Mike Birbiglia Returns Again

Comedian, writer and director Mike Birbiglia feels earnest about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Mike sits down with Conan once again to discuss his latest special The Good Life, taking comedy advice from the Pope, and how his father’s stroke impacted his own parenting style. Plus, Conan and the Chums hammer out a succession plan for hosting the podcast in the event of a worst-case scenario. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:16Speaker 01

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• 0:17Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:22Speaker 01

  What?

• 0:23Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:49Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:52Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:54Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 1:00Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 1:01Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 1:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.

• 1:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 1:11Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays... I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:24Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  Hi, my name is Mike Birbiglia.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  And I feel earnest about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 2:19Conan O'Brien?

  Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Sitting here as always with Sonam Ossessian. Matt Gourley.

• 2:25Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 2:26Conan O'Brien?

  We have a wonderful team here, works very hard. An inside source has told me that instead of doing his job, Eduardo's watching football. Are you watching football right now? Eduardo, what are you watching? Eduardo, what are you? Eduardo.

• 2:39Speaker 03

  I thought you were my boy.

• 2:40Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  This whole time.

• 2:42Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo, what are you watching?

• 2:44Speaker 03

  Nothing.

• 2:44Conan O'Brien?

  No, what are you watching? We're about honesty here.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Listen, we just, listen, we just wrapped an interview with a guest and I respectfully waited until that wrapped.

• 2:55Conan O'Brien?

  Why don't you just tell me what you're watching?

• 2:56Speaker 03

  I'm watching the semifinals of the UEFA Champions League right now. It's a game between Barcelona and Inter Milan.

• 3:02Conan O'Brien?

  Excuse me, it's Barcelon.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  Barcelona and Inter Milan.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Wow, Blay, fuck you, man.

• 3:08Conan O'Brien?

  So, listen, listen, listen. How dare you, Eduardo? How dare you? All I do is laud you for your professionalism, I think you're the only professional one here, and then I find out that you're watching Barcelona play who? Los Estadios del Andos?

• 3:20Speaker 03

  Inter Milan, and they just scored. Thank you very much.

• 3:23Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, let me tell you something. You missed it?

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:28Conan O'Brien?

  You missed it. Who are you rooting for?

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Barcelona.

• 3:31Conan O'Brien?

  It's Barcelona.

• 3:34Conan O'Brien?

  Por favor. God, I wish you'd learned the language. White splaining. Excuse me?

• 3:41Conan O'Brien?

  I am white splaining.

• 3:43Speaker 03

  I knew it.

• 3:43Conan O'Brien?

  It's a new term. So, you had the gall. You're in the presence of Conan O'Brien. We're making a seminal podcast and you are watching football.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  You were on your fifth bit and I decided to just...

• 3:58Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 3:59Speaker 05

  Oh!

• 4:00Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 4:01Speaker 05

  Yay!

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 4:03Speaker 05

  Yay!

• 4:04Speaker 04

  Go get yourself. You're gonna let him talk to you like that?

• 4:08Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly!

• 4:09Speaker 04

  You're gonna let him talk to you like that?

• 4:10Conan O'Brien?

  You and I are both... Oh, look at this! We are all channeling the same scene. Goodfellas. Goodfellas and Spider just dissed...

• 4:21Speaker 04

  Man.

• 4:22Conan O'Brien?

  Of course, I would be...

• 4:23Speaker 04

  Tommy.

• 4:23Conan O'Brien?

  I'd be Tommy.

• 4:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:25Conan O'Brien?

  I'd be Tommy. And you're gonna like, "You're gonna let him talk to you like that? You're gonna let him talk to you like that?"

• 4:31Conan O'Brien?

  And now, of course, you know where this goes. Yes. I start shooting away at you.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  This is a rite of passage, because this exact scenario happened to me early on in the podcast as well, where I was Spider. And now, you got...

• 4:42Conan O'Brien?

  It's a rite of passage, and now you have to be shot in the foot. Fair. Then you come back later on with a bandage on your foot, and I kill you.

• 4:50Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, I know I do a lot of bits, and they seem like a waste of time to you, and I'm sure football, as you call it... I call it soccer here in the United States. It's more important to you. But, you know what? You do such a good job, I think you should be allowed to watch football. Thank you. While I'm...

• 5:06Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 5:06Conan O'Brien?

  I do!

• 5:07Speaker 04

  I'm just gonna put something on my TV.

• 5:09Speaker 05

  Put some YouTube on!

• 5:10Conan O'Brien?

  Well, what would you... First of all, Eduardo, mad respect... Thank you. For your comeback, and also for your devotion to the most popular sport in the world. That's right. Or, as I call it, El Mundo. Sona, what would you be secretly watching, if you were secretly watching while we were doing the podcast?

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Uh, Love is Blind?

• 5:28Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, is that a good show?

• 5:29Speaker 01

  I mean, I only really watched the first season, really.

• 5:32Conan O'Brien?

  It's harsh, though, right?

• 5:33Speaker 01

  It's pretty intense.

• 5:34Conan O'Brien?

  Because people say yes to somebody, and then they see what they look like?

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:39Conan O'Brien?

  And they turn them down?

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Some of them do, yeah. It just, you know, I mean, it's... Is love blind? Is it?

• 5:47Conan O'Brien?

  That's a wow. That's a profound question, and it's the title of the show.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 5:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Are we really down under?

• 5:53Speaker 01

  What?

• 5:54Conan O'Brien?

  Above deck?

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Below deck!

• 5:56Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, shit.

• 5:58Conan O'Brien?

  And what about you? What are you watching?

• 5:59Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm just watching Casino Royale as we speak.

• 6:01Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow. That's the beginning.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:03Conan O'Brien?

  This is when we are first introduced to Daniel Craig.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  Pretty good, huh?

• 6:07Conan O'Brien?

  As Bond, and he killed it.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, he did.

• 6:09Conan O'Brien?

  He really killed it. This is the great scene where he's chasing. Okay, so that's what you're watching.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  The parkour scene, yeah.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Or I'd watch YouTube.

• 6:16Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I'd be watching?

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 6:17Conan O'Brien?

  Clips of my show.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 6:19Conan O'Brien?

  Classic Conan.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 6:21Conan O'Brien?

  You guys would see me not really paying attention, and then you'd take my phone away from me. Oh, there's Conan talking to Al Roker in 2004. Not even a particularly good interview. But me going, "Look at him. He's-- Conan's got sideburns." That just kills me. That's great. "Oh, what's he gonna say now? Oh, look at him. He's only 32."

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 6:42Conan O'Brien?

  Well, um, I-- listen, you're a maestro at what you do.

• 6:46Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 6:46Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm gonna turn this back around to a compliment. You're a maestro, and all I think-- I think what Blay did essentially was expose that you can do this job with one hand tied behind your back.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  Interesting. I'm still pissed. I'm sorry.

• 6:59Conan O'Brien?

  Are you still-- I know you're legitimately angry at Blay.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  Yes. I think-- I think that was a foul move.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  You ratted him out.

• 7:04Conan O'Brien?

  Well, listen, listen.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  Eduardo do wrong.

• 7:06Conan O'Brien?

  Now, fans get to listen for the eventual payback.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 7:11Conan O'Brien?

  The get back.

• 7:11Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 7:11Conan O'Brien?

  And when's it gonna happen? How's it gonna happen? We don't know.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  But I thought we all had a tacit understanding that it's us against him. And when Blay, when you-- you feed the beast like that and break the union, you know?

• 7:23Conan O'Brien?

  Also, can I say this? It's not only-- it's not only that, it's worse. Because--

• 7:29Speaker 04

  He's not even on your side, and you just gave him--

• 7:31Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, but listen to me. Listen to me. It's worse because I check out the occasional Reddit thread. I know what the word is on the street.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  You do?

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo is one of the most respected people in this room. The rest of us can be fools and goons. Eduardo has this mellifluous voice. He knows what he's doing. He occasionally speaks. It's always good. He is the one in this room who is the adult, the cool one. You betrayed the Jesus in the room.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:02Conan O'Brien?

  Or, I'm sorry, the Jesus.

• 8:05Conan O'Brien?

  That makes you Judas. That makes you Judas.

• 8:07Speaker 06

  What? I'm the Judas? I'm the Judas?

• 8:10Speaker 07

  Well, you know what? I think, I just wanted people to understand Eduardo is more than just an engineer. He's a human being. And, and I wanted to show another facet of-

• 8:19Conan O'Brien?

  You're going down. You're going down.

• 8:21Speaker 06

  What do you mean?

• 8:22Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo's coming for you.

• 8:24Speaker 06

  No!

• 8:24Conan O'Brien?

  And it's gonna be, his retribution will be terrible. Like John Wick, baby. You just killed his dog.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  You killed the puppy.

• 8:32Conan O'Brien?

  You killed his puppy.

• 8:33Speaker 07

  I think what awaits you, Blay, is horrific. And I tremble just imagining being you.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Eduardo's watching soccer and you're getting mad at Blake? Can you get mad at Eduardo, please?

• 8:43Conan O'Brien?

  Add Sona to the list. Yeah. Sona?

• 8:46Speaker 01

  What the fuck? Oh my god!

• 8:49Speaker 04

  He's tearing us apart. We can't let this happen.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  He's watching soccer!

• 8:52Conan O'Brien?

  You're on the list. First of all, first of all-

• 8:54Speaker 04

  You watch TV all the time when you're working.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  I know!

• 8:57Speaker 04

  You gotta have, how can you not have sympathy for this?

• 8:59Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, stop calling it soccer, it's football.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Oh my god! You just said it's soccer, cuz we're in America.

• 9:04Conan O'Brien?

  It's football. And I'll tell you something else.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Don't say it like that.

• 9:07Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo, that's how you say his name. Eduardo es mi hermano.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  No, I hate it.

• 9:12Conan O'Brien?

  Si, es mi amigo.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Are you pronouncing your name incorrectly?

• 9:15Conan O'Brien?

  No, he was right. No, it's Eduardo.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  I thought cuz it's not the E?

• 9:17Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's perfect.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Fuck you!

• 9:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, perfecto, perfecto. Eduardo is above reproach. And I feigned, turning on Eduardo to trick the rest of you to expose what rats you really are.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  Remember when the studio wasn't working properly? He fucked it up, remember?

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Wow, Sona, what are you doing?

• 9:37Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, what are you doing?

• 9:38Speaker 01

  I want you to get mad at Eduardo! I just want you to get mad at him!

• 9:42Conan O'Brien?

  I, this is a sad side of you.

• 9:44Speaker 04

  We gotta stick together, you guys.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Remember, it broke.

• 9:46Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you know what I love?

• 9:47Speaker 04

  We have nothing if we're not one, you know?

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Remember the audio, was it working?

• 9:51Speaker 04

  Union strong!

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Who was here? Who was the guest?

• 9:53Conan O'Brien?

  It's Sona, Sona, it's called audio. Oh, Jesus. Listen. I'm gonna say one thing, which is, I want listeners to look at what just happened here. I was given some information by Blay, which I took. I turned against Eduardo exposing him and embarrassing him. Then, through a series of deft maneuvers, tricked all of you into bickering with one another. Now, and then I became Eduardo's defender, his amigo, and the one who says, "Oh, football and not soccer." And so now I have emerged as the hero of the story. And you are the villain, Sona, as are you, Blay. You're cool, you're cool. Fuck you, you're cool.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Hey!

• 10:34Conan O'Brien?

  I am a matador.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, fuck you, Blay. I'll turn against Blay. I'll turn against Blay.

• 10:41Speaker 04

  Oh, look what he's done to us. Look what he's done to us. This is sad. And Adam, you're being awfully quiet over there.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  I know, you're just sitting there quietly.

• 10:49Speaker 04

  And you're the real boss here. Are you watching football?

• 10:52Conan O'Brien?

  Deep down, you know I'm the maestro, don't you? At manipulating the people around me, so that I always come on top. 100%. I'm just being quiet because I'm letting this unfold. This is good content.

• 11:03Conan O'Brien?

  And you're watching the maestro conduct the orchestra to perfection. I'm loving it. Perfect. Perfect. You're a good guy, too. Eduardo and Adam, you're the good guys in this room. And I'm gonna include this guy, too. My guest today is a hilarious comedian, writer, director, and actor, whose latest special, "The Good Life," is now available to stream on Netflix. Very excited he's with us today. He is a fine fellow.

• 11:30Conan O'Brien?

  Mike Birbiglia, welcome.

• 11:35Conan O'Brien?

  I do feel like we have maybe 110 different ways in which we intersect, in which we have commonality.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:45Conan O'Brien?

  I'm hard-pressed to think of anyone else who I have more in common with, who's not in my family, that I have more in common with. Because you, sir, Mr. Mike Birbiglia, if that even is your real name, clearly one of those stage names, just to sound cool. You hail from where all my people come from.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, your people are from Worcester.

• 12:06Conan O'Brien?

  Worcester. Worcester, Massachusetts, and they all went to Holy Cross College, or The Cross.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Which is where my dad went.

• 12:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  And our parent, my dad is a retired doctor, your parents were doctors.

• 12:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, yep. But no, my dad was a doctor. My mother was a lawyer, not a doctor, and so, that's insulting. Come in here and start.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  You thought that was insulting? I just thought that was a basic misunderstanding.

• 12:30Conan O'Brien?

  You're right. I don't know why I went to insult. That's so weird. But I'm so mad at you right now.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  You're so sensitive since the Oscars.

• 12:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I am. Yes, yes.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  I see didn't win. Yeah. I just want to hold space for Matt and Sona today, because I feel like you guys have really probably been through it with Conan Digo this year.

• 12:46Conan O'Brien?

  You're not kidding. Yeah. I was under the impression that if you host the Oscars, you get an Oscar. And when the night was out, I was, I thought one of you had my Oscar.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:57Conan O'Brien?

  Or David, and no one had it, and then they said, no, you don't get an Oscar for hosting the Oscars. And did you see the fucking fit I threw backstage?

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Everybody heard about it.

• 13:05Conan O'Brien?

  I smashed stuff.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hit Ariana Grande in the face.

• 13:10Conan O'Brien?

  Well, with an Oscar. I tried to, but she's quick. I took a swing at Ariana Grande. She ducked one under it, and she came back with two rabbit punches to the kidney really fast, and I just went down hard. Anyway, you got me distracted on my fight, physical fight with Ariana Grande. We overlap in so many ways.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 13:28Conan O'Brien?

  And let me begin by saying, you very kindly sent me your latest special, and I'm gonna start with this because I loved it. And I love your work, and you did a one-man show, and I'm gonna give it a quick shout-out now, it'll also get its own special title, it's called The Good Life, and it's on Netflix. I will say that for my money, nobody does tone, sustained tone, in comedy as well as you. You create this beautiful tone that's very funny, and then occasionally very meaningful. It's just a thing of beauty, and you lay it out there, and for just tone alone, I think you might be the reigning champ. I will say that.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 14:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Yeah, and I, and you're hilarious. We've known each other a long time. But I was thinking about, you're talking your special, and I've thought about this before, and we've talked about the ways in which we are alike, but in this special, you're talking about all these things that I relate to 1,000%.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  Oh, interesting.

• 14:27Conan O'Brien?

  Meaning, we come from the same.

• 14:31Conan O'Brien?

  Part of the world exactly. Yeah. Which is, I grew up in Brookline, Massachusetts, but my parents are both Worcester people. My, my grandfather was a traffic cop in downtown Worcester. And you talk about growing up with a father who's a physician and how there's a lack of physical affection. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, you just went through this list of things that I was checking off. You're going through a traumatic thing with your father, who you talk about, he has a stroke. This is, tell you're in the hands of a master when you're talking about something as powerful as a stroke and a lot of other heavy things, and it's hilarious. Oh, thanks. It's really good. But I lost both my parents this year within days of each other, which always sounds like a murder.

• 15:18Conan O'Brien?

  Or a motorcycle accident. Literally, my dad, uh, my dad passed and then three days later, my mom passed. And, um, you talk about trying to wrap your head around your dad's mortality, but also growing up in a family where people aren't constantly saying, "I love you." In fact, it's not said and there isn't a lot of demonstrative physical affection. And then, generationally, how you and your wife, me and my wife, every conversation with my kids starts with, "I love you," and them saying, "I love you," and ends with, "I love you," and them saying, "I love you." Yeah. Sometimes in the middle of the conversation, "Oh, and just so you remember, uh, I love you." And, I mean, it's just too much. That's my point.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Too much, I love you.

• 16:03Conan O'Brien?

  It's too much.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:04Conan O'Brien?

  We're overdoing it. Yeah, yeah. We should go back a couple of clicks towards our parents' generation. Yeah. But anyway, I was very touched by your special and I, I mean, it's funny, it'll be funny to anyone, but I remember thinking, I'm so glad Mike is coming in today. It is Mike, right? Mike Birbiglia. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I'm here. It says Dennis Leary here. It's been a book months ago. It says Dennis Leary. I mean, it's fine. Well, he's also from Worcester. Yeah, yeah. It just says Worcester comic. Let's just go ahead and do it.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  By the way.

• 16:34Speaker 04

  Jesus Christ.

• 16:35Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, but you, you.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Let the men speak.

• 16:40Conan O'Brien?

  Just put up with him. I am gonna stop talking now, but.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  I emailed you the special and partly because I know we have all those things in common. Like it's, it's an absurd amount of things in common. And then I said, please share this with elite members of your staff, including Matt, Sona. And then I wrote the White Stripes and then I crossed out White Stripes.

• 17:04Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know, it's also.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  And then, but then they didn't get it from you.

• 17:08Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  They got it from David and we didn't get that message. We got the link, but not the message.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  Where he calls us elite.

• 17:14Conan O'Brien?

  And then.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Elite.

• 17:15Conan O'Brien?

  Who's announced this morning as being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

• 17:18Speaker 02

  The White Stripes, yeah.

• 17:19Conan O'Brien?

  So it's almost like you foretold the future.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:22Conan O'Brien?

  And a quick shout out to the, to, to Jack and Meg for that amazing.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  Oh my god. The lead is that you're gatekeeping praise that came to us.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 17:30Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I, I swear to god, every day I'm, on my to do list is get rid of Matt and Sona. And then I just don't get to it.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  Every day?

• 17:39Conan O'Brien?

  Every day, it's on the list with like more brown sugar. Um, granola's running low. Make sure you wear denim with denim, you know?

• 17:47Speaker 02

  The problem with, the problem with that list is that Sona probably goes over the list with you.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  I do.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  And then she's on that.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  As being asked.

• 17:55Conan O'Brien?

  And then she turns it into raise for Sona, but never raise for Matt.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  No, not just for me. Well, it's a lot of like, okay, make sure you put this on the list. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm not really doing.

• 18:05Conan O'Brien?

  When you write the list, it's a giveaway usually that you're not, it should be a giveaway.

• 18:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, also you're miming holding the pad here and the pen here so that there's never getting written down.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  That's how I do it.

• 18:15Conan O'Brien?

  I think this should be about Mike Birbiglia and I, one thing that I.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Wow, I don't think Matt was trying to make it not be about that.

• 18:22Conan O'Brien?

  I don't like it when someone prattles on with their own voice and doesn't let the guest talk, which reminds me of a story. In 1967, I wanted a cat. And my parents took me to the Angel Memorial. Oh, well, that can wait. Um, Mike, there is so much crazy stuff that you talk about, uh, that I can relate to. But here's something you talk about in the special, which I'm so glad you brought up, which is our visit, our visit to the Pope. By the time this airs, the Pope will have been gone for quite a while. It will no longer be the top story in the news. But you talk about the Pope inviting a bunch of comedians and we were among that elite squad of comedians that were invited.

• 19:06Conan O'Brien?

  And it was a, um, he spoke to us in Italian. And you talk about this in the special, what he said. And, uh, uh, and actually it was, it was quite beautiful. It was about comedy and comedy's place. And I thought you did a very nice job. And it's very powerful now that your special's coming out because he is no longer with us.

• 19:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:27Conan O'Brien?

  And I, I was impressed with what he said to us.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, he, he basically said comedy in these divisive times, comedy has the power to unite us. To bring people together. And when, when you make at least one audience member, uh, laugh, uh, God smiles also.

• 19:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  And I, and I just thought it was beautiful.

• 19:48Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's funny, he spoke to us in Italian. So it just sounded like a waiter was telling us our options.

• 19:54Speaker 08

  Oh, my God.

• 19:55Conan O'Brien?

  He actually said tagliatelle at one point.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  But then, I find that very offensive as an Italian American.

• 20:02Speaker 08

  Uh huh.

• 20:03Conan O'Brien?

  You should, that's how I meant it.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  No, but your, that your brain just goes to this sort of Italian food stereotypes. It's like after all we've been through as immigrants in the early 20th century.

• 20:16Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, the Irish were immigrants too. Sona came here like six weeks ago.

• 20:20Speaker 08

  No, I didn't.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  Irish people.

• 20:22Conan O'Brien?

  No, but what I'm saying is he said in his speech, "You want the meatballs." Remember that part?

• 20:28Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, which part of this is offensive?

• 20:32Conan O'Brien?

  Do you remember the part where he ended it with, "God bless you and do you want the meatballs?" Do you recall?

• 20:40Speaker 02

  No, you know, I don't remember that part of it.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  It's weird that I remember that. No, no, I faintly remember it. I faintly remember it. Yeah, no, but it was, uh...

• 20:51Conan O'Brien?

  I'm trying to make you complicit in my terrible riff. Don't you remember?

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Did the Pope speak... Did the Pope say anything to you?

• 20:59Conan O'Brien?

  Well, they bring us up one by one in a line.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right. True.

• 21:02Conan O'Brien?

  And we got a handshake and...

• 21:05Speaker 02

  And by the way, Chris Rock, Conan, Stephen Colbert, David Sedaris, and in the special I point out, I know I'm at the bottom of the list.

• 21:14Conan O'Brien?

  Not so. Not so. I didn't like that self-deprecating quip. And I'm not a fan of self-deprecating comedy. But it is really funny that the way both of us found out, just the way I think all of us found out, is that apparently the second person closest to God, other than the Pope, is comedian Jim Gaffigan.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 21:32Conan O'Brien?

  Because you say in your special that Jim Gaffigan, that, you know, your mother said you were called by God. And you went, "No, no, I actually got a call from Jim Gaffigan." And I remember my phone...

• 21:42Speaker 02

  It was called by Stephen Colbert, who may have been called by God.

• 21:45Conan O'Brien?

  But I think, but Gaffigan is, I think, is like the go-to...

• 21:48Speaker 02

  He's in the mix.

• 21:49Conan O'Brien?

  Vatican guy.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:51Conan O'Brien?

  I think Colbert wants to be the go-to Vatican guy, but I think it might be... I think Gaffigan had performed. I want to say he performed for the Pope.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  He opened for the Pope.

• 22:01Conan O'Brien?

  He opened for the Pope.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  In Pennsylvania, years ago.

• 22:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, for real.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  True story.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  Wait, really?

• 22:07Speaker 02

  True story.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Oh, you were doing a bit?

• 22:08Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, he came out and he opened for the Pope. I actually have... I've opened for the devil on the road.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Okay, you know what? I get so mad at myself when I...

• 22:16Conan O'Brien?

  Why?

• 22:17Speaker 01

  Because I believed he opened for the Pope.

• 22:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, he did!

• 22:20Speaker 01

  Oh, he did!

• 22:20Conan O'Brien?

  He did open for the Pope!

• 22:21Speaker 01

  Oh, but you did a joke, so I thought you were making fun of me.

• 22:24Conan O'Brien?

  Right, but that joke doesn't negate that truth.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  It does, kind of.

• 22:27Conan O'Brien?

  Mama mia, I'm at the Pope!

• 22:30Speaker 02

  That's a bit, but now I'm saying earnestly, earnestly to you.

• 22:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  That Jim Gaffigan opened for the Pope.

• 22:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. What? True story. Now, that is a true story, and Jim Gaffigan, um, is, I, I. But was, wait, was the Pope funny to follow Jim Gaffigan? Wait, here's what I hear back, is that the Pope, that Gaffigan was killing, and the Pope was like, "Get him offstage, get him off." Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him off. He's going long, he's going long. I said seven minutes. I gave him a little light. I have a bit about a Hot Pockets. Yeah. Oh, no, he stepped on my Hot Pocket, Joe.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  That's a light.

• 23:03Conan O'Brien?

  Cause the Hot Pockets, what's inside there, is a meatball.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 23:07Conan O'Brien?

  Anyway, I started this.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  By the way, he just died, the Pope.

• 23:11Conan O'Brien?

  I know.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  You're mocking.

• 23:12Conan O'Brien?

  But you know what?

• 23:13Speaker 02

  You're mocking the Pope with an Italian stereotypical voice. He literally just died, his body's still warm.

• 23:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's not warm anymore. No, he's not on a frying, they don't have the.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  It's so fresh.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  He's not on a frying pan, says Conan respectfully.

• 23:29Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm saying he doesn't have one of those french fry lights on him. He's not still warm.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  He's Argentinian.

• 23:34Conan O'Brien?

  He was born, yes, he's, he is.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Wait, did, did the Pope say anything to you when you walked up to him? Cause we had a moment with him, did he say anything to me? Cause he said something to me.

• 23:41Conan O'Brien?

  All he said to me is, "Who's a big liar?" And I'm like, "Uh, he does, it's like a one man show, it's very good." And he said, "I don't have time." No, um, I don't, I just, he did not say something to me. We had an exchange, I just said, "Thank you so much, Your Holiness, for having me, and, and, uh, this is an honor," and shook hands, and I got the impression that it was an assembly line, that we were cranking through us. What did he say to you?

• 24:06Speaker 02

  For me, it was, you know, it was, it was pretty intense. He leaned in, spoke into my ear, he goes, "You are Jesus."

• 24:16Speaker 02

  And now he's dead, and so nobody can substantiate this, but it's like, I don't know.

• 24:19Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm sure, you know what, the whole thing's on tape.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess.

• 24:23Conan O'Brien?

  I thought maybe he said, "Let me tell you something, these other guys are fuckers." But you, you really.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  My God.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  He was like.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  This impression is awful.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  He was like, "I like the Leno." Maybe I'm a Leno guy.

• 24:37Conan O'Brien?

  He went away and he'd come back, just like Jesus.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  When he came back in the 10 o'clock slot, I thought, "Is anybody even watching this?"

• 24:48Conan O'Brien?

  That was, I have to tell you.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Happened to you.

• 24:53Conan O'Brien?

  First of all, can I say something?

• 24:54Speaker 01

  I was so mad at first.

• 24:56Conan O'Brien?

  But can I say something? Sona, you are correcting two people for their Pope impression. The only two people in the room who met and spoke to the Pope.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:04Conan O'Brien?

  We are doing an exact replica of what he sounded like.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Okay, sorry.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  We're professionals.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:10Conan O'Brien?

  Jesus Christ.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  This is how the Pope.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  He's not even Italian. So that's the thing that's really surprising.

• 25:15Conan O'Brien?

  No, but he spoke Italian.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Okay, but he had an Italian accent when he spoke English?

• 25:19Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? He actually does the voice of "It's a me, a Mario." He does. That's him.

• 25:23Speaker 02

  In fairness in the special, I am guilty of saying.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Yippee.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  Of saying, uh, who's that? "I'mma make a, I'mma make a pizza on a yu- Eucharist."

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Which I'm sure if my dad ever sees the special, he will not like.

• 25:45Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 25:48Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen. You know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 26:03Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from U.S. News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 26:16Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 26:36Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 27:11Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  What?

• 27:13Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things. So I'm going to try and make apple cider.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 27:17Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 27:18Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 27:25Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 27:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:30Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 27:32Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 27:40Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 27:42Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 27:49Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 27:50Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:51Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should. But I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 28:03Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 28:04Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 28:09Speaker 01

  My god.

• 28:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  What?

• 28:12Conan O'Brien?

  No, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 28:14Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 28:15Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to tmobile.com and find yours best, based on analysis by UCLA of Speed Test Intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US, where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit tmobile.com. Consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 28:43Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:49Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 29:09Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 29:10Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:14Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife. I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:21Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse. Crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 29:51Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 30:13Conan O'Brien?

  Anyway, I'm glad we, I'm glad we, we, we took care of the Pope, I think. Or we took care of the Pope. But it was a lovely experience to be there. And it wasn't just American comedians, we were a small contingent. It was comedians from all around the world.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  From all around the world. And then I met, I, I met Liza, your wife, I met your son. And then I had a question, which is, because you know, the special's all about, what, what can I teach my daughter and what have I learned from my dad?

• 30:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  And so my question for you is, you, your son is great.

• 30:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  What'd you do right? What do you think you did right?

• 30:46Conan O'Brien?

  I will give, all joking aside, not all joking, I'm sure I'll get back around to it. But my wife is, and you will back me up on this, because you've known her for a long time. But everyone here, she is a lovely person, a great soul. And she was and is such an amazing mom. I, I think I'm a, a good dad, but I think she is the stellar parent.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:17Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean? And so I give her a lot of credit. But I also think, you talk about this- Which I think is really nice because I can't stress enough, the special is very funny. But then there are these just great nuggets in there that that burble up of wisdom and thoughtfulness. And you talk a lot about just modeling good behavior.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:41Conan O'Brien?

  That kids pick up on everything and and your kids have watched you and your wife be decent people.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:48Conan O'Brien?

  And I don't think, I don't think there's any replacement for that.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:52Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 31:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:53Conan O'Brien?

  My kids have seen me be inept, clumsy. They've seen me make an ass of myself in different ways. They're continually shocked that I seem to have made something of myself in the world. But I don't think they've seen a lot of bad behavior from me. And I, I, and look, Matt, Sona, you guys have kids. I think that is 90% is monkey see, monkey do. Kids look at their

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:24Conan O'Brien?

  Parents and you talk about it in your special that you've, you've, you've kind of tried to just be nice, good people, right?

• 32:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, because, yeah, when I was a kid, you know, I, I, I joke in the special, but it's true. When I was a kid, my dad was a doctor. In his free time, he got his law degree and I go, that's how much he didn't want to be a dad. It's like, what can I do in these slots of time when I would be parenting?

• 32:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Yep. I go, in fairness, we weren't great kids. We always wanted a dad. But, and he wanted another secondary degree. Our goals were in odds.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  But yeah, that was one of the things about being a kid. Like my dad was very, you know, serious about his job. And then he would, every now and then he would just shout. He's just very old school and I feel like I've

• 33:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  I've always grappled with that. I've always been like, I've always thought if I'm ever a parent, and I'm now a parent, I'm just never gonna do that.

• 33:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  I just, and it wasn't just my dad. I mean, I'm in Massachusetts. I'm sure you saw this all the time. The parents were wild.

• 33:33Conan O'Brien?

  I recognized this part too, which is my dad incredibly sweet. And you know, when we, you know, were kids, he had a temper and he would uncork sometimes. And it was, you know, it, I think it was a kind of generational, like my dad. Again, you talked in your special about I, you said your dad didn't. Instead of being sent off to fight in Vietnam because he was in medicine, they sent him to Texas.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, to be on a base.

• 34:06Conan O'Brien?

  To be on a base. The exact same thing happened to my dad in the Korean War.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  Oh, no kidding.

• 34:10Conan O'Brien?

  So he was sent to Texas and he didn't really do anything that had anything to do with the military. So when my dad passed, we read in the instructions that he had left that when he and my mom died, that the instructions were like, you know, he wanted like the full military honors at the funeral, which he's entitled to.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:31Conan O'Brien?

  And so I gave the eulogy for my dad. My brother Luke gave the eulogy for my mom because it was a double funeral. And I said, first of all, let's get something straight because there's like a big flag on his coffin and with, you know, and with, and I just said, my dad was in the army the way Captain Crunch was in the Navy.

• 34:51Conan O'Brien?

  And, and the thing, the reason I felt okay with that is I think that would have really made my dad laugh. And when my dad laughed, he grabbed his shoulders and because there was so, you don't want to express too much. It's not just too much emotion, also joy. Everything's kind of bottled up in this, in this Catholic way.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:13Conan O'Brien?

  And, and so it would, he would uncork sometimes, get angry and frustrated. And I remember thinking, it's just generational. I'm sure he had witnessed that with his parents. I don't want my, I just don't ever want to be that dad. I didn't want to be angry dad.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Me neither.

• 35:30Conan O'Brien?

  Um, so I think.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  So one time I said to my daughter, I go, so I go, when my dad, she goes, she, one day I was emotional about something. Like I was like, I don't know if we should do the. And then my daughter goes, Dad, why are you yelling? I go, oh, this isn't yelling.

• 35:51Conan O'Brien?

  I know what yelling is.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  I go, just so you know, when I was a kid, my dad, you know, and I'm, and I literally said to her, I'm gonna shout right now. This isn't me shouting. I'm doing an impression of my dad. He would go, where are my goddamn keys? And she was like, oh my God. And she was like, you know, she was like, he's not, he's not shouting like that now. And I'm like, you're stealing my jokes.

• 36:16Conan O'Brien?

  That's straight out of the special. She's really got it. For my dad, in the famous lore in Earth is there's a special spoon that has a serrated edge for eating grapefruit.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 36:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's a grapefruit spoon, you know, it has a little serrated edge.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I think I know that one.

• 36:31Conan O'Brien?

  And there was one in our house and my dad liked to use it to eat his grapefruit in the morning. And one morning, he couldn't find his grapefruit spoon. And, um, just listen to the guy narrate the explosion of the Hindenburg. It's a little similar.

• 36:46Conan O'Brien?

  And so we just clock things and we clock things where we say like, I love my dad. My dad was an amazing person. I'm gonna, I'm, I, I'm gonna try to not do that part.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  But it's interesting because it, no matter what you do as a parent, I feel like what I've discovered is, it doesn't mean you're better as a parent than your parents were to you.

• 37:09Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  You're just ultimately different.

• 37:11Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Cause like I, cause you know, I was raised very Catholic, et cetera. And, and so, you know, we don't really do a lot of the Catholic stuff. And then we're in the Vatican and Una's, my daughter's looking around and she goes, Dad, who's Jesus? And I was like, oh, wow, I have really overlooked a lot of major historical facts in my education.

• 37:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, even just for pop culture.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  No, really? And I mean, she's, she knows the Greek gods and the Roman gods and the Norse gods.

• 37:40Conan O'Brien?

  She knows the band Jesus and Mary Chain.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  But I was like, oh, it's interesting because that is something that I, since going to the Pope, I have started telling her more about what Jesus taught.

• 37:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Which is, I think is generally net positive. With some caveats.

• 38:02Conan O'Brien?

  I think we can all agree that the core, not just of Christianity, but the core teachings of many religions, they have this commonality, this beautiful, all in their own different way, but the core tenets of many religions are fantastic.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 38:21Conan O'Brien?

  Just about treating, how you should treat other people, humility, there are, and then we of course, over the centuries have added all of this glomp to it. And it's turned into, you know, mega churches and virtue signaling and insanity, but if you just go to the basic tenets, they're very beautiful.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:43Conan O'Brien?

  And.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  And Pope Francis seemed to embody a lot of the best aspects.

• 38:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  Of Christianity and Catholicism.

• 38:52Conan O'Brien?

  I remember, and this is a funny thing to seize on, but he was a very humble man, Pope Francis, and when he came into the room, I don't know if you noticed this, did you notice his shoes? He was wearing like worn, kind of walking earth shoe, like Mephisto kind of.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:08Conan O'Brien?

  They were just very, they were, they were shoes that you would pick up at a very inexpensive store.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Like a floor shem or something?

• 39:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, something like that. They were just very basic, kind of worn shoes that a guy would wear on a bus, or the guy who's driving the bus, and I remembered thinking, there's, there was no sense of the pomp and the gold and the rings, and I thought that was impressive.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:34Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, he had that one ring, the papal ring.

• 39:36Speaker 02

  And he won that NBA championship. For the Mavs.

• 39:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, Mavericks. Well, I said, I made the mistake of saying Mavericks, and he said, who's this Mavericks? They call it the Mavs.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  Remember that?

• 39:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:51Speaker 02

  When you said meatball.

• 39:52Conan O'Brien?

  We beat the Nuggets in the finals, they went into overtime.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Now I'm doing New York, New York.

• 39:58Conan O'Brien?

  What's happening?

• 39:59Speaker 02

  New York Pope.

• 40:00Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna, what we're gonna do is edit out all of my stuff where the Pope is speaking in an offensive Italian, and just keep yours in. And then we're gonna post tape me saying things like, "Please stop, Mike."

• 40:11Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:11Conan O'Brien?

  Please, the man is gone.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. I wanna know about these notes.

• 40:15Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  I need to know what the notes are doing.

• 40:18Conan O'Brien?

  I told him, the two people I've seen in my career who had the most notes when they came out were Gary Shandling and Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers had a lot of notes. And I recently ran into Melissa Rivers and I said, "I remembered your mom whenever time she came on my show, she was backstage with tons of..." And she filled in for me, "Notes." Notes. She said, "Mom, I really believed in preparing." So, you have brought your notes with you.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  Well, I just had a couple of questions for you guys.

• 40:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  Because I talk about in the special, did you guys have a sex talk growing up?

• 40:52Speaker 01

  No.

• 40:52Conan O'Brien?

  I did not, no.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  I did.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  Ugh.

• 40:55Speaker 04

  But I gave it to my dad.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  What was it?

• 41:00Conan O'Brien?

  "I wanna get me some sex," is what you said.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Dad, you're gonna, you're gonna wanna be with a woman. No, he just gave me the most uncomfortable right before dropping me off to high school. Like, "Okay, you're gonna wanna try drugs and have sex and just be safe and don't overdo either of them. Have a great day."

• 41:18Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, that's not bad advice.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  No, it was really good. And for that reason, I didn't do either for a long time.

• 41:25Conan O'Brien?

  And I've been accused of overdoing sex. I don't know what that means.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:32Conan O'Brien?

  You overdid it.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  What? I didn't have a sex talk growing up, but when I was probably around 20, I was living with my girlfriend for a summer and then my dad...

• 41:43Conan O'Brien?

  And she had the talk with you.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  "We're gonna do something soon."

• 41:48Speaker 02

  My dad was very...

• 41:49Speaker 04

  "It's gonna be scary."

• 41:49Speaker 02

  My dad was very upset about it and he just sort of like, before I left, he looked at me for a little bit and he goes, "You're playing with fire."

• 41:57Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  And that was the whole conversation.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  That was your sex talk?

• 42:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I was like, "I gotta hose." You know what I mean? I don't know.

• 42:07Conan O'Brien?

  The, um, I did not get a sex talk and I'm, I'm still waiting.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Still waiting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, this is the thing I'll say. I take the, uh, the Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend podcast premise, I think, much more seriously than the other guests. Last time, I demanded to have a real friendship with Conan. Since then, we visited the Pope and we had coffee in Brooklyn.

• 42:32Conan O'Brien?

  We did.

• 42:33Speaker 02

  There were two definitive dates.

• 42:35Conan O'Brien?

  And I am coming on your podcast when I can get my ass to New York.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 42:40Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, I feel badly because we walked in and your assistant was here, who works with you on the podcast.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 42:48Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, she has an antiquated name.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  Mabel.

• 42:51Conan O'Brien?

  Mabel.

• 42:52Speaker 02

  Mabel Lewis, yep.

• 42:53Conan O'Brien?

  It's not a name you hear all but Mabel. You don't hear Mabel a lot.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  She's gonna, she's gonna love that.

• 42:57Conan O'Brien?

  But I, I, um...

• 42:59Speaker 02

  She has an antiquated name.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:02Conan O'Brien?

  No, and she was wearing a bonnet.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  She was wearing a bonnet.

• 43:05Conan O'Brien?

  She was wearing a bonnet and she was...

• 43:06Speaker 02

  It was a horse, she came on in a horse, horse, horse-drawn carriage.

• 43:10Conan O'Brien?

  And I, but she was in the podcast room when I walked in, uh, this very nice young woman wearing a bonnet, and she was working a loom when I came in.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  It was a loom, yeah.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  She had an antiquated name said Conan. I mean, that's the podcast show.

• 43:23Conan O'Brien?

  I know, I know.

• 43:27Conan O'Brien?

  She seems lovely and she's go, I'll be seeing her at the podcast.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:31Conan O'Brien?

  Where, and I yelled at her for even daring to be in here. Moch yelled at her and I, I said, we need, for symmetry, she needs to scream at me when I come to your podcast.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  But I, I want to move my friendship with Conan to a quarterly.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:44Conan O'Brien?

  You mean?

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Right now, we did two, we did two meetings in the last year and a half.

• 43:49Conan O'Brien?

  Let's see. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to be, I think I'm gonna be in New York in June. And that's, that's when this, is it drops?

• 43:58Speaker 02

  That's when this drops.

• 43:59Conan O'Brien?

  It drops, right?

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:01Conan O'Brien?

  I think we should get together in June and I'll either do your podcast or we'll meet up for more than coffee. What's more than coffee? A lunch.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  I think a lunch, yeah.

• 44:09Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Not a dinner. I won't do a dinner with you.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  Okay, fair.

• 44:12Conan O'Brien?

  Next year. We'll see.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  So we went to, we went to Italy. My daughter was there. Your son was there.

• 44:19Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  And so my daughter met Conan. Of course, just thinks he's another person going to the Vatican. Doesn't, just this tall, tall man going to the Vatican also.

• 44:30Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  And then we show, when the Oscars come on, we show her the Oscars. Like, that, remember him? Conan from the Vatican. So that...

• 44:39Conan O'Brien?

  How old is your daughter? She's 44.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Forty-four years old. No, she's, she just turned 10, but we showed her the Oscars and, and we laughed at the, at the Adam Sandler bit a lot. It's like, it's really silly, him wearing a hooded sweatshirt. And the next day, I drove her to school and I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and she goes, "You look like Adam." And I go, "Adam who?" And she goes, "Adam from the Oscars." I think that's the only time he's ever been referred to as Adam from the Oscars.

• 45:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes. That's, you know what you said in your special? That's cute. And, which was sweet was, um, that whenever you're out in the real world and someone comes up to you and says, "I love your comedy," you had this great line about your kid's response.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I go, well, I said to her, because I was like thinking, I was like, that's so weird for her, probably. Someone's like, "Oh, you're a great comedian." And I, I walked a few blocks, I go, "No, what do you think when people say stuff like that?" And she goes, "It's a waste of my time."

• 45:46Speaker 02

  I was like, "That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me and I know Bill Burr."

• 45:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, God. No, it's, it's really funny. My kids have a great, uh, healthy disinterest from my shenanigans professionally. And, um, I think way deep down, they're proud of my, if I do some good work, but mostly, again, a waste of their time.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:11Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, and I remembered walking through the street once, down the street, and I was with my daughter and, do you ever, I, I reuse some lines and what I get a lot is, "You're much taller in person."

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 46:22Conan O'Brien?

  I get that all the time. And so I just learned, the thing that always works is, people be like, "Hey, you're much taller than you are on TV." And I say, "You're much taller in person than you are on TV," and I'll say, "Well, you need a bigger TV." And, um, it always works. It just works. I'll say, "You need a six-foot-four television." They're like, "Ha, ha, ha," and we're done. I did that and my daughter shot me a look. This is a bunch of years ago. She shot me a look and she said, you've done that one before. And I said, you want an original line for every human I meet? And she kind of gave me a look like, yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:55Conan O'Brien?

  You can't reuse material.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:57Conan O'Brien?

  I'm like, you can when you're walking around a mall. You know, what are you talking about? We really got into it and I started screaming at her, which I promised I'd never do. I said, I'd never be that dad, but that's, that's what we got into it.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  When you hosted the Oscars, I texted you. I go, Conan, you showed us how it's done. All of us comedians are diligently taking notes. Do you have advice? I was just about to film my special. And Conan wrote back and it was very sweet. He wrote, thanks, tons of prep, but I ended up having fun out there. I guess that's the only lesson.

• 47:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I think that's true.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  And I think that that, that the special is, I think, the most fun that I've ever had.

• 47:36Conan O'Brien?

  Really?

• 47:37Speaker 02

  On stage and one of the film specials.

• 47:39Conan O'Brien?

  There is something contagious about people having fun.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, this special is really specific what the preparation was. It was 70 cities over two years. So I toured and every city was different. You know, keep making tweaks, keep making tweaks. And then my director, Seth Bearish, who's directed like all six of my last specials. He has a theater company called The Barrow Group and we would have these impromptu like rehearsals for whoever was around. It would be like 10 people in, in like a room. And I would just go, this is the story. And it wouldn't be like stand up. It wouldn't be like people bought a ticket and I would just do, you know, the special you guys saw. Like I would just perform it and you'd see which parts just don't ring true.

• 48:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Cause you take away the inertia of like a thousand people in a room going, yay. And it's this like me telling you a story. It starts to be like, oh, okay, well, that part's a little bullshit. And this part really feels like something.

• 48:39Conan O'Brien?

  That's the part of it. That speaks to something I don't understand. There's a almost mystical quality to some of this mass communication, or whatever we want to call it, but specifically comedy where, and I mean, and the same thing is true in music, where you can try and over and over and over and over again to get them to like the thing that they don't like or that they don't respond to. And you can keep tweaking it and working it. But when you find those real things, those nuggets, they just have a palpable weight. They have a, they're, they're, and sometimes you just find them conversationally with your friends or out in the world, you find something, you're like, oh, that's, you know, this is great.

• 49:23Conan O'Brien?

  This is, I, I, there's something about this. Yeah. Phrase or this story with this, you know? And it's funny because we started this and I asked you off mic because you talk a lot about your dad having this. Having a stroke. Having a stroke. And it sounds, you know, like it was a pretty serious neurological event. And this is another thing I can relate to. Because your dad's a doctor, he starts to try and take control He's unbelievable. Of his own care. And I, yeah, I watched your special and I went right to my dad 20 years ago, having, uh, being diagnosed with colon cancer. And they go in and they, they do the major surgery, not orthoscopic, but they go in and they do the major abdominal incision

• 50:06Conan O'Brien?

  and take out a section of his intestine and sew him back up again. And he wakes up after the operation and there are these tubes going in and they're basically anesthesia to block the nerves so that he doesn't feel the pain. And he looked at them and he said, what is this? And they said, well, this is to keep you from feeling the agony of this abdominal surgery. And he said, it will slow recovery. Take it out. And they said, uh, no, no, no, we just cut through you. With a buzzsaw and took out and my dad said, "Take it out." And they took it out. I flew home because I was in Los Angeles. I flew home to see my dad, thinking, and I said, "I'll stop off at my parents' house first

• 50:50Conan O'Brien?

  in Brookline and drop off my stuff and go right to the hospital to visit my dad." And this is like the day after the operation. I arrived because I had to, I wasn't, I would have been in New York. So I would, I flew in, had to do a show, flew in. I don't have a key to the house. I ring the doorbell. The door opens. It's my dad opening the door. No. Yes. He had had his, like, intestine removed the day before.

• 51:12Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh.

• 51:13Conan O'Brien?

  And he's standing there, white as a sheet. He was like, "It is good to see you, son."

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh.

• 51:19Conan O'Brien?

  And I can tell, he's basically been gutted like a fish. But he knew that you can recover quickly with no anesthesia or a little bit longer and feel some, and feel comfort. And he did that. And that's when I thought, there's so much in your special where I thought, "Yep, I can check that box too."

• 51:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:42Conan O'Brien?

  There's so much I can check out.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  It's such a strange thing, watching a neurologist, my dad is a neurologist, being treated by a neurologist and they're essentially conferring with each other.

• 51:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  About what, what has happened.

• 51:56Conan O'Brien?

  And then your dad gave the doctor a bill.

• 52:00Conan O'Brien?

  Here's my bill and here's my bill.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  We'll go Dutch.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  There was a point where, where, when he was at the hospital early on, where, where he, he, my brother Joe said to me, he goes, "I went to see dad today and he said, 'In the middle of the night, they took me downstairs and I got hit by a truck.'" And I was like, "Dad, it's worse than that." You know what I mean?

• 52:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  It's oddly like, yeah, it's a shocking experience what he's been through.

• 52:39Conan O'Brien?

  And how's his recovery going?

• 52:41Speaker 02

  His recovery is okay. I mean, a few weeks ago, he had pneumonia and the flu at the same time.

• 52:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it just becomes, I mean, the special, I mean, the special has been an interesting process for me because I wasn't planning on writing about it. I started writing about what can I teach my daughter? And then a year into writing that show, my dad has a stroke. And so then I'm like, okay, what can I teach my daughter? What have I learned from my dad? And in the process of it, I feel like I've learned to empathize with my dad in this way that I don't think I did when I was younger. I think I just viewed him as larger than life.

• 53:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, yep.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  And not quite as a person.

• 53:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  And I think it's been very healthy and healing.

• 53:31Conan O'Brien?

  You know what helped me a lot is when my daughter was born and then two years later, my son was born. And I remember telling my wife, no matter what we do, they're going to go to a therapist and have complaints or issues because that's just how it is. And if you accept that upfront and you're not defensive about it, we're all doing the best we can.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:50Conan O'Brien?

  And that includes our parents and their parents. We're all doing, well, that's not true. There are parents that are not doing the best they can, but most people are doing the best they can.

• 53:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:00Conan O'Brien?

  And that's what we're doing. We're doing the best we can.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:03Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I haven't seen my kids in years.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:06Conan O'Brien?

  But my manager and my agent tell me they are prospering.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  I spoke with your publicist about the modeling that your children are doing.

• 54:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I got them into modeling.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  I know you're getting the checks from it.

• 54:18Conan O'Brien?

  Well, they say that once they turned 18, they're supposed to get the money. But I am fighting that. And this is reminding me of this crazy riff I did.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  So off brand.

• 54:31Conan O'Brien?

  With Bob Newhart, who passed about, I might almost say a year and a half ago. But we were doing something I might have been doing. He did a podcast for a while and I don't know if I was talking to him. But we got on this crazy riff about doing stuff for charities. And we both started doing this thing about how, yeah. And then when it's sick kids and then you're supposed to give them the money. And it was so great because Bob Newhart, who's, you know, a saint. And but he was so dry and he was like, oh, I know. Tell me about it. You know, but and we were both doing this fake riff about how we were trying to hide the money for the children's hospital.

• 55:12Conan O'Brien?

  That's what I love is the, is that when you can go that dark with people who are.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:18Conan O'Brien?

  At that point, he would have been 94 and he can go that dark and wants to go that dark.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:23Conan O'Brien?

  And you realize, oh, this is just universal. We're all terrible people.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  No, and this show is definitely the darkest of my specials, just by the subject matter.

• 55:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  You know, and it's like, it's been an interesting thing because like there's that joke where I say my dad had a stroke and it's been devastating. But I will say it has calmed him down.

• 55:44Conan O'Brien?

  We have a lot of lines like that that get big laughs. But if you, you're also touching a third rail, which is the whole point.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  Right. But it's interesting because you just, when people laugh at that and, and, and, you know, there was a point at which it, early in the development, I was like, oh, that's a little tense. And then I was, I would say to the audience, I go, you know, a lot of the jokes tonight are for me.

• 56:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Uh, some, most of them are for you, but a few are for me. This is a coping mechanism and I hope it is for you too.

• 56:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  I think that that's the thing I've realized in the process of writing this show is that like comedy for all of us is a coping mechanism of some kind.

• 56:20Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it's a total defense.

• 56:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:23Conan O'Brien?

  Mechanism, coping mechanism. I've often said, I just, as a very young child, went through my checklist of, you know, I know everyone's given certain superpowers, what are mine? And I went through, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. And then I got, you know, oh, I can, my friends think I'm funny. We're gonna double and triple down on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause it's not gonna be an athletic scholarship. Um, well, the, the, the, uh, the show, The Good Life, is on Netflix. Uh, it's your sixth special overall, but your fourth on Netflix. They probably don't want you to acknowledge anything that wasn't on Netflix. True, true. So, um, and I believe that's either out now or out any day. It's out. Oh, it's out, okay. It's available everywhere. Watch it because you do beautiful work, Mike, you really do.

• 57:05Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, there's this, a bunch of these young comedians who come from a generation or two before me, who I really adore, you and Mulaney, and, I mean, the list goes on and on and on. But just that, they do really great work and I watch you guys and it makes me happy. Makes me happy, like, oh, comedy is in very good hands. It's time for me to die.

• 57:32Conan O'Brien?

  And Mike Birbiglia needs a friend. Yeah. There we go. Great. We have agreed that you will slide right in. It's official. It's official. Starting now. Yeah. Now, now, wait a minute. What? Okay, we can do it. Give me a couple of months, get my affairs in order. But congratulations on another amazing show and thank you for making it. It really made me, uh, feel very connected to you. Oh. And, um, and also really laugh. This is good medicine for all. And, um, now, quick disclaimer, Pope Francis did not speak with that Italian accent.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  Conan O'Brien, disrespect my grave.

• 58:12Conan O'Brien?

  I'm up in the heaven now, uh, and I have to listen to this shit. All right, Mike, thank you very much. This is such an honor, it's my favorite podcast and I, I just appreciate you guys having me on so much. I'll see you soon, I'll see you. Yeah, we'll see you in New York. Couple of weeks. Yep.

• 58:31Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 58:34Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 58:49Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 59:02Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 59:21Speaker 01

  Hello!

• 59:22Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I had this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 59:57Conan O'Brien?

  We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  Are you gonna do a bit?

• 1:00:03Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.

• 1:00:09Conan O'Brien?

  We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect t-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:00:19Conan O'Brien?

  Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.

• 1:00:24Conan O'Brien?

  No, a co- coincidence.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Oh, no!

• 1:00:28Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I get the big money.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  I gotta go.

• 1:00:30Conan O'Brien?

  Cut to a very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are timeless, thoughtful, crafted, and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're using some Quince.

• 1:00:50Speaker 07

  That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder, so I got a featherless quilted jacket, an Atlas Navy, and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy.

• 1:01:00Conan O'Brien?

  You look like a different guy, because you're well dressed.

• 1:01:02Speaker 07

  That's right.

• 1:01:03Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time.

• 1:01:05Speaker 07

  That's true. He's right. That's true.

• 1:01:07Conan O'Brien?

  No, they really do great stuff. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well. All right. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, "By the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend."

• 1:01:30Speaker 07

  Oh, I didn't really ask.

• 1:01:31Conan O'Brien?

  I just want you to know.

• 1:01:34Conan O'Brien?

  It's the best way to support the show.

• 1:01:41Conan O'Brien?

  Earth can be a lot. There's gravity. There's mosquitoes. Yeah. And a sun that will gulf us in about 5 billion years, give or take. Oh, good. It is going to eventually incinerate us, the sun, but we've got 5 billion years. Okay, that's fine. Cosmically speaking, you earned a break, so escape to Pluto TV. That's where this was going. Yep. I knew the second I saw, the minute I saw the sun exploding and incinerating us, I knew this was going to Pluto TV. Turn off your earthly problems and turn on the movies and shows you already love. From Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy to Dirty Dancing, from Alias to The X-Files, no subscription, no fees, $0. When that sun's pulsating and burning you up, you've got the best thing on TV. And the best things on TV are free. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 1:02:30Conan O'Brien?

  All right, we do have to address something, which is before the interview officially began with Mike Birbiglia, we start yapping. And we always do this.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:39Conan O'Brien?

  Because, and then we don't record on that, or we don't usually air that, because we start with, "Hi, my name is blank, and I feel blank." And, um, but we thought, we should stop doing that. We should just start playing this stuff, because it was, it was a good area. We had, we had some fun, and it was before the official start of the podcast, so we were just chatting.

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  Sometimes I will take those things and splice them in the interview, but funnily enough, this one was so uh, crazy energy, that when you guys actually started the podcast, you both got really sober and somber, and they would never cut together.

• 1:03:11Conan O'Brien?

  I know. That's the thing is, I came in hot.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:03:14Conan O'Brien?

  I come in hot sometimes, and you were actually worried, because my energy was very high, in a good wa- I mean, I was in a great mood.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:22Conan O'Brien?

  I love Mike Birbiglia. I'm happy to be here. Nice to see you guys. I'm kinda jazzed, and then I have the biggest cup of coffee in the world.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:03:32Conan O'Brien?

  And you were worried, like, he's gonna go up from here.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:35Conan O'Brien?

  So I think maybe I came in hot. Uh, Birbiglia, or as I call him, Birbiglia.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:03:42Conan O'Brien?

  Um, which doesn't really work as a nickname.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  No, I didn't hear you call him that once.

• 1:03:46Conan O'Brien?

  Never did. I just thought of it right now.

• 1:03:48Speaker 04

  I think that's his Instagram handle, isn't it?

• 1:03:50Conan O'Brien?

  Birbiglia.

• 1:03:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Oh, is it?

• 1:03:51Conan O'Brien?

  Is it?

• 1:03:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think it is.

• 1:03:52Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it's terrible.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  I'd be, I'd go with Birbiggy.

• 1:03:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  If I was him.

• 1:03:56Conan O'Brien?

  I'd say Birbigaroney.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  I'd go Birbiggin.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  Notorious B.I.R.B.I.G.

• 1:04:01Conan O'Brien?

  Well, what was it we were talking about? Because I can't remember now.

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  We were talking about how, um, Birbiglia is offering that when you die,

• 1:04:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Speaker 04

  he will do Mike Birbiglia Needs a Friend, and take Sona and I on.

• 1:04:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes. He will, which brings up a very good point. We don't have a succession plan.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  And we need one.

• 1:04:18Conan O'Brien?

  We do. I mean, um, I don't know when this drops, but we've just lost the Pope, and that's a whole process they go through for finding someone. It's, it's usually a conclave.

• 1:04:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:27Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know if there would be a conclave to find, um, who takes over this podcast, should something happen to me.

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  Who would be in, uh, well, these three would be in it.

• 1:04:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Blay, Eduardo, and Adam would be in it.

• 1:04:37Conan O'Brien?

  Blay, Eduardo, and Adam would be in it.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  We're Cardinals.

• 1:04:40Conan O'Brien?

  For sure.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  Or are we in the running? I don't want to, I'm removing myself.

• 1:04:44Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think you guys want to host it.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:47Conan O'Brien?

  You, um, let me just tell you something, host, it's a very high pressure position.

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 1:04:53Conan O'Brien?

  And I think you guys get to go like, what, what's he talking about, eye roll? And then you get the check and it's all nice.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:59Conan O'Brien?

  Um, to be the tent pole, to be the one who's in the F-16 piloting it.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Oh, you think that's what you're doing?

• 1:05:06Conan O'Brien?

  Anyway, Sony, he's right, so we should just co-host.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, we could just do that.

• 1:05:09Conan O'Brien?

  So who would, who should it be? Will it be Big Leo? Who will take over this podcast? I think, uh, he's a, a strong contender. Who else would it be? Who else do we think would be, have the, uh, I mean, very few people, and this sounds like a, I'm thinking it's not even a humble brag, it's just a brag.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:05:25Conan O'Brien?

  But who else would have my combination of skills?

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:05:29Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, this is a really-

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  Read off of a paper, that's so much work.

• 1:05:34Conan O'Brien?

  I know. Sony just tears out a page from a 1978 Yellow Pages.

• 1:05:40Speaker 01

  Let's get this plumber. Oh, no, what do I do if someone gives me the research and then I gotta ask questions?

• 1:05:45Conan O'Brien?

  Occasionally I gotta doodle while I'm talking to people.

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  How hard is my question? Yeah, my job is so hard.

• 1:05:51Conan O'Brien?

  Guys, I know it looks to you like I just come in here and babble like a chimp.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, it does.

• 1:05:57Conan O'Brien?

  And then somehow it's cobbled together.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:59Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, but no, that's not what I do. I spend hours preparing my body.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:06:06Conan O'Brien?

  There's a whole regimen of various tubs filled with different oils at a different temperature. There's a whole thing that happens.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 1:06:14Conan O'Brien?

  So you get deep fried.

• 1:06:15Speaker 04

  Various oils.

• 1:06:17Conan O'Brien?

  No, I think we should, you guys should be thinking about it. Adam, you should be thinking about who would step in. You're the podcast whisperer here. You're the one that thought I should do a podcast and started this insanity.

• 1:06:26Speaker 06

  I, I, as we're talking about it now, I'm actually thinking that I've been a little derelict in my duties. Because I should have a, you know, all the like, big companies are talking about what's the Disney succession plan? Everyone needs to have when their leader is aging, everyone needs to have like a succession plan.

• 1:06:43Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, Adam, wait a minute.

• 1:06:44Speaker 06

  It's my responsibility to, to come up with-

• 1:06:47Conan O'Brien?

  I was certain, I was certain we were talking about either an accident or me deciding, uh, to retire to my, my, uh, my pony farm upstate. And what do you mean is aging? How about has aged, you know? What about has aged back then?

• 1:07:05Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's legitimate. I'm gonna overlook the way you said it, but I do think.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:09Speaker 06

  And it is, it should, it should be my responsibility, and I think Birbiglia is a great candidate.

• 1:07:13Conan O'Brien?

  Although, I will say this, every special he has is about his medical ailments. Today, we found out that he was born without bones.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:21Conan O'Brien?

  He has no bones. He uses coat hangers that are strapped to the outside of his body.

• 1:07:25Speaker 06

  He would not have a physical.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  He doesn't have much time left either.

• 1:07:28Conan O'Brien?

  I would worry about Birbiglia's health because every special he does is about, "Oh, and by the way, I have another condition where my gums are growing into my heart." You know, um.

• 1:07:37Speaker 06

  So would you, well, here's the thing, though. I think you should be grooming your successor.

• 1:07:41Conan O'Brien?

  I don't like the word grooming anymore. It's got, it's got some bad connotations. Training. This brings up the question, is this like a democracy or a conclave? Or do you get to appoint a successor like a, it seems like the autocrat would be the way you want to go. And Sona, you had suggested maybe this, it's more like succession. I'm Logan Roy.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  You're Logan, uh, you're definitely a Kendall.

• 1:08:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Excuse me? He is. He's Kendall. He is very, you're a very Kendall.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  You're very Kendall-esque. And yeah, it's, you're not a Roman.

• 1:08:10Conan O'Brien?

  You're Shiv.

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm Shiv. I'm Shiv. But you're, you don't think you're a, you're a Tom. You're a Tom.

• 1:08:15Conan O'Brien?

  Blay, Blay is the guy, who's the guy who is out in Montana? Um, you know.

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  Connor?

• 1:08:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Blay is Connor. Yeah. I'm more a Tom than a Kendall.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  You are a Tom.

• 1:08:25Conan O'Brien?

  Blay thinks he's gonna run for president and no one takes him seriously and. I see myself as more of a Greg. Uh, that's true, but. Little, little bubbly, smarmy. You know what? You are more of a Greg than a Connor. Yeah. Um, and Eduardo's just Eduardo. I mean, you, you can't, you're not, there's no way to make you someone else.

• 1:08:43Speaker 06

  I take it there's no Latinos on Succession?

• 1:08:44Speaker 01

  Yo, snap.

• 1:08:46Conan O'Brien?

  Well. He's like a Mattson. He's more of a Mattson. Cool guy, right?

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  No, I think he's, oh god, Jerry. He's Jerry.

• 1:08:52Speaker 06

  If I get the same paycheck, sure.

• 1:08:54Conan O'Brien?

  As me?

• 1:08:54Speaker 06

  Sign me up, yeah.

• 1:08:55Conan O'Brien?

  There's not a lot of money on this. I mean, there was at one point, but. Anyway, we don't have any more time to play the clip.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, this is.

• 1:09:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, play the clip!

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  This is like.

• 1:09:04Conan O'Brien?

  Play the clip.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  This is like Succession, though, if nobody wanted your job, though. Like, it's like, who's not gonna get it?

• 1:09:11Conan O'Brien?

  And in Succession, the company was very sought after and powerful. This is very different with. Right. This is people saying, "I don't want that. I'm gonna work at a shoe store instead." All right, play the clip! Okay, here we go.

• 1:09:28Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, man. Oh, man. Have we got a lot to talk about? This is one of those ones where I want to get right into it because we have so much to talk about.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, there's a lot.

• 1:09:36Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you and your special will not come up.

• 1:09:40Speaker 02

  Okay, got it.

• 1:09:41Conan O'Brien?

  You understand?

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:09:42Conan O'Brien?

  Let me just write this down. Kind of what I've got going on.

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  No promotions.

• 1:09:46Conan O'Brien?

  No promotions at all.

• 1:09:48Speaker 02

  No mentions of projects.

• 1:09:51Conan O'Brien?

  Um, have you met the... Well, this is...

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  Sona.

• 1:09:55Conan O'Brien?

  Sona. Sona, Sona, Sona.

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:09:57Conan O'Brien?

  And Mark. Mark.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  Mark.

• 1:10:00Conan O'Brien?

  Sonos and Mark.

• 1:10:01Speaker 04

  I just like to keep him on his toes.

• 1:10:03Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, I came in a little hot. I apologize, I saw someone who shouldn't be here.

• 1:10:07Speaker 02

  Yep, yep.

• 1:10:07Conan O'Brien?

  And it infuriated me, and...

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  No, I get it.

• 1:10:10Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean, right? You don't just let people wander around.

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  First of all, I brought a bunch... I brought notes again.

• 1:10:15Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, listen.

• 1:10:15Speaker 04

  I love how prepared you are.

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  I love this.

• 1:10:18Speaker 02

  I got a stack of notes.

• 1:10:18Conan O'Brien?

  Last person who I saw bring that many notes was Gary Shandling, and he's dead.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 1:10:25Conan O'Brien?

  Dead. And maybe, I think, because of the notes.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  That was one of... That was gonna be one of my notes today. Is, when... I just want to pitch this to Matt and Sona. When Conan dies, and I'm not saying he's gonna die soon. Mike Birbiglia needs a friend.

• 1:10:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:10:40Conan O'Brien?

  We don't have to wait for that.

• 1:10:41Speaker 02

  No, no, and we have...

• 1:10:45Conan O'Brien?

  Or we can hasten it. Before we begin, I have one question.

• 1:10:48Speaker 02

  No, no, that's part of it. That's part of a keep it in.

• 1:10:49Conan O'Brien?

  This can't be part of the keep it in.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  No, that's part of the keep it in.

• 1:10:52Conan O'Brien?

  Wasn't clear to me at the end, dad okay now?

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Your dad.

• 1:10:57Speaker 02

  My dad is... He's okay now, yep.

• 1:10:59Conan O'Brien?

  He's better.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  He's better.

• 1:11:00Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I just wanted to make sure before we get into it, because I'm really gonna... I'm gonna really roast him, and I want to make sure he's okay.

• 1:11:07Conan O'Brien?

  Um, listen, I think it's what we do in Massachusetts.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:11:10Speaker 04

  It is, it really is.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it really is, yeah.

• 1:11:15Speaker 04

  These two California soft little babies.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  I'm really glad you're in my life.

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  Croatia.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  But for real, when Conan dies, it is important that you know that you will be the first two people who I want to have on Mike Birbiglia and the internet.

• 1:11:31Conan O'Brien?

  True story.

• 1:11:33Speaker 04

  You're just... You're... You're gonna make us, um... You're gonna make some of that.

• 1:11:36Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know why. I want to start.

• 1:11:38Speaker 04

  We are.

• 1:11:38Conan O'Brien?

  But he... But you guys have created this thing that has to happen first, where they go, "Harv, no, it's Mike Birbiglia, and I feel nauseous about..." And because we have to do that, we can't record any of this shit. You created the perfect trap.

• 1:11:54Speaker 01

  It's all being recorded, though.

• 1:11:55Conan O'Brien?

  Look at this. This is how an ESP, a guy with ESP does a podcast. That's a funny bit.

• 1:12:00Speaker 02

  We're ready to come be on your podcast now.

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, my verbiglia needs a friend, you said. Okay, we're in.

• 1:12:04Speaker 02

  Conan, let me tell you a few things about television. They're rolling right now. So we can use all of it.

• 1:12:11Conan O'Brien?

  It's not television. It's not television. It's a podcast that's being recorded.

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. I hope there's no caffeine in whatever you're drinking.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  There's a valium in there.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  Okay, over to you, Mike, whenever you're ready.

• 1:12:22Conan O'Brien?

  Whenever you want to start. It's lots of fun to do. If you like it, holler, "Yay!" And if you don't, you're horrible.

• 1:12:28Speaker 02

  Oh, no. I listened to our last episode and "Yay Boo" in the comments is beloved. People love "Yay Boo."

• 1:12:38Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah, well, I could sing another one of his tunes. I don't know if we brought that up.

• 1:12:41Speaker 02

  Oh, we have, yeah.

• 1:12:43Conan O'Brien?

  Boy, wow. Okay, let's start it, all right? Okay, fake start and go.

• 1:12:51Speaker 04

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:13:11Speaker 04

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:14:59Speaker 09

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• 1:15:29Speaker 10

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