Jessica Williams

Actress and comedian Jessica Williams feels pressured about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Jessica sits down with Conan to discuss breaking ground as the youngest ever Daily Show correspondent, working with Harrison Ford on Shrinking, and why the best satire is rooted in love for the subject. Later, Conan and the team admire a fan-made Lego replica of themselves in the studio. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

  When it comes to insurance, Farmers doesn't like surprises. That's why there's Farmers coverage on a page. What is it you ask? Did you ask? I don't think you did, but let's pretend you did.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, what is that?

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's your coverage on a page, pretty straightforward.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  That's good, because sometimes it gets confusing, you know? What am I covered for, what am I not? Here, it's all on a page. Does your insurance do that? Get a quote to get started at Farmers.com. Don't be confused, don't wonder. Farmers makes it pretty clear. Underwritten by Farmers Truck or Fire Insurance Exchanges or affiliate. Products not available in every state.

• 0:39Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids, or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you gotta get them their stuff.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:46Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year, you feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at Amazon.com/holiday.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Okay, hi, my name is Jessica Williams and I feel pressured about being Conan's friend.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  They make you say it, it's crazy.

• 1:41Conan O'Brien?

  They make you say it.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, this is a hostage situation.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  And I can't leave until I say it.

• 1:46Conan O'Brien?

  It should feel like pressure, because no one naturally becomes my friend.

• 2:12Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there and welcome to another edition of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Let me explain what's going on. Of course, joined as always by Matt Gourley, son of a cesian. I've had a lot of dental work this morning. I went in, my dentist, she does a wonderful job. She's really terrific. But she had to work on the front of my face and she had to work on the back on a molar. And I like the way I said molar. And she shot me up with so much Novocain that my face is all flop air.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  What, are you also kind of drunk? You seemed drunk. You didn't even say hi. You just came in and was like, let's go, press record.

• 2:51Conan O'Brien?

  I am not drunk. What a terrible thing to say. It is, it is 1:40 in the afternoon. No, I am not drunk.

• 3:00Speaker 03

  Are you drunk off the Novocain? Like, is it affecting you?

• 3:03Conan O'Brien?

  No, it doesn't. I don't think Novocain. I'd like to have a cycle farm here who tells us what the effects are. But no, I don't think I'm, I think I've been sitting in a chair at a dentist's office for three hours while they played some Spotify playlist, which I didn't enjoy.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  Um, what was it?

• 3:21Conan O'Brien?

  I don't want to.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Can you say the genre?

• 3:24Conan O'Brien?

  It was just a lot of wailing.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Maybe that was patients from the other room.

• 3:32Conan O'Brien?

  No, it wasn't. I like the patients more. It was Halloween sound effects. No, it was, it was, it wasn't, it wasn't doing any good. Any hoots?

• 3:40Speaker 01

  And there was no opening like after we record this podcast?

• 3:45Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, no, they could.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:47Conan O'Brien?

  I thought it was going to be this morning and it got pushed a little later. And I actually went in much earlier than I was supposed to and was like, you know, I got to record today and I care about my fans, the people out there. Also, there was part of me in the back of my head that thought, I really want to get on mic while my mouth was so mushy. Cause I thought. It's kind of funny. I mean, literally, if I had a drink right now, it would all come out my mouth.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Can you do it?

• 4:14Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, take a drink. You have a drink.

• 4:16Conan O'Brien?

  Please, I don't want to dribble all over myself. Go do it.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  See you make a fool of yourself.

• 4:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I have other ways to do that, so. I don't need a prop drink to make a fool of myself. I can just talk and share my opinions. And thoughts that occur to me.

• 4:29Speaker 03

  Thoughts.

• 4:30Conan O'Brien?

  Thoughts. Suffering, fuck it, Ash. No, but, you know, here's the thing. Uh, she gave me an injection up here by my, what's this, the incisor, what's this one, the fang?

• 4:40Speaker 03

  The canine?

• 4:40Conan O'Brien?

  The canine.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  I don't know fucking teeth.

• 4:42Conan O'Brien?

  What'd you say to me?

• 4:43Speaker 01

  I said, "I don't know fucking teeth. I know what a molar is, but once we get past the molars, what is happening in there?"

• 4:49Conan O'Brien?

  You're the mother of two little boys and you just went, "I don't know fucking teeth."

• 4:54Conan O'Brien?

  And you grab your crotch. Like, take it easy there.

• 4:59Conan O'Brien?

  So, what happens is when they get this nerve up front, it deadens your nose. It's going up to my eye. I think she gave me way too much. And I think it's because I mentioned to her, uh, well, first of all, I'm a redhead. And the old saying is that we're harder to anesthetize. So, I think she gave me a lot extra. And she actually did inject my eye at one point.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 5:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, just for fun, to see what it would do. Yeah. So, um, yeah, I don't feel this side of my face. And I raced in here. I swear to God, I was bombing down Shang-Chi Boulevard to get here fast before this.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Shang-Chi Boulevard.

• 5:37Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I put a little English on the ball.

• 5:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 5:39Conan O'Brien?

  But, um, I bombed down here so that I could get here before it wore off, because I just want the content. And, uh, and I swear to God, I think my face looks a little shaggy on this shot.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  It does. It does. I looked at you and I was like, something's off about your face.

• 5:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, something's way off.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  Can you see, look at me straight on? Oh, yeah, a little bit. And you sound a little bit like Holly Hunter. You've got those extra lashes and like a Connery-Holly Hunter mix.

• 6:04Conan O'Brien?

  Sean Connery and Holly Hunter had a baby.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  And little James Stewart.

• 6:08Conan O'Brien?

  And now I'm putting some James, "Do you know me? Do you know me, Mr. Gower? It's me, it's George Bailey."

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Knock, knock.

• 6:16Conan O'Brien?

  Who's there?

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Dishes.

• 6:17Conan O'Brien?

  Dishes who?

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Dishes Sean Connery.

• 6:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah!

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Knock, knock.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Who's there?

• 6:23Speaker 03

  Dwayne.

• 6:23Conan O'Brien?

  Dwayne who?

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Dwayne the tub, I'm drowning.

• 6:26Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no, this is the best ever. Knock, knock.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  Who's there?

• 6:29Conan O'Brien?

  Don't fuck yourself!

• 6:31Speaker 03

  There it is.

• 6:31Conan O'Brien?

  I'm busy, trying to jerk off in here.

• 6:36Conan O'Brien?

  You didn't see that one coming, did you, kids? How's it guys supposed to jerk off? Are you aware that Dwayne is still in there with you? Oh, no! There's a dead guy in a tub while I'm jerking it.

• 6:50Conan O'Brien?

  This mini-play brought to you by Masterpiece Theatre. As narrated by old Mushmouth Gonshin.

• 6:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Man, I really don't want this to go away. I'm enjoying... Yeah, you're alive. What's wrong with me that I raced out of the doctor's office?

• 7:06Speaker 02

  I know.

• 7:07Conan O'Brien?

  I... There's a parking garage. I drove through the little arm. I didn't even pay. Shattered it and drove 90 miles an hour down Sunset Boulevard. It's like, get out of the way while my face is so mushy, I gotta record. You cut through Central Park and we're not even in New York. We're not even in New York.

• 7:23Conan O'Brien?

  Bodies everywhere.

• 7:25Conan O'Brien?

  You know, good times, good times, and may this never wear off. Well, let's get into it. Okay, let's. Tell us about our guest today. Let me put on my glasses. Oh, no. He's got sunglasses on.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Trupi Face and sunglasses on.

• 7:38Conan O'Brien?

  I got other regular glasses on, but they're not as funny as these. My guest today was a correspondent on The Daily Show and now stars in the Apple TV Plus series Shrinking. I'm thrilled she's here today. Of course, when I talked to her, my face wasn't shut up with no cocaine, so...

• 8:01Conan O'Brien?

  Jessica Williams, welcome.

• 8:06Conan O'Brien?

  I want to do a little backstory, which is I have, like a lot of people, been a fan of yours for a long time. And then there was an event that we did together and we got to be together on stage. And it was a Broadway production of Gypsy. You and Gypsy?

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, we did it. It was so great.

• 8:25Conan O'Brien?

  I was... I went for it.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  For 15,000 people.

• 8:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, but we did this event together and I had so much fun with you riffing. Just, we could finish each other's sentences. It was really fun. I walked offstage and I called my booker Paula Davis and I said, "Why hasn't she been on the podcast?"

• 8:46Speaker 02

  So you screamed at her?

• 8:47Conan O'Brien?

  I screamed at her. And then I realized later on that I was off my meds.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  And we had a terrible time, actually.

• 8:55Conan O'Brien?

  And then they told me later on, all you did was scream at Jessica the whole time.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  He was awful.

• 8:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  And then he made us go out and play the slots.

• 9:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was like, quarter me, quarter me, quarter.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Quarter him.

• 9:07Conan O'Brien?

  Where have you been?

• 9:08Speaker 02

  I never heard that phrase before, quarter me.

• 9:10Conan O'Brien?

  It's not a, I, I.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 9:11Conan O'Brien?

  It's not a phrase.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  It's not. It's gotta be more than a quarter now, right?

• 9:14Conan O'Brien?

  Of course it is.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  It's like a tap, right?

• 9:16Conan O'Brien?

  I don't gamble.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Me neither.

• 9:17Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  And then is someone standing next to you with your quarters and handing you the quarters?

• 9:22Conan O'Brien?

  You had a quarter guy? I used to pay you, and then it was David Hoppin. And I'd say, quarter me, and you'd give me like 15 quarters, because that's what it costs now.

• 9:31Conan O'Brien?

  But we were just talking, I mean, here's the thing, I walked in the door, you got here just before me, and we start talking, there's no artifice, it's so, it's, it's so easy to talk to you, that we started getting into stuff right away that was really good. The next thing I know, we were talking about how we'd love to take a, like an Orient Express train ride, all of us.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:55Conan O'Brien?

  But there did have to be a murder, and then I remembered Sona was on a cruise where there was a murder, and you want to hear about this?

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's my question, so, because sometimes I hear when there's a murder on a cruise, they have to put them in the freezer or refrigerator somewhere.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Do, what do you know, tell me everything.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  I know what.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  I care about that specifically.

• 10:09Conan O'Brien?

  And all the witnesses have to go in their refrigerator, too. That's what I said, she was the murderer.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  Oh, it was you?

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, we were at dinner, and then you could hear this.

• 10:17Conan O'Brien?

  Who's we, who's we?

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Me, my husband Tac, and then two of our friends who went on the cruise, this was in Alaska. And then they, a voice comes on the intercom, the entire cruise can hear it, and you go, "All metalclones, security personnel, to the ninth floor." And you could hear the panic in their voice, and then we were like, oh, what's happening? But we didn't stop eating our dinner, like, we thought it was like, it could be an active shooter.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  That's what they did in Titanic, through Titanic, they were like.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Right. Oh, that sounds bad.

• 10:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Well, we've got two hours before we go under, so I'll have more of the veal.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  And then we heard it again, and you could see all the employees start to get worried. And then the next day, we were docked and we were supposed to be still cruising. And the captain came on and he said, "Yesterday, there was a domestic disturbance and a woman from Utah has died." And then we were all searching and there were all these news stories. Her husband killed her.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  It's always the husband.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  And the security came in while he was dragging her body to the balcony to throw it overboard.

• 11:21Conan O'Brien?

  Security came in because I guess they heard the noise, you told me. And can you imagine, they like pushed open the door, the door was open, they go in and the guy has her body halfway out the porthole window. And he's like, "Uh, I can explain." I was pulling her in. She died.

• 11:40Conan O'Brien?

  Then a bird pulled her out and I'm trying to pull her back in. You know what it looks like?

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Insane. So he was caught. That's crazy. He was actually caught in a murder. I feel like that never, I watch a lot of true crime and Dateline. And it just never happens that they're caught right in the middle of it. That is so sad.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  And then, well, it got even sad, like he, the FBI came on board, they were interviewing people, and then we followed the story. He got convicted and then he lost his appeal and then he killed himself.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  In his jail cell.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:11Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Sorry. That's such a downer.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  That's what it happens.

• 12:14Conan O'Brien?

  That's all the time we have, Jessica, but thank you.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  See you later. Thank you.

• 12:17Conan O'Brien?

  For being here.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  I did my time. Thank you.

• 12:18Conan O'Brien?

  You were pressured.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 12:20Conan O'Brien?

  Great. We just stopped it right there.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  It's exactly the way I imagined it.

• 12:24Conan O'Brien?

  I, we're gonna get into more murder, but first.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:28Conan O'Brien?

  I want to say you were the youngest, I still, I think still to this day, the youngest Daily Show correspondent ever. You were seven years old. I thought it was, I thought it was too soon.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  I was like, "I'm a baby."

• 12:42Conan O'Brien?

  I never understood, your take on the news was terrible.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. I know.

• 12:46Conan O'Brien?

  It's always like, "I'm tired."

• 12:48Speaker 02

  That's what, "My poopy dipey."

• 12:50Conan O'Brien?

  My poopy dipey and.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  Poopy dipey.

• 12:52Conan O'Brien?

  You know, because we talk about like complex issues in the news that needed real. I'm sorry, I thought that was, that was a little early for you.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  But that's the thing about Jon Stewart, is he really pushes satire, and that's what he's known for. So when he saw first, nobody knows how I got it, like, I remember I was auditioning, we're on Larchmont right now, Allison Jones' casting office used to be here, I don't know if she's still here, but I was auditioning for something else, and it was a Will Ferrell movie, and they were looking for six-year-olds, and I was auditioning for it. And then Allison Jones was like, you might not be right for this, but they're casting The Daily Show, do you want to come back and put something on tape? And I was going to Cal State Long Beach at the time. That's where I went. You did? And did you do comedy sports? Yeah, I did comedy sports since high school. What? Yeah. Did you grow up here? Uh huh. Cool. Whittier? Yeah. Dude, everybody I know from Whittier is always like, I'm from Whittier.

• 13:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah. Trust me, a day doesn't go by, I mean, I've been behind him.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  No.

• 13:45Conan O'Brien?

  I've, I've seen him at a traffic stop, true story, get out of his car, and start shouting at the driver stopped behind him, waiting for the light to change, I'm from Whittier.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  I'm not from that part of Whittier. I'm from Whittier.

• 13:57Conan O'Brien?

  I'm from Whittier.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  I'm from Whittier? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't hurt me. Yeah, I'm from Torrance. Oh my god, and she's from Haasian Heights. Oh, cool. Awesome, hell yeah, locals, you never meet people from LA.

• 14:07Conan O'Brien?

  I was born in Casas.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  No, stop.

• 14:09Conan O'Brien?

  Del Blanco, what?

• 14:11Speaker 02

  What? Casas Del Blanco?

• 14:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's 40 minutes outside of Casitas, Las Muchachas. I'm telling you, we had a great air hockey team.

• 14:26Conan O'Brien?

  It's just this guy.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  Do you guys have air hockey in here? This, this office is really cool. You won't spring for it. No?

• 14:31Conan O'Brien?

  You know what, you know what I do remember? I remember when I was hosting the late night show, and we were always under so much pressure early on, like, we're gonna get canceled, this isn't gonna work, oh my god, is this, and I think it was maybe the second or third Christmas, when it's, the nickel finally dropped that we were doing okay, there was really good press, the network seemed happy, and Christmas hit, and I was, you know, when you take off a backpack after a, after a long hike, you feel like you can fly, like you're floating, that's how I felt. And so, we, I just started running around buying presents for everybody, and I remember that I was buying presents for all these people at the show, and so full of joy, and we were doing our last show before the Christmas break, and we never used to get breaks, and I, and then I-

• 15:15Conan O'Brien?

  I went insane. I ran downstairs and ran through the streets to a store, like a Brookstone, and bought a giant air hockey table. That was bigger than I was, and I was carrying it down the street. And people were like, I think Conan O'Brien, he's got a giant box and he's laughing like a maniac. And I took it upstairs and I went, hey, everybody, I got us air hockey. So it's so funny you would bring that up, but.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  But you actually did.

• 15:40Conan O'Brien?

  I did.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  Did you know about that?

• 15:41Conan O'Brien?

  No, but didn't you bring it up?

• 15:43Speaker 02

  Maybe, I don't know. I felt it. That was what happened in Vegas around the slot. It was like, but I love that feeling. I really like giving gifts. I really do. Especially like, I like when you just like nail it. Like I love when you nail it and that's like exactly the person you thought about it ahead of time. That's like the best feeling. Like this year, I'm all about like a little pizza oven. So now I'm thinking about like, I think this will come out after we wrap. But I think for my like glam team, I want to get them like little pizza ovens for their house.

• 16:12Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, that is really nice.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  You know, because there's like the Gosny and there's the uni now.

• 16:15Conan O'Brien?

  Have you thought of the Solo Stove Pizza Oven?

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, those are cool. I like the Solo Stove.

• 16:19Conan O'Brien?

  Do they still advertise with this? Uh, it's been a while.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  The Solo Stove?

• 16:23Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, fuck the Solo Stove.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  You love it? Did you, you got it because they advertised? Why? People love the Solo Stove.

• 16:29Conan O'Brien?

  I, first of all, I, I do legitimately, I never, ever, I will never shill a product that I don't honestly believe. Always shill a product, okay. That I don't believe in, and I think those missiles are doing their job.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  Oh, boy.

• 16:42Conan O'Brien?

  Doing it. I'm constantly, our best, our best advertiser is the Rand Corporation. And they make a missile. I mean, it kills everything, but um. But no, the Solo Stove is, I do like it and they do make a pizza oven that we have back here. But I'm saying this, hey, Solo Stove, if you wandered away from Conan O'Brien, you made a terrible mistake. But I think a pizza oven is a great idea.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  It's nice. It's nice. It's like, they have like their houses that they're doing and I, I just built a pizza oven at my house. And I just used one of those DIY like pizza oven kits. And I'll tell you, we used it for the first time a few weeks ago, the joy of like putting a pizza in there. You're just like, what? It rises in 90 seconds? Like, it's like you're laughing, like, we were like, it felt like we were going to live forever when we were doing it. It was so great. I was like, this is amazing. Like, wow.

• 17:32Conan O'Brien?

  Who knew that heat and dough?

• 17:34Speaker 02

  It's like ancient.

• 17:36Conan O'Brien?

  Cut to ancient Greeks, Stone Age, pre Bronze Age man.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  Plus dough.

• 17:44Conan O'Brien?

  But it is funny how removed we get.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 17:47Conan O'Brien?

  In our world, we have apps, we have all this stuff. And when someone really introduces us to, this is what a fresh orange tastes like. We lose our minds.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  What? This old time?

• 17:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Like how the orange starburst.

• 17:58Conan O'Brien?

  When someone explains to me, kind of roughly, how the planets move, I'm like, what?

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:03Conan O'Brien?

  We gotta get the word out.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  It's crazy. It's crazy.

• 18:07Conan O'Brien?

  The moon moves with us.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  Insane. I saw like a, you ever just catch a SpaceX launch and you're like, what the? You know, and they're like blasting like eight satellites in the air that you have no idea like what that is and why? That's insane. This guy's just blasting satellites out into the, like, unregulated, like, just nonstop?

• 18:26Conan O'Brien?

  He is a, he is a Bond villain.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  He's a Bond villain.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  It also feels like metaphorical, the way he's like, forgive me, spreads his seed on Earth, it's like he's doing it in space.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, like splishing everywhere?

• 18:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  Tough, man.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  He's colonizing space.

• 18:38Conan O'Brien?

  Massive erect rockets.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  Well, because they look nophallic, more than just a normal rocket.

• 18:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And he calls them, it's like Cock 1, Cock 2, Cock 3.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:47Conan O'Brien?

  We've had a failure of Cock 4, which by the way, I've been there.

• 18:52Conan O'Brien?

  But, uh...

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 18:54Conan O'Brien?

  I want to ask you because, um...

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Cock 4 was tough.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  I mean, at least you have four cocks.

• 19:00Conan O'Brien?

  It was tough to see Cock 4 go down.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  It was really a dark day for space travel, dude.

• 19:07Conan O'Brien?

  It's funny because I'm always curious when I'm talking to someone who I find effortlessly funny and real. Okay, please tell me, where does this come from? What is your origin story, your Marvel origin story? Who's showing you stuff when you're a kid? And what are you watching and what are you seeing?

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, my grandma was really into comedy, so she would watch you, she'd watch Conan. Um, she lived in the valley, so we could, she would let me stay up and watch stuff with her. She liked like early Adult Swim, um, she liked South Park.

• 19:36Conan O'Brien?

  This is, this is a...

• 19:37Speaker 02

  She was cool.

• 19:38Conan O'Brien?

  How, I mean, this is a very cool...

• 19:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:40Conan O'Brien?

  My grandmother, had she lived to be 120, would not have shown me Space Ghost.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, we watched a lot of Space Ghost.

• 19:48Conan O'Brien?

  That's very cool.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  I know, isn't that weird? And, uh, I can say I watched Saturday Night Live, Mad TV, and she was kind of immobile because she was like diabetic and had a lot of health problems. She was like a Vegas lady, like she lived really hard, like Colt 45 every night, like smoked for a long time. Like she was like very crafty, like, ah! Like in a fun way. So it explained there was like a bodiness to her that I really like loved. So she, I think she really got in there. And then the year I tried out for comedy sports, my high school improv team, I think she passed away. So that was when I started my, my improv career. But aside from just loving comedy and always feeling like it was a valid medium, I'm just, I do think everything's kind of inherently interesting. And I think that I'm very curious about the way the world is.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  And I feel like I know a little bit about a lot of things and it's interesting. And I also like when I'm talking to people, finding out what they're interested in. It's like interesting to me when someone lights up about she's shining or something. And so that's just kind of how, how I live my life.

• 20:49Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's what I got right away is genuine. You have that light of, I want to know, I want to play. And, and combined with humility of, I don't know everything.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  No, I know.

• 21:02Conan O'Brien?

  There's a lot of stuff I don't know. And whenever someone comes into a room telling me how much they know, I know that they're not a smart person.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, wisdom is you don't know anything.

• 21:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, wisdom is the more you learn, the less you know.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  That's right. And every few years I find, I'm 35, every few years I find, I look back and think, oh, I didn't know as much as I thought I did even three years ago. But there's something very comforting in like not being done. You know, there's something really on, on shrinking the show that I'm on. There is something really cool about watching Harrison Ford's arcs. Because there's, this is a guy who's still in progress and there's something to like, you know, even somebody who's in his eighties is like still learning lessons. And there's something really comforting about that. So I really care about that.

• 21:45Conan O'Brien?

  I think I look at, I look at Harrison Ford that way. I look at Martin Short that way, who I just saw in New York. I look at Steve Martin that way. I love looking at people who are from, you know, the generation ahead of me, who they're killing it, they're trying things, they're, they're up on everything. They're not calcifying. And I think that's the one thing I never wanted to do is be the person who's like, I don't know what this new comedy is.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  That's tough.

• 22:20Conan O'Brien?

  I don't, you know, what is this Tim Robbins?

• 22:24Conan O'Brien?

  Making his faces, you know, I just think I'm always trying to, and you know, let's, I want to access, I get excited when I see new people being really funny, funny in ways that it never occurred to me. It makes me enthusiastic.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  That's the other thing. I don't, I think we were talking about this too. I don't like pretension in comedy. Like if there's like, when I was coming up in comedy with all of the like companies that I did and whatever, there, now in retrospect, there were like these guys that were just dicks about comedy, like teaching me, that I think about all these classes that I took where it was just like someone who really understands improv and sketch, teaching class, but being so mean.

• 23:04Conan O'Brien?

  There's nothing worse than a young improv man.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Like so mean for no reason. And, and then when I got The Daily Show and I got to work with John, it was like a revelation of like, oh, you don't have to be a mean boss. Like you don't, you know, there's guys.

• 23:19Conan O'Brien?

  I disagree here. I think cruelty has its place. Right, Eduardo? Sure. I let you go a while ago, Eduardo.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Eduardo's waving. I don't know if he can see.

• 23:39Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  What?

• 23:41Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things. So I'm going to try and make apple cider.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:45Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:46Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 23:54Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. There are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:59Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:01Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 24:08Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about like making apple cider. And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 24:17Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 24:18Conan O'Brien?

  travel show that I do.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:20Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 24:31Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:33Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 24:38Speaker 01

  My god.

• 24:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 24:43Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best. Based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 25:11Conan O'Brien?

  Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is so good, it's almost impossible not to finish it before the meal arrives. It's just too good to wait. That happens to me sometimes.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 25:20Conan O'Brien?

  You can try rules like no sipping until the appetizer arrives, or you tell your friend, "Don't let me touch my glass." But every time you're staring at an empty glass. So if you've ever finished your Coke Zero before the first fry hits the table, you're among friends. It happens. Occupational hazard with Coke Zero.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:38Conan O'Brien?

  Real Coca-Cola taste, zero sugar, too good to wait. Enjoy an ice cold Coca-Cola Zero Sugar today.

• 25:45Speaker 04

  Granger knows if you're a procurement manager at an industrial manufacturing facility, you're balancing inventory and budget while sourcing critical supplies across the operation. Too much inventory, costs climb. Too little, production slows. Granger's $2 billion in on-hand inventory helps you get what you need when you need it. So you can help keep budgets balanced and lines moving. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click Granger.com, or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

• 26:21Conan O'Brien?

  I also find there's something about, and it would be true for John on The Daily Show. I think it was true for me when there's a volume of work that needs to be done. Like, we've gotta make these shows all the time. You find that when someone else has a good idea, when someone else can get the laughs, it doesn't cost me. It, it, the boat, it's a rising sea that lifts all boats. Like, I'm good. I don't care who gets, and I think that is, I, I, I think sometimes, I mean, I haven't imagined that sometimes when there's very little space, like sometimes I saw bad behavior at Saturday Night Live because it's, there's 20 shows a year, which when you think about it, if you take away the music, it's not a lot of real estate.

• 27:04Conan O'Brien?

  Lot of people fighting to get their sketch on. And if you've been working all week and you come in to see the board on Wednesday night to see if you got in or not, and your sketch is in limb, is in the dead man's, the little index card has been moved to the bottom of the board, it's devastating.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:20Conan O'Brien?

  And so people, you know, there can be some sharp elbows because there's less space, I think.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. And the turnover there is really crazy, you know, it's not just like, oh, you had a bad few weeks. It's like, oh, no, no, it, it matters, my livelihood, you know, it's like, this is like our careers, you know, this is like something that, you know, we want to have sustainable jobs from this business. That would be really, really great. And I found that when I, I was at up by Citizens Brigade when I got The Daily Show. And it was sort of that thing where the next move was either Saturday Night Live or The Daily Show. And, uh, you know, both are great. I have friends who have done Saturday Night Live and been really happy with it. Um, but for me, um, The Daily Show was a great fit because I'm, I'm really gentle and like very sensitive and I needed like someone to be really nice to me. That's the, I do way better.

• 28:06Conan O'Brien?

  I think you made the right call.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know, you never know, but, but I, I, I do really better, I do a lot better and people are nicer to me. I don't, I don't thrive when someone's like withholding.

• 28:16Conan O'Brien?

  I also think, my guess would be a gig on The Daily Show as a correspondent means you will get on air.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:23Conan O'Brien?

  It's guaranteed. I think that's a very smart move. Obviously, clearly I can say it now because I'm arm check, armchair quarterbacking, but that is, I would like to think that's what I would have advised you to do because, um, SNL, there are cast members who were there for a year and a half, but you didn't really see them much.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 28:42Conan O'Brien?

  They didn't get the time, they didn't, and there are people that have, that didn't work on SNL and then went on. And I know one of your Puros is Julia Louis-Dreyfus. I mean, she technically, it didn't work out for her at SNL and she's become one of the iconic comedians of all time.

• 29:02Conan O'Brien?

  Veep, for my money, is one of, her performance in Veep is one of the most flawless.

• 29:10Speaker 02

  I think about it all the time.

• 29:11Conan O'Brien?

  And the writing on that show, and it's so.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  It's just tight.

• 29:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's tight and filthy.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  It's filthy. It's so mean. It's so filthy. Oh, I think about that performance all the time. The amount of like, of nuance that she has for every single moment. She's always listening. That's like the kind of actor I want to be. And that's, I'm always, like even I did like high school plays and stuff. And we, I had really great drama teachers. I'm like the product of a really good LAUSD drama program that was underfunded. But I had great performing arts teachers. And they would be like, if you think we can't see you back there, because you're not in the front of the stage, we're gonna throw our sandals at you. Because you think we can't see you, you better freaking smile. I don't care, you know?

• 29:57Conan O'Brien?

  This is the famous sandal technique.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  This is the LAUSD like sandal technique, but it still sticks with me to this day. And Julia's totally doing that. She's always listening.

• 30:09Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't catch that last part, but she, she, and the other thing that's very cool about her is that she doesn't, she's one of those people that doesn't know she's Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Like if I, any time spent telling her how amazing she is at her work, she'd be like, what are we talking about here? You know, what do you think of this avocado?

• 30:31Speaker 02

  Oh, that's Harrison. That's Harrison.

• 30:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. It's the same as Harrison Ford.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. They're like people that have been famous for so long that it's like.

• 30:37Conan O'Brien?

  Were you intimidated by Harrison Ford? Because when you first see him, it can be.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Starring.

• 30:44Conan O'Brien?

  It can be, oh, well, you had that experience here on the podcast where he walked in and he sat right in that seat.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:49Conan O'Brien?

  And.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  Most like amazing actor of my lifetime for me.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, he's the guy.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Anytime I think there's like, you think of the guy you've got, Tom Cruise. Kind of the guy, like, the movie star.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  A weird guy. Tom Cruise, weird guy.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, Harrison's weird too. Tom, Tom, you know.

• 31:05Conan O'Brien?

  I'll say this too. I'm gonna say something. I've worked closely with Tom Cruise a bunch of times and spent like time with him when we were shooting something.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  Well, so have I, just so we're clear.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, me too.

• 31:16Conan O'Brien?

  No. That's a different.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  I was like, wait, I won't believe you. I'm new.

• 31:20Conan O'Brien?

  That was Tom Cruise.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 31:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  Oh, I went on the cruise to Thomas.

• 31:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. To the Isle of, to St. Thomas.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  I see.

• 31:27Conan O'Brien?

  No, Tom Cruise is incredibly like professional and also really nice to everyone on set.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  I've only heard that.

• 31:34Conan O'Brien?

  I, he's, you know. No, he is. I, I, I would, I'm gonna, I'm gonna stick up for Tom Cruise here.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 31:41Conan O'Brien?

  He's, he's, uh, he's, um, was just great. I was really impressed. And every time I've done something with him, I've seen the same guy over and over and over again. But I would, but Harrison, there's something about, you know, I remember so clearly, you weren't born yet, but when Star Wars came out, it was a cultural earthquake. I had never seen, there was so much explosion of fuss about this movie. And my brothers and I went and we saw it. I had never seen anything look like that before. I was on the, you say, edge of your seat, total edge of my seat, floored.

• 32:19Conan O'Brien?

  And then it kind of changed a lot of things. It was such a, and Harrison Ford is the one that I think he popped in this way that maybe even Lucas didn't expect.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:32Conan O'Brien?

  But like that first scene, I think in the bar, he pops and when he's bragging about the Millennium Falcon and he's a wise ass, he popped the way Clark Gable popped thirty years before, the way Jimmy Cagney, he just popped as, and that's the thing that's very cruel about movies. Movies say this is the person.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 32:54Conan O'Brien?

  And it's Julia Roberts, it's her.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you can do everything you want and they, the camera will just say, nope, it's that one. You're okay, but it's that one. And that was, that's Harrison Ford. It's been his, I mean, our whole lives.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  This is actually really perfect. I've been thinking about this a lot because we watched Andor the last, the, the last season of Andor.

• 33:13Conan O'Brien?

  Perfect.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  Yes. Oh, I, I love Andor. I love Andor. I love it. I'm glad you've seen it.

• 33:18Conan O'Brien?

  I binged with my son. We binged both seasons. Hold on, you can jump in here.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 33:24Conan O'Brien?

  We did this. We binged both seasons with my wife. Diego Luna. I love, I'm very much passionately in love with Diego Luna.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  I love that. He's the best.

• 33:34Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, and I'm gonna take this even further. If there's, I'm having surgery to be able to have a child with Diego Luna. It's very complicated. And we say this, very painful. Very painful.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  They don't put you under for that one.

• 33:46Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  Have you checked with him? Is he even in on this?

• 33:49Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna do this first.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  Okay, that's, yeah, smart.

• 33:52Conan O'Brien?

  And it's been suggested, you're not the first one to say, hey, should you? And I'm like, no, no, no. I wanna go to him with everything ready to, you know. So that's my choice. This has been nine months of intense surgeries.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Well, so we did, did you do this? We did Rogue One right after? Yes! And then we just started, like, all over again. We just kept going.

• 34:08Conan O'Brien?

  That's next.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 34:09Conan O'Brien?

  We did, we did, um...

• 34:11Speaker 03

  That's living.

• 34:12Conan O'Brien?

  You want...

• 34:13Speaker 02

  No, it feels good. No, it feels good!

• 34:15Conan O'Brien?

  One day you'll have the money to live this kind of life.

• 34:17Speaker 02

  You'll have the Disney Plus account to be able to do the shit.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  I spent it all on the cruise to Tomas, Spain.

• 34:23Conan O'Brien?

  That was your mistake.

• 34:26Conan O'Brien?

  You did the same thing. I mean, I watched both seasons and I think it is, you know, I think my shows this year are Severance and Andor. For just craftsmanship. There's TV and then there's movies. The wall has fallen between them. Yes, technically, movies that are...

• 34:42Speaker 02

  No, they're so cinematic, like, I love a ride.

• 34:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  And I feel like Andor did such a good job with the sets and the locations and the specificity of like, god, it just looked gorgeous.

• 34:54Conan O'Brien?

  And it broke my heart 35 times and it elated me 36 times.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Did you, were you saying you liked it because it like blurred the line?

• 35:02Conan O'Brien?

  I loved that that writer, creator is so talented. And all the performers are so amazing. And as you said, they created these worlds. All of them seemed completely authentic. It was true to itself, meaning it would give you really bad news, it would give you good news. And that's everything a movie does. So now that commercials are no longer a part of these streaming shows, it's really the same magic.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:26Conan O'Brien?

  We used to go to movies because I'm gonna give you money not to show me a commercial. You can show some shit up front, but once Star Wars starts, you're not gonna 15 minutes in go, you know, we've got a new soap for the cracks and pits and everywhere in between.

• 35:41Conan O'Brien?

  By the way, I didn't.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  I hate when they're graphic. I hate when it's like, so you're like, I was sweating all over, even under my tit. You're like, what?

• 35:51Conan O'Brien?

  Are you tired of tit odor? But you know, we're gonna take a sidetrack here because those commercials are everywhere.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  They are.

• 35:59Conan O'Brien?

  And they say things like, it's for pits and privates and well, assholes too. And you're like, we get it. We're okay.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  You said enough.

• 36:08Speaker 03

  Didn't we used to have an ad for something like that here?

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Luxe bidet.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, luxe bidet.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  A bidet is different. A bidet is like, we're the only ones, Americans are the only ones that use bidets. We should have more bidets, I think. But this, this whole, they gotta come with a, I'm watching basketball.

• 36:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 36:23Speaker 02

  And this lady's like, my tits reek. And you're like, okay. And then also, don't tell them.

• 36:30Conan O'Brien?

  Don't tell who?

• 36:31Speaker 02

  Don't tell everybody else, our tits reek.

• 36:35Speaker 02

  Kinda weird.

• 36:36Conan O'Brien?

  But they double down on it too. They keep doubling down and they'll say, and you'll say, no, no, I really get it. And then later in the ad, they'll say, and remember the taint? The small area, inch to one inch and a half, between genitals and asshole.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 36:54Conan O'Brien?

  When yours stinks. And I, I'm horrified. What's happened?

• 36:59Speaker 02

  I asked, just, I was thinking about Harrison and I, a couple of months ago.

• 37:04Conan O'Brien?

  Ask him if his tits reek.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  I was like, dude, what's your tits like? He's like, what? Uh, no, I asked him, I was like, I liked Andor so much, we were in the middle, I was like, have you seen Andor? And he's like, what? I was like, have you seen Andor? He's like, what is that? And I was like, um, it's this thing where it's like, and he was like, no, I would never, he's like, I would never watch it. And I was like, right, of course not. Like, you don't wanna talk about this anymore at all.

• 37:24Conan O'Brien?

  You're Han Solo.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  But when I watched, when I watched him again, while, cause we're still in production for the show, we're like finishing up. It was so surreal to see this like, guy is so deeply hot and star, he's just so, he pops in that way. And I cannot believe in my insane goofy career that I get to work with this guy. And, um, a couple of Fridays ago, there was a really tender scene that we shot for season three. That was just he and I. And I stayed to like run lines with him while they were setting up the scene. And it was a big, it was a big scene between our characters. And he just, the, the whole crew was silent, which is what happens when it's like, they know it's a big scene.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  And he's like coming into my character's office and he's sitting across like as far as Conan is. And he walks in and he sits and he does this scene. And it was like, almost like, you know, in Oppenheimer, when the blast actually goes off and they put on their glasses and it's like silent. It was that. And he was destroying, he was like absolutely destroying the scene in every way. Like every single line, he was weeping, he was joyful, he was all of those things. But it was one of those moments where they had to come in and be like, okay, Jessica, you're like weeping. So I don't know if you'd be weeping as the character. I was like, no, this guy is giving me like, this guy is the best, this guy is the best. He's, he's the goat.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  And I see a lot of great, I've seen a lot of great actors. But it was, it was one of those moments where I just felt like, no, this is actually like the greatest living actor. And this is someone that I get to, to work with. But it was like being too close to a, to a fire. It was insane. And I work with him all the time, but it was like chill, like I was getting chills while he was doing it. And I think you'll know the scene when you see it, but it was like very like, what did I get to do in my life to, to be here? To, to work with this guy. It's insane.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Do you have the number of your surgeon? Cause I might want to get that.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  And you're gonna be away.

• 39:28Conan O'Brien?

  Turns out he's not that good. There've been some infections.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  It was crazy.

• 39:36Conan O'Brien?

  But you know, what's interesting is I have learned, I've had the same feeling of how did this get to happen for me? And I'm learning, uh, I'm quite a bit older than you. I've learned over time to just, my grandfather, who was a, a, a traffic cop in Worcester, Massachusetts in the 1920s and 30s. He used to have this saying, he was kind of like W C Fields when he was older, he was really funny.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  W C Fields, sorry.

• 40:02Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you. I think one of the great comics, my little chickadee. I'm trying to, he was, he was always playing, it's, I know.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  Is it kind of Looney Tunesy? It sounds like chickadee feels a little Looney Tunes.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  Run along, kid, you bother me.

• 40:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm with you.

• 40:20Conan O'Brien?

  He worked with, you know, Mae West. Everything I'm saying is digging this, I'm old reference, but I do think people should know W.C. Fields because he might be one of my favorite comedians of all time.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Really?

• 40:33Conan O'Brien?

  And his stuff is as funny today as it was in the 30s, 40s. And.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Amazing.

• 40:39Conan O'Brien?

  So, anyway, he was this kind of, had all these sayings and he used to say, take what you can get and ask for more. Like, he was going against the Catholic, I don't deserve this, I shouldn't have this, oh, who, me? He was like, when something good comes your way, take it.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:54Conan O'Brien?

  You know, and I think you've, grab it and just take it because there's some trouble coming down the road at some point. So just enjoy this.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  We're all gonna die.

• 41:05Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I have a way around that.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  You have a surgeon?

• 41:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I have a surgeon for that, too.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  I think I'm gonna keep this.

• 41:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  And put it on my board, but I'm gonna write, do you mind if I write W.C. Fields so I don't forget? Cool. Can I say, just from, what is this?

• 41:17Conan O'Brien?

  Use this.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Calligraphy?

• 41:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's just.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  Do you have an ink pot? That's an expensive pen, that's a nice pen?

• 41:24Conan O'Brien?

  It is not an expensive pen. This is a twenty something dollar pen, but I, which is, you know, not.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  It is.

• 41:29Conan O'Brien?

  A big pen.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Can I try it?

• 41:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I really love it.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  You use this the most?

• 41:33Conan O'Brien?

  I draw and scribble all the time.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 41:37Conan O'Brien?

  And I love that, and it has little, um, little cartridges. Anyway, I should do a Kaleko.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Third?

• 41:43Conan O'Brien?

  Kaleko. And a special pad. Conan, stop it.

• 41:49Conan O'Brien?

  Inner voice not helping, inner voice too late. I have a question for you. I have a, I have a question for you, which is, there's this path, people like us that have this affinity for comedy, where you're going along, you're doing stuff, and then there's a hard right and a hard left. Stand-up or improv? I don't know about you, because I think you'd be, but you chose, I'm guessing you chose improv.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:12Conan O'Brien?

  To the exclusion of, that's what I did, I kind of knew, I really love great stand-ups, I admire what they do, I'm fascinated by it. I'm always telling John Mulaney, I don't know how you do that. I really have great respect for them, but I always knew my thing is over here. Where I'm in scenes and I'm babbling in the moment.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I have that too. I like, like if we were in school and it was like doing an exam and I had to do like an essay in an exam as opposed to like an ABC. Like I would do an essay and just get like an A++ on it because I could like bullshit my way through and figure it out and just babble, babble, babble. But I started in high school doing improv because we had an improv team. Like the layout of comedy sports is, or they used to just have high school teams. Like you would have a football team and then you would play whose line is it anyway against different.

• 43:04Conan O'Brien?

  It's so weird to make it competitive, but also. It was fake competitive.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was like the ref could decide. It's more so you're just doing this short form style thing. But I loved acting in scenes. I knew I wanted to be an actor. And then I, then I learned, oh, I have an improv team and this is a way I could go. And then I just kind of stuck with that. But I like the teams. Like I like, you know, stand-up is very like isolated and in your head and you're working out bits and then you're presenting them. And that's so vulnerable to me that it kind of scares me quite a bit. And I do admire stand-ups. But with improv and sketch and then with acting, like I knew I wanted to do that. And what I, I didn't know what the path was for that exactly because I didn't want to be like

• 43:47Speaker 02

  a lifelong sketch person. But being able to fold that into my acting technique is really helpful. And so even at The Daily Show, I got there when I was 22. So it felt like I was college, like in grad school. Because I was learning so much and I didn't finish school. And I was working with all these writers and field producers. So we were, not only that, but then I was traveling, kind of doing that man on the street or sitting in someone's living room and interviewing them, saying like, we should all eat babies. Like, I don't know, stuff like that. Like interviewing people, you know, face to face, doing those field pieces.

• 44:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's a legitimate view.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  All eat babies.

• 44:24Conan O'Brien?

  There's a lot of them and they're nutritious.

• 44:28Speaker 02

  And yeah, so the baby eaters, I would like interview them. But I learned, and then we would have to go back and edit these things for a couple of weeks to the taste of mostly one man, which was John. So then I learned how to produce. So it became a bit more amorphous where I didn't realize this, but I was like co-producing and co-directing these little bits. And so I learned so much about storytelling in that way.

• 44:51Conan O'Brien?

  It is great training if you're ever gonna host a late night show. I don't know if there are gonna be more of those in the future, but if you're going to host something and interview people, that is improv. It's listening, responding, don't go negative, don't stop the flow.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  Don't make it about you.

• 45:09Conan O'Brien?

  Well, no, I disagree with that.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  Don't make it about you.

• 45:15Conan O'Brien?

  Jessica, the one thing I've learned in this talking to you is that I'm an impressive guy.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  But I do.

• 45:22Conan O'Brien?

  And then I'm from El Cacho Nachos.

• 45:24Speaker 02

  El Cacho Nachos. You're Peggy Hill Spanish from like King of the Hill where it's like boom.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  But yeah, no, I, acting, when I'm in the zone, is just reacting 100%. And even with The Daily Show, sometimes with a field piece, you can just get out with a look. Like if I can just get out with like a, like a Jim Halpert, like.

• 45:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  Ah, I love it. You can, you can say so much. And so I really like, for me, acting is natural listening. And Julia is perfect at that, we're talking about, especially in Veep.

• 45:55Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, she did it in Elaine, as Elaine in Seinfeld, she did it throughout her career, all these different shows, all these different things. But, you know, she's always in it completely, 100%. And it's commitment, just commitment.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I believe in commitment.

• 46:08Conan O'Brien?

  Commitment.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  I hate half-ass bullshit. I hate it. And, and it works for some people. I know.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  Those are small.

• 46:19Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo's watching. What, what football match are you watching right now?

• 46:22Speaker 02

  I know.

• 46:23Conan O'Brien?

  We busted him recently.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  Why? Were you watching something?

• 46:26Conan O'Brien?

  I was watching the soccer game.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  Let him watch it.

• 46:27Conan O'Brien?

  No, we, you know, it was great content.

• 46:29Speaker 02

  Let him watch it. He's gotta listen to you guys talk.

• 46:32Conan O'Brien?

  But you know what? We only knew because someone sitting next to him sold him out.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  You snitched, dude?

• 46:36Speaker 03

  Commitment to the bit. Commitment to the bit.

• 46:39Conan O'Brien?

  Or betrayal of a good friend.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, same diff.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  But I don't like, like, half-assed stuff. I don't like cool comedy. I don't like cool. We were talking about that. I like earnestness 100% and I've, Comedy Sports was really earnest and that got, you know, it's not like, UCB is cool. Like, and I'm a UCB person, so it's totally fine, but. But there is like sort of a punkness about UCB that's different than like Groundlings and Second City and.

• 47:02Speaker 03

  Comedy Sports would get a lot of flak.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  It's so dorky.

• 47:06Conan O'Brien?

  Why would it get, why would it get flak?

• 47:07Speaker 02

  It's really franchise.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  It's gimmicky and, yeah.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  It's kind of the Disneyland of, it's clean.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  A lot of church people would come to Comedy Sports.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  It's clean. It's really clean.

• 47:15Conan O'Brien?

  They pass a plate afterwards.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, truly, if you actually, if you like said a curse word or something.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  You get a brown bag foul.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  Brown bag foul, the ref would put a brown bag.

• 47:23Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my. Okay.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  And then that ref goes.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  But, and you know what's funny is I used to think, like, cause it was so not cool, especially coming up in like the UCB heyday. I was like, well, I know, I've done some comedy sports since I was in high school, that I didn't learn anything. Like, I was like, oh, this is just some bull, bull that I do. But no, I learned so much doing that.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  It teaches you to be tight on what, your, your tools are limited there.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, four minutes. You play with different people, like, so quickly.

• 47:51Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, time in the cockpit is, is the answer.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  And the thing that when you couldn't use foul language, taught you, you had to be funny. You couldn't have a crush.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  Parameters, yeah. So now I can like act, I mean, we say fuck on the show a lot, but, but I, I can turn it on and turn it off. And also that, what's great about Comedy Sports is there's like this respect for the audience. You want to give them like a really premium experience, whereas other things is like, hey, welcome, we're gonna do this, we're gonna do some make them ups. Can I get a suggestion? But Comedy Sports is like, hello, this is the thing that we're gonna do.

• 48:21Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  And it teaches you, like, in order to satire something, you have to love it as opposed to satire-ing something and just coming from this like, look at this stupid show. You know, it, it taught me earnestness.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  I feel the same.

• 48:32Speaker 02

  In a way that I, I'll continue to have forever. You know, it's a good lesson. I'm not afraid to try stuff.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Did you study theater at Cal State Long Beach?

• 48:39Speaker 02

  No, no, I didn't. I, I was doing it by students brigade. I like convinced my parents to let me go to Cal State Long Beach half, like, part-time and then let me do UCB classes in Comedy Sports. Like, full-time.

• 48:49Conan O'Brien?

  You know what's funny? You did exactly the right thing, which.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  I made a presentation. I think I made a PowerPoint presentation.

• 48:55Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, really?

• 48:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:56Conan O'Brien?

  Mother, father, you know, click.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  I was like, so this is the Mount Rushmore of Upright Citizens Brigade. Amy Poehler, Matt Wa- like, I was like explaining to my, like, black parents from Ohio, like, what this Upright Citizens Brigade thing was. And at the time, it was like Aziz Ansari, I'd see, like, Rob Hubel, Derek Comedy, which was Donald Glover's old, you know, I would see, like, Ben Schwartz, like, all these really cool, funny people that everybody knows. And I just was like, oh, this is where I need to be. It was like, people were standing. It was so electric.

• 49:26Conan O'Brien?

  But you knew, when you know something you know, and, uh, you, I, I do think, go to where they're doing the thing that you love, even if it means, okay, I'm getting paid 50 cents.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:40Conan O'Brien?

  But, so I've got to do these other things to keep it going, but go where they're doing the thing that you love. And if that means you're not even in Santa's workshop, you're outside, but you're talking to some of the elves, and every now and then you get to go, oh, I'd paint that choo-choo train a little, you know, and whatever. And then eventually you're in there, and then eventually...

• 50:00Speaker 02

  It's just being around.

• 50:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's being around and showing up. So even then, I remember I was doing the comedy sports, and then I was doing, you know, UCB, and I was, I remember sleeping in my, my, my car, like, in between shows and, and going to auditions, and it was a really special time.

• 50:17Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just laughing because I remember, I have such a clear memory of taking this booking. Someone saw me do improv, and I was maybe 22, 23, and they said, we want you to be in this infomercial. And it was shot deep in the valley. It was for a company that made music, that, uh, it was for an association of musical instrument salespeople. And they wanted me to do, be one of the players. So I drove, I had a terrible car that I bought at the airport. It's called, in 1977, Isuzu Opal, that was literally falling apart. And it had an I heart my poodle sticker on the back that I tried to get off, and I scraped some of it off, and the bumper was coming with it. And I'm like, forget it, I'm just gonna leave it on. But I remember getting, knowing so little, so, that...

• 51:01Conan O'Brien?

  They said, "Yeah, you're gonna do this thing and take care of your own makeup." I didn't know what that meant, so I went to a drugstore and bought one of those powder things with makeup on it. And I remember getting up at four in the morning, driving forever east of LA, like past mountains and stuff to find this place. And this is before you could geolocate off a satellite or, you know, use your Apple Maps or whatever. So I had this big, thick book of maps called The Thomas Guide. I went way out there and I parked in the parking lot half an hour before I was needed and took out my one little puff. And I'm looking at it, my skin is not a perfect, and I'm like gloop, gloop. And I went in and I think if you looked at it now, look, they found a body.

• 51:45Conan O'Brien?

  And they made it look like it's talking. But I did that because I thought, "This is my way."

• 51:49Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 51:50Conan O'Brien?

  This is my way.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it was that day, you know? Also, doing things that fail, like failing a lot of times, like I did so much bad stuff.

• 51:58Conan O'Brien?

  See, I can't identify with either.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

• 52:01Conan O'Brien?

  Home run after home run.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  Everybody loved it. No, just doing bad scenes and stuff.

• 52:06Conan O'Brien?

  But that is good to just stay connected to, this has gone badly and it has gone well, and that is always gonna be the case.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  And calibrating. Like, you know what was nice too about The Daily Show is John, John would let me calibrate. He would, you know, you worked in late night, it's like, it goes up because we need it up. You know, and then we'll, we'll tack it the next day, we'll do another show, you know? Ah, ugh, one of those days, throw it, you know, throw it up. So I learned that, but then also I learned, oh, that didn't necessarily work. Oh, that didn't, but John wouldn't say anything, he wouldn't like berate me, he wouldn't send me notes, and I'd had, up until that point, a lot of comedy teachers who did. He just sort of let me figure it out. And he was just kind of the, the, the teacher I needed.

• 52:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  At that time, it really worked for me.

• 52:49Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I don't agree with John that you should. I think berating has its, it's how it's done.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  You guys okay?

• 52:56Conan O'Brien?

  And I think vicious notes work.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  Vicious?

• 52:59Conan O'Brien?

  But I'm gonna say passive aggression.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 53:02Conan O'Brien?

  That is a wonderful, long jokes about how the joke, the sketch didn't work. I have gone way over time with you because you are intoxicated, you're great.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  I'm intoxicated?

• 53:16Conan O'Brien?

  Intoxicated, you are.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 53:18Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, I'm saying, I'm saying this has been so effortless and fun and natural. And then I'm, I, you put a red light up like 10 minutes ago, like, whoa, this is usually.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what that is, I saw that. That was a long time, that was more than 10 minutes ago.

• 53:32Conan O'Brien?

  I think it was. We went way over and it's because this is what I experienced when we did that thing together. I was just like, oh, her, more time with her, please, please.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's getting creepy.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  I'll come back anytime, I'll come back anytime.

• 53:47Speaker 01

  More time with her, please.

• 53:49Conan O'Brien?

  More time with her, please. I don't think it's creepy at all.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  More time with her, please.

• 53:53Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna watch you, next time we talk, I have to talk to you about you are quite tall. And I'm wondering, that's gotta have influenced your.

• 53:59Speaker 02

  It's crazy you said, let's talk about it real quick.

• 54:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  It's crazy you said that to me, because you're like the tallest guy.

• 54:03Conan O'Brien?

  I'm the tallest man that ever lived, yes.

• 54:04Speaker 02

  But when I saw you in person, I was like, oh my God, he's tall. You know, and it was nice, though, it was more comforting. Is your wife tall?

• 54:13Conan O'Brien?

  She's tall.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, she is.

• 54:14Conan O'Brien?

  But she's not, she's not like me, that would be, that would be wrong.

• 54:19Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know why it would be wrong, but.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  Are your kids tall?

• 54:22Conan O'Brien?

  My son is quite tall, he's a little taller than me.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 54:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but he, we lived near a nuclear reactor when he was coming over.

• 54:29Conan O'Brien?

  And he has super strength.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  Simpsons power plant, yeah.

• 54:33Conan O'Brien?

  And.

• 54:34Speaker 02

  I'm scared of him.

• 54:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you should be. He turns green when he gets mad.

• 54:39Speaker 02

  Was there, was there something you were gonna say about me being tall?

• 54:41Conan O'Brien?

  No, I was gonna say, it, I have heard women that are tall say, oh, I, it was awkward for me earlier on. And I think that's too bad, because I, I just, I think, own it. It must be, you know, own it. And if you're taller, oh, you had to grow into it, yeah.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  People, we have these beauty standards based on what's repeated in the media. And we develop this view based on where we live about the way people are supposed to look. And whatever you're exposed to is what people think is right. And so. You're like a six foot tall black lady. You're like, oh, I look different than what's on TV. And so you develop like this, you know, normal thirteen, fourteen year old complex, which is what I had.

• 55:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 55:21Speaker 02

  And I was tall. I was tall early. I had like thirteen. And it did, but it, but it informed so much of who I am. It, it made me, I don't know what it did, but it's something that as I got older, I was really happy, especially, I knew I wanted to be an actor when I was a kid. I didn't see a lot of tall.

• 55:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  Tall actresses, maybe Sigourney Weaver. I feel like Queen Latifah might be pretty tall. But there's not like a ton.

• 55:43Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 55:43Speaker 02

  Um, so it always felt really weird.

• 55:46Conan O'Brien?

  And it used to be like a death sentence for an actress.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:49Conan O'Brien?

  Because it meant that the male lead, like Alan Ladd, had to stand on six apple boxes. So.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  Oh my God. One of those stories. Harrison's always like, I used to be on contract at this studio and I made a hundred bucks a week. Like he's.

• 56:01Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, trust me, we had him here and he was bitching.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  He's not, he's not over it. He's like, not over it.

• 56:08Conan O'Brien?

  Jared Tukowski was the guy that told him he needed to get an Elvis haircut. And he was like, Jerry Tukowski. And I'm like, yeah, that sounds like a rough day in nineteen sixty-eight. But I think it all went your way.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  I will say, it made me like, in comedy, like, God, that man is not over it. It's funny that you guys heard about that too.

• 56:24Conan O'Brien?

  We all have our stuff.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  That's right. But it made me like.

• 56:27Conan O'Brien?

  It doesn't matter who you are. It's Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford. I don't care. You know, Tom Hanks, you pick the people at the very top. I mean, presidents are like, God damn it, the time that, you know, Iowa didn't go my way. Like you were the president.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 56:42Conan O'Brien?

  But they don't, no one does.

• 56:44Speaker 02

  Yeah. But I think with comedy, it made me feel like equal to men that I was playing against. Like it always made me feel not as boopy, because I was like, I don't know how to describe it, like not as cute in a way that I'm like, I'm just a baby doing baby things. It was like, even though that's how I got on The Daily Show. It was like, I felt like, oh, I'm taller than these guys, so I'm just gonna.

• 57:08Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 57:08Speaker 02

  It informs my presence.

• 57:10Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's the way you hold yourself. You hold yourself as someone who's, is comfortable in you, you know, comfortable in your body, comfortable in your skin, like comfortable being you. And then, and so to me, that's the key to everything. There's, and the flip side. True too, like someone like Sabrina Carpenter is like, yeah, I'm whatever she is, 5'1"

• 57:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:26Conan O'Brien?

  She's like, yeah, that's

• 57:27Speaker 02

  That's who she is, yeah.

• 57:28Conan O'Brien?

  That's who I am and no one's complaining, so.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. Have you ever interviewed her? Like, I would love to see you guys standing next to each other.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  I know, that would be fun.

• 57:34Speaker 02

  That's a good one.

• 57:35Conan O'Brien?

  So you don't want me to interview you, you just want me to stand next to her? Like it's a circus attraction. Come see Sabrina Carpenter stand next to the Wonder Freak, Cora Bion. Very small versus very tall. The singer and the guy with the zinger.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Okay, wow, that was amazing.

• 57:52Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna shut it down.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 57:53Conan O'Brien?

  And scene.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Oh my god, love it.

• 57:55Conan O'Brien?

  It was absolutely a joy talking to you.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  Aw, thank you.

• 57:58Conan O'Brien?

  Come on back, say hi to everyone at Trinkin', and thank you for sharing your glow with us.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  Thank you. Intoxicating.

• 58:07Conan O'Brien?

  Intoxicating.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 58:15Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka-Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right? Yep. Well, did you know Alka-Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka-Seltzer Cold? Did you know that, David?

• 58:26Speaker 03

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 58:27Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 58:28Speaker 03

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 58:30Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this.

• 58:31Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 58:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've tried it, it's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka-Seltzer Cold into the water.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:38Conan O'Brien?

  Alka-Seltzer Cold: Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action. Ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka-Seltzer Cold: Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products used as directed.

• 59:07Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:13Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin? With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 59:34Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 59:35Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 59:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:38Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife. I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:45Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 1:00:15Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 1:00:36Conan O'Brien?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists can help you figure out what rules or traditions aren't serving you and how to rewrite them. And with insurance, many members pay $15 or less. Some pay $0. BetterHelp, they do a great job. You're in good hands. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the United States with at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. When it comes to matching with a therapist, BetterHelp does the initial work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to help identify your needs. And if you're not happy with your match, this is the best part. A lot of people think, oh my God, this is the person I've signed up with. I need to make this work. That's not the case. If it's not a good match, you switch to a different therapist at any

• 1:01:18Conan O'Brien?

  time from BetterHelp's tailored recommendations. BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/conan. That's better H E L P dot com slash Conan.

• 1:01:47Speaker 03

  This is a bit of an older post on Reddit, but a user on Reddit named Ern Peau did a replica of our studio and all of us built out of Lego.

• 1:01:57Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's so cool.

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  We're gonna bring it up here on the screen and you can go to @teamcoco podcast or of course, watch this on YouTube.

• 1:02:03Conan O'Brien?

  That is very good.

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 1:02:05Speaker 03

  But it's very accurate. Look at this.

• 1:02:07Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god, it's got Eduardo's cap. It's got Blay and his prematurely gray hair.

• 1:02:14Conan O'Brien?

  This is really good. It's got my need to be heard.

• 1:02:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, but somehow, for some reason, your Hailey Bieber smoothie is on my table.

• 1:02:23Conan O'Brien?

  I know.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  Oh, it is. Green chairs, this is...

• 1:02:27Conan O'Brien?

  This is really good.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Awesome.

• 1:02:28Conan O'Brien?

  I love this. This person's very talented.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  How do you get Conan Lego hair like that? That's perfect. Where does that come from?

• 1:02:35Conan O'Brien?

  Is it possible that he manufactured this hair? Because look at Sona's hair. It's actually made of the same stuff that Sona's hair is made of.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  You know what?

• 1:02:43Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's a compliment. Your hair is very, uh, it's full and thick and very made of plastic.

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  Lego.

• 1:02:51Conan O'Brien?

  You're wearing the same exact color jacket. I know, I'm wearing a brown jacket. And look, my t-shirt. This is random. I didn't know we were doing this today. I am wearing the exact same color scheme. Uh, wow.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  How do we get Lego to actually make this?

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Or, or get this guy to send us one of these or three of these.

• 1:03:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we need to have this.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  I want one of these.

• 1:03:12Conan O'Brien?

  Well, okay, all right.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, calm down, world.

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  I love Lego.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  I know, we get it.

• 1:03:16Conan O'Brien?

  I do too. I would like one as well, but I think it's a little greedy to go from, how can we get one to how can we get nine?

• 1:03:22Speaker 03

  I said three.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  Eduardo has a hat on.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:03:27Conan O'Brien?

  Nice touch. I think this is fantastic. I love how artistic our fans are.

• 1:03:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:31Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's, this shows a lot of ingenuity. It's so good. Look, it's great.

• 1:03:36Speaker 03

  There's some more pictures too. If you scroll through, there's some closeups and stuff.

• 1:03:40Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  I feel like you guys are big Lego people, the two of you.

• 1:03:44Conan O'Brien?

  I love Lego and I've built some impressive Lego stuff. My son and I, I think it was during COVID, I built... What did I build? I built a, like a Range Rover, Land Rover kind of thing.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:03:58Conan O'Brien?

  Out of Legos and my son built like a Bugatti. Like, we just got these two kits.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:03Conan O'Brien?

  Cause it was, it was COVID, man, and we built them.

• 1:04:05Speaker 03

  I got that Aston Martin in COVID, that Lego Aston Martin. You know, the James Bond Aston Martin?

• 1:04:10Conan O'Brien?

  That's right.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  What do you guys, you guys just like, after you build it, you're like, okay?

• 1:04:14Conan O'Brien?

  Then it's a display piece. It's nice to have that.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:04:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  Then it's a real chick magnet.

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  Oh, is it?

• 1:04:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:04:20Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I've gotten, oh, look at it. It's just a little drawing.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  Oh my God, the doodle.

• 1:04:23Conan O'Brien?

  Look at the drawing.

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  Oh my God, a doodle.

• 1:04:25Conan O'Brien?

  Look what it's, look what's on front of Sona.

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  Her phone.

• 1:04:28Conan O'Brien?

  Look at it in front of, on Sona's phone. Look at that. She's playing like, what is that? Candy Crush or something?

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  I don't know what that, and I have a coffee, a big tea mug. Or you, that's your tea mug. That's so cool.

• 1:04:39Speaker 03

  Oh my God, wait, wait a minute. We just, I, I didn't even think about this. There's a bubble of me talking about my Lego Aston Martin.

• 1:04:46Conan O'Brien?

  And look how evil you look. Look how you have, you have your malintentions.

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  People say I look like that actor, Michael Stuhlbarg, and that does look like Michael Stuhlbarg.

• 1:04:56Conan O'Brien?

  Who's that actor?

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  He's, you'd know him. He's in Cone Brothers movies. He looks like my older brother.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  He's the dad in Call Me By Your Name, isn't he?

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  I, I see it.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, look at this. There's.

• 1:05:07Speaker 01

  Look at those guys.

• 1:05:08Conan O'Brien?

  Look at Adam. Adam's just evil.

• 1:05:11Speaker 03

  I know. It's like Bizarro Adam.

• 1:05:13Conan O'Brien?

  Adam's like, I don't see. How is this?

• 1:05:16Speaker 03

  We're not earning enough.

• 1:05:19Conan O'Brien?

  How do we monetize that?

• 1:05:22Conan O'Brien?

  This is great. I, I, my, you gotta check this out. Go online, look at these pictures. It's really beautiful. We should try and acquire at least one or two, whatever, if we can.

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  I just, I just wanna make sure I get one for my own.

• 1:05:35Conan O'Brien?

  All right. Well, I just meant for a display here at our Larchmont offices. So that all the talent visiting it can see it.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  Look at the mini fags.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Oh, look at us. We're so cute.

• 1:05:43Speaker 03

  What if we come to find out this is all just 3D design and it doesn't really exist?

• 1:05:46Conan O'Brien?

  It might not exist.

• 1:05:47Speaker 01

  I know. It could, it could not exist.

• 1:05:48Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, maybe we don't exist.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  That's likely.

• 1:05:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know, we're probably three years away from them taking the essence of this podcast, running it through AI and then generating deepfakes that are us.

• 1:05:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:58Conan O'Brien?

  And they eliminate us.

• 1:05:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:00Conan O'Brien?

  We're turned into some kind of grouting for a bathroom.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  Wait a minute, Blaze wearing the Back to the Future clothes. Did you notice that?

• 1:06:06Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought those were muscles.

• 1:06:08Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:06:09Conan O'Brien?

  I thought he just was totally ripped. Those are weird muscles.

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  Son has got a French tuck.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:06:14Conan O'Brien?

  What's going on with your, uh...

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  I don't know. I do French tuck. I have a French tuck right now. I'm French tucking.

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  This guy gets all the details.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  He knows what's up.

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  Ladies dress.

• 1:06:21Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, you know what he's missing? One thing. My prominent eye vein.

• 1:06:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:06:26Conan O'Brien?

  Sorry.

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  Why would you want to make a note about that?

• 1:06:28Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, look at my little smirk.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  Oh, you look like an asshole.

• 1:06:34Conan O'Brien?

  I look like a bully. You know what? I look like Scott Farkas.

• 1:06:37Speaker 03

  Yes, you do. You do.

• 1:06:38Conan O'Brien?

  In The Christmas... What is it? Uh, Christmas Story.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  Christmas Story.

• 1:06:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  Look at that. Look at that asshole.

• 1:06:45Conan O'Brien?

  What are you gonna do? Cry?

• 1:06:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  We do have really great fans. They're very creative.

• 1:06:55Conan O'Brien?

  We have the most creative fans, and thank you. This gentleman's name?

• 1:07:00Speaker 03

  Well, his username is Ern Pow, and sorry it took us so long.

• 1:07:03Conan O'Brien?

  Could be a man, could be a woman?

• 1:07:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, could be.

• 1:07:05Conan O'Brien?

  Um, who knows?

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  I mean, Legos is probably a man.

• 1:07:11Speaker 03

  Sorry it took us this long to get to it.

• 1:07:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:13Speaker 03

  I was just alerted to it.

• 1:07:14Conan O'Brien?

  He said, "Smash the Legos out of bitterness."

• 1:07:17Speaker 03

  I spent forever on that and they never responded to me.

• 1:07:20Conan O'Brien?

  He's moved on. He's now making Duck Dynasty Legos.

• 1:07:25Speaker 03

  At least they'll get back to me. And listeners, you can go to at Team Coco Podcasts on Instagram and see this, or the YouTube page.

• 1:07:33Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, thank you very much. Very cool.

• 1:07:38Speaker 03

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:07:58Speaker 03

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:08:48Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:08:57Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:09:02Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 1:09:05Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 1:09:07Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 1:09:10Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 1:09:28Speaker 05

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. Participate at McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Inc.