David Spade Returns

Comedian and actor David Spade feels somewhat sick about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. David sits down with Conan once more to discuss his rocky start in the business, developing a comedic and personal closeness with Chris Farley, how to kill at a corporate gig, and his newest special David Spade: Dandelion. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Now Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:05Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 0:13Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 0:15Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase, I want something better.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket, I love a nice jacket.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that jacket, nice jacket.

• 0:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Aw man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 0:25Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 0:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:38Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place so you can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  Monday on NBC. The wait is over for St. Dennis Medical. Strap in. The comedy about doctors.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  Woo, let's get it!

• 1:08Speaker 02

  Without boundaries.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  Healthcare is a fun, fulfilling, exciting career.

• 1:13Speaker 04

  Is it because you're getting sued and puked on all the time?

• 1:15Speaker 02

  And they're back for another dose.

• 1:17Speaker 04

  I want to show you the secret sauce of St. Dennis: the staff. This place is hell, literal hell. Well, that's enough secret sauce.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  All-new St. Dennis Medical, Monday on NBC.

• 1:33Speaker 05

  Hey guys, my name's David Spade and I feel

• 1:38Speaker 05

  somewhat sick about being

• 1:42Speaker 05

  just more like bad tummy about being Conan's friend.

• 1:46Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I think I've always had that effect on you.

• 1:48Speaker 05

  No, maybe I'll be, I'll change it to honored.

• 1:50Conan O'Brien?

  Too late.

• 1:51Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 2:14Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, hit it.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Friendship is a good thing.

• 2:15Conan O'Brien?

  Quiet.

• 2:20Speaker 04

  It's a miserable life. It's a miserable life.

• 2:29Conan O'Brien?

  The whole rhythm of friendship is a good thing. Quiet.

• 2:32Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 2:35Conan O'Brien?

  It's so insane. Okay, here we go. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by Sona Mafassian.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 2:44Conan O'Brien?

  And Matt Gourley. And I had something kind of sweet and uplifting to talk about.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:50Conan O'Brien?

  My wife noticed this. Suspicious. I know. This is even I'm suspicious. But of course, the wildfires occurred. And Sona, you lost your home. It was terrible.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 3:04Conan O'Brien?

  What? What's the matter?

• 3:06Speaker 01

  I just went, she gone.

• 3:07Conan O'Brien?

  She gone.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  That was so palace. I know.

• 3:10Conan O'Brien?

  Well, but you're you're processing it, but it was devastating. And we've talked about it here. And the fire came right, as I've said to people, I was, we were crazily lucky. The fire came to the back of our yard, to the edge of our yard, and stopped and burned some stuff on the edge of our property. So there's, and, and, and there was smoke damage. But we were overwhelmingly crazily lucky. And I'm back living in the house now. Liza noticed that we had these fruit trees, this little small area of fruit trees in the backyard.

• 3:52Conan O'Brien?

  And all of them burned and are like charred and had to be cut down and taken away, except one. The pomegranate tree that your...

• 4:03Conan O'Brien?

  Parents gifted me.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:05Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, and Liza, back when.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  You guys hosted our engagement party.

• 4:11Conan O'Brien?

  That's right.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  With just 200 of our closest friends and family.

• 4:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  No joke.

• 4:15Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  It was huge.

• 4:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we had a big, uh, party in the backyard.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:20Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, for your, for your intact engagement and a bunch of, uh, I mean, obviously your friends and your family came and I was, I mean, I didn't think I was getting a gift because that wasn't the point of it, but your parents brought.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:33Conan O'Brien?

  This pomegranate tree and we planted it along with all the other trees and it kinda doesn't make sense because all the other trees burned and there's not a really good reason why this tree didn't burn.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Uh, yes, there is.

• 4:47Conan O'Brien?

  Which is, say.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Well, pomegranates represent prosperity.

• 4:51Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  So, obviously.

• 4:54Conan O'Brien?

  And it's part of, I mean.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  It's the Armenian voodoo that my mom put into the tree. It's protecting, it protected your house. That's why it's fine. You're welcome.

• 5:03Conan O'Brien?

  Did you have a pomegranate tree in your, uh, did your parents give you one for your house? I had that question as well.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  I did. The tree survived.

• 5:11Conan O'Brien?

  So she. Oh, so wait a minute. Okay. But wait, did your pomegranate tree survive?

• 5:17Speaker 01

  It did survive, actually.

• 5:19Conan O'Brien?

  But it didn't save the house?

• 5:20Speaker 01

  No, no, it didn't serve its purpose.

• 5:22Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe it just didn't know which house it was supposed to be guarding.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  It did protect the yoga studio that my neighbors built next door.

• 5:28Conan O'Brien?

  See, the tree.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  That's the closest structure to it.

• 5:30Conan O'Brien?

  You're, you probably faced the tree wrong and it probably misunderstood. Like a well-intentioned dog.

• 5:38Conan O'Brien?

  Don't worry, I saved the yoga studio, you idiot!

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 5:43Conan O'Brien?

  I have to say, uh, because I've traveled to Armenia with you.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:47Conan O'Brien?

  Pomegranates and the pomegranate tree, it's like, it is a very important part of Armenian culture.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's got a lot of symbolism to it. It's very, it's a very important fruit in our culture and I think that, and also, it's not just, it didn't just survive. It's green and lush.

• 6:02Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, yes. I, I mean, ours is in bloom.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:06Conan O'Brien?

  It's spectacular looking as if nothing happened, surrounded by stumps.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:11Conan O'Brien?

  And I thought that was very cool.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  You now have to believe in the Armenian. I know we've talked about the like witchcraft my mom does and the things that she believes in. You have to admit that there's some truth, something.

• 6:24Conan O'Brien?

  I never, I don't think I was a big denier of the power.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Yes, you were.

• 6:30Conan O'Brien?

  What do you mean?

• 6:30Speaker 01

  When my mom buried a baby doll in the front yard.

• 6:34Conan O'Brien?

  You just said buried a baby.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, but when she buried a doll in the front yard, you laughed about it.

• 6:40Conan O'Brien?

  But wait, what was that for? I can't remember.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  For me to have babies. And guess what? It worked.

• 6:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Through science.

• 6:47Conan O'Brien?

  That now, you had.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  Sure, my fertility doctors may have had something to do with it.

• 6:52Conan O'Brien?

  You had twins. Did she bury one baby or two babies?

• 6:54Speaker 01

  She buried one, but it's not like.

• 6:57Conan O'Brien?

  Was it a, when you, was it a real, realistic, plastic baby doll? Or was it like a Ken doll? Or was it a?

• 7:03Speaker 01

  No, it was like this doll I actually had when I was a kid and it's gender neutral too. It doesn't have any genitalia.

• 7:11Conan O'Brien?

  That's weird. The baby doll didn't have a big swinging dick?

• 7:17Conan O'Brien?

  When shopping for baby dolls, I like one with a big cock! However, did she find one like that? That, wow, that's a real, real find. Those are hard to find these days. Yeah.

• 7:29Conan O'Brien?

  Just insane. Your logic today, Sona. I don't know. This doll poops, it wets, it cries, and it becomes massively erect. And it stars in its own Skinamax After Dark.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Oh, come on.

• 7:44Conan O'Brien?

  Well.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  All I'm.

• 7:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, all you're saying. It's got a little weird mustache, 70s mustache.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  No, it's gender neutral, so it didn't, it didn't look like a girl. It doesn't look like a boy. She buried it and then I got pregnant.

• 7:58Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  With, yes, the help of fertility doctors, but still.

• 8:01Conan O'Brien?

  I am not someone who, I say if it's working for you, go with it.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:05Conan O'Brien?

  And I don't pretend to know the answers. I really don't.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:09Conan O'Brien?

  And so I'm, and I was very impressed and have been very impressed by Armenians and by your country. And I'm just like, you guys have this very strong spirit. And I think, yeah, I would give it up for any power that you guys have. And this tree.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:23Conan O'Brien?

  Surviving, I have to say, it's a powerful thing to see.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  My parents, I sent them a picture of it because Liza sent me a picture of the tree. And it's, it's surrounded by just charred.

• 8:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Stuff. And they were really touched and happy that it survived.

• 8:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, good.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  They were really, really happy. And my mom was not surprised, by the way. She kind of knew what survived.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  I don't mean to ruin the moment, but I'm just thinking of your mom burying a baby doll with a huge plastic dick.

• 8:52Conan O'Brien?

  And the dick is sticking out of the soil.

• 8:56Conan O'Brien?

  She buried it six feet under, but still.

• 8:59Speaker 04

  And then it flowers.

• 9:00Conan O'Brien?

  The dick is coming out, and then it flowers. And a pomegranate comes out the tip of the dick. Yeah.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 9:08Conan O'Brien?

  And your mom just turns to a camera and goes, "It's the power of Armenia."

• 9:16Conan O'Brien?

  Well, anyway, we've ruined another episode of Conan O'Brien.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  Before it even started.

• 9:20Conan O'Brien?

  Needs a friend. All right, my guest today is a hilarious comedian and a very old friend of mine. His latest stand-up special, David Spade: Dandelion, is available for streaming on Prime Video. I am thrilled he's here today. I really do love hanging with this guy.

• 9:44Conan O'Brien?

  David Spade, welcome.

• 9:50Speaker 05

  I think you should roll right when people walk in, because then you see the reel, and then when I drop my bullshit act and I start being nice to everyone, bore the cameras. I'm rolling now. Oh, it is, okay. Now.

• 10:00Conan O'Brien?

  The whole thing where you said bullshit, and when you talk about how you hate Italians?

• 10:05Speaker 05

  I said that.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  Do you hate Italians?

• 10:07Speaker 05

  I said it on the stairs. It doesn't count. We were on our way in.

• 10:12Conan O'Brien?

  Thanks for being here.

• 10:13Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm. Do you have, like, a beginning, or is this the beginning? Yeah.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Whenever you're ready.

• 10:16Speaker 05

  I've seen this show a million times.

• 10:19Conan O'Brien?

  I loved it when you walked in, they said, "You said, 'Which one's Conan?'"

• 10:23Speaker 05

  No, I know. I knew you were tall. Oh, this one with the hidden cameras?

• 10:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:27Speaker 05

  Dana told me all about it.

• 10:29Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you got the backstage.

• 10:30Speaker 05

  He told me what to look out for, what to...

• 10:31Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I want to mention, first of all.

• 10:33Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 10:33Conan O'Brien?

  You and Dana do a great podcast. Fly on the wall.

• 10:38Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 10:38Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, and, um, you guys get all the backstage dirt on what's going on at SNL over the years. Plus, you talked to other people as well.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, we sort of watered down. We sort of ran through.

• 10:49Conan O'Brien?

  You got through everybody.

• 10:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:50Conan O'Brien?

  You know, once you would talk to Jim Brewer six times, you knew it was, you had to move on.

• 10:55Speaker 05

  Gervitz is always like, you haven't scratched the surface. This is another 900 cast. And I go, yeah, but Bill Squankmeyer from 1988. At a certain point, we realized, I guess people do like stars. That's the sad part.

• 11:09Conan O'Brien?

  Mark Gervitz, by the way, if you don't know, he's been a manager at Brillstein for, I think, 75 years.

• 11:15Speaker 05

  70 to 100 years.

• 11:16Conan O'Brien?

  70 to 100 years. He used to represent Al Jolson. It's a funny reference, so you should look it up.

• 11:23Speaker 05

  I know, he's old.

• 11:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  Hey, Conan likes money. I guess you don't like money.

• 11:30Speaker 05

  So he tells you, want to do a gig in Ottawa tomorrow? I go, tomorrow? Ah, sorry, I'll call Dana. He likes money.

• 11:36Conan O'Brien?

  That's what Gervitz says to you? So he will give you shit about not taking a gig because he says that Dana will take the gig.

• 11:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, and he just does it to make you feel bad.

• 11:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 05

  Because they sit there in their office with their feet up and they get 10% of whatever. So it's better if you just say yes and they hang up the phone and go, oh, he's on three flights to Ottawa and I make money. So it's better if you say yes.

• 11:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. Oh, they like a yes. They like a yes. And they don't care what you go through.

• 12:02Speaker 05

  Not, not at all.

• 12:03Conan O'Brien?

  Pretty good gig. It's in Anchorage. You might like Anchorage.

• 12:05Speaker 05

  Somebody hates Alaska.

• 12:10Speaker 05

  I don't hate Alaska. I think it's far. Okay, I'll break it to Alaska.

• 12:18Speaker 05

  There are your fans.

• 12:20Conan O'Brien?

  This is what it's like, uh, you know, having a manager.

• 12:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:23Conan O'Brien?

  You know, there it's.

• 12:24Speaker 05

  But I have, I have to say, I've had the same guy since, uh, day one, you know, when I got out here. I will tell you a quick story that, uh, do we have an hour?

• 12:33Conan O'Brien?

  This is six hours.

• 12:34Speaker 05

  Okay, this will fit in perfectly, this one story. It's exactly 58 minutes.

• 12:37Conan O'Brien?

  Right, it's about how you grew up until this moment.

• 12:40Speaker 05

  No, this is a good manager story, so, and I know then we'll get into stuff.

• 12:43Conan O'Brien?

  And I will quickly say, Mark Gerwitz, I've known him for a long time, and he's, he's a mensch, he's a good fella.

• 12:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think I've only told this story on 17 podcasts.

• 12:52Conan O'Brien?

  That's okay, doesn't matter.

• 12:53Speaker 05

  Have you ever heard people say this?

• 12:54Conan O'Brien?

  No one listens to any other podcasts.

• 12:56Speaker 05

  I haven't told this anywhere.

• 12:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 05

  And they ramp it up, like, I go, I don't want to see this clip because I know it's all set up like, like, I want you to make it a clip, like, I shouldn't tell this, this is, but I'll tell this because, um, it's boring, it'll fit right in. So, I, here's Spady, this is before you knew me, um, before we fell in love.

• 13:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 05

  This is probably, I'm 22, moved out here doing stand-up from Arizona, uh, got my first movie, got $6,000, I cleared $6,000. Bought a car, looked for two weeks going, and I didn't just grab the first one, like, first Camaro, what you would think. Hot rod.

• 13:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 13:33Speaker 05

  I get a Honda Accord, I take the hit, I go, I just gotta get one that starts every day, buy it cash, drive it to the improv, come out to show my friends, stolen. So, stolen within, uh, not even an hour.

• 13:44Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 13:44Speaker 05

  Uh, and then, it's so embarrassing, I'm like, here it is, and I'm showing, I'm a little buzzed, I went in, did a shot, and I go, maybe it's on Kilkia, hold on, and then we're walking, and I go, would it be on Beverly? Wait, let me check the 405, because I just couldn't believe, like, where is my car? Where did I park it?

• 14:02Conan O'Brien?

  You can't believe someone took it, yeah.

• 14:04Speaker 05

  That didn't even cross my mind, I go, I just don't remember where I parked. And then, the cops go, oh, they probably sold it to you, kept the key, followed you and took it. And I go, so now what do you do? Spring into action? He goes, you'd think.

• 14:18Conan O'Brien?

  One would, one would think.

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:21Conan O'Brien?

  I like these cops already, one would hope.

• 14:23Speaker 05

  He goes, I'm already forgetting a lot, this is I walk back to my car, but I'll say we're on the case, anyway, nothing happened, so now I'm back to zero. I have to borrow money and stuff, anyway, so I, I, I, this is a police academy movie, this is how it started, so I got that movie, cleared that, and when I was there, I was so new, didn't know how to I wasn't the fine actor I am today. You've become quite the thespian. Yeah, so I I was there and this Bobcat Goldthwait, who was helping me out, was like, hey, this director of mine is here and he's doing a new show on Fox, which just started. This is how old I am. And I said, OK, that's what I always wanted, like a sitcom or something. He's like, it's a single camera where you're like a high school, like FBI. I was like, oh, how fun, you know?

• 15:05Speaker 05

  So I said, oh, cool. So Fox, new network. I don't give a fuck, you know? So great. So he goes, hey, do you mind reading this script? Right? So he has sides. This is in Toronto during Police Cabbie. Did you fucking glue this on to make me look stupid? Glue it on. Decapod. So anyway, I go, OK.

• 15:25Speaker 05

  So I just read this. I just literally read it to him. Yeah. And he's like, great. Well, OK, you're not quite there. We'll work with it. I literally knew nothing about acting. Just read it to him like a story. And he goes, all right, but you got a little heat on you. This is what I didn't know. I had done stand up at the improv for about six months. Some casting. I got this job as a skateboarder in this movie. And so now I get back and I've got those heat on me. Yeah. Which I don't even know what that means. Just like, oh, they're talking about you. So I got a manager. My agent moved to ICM. So now I'm at ICM, which is too big for me. I get home and they go, hey, this guy offered you that part, the lead in that show. And I was like, wait, my own show?

• 16:07Speaker 05

  I said, oh, my God, this is like a crazy. And they go, OK. So they have a big meeting at ICM. I think Gervis is there. And they go, here's why we're going to turn that down. You've got too much heat on you. That's a new network. We want you at NBC. They're doing Cosby Show. They're all that. And we're going to have a meeting with Brandon Tartar Sauce, or whatever his name is. And you're going to

• 16:26Speaker 01

  Tartar Sauce?

• 16:27Speaker 05

  You're gonna get a job there. Yeah. He's heard about you. He's excited. He saw you do stand up. I go, oh, I don't know, wouldn't it be better to the one I have? Thousand fucking percent an offer? No, no, no, and maybe like 20 grand a week, whatever, some magnanimous number. So I said, oh, so we're all agreed, all 12 agents, I don't do this. Okay, so then I meet Tartikoff. They had me read something, right? So I'm now I'm a free agent.

• 16:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 05

  The fucking casting director goes, oh, you're about to go in. I think we're doing these sides now. I should never have taken him. I took him, I go, okay. I had been coached on a little scene he wanted me to read. Now I walk in and do the police academy read again. Wow, wow, wow, read it. I leave, Gerwitz goes, all the people that just got a development deal at NBC, take one step forward. Not so fast, Spade. I go, what do you mean? He goes, you were too green, they saw you read, you're not ready. But they like you and they're gonna keep an eye on you. And I go, so now what? He goes, now we hit the pavement, start auditioning. So I auditioned for 30 pilots that year and got none, not even one callback. I didn't know what I was doing.

• 17:30Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  And then he goes, you know what? Fuck ICM, let's leave him, let's go to, there's a smaller agency, Abrams, which is medium, right? They're good. This guy loves you. And I was spinning out. I could not believe what was going on. I'm like, lost everything, lost my heat, they all think I'm bad. And I got into classes to act and then I was with this agency. And I swear to you, about three years ago, we're at dinner and Gerwitz goes, and then ICM fucked him over and dropped him. And I go, no, no, no. I left ICM, remember? He goes, oh, is that what I told you? And I go, no. What do you mean? Did they drop me? He goes, oh, yeah. I go, they dropped me, they're the ones that fucked me over. And he goes, I know, I couldn't tell you that though, because it's just a tough biz. They said, we don't need him anymore. He didn't, it didn't click.

• 18:16Speaker 05

  And I was like, I say, he goes, you wouldn't have made it, I handled that. I said, I would not have, there's no way, I couldn't handle that. Just mentally, like, the rejection was so piled on by that point, I couldn't deal with it. So then I went and scraped my way over to, you know, SNL or whatever.

• 18:31Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I mentioned this the last time you were on. I was present when you auditioned. I went with, and this was not common, but I-

• 18:38Speaker 05

  I don't remember this, actually.

• 18:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I went with, it was not common, but Lorne, there was a showcase.

• 18:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:44Conan O'Brien?

  And-

• 18:45Speaker 05

  I can never say who was there, I can't remember.

• 18:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Lorne, I remembered, I didn't go to a lot of these, but- Lorne wanted me there for some, I was a writer at SNL.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 18:55Conan O'Brien?

  Young whippersnapper and I.

• 18:58Speaker 05

  Hungry.

• 18:58Conan O'Brien?

  Hungry. I go with Lorne and Schneider, I think was the same night.

• 19:03Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 19:04Conan O'Brien?

  And the other guy was.

• 19:05Speaker 05

  Tom Kenny.

• 19:05Conan O'Brien?

  Tom Kenny, the voice of, this is before he was the voice of SpongeBob. And Mr. Show. And so, and watched you guys and I remembered you were doing okay. And then at the end, you did your Michael J. Fox impression and you killed. And I remembered Lorne us driving away and Lorne being like, you know, I liked the Michael J. Fox guy and, and then he liked Schneider.

• 19:30Speaker 05

  So scary.

• 19:31Conan O'Brien?

  And so he brought you two in at the same time. And then I remembered getting to know you really when it was those Tuesday nights when we would stay up all night and write and you and Chris Rock and Schneider would be kind of wandering around to see who had what ideas.

• 19:49Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 19:49Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean? And you'd come in, you'd go like, hey fellas, anybody got any, hey buddy, got any ideas and?

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Fucking help me out, man.

• 19:57Conan O'Brien?

  But it's funny because I know your special, your standup special is Dandelion and you have an explanation for why it's dandelion, which is a little bit about your character.

• 20:07Speaker 05

  Fragile.

• 20:08Conan O'Brien?

  Fragile on the inside, but I always found you, my read on you was always, this is a guy with, you, you always had that kind of tough, not tough, but I would say sarcastic, dismissive, super sharp.

• 20:22Speaker 05

  Shell.

• 20:23Conan O'Brien?

  Shell. But I could always tell you were a very sweet guy underneath.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  I would say, yeah, I would say thank you, Eddie. I kind of agree that it was so tough there.

• 20:33Conan O'Brien?

  Scary.

• 20:34Speaker 05

  And it was tough. It's the same reason I was sarcastic in high school. I wasn't as scared of getting beat up at SNL, but in high school and grade school, it was, I was in some bad places that I didn't like. And so it was sort of my thing, being a bit of a pipsqueak. So getting to SNL was the same thing. I'm just in over my head clearly and just trying to take it all in and going to doors, going, I don't know what to do like here, you know, like everyone, it just takes so long to. To seep in and then figure out how to write on a legal pad and all that shit.

• 21:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's high-tech legal pad stuff.

• 21:08Speaker 05

  It's a pad and a pen and you just go go and then the door closes and I go, go do what? I write a sketch, tuneses, I don't know, I don't write my own sketch, do I write theirs? Do I, who's the host? Do I get to meet a celebrity?

• 21:20Conan O'Brien?

  The thing, I'm sure you guys have covered this on your podcast, but the thing that about SNL that no one understands, how, and this is true of a lot of show business, how little supervision there is.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:31Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, you get to SNL and you think someone's gonna tell you, okay, here's how it works. No one tells you anything.

• 21:37Speaker 05

  They're almost mad you're there.

• 21:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, oh, they are mad you're there. Lauren's, Lauren's standard line when you'd encounter him in the hall was, still with the show, still with the show, and you'd think, I think I am.

• 21:58Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 22:02Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 22:16Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 22:29Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Hello!

• 22:49Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty, it's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation technology and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 23:23Conan O'Brien?

  Owning a car or home comes with responsibilities. Sure, it's fun, but sometimes it makes you wonder why you ever longed for adulthood in the first place. I do that all the time. I'm like, oh, these bills, these bills. What am I gonna do?

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:36Conan O'Brien?

  You know, when you own a house, you gotta fix it yourself. Sona, you, you see this to be true, right?

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, your garage door breaks and you're like, well, I have to fix it.

• 23:43Conan O'Brien?

  Probably at first you said, hey, I'll get the super to fix it. It's your house, dude.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  It's mine, dude.

• 23:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance to save you money. In fact, they work overtime to tailor your insurance policy around what you actually need. The only thing they can't do is get that liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty jingle out of your head.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  Liberty, liberty, liberty.

• 24:02Conan O'Brien?

  It's in my head all the time.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 24:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Start your quote at libertymutual.com.

• 24:11Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  What?

• 24:13Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 24:17Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:18Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 24:25Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You wanna hear what they are?

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:30Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:32Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 24:40Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider. And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 24:49Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 24:50Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:51Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should. But I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 25:03Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's a great idea.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:05Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 25:09Speaker 01

  My god.

• 25:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 25:15Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to tmobile.com and find yours. Best, based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data, first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US, where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit tmobile.com. Consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 25:46Speaker 05

  I told Lauren, when we talked to him on the show, because you know, it's a little easier to talk to Lauren now when all the stress is gone. He's fun to talk to because every year he would talk to the managers or whatever and go, "I don't know. So can you just say he's coming back so he can keep his apartment?" "Hmm, we're not there yet." So I would, for six years, I-

• 26:08Conan O'Brien?

  Lauren was the one that stole your car, by the way.

• 26:10Speaker 05

  Was it?

• 26:11Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it's a Honda Accord. I love those. Me, me. Someone give me a ruler. I'll jimmy it open.

• 26:16Speaker 05

  Take that prick.

• 26:18Conan O'Brien?

  I know how to hotwire it. I learned it in Toronto at university.

• 26:23Speaker 05

  Things just got worse for you.

• 26:27Conan O'Brien?

  I love that that was revealed later on, too. "Mr. Honda?" "Lauren!"

• 26:31Speaker 05

  Lauren! You hold me back.

• 26:34Conan O'Brien?

  I thought Gervis told you.

• 26:37Speaker 05

  I put the drop on you at ICM.

• 26:41Speaker 05

  So anyway, I says, I says, I says.

• 26:47Conan O'Brien?

  I forgot you were an old sailor.

• 26:48Speaker 05

  I says-

• 26:49Conan O'Brien?

  I says, I says.

• 26:50Speaker 05

  Remember that farly bit? I says, I says to him, I says right to his face, I says, I says-

• 26:53Conan O'Brien?

  I says, I says, I says.

• 26:54Speaker 05

  And I'm like, I go afterwards at Reid's, I go, "You're not really gonna do this on update."

• 26:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 26:59Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, I am.

• 27:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 27:01Speaker 05

  I go, "Is that enough to kill with one, three words?" "No, uh, watch." And I did, and he did.

• 27:08Speaker 05

  But anyway, I tell Lauren every year, he doesn't bring him back, and every year I have to get ready. I have to drag my mattress down. I have to sell it. I fucking get out of my apartment. Then about a month later, can't get a hold of him. He's in Amagansett, no phones. I mean, it's always the funniest. I can't get a hold of him. Then he finally goes, "He says yes." So I go back, get an apartment, stressed out my fucking gourd. And then when we had him on the show, he goes, "You were never in any danger of getting fired." I go, "Lauren?"

• 27:35Speaker 05

  Look at me. There was some danger because maybe in your head, because it all, it did work out, but it took a while. You were there. It took a while for me to get any, you know, you get a few snarky lines here and there, but I was not that valuable. I remember one time Schmeichel said, uh, Schmeichel, Schmeichel.

• 27:51Conan O'Brien?

  Schmeigel is from Lord of the Rings and he's the lowliest creature.

• 27:55Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 27:56Conan O'Brien?

  And then, and then there's Robert Schmeigel. Schmeigel? Who's also in, uh.

• 28:01Speaker 05

  And so Schmeigel says, uh, cause Schneider was, uh, acting up or something and, you know, Rob and I have talked about this forever, but we were all handling it differently. And he goes, uh, he goes, Schneider's tough, but he is valuable, worth having around. And I was like, I want to be valuable. That's what hit me. I was like, oh, you want someone to say in a position like, Schmeigel was like, we need you around. Cause he can go to Lauren, Rob, and I'll go, yeah, he's worth it. He, he, cause Rob is a funny writer, you know?

• 28:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:30Speaker 05

  And he had a kind of a gruff, abrasive personality back then, if that's fair. But, uh, I was the nice guy, finishing last guy. And, uh, Rob was like, hey, I'm going to get in there, but it was working, you know?

• 28:41Conan O'Brien?

  You know, everyone, stuff gets rewritten over time and everybody, uh, and there's how you experience it. And this is actually kind of a big, a recurring theme on the podcast that fascinates me. So I revisited a lot, which is I talked to these very famous people who've had incredible success, like yourself. And then their take on it is harrowing. I felt like I wasn't going to make it. It was scary. Um, it was touch and go. I squeaked by and then in the end, things kind of worked out, but that is not how anybody else sees it. They just see you as being someone who is like, okay, big star on SNL and then, uh, in movies and then,

• 29:26Conan O'Brien?

  Many TVs, sitcom, you're just like a staple.

• 29:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:32Conan O'Brien?

  But that is not how.

• 29:33Speaker 05

  Right.

• 29:34Conan O'Brien?

  It feels to you.

• 29:35Speaker 05

  I think it, in fairness, I'm pretty objective about it. I mean, most of things I say are lies, but when, when I look back, it was a pretty, it was hard for me to get a foothold. I mean, obviously Sandler caught fire pretty quick and he's got so many moves, all these characters. Spoonman, everything was happening so fast. I was like, holy shit, he really came in loaded. And Dana obviously is so good on the show and Farley right from the get go. So I just didn't have that. I was sort of just a comedian that could write some funny stuff, but it took a while. By the end, I do like I'm lumped in with Farley, Sandler, Rock. I mean, that's just kind of how it is.

• 30:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 30:16Speaker 05

  And I love it. So when I was just on a show, Rich Eisen this morning, I mentioned you because I was saying that, that chunk when I got there of, of talent around, which made me better was running with people better than you. And I said Conan and Smigel and I think Greg Daniels and

• 30:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 05

  And all these writers and Downey and, you know, I could go on and on, Frank and then you got Neil and all the cast and Mike Myers. And our new guys coming in with me and Adam and Chris and Chris Rock and Meadows and shit. So that was just a big chunk of people that you could look to anyone and go, oh, I can learn something from this guy. I can learn how to write or I can learn how to perform or look at the table. It took a while to seep in and then I got better at it, but man, every, I could have gotten, if I left in a year, I told Gerbert I want to leave once. He goes, then what? I mean, where do you go? You left SNL and it didn't work. Now that's a hard place to be in Hollywood.

• 31:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:09Speaker 05

  And so he said, just stick, even when I wanted to quit to do movies. He's like, you're getting movies only because you're on SNL. Do you understand? I go, well, I don't have any time to do them. Maybe one in the summer. He's like. But if you leave, it's hard to explain, but it's true.

• 31:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:23Speaker 05

  You know?

• 31:24Conan O'Brien?

  How did you, I'm curious, because I remember I was at your audition and I also clearly remember, it's burned into my brain, going into Lorne's outer office on the ninth floor. Which is one floor above 8H, his little office where, that looks out over the studio. And there was a-

• 31:46Speaker 05

  Watches the cows graze on the fucking rehearsal.

• 31:48Conan O'Brien?

  It's, but it's, that's like the office that he moves to later in the week. That's not the office high up in the tower. And so, when everything shifts to the stage for the second half of the week, Lorne's there. And I remembered, there would always be people waiting outside to meet with Lorne and Lorne would keep them forever. And I have a very clear memory of this kind of stout, boyish looking, tousled haired guy, sitting out on this couch, waiting to talk to Lorne, for like more than a day. And I went up and chatted with him, because he was Odenkirk's friend, and it was Chris Farley.

• 32:25Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 32:26Conan O'Brien?

  And then, and he was sitting there and he was super eager. And he was laughing real hard and I would, and so I took him on a tour of the stage and was doing that shtick I used to do where I would, if someone was already hanging a lamp, I'd be like, "And hang that lamp!" And, "You over there, Joe!" I went, I was saying all their names wrong. And if the guy was on a crane, "Use the crane, that's the way!" And Farley was following me around giggling.

• 32:50Speaker 05

  He'd laugh his ass off.

• 32:51Conan O'Brien?

  And, and he was, and I just said, "I love this." He had the energy of a puppy when you first go get the puppy, just so much fun. And then, you guys found, was it the two of you that realized, "We have this thing," or did someone else see it and go, "Wait a minute, you've got this energy of Spade and you've got this energy of Farley, it's peanut butter and jelly, let's put them together."

• 33:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was probably, it was either Lorne or the Turners, because- The writing, the writing team.

• 33:21Conan O'Brien?

  Great writing team, yeah.

• 33:22Speaker 05

  Writer, I forgot to say, those two. But, you know, Lauren's like, maybe something about how they are at the office. I think that's how it all started. Like, I make fun of Chris, he laughs, tells me to make fun of him again, he laughs. And just, we walk around, we go to Moose and Frank's or whatever. Not Moose and Frank's, Wally and Joseph's?

• 33:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, in New York.

• 33:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, and Huxley's and all the places that have been condemned now. But, um.

• 33:48Conan O'Brien?

  In fairness, they were condemned then. You just still, you just still went to them.

• 33:52Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah, anyway, so then that got, the Billy the Third got written up, that one with, um, the Turners wrote that first draft, and then I think turned it over to Fred Wolf, turned into Tommy Boy. But that was also because Billy was Billy Madison.

• 34:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 34:07Speaker 05

  That summer. That's so funny.

• 34:09Conan O'Brien?

  I'm curious about something. Tommy Boy comes out and not thought of as a success initially, but then very quickly afterwards, you find out that it's huge. Is that correct?

• 34:22Speaker 05

  I think it opened number one, but not crazy through the roof.

• 34:26Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 34:26Speaker 05

  And then, uh, and then after time, it was looked upon more fondly over time. But then it went to video.

• 34:35Conan O'Brien?

  But like, the video sales were insane.

• 34:36Speaker 05

  I think it went to a hundred million. Yeah, they said, the Paramount goes, this video. They ordered Black Sheep after Tommy Boy for the following summer. They're like, start now, we gotta do another one. Maybe while we were, before it came out, because we shot it the next summer. So, if I could still be doing those, that was the funnest, you know?

• 34:55Conan O'Brien?

  I leave SNL, go to The Simpsons, I come back, and Chris would... He just signed that? That's great.

• 35:04Speaker 05

  Just wrote Simpsons.

• 35:05Conan O'Brien?

  It's worth less.

• 35:07Speaker 05

  I'm just trying to remember how I know you. The more you tell me are more clues.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Worthless.

• 35:15Conan O'Brien?

  I come back to do the late night show and you guys were all so generous and nice. I mean, I'm the new late night host, I'm down on six and I know all you guys. And so you're all coming down, doing bits. Chris would come down and do bits, which I look at now and they just, they fill me with joy. They also make me sad because he's not here.

• 35:42Speaker 05

  The one where he runs in on Letterman, I see a lot on Instagram. Runs down and grabs a guy and he throws him in the garbage can.

• 35:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah, yeah.

• 35:47Speaker 05

  Unreal. That was one of the best pieces of television I've ever seen. It's so funny, probably not super thought out. He's wearing a thick suit. The funny thing is he would wear like a T-shirt, then a shirt, then a button down, then a tie, then an overcoat, then a casual. I'm like, god damn dude, how do you move? Cause my neck is fucked up. I can't wear more than two layers. He has layers. I like to feel tight and hugged. I'm like, god damn. But, and then he's running and he's sweating. I'm like, he's like, why am I sweating? I'm like, you have 14 layers on.

• 36:19Conan O'Brien?

  That's the other thing, funny thing too, is that he got tagged as the funny fat guy, but he was incredibly athletic and strong. Do you know what I mean?

• 36:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, I was agile.

• 36:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and, and he could do all these amazing things with his body. And I think in the same way, his hero, Belushi.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:39Conan O'Brien?

  Because he was, you know, paired with like a beanpole acrooid at the time or whatever.

• 36:44Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 36:44Conan O'Brien?

  He could, you could think of him as the, the heavy guy of the duo. But I remembered him being just such an incredibly physical comedian.

• 36:54Speaker 05

  I think it's an extra move that is surprising to people, but it's one more funny thing about him. Like he can do those pirouettes. We did that skating sketch, remember?

• 37:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 37:03Speaker 05

  Bump up the jam, they will. And it was like, Phil was Vern Lindquist or something and I was Scott Hamilton and it was Nancy Kerrigan Show. And Farley and Nancy Kerrigan, and he kept falling. Oh, that's gonna hurt him. He kept falling over and over and he got down to like zero points. But he was a really good skater too, and so it was funny that he could skate well and you go, oh, that's a surprising move. And then when he does any sort of like ballet, he can do these weird moves. All adds to the funny.

• 37:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 37:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:33Conan O'Brien?

  Well, he is missed. Must be, I mean, I know that you had an incredibly close relationship with him. I miss him and knew him as like a friend and a guy that I would do things with from time to time, but clearly it was a must, I hope time has made that, I'm sure, an easier thing to handle.

• 37:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, we were all pretty close to them and so, any, any of that stuff. I remember one time he goes, I don't want to be known as the funny fat guy. I go, would you take the fat funny guy? And he said, it's a little better.

• 38:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:11Speaker 05

  But I remember seeing you at another, this is another sad, Norm's Memorial.

• 38:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:17Speaker 05

  Where something did happen funny. Not the dying part, but there was other stuff that was going on.

• 38:23Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 38:24Speaker 05

  By the way, it was like brought to you by Netflix. It was something, cause I remember going to the talk and there was like a crane shot or something. I'm starting to cry and they're like, push in. I'm like, is there a camera dolly coming at me?

• 38:35Conan O'Brien?

  What was that? I spoke, I don't know if I was emceeing it or, you can't emcee a funeral.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  You know, it's funny, but it always just turns into that, let's be honest.

• 38:44Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, no, it's true.

• 38:46Speaker 05

  It turns into who's doing well.

• 38:49Conan O'Brien?

  I spoke about him up front and talked about him and then brought other people up on stage.

• 38:55Speaker 05

  The two things that I remember are Laurie Jo is sort of running it or whatever. And I said, Laurie Jo, she goes, can you speak? And I said, I'm not good at that. I said, I would do it if I just do it right away up front because I don't want to sit there and rot while thinking about it. So she goes, okay. It was like, Downey went up, standing ovation. I'm gonna bring Conan up, standing ovation. Laurie Jo goes, then I think you bring her up. She gets a standing ovation. And then we finally get back to you and you finally go, all right, we're gonna bring up some friends, David Spade. And so I hooked up and I go, well, I guess the standing ovation portion is over. Because I was the first.

• 39:30Conan O'Brien?

  Which killed, by the way.

• 39:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was a good one. I should have gotten off. Honestly, that was the fucking funniest thing that happened. And then, but when I walked up, I fell on those fucking stairs.

• 39:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 39:39Speaker 05

  And you caught me, I think, and you grabbed me, and I think you fell too.

• 39:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'll tell you, I know exactly what happened.

• 39:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:45Conan O'Brien?

  It's, we're in this goofy, I don't know what venue we were at, where we were, but you went up, you tripped on the stairs. I think I did catch you. You don't weigh a lot, so it was easy. It was like catching a packing peanut.

• 39:57Speaker 05

  Ninety-four.

• 39:58Conan O'Brien?

  Um, ninety, I don't know. That's generous, ninety-four. You fell and you started to float and I grabbed you. You're like a balloon.

• 40:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:09Conan O'Brien?

  But then, I thought, what's wrong with Spade? Why did he trip on that step? So then, cut to me. What's wrong with fucking Spade? He can't walk up the stairs? So then, you do your thing, I go up to then take the stage again to bring up the next person. Uh, my foot catches on something on the step and I trip and I turned it into like a roll and stood up again and people thought, oh, Conan's doing like physical shtick. But then I walked off stage and I said to the guy, that step, Spade tripped on it and I tripped on it and the guy went, yeah, that happens a lot. We should fix that someday.

• 40:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, he knew.

• 40:48Conan O'Brien?

  He said, we should fix that someday. And I'm like, yeah, what happens when Dame Judi Dench is killed? I mean, the two of us can take a fall. You know, what, what happens when it's the?

• 41:00Speaker 05

  It was pretty funny to me that he kept going, like, it felt like most people trip. And I'm like, well, this isn't an anomaly, like, with, with me, I look over and thought he'd be like this, he was like this. Like, yep, another one bites the dust.

• 41:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And then he said, like, I, I, I went into it with him a little bit. I went, what do you mean? And he was like, well, you know, it's higher than the other steps. Like, each other step is exactly four inches.

• 41:24Speaker 05

  So you're used to like this, this, this at one time.

• 41:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and then there's one that's like five and he said, and it's also uneven and it's coming off.

• 41:31Conan O'Brien?

  Fix it!

• 41:32Speaker 05

  And there's also an earthquake. That's not my union. Yeah, so, I mean, I don't know how many of these funerals you host, but you did a you did a good job.

• 41:40Conan O'Brien?

  I have, you know what's weird? I became the funeral guy because I've done a bunch.

• 41:45Speaker 05

  Oh, boy.

• 41:46Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, and I really fret over them and worry about them because it's, it's not just a regular thing. You're really trying to think of who was this person? And now they're starting to rack up where it's like, I've, I've done a bunch now.

• 42:01Speaker 05

  Too many. It's hard. You're good at that stuff. You're doing the popes.

• 42:03Conan O'Brien?

  I'm doing the popes.

• 42:05Speaker 05

  Is the Pope's gonna be in LA? It's like, can you get me in? Because my friends always want to get tickets to shit. Can you get me in?

• 42:12Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, I just have to tell this one story, which is, I have to tell this because it's a Lauren story, but, but, um, after nine 11, you know, there was like months and months and months of cleanup. And it was an area that you couldn't go to, but sometimes people went, went down there and Mike Sweeney ran into Lauren somewhere and Lauren knew that Mike Sweeney was my head writer and they're chatting for a little bit. And then my, and then Lauren, to be magnanimous, said, have you been down to ground zero? And, and, and, and Mike Sweeney went, uh, no, I haven't. He went, would you like to? And suddenly, Sweeney pictured a velvet rope. And you are a Sweeney, but look, yes, yes, right this way. And there's the big pit.

• 42:52Speaker 05

  We, we called ahead, yeah.

• 42:54Conan O'Brien?

  I'll have the veal and I'd like to be, uh, near that part of.

• 42:57Speaker 05

  What I kept saying, which was never working was, uh, I might head down to Ground Zilch. And everyone's like, where?

• 43:03Conan O'Brien?

  Didn't catch on, huh?

• 43:03Speaker 05

  Ground Zip. And they're like, you're talking about the nine 11 where people died? I go, no, no, I'm talking about something else. But that was tragic. Uh, but yeah, I went down there like a week later because there was a nine 11 benefit where we all flew in and there was a concert and all that stuff. And Adam went on, everyone went on. And, uh, they took us down. That was one of the perks.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Oh, my God!

• 43:24Speaker 05

  It is!

• 43:25Conan O'Brien?

  It was a weird time.

• 43:26Speaker 05

  It was so weird.

• 43:27Conan O'Brien?

  It was such a crazy time to be in.

• 43:28Speaker 05

  It was like a humble brag. I went down.

• 43:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:31Speaker 05

  Do you get close?

• 43:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 43:33Speaker 05

  I got a little souvenir. But nine 11, yeah, I know you think it's funny. It's not funny. But, um, but, yeah, my, my friends, my friends, it's noted that you laughed. My friends go.

• 43:45Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, Sona, what the fuck is wrong with you?

• 43:48Speaker 05

  God, it's so funny.

• 43:49Conan O'Brien?

  You're a monster.

• 43:50Speaker 05

  I'm crying.

• 43:50Conan O'Brien?

  We are doing a thing about how it's not funny.

• 43:52Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 43:53Conan O'Brien?

  And then you start laughing.

• 43:56Conan O'Brien?

  No, it is awful. You're young and stuff, but we lived there.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  He said ground zilch.

• 44:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was funny to me.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  So, let's not forget. He said ground zilch.

• 44:04Conan O'Brien?

  No, let's not forget. Beans 9/11.

• 44:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:07Conan O'Brien?

  Not that David Spade called it ground zilch.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Never forget.

• 44:10Conan O'Brien?

  Let's never forget.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Never forget.

• 44:13Conan O'Brien?

  The terrible day? No, that Spade called it ground zilch. You're a monster.

• 44:19Conan O'Brien?

  Let me ask you about Norm.

• 44:21Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 44:22Conan O'Brien?

  You did stuff on, you were on the road with Norm and a lot of us, when Norm passed, were shocked. And I kept thinking, oh, I must have been the only person that didn't know. And people all thought, well, Conan, you knew Norm and he was, does, his classic appearances on your show and da, da, da, da, da. And I was like, I know, we were desperately trying to get him back. I desperately wanted Norm on my last episode. We were trying to get him and not getting an answer back. And I thought, well, he just doesn't want to come. And I was bummed about it, but thought, he's probably got other things to do. That's too bad. Get these all time great guests. And then he, he dies.

• 45:04Conan O'Brien?

  And I just thought, well, I didn't know, but everyone else must have known. And then Jim Downey called me and said, you know, more or less, Conan, fuck you for not telling me about Norm. And I said, Jim, I didn't know. And he, and, and Jim Downey said,

• 45:18Speaker 05

  I would think Downey might know.

• 45:20Conan O'Brien?

  No, Jim didn't know. Did you know?

• 45:21Speaker 05

  I did not know. And I,

• 45:23Conan O'Brien?

  And you were touring with him.

• 45:24Speaker 05

  Well, I'd done some gigs with him and then, uh, before COVID, me, him and Dennis Miller was our last one together, but, great, super fun, obviously. And then, um, but, but, you know, we would talk and he, it was more about coming over for dinner, same thing where, he didn't tell me, he'd go, no, I can't. And then I, he goes, I go, well, it's just me and you sitting 10 feet apart, but something to do. And he's like, yeah, okay, for sure. And then that night I go, where are you? He goes, David, it's COVID. And I go, what is it? So you're not coming? We're not supposed to leave the house. I go, I know, but we've talked about this. Like you're allowed to go places and then they, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, let's do it next week then. And then he just did that routine and then until it was too late, but I didn't know.

• 46:09Speaker 05

  So I don't know who knew. I think Gervitz knew and maybe, um,

• 46:12Conan O'Brien?

  I think Gervitz and Laurie Jo. I think that's about it.

• 46:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:14Conan O'Brien?

  And, and I think, I mean, I, I think two things about it and they're diametrically opposed. One is I wish I had known because I would have told him what he meant to me.

• 46:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:25Conan O'Brien?

  And there's that feeling of feeling, uh, I wish I had known. And so initially I was mad that I didn't know.

• 46:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:35Conan O'Brien?

  And then there's the other side, which is great respect for him wanting to keep it private.

• 46:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:41Conan O'Brien?

  And him not wanting people to treat him any differently because he was sick.

• 46:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:47Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I, I, so I have both feelings at the same time.

• 46:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, I feel the same way. Like I do. It was just so overwhelmingly horrible that I just like, then I, later it took me how it affected me where like it was, I was mad at him.

• 47:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 05

  But I'm really, by the way, just not to lighten up the low, the, the feel here. Cause I know it's getting sad, but when we were at the memorial or whatever that special was.

• 47:11Conan O'Brien?

  For Norm.

• 47:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. Where we watched, we, we were watching the special. Remember that? We watched his special. That's why the cameras are there.

• 47:17Conan O'Brien?

  That's a separate, that was, that was a thing.

• 47:20Speaker 05

  Wasn't that at, at the memorial?

• 47:22Conan O'Brien?

  Those are, you're talking about, you're talking about two different things. No, there was, um, there was a, a kind of a

• 47:28Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 47:29Conan O'Brien?

  Eulogy for Norm that I sort of spoke at

• 47:35Speaker 05

  Again.

• 47:35Conan O'Brien?

  And brought people up. And then there was a separate thing where Norm had made,

• 47:40Speaker 05

  A Netflix special.

• 47:40Conan O'Brien?

  He was planning to do a, he was plan, it was fascinating. He was planning to do, um, an hour. And he had an hour together or 50 minutes. And he really had it in his mind and he knew, I think, I believe, and Laurie Jo would know better. I don't want to speak for her.

• 47:59Speaker 05

  I believe.

• 47:59Conan O'Brien?

  But I think he was planning to go into the hospital for what he thought was going to be.

• 48:04Speaker 05

  Something routine maintenance.

• 48:06Conan O'Brien?

  Routine maintenance treatment for his condition. So what he did was he said, before I go into the hospital, I want to record. So he recorded.

• 48:16Conan O'Brien?

  Using similar technology.

• 48:17Speaker 05

  Most amateur way, like just a.

• 48:19Conan O'Brien?

  Literally just a camera there. I mean, we're doing here is far more sophisticated. And he did from memory his whole.

• 48:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:27Conan O'Brien?

  Fifty minutes and it was really funny and great. He goes into the hospital and he dies. And then Laurie Jo found the tape.

• 48:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:37Conan O'Brien?

  And they thought to round out the special or to give it something else, let's have you, me, Sandler, Chappelle, Letterman, who else was there?

• 48:48Speaker 05

  One more, Molly?

• 48:49Conan O'Brien?

  Molly was there, Molly Shannon.

• 48:52Speaker 05

  Maybe that was it.

• 48:53Conan O'Brien?

  Might have been it. It was and had us watch it. We hadn't seen it. Watch it in real time.

• 48:59Speaker 05

  Weird because camera's filming us.

• 49:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, and then talk about it right afterwards. And that part, um, I mean, I think it came out really well, but I remembered being, it was very powerful to be in a room and have everyone else leave and shut the doors and then show, and then suddenly Norm was there.

• 49:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:17Conan O'Brien?

  And he's, he's being hilarious and we're laughing and loving it. And then it's over and then I think we just started talking about it.

• 49:26Speaker 05

  A little teary eyed at parts though, because you can, you're just watching him going, and then you start drifting your mind going, okay, it's over. This is right before. And then we talk and then it's funny because we're all talking and then also we're like, just a weird scene.

• 49:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 49:39Speaker 06

  Will that ever be released, do you think?

• 49:41Conan O'Brien?

  It was.

• 49:41Speaker 05

  I think it was.

• 49:42Speaker 06

  Oh, I didn't realize that.

• 49:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it was released. I think it's on Netflix.

• 49:47Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 49:48Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, oh, your mistakes get cut out. That's nice. Um, yes, it won a, uh, no, it, uh.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Can you edit out me laughing at nine 11?

• 49:56Speaker 05

  No, no.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  No? Okay.

• 49:57Conan O'Brien?

  Cause we never forget.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 49:59Conan O'Brien?

  Nothing special.

• 50:00Speaker 05

  We never forget who thinks it's funny.

• 50:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. It's called Nothing Special and it won an Emmy.

• 50:05Speaker 05

  Was it called Nothing Special?

• 50:07Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 50:07Speaker 05

  Was it called Nothing Special?

• 50:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:09Speaker 06

  This is the thing that you guys are watching is aired.

• 50:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 50:12Speaker 06

  I, the whole.

• 50:13Speaker 05

  His material.

• 50:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, no, just and just so we're clear.

• 50:16Speaker 05

  Has he been listening?

• 50:18Conan O'Brien?

  This is his first podcast.

• 50:19Speaker 05

  Is he new?

• 50:20Conan O'Brien?

  He won a, he won a contest.

• 50:22Speaker 05

  Is he a contestant?

• 50:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he's a contest winner. He got to fly in and we didn't, he told him not to talk.

• 50:25Speaker 05

  He loves that I make fun of him.

• 50:27Conan O'Brien?

  That microphone isn't even real. Um, no, it was, the special was, you see, uh, uh, it plays Norm's special and then you see our reaction to it. So that's the whole, so you see both.

• 50:37Speaker 05

  Sorry.

• 50:38Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's okay. Don't be sorry.

• 50:39Speaker 05

  Yeah. Don't be sorry.

• 50:40Conan O'Brien?

  I, I, and that's humanity. You should feel terrible about your crimes.

• 50:43Speaker 07

  Oh, okay. We should edit that out.

• 50:44Speaker 05

  You know, at the, at the, at the memorial, the first one with the dolly shots, whatever that one was, that you were falling everywhere.

• 50:52Conan O'Brien?

  Right. When people die and I'm mourning them, I tend to do a tumbling act for a little bit. Just to sort of loosen up the crowd.

• 50:58Speaker 05

  Also, by the way, I think it was like four inches and the next one was like nine inches because everybody, their toe hit that fucking thing I'm still mad about, that step. But I left in between that and then there was like a part two, or maybe it was the, I'm confusing him, but I had to come back.

• 51:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:14Speaker 05

  So I had a, or I just left during it because it was getting too sad. So I ran out. This is when I went to McDonald's and in the Amazon special, I talk about that exact thing. I went to McDonald's in my suit and was in line and the crazy guy comes out of the bushes and starts, takes off shirts and smacking.

• 51:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 51:35Speaker 05

  The guy ordering.

• 51:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 51:36Speaker 05

  So I go, let's back up, but let's park. I don't, I want to watch. So I went in and that whole thing takes place from the Norm McDonald thing.

• 51:44Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't real, okay. So that happened from the Norm thing.

• 51:47Speaker 05

  Yeah. That's a real story and it was really happening and I did get scared when he came in because I thought we were gonna, gonna fight.

• 51:53Conan O'Brien?

  First of all, I want it noted that someone you were very close to, a colleague and a cherished person passed away and you were present at their memorial, but walked out halfway through to go to McDonald's.

• 52:04Speaker 05

  But also.

• 52:04Conan O'Brien?

  But then something funny happened, which you could use in your special, dandelion.

• 52:08Speaker 05

  No, because I had already done my set.

• 52:09Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 52:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you did your set. So then you're out of there.

• 52:13Conan O'Brien?

  I scored and now it's time for some chicken McNuggets.

• 52:15Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:17Speaker 05

  I tried to sound real and it's, it's too many comics there and I'm trying to sound like, say nice stories about Norm and everyone just looking for punchline. It's such a weird scene because it's all comedians and you're just like, I'm just gonna leave here and everyone's gonna be like, who did well? You know what I mean? It's like, that's everything.

• 52:34Conan O'Brien?

  It is. Okay. Let's talk about this. This is a real phenomenon.

• 52:37Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 52:37Conan O'Brien?

  Where a. Funny person dies.

• 52:41Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 52:42Conan O'Brien?

  Who do they, who are their friends? Other funny, professionally funny people? We get together when people pass on, when they die, and there's a gathering, people speak. But you've got a room full of people who are competitive about getting up and being funny. And it's a strange phenomenon. These things are weird because you think, nope, it's not about that. But there's some part of you that wants to do well.

• 53:09Speaker 05

  And there's some nerves and some awkwardness. And I think it started, I went to Gary Shandling's.

• 53:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 53:15Speaker 05

  Funeral, and then everyone was like, Bill Maher did great.

• 53:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 53:18Speaker 05

  And I kept going, and then everyone's like.

• 53:19Conan O'Brien?

  Can I say something? Maher used props.

• 53:21Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 53:23Conan O'Brien?

  He had a lot of balloons, he was doing balloon work.

• 53:25Speaker 05

  Oh, he was? I don't remember that.

• 53:27Conan O'Brien?

  No, I remember clearly. And he had a whole trunk like Gallagher, or Gallagher 2.

• 53:32Speaker 05

  That was being filmed too.

• 53:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 53:33Speaker 05

  I think Hapertow filmed it.

• 53:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, they had, yeah.

• 53:35Speaker 05

  Is that a release? For something, for a documentary?

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought Gallagher was, sorry. I got confused. I thought, I thought Gallagher.

• 53:41Conan O'Brien?

  So you guys are here to help.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. We're, we're.

• 53:43Speaker 05

  She's throwing confusion.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  I am.

• 53:45Speaker 05

  You should do Gallagher 3. Do you know what Gallagher 2 is?

• 53:49Conan O'Brien?

  Gallagher 2 is his brother.

• 53:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, and he does Gallagher's act.

• 53:52Conan O'Brien?

  Right, but I think, are they, have they both passed on to their reward? I think Gallagher 1.

• 53:56Speaker 05

  Well, according to this podcast, I'm sure they did. Because everyone's dying so far that we talk about it.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  I know, you guys are talking a lot of.

• 54:02Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm sorry, but it's.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  It's a lot of dead.

• 54:04Speaker 05

  I'm sorry, we're jinxing everyone.

• 54:05Conan O'Brien?

  We are two survivors here. You know, Sona, you and Gorilla are young people. You don't know what it's like. We, we have been through the shit. We're like guys that were in war together.

• 54:17Speaker 05

  We're like in the Titanic, we're just talking about it.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  We're on SNL together, I don't think that's.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  I know.

• 54:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's a lot like the Titanic, SNL.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Okay, alright.

• 54:24Speaker 05

  God, we talk about SNL forever, it's so embarrassing. But it is something to talk about, right?

• 54:30Conan O'Brien?

  He said doodling. Hey, if you're bored, just let me know.

• 54:33Speaker 05

  No, I'm not.

• 54:33Conan O'Brien?

  I think this is, I actually love talking about this stuff, and it's meaningful to me.

• 54:36Speaker 05

  No, because we were both there.

• 54:37Conan O'Brien?

  If you want to take a break and go to McDonald's, go ahead and I'll just keep talking. You can get yourself the McGriddle, whatever it's called.

• 54:44Speaker 05

  I almost got beat up, that's a big story. You're not even concerned.

• 54:47Conan O'Brien?

  Well, let's hear about it.

• 54:48Speaker 05

  Oh, I can't.

• 54:56Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:02Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific?

• 55:22Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 55:24Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 55:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:26Conan O'Brien?

  Um, like a walk with an ex-wife. Uh, I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:35Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 56:05Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 56:25Conan O'Brien?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists can help you figure out what rules or traditions aren't serving you and how to rewrite them. And with insurance, many members pay $15 or less. Some pay $0. BetterHelp, they do a great job. You're in good hands. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the United States with at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. When it comes to matching with a therapist, BetterHelp does the initial work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to help identify your needs. And if you're not happy with your match, this is the best part. A lot of people think, oh my God, this is the person I've signed up with, I need to make this work. That's not the case. If it's not a good match, you switch to a different therapist at any time from BetterHelp's tailored recommendations.

• 57:11Conan O'Brien?

  BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/conan. That's better H E L P dot com slash Conan.

• 57:31Speaker 08

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• 58:06Conan O'Brien?

  I very much enjoyed your special.

• 58:08Speaker 05

  Did you watch it?

• 58:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I did.

• 58:10Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, that's nice.

• 58:11Conan O'Brien?

  What are you talking about? When I talk to a friend and they have a special, I...

• 58:15Speaker 05

  Ah, it's nice.

• 58:16Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I liked is that you've got very funny material. You're obviously a very funny comedian. But when you notice something that's just happening in the real moment and fuck around about it, you're one of my favorites. And one of the first things he does in the special is you're talking, and I didn't even notice it, but I realized you're kind of doing that thing when there's a long chord.

• 58:36Speaker 05

  Mic chord.

• 58:36Conan O'Brien?

  Your mic chord, and you're trying to run, and you went, "By the way, the cordless mic was invented in 1996, guys." And it's hilarious, and it's not even part of the set that you had planned. And then you go on this whole riff about Jeff Bezos and...

• 58:53Speaker 05

  Give me a shitty mic for my fucking special.

• 58:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and I noticed this at the SNL 50th, and I know I'm bringing SNL back into it, but for a reason, you did a sketch in that, and at one point, you're not even in the sketch anymore, and you ad-libbed a line that was one of my favorite lines of the night.

• 59:09Speaker 05

  That's right. You told me. That was very nice.

• 59:10Conan O'Brien?

  And, I mean, it absolutely was hilarious, which is, a sketch is going on, you take us through it.

• 59:15Speaker 05

  I'm doing a sketch with Mulaney and Pete Davidson.

• 59:20Speaker 05

  Broadway New York musicals. So it's kind of a long sketch.

• 59:23Conan O'Brien?

  And it's about the evolution of New York throughout the different eras. Like, starting out in seventy-five when SNL starts out, and then a bunch of people saw this.

• 59:29Speaker 05

  And me and Pete are like two young kids. And he's telling us the story of how it started.

• 59:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:34Speaker 05

  And so, as we go through it, I don't know if they predicted this, but of course, I got bored during it. So, they have me, they write me in the middle of it. I walk in and I sit in the audience.

• 59:44Conan O'Brien?

  You're in the audience suddenly. Which, all the way, people don't really know. You like, suddenly, you're not there, but you don't quite clock that. And then all of a sudden, they just, they wonder, where's David?

• 59:53Speaker 05

  And then Malaney goes, "Listen, Jimmy." And then he goes, "Wait, Pete." He just breaks character. "Where's Spade?" And he goes, "Oh, I think he went back to the audience." And sat in the audience. And then they look around, and then they have a camera at me, and I'm sitting in the audience. And they cut to me, and I go, "Oh, yeah, no, I got a feel for it."

• 1:00:13Conan O'Brien?

  But, and so I asked around, and I think that was you. Was that your line?

• 1:00:18Speaker 05

  Well, they gave me a line, and it was something like that. And then Wally goes, "I'm not gonna give you a cue card, you got it." And I go, "Yeah." And then, when it came to me in rehearsal, I said that, which was basically something like the line.

• 1:00:28Conan O'Brien?

  Right, but you said it your way.

• 1:00:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:31Conan O'Brien?

  And you were so dismissive, and it was so, it was so thrown away. You're like, "Ah, I got a feel for it." And I, you know, I laughed very hard a bunch of times that night. That might have been my favorite moment.

• 1:00:42Speaker 05

  Thank you, that was fun, because we didn't rehearse, and it worked. And then, Malaney was like, "Just do it like that, like, whatever." It was perfect. It was, it was fun to be at the fiftieth, and it was fun to be in something. Because, you know, we just go, and I thought Lovitz's line was funny, too.

• 1:00:56Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my god, they, they, Lovitz is at the American Girl Store.

• 1:01:01Speaker 05

  He's sitting so far away.

• 1:01:02Conan O'Brien?

  He's so, he's, you know, they have people sitting, and he's at the American Girl Store, and what was his line?

• 1:01:06Speaker 05

  And, and they go, because they have the all-stars in the audience, but you can't fit everyone. And they go, "Where's John Lovitz?" And then he pan to the, the real American Girl Store, he's sitting with all these dolls around him. And they go, "Oh, Johnny," he goes, "I'm not mad, I just wanna know why."

• 1:01:22Speaker 05

  They go, "Sorry, John, that you're all the way over across the street." And the American girls are, "I'm not mad, I just wanna know why." Like, he doesn't get there's not enough seats. He's like...

• 1:01:32Conan O'Brien?

  We had a crazy night. I don't know if you're gonna remember this. It wasn't that crazy, but we occasionally get dinner together.

• 1:01:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:38Conan O'Brien?

  It'll be, and when I say "we," it's you, it's Dana Carvey, it's myself. It's the same group. We always go to the exact same restaurant on La Cienega. Coy.

• 1:01:48Speaker 05

  Love it.

• 1:01:49Conan O'Brien?

  And it's this thing we do. And we'll just sit around and talk. And I remember one night, we don't, it wasn't planned, it was a total accident. We're leaving the restaurant and we hear, "Hello." And it's John Lovitz.

• 1:02:05Speaker 05

  What do we have here?

• 1:02:06Conan O'Brien?

  What do we have here? And he is, he is always himself, and he's always, he's one of the funniest people you'll ever meet because he's always himself. And whatever he's doing, if he's standing with an attractive woman, he'll say, "Oh, and this is, you know, this is Jessica." And then he'll look at me in front of her and say, "Jealous."

• 1:02:28Speaker 05

  He's always very John Lovitz. And he does play the John Lovitz. He doesn't, he does what you wanna hear.

• 1:02:34Conan O'Brien?

  But we were with him and we're all talking to him. And then I, I can't believe this really happened, but we all walk outside the restaurant and Lovitz is standing there and he said, "Hold on, they're delivering a car for me." And they delivered, like, one of those trucks

• 1:02:52Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:53Conan O'Brien?

  was delivering a car to him at the restaurant. I don't mean like an Uber. I don't mean, I mean, he was taking possession of a fancy car and looked to me and was like, "Jealous."

• 1:03:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, I was jealous.

• 1:03:07Conan O'Brien?

  As they were lowering a car.

• 1:03:09Speaker 05

  Your Porsche, sir.

• 1:03:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and I thought, "Who, who the fuck says, 'Yes, well, yes, I'll take possession of my Bugatti and I'll be over at Coy looking for old friends from Saturday Night Live.'"

• 1:03:23Speaker 05

  Wait till you see me standing with them and then pull up.

• 1:03:26Conan O'Brien?

  When you see me standing there and you see them with their shitty cars. Make sure you wait. And then back up and have the car delivered. And it was, it was a happening. I loved that.

• 1:03:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Loz is always a crack up. He has tons of cars. I'm shocked. I like cars. He has way more. He pulls up, "Do you like it?"

• 1:03:45Conan O'Brien?

  You like it.

• 1:03:45Speaker 05

  He goes, "How can I..." Because he goes, "You should get a Mustang." And he pulls up this new, blown out Mustang. He goes, "How can I get you in this car?"

• 1:03:55Speaker 05

  He's trying to sell it.

• 1:03:58Speaker 05

  Yeah. He is always a crack up. Also, you did the Mark Twain. I saw you at the last Mark Twain that I was in, which was the Samoan one. That was a really funny one. Was yours fun too?

• 1:04:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. I was more fun than I thought it was gonna be. I like, I really like showing up for other people. Being talked about, of course.

• 1:04:19Speaker 05

  Is it weird?

• 1:04:20Conan O'Brien?

  I was dreading and then I loved it. Just because everyone was so funny and irreverent.

• 1:04:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I just saw the lineup out there on the poster that you signed for yourself or something. But it was on the wall.

• 1:04:34Conan O'Brien?

  Signed it to me.

• 1:04:35Speaker 05

  I don't know exactly what happened, but...

• 1:04:36Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I stood with a marker and I signed Letterman, Mulaney.

• 1:04:41Speaker 05

  It's part of your deal. Sign here.

• 1:04:43Conan O'Brien?

  I signed everyone else's name on it to pretend.

• 1:04:45Speaker 05

  I was with Nikki Glaser in Vegas and she gallantly took a red... We did our show. And she goes, "I'm gonna miss your set. I'm going straight to the airport." Went straight on the red eye to you. Got it together. I mean, that's a brutal...

• 1:05:00Conan O'Brien?

  She killed and I was just in Vegas yesterday and ran, I think drove by seven different signs.

• 1:05:10Speaker 05

  Oh, for me and Nikki?

• 1:05:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, for you and Nikki. And I adore her.

• 1:05:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's great.

• 1:05:15Conan O'Brien?

  I adore her and I adore you. I love the idea of you two being out there together. And that would be a show. I would love to see that show.

• 1:05:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, you'd laugh. It's funny. We just... And like what you were saying earlier, it's like when you do corporate shows, you probably do those when you... Dana and I do a bunch of them and he fucking kills. He's exactly what they want. He exactly, I'm pretty much what they want, but he's exactly what they want. But whenever you do anything, in, actually any show when I'm on the road, this tour, if you say anything that they don't think is scripted. Like that mic thing, or you say something about this, you make fun of the guy over here with the lights. It always works 10 times better than whatever you're really supposed to say. It's so funny that it always works that way. One time I was doing this corporate, and this is just a dumb example, but it was like three nights. One night was like Stevie Nicks, me, and then Journey, right?

• 1:06:03Speaker 05

  So, I'm going backstage, they're like, and don't forget, tomorrow night, we got David Spade coming, but don't forget tomorrow night, Journey. They would put it over the loudspeaker. So I forgot six times before I go on, I go, hey guys, I don't want to hear one fucking more thing about Journey. Okay? We're here tonight, I don't give a fat fuck about Journey and all their contest winners that are in that. It's not even all real Journey, I'm ready to break it to you. But I said, we're here, and I'm here, and it's gonna suck, and we're gonna get through it. And then you get your precious Journey. And then that works better than the whole. Of course. So anything like that. Anything else you've got. And then I go, anyway, dogs are funny, and they're like, no, no, no. Oh, I smell your act. Go back to Journey.

• 1:06:48Speaker 05

  You really got it with that Journey thing. Say shit about anything else.

• 1:06:53Conan O'Brien?

  David, I've kept you here long enough.

• 1:06:54Speaker 05

  God, that did go fast, Conan. I have to say, we did a good job. We, I, it was nice and fun and you were great.

• 1:07:00Conan O'Brien?

  I think I did a good job.

• 1:07:01Speaker 05

  You did a great job.

• 1:07:02Conan O'Brien?

  You were all over the map.

• 1:07:03Speaker 05

  I think Sona and I did the best work here.

• 1:07:06Conan O'Brien?

  In your own way, I think you guys killed it.

• 1:07:08Speaker 05

  We learned about all of Building 7 over there.

• 1:07:11Conan O'Brien?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:07:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, Building 7.

• 1:07:15Conan O'Brien?

  So, to end on a positive note, Pearl Harbor.

• 1:07:20Speaker 05

  Yeah. There we go.

• 1:07:22Conan O'Brien?

  You know, Sona doesn't know what you're talking about. David, on a serious note, I've known you, I wanna, I don't know, I think it was 1989. Something like that, 1990, I can't remember. It was a long time. I've known you a really long time and I'm always really happy to see you.

• 1:07:39Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 1:07:40Conan O'Brien?

  And you are a deeply funny person and also a sweet gentleman. I've always known you to be that.

• 1:07:49Speaker 05

  That sweet rumor, I hopefully, hopefully it's sticking around.

• 1:07:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we're getting it. We're getting the word out there. It's not trending well. People aren't buying it, but there's a lot of pushback on it. But David Spade, Dandelion, is available to stream on Prime Video. I watched it last night.

• 1:08:06Speaker 05

  Very nice.

• 1:08:07Conan O'Brien?

  It's really funny and.

• 1:08:10Speaker 05

  That's it.

• 1:08:10Conan O'Brien?

  You're a good man.

• 1:08:11Speaker 05

  On the road, come see me. I know your friend Adam. Tell your friend Adam I said hello.

• 1:08:18Speaker 05

  Actually, someone said that there is a house over there by you guys. I don't even know where you live exactly, but.

• 1:08:23Conan O'Brien?

  We keep it that way.

• 1:08:24Speaker 05

  Didn't you get, didn't it get close to you?

• 1:08:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, it's, it's fine. The fire's got, Sandler and I live very close to each other. I lived closer to the fire than Sandler.

• 1:08:35Speaker 05

  But can you still live there? You cannot.

• 1:08:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I can. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Our, we're gob, you know, I'm very lucky. We were very fortunate that our house was close and we had to, we had to move out of it for a couple of months, but it was just smoke damage.

• 1:08:52Speaker 05

  Sorry to bring that up, but yeah, I'm glad you're okay.

• 1:08:54Conan O'Brien?

  So you saw us getting out with some good sentiment and some good feeling and you brought up the fires.

• 1:09:00Speaker 05

  Yeah. I said quickly, I was rocking my brain, ChatGPT, what's the saddest thing that's happened recently?

• 1:09:07Conan O'Brien?

  Free fires in La Tantalla.

• 1:09:09Speaker 05

  And it goes, this show's over. I wouldn't bring it up. I go.

• 1:09:13Conan O'Brien?

  So wait, so ChatGPT knew that it was a mistake?

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:09:17Speaker 05

  They know everything. They just.

• 1:09:18Conan O'Brien?

  I would have ended on the journey bit.

• 1:09:22Conan O'Brien?

  That really killed.

• 1:09:23Speaker 05

  Yeah. I thought you had timing. You're proving. Yeah.

• 1:09:27Conan O'Brien?

  All right, David, I hope I see you real soon.

• 1:09:30Speaker 05

  Yeah. Give me, give me about a hundred yards ahead of you and then you take off.

• 1:09:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:34Speaker 05

  All right, thanks.

• 1:09:37Speaker 06

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonum of Sessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:09:57Speaker 06

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:10:45Speaker 09

  Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections for what teens see and who can contact them, plus time management tools.

• 1:10:54Speaker 09

  And Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences.

• 1:11:02Speaker 09

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 1:11:15Speaker 10

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. Participate in McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper 7-Up Inc.