Do You Have This Ability? | Ask DS

A leader is a doer…but that doesn’t mean they’re always doing. In fact, if a leader is always doing, chances are they’ll end up doing the wrong thing. Because they haven’t taken enough time to think and study, question and prepare.---And in today's Ask Daily Stoic, Ryan answers questions from US Marines after a talk he gave at the 29 Palms Marine Corps Air/Ground Combat Center. The topics that they touch on include how to practice Stoicism with your closest family members, balancing the ego that it takes to want to do something great with the tenants of Stoicism, his thoughts on Nietzsche's assertion that human beings have a will to power, and more.💪 Visit store.dailystoic.com/pages/leadership to sign up for in the Daily Stoic Leadership Challenge before September 25th.✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Check out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we read a passage of ancient wisdom designed to help you in your everyday life. While on Thursdays, we not only read the daily meditation, but we answer some questions from listeners and fellow Stoics who are trying to apply this philosophy just as you are. Some of these come from my talks. Some of these come from Zoom sessions that we do with Daily Stoic Life members or as part of the challenges. Some of them are from interactions I have on the street when there happened to be someone there recording. Thank you for listening, and we hope this is of use to you.

• 0:45Ryan Holiday?

  Do you have this ability? A leader is a doer, but that doesn't mean they're always doing. In fact, if a leader is always doing, chances are they'll end up doing the wrong thing because they haven't taken enough time to think, to study, to question, and prepare. In Thomas Rix's wonderful book, Waging a Good War, which he also discussed on a great episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast recently, Rix looks at what made Bob Moses one of the best, yet lesser-known, civil rights leaders. Moses was calm and quiet. He didn't seek out the spotlight. He did not make decisions out of emotion. Instead, Rix says, quoting a colleague of Moses, "He had the capacity for reflection and distance

• 1:27Ryan Holiday?

  from the thing you are very much in the midst of and even leading." Rix goes on to say that the ability to gain psychological detachment to reflect on action is a talent of many effective leaders. James Mattis, he says, "One of the best American generals in our recent wars made a habit of carrying in his combat knapsack a copy of the works of Marcus Aurelius. And reading that Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher for a half hour at night, he explained, helped him gain some mental distance from the battlefield." Of course, Marcus Aurelius himself had this ability, and that's what created meditations in the first place. Marcus was taking time to think and reflect, to distance himself from the very battlefield he was writing from in his tent.

• 2:12Ryan Holiday?

  All leaders need to be able to do this. Reacting emotionally does not serve anyone well. Reacting unthinkingly does not serve anyone well. Look at the mess that Elon Musk is currently in at Twitter. A classic example of what Robert Greene calls tactical hell. So much of it could have been avoided with a better plan, with more restraint, with a willingness to take in feedback and integrate new information as it comes in. Each of us must cultivate time and space for reflection. We must be able to detach from a moment and see ourselves and it from a distance. We need stillness. We need discipline. We need less ego. We need to listen. Only then can we act. Only then are we fit to lead.

• 2:57Ryan Holiday?

  And this is, of course, something we talk a lot about in the Daily Stoic Leadership Challenge. And I talked to R.C. Buford, who's the CEO of the San Antonio Spurs. When I talked to General Dan Kane, who's in the Air Force. When I talked to entrepreneurs and business people and leadership experts, they're all saying some version of this, the ability to make transitions, to step back, to see perspective, to make good, rational and calm decisions in the midst of very irrational and often not calm situations. That's the art of what we're trying to cultivate. If you haven't checked out the Leadership Challenge, you very much should. Go to dailystoic.com/leadershipchallenge to check that out. And I'll link to it in today's show notes. It's one of the best challenges I think we've done.

• 3:40Ryan Holiday?

  And you can get it for free, by the way, if you sign up for Daily Stoic Life, which I'll also link to. But I'm wishing you much stillness in your leadership journey, and I think this challenge will help you get there.

• 4:03Ryan Holiday?

  Hey, it's Ryan Holiday. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. Back in late June, I flew out to California. I rented a car at LAX and I headed out towards 29 Palms. I stopped in Riverside, where I went to college, where I was introduced to Stoicism. And

• 4:23Ryan Holiday?

  I went for a nice run on my old stomping grounds. And then I headed to the Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center there in 29 Palms, where I had the distinct privilege of talking to the 7th Regiment about Stoic philosophy. I did two talks, and I'm going to bring you the Q and A portion of that first talk. I was talking to the Ripper leadership there. It was several thousand Marines. It was a true honor. I will tell you, it was hot, very hot. As someone, again, who spent a lot of time in Riverside in college, I thought I'd be used to the heat, and man, did it hit me. But here are some Marines asking me questions after I've just talked about

• 5:04Ryan Holiday?

  discipline and Stoicism and overcoming obstacles and all that. I think they asked some really great questions, and I'm excited to share that with all of you.

• 5:19Ryan Holiday?

  Of course, good to meet you, yeah. Hi.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Nice to meet you, Ryan as well.

• 5:22Ryan Holiday?

  Oh, nice.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Mind if I get a quick picture real quick? And then I have a question as well after this.

• 5:26Ryan Holiday?

  All right, what is it?

• 5:27Speaker 01

  As far as Stoicism, when it comes to relationships.

• 5:31Ryan Holiday?

  Uh huh.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  I've been practicing Stoicism for a couple of years now. I started watching your YouTube videos about five years ago. And the only difficulty I have is when it comes to like practicing it with my spouse and whatnot.

• 5:43Ryan Holiday?

  Sure.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  I find myself practicing it more selfishly as in like, once she gets into a certain mood or something, I'm like, I'm not going to let your mood affect me.

• 5:51Ryan Holiday?

  Okay.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  I'm going to try to be more indifferent to it.

• 5:55Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  But I feel like I've been practicing that wrong recently because it feels more selfish to me. You know what I mean? I'm focusing on myself and feeling more narcissistic because of it.

• 6:05Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, and it's not fair to sort of disconnect or tune out just because you don't like something or, you know, just because someone is acting rationally or emotionally, it doesn't mean that it's not, you didn't contribute that to that in some way, that you can't do something about it. So, I don't know. It's tricky. I mean, I think Stoicism tests relationships, life, family tests, all these. Kids do the same thing, you know? It's one thing to be like, hey, I'm going to be hyper objective and rational about this work thing. And with people, it's complicated because you live with that person. You made commitments and promises to that person. So it's tricky. My wife likes to joke that. One of us is a stoic and then the other writes about stoicism, so.

• 6:47Ryan Holiday?

  It's, yeah, it's a, some people are sort of naturally that way, some people has to be a practice, but.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  It's just difficult when somebody else is illogical, but you're trying to be logical, it's that.

• 6:59Ryan Holiday?

  And chances are you're probably a lot less logical than you think you are, you know what I mean? And so that's just kind of how it goes.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Yes, well, I appreciate your time.

• 7:05Ryan Holiday?

  Yes, great to meet you.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  You have a good one.

• 7:07Ryan Holiday?

  Hi.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  Brian, hi. I asked, I was wanting to ask a question about writing, so.

• 7:12Ryan Holiday?

  Yes, are you thinking about it?

• 7:15Speaker 02

  Trying to.

• 7:15Ryan Holiday?

  Okay.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  So like, but some of the stuff I'm writing is like a more fiction based than short stories. And then I write some stuff for the Marine Corps that's more in your line of work. I just, my article just hit the Gazette.

• 7:28Ryan Holiday?

  Oh, cool.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Is at this July, actually. And, but like, part of it feels like it almost comes from ego, essentially.

• 7:36Ryan Holiday?

  To want to write?

• 7:37Speaker 02

  To, yeah, because wanting to get it out, especially when it's like to help. I, I know it says like to help other people, right? But it's always got like my name attached to it and stuff like that. And so like.

• 7:46Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, look, I mean, if you were totally self-sufficient, you would, no one would publish anything. But, so there is inherently in want, in, in all creative acts, there is some inherent, look at this, right? And, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that necessarily. Like, if, if it is, it's only good if other people like it. It's only good if it's super popular, etc. I think that's a bad place to come from and ultimately doesn't make good stuff.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  But this is like the first thing that people are gonna read that I've read. I mean, I did a writing contest in 2019 that I won on some tactics.

• 8:21Ryan Holiday?

  Oh, cool.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  I haven't seen it, it was during, Togo was creating, so like, nothing was really coming out as far as like critics and stuff. So that was like super helpful, the advice you gave there, so I was, I was really.

• 8:31Ryan Holiday?

  And look, reps are reps, right? So like, whether you're doing nonfiction, but what you actually want to do is fiction, the nonfiction will make you better at. You just have to do it like a lot of times, right?

• 8:39Speaker 02

  I like the fiction stories that I'm working on, but like, I really, like, the reason I stayed in the Marine Corps so long was to try and help the guys around me, right? Like, there's not, there's not another line of work I can find as like some dumb kid from Colorado that has been able to touch this many people and like.

• 8:55Ryan Holiday?

  Have you read Elliot Akerman's stuff?

• 8:57Speaker 02

  I haven't.

• 8:57Ryan Holiday?

  He's a Marine, he was in Iraq and Afghanistan, he's done a couple novels and a couple nonfiction. Yeah, yeah, I would check his stuff out, but he's one of the. Recent people who has made a good jump from soldier to author and he's he wrote a really great novel about Afghanistan and then he just wrote this new one. He did a like a sort of futuristic novel with Admiral Stavridis actually called like 2034 about a war with China. That's like an interesting mix of like he was taking the stuff he understands in the nonfiction capacity and making it fictional. But I think you would like his stuff. I've interviewed him a couple of times on the Daily Stoker Podcast. He might like that too.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  That's super beneficial.

• 9:41Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, I might ask him, I would email him and ask him for advice because he knows he's been in your exact position whereas I have no idea.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  I'm just like this kid over here and I bought your book and totally forgot to bring it.

• 9:54Ryan Holiday?

  Oh, no. All right.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Well, thank you.

• 9:56Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, of course. Good to meet you. Yeah, of course. Hello, Ryan. Hi.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  I had a question about like, I'm a small entrepreneur and

• 10:03Ryan Holiday?

  You're what?

• 10:04Speaker 03

  Small entrepreneur.

• 10:04Ryan Holiday?

  Oh, what do you do?

• 10:06Speaker 03

  I do a bunch of online businesses. So one of the biggest things for me is like putting myself out there.

• 10:11Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  Like, I mean, I already know that a bunch of competitors are already there. Like, this is a mental blockade that tell me like, oh, no, this. And no, no, you have a bunch of books and there's people before you have the same ideas and everything, but how do you combat that? Like, how do you like?

• 10:24Ryan Holiday?

  How do you stand out? Well, I think about it as like, what is? There's a great book called The Blue Ocean Strategy and it's about how you go towards being the only version of that thing. So you think, here's what everyone's doing. Here's how my thing is different than that thing. So not that you define yourself in opposition to other people, but you do go, what is everyone else doing? What can I do that is unique and distinct and stand out? It's hard. It's hard if you're like, hey, I'm the, this is the 40th Mexican restaurant in this town to just stand out. You've already made a decision to not stand out. But as you're thinking about what kind of restaurant to open, you go, do we need another Mexican restaurant?

• 11:08Ryan Holiday?

  Or I'm going to do this kind of business that is unique, right? Or it in at the core of what kind of restaurant we are, it is has something that none of these other places have. And that allows not only you to stand up, but then when people go and shop from you or use you or whatever, they're like. This is different. They understand why it's different. Does that make sense? So I think about it like that.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  What was the book again?

• 11:34Ryan Holiday?

  It's called Blue Ocean Strategy.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 11:36Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, of course. Hi.

• 11:39Speaker 04

  Corbin Burks.

• 11:40Ryan Holiday?

  Ryan.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  I'm actually a huge fan.

• 11:41Ryan Holiday?

  Oh, awesome.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  Can I get a picture?

• 11:43Ryan Holiday?

  Of course, yeah.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Sorry, I'm just kind of nervous.

• 11:45Ryan Holiday?

  All good.

• 11:48Speaker 04

  My question is, so the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, he sort of makes the claim that like, human beings have a will to power. And I know through watching some of your videos, one of the books that you recommend a lot of people read is The Forty Eight Laws of Power. I've actually been reading it.

• 12:06Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  Reading it, sorry.

• 12:07Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah. What do you think?

• 12:09Speaker 04

  I think it's really good, actually. I think there's a lot of substance to it.

• 12:14Speaker 04

  Do you think there's a lot of weight to that claim?

• 12:17Ryan Holiday?

  That we have a will to power? I suspect, yes. I mean, we're a hierarchical species, and we're an animal like everyone else, and so I think there is a part of that. There's also, there's other reasons to want power other than just a will to it, right? It's like, I think there's a bunch of reasons people are attracted to it. But I do think, and this is why I think Robert's book is important, I don't think Robert's book is necessarily a how-to book. Like, he's not saying, "Do this." Actually, Robert is not like that as a person. He's incredibly generous and nice and kind. What he's saying is that if you don't understand power, or even if everyone doesn't have a will to power, I think it's much less controversial to say, "Some people have a will to power."

• 13:01Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:02Ryan Holiday?

  And so if you live in a world where some people want power, and are driven to power, and are defined by power, unless you want to be the victim of or dominated by that power, you have to understand how power operates, what the laws behind it are, the strategies of it are. And so I think ultimately, whether everyone has it or not is irrelevant. What matters is some people have it, and so you better figure out how it works, even if that's solely as a defensive mechanism.

• 13:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:32Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, that's a great question. Thank you.

• 13:37Speaker 05

  Ryan, nice to meet you.

• 13:38Ryan Holiday?

  Ryan, good to meet you too. Of course, yeah.

• 13:44Speaker 05

  So my question is like, I'm generally a calm person, like even in stressful like scenarios, but like people have came to me and said like, they seem like, they see me as a very emotionalist and like very emotional, unavailable.

• 13:58Ryan Holiday?

  They think you're emotional or emotionally unavailable?

• 14:01Speaker 05

  Uh, unavailable.

• 14:03Ryan Holiday?

  Got it, okay. So they think you're too closed off?

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:05Ryan Holiday?

  Alright.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  So like, what I try to do is be very calm and try to like have, be like, hey, like, it's okay, like you, be like, you can be panicking and stuff, like, look at me, like, calm down.

• 14:16Ryan Holiday?

  Sure, sure.

• 14:16Speaker 05

  Try to be like that.

• 14:17Ryan Holiday?

  That's good.

• 14:18Speaker 05

  But like, so how do I like make it look like, hey, like I'm okay, like you can come talk to me, like it's okay like that?

• 14:23Ryan Holiday?

  Sure. Yeah, it's a good question. I mean, just because you're calm, well, you're not emotional, but it doesn't mean other people aren't having their emotions. And, or it doesn't mean you don't recognize the emotions you're having, you're just not acting out. And so I think the, the more effectively you can communicate this, as opposed to assuming people know, right, is probably a good place to start. Right? Cause it, is, is this person acting calm because they don't understand the stakes of what's happening? Are they calm because they don't give a shit? Are they calm because they're actually in some sort of paralyzed, catatonic, fearful? Like, there's a bunch of reasons, right? And so if you don't articulate why you are, why you are, where you are,

• 15:06Ryan Holiday?

  people are gonna make assumptions. And if they're already in an emotional or sort of irrational state, they're probably gonna assume not the best.

• 15:14Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 15:14Ryan Holiday?

  Right? So I might think about it like that. That's a great question.

• 15:17Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 15:17Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, of course. Hello?

• 15:19Speaker 06

  Hello.

• 15:19Ryan Holiday?

  Ryan?

• 15:21Speaker 06

  My name is Sean. Uh, I just want to first shake your hand and say thank you.

• 15:24Ryan Holiday?

  Oh, awesome.

• 15:25Speaker 06

  You've given me plenty of stuff to listen to while doing cardio.

• 15:28Ryan Holiday?

  Do you listen to podcasts and stuff while you work out?

• 15:30Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. Your Spotify, uh, JRE and...

• 15:35Ryan Holiday?

  Oh, nice.

• 15:36Speaker 06

  They're always in my ear whenever I'm running.

• 15:38Ryan Holiday?

  Cool.

• 15:38Speaker 06

  Cause I'm just shuffling myself.

• 15:39Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 06

  But, um, I did also want to ask, like, I know you speak about it and people have spoken about it for thousands of years.

• 15:49Speaker 06

  Don't worry about what you can't control.

• 15:51Ryan Holiday?

  Sure.

• 15:52Speaker 06

  And just focus on what you can. But I have issues putting it to practice because I feel like there's so many things, you know, in my life that I can't control.

• 16:03Ryan Holiday?

  Sure.

• 16:03Speaker 06

  And...

• 16:05Ryan Holiday?

  By the way, I don't think there's anyone that is not like, it is the simplest thing in the world, but is the hardest thing in the world, right? Do you know what I mean? Like, there's a reason people go to Alcoholics Anonymous every day and repeat the Serenity Prayer. Like, they've heard it a million times, but they're clearly still struggling with it, right? So like, knowing what's up to you and what isn't, that's maybe straightforward. But then, to it, like, it's still fucking incredibly hard, right? And it's also the things that we don't control are often the things that are most important to us or cause the most difficulty or trouble for us. Do you know what I mean? It's not just like, hey, don't care about the weather, focus on what's, you know, it's like,

• 16:49Ryan Holiday?

  you're sent somewhere you don't want to go, right? Conflict breaks out that you don't, like, the, in your, in your world, the things that you don't control are some of the scariest, toughest, heartbreaking, trying things that there is. So like, I'd be a little kind to yourself about, you know, whether that upsets you or not. Does it wreck you? You know, is different than, does it bother you, right? You're not, I think it's to get to this completely zen place where you feel nothing about it. You know, maybe 80 years from now, but it's hard, especially when you're young, you know, and you have stuff you're trying to do. Yeah, it's a great question. Good luck, man. Yeah.