Convince Yourself That Everything Is A Gift | Train To Let Go Of What’s Not Yours

Today in America is Thanksgiving. It’s the day when we’re supposed to actively practice gratitude, and be thankful for all that we have. Yet this can be hard to do…when the specter of a World War looms, the lingering of a terrible pandemic, the reality of a recession, divided politics and so many other obstacles sit before us. But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible.📕 We created a premium leather-bound edition of Meditations - To learn more and to pick up your own copy of this beautiful new edition of Meditations, visit dailystoic.com/meditations✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemailCheck out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. On Thursdays, we do double duty, not just reading our daily meditation, but also reading a passage from the book The Daily Stoic, 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living, which I wrote with my wonderful co-author and collaborator Stephen Hanselman. And so today, we'll give you a quick meditation from one of the Stoics, from Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, then some analysis from me. And then we send you out into the world to do your best to turn these words into works.

• 0:48Ryan Holiday?

  Today in America is Thanksgiving. It's the day that we're supposed to actively practice gratitude and be thankful for all that we have. Yet this can be hard to do when the specter of a world war looms, the lingering of a terrible pandemic, the reality of a recession, divided politics, and so many other obstacles sit before us. But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's impossible. Look at Marcus Aurelius. In his reign and in his life, he knew all of those things intimately, plus many other tragedies. But a few years ago, a Daily Stoic reader wrote in to make a very interesting observation. In Marcus's meditations, he is vague about some things

• 1:31Ryan Holiday?

  and very specific about others. As a general rule, Marcus does not talk much about the specifics or the consequences of the plague he lived through or the grief that he felt. But do you know what he spends a full 10% of meditations talking about in very clear detail? The gratitude he felt to the people who had helped him, who had inspired him, who taught him. It's a lesson. Marcus was shrugging off the negative and embracing the positive. He was actively defining what he was grateful for. He was passively accepting what he could not control. And this is a great example for all of us to follow. "Convince yourself that everything is a gift from the gods," was how Marcus put it.

• 2:14Ryan Holiday?

  That things are good and always will be. When Epictetus talks about how every situation has two handles, this is what he means. You can decide to grab onto anger or appreciation, fear or fellowship. You can pick up the handle of resentment or of gratitude. You can look at the obstacle or get a little closer and see the opportunity. So as you gather around your family and friends this Thanksgiving or Christmas or any other celebration you might partake in, of course, appreciate it and give thanks for all the obvious and bountiful gifts that the moment presents. Just make sure that when the moment passes, as you go back to your everyday, ordinary life, that you make gratitude a regular part of it.

• 2:54Ryan Holiday?

  Again, not simply for what is easy and immediately pleasing, but for all of it, for every day. And I will say, one of the things I am so grateful for is all of you, that I get to do this for you. I have my little sign here that says, "Am I being a good steward of Stoicism?" I'm so grateful for the trust and the time and attention that you have given me, and I try to live up to it, and I definitely try not to take it for granted. Thank you all for the support of the books, for support of the Daily Stoic Store, for watching our stuff, for listening to our stuff. It means more to me than I could say. It's one of the many, many things that I am very, very grateful for, and I just didn't want to wrap up this message without thanking you for it specifically.

• 3:38Ryan Holiday?

  So get out there, be grateful, be thankful, and we've got a very special message coming tomorrow, so stay tuned.

• 3:49Ryan Holiday?

  Train to let go of what's not yours. This is the November 24th entry in the Daily Stoic. 366 Days of Writing and Reflection on the Art of Living by yours truly, and my co-writer and translator, Stephen Hanselman. I actually do this journal every single day. There's a question in the morning, a question in the afternoon. Then there's these sort of weekly meditations. As Epictetus says, "Every day and night, we keep thoughts like this at hand. Write them, read them aloud, and talk to yourself and others about them." You can check out the Daily Stoic Journal anywhere books are sold. And also get a signed personalized copy from me in the Daily Stoic store at store.dailystoic.com. I've got a nice, big passage from Epictetus's Discourses today.

• 4:32Ryan Holiday?

  "Whenever you experience the pangs of losing something, don't treat it like a part of yourself, but as a breakable glass. So when it falls, you will remember that and won't be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, or sibling, or friend, don't layer on top of that the experience of all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who might ride behind triumphant generals remind them that they are mortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn't one of your possessions, just something given for now, but not forever." That's Epictetus's Discourses 324. "As it happens, actually, at a Roman triumph, the majority of the public would have their eyes glued

• 5:13Ryan Holiday?

  to the victorious general at the front, one of the most coveted spots during Roman times. Only a few would notice the aide in the back, right behind the commander, whispering into his ear, 'Remember thou art mortal.'" What a reminder to hear at the peak of glory and victory. "In our own lives, we can train to be that whisper. When there is something we prize, or something that we love, we can whisper to ourselves that it is fragile and mortal, and not truly ours. No matter how strong or invincible something feels, it never is. We must remind ourselves that it can break, can die, can leave us. Loss is one of our deepest fears. Ignorance and pretending don't make things better or stronger.

• 5:56Ryan Holiday?

  They just mean the loss will be all the more jarring when it occurs." There's a Zen story about a guy who has a beautiful cup. And he says to himself over and over and over again, "The cup is already broken. The cup is already broken. The cup is already broken." And then, of course, when it does break, he's not surprised. I think this is what Epictetus is saying on a couple of levels. One, he's just reminding yourself that when you're triumphant, when you're successful, when you're at the top of the world, it never lasts, right? Seneca being a profound example of this. Top of the world, exiled. Top of the world, exiled. Top of the world, executed, right? This is how it goes. It doesn't last. It never does. You run on the bestseller list. In my case, eventually it comes to an end.

• 6:41Ryan Holiday?

  Your time in the NFL comes to an end. Your time selling real estate in the bull market, it comes to an end. It always does. Your youth comes to an end, right? All things come to an end. And so realizing that this is just this thing given to you for now, and you should enjoy it and be present for it and appreciate it, but never lose sight of the fact that it is already broken, it is already gone, it's already in the process of leaving or falling apart. Entropy is working on it in this very moment. Now, the next part of this, the harder part, is realizing that this isn't just true for status, or accomplishment, or momentum, or whatever, or possessions, but also for people.

• 7:24Ryan Holiday?

  Professor Scott Galloway told me this, and I've written about it before, but he was talking about how you're constantly losing your kids, right? They're a four-year-old for one day, then they're four-year-olds in one day, right? As they are getting older, you are losing who they were, right? They were a baby for so long, a toddler for so long, a pre-teen for so long, a teenager for so long, in your house for so long. And most tragically, as Marcus Aurelius feels, almost incomprehensibly...

• 7:58Ryan Holiday?

  You don't get them forever at all, right? Just as they don't get you forever at all. And we have to remind ourselves, as Epictetus says, that our precious one is not a possession. They are a gift that we have temporarily, ephemerally, that we are losing not just day to day, but also permanently, all at once as well. Hopefully in a long time, but we cannot say that for certain. And so to take them for granted, to feel entitled to them, to mistreat them, this is a profound sacrilege. And we have to avoid that. And one of the ways we do it is by reminding ourselves of that ephemerality. Have to do this. We have to do it regularly.

• 8:43Ryan Holiday?

  We have to do it consistently. We have to do it as a practice. We have to say to ourselves, remember, thou art mortal. We have to say to ourselves, the cup is already broken. It's already gone. You have it now, but not forever. Loss is a real fear because it's painful. Grief accompanies it and so many other painful things accompany it. But, but it is there and no amount of wishing otherwise makes it not the case, right? No amount of accomplishment or achievement makes you less mortal. You are mortal, you always have been. And so is everyone and everything you've ever been connected to. So let's live and act and treat people accordingly.

• 9:28Ryan Holiday?

  And let's do it before it's too late.

• 9:36Ryan Holiday?

  Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple of years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please spread the word, tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say thank you.