Gillian Anderson

Actress Gillian Anderson feels nonplussed about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Gillian sits down with Conan to discuss her iconic role as Agent Scully on The X-Files, exploring complexities of character as Margaret Thatcher on The Crown, and putting out the call for authentic desires for her latest book More: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous. Plus, Conan and Sona take a platonic friendship quiz. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 362-2295.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Owning a car or home comes with responsibilities. Sure, it's fun, but sometimes it makes you wonder why you ever longed for adulthood in the first place. I do that all the time. I'm like, oh, these bills, these bills. What am I gonna do?

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:15Conan O'Brien?

  You know, when you own a house, you gotta fix it yourself. Sona, you see this to be true, right?

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, your garage door breaks and you're like, well, I have to fix it.

• 0:22Conan O'Brien?

  Probably at first you said, hey, I'll get the super to fix it. It's your house, dude.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  It's mine, dude!

• 0:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance to save you money. In fact, they work overtime to tailor your insurance policy around what you actually need. The only thing they can't do is get that liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty jingle out of your head.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Liberty, liberty, liberty.

• 0:41Conan O'Brien?

  Liberty, liberty. It's in my head all the time.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 0:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Start your quote at libertymutual.com.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  This is the story of the one. As a shipping manager, he's running the dock, stocking supplies, and making sure every order goes out on time. And Granger helps him stay prepared. From shipping supplies to PPE to hand tools, he counts on Granger to keep products moving and trucks rolling. So his operation runs smoothly, no matter the shift. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click Granger.com, or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Hi, my name is Gillian Anderson and I feel

• 1:26Speaker 01

  nonplussed about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 1:31Conan O'Brien?

  I sometimes go into this thinking I want an honest answer, and now I don't want an honest answer.

• 1:58Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Son of a Sessin, very nice to see you.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Nice to see you too.

• 2:03Conan O'Brien?

  As always. Matt Gourley, pleasure to see you.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  And you, sir.

• 2:07Conan O'Brien?

  Have you noticed anything different about me these days? I'm driving a different car.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Are you?

• 2:11Conan O'Brien?

  I'm not gonna name brands or anything, but I had a little difficulty with my car and I've been leasing it for a while and I just kept having to go into the shop. So I finally parted company with that car. Don't have a car, so my kids are out of town. They share a Subaru Forester.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:27Conan O'Brien?

  That's maybe about, I don't know, seven years old. It's covered in dirt and I'm tooling around in this car, which is a very fine car, by the way. And by the way, not getting a dime from Subaru. I'm just saying it's a fine machine. But it's really funny because it's just a filthy car for some reason. I don't think my kids take it to wash it much. I don't know if that's what young people do, is wash a car.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  I can't remember the last time I washed the car.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  That's not what old people do either. I don't wash mine either.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Really?

• 2:55Conan O'Brien?

  It's not, also, it's not my car and I'm not, I'm not, I have yet to take it to the car wash. So I'm tooling around in this thing and I'm, sometimes I got the window down, I'm bopping to the tune. Someone will pull up to a stop and they'll see me and I'll give them the nod. But I know they're looking at me.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:11Conan O'Brien?

  Like, why doesn't he clean his car?

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Do you think, though, that they ever think, that can't be Conan, it's just a Subaru? They expect you to be in a Bentley?

• 3:17Conan O'Brien?

  Well, first of all, I'm gonna stick up for Subaru because I think it's a fine car.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  I like Subarus too.

• 3:21Conan O'Brien?

  Again, not getting a dime. But no, today I saw a guy looking at me at a stop sign and he kept thinking, I think that's Conan, but he looks like he's delivering pizzas.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  I've always heard Christian Bale drives like a really shitty early 90s coupe because he thinks no one recognizes him if they see him in it.

• 3:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but then he has that bumper sticker that says, "I am Christian Bale."

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:43Conan O'Brien?

  That always fucks it up.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  I'm Batman.

• 3:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 3:48Conan O'Brien?

  I should just get a ton of bumper stickers that say things like, "I am Conan O'Brien."

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 3:52Conan O'Brien?

  Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Yes, it's me.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  I'm Batman.

• 3:56Conan O'Brien?

  I'm Bat- no.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Even though you're not.

• 3:58Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm kinda Batman in a way.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  How so?

• 4:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, for years I worked at night, you know.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  But you taped during the day, so you worked at night.

• 4:06Conan O'Brien?

  I watched my parents murdered and it made me wanna stop crimes.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  You didn't see the murder, you sat and just like watched. That implies like you knew it was gonna happen.

• 4:16Conan O'Brien?

  That's how I always, you know, they always talk about the Batman story. Like Bruce Wayne is in an alley and he witnesses his parents getting, but I think, I like the idea more that he watched. Like he heard his parents were in trouble and he went, "Hold up!" And he went and he got popcorn and he just, he sat on a trash can in that alley in Gotham.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  He's like, "This will be..."

• 4:34Conan O'Brien?

  "All right, proceed."

• 4:36Speaker 03

  This will be formative. This could lead to something.

• 4:38Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know what? He really wanted to turn into an amazing superhero and he knew the best way was to watch his parents get shot in an alley.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 4:45Conan O'Brien?

  So he kept contriving situations, like, "Hey, what do you think's down that alley, mom and dad?" "Well, I don't know, Bruce. Let's not worry about it." "I don't know, it looks pretty good." He tried that for, for at least two years. And then finally he just took his mom's pearl necklace and just threw it down the alley. And she was like, "Bruce, you're an asshole. Help me, help me, Bruce Senior." I don't know the dad's name, do you?

• 5:09Speaker 04

  Uh, Thomas?

• 5:10Speaker 01

  I was, I looked right at Blake because I knew Blake would know.

• 5:13Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, did you know it was Thomas? Guess what? This was a nerd sting operation. Busted. Take him away, boys.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm so glad I passed.

• 5:21Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? I did this whole thing to get to this and then say, "I wonder what that..." And also Blake did that thing I love. He grabs the mic and he yanks it almost out of its holder up to his mouth and he went, "Thomas."

• 5:33Speaker 03

  And did you notice there was a split second before he answered, but that wasn't because he didn't know. It was him going, "Should I do this?"

• 5:40Conan O'Brien?

  You're right. That is actually correct. That is 100%. And what was his mom's name?

• 5:44Speaker 04

  Uh, Martha.

• 5:46Conan O'Brien?

  Nope, Enid.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  No, it's Martha. I just made up Enid.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  You know what I was gonna say? I thought for a second his name was Wayne Wayne.

• 5:53Conan O'Brien?

  There's an alternate, there's a...

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Wayne Wayne would have been cool.

• 5:57Conan O'Brien?

  Wayne Wayne's cool. They say Wayne Wayne promised never to get shot in an alley. There's an alternate...

• 6:02Speaker 01

  He's making a note?

• 6:03Conan O'Brien?

  And his, uh, his, the wife's name was Lil.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  Yes!

• 6:08Conan O'Brien?

  Wayne Wayne, Wayne Wayne and Lil Wayne went down the alley.

• 6:14Speaker 04

  I hate it here. I hate it here.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Anyway, you're under arrest.

• 6:21Conan O'Brien?

  There's an alternate reality, no one's asking. There's an alternate reality.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  But you're still telling.

• 6:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. Uh, version of Batman where Bruce and Martha get killed and Thomas, the father, becomes Batman. Oh, yeah, I know that Batman. He has a lot of trouble getting around. He's like 58. He's, he's like, "I'll get you, Joker. Ugh, gotta soak this hip first."

• 6:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it doesn't really make sense.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  It was a big reveal. I just, I was just excited about it.

• 6:50Conan O'Brien?

  Excited about what?

• 6:51Speaker 04

  The fact that there was an alternate reality where the dad is Batman.

• 6:54Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it's always an alternate reality. We've talked about this before. I don't like portals in Marvel movies and I don't like alternate realities.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 7:03Conan O'Brien?

  I don't. Stick to one reality and write a good story. Hey, it worked for Hemingway, but no, alternate realities, you know? What if, what if Bruce Wayne was allergic to corn? There's an alternate reality. What's your, what's your alter-? There must be an alternate reality where you don't have a podcast.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  No, this happened last night because by now the Summer Spouses thing has come out and we were out in the lobby watching our three spouses do a podcast without us and it felt like an alternate timeline.

• 7:29Conan O'Brien?

  It did feel that way.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:30Conan O'Brien?

  It did feel that way. Watching Tac, Amanda, Liza do a podcast and they were sitting in our exact places. It did look like this was some weird fold in time or ripple. They had the podcasts and we were disgruntled.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  Oh, wait, wait.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  What?

• 7:47Speaker 03

  Oh, let's get to that. What do you mean? So, hmm, okay.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  You didn't like Liza being in your seat. You got, you got angry.

• 7:57Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, and the alternate reality, yes, because in real life, I know Amanda's very unhappy with you and Tac's very unhappy with you and we all know Liza's every day is like, "Why did I make this deal with the devil?"

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  I think they all three took this thing as a launching pad to get out from what they're...

• 8:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Liza misunderstood and when she showed up for this thing, she had packed a bag. She seemed disappointed when we were going home together and I got there and before she could get upstairs, I found a note. It said, "If you're reading this, it means I've launched my own, I have joined Tac and Amanda and we've escaped our dreadful lives." I was like, "Hey, what's this?" And she went, "Oh, don't mind that. It's a creative writing assignment." But then I noticed out of rag she had made a rope that went out the window. Which doesn't even make sense because she came to the podcast with me. Anyway, maybe took that too far, but...

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Walk out the front door.

• 8:52Conan O'Brien?

  I think, what's that? Our front door doesn't work.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Oh, it doesn't work?

• 8:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  You don't have any other doors?

• 8:57Conan O'Brien?

  Fire department keeps saying, "You need to change that." And I'm like, "Doors really need to open. Back door doesn't work either."

• 9:03Speaker 03

  How do you get in and out?

• 9:05Conan O'Brien?

  I go through the chimney.

• 9:09Conan O'Brien?

  To me, every day is Christmas.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Oh, God. Imagine if Santa Claus was Conan. Oh, God.

• 9:15Conan O'Brien?

  Can you imagine? A lean sarcastic Santa Claus?

• 9:18Speaker 03

  Every child would be given a stamp that just says invoice or something.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  The only way they get presents is if he wakes them up and they laugh at something he does. And if they don't...

• 9:27Speaker 03

  That's the nice list.

• 9:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Yeah. It's me as Santa flying around looking at a list of kids that find me amusing. And out of, out of six billion kids on earth, there's three kids on the list.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  It's just a lottery.

• 9:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's just three kids on the list.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. You get stuck at one kid and you're like, "What is it? Why not?"

• 9:45Conan O'Brien?

  And they just happen to be kids that know that's the rule, so they're like,

• 9:50Conan O'Brien?

  "Wow, great anecdote about the 90s."

• 9:57Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna say we should examine this opening because it might be one of the dumber ones.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  It's pretty dumb.

• 10:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, pretty dumb. Pretty bad, but you got a lot of...

• 10:05Speaker 01

  But I did learn the Wayne parents' names.

• 10:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 10:09Conan O'Brien?

  That's right. Wayne Wayne and Lil Wayne.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:13Conan O'Brien?

  All right. My guest today is an Emmy award-winning actress. She's probably out the door now.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  I would be.

• 10:20Conan O'Brien?

  This is idiocy.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Where's that alternate timeline? How do I get that?

• 10:25Conan O'Brien?

  She starred as Agent Dana Scully in The X-Files, of course. Now you can see her in the new movie Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma. They stole my title. She's so talented. She's credible and thrilled. This is her first time on the podcast. Can't wait to chat with her today.

• 10:47Conan O'Brien?

  Gillian Anderson, welcome.

• 10:52Conan O'Brien?

  I'm thrilled you're here and I realized this morning, I think the last time we chatted was 1995.

• 10:59Speaker 05

  That's insane, that's crazy.

• 11:01Conan O'Brien?

  And you came on the late night show.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  I was a baby.

• 11:04Conan O'Brien?

  You were a baby.

• 11:05Speaker 05

  And you were a grown up to me at that.

• 11:07Conan O'Brien?

  I probably was.

• 11:09Speaker 05

  You were an adult.

• 11:10Conan O'Brien?

  But I look at it now, you are a baby when you come walking out. I look like a slightly older baby. And I definitely look like someone who should not be having a talk show. Hosting a show. I'm glad that we can reunite now when I'm a little more seasoned.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  Yes. And I'm old enough to know what nonplussed means.

• 11:34Conan O'Brien?

  There is so much to talk about. You have a new movie with one of my favorite people, Hannah Einbinder. And I was gonna start with this fact about you that I didn't know, which is that in your class, you were voted girl most likely to get arrested.

• 11:50Speaker 05

  Correct.

• 11:52Conan O'Brien?

  And then you made good on that.

• 11:53Speaker 05

  I did.

• 11:54Conan O'Brien?

  You got arrested.

• 11:55Speaker 05

  I did.

• 11:56Conan O'Brien?

  For breaking into your own high school?

• 11:57Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, we were trying to glue the locks shut so that people couldn't go in the next day.

• 12:05Conan O'Brien?

  Or get out if there's a fire. It works both ways.

• 12:08Speaker 05

  Yes, but there weren't any people in the building at the time. It was, it was the middle of the night.

• 12:13Conan O'Brien?

  That's an aggressive prank.

• 12:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:16Conan O'Brien?

  That's-

• 12:17Speaker 05

  That was kinda me at that time.

• 12:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:20Conan O'Brien?

  You had, your hair was shaved on the sides.

• 12:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:24Conan O'Brien?

  You went through like, is it a punk phase? What would you describe it as?

• 12:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was a punk phase, but I had very pointy, I had pointy buckle boots on and they were, they had a very thin sole. And so when the security guard was chasing me through downtown Grand Rapids, I stepped on a nail.

• 12:41Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 12:42Speaker 05

  And that's what slowed me down.

• 12:45Conan O'Brien?

  So were it not for the nail, you would have escaped.

• 12:48Speaker 05

  Were it not for the nail, I would have outsmarted him and I would not have been arrested. But because I'd been, let's just say I was doing a little crystal meth at the time. And I was in a really good mood and I managed to talk them out of breaking and entering and just into trespassing.

• 13:08Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 13:09Speaker 05

  But my boyfriend who was with me at the time, who was considerably older than I was, went back to his apartment and smoked some more dope and just kept drinking the night away while I was in prison.

• 13:21Conan O'Brien?

  With a nail through your foot, whacked out on crystal meth.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:25Conan O'Brien?

  Those were good times.

• 13:26Speaker 05

  But anyway.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  Hey, tell her your crystal meth stories.

• 13:30Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. So about four hours ago, I find what looks like just little dust to me. And I'm like, I'm gonna put that in my nose. And then I found a gun and it just goes on and on and on. Your sort of bifurcated past of being, you know, I think born in London, but then moving to, no?

• 13:52Speaker 05

  Born, born in the States.

• 13:54Conan O'Brien?

  Born in the States, but then you moved to London.

• 13:55Speaker 05

  Moved to London, yeah. Grew up in London until 11.

• 13:59Conan O'Brien?

  But then you moved back.

• 14:00Speaker 05

  And then I moved back post X-Files. I moved back to London. So I've been there for 24 years.

• 14:05Conan O'Brien?

  But I have this theory that, just bear with me.

• 14:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:12Conan O'Brien?

  You are so-

• 14:13Speaker 05

  It's already funny.

• 14:14Conan O'Brien?

  You are so nonplussed. Sometimes I find that really creative people go through this period in their youth when they kinda don't know who they are and that might be fuel. And if you're in Grand Rapids, but you have a, a, a British accent and you don't quite know how you fit in, that maybe that's fuel.

• 14:35Speaker 05

  Oh, 100%. I mean, I think when I, you know, when I first got there, I did have a British accent. I worked very hard to, to erase it, but it would pop up, you know, in restaurants when I'd be ordering a, you know, or trying to show off or something like that, it would, it would pop up. But, you know, because it was my first language, my first dialect, so to speak, the first time I spoke, it was with a British accent. It was so ingrained in my system that it's, it's near impossible for me to be around Brits without falling into it. It feels more, it feels as intrinsically part of me as my American accent.

• 15:15Conan O'Brien?

  I did a thing with Hugh Laurie once on the set of House and he was playing Doctor House in this little thing we did for the Emmys, I think. And someone on the crew was British and said something to him and he was like, oh my God, please don't, cause he-

• 15:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:32Conan O'Brien?

  If he heard the British accent, he would fall back into it. It was quite disconcerting, like, but I could see that he just couldn't have it around.

• 15:40Speaker 05

  Yeah. Sometimes if I'm doing interviews that I know are gonna go out in the States, but the interviewer is British, I have to really focus, like really, like almost split my brain to keep it American.

• 15:54Conan O'Brien?

  I always think it's funny if, to think of, even think of a, someone from the UK trying to lose their accent, because I love that accent so much.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 16:03Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know, I, I come from Boston, Massachusetts, and that's an accent you wanna lose. And I don't care who from Boston hears that. That had to go.

• 16:14Conan O'Brien?

  And if I, or from Cranston, Rhode Island, that accent has to go. But when I, whenever I hear someone with a, with a British accent, I just think it's fantastic. I'm envious.

• 16:24Speaker 05

  I think it was an attempt initially, maybe to, to feel like I fit in. And then also, cause, you know, when I was growing up in the UK and I, you know, I spoke like a Brit, my parents were referred to as Yanks. So I was teased because my parents were Yanks. And so, and then when we visited America, it was so sunny and sugary and it represented lightness and joy and possibility, as opposed to London at the time in the 70s, which was, you know, mashed potatoes and curry.

• 17:03Conan O'Brien?

  You said mashed potatoes, I was like, what's wrong with that? Every meal for me, yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:08Conan O'Brien?

  Well, also the 70s is in Britain, in, you know, in, in England famously kinda depressed and-

• 17:14Speaker 05

  Very, very depressed, yeah. And, and so I think I, you know, I was almost forcing myself to, to switch.

• 17:23Conan O'Brien?

  I was also very surprised at just how young you were when you started X-Files. You're 24 and you lied to the producers and said you were 27. I'm not sure what, what difference.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  For three years.

• 17:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Oh, is it three?

• 17:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  I'm really glad I chimed in.

• 17:44Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo, could you check that on the internet, please?

• 17:45Speaker 03

  Yep, it's true.

• 17:48Conan O'Brien?

  That is so young to get-

• 17:50Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, I was playing somebody who'd had degrees already and had, you know, was already in the FBI and had gone through medical school. So, you know, I, I should have been not 24 for it to be real.

• 18:03Conan O'Brien?

  Sometimes when people have that success and they're young, they don't enjoy it. Did you enjoy that fame for, you know, that you didn't enjoy it?

• 18:13Speaker 05

  Hated it.

• 18:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, hated it. I mean, I think we were very lucky that we were shooting up in Vancouver for the first five years, cause, you know, when we were in LA, you know, we had the experience that a lot of celebrities did at that time, which is followed everywhere and chased down the street and photographed with the kids in playgrounds and all that kinda stuff, which I found disturbing and that really angered me. I pointed my car at many paparazzi over the years.

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:44Speaker 05

  And so being up there and not having that, it just didn't exist up in Vancouver was very freeing. And also, it just felt like it was, it was separate from the business.

• 18:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:56Speaker 05

  And I think that kept us a little saner than we might have gone.

• 19:00Conan O'Brien?

  Plus the schedule on a show like that, and, and X-Files in particular, was grueling.

• 19:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:06Conan O'Brien?

  And sometimes that's the savior. Like, I always found a lot of times the work, if I have to do an intense amount of work, it saves me at the same time, because I have to be locked in. If you're in Vancouver and you have to be on set at, I don't know, 5, 6 in the morning and productions go on and on, this went on for nine years.

• 19:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:25Conan O'Brien?

  I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.

• 19:26Speaker 05

  Yeah. But we, you know, our, our, as you know, you start at 5 AM, but by the time you get to Friday, your call time is 1 PM because you have 12 hour, 11 hour turnarounds. And so we'd shoot until the middle of Saturday. And they were, you know, 16, 17 hour days and we shot seven pages a day. You know, it was mostly the two of us pretending to be the smartest people on planet Earth. And which meant that we had a lot to say.

• 19:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I, I mean, the speeches are fantastic, but they are so, it's interlocking prose. I mean, you guys were so good, but you could just toss it off. But I know that that was, and took an incredible amount of work to get there.

• 20:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, it did. Chris told me, I mean, that there was a particular way that we used to speak in the show that it, that wasn't a normal rhythm and syntax. It was slightly backwards, which felt like it was almost part of the, the, the cryptic aspect of the series. And it wasn't until we were working on this, I think the second feature. And I was sitting in a parked vehicle, waiting to shoot and our showrunner and creator, Chris Carter, came up to me, who was directing the feature. And he said, he looked at my sides where my lines were and he said, look, no widows. And I said, what are you talking about?

• 20:55Speaker 05

  And he said, no widows on the, on, you know, your little paragraphs that each character has. The word went all the way to the end with the period, so there wasn't any, it didn't like end halfway through that line.

• 21:09Conan O'Brien?

  Right, and there's a dash and it picks up.

• 21:11Speaker 05

  So it was a perfect rectangle. So the dialogue was designed-

• 21:16Conan O'Brien?

  Visually.

• 21:21Speaker 05

  For nine years.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  That's incredible.

• 21:26Conan O'Brien?

  So you're struggling.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 21:29Conan O'Brien?

  You're struggling with his OCD. Yeah, that's incredible.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  It was like, fucking kidding me?

• 21:37Conan O'Brien?

  Just so it looks a certain way on the page.

• 21:41Speaker 05

  Amazing.

• 21:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's frustrated.

• 21:43Speaker 05

  Amazing.

• 21:45Conan O'Brien?

  Student of architecture.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  I know.

• 21:46Speaker 05

  I love him and I appreciate him and I don't mean to call him out because it's just, it's such a fantastic. It's like, it says some, I mean, it's like.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Was that his term widow? So?

• 21:57Speaker 05

  I don't know. I assumed.

• 21:59Conan O'Brien?

  Broken in half, I guess it's, yeah, it's lost its other half, you know? So, yeah, I guess.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  Sad.

• 22:04Speaker 05

  Or, or even the line is broken in half, the actual, yeah.

• 22:09Conan O'Brien?

  I love that and I'm gonna start structuring the podcast.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  What if we just adjust the margins? No?

• 22:18Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I love? If we go down this rabbit hole for the entire chat with Jillian, we never get out of it. Her publicist crashes through the door. Enough, enough.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Are you talking about margins?

• 22:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:31Speaker 05

  What if you switch the font?

• 22:34Conan O'Brien?

  Thanks, Sona.

• 22:43Conan O'Brien?

  We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Are you gonna do a bit?

• 22:50Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.

• 22:55Conan O'Brien?

  We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect T-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?

• 23:04Speaker 01

  What?

• 23:05Conan O'Brien?

  Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.

• 23:10Conan O'Brien?

  No, a co coincidence.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 23:15Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I get the big money.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  I gotta go.

• 23:16Conan O'Brien?

  Cut to very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are time was thoughtful, crafted and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're, you're using some Quince. That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder, so I got a featherless quilted jacket in Atlas Navy and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy. You look like a different guy because you're well dressed. That's right. No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time. That's true. He's right. That's true. No, they, they really do great stuff. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com.

• 24:00Conan O'Brien?

  Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  All right.

• 24:07Conan O'Brien?

  And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, by the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Oh, I didn't really ask. I just want you to know. It's the best way to support the show.

• 24:25Speaker 06

  Hey, that's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it. Oh, hey, man. Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life by the claw. White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw, Delta Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  The Hulu original series, Phony, is coming to Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus, October 20.

• 24:58Speaker 07

  My name is Sonny Cook. Ever since the accident. My mom looks different. You think your mom has been swapped out with a different woman? I know something, okay? Something's wrong. I don't know what's going on with you, but I know that I'm your mother.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  If that's not your mom, why do you think she is? I don't know, but I need to find her. Watch the Hulu original series, Phony, on October 20. Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

• 25:29Conan O'Brien?

  Show had an incredible impact and famously there's this, you know, term, the Scully effect, where a lot of young women were watching and they, it was unusual at that time, sadly.

• 25:42Speaker 05

  To see a smart woman on TV.

• 25:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, to see a really smart, empowered, independent woman on television, who was incredibly well educated and confident and.

• 25:53Speaker 05

  And an equal to her coworker.

• 25:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 25:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:56Conan O'Brien?

  And so.

• 25:57Speaker 05

  In principle.

• 25:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, not a bauble, not a, you know, and, and this was, a lot of women have said they saw that show and it made them want to go into STEM, made them want to maybe try to be in the FBI, try to, which is remarkable.

• 26:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. I, I still have people coming up to me and telling me that they are in, you know, a physicist because of Scully or a police officer or a, you know, name the, fill in the blank. It still happens.

• 26:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's a lot. I mean, that's a, I don't know, it's a nice, it's a nice gift.

• 26:31Speaker 05

  I mean, it's, it's been written into textbooks and stuff and still, you know, not only does it still exist in a way, even though, um, you know, it isn't a, a weekly TV show, but there's a lot of people whose lives the show really affected, whether they watched it with their parent who's no longer alive, or they watched it during a difficult period of time for them, or they're, I know, I still have people that come up to me that say they watch it every day.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  It feels like a rite of passage for them to pass it on to, um, to their kids. And so there are a whole new generations that are discovering it, which is pretty awesome.

• 27:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you can, you make friends with all these people you haven't met. We're in a, in a way, you have this very powerful connection, which is nice and it's enduring. I, I applaud you and I also applaud myself.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Why you?

• 27:25Conan O'Brien?

  I just thought it for symmetry.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  No.

• 27:27Conan O'Brien?

  You know, looking at how it looks on the page. You want to have, make sure that Jillian has applauded.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  This is the time we can have a widow.

• 27:38Conan O'Brien?

  You, uh, one of, you have so many great performances, but I love the show, The Crown, and you played Margaret Thatcher on The Crown and you were stunning, absolutely stunning. Margaret Thatcher fascinates me. I know that she's very controversial, to say the least, in England, but you made me sympathize with her. I was really blown away. There's a, there's a part in your performance where Thatcher realizes she's losing power. Your depiction of her, this, this, I mean, famously, this woman of steel, the iron lady, it was just, it was fantastic.

• 28:17Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm wondering, how do you approach, okay, you're gonna play someone, everybody knows this person, thousands of hours of footage of her, but you made her your own. I don't even understand how that, I know it's called acting, but I, I don't know how you take on a project like that.

• 28:37Speaker 05

  So I, I knew I was gonna be doing it for some time, so I had a good run up to it. And although the, the scripts weren't written yet, um, as you say, there's, there's a ton of material out there. She'd written a couple of autobiographies and so I started listening to, um, one of them on repeat in, in my car when I was driving and I did a lot of driving at the time, um, with kids and stuff. And so, uh, that was one way in. There was also a series, a BBC six part series that happened to exactly during that time,

• 29:15Speaker 05

  while I was doing preparation, which was also the most, uh, personal take on her, the most insight into the behind the scenes of her life during those years. And some of the most helpful footage that was in there, which had never really been seen before, was there were a couple of interviews that she did where she doesn't know that the camera's rolling. So even though you've got these, um, you've got other documentaries that have been made about her or little snippets for TV shows, you know, when she's showing people around number 10 or she's, um, you know, got her apron on because she's in the kitchen and she's making coffee for her ministers or whatever it is, she's still on camera.

• 29:59Speaker 05

  So that's a, a public version of herself, trying to be the every woman, you know? And, but these moments before she would do an interview, she didn't know the camera was rolling and she was going through her lines in her head, um, or one of them was practicing a speech. And she was, you know, uh, working on the lines in her head. She was bending down to her purse to take a sweet out and put it in her mouth. I mean, these are like gold, right? You don't get to see that stuff. And so the mixture of the little tidbits of, of pseudo behind the scenes

• 30:37Speaker 05

  that you got to see in this doc and also these, these moments of vulnerability, um, were really, really helpful. And, you know, one just starts, it was important to maintain, for instance, a little bit of my own voice within her voice to not push too hard into, into her. I, I really didn't want it to feel like it was pantomime and there was enough with the costumes and with the wig and her particular walk and all that, that you could, it would be quite easy to kind of slip into that. So somebody said something that was really valuable, which is you get quite a lot for free

• 31:21Speaker 05

  when you cast me as Margaret Thatcher. So I don't have to work for those things that I know, you know, just in terms of my seriousness or my ability to look like I might be intelligent, even if I might be thinking about my socks or, you know what I mean? I just, I have a resting, intelligent face, even if I'm the least smart person in the world, right? So.

• 31:46Conan O'Brien?

  Resting, intelligent face. I love that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and.

• 31:52Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  It's not working.

• 31:55Conan O'Brien?

  It's not working. I'm looking even dumber somehow.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  And so that was really helpful because it felt like I could let go of trying to fill in those blanks and just work on. Anyway, so but you know, with as with anything, you try, you prepare, you do your best, you show up, and then you just, I mean, I really felt like I was like crossing my fingers before it came out because I didn't know. I didn't know if it would work. I didn't know if I'd be ridiculed. I didn't know if people who really knew her would say, oh, what a joke. I mean, why did they cast her in the first place? You know, I mean, you don't know. And so it was, it was nice to get.

• 32:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it was absolutely spectacular. And I know stage is a big part of your life. You did this production of A Streetcar.

• 32:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:42Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I knew it.

• 32:43Speaker 05

  Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 32:46Speaker 05

  No, no, I understand, I understand.

• 32:50Conan O'Brien?

  That's not what I was gonna say.

• 32:51Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 32:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. It was a different production. Oklahoma. You were fantastic.

• 32:58Conan O'Brien?

  You were just perfect. No, your, your streetcar is just kind of famously amazing. I know that you've talked about the anxiety you have. When I see, when I go to the theater, even though I'm nominally in show business, I am terrified for actors going up on their lines.

• 33:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:18Conan O'Brien?

  It can be hard for me to relax. And, you know, obviously, if it's someone like John Lithgow in Giant, I, I know, okay, I'm John's, John's got this. You don't have to worry. But I, I can't imagine anything more terrifying than being in front of an audience and going up on your lines.

• 33:37Speaker 05

  Thanks, thanks, thanks, Coleman. Thank you so much. I'm about to do a play. I start rehearsal next Monday.

• 33:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 33:49Speaker 05

  Okay, thank you. I really, it was nice.

• 33:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it was really nice having you. So let's see, it'll be 32 years until I see you again.

• 34:00Conan O'Brien?

  We're like comets that pass each other, but not in a good way.

• 34:07Conan O'Brien?

  But you're so, but you're, you're, I don't know. It stunned me a little bit that that would be a concern of yours when you're so good.

• 34:15Speaker 05

  It's always a concern. And also just brain stuff, you know, as we get older.

• 34:21Conan O'Brien?

  I talk about this all the time.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  He was just talking about this before you came in.

• 34:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I came in this morning and I put, I mean, I realized on the drive to work that my wedding finger was on the other hand.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  Your wedding finger?

• 34:33Conan O'Brien?

  Wedding finger. My wedding ring. I'm telling you, you joke about it, but I'm, I'm telling you, there are days where I'm convinced.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:41Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, that's a very primal thing to do, to put, to switch the rings on the different hands.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  I don't know. It's just brains.

• 34:48Conan O'Brien?

  I also had a lot to drink this morning.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  That's, that's more.

• 34:51Conan O'Brien?

  But I just.

• 34:54Speaker 05

  No, the brain stuff. I can't necessarily rely on it, or I don't feel like I can 100%. I know other actors who, Olivia Colman famously will memorize on the way to work in the car, paragraphs, and be ready and word perfect. I would literally give my lower half of my body for that.

• 35:16Speaker 05

  For that.

• 35:16Conan O'Brien?

  So specific.

• 35:17Speaker 05

  Talent.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Then how do you walk around on stage?

• 35:21Speaker 05

  He's just properly in a chair.

• 35:23Conan O'Brien?

  She only plays Franklin Roosevelt.

• 35:28Conan O'Brien?

  She's playing Roosevelt again?

• 35:34Speaker 05

  Yeah. So, you know,

• 35:38Speaker 05

  I'll do my best.

• 35:42Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm sorry. I wish I could encourage you, but I, there's no, nothing to indicate that this, you're gonna make it in the theater. There's just nothing. You're in terrible trouble.

• 35:52Speaker 05

  Wowza.

• 35:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I mean, you know, if only you had done some past work that would recommend. Let's talk about teenage sex and death at Camp Miasma. I knew nothing about the film. I got to watch it last night. I love going in knowing nothing. And whenever even someone tries to tell me, sometimes in the notes, they'll say, you know, this is about, and I intentionally don't look, but it has a fantasy element to it. It's the visuals, it feels, it's a heightened reality.

• 36:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:25Conan O'Brien?

  It's really great. It's you, Hannah Einbinder. I adore her. And so when I found out both of you were in this, I was like, I am down. I'm gonna like this. And I really did. It's unusual. It's, I haven't quite seen a movie like this.

• 36:41Speaker 05

  So it's Jane Schoenbrun who did, I saw the TV Glow.

• 36:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 36:45Speaker 05

  And we're all going to the World's Fair. And this feels very much like it's in conversation with TV Glow in a way. But it's a queer slasher film. And there's a lot of blood, but it's very funny. And it's not very scary.

• 37:05Conan O'Brien?

  It's really funny, and the blood often feels comedic. It's not, it's almost.

• 37:11Speaker 05

  It's Monty Python blood.

• 37:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's Monty Python blood. You know, someone's head will get lopped off, and just an amount of blood coming out of the neck, and the force with which it comes out is cartoon, it's a cartoon in places. But I think what I liked so much about the story is Hannah's looking for Jillian, who's this reclusive, you know, reclusive actor who is in this very famous slasher film and has, has retired and is living up in the area where they shot the film. And.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  I love how you don't want to be told the plot.

• 37:43Speaker 05

  I know, you're just telling that.

• 37:44Conan O'Brien?

  Well, fuck you.

• 37:47Conan O'Brien?

  You know, right? And let me tell you who did it.

• 37:53Speaker 05

  But there have been many, many iterations of this film. There've been many remakes that have kind of bastardized it over the years. And so Hannah's character, Chris, has been given the, the opportunity to remake the film as she believes it should have always been remade in its second iteration. And so she, she comes looking for me to convince me to be a part of it. And, and then it kind of turns into a bit of a romance.

• 38:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And I love that your, your characters are rewatching the old movie up at the camp where they shot the movie. It's, it's, it's, it's like an Escher drawing, the hand drawing the hand. It's this great conceit that they're in a horror movie, but they're studying a horror movie. I think you'll really love it. You can check it out. And now you know what it's all about. But I haven't really given much away. Or have I? It's just a lovely film. It really is. And so I'm, I'm happy for you about that. And I really also want to talk about more. Because this book, I believe, will be coming out in September.

• 39:10Conan O'Brien?

  You put out a book called Want. And it was, I would say, like, a labor of, what would you call it? A labor of love? That you, this was something you really, this is something you really wanted to put out there?

• 39:20Speaker 05

  Yeah. So I was actually approached while I was doing Sex Education, which was a series I did on Netflix. I was playing a sex therapist and to Asa Butterfield's character was my son. And a lot of publishers had approached me through my book agent, saying, you know, would I be interested in doing a book as this therapist or talking to women about their sex lives, et cetera, et cetera. And, you know, she had rejected a few offers. And then she had an idea, which is in 73, which is the same year as Roe v. Wade, Nancy

• 40:05Speaker 05

  Friday put together a book called My Secret Garden. And it was a collection of letters that she had collected from her community of friends and women writers. They, she asked them to anonymously submit their fantasies to her, and then she published them. And she wrote introductions to the, to the book and to the chapters. And, and so the idea was that we could do one again and see if anything's changed since the 70s, given, particularly given the state of the porn industry and our collective addiction to it, and just

• 40:50Speaker 05

  how much sex is out there and available to everybody at all times. Has that affected our ability to, to be honest with both ourselves and our, our sexual partners about what it is that we, our deepest, most intimate thoughts, and also shame around it? Is there, for me, I was really interested to know whether there was, whether because of how second nature sex and sexuality and such a, the forefront of so many conversations and advertisements

• 41:31Speaker 05

  and TV shows and et cetera these days, has that had an impact on women's internal lives and their sense of themselves, their bodies, their levels of self-acceptance and shame, et cetera. And so when she, my agent brought up the idea of doing this book, it made sense to me. Like, because I was on the show, I thought it would be really interesting to, to know the answer. And I thought, you know what, it, it makes sense that I do this, based on the character that I play, based on the fact that simultaneously I was also launching a functional drinks brand called G-Spot.

• 42:14Conan O'Brien?

  I was gonna ask you about G-Spot.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  You know where to find it.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  About the soft drinks or the?

• 42:24Conan O'Brien?

  I can never, every time I look, I can't find it. They say, no, it's right next to the Pepsi. I'm like, I, I still can't find it.

• 42:32Speaker 05

  I'll send you some.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  All along, it was next to the Pepsi.

• 42:38Speaker 05

  And so I thought that would be, I thought it'd be a great idea. So, you know, we pitched it out and we went with Bloomsbury and, and with Bloomsbury, we set up a portal, a, a secure portal and invited women around the world to, to send in letters. And we got, you know, a, a lot, a lot, a lot. And we narrowed it down to 174. And I wrote introductions, introduction to the book and to the chapters, and that was Want. And it had, I remember about a, shortly after I had put the call out, so to speak, for women to write in, I was doing press for a Netflix film that I did called Scoop. And I was talking, I was

• 43:21Speaker 05

  in New York talking to women journalists and they didn't want to talk about Scoop. They wanted to talk about this book that I was, that, that I was about to do. And I thought, oh, this is really interesting. There is actually a big appetite for it and women are curious. And, and, you know, it did, it did well enough that we thought we'd do another one and try and reach even more women. The point of it is for it to be as inclusive and diverse and raw a, as possible. And I think that this new one is even bolder, even more audacious.

• 43:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 44:00Speaker 05

  And, um, yeah, I'm, I'm, there's some really extraordinary letters in there.

• 44:05Conan O'Brien?

  Well, the fact that there's this, I mean, it needs to be anonymous. So people feel completely safe.

• 44:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:12Conan O'Brien?

  And I don't know how you grew up, but what's fascinating to me, and I, you know, loved my parents and had, I think, a happy childhood, but sex was just never discussed in any way. And it was almost nullified. Like, it's just not a thing. Even though I'd look around and realize there's six of us, born, born literally like 10 months apart. So something's going on somewhere, but it, and that was the.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  Something's going on somewhere.

• 44:46Conan O'Brien?

  You were egg hatched.

• 44:47Speaker 05

  Golly, something's up.

• 44:49Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a good detective. I have my little Sherlock Holmes cap. And I think however much that was so for me, even probably more so for, you know, the women in my family. I think it was really, uh, you know, that's just not something that exists or desire or anything like that. It was something that wasn't discussed. And so it shouldn't be shocking. It shouldn't be any kind of revelation, but flipping through the book and just reading all of these fantasies by these different women is incredible. It's really, it's really amazing. Who knew that they could feel pleasure?

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Well, women?

• 45:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 45:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Well, women I've been with.

• 45:30Speaker 05

  Well, maybe not them.

• 45:32Conan O'Brien?

  Definitely not them. I'm saying, yeah.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  Some of them have written into this book.

• 45:41Speaker 01

  And they haven't even redacted your name.

• 45:44Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 45:45Speaker 05

  Or theirs.

• 45:47Conan O'Brien?

  My wife wrote in seven times to this. I can tell. She's like.

• 45:54Speaker 05

  But also what's remarkable about it is there is such, you know, there's such tenderness and joy and, and so much heart and loneliness. And, you know, there are women in there who are, you know, haven't even, you know, have maybe just gone through puberty, girls. There are women who haven't lost their virginity yet. There are women in their seventies who, who talk about just wanting to be kissed and held because they've never really had that in a relationship before. And it's, it's really remarkable, but, but it also,

• 46:35Speaker 05

  it begs more investigation. When you start to, to read it, or even if you imagine yourself writing a fantasy down, you know, the transference from it being in, in, you know, the sacredness and the, the, the secret space of your mind to transfer it onto a piece of paper or onto a computer, let alone, you know, send it through the ethers to a publishing house. But that, um, it's, once you start to ask the question, you know, what, what is it that I, you know, what is it that I want? What is it that I dream about? What, what's

• 47:14Speaker 05

  the gap between what my fantasy is and what my experience is? A lot of people, if they fantasize, wouldn't necessarily want the fantasy to actually happen. But if it, you start to ask questions about, you know, what, am I getting what I need in that area of my life? And if I'm not, how am I participating in the, me not getting that, you know? And therefore, if I am participating, if I am complicit in that relationship of not getting what I want, also, are there other areas of my life that I'm, that I have needs and

• 47:55Speaker 05

  wants that I'm not expressing and I'm, I'm keeping myself from experiencing the fullness of what I could in my life? And so really deep questions start to take place when you start to interrogate these things.

• 48:08Conan O'Brien?

  And I think phones and the ubiquity of the internet has really complicated things because there's a whole generation that feels they can get a lot of their needs met just on their phone.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:23Conan O'Brien?

  And what is that interrupting? What is that dampening? I was listening to a long, I think it was a New York Times podcast about it, where they said, people that say, why risk going out and meeting people and possibly getting rejected and having all the discomfort and weirdness that might go with a hookup when I can stay in and watch pornography?

• 48:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:45Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm safe and

• 48:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:48Conan O'Brien?

  no effort.

• 48:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:50Conan O'Brien?

  So, you know, it's really great that you're doing these books. It really is. And I'm sure a lot of people are getting a lot of solace, information and not feeling alone. Not feeling like, oh, this is just me. I'm ashamed. Something's, I'm a freak. Something's wrong with me.

• 49:05Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, that we, I've done some events to raise funds for charity around it. I did, um, in the UK, the Barbican and Royal Albert Hall did events, um, you know, in full houses, inviting, you know, uh, women and men and everything in between, hearing, uh, celebrities, a handful of celebrities, reading from the book. And, um, just this sense of unity and recognition and joy and hilarity. And in this new book, the two letters

• 49:44Speaker 05

  that I, um, talk about the most, just one for the juxtaposition, but also because of, um, just, it shows the, you know, the, the, the multitudes of complexity within a woman's experiences. One woman who fantasizes about being in a vat of spaghetti and naked and she's sliding around and there are meatballs sliding around and

• 50:07Speaker 01

  Oh, that one was mine.

• 50:08Speaker 05

  Well, thank you so much. It's gotten so much attention, that one.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  I love spaghetti.

• 50:17Conan O'Brien?

  It really had nothing, it was not an erotic fantasy at all. It's just she loves spaghetti. Yeah, yeah.

• 50:24Speaker 05

  Um, but it's really, it's really delightful and everybody, you know, it really sticks in people's minds.

• 50:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:31Speaker 05

  Um, and then another one, a woman who's recently had a, a double mastectomy, who is, um, you know, curious about, um, not just relearning her new body, but having the experience of learning it and feeling it again through, through somebody else and their experience of it. So looking forward to having, um, a sexual experience, um, but with this new body and exploring what, what, you know, the, the different ways that, um, she can feel again, um, uh, something that she hasn't for quite a while. And, um, you know, obviously

• 51:13Speaker 05

  that's incredibly, uh, moving and, you know, extraordinary that somebody took the time to write about that and to send it in and to share that very vulnerable experience. So there's a, a very wide range of.

• 51:28Conan O'Brien?

  But also I'm sure healing for them to get this book and see that they're in there.

• 51:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:34Conan O'Brien?

  And they've

• 51:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:36Conan O'Brien?

  they're being heard.

• 51:37Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 51:38Conan O'Brien?

  In the, in a very powerful way.

• 51:39Speaker 05

  Yeah. I've got one more story, which is at, at the last, or the penultimate event that I did at the Barbican. Um, Olivia Wilde read a particular story about a woman who fantasized, who moved into a new neighborhood with her husband and good friend for, uh, they'd been married for a long time. And there was a woman who lived down the street in her new neighborhood and she, um, uh, fantasized about her. After the show, I did a meet and greet, uh, to raise more money for charity. And, um, a woman was there and she said, my letter was read tonight.

• 52:22Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 52:23Speaker 05

  And I said, wow, which one? And she said, if you don't mind telling me.

• 52:28Conan O'Brien?

  She had a meatball on her head.

• 52:29Speaker 05

  She started spaghetti sauce on the side of her face.

• 52:34Conan O'Brien?

  Let me guess.

• 52:35Speaker 05

  Um, she said, the one that Olivia Wilde read. And I was trying to think, I was trying to think. And she said, and this is my new partner.

• 52:44Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow. That's great.

• 52:46Speaker 05

  She was actually there, sitting in the audience with the woman that she was now partnered with, having fantasized about. And I have to say, the book is not a proponent for leaving long-term relationships and, you know, throwing a wrench into your lives. But at the same time, you know, that's an extraordinary story and experience and those things happen for people.

• 53:08Conan O'Brien?

  It's remarkable.

• 53:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:10Conan O'Brien?

  It really is remarkable. Um, just want to make sure that, yeah, Want is the original, which is always available. And More is coming out, I think in a couple of weeks.

• 53:19Speaker 05

  September 10th, I think, yeah.

• 53:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma is a wonderful film. Doesn't roll off the tongue, that title. Uh, but it's really wonderful. And, um, it has been way too long since I had a chance to talk to you. And you're remarkable, really are. And so thrilled that you could make the time to come in and talk to us.

• 53:43Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 53:44Conan O'Brien?

  Really great.

• 53:45Speaker 05

  That was such a pleasure. It's nice to see you again.

• 53:46Conan O'Brien?

  Nice to see you as well. Well, that's our time. I've never ended that way. I'm pretending we're a radio show now. It's news and weather now, 10 on the 10. Oh, by the way, the wellness drink, the G-spot.

• 53:59Speaker 05

  So it's not actually, it's not actually a wellness drink. No, no, no. It's like a, it's a healthy, functional soda. So it's got adaptogens and nootropics in it, like lion's mane and cordyceps and et cetera. And it's, uh, one is called Lift and it's red berries and sarawak pepper. And there's one called Protect, which is ginger and peppercorn. Also has, uh, turmeric and vitamin Bs and Cs and stuff. And then there's, um, uh, Soothe, which is, uh, scarlet apple and sage. And it's got chaga and it's got a lot of sage. It's apparently really good also with gin, but, um.

• 54:36Conan O'Brien?

  I'm listening.

• 54:36Speaker 05

  Or you could just have gin. You could just have gin. No, but it's a really good mixer too. But, um, yeah. And then, um, and then there's, uh, what's now called Awaken, which is a bit of an aphrodisiac, which we have actually wrapped in, uh, collaboration with Mubi, um, for the film. And it's usually purple and the liquid itself is a beautiful purple color because it's got butterfly pea in it, which is, um, it's real, uh, like scientific name is cliteroli or something like that, or something with orclit in it, but, um.

• 55:11Conan O'Brien?

  This is the one for me.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  But it's a very, it's a, it's, uh, yeah, it gets your blood pumping a bit. Anyway, so we, we wrapped it like the, like the movie with little death on the front and stuff. And so it's, um.

• 55:22Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna check that out. Those sound really good.

• 55:23Speaker 05

  That's, that's passion fruit and habanero, that one.

• 55:26Conan O'Brien?

  You know, we'll get some, we'll get someone to bring it in here and have a tasting.

• 55:30Speaker 05

  I will, I will, I will get some sent to you guys. Don't, don't worry about it. I'll get some sent.

• 55:35Conan O'Brien?

  Well, thank you so much again. It's amazing.

• 55:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:45Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them? You fell for it.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam.

• 55:51Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  I did lose and it was very inconvenient. And now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.

• 55:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I don't know where they got that impression. Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:20Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 56:21Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 56:22Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this. It's so much money.

• 56:24Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point. One accidental click, Sona, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 56:36Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this? If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 57:07Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  What?

• 57:10Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things. So I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 57:14Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:15Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 57:22Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 57:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. There are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 57:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:27Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:29Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 57:36Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 57:37Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about like making apple cider and, uh, that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 57:46Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 57:46Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:48Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 58:00Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's a great idea.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 58:01Conan O'Brien?

  You know, um, you can see art anytime, but how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 58:06Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 58:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 58:11Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to tmobile.com and find yours best based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data, first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit tmobile.com. Consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 58:38Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:47Conan O'Brien?

  You know?

• 58:48Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 58:48Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 58:53Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe.

• 58:56Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 58:58Speaker 01

  I know. Yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 59:01Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 59:25Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, David Hopping, uh, has an item he wants to bring to our council meeting. What do you got there, David?

• 59:31Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me.

• 59:34Speaker 03

  I have found a quiz online that is called Platonic Healthy Relationship/Friendship Quiz. And we are gonna find out if you two have a healthy relationship.

• 59:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 59:44Speaker 03

  This is all gonna be really Sona's answers.

• 59:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  You're welcome to chime in, but there's 20, there's.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  We'll do as, no, we'll, no, we'll just do as many as we can.

• 59:52Conan O'Brien?

  So, uh, this is a quiz to determine if we could have a healthy platonic relationship or if we do have one.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Or if we do have one.

• 59:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 59:58Speaker 03

  Okay, so we're gonna start, Sona. Number one.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  Is Conan supportive of your passions, work, hobbies, and other aspects of your life? Yes or no?

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  Actually, yes. He is very, very supportive.

• 1:00:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:00:09Speaker 03

  Does he encourage you to try new things?

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Don't you encourage, yeah, you do. You encourage me to get outside of my comfort zone.

• 1:00:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, until like, I do suggest, you know, try doing some work at some point. That's it. That's a new thing. So yes.

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  Does he listen to you when you need support?

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  He does. He actually, you know what? I'm, I thought this was gonna go another way.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  It's going really well.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Like, does he smack cookies out of your hand?

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  Does he respect your boundaries physically, emotionally, related to your time or otherwise?

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  No, boundaries? No.

• 1:00:37Conan O'Brien?

  I do not. If she's eating any food item and seems to be enjoying it, I will slap it out of her hand.

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  If I'm wearing a hair bun, he will slap it until it unravels. He, uh, constantly shakes me and.

• 1:00:47Conan O'Brien?

  I'll just shake some sense into you.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

• 1:00:50Speaker 03

  Does he create opportunities for you to spend time with people other than himself?

• 1:00:57Conan O'Brien?

  Are there people other than myself?

• 1:01:01Conan O'Brien?

  So that would be a no.

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  That's a no?

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  That's a no.

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  Uh, does he encourage you to balance your time between the relationship and other aspects of your life?

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  You know what? Yeah.

• 1:01:10Conan O'Brien?

  I think I do.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  You do that. This is, this is sincere. You do.

• 1:01:13Conan O'Brien?

  I do like when you take care of your kids and when you, you know, have fun and.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have an healthy approach to it.

• 1:01:22Speaker 03

  Does he respect you for who you are and doesn't try to change you?

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Uh, no. He doesn't respect me for, actually, I mean.

• 1:01:30Conan O'Brien?

  I did try to change you for a long time and then I gave up.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  I don't know if you respect me for who I am. I think you tolerate who I am.

• 1:01:37Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, God, no. No, I, I, no respect.

• 1:01:39Speaker 03

  So we're gonna say no.

• 1:01:39Conan O'Brien?

  No respect.

• 1:01:41Speaker 03

  Is this person not well-liked by your friends or family?

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  Oh, God, no, they love him.

• 1:01:47Conan O'Brien?

  Come on, it's so.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  I know. That's one of the most frustrating things about you.

• 1:01:50Conan O'Brien?

  Does your dad know I do an impression of him where I put my finger under my nose and pretend it's a mustache?

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, when you call him Geppetto and stuff, he knows all this stuff and he still likes you as a person.

• 1:01:59Conan O'Brien?

  I think he knows it's good stuff.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  Does he text or call you constantly wondering where you are?

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, you do.

• 1:02:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, back in the day, especially, yeah.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  Has he ever accused you of not being a loyal member of this relationship?

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:02:13Conan O'Brien?

  I haven't.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 1:02:14Conan O'Brien?

  She has, I've always said, for all of her flaws, and there are too many to count here, um, she's one of the most, she's, I, I, I trust, I trust Sona with my life.

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  You know, you know I'm ride or die.

• 1:02:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  Okay, does he tell you to change how you look?

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  Yes, he does.

• 1:02:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, she's gotta change.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, like you talk about me getting an industrial press to straighten my hair.

• 1:02:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but also your clothes. I give you a hard time if you wear the same leather jacket for years and years and years and years and years and years on end, like to everything.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Big, big yes, yes.

• 1:02:43Speaker 03

  Does he make you check in a lot to update him on what you're doing?

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:02:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I do. Yeah.

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  This is hysterical. I'm curious to see how this is gonna end up.

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  Always tells me I need to support them and is never there for me when I need support.

• 1:02:56Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, no, I support Sona.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  He supports me. That's like kind of the first question.

• 1:03:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:01Speaker 03

  Does he ever make you feel bad about yourself?

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Yes, all the time. Absolutely. 100%.

• 1:03:04Conan O'Brien?

  The only way to fix Sona is to get her to realize the monster she already is.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  Does he ever limit your access to your own money? And does he control the finances? You share responsibility for it.

• 1:03:17Conan O'Brien?

  Can I say something? If I could control Sona's money, I would. Because it'd be so much fun, but I don't do that.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  He is the source of my money.

• 1:03:27Speaker 04

  The golden goose.

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  Has he ever spread a rumor about you?

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  Yes, all the time, that I steal, that I am...

• 1:03:34Conan O'Brien?

  That you floated to this country?

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, that I floated.

• 1:03:37Conan O'Brien?

  There was a goat attack in Armenia. Your father built a boat out of some thatch, put you in the ocean, you floated. You came, I think I said you came ashore somewhere around San Diego.

• 1:03:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:03:46Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when I found you and taught you to put on clothes and speak and how to speak English.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I jumped out of a, I think your words were, I jumped out of a bush when you were walking down the street. And I was like, feral creature.

• 1:03:56Conan O'Brien?

  That's what I said to Rolling Stone magazine and they printed it.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, they printed it. Yeah, yeah, so yes, yes.

• 1:04:00Speaker 03

  I hope this answer is no. Does he ever pressure you to engage in physical touch, like hugging or holding hands, et cetera?

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  I mean, not sexually, but he, you know.

• 1:04:09Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, do I ask you to do anything? No.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:04:12Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:13Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  Of course not.

• 1:04:14Speaker 03

  Does he ever blame or shame you when you ask for help or support?

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:04:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  Does he ever make you feel like you need to change part of who you are and that you can't be your authentic self?

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, absolutely.

• 1:04:23Conan O'Brien?

  That's a big, I don't like your authentic self.

• 1:04:26Speaker 03

  Do you ever feel like you're walking on eggshells around Conan?

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Yes, absolutely, 100%. If I wear a shirt that's slightly different than what I normally wear, I'm worried. And I think everybody is, that you're gonna make a, if, God forbid, I wore a denim jacket, you'd be like, hey, Leno called and he wants his shirt back.

• 1:04:48Conan O'Brien?

  Not only would I say that, I do say that.

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  Does he ever yell a little or humiliate you in front of other people?

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  Oh my God!

• 1:04:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I see where this thing is going.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  Does he ever?

• 1:04:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Does he ever grab, push, shove, kick, punch, slap, or hurt you physically in any way?

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Yes, absolutely, 100%.

• 1:05:06Conan O'Brien?

  Every single one of those.

• 1:05:07Speaker 01

  Everything you listed.

• 1:05:08Conan O'Brien?

  And also, is there a place you can write every day?

• 1:05:13Conan O'Brien?

  Is there an unceasing box?

• 1:05:16Speaker 03

  Does Conan ever have big mood swings? They may be yelling at you one minute, then apologizing the next.

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  That is Conan.

• 1:05:22Conan O'Brien?

  I am six feet, four inches, 193 pounds of mood swings.

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  All right, three more questions.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:29Speaker 03

  Does Conan ever try to control what you do, who you see, or how you spend your time?

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Yes, absolutely, 100%, yes, yes.

• 1:05:36Speaker 03

  Does he ever get jealous or possessive?

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  Yes, when I was working for you. Ah, I wouldn't say jealous or possessive, but you'd be like, I am, I should be the number one priority in your life. Things like that, before I had kids, of course.

• 1:05:48Conan O'Brien?

  I still think I should be the number one priority.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  All right, okay, yeah, no.

• 1:05:50Conan O'Brien?

  They're just kids. Can always get other ones.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  That's why he called them rub and tug in the belly, because you were angry that they were existing.

• 1:05:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you started, they were growing inside you and I was enraged.

• 1:06:01Speaker 04

  I think he said that to Shaq.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  He did, yeah.

• 1:06:05Conan O'Brien?

  What did I say to Shaq?

• 1:06:06Speaker 04

  I think when you were talking to Shaq, you said you wanted to call Sona's kids rub and tug.

• 1:06:10Conan O'Brien?

  And Shaq liked it.

• 1:06:11Speaker 04

  And he agreed.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  Do you remember his, his suggestions for names were Mark and Marco?

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  They were the same name.

• 1:06:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but he did say he'd do an Icy Hot commercial. He'd do one and he'd give the proceeds for their college fund.

• 1:06:26Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 1:06:27Conan O'Brien?

  So, okay.

• 1:06:28Speaker 03

  All right, last question. Does Conan ever put you down, call you names, or criticize you?

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Oh my God, yes!

• 1:06:34Conan O'Brien?

  I don't understand, a bunch of these questions, I feel like they know me when they're made.

• 1:06:38Speaker 03

  It really is, this is from like a university website too?

• 1:06:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  Okay, so now I need to tally these up.

• 1:06:44Conan O'Brien?

  All right, you be tallying.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  I'm curious, I want everyone to take this test.

• 1:06:47Conan O'Brien?

  You be tallying while Sona and I talk.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:50Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I think, I don't know, I think this is gonna go poorly for me, this test. That's my, you know, it's one of those things where I don't even need the driving instructor to tell me.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:06:58Conan O'Brien?

  Because there's a postman on my windshield bleeding out. So I don't need to be told that this test didn't go well, I know that, but...

• 1:07:07Conan O'Brien?

  The facts remain, I love you.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:07:09Conan O'Brien?

  I care about you, you're a very important person in my life, I'm very proud of you, but... Um, my out, my behavior towards you is completely insane.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  It's abhorrent.

• 1:07:18Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, abhorrent, yeah.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  And it's everybody. I mean, what if Blay got the question, does he ever beat you or kick you?

• 1:07:24Conan O'Brien?

  And Blay, because of his size and strength, I am allowed to actually hit.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:29Conan O'Brien?

  It's Blay and like, maybe now it's down to, because people that write for me, a lot of them can't handle it.

• 1:07:34Speaker 04

  It used to be Michael Coleman was the main.

• 1:07:37Conan O'Brien?

  Michael Coleman, terrific, terrific writer. Matt O'Brien is still.

• 1:07:40Speaker 04

  Matt O'Brien still is.

• 1:07:41Conan O'Brien?

  And no relation, um, but Matt O'Brien, yeah, I will, I will pummel him. And if I see, if I just saw, you know, um, a caution sign on the side of the road, I would pull it out of the ground and be beating him with the iron sign. And that's, and that's my way of showing love.

• 1:07:57Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 1:07:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:58Speaker 04

  I'm more worried the days you don't hit me.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  I know, I think that's the thing. If you did like, respect me and didn't make fun of me, and I'd be, I'd be like, we need to get him to a hospital.

• 1:08:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  I remember the first time you made fun of me, Sona pulled me aside and was just like, just so you know, that's, that's a really good thing.

• 1:08:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you want that. This is how it works in abusive relationships.

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  You've made it, David.

• 1:08:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:21Speaker 03

  All right, do you want the results?

• 1:08:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, let's hear it.

• 1:08:23Speaker 03

  You guys scored 24.

• 1:08:25Conan O'Brien?

  Out of?

• 1:08:26Speaker 03

  It just says 30 plus. You are most likely in an abusive relationship.

• 1:08:33Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I could have told you, I could have told you that.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  This isn't meant to name your experience and just hopes to serve as an opportunity to connect you with people who can help you.

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  If you feel unsafe with this person, uh, help is available.

• 1:08:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I love that, first of all, this is just between us, this will never go out to the larger world. And, oh, are these microphones?

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, they are, they are.

• 1:09:00Speaker 03

  And cameras?

• 1:09:01Conan O'Brien?

  And cameras, uh, yeah, that's, uh, well, there you have it.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  There you have it.

• 1:09:06Conan O'Brien?

  And I don't dispute any of that, and I would have, the first question should have been, is Sona in an abusive relationship with you? And I would have said, oh, yeah.

• 1:09:13Speaker 04

  We could have skipped the whole thing.

• 1:09:13Conan O'Brien?

  That could have been done in one question.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  The first question should have been, do you work for Conan O'Brien?

• 1:09:22Conan O'Brien?

  A true monster, a true monster. But I meant what I said, I love you, I care about you, I don't hit you, um, you know, I, I bat at food out of your hands, and I will, if you have your hair up in a topknot, I will knock it loose so it cascades down.

• 1:09:36Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:37Conan O'Brien?

  But...

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:38Conan O'Brien?

  Physical stuff, uh, you know, I, I make sure that it's someone like Blay who can really take it.

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's really sweet.

• 1:09:45Conan O'Brien?

  And Blay, you're free to, you're free to make it stop at any time, maybe, we'll see.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  I think it's an, it's an honor. I don't know how you feel, but...

• 1:09:52Conan O'Brien?

  Well, Blay, you can say, you know.

• 1:09:53Speaker 01

  I love getting abused by you, I don't know what that says about me.

• 1:09:56Speaker 03

  There's fans who probably wish they could get hit by Conan.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  I know, but you're, this is the best job I've ever had, I'm not going anywhere.

• 1:10:02Speaker 04

  I, I honestly think it's great, it's like brothers. It's like, it's like we're siblings.

• 1:10:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I grew up, all I did was, my brothers and I would fight, it would be fake fighting, but it was a lot of, um, so that, there's ways in which my, many ways in which my development was arrested, if you will.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  I think we're all substitutes for your siblings.

• 1:10:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  And that's, you know, we're all paying the price.

• 1:10:23Conan O'Brien?

  And they're still paying the price too.

• 1:10:28Conan O'Brien?

  You think I moved on from them? I just got more. All right, well, David, this was a really good idea, thank you.

• 1:10:36Conan O'Brien?

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:10:56Conan O'Brien?

  Our supervising producer is Erin Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:11:46Speaker 05

  3 o'clock, kids are home. Your to-do list isn't done. New Kraft Mac and Cheese Power Mac was made for days like this. Kraft Mac and Cheese Power Mac packs the same irresistible creamy cheesy flavor you love, now with 17 grams of protein and 6 grams of fiber. Fuels you up, keeps you going, because your day doesn't stop.

• 1:12:07Speaker 05

  Kraft Mac and Cheese Power Mac. Find it at your favorite retailer. The best thing ever keeps getting better. Suffering from dry, tired, irritated eyes? Don't let dry eyes win. Use Sustain Pro. It hydrates, restores, and protects dry eyes for up to 12 hours. Sustain Pro, triple action dry eye relief.