When Something Breaks

If a close friend had their home broken into, you’d comfort them and tell them that it was only stuff that had been stolen. If your child broke their favorite toy, you’d tell them that these things happen and try to get them to play with something else. If a waiter spilled on your friend, you’d calm them down by saying it was an accident. Basically, when stuff happens to other people, we’re able to see it clearly with some perspective and some detachment. But when our stuff breaks or is lost, it’s always so much different. It’s suddenly a tragedy, or worse, a deliberate misdeed that has been wrongly inflicted upon us. I lost so much. But I really loved that toy. You ruined my favorite shirt. You meant to do that. We take it personally, because it is personal--it happened to us. And then we’re miserable. That’s why the Stoics try to practice detachment. Not in the sense that they don’t love other people or that they avoid relationships or possessions, but in the sense that when something happens to one of those things, they try to see it with some perspective. Epictetus points out how when someone we know loses a loved one, we can say, “that’s just life.” But when we lose a loved one, it’s suddenly, “Poor me!” And yet it is fundamentally the same event. We’ve just decided to indulge the more severe judgment--the one that doesn’t bring back the person we grieved, and only makes us feel terrible. Epictetus’s advice when we get upset is to remember how we feel when we hear it has happened to someone else. We care, sure, but not so much that it deeply distresses us. We’re empathetic but unbroken. We’re calm, we’re collected, we understand. And then, we move on. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to The Daily Stoic, where each day we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living the good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at dailystoic.com. When something breaks, if a close friend had their home broken into, you'd comfort them and tell them that it was only stuff that had been stolen. If your child broke their favorite toy, you'd tell them that these things happened and try to get them to play with something else. If a waiter spilled on your friend, you'd calm them down

• 0:47Ryan Holiday?

  by saying it was an accident. Basically, when stuff happens to other people, we're able to see it clearly with some perspective and some detachment. But when our stuff breaks or is lost, it's always so much different. It's suddenly a tragedy, or worse, a deliberate misdeed that had been wrongly inflicted upon us. "I lost so much, but I really loved that toy. You ruined my favorite shirt. You meant to do that." We take it personally because it is personal. It happened to us, and then we're miserable. That's why the Stoics try to practice detachment, not in the sense that they don't love other people or that they avoid relationships and possessions, but in the sense that when something happens

• 1:32Ryan Holiday?

  to one of those things, they try to see it with some perspective. Epictetus points out how when someone we know loses a loved one, we can say, "That's just life." But when we lose a loved one, suddenly it's "Poor me." And yet, it is fundamentally the same event. We've just decided to indulge the more severe judgment, the one that doesn't bring back the person we grieved and only makes us feel terrible. Epictetus's advice when we get upset is to remember how we feel when we hear it has happened to someone else. We care, sure, but not so much that it deeply distresses us. We're empathetic, but unbroken. We're calm. We're collected. We understand. And then, we move on.

• 2:19Ryan Holiday?

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