Flula Borg Returns Again

Flula Borg feels su-sussudio about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Flula sits down with Conan once more to discuss the important items in his Bauchtasche, the possibility of a German James Bond, his most valuable coin, and what he writes in his diary. Plus, Flula assists the team in calculating the podcast’s effects on the human brain as they Review the Reviewers. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:06Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:09Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:24Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 0:55Conan O'Brien?

  The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping, and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Same.

• 1:06Conan O'Brien?

  Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10Conan O'Brien?

  Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Whaaat?

• 1:15Conan O'Brien?

  That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry problem. WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt, and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean, and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I got, I grew up with this.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:42Conan O'Brien?

  And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala, and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Oh!

• 1:50Conan O'Brien?

  Boy, we were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:56Conan O'Brien?

  So get a gift today at weathertech.com.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Do I have to tell the truth?

• 2:03Conan O'Brien?

  You can do whatever you like.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  Great. Hello, my name is Phil Collins.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  And I feel susu studio about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 2:39Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by Sona and Matt, my chums, my amigos. I was in New York recently doing some taping for the pod. I was solo. I missed you guys.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Oh, we missed you too.

• 2:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, not that much, but I missed you. I did miss you. It's better. We weren't invited, just to be clear. Yeah, it's expensive. Um, there's not a lot of flights that go from LA to New York. We looked into it.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Hourly.

• 3:06Conan O'Brien?

  Think so. It's once a month, I think. But anyway, not a lot of airlines, not a lot of service between those two major hubs. My point is that, um, at one point, and I don't remember what it was, because I don't remember things, but one of my happiest, I, I, I tend to make people laugh, but one of my happiest things ever is when I can make Adam Sachs, when I can catch him by surprise with something really insane, and I don't remember what it was. I did some bit, and it may not be repeatable on the air. Is this on? Yeah. It is not repeatable on the air. Yeah, yeah, okay. It's not repeatable on the air because I say, I, I, I say insane things. But I'm thinking, now I'm tearing up.

• 3:48Conan O'Brien?

  And I took, he started laughing, and what's great about Adam Sachs is that he's not, he's someone who's always kind of in control, and he's very good natured, and he's sweet, but twice, that time and another time, I've made him laugh where he can't stop laughing, and he holds his hand in front of his mouth, and I got a, I took a series of photos. Oh, wow. It's him. I haven't seen these. You haven't seen these? No, but I have a very vivid memory of what you're talking about. It's this. Oh, yes, I know this look, yeah. And then he can't stop, and his hand always goes to his face, and he covers his mouth as if he was beaten as a child if he laughed. And, and.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  I was so out of control that in this, in this moment that I, I was sitting in a chair and I leaned over and I slapped the floor really hard and I don't even know why. I just like could not control myself and then I ended up in there.

• 4:40Conan O'Brien?

  You'll have to tell me after the, the pod, what it was. And I'm sure it was something that cannot be repeated.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  It's really funny. I cannot be.

• 4:46Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a, a terrible person, but um, I think you're such a good guy that sometimes if I come in with something, it's completely insane and not tracking, I can get Adam and that makes me super happy because when it does happen, it's rare. It's like spotting this, you know, there's this creature in the woods that's only been photographed once. If I can get him, it's really satisfying.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  I feel like there are certain people on staff you hone in on because they don't give it up to you that easily.

• 5:14Conan O'Brien?

  One of your two children.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Yes. One of my two children, also Samantha Curry, who works on our digital team will give it up to you too easily. Yeah.

• 5:21Conan O'Brien?

  Love Samantha and Samantha will just stare at me and say, and nod, shake her head no slowly.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:29Conan O'Brien?

  And I'll say, come on. She'll be like, no.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  And I see you working harder to just try to get something out of her.

• 5:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And, and I, it's funny because it's this fine line between disappointment and joy. I love the, I'm like a fish on a hook. Like I've got to try and get Samantha. I'm not getting Samantha. If I really got her, it would terrify me.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  You're like a comedy masochist or something.

• 5:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I am. I am. I'm drawn to the one who is, mm-mm, no.

• 5:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:56Conan O'Brien?

  And she's really good. She's a very good straight person. She's just like, and also I'm sure she means it, but she's just like, nope. Uh, nope.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  I think I laugh a lot. I just, maybe I don't lose it.

• 6:06Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, you laugh a lot, but you don't lose it. And to get you to lose it to the point where you're banging on the floor with your fist and then it's becomes, I mean, I think that was the day I interviewed Martin Short and we had such a spectacular, and I love him, but I went away going, I walked away from that building, uh, in next, across the street from Mark Forcino that day thinking, yeah, I got him. I really got Adam today. Not thinking about Marty Short. A comedy icon who graced me with his presence. I'm like, yeah, I really got Adam. I got it. Hey, hey, you guys, I got Adam today. Who's Adam? And who are you? You know, stopping vendors on the street. I got Adam. I got Adam. Would you like some of this chicken? No, I don't want your chicken.

• 6:50Conan O'Brien?

  All right, well, we gotta get into it. We got a lot to do. My guest today is a hilarious actor. He's a comedian, magician, mind melder. He's lovely. He's a force. He's a force in the industry and he's a good friend. I'm thrilled he's here.

• 7:08Conan O'Brien?

  Flula Borg. Welcome.

• 7:13Conan O'Brien?

  You're Flula Borg.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  Please.

• 7:15Conan O'Brien?

  Please. You're an international man of mystery.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Oh, the bag is out of the cat.

• 7:20Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's the cat is out of the bag. Oh.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  That's how you say it here?

• 7:23Conan O'Brien?

  That's how we say it here.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 7:25Conan O'Brien?

  Tommy, you and I have done many things together.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Third team, yes.

• 7:29Conan O'Brien?

  We went to Berlin together.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  We did.

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  You've toured with me. I'm gonna say this upfront.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Say it.

• 7:37Conan O'Brien?

  I love you.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  I love you as well.

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  I delight in all things Flula Borg. He's a delightful fellow. We can't get enough Flula. You are such a funny fellow. I don't even think you're aware you're funny. You're just representing your upbringing, your country.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Yes, just human beings, Homo sapiens, Flula Borg. How are you guys?

• 7:55Conan O'Brien?

  We're going really well.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  Oh, wonderful.

• 7:57Conan O'Brien?

  It's wonderful to have you here. As always, you are dressed, and I know we're a podcast, but you can go and check out the video. You dress unlike anyone I've ever met. Always mit the fanny pack.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, mit fanny.

• 8:10Conan O'Brien?

  That's German for with.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:11Conan O'Brien?

  Today's is... You never double up on a fanny pack. I never see the same fanny pack twice. We've discussed this before, but this one looks like it's made of mallebdenium, the most powerful metal in the world.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Yes, it's part of the periodic table of elements, of course. This also, if you have something in your tooth, you have a tooth in your mouth, a tooth in your thing, you can check it in my fanny pack.

• 8:30Conan O'Brien?

  It's very nice. It's like a mirror.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  Yes, on the wall. Who is the one with food in his mouth?

• 8:34Conan O'Brien?

  Very nice. And so that's very useful. And of course, you always keep important items in your fanny pack.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  Absolutely, yes.

• 8:41Conan O'Brien?

  What do you call it in... Is it Austria? Where you're from?

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Well, I am... My originations?

• 8:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  I'm German, yes.

• 8:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  I'm the...

• 8:50Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't... I know Austria is different. I think of it as all the same.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. It all looks the same to you.

• 8:54Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it does. I'm sorry. You go to one of the... They go like, "You want a strudel cake?" And then you go to the other one. They're like, "We'll have your strudel cake."

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Okay, that first one was Austria. The second one was Munich.

• 9:03Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, I'm sorry.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 9:05Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, but when I'm in Austria, I think I'm in Germany, and when I'm in Germany, I think I'm in Austria. And if that's offensive to people out there, I apologize. I'm American. We're an ignorant people.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:14Conan O'Brien?

  And if you wish to disagree with me, you can swim across the Gulf of America.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 9:21Conan O'Brien?

  Find me, and we'll straighten this shit out.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. Shots fired at who? No one knows.

• 9:27Conan O'Brien?

  No one knows. No one knows. It was a gun with blanks.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 9:30Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you are from Germany.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  That's correct, Conan.

• 9:33Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, and, and what do you call the fanny pack in Germany?

• 9:36Speaker 02

  I call it a fanny pack.

• 9:37Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, okay. I wish it had a fun name, like a Gleibenhauber.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Oh, the Gleibenhauber is actually how you repair flat tires.

• 9:43Conan O'Brien?

  Ah, very nice.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  But if you'd like to, you may call it a Bauchtasche.

• 9:46Conan O'Brien?

  Bauchtasche.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, which means stomach pocket, which sounds like, yes, what's a kangaroo have?

• 9:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes. Say it again for me.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Bauchtasche.

• 9:53Conan O'Brien?

  Now say it backwards.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Es Hausgut, nein.

• 9:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice! There's nothing he can't do.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Well, you got very German. You said, "Oh, nice, nice!" Yeah.

• 10:02Conan O'Brien?

  With the backwards.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  That was a very Stuttgart accent, just saying.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just saying. I stole mine from Dana Carvey, who probably stole his from a comedian in Stuttgart. Um, you, uh, you're also wearing...

• 10:13Speaker 02

  You what?

• 10:13Conan O'Brien?

  I want to talk about, uh, I don't know what to call it. Would you call it a sweatsuit? What would you guys call it?

• 10:17Speaker 02

  A tracksuit?

• 10:18Conan O'Brien?

  Tracksuit.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  Like a barbed wire hatched tracksuit?

• 10:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's very strange looking. I mean, wonderful looking.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  This looks like, uh, if I swallowed an EKG.

• 10:28Conan O'Brien?

  It's great.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  But it's, of you saying both, very, very systematic and low levels.

• 10:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, very systematic, low level, and it appears that you're in good health. You work out a lot, Flula.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  Is this true?

• 10:40Conan O'Brien?

  It is true, because I shook your hand in the hallway.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  We did do this.

• 10:44Conan O'Brien?

  And you crushed my hand, and the carbon in my body became a diamond, which I plan to sell.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  You should sell this.

• 10:51Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna sell my right hand. Um...

• 10:53Speaker 02

  You may buy it.

• 10:54Conan O'Brien?

  Would you say?

• 10:54Speaker 02

  May I buy your right hand? Not for inappropriate reasons, Conan.

• 10:58Conan O'Brien?

  I might need it back, if you know what I mean.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  I do as well.

• 11:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, because of masturbation.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  Masturbation, yes, yes.

• 11:04Conan O'Brien?

  Um, how do you call that in your country?

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Masturbation?

• 11:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  Schnatzel.

• 11:08Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, schnatzel? You say, I need a little time with the schnatzel?

• 11:10Speaker 02

  It's time for schnatzel side.

• 11:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm going to lock the door and have some schnatzel?

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Why, why lock the door, Karen?

• 11:15Conan O'Brien?

  Well, in case someone walks in and goes, "Garten himmel!"

• 11:18Speaker 02

  That's the only thing that works for me.

• 11:19Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. What? So now some guys like to be walked in on.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Okay, thanks.

• 11:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm just telling.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  No, I know, I know, okay.

• 11:27Conan O'Brien?

  What do you mean, I know, I know, I know? Why are you telling her? Well, I don't know.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe Matt wants to know that, too.

• 11:32Conan O'Brien?

  Matt, do you like being walked in on? Are you kidding? Well, I don't know, with Kesha, you were pretty quick to walk in on her when she was in the bathroom.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 11:39Conan O'Brien?

  On a recent podcast. She never walks in, we've had, you know, all these other people on, never walks in. Kesha's, he had an axe he took to the door. That's true, are you a walk whore or a walkie? I'm a, you know. Exactly, do you like to be walked in on when you're doing it? What is it called, steibisch, steibisch?

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Schnatzel.

• 11:53Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, schnatzel.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Steibisch, steibisch.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  To be clear, that is what I call it?

• 11:57Conan O'Brien?

  I call steibisch, steibisch, I thought was when you do the nipples.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  When you rotate counterclockwise and clockwise around your own areolas.

• 12:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, depending, unless you're in Australia and you go the other way.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Then it's the other way around, of course, southern hemisphere reversed.

• 12:08Conan O'Brien?

  If you do it enough, you get Radio Free Europe.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  And Blisters.

• 12:12Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, you and I have a certain something which should never be released into the public.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  Agreed. Are we recording this?

• 12:18Conan O'Brien?

  No, I hope not.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  Ah, wonderful.

• 12:19Conan O'Brien?

  It'll be destroyed. Matt is giving me the signal that none of this is being recorded.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Not a bit.

• 12:22Conan O'Brien?

  And Eduardo is erasing as we go.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:26Conan O'Brien?

  He just keeps pushing delete.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  Delete, delete. Thank you, Eduardo, thank you, Matthew.

• 12:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  Matthias. Matthias.

• 12:32Conan O'Brien?

  Matthias?

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Matthias, yeah, yeah. It's a T H S, it's a T for us.

• 12:36Conan O'Brien?

  Do you have Germanic descent at all? No, but I took two years of German in high school and watched a lot of World War II movies. And I took a German. I took a German out for two years. Oh, my God. I'm trying to be clever, is that a clever thing?

• 12:48Speaker 01

  No.

• 12:48Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think so. I'm looking to the judges and no it wasn't.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  Well, thank you again for taking me out for 772 days.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:55Conan O'Brien?

  You and I, we've traveled around. We have a good time together.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:58Conan O'Brien?

  You're a wonderful, funny performer.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 13:02Conan O'Brien?

  And I think, um, I think you bring a fresh perspective because we are in a time in this world where people are suspicious of people from other countries.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Really? I thought everything's going great.

• 13:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay. Well, I have you on because I want to say, look, uh, these people from other countries, they can be quite wonderful and delightful.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Um, oh.

• 13:22Conan O'Brien?

  And that is why, you know, I love to travel the world, but I also like to have world travelers come to me.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Come to you. It's much cheaper. You do not have to worry about time zones.

• 13:30Conan O'Brien?

  And also the food.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 13:32Conan O'Brien?

  I can't, the Wiener Schnitzel, it's too much.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  You don't like it? You need your chip?

• 13:35Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, I like Wiener Schnitzel, but it's when they, every meal, they say, would you like our special Wiener Schnitzel? And they act like, yeah, we just had that nine days in a row.

• 13:43Speaker 02

  Well, listen, you must go 10 days every time. That's the rule. Double-digit Wiener Schnitzel, then move to the pommers.

• 13:53Conan O'Brien?

  You, um, you're a delightful fellow.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  As are you, Conan.

• 13:56Conan O'Brien?

  And I did seriously want to ask you about your workout regimen. In the past, you told me that you worked with this, this guy who just, I think, beat you with a leather cord or something. It was just, it sounded very masochistic, your workout.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  Yes, this is Paolo Marchetti. He's a shame-based trainer. He's from Italy. Yes, we share an Axis history, but neither one of us was involved.

• 14:20Conan O'Brien?

  So, okay.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 14:22Conan O'Brien?

  And you, did you, is that, was that your posting, looking for an, a trainer from the Axis?

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Must be either Italian or Japanese, sorry.

• 14:29Conan O'Brien?

  And not having been involved?

• 14:31Speaker 02

  That's correct, yes.

• 14:32Conan O'Brien?

  Well, if they were involved, they'd be like 110 years old now.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, and very wonderful with the cardiovascular. They're still alive. Teach me your tips.

• 14:39Conan O'Brien?

  Do one push-up and then they fall over.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Done.

• 14:42Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, you, um, but he, it sounded, your workout sounded intense with this gentleman.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Well, it's very verbally abusive.

• 14:49Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  And so this is-

• 14:50Conan O'Brien?

  And you like that because he's very self-hating.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Yes, I need all of the negativity. I turn this into positivity. It's like when you put a battery inside of a flashlight.

• 14:58Conan O'Brien?

  It turns it on.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Yes, if the battery's outside, what does it do?

• 15:02Conan O'Brien?

  It does nothing.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  It waits to be inserted into your mag.

• 15:06Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, okay. Um.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 15:10Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't. I don't know what you mean. Yeah. I, no.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  In this metaphor, Paolo is the battery and I am a large metal stiff flashlight.

• 15:20Conan O'Brien?

  He energizes you, he fills you with light.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Like that rabbit, yes.

• 15:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. And, um, okay. Good God. I don't know what to do. Yes, but you, as a result.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 15:34Conan O'Brien?

  I've seen you without your shirt on, we won't talk about that.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Let's not talk about it.

• 15:37Conan O'Brien?

  We actually have footage of it from our travel show to Germany.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 15:40Conan O'Brien?

  And the ladies, their eyes fell out of their heads and some of the fellas. You look like you've been chiseled by Michelangelo.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. Which turtle is that?

• 15:49Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, no, no, no, not the turtle, the great sculptor.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  With a stick.

• 15:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:53Conan O'Brien?

  No, no.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Oh, he had small knives.

• 15:55Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, no, no. Michelangelo.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Was with the pizza.

• 15:59Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 16:01Conan O'Brien?

  Just let it drop.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 16:03Conan O'Brien?

  What I was trying to say is that, uh, very impressive, and this is an obsession of yours. Do you think that's very Germanic to want to have a powerful body?

• 16:11Speaker 02

  A tonic trait?

• 16:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  I need structure in my life, Conan. Life is chaos. What's happening? Nobody knows. You eat, you pee, you poo, you sleep. Sometimes I need an added activity. That activity is lifting things up and down.

• 16:22Conan O'Brien?

  In rapid succession.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Well, sometimes. Sometimes slow succession is also well. Other thing that's good is Succession, the TV show.

• 16:28Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, all right, let's not. You're always here to plug a show that you weren't on, that no longer exists.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 16:34Conan O'Brien?

  Last time you talked incessantly about I Dream of Genie, no one's watched that show for 50 years.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Really?

• 16:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Okay, no, okay, pretending to blink on a podcast is a waste of everyone's time.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  Also, so no one could hear that.

• 16:46Conan O'Brien?

  No one could hear it.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Oh, have you seen Little House on the Prairie?

• 16:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay, again, you're plugging something that no one watches anymore.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 16:53Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you do a wonderful service, uh, Flula, if I may call you Flula.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  No, please do it, it's my name.

• 16:58Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, Flula, you make what you call a flalender.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  Yes, I do.

• 17:02Conan O'Brien?

  It's a calendar, but it's a Flula calendar, and then you send it to all of us and they're always delightfully, uh, fun.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you.

• 17:08Conan O'Brien?

  Because each month is you having a bit of a prank.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:11Conan O'Brien?

  Um, some fun with the visual and it, for 2025, your flalender was photos of you spoofing various movie covers. Uh, and changing the title. Home Alone, you changed to...

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Go ahead.

• 17:25Conan O'Brien?

  Unsupervised juvenile.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  That's correct, yes.

• 17:28Conan O'Brien?

  Speed changed to rapid.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  Rapid, yes.

• 17:31Conan O'Brien?

  Austin Powers changed to Munich Strength.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  Munich Strength, yes.

• 17:35Conan O'Brien?

  And Scarface to blemish.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Yes, of course.

• 17:37Conan O'Brien?

  And you make these calendars, and they're very funny, and the visuals are very funny, and you send them to all your friends, and they help get me through the year, because I can be a depressive, and sometimes I'm feeling a little down. And then I go and I look at your calendar, and I'm still down.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was going to say, it does not change your mood, probably.

• 17:53Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, no.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  It tells you what day it is.

• 17:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I know what day I'm depressed.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, which day's depression? This one. May 2nd. My favorite, I will tell you, is Beetlejuice was termite gravy.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  So stupid.

• 18:08Conan O'Brien?

  You, um, you've had some success recently in film, you have.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Geologically speaking, yes.

• 18:14Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Geologically, it's been recent, yes.

• 18:16Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, please, I want to say, in last summer, you were in the Amazon movie My Spy, The Eternal City, your co-star was David Bautista, you played a serious villain.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:25Conan O'Brien?

  You love a villain.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  Oh, I like to be a bad boy.

• 18:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:29Conan O'Brien?

  And it must be fun, because I know that, that was me taking off my sunglasses.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 18:33Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I know that you, uh, like, you're very locked in, and so when you get to be naughty on the screen.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:42Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean? That must be a release for you.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Well, when you are in line at the Chipotle, waiting to order your bowl of burrito, you must be nice and friendly and courteous.

• 18:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  But when you are told, be rude to David Bautista, try to give him a wooji, then you do not have to be nice, and that's fun.

• 18:55Conan O'Brien?

  Sorry, wooji is, oh, you're, is that, you're trying to say wedgie?

• 18:58Speaker 02

  I don't know, it's when you, uh, grab the underwears, or perhaps the bikini bottoms of a man or woman, and go up.

• 19:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, and then, of course, the fabric goes up into the, uh.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  Ideally, up into the anus.

• 19:08Conan O'Brien?

  Into the fish, the fissure. Well, don't say anus, that's not cool.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  What did you call it, the fishery?

• 19:11Conan O'Brien?

  The fissure, the crack, yeah.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  The fissure?

• 19:13Conan O'Brien?

  There's no reason to get to the anus, you can just say into the fissure.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  Into the fissure?

• 19:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Like Fisher Price, like the toys, KB Toys.

• 19:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, F-I-S-S-U-R-E, fissure.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  If you say so.

• 19:23Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I do say so.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 19:24Conan O'Brien?

  You're in America now, buddy.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Thank you very much.

• 19:26Conan O'Brien?

  And we know our, we know our wedgies better than anybody.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  That's true. Is this true?

• 19:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we invented them. The wedgie was invented in America in 1915.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Oh, DeGrassi Junior High.

• 19:36Conan O'Brien?

  That's Canadian.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  Oh, it is?

• 19:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry, Canada.

• 19:39Conan O'Brien?

  You're so screwed up.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  Are you speaking to them again? We don't know, what's happening?

• 19:42Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, we're working it all out.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 19:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, our leader is taking care of it.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Oh, great.

• 19:45Conan O'Brien?

  And we trust him. You, um. You.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Yes. Just say it, Conan.

• 19:52Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think you have a purpose.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 19:55Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I think you are without rudder. I think you are drifting and you say, what's your next question? Question. This is a, you are a tornado of foolishness.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Listen.

• 20:05Conan O'Brien?

  Of absurdity. What do you mean? What's the next question?

• 20:08Speaker 02

  You could have stopped at, you don't have a purpose and I would have agreed with you heavily.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  Oh, what just kind of juice?

• 20:15Conan O'Brien?

  What is it? It looks like blood. This I'm drinking right now.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  Arowan.

• 20:20Conan O'Brien?

  Um, yeah.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  I know from the color.

• 20:22Conan O'Brien?

  We were sent a, I did an event recently.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  The Oscars, you might have heard of it.

• 20:28Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm not bragging about that. It was this, I did an event for the show Severance, which is my favorite TV show right now. I love Severance and they asked me to host a panel and then, uh, that show is on Apple. And Apple sent a little basket of apples and some juices.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  Oh, how literal.

• 20:45Conan O'Brien?

  And I went. Of course I was ripping through the, the bag, looking for a computer or a watch or something. Apples and juices, but they're very good.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  Delicious.

• 20:55Conan O'Brien?

  Trust me, I do not need any free items.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Well, you have enough free items?

• 20:59Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  We can take, we can take them. You can, they can give them to you and then you can give them to other people.

• 21:05Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo has made it clear that he doesn't want anything for free and he doesn't want any of you to get anything for free. And I admire that about you, Eduardo.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  That's not true. You don't want an order of AirPods Pro?

• 21:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, he said, no, nothing.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  We all do.

• 21:17Conan O'Brien?

  I was gifted recently a vintage 1958 Porsche, completely restored and Eduardo made me give it back. He said, it's not, it's not a good look for the company. I said, well, do you want it? And he said, not only do I not want it, no one should have it.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Well, who gave it to you? The United Arab Emirates?

• 21:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. The Emirates.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 21:34Conan O'Brien?

  I've done some favors for the Emirates.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  I have seen it.

• 21:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Why are you still on MySpace?

• 21:40Conan O'Brien?

  It worked out for me. Let's just put it that way.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  I agree. Yes, yes.

• 21:43Conan O'Brien?

  Now, um, let's get back.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Put me in your top six, just so you know, for future reference.

• 21:46Conan O'Brien?

  Let's get back to you because you're the one that people care about. Tell me about the child, Flula. What, how did you become this improbable, uh, ridiculous man? Were you, what were your interests? What did you love to do? Did you run through the fields? Did you, um, did you have friends? Tell me about yourself.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yes and no. Uh, so I did enjoy the fields of running. I had very little friends and very little siblings. By that I mean zero. I didn't kill or eat them. They simply didn't come out of my mother's hole.

• 22:16Conan O'Brien?

  Fisher.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 22:18Conan O'Brien?

  Fisher.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  Fisher.

• 22:19Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you. Thank you, Matthias.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  Out of her Fisher.

• 22:21Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Matthias. So there was only, actually.

• 22:24Conan O'Brien?

  My apologies.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  Zero things came from her Fisher?

• 22:26Conan O'Brien?

  Well, no, you came.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Well, I was a Caesar salad, so I came out.

• 22:29Conan O'Brien?

  You came out.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  I came out as a salad.

• 22:34Conan O'Brien?

  So you were the entree. No, you were the appetizer.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  I was all three of those. I was like in and out. This, watch, you guys get a burger. Bye bye, you know.

• 22:41Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. So this was your crazy, horrific way of saying no siblings. You were an only child. Yes. So you were born and they said there'll be no more of this.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Well, something in German and I couldn't intelligible it because I was very young.

• 22:54Conan O'Brien?

  You're very young.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:56Conan O'Brien?

  When you're a baby in Germany, do you cry angrily? Do you go wah wah?

• 23:01Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Yes.

• 23:02Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm just curious. Wah wah.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, it starts that way.

• 23:04Conan O'Brien?

  Wah.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, we have to adjust. It's like a modulation. Sometimes it's screaming. You have to get to whispers.

• 23:09Conan O'Brien?

  Ga ga goo goo.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And it is in the other direction. You're correct. You guys, I believe, goo goo gaga.

• 23:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  We gaga goo goo.

• 23:16Conan O'Brien?

  Very good. And people say cultures can't come together and understand each other, but they can?

• 23:22Speaker 02

  They can sexually.

• 23:23Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Just cut that.

• 23:27Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, we're not. Eduardo stopped listening a long time ago.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Oh, he's left the room.

• 23:30Conan O'Brien?

  Do you, what did you do for fun? What did young Flula do for fun? We understand that you ran through the fields and that you were alone. We know why, but what were you doing for fun? Did you like music? What did you watch on television? What influenced young Flula?

• 23:45Speaker 02

  Well, to say this implies there has been an evolution. Things have not changed since I was young Flula. I listened to CNC Music Factory, things that make you go hmm. Do you know that song? I was at the club, sitting by the fireplace, drinking cocoa on the bearskin rug.

• 24:02Conan O'Brien?

  That's CNC Music Factory?

• 24:04Speaker 02

  This would be, yes, a colon, civilis, CNC.

• 24:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Gonna make you sweat till you bleed. Yes, it's dope enough, indeed. I paid the price to control the dice. I'm more precise, to the point I'm nice. Yes.

• 24:14Conan O'Brien?

  Incredible. I mean, this is fantastic. And you, Matthias.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  I know what? I lived a life. I'm a grown man. I've lived a life. You have lived a life, a deep life. Did you grow up also in Erlangen, Germany? Yes, yeah. Ja, ach so, ich heiße auf Stuttgart.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Oh mein Gott.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Du kommst aus Stuttgart? Ja, ja. Das ist doch schön. Der schöne Wetter heute, nicht wahr? Also ein bisschen warm würde ich sagen, aber es ist nicht schlecht.

• 24:36Conan O'Brien?

  I feel like I'm in Glorious Bastards and I'm just trying to hope no one notices me.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Und zwei, zwei.

• 24:41Conan O'Brien?

  That's what got him in trouble.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  That's how you do it, yes. And this is also, I have nailed a tray, Jason Tatum, your favorite player, yes?

• 24:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  From Dublin.

• 24:53Conan O'Brien?

  From the Celtics, yes. He is an Irishman, a good Irishman.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:56Conan O'Brien?

  Mr. Tatum.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:58Conan O'Brien?

  Originally Mr. Tater.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Oh, I gotta go.

• 25:09Conan O'Brien?

  Owning a car or home comes with responsibilities. Sure, it's fun, but sometimes it makes you wonder why you ever longed for adulthood in the first place. I do that all the time. I'm like, oh, these bills, these bills. What am I gonna do?

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:21Conan O'Brien?

  You know, when you own a house, you gotta fix it yourself. Sona?

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:23Conan O'Brien?

  You, you see this to be true, right?

• 25:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, your garage door breaks and you're like, well, I have to fix it.

• 25:29Conan O'Brien?

  Probably at first you said, hey, I'll get the super to fix it. It's your house, dude.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  It's mine, dude.

• 25:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance to save you money. In fact, they work overtime to tailor your insurance policy around what you actually need. The only thing they can't do is get that liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty jingle out of your head.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Liberty, liberty, liberty.

• 25:47Conan O'Brien?

  Liberty, liberty. It's in my head all the time.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 25:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Start your quote at libertymutual.com.

• 25:56Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I wanna try something different.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  What?

• 25:58Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 26:02Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:03Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 26:11Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You wanna hear what they are?

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:16Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:17Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 26:25Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 26:27Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 26:34Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 26:35Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:36Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 26:48Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:50Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 26:55Speaker 01

  My god.

• 26:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 27:00Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best. Based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 27:25Speaker 05

  This is the story of the one. As a shipping manager, he's running the dock, stocking supplies and making sure every order goes out on time. And Granger helps him stay prepared. From shipping supplies to PPE to hand tools, he counts on Granger to keep products moving and trucks rolling. So his operation runs smoothly, no matter the shift. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click Granger.com or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

• 28:00Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, we're gonna talk about you some more. So you would hang out in the clubs, you love CNC Music Factory and you still do to this day. Did you like the song "It's Raining Men"?

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Hallelujah, "It's Raining Men"? I mean, it's an acceptable song.

• 28:12Conan O'Brien?

  I always listen to that song and thought, men are falling to their deaths.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 28:15Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean? Crap. When a man, they all die and they land on the happy women who are excited that men are falling. Shattered vertebrae.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  It's all a very Thelma Louise song because at the end they will be also crushed by the weight of these men, assuming these men are of normal height, weight and mass.

• 28:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, and they've reached a critical speed.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Terminal velocity, literally.

• 28:37Conan O'Brien?

  Terminal velocity, yes, literally terminal.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 28:40Conan O'Brien?

  This is, you know, it's funny, if you listen to this, not this, but if you listen slowly, you'll occasionally hear something intelligent.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:47Conan O'Brien?

  It's like every now and then it's this stew that's just got nothing, but every now and then there's just a little piece of beef.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  In the song "It's Raining Men Hallelujah"?

• 28:54Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, in this conversation we're having.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  So I should listen to the song slowly? Using those big Bose headphones.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  No one's ever analyzed that song, ever.

• 29:05Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I, when it first came out, I said, this is terrible. And it scared me. It's raining men, and I pictured men falling from the sky.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 29:13Conan O'Brien?

  And falling on top of those women and killing them, because let's say the average man weighs, I don't know, 185, 195 pounds.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  It's a lot of pounds.

• 29:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's a lot of pounds.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  I once thought about the song, "I'm your penis, I'm your fire, your desire."

• 29:25Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no, no, no. It's not, it's your Venus. It's your Venus. It's not, it's not.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  In Germany, it's penis.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  It's your Venus here?

• 29:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  Why would a girl be singing "I'm your penis"?

• 29:37Speaker 02

  How do you know it's a girl? I didn't see the video.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 29:40Conan O'Brien?

  Can I tell you something that I was always?

• 29:41Speaker 02

  Todd Thompson.

• 29:42Conan O'Brien?

  This is a real misunderstanding I have. Oh, God.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  What's wrong, Conan?

• 29:47Conan O'Brien?

  I'll, I'll be fine.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  Do you need an Excedrin? Is that a sponsor?

• 29:50Conan O'Brien?

  You know that song, "Hey there, amigo, days when the rain," you know?

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Oh, "A Brown-Eyed Girl."

• 29:55Conan O'Brien?

  "Brown-Eyed Girl."

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 29:57Conan O'Brien?

  Van Morrison. By Van Morrison.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:59Conan O'Brien?

  I honestly thought, there's a line in it.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Shalana.

• 30:03Conan O'Brien?

  No, there's a line where he says, um, going down in, in the old mine for a transistor radio, with a transistor radio, meaning he goes down into one of the mines.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  A metaphor.

• 30:13Conan O'Brien?

  And listens to, uh, a transistor radio. I swear to God, for years, I thought he was saying, "Going down on an old man for a transistor radio." And I thought, how bad do you want, that better be a great radio.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  Yes, that's a fair exchange, depending on the radio.

• 30:30Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I mean, this has to be AM, FM, at least.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  At least have both.

• 30:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and it has to have good, uh, speaker system.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  And, yes, and the man's, uh, ding, ding dong is hopefully small.

• 30:41Conan O'Brien?

  Why?

• 30:43Speaker 02

  What are we talking about?

• 30:49Conan O'Brien?

  Once you're there, it doesn't, does it really matter? Does it really matter what size the ding dong is?

• 30:54Speaker 04

  Also, if you're down in a mine, you can't get reception on a transistor radio.

• 30:59Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's a good point.

• 31:00Speaker 04

  This is a bum deal for this guy.

• 31:02Conan O'Brien?

  Why did I think that a guy was blowing an old man so he could borrow his transistor radio? And he's receiving the fellatio in a mine? No, I think it's either man or mine, so it can't be both. He didn't go down into a mine to blow a guy, he blew a guy to get a radio.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 31:18Conan O'Brien?

  She, you know, can I say something? Location is independent. This can't air. This won't air.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  Maybe he went down on a mime.

• 31:23Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, a mime?

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:25Conan O'Brien?

  He went down on a mime and the mime's just making faces? And just plunging down. Oh, and the mime is walking against the wind in place while he's being blown. Yes, yes. And then he's in a box. Uh huh. But then he comes and he opens the, he orgasms and he opens the top of the box. In a cardboard box. Um, I hate you. You still hitting the lead over there?

• 31:45Conan O'Brien?

  I'm not a fan of yours anymore. Agreed, Conan. I have never been a fan of you. Please tell me the reasons. This was a great podcast. This was my chance to have someone from another nation come on from across the sea. Yes. And have a cultural exchange and it's become, and I blame you. Of course. On any ordinary day, this is a very, very, uh, you know, I think, uh, well. Regal. Regal podcast. Yes. Thank you. That was the word I was searching for. Of course. Regal. Yeah. You, I have a question for you. Oh, it is, okay. One of your dreams, I know, is to be in a James Bond movie as a villain, or do you think you could be James Bond? And this, Matthias, uh, coincides with his, he loves James Bond movies. And I've been thinking about it. You're in great shape. Thank you. Good-looking, you're the correct age. Right.

• 32:28Conan O'Brien?

  Why can't James Bond be German? Can he be? Can he be German?

• 32:34Speaker 04

  Uh, well, I mean, you're putting this on me?

• 32:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 04

  Sure. Yeah. Do you want to be James Bond or do you want to be a villain? You'd be a good henchman, too.

• 32:42Conan O'Brien?

  I like any of those. I like henchers. I would do any of those things.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  I think you'd be an amazing henchman.

• 32:46Conan O'Brien?

  It's gonna be a problem to say His Majesty's Secret Service. His Majesty's Secret Service. Hello to you. But listen to you. It's me, 007 Watch Out.

• 32:55Conan O'Brien?

  You know what, this audition's going very well.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 32:57Conan O'Brien?

  Please come in, 007, we have an assignment for you.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Thank you for inviting me in, Penny Money.

• 33:01Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, we know that you are, of course, a proud son of England, and that you would do anything for the Queen.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  I will do all of the things for the Queen, and also, to be clear, to the Queen.

• 33:13Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Oh, oh. Okay, listen.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Bond, do come along. Absolutely.

• 33:20Conan O'Brien?

  Now, I mean, he's... It's a little bit of a problem that he's from Germany. Let's try him out as a villain, okay? So you're Bond, and you guys are having your big, like, monologuing moment. Okay, so I have stumbled... You captured me. Yeah, you're captured. You're holding me captive in your volcano... It's a volcano that you carved out. And you're showing me how you're gonna destroy the world.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 33:40Conan O'Brien?

  Dr. Flula.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 33:42Conan O'Brien?

  Eh, Dr. Flula, I presume.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Yes, hello to you, James, and welcome to my co... Is that your James Bond?

• 33:48Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  What is that?

• 33:49Conan O'Brien?

  I gotta, listen. I was Connor, he was... I was trying to do a sort of a, you know... Well, I'm trying to figure out what my Bond is. Hold on a second.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:56Conan O'Brien?

  Let me get it, let me get it.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  I think he's...

• 33:58Conan O'Brien?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 33:59Speaker 02

  Is it Roger Moore?

• 34:00Speaker 01

  His face is like this, he talks like he's not very intimidating.

• 34:03Conan O'Brien?

  Well, no.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  What is this?

• 34:05Conan O'Brien?

  Your Bond is collecting butterflies.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  No, your Bond, just to match who you are, he's like this, he talks like this.

• 34:12Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not my Bond. Don't tell me who my Bond is. You're like this kind of Bond, like this. There's that kind of Bond.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  No, he's got that Bond.

• 34:18Conan O'Brien?

  Or you're like, "I'm Roger Moore." Oh. Well, is that Roger... That's Roger Moore towards the end. No. When he's done with his life.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  Hello, I'm James Bond.

• 34:25Conan O'Brien?

  Hello, I'm James Bond. We'll try it this way. Okay. Um, "Dr. Flula, you seem to have captured me in your volcano. What is your plan?"

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Yes, Timothy Dalton. Thank you for coming to my volcano that I have emptied out using a tiny shovel for 200 years.

• 34:41Conan O'Brien?

  I did notice there are no henchmen. Usually people have henchmen, but I suppose you, uh... Sorry, but you're like a prospect.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  It's so bad.

• 34:50Conan O'Brien?

  Hold on a second.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  Mine's better than yours.

• 34:51Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just wondering. Yes, James? Is your gold in this here hill?

• 34:57Speaker 02

  There may be, James.

• 34:57Conan O'Brien?

  Now, let me ask you something. Just a little bit of a question for you, Mr. Dr. Flula, if you will. What are your intentions? How do you plan to take over the world?

• 35:07Speaker 02

  It's very simple, really, Timothy. I plan to just take all of the television shows, turn them into one big show, and then just blare it out into the spry concise.

• 35:17Conan O'Brien?

  You fiend.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:18Conan O'Brien?

  This will destroy the world as we know it.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  It's called Max, which is the same place Colman must go is there.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  Season two, streaming now.

• 35:26Conan O'Brien?

  Nicely done.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:29Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I think that audition went quite well. You're hired, you're both hired. Oh, great. Amazon called and they've got their new bond and their new villain. I'm gonna say something, my bond is fascinating because you never know what you're gonna get next.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:39Conan O'Brien?

  You can't hone in on, is he Australian?

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Yosemite Sam.

• 35:43Conan O'Brien?

  Is he Yosemite Sam? Is he, is his jaw broken?

• 35:48Speaker 02

  Right.

• 35:48Conan O'Brien?

  You don't know exactly what's going on with my bond.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, shapeshifter.

• 35:51Conan O'Brien?

  The name's Bond, James Bond.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Yes. You're like, what's Rogue, Cyphlops? What's the one lady from X-Men who could be anything but when she was relaxed looked like a seahorse?

• 36:01Conan O'Brien?

  Mystique.

• 36:02Speaker 02

  Yes, you're like Mystique.

• 36:03Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, alright. God, you know, you are so well versed in your movies and your pop culture and you love a video game, don't you?

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Oh, I do love a video game.

• 36:11Conan O'Brien?

  You like Grand Theft Auto?

• 36:12Speaker 02

  I like GTA, a medium amount to large amount, depending on the amount.

• 36:16Conan O'Brien?

  Do you call it Grand Theft Auto?

• 36:19Speaker 02

  I call, yes, I go a grand thievery automobile. I think you should say things full names.

• 36:24Conan O'Brien?

  Do they have a German edition of Grand Theft Auto where you're on the autobahn?

• 36:27Speaker 02

  You're not because it's too fast. We have a GTA Dusseldorf, which involves not exceeding 35 kilometers per hour.

• 36:34Conan O'Brien?

  And everything is kept very clean?

• 36:36Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 36:36Conan O'Brien?

  And no one breaks any rules?

• 36:37Speaker 02

  You are immediately arrested.

• 36:40Conan O'Brien?

  Game over. So, you're saying GTA Dusseldorf, it doesn't go very far, right?

• 36:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 36:47Conan O'Brien?

  You're questioned very quickly.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  That's correct. If you break the laws in GTA Dusseldorf, two weeks later, you will receive a fine in the mail directly from the PlayStation.

• 36:55Conan O'Brien?

  That you played on. Oh, wow, that's terrible.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  Sorry, but how was your drink?

• 36:59Conan O'Brien?

  It's very good. Please, let's not make it about me, let's make it about you.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 37:04Conan O'Brien?

  I am curious, what's your favorite of the video games?

• 37:08Speaker 02

  Of all the video games in the world?

• 37:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  I enjoyed to play Zaxxon.

• 37:12Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, Zaxxon.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Which is a very old school game with two axes, involves a fake 3D and a spaceship that goes up and down.

• 37:18Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, what happens on Zaxxon? I don't remember that one. You're kind of like Space Invaders style, right? Yes. So you're talking, this is 1980s technology.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  I've told you, I have not evolved. Since I have been Y Flula, which is short for young.

• 37:29Conan O'Brien?

  So in 1985, someone hit you with a brick? And you have not evolved since then?

• 37:34Speaker 02

  I do not know about the brick. Something definitely hit my cranium.

• 37:37Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  Conan, what's your favorite video game? Tell me immediately.

• 37:40Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I will tell you my favorite video game. I have to, I have to say it's a, those World War Two, you know, war games.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Oh, Wolfenstein.

• 37:49Conan O'Brien?

  Call of Duty, I like those. I like anything where, or I like the World War One Call of Duty. That might be my favorite because there's a lot of biplanes and zeppelins flying around. I just like something that has a little bit of a historic connotation.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  I'm shocked you answered that question.

• 38:03Conan O'Brien?

  Also, I like Slenderman. I know that's a really old reference, but I think it was based on me. And I think I'm the original concept behind Slenderman.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  That's a video game? I thought it was a film.

• 38:14Conan O'Brien?

  I thought it was just an urban legend that then became a film. I think, I think it was a video game. Wasn't there a video game Slenderman?

• 38:21Speaker 02

  And you're saying Slenderman?

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Why are you saying it's Slenderman?

• 38:24Speaker 02

  Are there several Slender?

• 38:25Conan O'Brien?

  Of the Connecticut Slendermans? Yeah. He's the one that got me into the club, the Slendermans. It's a computer game, according to this. Okay, well, forget I said it. No, you got it. But that was wonderful. It was a computer game.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:38Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, listen, I want to stay focused.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 38:41Conan O'Brien?

  You like to play Zaxxon, you listen to CNC Music Factory. You think that Reagan is just beginning his second term.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  Just now started, yes, it's 1985.

• 38:49Conan O'Brien?

  Right, there's some signs that maybe he's slipping a little bit, but everyone's going, what are you talking about?

• 38:54Speaker 02

  It's like, listen, tear down that wall.

• 38:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  That's all he says.

• 38:57Conan O'Brien?

  Were you okay with that when he said?

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Well, I would prefer to remove it gently, brick by brick.

• 39:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I think that's better.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  Just for safety reasons.

• 39:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  The energy I supported.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  To be clear. Did you not support this?

• 39:09Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no, I did. I was very happy. I thought Germany should be united, east and west, and so I'm.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  Like the Koreans, right.

• 39:16Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I would like it if they would resolve the Korean issue as well.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Great enough global talk.

• 39:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, no, I mean, it's getting a little serious here, but if you're gonna ask me questions that are serious, I'll answer them. Yes, I do wish that, that the division between North and South Korea ended and it was one country.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  What about the Carolinas?

• 39:34Conan O'Brien?

  I think, no, no.

• 39:36Speaker 02

  That's impossible, correct?

• 39:37Conan O'Brien?

  It's impossible, the division between North and South Carolina. If anything, there's gonna be a third Carolina.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  Yes, Tar Heels, Dan Cox and someone else.

• 39:43Conan O'Brien?

  And don't get me started on the Virginies, you know, Virginias, Virginias, yeah. West is proper. Hey, don't say that, West is the only Virginia as far as I'm concerned.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  I disagree, friend. Really? Snap what?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Shots fired. You've got the power. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:57Conan O'Brien?

  Do you understand?

• 39:58Speaker 01

  He shows a sigh.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  That's the sound of a fire shot, yes.

• 40:01Conan O'Brien?

  You are a fan of coin collecting. I'm gonna switch topics quickly.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 40:05Conan O'Brien?

  Because that's what you have to do with Flula to keep it going.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Yes, buffalo head nickels.

• 40:08Conan O'Brien?

  Now, when did this begin?

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Wheat pennies.

• 40:10Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Wheat pennies.

• 40:11Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, pennies that have the little shafts of wheat on them.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  Shafts?

• 40:14Conan O'Brien?

  Huh?

• 40:15Speaker 02

  Sprigs? Oh. Yes.

• 40:17Conan O'Brien?

  Why do you derail everything I say? There are pennies that have little pieces of wheat on them. I just said shafts of wheat, and you derailed the whole thing.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Wait, sorry, but a shaft, to me, is a very different item than a piece of wheat. But yes, wheat pennies.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:31Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I guess I'm the one in the wrong here.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  I've never heard shaft of penny, but I think we all think of dicks when you say shaft, right?

• 40:38Speaker 02

  I was thinking of a penis.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Penis, yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Yes, a ding dong, sorry.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Sorry, it's, um, you said shaft, so we all didn't know you were talking about wheat. We thought you were talking about... Hey, Conan. A penis.

• 40:48Conan O'Brien?

  Someone says they're gonna... There needs... The elevator's not available today because we're working on the shaft. You immediately think...

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Penis.

• 40:54Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, but this...

• 40:56Speaker 01

  That's what you mean. You have to work on the penis to fix the elevator.

• 41:00Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna try hard to make this better. You collect these coins.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 41:05Conan O'Brien?

  What else do you... Besides the buffalo head and the wheat pennies, what else do you collect? What's your most valuable coin that you have in your collection? Flula, answer quickly.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  I have none of value, but I did once have a bicentennial quarter, which was made in 1976 to celebrate your bicentennial, which is 200 years of being America.

• 41:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes. It was quite a long time ago now, of course, but I would think that that would be a very common... It wasn't that long ago.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  No, it's also, it's worth 26 cents.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  Conan, are you a collector of items?

• 41:36Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I really am not. You could say I have a guitar collection.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Oh, and but I shouldn't.

• 41:42Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you will be punished if you do.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 41:45Conan O'Brien?

  I have a lot of guitars. I didn't seek them out. I sought a few of them out, but mostly, uh, over the years, of musical people coming on my show and seeing at rehearsal that I played guitar or was trying to get better at guitar, they would... Gift me guitar and over the years I've amassed a bunch and at some point I want to, some of them are quite strange.

• 42:07Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 42:07Conan O'Brien?

  And I want to share them with the world at some point and um, and tell the story behind some of them. Some of them were would be are incredible. And then some of them are quite absurd and ridiculous. Guitar I got, I believe, maybe from Sweden.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 42:21Conan O'Brien?

  Which is made with a bathroom scale.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 42:25Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, is the base of the guitar and there's a neck coming out of it and it's a functioning bathroom scale.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Nasty.

• 42:31Conan O'Brien?

  Some of them are in the look like my face. Uh, I don't see the value of that. Um, and uh, but.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  Delicious face.

• 42:37Conan O'Brien?

  But also some, some really good, great guitars.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  I smell a new podcast, Conan.

• 42:43Conan O'Brien?

  Conan O'Brien needs a guitar.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:45Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it's not a guitar where I'm nagged and hectored by uh.

• 42:48Speaker 02

  No.

• 42:49Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 42:49Speaker 02

  No, it'd be very supportive where every time you receive a new Dilly Doot.

• 42:53Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, guitar.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:55Conan O'Brien?

  It's not called the Dilly Doot.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Well, it's shorter to say Dilly Doot.

• 42:57Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think so. I think guitar is faster.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Everyone knows what I'm saying when I say Dilly Doot.

• 43:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't think they do.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  It's not a clarinet.

• 43:01Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  It's not a tuba.

• 43:03Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  It's a guitar.

• 43:04Conan O'Brien?

  What do you guys call a tuba?

• 43:05Speaker 02

  A tuba.

• 43:06Conan O'Brien?

  The tuba?

• 43:07Speaker 02

  No, a tuba.

• 43:08Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  What's that, what do you, what do you call a tuba? Uh, we call it the Tyben. A Tyben? Yeah. Oh.

• 43:14Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, listen, you are, I don't know. I can't get a bead on you. It's like trying to push down on a moist seed. It just squirts away. Putting it all on him. I think you're bringing a little of this into it.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  You are. You're doing it.

• 43:28Conan O'Brien?

  Excuse me, I am not.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  You said shaft of wheat.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  You did say that.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  You knew where that went. Yeah.

• 43:32Conan O'Brien?

  No, I didn't. You think everything I say, if I said like, oh, look, there's a red balloon. You're like, oh, here he goes. Oh, there's dicks again. Oh, I mean, not everything is a penis.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  I thought that meant diaphragm, but yes, it's fine.

• 43:45Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna ask you something. You keep a diary, I'm told. I'm going somewhere with this.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  How do you know about this?

• 43:51Conan O'Brien?

  Because I borrowed it last night while you were sleeping.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  Oh, so that was your entry?

• 43:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, that was my entry.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Why, what's your?

• 43:59Conan O'Brien?

  Came in through the obsession with termites.

• 44:02Conan O'Brien?

  You, you, I came into your apartment and no, you have it, you, you keep a diary. You're a loyal keeper of a diary, but you don't call it a diary. You call it a.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Also, Dankbarheitsjournal.

• 44:12Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 44:13Speaker 02

  A Dankbarheitsjournal.

• 44:14Conan O'Brien?

  I thought it was a Torgebuch.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  Also, ein Tagebuch is a daybook. Yes, you can call it a diary.

• 44:18Conan O'Brien?

  Well, why did you call it something else? My, I did research here. I had people watching you for a while.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  Thank you. I know. I left my door unlocked.

• 44:26Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you keep a diary or you call it a Torgebuch?

• 44:30Speaker 02

  A Tagebuch.

• 44:31Conan O'Brien?

  Why do you, why do you keep a diary? Are you journaling in this diary? What are you writing in your diary?

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Every day there are three things that are wrong and three things that are right. And I have to write about those things and then I do it. Then I fix the things that are wrong or perhaps leave them be and cry about them and move on.

• 44:47Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  Do you not have a Tagebuch, Conan?

• 44:49Conan O'Brien?

  I don't write down the things that are right and the things that are wrong. I don't understand that part. I mean, I have a to do list, like, oh, I should do this, I should do that. Sometimes I write down my feelings.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Wrong.

• 44:59Conan O'Brien?

  Another podcast with, you know, Matt and Sona. Boy, they really get in the way and they stop me from being my true self.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  But that's correct. Yes, yes, they are holding you down.

• 45:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Think of the heights I could scale if it weren't for these, uh, these monsters. Some things in my Tagebuch.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:16Conan O'Brien?

  You know, Eduardo, you know, what's he up to over there?

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Nobody knows.

• 45:20Conan O'Brien?

  Fiddling with his dials.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  What are those for?

• 45:22Conan O'Brien?

  A chef.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:25Conan O'Brien?

  You know, Eduardo, you're better than that. Everyone looks up to you on this podcast and now you've done it.

• 45:30Conan O'Brien?

  Your favorite superhero.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:33Conan O'Brien?

  Is Spider-Man.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  How did you know this?

• 45:35Conan O'Brien?

  Because I looked in your diary and it says Flula loves Spider-Man.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:41Conan O'Brien?

  Or Flula Spider-Man or Mrs. Flula Spider-Man. You, you just dream about Spider-Man all day long. Why do you like Spider-Man the best of all the heroes?

• 45:49Speaker 02

  I like that he has limitless webs because if he's super hungry, he can also just go.

• 45:54Conan O'Brien?

  You can eat the webs?

• 45:55Speaker 02

  If you're a spider, absolutely.

• 45:57Conan O'Brien?

  I guess it's fiber. I'd never thought of that. Maybe the webs are like a hardened cheese.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Of course. It's like a, it's a Munster.

• 46:04Conan O'Brien?

  A Munster.

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:05Conan O'Brien?

  Is that the right way to say it?

• 46:06Speaker 02

  Also, I say Munster, yes. What do you say?

• 46:09Conan O'Brien?

  I, now I say Munster.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you. If I see the umlaut. Yeah. Or a U E is also like an umlaut.

• 46:15Conan O'Brien?

  You guys, what, you have a great language. You have an umlaut. Oh, and I love the umlaut and I wish we had an umlaut in this country. I'd like to, I bet you carry an umlaut with you wherever you go.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  Two periods. Yes.

• 46:26Conan O'Brien?

  And.

• 46:28Conan O'Brien?

  But it changes Munster to Munsta.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  Munsta.

• 46:31Conan O'Brien?

  It's fantastic. Do you like an umlaut?

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah.

• 46:33Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 46:34Speaker 02

  I love an umlaut.

• 46:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. My favorite's the Denver umlaut. You know what? Let me tell you something.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Aw, come on.

• 46:39Conan O'Brien?

  I'll tell you why I'm funny and then I'll tell you how I'm funny. Adam doesn't even know what's happening.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  We're bringing you down? You just said Denver umlaut. You owe everybody an apology.

• 46:47Conan O'Brien?

  You know what's so funny? Adam is always usually very supportive. He's supportive 98% of the time. Today, whenever I speak, he looks like he's having gas pain under his sternum.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Oh, I assumed he's deathly ill.

• 47:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And you're not the problem, apparently. Apparently I-

• 47:03Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I am the problem.

• 47:04Conan O'Brien?

  You think so?

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 47:05Conan O'Brien?

  I think you allow my stupidity.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  It's your fault. I welcome it and love it and hug it and spoon it.

• 47:13Conan O'Brien?

  All right, then.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  It's my favorite thing, Colin.

• 47:15Conan O'Brien?

  I don't want to get too personal, but how's your? Love life.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Listen, I am a- I'm dating currently a techno hole note.

• 47:22Conan O'Brien?

  That's right. Oh, what?

• 47:23Speaker 02

  It's four beats of delicious techno at 102 BPM. Consistent, reliable. I can pause it, mute it, turn it up. It's delicious.

• 47:34Conan O'Brien?

  So can I hear what it sounds like for a second? That is what you're dating?

• 47:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 47:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Does it have a name?

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 47:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 47:46Conan O'Brien?

  Fool.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:49Conan O'Brien?

  I've always wanted, uh-

• 47:50Speaker 02

  Say it.

• 47:51Conan O'Brien?

  I've always wanted you to be in a- A wagon of relationship. Yeah, I know you. You're a good-looking, dramatic fellow. You're in the clubs.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  In the clubs, yes.

• 48:02Conan O'Brien?

  You've got this incredible, you know, abs.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 48:07Conan O'Brien?

  You're probably dating a different BPM every night.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Oh, yes. I will switch it up quickly. Thanks, Spotify.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  Do you want to date him?

• 48:14Conan O'Brien?

  Very much.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  Okay, I figured. Cause you're just going on and on about him. It just sounds like-

• 48:19Conan O'Brien?

  He's a dreamboat.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  Are you in an open relationship, Conan?

• 48:22Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, my wife would like me to be.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Oh, she's insisting.

• 48:25Conan O'Brien?

  My wife has suggested several times, actually several times a week, that maybe I'd like to explore other possibilities.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  Conan, let's go visit a proverbial coffee bean and tea leaf together.

• 48:36Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I would do that. Anytime.

• 48:38Speaker 02

  Oh, I mean proverbial, though.

• 48:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, so you're talking about something else?

• 48:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 48:41Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  You know. Your tea bean, my leaf.

• 48:49Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know what to do with you.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  Same.

• 48:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know what's funny? They give me pages of what they think I'm gonna talk to Flula about.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 48:57Conan O'Brien?

  But none of it... What good is this? You can't have notes when you talk to Flula Borg.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  Don't do it.

• 49:04Conan O'Brien?

  No, don't do it.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  Don't do it, Conan.

• 49:06Conan O'Brien?

  And drugs in the 70s and 80s, just don't do it.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  Put that frying pan away, and also that egg that you cracked on it.

• 49:14Conan O'Brien?

  That's your mind on drugs.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:16Conan O'Brien?

  No one knows what we're talking about.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  They don't know it.

• 49:18Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's been too long.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  It has been too long.

• 49:20Conan O'Brien?

  You... Do you like your life? You a happy fellow?

• 49:22Speaker 02

  I'm a happy man. Are you a happy man, Conan? I'm concerned.

• 49:25Conan O'Brien?

  God, he's so good at turning it back on me all the time. Yes, I'm a very happy person. Oh, you're reflecting back on me with your shiny gluten pouch.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  My gluten pouch, meine Bauchtasche, yeah.

• 49:36Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I am a happy man.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:38Conan O'Brien?

  I believe I am.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  You've had some recent, very exciting newses. I don't know when this is airing. They were recent to me.

• 49:44Conan O'Brien?

  This won't air. You'll never hear this.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Oh, great.

• 49:46Conan O'Brien?

  I will bury this. This will be put into deep, into a salt mine in Utah.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  But you recently... Oh, where? Provo?

• 49:54Conan O'Brien?

  Don't you ever look at me and say "Provo."

• 49:56Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry. I cannot have that.

• 49:57Conan O'Brien?

  The one thing I will not have is someone yelling "Provo" at me in a German accent.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  It's your safe word.

• 50:02Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, yes, I've had a good year. I've had a good run.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  You won Marcus Twine. You won an award, mate.

• 50:09Conan O'Brien?

  Mark Twain. He's a famous, he's a famous, uh, American humorist.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  Anarchist? Oh.

• 50:13Conan O'Brien?

  No, he's not an anarchist.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 50:15Conan O'Brien?

  He was a American humorist, and it's a very nice thing that happened. I was honored by my fellow members of the comedian community.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  Oh, wonderful, the CC. So it's not a man that invented Twine, like Alfred Nobel invented dynamite?

• 50:28Conan O'Brien?

  No, no. Um, and using your logic, Alfred Nobel would have invented Nobel. So you're an idiot.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  Oh, which is a book that is much shorter. It's half of a novel.

• 50:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Why speak to you, I guess, is the question. Or why even continue? You, uh, yes, you brought up, I've had some good fortune lately, but no one wants to hear about me.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 50:49Conan O'Brien?

  Because they want to hear about Flula Borg, a man who grew up in, where is it called?

• 50:54Speaker 02

  Erlangen. Oh, no, I like your guess. What was your guess?

• 50:56Conan O'Brien?

  Greben? Grebenhaden?

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Grebenhaden, yeah.

• 50:59Conan O'Brien?

  You grew up in a small village.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  Grebenhaden.

• 51:01Conan O'Brien?

  Where not only are the shoes wooden, but all the clothes are wooden.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  And all the Haidens are greben.

• 51:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Greben and schuden. And, uh, you decided one day you would leave your father's cuckoo clock factory.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  I said, "Bye-bye to you, birds rotating in a circle."

• 51:14Conan O'Brien?

  And you said, "I will come to America and find my future."

• 51:17Speaker 02

  Those are my exact words.

• 51:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, and then you said, "I hope I have enough," and you looted into your pockets.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  And I, yeah.

• 51:22Conan O'Brien?

  And you had some rare coins, some wheat coins.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Some wheat kind of full of shafts, yes.

• 51:27Conan O'Brien?

  Reached down into that deep pocket of yours.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  Yes, it's so deep.

• 51:30Conan O'Brien?

  Shafts of wheat. And then you also, there was probably a hazelnut in there, a little treat.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  You know it, of course.

• 51:38Conan O'Brien?

  And then you, you took a boat, I believe, to come to this country.

• 51:41Speaker 02

  I did. There were several planes available, but I selected a boat.

• 51:45Conan O'Brien?

  A boat?

• 51:45Speaker 02

  A boat, yes.

• 51:46Conan O'Brien?

  A boat?

• 51:47Speaker 02

  And then I accidentally won a hype man contest, and then that was my decision to come here and do a professional thing called whatever this is.

• 51:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. You, I would imagine, be a great hype man. Don't you think you'd be the best hype man? I think so, yeah. Can I hear some of your hype man that you do in the clubs?

• 51:59Speaker 02

  Hey, everyone, it's me, Flue LeBorg. Welcome to your concert. If you're excited, raise one or both of your hands. If you have two. If you only have one, then raise one. If you have no hands, oops.

• 52:11Conan O'Brien?

  You shouldn't have worked in that factory.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 52:13Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you were my hype man, because I did a tour. That's correct. A couple of years ago, a bunch of very funny comedians, and you.

• 52:20Speaker 02

  And me, yes.

• 52:21Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, you were hilarious, but you would also be a bit of a hype man for me.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Yes, I was very supportive of your journey as a stand-up comic comedian man.

• 52:31Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm. And also, you would do the crowd work. You would go into the crowd with a microphone so that people could ask me questions.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  I did. I did.

• 52:38Conan O'Brien?

  And my favorite thing is whenever you tripped or had trouble making your way through the crowd, you'd go, "Shit, shit." Which is shit, but it just always cracked me up.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Accurate. It happened all the time. Yes, I'm very uncoordinated.

• 52:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. That means you have no accordion.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly. Accordion free since 83, you know.

• 52:55Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I, I, I don't know. This is either a very good episode.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  No, it's the worst episode. I now play trombone, Conan.

• 53:02Conan O'Brien?

  Trombone?

• 53:03Speaker 02

  I'm trombone. I've released, I've released a children's album.

• 53:06Conan O'Brien?

  You have?

• 53:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's called, you know.

• 53:09Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't know. I don't know what it's called.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Oh, it's Slippery When Pealed.

• 53:13Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you, you should be detained by authorities.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  I look forward to it.

• 53:18Conan O'Brien?

  When was the last time someone looked at your papers and decided whether you should stay or not? Because that's, you know, that's a thing, that's a real thing that's happening now. And I think you're, we should look at your papers.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  Well, thank God I have just a passport, which is just a book. So the papers I don't bring out with me anymore. Also, I'm, I'm going to make a stand-up comedy special, Conan.

• 53:36Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, when's that coming out?

• 53:37Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 53:39Conan O'Brien?

  You're very good at plugging things, aren't you? When's your special coming out?

• 53:42Speaker 02

  I don't know. In the future, Conan. I will tell you all about it.

• 53:45Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, you'll be back.

• 53:46Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, great. Does that red light we can stop mean?

• 53:50Conan O'Brien?

  No, that means, that means we've reached the one-third point.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  We still have two-thirds of that? So we have two sections equal in size to the last section?

• 53:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 53:59Speaker 02

  It's like a hockey game.

• 54:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, exactly. Now we have to do, if that was forty minutes, we have to now do

• 54:06Speaker 02

  Eighty more minutes.

• 54:06Conan O'Brien?

  Eighty minutes of inventing German words like Aufengleider.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, so Aufengleider is a very interesting thing. It's what you use to hang certain-sized jeans.

• 54:17Conan O'Brien?

  Really?

• 54:18Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:18Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you told me that I take stabs at German words and that occasionally it's a real word or almost a real word.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, Augengleider is what, kind of what you said, which is, which is like an eye smoothie.

• 54:30Conan O'Brien?

  Smoothie made of eyes?

• 54:32Speaker 02

  I don't know, you said it.

• 54:33Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 54:36Conan O'Brien?

  Flula, what's next for you? What are you working on now? Because I know you have, you know, a fan base, people want to see what you're doing. What's coming up for Flula Borg? You gonna be in a movie, a television show? Are you doing a show anywhere? How can I get the word out about Flula Borg?

• 54:51Speaker 02

  Thank you for this very long question, which included several guesses. Conan, I will be in a movie called Champagne Problems on Netflix. It's a Christmas rom-com.

• 54:59Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, that's great. Champagne Problems. Who are you in that with?

• 55:02Speaker 02

  I'm also in it with Minka Kelly.

• 55:04Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I love Minka Kelly.

• 55:05Speaker 02

  Yes, and others.

• 55:08Conan O'Brien?

  Ooh, you're gonna get an angry message from "and others."

• 55:11Speaker 02

  From who? We don't know.

• 55:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And, uh, looking forward to that. You enjoy the acting.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  I enjoy to act very much, Conan. It's a nice way to escape into something and say bye-bye, and then come out and say hello. Have you seen Shawshank Redemption?

• 55:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I have.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  It's a wonderful film.

• 55:27Conan O'Brien?

  Now you're promoting Shawshank Redemption.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  Have you seen it?

• 55:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I have. Many times.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Tiwananejo?

• 55:33Conan O'Brien?

  Ziwananejo, yes.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Ziwananejo.

• 55:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, in Mexico.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  I support Morgan Freeman as an actor. I think he's very talented.

• 55:40Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know, it's been debated whether he should be allowed to act, and your support will be a key, uh...

• 55:47Speaker 02

  Vote.

• 55:48Conan O'Brien?

  Vote.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Vote. Vote, yes.

• 55:50Conan O'Brien?

  A vote.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Vote, yes.

• 55:51Conan O'Brien?

  If I could stop you, Flula, I would.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Please do it.

• 55:54Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I, but I think you're unstoppable. You're an unstoppable force of nature.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  That's only because I outweigh you by thirteen kilograms.

• 56:03Conan O'Brien?

  Flula, I thank you for being here and um.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  I apologize for all the minutes we spent together. We can never have those back.

• 56:12Conan O'Brien?

  I uh, I adore you. I'm gonna say that in all seriousness. I'm gonna look you in the eye, Flula.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 56:17Conan O'Brien?

  And say that uh, whatever you're selling, I am buying because uh, you are hilarious, hilarious gentleman and I really enjoy you.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  Likewise, Conan. Thank you for having me and letting me join this table. Everyone now making eye contact as if we are drinking beverages, which is very important when you cheers.

• 56:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  Rule, that's one thing to remember, listeners of Conan. Available wherever podcasts are located.

• 56:40Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, now I feel like I'm being mocked. This is over.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  No, I'm promoting your show to ensure its longevity.

• 56:45Conan O'Brien?

  Do we have security? Can someone escort him out? Oh, you're gonna do it, Eduardo?

• 56:49Speaker 02

  Please do it.

• 56:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, this guy's gonna toss you around like a rag doll.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  Hot. Get out! Get out! Okay, I'm leaving.

• 56:56Conan O'Brien?

  Bye!

• 56:59Conan O'Brien?

  Put in some footsteps. And now, can you uh, Metias, can you add some going downstairs sounds?

• 57:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Oh, I forgot my fanny pack.

• 57:10Conan O'Brien?

  Ooh, that's kinda sexy.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  Bye, again.

• 57:14Conan O'Brien?

  And then more, yeah.

• 57:15Speaker 04

  More footsteps. Okay, he's done it for us. All right. Jesus.

• 57:25Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 57:29Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 57:30Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you gotta get them your stuff.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 57:32Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that uh, that cinnamon cider in the air. Do you smell that?

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:42Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 58:19Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:25Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 58:45Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 58:46Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:50Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife. I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:57Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 59:27Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 59:47Conan O'Brien?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists can help you figure out what rules or traditions aren't serving you and how to rewrite them. And with insurance, many members pay $15 or less. Some pay $0. BetterHelp, they do a great job. You're in good hands. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the United States with at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. When it comes to matching with a therapist, BetterHelp does the initial work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to help identify your needs. And if you're not happy with your match, this is the best part, a lot of people think, oh my God, this is the person I've signed up with, I need to make this work. That's not the case. If it's not a good match, you switch to a different therapist at any time from BetterHelp's tailored recommendations.

• 1:00:33Conan O'Brien?

  BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/conan. That's better H E L P dot com slash Conan.

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  It's tradition that we have Flula sit in for the third act segment here.

• 1:01:02Conan O'Brien?

  Wonderful.

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  On the podcast.

• 1:01:03Conan O'Brien?

  He is such a good guest. I enjoy him so much. I always say, why would we have him leave? When he has nothing else going on professionally. Well, I checked. You have no automobile. I don't. And you have? I'm a pedestrian through and through. Yes. And I don't think you have an apartment. I refuse one. So anyway, he's going to help us out today. And what are we doing?

• 1:01:21Speaker 04

  Well, we're going to do a review, the reviewers, where we go to Apple Podcasts and we find a review and we read it and we kind of comment on the review that's commenting on this show.

• 1:01:30Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 1:01:30Speaker 04

  So you can join us. Any opinions or any thoughts you have on this?

• 1:01:32Conan O'Brien?

  I may offer feedback to the feedback. Exactly. So many. Yeah. Or you may have thoughts about how this podcast could be improved. I'm just assuming you're a huge fan.

• 1:01:40Speaker 04

  This is from listener KP in the Boston area. Five stars.

• 1:01:44Conan O'Brien?

  Kristaps Posingas?

• 1:01:45Speaker 04

  You know him?

• 1:01:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  Okay. Title, best podcast to listen to during an MRI.

• 1:01:51Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I didn't know he was injured.

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

• 1:01:55Conan O'Brien?

  You need to, you need to check up on your friends a little more. I feel very bad. Sorry about that, Kristaps.

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  I had an MRI recently and the technician offered to let me listen to music on the provided headphones during the procedure. I immediately asked if the Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend podcast was available, and it was. Really helped keep my mind off the loud sounds of the MRI machine and claustrophobia. As I left the appointment, the tech said I did great. And after a pause, he added, no one's ever requested Conan. Well, I say that more people should. Awesome podcast. I love you guys and I'm sending extra love and support to Sona and her family. Hugs.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Oh, that's very sweet.

• 1:02:30Conan O'Brien?

  That is very sweet. My first question would be, I would love to watch the images of a brain that's listening to this podcast. What happens to the human brain? Just a flat line. It might be, I don't know. They might start to see areas of the brain light up that aren't supposed to light up.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  This is kind of insulting. If I'm, if I'm gonna be honest, cuz you have to be extremely still in an MRI, which means this person wasn't even giggling a little bit.

• 1:03:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  They were just listening to it.

• 1:03:03Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe, maybe, maybe this person was laughing really hard, their head was moving around, and they didn't get a really good scan.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  Well, the technician said that the person did great.

• 1:03:14Conan O'Brien?

  Do you think that technician cares? No.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  The technician said that-

• 1:03:21Conan O'Brien?

  This guy was lulled to sleep by this podcast.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Shit, I didn't think about that.

• 1:03:27Conan O'Brien?

  The calmest patient he's ever had. Said, "I've never seen someone-"

• 1:03:31Speaker 04

  I hear they've been playing this podcast during massages, massage parlors, and spas.

• 1:03:36Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I've heard that they play our podcast when someone's having eye surgery. And if they move even a millimeter, they'll be blinded for life. And they say people are just completely rigid, unmoving, and almost frozen.

• 1:03:51Speaker 04

  Did you hear in the new Mission Impossible when he's diffusing a bomb, he requests our podcast?

• 1:03:56Speaker 04

  Let's play season three.

• 1:03:57Conan O'Brien?

  Tom Cruise's hand is shaking just slightly, and he goes, "Play something."

• 1:04:08Conan O'Brien?

  And disengaged, wow. You defused the bomb in 35 seconds. Not the required one second left for most action movies.

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  Thanks, Conan.

• 1:04:21Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? That's terribly insulting. I, I took it a different way. And then, what I heard that you didn't hear is no one ever asks for Conan.

• 1:04:29Speaker 04

  Oh, that's true.

• 1:04:31Conan O'Brien?

  That's the part I heard.

• 1:04:32Speaker 04

  I think they're used to getting music, so maybe he's, you're the first ever podcast.

• 1:04:35Conan O'Brien?

  I might be the first podcast. I might be the first podcast that's been listened to during an MRI. You know what that stands for?

• 1:04:40Speaker 04

  Yes, Portland Trail Blazers.

• 1:04:41Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you need an MRI.

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  Definitely, yes.

• 1:04:45Conan O'Brien?

  You, um, have you had a checkup recently, Flula?

• 1:04:50Speaker 04

  I'm having a dentist appointment tomorrow.

• 1:04:52Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:04:53Speaker 02

  Shall I request a Marie?

• 1:04:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yes, you should. I would be fascinated to find out what would happen if they looked, if they could get inside your mind and look at it.

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:05:03Conan O'Brien?

  I bet it would be just a lot of little gears made of chocolate turning around, you know?

• 1:05:07Speaker 04

  Both of you guys, like that exchange you had during the earlier interview, if you were both hooked up to MRIs during that, I'd be curious.

• 1:05:12Conan O'Brien?

  I think the MRIs would get up and leave.

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:05:14Conan O'Brien?

  They'd be like the two grumpy men in The Muppets. I mean, just leave.

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau.

• 1:05:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, okay, grumpy old MRIs?

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:05:27Conan O'Brien?

  So, we think that this guy was very still and didn't laugh at all during the MRI.

• 1:05:32Speaker 02

  Correct, yes.

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  They have to be very still.

• 1:05:34Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe it was one of those really serious podcasts I do.

• 1:05:37Speaker 02

  Don't you do an ASMR episode once a week?

• 1:05:40Conan O'Brien?

  No. That's me trying to be funny.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what that is?

• 1:05:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Eduardo, cut.

• 1:05:51Conan O'Brien?

  No. So you often listen to my podcasts and think I'm just trying to make noises?

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  When I have insomnia, it just sounds like you're trying to open like a bag of Skittles.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  Then I'm out.

• 1:06:03Conan O'Brien?

  That's me talking to Jeff Garland.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what that was? That is literally white noise. It does work.

• 1:06:12Conan O'Brien?

  A bag of Skittles. I love the way you say things. I really do. You enhance words.

• 1:06:19Speaker 02

  Things, yes.

• 1:06:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, just in general. I love, he speaks, you know what I'm talking about, Sona?

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  I do, it's cool. I like it.

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  I heard you say it when I said boat.

• 1:06:25Conan O'Brien?

  Boat. When you say boat.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  Boat, yes.

• 1:06:28Conan O'Brien?

  I just love it.

• 1:06:28Speaker 02

  We're gonna need a bigger boat.

• 1:06:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah, Jaws.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  From the foam of the mouth.

• 1:06:33Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's called Jaws. Not the mouth.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  It's Jaws.

• 1:06:37Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:06:40Conan O'Brien?

  What do you, what do you call ET?

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  What? Weird guy.

• 1:06:43Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:06:48Conan O'Brien?

  Weird guy. I think Weird Guy is just as good. Weird Guy is just as good as ET.

• 1:06:54Speaker 02

  Same syllable amount.

• 1:06:55Conan O'Brien?

  Well, okay, yes, that's a good point.

• 1:06:57Speaker 04

  Steven Spielberg's Weird Guy.

• 1:07:00Conan O'Brien?

  Steven Spielberg's Weird Guy. Seminal movie.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  From the guy who brought you the mouth.

• 1:07:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:07Conan O'Brien?

  If you like the mouth, you'll love the Weird Guy.

• 1:07:09Speaker 04

  What's Saving Private Ryan?

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  Watch out, here it comes.

• 1:07:13Conan O'Brien?

  It's just true.

• 1:07:14Speaker 02

  It's just true.

• 1:07:14Conan O'Brien?

  They did come, the Americans came.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Close Encounters of the Third Kind?

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  Oh, here, here they come again from outside.

• 1:07:22Conan O'Brien?

  To the third degree.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  To the third degree, yes.

• 1:07:24Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I think you would agree then. I mean, what would your review of this podcast be? You, what would you say? Would you give us five stars?

• 1:07:37Speaker 02

  Yes. Dear Sona and Matt and Conan, I love very much your cast of parts. It is what I listen to during all of my surgeries, elective and otherwise. Please keep up the silent, non-emotional work.

• 1:07:54Conan O'Brien?

  That's a wonderful review.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:07:56Conan O'Brien?

  Flula, thank you for joining us for this segment.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  Hey, thank you for having me for this segment as well. Review the reviewers here on Conan.

• 1:08:03Conan O'Brien?

  Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  Yes, of course.

• 1:08:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes. Well, thank you once again. Flula, you're free to leave and we'll add some sound effects of you leaving.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:08:10Conan O'Brien?

  And this time in wooden clogs?

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  Yes, very German, sure.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought we were doing it.

• 1:08:17Conan O'Brien?

  You did it, nice.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  That was a horse.

• 1:08:19Conan O'Brien?

  It's good, that means I don't have to do any of that.

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  That was a horse.

• 1:08:24Speaker 04

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonum of Sessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:08:44Speaker 04

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brick Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:09:33Speaker 06

  From the original Free Second Opinion studio, here's Hugh Joitz.

• 1:09:38Speaker 07

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• 1:10:02Speaker 08

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. Participate at McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper 7-Up Inc.