Timothy Olyphant Returns Again

Actor Timothy Olyphant feels so wonderful about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Timothy sits down with Conan to discuss his swimming regimen, getting into fights, and shooting Alien: Earth in Thailand. Plus, David Hopping introduces the team to his new canine friend. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Same.

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  Whaaat?

• 0:23Conan O'Brien?

  That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry problem. WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I grew up with this.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:49Conan O'Brien?

  And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Ohhh.

• 0:57Conan O'Brien?

  Boy, we were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:03Conan O'Brien?

  So get a gift today at weathertech.com.

• 1:09Conan O'Brien?

  Now Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 1:20Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 1:22Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 1:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.

• 1:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it. Cause you said you would.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Aw man, I didn't know you were doing that. I didn't know you were trapping me.

• 1:33Conan O'Brien?

  I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:44Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  My name is Timothy Olyphant.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  And I feel so wonderful about being Conan O'Brien's. It's almost as if I was given a beach house. But one that I don't frequent.

• 2:49Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Sitting here with Matt Gourley and Son of Sessian just put some... What'd you put on there?

• 2:56Speaker 01

  Lip? Chapstick.

• 2:57Conan O'Brien?

  Chapstick, okay, not a gloss. Is there a difference between a gloss and a chapstick?

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 3:01Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, I actually don't know.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  What is gloss?

• 3:04Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  And the other one lubricates.

• 3:07Conan O'Brien?

  Well, we'd think a gloss would lubricate as well.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Gloss also lubricates, but the gloss glosses.

• 3:11Conan O'Brien?

  I don't understand, you can't just... You're not allowed to use the word in the definition.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  But that's what it does.

• 3:15Conan O'Brien?

  What does a door do? It opens the door.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  What?

• 3:18Conan O'Brien?

  A door is a thing that opens so that the door is open.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  The door, that doesn't even make sense. The door doesn't open the door. It's you open the door. The knob opens the door.

• 3:27Conan O'Brien?

  Stupid called and said, uh, it's you.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Oh, you... Oh, really?

• 3:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Oh, you stupid called and it said, "Just kidding, I'm Conan."

• 3:34Conan O'Brien?

  Damn it! You won.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  I don't know how to say this.

• 3:37Conan O'Brien?

  She won. She won.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  I know.

• 3:40Conan O'Brien?

  I couldn't believe that she did that.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  I just don't know how to say this, but I quit.

• 3:46Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I think you know how to say it and I think you just quit. But I think you'll be back, because we have the best...

• 3:52Speaker 02

  What does quit mean? Well, you quit.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  No, you can't quit. You're not gonna quit.

• 3:55Conan O'Brien?

  It's like the mafia, you can't leave. You'll... You know what I mean? You can't leave.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  I want to leave.

• 4:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you're gonna be in the front seat of the car and you'll be wondering why Conan's sitting in the back.

• 4:04Speaker 02

  Every time I'm out, they pull me back in.

• 4:06Conan O'Brien?

  They pull me back in, wow, that's a... It's a great, uh, stockard Channing. So, anyway, um...

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Wow!

• 4:13Conan O'Brien?

  Uh...

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Okay, Nixon impersonator.

• 4:15Conan O'Brien?

  For every

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, all of them.

• 4:17Conan O'Brien?

  I resent that remark.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Is that Stoker Channing?

• 4:20Conan O'Brien?

  That's just, I'm, I was in Greece and then I was in six degrees of separation. I was on the West Wing as President Bartlet's wife. I'm Stoker Channing and I am not a.

• 4:38Conan O'Brien?

  All my, that's how good my impressions are.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  Definitely quit, no.

• 4:41Conan O'Brien?

  I don't, I think everyone's quitting with you. All our, all our listeners are quitting as well. You know, we have to keep this intro short today because the guy is on today talks. He talks and he takes over.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  But every word is.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  We want him to.

• 4:58Conan O'Brien?

  What makes?

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Oh, I, you know what?

• 5:00Speaker 01

  He's handsome, he's cool.

• 5:01Speaker 03

  Adam and I talk about this. He brings a, an element of chaos to this podcast that I think what you normally do to us, he does to you.

• 5:09Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe.

• 5:09Speaker 03

  And there is such a sweet like revenge, right? There's a feeling of, of just justice happening that.

• 5:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's like Freddy Krueger gets his in the end.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  It's, I think he's one of my favorite guests that we ever have because of what he does to this show.

• 5:22Conan O'Brien?

  I think the other thing is, I think he and Kevin Nealon are in the same category.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 5:26Conan O'Brien?

  They're chaos agents who have no respect for me.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:31Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, and they, they just go for it. The fans are always delighted when these guys are on, either one of them. And, uh, yeah, he's so smiley and genial and yet there's this, uh, contempt.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  I don't know. He's also like masculine, but like a pixie from another world that comes in and just kind of messes with everything, you know?

• 5:52Conan O'Brien?

  I get no masculinity from him.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Oh, I get a lot of masculinity.

• 5:55Conan O'Brien?

  None.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

• 5:56Conan O'Brien?

  But no, I think.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  He's so handsome.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, he is. And he's so.

• 5:59Conan O'Brien?

  That's different than being masculine.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  It's not just, it's not just being handsome. He's like cool.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  And he's like, you know, he could do, I feel like he could do everything.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  He's in Deadwood, my favorite show of all time.

• 6:09Conan O'Brien?

  I love that he always comes in wearing sandals.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  Sliders, man.

• 6:14Conan O'Brien?

  Sliders. Okay. Yeah, that's right. He has small hamburgers tied to his feet.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  This is gonna come up.

• 6:19Conan O'Brien?

  He, uh.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Small hamburgers. See, he wouldn't say that.

• 6:22Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's funny. I think it's very funny. And you know what? Can I just say something? I clean up pretty nice.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  You do?

• 6:28Conan O'Brien?

  I think a lot of people wonder, if you put a Timmy Elephant next to me, you'd be like, oh, whatever, they're both handsome.

• 6:35Speaker 03

  Okay, why are you making this about him? Because none of us can compete with what he is.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  We can say he's handsome, you can also be handsome, he can also be handsome, but he also has, like, I don't think any of the comments are gonna be like, I wish Conan talked more.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Like, I don't, I don't think that's gonna be like a criticism. It's not like people are gonna light up the switchboards and be like, can you not have Timothy Elephant on again? Because I wanted to hear more Conan.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Shut Timothy Elephant up, and more Conan. I don't think that's just, I just don't think that's gonna happen.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  I've never heard him so quiet.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  I know, and you guys are friends too. That's the part that probably stings the most, is you guys are friends, right?

• 7:22Conan O'Brien?

  Remember in Goodfellas, when they're playing poker? And, uh, and then Spider?

• 7:28Speaker 03

  This is the third time this has come up on this podcast.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  I've been multiple times.

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  But it's important, it's important.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:33Conan O'Brien?

  Because this, it relates to this moment right now.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:36Conan O'Brien?

  Spider finally talks back to Pesci.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  And everyone's laughing and loving it.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:41Conan O'Brien?

  And Pesci's just staring at Spider.

• 7:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:44Conan O'Brien?

  That's what's happening right now.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  Are you gonna tell me shut up called, and told me it's me?

• 7:48Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna pull out a gun and pull the trigger, and the gun is gonna say shut up called. And it's you.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  Do you know that when that happened, and Spider, the guy who plays Imperiali, Michael Imperiali, his squibs went off, the blood packs, and they, um, he crushed a glass with his hand during the take, so they had to rush him to the hospital because his hand was bleeding, but they rushed him in the hospital and the doctors freak out because they thought that he was, had been, like, machine-gunned.

• 8:12Conan O'Brien?

  Because of the squibs, yeah.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  And that's just another movie fun fact by your podcast co-host, Matt Gourley.

• 8:19Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I love? You're the guy here that's supposed to keep us on time.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:23Conan O'Brien?

  Keep us on track, and...

• 8:25Speaker 03

  I'm in the Timothy Elephant mode, man.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  All of this led to that one fact. It was our plan all along.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  I got more. Wait till you hear about Frank Sinatra in Die Hard.

• 8:33Conan O'Brien?

  I'll concede the following, uh... Points. Tim Olyphant, one of the handsomest fellows you'll ever see. Fantastic actor.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:40Conan O'Brien?

  And a spectacularly funny guy, who's also cool at the same time. And I give him all of that. I give him all of that.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  And he's nice to all of us.

• 8:49Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, come on, that's overrated.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  He is. He's really nice to everybody.

• 8:52Conan O'Brien?

  I could be nice to you if I wanted to. What does that mean?

• 8:57Speaker 01

  What, yeah?

• 8:57Speaker 03

  He comes in, there are two types of guests. Everyone's nice, everyone's polite, but there are two types. Those that come in and they take in the room and they, they like bring people in and he brings people in.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, he does.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. Goldblum was like that.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Harrison Ford.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  Kesha.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 9:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. All right, well, I think they pick up on my energy, which is very welcome.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  It's not about you.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  I know. No one's talking.

• 9:19Conan O'Brien?

  Conan, my name's Conan.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  No, this is the least about you this podcast has ever been.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  It really is. This is gonna be the least you ever speak.

• 9:26Conan O'Brien?

  Conan, Conan, Conan. This is gonna, this episode's gonna win the coveted Conan Award.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  Coveted?

• 9:36Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, all right, let's, uh, yeah, that's okay. You forgot the most important part. Here we go. Let's get into this. My guest today has starred in such shows and movies as Matt Garly's favorite of all time, Deadwood, Justified, which I also love, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, a movie I adore. I'm a Quentin Tarantino freak and I love that movie. Now you can see him in the new FX series, Alien Earth. Very excited to chat with him today. He's one of our all time favorites.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  Timothy Olyphant, welcome.

• 10:11Conan O'Brien?

  We hang out, Timothy and I, I call him Timothy, because we're close, Timothy Olyphant. We hang out. Not long ago, I hung out with you and we wandered around, we looked at some of your artistic endeavors. You're a very artistic man. I want to get that word out there.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  This is my third time here on the podcast and I see nothing has changed.

• 10:31Conan O'Brien?

  I love it.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  I wasn't sure, because I knew it's gotten big.

• 10:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  You know, you know, I listen to it. I don't listen to it, but I read the transcripts. And it's...

• 10:43Conan O'Brien?

  He goes to the library and checks out the transcripts.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  It's so good. And it's so good. It's this, this part where you're talking.

• 10:52Conan O'Brien?

  That needs to be improved.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  It just needs a... Who edits it?

• 10:57Conan O'Brien?

  Matt, right there.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Matt, you're right here.

• 10:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  You're seeing what I'm seeing.

• 11:00Conan O'Brien?

  Uh huh.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  Nobody stops him.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  You should hear what I cut out.

• 11:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  Really?

• 11:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Really?

• 11:07Conan O'Brien?

  Long screeds.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. We're trying to substitute someone in, you know, swap him out, but.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  The name's in the title.

• 11:14Conan O'Brien?

  I've been honest about my affection for Timothy Olyphant and maybe my man crush. And then I find out today that there are two gentlemen in this room who join me.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:25Conan O'Brien?

  In those feelings.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  It might even supersede you.

• 11:27Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:28Conan O'Brien?

  Why don't you go, I was told by Matt and by Adam. Um.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  I love those guys.

• 11:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  He probably knows already. That's mutual.

• 11:37Conan O'Brien?

  And what is it about the Timothy Olyphant episodes that seem to resonate?

• 11:43Speaker 03

  Oh, he just disassembles it and deconstructs it and takes over in such a lovely way.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Episodes of this show?

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 11:50Conan O'Brien?

  That you've done.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 11:52Conan O'Brien?

  That you've been on.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Don't set me up, Matt.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Come on, we're only, this is only, we're like five minutes in.

• 11:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. No, we call you Never Miss Olyphant. So I guess the pressure's on. Ah.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Go ahead, you're doing, yeah, fill that, fill that space.

• 12:11Conan O'Brien?

  I, um.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Where are you going with this, O'Brien?

• 12:14Conan O'Brien?

  The name's Conan O'Brien. You'll use my full name as I use yours, Timothy Olyphant. Lot of excitement.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  C is for comedy.

• 12:20Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  O is for, oh. And S for, mm, mm. A is for, ah. And N is for, no.

• 12:30Conan O'Brien?

  Who's more chilled than this guy? He walks in in flip flops?

• 12:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Those are slides.

• 12:35Conan O'Brien?

  The slides? Okay, I'm sorry. What's the difference between a flip flop and a slide?

• 12:39Speaker 02

  How long you been in California, Boston?

• 12:41Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, I don't look down.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Talk to me, Boston.

• 12:43Conan O'Brien?

  No one wears C's in Boston.

• 12:45Speaker 03

  No, these are what you.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  I told you once, I was walking in the streets of Boston. And some guy lovely came up and just said, hey, man, love your work. Say hey to Conan.

• 12:54Conan O'Brien?

  That's what, that is what I want out there. I want anytime Tim goes someplace, I want people to be shouting me out.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Didn't break stride, that guy.

• 13:03Conan O'Brien?

  No, they got a lot to do in Boston. He had to get to the-

• 13:06Speaker 02

  It's as good as it gets.

• 13:07Conan O'Brien?

  He had to get to a Dunkin' as fast as he could.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  I'm just gonna hope and trust he's listening and he knows that I'm talking to him right now.

• 13:12Conan O'Brien?

  He knows.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  When I say, "That's as good as it gets," right there.

• 13:15Conan O'Brien?

  He's from Medford.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's pretty good.

• 13:17Conan O'Brien?

  The, uh, no, there's a lot of affection for you. Timothy B. Olyphant, I don't know your middle name, I just made that up.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  It's close.

• 13:25Conan O'Brien?

  Is it?

• 13:25Speaker 02

  D.

• 13:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, close enough.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 13:27Conan O'Brien?

  Look at him drink. It's incredible.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Jeez. The play-by-play, you've added play-by-play to the podcast?

• 13:34Conan O'Brien?

  Then he set it down onto a little rubber coaster. Who picked these coasters out, by the way?

• 13:37Speaker 02

  I think it's For Sound.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  I, I picked the coasters out.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  For Sound, Adam, right? These are For Sound.

• 13:42Conan O'Brien?

  Does Adam remind you at all of Michael Cera? Do you get a Michael Cera vibe from him at all? Thank you, thank you.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Stronger, handsome, strapping Michael Cera.

• 13:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Right there.

• 13:52Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you know, fantastic having you here.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  It's good to be here.

• 13:56Conan O'Brien?

  You and I-

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Thank you guys for having me.

• 13:57Conan O'Brien?

  You and I-

• 13:58Speaker 02

  I'm not the fir-, I couldn't be the first to return again, but the second or fif-, seventh?

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't know.

• 14:03Conan O'Brien?

  Good question.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  He's the first returnee.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  I mean-

• 14:05Conan O'Brien?

  That's a good question. I mean, first of all, you're-

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Bill Burr?

• 14:08Speaker 03

  I might have been.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  I think it was Bill Burr, right?

• 14:10Conan O'Brien?

  Might have been Bill Burr. But you, I mean, what do the, what do the fans say?

• 14:14Speaker 02

  God, I thought you guys would-

• 14:15Conan O'Brien?

  Way in on this, way in on this.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Readily available. I didn't mean to hold up the show.

• 14:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we have all these facts at your fingertips. How much water do I displace? Um, when placed in a tank? Tell us, Adam, uh, what are the fans, what are, what's the reaction? Cause we get a very strong reaction. I always assume negative when Timothy's on, but apparently it's not.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  No, no, no, it's universally positive.

• 14:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Universally positive.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  And they love too, that it's a different, it's a whole different kinda episode when he's on.

• 14:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, because he's a rascal. Because he comes in and he just takes over.

• 14:42Conan O'Brien?

  He's a rascal.

• 14:43Speaker 04

  Last time he did the introduction himself, you weren't even, you weren't even a part of it.

• 14:46Conan O'Brien?

  He made me leave the room. He's a, you know what he is? He is a rascal. Rascal implies, and I say it like that, rascal. And I don't mean the device that, uh, some older people use to get through the mall. I mean, in the oldest timey sense-

• 15:03Speaker 03

  And cut.

• 15:09Conan O'Brien?

  He is, he's a scamp. You're a scamp.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  How you been?

• 15:11Conan O'Brien?

  You're a lovable, huh, Mike?

• 15:12Speaker 02

  We haven't seen each other in a while.

• 15:14Conan O'Brien?

  I've been good, you know, um, staying out of trouble. How about you, man? How's it going?

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Really? That's how quick?

• 15:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  How about this weather?

• 15:21Conan O'Brien?

  I like to get the ball out of my side of the-

• 15:22Speaker 02

  How about this weather, O'Brien?

• 15:23Conan O'Brien?

  I like to get the ball out of my court so fast. How have I been? I've been fine. I've been okay.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:29Conan O'Brien?

  I've been good, you know, and, um, I don't think there's much going on in my life, you know, just, uh, here podcasting, what?

• 15:38Speaker 01

  There's a lot always going on in your life. You're constantly doing things.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  You have to, you can't- I haven't seen you in a while, and then if you say that nothing's been going on, then all I can do is take offense to that.

• 15:48Conan O'Brien?

  Aren't you, aren't you flying on Thursday to go do Toy Story? I'm flying today. Oh, go, see, there's a lot going on!

• 15:53Speaker 02

  You're doing Toy Story?

• 15:55Conan O'Brien?

  Toy Story 5.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  What, number, number 5?

• 15:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Guys, that's always the best one.

• 16:00Conan O'Brien?

  Friday the 13th, part 5, yeah.

• 16:04Conan O'Brien?

  Death Wish, number 5, best one.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  It's always like, the first one's amazing, the second one's like, didn't really need a sequel, the third one's like, what are they, just trying to grab the money? But the fourth and then the fifth is when it's like, oh!

• 16:16Conan O'Brien?

  That's what I'm banking on.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  That's what they were trying to do all along.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  That's what they were reaching for all along, and you're a part of that.

• 16:22Conan O'Brien?

  I was excited because when they approached me, the impression I got was that I was gonna be the face of the franchise now. That's the impression I got.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 16:31Conan O'Brien?

  And then I find out what-

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Maybe they are using your face, because they're all little funny toys.

• 16:35Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, that's not nice. That's not nice.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Got cruel.

• 16:38Conan O'Brien?

  That's not nice. I didn't mean this. Don Rickles has stopped by.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  A taste of your own medicine, man, though, come on.

• 16:45Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think so.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  Really?

• 16:46Conan O'Brien?

  I think I'm a kind man.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Okay, I appreciate that, because it felt like it hurt a little.

• 16:50Conan O'Brien?

  No, it didn't, Eric.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Okay, it was you.

• 16:51Speaker 03

  We deal with him all the time, he's calling him Michael Sarah, nothing against Michael Sarah.

• 16:55Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wait, what, Michael Sarah's, why don't you apologize to Michael Sarah? I meant it as a compliment. I think Michael Sarah's a very good-looking guy.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  So did I.

• 17:01Conan O'Brien?

  So what the fuck are you talking about?

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Michael, I just wanna know if you're listening, nobody took it that way.

• 17:07Conan O'Brien?

  I, uh-

• 17:08Speaker 02

  O'Brien?

• 17:08Conan O'Brien?

  He's a regular-

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Be honest, be honest.

• 17:10Conan O'Brien?

  It was a slam.

• 17:14Conan O'Brien?

  Total slam.

• 17:17Conan O'Brien?

  Whenever I see someone who's really sick, I say, "What happened to you, Michael Sarah?" I visit wards where people are very ill. And I go, "Hey, a whole room full of Michael Sarahs here."

• 17:27Speaker 02

  Let me circle back.

• 17:28Conan O'Brien?

  Always kills. They laugh really hard and they all die.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Let me circle back because it occurs to me, I'm in show business, and he might be listening. I'm a huge fan.

• 17:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, me too.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  Huge fan.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too. And I think he's handsome.

• 17:41Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Scott Dogram, that's one of my favorite movies in the last 10 years. Great movie.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Well, it's longer than 10 years.

• 17:46Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's 11.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then he wrote a little one, went to the Oscars. Got that guy an Oscar. That guy, Colkin.

• 17:53Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 17:54Speaker 02

  One of the Colkins.

• 17:55Conan O'Brien?

  I know.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  He knows which one. I'm a fan of his as well. God damn it.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  Hear it.

• 18:02Conan O'Brien?

  You're talking about Jesse Eisenberg. You just...

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:05Conan O'Brien?

  That's not Michael Sarah.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  God damn it. Is that Eisenberg?

• 18:08Conan O'Brien?

  Do you ever get outside?

• 18:09Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 18:10Conan O'Brien?

  You spend so much time laying out in the sun, deciding which slides you're gonna wear today, and how you're gonna...

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 18:16Conan O'Brien?

  Should I saunter or swagger? I'll go with saunter today.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  You know what? I want to take this opportunity now to say I'm a fan of both those guys.

• 18:24Conan O'Brien?

  You're gonna go far in this business. You're gonna go so far.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  God damn it.

• 18:30Conan O'Brien?

  I want to come back as this guy. I'm all in my head, freaked out all the time, and then, right?

• 18:37Speaker 05

  I will say, I mean, from where Eduardo and I are sitting, no offense, it is kind of like a before and after picture.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Oh, Jesus.

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  Wow. What are you doing?

• 18:45Speaker 05

  Well, I don't want to pull Eduardo into this.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  I'm not co-signing it.

• 18:48Speaker 05

  All right. Well, I'm just saying, I was just thinking.

• 18:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm before the accident, and he's after the accident.

• 18:53Speaker 05

  Well, I'm just saying.

• 18:54Conan O'Brien?

  That's the only assumption I can...

• 18:55Speaker 05

  It's kind of like Captain America. It's like Steve, you know, before, and then he goes into a thing. Well, look at his hair. Look at his great hair.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  This is cool.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  This is the greatest hair in show business right there.

• 19:05Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know what you're talking about.

• 19:05Speaker 05

  Okay, I guess you guys both have great... I'm just gonna stop talking.

• 19:07Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? You...

• 19:09Speaker 05

  He's tan, you're pale. I'm just saying, he's really... Look at his...

• 19:13Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? Blay. Hey, Blay. Blay. Just check yourself out for a little while. Think about what you did. So sorry. Um...

• 19:21Speaker 02

  You actually have a little color. I feel like you've been in the sun.

• 19:24Conan O'Brien?

  I have been a little bit in the sun, but you would be shocked at how little I've been in the sun.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Right.

• 19:28Conan O'Brien?

  I can do this in five minutes.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  This was just from the car into the studio?

• 19:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, probably was. This is reflected light.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Forgot your umbrella.

• 19:34Conan O'Brien?

  This is reflected... This is the light from my night.

• 19:38Conan O'Brien?

  From my clock radio at night.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  From your iPhone.

• 19:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. You, uh, you're a lovely man.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 19:44Conan O'Brien?

  You're a man. I'll tell you something. I know you don't like to be complimented.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Is this you keeping this on track?

• 19:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Just going...

• 19:49Speaker 01

  There's nothing on his notes.

• 19:51Conan O'Brien?

  Look at the notes I have.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  There is nothing serious.

• 19:53Conan O'Brien?

  These are my notes. It has the date at the top.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  There is nothing on his notes.

• 19:58Conan O'Brien?

  Because you know what's so funny?

• 19:59Speaker 02

  That's it, O'Brien. I'm not helping you anymore.

• 20:02Conan O'Brien?

  My, uh, sorry, Sona, but the assistant who really does stuff.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 20:05Conan O'Brien?

  He handed me the notes for Tim Olyphant, and I was like, what are you talking about?

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:11Conan O'Brien?

  And it is just a page of nothing.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  I think there's written in invisible ink, just Conan plus Timothy Olyphant.

• 20:17Conan O'Brien?

  Over and over again.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  Hearts all over that. Come on, hit me with some questions.

• 20:22Conan O'Brien?

  You swam competitively.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 20:24Conan O'Brien?

  At USC. And my question for you is, do you still, I know, you don't just get a body like that.

• 20:33Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 20:34Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm sorry.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Why'd you say it like?

• 20:37Speaker 02

  That's true. For once, I agree with you.

• 20:38Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly. So what's the regimen? Are you up every morning? Are you in the pool every day? Are you in the pool every day, Timothy Olyphant? You want a question? Or are you just want a question?

• 20:48Speaker 02

  He can't stop himself. Literally, the, all he had to say there was, do you still swim?

• 20:56Conan O'Brien?

  I like the way I did it.

• 20:59Speaker 02

  I mean, are we, we're worried about filling this, the time? How long is this thing?

• 21:03Conan O'Brien?

  It's about two minutes left.

• 21:07Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 21:07Conan O'Brien?

  We're experimenting with real short ones.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  That's almost enough time for your next question.

• 21:13Conan O'Brien?

  I want to know. You can answer a question.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  I swam this morning.

• 21:16Conan O'Brien?

  I know you did. I could smell the chlorine when you came up the stairs.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  That's possible.

• 21:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I'm this morning.

• 21:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  You got a follow-up?

• 21:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I do. When you swim, do you strap weights to your legs and why not? I think you would build your legs and also the possibility that you would drown would go up like 40%.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  How about you? What's your exercise? What'd you do today?

• 21:35Conan O'Brien?

  That's good of you to ask. I did weights this morning. I did weights. Um, I know, I know it doesn't show, but I did some chest, I did some bicep, I did a lot of crunches. I do a lot of crunches.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Two guys over their 50s talking about exercise. Nobody is sexier than that.

• 21:54Speaker 02

  Two guys talking about exercise and what hurts.

• 21:58Conan O'Brien?

  I want to be able to get onto a toilet and off a toilet. That's a lot of my exercise. I have a fake toilet in my exercise room and I get onto it and I get off of it. And I get onto it and off of it.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Do you ever occasionally accidentally use it?

• 22:13Conan O'Brien?

  There's been some confusion after a few drinks.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  So you did weights today?

• 22:17Conan O'Brien?

  I did weights.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 22:18Conan O'Brien?

  I did weights, weights. People probably want to know, how do I get Conan's body? Well, it's called, don't be ill as a child.

• 22:29Conan O'Brien?

  I admire you, Tim Olyphant, and there's been some excitement. I know usually we don't talk about what you're up to on this podcast. And you're going to try and derail this as best you can.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm only, I'm here to sell things.

• 22:42Conan O'Brien?

  You're involved in a project that I've known about for a while.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Is this the toothpaste?

• 22:47Conan O'Brien?

  Nope.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 22:48Conan O'Brien?

  This is not the toothpaste.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:50Conan O'Brien?

  Think again.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  There's a lot going on. It's in a recyclable.

• 22:53Conan O'Brien?

  The Olyphant urinal bag. You want to pee on Timothy Olyphant? Well, now you can.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  Celebrity compost.

• 23:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Oh, look at these roses, Olyphant.

• 23:10Conan O'Brien?

  They should do something where you have to figure out which celebrity's compost is this. But it's really close to the deteriorated state. But people can still look at it like an expert and still guess.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  How do you get your hydrangeas that full?

• 23:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  That's Clooney's, you know. That's what he throws out. That's what he throws out. Celebrity compost.

• 23:32Conan O'Brien?

  This guy's excited about your project.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Talk to me.

• 23:34Conan O'Brien?

  He's very excited. Gourley, tell him, this is the first question you asked today because you're coming out of your skin over this.

• 23:41Speaker 03

  I do, I love the Alien franchise. I'm excited. I don't know what you play. Are you a synthetic? Do you bleed milk? What are you doing on there?

• 23:48Speaker 02

  First of all, I'm thank you. I'm glad you're excited.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Number two, I do play a synthetic.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 23:57Conan O'Brien?

  That's a real stretch.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Now, wait a minute.

• 23:59Conan O'Brien?

  This guy playing a synthetic human.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  Hey, we're talking.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  What do you wanna know?

• 24:01Speaker 03

  We're talking. Are you a good synthetic, a bad synthetic? Are you saying your one thing and then your other? Because there's, that's the real rich history of.

• 24:08Conan O'Brien?

  Ruin the movie for us. I'm sorry, the TV show.

• 24:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, where's this, where's this little puppy? When do we, when is this thing air?

• 24:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's coming out right around the time that, uh, your new FX series, Alien Earth, comes out.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Look at that, you really are running the show.

• 24:21Conan O'Brien?

  I do what I have to do.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  I appreciate that.

• 24:24Conan O'Brien?

  And your publicist will thank me. They'll say, thank you for cutting through the bullshit, the cruel jibes and jests to get to Timothy's project, because this is an exciting one.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  And also Deadwood's my favorite TV show of all time.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  That's very kind, thank you.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  You're amazing.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 24:39Conan O'Brien?

  I've had TV shows as well.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  Oh, did you?

• 24:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, followed by.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  It doesn't ring a bell. What's this podcast called?

• 24:45Speaker 02

  It's him and, it's him and Jesse Eisenberg, I'll never forget.

• 24:51Conan O'Brien?

  A couple of years, not that long ago, I, you and I met up, as we do, when we like to prowl the bars. And you had, um, very different hair and you had, uh, you were headed off to Thailand or had just come back from Thailand.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Thailand.

• 25:08Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 25:08Speaker 02

  Yep, I was in Thailand.

• 25:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, isn't that what I said?

• 25:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, sorry, I was, thought I'd stop you.

• 25:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  Oh, it's never better.

• 25:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  Never better.

• 25:21Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, so he's in your favorite show and he's beating up on the guy you hate the most.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  Well, he's my favorite guest because, yeah, because he gives us the freedom to do, like, there for us go him, or what's that phrase? You know what I mean? There for you go me. You know, he's.

• 25:36Conan O'Brien?

  Did you go to college?

• 25:38Speaker 03

  I have a master's degree.

• 25:39Conan O'Brien?

  There but for the grace of God go I.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  No, that's not it.

• 25:43Conan O'Brien?

  Blake, no one steps in. You know, Harrison Ford was here and told him to shut the fuck up.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  And so did Tom Hanks.

• 25:49Conan O'Brien?

  And, and Tom Hanks did it too. And you know what? You're amazing. You always step in and go, excuse me, I think you meant TNT. No, we didn't mean. Anyway.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Yeah. He comes in and he makes it okay for us to just, he takes over and we can just relax. You know what I mean, a little bit? Like, he, he, he does what we normally have to kinda do.

• 26:08Conan O'Brien?

  You guys have to be like the stop. Gap against the madness.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, just occurred to me, Hanks. That's how he got into Toy Story. He pulled some strings.

• 26:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  He pulled some strings.

• 26:18Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I wish I had.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 26:20Conan O'Brien?

  I was disappointed to find out that Hanks is in it. I didn't think he would be. I thought they would have moved on from the Woody thing. And I thought I was the main focus. And then they find out that all those guys are in it.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  I'm sorry.

• 26:32Conan O'Brien?

  And I was thinking, well, what am I doing here? You know, what's the point of getting, bringing in the big gun if you've already got those guys?

• 26:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  Let's keep talking about your stuff.

• 26:42Conan O'Brien?

  Toy Story five comes out, I believe.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  That's always the best one, guys. That's always the best one.

• 26:49Conan O'Brien?

  Twenty twenty six. They went as far as they could without me.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  What are you playing? What are you?

• 26:53Conan O'Brien?

  I don't want to talk about it.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  You like a?

• 26:55Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a synthetic. I bleed milk.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  You're a little action figure?

• 27:01Conan O'Brien?

  We'll see.

• 27:09Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 27:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:12Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen. You know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 27:26Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for twenty twenty six from U S News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 27:39Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq five N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 27:59Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive up to an EPA estimated six hundred and nineteen miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U S News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call five six two three one four four six zero three for complete details.

• 28:34Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them?

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:38Conan O'Brien?

  You fell for one.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam.

• 28:40Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  I did lose, and it was very inconvenient, and now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.

• 28:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't know where they got that impression. Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:09Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 29:11Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 29:14Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  It's so much money.

• 29:15Conan O'Brien?

  One accidental click, Sona, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 29:25Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live, US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft, from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:37Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 29:58Conan O'Brien?

  You know what's the worst? When you can't find what you need to do your job. I hate that.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, like a pencil.

• 30:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, I was thinking more, um, competent people around me.

• 30:13Conan O'Brien?

  But yeah, sure, pencil. Let's go with pencil. Maybe you can relate. It's like your business is stuck in the dark ages with data scattered all over, and you have to send men in tights out to find it. Well, noble businesspeople, EverPure lets you see and manage all your data from one simple place, no matter where it lives, so you can do your job. Right?

• 30:35Speaker 01

  Why'd you get an accent?

• 30:36Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. It was a little bit of a character at the end. So you can do your job.

• 30:41Conan O'Brien?

  Get out of the data dark ages at everpuredata.com.

• 30:51Conan O'Brien?

  Be honest, the two of us, Ola Fent, O'Brien.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  I'm ready to be honest.

• 30:55Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, no, no, but seriously, the two of us in something together.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Why have we not monetized this relationship?

• 31:00Conan O'Brien?

  Because we.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Every time we hang out, you say, let's figure out a way to monetize this friendship.

• 31:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I do.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  And then.

• 31:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm always on a.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  And I'm wait.

• 31:09Conan O'Brien?

  I'm always on a Zoom.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:11Conan O'Brien?

  With faux Michael Sarah over here. And we're figuring out a way to try and, let's get some coin out of this, you know?

• 31:19Speaker 03

  I think it's like a midnight run situation where you're a cool loose cannon cop and you're an accountant that he has to take across country or something like that, you know? You're handcuffed together.

• 31:29Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 31:30Speaker 03

  No?

• 31:30Conan O'Brien?

  I think I am.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm out of ideas.

• 31:34Conan O'Brien?

  A porn star, you know? A guy who's known for having a big Johnson. And then this guy comes along and he's like, oh, teach me. What do you think, guys?

• 31:45Speaker 02

  Yes, and.

• 31:49Conan O'Brien?

  I know, I would, I think it'd be, we got something. And clearly, I would be very happy to play some kind of subordinate role. I mean, I get it, you're the movie guy, I'm not that guy. But I think there's a project out there, there's a short film, there's something we do together.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  I love that, I see, I always assumed you wanted, you wanted first billing.

• 32:09Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  No, you're okay with being.

• 32:11Conan O'Brien?

  I would totally, yeah.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, I would have spoke up, we, I have ideas.

• 32:15Conan O'Brien?

  So the only thing stopping you.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  I was like.

• 32:17Conan O'Brien?

  Is you thought I would get top billing.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like.

• 32:20Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, I'm, I'm.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  He's gonna count pages.

• 32:22Conan O'Brien?

  I'm deluded, but I'm not that deluded. I'm deluded in, in many ways, but no, I think this would be something that you drive. I mean, you've got it all.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Can we do like?

• 32:33Conan O'Brien?

  You're a leading man, you're a character actor, you've got it all.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Can we do like a, just a little short, little five minute things?

• 32:38Conan O'Brien?

  No, I want longer than that.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Do they still do that? You wanna like full on, yeah.

• 32:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I want it to be like at least 25 minutes long. Maybe, I'm, I'm, my ideas are all about the length.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:47Conan O'Brien?

  It's like, I've got it, it's 28 minutes. And then I don't know what it is. But I do think us together, that's a magical, there's something here. It's not peanut butter and jelly, but it's like peanut butter and then almond butter together on a sandwich.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I feel it. There's something here. And by the way, it's here right now.

• 33:04Conan O'Brien?

  It's here now.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  People feel it.

• 33:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, they do. They do. There's an affection, but there's also an animosity. And when those two come together, it's like when they cross the streams in Ghostbusters. We got you, Gourley, back in the conversation. Tell us about it.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  Ghostbusters? That's what brought you back?

• 33:18Speaker 03

  I mean, what do you want me to say?

• 33:20Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. Isn't this where you go, "Well, I don't cross the streams. It's a tripartite stream."

• 33:24Speaker 02

  No, you were right, you son of a bitch.

• 33:28Conan O'Brien?

  Not a fan of his.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  Wait, did you just say that about me?

• 33:30Conan O'Brien?

  Not at all. I meant the microphone.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Do I get to speak my truth at some point?

• 33:36Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  All right, all right.

• 33:37Conan O'Brien?

  You admire me, and this is all an act. I said desperately.

• 33:43Conan O'Brien?

  I'm imagining you coming over here and getting in your head about this, because it's you. You're like, "I'm gonna be talking to Conan. Yes, this is okay, okay."

• 33:51Speaker 02

  Oh, me?

• 33:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  I do get a little nervous.

• 33:53Conan O'Brien?

  Why do you get nervous?

• 33:54Speaker 02

  I'm not even, I don't know, but the show business, I get a little nervous. I was like, "Yeah, I got a thing. What am I gonna talk about? Should I plan some bits? I like bits."

• 34:06Conan O'Brien?

  You do like bits. You always...

• 34:08Speaker 02

  I saw Smiley down there. I was like, "Oh, why didn't I do a pre-interview?"

• 34:10Conan O'Brien?

  Frank Smiley's, Frank Smiley's in the building. We don't do, it'd be great if we did pre-interviews. And we had planned all of this, whatever the fuck it is that we do.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  This is my point.

• 34:20Conan O'Brien?

  We had planned this out.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  I don't like the people feeling like we're wasting their time, which...

• 34:25Conan O'Brien?

  That's what this whole...

• 34:26Speaker 03

  Remember the first time you came on, you had written an ad, and you just interrupted the interview to do your own ad?

• 34:31Speaker 02

  I brought my own ads. I had some bits. I did my own ads. Appreciate your memory.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  You bet.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I thought, "Oh, I could bring ads again. People love ads. People love the ads bit."

• 34:40Conan O'Brien?

  They do. Feel free to make one up at any, at any time, you know? I mean, you can always make something up. Whatever you want to promote. You can promote a product that you want to be involved with.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a great idea.

• 34:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean? Like, I don't know if you want a Rolex watch, or you want a Maserati. You start talking about it, and maybe you manifest it.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. That's smart.

• 34:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  What's your next question?

• 35:04Speaker 01

  Looking down on your blank notebook.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  What are some of your questions?

• 35:07Conan O'Brien?

  Um.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  What have you always thought, "I want to ask Tim this next time I see him."

• 35:12Conan O'Brien?

  You ever been in a fight, a real fight?

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Not since I was quite young.

• 35:16Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, like how young?

• 35:17Speaker 02

  Uh, fights, eh, high, is that maybe high school, junior?

• 35:22Conan O'Brien?

  High school, right?

• 35:23Speaker 02

  Somewhere around there, junior high.

• 35:24Conan O'Brien?

  Were you really?

• 35:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, somewhere around there.

• 35:26Conan O'Brien?

  But even then, were you shouting, "Not the face, not the face"?

• 35:35Conan O'Brien?

  Time to be an actor, you see?

• 35:40Conan O'Brien?

  He is good looking, we shouldn't hit him.

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:42Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I would shout, "Why, not the face," and they would say, "Why?"

• 35:47Speaker 02

  You would shout, "The face, the face, the face."

• 35:49Conan O'Brien?

  You might rearrange things in a more pleasing manner.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, how about you?

• 35:54Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I was the, I got my face punched in, in Boston once. Down the North End, yeah, near what was then the, I guess it might still be the aquarium, the aquarium, yeah. Welcome to a friend of mine, bunch of kids came over, they said, "Give us 50 cents." I said, "I don't feel like it." And in the time when I finished saying, "I don't feel like it," that, uh, I got hit so hard in the face. Think once, maybe twice, but anyway, shattered my nose and was, uh, went to the emergency room, yeah.

• 36:23Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 36:23Conan O'Brien?

  And they had to remold, they had to make a nose out of scratch. Uh, and that's been my nose. And my mom, I think it looks the same, I think it looks fine. No one's ever said anything about my nose, but my mom, for years afterwards, would go,

• 36:33Speaker 02

  Well, they don't want to be rude.

• 36:34Conan O'Brien?

  I know, my mom would go, "You used to have a beautiful nose."

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Really?

• 36:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes! And I'd think, "Mom, it's, I think it looks the same, I've seen photographs." But she would do that. "Oh, you used to have, oh, you could have been something with that." And I'm like, "Well, I think I've done okay."

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 36:50Conan O'Brien?

  But anyway, yeah, that's a-

• 36:51Speaker 01

  I think your nose is nice.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  I think so too. How old were you?

• 36:54Conan O'Brien?

  I was 18.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  18?

• 36:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 36:57Speaker 02

  So the 50 cents part, that was the made up?

• 37:00Conan O'Brien?

  No, that was real. Back then, 50 cents was the equivalent of 50 dollars today. No, it was 50 cents. I'll never forget that.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  Really?

• 37:09Conan O'Brien?

  I think he didn't want the 50 cents. I think he wanted to cave my face in.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  Hey, give me 50 cents and he hit you.

• 37:13Conan O'Brien?

  I was told later that I was, I think I was wearing a...

• 37:16Speaker 02

  It's kind of a cool line now that I think about it.

• 37:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, hey.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Hey, give me 50 cents.

• 37:19Conan O'Brien?

  Give me 50 cents.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  Boom, just fucking hit. That's funny.

• 37:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  That's funny.

• 37:22Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, anyway, that's my story. I tricked you into me talking about me. You asked me.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  I think we rolled the tape back. It's about the third, fourth time.

• 37:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but you said, "How about you?" That was your deadly error. That was your mistake.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 37:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  My mistake for pretending to care.

• 37:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Let me ask you, do you like it when just you and I go out and we involve, we involve the wives sometimes? Beautiful Alexis, the beautiful Liza. We involve them, but do you like it when it's the four of us? Or do you really like, "Oh, it's just me and Conan, man. This is gonna get off the hook." You get more excited when it's just the two of us. Cause I know I do.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  I think we all know that you do. Yeah, you didn't have to say it. We all knew that.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  I think they get more excited when it's just the two of us.

• 38:13Conan O'Brien?

  We get to stay home and watch Below Deck. To listen to these idiots.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  Uh, my wife told me to give you a message and ask about Liza and her family and don't let me forget that.

• 38:25Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Cause I realized we jumped right on the air.

• 38:27Conan O'Brien?

  All right, I will do that. I will, we will discuss that. Everything's good. Everyone's fine.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Okay, good.

• 38:31Conan O'Brien?

  It's nice of you to ask. Uh, she's fantastic. I love, I love your wife. She's an amazing person. She's also, uh, I, I, I just, uh, I love her art as well. I've seen her, uh, crafting her. Did you guys just?

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Why did you say that sound?

• 38:49Speaker 02

  It sounds like you wanna be her. No.

• 38:52Conan O'Brien?

  Just to wake up every day.

• 38:53Speaker 02

  I love her.

• 38:54Conan O'Brien?

  And he's right there.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  I love her as well. I don't know. I love her as well. Am I wrong? And, and, and, um, and we love your wife. And so she makes, she, I feel like Liza, uh, both our wives have in common. Uh, they make us look better.

• 39:10Conan O'Brien?

  I think that's fair. I think, uh, Sona put it best in my regard, where she said once about Liza, she's the only part of you I like.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  It's my favorite thing about you, for sure.

• 39:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, he can't be that bad. Liza, right?

• 39:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's a redeeming quality.

• 39:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:27Speaker 03

  It's like you chose a running mate to make you electable.

• 39:31Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, she got me Texas.

• 39:32Speaker 03

  Yes, he's your LBJ.

• 39:33Conan O'Brien?

  She got me Louisiana.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Exactly. Yeah, that's, that's, that's about right.

• 39:37Conan O'Brien?

  She picked us from swing states and I won. Um, yeah, you think I, I don't sit here with a list of questions. I usually just let it happen.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:46Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, I think that's the charm of this podcast.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, this is happening.

• 39:50Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I think it is. You know, you keep, uh, you know, and you do this every time. You question the process, you question my methods and we always end up with a good pod.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  I love it. You're a chaos agent in the best way. That's what I like about it. It, it shakes this podcast up.

• 40:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Oh, I appreciate it.

• 40:07Conan O'Brien?

  There's a.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  It's good to be here. Let's get started.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  We're out of time.

• 40:16Conan O'Brien?

  I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh.

• 40:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's all I've ever wanted, for you to be happy, you know?

• 40:26Conan O'Brien?

  Who are your buds? Who are your pals? And let's exclude me for a second. But this is a guy, this Tim Allifant, this Tim Allifant's a guy who's loyal to his old pals. He's loyal to his old friends. You have friends from back in the day.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:40Conan O'Brien?

  Back in the late 50s, when no one lived out in LA. You, when you had your switchblade in your back pocket.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 40:45Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you would drive around in a 50.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  I was texting him all this morning. We were getting texts this morning from my buddies.

• 40:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, this guy also, he loves a jazz fest. Oh, man, does he love to go to New Orleans and see a bunch of jazz and live music. And he wears a scarf around his head and he dances around. He's always saying, you should come with us. And I think, no, I don't want to.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Oh yeah. I did mention you would, you would enjoy the.

• 41:08Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, would I?

• 41:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:09Conan O'Brien?

  A lot of gumbo and.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:11Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, but that's my thing.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Good food, good times, good music.

• 41:15Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  I didn't go this year.

• 41:17Conan O'Brien?

  Why not?

• 41:17Speaker 02

  I think Pearl Jam was there this year. I think the headline.

• 41:19Conan O'Brien?

  They do jazz now?

• 41:21Speaker 02

  Jazz Fest says, "Don't make me explain Jazz Fest."

• 41:24Conan O'Brien?

  I just pictured Eddie Vedder on stage going,

• 41:34Conan O'Brien?

  crowd walking out.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  I love the way you play to them when you go off on these things.

• 41:41Conan O'Brien?

  I try to crack them up.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  I just want you to know, you can't. I love it.

• 41:46Conan O'Brien?

  I can't look at you when I'm doing this shit.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  The only reason we're on this show.

• 41:49Conan O'Brien?

  All I see is judgment.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  This is my impression of you doing the show. So you like, do you go to, you go to Jazz Fest? I get you the...

• 42:00Conan O'Brien?

  I throw my neck out.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Let me ask you, who are your, who are your buds? He's got buds. He's got, he's got buds. They get, they get kegs and they hang out at the canal.

• 42:12Conan O'Brien?

  Well, come on. Yes. Come on, get me, get me. That's what the people like.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Come on, man.

• 42:17Conan O'Brien?

  He's gonna make quite a Reddit sub stack.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  He's doing it again.

• 42:21Conan O'Brien?

  Is that a thing? I don't know.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Sub stack?

• 42:23Conan O'Brien?

  Reddit sub stack? I don't know. I don't know this world you guys are in.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  I don't know what a sub stack. I just know there is a thing.

• 42:30Conan O'Brien?

  There is a thing?

• 42:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know what that is.

• 42:32Conan O'Brien?

  No, you're too cool to know about it. You got your slides. You got whatever you've been working on lately. Paper mache volcano, whatever you've been crafting.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  You were asking about buds?

• 42:41Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  Just who are my buds?

• 42:44Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you're friends with people from way back in the day.

• 42:48Speaker 02

  I'm friends with...

• 42:48Conan O'Brien?

  You're a loyal guy.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  I'm gonna start shouting them out. Yeah, since I was like, yeah, my buddies since I was like six.

• 42:54Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna write these names down.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Stole, you've met it?

• 42:57Conan O'Brien?

  I've met some of them.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. My buddy Stole, Steve Stole.

• 43:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Steve Stole. Hey, Steve Stole.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  Exactly. Smithers.

• 43:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, Smithers.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Smithers doing his thing.

• 43:05Conan O'Brien?

  Now you're just going to Simpsons characters.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Bennet just texted me this morning.

• 43:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  JB.

• 43:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Got a nice text from him. I did an episode of the show Stick.

• 43:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, Stick.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was really, and...

• 43:18Conan O'Brien?

  Owen Wilson.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  I know my episode aired last night because I got texts from a bunch of buddies that just said, "Nice ass." Oh.

• 43:24Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you showed your ass.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  By the way, not my ass.

• 43:26Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:27Speaker 02

  And, oh, I'm so excited this came up. Uh, because there's nothing better to me than like when you see The Hollywood Reporter and the story is like, not oliphants ass in stick. You realize they have nothing to talk about in The Hollywood Reporter.

• 43:42Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 43:43Speaker 05

  And it was a cover.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  What?

• 43:45Speaker 03

  Did they take like reference photos of your ass in jeans and try to match it with someone's bear ass?

• 43:49Speaker 02

  No, this is how it works. Uh, so I got the gig, which is a great gig. I enjoyed the hell of it. I'm gonna preface the story with that. Uh, Owen Wilson, uh, can't, can't get enough Owen Wilson. So, I, it's always something, right before you start a job, there's always a little drama somewhere. And this was a small one, but right before, I think I was about to get on the plane, uh, they're like, hey, you had the scene and, uh, getting spray tanned and they think it'd be funny if you were naked. Are you okay with that or to, you know, is that a problem? I asked Alexis, I said, hey, they want me to be naked and see my ass in this thing. And then she's like, eh, what, what's in it for you? You know what I mean? Like, she's like nowadays, if you're naked on TV, you're basically naked on the internet.

• 44:34Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:34Speaker 02

  They've kind of ruined it, right?

• 44:36Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  And it makes me so mad when now, when, when actors are naked on like mediocre shows.

• 44:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  I'm so mad.

• 44:44Conan O'Brien?

  I was naked on Alf.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  That, that was Alf.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  You were body dub, you were Alf's body.

• 44:53Conan O'Brien?

  My dick was Alf.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  That's what I said, Matt.

• 44:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:58Conan O'Brien?

  For two seasons, my dick was Alf, because the puppet got lost.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  The contract is here.

• 45:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, anyway.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  I'm so happy I brought that. This whole story led to that.

• 45:08Conan O'Brien?

  But listen, so, so.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  And that's a win.

• 45:10Conan O'Brien?

  But your wife said, mm, best not to show your ass.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  She was just like, what's in it for you? Everything gets on the internet and then it's just your ass on the internet. And, and also, and this is where she sold me, she's like, also. You know, you could leave. You don't have to, you go, you know, they can shoot that and you've left. The set and you just will go out. And I was like, oh, there you go. Yeah. So I was like, so yeah, I want, get, you have to get a body double.

• 45:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Cause I was like, yeah, that, that buys me an evening, right? I leave while they shoot that part. And then you show up and the body double's there and I was like, he's not in that great a shape. Like, they should have gotten me like a nicer ass, I felt like.

• 45:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  But it turns out he had a great ass, actually. It just, you couldn't tell.

• 45:53Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  So it's really great. I, I, I think, uh, and now in fact, I'm changing my story. That was my ass.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Now that I think about it.

• 46:03Conan O'Brien?

  Is his headshot just his ass?

• 46:05Speaker 02

  I wonder.

• 46:05Conan O'Brien?

  His naked ass? But it's also the, the naked ass as a chef, the naked ass. Like, it's that one, it's four, you know, four photos? Nerd, jock, chef, policeman, uh, ass.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  See, if I'd done the pre-interview, I would really, really have punched that up with Smiley, that story. That would have been really good.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  I thought it was good.

• 46:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we would have missed.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  That is okay.

• 46:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that was great. We would have missed the element.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. I saw you brought it back to Alf. I heard that. Fuck you, O'Brien. Everyone knows that was really funny. You got a huge laugh. You played it to the people and they totally, it totally sold.

• 46:43Conan O'Brien?

  Very big. I'm counting. That was a big one.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Matt, Matt set him up for that. We gotta give credit where credit's due.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  That's fine. I'm used to just being forgotten.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 46:54Conan O'Brien?

  What's going on with him today?

• 46:55Speaker 03

  Oh, no, this has nothing to do with here. It's just at home.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  I got you, Matt. We're gonna do another podcast.

• 47:00Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you did a.

• 47:01Speaker 03

  Wait, can we just shut up?

• 47:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 47:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  All right. What are we gonna do?

• 47:06Speaker 02

  I wanna do a podcast called Actors on Actors Acting.

• 47:09Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  And we just give notes. You know what I mean? We don't really talk about the good stuff. We talk about the, we're like, what happened there? You know what I mean?

• 47:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  We bring out really great people, lots of, we introduce them with lots of like, you were in this, that was great, you were in that one, loved it. But this one.

• 47:29Conan O'Brien?

  Like when Gary Oldman was in that movie called, uh, Tiptoes, where he played a little person, but he did the dwarf thing?

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Gary Oldman.

• 47:36Conan O'Brien?

  Gary Oldman?

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:37Conan O'Brien?

  This has had a what happened there moment?

• 47:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, what happened there?

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  Is that a, like where, what were you, were you chasing someone? At one point when you were shooting it, did you go, uh-oh? Like, this isn't gonna work.

• 47:49Conan O'Brien?

  And how come you didn't go, uh-oh, sooner?

• 47:51Speaker 02

  Exactly. And then, and then we just talk about that.

• 47:54Conan O'Brien?

  Is there an actor who's never had a what happened there moment? Like a Ralph Fiennes, who's just like, always?

• 48:00Speaker 03

  It might be Ralph Fiennes.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  What?

• 48:02Conan O'Brien?

  Is it?

• 48:03Speaker 03

  Oh, no Avengers. Not, not the Marvel Avengers, though. He did that, that like.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  Oh, that's right with the umbrellas. Uh, yeah, that's right.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was Connery and Uma Thurman.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  And Jesse Eisenberg.

• 48:16Conan O'Brien?

  No, Michael Sarah as Jesse Eisenberg.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  That's right. That one didn't work, right?

• 48:20Speaker 03

  He was good. He's always good.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. What about when he did, he was, for a while there, he was like romantic leading man, just like for a blip. He was like, he did him.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  Patient.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  Was he made in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez?

• 48:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, he was. Yeah.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:32Conan O'Brien?

  Ralph Fiennes was?

• 48:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 48:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Okay, so I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 48:37Conan O'Brien?

  You acted like it was a question, like, huh, did he? But it was really you saying, oh, he totally missed with Made in Manhattan.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I saw what you did.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, because.

• 48:47Conan O'Brien?

  Apologies, Ralph.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  By the way, he's so good.

• 48:50Conan O'Brien?

  He's very good.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  Let's be honest.

• 48:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. What about you? Have you had a moment where you were like?

• 48:54Speaker 02

  I love that, where you say he's so good. I've seen him, uh, not in also, I just saw him, I've seen him on stage, men, twice. Oh, my God. Like, oh, my God, jaw dropping.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  Like Shakespeare or what?

• 49:05Speaker 02

  I saw him in Shakespeare way back when on Broadway with a young Damian Lewis. Really good.

• 49:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he's fantastic.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  I love that guy. That guy's a good dude. I haven't talked to that guy in a long time, but he's a good dude.

• 49:17Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know if I've met him.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  When I'm on the show, it occurs to me, people might listen, people probably listen to it, some people. If Damian Lewis is listening to this, I want him to know.

• 49:25Conan O'Brien?

  Adam, I can't speak to numbers, but this is a, a big.

• 49:28Speaker 04

  Damien Lewis probably listens.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  Probably listens. He's a wonderful.

• 49:32Conan O'Brien?

  Damien Lewis numbers. Adam knows all, everyone who.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  He's a wonderful guy. He's a good guy, Damian Lewis.

• 49:38Conan O'Brien?

  I loved him. I loved him as Henry VIII. He was fantastic.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's a crazy good actor.

• 49:44Conan O'Brien?

  Good dude.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  We were in a movie that was really bad.

• 49:46Conan O'Brien?

  Which one?

• 49:47Speaker 02

  But it was fun. Uh, that could be, uh, that could be like, oh, what happened there?

• 49:51Conan O'Brien?

  Dreamcatchers?

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, Dreamcatchers. I love Larry Kassman, too.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Stance hurt.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  I am the main man of movies.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  What if it wasn't the movie he was talking about?

• 50:00Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you just added one.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  Trust me.

• 50:03Conan O'Brien?

  How did you pull Dreamcatchers out of your act?

• 50:06Speaker 02

  Well, Damian Lewis is in it. He had a cast member.

• 50:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  He had a cast member.

• 50:10Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  I just, I just love movies. What can I say? I don't know. I just have a database in here that I'm not proud of. It was a great, god, that was a fun set. A great experience. Yeah, the movie didn't work, but Damian, you know, that's where I met Damian.

• 50:23Conan O'Brien?

  You have the memories, a memories of making it.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  So many memories.

• 50:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  Oh, so many good ones.

• 50:29Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, and you guys were in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood together, too.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  Oh, there you go.

• 50:33Conan O'Brien?

  He was Steve McQueen, right?

• 50:34Speaker 02

  Uh, yes, he was.

• 50:35Conan O'Brien?

  He was?

• 50:36Speaker 02

  Yes, he was.

• 50:36Conan O'Brien?

  He was great as Steve McQueen.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:39Conan O'Brien?

  Um.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Really good. He had a, they had a, one day that I'm sure there's gonna be a long version of that film. Uh, and, um, if I'm not mistaken, he has a really cool scene, uh,

• 50:49Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  with Leo and it, uh...

• 50:51Conan O'Brien?

  There was talk of maybe there being other projects coming out of that movie, which...

• 50:55Speaker 03

  There is. There's a sequel. That, that Tarantino wrote and Fincher's directing about Brad Pitt's...

• 51:00Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Wow, okay. All right.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:03Conan O'Brien?

  All right.

• 51:03Speaker 03

  What's happening?

• 51:04Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 51:04Conan O'Brien?

  Um, yeah, my question...

• 51:06Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 51:07Conan O'Brien?

  Here. Yeah, nothing.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Are they filming this?

• 51:11Conan O'Brien?

  My question is...

• 51:12Speaker 02

  I love that they're...

• 51:13Speaker 01

  That camera just caught whatever you did.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 51:15Conan O'Brien?

  But we can cut it.

• 51:16Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 51:16Conan O'Brien?

  Do you want us to cut it?

• 51:17Speaker 02

  I don't know. There'll be, I don't, let's see.

• 51:20Conan O'Brien?

  I'll cut.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  I'm hoping I'm in it.

• 51:24Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, gotcha.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 51:25Conan O'Brien?

  That'd be exciting.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  Be good.

• 51:27Conan O'Brien?

  That'd be amazing.

• 51:28Speaker 02

  You never know. It only is what it is.

• 51:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  But my understanding is...

• 51:31Conan O'Brien?

  You must have...

• 51:33Conan O'Brien?

  So that's probably the kind of thing... You've Tim, that's a big.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  I was, I was gonna be in.

• 51:42Conan O'Brien?

  That'd be a big deal that you would probably tell your friends about, right?

• 51:46Speaker 02

  I haven't seen you. Are you talking?

• 51:48Conan O'Brien?

  Haven't seen me. Yes, you've seen me. You saw me like a month ago. When we went to the, was that two months ago? When did we go to your art installation?

• 51:58Speaker 02

  Art installation?

• 52:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  You came to the studio.

• 52:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  And we had ceramics.

• 52:04Conan O'Brien?

  We got a bite to eat. It was nice.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  That's where the future is, guys. Kids are listening. Don't go into show business. Go into ceramics.

• 52:12Conan O'Brien?

  I bought six pots from you. You're telling your friends? Are you telling your friends? He's telling Stack. He's telling, are you telling Smithers? You telling, uh?

• 52:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 52:21Conan O'Brien?

  I wrote them down.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Those are the, that's the only thing you've written down this whole time.

• 52:25Conan O'Brien?

  Did you tell Bennett?

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Bennet with a K. JB.

• 52:28Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 52:29Speaker 02

  Bennet.

• 52:29Conan O'Brien?

  What's a stupid name?

• 52:30Speaker 02

  JB.

• 52:32Conan O'Brien?

  It should be Bennett. Bennett. Tell him to change it to Bennett. Anyway, I think you would have told me that you knew what a huge fan I am of the first film. Uh, you think you would have mentioned that to me?

• 52:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, um, no, no, I think I just got, um, it was just a few weeks ago that I wasn't sure when they were.

• 52:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, I'm still not sure.

• 52:49Conan O'Brien?

  We won't dwell on this.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Find out about this and say, you know, what's he doing talking about? He's out.

• 52:54Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  It's all good. We got a lot of things going on. So we go, yeah.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  When does this thing come out? Oh, no, I'm not gonna start talking about other projects. What am I here to? I'm here to sell the alien thing.

• 53:07Conan O'Brien?

  No, you're not here to sell it. You and I have a great conversation, which we're having, by the way, whatever you think. And then, and then they say, I gotta have more of that Tim Olyphant. What was he talking about at the end? And then we say, uh, alien, Earth. Oh, the aliens come to Earth. That's fantastic. I've gotta see that. I've heard that's really great. Yeah, they shot it in Thailand and Tim Olyphant's in it. He was so great on the podcast. I, I, I gotta see this.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  Thailand.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Two for two. Works every time. Swat de krap. Swat de krap. You know what's the thing about, cause you're, you, you got, you're a travel guy. You got the travel show.

• 53:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm a travel guy. Yeah, I got the travel show. What a, so well versed in my work. You do the thing where there's different places. You're the places guy. I'm gonna just go play to them. You're the places guy. You go to the places.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Okay, so here's the thing about the, the travel. Uh, it's such a fine line between trying to respect the language and the, the accent. And then you're like, now you just sound racist.

• 54:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, exactly.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 54:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  It's like if you just say like swat de krap, or they're like, no, that's not how it goes. But if you go like swat de krap, you know, they're like, okay, now you're making fun of us.

• 54:23Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? You gotta find this little sweet spot.

• 54:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Right?

• 54:28Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  You, that's been your experience?

• 54:30Conan O'Brien?

  Nope, not at all. I always get it just right. Very culturally sensitive, but keep doing your version of the wrong one. Just do it a couple more times.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  It's all these different, when you go into different land with the culture.

• 54:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 54:41Speaker 02

  Did I tell you, we were, we had been in, uh, we had been in Thailand for a few weeks and, you know, we're using the like tran, the goo, the translate thing.

• 54:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  The app. So, you know, you say the English, pops back out in Thai, and then you say that. So, we're getting, we got our couple of things down, right? And, uh, at least, you know, I feel pretty confident. And we're branching out now, and we're now at restaurants. And, uh, I've been, I've been asking, uh, the waiters at any of the restaurant. I've been pointing to the menu and saying, you know, what do you like?

• 55:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  Like, what's your favorite, right? But saying that in Thai. And, um, I'm getting nothing. They're not giving me, I, it's, it just seems to be lost.

• 55:24Conan O'Brien?

  It's not working, yeah.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  So it occurs to me that if you go on the app, if you can say it in English and then it says to you in Thai, that I can flip that. So, I'm like, oh, I say it in Thai and it'll tell me back in English and I'll know now if I'm saying it correctly.

• 55:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  So I start off with the basics, just to make sure I'm saying it right. So I'm, you know, swat de krap, and then it's like, it's saying, whatever that was, hello, or, right? And you're saying, kum kuk krap. You're saying thank you, goodbye and hello. And then I say, and what is your favorite? And I say that, and it comes back and says, gaze into my eyes.

• 56:10Speaker 02

  And it all starts to make sense.

• 56:14Speaker 02

  So for at least two dinners.

• 56:16Conan O'Brien?

  You were telling people.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  Literally this is me.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  Pretty good, right?

• 56:21Conan O'Brien?

  Gaze into my eyes.

• 56:24Conan O'Brien?

  Gaze into my eyes?

• 56:28Conan O'Brien?

  That's fantastic. I'm surprised no one just started to got down and looked right into your face.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  I tried it so seriously too. Like I would really be like, just gaze into my eyes.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  But they're nice people, you know?

• 56:45Conan O'Brien?

  They're very good people.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  They were very nice.

• 56:47Conan O'Brien?

  And the food's extraordinary. And you're a foodie as well.

• 56:49Speaker 02

  Did I tell you, here's another cultural thing.

• 56:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  I'm not letting you in on Brian. I got stuff to tell you. Cause you think, you think, right? There's certain things you think universal, we're all, right? And I'm with my, my buddy Jonathan. Hello to Jonathan out there. He, he's American who's been living in Thailand for like 15 years. And every now and then he gets a hankering for just something very American. So we went into a subway. He's like, I'm gonna get a meatball sandwich. And he orders the foot long meatball sandwich. And this, God bless him, what a sweet young Thai kid on the other side of the counter. He gets out the bread and then he gets the little scooper they use. And it's one meatball, two meatball. They're in there going up.

• 57:35Conan O'Brien?

  Not, not the length of the bread. He's building a tower.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  So he's got a loaf of bread and a tower, wall tower of meatballs. This is when it gets good. He then gets the other piece of bread and he puts it on there.

• 57:52Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 57:52Speaker 02

  And that's when he realizes he's done something wrong.

• 57:59Conan O'Brien?

  Bread touching bread, touching bread, touching bread.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  Cause he looked up at us like he knew something was off, but he wasn't sure what.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  And I was like, like I give him a little, little nod to the.

• 58:13Conan O'Brien?

  Tip those meatballs, buddy.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  So not everything translates. That's my point.

• 58:18Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna get you on this project one last time. Is this Noah Hawley who worked on this project?

• 58:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 58:24Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. I'm asking you this because Fargo is one of my, uh, fanatic for the Conan brothers. And when Fargo came out, it remains one of my favorite movies of all time. I can quote from that movie. I know it frame by frame. When I heard that they were going to do a TV show called Fargo, I said, this is going to suck. There's no way this can be good because it's someone saying, no, we're doing a TV show about the Godfather one and two. I just think that's gonna be terrible. That can't work. Don't touch my movie. I've been stunned by his work.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:57Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's absolutely fantastic. And so I'm excited for this.

• 59:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:01Conan O'Brien?

  Alien Earth. And I know you're excited.

• 59:03Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, taking another movie and turning it to TV. It's in good hands.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  It is in good, I, I do think it's in good hands. I've seen, uh, a couple of them and, um, it's really special. It was special reading them. It was really, it was one of those jobs where it was more fun, the more we shot. You know, I felt more not, when I say fun, like the work, the material, you could just feel. It was, oh, this is gonna be special. You know, that was kind of a nice, I just had a ball. I had a ball.

• 59:31Conan O'Brien?

  Can't wait.

• 59:32Speaker 02

  And, uh, you know, Noah's a really special writer. So he's, um, he's a fun one to work with.

• 59:37Conan O'Brien?

  Well, we screw around a lot here, but I will say to you sincerely, which I know you hate. Uh, you're an amazing actor. I love, uh, watching you do your thing. I'm very fascinated by acting because I am not an actor. I don't fundamentally understand it. I'm always asking you, cause Tim is really good at analyzing, uh, performances and telling me what he thinks. And I, I will just ask him about movies. I'll ask him about actors. I'll ask him, what is it they're doing that's? And you're very good at explaining to me how you, you know, how it translates, what you think is happening there, how it works. So. Delighted to see this, very happy for you. And I just want us to go out, just the two of us, no wives. Maybe to Thailand.

• 1:00:23Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe, you know.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  He's ruined it.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  He ruined it.

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  I haven't had a chance to circle back to say sincere thank you.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Before he ruined it.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:00:33Conan O'Brien?

  Would it kill you, the two of us in Bangkok, just driving around on one motorcycle? You know, my arms wrapped around you, behind you.

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  Kap Kunka.

• 1:00:42Conan O'Brien?

  Gaze into his eyes. How can I gaze into your eyes if I'm on the motorcycle behind you? Tim Alphant, go with God, because I won't do this anymore.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:00:51Conan O'Brien?

  That's it. I'm ending this. I'm just gonna throw down. It's gotta stop.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  Let's stop it.

• 1:00:56Conan O'Brien?

  No, let's stop it now. Let's stop it on my terms.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  Is that the thing? It's a control thing?

• 1:01:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I gotta end it.

• 1:01:06Conan O'Brien?

  No, please, please come back. I mean, come on, this is a valuable.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  My favorite. Thanks for having me.

• 1:01:19Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 1:01:23Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:01:37Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 1:01:50Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 1:02:10Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I had this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty, it's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation technology and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. News, best cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 1:02:44Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them? You fell for one.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam.

• 1:02:50Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  I did lose and it was very inconvenient and now they put protections on my account like I'm dumb.

• 1:02:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't know where they got that impression.

• 1:03:03Conan O'Brien?

  Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:20Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 1:03:22Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 1:03:24Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point. It's so much money. One accidental click, Son, it can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point, not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 1:03:36Conan O'Brien?

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• 1:04:07Conan O'Brien?

  Earth can be a lot. There's gravity, there's mosquitoes.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Conan O'Brien?

  And a sun that will gulf us in about 5 billion years, give or take.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 1:04:15Conan O'Brien?

  It is going to eventually incinerate us, the sun, but we've got 5 billion years.

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  Okay, that's time.

• 1:04:19Conan O'Brien?

  Cosmically speaking, you're under break, so escape to Pluto TV.

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  That's where this was going.

• 1:04:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, I knew the second I saw, the minute I saw the sun exploding and incinerating us, I knew this was going to Pluto TV. Turn off your earthly problems and turn on the movies and shows you already love. From Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, to Dirty Dancing, from Alias to The X-Files, no subscription, no fees, $0. When that sun's pulsating and burning you up, you've got the best thing on TV. And the best things on TV are free. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 1:04:57Conan O'Brien?

  We have a special guest in studio today. David Hopping, you, very recently, acquired a dog. Yeah, two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, and this fellow is in studio. Yes. Because you have been bringing him in. I told you you could, and then you took advantage. Well, he has some separation anxiety, and it's nice that he's with us.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  Took advantage.

• 1:05:19Conan O'Brien?

  I have separation anxiety from professionalism. One, don't we?

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 1:05:24Conan O'Brien?

  Man, I'm shooting from the hip, and I don't know if I'm hitting anything, but I love it. When I draw that fast, it's either gonna be very good, or like, what the fuck? Either way, I get the giggles. Atlas, where are you? Right here. This is Atlas. This is Atlas. Can you have Atlas sit up? I mean, we wanna, if people are tuning in on video, Atlas is very good-looking.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  He's a beautiful pup.

• 1:05:47Conan O'Brien?

  And I have to say, you sent me a picture from the shelter, and I thought, you might have made a mistake, because it looked like he would...

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:05:55Conan O'Brien?

  No, because, let me explain, because he looked like a massive German Shepherd.

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:06:00Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah. And, and I thought he was three times bigger than this, because he photographed like a monster. Yeah. And then I, I meet him, he's a very gentle fellow.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  Oh, honey.

• 1:06:10Conan O'Brien?

  Is he part German Shepherd? Not that big. A Belgian Malinois, but we don't know what else he's mixed with.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  What is a Belgian Malinois?

• 1:06:16Conan O'Brien?

  It's like a police dog.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Oh. Are you smart?

• 1:06:20Conan O'Brien?

  So, watch out. Why, why did you say that so sensually?

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  Because I've never heard of that word.

• 1:06:24Conan O'Brien?

  What is a Belgian Malinois?

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  Because that's the only way you can say Malinois.

• 1:06:29Conan O'Brien?

  Can you tell me, this breed, what are their specialties? What is a Belgian Malinois? Malinois. Okay. They're supposed to be really smart, which he is. They have a lot of energy. He loves to run around. He ran around at your house last week. That's right, you brought him over, and... Yes.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  Oh, honey.

• 1:06:49Conan O'Brien?

  My dogs, my dogs were not home at the time. They were vacationing in St. Bart's, but... That's the ultimate in-the-bubble thing. My dogs were at St. Bart's. But uh, he's, he's very good looking and he's really sweet.

• 1:07:04Speaker 05

  He's the best.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  Aww.

• 1:07:05Speaker 05

  Aren't you? Yes, you are.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  Do you think he's bummed he can't be a dog? Like a cop dog? Sorry.

• 1:07:11Speaker 05

  I think.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  A cop dog do dog shit with the cops?

• 1:07:14Speaker 05

  He doesn't really like going on walks. He likes to sit in the air conditioning, so I think he's fine.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  I'm, I think that dog's fine. I'm a little worried about Sona.

• 1:07:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, what is your problem?

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  I don't know, cuz uh, his friends are all like cop dogs. I'm just wondering if he missed his calling.

• 1:07:29Conan O'Brien?

  No, dogs aren't only friends with other people in their breed.

• 1:07:34Speaker 03

  All cops are just friends with the cops, so it.

• 1:07:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  It's true, it's what happens.

• 1:07:37Speaker 03

  They go to the same dog cop bar.

• 1:07:39Conan O'Brien?

  How is your life changing? Let's talk about that.

• 1:07:43Speaker 05

  Well, I mean.

• 1:07:43Conan O'Brien?

  Because you're in a relationship.

• 1:07:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Conan O'Brien?

  How's uh, how's Dustin doing with all this?

• 1:07:48Speaker 05

  Oh Dustin, he was like so excited to get a dog.

• 1:07:51Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:07:52Speaker 03

  Are you guys both out of the house each day? Are you, are you in the, do you cohabitate?

• 1:07:56Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:07:57Speaker 03

  Okay, so does, is the dog home alone a lot or?

• 1:07:59Speaker 05

  Not yet. We're working on it. We're building up.

• 1:08:02Speaker 03

  He's here today.

• 1:08:03Speaker 05

  That's why he's here right now.

• 1:08:04Conan O'Brien?

  You, um, have you tried some of the tricks? Uh, there are things you can do.

• 1:08:09Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:09Conan O'Brien?

  To make uh, a dog feel like it's not alone.

• 1:08:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, you suggested we get like a heartbeat thing.

• 1:08:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:16Speaker 05

  So we're trying that out.

• 1:08:17Conan O'Brien?

  There's something that simulates a heartbeat. I've used it in my marriage.

• 1:08:25Conan O'Brien?

  My wife was like, "You're human! I knew it!" And then the little thing fell out of my t-shirt.

• 1:08:33Speaker 05

  It's like a full stuffed animal too.

• 1:08:35Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's a little device that goes in the stuffed animal.

• 1:08:37Speaker 05

  Oh, got it.

• 1:08:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it fits in a little sleeve in the stuffed animal and it gives it a little heartbeat and they're for like kittens and puppies. Atlas might be a little old for that.

• 1:08:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, he does like watching TV. Like, he knows when I say it's Love Island time, he jumps up on the couch.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  He's definitely your son.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  Aww, Atlas.

• 1:08:54Speaker 05

  He loves this YouTube dog channel.

• 1:08:55Conan O'Brien?

  Does he like, does he actually watch the TV? Cuz I have, one of my dogs watches the TV and gets engaged.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, Oki loves Isle of Dogs, that Wes Anderson movie. Yeah, that's a good one for pups.

• 1:09:06Conan O'Brien?

  My dog likes Kurosawa.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:09:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  Fancy dog.

• 1:09:12Conan O'Brien?

  Loves the Criterion Channel.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:09:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:09:15Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't quite get the seventh seal. Um, what, what's, uh, oh, yeah, you're calling your dog. I thought you were.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  He's coming to me. I mean, I think he just likes me and stuff. Oh, okay.

• 1:09:25Speaker 05

  Those are for Sona to eat?

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was just gonna say.

• 1:09:29Conan O'Brien?

  Ike used to give Sona treats.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  Wouldn't she get a task done, right?

• 1:09:32Conan O'Brien?

  Wouldn't she do it, right, remember?

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:35Conan O'Brien?

  But it was alcohol.

• 1:09:36Speaker 01

  You called that person, here you go, yeah.

• 1:09:40Conan O'Brien?

  So how is he changing your life?

• 1:09:41Speaker 05

  I mean...

• 1:09:42Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get up and walk him in the morning. It's good.

• 1:09:44Speaker 05

  It's a lot of walking, which is good.

• 1:09:46Conan O'Brien?

  Dogs make you move more than you normally would.

• 1:09:48Speaker 05

  Yeah. We can't go to Disneyland as much, but it's worth it.

• 1:09:52Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  As much, you said, but you still go.

• 1:09:55Speaker 05

  Well, we haven't since we got him, but...

• 1:09:57Conan O'Brien?

  Can't you dress him as Goofy or something and go?

• 1:09:59Speaker 05

  Well, that's a good idea.

• 1:10:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you could dress him as a character.

• 1:10:01Speaker 03

  Can't you fake him as a service dog or something?

• 1:10:03Speaker 05

  I mean, that just feels wrong.

• 1:10:04Conan O'Brien?

  And also, you've just revealed the scam.

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, now everyone at Disney's gonna know.

• 1:10:10Speaker 04

  Does he like when Andy brings his dog in?

• 1:10:12Speaker 05

  He hasn't met Andy's dog.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  Oh, I thought they were both here together today.

• 1:10:15Speaker 05

  Uh, Gina's dog.

• 1:10:16Speaker 04

  Oh, Gina's dog was here.

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:18Conan O'Brien?

  Dogs coming by.

• 1:10:19Speaker 05

  It's a very dog-friendly office here.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  I should bring Okie.

• 1:10:22Speaker 05

  You should. He used to.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:10:25Conan O'Brien?

  I brought my rat in, but EB killed it.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:10:29Conan O'Brien?

  She thought it was a random rat.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  It had a little bow tie and she killed it.

• 1:10:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, she also killed my cockroach I brought in.

• 1:10:37Conan O'Brien?

  Jesus, I can't catch a break around here. He's really, he's a good-looking fella.

• 1:10:41Speaker 05

  He's the best.

• 1:10:43Speaker 03

  How old is he?

• 1:10:43Conan O'Brien?

  This is the best use of the...

• 1:10:44Speaker 05

  They think he's about a year.

• 1:10:45Conan O'Brien?

  The best use of the podcast is to bring in a really cute animal and then talk about how good it looks. And people are listening in their cars like, what is this?

• 1:10:52Speaker 05

  Well...

• 1:10:53Conan O'Brien?

  But he's, I think it's a calming energy. It humanizes me to have a dog in the room. Don't just touch my leg, get it away from me.

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  No, it doesn't. It doesn't humanize you.

• 1:11:02Conan O'Brien?

  Well, something will.

• 1:11:04Speaker 03

  Let's get you that heartbeat thing back.

• 1:11:07Conan O'Brien?

  It keeps falling out of my t-shirt.

• 1:11:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Well, you should try one of these tricks, David.

• 1:11:13Speaker 05

  I will.

• 1:11:13Conan O'Brien?

  You know?

• 1:11:14Speaker 01

  I... Sorry, I was gonna say I love an animal-friendly work environment.

• 1:11:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:19Speaker 01

  Thanks for doing that.

• 1:11:20Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it was against my will.

• 1:11:21Speaker 03

  Would we ever get a studio cat, you know?

• 1:11:24Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's interesting.

• 1:11:24Speaker 03

  Like the Algonquin Hotel?

• 1:11:25Conan O'Brien?

  When we started the late-night show way back in 1993, somehow, I forget what happened, but someone maybe broke... Found a cat, brought a cat in, and there was a cat that lived in 30 Rock.

• 1:11:37Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 1:11:38Conan O'Brien?

  In our studios for, I want to say, two months while we were putting the show together. And, um, and then, I think, you know, it's NBC, it's 30 Rock. You can't have a cat there. Someone, I think, blew the whistle on us. And so the cat was deported.

• 1:11:54Speaker 01

  Oh, geez.

• 1:11:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Whoever blew the whistle sucks.

• 1:11:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:58Conan O'Brien?

  It was me.

• 1:11:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, it sure was.

• 1:12:00Conan O'Brien?

  It sure was. No, it was not, it was not. I wish I could remember the cat's name, like, uh, but that's one of those trivia things that, you know, someone will call in and tell me, you know, Robert Smigel or Dino Stematopoulos, one of those guys that was in the trenches in the early days will remember.

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Conan O'Brien?

  I bet people are just waiting for the answer. People have pulled their cars over and they're just sitting there waiting. Well, you're just gonna have to wait.

• 1:12:25Conan O'Brien?

  What was the name of that cat?

• 1:12:27Speaker 03

  Well, now I do want to know.

• 1:12:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Um, we'll find out.

• 1:12:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:12:31Conan O'Brien?

  We'll find out. I'll get it to you. Uh, Eduardo, how are you? I haven't seen you.

• 1:12:35Speaker 04

  Great.

• 1:12:35Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, you've been sitting there.

• 1:12:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've been here the whole time.

• 1:12:37Conan O'Brien?

  I know. I looked right through you. I just saw a Seattle Mariners cat floating in the air and no person attached to it.

• 1:12:44Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:12:45Conan O'Brien?

  But now you've faded into view.

• 1:12:46Speaker 04

  Beep beep, beep beep.

• 1:12:47Speaker 01

  Do you have a dog or cat?

• 1:12:49Speaker 04

  I had a dog. I don't, I don't anymore.

• 1:12:51Speaker 01

  Sorry, brought it down.

• 1:12:52Speaker 04

  No, my dog, no, my dog passed away like 10 years ago.

• 1:12:56Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, 10 years.

• 1:12:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. I'm trying to warm my wife up to us having a dog, but she, she didn't grow up with a dog, so she doesn't know what that entails.

• 1:13:05Conan O'Brien?

  Would you get a little dog or a big dog?

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  Whatever she'd be cool with.

• 1:13:08Conan O'Brien?

  This guy knows the idea.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  It's all dog people, huh? Just nobody, nobody else has a cat here.

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  No one has a cat here, right?

• 1:13:17Conan O'Brien?

  We have cats too.

• 1:13:18Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:13:18Conan O'Brien?

  We have cats and dogs. I want to get a parrot on my shoulder. That's another story. And wear an eye patch and walk around. Arrgh, arrgh. And have the parrot say, "You're lame, you're lame, you're lame." Obit, obit. Arrgh, arrgh, obit, obit. Obit.

• 1:13:36Speaker 01

  Ah! Oh my god!

• 1:13:39Conan O'Brien?

  All right, well, we had a good time, I thought. I thought we really had a good time. Listen, welcome to Atlas.

• 1:13:44Speaker 05

  Thank you for letting me bring him in.

• 1:13:46Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know, for now, it's okay.

• 1:13:50Conan O'Brien?

  Hanging by a thread, that dog, hanging by a thread.

• 1:13:52Speaker 05

  Look at him!

• 1:13:53Conan O'Brien?

  He's so happy. He's a very chill presence.

• 1:13:55Speaker 03

  That's a good dog.

• 1:13:56Conan O'Brien?

  Very chill presence, yeah. Really nice guy.

• 1:13:58Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 1:13:58Conan O'Brien?

  Our dog, our puppy now, who's about a year, is insane.

• 1:14:03Speaker 05

  He's so cute, though.

• 1:14:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:04Speaker 03

  What's your puppy's name?

• 1:14:05Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, Odin.

• 1:14:06Speaker 03

  Oh, you could do all, like, Norse gods?

• 1:14:08Conan O'Brien?

  That was the kids, yeah. The kids mandated these Norse names. They were in a Norse phase. So, uh, yeah. We had a cat named Thor. I mean, we just went through all, everybody.

• 1:14:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:18Conan O'Brien?

  Loki, Thor, Odin, um...

• 1:14:21Speaker 01

  What else is there?

• 1:14:22Conan O'Brien?

  Skarsgard.

• 1:14:23Speaker 03

  Abba.

• 1:14:23Speaker 05

  Skarsgard?

• 1:14:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:29Conan O'Brien?

  Skell and Skarsgard, come here! Different Skarsgards. Skarsgards you haven't heard of. Alexander Skarsgard, come here! Alexander comes running. Skell, come here!

• 1:14:38Speaker 03

  Skell?

• 1:14:39Conan O'Brien?

  There's a Skell and Skarsgard, I think.

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  There's a Stellan.

• 1:14:42Conan O'Brien?

  Stellan, Stellan, okay. And then ones who haven't heard of it decided, you know, to go into anesthesiology. Let's take a Skarsgard! Kraktan! Kraktan Skarsgard! Umlots flying everywhere, rolling around on the floor like marbles. Well, Atlas, here's to you.

• 1:15:03Speaker 03

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonum of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:15:23Speaker 03

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 611-911-4449. 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:16:13Speaker 06

  Hey, it's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it. Oh, hey, man. Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life. By the Claw. White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Seltzer, Rick, Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:16:44Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right?

• 1:16:47Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:16:47Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka Seltzer Cold? Did you know that, David?

• 1:16:55Speaker 05

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 1:16:56Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 1:16:57Speaker 05

  I know you expect me to know everything.

• 1:16:59Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this because I, yeah, I've tried it. It's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka Seltzer Cold into the water. Alka Seltzer Cold Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action. Ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka Seltzer Cold. Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products used as directed.