Love Them as You Love Yourself | Practice Letting Go

"Other people. Ugh. They are all the things Marcus Aurelius said, and more: Dishonest. Arrogant. Envious. Frustrating. Shortsighted. Selfish. And yet? Other people are not hell, as the expression goes. They are all we have. They are not even 'other.' They are us. We are all part of one whole, the Stoics would say."Ryan explains why we need to work for the common good, and reads over the week's guidance from the Daily Stoic Journal, on today's Daily Stoic Podcast. This episode is brought to you by Neuro. Neuro makes mints and gums that help you retain focus and clarity wherever you go. Made with a proprietary blend of caffeine, L-theanine, and other focus-building compounds, Neuro’s products are great for anyone who needs help focusing in these trying times. Try out Neuro’s gums and mints at getneuro.com—and use discount code STOIC at checkout to save 15% on your order.***If you enjoyed this week’s podcast, we’d love for you to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps with our visibility, and the more people listen to the podcast, the more we can invest into it and make it even better. Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: http://DailyStoic.com/signupFollow Daily Stoic:Twitter: https://twitter.com/dailystoicInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoic/Facebook: http://facebook.com/dailystoicYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/dailystoicSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. Each day, we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of Stoic intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you happen to be doing. So let's get into it.

• 0:32Ryan Holiday?

  Love them as you love yourself. Other people, ugh! They are all the things Marcus Aurelius said and more: dishonest, arrogant, envious, frustrating, shortsighted, selfish. And yet, other people are not hell. As the expression goes, "They are all we have. They are not even other, they are us. We are all part of one whole," the Stoics would say. The Rabbi Hillel was once asked to explain the Torah. "Love thy neighbor as thyself," he said. "All the rest is commentary." Love thy neighbor as thyself. Nothing could be more urgent right now during a pandemic and a global economic crisis, and when civil unrest royals our streets. In a time when individual decisions

• 1:16Ryan Holiday?

  have massive health consequences for other people, no message is more fitting. When we are debating and fighting over what equality under the law means, nothing is more fitting. Why should you wear a mask and wash your hands? Because you love your neighbors. Why should you donate to food banks? Pay your taxes? Treat the people who work for you? Or serve your food? Or deliver your package as well? Why should you care about civil rights? Because you love your neighbors. Why must we rise above these petty, fogging political distinctions? This enmity and bitterness and dunking on the other side? Because we love our neighbors, because the other side is made up of our neighbors, and it is us. "Everyone we meet is an opportunity for kindness," Seneca said.

• 2:00Ryan Holiday?

  "The fruit of this life is ax for the common good," Marcus said. That's all that matters. Everything else is commentary, or less.

• 2:13Ryan Holiday?

  Practice letting go. We suffer when we lose things we love. We suffer most when we lose people we love, a natural and unavoidable part of life. The Stoics say this suffering is increased by our belief that we possess the objects of our love, that they are, as we like to say, a part of us. This belief doesn't increase our love or care for them, but rather it is a form of clinging that ignores the simple fact that we don't control what will happen, not to our bodies, let alone to the ones we love. Epictetus taught a powerful exercise that every time you wish a dear child, family member, or friend goodnight, remember that these people are like precious, breakable glass and remember how dramatically things can change while you sleep.

• 2:57Ryan Holiday?

  Marcus II struggled to practice this with his own family as he tucked them in at night. The point isn't to be morbid, but to create a sense of appreciation and a kind of humility. Don't take anyone, especially someone you love, for granted this week. When you experience the pangs of losing someone, don't treat it like a part of yourself, but as a breakable glass, so that when it falls, you will remember that and you won't be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, sibling, or friend, don't layer on top of the experience all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them that they are mortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn't one of your possessions, but something given for now, not forever.

• 3:42Ryan Holiday?

  That's Epictetus, the discourses. But the wise person can lose nothing. Such a person has everything stored up for themselves, leaving nothing to fortune. Their own goods are held firm, bound in virtue, which requires nothing from chance and therefore can't be either increased or diminished. And that's Seneca on the firmness of the wise. Look, obviously, I hope that nobody loses anyone this week, but the reality of being in the middle of this pandemic is that people will lose people. I mean, already more than 200,000 Americans have died. I imagine by the end of this, all of us will be just one or two degrees removed from somebody who lost somebody if not having directly lost someone ourself.

• 4:27Ryan Holiday?

  We had a cat go missing this week, obviously, nothing compared to that. But the reality is, nothing is here forever. Things can be taken from us. The things we love can go missing, can get hurt, can be lost. The possessions we cherish can break, be stolen, be damaged beyond repair. The Stoics wanted us to be prepared for this, not callously, not as kind of detached. But we think about this exercise of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus, who are reminding themselves as they tuck their kids into bed that this could be the last time they see them. Look, the point of that wasn't to make the pain of losing the children. And Marcus Aurelius did lose many children before adulthood, which is an incredible expression to even be able to say. Like, it's like, more than five, probably lost less than seven kids. We're not totally sure.

• 5:12Ryan Holiday?

  But had to bury not just one child, but more than one child. The fact that he did this exercise did not make that less painful. That's not what this is about at all. It's that he got every minute that he could with those children. When I think about tucking my children into bed and I do this, it reminds me not to rush through it. It reminds me not to prioritize getting back to Netflix or answering my email as somehow being more important than reading another story to my boy or just laying there, listening to him sleep. It's to fully drink in and be present while we're here. So, obviously, I hope that no one loses anyone, but I can't guarantee that. I can't, no one can prevent that fully from happening.

• 5:57Ryan Holiday?

  That's just the reality of being a fragile human being. What we can do is not take those people for granted while they are here. What we can do is tell them what we feel about them while they're here. What we can do is be our best selves while they are here. And we can, when we do lose them or lose things...

• 6:22Ryan Holiday?

  Have to accept that this is a part of life. This is the bargain that we made at birth, right? Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is ours fully. And that these are all rentals and the bill comes due or they have to be returned at some point. I do recommend if you are struggling, if you have lost someone, you know, the Stoic doesn't say stuff that grief down and pretend that it doesn't exist. It's process it, work through it. I would strongly recommend some of Seneca's essays, his consolations. He wrote one to his mother. He wrote one to a friend who lost her father. You can also just Google Seneca grief, Daily Stoic, and I think our sort of piece on it comes up. But I've returned to those essays over and over again.

• 7:04Ryan Holiday?

  Plutarch has a beautiful little consolation to his wife after they lost a child. The ancient world was cruel, but you know, the modern world isn't that much kinder or less capricious. So be safe, be smart. This isn't to say, don't wear a mask and go around and be stupid. No, it's saying that do everything you can that's in your control. Just be aware that a good chunk of what happens is not in your control. And that's why we can't take anything for granted. It's why we can't rush through. It's why we can't waste time. Got to be there, be there for people, be there for yourself, be smart, practice letting go, be prepared and love, love, love while you still can.

• 7:45Ryan Holiday?

  Also, there is a great Philip Larkin poem about, I think it's called The Hedgehog, about loving and being kind while there's still time. So if I leave you with one more recommendation, it would be that. And we will talk next week.

• 7:58Ryan Holiday?

  If you're liking this podcast, we would love for you to subscribe. Please leave us a review on iTunes or any of your favorite podcast listening apps. It really helps. And tell a friend.