Eric Andre Returns Again

Comedian, writer, and actor Eric Andre feels like sandpaper about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Eric sits down with Conan to discuss and his mental health, his Uber conversation preferences, and his new film with John Cena, Little Brother. Plus, the gang consider Conan as a terminator in a new installment of Review The Reviewer. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 362-2295.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:06Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:09Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:24Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 0:56Conan O'Brien?

  One in four Americans targeted by scams ended up falling for them.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  I did.

• 1:00Conan O'Brien?

  For me, it would be four out of four. Did you fall for a scam?

• 1:01Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam once.

• 1:03Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  They didn't steal much.

• 1:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yep, still, you got taken for a ride.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  I did.

• 1:08Conan O'Brien?

  And you just put it out there that you're easy to scam.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  I am.

• 1:10Conan O'Brien?

  One accident, little click, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Thankfully, there's LifeLock. LifeLock has live, US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to full restoration. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. This is a good thing to have in your back pocket, don't you think?

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I need this.

• 1:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you do need it. You need it fast. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Hi, my name is Eric Andre.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  And I feel like sandpaper. Ask Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 1:57Conan O'Brien?

  How are you sandpaper?

• 1:58Speaker 02

  I don't know. I realized last time I said moist, so I was about to say moist again, and then I was like, no, you already did that joke! And then I was like, what's the opposite of moist?

• 2:10Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I am joined by Sona Movsesian. Hey, Sona.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 2:33Conan O'Brien?

  Matt Gourley, how are you, sir?

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Hi, good, thanks.

• 2:35Conan O'Brien?

  I'm going to attempt something that has very low odds of working.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:40Conan O'Brien?

  And I'll explain why. I thought, hey, maybe we should talk about World Cup. Um, it's a huge thing, massive, biggest sporting event in the world. It's, uh, involves 48 countries, which is being hosted by Canada, Mexico, USA. But here's the problem. I don't think anyone here in this podcast right now, just the three of us, really cares about the World Cup.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  That's not true.

• 3:02Conan O'Brien?

  It is true.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  It's not true.

• 3:03Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think you care at all.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, it's the only sports I ever watch every four years. I really enjoy the World Cup.

• 3:07Conan O'Brien?

  The only sports I ever watch?

• 3:08Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, you're not selling it.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  I'm not, you guys know that I don't care about sports.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  I actually love it too, because soccer players are hot. They're really attractive.

• 3:16Conan O'Brien?

  And that's why you watch, right?

• 3:17Speaker 01

  That's why I watch.

• 3:17Conan O'Brien?

  When you're watching with your boys, you go, "I do that guy."

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I high-five him, like, "Right, boys? He can be your dad."

• 3:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  At bat.

• 3:25Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God. You guys want a brother? That's just, come on, man. Clean it up, Sona.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  I love TAC, too. I don't want...

• 3:32Speaker 03

  Two.

• 3:33Conan O'Brien?

  No, two. But that's nice. Oh, my heart also has warmth for the father of my children.

• 3:41Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I shouldn't say that, but I'll say is, I wouldn't say the three of us are well-versed in talking about World Cup.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 3:49Conan O'Brien?

  And we are recording this, I think, three weeks ahead of time, so we don't know where in the World Cup, uh, certain teams will be, who will be eliminated, what's going on. So we're really attempting something that I think is difficult on maybe seven different levels.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:06Conan O'Brien?

  And, um...

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Do you say several or seven?

• 4:11Speaker 03

  He mixed both. On seven different levels.

• 4:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Well, sorry.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  Sorry, I didn't let it slide.

• 4:16Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  I was gonna, I was gonna let it go.

• 4:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, but I have a hard time when I talk about the sports of soccer.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  Oh, that's right. You didn't let that go. Fuck you. Hit him. Hit him hard.

• 4:27Conan O'Brien?

  So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna ask Eduardo to really help us out here. Because Eduardo, this, uh, this is something that's very near and dear to your heart. You need to supply the passion here.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 4:37Conan O'Brien?

  You need to supply the passion, because I'm not gonna get it from anywhere else on this table.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  All right.

• 4:41Conan O'Brien?

  So let's talk about it. We're a couple of weeks in. What do you think has happened by this point? Who's been eliminated?

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Man.

• 4:46Conan O'Brien?

  Come on.

• 4:47Speaker 03

  All right. So I'll tell you that going into this, the top five countries predicted to compete for the final is Argentina, Spain, France, Portugal, and maybe Germany or England. Uh, give or take one of them. It's the same as it almost always is without Brazil.

• 5:03Conan O'Brien?

  But where are the Dutch?

• 5:04Speaker 03

  The Dutch are actually considered a dark horse in this tournament.

• 5:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's what I thought. No, no, I did know that the Dutch, uh, and it's funny, because when you think someone's saying, "Where are the Dutch?" You'd be like, "Oh, he's making a joke." No, I'm not. They, they're very good.

• 5:18Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 5:18Conan O'Brien?

  And they could come out of nowhere. Wouldn't that be fantastic if the Dutch were still in play?

• 5:21Speaker 03

  I wouldn't be surprised if they're making a deep run. So if we're looking into our crystal ball, that's a good prediction.

• 5:26Conan O'Brien?

  And if you're listening right now and the Dutch are out of it, that's on Eduardo.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 5:30Conan O'Brien?

  I believe. Anyway, okay, so go ahead. Tell us more.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, it's being hosted by three different countries, all North Americans.

• 5:36Conan O'Brien?

  What does that mean when they say hosting it? Uh, yes, that's where the actual events are taking place.

• 5:42Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 5:42Conan O'Brien?

  But does it, do they also have to, you know, when you hear host, sometimes you think they have to supply food, drinks, that kind of thing.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  Hosting the Olympics, man.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're not hosting it for game night.

• 5:51Conan O'Brien?

  I know, I'm just trying to do a new thing where when you host, you really should be a host.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:55Conan O'Brien?

  You shouldn't charge for food and drink.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  And there should be ambiance and music.

• 5:58Conan O'Brien?

  There should be music. You should, uh, it's just an idea I had.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  Awkward banter in the beginning. Yeah, it's okay.

• 6:04Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly. And then people should say, "Hey, knock it off if it goes after 10."

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Every spectator has to send a thank you note. Well, speaking of, uh,

• 6:11Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you notes are huge.

• 6:12Speaker 03

  Speaking of after 10, the cool thing about this one, for us that live here in the States or in North America, the times are like reasonable times for us to watch.

• 6:19Conan O'Brien?

  So I don't have to go to a pub at 3:00 in the morning to watch Croatia, uh, play against Orlando?

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Correct. There'll be games starting at noon, and the last game will be like at 7:00 o'clock at night. So,

• 6:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Cool fight.

• 6:31Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, it's a full days of soccer.

• 6:34Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, let me ask you something, and this is something, because I'm a patriot. America's getting better. Aren't we getting better? It's, it's, I know it's a long road, but what does America have to do to really be competitive in world soccer? That's a good question, I think.

• 6:47Speaker 04

  It's a great question.

• 6:48Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you.

• 6:49Speaker 04

  They have taken a lot of steps forward and a couple of small steps back. So this one, it's a crapshoot. USA, some of us wouldn't be surprised if they're still in it at this time in three weeks. Some of us wouldn't be surprised if they're actually eliminated.

• 7:01Conan O'Brien?

  Where do you fall, Eduardo? What do you think?

• 7:02Speaker 04

  I, I'd be surprised if they're still in it at this point in three weeks. That's not to say that they're not good. I, I just.

• 7:08Conan O'Brien?

  Is it one of those things where it's just, it's, we didn't, um, in other countries, it's just such a part of the culture and it's not as much here. And maybe you, is this a graph that's never going to completely take? Meaning will we ever be really competitive with Argentina, with, uh, Spain, some of these other countries?

• 7:28Speaker 04

  No, I think we will get there. I think it's just taking a lot longer. I think we're competing as like the fourth major sport, well, now fourth major sport. At one point it was like the fifth or sixth major sport in this country. It's slowly turning with the help of the MLS.

• 7:40Conan O'Brien?

  Pickleball has slowed us down.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  I agree.

• 7:42Conan O'Brien?

  I think the, the excitement around pickleball, excitement around pickleball, I think we were starting to gain. And then everybody who was really starting to get interested in soccer, or as of course others say, football, um, they, pickleball came around and now I think it's, that has added another hundred years.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  I agree. We should ban pickleball.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  There's a lot of overlap.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  I don't like that it competes.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Are you going to the game?

• 8:05Speaker 04

  I hope so.

• 8:07Conan O'Brien?

  Also, what's that game where on your iPhone you put, uh?

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Heads up.

• 8:10Conan O'Brien?

  Heads up.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  That's what we were playing a lot.

• 8:12Conan O'Brien?

  I think Heads Up put us back another hundred years too.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  And you're discounting Settlers of Conan as well.

• 8:16Conan O'Brien?

  I think, I think, what's that?

• 8:17Speaker 04

  Settlers of Conan.

• 8:18Conan O'Brien?

  What was that?

• 8:19Speaker 04

  It's this famous board game that everybody played for like 10 years.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  There's like bartering.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  Wheat and textiles.

• 8:24Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I love it when people come over and we have some wine and we all start bartering. I probably would. I probably would. I shouldn't be, I, I shouldn't be negative about it, but I do think that Heads Up.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:35Conan O'Brien?

  Um, something of Conan.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  You can get Conan but not settlers?

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Remember the hard one?

• 8:44Conan O'Brien?

  I thought it was Chris Conan, I thought, um.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  And pickleball.

• 8:48Conan O'Brien?

  And then pickleball, I think those things have probably destroyed our chances of being competitive in what I call football and which Eduardo calls soccer.

• 8:56Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, yeah, I just, I, I'm, but anyway, that's what's happening. I resolve almost every year to pick a team and really get involved and really follow soccer.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  So who are you gonna pick?

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, who's, who's your pick?

• 9:09Speaker 03

  You gotta go with the Dutch now.

• 9:11Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I don't have to go with the Dutch.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  What was the figure of speech?

• 9:14Conan O'Brien?

  That's just true. And, and I think a worthwhile figure of speech, to be honest with you.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Do you know any soccer players?

• 9:19Conan O'Brien?

  Do I know them? I mean, personally, I'm very good friends. I don't know the sport very well, but I'm very good friends with most of the players.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 9:26Conan O'Brien?

  Messi, Messi was at my house like three weeks ago.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:29Conan O'Brien?

  He was. He comes by a lot.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  You guys are not hanging out.

• 9:33Conan O'Brien?

  What are you talking about? Why would you find that hard to believe? He loves my house and he always wants to go over to Sandler's house. And I'm like, what do you need Sandler for? I'm here.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:40Conan O'Brien?

  And he's like, Sandler are much more famous than you. And I said, why are you talking in that stilted way? And he said, you-

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Are you trying to do an Argentinian accent?

• 9:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And he said, you know so little about me. You do stilted accent. That's what he said. This is all true.

• 9:56Conan O'Brien?

  He said, your impression of me belies the fact that we are not friends and you don't know me in real life. That's what he said to me. And then I said, belies the fact? Why are you speaking in broken English and then saying belies the fact? And he said, this is a terrible riff. Don't do it on the podcast.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  No, I'm gonna do it Severin times.

• 10:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm gonna do it Sever-

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Severin?

• 10:13Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, that's funny. That's funny.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  That's when you misspoke, remember?

• 10:17Conan O'Brien?

  I don't remember. I don't remember. It's so seldom. It really happens at all. Probably happens at all.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 10:24Conan O'Brien?

  It does happen.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  He's dying right in front of us.

• 10:26Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, ask you a question.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 10:28Conan O'Brien?

  This is really dark, but let's say something were to happen to me. There was a medical event.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  Oh god.

• 10:32Conan O'Brien?

  And then later on, a doctor said, didn't you hear it in the podcast? The degeneration of his neuromuscular ability to speak.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  Do you wanna hear something darker? You've asked this question before.

• 10:44Conan O'Brien?

  I know!

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Oh no!

• 10:45Conan O'Brien?

  But aren't you guys gonna, I know that I've asked it before, but I'm begging you guys to please pay attention.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Oh no!

• 10:51Conan O'Brien?

  When I misspeak, don't giggle. Say, are you okay, Conan?

• 10:55Speaker 03

  We're trying to move it along. Let it happen.

• 10:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, get me to the grave a little faster.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 10:59Conan O'Brien?

  And you can all do your pity episode. Oh, we're so sorry about Conan. Ka-ching.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  It's gonna be a Thursday episode.

• 11:07Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, and on Thursday, we talk about Conan's passing. Oh my god, that would be great. And then stick around, we're getting together the cast of Facts of Life.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Oh, that'd be cool.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  I know. Can you name them all?

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Can I name them all?

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  Tootie, Joe.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  No, they're real names, you rookie.

• 11:24Conan O'Brien?

  What? I wanna hear their show names.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Tootie, Joe, Blair.

• 11:29Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  God, this show meant a lot to you.

• 11:32Speaker 01

  It did, but I do know the theme.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Natalie.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  You take the good, you take the... Natalie!

• 11:36Speaker 03

  We were walking in here, I went today, I wonder, I'm not kidding you.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Stop.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  I went, I was singing in Facts of Life, I wonder if that'll come up on the show today.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Stop it, Matthew.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  I'm not saying I'm psychic, I'm saying I'm close.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  What?

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Were you watching it recently?

• 11:50Speaker 03

  No, it just came to my head.

• 11:52Conan O'Brien?

  Say something, a lot of our listeners think this thing is so well crafted, they must write it ahead of time and really work out the architecture of it. And I wanna say that I think this podcast episode proves that that is not the case.

• 12:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, America's screwed.

• 12:07Conan O'Brien?

  Because...

• 12:08Speaker 04

  The soccer team.

• 12:08Conan O'Brien?

  We... They are.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  You know what?

• 12:11Conan O'Brien?

  We were just talking about soccer, World Cup, and then it's Facts of Life, and then you're singing the song.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have the Facts of Life.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  The Facts of Life.

• 12:22Conan O'Brien?

  You take the good, you take the bad, and then what?

• 12:24Speaker 01

  You take them all, and then you have...

• 12:26Speaker 03

  You take the good, you take the bad, you take...

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Them all?

• 12:29Speaker 03

  No, wait, you said it. You take it all, you take the good, you take the bad, and there you have the Facts of Life.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  And there you have, I said, yeah.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  When the world never seems to be living...

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Don't act like you don't know this.

• 12:41Conan O'Brien?

  No, but what I'm saying is, I don't know this song.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  No, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Oh, you take them both? Oh, that's right, that makes more sense grammatically.

• 12:49Conan O'Brien?

  Makes sense as lyrics. You know what song did make sense? Charles Was in Charge.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:56Conan O'Brien?

  Charles in charge of our days and our nights. Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  That doesn't make sense.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  That doesn't make sense either.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  No, why is, why is the nanny in charge of your days and your nights?

• 13:08Speaker 03

  And you're like your moral compass of your wrongs and your rights.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Yes, it's too much responsibility for him.

• 13:12Conan O'Brien?

  Anyway, that's our World Cup wrap-up.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  Yes!

• 13:19Conan O'Brien?

  What a mess.

• 13:20Speaker 03

  Into Eric Andre.

• 13:21Conan O'Brien?

  All right, my guest today is a hilarious comedian and host-

• 13:24Speaker 01

  That was an intro? Oh my god.

• 13:28Conan O'Brien?

  Of the Eric Andre Show on Adult Swim. What a mess. Now you can see him in the new-

• 13:32Speaker 03

  This is what people come for, and this is what we promise, and this is what we deliver. And I don't regret it.

• 13:37Conan O'Brien?

  Now you can see Eric, our good friend, in the new Netflix movie, Little Brother, a movie he made with Mr. John Cena.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  I will also say this is appropriate for this interview.

• 13:46Conan O'Brien?

  It really is. Because it's all, the wheels have come off this trolley many times. I always love when Eric stops by.

• 13:57Conan O'Brien?

  Eric Andre, welcome.

• 14:02Conan O'Brien?

  Here's why I love having you on the podcast. You are a cartoon character, you're not a real person, and I am a cartoon character. I'm not a real person, and when we're together, I'm just happy. Because-

• 14:15Speaker 02

  And the rest of America's annoyed.

• 14:17Conan O'Brien?

  Annoyed and miserable at the shenanigans. But you don't live in the real world. And whenever I, you just don't, you just don't.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  You think I stand out?

• 14:26Conan O'Brien?

  You are, you're an insane cartoon character. You bounce off walls, you crash through ceilings-

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:32Conan O'Brien?

  To the delight of everyone.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  Well, my comedy hero is Gonzo from The Muppet Show. I had this VHS tape growing up. It was called, it was a clips episode of The Muppet Show that Gonzo hosted in a Hugh Hefner vest. And his wife was that chicken, remember? He had a chicken for a wife?

• 14:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  And he hosted this thing, it was called like, The Weirdest Sketches on- It wasn't called The Weirdest Sketches on The Muppet Show, but it was like, The Weirdest Parts of The Muppet Show. It had a more elegant title than what I'm saying. And it was just a clip show, and he was like Dick Clark, slash Hugh Hefner. And he intro'd all the weirdest clips from The Muppet Show, and I would watch that VHS like, over and over and over. Formative, formative, I haven't thought about that.

• 15:16Conan O'Brien?

  For me, it was Warner Brothers cartoons, but I always thought, well, that's the highest form of comedy, is people getting stretched out, elongated, people looking into Cameron going, uh-uh, and then- Falling.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:27Conan O'Brien?

  And then I would walk away like an accordion. Those are the, I just willed myself to be. One of those people.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  The reality is you'd have a horrible and painful death.

• 15:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  There'd be no comedic value.

• 15:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, Eric, I would, but the coroner would say, oh, my God. We just looked at the x-rays of his body. It's a, it's accordion. You know, and then they would, they would push on each side of my body would go like.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Weird Al Yankovic would be like.

• 15:59Conan O'Brien?

  So, uh, for all those reasons, I'm delighted you're here. I really am.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  I don't want to leave. You had to forcibly remove me last time.

• 16:06Conan O'Brien?

  I did.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  This is my favorite pocket. You're, you're one of my favorite human beings.

• 16:10Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  When I look in.

• 16:12Conan O'Brien?

  Then why the, why the angry mail all the time from you?

• 16:15Speaker 02

  Uh, well.

• 16:17Conan O'Brien?

  That's what you die. And then you sign your name. Yours truly.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Well.

• 16:21Conan O'Brien?

  Eric Andre. Why do you write those to me and your return addresses on them?

• 16:26Speaker 02

  And they're filled with anthrax.

• 16:29Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's what that is.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:30Conan O'Brien?

  I thought it was powdered sugar.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  You know, celebrities are. They're not well.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  I'm not a celebrity. I still drive an Uber, but, um.

• 16:41Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, as a passenger or as a?

• 16:43Speaker 02

  No, as a, as a driver.

• 16:45Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  As a, it wasn't a good joke. That also died in my mouth. There's a, there's a, uh, tombstone on my molar.

• 16:53Conan O'Brien?

  Here lies Uber joke. You'd be a great Uber driver. Or a terrible one who wouldn't stop talking, but I would love it if you picked me up in an Uber. That would be so much fun.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Uh, what do you do when they start chatting you up? Or back in the day, yellow cabs, when you were in New York City, when they start chat, chatting you up.

• 17:08Conan O'Brien?

  This is gonna sound weird to people.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Would you, would you lean in and chat or would you just be like?

• 17:12Conan O'Brien?

  I think they want him to stop chatting. No, no, this is, this is what's weird. This is what's weird. And I hope this doesn't put people off of me. But when I call an Uber, I did, I bought one of those Plexiglas separators. And I have it, it's heavy. And I carry it with me and I call an Uber and when I get in, I quickly attach it.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  You have one for each make and model?

• 17:34Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I say, I look up which car they're gonna be, and they're like, oh, it's gonna be a Toyota four by four. And I go like, I know which one is for the Toyota four by four. I know which one is for, you know, I mean, literally every kind of SUV.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Your house is like a Plexiglas.

• 17:48Conan O'Brien?

  That's all it is. And I quickly shout to my son, and this is, he, I won't let him go to college, so he just is the guy that, he is my caddy for Plexiglas separators. And I'll just say things like, it's a, you know, it's a, it's a, it's a Subaru outback. And he's like, got it, what year? And I'll go, 98, and then he rushes in. So that's kind of a dick move and they always get very like, what the fuck? And I'm like, shut up, I don't wanna talk to you. And then I actually drill into their seats and they don't like that.

• 18:17Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  You go, uh, uh, uh.

• 18:21Conan O'Brien?

  So see, what see, no talky walky.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no, no. Shh.

• 18:26Conan O'Brien?

  Now, what do you do, because I would imagine we're probably similar spirits that you like to talk to people. You like talking to anyone, right?

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Not in, not in the, not in the, uh, not in the cab, not in the Uber. Well, it depends on, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm catching up on work and I'm locked in. Or, and I got my laptop on my lap or my, or I'm doing work on the phone.

• 18:51Conan O'Brien?

  What, you're building a rocket? What? Locked in, getting the specs for reentry. You gotta get just the right, what the hell are you locked in on?

• 19:00Speaker 02

  I'm trying to write jokes, I'm trying to write ideas.

• 19:04Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  You've worked in this business.

• 19:07Conan O'Brien?

  Really? I've never sat down and written a joke, I just go.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  You wrote on legacy shows since.

• 19:16Conan O'Brien?

  I did, I did, but I was never, in my defense, I did, but I was never locked in. No, I get it, I get it, I'm just giving you shit, cuz I, it's fun. You know, we're good guys, we're good guys hanging out and giving you shit.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  You're harassing me.

• 19:28Conan O'Brien?

  I'm harassing you, I'm harassing you.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  You're constantly harassing me, you show up at my house, I don't know how you got my address. I think you looked through the paperwork.

• 19:35Conan O'Brien?

  I look at the return address on your hate mail.

• 19:39Conan O'Brien?

  It's funny, because the last time I saw you, I was doing a club here in LA, and you were about to go on, and it's the same thing. If I'm about to go on-

• 19:48Speaker 02

  I had my, I'm not gonna say ginger, you get that too often. I have my redhead friend from Australia, very funny comedic actor, Reese Mitchell. And instantly, you guys locked eyes-

• 19:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  And you went over to him, and you went, "When's the last time you got your skin checked?" And you guys talked about-

• 20:05Conan O'Brien?

  I did.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Skin-

• 20:06Conan O'Brien?

  That's-

• 20:07Speaker 02

  For like thirty minutes, and then you went up and you're like, "I gotta get ready for the Oscars."

• 20:12Conan O'Brien?

  No, I did do that-

• 20:13Speaker 02

  It was like a match made, they saw each other- And it was like, they were instant best friends, and they just talked about skin health.

• 20:21Conan O'Brien?

  And you kept trying to talk-

• 20:22Speaker 03

  That's like what two widows do when they've lost a husband or something, that's-

• 20:26Conan O'Brien?

  That's right, that's right. "How are you managing?" "I'm getting by." And-

• 20:32Speaker 02

  Instantly, there was no hesitation. He like, you looked into Reese's eyes, and you just went right in, and you gave him like a dermatologist's number-

• 20:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  You guys were, and it was like-

• 20:42Conan O'Brien?

  I had him take off his shirt- And I did a very close exam with those special glasses and that special light. And I did not like what I saw. Yeah, but it's funny how-

• 20:53Speaker 02

  You didn't let me answer, rude, by the way, well, how I am in an Uber. And I am very rude in an Uber. No, I, I, I don't usually like to talk. Well, I like to talk if the person's interesting, but it's a crapshoot, so the risk, I do a risk assessment-

• 21:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  And sometimes the person knows when to stop talking and start talking, and sometimes they're interesting and stuff you're interested in, sometimes it's a crazy person.

• 21:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  So, you do a little bit of risk assessment, so I don't, because I don't want that like, you know, three percent of them that are batshit crazy. There was a guy, as soon as I get in, got in his car, within ten seconds, he's like, "I love fentanyl, man, that's my problem." And I go-

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Oh my god!

• 21:41Speaker 02

  I go, "Well, uh, yeah, I'm, I'm listening to some tunes in my, you see my headphone?" I was like, "That's, I'm sorry, that's horrible." And he's like, "God, I just quit, though, I just quit." I go, "Oh, when?" "Couple days ago," and he's pulling up to my house, so I'm like, "Great, now this guy has my home address." And I'm like, "This is an office, it looks like a house that I live in." It's an office, I'm going to work at the end of the day. It's kind of a weird job and I can't tell you anything about it because I don't like the fact that you have my personal information. And he was telling me, he's like, "The patches are better than shooting it up, but shooting it up with the patch on." But I'm through with that shit, man.

• 22:19Conan O'Brien?

  Also, he's been driving you.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he's been in charge of whether you live or die.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, uh, I'm plagued by that Uber driver and my heart goes out to his afflictions. But I was trapped and we were in like the thick of traffic, like we're in West Hollywood at like 5:00 PM. So it was like the slowest, what would take like 20 minutes to get back to my house, took like an hour and a half, you know? And it was the longest afternoon of my life. Yeah, it was rough.

• 22:48Conan O'Brien?

  I always say this, if the driver's been weird and they pull up to my house, I always say, "It's been nice, uh, talking to you." By the way, we're selling my house tonight. To Eric Andre. Yeah, to Eric Andre.

• 23:04Conan O'Brien?

  Who, by the way, loves visitors. And, uh... Has a stash of fentanyl. Keeps vintage fentanyl.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  He keeps his fentanyl right by his loose cash. He's got the loose cash room and the fentanyl room. And a bedroom, that's it. Not even a kitchen in there. Anyway.

• 23:25Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, well.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I always say to people, when they pick me up from my house, or if it's a guy that, like the Amazon guy recognized me, or the UPS guy, I go, I just go, "Yeah, I'm Airbnb in this place. Pretty trippy, huh? Anyway, don't think about the address."

• 23:41Conan O'Brien?

  Why is there a mural of you on the garage? Oh, that's why I Airbnb.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, to do a self-portrait on the garage.

• 23:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Is this what you want to talk about? We are so ADD. I don't think we ever make a single point.

• 23:58Conan O'Brien?

  I looked away from you for a second and I forgot who the guest was.

• 24:03Conan O'Brien?

  And then I...

• 24:03Speaker 02

  I'm Harrison Ford.

• 24:04Conan O'Brien?

  And the good news is that then I looked over at you and I was happy that you're here. So it's nice to see you, by the way.

• 24:17Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 24:20Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 24:35Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 24:48Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Hello!

• 25:08Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation technology and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 25:41Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 25:46Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 25:46Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you gotta get them their stuff.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 25:48Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:58Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season, shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 26:34Conan O'Brien?

  Now Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:37Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:40Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 26:45Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 26:47Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 26:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.

• 26:54Conan O'Brien?

  So now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  Aw man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 26:57Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 27:09Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place so you can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 27:37Conan O'Brien?

  I'm curious if, because you have such, and I want to talk about this too, you have such a serious music background. I was reading up on you today.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Boring.

• 27:46Conan O'Brien?

  No, but, no, but.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Sorry, sorry.

• 27:49Conan O'Brien?

  You, so far you've shouted two things at me. Rude and boring.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 27:54Conan O'Brien?

  No, but.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  I can't help myself.

• 27:55Conan O'Brien?

  You just.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  It's very hard to be.

• 27:57Conan O'Brien?

  You just.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Like, bring it back to serious.

• 27:59Conan O'Brien?

  Well, this is gonna stay serious long.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:01Conan O'Brien?

  But I love that you just dropped an album, and it's called Film Scores for Films That Don't Exist.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:08Conan O'Brien?

  It's a classical album. You wrote Film Scores for Movies That Aren't Real.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:13Conan O'Brien?

  And I was listening to it today, a bunch of us were listening to it, and it's legit. It's really good.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Thanks, thank you.

• 28:19Conan O'Brien?

  It's really good.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  I'm flattered about that, thank you.

• 28:20Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, and then I was like, well, wait. I know that you played jazz bass and you're serious. You like studied at Berklee School of Music. But I didn't realize when you were a little kid and you, you started playing tuba when you were really young.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I played piano at five, tuba in sixth grade, and cello and bass in high school.

• 28:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:38Conan O'Brien?

  And then, so this is just something that was in you, like I.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  I went to, I went to school in Boston. I went to Berklee College of Jazz, daddy-o, and I played the, I played the Seinfeld theme over and over again for four years. Yeah, and I flicked a dime under a lamppost.

• 29:00Conan O'Brien?

  That was a chorus.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  I shot a apple off my wife's head, or whatever William S. Burroughs did.

• 29:08Conan O'Brien?

  That's right. And he killed her, right?

• 29:10Speaker 02

  He killed his wife, and then when the cops come, he goes, "We were playing William Tell, the game where you shoot an apple of the head." It was more of like, uh, I think he was like, the laziest excuse for homicide. I'm sorry, I made your podcast so dark.

• 29:25Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, this is what, people love true crime podcasts, so we're gonna become one briefly. But that's what I always heard, is the police show up and he went, "We were playing," and his wife's lying there with a bullet in her head. And he's like, "We were playing William Tell, and I tried to shoot an apple off her head, didn't work out, but she can't arrest me."

• 29:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, and the cops were like, "That's legally, like, I mean, that's solid. Sorry we bothered you."

• 29:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  So, wait, so he ostensibly killed her and then went to the refrigerator, got an apple, and placed it by her head?

• 29:54Conan O'Brien?

  I don't even know if he just said, "I ate the apple."

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Oh, there wasn't even an apple there?

• 29:58Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't know. All of us are talking about this thing, and guess what?

• 30:00Speaker 03

  What kind of true crime podcast is this?

• 30:02Conan O'Brien?

  This is the best kind, where people just shoot off their mouths about a crime that maybe didn't even happen. And I'm gonna just, right now, say, Eric doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about, I don't know what I'm talking about, we both just kinda heard this thing, I yes-anded.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  I also got self-conscious, because I was about to make the same jazz jokes that I made on your podcast last time. So, I was like, "Oh, what's another beat, Nick? I haven't covered William S. Burroughs." And then I heard your audience, everyone's butthole dried out at that, uh, at that moment.

• 30:29Conan O'Brien?

  Interesting, and Adam can-

• 30:30Speaker 02

  They were all moist until, can we say that on your podcast?

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Their buttholes were moist.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  You puritan?

• 30:36Conan O'Brien?

  Adam Sachs will confirm this, no one's ever listened to more than one of these podcasts. We have a huge, huge number of people, but we're just working our way through Earth's population. But no one's ever, after listening to one, listened to another.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Wow. It's a very strange way of getting an audience.

• 30:52Conan O'Brien?

  We were like, uh-

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Stories that will.

• 30:55Conan O'Brien?

  We got a verdict on William S. Burroughs.

• 30:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, it really happened.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  It's dark. You're about to look up some dark.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  1951 in Mexico City.

• 31:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  William S. Burroughs shot and killed his wife.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  And said he was playing.

• 31:06Speaker 04

  Said he was playing William Tell.

• 31:07Conan O'Brien?

  And how did he get off then?

• 31:09Speaker 04

  He didn't. He was convicted.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Oh, he was? Oh, I thought he, I thought they were like, hey.

• 31:14Conan O'Brien?

  So did he go to prison for a long time?

• 31:15Speaker 04

  He was convicted of culpable homicide in Mexico, but, but served only 13 days in jail before his brother secured his release on bail.

• 31:23Conan O'Brien?

  Well, murder, if you're gonna murder your wife, do it in Mexico.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Down to Mexico.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  He was later convicted in absentia, receiving a two-year suspended sentence.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Doesn't seem that bad for killing your wife. Yeah.

• 31:38Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just gonna say, message to all murderers out there, keep that William Tell thing in your back pocket. Keep an apple? And the William Tell story in your back pocket. And maybe do it with a bow and arrow, too, just to really legitimize it. Took all the money and, and shot someone. It was a William Tell game.

• 31:55Speaker 02

  I barely, I barely know what William Tell is beyond a guy that shot an apple off of somebody's head with an arrow. Beyond that, I couldn't tell you.

• 32:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  I couldn't tell you a single thing about William Tell, what era.

• 32:08Conan O'Brien?

  I know he wrote an overture, that's it.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  There is an overture.

• 32:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  For William Tell. Was William Tell a fictional character? You went to Harvard, smarty pants, you tell us. Daddy warbucks? That would be work if you're rich. I meant like an egghead.

• 32:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Einstein.

• 32:25Conan O'Brien?

  There you go. Einstein's better.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  I'm off my game today, Conan.

• 32:29Conan O'Brien?

  You are so off your game. You're just a big mess. Um, and it's delighting me.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  You rooting for the Knicks?

• 32:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Mister Boston?

• 32:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I am. You know why? You know why?

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Are you okay rooting for the Knicks right now?

• 32:40Conan O'Brien?

  I am okay rooting for the Knicks because I think it's a good thing for New York. I spent a lot of time in New York. They haven't had a title since 73. I'm very happy for them. I really am.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Celtics fans listening to you right now. I know. Water shell out? Yeah. Piece of shit human being. How dare he? That's my Boston accent, by the way.

• 32:59Conan O'Brien?

  What Celtics fan has ever committed violence? Look it up. I don't think it's happened. I think I'm. I'm on safe ground.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  Very Boston, historically, very safe sports fans.

• 33:09Conan O'Brien?

  I'm happy for the Knicks, I am.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  No, you can't be.

• 33:12Speaker 02

  Yes, you just know there's like three guys in Dorchester right now pissed at you.

• 33:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  There's a guy in Ale Wife right now pulling his hair out like, "Boney, you're a Celtics fan and nothing else."

• 33:22Conan O'Brien?

  Nothing else.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  I can't do, I can't do, I can do a Braintree accent, but not a Quincy or an Ale Wife.

• 33:28Conan O'Brien?

  What about Burlington, Aaron Nashua? Can you do those?

• 33:30Speaker 02

  I can do Tuxbury and Andover, but I can't do Worcester.

• 33:34Conan O'Brien?

  Pretty good.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  And when it comes to Massachusetts, I only do region by region, my accent work. I'm the Fred Armisen of Massachusetts.

• 33:42Conan O'Brien?

  I thought of something today that would be funny, and you'd have been good at this too. This would be a great thing for you, but I was convinced I should do this. When we record this, I don't know when this airs, but the, the Knicks are up two games. They're looking for a sweep, possibly. They're headed back to Madison Square Garden. It's just like a huge thing. And all these, you know, hardcore Knicks fans who've been there for years, like Shalameh's hardcore Knick fan, Ben Stiller, Spike Lee has been in every Knicks game since they created basketball. I thought it'd be really funny if I dressed up in all this Knicks regalia and somehow forced my way in and did one of those things that some celebrities do where they act like, "I've been a fan all along, but they're just there for the gravy."

• 34:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:28Conan O'Brien?

  And people, I love ideas where people would hate me so much.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:32Conan O'Brien?

  But somehow I get a decent ringside, like courtside seat. And I'm like, "Yeah, yeah." And I keep going over to Shalameh and trying to high five him and Stiller. And I've just got Knicks goggles and a goofy foam hat and we're number one. People would be so justifiably mad.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:51Conan O'Brien?

  And then in interviews, I don't know who any of the players are.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:55Conan O'Brien?

  I'm not even sure how the game is played. Hey, they were shooting against that basket in the first half. What are they over there for?

• 35:02Speaker 02

  And when do they hit a home run already?

• 35:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and then I'm like, "Go Knicks." Go Knicks. Wouldn't people get so mad? And if you were with me-

• 35:13Speaker 02

  I got these tickets for free, F R E E three. I even had the money and the fentanyl patches, hello.

• 35:22Conan O'Brien?

  I called WME and I said, "Make it happen. Get me in to see the Knicks win the World Series of Basketball."

• 35:30Conan O'Brien?

  What a dick move.

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:32Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, you must be fascinated by those things, because that's been-

• 35:36Speaker 02

  I've been, I haven't told anybody this.

• 35:39Conan O'Brien?

  Go ahead.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  I've been photoshopping fake injuries of Knicks players and sending them to my friends who are diehard Knicks fans. So I've been photoshopping fake TMZ articles, like Brunson tore his ACL this morning with today's date. And texting them to my friends who are diehard Knicks fans. And they're like, "I swear to God, Eric, like, your voodoo, whatever you think is funny right now, it is not funny. You are not funny." And the more angry they get, the more I'm cranking out these fake photoshopped articles of injured Knicks players right now.

• 36:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I'm losing friends.

• 36:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's so bad.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:16Conan O'Brien?

  But also just to like, I mean, yes, to say things like, "What?" Text people early in the morning, "Why was Brunson operating a wheat thresher in the first place?"

• 36:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:25Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, what?

• 36:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:26Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Why would they trade Josh Hart to the Pistons now? Between game two and game three of the finals, they're gonna trade him? Okay, it's their team. And my friends are pulling their hair out.

• 36:41Conan O'Brien?

  Well, of course, they take everything with a... I try to, I mean, I think I do stuff like that all the time, where I'm just deadly serious. And I can still convince you, Sona.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, I fall for it. But you guys both seem to like humor that only you think is funny.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's about, I'd be much richer if, uh... I'd have Kevin Hart's bank account, hopefully, if I didn't, um, have that affliction.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  I forgot you gotta do comedy for other people, and then you make it a money.

• 37:11Conan O'Brien?

  I still don't see it that way. I'm still, uh, "If you like this, you can have some."

• 37:17Conan O'Brien?

  And if you don't, get out of my store.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  I'll talk to Ali Wong and she's like on a private jet on her way to play like a soccer stadium in Qatar and I'm doing like the chuckle hut in Coyote Bladder, Mississippi. Like passing out flyers outside of the venue. I'm like, man, I should probably start writing jokes that more than three people like.

• 37:37Conan O'Brien?

  Also, I, I really, yeah, I, I got some pretty good laughs falling 15 feet onto some spikes. And then just recovery time. By the way, do you have lifelong injuries?

• 37:49Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. I mean, you should bring the Jackass guys in here. Those guys are.

• 37:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Very injured. They're like Evel Knievel.

• 37:56Conan O'Brien?

  When Johnny Knoxville starts going through some of his injuries, it actually makes my stomach queasy.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  It's like.

• 38:00Conan O'Brien?

  He's been here and I love the guy, but he's, I mean, he broke his penis. He broke it.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. And he had a catheter.

• 38:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And his eyeball fell out in that one movie and he had to like loop it back in.

• 38:13Conan O'Brien?

  They didn't even have a medic there.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  I had injuries and I used to brag about them, but when I started hanging out with those guys, I'm like, oh dear lord. It sounds like how they like England would torture people in like the year 1133. Like whenever you read about the dark ages, you're like, god damn, England really hated people.

• 38:30Conan O'Brien?

  So how did you, your tongue got torn out and then shoved up your ass? And so that was back where your tongue goes? Yeah. What stunt were you doing where that happened?

• 38:42Speaker 02

  England was, England was being quite rude for about a thousand years.

• 38:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  To their own people and all their neighbors.

• 38:50Conan O'Brien?

  Rude. Rude.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  Rude. To the French, to the Irish. They were being less than polite.

• 38:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. They were a little cranky for a couple of thousand years. Then they got it out of their system.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. Then they chilled. Then they went to India and Africa and they chilled out. Then they were cool. Then they were chill. Then they were chill. And Australia. They were quite rude to the world. England.

• 39:13Conan O'Brien?

  You made this.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  I'm taking England down a peg on this show.

• 39:16Conan O'Brien?

  Don't.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  And I will be silenced.

• 39:19Conan O'Brien?

  You will be silenced. Love you, England.

• 39:21Speaker 02

  I'm pandering to your Irish, whatever Irish you have in you. Because you could be a little Scottish, too.

• 39:27Conan O'Brien?

  There's no, I'm 100%.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  You're 100%. Yeah, I was trying to pander to you and you didn't take the bait.

• 39:31Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  I was like, England sucks, right?

• 39:34Conan O'Brien?

  Because guess what?

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Hey, March 17th is coming up next year. Your favorite holiday, golden. I was trying to tee it up for you.

• 39:42Conan O'Brien?

  Have you ever seen me wear green on St. Patrick's Day, Sana?

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Never, never, never.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  I at least thought you would be like, I hate the British.

• 39:48Conan O'Brien?

  Because real Irish people don't like Irish people.

• 39:53Conan O'Brien?

  I always, yeah, which is, it's the thing. We just don't. You hate everyone equally.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 39:58Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's good.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  It's good. It's healthy.

• 39:59Conan O'Brien?

  I want to ask you about, I'm going to change the subject and I'm going to do something this semi-professional, but don't hate me for it.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  You drew a naked picture of me and I feel very uncomfortable every time you look down at it.

• 40:09Conan O'Brien?

  You made a movie. You made a movie that's coming out.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  And it's, there's Jeff Epstein's emails at the bottom of your notes. J E E vacations at Gmail.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  With my body drawn in.

• 40:23Conan O'Brien?

  So I keep trying to book a flight on his plane and he won't get back to me. Hello?

• 40:31Conan O'Brien?

  You made a movie called Little Brother.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 40:33Conan O'Brien?

  Very funny movie with you and Mr. John Cena. And you do, there's a lot of you, uh, it's very funny, but doing very physical stuff.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 40:41Conan O'Brien?

  And I pray to God you have a body double for these things because there's some truly cartoonish scenes.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  There's a, there's.

• 40:49Conan O'Brien?

  Please tell me there's someone who looks a lot like you, who's getting thrown into a wall at 600 miles an hour.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  This can neither be confirmed nor deny. I'm like Tom Cruise. I'm taking it to the grave.

• 40:58Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  And yes, of course, I paid a 25-year-old Puerto Rican guy to fly through glass. I'm in my 40s now. I'm not, you know.

• 41:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you're not doing anything.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  I injured myself enough on my own show. I need a little help now.

• 41:13Conan O'Brien?

  You need a little help.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  I need a little help.

• 41:14Conan O'Brien?

  What I seem to remember is you made this movie with John Cena and you guys were very funny together. But I think John Cena once seriously injured you, didn't he?

• 41:22Speaker 02

  Poor John. So he, he, in reality, he did not. He did, yeah, he, we did a stunt that went awry.

• 41:29Conan O'Brien?

  This is like back in 2000, I believe?

• 41:31Speaker 02

  No, no, 2000.

• 41:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I was kidding. I was trying to see how healthy you are now. No, it was 20, it was 2020. Was this 2020? I think it was 2020.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  You're from the show Golden Girls, right? I'm talking to Blanche Dubois.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  I love your work. I love your podcast.

• 41:49Conan O'Brien?

  I remind.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Your questions are all over the place, but.

• 41:52Conan O'Brien?

  Kindness of, kindness of strangers. Look, I'm just.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  You have a Blanche Dubois quality about you. I've just realized it now.

• 41:59Conan O'Brien?

  I do. I was very beautiful in my youth.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  That's what people, you may say you're the Blanche Dubois.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Randy old woman.

• 42:06Conan O'Brien?

  Now I'm a randy old lady. And I'm flitting around my New Orleans apartment.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  It was Boca Raton, Florida, where the show took place, fictionally.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Streetcar?

• 42:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  And you're doing Golden Girls.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Streetcar?

• 42:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Wait, isn't that?

• 42:22Speaker 02

  I'm talking Golden Girls.

• 42:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I was with.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Is it Dubois or is it Deveraux? It was Blanche Deveraux.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  On, on Golden Girls?

• 42:29Conan O'Brien?

  I was correct.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Who's Blanche Dubois? Blanche Dubois from Streetcar Named Desire. No. So I was right and you're wrong. Vivian Lee, right? The actress.

• 42:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  The fictional character is Blanche Dubois?

• 42:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  My entire life up till this moment, I thought Blanche Dubois was the redhead on Golden Girls.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  I do get why. They both have French last names.

• 42:51Conan O'Brien?

  This might be.

• 42:52Speaker 02

  Their almost names are almost identical until the last couple of syllables. What is it? Is Blanche Deveraux?

• 42:57Conan O'Brien?

  This entire.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Deveraux.

• 42:58Conan O'Brien?

  This entire podcast.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Brogan joke for five minutes and you did nothing to help me.

• 43:03Conan O'Brien?

  This entire podcast is one of the, it's like seven garden hoses that are hopelessly gnarled together. And one of them's leaking and we're trying to untangle them to figure out which one to turn off the water, but we can't. And there's just water everywhere.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  We're still in that jalopy with the triangle wheels like.

• 43:21Conan O'Brien?

  We were a disaster.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  I really loved how long he was talking about the Golden Girls and how long you were talking about a streetcar named Desire.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Vibing, man. We had riz. I don't know what that means, but we had it.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  You quoted it.

• 43:34Conan O'Brien?

  I have to say, to be, I have to come clean here. I got off a plane very recently from Morocco.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  That's your excuse for everything, O'Brien.

• 43:44Conan O'Brien?

  My mind is not working. And you know what? Yours isn't working either. And I don't think you have an excuse. And together, we're just a big hot mess. And I'm, and I'm very happy. I don't care.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:55Conan O'Brien?

  This is a, this is a disaster.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  Why were you in Morocco?

• 43:59Conan O'Brien?

  I do some business there.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, you were smuggling hash.

• 44:02Conan O'Brien?

  Again, I, premier confirm or deny, I'm Tom Cruise if he was smuggling hash.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  No, no. What did you ask me?

• 44:10Conan O'Brien?

  I did a travel show.

• 44:14Conan O'Brien?

  You know, this is like a cop.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Oh, your travel show.

• 44:17Conan O'Brien?

  This is like a cop who pulls a guy over, but the cop and the guy are both drunk. See, your wallet. Wait, wait. You have to step out of the airplane. It's a car. Wait, what? We're just two big messes interrogating each other. I don't know who's in charge here anymore.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  Oh, I didn't know Blanche Dupont wasn't the one from The Golden Girls. I watched Golden Girls when I was young with my grandma, because I lived in Boca Raton, Florida.

• 44:44Conan O'Brien?

  I watched Streetcar Named Desire with my grandmother over and over again, because I was very closeted.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  I just wanted to clear the air. That liquid has been here for ages. We don't know what that is. Is that Guinness?

• 44:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm having a Guinness right now. That's my other problem. Now, see here.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  What did you really ask? I really, I truly can't remember.

• 45:04Conan O'Brien?

  I am gonna say this very clearly.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  I changed. Let me tell you what's going on.

• 45:08Conan O'Brien?

  John Cena in 2020.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, he threw me through. Okay, so he threw me. It's not much of a story. He threw me through a shelf on The Eric Andre Show. I destroy the set every time. And I found out he was a big fan of the show. So we had him come in. He grabs me. He's like, ah! He grabs me, throws me through a shelf. That part of the stunt was fine. By our department, we forgot to sandbag down the shelf, and it had a metal frame. And even beforehand, my stunt coordinator was like, that thing's got a metal frame. You gotta be careful. I don't like that prop. I don't like that prop.

• 45:39Conan O'Brien?

  You said, shut up.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  I go, blah, blah, blah, blah, dude. I don't pay you to think, dog.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Now, show me those abs, daddy.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  And then Cena threw me through the thing. He did the stunt properly. I went through the thing properly, but then the thing went, ah! It went over. And it was the only season of Eric Andre Show, I got rid of all my body hair on purpose. I bicked my head bald. I waxed my pubic hair. That you can't even see on TV. Alana Glaser goes, you have to blur your crotch for, why did you wax your pubes? That doesn't even translate. I go, oh, yeah, I don't know. I didn't think about it.

• 46:19Conan O'Brien?

  These are the things professionals talk about. I have one question. Yes, Alana. Why did you wax your pubes? That's a good point.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  So, so I didn't have, my hair works like, like, like antennas. Like, I know when stuff's coming, because I have big hair. You have big hair. So, I didn't feel it coming, and the thing went over and boom, gave me a big Fred Flintstone. And I got a concussion. And I got dizzy. I was talking about things that didn't make any sense. And I went to the hospital, got a COTC.

• 46:46Conan O'Brien?

  And you immediately booked a podcast.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  That I came here. That was 10 minutes before I showed up.

• 46:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, that wasn't his fault.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Trip to Morocco ever. I'm trying to pitch a travel show right now. I pitched to the network you're on, and because of you, they go, we already have a travel show. And I go, Conan stole my idea that I stole from Anthony Bourdain.

• 47:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yes! Trust me, listen, you can have my travel show. I will give it to you. But you still have to call it Conan O'Brien Must Go. But it's with you, and we don't even explain it to anybody. And you get all the money and the glory, and I just am like, yep. And people are like, what is that white? Why is it Conan O'Brien Must Go?

• 47:30Speaker 02

  For five minutes, you were my Newman. I was like, oh, Brian. Always after me, always nipping at my heels. I'm eating canned beans by fucking candlelight. I'm like, oh.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  You know what really happened? I switched my SSRI by five milligrams, by like, like this much.

• 47:50Conan O'Brien?

  In which direction?

• 47:51Speaker 02

  I went, I went up. I go, maybe I just go up a little bit. And now my brain is like.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  So I called my psychiatrist today. I go, and I think I gotta take the elevator back down. Sweating.

• 48:05Conan O'Brien?

  You should have, I mean.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  I'm on like 55 peptides. I'm gonna be ripped by the end of this interview. But I'm gonna have pendulous breasts. Like Vivian Leigh in Streetcar Named Desire.

• 48:18Conan O'Brien?

  It's like Vivian Leigh in Golden Girls.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  You guys want to train SSRIs by the end of this? Why don't we do a little Russian roulette?

• 48:30Conan O'Brien?

  You can be on what I'm on.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:31Conan O'Brien?

  I got him on, I got on him pretty late for a guy with my affliction.

• 48:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's how I feel.

• 48:36Conan O'Brien?

  I gutted it out for a really long time and then Andy Richter.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  What do you think that is? Pride? I'm like, why did I wait so long?

• 48:42Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I know in my case, it was just, nope, you don't take anything to make life easier. If anything, you do things to make life harder.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:50Conan O'Brien?

  So I hair-shirted it and I just was like...

• 48:52Speaker 02

  What's hair-shirted?

• 48:53Conan O'Brien?

  Do like, hair-shirt means you're just like, I don't know, you're...

• 48:55Speaker 02

  That's not a phrase.

• 48:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you wear a hair-shirt. I just, I collapsed it.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  I've never heard that either.

• 49:01Conan O'Brien?

  I collapsed it.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Old monks used to wear it to do like, uh, self punishment, right?

• 49:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, it's a kind of, putting on a hair-shirt...

• 49:06Speaker 02

  It's like Irish Catholic repression. It's like, repress everything or self anesthetize. Was it like that kind of thing?

• 49:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  I like reducing you to a stereotype. That's what I'm trying to do.

• 49:15Conan O'Brien?

  You are reducing me to a stereotype, only it's exactly true. You're right.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  Hey, Celtics right, England bad, Celtics good. I keep pandering to you.

• 49:23Conan O'Brien?

  And I do live under a magical mushroom in the forest.

• 49:27Speaker 02

  I'm pandering to you.

• 49:28Conan O'Brien?

  Now, putting on a hair-shirt is this, is this phrase, but basically, I think that's what I was doing, was saying, I don't, something that makes life a little easier for you, fuck that. It's supposed to be hard. And I did that well, uh, well past the age when I should have been doing that, so...

• 49:44Speaker 02

  And you're in your 90s now, so what, what are we talking?

• 49:46Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I didn't like that. Okay. Yes. Did I fight in World War II? Yes. Was I old then? Yeah. I went into the battle at 35 years old.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  And you fought for the Japanese?

• 49:59Conan O'Brien?

  I fought for the Japanese, because I said, the cars they make in 20 years are gonna be fucking amazing. I should have done my homework.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  Anyway, now they're Guinness.

• 50:11Conan O'Brien?

  So...

• 50:11Speaker 02

  I'm sweating.

• 50:12Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you are, you're a big mass. But, watch this.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  But I did climax several times. What's going on here?

• 50:20Conan O'Brien?

  Donna just, Donna just.

• 50:21Speaker 02

  Throwing garbage at me.

• 50:23Conan O'Brien?

  No, she's throwing you some Kleenex so you can wipe the sweat.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  She tried to slide it like a bartender, but it just fumbled.

• 50:30Conan O'Brien?

  I just see giant.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  And it's empty. Oh no, there is one in there.

• 50:33Conan O'Brien?

  Why?

• 50:34Speaker 02

  I was like, do you want me to throw that out for you?

• 50:36Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  Recycling?

• 50:38Conan O'Brien?

  Budgets are tight.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  I worry that if I do that, I'll have patches of tissue all over my head. Which will be worse.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 50:45Conan O'Brien?

  You made a movie with John Cena.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 50:48Conan O'Brien?

  It's called Little Brother.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 50:49Conan O'Brien?

  You guys are really funny together.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 50:51Conan O'Brien?

  And.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  I've been trying to talk about it the whole time, but you're, you're all over the place.

• 50:57Speaker 02

  We get it, dude. You went to Morocco.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  But now you're back in the USA, a country with absolutely zero problems, baby.

• 51:06Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, don't you dare make political commentary here. Don't you dare.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  I didn't say a word. USA, USA, USA. Do they got that chair in your little Moroccan paradise?

• 51:18Conan O'Brien?

  No, they don't. No, they don't. Thank you.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  I chant USA to every foreign country I go to.

• 51:24Conan O'Brien?

  And they like it?

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Oh, they love it.

• 51:27Conan O'Brien?

  Tell me more of this USA.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  I wear star sp- I dress like Uncle Sam. Star spangled top hat outfit.

• 51:36Conan O'Brien?

  This goes back to the beginning of the pod, when I talked about the, the worst Halloween costume I ever had. My mom, God bless her soul, but she said, I'll take care of it. And she got me an Uncle Sam costume. And it was like 1970, height of Vietnam, 1973.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Watergate.

• 51:53Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm like, I've got this ma- and I was, and we've talked about it years ago on the podcast. Yeah, we bought it.

• 51:58Speaker 02

  Do you have an image of it? You gotta put a picture of it.

• 52:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we, we did, I think, find one, yeah.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  Put a picture on, on, on, put a nude, put a nude image of yourself on the screen right now.

• 52:07Conan O'Brien?

  I'll get some clicks.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Let's see what you're working with.

• 52:10Conan O'Brien?

  All right. Well, I think you'll be quite pleased. That yours isn't like that.

• 52:18Speaker 02

  I want to see what you put your wife through, I'm gonna say, twice a year.

• 52:22Conan O'Brien?

  Why she's crying.

• 52:29Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you're so far off.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  We hit the big three.

• 52:35Conan O'Brien?

  So, why are you just laughing along? Why can't you jump in and say, "That's not true. He's very sensual."

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Why would I say that?

• 52:43Conan O'Brien?

  Just from what you've heard.

• 52:47Conan O'Brien?

  You're supposed to have my back on these things. I hear he's super sensual.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  Wait, wait, wait. Can we talk about my movie, Conan?

• 52:54Conan O'Brien?

  I don't want to.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  Dude, help me out, dog.

• 52:59Conan O'Brien?

  You guys are funny together.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  Trying to plug a thing here.

• 53:03Conan O'Brien?

  Why don't I do it? Because you're in no state. You're crashing. He took the wrong pills. You need to get a real...

• 53:09Speaker 02

  I would have five milligrams of Zoloft, dude. I'm partying, dog. Isn't it funny? In your twenties, you're like, you're like texting your friends, "Get me Coke, get me Molly, get me mushrooms." In your forties, you're like, "Get me Propecia, Zoloft, Wellbutrin."

• 53:25Conan O'Brien?

  Something to moisten my gums? What? Is that a thing? You bet it is. What? You make this movie. It's very funny.

• 53:34Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 53:35Conan O'Brien?

  And my curiosity is, you guys must have known beforehand that you do well together. I mean, clearly, he had been on the show. He had thrown you through a bookcase, but...

• 53:43Speaker 02

  I love John. Well, he, well, we're totally opposite.

• 53:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, you are.

• 53:48Speaker 02

  The way we look, the way we behave. So I knew, like, instantly, that's a recipe for a good comedic duo.

• 53:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 53:54Speaker 02

  And I love his work ethic, and he's got comedic chops. You look at him, and he's this giant lumberjack. It's like, he should, he doesn't make sense. He shouldn't exist, but he does. He knows Mandarin fluently. Do you know what it is?

• 54:10Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  He plays virtuoso, like piano, like concert piano. He's the most interesting man in the world. And like, he's just, uh, he's got comedy chops.

• 54:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 54:22Speaker 02

  It's not fair.

• 54:23Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's not.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Man, you have to have comedy chops, or no one will talk to people across the street.

• 54:29Conan O'Brien?

  Very good athlete.

• 54:32Speaker 02

  And a male model and a...

• 54:36Speaker 02

  I look like Snuffleupagus. Last time I was on the pod, you told me you had gray teeth growing up. That's what I, that's what it clicked. Cause you are a handsome man and you're tall. You're tall and you are a handsome man. But as soon as you said you had gray teeth.

• 54:48Conan O'Brien?

  I had two dead gray teeth in the front of my mouth.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  I go, that's why I was a comedian.

• 54:52Conan O'Brien?

  There are plenty of other reasons why I was a comedian.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  But the gray teeth, they helped.

• 54:57Conan O'Brien?

  You need those things as a child.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  People are surprised when I like, I tell them I meditate and I do my homework and I got like straight A's in school. They're like, what?

• 55:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  They think I dropped out of like fourth grade and just like ate candy until like now.

• 55:13Speaker 02

  They think I'm just like, I eat a gummy worm sandwich every morning.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  They think I go home and I'm just like.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  Which yes, I do do some of that. But you know what I'm talking about.

• 55:34Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know, except I really do those things at home and I don't meditate. So I could use more Eric, you know?

• 55:43Speaker 02

  You wanna snort some Lexapro, dog? Which one are you on? I got, I'm on a new one.

• 55:48Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, really? I'm just on straight Prozac.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Oh, old school.

• 55:50Conan O'Brien?

  Old school. I mean, it's Prozac and my Prozac was developed in the 50s.

• 55:54Speaker 02

  Oh, you have vintage. You have like a, an artisanal.

• 55:56Conan O'Brien?

  It says.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Very hard to source.

• 55:58Conan O'Brien?

  It says use Doc Connors Prozac.

• 56:00Speaker 02

  And you run out a lot.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  More effort Prozac.

• 56:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it says goes well with cigarettes.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  When you started, did the demons just go? And you were like, oh, I didn't have to live like that for that long?

• 56:12Conan O'Brien?

  It was annoying.

• 56:15Conan O'Brien?

  What was that all about? But, uh, no, I credit Andy Richter. Andy Richter's the one that said, you know, why don't you get some?

• 56:22Speaker 02

  Take the help.

• 56:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and, and it doesn't change who you are or anything.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  I thought it would. That's the other thing.

• 56:27Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I didn't do it.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  That's why I was hung up. I was like, I won't be comedic.

• 56:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, that's what I thought.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  And, and clearly I'm right because I'm a bit of a mess this entire podcast. No, but I was like, it'll change my personality. I don't wanna be like catatonic. I thought I was gonna be like Jack Nicholson when he gets electroshock therapy and went flew out of the cuckoo's nest, just like, like vegetableed.

• 56:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  And I was like, I can't, that'll ruin me. But I was, um, I guess that's part of it. Anxiety.

• 56:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  Obsessive compulsive thought loops, depression. I am really just bringing this podcast down, dog. And I won't let you plug the very movie I'm in.

• 57:03Conan O'Brien?

  We're not plugging that anymore. We're now plugging Lexapro.

• 57:08Conan O'Brien?

  Eric Andre, you are what I want to be when I grow up. You're just, you're, you're just, I so love being around you.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  You're so sweet.

• 57:14Conan O'Brien?

  Being super serious.

• 57:15Speaker 02

  Likewise.

• 57:16Conan O'Brien?

  I've always loved, all the times you came on my show, crashing through things. And you're just a force for good.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  Thank you, buddy.

• 57:24Conan O'Brien?

  So I'm super happy for you. I'm happy you've made this, I mean, and again, there's not just the movie. There's also this, this album that just tickles me. Film scores for films that don't exist. You're such a hyper talented guy. And please come back and make even less sense next time. Cause these are my favorite, these are my favorite episodes. They really are.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  They're good.

• 57:44Conan O'Brien?

  Peace out, Tupac.

• 57:47Conan O'Brien?

  Credits.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Conan always says, peace out Tupac, whenever he ends anything.

• 58:02Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 58:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 58:05Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 58:19Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 58:28Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 58:32Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 58:51Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 58:52Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all wheel drive, up to an EPA estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 59:26Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 59:30Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 59:31Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 59:32Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 59:32Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 59:33Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:43Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:48Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 1:00:19Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:26Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin? With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 1:00:47Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:51Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife?

• 1:00:54Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:58Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse. Crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 1:01:28Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 1:01:49Speaker 03

  You guys want to do a review, the reviewer?

• 1:01:51Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I think the answer is yes.

• 1:01:53Speaker 03

  Okay, great.

• 1:01:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I always say yes.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  Just as we planned it.

• 1:01:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  This is where I go to Apple Podcasts. I find a review for the podcast and we can talk about it or review that podcast.

• 1:02:02Conan O'Brien?

  Terrific, I love it.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  So, we have Katie Jordan Wolf. The title is Ghost of Christmas Hell, five star review. If Conan had wanted my five stars so bad, he could have just called instead of haunting my dreams like the ghost of Christmas hell. Guys, I'm still reeling. I can't get the cackling image out of my head from a nightmare I had last night. I guess the spirit of Conan won't rest until I rate the damn podcast and Ghost of Christmas held me. In my horrific vision, Conan was the villain of Terminator 2: Judgment Day. With, and this might be the most disturbing visual of the whole thing, a shaved head. He was like a cackling Joker slash Lex Luthor in a too tight suit and staring at me with his beady little eyes.

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  Anyway, thank you, Conan, for this awful image that will haunt me till the day I die. And I will probably somehow linger after I'm long dead, buried in the minds of my descendants. I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year. Here, take your five stars, you ruthless animal, and stop visiting my dreams.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Oh my god!

• 1:03:01Conan O'Brien?

  What is her first name?

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  Katie.

• 1:03:02Conan O'Brien?

  Katie, first of all, great writing.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:05Conan O'Brien?

  Great writer, really funny. And help me, because you know these things. The villain in Terminator 2, was that the policeman who can, who has liquid, who can turn into liquid?

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, Robert Patrick. It's the evil T-1000. T-1000.

• 1:03:18Conan O'Brien?

  Don't act like, don't, don't do that.

• 1:03:20Speaker 03

  What, don't do what?

• 1:03:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's, it's a T-1000. It's the evil T-1000.

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  It's a nerd assist.

• 1:03:24Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you, I'm helping out, yeah.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  Nerd assist?

• 1:03:28Speaker 03

  There we go, alley-oop. Nerd alley-oop.

• 1:03:30Conan O'Brien?

  Any hoops?

• 1:03:33Conan O'Brien?

  Awful, what an awful thing.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  I can't believe we're inventing these terms.

• 1:03:35Conan O'Brien?

  So, I was shaved head. I wonder what a Freudian psychologist would say about, you know, what does it mean? I'm there cackling.

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:45Conan O'Brien?

  I've got a shaved head, I don't know what that means.

• 1:03:48Speaker 03

  You kind of are T-1000-y in a way. You're live and like nimble, you can slip through jail bars and things.

• 1:03:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, I can, I'm, first of all, I am. Primarily made of liquid metal. But also, um, yes, I can shapeshift. I'm a shapeshifter, a mind grifter, a high plains drifter. There's nothing I can't do. There's no gum I won't chew.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:04:10Conan O'Brien?

  I see myself very much in that role. So I think it's cool and, and correct that Katie identified me that way.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  Don't you want to be Arnold Schwarzenegger? No?

• 1:04:21Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's awful. Cause then you have to be governor of California and I think, I think the state is ungovernable. So, uh.

• 1:04:28Speaker 03

  We're gonna find out.

• 1:04:33Conan O'Brien?

  There's a, there's a big thought that California should be split up into smaller states.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:04:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:39Conan O'Brien?

  Cause it's too big. It's too big. No one seems to be able to run this place.

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  The north, the central and the south?

• 1:04:44Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, yeah, I think there should be three different states.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  Oh, so you do subscribe to this?

• 1:04:49Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just gonna go with it because it's good for the podcast for me to have a strong opinion. I think it should be subdivided. I think it should be three states. What would you name them? Forn and Ia. And, um.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I live in the state of Forn.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  For Ia. What is Ia?

• 1:05:04Conan O'Brien?

  I'm in Forn, but we're headed down to Ia for Christmas.

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  I live in Forn, but I vacation in Ia.

• 1:05:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Um, yeah, that some people believe that that's what should happen.

• 1:05:14Speaker 03

  Some people believe it should secede from the union too. Do, where do you fall on that?

• 1:05:17Conan O'Brien?

  Well, because we are the world's fourth largest economy. Uh, interesting. Um, no, I don't think so.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05:25Conan O'Brien?

  But I will change that opinion if it gets us more content for the podcast. I'll do whatever it takes. So for me to have a strong opinion, do we secede? I mean, I guess, but then that raises all of its own problems. We could be attacked by Utah on the night and you don't want that.

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  Utah?

• 1:05:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  I think we can take Utah.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  I don't know. Our army, I don't know how our army will do.

• 1:05:44Conan O'Brien?

  And also, remember if we're split into three, then that's a, oh, you're saying if we're three, are we three different countries?

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  I think if we secede, we're one.

• 1:05:53Conan O'Brien?

  So what are you for? Us breaking into three and staying?

• 1:05:55Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm not getting in. You're not dragging me into this.

• 1:05:58Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you are California born and bred, so you have to weigh in on this. So you're an immigrant, so you.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  What? I'm not an immigrant.

• 1:06:05Conan O'Brien?

  You can't vote.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  Town over from me.

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  I can vote. Immigrants can vote.

• 1:06:09Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Conan! Yes, we can. First of all, I'm not an immigrant.

• 1:06:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yay! I got her. I got her to admit. I was birthering you long before Trump was birthering Obama.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  No, don't brag about it.

• 1:06:26Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? I got you uncertain.

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  I was born here. I was born in Montebello.

• 1:06:31Conan O'Brien?

  Well, which is it? You keep changing your story.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Stop. I'm saying, I'm trying to teach you that immigrants are allowed to vote and it's okay. And I'm not an immigrant.

• 1:06:40Conan O'Brien?

  I think they should be, and I'm glad we've now changed it so they can.

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Okay, good. You're so brave. So brave.

• 1:06:46Conan O'Brien?

  That's great. I'm for it. I am for it, and I'm glad that finally that's the way we're doing things.

• 1:06:51Speaker 03

  Well, Katie, I hope we answered your question.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  I know. What are you? You totally went off topic. I brought up Arnold Schwarzenegger, and you started bringing up breaking the state into three parts.

• 1:07:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, which is it? Do you want it to be three different states? Or do you want it to be one that secedes from the United States?

• 1:07:05Speaker 03

  Its own country.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  I want to keep us together. I think we're stronger together, so I'd like to be our own country.

• 1:07:10Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  I would love to have a passport that's just like California.

• 1:07:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and it says chill, dude.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  Yes!

• 1:07:17Conan O'Brien?

  In Latin, on the top.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  What is chill dude in Latin?

• 1:07:20Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I'm not even gonna try it. Yeah.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  Dorme...

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Brocephus?

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  Brocephus.

• 1:07:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yes!

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  That's your word.

• 1:07:31Conan O'Brien?

  That's you.

• 1:07:32Speaker 03

  We're gonna legitimize your citizenship for that.

• 1:07:34Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? So no, welcome to America.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  Don't do an accent when you say it!

• 1:07:40Conan O'Brien?

  Everyone says it's America.

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  This is awful. That's a... You know what? It's okay to be an immigrant.

• 1:07:46Conan O'Brien?

  I... Guess what?

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  That's a strong stance I'm taking.

• 1:07:49Conan O'Brien?

  I'm... I love immigrants, and I'm so glad that you are here now. I'm glad. I love that you're here now.

• 1:07:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:07:56Conan O'Brien?

  Um, she used to listen to me on Radio Free Europe when she was growing up.

• 1:08:00Speaker 03

  In the country of Montebello.

• 1:08:01Conan O'Brien?

  In the country of Montebello, nestled in between Serbia, and I gotta get out of here, yeah.

• 1:08:08Speaker 03

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:08:11Speaker 03

  I'm gonna succeed from this podcast.

• 1:08:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes. We're all... Now we're all gonna... Let's break this podcast up into three distinct states.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  This is why people are dreaming or having dreams of you as a villain.

• 1:08:22Conan O'Brien?

  I am a villain. I'm a villainous.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  If you listen to this podcast, you are a villain.

• 1:08:25Conan O'Brien?

  I am an arch-villain.

• 1:08:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:27Conan O'Brien?

  I'm the Joker and the Riddler all combined.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:08:30Conan O'Brien?

  Peace out, Tupac.

• 1:08:35Speaker 03

  With Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Erin Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

• 1:09:20Speaker 03

  It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:09:43Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 1:09:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:09:53Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:09:57Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 1:10:00Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 1:10:05Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you've got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 1:10:27Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka Seltzer, you'll probably think heartburn, right?

• 1:10:29Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:10:30Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka Seltzer Cold?

• 1:10:36Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 1:10:37Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that, David?

• 1:10:37Speaker 03

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 1:10:38Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 1:10:40Speaker 03

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 1:10:42Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this.

• 1:10:43Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 1:10:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've tried it, it's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka Seltzer Cold into the water.

• 1:10:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:50Conan O'Brien?

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