Martin Short Live From SiriusXM NY

Martin Short feels duped about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Martin Short joins Conan live from SiriusXM NY to discuss perfecting the eight minutes of dinner conversation needed for a late night spot, wrapping the fifth season of Only Murders In The Building, and the inexorable influence of Don Knotts. Plus, Conan takes audience questions about baby names, staying confident in one’s work, and more. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

  One in four Americans targeted by scams ended up falling for them.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  I did.

• 0:07Conan O'Brien?

  For me, it would be four out of four. Did you fall for a scam?

• 0:09Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam once.

• 0:10Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  They didn't steal much.

• 0:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, still, you got taken for a ride.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  I did.

• 0:15Conan O'Brien?

  And you just put it out there that you're easy to scam.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  I am.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  One accident, a little click, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Thankfully, there's LifeLock. LifeLock has live, US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to full restoration. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. This is a good thing to have in your back pocket, don't you think?

• 0:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I need this.

• 0:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you do need it. You need it fast. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 0:51Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly, I'm a very important person to you.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:54Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:57Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 1:02Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 1:04Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 1:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket, nice jacket.

• 1:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 1:14Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:26Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place, so you can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Let's introduce the man of the hour, Mr. Conan O'Brien.

• 2:00Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, how are ya? Hi, how are ya? Wow. Uh, that woo was sad. No, no, that was too much. You gotta try and get it a little bit in the middle. Um, uh, not there. Let's stop with the woos. Um, this is the smallest crowd I've ever played. But I know there are people... Oh, there you are. Good, hi. Hi. Nice to see you. You're behind glass? This is like they're testing a product, and these are people watching. Uh, I was... Blay, you introduced me. I didn't know I was being introduced. I was as far away from you. There's a hallway outside here at SXM that goes... It's like 150 yards, and I was way down there talking to our guest

• 2:44Conan O'Brien?

  when I heard "Gun on the pan!" So I ran like a madman to get here, and that's why I've had a heart attack. Now, listen. We're gonna have a wonderful, wonderful show. Thank you for being here. How did you all get here, by the way? Love the shirt. Don't wear it in the rain.

• 2:59Conan O'Brien?

  How did you all get here? Did you apply? What happened? Are you contest losers? What happened? Yes?

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Team Coco winner from Instagram.

• 3:07Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, nice, alright. And I know we hid a ticket somewhere. I don't know where that... What happened? So tell me how you found that ticket. I'm just... I did a thing where I said we were gonna hide this ticket outside Macy's. Were you watching?

• 3:20Speaker 04

  Uh, I... Yeah, I saw it about... I saw it about 20 minutes later, and I knew exactly where it was because I work a couple blocks away.

• 3:27Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, so this is the biggest moment of your life?

• 3:31Conan O'Brien?

  This... There will never be anything. You'll have children. You'll probably become president. But this is the biggest moment of your life?

• 3:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's all downhill from here.

• 3:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. Starting right now, you're gonna hate the interview. You're gonna loathe it. I can't talk to these people because they're in the witness protection program behind glass. And I think there are people listening elsewhere, but it's really wonderful to be here at... I call it Sirius XM. It's my little nickname for it. I love coming to New York. I've been having a wonderful time, and I wanna bring out a good friend of mine. He's... Grew up in a cornfield in southern Illinois, and this is his first time in the big city. And I'm not kidding. He got scared when we got into an elevator yesterday. I told him, "Relax, it's a magic room." Uh, let's bring him out here. David Hopping, David!

• 4:19Conan O'Brien?

  David, you are from, tell us where you're from.

• 4:22Speaker 05

  I'm from Carlinville, Illinois, it's near Springfield.

• 4:24Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, and it's a town of like 11 people.

• 4:26Speaker 05

  Uh, like 5,000.

• 4:27Conan O'Brien?

  About 11.

• 4:28Speaker 05

  6,000, yeah.

• 4:29Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 4:30Speaker 02

  You guys can sit in the chairs.

• 4:31Conan O'Brien?

  Why would we sit?

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Well, I'm just saying, it's the intro segment for the podcast.

• 4:35Conan O'Brien?

  Who are you?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  I'm just, I'm saying you could stand also, but you could, there's some nice comfy chairs there.

• 4:40Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you're right, there's some comfortable chairs. Why wouldn't we sit? There's a good sitting energy.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's mics there, yeah.

• 4:45Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, these mics work. Okay, um, it's nice of you to come. David, you've seen, we've been here about three days and you've seen 15 Broadway shows.

• 4:53Speaker 05

  Yes, I've seen three so far, and then I'm seeing one on Saturday.

• 4:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah.

• 4:59Speaker 05

  And, uh, it's great.

• 5:00Conan O'Brien?

  It's a, I mean, when you were growing up in this tiny, tiny town where there's just corn, I mean, corn is every-

• 5:06Speaker 05

  There is a lot of corn.

• 5:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there's a lot of corn, and you didn't have a television, there was no heat, or, and you grew up, uh, you know, you were basically, I think you were a scarecrow for a while. I'm curious, did, and then you come to this city with Conan O'Brien.

• 5:19Speaker 05

  The only time I've ever been to this city is with you.

• 5:21Conan O'Brien?

  And you walk around with me.

• 5:23Speaker 05

  I do.

• 5:24Conan O'Brien?

  And your job is to tell people, "Hey, look, it's Conan O'Brien."

• 5:27Speaker 05

  He's really, he's so needy.

• 5:30Conan O'Brien?

  They don't seem to recognize me. You're very good at that.

• 5:34Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 5:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and you hand out-

• 5:35Speaker 05

  Someone has to do it.

• 5:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you hand out, he hands out my bio explaining it, and they're like, "Oh, The Simpsons, I like that."

• 5:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, scan this QR code.

• 5:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, uh, well, I hope you're having a good time.

• 5:43Speaker 05

  I am.

• 5:43Conan O'Brien?

  Because that's really your job, is to have a good time.

• 5:46Speaker 05

  The last time we were here, we spent Valentine's Day.

• 5:50Speaker 05

  At a really nice restaurant.

• 5:52Conan O'Brien?

  I sent my wife a picture, because we were here for work, and I sent my wife a picture of David and I at a romantic restaurant. And I said, "No, don't be sad, it was a lovely evening." "I got you a rose," remember that?

• 6:04Speaker 05

  You were maybe gonna have a friend visit, so we had like a third place set up, and then finally the waiter just came and slowly just took it away.

• 6:13Conan O'Brien?

  It was tragically sad, but I had a good time.

• 6:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:15Conan O'Brien?

  You're a good friend.

• 6:15Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 6:16Conan O'Brien?

  You're my paid friend. You're an assistant.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 6:17Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, this is fun. It's really fun to be here. There's an energy in New York.

• 6:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's, well, it's, it's terrible.

• 6:23Speaker 05

  I think it makes us better versions of ourselves.

• 6:26Conan O'Brien?

  We are better. Yeah, we were nice. I've been, uh, I've been to a couple of Broadway shows already.

• 6:30Speaker 05

  You have.

• 6:31Conan O'Brien?

  It's been wonderful.

• 6:31Speaker 05

  Your wife's been to a lot, too?

• 6:33Conan O'Brien?

  Anything to get away from me. She goes without me. She brings a handsome guy with her. Well, I think we should probably, should we, what should we do? Should we bring out our guest now? Blay, you're in charge of this.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  You're the boss. If you want to bring out the guest, we got a great guest, so...

• 6:46Conan O'Brien?

  You're holding the mic kinda close to your mouth in a weird way.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  I don't really know how these work.

• 6:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I know.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  I've only seen kind of American Idol where they do...

• 6:52Conan O'Brien?

  Everyone I'm talking to so far is not a professional.

• 6:56Conan O'Brien?

  You ca- you came to Konoco to install air conditioning.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  That's right, yes.

• 6:59Conan O'Brien?

  And then we just gave you a mic and we let you go. And you, I don't even remember how we found you.

• 7:04Speaker 05

  I just walked in one day.

• 7:07Conan O'Brien?

  We have no security at Team Coco.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  I think he's our secu- Damon's our security.

• 7:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm really threatening everybody.

• 7:12Conan O'Brien?

  Very intimidating. Yeah, exactly. You, I think you tell people, "Leave Conan alone or I'll take you to the Broadway show Smash."

• 7:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, I went to see Smash. I had a great time.

• 7:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  Wait, didn't you see two shows last night?

• 7:23Speaker 05

  I did a double feature last night. I saw Oh, Mary and Sunset Boulevard. Ooh, a gasp.

• 7:29Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, Mary's fantastic.

• 7:30Speaker 05

  It was so, it's like hilarious.

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 7:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  Perfection.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  I loved every second.

• 7:34Conan O'Brien?

  Perfection. Well, not every second. There's one second I don't like.

• 7:36Speaker 05

  No, I loved every one.

• 7:37Conan O'Brien?

  We, um, we are blessed. I mean, this is a, I'm gonna introduce our guest who's a mystery. Your legs, there's a wom- there's a woman right here whose legs are going like chat cameras.

• 7:50Speaker 05

  She's excited. She's happy to be here.

• 7:51Conan O'Brien?

  Are you about to pounce? What are you gonna do? You're gonna charge? Anytime!

• 7:56Conan O'Brien?

  Anytime!

• 7:57Speaker 02

  Our security is right here.

• 7:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, no, no, yeah, that's my security.

• 7:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, come on up.

• 8:00Conan O'Brien?

  And if you're free on Valentine's Day, let me know.

• 8:06Speaker 05

  What an interesting thing to say.

• 8:07Conan O'Brien?

  I have, uh, this, I introduce guests and, and sometimes I say, "Oh, I really love this person," and I really don't.

• 8:16Conan O'Brien?

  But this person is one of my favorite people of all time. Has been since I was a young man. He's much older than me. And this card says, "My good friend," he is a good friend, "and a hilarious comedian." And I think, no, that doesn't do it. He's, I believe, the funniest person I've ever met. And I've met everybody. And he's also one of the loveliest people I've ever met. And I am crazily thrilled that he's here with us. My guest today is all those things. And he stars on the hit Hulu series, only Murders in the Building. I'm excited he's here. Marty Short!

• 9:01Speaker 06

  Oh my god!

• 9:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, right?

• 9:03Speaker 06

  Oh, you're not Jay Leno.

• 9:08Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god. Sorry to disappoint, yeah.

• 9:10Speaker 06

  Hi, I'm Martin Short. And I feel duped being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 9:18Conan O'Brien?

  Marty, I have to tell you, this woman right here, she did this. I'm gonna recreate what she just did. She went, "Oh my god!" She's losing it right now. Yeah.

• 9:31Speaker 06

  Oh no, it's just me. Hi, everyone.

• 9:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, these are microphones, Marty. They go a little question.

• 9:36Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. Well, Conan, Diddy, Jeffrey Epstein, O'Brien, it is a thrill to see you.

• 9:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, lovely to...

• 9:45Speaker 06

  I can't believe you, because I would assume you'd be hopping a flight to Washington for the big parade.

• 9:52Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a big fan, you know, I want to be there to support.

• 9:54Speaker 06

  It must have been so weird for you, that whole Elon-Trump fight. It's like, kinda, you're Sophie's Choice. Who do you, who do you pick?

• 10:02Conan O'Brien?

  I love them both!

• 10:03Speaker 06

  They're so good.

• 10:04Conan O'Brien?

  They're wonderful.

• 10:05Speaker 06

  They're so wise.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  I meant everything I said in my interview, in my pre-interview, in my intro, if you will, and...

• 10:12Speaker 06

  You tell me if you'd had a stroke.

• 10:14Conan O'Brien?

  I just had one, right there. Massive stroke. Cerebral event, I like to call it. You, you've just, this gentleman, I first started watching him on SCTV when I was...

• 10:25Conan O'Brien?

  I want to say 14 years old, 15 years old, you and your cohorts. And I thought, oh, I didn't think anything could be this funny. I thought, I thought funny was, and I'd been watching SNL for a couple of years when SCTV, when I saw that for the first time, and I thought, oh, this is an Oppenheimer moment for me. Like, this is a new level of funny, and I still feel that way. And you have said that SCTV, you think, is maybe, despite all of your crazy success, might be the purest reflection of your craft? You think that's it?

• 10:58Speaker 06

  I think it was true, because it was so ideally done. You know, you would write for six weeks with people that you had known and worked with for 10 and 12 and 15 years at that point.

• 11:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. You guys all knew each other.

• 11:13Speaker 06

  I went to university with Eugene Levy and Dave Thomas.

• 11:17Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 11:17Speaker 06

  You know, Andrea Martin is my sister-in-law.

• 11:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 06

  You know, there was a, I knew Catherine Harris when she was 18, I first met her. And so, we all loved each other. You would write for six weeks, you would shoot with no audience, so that no one was telling you by, oh, I know you thought that was funny, but we're saying it's not funny. We just went with our instinct of what was funny. And because we were on so late, and we were never that big a hit, NBC really didn't care about us, so we were on it, so we didn't have any...

• 11:46Conan O'Brien?

  Then there, done that, yeah.

• 11:53Conan O'Brien?

  But no, I know the feeling.

• 11:55Speaker 06

  Well, and I set you up for that.

• 11:57Conan O'Brien?

  I know the feeling, yeah. Oh, and that was all you, okay. Look at how he did, he took credit, but beautiful. I, I know what you're talking about, when, when, the essence, to me, of the best comedy is when you're making yourself and your friends happy, and then other people pick up on that, and your attitude is, look, this is what we're giving you, this is what we believe in. And then, my brothers and I are watching in Miss Kwamaka, Rhode Island, at our grandfather's house, on a TV that's picking up a weird station in Buffalo, off Buffalo, and we're getting it in Rhode Island, and we're religious converts to what you guys are doing, because... Just so many fantastic characters and then jokes that were there for people that were paying attention.

• 12:42Conan O'Brien?

  And I think now it was like comedy for the internet years and years before the internet. Because you're putting a little Easter egg in there and you guys are saying, hey, if you get this, fantastic. If you don't, you don't.

• 12:54Speaker 06

  Oh, and also there were, I mean, and I can speak objectively about SCTV because I joined it late. So, I mean, they had already won Emmys by the time I joined. So when I'd see Rick Moranis do a VJ when no such thing existed.

• 13:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:10Speaker 06

  Or comment that Michael McDonald seemed to be on every album. So you see him running from studio to studio doing, "Minima, minima," and running out of the studio. I think this is the level, who makes these observations that I might have thought about in the best moments of my day, you know? So, um, listen, I, it was just an honor and thrill, but it was, I remember one point I was doing a piece called The Nutty Lab Assistant. And the premise was that Ed Grimley, uh, took a potion and became John Cougar Mellencamp. That was, but anyway, so now we're-

• 13:46Conan O'Brien?

  That old bit.

• 13:47Speaker 06

  That old bit. So now we're on stage and I'm Grimley and, and John Cougar then, he didn't have the Mellencamp, was getting ready to replace me as I transitioned. And I saw Andrea and John Candy and Catherine, who were playing just people in the audience, laughing and laughing. And I thought, look at these people. They love each other, they've been friends, they've done Second City Stage, they know each other so well, and look where we are. And that was 1982, you know?

• 14:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 14:15Speaker 06

  And it continues.

• 14:16Conan O'Brien?

  I was such a fan that when I was in college, I invited John Candy, it was just after, not long after Splash, to come visit the Lampoon, which is where I really got my start. Come see, uh, and, and meet everybody and go to a dinner and, and we did an event that he would be the guest at. And I spent a day with him, which is, was a wonderful time in my life.

• 14:39Speaker 06

  Yeah. That was his real life.

• 14:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. And then years later, I bump into a woman, she said, I'm John Candy's daughter. And I said, oh, hi. And she said, I have a picture you might want. And she had a picture that John took of me. I'm the sweetest little girl you ever saw. Um, wearing my little, I put on a special jacket because I'm gonna meet John Candy at the airport.

• 15:01Speaker 06

  And you had the Buster Brown haircut back then, right?

• 15:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I'm dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl. And I, uh, I just, I, he took a picture of me and I thought, I, I don't know. It's so funny that I don't have a picture with John. I have a picture he took of me, but he was everything I wanted him to be. And that's something-

• 15:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, that, that was his genius, that he was everything you wanted him to be. And that's why when you see, especially planes, trains and automobiles, it, he just breaks your heart because he was such a brilliant actor. But he was so funny and so sweet.

• 15:34Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I will also credit, I'll say this about Mr. Martin Short, that when I'm, so I grew up idolizing this guy. And then I, um, I've noticed that over the years, we've become friends, which has been just one of the greatest gifts of my life. He's Marty Short 24/7. And it's awful.

• 15:57Speaker 06

  Gee, that sounds kinda desperate, actually, when you put it that way.

• 16:00Conan O'Brien?

  It's awful. It's terrible. He's doing Grimly and I'm like, "Sit down."

• 16:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:04Conan O'Brien?

  "We're at a funeral."

• 16:06Speaker 06

  I was just about to say, "This is my dad's funeral."

• 16:10Conan O'Brien?

  But no, you, um, you came in and you're just, uh, you're, and, and always, uh, you're one of my, I'm gonna say maybe my favorite insult comic. Your insults are so-

• 16:22Speaker 06

  Oh, no, it's done with love.

• 16:24Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it really isn't.

• 16:24Speaker 06

  No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, look. When I say you look like a six foot, five inch creamsicle, I mean that.

• 16:33Speaker 06

  Because you're pale, let's face it. I mean, if you had a pimple right in your middle of your forehead, you'd look like the Japanese flag.

• 16:42Speaker 06

  You're like, if Iceland had a face.

• 16:45Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 16:46Speaker 06

  Okay, I know.

• 16:47Conan O'Brien?

  Are we good now?

• 16:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, we're done.

• 16:49Conan O'Brien?

  Are these written on your hand?

• 16:50Speaker 06

  I had to get out of there. You know, I didn't run this morning, so.

• 16:53Conan O'Brien?

  The biggest mistake I've made in my career was on...

• 16:56Speaker 06

  Oh, I can think of some.

• 16:57Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Let's take it easy there. Down, down.

• 17:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:03Conan O'Brien?

  Was one of my final late-night shows and I'll be doing it at a theater in Los Angeles a couple of years ago, I think three years ago, and I'm coming to rehearsal, it's a brutally hot day, and so I never wear shorts, but I thought, oh, I'll just wear shorts to rehearsal. What does it matter? So I'm wearing shorts.

• 17:22Speaker 06

  What does it matter?

• 17:22Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it doesn't matter, I'm just there with whoever's the guest and da-da-da-da, and we'll just be at rehearsal and whatever we're gonna do, and I'm driving in and my mind starts to go, who is the guest today? And then I realize it's Martin Short, and I... Oh, fuck.

• 17:40Speaker 06

  Well, I mean, you walked in, it was like, I thought, first I thought I was looking at two rolls of paper towels. And they were your legs.

• 17:48Conan O'Brien?

  Well, this is what I go, no, no, and I'm thinking, should I try and stop and buy pants? It's too late, I get there, Marty comes in and, like a laser beam, the first thing he does is he does maybe 10 minutes that's devastatingly hilarious about my legs, I didn't know, you know, beef jerky came as spam, you know?

• 18:17Conan O'Brien?

  I just made that one up, but anyway, just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, and my writers were crying because they love it, they never get to see anyone really, and Martin Short comes in and it was the best treat for everybody.

• 18:33Speaker 06

  Well, that is the joy, when the boss is ripped to shreds.

• 18:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 18:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:37Conan O'Brien?

  And when the boss has hideous legs.

• 18:39Speaker 06

  No, those were not, they weren't Betty Grable gams, as we used to say in the 40s.

• 18:44Conan O'Brien?

  You know a reference the kids will love.

• 18:46Speaker 06

  Thank you. Thank you so much.

• 18:49Conan O'Brien?

  This is being filmed in black and white.

• 18:53Conan O'Brien?

  You had a great honor, which is you were inducted not long ago into the Five Timers Club at Saturday Night Live.

• 19:01Speaker 06

  Great honor.

• 19:03Conan O'Brien?

  And I, I've done one Saturday Night Live and then Lauren said, "Okay, we saw how that goes." But that is a, I was in the first Five Timers Club. I was the guy who opened the door. And I have one of the first lines on the first Five Timers Club where they induct Tom Hanks. And I remembered, all I had to do was say, "Hello, Mr. Hanks," and I think he says, "Hello, Sean." And then, and I'm wearing a blue blazer and all I have to do is take a smoking jacket off of a hook, help him off with his jacket and put the smoking jacket on. That's all I have to do. I'm very young. It's Saturday Night Live.

• 19:40Speaker 06

  Oh, you're not on TV yet.

• 19:41Conan O'Brien?

  No, no.

• 19:42Speaker 06

  No.

• 19:42Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a writer on SNL and Jim Downey said, "Have Conan do that," because he thought I was a funny lad. And I, I'm there, audience, live television, and knock, knock, knock. I open the door and I go, "Hello, Mr. Hanks," because I'm in my head saying, "Hello, Mr. Hanks. Hello, Mr. Hanks. Hello, Mr. Hanks." He comes in, he goes, "Hello, Sean," and I help him off with his jacket and then I go to get the robe and I'm putting the sleeve on wrong. And I've looked at it subsequently and it's a second. It was 30 minutes to me. It was, I couldn't get his, his arm through and it was horrifying and it was, it was my...

• 20:23Speaker 06

  Well, you know, the same thing happened when Jimmy Fallon was trying to put the coat on me and he couldn't get it. They finally just draped it.

• 20:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but he really fucked that up.

• 20:32Conan O'Brien?

  Just inept. Um, yeah, well, what are you gonna do?

• 20:35Speaker 06

  I know, it's, it's true.

• 20:37Conan O'Brien?

  But, uh...

• 20:38Speaker 06

  He's on NBC.

• 20:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, he is.

• 20:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:41Speaker 06

  His show lasted.

• 20:42Conan O'Brien?

  They kept him.

• 20:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:45Conan O'Brien?

  They said like, they were like, "This guy is good."

• 20:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:48Conan O'Brien?

  Um...

• 20:48Speaker 06

  Anyway.

• 20:49Conan O'Brien?

  Let's not dwell on that.

• 20:50Speaker 06

  No, no, no. That's a long time ago.

• 20:52Conan O'Brien?

  Or dwell on it a little more.

• 20:54Speaker 06

  Well, as I said, just in the dressing room, at least you hold no binner distorted, so that's good.

• 21:00Conan O'Brien?

  I really don't, actually. I-

• 21:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, no, you let everything go. Yeah, that's one thing about you, you let defeats go. Go ahead.

• 21:07Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, no, in my own way, it was a wonderful thing. Uh... We're gonna edit that out. No one snorts at me on my show. Uh, we have to talk about Only Mirrors in the Building-

• 21:19Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 21:20Conan O'Brien?

  Because it is a phenomenon, and one of the things that's been lovely to see is, first of all, massive hit, and second, it's so nice that it's come so late in your life.

• 21:34Conan O'Brien?

  You've got, well, you've got like a year or two tops left.

• 21:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:38Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I've talked to your doctor, and, um, but no, it is such a phenomenon and-

• 21:44Speaker 06

  Now, what if I, just in my sleep tonight, pass away? What do you do with the- Do you leave jokes in?

• 21:51Conan O'Brien?

  Conan can predict the future. That is a huge win for me.

• 21:55Speaker 06

  That, I guess that's true.

• 21:56Conan O'Brien?

  You've gotta check out Conan, Marty's last interview where Conan predicts.

• 21:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:00Conan O'Brien?

  It's fantastic.

• 22:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're like the new Nostradamus.

• 22:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 22:04Speaker 06

  Or Moe.

• 22:04Conan O'Brien?

  Nostradamus.

• 22:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:06Conan O'Brien?

  We can edit that. No, I'm gonna keep that in. All my laughs will stay in, yours will go. Uh, I do the edits myself.

• 22:15Speaker 06

  And hopefully you do the sweetening, because I've heard your laughs.

• 22:18Conan O'Brien?

  We put crickets in on you, and huge laughs from the 1950s on me.

• 22:23Speaker 06

  No, no, no, before I came on, I said to your producer, I thought they had an audience, but I was hearing nothing.

• 22:32Conan O'Brien?

  I, um, no, I, it's a fantastic show. You get to work with your partner, Steve Martin. You guys are so fantastic together.

• 22:42Speaker 06

  Oh, thank you.

• 22:43Conan O'Brien?

  And the idea-

• 22:44Speaker 06

  I love Steve.

• 22:44Conan O'Brien?

  The other, well, you say that now. Um, at dinner tonight, it'll be a different story after a few drinks, but, um-

• 22:51Speaker 06

  You know what really annoys me about him? Is it's about him all the time. Selena Gomez, of course, just fantastic.

• 23:01Conan O'Brien?

  Mr. Short, we closed a long time ago. Um, they- They're literally putting your chair on top of the table. Uh, but there's this old, it used to be a classic form in television was the double act, the two-hander, and then I think it kinda went away and you guys brought it back. And to watch you two, as funny as you are separately, to watch you two work together and switch off. When you guys hosted SNL together, I contacted you right afterwards and I said, "That is the best SNL monologue I think I've ever seen."

• 23:40Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 23:40Conan O'Brien?

  It was absolute comedy masterclass. I think you two were reading, you have an amazing bit where you say, you know-

• 23:49Speaker 06

  We do each other's eulogies.

• 23:51Conan O'Brien?

  We do each other's eulogies and I think, is it your line or Steve's, which is, wow, I thought there'd be more people here.

• 23:56Speaker 06

  That was Steve's.

• 23:57Conan O'Brien?

  That's Steve's to you and it is, first of all-

• 24:01Speaker 06

  Mine is, there's so many wonderful things I could say about Steve Martin, but this hardly seems the time nor the place.

• 24:12Conan O'Brien?

  But watching you guys and you were, uh, I, one of the big thrills of my life was you once asked me to do a guest hosting thing at your live show and I'm calling my brothers, saying I'm going to Las Vegas to be onstage at Caesar's Palace with Steve Martin and, you know-

• 24:33Speaker 06

  Martin Short.

• 24:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, thank you. And, um, and they, I mean, that's what it means to me. And, uh, but I got to sit in at rehearsal and watch you two work together. And that was like, everyone should see that because I don't know anyone who, the two people who prepare more than anybody in the business are Steve Martin and Marty Short. Over the years, you did my show, I think 25 times, 23 are okay. And then there's two that were really, uh, fun, really good. But no, you were on 25 times and every time he did it, you were, you would keep calling back, saying, "Producer, okay, is, send me the latest draft, working, working, working." And then you would come out and it's a Swiss watch and a lot of young people ask me,

• 25:18Conan O'Brien?

  you know, um, "How can I avoid what you did?" But, no, they, they, a lot of young people ask me, "What do I do?" And I say, "If you work hard and you really prepare," I mean, that's part of it. Clearly, you're crazy, crazy, off-the-charts talented, but preparation-

• 25:33Speaker 06

  Well, I think the whole approach that I've always done in, in every element of show business is prepare so much that no matter what happens, you can go home that night and toast yourself with a glass of champagne and say, "I did everything I could. I can't help it if Conan's a stiff."

• 25:52Speaker 06

  But even, even when you're, so what I do is I over-prepare and then I go out kind of gunning for bear, knowing, you know, I've done everything I can do. Truthfully, the host might be off, you might pick up, the audience might be, but there's nothing more you could have done.

• 26:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 26:10Speaker 06

  And I even do that in movies. Sometimes you're doing a movie and you realize the director is not that great. And so what I do is I make the crew and the cast love me. So that everyone loves me and then I can go up to the director and say, "Oh, can I have a freedom take? Can I have one more take?" And, "Should we give Marty a freedom take?" And they all love Marty, so yes. And then I can do it faster and slower and improvise. And then I can go home and say, "That moron will pick the wrong take."

• 26:41Speaker 06

  But I did everything I can.

• 26:44Conan O'Brien?

  This toasting yourself at night with alcohol is sad.

• 26:47Speaker 06

  Yeah. Well, I, I don't think the first couple are sad.

• 26:52Speaker 06

  I think when it gets into, "Uh, spillage here," you know, and no one's there, you know.

• 27:05Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 27:08Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 27:23Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 27:36Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Hello!

• 27:56Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 28:31Conan O'Brien?

  We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Are you gonna do a bit?

• 28:38Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.

• 28:43Conan O'Brien?

  We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect t-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?

• 28:52Speaker 01

  What?

• 28:53Conan O'Brien?

  Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.

• 28:58Conan O'Brien?

  No, a co- coincidence.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Oh, no!

• 29:03Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I get the big money.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  I gotta go.

• 29:05Conan O'Brien?

  Got to very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are timeless, thoughtful, crafted, and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're using some Quince.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder, so I got a featherless quilted jacket in Atlas Navy, and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy.

• 29:34Conan O'Brien?

  You look like a different guy, because you're well dressed.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 29:37Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time.

• 29:40Speaker 02

  That's true. He's right. That's true.

• 29:41Conan O'Brien?

  No, they really do great stuff. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  All right.

• 29:54Conan O'Brien?

  And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, "By the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend."

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Oh, I didn't really ask.

• 30:05Conan O'Brien?

  I just want you to know. It's the best way to support the show.

• 30:15Conan O'Brien?

  Earth can be a lot. There's gravity. There's mosquitoes.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:18Conan O'Brien?

  And a sun that will gulf us in about 5 billion years, give or take.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 30:22Conan O'Brien?

  It is going to eventually incinerate us, the sun, but we've got 5 billion years.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Okay, that's time.

• 30:26Conan O'Brien?

  Cosmically speaking, you're under break, so escape to Pluto TV.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  That's where this was going.

• 30:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yep. I knew the second I saw, the minute I saw the sun exploding and incinerating us, I knew this was going to Pluto TV. Turn off your earthly problems and turn on the movies and shows you already love. From Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, to Dirty Dancing, from Alias to The X-Files, no subscription, no fees, $0.00. When that sun's pulsating and burning you up, you've got the best thing on TV. And the best things on TV are free. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 31:05Conan O'Brien?

  You've always left nothing to chance. And you're thinking about it. You know, your early Letterman appearances, your Carson appearances. I remember just how funny you were. And people who don't know think, well, it's Martin Short, so that's what happens. No, I mean, you, it's important that people know. There's a whole architecture and a lot of work that goes into it beforehand.

• 31:27Speaker 06

  Well, it is a weird thing. I remember the first time I did an important American talk show was Dave Letterman in 82. And I remember thinking, okay, how do I do, what do I do here? And I thought, oh, I know what it is. You have to be on. You have to be like a charming person at a dinner party. But it's got to be eight minutes of your best dinner party moment. But you don't have the hour and a half to ramp up to that eight minutes. So you have to figure out what those eight minutes would be. Dave was always funny because sometimes, like one time I went on and he said, "Tell the Tony Randall story." And I said, "Dave, I was on seven weeks ago and I told the Tony Randall story." "No one cares, no one's watching," he said.

• 32:12Speaker 06

  But, so sometimes you would find you would hit some of them. But at least you went out knowing, okay, I can relax because I'm prepared.

• 32:19Conan O'Brien?

  Also, when you prepare like that, you're available to play in the moment.

• 32:25Speaker 06

  Absolutely, you're confident.

• 32:26Conan O'Brien?

  I always think if I want to prepare, prepare, prepare, and then get out there. And if I've thrown it all away because I get out there and something happens that I wasn't expecting, that's even better. If you haven't used that stuff.

• 32:40Speaker 06

  Absolutely. I mean, with certain hosts, you know, with you, I had to prepare every second because I knew I wasn't going to get much. But, no, we would, we would, we had great times, you and I. There's a best of of me and Conan, I think, on the internet that is just fantastic.

• 32:57Conan O'Brien?

  There is a mashup, some fan did a mashup of all of Marty's appearances. And you want to see a master at work. This, and it's just, it's mostly insulting me. And it's, it's It's one of my favorite things in the world. And then you told me once that you were on the internet and one of the comments was, "Does Marty reali- does Martin Short realize that Conan's 6'4" and can kick the shit out of him?"

• 33:21Speaker 06

  That's right, yeah. Well, what happens, what happens when you do talk shows and then, you know, I'm not on social media, but I will go to YouTube to find, look at the last appearance just to see, oh, oh, they didn't use that joke. Oh, God, I didn't use that joke. Um, and, but you're seduced by the comments. And there's always, you know, that thing of, oh, he's fun. Oh, I like him. I have been bored by that guy from day one. And then one of them was, you know, Conan, he attacks Conan. If Conan wanted to, he could take him apart.

• 33:53Conan O'Brien?

  Like, oh my, I'm not, you know, that, as if you say these insults to me in efforts, I'm like, "I've got to get Martin Short. He'll pay. He'll pay." Um, only, one of the things about, that's so fun about Only Murders in the Building is you, you don't need them because you've got this amazing nuclear core of you, Steve, uh, and, and, and Selena, and it's just wonderful. But then you have guest stars.

• 34:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:21Conan O'Brien?

  And you can have whoever you want. And you're getting the cream of the crop and it's an honor to-

• 34:27Speaker 06

  At one point I looked over, we were shooting something and there were chairs, you know, we're in a holding area. And I looked and there was Meryl Streep and there was, uh, Chris Hough Waltz. And there was Renee Zellweger. And there was Diane Weest. And I was starting to count the Oscars. And it was two, four, six, eight, nine. You know, it's insane.

• 34:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I have a, um-

• 34:50Speaker 06

  You have an ace.

• 34:51Conan O'Brien?

  I have a cable ace award.

• 34:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:54Conan O'Brien?

  Writers Guild nomination.

• 34:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:57Conan O'Brien?

  But, um, do you have, I mean, you've had everyone on, who's on the wish list for, cause you just wrapped, I believe, season five.

• 35:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's correct. Uh, two days ago.

• 35:07Conan O'Brien?

  Two days ago.

• 35:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:08Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, do you have a wish list for who would come up next? I think, you know, he's from Chicago. I think Pope Leo would be-

• 35:18Speaker 06

  The kind of guy.

• 35:19Conan O'Brien?

  He did a lot of improv at Second City.

• 35:21Speaker 06

  He did a lot of improv at Second City. He was in the touring company with Bonnie Hunt for a couple of years. No, no, no, listen, he's, I think it's, I think it's gonna be a different era.

• 35:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 35:31Speaker 06

  Yeah. Anyway, um, no, I don't, listen, there's so many, I know so many great actors that I would love to work with, but, um, I don't know, wouldn't Ryan Reynolds be great? Wouldn't, you know?

• 35:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 06

  Idola Pino, no, she's gone. But you know what I mean?

• 35:48Conan O'Brien?

  Betty Grable.

• 35:48Speaker 06

  The reference in "Known Her Numbers."

• 35:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 35:50Speaker 06

  She's got gems forever.

• 35:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 35:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, how about those gems? No, I don't know, there's, there's, I'm always amazed, here's what I, the proudest of, I am of "Only Murders," it has a reputation of being the happiest, loosest, most fun set to be on, and a lot of these great legendary names that we have attracted have heard that, and that's one of the reasons they're doing it. So, and I think that's because Steve and Celine and I all share a similarity, that we like to work in happy joy-ness. Because, um, that's your audience, and that's, you're going to work. You know, the, the big mistake people make sometimes in show business is that, you know, I've heard actors say, "Well, I try to create World War III on the set, and out of the ashes comes my performance."

• 36:36Speaker 06

  And what's insane about that is that's assuming that this film or TV show is gonna work.

• 36:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 06

  The only thing that you can have and keep to yourself is the experience of doing it, and that's gotta be the great fun hang to go to work. And if it's not, then quit.

• 36:51Conan O'Brien?

  I think the other thing that might, I would assume, you've had this incredible career before "Only Murders in the Building," but when a hit of this size comes, and you've already experienced success, but it's coming at this stage, it, it, it's coming at a time when you, you have a perspective on, these hits like this don't come along all the time.

• 37:13Speaker 06

  No, no, they're miracles, they're total miracles. But I must admit. It sounds, and I really mean this, that the so, I've done so many things that I've just loved doing, and some of them didn't become popular, and some did kind of, and some did. And I have great love for all those experiences. You know, some of the things that, I mean, I made this film Clifford.

• 37:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 37:39Speaker 06

  And everyone.

• 37:40Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 37:41Speaker 06

  You know, when it came out, Roger Ebert, you know, attacked it on a level that he never attacked anything.

• 37:46Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 37:46Speaker 06

  And, but I loved it, so that. And also. I think the only time when a critic gets you, the worst is when you know it's not good and they've caught ya.

• 37:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 37:54Speaker 06

  You know, that's bad. But when you love something, that experience, it doesn't matter that the film didn't open that weekend once. You just live with it and love it the same way you like Only Murders in the City.

• 38:07Conan O'Brien?

  Also, that endures. I mean, that's the nice thing now is I think, I have a saying, and I've said this to a lot of people, good work is never wasted. And it's, it's one of my religious tenets, is that if you do something that you love, that you think has real value, it will, over time, it will withstand everything.

• 38:30Speaker 06

  Cream rises to the top.

• 38:31Conan O'Brien?

  Cream rises to the top, which is actually chemically not true. Uh, but, uh.

• 38:36Speaker 06

  Sinks like a stone. No, if you leave it out a few days, it will.

• 38:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I forgot that part.

• 38:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:42Conan O'Brien?

  Um, but, uh, I think that's, I mean, that, that's when I think about you, it is, I mean, I was talking to you, I've done this before, but you came in and I was bothering you about your character on Arrested Development, who is thrown by a.

• 38:57Speaker 06

  Uncle Jack.

• 38:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, who's, who's thrown by a strong man to attack people, and that's one of my favorite. You're one of those people where I will, I could, I could. Sit back and think about you and I go like, well, you know, nothing's better than Clifford. Wait, arrest evolvement, wait, that season on SNL, wait, there's this, there's that. And there's just this constellation of incredible work that's all very distinct and different. And that is a gift to everybody. I mean, everybody in comedy, just any fans, everybody.

• 39:30Speaker 06

  I think, but you could say the same thing about Kristen Wiig, about Catherine O'Hara, Andrea Martin. You know, so many people I've worked with, Christopher Guest, Billy Crystal, I've worked with the greatest people.

• 39:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 39:44Speaker 06

  Imaginable.

• 39:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 39:45Speaker 06

  You know, and so when you work with people on that level, it's, it's a tennis game. You've got to, oh, okay. I remember the first day working with Meryl and driving to the studio and thinking, hmm, I'm nervous today. I haven't been kind of nervous going to the set for a long time. I, oh yes, Meryl Streep.

• 40:10Conan O'Brien?

  I think, I forget who it was, if it was you, or maybe it was Tom Hanks told me that they were shooting a scene with Meryl Streep. And they were in a movie with Meryl Streep and at one point they wandered over the set and she was sitting on the couch. And she said, can you run lines with me? And I think it was Tom Hanks said, Meryl Streep has to like go over the lines. He just thought that she was so amazing, this oracle, he was, and he said he was relieved to know that she had to, she was nervous. She was looking.

• 40:40Speaker 06

  Absolutely. So the first thing we shot in Only Murders was a scene where we're at the piano. And we're kind of flirting a little bit and the cameras, the first shot setup is over her to me. So it's pressures on me. And then we break down so that they can reverse the cameras and do her side. And we go into holding area and she just says, okay, nerves to half. And I go, wait a second, that, I was nervous.

• 41:09Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, this is this fallacy that, uh, you were terrified backstage before we did this, terrified.

• 41:16Speaker 06

  I know. Well, I mean, first of all, and I, I know, God, I hate people who criticize other people. But the, your breath was not pristine.

• 41:26Conan O'Brien?

  My breath was not pristine.

• 41:27Speaker 06

  It was like the breath of a cougar, really. Uh, no, no, so I was, no, I, see, I do relax completely with you.

• 41:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and.

• 41:38Speaker 06

  I shouldn't, but I do.

• 41:40Conan O'Brien?

  You shouldn't, but there is a, um, this is different, stakes, you know.

• 41:45Speaker 06

  I remember the first time we had a dinner. With you and Liza.

• 41:50Conan O'Brien?

  Minnelli.

• 41:51Speaker 06

  Minnelli. His wife Liza, and you, she just had a baby. Might have been Nev.

• 41:57Conan O'Brien?

  It was my daughter Nev, yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 06

  And it was 2006, I, I know dates like Rain Man.

• 42:04Conan O'Brien?

  October, October.

• 42:05Speaker 06

  And it was Pa Schaefer.

• 42:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 06

  My wife Nancy.

• 42:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:08Speaker 06

  Me, and you, and I'd done your show, and that was planned, the first time we had dinner, and Liza wasn't gonna come because she just had the baby.

• 42:16Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 42:17Speaker 06

  But she decided to come.

• 42:18Conan O'Brien?

  An hour before.

• 42:20Speaker 06

  She decided to come, and then at one point she said, I don't know if I'm hallucinating this table.

• 42:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 42:25Speaker 06

  Or if it exists.

• 42:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, she was, uh, and I think she was wearing one of one kind of shoe and another of another kind of shoe.

• 42:33Speaker 06

  And that was 2006.

• 42:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 42:35Speaker 06

  I was on Broadway, doing a show.

• 42:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah, you were doing Gypsy, I believe.

• 42:41Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 42:42Conan O'Brien?

  You were Gypsy Rose.

• 42:43Speaker 06

  Why did they do it? I had a dream.

• 42:50Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, no, I mean, I have that feeling still, it's a wonderful thing not to be jaded, and I have a, I have that still, if I, I have it today when I'm getting lots of makeup on to cover my eye vein.

• 43:05Speaker 06

  He had so much makeup, and, and it's frustrating for her because he smiled, a hump fell off. And they had to get spackle in it, yeah.

• 43:14Conan O'Brien?

  But I'm, uh, and then you walk in and I go, oh, it's Marty, and I'm, but seriously, after all this time.

• 43:21Speaker 06

  No, you don't.

• 43:21Conan O'Brien?

  No, I am very in touch with the Conan who was 15, 16, 17, uh, in my twenties, thirties, I'm in touch with that guy.

• 43:32Speaker 06

  Well, I think that's, I think that's very true, I think that it's, who was famous and meant something to you, whether it's sports.

• 43:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 43:40Speaker 06

  When you were 12 and 13.

• 43:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 43:43Speaker 06

  Those are, I remember, you know, after I now was on Saturday Night Live and I was early in the movies and Chris Guest and Jamie Curtis are friends of mine and she was having a birthday for her three-year-old daughter. So this is like, I don't know, 89 or something. And out of the kitchen comes Tony Curtis. And he looks like Tony Curtis.

• 44:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:05Speaker 06

  And my favorite film was Some Like It Hot.

• 44:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, oh my god, yeah.

• 44:08Speaker 06

  And it's Tony, and I, I, I, I, I, it didn't matter, Tom Cruise, it wouldn't have mattered. But who I was, no, I like Tom Cruise, I'm just saying that.

• 44:18Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a different thing, it is.

• 44:20Speaker 06

  It's when I was 12 and 13.

• 44:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 44:22Speaker 06

  Tony Curtis.

• 44:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 06

  You know?

• 44:25Conan O'Brien?

  I used to have that about, we would get A-list movie stars on the show and then occasionally we'd get someone like Don Knotts. Now, I grew up watching Don Knotts. I remembered, one of my earliest memories is my mom would turn on the TV and leave for a couple of weeks and I would watch the Andy Griffith Show.

• 44:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:45Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, Don Knotts is brilliant and then The Incredible Mr. Limpet and all those movies in the 60s. And he came on the show. And that meant the world to me. And it didn't.

• 44:58Speaker 06

  Totally agree.

• 44:59Conan O'Brien?

  It, so that was because I connected to him through the TV screen and that's my situation with you.

• 45:04Speaker 06

  Don Knotts was probably one of the biggest influences of my life because I again loved Andy of Mayberry when I was a kid. Little Ronnie Howard was on it. But what I loved about Don Knotts was the complete commitment to doing a character.

• 45:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 45:20Speaker 06

  And the one thing that I think is the secret to doing any character, whether you're even in a sketch or a movie like Father of the Bride or something, if it looks like you're trying to be funny, it won't be funny.

• 45:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 45:32Speaker 06

  But if you make the audience believe that this person truly exists with all his foibles and insecurities, because this is what life is, you go to the cleaners and, "I couldn't get the tail out, Mr. George." That guy exists, he's not trying to be a character.

• 45:47Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 45:48Speaker 06

  He's a real person.

• 45:50Conan O'Brien?

  I was at the, sitting in the audience on the SNL 50th. You were brilliant, Steve was brilliant, everybody, I thought it was a wonderful show, I loved it. The thing that fascinated me the most was watching Eddie Murphy. Because I don't, I've met Eddie a couple of times, I don't know him well, but I've always, he's so supremely talented. And watching him, uh, he did this Scared Straight sketch. And watching him come out and he's just, he's not in character, he's not in character, he's not in character. He's not in character, and then they go three, two. And I saw him become completely his character. And then he did the same thing on the game show sketch where he becomes Tracy Morgan.

• 46:30Conan O'Brien?

  And then three, two, and I saw him at one, physically become Tracy Morgan with his body.

• 46:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:38Conan O'Brien?

  And I thought, this is extraordinary, the commitment and all my favorite-

• 46:45Speaker 06

  There is a reason he's Eddie Murphy.

• 46:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, but you know, uh, one time when I got to go backstage and say hi to Bruce Springsteen, because my drummer Max Weinberg is also in the E Street Band. He said, "Come back and see Bruce," and I went back to see Bruce Springsteen. And I said, "That was just insane, that was incredible." And he went, "Yeah, you know, I'm still trying if I can get that minute, that part where you do that one song and isn't quite so, if I can just..." And I thought, "What is he talking about?" You know, first get that mouth fixed, um. You gotta push the jaw back, and I keep writing him and he won't write back.

• 47:18Speaker 06

  No.

• 47:19Conan O'Brien?

  But there's, it's a quick-

• 47:20Speaker 06

  Well, it's a night guard he just won't wear, that's all. No, no, it's amazing, I remember Bill Hader told me the story that we were all at, it's 2012, and it was maybe the greatest stage thing I'd ever seen in my life. It was Philip Seymour Hoffman and Andrew Garfield in Death of a Salesman, directed by Mike Nichols. It was 2012, and it was the opening night, you couldn't comprehend, there was so much emotion on that stage. You said, "Well, they can't do it again." So Bill, I was, uh, I had escorted Bernadette Peters that night. And Bernadette's sitting beside me, and Bill Hader leans forward to say something to me and turns and hears- Bernadette say, "How can they do it eight shows a week?

• 48:04Speaker 06

  How is it possible?" And Bill said, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to eavesdrop. I just heard Bernadette Peters question. How do they do it eight shows a week?" I'm just lean back and ignore it. Because she'd only done thirty-five Broadway shows at that point. But it is incredible when you see great artists and they're still, probably Phil Hoppin or Andrew Garfer were thinking, "Oh, I didn't do that moment right."

• 48:28Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 48:29Speaker 06

  And you're seeing something you think is historic.

• 48:31Conan O'Brien?

  What you said about commitment, you have to be a thousand percent committed to the character.

• 48:37Speaker 06

  Right.

• 48:37Conan O'Brien?

  And I really feel that if you had kind of done, you know, people think, "Okay, that applies to if you're playing a fellow, if you're playing in Shakespeare." "Yes, I understand." I'd say, "No, no, no, it's what makes Ed Grimley funny." It's what, no, I'm serious, is that you are that person, you'll, you become that person and it is deadly serious to you, even if you've got the crazy hair and you're, it's, it's...

• 49:04Speaker 06

  But it, it, yeah, because there's another, it's like I look at Jiminy Glick and if I had to sum him up, I would say, "A moron with power."

• 49:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 49:12Speaker 06

  Because there is an assistant, when I order tuna, I do not expect it to not have Dijon mustard. That's a sin! You know, and she's quivering and she screwed up the order. I love that idea.

• 49:25Conan O'Brien?

  The idea that someone gave you a show, you know what I mean? You, someone said he gets a show. He gets to interview people.

• 49:33Speaker 06

  He became powerful, you know? Uh, and, but Ed Grimley, I remember my sister-in-law was coming to California, this is nineteen seventy-nine, I was doing a TV series and they were flying down and she hadn't flown that much, so it was still exciting for her. And she said, "Oh, my God, I, I, I changed outfits three times trying to figure out what I would wear on the plane." And I'd already become jaded enough that I thought, "How adorable to be twenty-eight and still that excited by life." And that became an inspiration to Ed Grimley because, so that Ed in his Ed sketch would be, the phone would be ringing and he'd say, "Oh, the phone is ringing." "Gee, I love the phone, there's always such a sense of mystery." You know?

• 50:14Speaker 06

  And, uh, so, you know, yeah, Glick's thing was he'd reprimand people and I'd had it with you. And you think, who, this guy, that's why if I ever did something with Ed, I mean, with that Jiminy Glick, I would like to do Mr. Glick Goes to Washington. The idea that Glick becomes a congressman from Louisiana.

• 50:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, yeah.

• 50:32Speaker 06

  And he's now in and he's working on defense. I don't know what it means, but I'm going to read books tonight.

• 50:40Conan O'Brien?

  In the current environment, it's not...

• 50:41Speaker 06

  Unless Lucy's on.

• 50:42Conan O'Brien?

  It's not, in the current environment, it's not that far afield.

• 50:45Speaker 06

  No, no, it isn't.

• 50:48Conan O'Brien?

  Cabinet position.

• 50:49Speaker 06

  That's, that's, you can't believe how broad it's gone.

• 50:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:53Speaker 06

  It's broader than any sketch, any character that you could comprehend.

• 50:58Conan O'Brien?

  Right, because the essence of comedy and political comedy is to take something that's, seems a little off, and then skew it and bend it this way, but you can't do that now.

• 51:07Speaker 06

  No, you can't do that.

• 51:07Conan O'Brien?

  Because you opened the New York Times and it's, Jiminy Glick has been named Secretary of the Interior.

• 51:13Speaker 06

  And you'd say, sure.

• 51:14Conan O'Brien?

  And then your job as a comedian is to say, Jiminy Glick, well, that's a, Jesus Christ, I don't know what to do with that.

• 51:21Speaker 06

  Absolutely.

• 51:21Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know what to do with it.

• 51:22Speaker 06

  Absolutely. There's nothing you can do about it.

• 51:24Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I, uh, I'm going to let you go into the wild. You're a man who's much in demand. Uh, I won't let you go until I tell you that, uh, if my career ends today, I will look at a camera that's not there and say, I don't care. I know, Martin Short, uh, I love you to death, you're the funniest person I know, and I'm just delighted for you. Really, seriously.

• 51:47Speaker 06

  Wow, that is right back at you. And we're gonna have dinner tonight.

• 51:50Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't think so.

• 51:51Speaker 06

  Yeah. And I think, given the fact that I, as, as, as you people like to say, schlep here, um, all the way here, um, I think you have to pay for dinner, just to see what it's like. You know, Conan, Conan, no, no, Conan is notorious for never picking up a check.

• 52:14Conan O'Brien?

  Aye.

• 52:14Speaker 06

  In fact, people think he has an impediment in his reach.

• 52:18Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you very much.

• 52:19Speaker 06

  Thank you. Good to try the beef.

• 52:21Conan O'Brien?

  I don't have a wallet. Um, okay, seasons one through four of Only Murders in the Building are available to stream on Hulu, with season five coming soon. Marty Short, uh, go with God, go with peace.

• 52:36Speaker 06

  God love you, Conan. Thank you so much.

• 52:38Conan O'Brien?

  Martin Short!

• 52:46Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 52:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 52:49Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 53:03Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 53:16Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Hello!

• 53:36Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation technology and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 54:11Conan O'Brien?

  Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first but didn't live up to the hype?

• 54:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, like all the time.

• 54:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I did that with an all-potato restaurant.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 54:22Conan O'Brien?

  Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great, like impressions, but then they don't see revenue. You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Son?

• 54:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, all the time.

• 54:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, LinkedIn has a word for that: bull spend.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  Bull spend.

• 54:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, instead, you can get the highest ROAS of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads. Cut the bull spend. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com/Conan. Terms apply.

• 54:56Conan O'Brien?

  Earth can be a lot. There's gravity, there's mosquitoes.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:00Conan O'Brien?

  And a sun that will gulf us in about five billion years, give or take.

• 55:03Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 55:04Conan O'Brien?

  It is going to eventually incinerate us, the sun, but we've got five billion years.

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Okay, that's time.

• 55:08Conan O'Brien?

  Cosmically speaking, you're under break, so escape to Pluto TV.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  That's where this was going.

• 55:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, I knew the second I saw, the minute I saw the sun exploding and incinerating us, I knew this was going to Pluto TV. Turn off your earthly problems and turn on the movies and shows you already love. From Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy to Dirty Dancing, from Alias to The X-Files, no subscription, no fees, zero dollars. When that sun's pulsating and burning you up, you've got the best thing on TV. And the best things on TV are free. Escape to Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.

• 55:47Conan O'Brien?

  What happens now?

• 55:47Speaker 05

  Ready for the next thing?

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Now, we are gonna take some questions from you, the crowd. Who's ready for some questions?

• 55:57Speaker 02

  And Conan, you could sit, you could stand if you want.

• 55:59Conan O'Brien?

  Leave me alone. I was standing and you told me to sit, now I'm sitting and you tell me to stand?

• 56:03Speaker 02

  I trust.

• 56:03Conan O'Brien?

  I'll sit right here, it's very comfortable, we're all just pals hanging out.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Fantastic, so whoever has a question, raise your hand and Hopping will come, uh, come get you and ask you. Oh, my goodness, okay.

• 56:12Speaker 03

  Hey, my name is Ally.

• 56:14Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, Ally, how are you?

• 56:15Speaker 03

  I'm great.

• 56:15Conan O'Brien?

  Nice to see you today.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  Nice to see you too. So, um, I actually went through Team Coco on IG. That is why I'm here, so thank you. Um, I just wanted to let you know that for my 17th birthday in 2003, you hosted my birthday party.

• 56:29Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 56:30Speaker 03

  I know, because me and this beautiful angel.

• 56:32Conan O'Brien?

  Where did you get $500,000?

• 56:34Speaker 03

  Well, that, we'll talk about that later, I can help you with that.

• 56:37Conan O'Brien?

  No, but, no, I'm really curious, what happened?

• 56:39Speaker 03

  So, my best friend, this is my best friend Jasmine and I, uh, got on a train from Long Island and went to a taping of The Late Night for my 17th birthday.

• 56:48Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 56:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was March 2003, it was, uh, Colin Quinn, The Donnas, and Adrian Brody. So, we, there were-

• 56:55Conan O'Brien?

  Was he still, he was starting his Oscar speech then?

• 56:57Speaker 03

  Yes, he was starting, he was, he was brewing it.

• 57:00Conan O'Brien?

  And then we saw him finish it-

• 57:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 57:02Conan O'Brien?

  Twenty years later, yeah.

• 57:03Speaker 03

  Because it was actually funny. When you were talking about people when you were a teenager who just sit with you and stay with you. And you are one of those for me, so thank you.

• 57:11Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's nice. Thank you.

• 57:12Speaker 03

  But I just wanted to let you know that, you know, we were teenagers. We were little scallywags and we might have brought some alcohol and marijuana into your studio.

• 57:22Conan O'Brien?

  I remember that was a very good crowd.

• 57:23Speaker 03

  We were, so I just-

• 57:25Conan O'Brien?

  Adrian Brody was getting laughs that he's never gotten since.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  That was us. That was a bunch of-

• 57:29Conan O'Brien?

  So wait, how did you sneak it into NBC?

• 57:31Speaker 03

  We put it in our backpacks and we-

• 57:33Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, really good security.

• 57:35Speaker 03

  Amazing.

• 57:35Conan O'Brien?

  What's in your backpack? Don't mind. Okay.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  It was like, we had like 40s of Old English.

• 57:41Conan O'Brien?

  And no Paige said anything? I'm sorry, go ahead.

• 57:44Speaker 03

  I had a backpack with only a bottle of vodka in it. Yes.

• 57:47Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, you weren't just taking, you didn't just, you took like a full functioning bar with you?

• 57:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, pretty much. We came out from, we're from Eastern Long Island.

• 57:56Conan O'Brien?

  That doesn't explain everything.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  But we had an hour and a half on the Long Island Railroad.

• 58:00Conan O'Brien?

  You murdered? I'm from Long Island!

• 58:01Speaker 03

  I'm from Long Island. But I just really wanted to let you know. And then we also had like, like an ounce of weed with us. We had a lot.

• 58:09Conan O'Brien?

  So you were smoking?

• 58:10Speaker 03

  We were, we, no, no, no. We smoked a blunt outside of Rockefeller Center, in the middle of Rockefeller Center.

• 58:16Conan O'Brien?

  So you don't remember, I don't even think you went to my show.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  We did. We did because you ran, you ran past me and your hair was just blowing in the wind.

• 58:25Conan O'Brien?

  There's no wind inside.

• 58:27Speaker 03

  Well, you made it. It was, there were fans.

• 58:30Conan O'Brien?

  You were nowhere near my show.

• 58:32Speaker 03

  I was. So I just wanted to say-

• 58:34Conan O'Brien?

  You were watching Live with Regis.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  So I wanted to let you know, thank you for a very wonderful 17th birthday party.

• 58:42Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'll tell you this, your first name again is?

• 58:44Speaker 03

  Ally.

• 58:44Conan O'Brien?

  Ally. It, it does have a lot of meaning to me. I bump into people on the street and they'll tell me, "I was here when you did this or that." I really do feel like I'm seeing an old friend, so, thank you. And, you know, there were years early in my career, you know, there's a lot of people who get very negative about aging and we have such a youth-centered culture and it's, you know, it's worldwide. But I've enjoyed getting old. Older because I'm very happy about my life. And you know, I'm very in touch with, as I was talking to Marty, I'm very in touch with. When I was younger and so worried about is the show gonna make it? Am I gonna make it? What's gonna happen to me? Is this gonna be okay?

• 59:29Conan O'Brien?

  Or is anyone watching this? So when I'm bump into people who are watching way back when. Uh, it's really meaningful to me. So, thank you.

• 59:38Speaker 03

  You have been such a part of, and I'm gonna speak for her. You've been a part of our lives for 25 years. I'm, you know, so thank you.

• 59:45Conan O'Brien?

  I was on for 33, so.

• 59:48Conan O'Brien?

  I can always find the negative. I can find the negative so fast. Yeah, I own the absolute worst. You know, uh, yeah.

• 59:55Speaker 05

  All right, we're gonna do one more in here, then we're going out.

• 59:57Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wait, you, you, oh, yeah, she's gotta get one too.

• 59:59Speaker 05

  Two more in here.

• 1:00:00Conan O'Brien?

  What is, what, oh, suddenly we don't have time? This is my favorite part. I don't like Marty, go ahead. My name, my name is Maya. And I actually watched the very first episode in 93 that came out. I used to cut school as well from Brooklyn. And we used, me and my friends used to come in and watch. It was always Bob Costas for some reason. Those were the episodes. 93 is all Bob Costas and Al Roker. And it was like Bob Costas Monday, Al Roker Tuesday, Bob Costas Wednesday, yeah. There was like a Fred Savage in there somewhere, you know, just like the A-listers. But, um, you, and actually I've waited almost 18 years to say this. My daughter is named Nev because of the episode when you came back and you had your daughter Nev.

• 1:00:43Conan O'Brien?

  And they, they were, uh, I think Andy at the time was like, oh, what did you name your daughter? And you said Nev. And I remember watching, I go, what a gorgeous name. And my daughter is 2007 and her name is Nev. And every time, yeah, and so you've, I'm, I'm shaking right now because you have been my, my comedy, like legend. And I've waited 32.

• 1:01:07Conan O'Brien?

  Two years to meet you, so. Well, I am, uh, listen, I'm getting a hug before I go. I know HR will intervene, but, um, but I, I will tell you that, uh, it's so funny because when I named my daughter, when Liza and I came up with the name Nev, we were thinking of names and we came up with the name Nev. We were really thinking of, there's a, the Irish name Neve. And the only problem is that Neve, the Irish spell it because they love to do this. The Irish are such ornery bastards. They love, they'll be like, it's Neve, how's it spelled? N-I-A-M-F-K. Like, they'll just throw stuff in and, and there's this theory that they were doing it just to fuck with the British. You know, like, those bastards will, will, will throw consonants and vowels in there they've never heard of.

• 1:01:52Conan O'Brien?

  And so, um, we just thought, no, Nev, and so N-E-V-E is so clean. And then so many people were like, oh, after Neve Campbell. And I'm like, no, but I love Neve Campbell, she's great. But we were trying to do that Neve thing, but we wanted it to be Nev. And, um, yeah, we were, my wife and I are here in New York to do, uh, she's got things to do and I'm doing some stuff for Sirius XM. And we've been waiting because my daughter finished, uh, her junior year of college and she's been, uh, abroad studying since then. And so I haven't seen her in a long time and she came to New York last night. And I went down and waited on the street for her car to pull up. And she came out and I just, my wife and I were, we've got our Nev back.

• 1:02:36Conan O'Brien?

  And that's how it is, you know, it's no different than when I first met her. When she was born, way back when, and I'm sure it's the same with you. When they're under your roof, you're so happy. And the only thing better is money and real estate.

• 1:02:52Conan O'Brien?

  And cocaine. That's a lovely story. Thanks for saying that. One more, let's do one more and stop shutting down the love, Blay. Every, what an asshole. Hello.

• 1:03:00Speaker 07

  Hello. So my name is Billy and I used to work at NBC and I was there when you first got your late night show. And it was 1993 and they had a cocktail party on the top floor of 30 Rock. And you walked out and I was in sales. I was like, you know, and I met you and everyone in the room, because you were a writer before that. So everyone in the room goes, he is the next big thing. And we were all like, and you were just so gracious to everyone and everyone loved you. And I have a question. So I actually have a question. My question is, you started your career as a writer and you were on The Simpsons and SNL and did you ever, when you first were starting, think of yourself to be in front of the camera or has it just happened?

• 1:03:41Conan O'Brien?

  I did, I did think about it, but I didn't, I knew it had to be the right way. I knew what I wasn't. I knew I was not a stand-up. I knew that I had something to offer, but I didn't know where it fit into the firmament and I really didn't. I worked at SNL and I never once looked at any of those cast members and thought, Dana Kirby, I could do that. And then insane events took place that could not have been thought of, where suddenly there's this seismic shift in late night and this is nowadays, they'd never have picked me, ever, ever. They would have said, okay, you know, the world is filled with hilarious people who've been making things on YouTube for years and there's so many possibilities.

• 1:04:24Conan O'Brien?

  Back then it was, oh no, who will host the show if Dave's not hosting it? We need to turn to an expert and they turned to Lorne Michaels. And then the whole thing started and Lorne looked around, but he kept, you know, and then lo and behold, I, I get a chance, which I was not ready for, but my lesson to everybody is when your, when your moment comes, you may not be ready, but you have to take it and then figure it out on the way. And my analogy is a boat, a steel boat is leaving the port and it's leaving, leaving, leaving and you know you have to be on that boat, leap. Now, there's a good chance when I landed on that boat, I hit my chest against the edge

• 1:05:06Conan O'Brien?

  of the boat, hit my jaw, fell in the water, almost drowned, grabbed a rope, dragged along, looked like an idiot, pulled myself up, bleeding, blah, blah, blah, but I got on the boat. And it wasn't pretty and I wasn't ready and I did think seriously back then about, well, maybe I should wait till the next late night slot opens up for a complete unknown. And something in me said, you're an idiot.

• 1:05:32Speaker 07

  Well, we're glad you took that leap.

• 1:05:33Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm delighted I took that leap. And I say often, I still can't believe, honestly, I was talking to Marty about being cynical. I cannot believe that that happened. I still wake up some mornings and go, wait a minute, what? I'm at The Simpsons? I'm a writer in a dark room and then that happened? And it worked? Not right away, but it worked? That's crazy. It is crazy. So, I, you never know when your thing is gonna come along. It won't come when you want it. It won't look the way you thought it was going to look. But I think that's true for all of us in different ways.

• 1:06:12Conan O'Brien?

  So, I'm crazily lucky to be here and crazily lucky to have all of you caring at all about what I do. So, thank you for being a part of this. You, I want you to relax. What's your name? Rachel, how you doing? Oh, you're awesome. That's another hug. If, if, you know, listen, I need to sign forms first before I hug anybody. But, you, I'm so lucky to have you in my life too. All right? You get that? You get it? All right.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  We have hopping outside the Fishbowl. Do you want to take a question from out here?

• 1:06:46Conan O'Brien?

  I love that. I told David you're banned from the studio and he chooses out. Yes, let's get someone from outside the Fishbowl. David, do something. Yes?

• 1:06:54Speaker 06

  Hello, my name is AJ. I'm from the Lower East Side, so...

• 1:06:58Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, how you doing AJ?

• 1:06:59Speaker 06

  Pretty good, pretty good, having a good time.

• 1:07:01Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, you seem thrilled.

• 1:07:03Speaker 06

  Very, extremely.

• 1:07:04Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? The Fishbowl blocks out 80% of the enthusiasm.

• 1:07:08Speaker 06

  I promise, I just didn't have a long night last night. But, we're here.

• 1:07:12Conan O'Brien?

  Well, now I want to know about this long night.

• 1:07:14Speaker 06

  Oh, it was, we could talk about it later, don't worry. I don't need a hug.

• 1:07:17Conan O'Brien?

  I think you've been hanging out with these ladies.

• 1:07:19Speaker 06

  Could have been, we could have been in the same spot, you never know. But, so, my question, it kind of builds off what you were just...

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  Talking about um a bit where I'm around the age where you would have got your first uh late night show.

• 1:07:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  And I work in music. I don't make music. I do like uh social media work and like event curation and stuff like that. And I've got to have like good notes of success. Like I've got to make money and I haven't had to like work for people. I don't want to. I've been able to do things on my own. But you start getting to the point where it feels like a lot of the other people that started in this kind of like field with me that are in my age range, whether a little above or below, they're starting to like give up or do something else or they think it's never gonna materialize for them and

• 1:08:09Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  I think the things that I do like objectively are really quality and I really care about them and stuff like that, but it's easy to kind of look around and start being like, well, maybe they have the right idea and maybe it is kind of time to like.

• 1:08:22Conan O'Brien?

  Are you enjoying it?

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  Oh, I love it. Every, every single day. Uh, cuz sometimes it's not the like feasible option or it's not the, you know, you went to school for something. Maybe you should figure out something to do with that.

• 1:08:35Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I think that's, everyone has to figure it out for themselves and it would be very pat of me to say, don't give up on your dreams. But, you know, there's a, everyone intuitively knows what the right thing to do is. They do. There's like a little person inside you that knows and there are people who say, I'm gonna stop doing this. This isn't right for me. I think I should pursue this other thing. And I don't, I think it's wrong to say they gave up. Because something in them spoke to them and said, be like if I had said, I wanna make my living playing, uh, you know, I love playing guitar and singing rockabilly music and it's like a hobby of mine.

• 1:09:18Conan O'Brien?

  But if I quit comedy and was doing that and didn't have any reserves of money or anything, I would um probably at some point go, yeah, this is a fun hobby, but this is not what you should be doing. But that's something you know. That's something that you will figure out. And I think if you love it and you're able to put a roof over your head and you can buy a sandwich. Then you keep doing it, if you love it. Because, yes, if you've got a family to support, and you're making no money on it, and your kids are not getting, you know, don't have medical coverage, it's not giving up to say, "Okay, this is not feasible." You know what I mean? But if that's not the case, and this speaks to you, and it's your passion,

• 1:10:02Conan O'Brien?

  I say that you keep going, because you don't know where it's gonna lead. But I think there is a Pat philosophy, which is, "Pursue your dreams, and you too can be Taylor Swift." And I think, "Well, no. A lot of people can't be Taylor Swift." In fact, it's been proven that

• 1:10:21Conan O'Brien?

  only Taylor Swift can be Taylor Swift. And she gets to record each song nine times, and you'll buy all of them. So apparently, even she can't be Taylor Swift. But you, in the pursuit of that, you will make other decisions along the way. So I don't like the Pat answer, "You've gotta stick with your dreams, man." Because, first of all, that's an annoying voice. And, second of all, I think that it's very personal. It's the most personal thing in the world, what you decide to keep doing. And if you're willing to do the thing you love, and be humble about it, and realize that, "No, I don't need to fly in a private jet. I don't need a Bugatti. I don't need fancy, huge this, or huge that." I have all those things, ten times over.

• 1:11:07Conan O'Brien?

  I drive ten Bugattis at the same time. I've glued one to the other. So if you see me in ten Bugattis, driving, wasting fossil fuels, that's just because I can have it. But that was not the goal. The goal was, "I love this, and if I just get to meet Martin Short, I'm good, and pay my rent." And so my first apartment was a $380 a month apartment in Los Angeles. And I drove really awful, used cars that I bought at the airport. But I was happy. I was, I mean, in many ways, I was, it's not like I'm, I was miserable. I was happy, because I was earning my, I was working with... Funny people and writing comedy and paying my rent.

• 1:11:50Conan O'Brien?

  So it doesn't get better than that. It really doesn't. I mean, you add little things along the way. But the way that my life has substantially improved is my wife and my kids. But the other stuff isn't, doesn't make me markedly happier than when I was, had a $380 a month apartment. I was happy then and I'm happy now. So that is a fallacy that, that it's all about money. Still, I'm glad that I've done so well financially.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  I think we have time for one more question. Out there, outside, there goes hopping.

• 1:12:25Conan O'Brien?

  I like that you narrate the.

• 1:12:27Speaker 02

  Audio medium.

• 1:12:28Conan O'Brien?

  Microphone handoff.

• 1:12:29Speaker 02

  Hi, my name is Cooper. I'm from Long Island, New York. I haven't seen you yet, except today. Uh, my question is.

• 1:12:36Conan O'Brien?

  You don't know who I am, do you?

• 1:12:38Speaker 02

  Never heard of you, no clue.

• 1:12:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, it'll work.

• 1:12:40Speaker 02

  No, my question is, uh, when you were on Simpsons and SNL, what was your reaction when you wrote something? And an actor just completely changed it?

• 1:12:49Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, that's interesting. Uh, I think Simpsons was very locked down, so that wouldn't happen. And if someone did change something, it was for the better. So if you're working with a Hank Azaria or a Dan Castlinetta, I mean, they would, they would riff sometimes. And what they would riff and come up with was just better. And I always like any system where the best thing wins. So if I'm working on it, was work, if it was my script and someone improvised something and it got into the show, good chance, it was better than what I had come up with. So I had no sense of, how dare you? Dan Castlinetta, who are you? To improvise my words? I'm 24 and my skin is clearing up.

• 1:13:36Conan O'Brien?

  And I felt the same way at SNL, there wasn't, it was very disciplined. The Lauren always, um, Lauren empowered writers. And so it wasn't the old studio system that you, the thing in the 50s where writers are just these guys that, you know, banging away on typewriters and they never get close to the stars and they're people, you know. abuse them. I've always been in a system where writers were empowered. So it didn't really happen to me that often. Wasn't really a thing. And like I say, if someone did change something, it's because, you know, Phil Hartman or Dana Carvey changed something. I wasn't backstage saying, "That idiot." It was like, "Wow, yeah, I wrote that."

• 1:14:20Conan O'Brien?

  I'd just take credit for it. So that was my feeling.

• 1:14:22Speaker 02

  Awesome. Okay, I think we're done. That's it. We did the thing. Hey, we did the thing. Thank you all for being here.

• 1:14:29Conan O'Brien?

  Hugs. Hugs. Also, I want someone to look through their bag.

• 1:14:38Speaker 02

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:15:46Speaker 07

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• 1:16:18Speaker 02

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