Andy Richter Returns

Andy Richter sits down with Conan to discuss his experience competing on the latest season of Dancing with the Stars. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Owning a car or home comes with responsibilities. Sure, it's fun, but sometimes it makes you wonder why you ever longed for adulthood in the first place. I do that all the time. I'm like, "Oh, these bills, these bills. What am I gonna do?"

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:15Conan O'Brien?

  You know, when you own a house, you gotta fix it yourself. Sona, you see this to be true, right?

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, your garage door breaks, and you're like, "Well, I have to fix it."

• 0:22Conan O'Brien?

  Probably at first you said, "Hey, I'll get the super to fix it. It's your house, dude."

• 0:25Speaker 01

  It's mine, dude!

• 0:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance to save you money. In fact, they work overtime to tailor your insurance policy around what you actually need. The only thing they can't do is get that "Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty" jingle out of your head.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Liberty, Liberty, Liberty.

• 0:41Conan O'Brien?

  Liberty, Liberty. It's in my head all the time.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 0:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Start your quote at LibertyMutual.com.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  Granger knows, if you're a procurement manager at an industrial manufacturing facility, you're balancing inventory and budget while sourcing critical supplies across the operation. Too much inventory? Costs climb. Too little? Production slows. Granger's $2 billion in on-hand inventory helps you get what you need, when you need it, so you can help keep budgets balanced and lines moving. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click Granger.com, or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

• 1:20Speaker 03

  Hi, my name is Andy Richter.

• 1:25Speaker 03

  And I feel resentful that it took me to be on Dancing with the Stars for Conan O'Brien to remember that I'm his friend.

• 1:33Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, and I'm not offended at all that there's a hitch in your voice after Conan because you were searching for my last name.

• 1:37Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:38Conan O'Brien?

  After we've known each other since the summer of 1993. After Conan O'Connell.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's just because it's just an Irish thing.

• 1:48Conan O'Brien?

  I understand.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  They all look alike.

• 2:12Conan O'Brien?

  This is a very special episode. Yes. Um, where we talk about kleptomania. No, this is a very special episode, uh, because you're on Dancing with Stars. Uh, I am fascinated with what goes on at these reality shows. Um, and this is one of the big ones. And I know I've, I've brought in, I wouldn't even allow, I fired Matt Gourley and I brought in.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:35Conan O'Brien?

  I brought in David Hoppin, because David loves all reality shows. Well, something good has already come from this. Fuck you, Gourley. Yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:45Conan O'Brien?

  Who's gonna, who's gonna force James Bond into the conversation?

• 2:52Conan O'Brien?

  Me talking to an A-list star. I understand you just had a battle with cancer. Yeah. Um, the third James Bond? Yeah. Terrace Billick? Yeah. Though Tropic of Cancer was an alternate title for Moonbreaker.

• 3:07Conan O'Brien?

  It was originally Jawbreaker, about a candy, but they changed it. Listen. Yes. You're gonna listen to me. I am. We have been good friends and confederates. I like to use the word confederates. Because we've been involved in many, many heists. It's my secret confederate, Andy Richter. We've known each other a long time. You're doing this, uh, you're doing this show. And, um, we can talk about other things as well, but I, I brought you in here because I thought, I said, get me Andy Richter. And they said, he doesn't want to come on.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 3:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's not true. We met, we met your. I'm here twice a week. You're here all the time. Yeah, yeah. It's ridiculous. But anyway, um, I want to know, first of all, I was watching you do your routine the other night and I was thinking, I couldn't remember all of that. I just couldn't remember. You could. I would go, my mind would go blank. Whenever I've had to do any choreography, I've told them, you need to keep it to three moves.

• 4:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:01Conan O'Brien?

  Like I'm a, a. An old pony.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  I on Andy Richter Controls the Universe.

• 4:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  They had, and it was very, and I, I, I objected to it because I just thought it was kind of hacky and, and overdone. They had a fantasy musical sequence.

• 4:14Conan O'Brien?

  Mm hmm.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  That they wanted to break into, and I was like, really? Okay. Um, and they said, yeah, we're gonna have it and it'll be choreographed dancing. And I said, and I, just because I was exploiting being number one on the call sheet, I was like, I will come in at the end and do jazz hands, but I will not do anything else. Cause anytime I had had to learn choreography.

• 4:35Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  Uh, Hulk smash. I'd get so mad, you know, like.

• 4:41Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I've seen Hulk smash.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And, and I just, I'd get so furious because I couldn't get it from here to there.

• 4:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  And, and also Jen, my wife reminded me that on, on our, uh, wedding. She said, like, well, you know, what about our dance together? And I was like, shortest song possible. And that was my only, there was no like, let's go to Arthur Murray and learn something. I was like, no, I don't want, I don't want all those eyes on us for that long.

• 5:10Conan O'Brien?

  So don't you feel, I, I, I know you're not.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  You went on Dancing with the Stars.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  I know.

• 5:14Conan O'Brien?

  I know. That's what I'm thinking right now is that there is a God and he watched all that and said, he shall go on Dancing with the Stars.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Here's your hubris. It's an email from your agent. Oh no. Um, yeah, no, in April I got a, I got an email about doing it, about being, they, you know, here's your invitation to be on Dancing with the Stars. And I was, I was home at the time. It was in the morning. And my, honest to God, my first reaction was, turn it down and don't tell anyone. Like, don't let anyone know that I've been asked. Like, because they'd be like, why wouldn't you do it? And it's like, cause you know, Krabby Baby does not want to be pushed out of his comfort zone, basically is the long and short of it. But of course, like within two seconds, I was like, I have to do this.

• 6:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  I have to do this.

• 6:04Conan O'Brien?

  It looks like fun.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  I'm, it is pretty fun.

• 6:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  And I'm also, it's like, I'm 58 years old. I got problem knees. I, you know, uh, all kinds of stuff going on. Uh, as a side note too.

• 6:18Conan O'Brien?

  Who should be dancing on television.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Yes, exactly. I got, but, but, and also too, what's even better is that like. And this was April, I said yes, and in like in July, they figured out what all the leg pain and stuff had been going on is because I need a hip replacement. Oh, wow. So I need a new left hip. And I was like, hey, you know, the minute I was like, I'm supposed to be doing Dancing with the Stars, which was a violation of the NDA, and I could have been fired, uh, to tell my doctors. But they're like, yeah, you should be all right. And they, you know, I got like some kind of injection that was supposed to sort of help, and it did help. Um, but like, I'm gonna, this is like a big bon voyage to my old arthritic hip.

• 6:58Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I think, because this is what comes to mind. Um, because I'm always trying to game the system, and I very much want you to, to do well on this show. Um, you've got judges that are looking at you.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 7:09Conan O'Brien?

  And I think you should begin every number with, there's a silhouette of someone walking out, and it's your orthopedic surgeon.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:18Conan O'Brien?

  And he has actual, he has actual imaging of your decrepit hip.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  On the big screen.

• 7:23Conan O'Brien?

  On the big screen.

• 7:24Speaker 03

  It's my MRI.

• 7:25Conan O'Brien?

  It's your MRI, and he says, as you can see here, there's the flaring of the joint.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:30Conan O'Brien?

  Where the, uh, the bone slips into the socket, and we've lost too much calcium there, it's cracked. And, um, so this man, and that should be like a golf handicap.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  They should add 15 points.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Yep, absolutely. Like, instead of the tape package about me and Emma practicing, it should just be like, um, there, his, uh, his hip bone has always, or his femur has always had, uh, an impingement, which means that it's not spherical, it's egg-shaped, so his entire life, his, it's been like building up and like, you know, like bone on bone rubbing against each other.

• 8:07Conan O'Brien?

  But also, he should be, your surgeon should be doing commentary as you're dancing.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:12Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's a major load-bearing move.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:14Conan O'Brien?

  Um, the pain he's reaching now would be at least an eight.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:18Conan O'Brien?

  If 10... If 10 is visibly uncomfortable, he's at an 8. Right now, he's at a 9. Now, he's at a 2.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  He's just twirling around the dance floor.

• 8:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he's twirling. And, I mean, do you think about it? That would, I think that would be a hero.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  I, I just am like powering through it and just, and it does. I do take solace in the fact that like the people who are much younger than me, which is everybody. Uh, but the ones that are even much younger than me in their twenties are like, "My legs hurt. My knees hurt. I go home and, you know, and just ache." And I certainly do. At night, it's like I lay in bed and it just hurts, you know? So it's, I just lots of Advil and ice and, and, um, and that's it, you know? But then I thought, no, I need to do this. I need, I need to do this like just to get moving. And, and I, it got me to go to the gym and do cardio, which I loathe.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  Uh, started to do a lot more stretching just to kind of prepare myself. And, and then like the week before I met my, my partner, I was like having stress dreams. I was just dreading it and just felt like crap for the whole week before, just like, ugh. Like kind of crabby to my family and stuff. And then I went, you know, so, but I signed up for it. I was gonna do it. Um, was terrified that I was gonna get injured, that I just wouldn't be able to do it, like you said.

• 9:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Like, I'm not gonna be able to remember all that. I'm not gonna.

• 9:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  And then would have to like pull out and be embarrassed and, you know, as one is when one pulls out. Um, and.

• 9:54Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't think you'd go there.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  I did, though.

• 9:57Conan O'Brien?

  I thought, no, Andy's, I would do it. I thought of it and I, you know what? I thought of it and I let it go.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  Oh, that is bad.

• 10:04Conan O'Brien?

  That's how low this is.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  That is bad.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  Thought of it and pulled down. Ah, sounds like my wedding night. Pulled out and I was embarrassed. You still did it. I did it afterwards. I know. So now I win.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  Exactly. I'm guilty and you're innocent.

• 10:18Conan O'Brien?

  That's right. Enjoy your jail while I get on my victory yacht. This is all happening in my head. Yeah, yeah.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  But then I luckily was paired with just a sweet angel of a ballroom dancer.

• 10:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, her name is Emma Slater. She seems lovely.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  She's fantastic. And, and I'm, and there were so many people around there, like from promo people to security guards to different people, like stagehands are like, oh, you got the best one.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, because she is just so much fun. And you are, you rehearse four hours a day, seven days a week.

• 10:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay. So I'm gonna bring up something that I think is your secret weapon.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:00Conan O'Brien?

  Which is you've been making these videos and Emma Slater is in a bunch of them.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  She, no, she's the Cecil B. DeMille of our TikTok presence.

• 11:10Conan O'Brien?

  You've been doing a bunch of videos and I started watching, I started looking at your videos. I don't know how to access these things.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  Right, no, I know. Someone showed them to you.

• 11:19Conan O'Brien?

  David brought me this.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  Your dog.

• 11:21Conan O'Brien?

  My dog brought me what I think called an e-phone.

• 11:26Conan O'Brien?

  And, but I was looking at it, I was like, Andy's really funny and he's making these funny videos, which you, you know, did at our late night show thousands of times. And I'm looking at you just be super funny. And I was like, oh, this is great. I mean, if there wasn't, if you didn't even get to do the rest, if they somehow said, no, no, we're canceling the dancing part, you're just gonna make these videos, I think this is a home run.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, thank you. Well, I, you know, I went into the thing, as I said, dreading it, but still resolved to be open, resolved to saying yes, resolved to being compliant. And, uh, which is really in these days.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  But I started.

• 12:07Conan O'Brien?

  I will not have political commentary on this show. Back to how much Advil you're having. And what kind of inflammation you're suffering from? This is a medical show, not a political show.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  But so, you know, I started doing the rehearsals with Emma and, and it was like it Hulk smash was there. Like she was trying to just show me like the basic steps and I'd watch her do it and then try to do it myself. And it really was, like I couldn't do it. But then slowly as you, with repetition and commitment and dedication to not just throwing, you know, throwing a fit and running out. It's like the wiring starts to

• 12:49Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Be built up, whether, or whether it's like wiring that was there that was like somehow crusted over. Like it's now, you know, we're going from the first dance into the second dance and from a cha-cha to a tango.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  And it's easier, much easier to learn the second one. And I'm assuming it's going to be easier to learn the third one. God willing and America willing. If you people vote me off, you're making a big mistake.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:17Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I always find, I always find that if you want people to vote for you, it's really good to threaten them.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

• 13:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. I know, you should do it on the show.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:26Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you better. You better. I know who you are.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  The doctor could also do that part.

• 13:32Conan O'Brien?

  The doctor can do that part.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  My partner on Tuesday, cause Bruno, the, that one of the judges gave me a four. And they mentioned that

• 13:41Conan O'Brien?

  Four out of what?

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Four out of 10.

• 13:43Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  It was, I tied with Corey Feldman for the lowest score. But I'm like, I'm 30 years old and fucking everybody, what do you want from me? Um, but when we were up in the skybox with Julianne afterwards and they gave the scores and he gave a four and everybody in the place went boo. And I went, yeah, get him.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  And she said, no one has ever done that.

• 14:07Conan O'Brien?

  Get him.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Never done that before. Like told the crowd, yeah, get the judge.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  You know? So I was like, oh, okay.

• 14:15Conan O'Brien?

  You always know what to say in those situations. It's funny, you brought that up and you always know what to say in the right situation. And I remember one time we were in this studio and, you know, we're in 30 Rock.

• 14:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:26Conan O'Brien?

  And we're in our studio and there's no windows or anything. And it suddenly the power went out and the lights just went, the lights went out and it went like pretty black. Just was like, the lights went out, went black and Andy, without missing a second, went, my pearls.

• 14:40Conan O'Brien?

  In like old 1930s movies.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  My pearls.

• 14:43Conan O'Brien?

  My pearls have been stolen, yet but you just said, "My pearls."

• 14:48Conan O'Brien?

  That's what comes to mind now, when you say, "Get him."

• 14:52Conan O'Brien?

  That's, those are the things that are just gonna come out of you.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:54Conan O'Brien?

  There's nothing that can be done.

• 14:55Speaker 03

  No, I, it's like, I don't even, it's not like I sit around going like, now when the lights go out, remember, say, "My pearls."

• 15:01Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  It just comes out.

• 15:10Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I wanna try something different.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  What?

• 15:13Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 15:16Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:18Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 15:25Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You wanna hear what they are?

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:30Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:32Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 15:40Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider, and that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 15:49Conan O'Brien?

  For the travel show that I do.

• 15:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:51Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 16:03Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:04Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 16:09Speaker 01

  My god.

• 16:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 16:14Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best, based on analysis by UCLA of Speed Test Intelligence data, first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite, with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US, where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com. Consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:42Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, LL Bean is celebrating the moments people look forward to all year. The first school drop-off, the first sweater weather day, and the first chilly evening around the fire pit. For over 100 years, LL Bean has been part of these traditions. Crunching leaves in Maine-made Bean Boots, cheering from the sidelines in Scotch plaid flannel, and walking the dog in a rugged field coat. So grab the layers and people you love and get outside, because that's what makes fall feel like home. Visit llbean.com to shop the fall collection. LL Bean: Be an Outsider.

• 17:22Conan O'Brien?

  An extraordinary holiday starts at Paragold, the destination for a luxury home with the largest ever selection of Design's best brand. You want your place to look snazzy? Yeah. Yeah, so you can use a little help in that department. Oh, come on! Elevate the season with unique... Because you always put out just like, oh, you just hung up a, you know, acorn or something. Acorns are nice! No, just one against a giant white wall. And a rusty nail. You want to elevate the season with unique heirloom quality decor, gifts, hosting essentials, and more from Design's best brands for every celebration and style. Each piece is vetted for quality, beauty, and authenticity. They offer free, fast, full-service delivery on most items, so instantly your home can look classy for the holidays. Yeah. Shop in-store and online at paragold.com.

• 18:07Conan O'Brien?

  Paragold: Luxury Lives Here.

• 18:13Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love. Yeah. And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays. Yeah! Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin? With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about it? Because it's family! But what about a niece or a nephew? Yeah.

• 18:44Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife? I don't know, I mean, they're just throwing... That's a weird... They just made a very specific choice. Yeah. Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. "Tis Miller Time," as Dickens wrote.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high fiving.

• 19:21Speaker 03

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 19:42Speaker 03

  I did slowly learn it and I did slowly kind of get a handle on it. And you would be able to do it, but you know, but it is like, I wouldn't be doing this for fun. I'm doing this because I got hired to do it. And I've said this too over there. A lot of these people, you know, they're reality stars or they're, you know, athletes and things. And it's like, for me, this is a TV job. I, I take all different kinds of TV jobs. I've been on all different kinds of TV and I'm doing basically the same thing in all of them. But I mean, not so much when I'm, when I'm acting, but certainly with these kind of live and live-ish shows, I know like, okay, I understand how all this works.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  I understand how it's put together and I'm here to serve a purpose of adding fun and value to this production. Right. Like we'd be doing, you know, these rehearsals and in some of them should be like, you know, you gotta sell it more. And I was like, make the faces and stuff, but it's like, I'm not going to waste the faces when we're doing it for the 17th time on, you know, Thursday. Right. Um, we went into the camera rehearsal on Monday and I saw a tape of it. And what I thought was giving them the camera version of selling it, I realized was nothing. It didn't look like anything. So I was like, oh, okay, tomorrow. Bigger. Gotta really go big, big, big. Without, my, my daughter, my older daughter did say, dad, don't smile too much.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  She's like, don't. You know, like, and I, I know what she means.

• 21:11Conan O'Brien?

  Well, she's probably saying, because then you're not you.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  She's kinda saying that, but you've also have seen people, you know, like on.

• 21:20Conan O'Brien?

  They give the 10,000 megawatt.

• 21:22Speaker 03

  Like Lawrence Welk dancers, like they always were grinning like they, I don't know, you know, like they were in the afterglow.

• 21:28Conan O'Brien?

  I think he would shock them if they didn't. He had a big generator out back. So, um, how scary is it when you're just about to, you know, when you're standing there and you're in silhouette and you're facing away from the camera and you know this music's kicking in, is it fight or flight kinda stuff?

• 21:44Speaker 03

  No, it, it wasn't that, um.

• 21:47Conan O'Brien?

  Can you redo it if something goes horribly wrong?

• 21:49Speaker 03

  No, it's live. It is really, truly live.

• 21:52Conan O'Brien?

  It's live.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  And in fact, they give you, they give you a little talk beforehand that like, if, and I mean, direction was like, you know, if you're hurt, keep going, unless like you're really hurt and then you'll put your hand up and then I'll cut away from you. But until you, if you hurt yourself or fall, like, like there, he's like, I wanna keep the camera on you. And I'm gonna keep the camera on you. He said, but if you're like really hurt, raise your hand and then I'll know to cut away to somebody else.

• 22:22Conan O'Brien?

  They cut to someone being sawn in half.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Somebody eating a human hand.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  But, um, one day, about a week before, all four couples that were there at that point, we all did our dance for each other. They called it a show and tell. And it was Baron Davis, uh, Jen Affleck, uh, Danielle Fishel and me. So it's NBA All-Star, a reality star, one of the Mormon Housewives. Uh, Danielle was on Boy Meets World and is like, was like everybody's teenage crush and me. And so it's like people from different accomplished backgrounds, all being scared kids in front of each other, doing this thing for the first time for somebody other than just their partner. And it.

• 23:12Speaker 03

  Felt like everyone, you know, we all cheer for each other. When they were all done cheering, I was like, I said, I feel like I've joined a cult.

• 23:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  Because like my heart was singing and I was just like, I did it.

• 23:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:24Speaker 03

  And somebody said, now you're gonna have to do that in front of the studio audience and then on TV in front of people. And I kind of felt like, well, this is the bubble being burst. Like this, I did it here. And so like, okay, now I'm, and I did it right. And I did it, you know, that's the thing. Did I do it right? Did I screw it up? Did I forget anything? And no, I didn't. So I was sort of already ready. And then you get to the, the ballroom and you have all day Monday where you run it a bunch of times. And then Tuesday, you're in that thing from like 10 a.m. until 10 p.m. because afterwards, there's all kinds of press and stuff to do. So by the time, like it's my turn to, to dance, A, I was like 12 out of 14. I was, I was just like, let's get this over with. And I'd been in the room

• 24:09Speaker 03

  all day. So I was comfortable in the room and comfortable in front of the people. So it was kind of just like, it wasn't hard. And I, and I knew that I knew what, what I was doing. There's, there is like a moment of, hope I remember everything. But other than that, it's just, and I, and I, and I do love Emma so much. And we do have so much fun together. And she's been so nice and so supportive that I'm also not alone in it. Like she and I have been cooking up these things for people and then making silly TikToks on the side. So it is, it's all pretty fun, you know?

• 24:44Conan O'Brien?

  Is there a way to harm anyone else that you're competing against?

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 24:48Conan O'Brien?

  Because this is where my head would go. And I'm not, I don't mean physically harm them, although if there's an idea for that, we'll take it. What I mean is, is there any way to get in their head or somehow sabotage them? Or that's not cool?

• 24:59Speaker 03

  I, the only thing I've been doing is lead in lunches.

• 25:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 25:02Speaker 03

  Uh, just a little bit of lead in different lunches.

• 25:05Conan O'Brien?

  But you know, it does, it's been proven, and your, your doctor will tell you this, it slows down the neural responses.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Oh, I would, I would give them the poops.

• 25:13Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 25:13Speaker 01

  I would do something with their lunch and like give them the poops.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  Give them the diarrhea.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause they're all wearing really tight costumes.

• 25:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, so you want it to happen?

• 25:22Speaker 03

  On, on live TV.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  I do. I want, yeah, I know. I'm, I don't know.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, but then.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Oh, but lead is good.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Let's do long-term.

• 25:32Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that is kind of funnier because they just can't, their brain isn't working right.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  Right, right, right.

• 25:38Conan O'Brien?

  And it's, and this is long-term damage.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's long-term.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  The poops, they're over it tomorrow. You guys are talking about like permanently impairing these people.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  But are you, if you shit on TV in front of a millions of people, would you be over it in the next day?

• 25:52Conan O'Brien?

  No, that would scar you for life.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  But you'd get a sympathy vote?

• 25:55Conan O'Brien?

  No, people would be just so horrified by the whole thing.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  Nobody relates to pooping.

• 26:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  Would they have to raise their hand to cut the camera?

• 26:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 05

  Cut the camera! No!

• 26:06Conan O'Brien?

  And the director yells out, "What's wrong?" The poops!

• 26:10Speaker 05

  It's a common.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  It's a common. They would zoom in.

• 26:14Conan O'Brien?

  And then just cuts the studio audience, "It's a crane shot from outside the studio at ABC." And people are just streaming out, running for their lives.

• 26:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yep. Well, thanks, Sona, for bringing it around.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  I'm helping.

• 26:30Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  We did say, one of, one of the stars, and y'all can look up whoever it is, just gave birth like four weeks ago. And we have been making jokes about, you know, like the strength of pelvic floor and

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  and is there urine being sprayed around during tosses and things?

• 26:46Conan O'Brien?

  This is the stuff I wanted to get to.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  Well, I also will tell you too, I mean,

• 26:51Conan O'Brien?

  This is the good stuff.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  dancers are like very physically oriented and like there's not a lot of body shame. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, so there's something almost kind of like, uh, like animal. You know, it's like where it's just a bunch of like beautiful, incredible animals that are doing animal-y things, jumping and leaping and, you know.

• 27:14Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  There's just like very little sort of personal boundaries.

• 27:17Conan O'Brien?

  Well, they're athletes. They're just great athletes.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Absolutely athletes. Yeah, definitely. And also you're, you know, you're holding on to somebody, uh, through this whole thing. You know, it's, it's, there, there's a lot of physical contact. But, um, but yeah, especially because like Eastern Europeans, it's just another sport. It's just another, you know, you can be a gymnast or you could be a Soccer player, or you can be a ballroom dancer, and it is incredibly, you know, athletic and, and, and sporty. It is, it's, you know, it's a, it's all competition, so.

• 27:49Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, this is coming out six days from now. So what's your next hurdle? What's it gonna be? What's your, what's coming up that you have to overcome in order to stay on, uh, what I call DWTS?

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Wow, that was good.

• 28:02Speaker 06

  I like it took, it took longer. I think it took longer.

• 28:05Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna be honest with you.

• 28:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:07Conan O'Brien?

  I had a lead burger this morning.

• 28:10Conan O'Brien?

  So I'm doing pretty well.

• 28:12Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, we'll have a pizza, lead pizza, please?

• 28:16Conan O'Brien?

  Instead of the pepperoni, giant lead coins.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  Um, wait, what was the question?

• 28:22Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know.

• 28:24Speaker 06

  What's next?

• 28:25Speaker 03

  Oh, what's next?

• 28:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Uh, we are doing a tango to It's Reigning Men.

• 28:31Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Uh, which will have already happened. And I, you know.

• 28:34Conan O'Brien?

  But as we're speaking right now, how many days out are you from that?

• 28:38Speaker 03

  Uh, this is Thursday and that'll be Tuesday.

• 28:41Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  And you said this is airing Wednesday.

• 28:44Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  So my fate will have been decided by America, um, then. But I mean, I kinda, I kinda feel like I'm remaining very hopeful that I'll stick around for a little bit. Cause I do think like, it's a TV show and when people are voting, and also, I mean, I, I am again relying so much on Emma's online presence and her sort of military campaign to get people to vote for us. Um, I, I think I'll stick around because I do kinda feel like it is a TV show and the question isn't like, who's the dancer? It's like, who do you want to see in the TV show is ultimately what it ends up being like. If you're gonna watch this show next week, who do you want to see in the TV show if somebody has to go?

• 29:28Speaker 03

  And like one of the EP said at one point, and I, it struck me was they're asking you to vote for your favorite dancer. Not the best dancer, the favorite dancer. So that can be whatever it means to any, anybody watching and anybody taking the trouble to vote. Which the voting is weird, and I guess I knew this, but I didn't understand it. You only vote while the show is on live, which is from eight to 10 on the east coast, seven to nine in Midwest. So that also means here, you got to vote from five to seven. You got to vote three hours before the show airs in order to have your vote count.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  So if you're watching it on ABC or Disney Plus or whatever, here in Los Angeles, when you're watching it in the tape delay, you can't vote. So you, it's like for people on the west coast and in mountain time, if they want to vote, they're voting based on their preference from last week, sorta, I guess, because you don't know what the dance is.

• 30:28Conan O'Brien?

  I thought you were going to reveal that there's like an electoral college, too.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 30:32Conan O'Brien?

  In some states, there's.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. But like.

• 30:36Conan O'Brien?

  People have more electors and.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  I was doing interviews today, we rehearsed and then I did interviews and, and they were saying like, it's a double elimination on Tuesday. How do you feel about that? And I'm like, I don't know. I mean, I, what can I do? I did as much as I could and, and I'll do as much as I can, which is.

• 30:54Conan O'Brien?

  Until every other dancer has diarrhea.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 30:57Conan O'Brien?

  You have not done all that you can do.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  He's on board now.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  You came on to those diarrhea trains.

• 31:03Conan O'Brien?

  I've come around.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Come on, all aboard.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  Every other dancer's family remains unthreatened. Uh, you know, I have not done enough. Or remain, no.

• 31:12Conan O'Brien?

  You can always do more.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  Conan and I can take care of it.

• 31:14Conan O'Brien?

  We can take care of this. You take care of the diarrhea. I've got some very soft Roman lead. It's from the piping in Rome that brought down the empire. And I am going to be sprinkling that in the other dancer's burritos.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  You know what I was thinking about?

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Lot of burritos backstage.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  I was thinking about if I ever saw you do any choreographed dance and I remembered your K-pop video and how you, you just, you couldn't really get it.

• 31:42Conan O'Brien?

  What do you mean I couldn't get it? I killed that thing.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 31:44Conan O'Brien?

  What do you mean I couldn't get it, Blake?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  He was having trouble. He kept on like, I feel like you kept forgetting how to do the string dance.

• 31:51Conan O'Brien?

  I, I think, I, I will say, I think you did great in the K-pop video, but you did do an Irish dance where you kicked a girl in the face.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  You did kick a girl in the face.

• 31:59Conan O'Brien?

  Well, first of all, she had a, I don't know.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  What's more Irish than that?

• 32:03Speaker 01

  You're gonna blame her? We're gonna blame her.

• 32:05Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just saying, she had a little bit of an attitude beforehand.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  See? Irish.

• 32:10Conan O'Brien?

  That's how the Irish take care of things.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:12Conan O'Brien?

  No, there is footage of me accidentally kicking a young girl in the head.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  I remember that.

• 32:17Conan O'Brien?

  And then we showed it again and again in slow motion. I did bring her out on a mass, in front of a massive crowd at the Chicago Theater and kicked her again.

• 32:28Conan O'Brien?

  Such a good prank. Alright, so Andy, I'm your friend, maybe your oldest friend, maybe your only true friend, and I want to help you in your cause. So maybe you could give us some information. How can people vote for Andy and Emma?

• 32:43Speaker 03

  They can vote for us, and again, you have to do it Pacific 5 to 7 PM on Tuesdays, East Coast 8 to 10 on Tuesdays, and that is your window for voting. And you can text Andy, A-N-D-Y, it's with a Y, to 21523, and you can do that 10 times per couple, per method of voting. The other way to vote is online to dwtsvote, dwtsvote.abc.com. And there, again, you can vote 10 times per couple. So you don't have to vote all for us, but you'd be an idiot not to.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:24Conan O'Brien?

  That's true.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:25Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, Andy, good luck.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 33:28Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, keep enjoying it, because that's key, and take care of yourself.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  I am.

• 33:32Conan O'Brien?

  You know?

• 33:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:33Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, I'm just worried about your hip exploding mid-dead.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  No, no, no, it'll be fine. And the doctor said, I did say like, eh, but do I have, I was like, I just said like, like, am I gonna have to worry about like, it's snapping at some point? He's like, no, no, no, you'll be...

• 33:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. What does he know?

• 33:48Speaker 03

  I know.

• 33:49Conan O'Brien?

  I know you. You didn't go to the best doctor.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  I did. I did. It's like, yeah, it's a mobile clinic.

• 33:55Conan O'Brien?

  You tore a piece of paper off a lamppost.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Need a new hip?

• 34:00Conan O'Brien?

  And I, and I teach bass guitar.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  No, and I'm gonna, I'm saving that for January. That'll be my big New Year's present to myself as a new hip. But everybody says that it's a wonderful thing to get done.

• 34:19Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  That you heal up real well, it lasts forever, and the consistent thing that everybody says is, "I wish I'd done it sooner." So, I don't, I'm not like, I'm not somebody, when there's like a medical thing that needs to be done, I'm like, "Do it," you know?

• 34:34Conan O'Brien?

  I'm that way too. I'm not a guy that's like, "You're 90% blocked in your heart." "We'll get to that later."

• 34:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:42Conan O'Brien?

  "I've got a mountain to climb."

• 34:45Conan O'Brien?

  "And liquid cheese to eat."

• 34:49Conan O'Brien?

  "Once I'm done with my cheese-a-thon on the Matterhorn, maybe I'll come back and see." All right, Andy Richter onward and upward.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  Thank you, thank you.

• 35:02Speaker 06

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Afssessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 35:22Speaker 06

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 36:09Speaker 07

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. Participate at McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.

• 36:38Conan O'Brien?

  Have you ever had a cat, Sona?

• 36:39Speaker 01

  Never.

• 36:40Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I have had multiple cats.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:42Conan O'Brien?

  I had a cat growing up. It was my cat. My wife and I now have three cats.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  That's a lot.

• 36:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we have three cats and two dogs. And I have to say, the dogs are so appreciative. Cats hard to win over.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:54Conan O'Brien?

  Cats are cats. They're tricky.

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:56Conan O'Brien?

  Sometimes I feel like I'm working for them, you know? Well, Temptations Classic Cat Treats is the solution, okay? Temptations Classic Cat Treats are the crunchy outside, soft inside treat any cat obsesses over. Each treat is under 2 calories per treat. It's 100% nutricially complete and balanced for adult cats.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 37:15Conan O'Brien?

  That's important. And to appeal to cats with finer palates, Temptations Lickable Puree has a perfectly creamy texture they can't get enough of. Some say the Roman Empire collapsed because the Romans became too obsessed with their own pleasure. Is this a sign of things to come? I don't think so. Look for a way to make bonding with your feline friend even better. Try America's number one cat treat brand, Temptations Cat Treats. Cats can't resist.