Adam Devine

Comedian and actor Adam Devine feels exuberant about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Adam sits down with Conan to discuss the childhood accident that led him to a career in comedy, befriending his fellow Workaholics while at college, mistaking Pitch Perfect for a baseball movie during his audition, and utterly embarrassing himself in front of Danny McBride. Plus, Conan’s memory is activated as he recalls one of his most notorious bits. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Same.

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  Whaaat?

• 0:23Conan O'Brien?

  That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry problem. WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I grew up with this.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:49Conan O'Brien?

  And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Oh, what?

• 0:58Conan O'Brien?

  We were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:03Conan O'Brien?

  So get a gift today at weathertech.com.

• 1:09Conan O'Brien?

  Now Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 1:20Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 1:22Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 1:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that jacket, nice jacket.

• 1:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it because you said you would.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Aw man, I didn't know you were doing that. I didn't know you were trapping me.

• 1:33Conan O'Brien?

  I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:44Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 2:10Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, I'm Adam Devine.

• 2:14Conan O'Brien?

  And I feel exuberant about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 2:41Conan O'Brien?

  Bang, bang, bang.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, I'm doing it, I'm doing it hard. Stay there.

• 2:49Conan O'Brien?

  I'm doing it hard.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  I'm doing it hard. I'm gonna do it real hard.

• 2:53Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna start, I'm gonna start. Hey, Conan O'Brien here. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And I'm watching Sona has a bag of popcorn and she's whipping it across the room. Yes!

• 3:09Conan O'Brien?

  You know what's impressive? Sona started whipping popcorn across the room, goarly trying to catch it in his mouth. There were some failed attempts. I decided to just start the podcast on the action. And what's interesting is Sona threw two.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Accidentally.

• 3:23Conan O'Brien?

  Accidentally. And one went into your mouth and now you're choking. Are you okay? I'd never better. One of them went in, which was very impressive. You okay? I am. Okay. Look, I never said we were a real podcast.

• 3:40Conan O'Brien?

  You, you know, it's funny, it was reminding me of you were throwing popcorn across the room. I have two dogs. Loki's... Wait a minute. You'll see. Loki and Odin. Loki's a mature seven-year-old dog. And one of his abilities is I can just drop a little treat and he can snap it out of the air. He's very good at it. Odin is a one-year-old pup and a goof. And so I'll drop it for Loki and he'll just snap it. Just as you did right now, just snap it out of the air. And then I'll drop it for Odin and he, it bounces off of his head. And then he snaps his mouth like two minutes later. He's just, he's a total clown, but he's slowly, he's slowly getting the hang of it.

• 4:24Conan O'Brien?

  And so I just had, when you were throwing the popcorn across the room, I have this ritual every day where I'm trying to teach Odin to be able to snap it. And I'm, I realized that you're slightly smarter than my one-year-old dog.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  But you know what? It was on me. I wasn't, it was hard to throw popcorn and I just couldn't get it.

• 4:40Conan O'Brien?

  It's not aerodynamic. It's long distance to get that popcorn there. Yeah. But we pulled it off. We did it.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  You're, you're a good food catcher.

• 4:48Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, thanks.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  You're welcome, pal.

• 4:50Conan O'Brien?

  There is a reason. That's what my wife calls me. She's just, you're just a food catcher. That's all you are. That was fun. I think we've got a loose vibe today. And I want people tuning in right now to know that we're a bunch of fun, regular folk that just toss popcorn around. Now, we lost all of it. We lost all of it.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Whatever we set up, you just ruined it.

• 5:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it was a nice moment and I had to get on.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Can I throw popcorn at you?

• 5:16Conan O'Brien?

  Nah, I don't think so. And you didn't even mean in his mouth. You just wanted to fumble with popcorn. You wanted to use a different food.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Take a handful.

• 5:26Conan O'Brien?

  Super hot fried chicken, right off the frying pan.

• 5:31Conan O'Brien?

  Burning my face, scorching it. Yeah. Hot soup. Hot, really, really hot sweet and sour soup that you throw at me with a hose.

• 5:44Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just, I'm glad that we're happy and we're having a good time. And if the, I'm gonna just say it, I don't use the word vibe much, but there's a good vibe today. It's like, we're just a bunch of pals having fun. That's all.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Bunch of goofy, goofy pals throwing food.

• 5:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, throwing food around.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 6:01Conan O'Brien?

  Help me clean up afterwards. I'm not going to, because I didn't throw any.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 6:05Conan O'Brien?

  But, um.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  That means I have to.

• 6:06Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo and I, by the way, are the people who have to clean up the studio, so. I don't think there's food allowed in here, is there? No, no, no. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say that's on Matt and Sona. They should have to do that. I would never.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, we can do it.

• 6:15Conan O'Brien?

  I just ate all the pieces on my seat. Well, Eduardo is the head of the studio. Eduardo, is there food allowed in here?

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Typically, we try not to allow food here, but for you guys.

• 6:25Conan O'Brien?

  These aren't food. These are props. I had no idea. Wait a minute.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  I have never heard this rule.

• 6:29Conan O'Brien?

  Excuse me, just a second. Eduardo has the floor. Now, I also want to preface again, Eduardo is the genius who designed this beautiful studio that everyone compliments us on. And so, again, props to you, Eduardo. I knew that we weren't supposed to have. Liquid.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  It's just good studio etiquette to not have food or drinks in the studio. But this isn't your typical studio anyways. It's a podcast studio, so we kind of built for some food.

• 6:57Conan O'Brien?

  I know, hold on a second. So, uh, that's really a recording thing? That you're not supposed to have food around? Cause we've had a ton of food in here all the time.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  And you've never said a word.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  You have never said a word.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  No, because, you know, it's a good vibe. So I try to just, you know.

• 7:12Conan O'Brien?

  He's cool, Dad. But like, for example, if I were to bring in a goulash, would you have said something? A big, hot, steaming goulash in a big ceramic bowl? And then just been like, "Goulash for all!" And slopping it around.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Coca-Cola and Mentos. Is that cool? Yeah, no, that would not work. Um, like I said, it's a podcast studio. It's whatever you guys want it to be.

• 7:35Conan O'Brien?

  Well, no, I, I respect your, uh, both as a technician and a craftsman. I respect the work you've done and I want to honor it. And maybe we should honor Eduardo by not having food in here anymore.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  I'm cool with snacks, like, like, anything that's contained. That's why like, I prefer.

• 7:50Conan O'Brien?

  She was throwing the food across the room. But you say, okay, let me list some foods. Goulash, no.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Probably no.

• 7:57Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Um, just a big, b-b-b-boiling meaty stew.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  Definitely, no.

• 8:04Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Tacos?

• 8:06Conan O'Brien?

  Tacos.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Oh, a lot. Chowder.

• 8:10Conan O'Brien?

  Tacos you allow, but what about my beloved Boston Chowder?

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Get out of here. Mascarpin Loma? Yes, there we go.

• 8:17Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I see a trend here. Wait a minute, this, this doesn't feel fair. What about a lot of corned beef and potatoes?

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Never, get out of here.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  What about some, uh, quesadillas?

• 8:28Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, more, please, please.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  I see what's going on.

• 8:31Conan O'Brien?

  How about some Armenian grabba the goo?

• 8:34Speaker 02

  Grabba the goo. Depends on the day of the week.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:37Conan O'Brien?

  Is there such?

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Grabba the goo?

• 8:39Conan O'Brien?

  What is it? What is, what would be an Armenian dish that I should have yelled out? And don't say, uh, cause I know there's a lot of dried fruit.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Hush.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Crush?

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Hush. Hush.

• 8:47Conan O'Brien?

  Hush, what's that?

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Hush, it's hoof soup.

• 8:50Conan O'Brien?

  Supes. What? Don't, come on.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Lama June.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Lama June, let's just go, that's the Armenian pizza. Hush, we've talked about this, it's, you know, it's like a peasant dish, kind of. They take all the parts of the animal that they didn't eat and they throw it all in a

• 9:04Conan O'Brien?

  But don't say.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  In a soup.

• 9:05Conan O'Brien?

  But hoof, you wouldn't, you wouldn't eat the hoof?

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Oh, you could eat the hoof.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  It's hot, cold soup?

• 9:09Conan O'Brien?

  You can, but hoof is what? Hoof is hardened collagen, it just melts down?

• 9:13Speaker 01

  I think, um, I don't know enough about it. I know there's gonna be so many Armenians mad at me, but I, I always grew up thinking it's hoof soup. Maybe there are no hooves.

• 9:22Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. All right. Maybe it just got a bad name. Eduardo is busily searching for it on the internet.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Won't come up.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  I don't even know how you spell it.

• 9:29Conan O'Brien?

  You have to go on the dark web.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  I don't know how you.

• 9:31Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, if you want some, if you want some hoof soup, you don't just go on, you don't just type that into Google.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  You gotta know a guy.

• 9:37Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta know a guy who knows a guy who knows a horse.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Okay. And I also don't know how you, in English, how, how you do the kh sound.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I tried KH.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  I think you do it with an X.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Oh, I see.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  X A S H. Hush.

• 9:50Conan O'Brien?

  Hush.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Hush.

• 9:51Conan O'Brien?

  Hush.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Hush.

• 9:52Conan O'Brien?

  Hush.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  Hush.

• 9:53Conan O'Brien?

  Hush.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:54Conan O'Brien?

  That's a good excuse I'll use if, you know, I tell my wife, I'm like, hush. And she's like, don't you tell me to be quiet. I'll say, just wanted some hoof soup.

• 10:04Speaker 03

  That's worse.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  So I did find it, actually.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  Uh, K H A S H, or the way you spelled it. So it says, hush is a traditional Armenian soup, often made with cow feet or other beef.

• 10:16Conan O'Brien?

  Cow feet, wow. They can't mean the hoof, though.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  Well, there's no other real part of the foot.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  It's gotta be.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  You gotta, you gotta use the whole part of the, the whole cow.

• 10:26Conan O'Brien?

  So is there a saddle in there? I mean, what's going on?

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Okay, there's no saddle.

• 10:30Conan O'Brien?

  It also says it's often consumed as a hangover remedy.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I'm bad. You have a little of that and you're like, "I'll never drink again." Anything. Nothing's going in my mouth again. Once you got a hoof in your throat, the idea of consuming anything again.

• 10:48Conan O'Brien?

  All right, I'm gonna get this show going. Kind of get this show going. My guest today has starred in such TV shows and movies as Workaholics, Pitch Perfect, and The Righteous Gemstones. He also has a podcast called This Is Important. Hey, that's a great title. Which releases new episodes every Tuesday. I'm excited he's here today.

• 11:13Conan O'Brien?

  Adam Devine.

• 11:13Speaker 04

  Hey, you did the pause!

• 11:14Conan O'Brien?

  Welcome. I did the pause. I did the pause. Yes.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  Our long national nightmare is over.

• 11:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 11:24Conan O'Brien?

  There's a slight pause there before you say my name. Because I think you were exuberant about being someone else's friend and then remembered it was me. And I could see the life leave your body.

• 11:32Speaker 04

  Well, I am bad at reading.

• 11:36Conan O'Brien?

  Not much of a reader, are you?

• 11:38Speaker 04

  No, no, no. You put me on the spot reading. I'm gonna make my own. Actually, when I was a kid, they thought I couldn't read. Because I would like kind of read ahead a little bit and then make my own story up.

• 11:49Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 11:50Speaker 04

  And then they're like, "He's an idiot. He can't read." And then they put me into class like a remedial reading. And they're like, "We think he can. He just is making his own shit up."

• 12:00Conan O'Brien?

  He's highly creative, is what he is. In third grade, I had heard that there was this Evelyn Wood speed reading course. Where people, and it was advertised on television where you could read really fast.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  I thought that was so cool.

• 12:14Conan O'Brien?

  And I just went to school and told people I could do it. And they were like, "Prove it." So I picked up a book and I flipped through the pages really fast. And I wasn't reading, but I was flipping through it really fast because I was trying to, I was embarrassed. So I was covering for the fact that I had said I could do this. And then I did it with another book and another book. And then they asked me what the books were about and I was just saying stuff that kind of sounded like it would be the book of...

• 12:36Speaker 04

  You're like, "George Washington saved the day."

• 12:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you know. Yeah, and so, and they were like, "Wow." And they told the teacher, Mrs. Sollet, and they said, "Conan's a speed reader. He can three, he just read three books in like, two minutes." And she came over and saw what I was doing and basically said, "You're an idiot. This is bullshit. Knock it off." And I remember being so embarrassed, I turned beet red.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Aww.

• 13:00Conan O'Brien?

  And I said, I'll never do a stupid thing again.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  More red, more red.

• 13:03Conan O'Brien?

  More red, yeah. And I was drinking that day.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:07Conan O'Brien?

  Adam, it's a thrill to have you here.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Good to be here.

• 13:09Conan O'Brien?

  I remember you first came onto my radar because my assistant, who's with me today, Sona Movsesian, and joins me often, I remember she was my assistant, and from the day you started working for me, every day you would come in and you were constantly talking about this show, Workaholics.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:27Conan O'Brien?

  And you were obsessed with it.

• 13:28Speaker 04

  Wow, cool.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  I was, I loved that show.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, thanks.

• 13:30Conan O'Brien?

  And when I hear that someone, that something else is really funny, I'm furious.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:37Conan O'Brien?

  Furious.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  I understand that.

• 13:38Conan O'Brien?

  Um, you know, like, what? This can't be funny, how am I involved? And she said, it has nothing to do with you.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:45Conan O'Brien?

  And I said, am I in it? And, you know, it was at that level of pathology.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  Did I write for this?

• 13:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Or did they steal my journal and create a TV show?

• 13:52Conan O'Brien?

  There must be some way, you know, and, um, but no, and then she started showing me clips of the show, which was hilarious, and then I started having you guys on, and it was a perfect mix of my audience, what you guys were doing, which was so inventive. And again, my favorite kind of television and entertainment is when good friends are entertaining themselves.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:18Conan O'Brien?

  And almost defying people to say, look, you can like this or not, but this is what we like.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:25Conan O'Brien?

  And I thought that was pretty cool, and I thought we'd start there because Sona,

• 14:29Speaker 01

  I love it, yeah.

• 14:30Conan O'Brien?

  You were, I mean, you had, you had made like pictures and posters, it was crazy.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Okay, all right, relax. Okay, I liked it, I watched it.

• 14:38Conan O'Brien?

  You went to Adam's house.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, you were outside my house, smelling my underwear.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, is that weird? I was a fan of your show, so I thought I'd just drive by and say hi.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  I remember how excited we were, because you were our favorite, and now not so much, but back then, uh, with the intro, when I walked in, that's when it diminished. And I'm like, Kimmel, you're number one!

• 15:00Speaker 04

  No. The Adam Devine. The Devine, the boom. So, we were super excited when we came, and I was just tell, I had a Hollywood meeting a few minutes ago, right before I came here, and I was telling the story, they were talking about Danny on this show, and, and I was like, oh, I'm about to go do that, and talking about you and how we used to do-

• 15:24Conan O'Brien?

  Danny McBride, yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 04

  McBride, yeah, and we used to come and do the show, and how, one time, we were scheduled to perform, but then a portal to another realm opened up, and instead of us performing, or coming on and being guests, a portal to another realm opened up, and the wizards actually performed, if you remember that.

• 15:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I do remember that very well.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  Gangster rapping wizards from another realm, and they look kinda like us, but I wouldn't say identical, they had beards.

• 15:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  So, yeah, that was, that was pretty cool that you had them on in our stead.

• 15:57Conan O'Brien?

  I've had this theory for a while, that oftentimes in show business and in life, in general for anybody, you, you think that your destiny is one thing, and it's your failure to get that, and you pivot, and you get something that feels lesser to you, and that is actually the real path to where you should be going, and I know for you, you're, you were convinced when you went to college, that you wanted to, was it UCLA?

• 16:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:23Conan O'Brien?

  You, you thought, this is where I have to go, but it was too expensive, you couldn't afford it, so you went to a different school.

• 16:29Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:30Conan O'Brien?

  Where'd you go?

• 16:30Speaker 04

  Orange Coast College.

• 16:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  Which is a community college in Orange County.

• 16:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so you feel like, oh, you know, my path to my real future has been blocked, because I don't have the money, I'll go here instead, and that's where you meet Kyle and Blake.

• 16:44Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:45Conan O'Brien?

  So, again, this proves this idea I have, that that wasn't where you were supposed to go, you went where you were supposed to go.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, are, are you and my mother are the same person, because she says this all the time, but I do-

• 16:58Conan O'Brien?

  I thought I had a new idea.

• 17:01Conan O'Brien?

  I do listen to your mom's podcast a lot.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  Yes, it's good.

• 17:03Conan O'Brien?

  Called Stank Talk.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  Skank Talk with Penny D.

• 17:12Conan O'Brien?

  Hi Penny D.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  Hi Penny.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  Yes, I, I, so, so yeah, we, we met there and it was like a, a kismet thing. I just thought Blake was so funny and so different. And he had a cute, tight little Afro at the time. He didn't have those, not always like kind of girls like think he's sexy, but that was not the case.

• 17:32Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 17:32Speaker 04

  In community college. And he was very funny. And then Kyle, uh, who ended up directing a lot of our stuff and is now a big director and he, uh, we, we were like, oh, you guys make videos? I make videos. I'll show you my videos from high school and you guys show me yours. And then as they were showing me theirs, I like was sinking down in my seat and like, theirs are so much better than mine. Like the, the quality of their video, because Kyle's just a talented director. And it was just me going like, I think if it, the frame just holds on me the whole time. That's a good shot.

• 18:07Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, man.

• 18:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:08Conan O'Brien?

  I think your way is my way also.

• 18:12Speaker 05

  I don't understand why I'm not in frame. So if the camera's here, that's all we need and you can be off camera. Deliver your lines off camera.

• 18:22Speaker 04

  So their stuff was so much better. And then, and then it was kind of off to the races from there. And then we just sort of clicked. And it also was the type of thing that when you spend, when you're in your, like, I mean, we were teenagers, we were 18 years old at that time. When you're that age, you spend 100% of your time.

• 18:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  With those people. And so we just had so many inside, like the way that we talk and the way that we communicate with each other and is so familiar. That, um, I think when we finally got our shot, people were like, oh, I can tell that they're great friends. I want to be part of that.

• 18:54Conan O'Brien?

  The chemistry was all there.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:56Conan O'Brien?

  You had done your 10, what Malcolm Gladwell would call the 10,000 hours of we've, we've done all our stuff. What's, I'm going to go back a little before that was something I wasn't aware of, um, which is you went through a pretty traumatic experience when you were a kid.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:12Conan O'Brien?

  Um, two, first of all, you were Catholic.

• 19:17Speaker 04

  I'm still reeling from that.

• 19:20Conan O'Brien?

  And, you know, that's, and David, you went through Catholicism as well.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, we, I have a, I have a one year old now and my, my, my wife was like, we have to get him baptized. And I know other, no other way. So I'm like, yeah, he's Catholic. And my wife was like, no, he's not.

• 19:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 04

  And I'm like, I might as well just make him Catholic. I don't know. Like, that's what I know how to do. You kneel, you stand, you do this thing.

• 19:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's, that's the thing. And, um, no, that is not how we're raising our son. No. Yeah. My wife is Episcopalian and was not raised in the Catholic church, but when we had our, our kids, I was the same way. I was like, you know, they will be Christian in the Catholic church.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:01Conan O'Brien?

  And it just came out of me. And she was like, well, we can, we will all be Christian in the Catholic church.

• 20:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, all of a sudden you're like.

• 20:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, like something took over my body.

• 20:10Speaker 04

  On the third day, Jesus rose again.

• 20:14Conan O'Brien?

  I rose in the air. I spun. My arms went out. Um, and they were. And, uh, thank you, Liza, for going along with me on that one. It made my folks really happy.

• 20:24Speaker 04

  That's cool.

• 20:24Conan O'Brien?

  But, uh, it's funny because you do this show about mega churches now, and it's just hilarious show, which we will talk about because I love it. And Danny was on talking about it as well. But it is the polar opposite of the Catholic experience. Did you know, when you were, and going, when you were Catholic, going to Catholic masses, did you know that there was such a thing as mega churches out there?

• 20:49Speaker 04

  I think they were just sort of starting by the time I was like, when I was a kid, I don't think they really existed in my, the eighties, early nineties. I don't think.

• 20:59Conan O'Brien?

  Or if they existed, they, they weren't quite what they've become.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then, and then I remember in high school when I'd have to go to church and, uh, and then my friends would go to church and they were just Christian. They didn't even like, there wasn't like another thing that you said, wasn't like, I'm Christian, but I'm Catholic or I'm a.

• 21:17Conan O'Brien?

  Just Christian.

• 21:18Speaker 04

  Yeah. They're like, we're just Christian. And I'm like, what? And they're like, and we have rock climbing walls. And I'm like. What? And they're like, "Yeah, and there's a cotton candy machine."

• 21:30Conan O'Brien?

  Do you eat away for it? No, gummy fish. Swedish gummy fish.

• 21:36Conan O'Brien?

  No, and it's also like, there's music. And who's playing? Phish. Phish is playing, and there's a light show.

• 21:44Speaker 04

  And loaves.

• 21:48Conan O'Brien?

  Where does this happen? At the Sphere in Las Vegas.

• 21:53Conan O'Brien?

  I want this religion. Hard benches and, you know.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, it seemed very cool.

• 22:06Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything, like, I feel that way about my name. Yeah. It stands for all of the work, good and not so good. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures. Yeah. Your children haven't even started building their futures, but their identities are already valuable. Your child's clean credit history can make them a target for identity thieves. Never thought of it that way, but it's true. Identity thieves can open loans and credit cards using your child's social security number, racking up debt and ruining their credit. And you may not notice until they try and get their first credit card. So it could be a long time. Yeah. Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now, Sony, your kids are pretty young still. They are.

• 22:51Conan O'Brien?

  Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online. What? They're gonna be, become tractor fanatics. They're gonna be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 23:22Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  What?

• 23:24Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things. So I'm going to try and make apple cider.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 23:28Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:29Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 23:37Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:42Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:44Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 23:51Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:53Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 24:00Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 24:01Conan O'Brien?

  travel show that I do.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:03Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 24:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:16Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 24:21Speaker 01

  My god.

• 24:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  What?

• 24:23Conan O'Brien?

  No, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 24:26Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to tmobile.com and find yours best, based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US, where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit tmobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 24:56Conan O'Brien?

  You know what's the worst? When you can't find what you need to do your job. I hate that.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, like a pencil.

• 25:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, I was thinking more, um, competent people around me.

• 25:11Conan O'Brien?

  But yeah, sure, pencil. Let's go with pencil. Maybe you can relate. It's like your business is stuck in the dark ages with data scattered all over and you have to send men in tights out to find it. Well, noble businesspeople, EverPure, lets you see and manage all your data from one simple place, no matter where it lives, so you can do your job. Right?

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Why'd you get an accent?

• 25:34Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I was a little bit of a character at the end. So you can do your job. Get out of the data dark ages at everpuredata.com.

• 25:48Conan O'Brien?

  You went through something very intense that I didn't know about, which is you were on your bike and you were seriously injured.

• 25:57Speaker 04

  Yep, kablammoed.

• 25:59Conan O'Brien?

  What happened? Kablammoed is the medical term. You could just dumb it down for the rest of us.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  I was kablammoed.

• 26:04Conan O'Brien?

  We got a kablammo here. I saw that there's an episode of The Pit where they go, "We got a kablammo." We got one kablammo coming in. He's fully kablammed. We need 3 cc's of Feel Better Quick.

• 26:17Conan O'Brien?

  So what happened? Because it's pretty heavy.

• 26:19Speaker 04

  I was hit by a cement truck as a little boy.

• 26:22Conan O'Brien?

  You were on your bike?

• 26:23Speaker 04

  I was on my bike. My, uh, are you guys squeamish?

• 26:26Conan O'Brien?

  Nope.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  Squeamish, so. Holy shit. Oh my god. Yeah. So it looks like uncooked chicken, but it is my leg and...

• 26:36Conan O'Brien?

  Is that with skin grafts then, over it?

• 26:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that's skin graft. So the, the skin was ripped off and the other leg's a little better, but it was half the leg. And I broke everything from the knees down, related to reconstruct my legs. And then my left femur and then some ribs and a punctured lung and was bleeding out of my ears. But then they're like, "No brain damage."

• 26:57Speaker 04

  I think. I beg to differ.

• 27:01Speaker 04

  Just based on your work. Yeah. Totally, yeah, yeah.

• 27:05Conan O'Brien?

  The doctors are looking at workaholics. Ah! We might have gotten it wrong 25 years ago.

• 27:15Conan O'Brien?

  We've, uh, Pitch Perfect workaholics.

• 27:19Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, are you looking at CAT scans? No, no, just the work.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  No, his filmography.

• 27:23Conan O'Brien?

  So, I mean, we're laughing a lot, but horrifying. And were you, were you unconscious for a long time?

• 27:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was a couple of weeks. It was a medical induced coma. And then, uh, yeah, so essentially I lived in the suburbs and three cement trucks were going up the hill as two were coming down or some version of that because new houses were being built everywhere. And my friend was across the street and he yells, "Come on," as in, "Let's go." And I took that as coast is clear. And he goes, "Come on." And I'm like, "Okay." And I walk out after the third cement truck passed. And so I couldn't see the other side of the street and was hit. And I flung, uh, I said 500 feet because that's what my mom told me and that's what's in my Wikipedia page. But then I, I did another podcast and I think Theo Von was like, "500 feet? That's so far."

• 28:16Speaker 04

  And I'm like.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  It's really far.

• 28:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess it is. He goes, how far is the longest field goal ever kicked? And it was like 162 feet. And I'm like, I wasn't kicked. My mom's a liar. I don't know if I was even hit by.

• 28:28Conan O'Brien?

  It's me saying I'm a speed reader.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:31Conan O'Brien?

  I went 100 miles.

• 28:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was my mom like trying to zhuzh up the numbers of me getting hit by a cement truck. She's like, it was 500 feet too. It wasn't even a small distance. It was 500 feet.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Oh, Penny.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  And it wasn't, it wasn't 30 tons. It was 80 tons. It was an 80 ton cement truck. So one of the heaviest in the world.

• 28:50Conan O'Brien?

  When you're hit by a cement truck as a kid and you get that kind of damage, you don't need to zhuzh it up.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 28:56Conan O'Brien?

  It was also carrying dynamite.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:59Conan O'Brien?

  And it blew up.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then he had a gun on him. She shot him. He shot him in the leg, so you couldn't tell. So you couldn't tell. He was in the leg, so you couldn't tell. Uh, and then the funny, no, I mean funny, but I was hit in one county and landed in another because, because the, the road was the dividing line between the counties.

• 29:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Uh, so that was a fun thing that we got to talk about, but.

• 29:19Conan O'Brien?

  So, so the recovery process, because you're in a wheelchair for a chunk of time.

• 29:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, for about two years. It was.

• 29:28Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god.

• 29:28Speaker 04

  Middle school was really cool for me. And, uh, it was kind of a cool, cool experience to be the crippled kid.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I was in a wheelchair and I, uh, would get on crutches and then have another surgery. I had something like 26 or 28 surgeries during that time. And, uh, yeah, and then, and then my eighth grade years, so that was the summer going into sixth grade. And by eighth grade, I played football.

• 29:59Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  And by the way, the worst guy on the team, it was the coaches being like, he can play. And then they're like, you're a defensive lineman. Yeah. So it's just me just like going, ah!

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Quarterback getting sacked.

• 30:14Conan O'Brien?

  You're just, your entire body is made of recently healed bones.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 30:19Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't sound like a good idea. Who would let you play, Penny? Who would let you play football?

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Uh, my doctor, actually, my mom was like, if the doctor says you could play, you could play. And the doctor was like, I don't, I don't see what's wrong with it. If he wants to play. And my mom's like, you son of a bitch. Oh my god.

• 30:36Conan O'Brien?

  How dare you.

• 30:37Speaker 04

  Uh, and then I, and then I played, but, uh, you know, I was, I was really, really bad. And then, so I thought I was gonna be like this athlete as a kid. I was like, that was my whole, you know, I'm like, I'm gonna be a professional baseball player. No one in my family's athletic, so this was a pipe dream. But, uh, that was my, my goal. And then after I was hit, I, I always, my, I have a very, very funny family and I always liked making people laugh. And then I started to call into radio stations. And I would call into the radio station in Omaha, uh, 1067 The Edge or 1019 The Edge. And I would do different voices and different characters. And then that became like a, a little thing on the radio.

• 31:18Conan O'Brien?

  Because you're confined, you're like, this is you at home, wheelchair, maybe not going to school. You can't be having fun, so this is what you do.

• 31:24Speaker 04

  Exactly, and this was sixth and seventh grade. And then they were like, come on down, we want you to be part of the, the drive time hour. And so my mom loads me into the minivan, takes me down there. My legs are, can't bend, so they're fully just extended in front of me. She picks me up, she puts me in the wheelchair, wheels me into the radio station. And they're like, oh, we didn't realize you were a crippled child. We thought you were an adult man.

• 31:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh no.

• 31:51Speaker 04

  By the way, a sad, weird adult man who only talks to us in character voices. But we didn't know you were, so we can't pay you and have you be part, you know, we can't have you on staff, but we can, uh, pay you in like cranberry CDs. I have, I have all the cranberry.

• 32:08Conan O'Brien?

  Accepted currency and still in parts of Europe.

• 32:10Speaker 04

  Cranberry, um, wallflowers. Oh my god. Yeah, all the good, all the hits.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  And then, and then, uh, like free concert tickets. And so then that was sort of my segue into comedy where I was like, oh, it's, you can, being funny, you can do cool things and get cool things.

• 32:29Conan O'Brien?

  That, yeah, that is the crucial moment, I think, for a lot of people in our industry is the moment you, and some people realize it or know it really early, but the moment when you realize, wait a minute, there's a use for this thing I do.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:44Conan O'Brien?

  I just thought. That I was, you know, entertaining slash annoying my brothers and friends to no end all the time. And then someone links it to, that's great. Here's a cookie. Here's a free t-shirt. Wait a minute. Here's a, here's a job here. Here's a job there. And it's, you can't believe it. You can't believe it.

• 33:06Speaker 04

  I could not believe, I was so excited. And the fact that my mom was getting her hair done. She was, she has this beautiful poof, Penny. And so she was poofing this thing up at the salon. And I came on the radio and someone in this salon said, oh my God, I love this guy. He calls in all the time. And my mom was like, oh. And, and I remember once that happened, I was like, oh, I can, my mom, like, I'll put some shine on the family by doing this thing. Cause I'm not going to be the professional athlete that we all thought I was going to be.

• 33:39Conan O'Brien?

  There's still time. There's still time. You're a young man.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  Yeah. Cornhole is getting, uh.

• 33:47Conan O'Brien?

  Do you have any residual pain from what you went through in your life? Or was that all behind you that physically?

• 33:53Speaker 04

  No, up until maybe three years ago, I would say, yeah, it's basically behind me. Like I have a creak in the knee or whatever. But in the last three years, it was crazy. I, uh, I suddenly start to have spasms. And my muscles will get super tight and the doctors couldn't explain it. And they told me at one point that I have this autoimmune disease called stiff person syndrome. Which is essentially like a, a death sentence for the most part. And people die within like six years, usually. And so they told me that I had it. And they told me I had it a month before Beau was born, my son. And I'm like, this isn't a cool thing to say to me. So I'm on the toilet at 4 a.m. looking at videos of people with stiff person syndrome. Like I, I, I don't want this to be my life.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  And then six months goes by, or then they tell me, well, maybe you don't have it. Cause I had one of the markers, but not the other marker in my blood. And they're like, maybe you don't have it. And then six months goes by and I'm shooting gemstones and they're like, we do think you have it. So I then I went to Philadelphia and I met with the oldest man alive who coined the phrase stiff person syndrome. He's like the guy and he told me, I absolutely don't have it and it's all residual from my accident. Oh my god. But it is a weird thing where like

• 35:10Conan O'Brien?

  That's harrowing.

• 35:10Speaker 04

  Yeah. That I can't, I mean, I, I, you know, it's a weird thing because I still want to act and want to do all this stuff. But I have a hard time standing for more than like 15 or 20 minutes at a time. And I can't run and move in the same ways that I could just a couple of years ago. So I'm, I'm doing a wild amount of physical therapy and, and that kind of stuff. Like now that I'm in between, you know, jobs, uh, I'm still writing and doing all kinds of other stuff. But as far as being on set goes, I'm just like, physical therapy, body work, acupuncture, chiro, chemotherapy, like every, everything. So I'm in the midst of it now.

• 35:46Conan O'Brien?

  It's, uh, I mean, clearly you've been through, you went through this massive injury, but it is just true. The, the best analogy I've ever heard is that when you're born, you're dropped into a current that's taking you in the right direction and very powerfully. And you just get bigger and stronger, doing absolutely nothing, you know? And then as you get older, the current starts to slow and then it comes to a standstill. And then it starts to go the other way. And so you actively have to work at staying just where you are.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:14Conan O'Brien?

  And I thought, yeah, I think that's the best description

• 36:17Speaker 04

  That is.

• 36:17Conan O'Brien?

  Of the aging process, which is, I do a lot just to stay where I am. You know, it's not

• 36:25Speaker 04

  I used to work out a lot to like look strong and get muscles. And now I'm like, it's just like holding, like holding weights, like just isometric holds and just all this stuff that I was like, I'm never going to do this. Now I work out like I'm an 88 year old grandmother, like who's just like, doesn't want both of her hips to snap. If she misses a Stare.

• 36:48Conan O'Brien?

  You have pool noodles with a bunch of other old ladies.

• 36:52Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  I just have my hair in a hairnet. There's nothing to do with it.

• 36:57Conan O'Brien?

  Enid's yelling at you, your noodle's hitting her noodle.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  You go to the salon with Penny now.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  Totally. I gotta work on my food. Penny, end gear. Yeah.

• 37:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I have to say, I wouldn't know any of this, cause, I mean, in all your work, but in your latest work, In Gemstones, you're just always so physically present and funny and great.

• 37:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, thanks. Thank you.

• 37:19Conan O'Brien?

  And you, you know, we've covered, you do, you meet the fellas, you guys do Workaholics, you start to get traction. Pitch Perfect. When Pitch Perfect comes along and you are up for this role, you didn't even really know what the role was. Is that true?

• 37:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, that is true. I, we were shooting Workaholics and it was, they were like, the producers really like you for this Pitch Perfect movie. You should go audition. And I'm like, I don't have time. Like, I have my own TV show. I don't have time. And they were like, make time. This is a real movie. It's universal. Go. And so we made it so I wasn't shooting the scene after lunch. So I could go during lunch. I could drive my ass down to Santa Monica, or I think it was Santa Monica, audition, and then get back before I had to do the scene later in the day. So I'm like, alright. And I go and I'm looking at the sides as I get there and I think it's a baseball movie. I swear to you, I think it's Pitch Perfect. I think it's a baseball movie.

• 38:19Conan O'Brien?

  I would. That would be my first assumption.

• 38:22Speaker 04

  Yes. I'm like stretching out in the parking lot. Like, alright, maybe I gotta.

• 38:26Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 38:26Speaker 04

  Ha!

• 38:29Speaker 04

  And then I see all these guys singing and I'm like, that's not gonna help you with the baseball movie, pussy.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  Look at these losers. Oh, boy.

• 38:40Conan O'Brien?

  I feel so.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  Someone didn't play baseball in the fifth grade.

• 38:46Speaker 04

  And so, and then I actually take a look at the sides and I'm like, this isn't baseball at all. There's a lot of singing in this baseball movie. And so I go and I do the scenes and it went well. And they were like, what song did you prepare? And

• 39:00Conan O'Brien?

  You had not prepared anything.

• 39:01Speaker 04

  I had not prepared anything and they're just like, well, it's whatever like song that you know a lot of the words to. We just want to know you can carry a tune. So weirdly, the first song that popped into my head was, Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paper boy, the heaving in TV? Which is the Full House theme song.

• 39:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 04

  And, and then somehow I got, I have no idea. I walked out of there, I'm like, they all laughed really hard, but I'm like, I didn't prove I could sing. I don't think they wanted like an 80 year old jazz singer to be the lead of.

• 39:38Conan O'Brien?

  I love that there are actors out there listening right now who are furious.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:43Conan O'Brien?

  Who do everything, they've gone to Juilliard, they can, they, they find out, they research the role. And then they hear you, I don't know, I thought I was, sing, I don't know, I guess I'm the Full House theme. Predictability, you're hired, yeah, okay, thanks.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Well, I'm learning the more, yeah, I feel like I'm definitely way more prepared in the things I do now. But I think there is a special, if you could care less about most things, it goes better. If, I think when you care too much and you're too wrapped up, you get emotionally tied to a thing. And you like, you want it too much and it comes off as like a weird manic energy when you come in the room. You're like, hey, how's it all, pleasure, pleasure to meet you. And you're talking to the, the casting director, the producers, like, I don't want to hang out with this guy on set.

• 40:29Conan O'Brien?

  No, they can smell it.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:30Conan O'Brien?

  There's a pheromone you put out when you, I had, when I auditioned, when they had a test for me for the late night show to replace Letterman, I was a writer on The Simpsons.

• 40:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:42Conan O'Brien?

  You know, had no business even auditioning for this thing, but Lorne knew me, da, da, da. He said, you know, maybe, whatever, a bunch of sort of things came together. I thought, there's no way this is happening. So I went into it thinking, well, this is fun. I'm gonna pretend to be a talk show host. And that was the spirit that I did it in. And then a couple of weeks later, ring, ring, you're replacing David Letterman at 12:30. And I was completely unrelaxed for the next two years.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, once you have the job.

• 41:18Conan O'Brien?

  Once I had the job, you know.

• 41:20Speaker 04

  I had to actually do it.

• 41:20Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, everybody, welcome. I hope you like the show. We're gonna try our really hardest. I hope you like it. It's gonna be good, I hope. Oh, my God, this guy's awful. And then, you know, you, the sheer volume of it knocked that out of me. But the, I know what you're talking about.

• 41:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:37Conan O'Brien?

  You just are, it's better you didn't know.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  I think so. And I, I mean, now, as my career has, has grown and gone on, I'm like, I'm definitely more prepared with things, but I still try to bring that energy of like, I've been around long enough that if this thing doesn't go, I'll find something else, or I'll put another thing. So like, don't put too much pressure on, on one thing. And I think it, I think it helps.

• 42:00Conan O'Brien?

  I have this weird ghost memory of hosting the MTV Movie Awards. And I did something with you, but I don't remember what we did. I'm sure there's a, I.

• 42:13Speaker 04

  Do you?

• 42:13Conan O'Brien?

  I have no memory.

• 42:14Speaker 04

  You came and like, you were slaying on the guitar, and then I came and helped you sing this like.

• 42:20Conan O'Brien?

  I don't remember.

• 42:21Speaker 04

  I don't even remember. It was such a fever dream.

• 42:23Conan O'Brien?

  You know what was so crazy is all I remember about that is I said, yeah, I like to try things. And they said, hey, do you want to host the MTV Movie Awards? And I thought, that's funny. Even then, I was old. But I was like, no, but you know what I mean? I was just like, okay, sure. And all I remember is they put me in something that hides you, and it, and it lifts up and reveals you as like, rock music plays.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:46Conan O'Brien?

  Rock arpeggios play. And I remember just a voice going.

• 42:52Conan O'Brien?

  Conan open. And just before they said my name, smoke started to fill the chamber. And I'm like, what the? Fuck, cuz they didn't do that at rehearsal cuz they wanted smoke to billow out. And I'm, I just, yeah. I just knew then that this is insane.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  I did.

• 43:09Conan O'Brien?

  I shouldn't be on one of these shows where there's smoke.

• 43:12Speaker 04

  I hosted the.

• 43:13Conan O'Brien?

  But thank you for helping me.

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Of course, I hosted the MTV Movie Awards in like 2017 or 18 or something like that. And I'm dressed as the, I didn't have, I was shooting a movie, The Game Over Man with the Workaholics guys. And I didn't have time to do a lot of rehearsals. So I flew down the day before the, or the day of the event. And we just rehearsed the big opening sequence in the morning, just that morning. We only ran through it twice. And I'm dressed as the, the beast in full beast makeup. And I'm like supposed to walk down the stairs and then I hook me up to a rig and fly through the audience. And I tip over someone into, like he's dressed as a candelabra, I think it was Blake Anderson. And he falls in and the stage starts on fire.

• 43:59Speaker 04

  It's like a whole thing and, and everything has to be pretty perfect. And it's a whole song and dance number. And I remember the crowd is behind, is in the back of the stage, but I'm facing them. And then I turn around once the curtains open and I'm facing them and I'm like trying to think of the lyrics. Like, so I'm like sort of mouthing them. And I think the audience thought I was really nervous, which I was moderately nervous. But they're like, you can do it.

• 44:25Speaker 04

  You can do it, Adam.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  And like girls being like, it's okay, you got this. You got this. And I'm like, this is making, that's making it worse. It's making it worse. But it's a weird, it's a weird, weird event.

• 44:38Conan O'Brien?

  You've had plenty of these. I've had so many moments where I'd be suddenly become aware that my life is very strange.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:44Conan O'Brien?

  One was shooting a thing in a, in a open topped convertible Bentley with Mr. T. Out and there was a scene that required us to be driving in the country in upstate New York. And he's driving and we're driving for a while and I fall asleep next to him. Really fall asleep genuinely cuz it takes, cuz it, cuz I'm, I'm tired and I put my head back. And I, I fell asleep hard for like. Maybe two minutes and I woke up and I'm looking straight up and it's fall upstate New York. Beautiful leaves are passing over my head and I turned my head slightly and Mr. T is driving in a car. And I don't understand what's happening.

• 45:25Conan O'Brien?

  And I thought that's what show business is some if you that's I mean, that's what I love about it is.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:31Conan O'Brien?

  When you have moments of I'm just I'm looking out at this.

• 45:35Speaker 04

  What a bizarre.

• 45:36Conan O'Brien?

  I just knocked over a human candelabra. Um, I'm dressed as beast. What's happening?

• 45:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:42Conan O'Brien?

  What's going on?

• 45:43Speaker 04

  So surreal that I had a surreal moment with you when you called me to do that bit on the movie awards or whatever you were hosting. I was in a hot air balloon.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  What?

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was literally flying in a hot air balloon with my ex girlfriend at the time and we're soaring in the sky and I get a call. My agents told me, hey, expect a call and I'm like, I'm getting on a hot air balloon and they're like, uh, someone's gonna be calling you. You have to pick up. They're gonna be calling you. Pick up if you can. I'm like, I'm currently getting on a hot air balloon. Can they call in a couple hours when they're done? They're like, no, he's gonna be calling you. And I'm like, okay. And I didn't know who it was.

• 46:20Conan O'Brien?

  I could have called you later.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  I know. I know. That's why I'm like, agents are just like, it's happening now.

• 46:26Conan O'Brien?

  It's a game of telephone. That's constantly like, Conan wants it now.

• 46:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:30Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  It could be, it could be in an hour.

• 46:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 46:32Speaker 04

  Uh, so I'm like in a hot air balloon. I get the call from you and you're like, hey, you wanted this thing? And I'm like, yeah, I'm in a hot air balloon. You're like, weird joke. Ha ha. And I'm like, I seriously, I seriously am. And then, and then we landed and we landed. It was in San Diego and when we land, we land in these like rich people's backyard. And they come out with champagne and they're like, oh my God, this has never happened. You landed in our backyard. Do you want to race uh, go karts? And we're like, as they're like tying, they're like putting the balloon, like deflating it and everything. And we're like, okay. They have a full go kart track that we just got her like race and we raced with their children for like an hour as they. As they put this balloon and I'm like, this is surreal. Like Conan just called me.

• 47:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  In a hot air balloon. Yeah, it was.

• 47:17Conan O'Brien?

  It's one of those things where God forbid a crime or a murder had happened somewhere around that time and you needed an alibi. And you said, I was in a hot air balloon and then we landed and there was a go kart race and I just talked to Conan.

• 47:30Speaker 04

  It sounds like.

• 47:31Conan O'Brien?

  It's like rock him up.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, it sounds like a little kid who's just like caught in a lie, who's just keep saying stuff. And Dan, and Dan?

• 47:40Conan O'Brien?

  So, I'm curious about Righteous Gemstones, such a funny show. Did you know Danny McBride? Had you guys met before you started working on this thing?

• 47:50Speaker 04

  No, John-

• 47:51Conan O'Brien?

  You guys have an amazing chemistry together.

• 47:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, thanks, we're-

• 47:54Conan O'Brien?

  That whole cast, it's, it really is one of the great casts on television right now. And so, and, and you all feel like you're so simpatico. And so I was, I was thinking, did you know Danny?

• 48:07Speaker 04

  No, no, I think he, like, knew Workaholics a little bit and seen some of my other stuff. And his writing partner, John Carcherry, wrote for us on Workaholics for one season.

• 48:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 48:19Speaker 04

  So I think that might have been a connection. But he, uh, yeah, he, he just asked if I wanted to be, play his brother in something. And we, he was like, would you mind coming, we've never met, would you mind coming out and, and having a dinner? And I went to Charleston and met him and David Gorder Green and Jody Hill. And we had this nice dinner and everything. But actually, the very first time I met Danny, he doesn't remember this really, but it was at the, um, This Is The End premiere.

• 48:44Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah. It's a very funny movie.

• 48:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, very funny movie. And so, we were at the after-party.

• 48:50Conan O'Brien?

  Seth Rogen.

• 48:51Speaker 04

  Seth Rogen and Danny's in it, yeah. And, uh, and so I'm at this after-party and I'm like, kinda, I was pretty early on at this point in my career. So I'm like, really excited just to even be in the room. And I'm like, oh my God, like, all these comedy heroes are here. But Danny, for me, is like on a Mount Rushmore. Like, I, I love the guy. And so I'm trying to, like, I smoke weed, but not like Seth Rogen does. And so, he's going toe-to-toe with, he's like, here, here. And so I'm like, okay, I can keep up. And this, through the cloud of smoke, Danny appears and I go, you're Danny McBride? And he's like, yeah, man, hey, nice to meet you. And I go, you're a bright shooting star. I swear to you, dude.

• 49:36Speaker 04

  I said he was a bright shooting star.

• 49:40Speaker 04

  And then, and then he's like, alright, man. And I went and grabbed my girlfriend and I was like, we have to leave. And she's like, why, I'm having a good time, this is a fun party. And I go, I just called Danny McBride a bright shooting star. And she's like, you're right. We do, we do have to go now.

• 49:58Conan O'Brien?

  We need to leave immediately.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  You're not allowed to be here anymore.

• 50:04Conan O'Brien?

  I love this whole thing where he, you know, he lives in, uh,

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Charleston.

• 50:09Conan O'Brien?

  In Charleston, he lives in Charleston with his people and they, I love that. They've just, he was talking about it here on the podcast, they just live in Char-, you know, like he's not, nope, not gonna live, not gonna move to LA, any of that, we're just gonna make our stuff.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  Well, he, he had lived here for years, so it's not like he doesn't have a, a base here, but he, yeah, they, they were just shooting, I think, um, uh, Vice Principals.

• 50:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 50:34Speaker 04

  His, his series right before Righteous Gemstones, and they just by happenstance couldn't shoot where they, in Wilmington, I think, uh, North Carolina, and they had to shoot in Charleston. And they really hadn't spent much time there, and they shot there and they fell in love with it, cause it's one of the prettiest places.

• 50:52Conan O'Brien?

  It's really gorgeous.

• 50:53Speaker 04

  And they all live on an island, 20 minutes from downtown, and when I was there, I rented a house on the water in, and everyone just drives in golf carts, it's idyllic, it is so fantastic. And Danny, to your point of like us being such a great cast and feeling like we know each other, he does such a great job, and I feel like I learned so much from him about like being a leader. Uh, he takes his people out all the time, he does little parties, he does get togethers, he's, hey, everybody come over, uh, we're grilling at the house, we're gonna go swimming, we're gonna go out on a boat, whatever it is, and you really feel like you, you were jumped into his gang right away, and it was-

• 51:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm not down with any of this.

• 51:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm so sorry.

• 51:38Conan O'Brien?

  No, I mean, you're just putting something out there now that then expectations will be raised.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  It'd be really nice if you can invite us over for like food and parties and stuff, that'd be a nice report.

• 51:48Conan O'Brien?

  I will arrange for a table, uh, for all of you at Paquito Mas.

• 51:52Conan O'Brien?

  I will not be there, someone who looks kind of like me will be there, and you guys will cover the bill.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Arrange a table at Paquito Mas.

• 51:58Speaker 04

  I would love a, a Conan impersonator to show up.

• 52:04Conan O'Brien?

  Wig in his head. And you can see the strap that's holding his wig on is under his chin.

• 52:11Conan O'Brien?

  Flip flop, chip chop. All right, well, you guys have to cover this, remember? Conan's not paying for it.

• 52:16Speaker 04

  Flip flop, chip chop.

• 52:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, that's my.

• 52:20Speaker 04

  The old tagline.

• 52:21Conan O'Brien?

  The old tagline.

• 52:24Conan O'Brien?

  How do you like being a dad? I think I haven't seen you since you became a dad.

• 52:28Speaker 04

  I, I mean, I'd love it more than I even thought I would. Yeah, it's, it's not funny to say that, but it's true.

• 52:35Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's okay to actually have a human emotion occasionally.

• 52:38Speaker 04

  Not often.

• 52:39Conan O'Brien?

  You're allowed one.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  People don't like it. They don't like it. Yeah, it's, it's, it's great. And he, every day is so fun.

• 52:48Conan O'Brien?

  How old now?

• 52:49Speaker 04

  He's 15 months today.

• 52:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow, okay, okay.

• 52:51Speaker 04

  Which is like, I never thought I'd be the type of person that was like, after a year to talk about months. But it is important, because you, it's, because like, at a year, if he can't say dada, that's totally fine. But by 13 months, he's like a total idiot. So, so you really keep tabs on, on every little thing where I'm like, dada, dada.

• 53:12Conan O'Brien?

  And you're taking another page off the calendar.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 53:15Conan O'Brien?

  Come on.

• 53:16Speaker 04

  Dada, I know you got it. You got it.

• 53:19Conan O'Brien?

  But you'd be such a fun dad. I think I can see you, a lot of it is, and it was, I mean, I loved being silly with my kids. And still do to their dismay, but I, I just ate it up with a spoon. I, it wasn't like, well, time to get on the floor and act like an idiot. I'm always on the floor acting like an idiot, so there should be kids around.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's weird if there's not.

• 53:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's, it's unreal. And I'm, I'm like learning new things, like I can do a great Elmo. Like, uh, uh, he's like thrown for a loop. He thinks I'm possessed. I'm like, Hi Bo, it's me, Elmo.

• 53:59Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, that is good.

• 54:01Speaker 04

  That is good. I'm like, come over here, play, put your toys away. And then he's like.

• 54:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:10Conan O'Brien?

  That's, that's kind of scary, actually.

• 54:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did, I didn't even know I had it. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, I act like I'm possessed.

• 54:18Speaker 04

  Elmo's in control now.

• 54:22Conan O'Brien?

  You will go to the ATM. You will use this PIN number. Okay, Elmo. Elmo can create all kinds of hell.

• 54:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, Elmo's a maniac, it turns out. And, yeah, yeah, so it's been a blast. I'm loving it.

• 54:37Conan O'Brien?

  I am so thrilled that you came by and did this.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  Me too. Yeah, I'm a big fan. This was exciting.

• 54:42Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I just, you've always been incredibly nice to me and so just getting to hear you tell your story and take us through it is... It's so funny, I just imagine a lot of people listening to it who are big fans of yours getting kind of inspired, who don't even know half the shit that you've been through.

• 55:01Speaker 04

  All the cement truck kids out there. They're like, "Ah, I can walk!"

• 55:10Conan O'Brien?

  You never know.

• 55:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:12Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you so much for coming by.

• 55:14Speaker 04

  Of course, yeah, thanks for having me.

• 55:15Conan O'Brien?

  You're a fine fellow and please come back.

• 55:18Speaker 04

  I'm glad you came around on me. Yeah, because this...

• 55:20Speaker 01

  It did start off...

• 55:21Speaker 04

  It didn't start off great. Yeah, I'm glad you came around. It started off bumpy, yeah, for sure.

• 55:25Conan O'Brien?

  I have to tell you, when you walked in the door, I was mad.

• 55:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, I noticed that energy.

• 55:29Conan O'Brien?

  You know, and I like your work, but when... I just got this energy of pure evil.

• 55:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, it's because I went with the suede jacket, you went with the standard leather, and it was kind of a battle from there on.

• 55:39Conan O'Brien?

  I hate that. Whenever I'm wearing just regular leather, tanned leather, and someone else has suede...

• 55:44Speaker 04

  You're a monster. How dare they?

• 55:45Conan O'Brien?

  It's just, it's on. I feel threatened.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:48Conan O'Brien?

  I feel threatened.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  Makes sense.

• 55:50Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Adam, thank you so much.

• 55:51Speaker 04

  Of course, thanks.

• 56:00Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything. Like, I feel that way about my name.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:05Conan O'Brien?

  It stands for all of the work good and not so good in my life. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:14Conan O'Brien?

  Your children haven't even started building their futures, but their identities are already valuable. Your child's clean credit history can make them a target for identity thieves. Never thought of it that way, but it's true. Identity thieves can open loans and credit cards using your child's social security number, racking up debt and ruining their credit, and you may not notice until they try and get their first credit card. So it could be a long time.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:36Conan O'Brien?

  Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now, Sonya, your kids are pretty young still.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  They are.

• 56:45Conan O'Brien?

  Five. But within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  What?

• 56:51Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna be, become tractor fanatics. They're gonna be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now. Save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 57:16Conan O'Brien?

  Sonya, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:22Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 57:43Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 57:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:45Conan O'Brien?

  Um, like a walk with an ex-wife. Uh, I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:54Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 58:24Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 58:44Conan O'Brien?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists can help you figure out what rules or traditions aren't serving you and how to rewrite them. And with insurance, many members pay $15 or less. Some pay $0. BetterHelp, they do a great job. You're in good hands. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the United States with at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. When it comes to matching with a therapist, BetterHelp does the initial work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to help identify your needs. And if you're not happy with your match, this is the best part. A lot of people think, oh, my God, this is the person I've signed up with. I need to make this work. That's not the case. If it's not a good match, you switch to a different therapist at any time from BetterHelp's

• 59:28Conan O'Brien?

  tailored recommendations. BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/conan. That's better H-E-L-P.com/conan.

• 59:56Conan O'Brien?

  Occasionally, I like to reminisce about my comedy showbiz past. This just popped into my head, and it takes me back to this very particular time in my career. I just did, we weren't even recording, and I did a bit. And a very stupid, silly bit, and I'll explain what that was in a second. But it immediately reminded me of this time, I think back in maybe 1993 or 1994, and it's when my show is first starting. And as you, a lot of younger people don't know this, but when my show first premiered... In September of 1993, you know, it was very, it was new, it was very raw.

• 1:00:39Conan O'Brien?

  I was, you know, very inexperienced, very young. I was replacing the great David Letterman. So as you can imagine, there was a lot of criticism and doubt and people were like, who, who hired this guy? And it was choppy waters for quite a while. And people thought we, maybe this isn't going to work out and everything. And then Dave invited me on his show. His show was on CBS and it was the big number one show at the time. And this was a big deal to get to go on Dave's show and promote the show that we were doing a couple of blocks away, his old show. It's a big deal. And so I was thinking of what to do, what stories could I tell? And then it's just a total, because I was always goofing around.

• 1:01:22Conan O'Brien?

  It's a total joke in the writer's room. I mimed, I acted out doing something where I said, what if I just went out? And again, I wasn't serious, but what if I just walked out there and David Letterman, you know, if David Letterman said, all right, well, this next gentleman took over our old show on, at the late night show that's on at 1235 on NBC. And I think, you know, please welcome Conan O'Brien. And there's the band is playing Paul Shaffer and I walk out and I shake Dave's hand and I sit down and Dave says, so Conan, how are you liking the new show? And I say, and this is, you might have to check out Instagram for this, but whatever. But, because I'm gonna act it out. It's at Team Coco Podcast. At Team Coco Podcast. And that I would say, he would say, welcome, Conan. And I, you know, how's it going over there at the new show? And I'd say, well, Dave, I gotta tell you, I just think.

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:02:10Conan O'Brien?

  You glitched.

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  Why would you think this? What is wrong with you?

• 1:02:19Conan O'Brien?

  And absolutely freeze. And the reason this came to mind is just before I froze, I used, something I used to like to do is say, I gotta tell you something. And I would freeze and I got pretty good at it where I could really freeze and commit to it. And the whole idea is I would freeze. And I would not have told Dave beforehand, or his producers, or anybody. And so I was pitching this as, you know the way I love to pitch, this is the worst thing I could do?

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:02:43Conan O'Brien?

  So I'm pitching this, the writers are laughing really hard. And Robert Smigel, who's the head writer at the time, and, you know, brilliant head writer and everything, said, "You have to do it."

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  Oh, man, I'm nervous already.

• 1:02:56Conan O'Brien?

  And I was like, "What? I can't..." And he said, "You have to do it."

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  That's not a good advice.

• 1:03:01Conan O'Brien?

  And you just freeze, and I just knew that, what would happen is, I'd go like, "Well, Dave, I just think that I..."

• 1:03:08Conan O'Brien?

  And then Dave would like, watch for a bit and go like, "Uh, hello, Conan, Conan, Conan." And then he'd probably be like, "Paul, I think we have a situation over here." And no matter what they did, I would stick to it, and then Dave would just say, "Okay, I think we're... Guess we'll just take a commercial."

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, Robert Smigel,

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:03:28Conan O'Brien?

  He can deny it if he wants. Robert Smigel said, "Not only should you do it, you have to do it."

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:03:35Conan O'Brien?

  "You have to do it." And I was saying, "I don't, I don't think I can do that. I'm barely not getting canceled now."

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:42Conan O'Brien?

  In fact, we were canceled at one point for like 30 minutes in, by NBC in Burbank, and then they realized they didn't have a replacement, so, I mean, I'm not even hanging by a thread.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  They had to stick with you.

• 1:03:52Conan O'Brien?

  They, they were like, "We literally don't have another person drive around and try and find someone." But that's how bad it was, so I'm not just hanging by a thread, I'm hanging by a thread of, a tiny thread that came off that thread.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  Why would, why would Rob think that that's...

• 1:04:08Conan O'Brien?

  Because Robert thought it was so great and revolutionary, and would just like, no one's ever done anything like that. It would be like an Andy Kaufman, and I would stick to it, and I would commit...

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  And you would never unfreeze the entire time?

• 1:04:17Conan O'Brien?

  I would not unfreeze, they would go to commercial, they would probably just say like, "Get the fuck out of here."

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:23Conan O'Brien?

  I would go across the street, and that America would in that moment realize, "He has broken the sound barrier of comedy."

• 1:04:32Conan O'Brien?

  And I was thinking, I don't think that's what's gonna happen.

• 1:04:34Speaker 03

  So what, what did happen?

• 1:04:36Conan O'Brien?

  What did happen is that I didn't do that.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:39Conan O'Brien?

  And bought up some stories.

• 1:04:40Speaker 03

  Probably best.

• 1:04:40Conan O'Brien?

  And because I was new and nervous, I did, by today's standards, I did, you know, like, "Oh, that was okay, I'm sure." It wasn't, uh, I didn't have the confidence, or I think people hadn't tuned into my rhythm yet, too.

• 1:04:52Speaker 03

  And there's no way to know which way Dave Letterman would have gone with that. He could have liked it, or he could have really taken it down.

• 1:04:58Conan O'Brien?

  I think he would have loathed it.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  Any normal person would have.

• 1:05:01Conan O'Brien?

  And I, I.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  Like when he does it, how we do it.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Deranged, yeah.

• 1:05:05Conan O'Brien?

  And so, that's just for you comedy nerds out there, that's the world I was in, where Robert Smigel, and God bless you, Robert, still the funniest, most prolific, it's, it's Robert Smigel or Jim Downey, take your pick, these are just insanely, top of the best comedy writers, prolific, um, and, and so essential to, uh, the DNA of my late night show, uh, that, and that he was pushing me to do that.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 1:05:35Conan O'Brien?

  And, and if I had said to him, "Okay, I'm gonna do it," he, he wouldn't have stopped me. He wouldn't have stopped me. He wouldn't have said, you know, he wouldn't have chased me down to the west side and said, "Wait, wait, I thought about it. I thought about it. Don't do it." And.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:05:53Conan O'Brien?

  There's an alternate universe, I don't know if you guys, in the sci-fi world, you know the way there's an alternate universe where things play out differently, there's an alter, alternate universe somewhere where I come out and Dave says, "Conan, uh, how's it going there with the new late night show?" Well, David, gotta be honest, I.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  Oh, my god. That would have, that, Conan is just like working in accounting or something.

• 1:06:14Speaker 03

  Although I do like this part where he's just frozen and you and I can just have a conversation.

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, but we never would have met, for sure.

• 1:06:20Speaker 03

  No, that's true, but we have it now, so let's not waste this talking about him.

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 03

  And maybe you and I could just, just talk about some next things.

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  Which comedy bit do you think triggered that memory from? Do you think it was sanitized pirate, or when he picked up the tissue and went, "Tissue, I barely even know you."

• 1:06:35Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I did hold a wet wipe, uh, that's in a perfect square to my eye during one of the breaks, and. I put it over my eye and said, hey, check it out. Sanitized pirate. I do it sort of à la Robin Williams. You know, ooh, you know, sanitized pirate.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:51Conan O'Brien?

  There's no, I don't know what's wrong. I need to go to a doctor. And there is a hospital half a block down.

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's very close to the medical center.

• 1:06:59Conan O'Brien?

  We need to get me there, but that is just, I'm just telling, you know, longtime fans that, um, that maybe there's a 1% chance it would have catapulted me into a new realm.

• 1:07:12Speaker 03

  That's the thing is there, there is that.

• 1:07:13Conan O'Brien?

  You'll never know.

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  Tiny chance where it could have been this stellar, almost pre-viral moment. But there's also this big chance of like, oh, you know, it could have killed you.

• 1:07:21Conan O'Brien?

  This is upsetting.

• 1:07:21Speaker 03

  Could have killed you.

• 1:07:22Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, easily could have.

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  It would have.

• 1:07:24Conan O'Brien?

  It would have killed me.

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:25Conan O'Brien?

  It would have killed me.

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  Because there's no internet now. It's not like people can share it and be like, look what this guy did.

• 1:07:29Conan O'Brien?

  Right, exactly. There was no internet.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  It would be like, uh, okay, something's wrong with this guy.

• 1:07:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and then canceled the next day. Internet can sometimes save you because people can be really upset about something and then they, the internet rallies behind you and they realize, oh, no, no, people out there get what he was trying to do. Anyway, uh, that's just something that came to mind. I wanted to share it. I thought that was worth our time.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  That's a nice memory. It makes Robert look crazy.

• 1:07:54Conan O'Brien?

  I love you, Robert. You're a genius. And who knows, maybe you were right. We'll never, ever know. Peace out, Tupac.

• 1:08:05Speaker 03

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:08:25Speaker 03

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:09:15Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:09:24Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:09:29Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 1:09:31Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 1:09:32Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 1:09:37Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 1:09:58Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka-Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right?

• 1:10:01Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:10:01Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka-Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka-Seltzer Cold? Did you know that, David?

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 1:10:10Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 1:10:13Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this because I- Yeah, I've tried it. It's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka-Seltzer Cold into the water. Alka-Seltzer Cold Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action, ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka-Seltzer Cold. Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief among oral products used as directed.