I need. 12, okay.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Favorite chocolate bar?

• 40:41Speaker 03

  12 bars.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Ellie.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  12. What's your favourite kitchen utensil?

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Um, peeler.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  Peeler, okay.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  What do you think's the best pasta shape name for a cat?

• 40:57Speaker 03

  Ravioli?

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, ravioli. Yeah, what about you, Ange? Come on, quick fire.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Oh, crikey, fusilli, actually.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Fusilli, yeah. Quite like rigatoni.

• 41:07Speaker 04

  Rigatoni.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  That's a dog.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  That's a dog name. Fusilli.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Forget it.

• 41:12Speaker 04

  And what about your favourite drink that we'd use to splash in someone's face to show disgust?

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  I think avocado. Avocar.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Avocar.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  That would make a statement, wouldn't it?

• 41:24Speaker 04

  It certainly would.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  But you really don't like me, do you?

• 41:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  Avocar. That would work. Well, congratulations, you passed the fast food quiz.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  Oh, I passed, so do I get something?

• 41:34Speaker 02

  No.

• 41:36Speaker 04

  Just congratulations, well done.

• 41:38Speaker 03

  I've had enough.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  He's had enough.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Okay, we do the end of the show question now, Bob.

• 41:45Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  For your chance to win the Waitrose goodie bag here, which says pie on it.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 41:51Speaker 04

  Pie.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  All you've got to do is answer this question, Bob.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  Great, you hope.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  The goodie bag is yours.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  You don't know what this question is, do you?

• 41:58Speaker 02

  No, I don't know what this question is.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  So I could just say, oh, the answer is 12.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Absolutely. We have no idea.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Oh, what number comes after 11?

• 42:08Speaker 02

  You've won.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Hi, Bob. Thanks for coming on the show. We feel all giddy. To win the Waitrose goodie bag, please take part in our boiled egg hunt. We have hidden seven boiled eggs around the studio. Can you round them up in our saucepan? And that comes with thanks from Team Dish.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  So there, oh, there's the saucepan.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  I can do that.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  Are you ready to find seven eggs?

• 42:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course I am. I've been said that, I'm not ready to find eight.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  So you're lucky. Do you know what I mean?

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Too much, too much. Um, Bob Mortimer, find those eggs. Here we go, if he goes to find the eggs.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  I can't take someone's trousers down, no.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  No, no, he's having a look in there. Feel free to open any doors.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Thank you for the tip. Yes, then.

• 42:52Speaker 02

  What are the chances?

• 42:53Speaker 03

  You need to go back by sound again. Is it in your mouth?

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Is it in, Anthony?

• 42:57Speaker 03

  There's something, oh, it's chewing gum.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Cough, Anthony. Oh, I, oh, I can see it.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  I know. Where? Yeah.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  Two eggs above, two eggs above.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  You're regretting going for seven already, aren't you? Three eggs, come on, Bob, we're getting there.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  He's entering the kitchen now, everybody.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  This?

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Oh, look at that manoeuvre. Wow. Well, it's like watching the Olympics. Look at this.

• 43:19Speaker 03

  Oven.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  Let's have a look. Oh, is there one in there? Four eggs?

• 43:23Speaker 03

  That one's quite a hot egg. Oh, extra bonus.

• 43:27Speaker 02

  Four eggs, four eggs, he's having a look. What's that? Is that a microwave?

• 43:30Speaker 04

  Oh, there's an egg in there!

• 43:31Speaker 02

  How many did you get?

• 43:32Speaker 03

  You're so obvious, you lot.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  All right, let's have a look.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  No, not in the bin.

• 43:37Speaker 02

  Oh, maybe more in this side.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  Yes, I was thinking, yeah, yeah.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  I was wondering if there was one in any of the fruits. They're the very real fruits.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Oh, there's one there. One on six now, one more. Six eggs. Who's wearing glasses? No, glasses, glasses. Oh, eh! Seven eggs. Seven eggs!

• 43:59Speaker 03

  Seven.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Seven eggs.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  Well done, well done. It's unusual because we're usually dealing sixes with eggs, don't we?

• 44:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, we like to shake it up a bit. That was thrilling to watch. And I'm not, I'm not joking, that has made me a bit hot.

• 44:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  Actually made me a bit hot.

• 44:16Speaker 03

  When I was doing the drawers, I suddenly felt like a burglar. Yes. You know, it's quite exciting.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  That's what it must be like, where are the eggs? Give me your eggs.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  Nothing's missing, officer. Have you checked your egg box?

• 44:29Speaker 03

  God, they've gone! They've gone! I wanted to take stab at them!

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Well, Bob, congratulations. The goodie bag is yours.

• 44:37Speaker 04

  Excellent.

• 44:38Speaker 00

  Excellent, very good.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  That was unintentional. And Bob, thank you so much.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  Yes, thank you.

• 44:45Speaker 02

  That was a lot of fun. The long shoe is available right now. Can I have this one?

• 44:49Speaker 04

  You can, yes.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Thank you. Bob Mortimer, everybody!

• 44:53Speaker 03

  Thank you, Bob.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  Well, thank you to Bob Mortimer. I love Bob.

• 44:59Speaker 04

  Oh, he's brilliant.

• 45:00Speaker 02

  We have an email now to end the show from Karen, and it's titled, "To Share or Not to Share."

• 45:05Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  "Hello, you lovely pair. I absolutely love listening to you and making myself hungry when I'm at work and trying not to snack. Thanks for that. Something came up over the dinner table and it caused a divide in opinion, so I thought you guys could settle the argument. If you have something only you can cook that everybody in your family loves, do you, A, teach them how to make it so they can grow and learn? Or, B, keep it to yourself so you are always appreciated and thanked for your delicious dish and can bask in the glory every time?" Yeah, you don't want to let them know that it's actually quite easy. I always make a pie.

• 45:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  That people are like, "Wow, you made this?" It's a pie.

• 45:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. I think, no, I think you teach.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  Teach?

• 45:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, okay.

• 45:51Speaker 04

  No, you're saying, "No, don't bask in the glory."

• 45:55Speaker 02

  But you get that, Damarana.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that, yeah. No, I think you've got to teach.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  Teach.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Because you're not around forever. Pass it on. My nona taught me, my mum taught me, so you should pass it on. Yeah, I think that's the way to do it.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Okay, well, yeah, I'd say listen to Ange.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  I wonder what Karen does, though.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, what do you do, Karen? If you ever do want to get in touch with us, do email us, [email protected]. Any questions, any stories, anything you'd like to share. Well, thank you for listening. Big thank you to Bob Mortimer, and we'll see you next week. Next week, we've got another Bob.

• 46:25Speaker 04

  Another Bob. Billy Bob.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Not Billy Bob, Millie Bobby Brown.

• 46:29Speaker 04

  Millie Bobby Brown.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  Can't wait.

• 46:35Speaker 04

  The reason I say it like that is because I have to do the videos for the food, and I'll always stutter. Now, I know, it's going to take me half an hour to go.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  Bobby Brown. Next week, Bobby Brown.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Thank you for that. We will see you next week.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  See you next week.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  If that episode has left you wanting more, find us on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Just search Dish.

• 46:59Speaker 04

  If you want to make any of the meals I cook on Dish, head to waitrose.com/dishrecipes for all the ingredients and the recipes.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Email your questions, thoughts and suggestions to [email protected].

• 47:14Speaker 04

  Dish from Waitrose is a Cold Glass production.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  Waitrose, the home of food lovers.