Amy Poehler

Actress and comedian Amy Poehler feels nostalgic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Amy sits down with Conan to discuss her new podcast Good Hang with Amy Poehler, working summers at the Chestnut Hill Mall, the boundaries determined by one’s family of origin, teasing as a love language, and the most satisfying moment in Below Deck. Later, Conan issues a performance review for booker Paula Davis. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Same.

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  Whaaat?

• 0:23Conan O'Brien?

  That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry problem. WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I grew up with this.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:49Conan O'Brien?

  And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Oh, what?

• 0:58Conan O'Brien?

  We were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That's before it existed.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:03Conan O'Brien?

  So get a gift today at weathertech.com.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  This is the story of the one. As a shipping manager, he's running the dock, stocking supplies and making sure every order goes out on time. And Granger helps him stay prepared. From shipping supplies to PPE to hand tools, he counts on Granger to keep products moving and trucks rolling. So his operation runs smoothly, no matter the shift. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click Granger.com or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  Hi, my name is Amy Poehler and I feel

• 1:44Speaker 03

  nostalgic about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 1:47Conan O'Brien?

  And that is appropriate.

• 2:10Conan O'Brien?

  Well, hello there.

• 2:12Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Are you playing that? Are you playing it up?

• 2:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's Conan O'Brien. And this is, uh, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm joined by my good pals. What is it? Sodom Obsession?

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Sodom Obsession.

• 2:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And, um.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  Take your time. Take your time.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:26Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, this is one of those occasions, doesn't come up that much, where I've got a bit of a cold. And I'm just loving my voice. And that's why I think I slow it down a little bit.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:36Conan O'Brien?

  And I think I sound real sexy.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:40Conan O'Brien?

  And I guess I'm like, I've got big dick energy.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Come on, man!

• 2:43Speaker 04

  Sexy to that point.

• 2:44Conan O'Brien?

  What do you mean?

• 2:45Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 2:46Conan O'Brien?

  You're not, you're not...

• 2:47Speaker 01

  The voice is cool.

• 2:48Conan O'Brien?

  Do you wish my voice was like this all the time?

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I kinda do.

• 2:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  But it also makes you kind of obnoxious.

• 2:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's the voice that... You have big throat energy.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Big flu energy.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Don't do it. Can you do a song dedication?

• 3:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  That's the kind of voice you would have.

• 3:09Conan O'Brien?

  If I had this kind of voice all the time, I'd just do a lot of, "Yeah, yeah." Just to fill out the conversation.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 3:15Conan O'Brien?

  Because you don't have to think of anything clever. People will, "Hey, Conan, what's going on?" "Yeah, yeah, that's right."

• 3:20Speaker 01

  That's all you were gonna say?

• 3:22Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  And that's enough to get by on, huh?

• 3:23Conan O'Brien?

  I think so.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  You need like a catchphrase.

• 3:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  "I'm chillin', alright? I'm rockin' and rollin'."

• 3:30Conan O'Brien?

  Chill with Magellan.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  That's like a...

• 3:32Conan O'Brien?

  What is that? Is that a product?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  That's an ins... Like a shoe insert commercial.

• 3:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Magellan like Magellan.

• 3:38Conan O'Brien?

  You're right.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  He didn't get it right. It's about a shoe insert for old people.

• 3:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Excuse me, the arch-support of a... Looking for. That's a free ad if they're still making those.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  The gelin like Magellan inserts?

• 3:51Speaker 04

  Seen one in years.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  I haven't either.

• 3:53Conan O'Brien?

  That was a terrible catchphrase. That's one of the worst catchphrases.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  Kind of.

• 3:57Conan O'Brien?

  Don't you think it was a terrible catchphrase?

• 3:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:59Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gelin with Magellan?

• 4:01Speaker 01

  That's terrible. Gelin like Magellan.

• 4:02Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah, well, that's great. That's fantastic.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  2003 was.

• 4:06Conan O'Brien?

  2003, yeah. Wow, okay.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  It's been over 20 years and you still remember it?

• 4:10Conan O'Brien?

  That was America trying to recover from the 9/11 attacks. So, no, we were. We were trying to get back on our feet, literally. And so, we were all about inserts.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  What is wrong with you?

• 4:21Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just saying that there's a historic reason why a gelled insole was a big deal back then. People wanted comfort and they wanted to feel supported at a time when our nation was in a lot of peril. Anyway, I love the way I talk right now. This is fantastic.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  I'd like to recuse myself from this podcast.

• 4:37Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, that's not gonna happen, yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  We can recuse?

• 4:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Okay, me too.

• 4:43Speaker 04

  You're on your own, Barry White.

• 4:46Conan O'Brien?

  I had one of those IVs last night.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 4:48Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think it did anything, I'll be honest with you.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Um, maybe it did.

• 4:52Conan O'Brien?

  They put a bunch of, because I wasn't feeling well and the, I've got a big gig coming up and I wanted to feel my best. And so, my doctor said, oh, you could try this. And there's like a bag and the guy just keeps injecting different things into the bag while it drips into my arm. And I'm thinking, I don't know what he's putting in here. And at one point, he put, yeah, it was the substance. Yeah. Yeah, I turned into Eddie Redmayne.

• 5:15Conan O'Brien?

  One point, I said, what's that you're putting in there? And he said, mayonnaise.

• 5:19Conan O'Brien?

  Just put mayonnaise in there. Eddie Redmayne crawled out my back. And he said, cheerio, chaps. We'll have to make a moving picture.

• 5:30Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know who the young version of me would be. The Wendy's girl.

• 5:33Speaker 04

  Oh, that's what you meant. Eddie Redmayne is the young version of you.

• 5:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's what the substance is.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  The younger, like, better version.

• 5:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, take it easy.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, that's what it is.

• 5:42Conan O'Brien?

  He doesn't got these pipes. He doesn't have these pipes.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  I mean, he's got a crazy, cool, British accent.

• 5:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, anyone can do that. Cheerio, chap.

• 5:51Conan O'Brien?

  Here comes Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I'm really not trying at all. Those are bangers and mash. I'm just saying things without an English accent. Not even doing an accent.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  You can't do a normal British.

• 6:04Conan O'Brien?

  Watch this. We'll get over there. It's a, it's a Big Ben.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  Oh, that's bad.

• 6:09Speaker 04

  Thanks, American tourist.

• 6:10Conan O'Brien?

  And that's Parliament.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Accent is just goes, you go straight to Cockney.

• 6:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Can you do like a normal ac- British accent?

• 6:18Conan O'Brien?

  That's alright.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  No, that's Cockney.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  See, that's Cockney.

• 6:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I wasn't even trying to right there. I had a small polyp in my throat from this cold that I was trying to dislodge. Listen, guys, I'm not your chimp. I'm not gonna sit here and do voices.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  I want you to.

• 6:32Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm not going to.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  Ooh, you do.

• 6:34Conan O'Brien?

  Not some entertainer who, when cued, performs entertainment for people.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Do it.

• 6:38Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 6:41Conan O'Brien?

  It's the Bosch Bosch traveling wife, the traveling wife for me. First cabin captain's quarters, real company. Pull out starboard, push with a capital P O S H.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  You do good, Paul McCartney.

• 6:53Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah, well, he's very, you know, Dana and I like to do, I learned a lot from Dana, which is very sing-songy and doobly-doo. He's ups and he's downsies.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  It's good.

• 7:02Conan O'Brien?

  It's all over the mapsies.

• 7:04Speaker 04

  That's good.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  You can do it.

• 7:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And then my John Lennon is just, what the fuck are you talking about? It's just, it's more nasal and just yelling at Paul. Uh, yes, it's a lot of fun to hang around with Dana and do voices. It's really fun.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:17Conan O'Brien?

  He's the maestro.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, he is.

• 7:18Conan O'Brien?

  He is the maestro.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:20Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm gonna give it up for him right now.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Dana Carvey.

• 7:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, you were just saying Dana, like everybody knew who you were talking about.

• 7:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, who else is there? What other famous Dana's are there?

• 7:29Speaker 04

  Dana Plano.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Dana Gold, Gold?

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  Dana Duane?

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Dana White.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Dana White?

• 7:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there's a lot of Dana's.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  He might do impressions before UFC fights.

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  He probably does.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:40Conan O'Brien?

  He comes out as a character. Comes out as a nineteen twenties depression era newsboy and tells everybody the Titanic was just sunk. They should get ready for the fight.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  He's doing this to an audience of UFC people?

• 7:55Conan O'Brien?

  They go crazy. They all start hitting each other with chairs. They love it.

• 7:59Conan O'Brien?

  Love it. Do the, do the Lucetania saying. Do it. Do it. They love it when he invokes Woodrow Wilson. Yeah, it's great. Good stuff. Well, I think we've had a good time.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay. Yeah, we got there.

• 8:13Conan O'Brien?

  What? What? Well, that's a terrible thing to say.

• 8:15Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't mean it that way, sorry.

• 8:16Conan O'Brien?

  That lets the audience, you just clue the audience in that we were trying to fill time. As opposed to having a magical journey.

• 8:22Speaker 04

  This is a magical journey?

• 8:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. You know, show business is, and our current president has taught us this, you declare it and you make it so. And so I'm, you know, not saying that's the right thing to do, but he just says, he makes declarations.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  You're not saying it's not the right thing to do?

• 8:41Conan O'Brien?

  I'm not, not, not, not saying, no, but what I'm saying is, he makes these declarations and people then start chanting, lock her up, lock her up. They don't even know who she is, you know, or where they're locking her up.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  You should just do that.

• 8:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so I think I'm gonna start doing that on the podcast.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:54Speaker 04

  Lock her up?

• 8:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Sona. I want Sona arrested.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 8:57Speaker 04

  Bummer.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  For what?

• 8:58Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. You've shoplifted, didn't you?

• 9:00Speaker 01

  A long time ago and not a lot of stuff.

• 9:03Conan O'Brien?

  I guess old crimes don't count.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  No, statute of limitations is up. Hi, hi, I'm the law.

• 9:08Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, Law, how are you? I didn't recognize you.

• 9:11Speaker 04

  Hey, Law, you look great.

• 9:12Conan O'Brien?

  You look fantastic. Hey, I love the scales you're holding. Why are you blindfolded, Law?

• 9:15Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm, uh, I'm the justice.

• 9:18Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow, your improv is so good. Your improv is off the charts. Incredible. So do you train at like Second City or Brownings?

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, and?

• 9:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, and?

• 9:28Speaker 01

  Yes, and I trained at Second City and?

• 9:31Conan O'Brien?

  That's all you gotta do.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:32Conan O'Brien?

  That's all you gotta do.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  I used to do bits on your show in 1993.

• 9:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  When I was 10 years old.

• 9:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Yes, and, shut up. Yes, and you shut up.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:43Conan O'Brien?

  That's what I would do.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  And you shut up.

• 9:45Conan O'Brien?

  And then, yes, and you shut up.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Yes, and?

• 9:46Conan O'Brien?

  That's a good.

• 9:47Speaker 04

  Yes, and rap.

• 9:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Well, I think this is a perfect introduction. Improvisational geniuses on the show today. My guest today was a cast member on SNL and starred in the hit series Parks and Recreation. Now, she has a new podcast titled Good Hang with Amy Poehler. You know what? She's never been on the podcast.

• 10:03Speaker 04

  I know.

• 10:04Conan O'Brien?

  And I adore her.

• 10:09Conan O'Brien?

  I'm thrilled you're here today. Amy Poehler, welcome.

• 10:15Conan O'Brien?

  A lot of our fans know this, but for the uninitiated, when I was doing my late night show in 93, a couple of years into it, we started saying, oh, we need cast members to help us out on the fly. And UCB was just getting off the ground.

• 10:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:30Conan O'Brien?

  And so suddenly, it wasn't just that I was getting really good people. I was getting the best sketch performers who were coming in from downtown and coming in and you would play, and you could play anything, but you would play Andy's little sister and we'd give you, I think, a script that was like, that's a solid B. And you would take it to an A++ plus, plus, plus. It was insanity and I never took that for granted. I always thought, I mean, now I look back on it and I think, I got to have Amy Poehler do bits on my show.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  Got to. You paid my rent.

• 11:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  I mean, are you kidding? I would have done it. I mean, it's funny that you say it that way because isn't it funny when you look back at, I mean, what be, what must be 20, almost 30 years now?

• 11:16Conan O'Brien?

  30, 30, some odd years.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, because I moved to New York when I was in 96, is I never remember a time when you were like a fledgling new show. I mean, you were just always like the hit show.

• 11:29Conan O'Brien?

  That's so funny.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  I know, I don't remember it being like, we have to practice and get things ready because I knew Andy Richter from Chicago, but in my mind, I don't have a memory of it ever not being a successful show.

• 11:42Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it's interesting because young people just sort of made it their show. And we were doing all this weird stuff and they were saying, yeah, this is what we like. We like the masturbating bear. We like pimp bot. We like Andy's little sister. We like all this weird stuff. But I was constantly taking shit from people that were used to Letterman, who were maybe 20 years older than me. And so there was a solid three years of you might get canceled.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:06Conan O'Brien?

  Can you try, you know, can you get rid of that weird stuff you're doing? And I'd tell them I will, and then I just wouldn't. And it was just madness.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  And honestly, let's play F, marry, kill with masturbating bear, pimp bot, and Andy's little sister.

• 12:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  See how we do.

• 12:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:25Conan O'Brien?

  Fuck them all.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's right. That's right.

• 12:28Conan O'Brien?

  That diaper comes off pretty easy. He's, he's ready to go. I don't think masturbating

• 12:32Speaker 03

  Bears interested. No. He's got his own thing going on. That's not how he gets off.

• 12:38Conan O'Brien?

  So we were, we also have a few things in common, which is you're from Burlington, Mass. And I'm from Brookline, Mass.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Fancy. Congratulations.

• 12:48Conan O'Brien?

  That's right. My butlers had a butler.

• 12:52Conan O'Brien?

  No, um.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Did your house have books in it?

• 12:56Speaker 03

  Well, voila.

• 12:57Conan O'Brien?

  We had some books. And my butterfly collection. But I think you told me once, I could be wrong, that you worked at the Chestnut Hill Mall.

• 13:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I worked at a bunch of different places in high school. I always had a summer job. But I worked at the Chestnut Hill Mall at a restaurant called Paparazzi.

• 13:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  Which was, you know, a very like, it was probably one of the fancier restaurants I had worked at up until that point. Breadsticks.

• 13:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  And, you know, I learned words like cavatapi.

• 13:27Conan O'Brien?

  I still don't know what that means.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  That's a type of pasta. Or, you know, um, yeah, I learned.

• 13:32Conan O'Brien?

  Didn't you, didn't you work at the pewter or something?

• 13:35Speaker 03

  I worked, there used to be a pewter pot in my town. But I worked at Chadwick's, which was an ice cream place on the, on the, on the border of Lexington and Waltham. And very famously, an ice cream, like, old fashioned ice cream place. You bang a drum when it's someone's birthday. And you wear old, old timey outfits.

• 13:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  And Rachel Dratch worked, worked at Chadwick's a few years ahead of me. We never met. Cause then the, you know, simulation wouldn't have worked out.

• 14:01Conan O'Brien?

  And you know what's interesting is that your Boston accent went away. I, I used to think I never had a Boston accent. And then someone recently found a clip of me interviewing my brothers and sisters from like 1971. And I'm going like, yes, so eh.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  No.

• 14:16Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm like, who is that guy? And I never consciously tried to get rid of it, but you tried.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  I did, and I still think you do have one.

• 14:25Conan O'Brien?

  You think I do have one?

• 14:26Speaker 03

  Still think I have one. I mean, just, it's super slight, but don't you feel like you can pinpoint people from Boston?

• 14:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, definitely.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  Even just saying Boston, the way you say Boston. But every once in a while I hear it, and every once in a while I hear it on my, for me. And for me, it's usually when I'm angry. That's when it comes out.

• 14:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  Which makes sense.

• 14:41Conan O'Brien?

  I also. Love it. When I go to Boston, I don't know if this happens to you.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  It's the worst accent ever.

• 14:46Conan O'Brien?

  Bostonians, it is. Well.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  It's terrible.

• 14:48Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna say Rhode Island. Cranston, Rhode Island.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, Rhode Island is bad.

• 14:52Conan O'Brien?

  Cranston, Rhode Island might win.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Can you do the difference? What's the difference between those two?

• 14:55Conan O'Brien?

  I can't. I'm terrible at it. This made Rachel Dratch crazy because she did this. She wrote a sketch for Saturday Night Live, which is all these Boston people, and I was hosting that week. I was just having trouble getting the Boston accent because I had been away for years and Rachel was losing her mind.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  That does not sound like Rachel Dratch.

• 15:13Conan O'Brien?

  No, no. She was getting really frustrated, like, no, no, no. It's like on the corner. You know, and I'd be like, yeah, on the corner. And she was, uh, she was really, I was making her as upset.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  I blame Brookline for this because, I mean, there is a, there's a way to dig into the accent that once you get in there. It's almost like you can never get out.

• 15:30Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 15:30Speaker 03

  It's, it's like, it's like a comfy chair to get in there.

• 15:32Conan O'Brien?

  It's not just the accent. There's an attitude too. I don't know if you have this, but if I'm in Boston and I've got, I go there a lot to see my family. There's a, Conan, come here. Come here.

• 15:42Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 15:43Conan O'Brien?

  There's a, you kind of work for me. I know you're from Boston, so get over here. So I'm walking the other way. Hey, Conan, come here. Come here. Fuck, it's Conan. You know, come here. Climb over this thing. And, and you're like, this is incredible. There's a sense that I'm from Boston, you're from Boston. You're not some fucking big deal. Get over here. And I, I kind of like it. And then there are times where I'm like, oh, come on.

• 16:05Speaker 03

  A hundred percent. The best and worst thing about Boston is there's a feeling of like, you're not better than me. You know, like, we're all the same. We're all in this together. Boston strong. Hi, how are you? Good for you.

• 16:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  But it's like, you're doing well, Amy, huh? Like, it's very, it's aggressive love.

• 16:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  And it's very nice to feel and also it's, um, sometimes scary.

• 16:29Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I, I think I've mentioned this before, but in, I was in Boston and I was staying in a hotel and I'm, was staying, you know, like at a bar. And I go into the men's room and this woman who I want to say was 55, followed me into the men's room while I'm at the urinal. And she was like, hey, Conan. And I was like, uh, yeah, I'm at the urinal. And she's like, ah, Mr. Hollywood. Like, no, it's, I think this is illegal.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's illegal. Yeah.

• 16:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't think. Think you're supposed to be in here?

• 16:57Speaker 03

  No, yeah, it's very stra- I mean, I, look, I, all my relatives still live in, in Boston. I love going back there. It is, it is this thing where Boston really doesn't want you to forget.

• 17:10Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  And also, Boston is a thing where they talk about neighboring towns as if anyone would know what they're talking about.

• 17:14Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  Boston feels like the center of their own world.

• 17:17Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  So they'll throw out towns and stuff happening to people that are from Michigan. And it's like, no one knows what you're talking about.

• 17:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  But Boston is, they, they are their own center.

• 17:26Conan O'Brien?

  Also, I remember growing up, first of all, you'd listen to school cancellations and you'd wait for your town to come up. But the second thing is, there were all these ads for like the Light and Leisure Building.

• 17:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 17:35Conan O'Brien?

  I think it was in Burlington. And they were like, it's in Burlington. The Light and Leisure. I don't know exactly what they were selling. I think it was lights and leisure clothing. Which doesn't make any sense, but it was like, Light and Leisure Burlington, you know, get off this, whatever. And, and I just, like, so it's, that's drilled into my head.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  Totally. I feel like, and also, there's just a, there's something about the, the vibe there that you, I mean, this is something I really like about it. And New York is very similar too, which is there's a directness to how people talk to each other and how, what they expect of each other. So they're kind of like, kind but not nice.

• 18:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  And California is nice but not always kind. So it's confusing here because people are friendly, but they're not really nice. But there, they're like, I gotta go. I can't, I can't help, I gotta, like, you gotta keep walking. Like, everyone's telling you to hurry up, but they're, but they're very kind. They'll help you.

• 18:25Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 18:25Speaker 03

  It's weird. It's different here.

• 18:26Conan O'Brien?

  There's a kindness in there, but it's got this crusty shell. Whereas here, everything has this kind of smooth shell, you know?

• 18:34Speaker 03

  And then you say, oh, my, my, you know, can, can you help me change my tire? And they're, and they're like, we can't. I'm so sorry.

• 18:42Speaker 04

  But I want that for you.

• 18:43Speaker 03

  I want that.

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  I want that for you. If you died, it would mean nothing to me. You know, it's odd to think about it now, but you and Tina, you're this wave of women that came along, and I think it's easy for people to take it for granted now. Yes, there were women before you, and I know you have your idols are like Gilda Radner, Lucille Ball, Catherine O'Hara, who I sat next to at the 50th anniversary. I saw that.

• 19:11Speaker 03

  How cool.

• 19:11Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, I see her from time to time, and I love Catherine O'Hara. And sometimes she's very earnest, so when the show was about to start and Paul Simon came up, and I get the microphone, and Sabrina Carpenter came up, and she's at her microphone, and they're both ready to go, and she went, "Oh, this is Paul Simon, this is gonna be good." And I said, "Well, we'll see." And she looked at me, like, and she was like, "What do you mean?" And I said, "You know, these things come and go, you never know with Paul." Which is, he's always great. And she was like, "Fuck you, he's always great." And this is like, we're, I'm picking a fight with Catherine O'Hara before, as they're calling out 3, 2, 1.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  My fine name drop of that weekend, which was really fun, was there were so many people, that people had to share dressing rooms, and so I was sharing my dressing room with Meryl Streep.

• 19:54Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  And I was like, you know, just like a fan, I took a picture of the door that said my name, and Meryl Streep, she was, you know, getting ready for her sketch and really rehearsing it. And I remember thinking, "I never rehearsed as hard as Meryl Streep has." This one moment.

• 20:09Conan O'Brien?

  She's thinking this very seriously.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  Don't overthink it.

• 20:12Conan O'Brien?

  It's vaudeville.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  Be loud, that's what I wanted to say, just be loud. Yes, and then in the seats, which, you know, was a night of all famous alumni and people, I sat down and I turned to my left and it was Jack Nicholson.

• 20:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  And I was like, "Of course, my old friend, my dear friend, Jack Nicholson."

• 20:31Conan O'Brien?

  I think when those things happen, I just go with it.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:35Conan O'Brien?

  I just say, "Of course, Jack Nicholson's here."

• 20:36Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 20:37Conan O'Brien?

  Letterman sat like three rows down from me, and I went over and said hi, and was struck by his beard, I mean, literally, it-

• 20:43Speaker 03

  It's incredible.

• 20:44Conan O'Brien?

  It hit me. He turned and I was slapped by his beard.

• 20:48Speaker 03

  I feel like that's what success is, is being able to perform at an event in front of your comedy heroes, and, you know, give like a B minus performance and not want to die. That's success.

• 20:59Speaker 03

  It is because it's happened so many times in my life now where I've had to do the AFI tribute or something in front of Steve Martin and I walk away and go, "Well, that was a B minus."

• 21:09Conan O'Brien?

  You might be being a little hard on yourself.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  I could think of hard, hard B minuses.

• 21:14Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I know the one you're talking about, yeah. I don't.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  You can't call me up.

• 21:18Conan O'Brien?

  I don't.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  You can't call me up.

• 21:18Conan O'Brien?

  I called you up and I said that was...

• 21:19Speaker 03

  You gave me that grade.

• 21:20Conan O'Brien?

  I said, "B minus, that was like a C plus."

• 21:30Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything, like, I feel that way about my name.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:35Conan O'Brien?

  It stands for all of the work, good and not so good in my life. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:44Conan O'Brien?

  Your children haven't even started building their futures, but their identities are already valuable. Your child's clean credit history can make them a target for identity thieves. Never thought of it that way, but it's true. Identity thieves can open loans and credit cards using your child's social security number, racking up debt and ruining their credit. And you may not notice until they try and get their first credit card. So it could be a long time.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now, Sony, your kids are pretty young still.

• 22:15Speaker 03

  They are.

• 22:15Conan O'Brien?

  Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  What?

• 22:22Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna be, become tractor fanatics. They're gonna be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 22:46Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I wanna try something different.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  What?

• 22:48Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 22:52Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 22:53Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  Oh, that's good.

• 23:01Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You wanna hear what they are?

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:06Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 23:08Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  Oh, that's weird.

• 23:15Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 23:17Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the...

• 23:24Speaker 03

  You travel a lot.

• 23:25Conan O'Brien?

  ...travel show that I do.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:27Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 23:38Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:40Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 23:45Speaker 01

  My god.

• 23:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 23:50Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best based on analysis by Euclid of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 24:19Conan O'Brien?

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• 25:03Conan O'Brien?

  tailored recommendations. BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/conan. That's better H-E-L-P.com/conan.

• 25:30Conan O'Brien?

  So you met Tina at Improv Olympics in Chicago, 1993. What made you know that you two were going to be like sort of peanut butter and jelly?

• 25:40Speaker 03

  It was cool. Sharona Halpern, who was this woman running that theater at the time, said to both of us, "Oh, I know a woman that you would like." And she just put us on an improv team together. And I knew Tina was from Philly. And I knew she had written a really funny play about Catherine the Great and her intimate relationship with her horse. I knew she was really smart and funny. But when we met, we just kind of, we don't actually, we were on the road doing a show and we kind of talk about how we don't actually remember the exact moment we met. Because we didn't know we'd be married for so long and so in love. But we just got put on an improv team and we just instantly,

• 26:22Speaker 03

  and I think this is the case today, just worked together so well. Like, we like to work the same way. Which you know, when you work with people, there's a language that you have and how you like to work, and you either kind of have it or you don't. And if you do have it, it's the best.

• 26:36Conan O'Brien?

  An update, and anytime I've seen you two together, you always have A-plus jokes. You have great jokes, great delivery. Some people think, "What's the trick?" It's like, "Uh, well, yes, have good delivery is really important. And sometimes you need to have a saver, but have the stuff." And you two always have really good stuff.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  You know, because I think, I feel like I've given you credit for this. So tell me if you've said this.

• 26:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I did it.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  But you did. But we talk about this, and you saying this a lot, which is, you know, when you're doing comedy, you have to have good jokes all the time and new jokes all the time. And then you see musicians go up and sing their song. And you're like, "Man, if I could just go up and sing a hit over and over again."

• 27:19Conan O'Brien?

  I had this experience, which is, I was in, I want to say, Phoenix, Arizona. And I had to do something for an affiliate, so I'm there. And I go in, and of course, I don't have Phoenix, Arizona affiliate material in my back pocket. I have to bother my writers, I have to think myself, what stuff I can say, what's going on, find out what the local references are and construct the whole thing from scratch. And I get to, before we get started, I go down to the lobby and I see Sting is there. And he's just got a guitar on his back in a leather case.

• 27:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:50Conan O'Brien?

  And I went, oh, hey, how's it going? And he's like, oh, it's going all right. You know, and I said, what are you doing? And he said, I'm doing a benefit. And I said, I'm doing a benefit too. I'm doing something for, and I've been working and I've been working. I said, what are you gonna do? And he said, I'm gonna play Roxanne.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 28:01Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm gonna play every step. And he's not even thinking about it.

• 28:05Speaker 03

  No.

• 28:05Conan O'Brien?

  He's not even thinking about it and everyone's delighted.

• 28:09Speaker 03

  Yes, that's what they want.

• 28:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, no one's, I was, I was at an event with you, I remember this really well. It was an event with you at the Museum of Natural History. And I don't know if I was performing or what, but then the music came out and it was Jon Bon Jovi. And he did Cowboy on a Steel Horse. You jumped up, you lost your mind and you were screaming all of the lyrics, which was great. And then I look over and Jon Bon Jovi's wife is doing it.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  What?

• 28:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, she's there too and she's like, yeah, yeah, I love this. And I'm thinking, that's a good, that's a good marriage.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  That is a good marriage. Their marriage has lasted all these years. Dorothea, I know everything about her.

• 28:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, she's very cool.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Yes, Dorothea. Yes, well aware of Dorothea, looked her up all the time. Jon Bon Jovi.

• 28:55Conan O'Brien?

  She's very cool, high school sweetheart.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  So cool, yes, high school sweetheart. I think she might need to worry, are you coming after her? I mean, Dorothea has seen a lot, probably a lot more threatening people throwing themselves at Jon than me.

• 29:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  But their marriage is strong, I believe it is. And I love Jon Bon Jovi. I mean, I went to Bon Jovi when I was in high school. I even wrote a sketch about it at SNL where when he hosted, Jon Bon Jovi came out of the poster in my childhood bedroom and I dressed up like I looked when I was 13. And Jon Bon Jovi, the musician, went into his storage and wore the same outfit that was on the poster, still fit. So he keeps it really tight and that's why Dorothea is still interested.

• 29:37Conan O'Brien?

  I like how he Went into his storage. No, he had it in his closet.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:42Conan O'Brien?

  He was wearing it that day. Yeah, he has all of his poster clothes in his closet, right off his bedroom.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Well, I would say, in response to you saying about good jokes, I think you and I could probably say that we both came up at a time when the writer was king and writers were really important at SNL and they were really important on your show. And not only do I, like, some of them are here in the building and I've worked with some of them forever, but they were also writer performers and you had a bunch of them on the show and same at SNL. Like, it just was, you just can't go in with flimsy material. You have to just keep trying jokes, which I'm sure you're getting ready to do for the Oscars and everything, like, over and over again.

• 30:22Conan O'Brien?

  No, I haven't started yet.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  Oh, good, good, good.

• 30:23Conan O'Brien?

  It's days away and I just figured, you know, this will right itself.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, you have to wait and see, though.

• 30:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, doing the parking lot on the way in, but, no, that's all Lorne. Lorne Michaels, and it's not everywhere. There used to be this era, for a long time, writers were kept like rats in this back room. I had a really good first job in LA at not necessarily the news, but we weren't part of the production. We didn't really interact with the crew. We were in a room, Greg Daniels and I were in a room with Billy Kimball, and we just had desks that faced each other like accountants, and we just banged out sketches all day long, sight gags, whatever. And then at the end of the day, we'd submit them and go home, but that was, and I remember thinking, this is not the show business I wanted to be in. I want to be backstage. I want to see showgirls,

• 31:06Conan O'Brien?

  people in horse costumes, people dressed, you know, as a knight. I want all that craziness. And get to SNL, it didn't matter if you were like me, 23, 24 years old, he'd just say, "All right, what have you got? What's your name? Conan. Okay, and let's hear your idea." And you'd tell the idea. "Okay, go pitch it to Steve Martin. Me?" Or "Go pitch it to comedy, pick any comedy icon." And I remember thinking, "You're allowing me to go into a room alone with this person? I could have a, you know, like, why do we, have you done a background check on me?"

• 31:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, finish that sentence.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  I know, you could, you would have a what?

• 31:41Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I mean, if it was... I carried a knife back then.

• 31:45Speaker 03

  You always bring, you were, you always were flashing your knife.

• 31:48Conan O'Brien?

  It's a Brookline thing.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  You were spinning your knife.

• 31:50Conan O'Brien?

  It was a Brookline knife.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  You're a knife guy.

• 31:52Conan O'Brien?

  And I just, it was one of those ones that flips out and flips back and I was always around and I remember it a lot of people normally say, can you not do that?

• 31:58Speaker 03

  But it's Brookline, so it's a cheese knife. It's for cutting cheese, like having parties and stuff.

• 32:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Look at this. And then, and then, nice, for you.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  And a beautiful slice of a brie, yeah.

• 32:09Conan O'Brien?

  But, one of the things I always loved about you, and I don't know if this comes from, I read somewhere, maybe it comes from your dad, but you were fearless physically, comedically, and you are, like, you know, you would, if the joke called for you as Andy's little sister, to go charging down the aisle and leap and hit him so that he falls over. I look at that footage now, it's online.

• 32:35Speaker 03

  It's a good jump, it's a good jump.

• 32:36Conan O'Brien?

  If you leap like a leopard, you hit Andy, he goes over. It's one of the biggest laughs I've heard in studio. Uh, because the running joke was, you have a crush on me and I'm always trying to politely explain that I'm, and then you think Andy's whatever, getting in the way and you attack, and you would give these great speeches, but you-

• 32:53Speaker 03

  Written by the great Brian Stack.

• 32:55Conan O'Brien?

  By the great Brian Stack. I, I remember you, I, I do think there's, I, I hope it's still not the case, but there used to be this, kind of, long ago, um-

• 33:08Speaker 03

  I don't know what you're gonna say.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  I know, me neither, I'm excited.

• 33:11Conan O'Brien?

  There used to be serfs in the medieval period.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  We're going far, that part, okay.

• 33:15Conan O'Brien?

  No, no. In a sense that, you gotta be ladylike. Do you know what I mean? That if, uh, if a guy's, I mean, I remembered my mom being a little bit that way, which is if I'm being completely inappropriate, it was funny if one of my sisters was doing it, it was like, now, hold on, that's not really- And it was a thing. She came from a very traditional Irish Catholic background and you've gotta be a lady and so, I don't know-

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, you bring up my dad, but I do think it's true, like, your family of origin helps you kind of decide the boundaries of, of your life, right? Like where, what you're allowed to do. And I had a, kind of like a paper moon relationship with my dad where he was very, like, on- The move and took me with him kind of vibe. So he definitely instilled a lot of confidence and almost like a hustle. That didn't feel very gendered at the time. It wasn't like I was supposed to be this or you know, he kind of. Both my parents were very funny. There was a lot of encouragement to speak my mind, to kind of be a little bit of a challenger.

• 34:14Conan O'Brien?

  Good.

• 34:15Speaker 03

  Which I didn't think was unusual until I did learn. Other people's systems, like every family is a country with its own set of rules and you don't. Know that that's true until you leave your country and you're like, oh, your family, you know, your dad is the one that. You know, everybody ignores or you're you're the older brother is right. The older brother's moods dictate the house, you know, dictate the.

• 34:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  The mood of the house or oh, in your family. You have to be polite and never tell the truth, whatever is everyone's version of their.

• 34:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Thing and I I came from a family, I have to say that really encouraged joking. And teasing, which is a very Boston thing.

• 34:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  And I it wasn't until I left that. Family and went to other like went to college that I realized that's not everybody's.

• 34:59Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Way of life.

• 35:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I remember my shock being coming out to Los Angeles and. Hanging out with, meeting Lisa Kudrow and hanging out and going over to her house and her family was just would talk, they lived in Tarzana. Her dad's a doctor, they would talk very openly about sex and it would. Freak me, it still does. Like sex has never been discussed or acknowledged in my home. With my parents, it was never ever. And if something sex remotely sexy came on TV, it was, you know, like we could all see our breath.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  You are an actual stork baby.

• 35:32Conan O'Brien?

  And then we'd just all get out of the room as fast as we could and so. And to this day, I mean, nothing, you know, people talk about that stuff.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  Or have you ever seen families, I'm thinking of a specific family when they, when it would be their birthday, they would stand up and they'd give the most. Heartfelt toast like you are my sister, you're the either person who and it's so heartfelt and you're like. This happens once and it happens at somebody's funeral.

• 35:57Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  When everybody's left.

• 35:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  Like this is so intense to like the eye contact in real like teasing for me is a love language like the more I like you, the more I'll tease and. Manners are for people that I don't know. Or don't even really like like, hi, how are you? But the tease to me shows that there's a familiar way and it's just the ultimate sign of love. But that's not the case with a lot.

• 36:21Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  I I've learned the hard way.

• 36:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I remember dating someone once a long time ago and meeting her parents for the first time. And I said something like some kind of teasing mock put down of her like, yeah, well, keep working on that. And her mother went, we don't do that in this house. We don't put people down. And I remember thinking, I need to go.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:40Conan O'Brien?

  I need to leave right now because that's not gonna fly.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  But but the Irish in me loves laughing and crying right next to each other. That's my favorite thing is being sad and then someone saying something truly ridiculous or out of pocket in the moment that makes everybody laugh. That's, I think, very Irish, just getting as low as you can.

• 37:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  And going to the lowest basement and then finding the joke there and like shooting it up so that everybody can drink more.

• 37:09Conan O'Brien?

  It's like everything we learned was.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  So there's a reason to toast.

• 37:12Conan O'Brien?

  That was just implied.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:14Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's interesting because you were talking to me about how you just always thought our show was there to stay and it was fine. A lot of people don't know because this interesting thing has happened with Parks and Recreation where it is now just one of those shows that's chapter and verse and comedy people know it. And not just comedy people, but it's like it plays a lot. People really know it. It's esteemed. It's it's and they don't know that it was a running gun battle to keep that thing on the air.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Big time. Yeah, every year we thought we were gone. For maybe the first four or five out of the seven seasons we were on. Because our show was on the on the table, hooked up to machines. And then a new show would come wheeling in next to us and they'd just be like, clear. And they were just be save trying to save that show over and over again. And then they would they'd call time of death.

• 38:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  And they'd put this sheet over the show and they'd bring the show out.

• 38:04Conan O'Brien?

  Well, suddenly Susan didn't make it.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 38:06Conan O'Brien?

  Parks and Rec's still here.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Totally. We had about five up fronts where it was like, this is the next new big show. And we would watch it come in so hot with tons of marketing and then it would die. And we would just be like beep beep beep. And so we hung in there and long enough until finally, like season five. Like your show, like critically, we were very low. Loved, but we were always worried we were gonna get canceled. And although we would all give anything to have those numbers now, whatever.

• 38:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  Um, it was like, you know, we have a 3.8 or whatever. And I was like, this is a disaster, you know?

• 38:44Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  Um, but, uh, then streaming happened, started to happen. Um, it all started to like dovetail at the same time.

• 38:51Conan O'Brien?

  I, I am every, I mean, almost every day I thank the streaming gods and, and the internet. Because I never thought the stuff that we were making, I always thought we did this really weird thing tonight. It'll never be seen again. Cause it's just tonight and maybe it'll be rerun once in the summer. But then that's it, it's gone. And, um, I was at the SNL thing and when you buy a Samsung television, there's a Conan O'Brien channel.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, it won't go off my TV.

• 39:15Conan O'Brien?

  Well, here's the thing.

• 39:16Speaker 03

  Trying to get it off.

• 39:17Conan O'Brien?

  Bill, yeah.

• 39:17Speaker 04

  It's so off.

• 39:18Conan O'Brien?

  Bill Murray came up to me and he was like, ah, yeah, Conan, there's this thing on my TV. It's just you and it's you. And I, and I went, honey, went, and I can't get it off.

• 39:30Conan O'Brien?

  I was like, well, I can't help you. And he went, yeah, you know, some of it's really good, you know? But it was just so weird that that stuff that I thought would never be seen.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:38Conan O'Brien?

  There's moments on the internet, it all, and the good work gets picked out. It rises to the top. There's plenty of stuff we all did that were like, okay. But that tends to not get passed around as much.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:48Conan O'Brien?

  And it creates this illusion that everything we did was super funny.

• 39:51Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 39:51Conan O'Brien?

  Which in my case was like, no, that's, that's a complete illusion. You're just not seeing the other ones because they don't get clicks.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  That's for sure. Yeah, that's sketch in a nutshell too. So much of it is just like, how are you, what's your batting average? Like it's, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna get one out of three good sketches if you're lucky.

• 40:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I mean, I feel like Parks was like that, the trajectory of that. And getting back to your show for a second, what was so exciting about being there at the beginning? Not only was one of our own, like Andy was our, was an improviser that we knew who suddenly could.

• 40:23Conan O'Brien?

  From Chicago, yeah.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, from Chicago, who could buy an apartment and we could go over to it.

• 40:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  You know, we were like, what?

• 40:28Conan O'Brien?

  I remember he had parties, he had an apartment that was like on 19th or 20th street downtown. And it was kind of a loft and he, you know, I wasn't having parties. I was just, you know, but I would go to Andy's parties and it was everyone from UC. You and Matt Walsh and Besser and Ian and it's just like this whole salon of super funny people. Plus, sometimes you go to an Andy party and there'd be like a guy in a fez in the corner with an eye patch. It looked, it had, there were like people with parrots on their shoulders.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  Yes, and it was, it was just very New York, like, you know, early 90s, like David Rakoff and Amy Sedaris and, you know, all these like people that were kind of coming through and just starting out as well in different ways. It was, it felt very chic. And then also, truly, your show allowed me to pay my rent, get health insurance, tell my parents that I was gonna be on TV. All the beginnings of that. It got me so many jobs. People saw, I think, my first movie, which was the world famous Deuce Bigelow, very, very proud of my performance in that. But I remember, I think-

• 41:32Conan O'Brien?

  You killed it.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  Killed it. But Rob Schneider, I think, saw me like on your show and I think that stuff helped me when we were selling UCB the sketch show. It was, it was just such a huge deal. And I can remember, you know, under six, and remember that, like, you know, if you had under six lines on, on Conan show, you got paid a certain amount of money. And then if you got over six-

• 41:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  You got paid like a hundred bucks more, you know, because of SAG minimums and stuff. It was a huge deal. We did a ton of staring contests.

• 42:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  A ton of bits. I think my first thing was I was under a giant, me and John Benjamin were under giant foam rubber Conan and Andy outfits.

• 42:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  And we had to run around a track all day or something.

• 42:17Conan O'Brien?

  I remember, I was, uh-

• 42:19Speaker 01

  It makes no sense.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  No sense. And I was like, I made it, I did it.

• 42:23Conan O'Brien?

  I was just at this SNL and I saw Tina and I saw, she's with her husband Jeff, Jeff Richmond, and I immediately, I'm sorry Jeff, but I immediately go to, when we first, we used Jeff Richmond, who's, you know, scores all this stuff. He's very brilliant. He's incredibly successful. We used him and he played, uh, like, he played Cupid. So he was in a diaper. Hanging on a rope with a bow and arrow, you know, and like some glitter in his hair and no shirt. And he's kind of just spinning at rehearsal awkwardly. And I didn't know who Jeff was. And then it's over and I'm, I think I'm doing something and Amy had passed, I'm not Amy.

• 43:07Conan O'Brien?

  Tina had passed a monitor and she went, "That's my husband, you fucker." "What have you done to him?"

• 43:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I learned so much.

• 43:16Conan O'Brien?

  I don't care what he does. He'll get an Oscar for scoring something and I'll still think, "Heh, heh, you a Cupid."

• 43:22Speaker 03

  I learned so much on that show. I learned how to like, you know, get ready for a bit, how to not peek too early, how to figure out what the audience, like, you know, just basically how to play the rhythm of the audience. Like, camera blocking, all that stuff I knew nothing about.

• 43:37Conan O'Brien?

  It's funny to me because I remember SNL really wanted you to do it and you were hesitant.

• 43:42Speaker 03

  Do you remember that?

• 43:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I remembered. There was, I don't know if that's, but I remembered it wasn't like, "Yes, yes, yes, yes." Unless I'm remembering it incorrectly, but that's how it felt to me.

• 43:51Speaker 03

  I, I think I was, I don't think I was ever hesitant, but at the time I had auditioned for a couple of things that were, and I, and I had this stress of, almost like this good girl stress of like, "I can't say no to these other things that might happen." And they were all LA jobs because it was during pilot season.

• 44:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  And I remember thinking, "What if I tell the people I told them yes and I have to tell them no?" Like, I was very stressed about that, but I don't remember waiting very long. And, you know, I had the privilege of Tina really vouching for me because she was already there. And Dratch and Horatio and people that were there who kind of were able to say like, "She might be a good hire. Take a look at her." But, um, yeah, I'm so glad. I didn't, I didn't balk at that.

• 44:37Conan O'Brien?

  You and Tina did Update for four years? Was it four or five?

• 44:40Speaker 03

  No, yeah, yeah, it must have been four, I think, because then, uh, but, but I, but I'm not sure. But, but I, you know, split up my time, I know.

• 44:48Conan O'Brien?

  I think we called your publicist that we need exact times.

• 44:51Speaker 03

  Three, four? I don't know. It's all a blur. It's all a blur. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Six, five, four.

• 44:56Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, let's just not do this anymore.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Um, I'm sorry, Conan. Two, one.

• 45:02Conan O'Brien?

  It was 15 years that you did.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I I came in after Jimmy left and and you know, like, the fun thing about that show is people leave and people think, how is this show gonna go on? And it just does, it keeps going on.

• 45:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  Like, you know, I I started in 2001, two weeks after September 11th, when the whole country was like, we're never gonna laugh again.

• 45:26Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Comedy's over. That's it. That's a wrap. And I remember thinking, um,

• 45:33Speaker 03

  but I hear you. And yes, respectfully, I hear you.

• 45:39Conan O'Brien?

  There was a famous article that said, uh, I don't know if it was Kurt Anderson or someone, just said irony is dead. Like, they'll never be, nothing will ever be ironic again. And and um.

• 45:47Speaker 04

  Except that statement.

• 45:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. It's just like, well, no, human, this is what humans do.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:52Conan O'Brien?

  We go through, whether it's the fires in Los Angeles, whether it's 9/11, where it's, you know, we get hit over the head, we are stunned, we collect ourselves, and then we go back to doing what we do.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Well, that's why I'm I'm happy to be here today and why I'm starting a podcast too, is because all I want to do now is laugh. That's it. Like, I need, I want to be around people who like upregulate me. I wanna find joy in things. It's been a rough and rowdy um, 10 years. And I just feel like it's, I just need to find for my own mental health, that kind of thing.

• 46:27Conan O'Brien?

  I think, first of all, you're gonna kill it. But second of all, I think, I mean, everyone's gonna wanna talk to you. You can do both. You can be funny, but you can also talk about real things. I mean, to me, that's the secret, is just to be open and accessible, I think.

• 46:42Speaker 03

  What's been the best part of doing this? Like, what have you found?

• 46:45Conan O'Brien?

  I have to say, I just.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  Us. Yeah.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 46:48Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry. These aren't my prescription glasses. Let me see who's talking. Oh, oh, no.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  Oh, no. Okay. That's okay.

• 46:55Conan O'Brien?

  Who's that?

• 46:55Speaker 04

  Me?

• 46:56Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, God, no.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  That's your new tiny meat?

• 47:00Conan O'Brien?

  I think what I like about it is after all those years of

• 47:06Conan O'Brien?

  okay, we're back. Now our next guest, you know, you know him from the song Rocket Man, Elton John's here, whatever. Six minutes and then Elton John, everybody. All right, but uh, we know. What's the matter with you?

• 47:15Speaker 01

  You know him from the. You know from this song Rocket Man?

• 47:18Conan O'Brien?

  If you don't mention Rocket Man, no one knows who Elton John is. That's just true fact. I brought him out and said, you know, from Benny and the Jets, he gets nothing. People boo. But I think my favorite thing is that this format is really liberating. And so, how many times have you and I encountered each other over the years? How many times have you done the show? But now I really get to sit and talk to you. And it's a treat for me. I look forward to it. I was excited today that you were coming in because I haven't talked to you for like a solid 45 minutes before.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:51Conan O'Brien?

  And this is fun. There's no like magic trick. It's just fun to do.

• 47:56Speaker 03

  It is fun. And I would say, I would posit a deeper thing there is that it's connection. Like it's actual intimacy and connection, which I do think we're very hungry for.

• 48:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 48:07Speaker 03

  Everything feels very front facing and very external and like out into the world. And I do think we're lonelier than ever.

• 48:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I agree with you. I think what you hear, or if you're looking at clips online on this podcast or see, is what it is. So this is what it is. And then if we break and go to lunch, we fight and bicker and joke and put each other down the way we would hear on the pod. This is just what it is. It's not, okay, gotta get ready to pretend to be this person. And I'm saying this for better or for worse. This is, you know, this is who I am. This is who you are. I'm not sure what you're doing.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  No, I'm not.

• 48:45Conan O'Brien?

  You're just a big mess now.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 48:47Conan O'Brien?

  You're a shapeshifter.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  It's been a tough 10 years.

• 48:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 48:54Conan O'Brien?

  Someone told me, and I just wanna, I wanna, because my wife has a fascination with the show Below Deck.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  Oh, 100%.

• 49:00Conan O'Brien?

  And I watch Below Deck and I don't get it. And my wife is very smart and she has excellent taste. But when she's watching Below Deck, I'm like, I don't understand. Not that much is happening.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  I love that she loves Below Deck. That's a sign of a smart lady.

• 49:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  I don't watch, I do not watch a lot of reality TV. I don't like people getting embarrassed.

• 49:18Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  And people get embarrassed on, on every reality show. So, but I don't like, like, or like fake, fake drama. But what I like about Below Deck, and I wonder if your wife feels the same, is when they clean the boat.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  They have to

• 49:33Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sure that's it.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  They have to turn over the boat. They have to get it clean. And every time, it's like, are they gonna make it? We don't like, so there's some weird thing where your brain, it's almost like, it's like watching a, um, some, like a, a set be reset. You're watching it get reset. And I like clear delineations of power. Who is in charge? So there is a captain. Like, whether or not you like the captain, you know, that's your problem. But the chain of command is very clear.

• 50:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 50:04Speaker 03

  And there's the head, you know, there's the head of the, I should know all these names, having watched it, but like

• 50:09Conan O'Brien?

  There's so many iterations of it now.

• 50:11Speaker 03

  Exactly. And so people have to report to each other, and that kind of status stuff really makes me laugh.

• 50:16Conan O'Brien?

  But you're right, you're right.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  It's the cleaning of the boat.

• 50:19Conan O'Brien?

  There is something about, I, you know, there'll be like, young, good-looking couples that hook up on the boat, and I find that that isn't as exciting to me as I get into. The chef has to make a meal, and it's always these incredibly entitled, rich people.

• 50:34Speaker 03

  Incredible.

• 50:35Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean? And they're always there, and they're like, this is for my wife's anniversary. And then they'll say things like, maybe it's fake, but they'll say at 11 o'clock in the morning, you know, we want tonight's theme to be, and then they announce some insane theme.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:50Conan O'Brien?

  They're on a boat, in the middle of the Aegean, you know,

• 50:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:54Conan O'Brien?

  Sea, and they're suddenly scrambling around, trying to find, okay, the, the theme is volcanoes. They're building little volcanoes, people are dressing up as, and then the cook has to make, the chef has to make the food for everybody. It's always going wrong, and then it, it comes together.

• 51:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:11Conan O'Brien?

  And I, it's very satisfying.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  And then, what do you have to do at the end? You gotta clean the boat. You gotta turn it over, you gotta get the sheets done, you gotta spray the deck and the aft. You can't just, you gotta clean it.

• 51:26Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you might be on to something and maybe, Adam, I'm just gonna throw this out there, we should include a segment where we're like hosing this table down.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  Oh my god, by the way, I would watch the shit out of that. If you ASMR'd this table and you, you put soap on it and then you washed it.

• 51:41Conan O'Brien?

  Wiped it down and all.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  And then spilled marbles on it. And then the sound of the marbles and you had to pick the marbles up.

• 51:48Conan O'Brien?

  And Eduardo designed this so he's freaking out that we're getting soapy water.

• 51:51Speaker 05

  Happy to clean this table every, every post-session.

• 51:54Conan O'Brien?

  But like, just, we could, we could make that a new thing on the show.

• 51:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, and if these mics could be made out of kinetic sand, I would appreciate it.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  Just so I could play around with that.

• 52:04Conan O'Brien?

  All these cool, tactile, this is incredible, yeah.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  Cause it's so good for, for podcasts.

• 52:11Conan O'Brien?

  People love it.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's, I mean, I don't, but I can't, I don't really watch any other, I don't like any, I don't like people being embarrassed or stressed on TV, it gets me very stressed.

• 52:19Conan O'Brien?

  I hate pranks.

• 52:20Speaker 03

  I hate pranks.

• 52:21Conan O'Brien?

  And, and I always, my whole life, if someone wanted to do a prank on someone, my mind would always go, what if someone gets hurt?

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:28Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know why, it could even be just the simplest prank and I think, I don't know, someone could get hurt and end up paralyzed. And people would be like, what are you talking about? We're just giving them a birthday cake, but it's not their birthday. I'm like, yeah, I don't know, someone could end up paralyzed. I don't know why I always went to that.

• 52:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, pranks feel very Gen X, like we grew up with a lot of pranks, like Candid Camera and then later on, um, you know Knoxville and, and uh,

• 52:51Conan O'Brien?

  Ashton Kutcher.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, and Jackass, and Punk, and so we had a lot of pranks in our life and maybe we just got pranked out. Pranked out. But I don't like pranks. And if, if someone did a prank to me, I would feel like they hate me.

• 53:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 53:04Speaker 03

  Like, I would feel super sad.

• 53:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 53:07Speaker 03

  If, like, I've never, I don't even, I've never had a surprise birthday thrown for me. The one time I think it was gonna happen, I found out and I, I kinda put a kibosh on it.

• 53:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  Because to me, a surprise party is an evil, evil act of treachery.

• 53:23Conan O'Brien?

  Betrayal.

• 53:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, betrayal. Yeah, it's a prank.

• 53:27Conan O'Brien?

  Anyway, you're launching this weekly video podcast, Good Hang with Amy Poehler. It's gonna come out this March. I will be listening to this podcast. I'd be thrilled to do it if you ever, if you ever want me on.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, please. Thank you for saying that.

• 53:40Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, seriously. I would love to do it.

• 53:42Speaker 03

  Thanks, Conan.

• 53:42Conan O'Brien?

  I love hanging with you and you're one of my favorite people of all time. And I know you're gonna kill this. So it's a gift that those, all those years ago, you came into my life and were so funny and elevated everything on our show. Not everything, but a lot of things. Um, why did I have to correct that?

• 53:58Speaker 03

  No, I, I, I mean it, Conan.

• 54:00Conan O'Brien?

  It was just, it was just a magical time and I do feel nostalgic too.

• 54:04Speaker 03

  I do too. I feel, and I have to say like the beginnings of things are the most tender time, where everybody's the most tender.

• 54:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  And you were so kind to not only me, but UCB and everybody during that time. You gave a lot of us our start, so thank you very much. I'm glad I get to say that to you.

• 54:17Conan O'Brien?

  I'd like a little bit of a cut.

• 54:18Speaker 03

  Yes, and you have, you did make me sign something that I regret. I really regret.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  You're like Simon Cowell.

• 54:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I am.

• 54:27Speaker 03

  Conan owns half of my house.

• 54:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I just, I treated, I treated them all like they were a boy band in South Korea. And they were like, this is awful. Um, Amy Poehler, thank you so much for being here.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  Thank you so much for having me. It was so fun, guys. Thank you so much.

• 54:52Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything, like I feel that way about my name.

• 54:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:57Conan O'Brien?

  It stands for all of the work, good and not so good in my life. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.

• 55:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:05Conan O'Brien?

  Your children haven't even started building their futures, but their identities are already valuable. Your child's clean credit history can make them a target for identity thieves. Never thought of it that way, but it's true. Identity thieves can open loans and credit cards using your child's social security number, racking up debt and ruining their credit. And you may not notice until they try and get their first credit card. So it could be a long time.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now, Sonya, your kids are pretty young still.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  They are.

• 55:37Conan O'Brien?

  Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  What?

• 55:43Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna be, become tractor fanatics. They're gonna be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 56:08Conan O'Brien?

  We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Are you gonna do a bit?

• 56:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.

• 56:20Conan O'Brien?

  We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect T-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?

• 56:29Speaker 01

  What?

• 56:29Conan O'Brien?

  Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.

• 56:35Conan O'Brien?

  No, a co-coincidence.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 56:39Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I get the big money.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  I gotta go.

• 56:41Conan O'Brien?

  Cut to very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are timeless, thoughtful, crafted, and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're using some Quince.

• 57:01Speaker 06

  That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder, so I got a featherless quilted jacket, an Atlas Navy, and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy.

• 57:11Conan O'Brien?

  You look like a different guy because you're well dressed.

• 57:13Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 57:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time.

• 57:16Speaker 06

  That's true. He's right.

• 57:17Conan O'Brien?

  That's true.

• 57:17Speaker 06

  No, they really do great stuff.

• 57:19Conan O'Brien?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  All right.

• 57:31Conan O'Brien?

  And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, by the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 57:41Speaker 06

  Oh, I didn't really ask.

• 57:42Conan O'Brien?

  I just want you to know.

• 57:45Conan O'Brien?

  It's the best way to support the show.

• 57:50Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly, I'm a very important person to you.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:53Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 57:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:56Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 58:01Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 58:03Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 58:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.

• 58:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 58:13Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 58:25Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 58:53Speaker 04

  We're doing a series of ongoing staff reviews around the Team Coco facility here.

• 58:57Conan O'Brien?

  It is important. It is important that every business rigorously investigate the employees and kick the tires on this thing. Make sure that every cog in the machine is working properly, don't you think?

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:13Conan O'Brien?

  With that in mind, today, we're going to someone I've known for a very long time. Her name is Paula Davis. Hi, Paula. Hi, Conan. Don't just push the microphone up to your... That's the thing that... Yes, there you go. That's how it works. Is that good? That's good, right there. Paula. Yes, sir. You are my head booker. You've been my booker at Late Night from day one. This is true. And we knew each other before that because you were one of the first people I met when I showed up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in February of 1988. I show up at Saturday Night Live with my friend Greg Daniels. We both walk in, and I sit down up in the area that's kind of near where Lorne Michaels' office is,

• 59:55Conan O'Brien?

  and I start chatting with this very funny, wise guy, young lady. It's you, and I remembered immediately thinking, she's like my sister. She's really funny and quick, and I connected with you right away. Do you remember that? Thanks, I do. Sort of remember.

• 1:00:08Speaker 07

  I remember, I remember we connected right away.

• 1:00:10Conan O'Brien?

  You asshole.

• 1:00:10Speaker 07

  See?

• 1:00:11Conan O'Brien?

  Conan O'Brien. Conan O'Brien walked into a room and you kinda remember?

• 1:00:15Speaker 07

  You weren't Conan O'Brien then.

• 1:00:16Conan O'Brien?

  That's right.

• 1:00:16Speaker 07

  You were just this guy that was super young.

• 1:00:18Conan O'Brien?

  That was before I changed my name.

• 1:00:18Speaker 07

  Exactly. You were just new writer guy.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23Speaker 07

  But I did like you.

• 1:00:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and we, um, so we knew each other in that world and then, uh, you were with me all through Late Night, uh, Tonight Show, TBS, uh, and then, when this thing started up, you were doing that. So you've been finding the good people for us to talk to all these years.

• 1:00:42Speaker 07

  Yes, I have.

• 1:00:43Conan O'Brien?

  I do, I mean, I'll start off by commending you for your fine work.

• 1:00:46Speaker 07

  Thank you. That's how he's starting off. Yeah, I know. Let's see where it goes. This'll be fun.

• 1:00:52Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I get irritated with you.

• 1:00:53Speaker 07

  Oh, yes, I do know that.

• 1:00:55Conan O'Brien?

  Because I try and talk to you in the morning and you're teaching a yoga class.

• 1:00:58Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm, that's true.

• 1:00:59Conan O'Brien?

  And, first of all, she's very serious about yoga. You teach yoga.

• 1:01:03Speaker 07

  I do.

• 1:01:04Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great thing.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  I didn't know you teach yoga.

• 1:01:05Speaker 07

  I got certified a couple of years ago.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  Wow, congrats.

• 1:01:08Conan O'Brien?

  That's great.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:01:09Speaker 07

  Thanks, you guys.

• 1:01:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and, um, I always pick something insane to, to be offended by. And I arbitrarily decided that you, and, and also you work with like, you do wonderful work. You're helping, aren't you held, helping people, older people sometimes with yoga?

• 1:01:28Speaker 07

  Yes, I volunteer at a senior center.

• 1:01:30Conan O'Brien?

  You do really nice things and I've decided that this is an affront. Because that's time you could be booking some people for.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:01:38Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm talking like seven o'clock in the morning, she's doing this wonderful work with, uh, you know, basically elder care for free where she volunteers and I'll harangue you.

• 1:01:48Speaker 06

  You should book some of those seniors and that'll show.

• 1:01:52Speaker 07

  That's a good idea. Also, in all fairness, anything that brings me joy, you don't like.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:01:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, that's true.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  Yes, that is true for all your employees.

• 1:02:02Conan O'Brien?

  Joy killer.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  You don't like them having, feeling joy.

• 1:02:05Speaker 07

  Mm-mm.

• 1:02:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you're right. I don't know what that is. Why? Why Paula? Psychoanalyze it. You're very smart. And by the way, Paula, once I was having this amazing interview, and I will say it again, I've said it many times, the best interviewer on the planet is Howard Stern. I think he's a genius interviewer, always has been, and he's just gets better and better. I idolize him as an interviewer. He was interviewing me once. He, we and I were having this moment, and I brought you up, and he said, well, is Paula here? And we, because you're a huge Howard fan.

• 1:02:36Speaker 07

  This is true.

• 1:02:36Conan O'Brien?

  You came in and you were petrified.

• 1:02:38Speaker 07

  Petrified.

• 1:02:38Conan O'Brien?

  But you immediately psychoanalyzed us both brilliantly. It was great.

• 1:02:42Speaker 07

  Really? Thanks.

• 1:02:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and then Howard was like, she was, wow, she's great.

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  What did you say about Conan?

• 1:02:48Speaker 07

  Um, I remember Conan saying, we were talking about when he would come into my office and needed to sort out certain things, and that I would say to him, I'm not going down that road with you, whatever the road, crazy road.

• 1:03:00Speaker 04

  You could do that?

• 1:03:00Speaker 07

  That day was.

• 1:03:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, no, she has a.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  I'm not going down this road with you.

• 1:03:05Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yes, you are.

• 1:03:06Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 1:03:07Conan O'Brien?

  Um, yes, Paula, a long time ago, and this is before I was getting cognitive therapy, and realizing that, without getting crazily boring, but our thoughts can take us places that then the emotions follow, and it can get very negative. Anyway, you were the one that was like, no, no, no, we're not going down that road. We're not going down that negative road that you have in your head about yourself.

• 1:03:27Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:28Conan O'Brien?

  And then you would say it the way you say to a dog, nope, out, like, off the couch.

• 1:03:33Speaker 07

  No, no.

• 1:03:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, off the couch. Uh, you, I do that with our, we have a puppy now, Odin, and he'll just jump up on the couch, and lies, and I'll be like, nope, and he quickly jumps off. That's how you are with me.

• 1:03:45Speaker 07

  Oh, good.

• 1:03:45Conan O'Brien?

  We're not doing that.

• 1:03:46Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:03:47Conan O'Brien?

  It's great.

• 1:03:47Speaker 07

  Exactly. Thanks.

• 1:03:48Speaker 04

  This is a glowing staff review, and I have to, oh, sorry.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  You go ahead.

• 1:03:51Speaker 04

  Well, I, I don't know you that well, Paula, but you're someone I greatly admire.

• 1:03:54Speaker 07

  Oh, thanks, girls.

• 1:03:56Speaker 04

  I always feel like you have an energy that just helps and brings people up. You're wonderful.

• 1:04:00Speaker 07

  That's so nice. Thank you.

• 1:04:01Conan O'Brien?

  We've got to get this to be negative.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  You know what? I actually have a question.

• 1:04:04Speaker 07

  You'll find it. Sure.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Because I feel like you've booked everybody. Is there a, a white whale for you? And?

• 1:04:11Conan O'Brien?

  After all this time, is there someone that you would want to?

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Is it Cher? Because I hope it's Cher.

• 1:04:16Speaker 07

  It's Cher.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:04:17Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, what a leak. Leading question. Leading question for the press.

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  Who is the one? Everybody you want to book and why is it Cher?

• 1:04:26Speaker 07

  It's Cher, Dr. Kevorkian.

• 1:04:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:04:29Conan O'Brien?

  Anyone Armenian.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Come on, you always bring up Dr. Kevorkian second.

• 1:04:33Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, I would love to talk to Cher. I have great admiration for Cher. I don't know, she's never promoting something. We haven't, I don't know, or maybe she is and she doesn't want to do our show. I don't know.

• 1:04:41Speaker 07

  We're, we're into it. Sorry, we're trying to work on dates.

• 1:04:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:45Speaker 07

  If you must know.

• 1:04:46Conan O'Brien?

  Really?

• 1:04:47Speaker 07

  Yes. I don't know if it's gonna work out. We have very limited availability, I will just say.

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  I will write any note you need me to write.

• 1:04:54Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that'll, yeah. Good luck getting that past her. Nine, nine layers of security.

• 1:04:59Speaker 07

  What?

• 1:05:01Conan O'Brien?

  And so will I. I'm Armenian too! Let me in!

• 1:05:05Conan O'Brien?

  Let me in, it's her! I know that your real name is Cher, Cher, Cher and Diniyan.

• 1:05:11Speaker 07

  What?

• 1:05:12Conan O'Brien?

  What is her real name?

• 1:05:12Speaker 01

  Cheryl and Sarkisian!

• 1:05:14Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, alright.

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  I'm just saying. No, but that's a real question. Is there somebody who's not, and why is it Cher?

• 1:05:20Speaker 07

  You know, it's Cher because we haven't done her yet. If there is someone, honestly, I can't think of who it is right now, although, I don't want to say. No, I don't know.

• 1:05:29Conan O'Brien?

  That's a tricky thing because you're putting Paul in a, in a situation where she may have to say a name.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:05:35Conan O'Brien?

  And so I-

• 1:05:36Speaker 07

  And I have a terrible memory, so there definitely is, but I honestly can't think of who it is.

• 1:05:40Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's someone who's been dead for a while.

• 1:05:41Speaker 07

  It's, that's probably true.

• 1:05:43Speaker 04

  Can you whisper it on mic?

• 1:05:43Speaker 07

  That's a great idea. That's a great idea.

• 1:05:46Conan O'Brien?

  Paul is always trying to book people that died quite a long time ago.

• 1:05:49Speaker 07

  That does happen. That's one of my gifts.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  Is it exhausting to have meetings with Conan? Cause he's always doing like jokes and stuff and like-

• 1:05:58Speaker 07

  No, it's the best.

• 1:06:00Conan O'Brien?

  No, be serious.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  Paul, you're lying.

• 1:06:02Speaker 07

  Sorry.

• 1:06:02Conan O'Brien?

  No, no.

• 1:06:03Speaker 04

  Be truthful.

• 1:06:03Speaker 07

  Oh, okay, well, it depends. There's a lot of varieties.

• 1:06:06Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:06:06Speaker 07

  If it's a big meeting and there's a lot of people there, you have to wait for the time where Conan teases everyone in the room separately.

• 1:06:15Speaker 07

  And then you have to wait until...

• 1:06:18Speaker 07

  So you have to get through that.

• 1:06:22Speaker 07

  But if it's one on one, it's not so bad. There's a lot, I can handle, whatever it is, I can handle it.

• 1:06:28Conan O'Brien?

  Are there too many bits?

• 1:06:29Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:06:30Conan O'Brien?

  Do you like, do you like the bits?

• 1:06:31Speaker 07

  I do like the bits.

• 1:06:32Conan O'Brien?

  Sometimes Paula has a great laugh. And if I can really, one of my favorite things to do, which I can't recreate right now, but I used to walk into an office and you'd be there with Gina Batista. And I think I tricked them almost every time. But we'd be talking and I would make sure that we were in a pretty serious vein. And they always had, you know, magazines, celebrity magazines there because they're in booking and they would flip through them to get ideas, you know, did we not have this person, and so, you know, I'd pick up one of those, an Us magazine, whatever, and I'd flip through and I'd go like, oh, fuck. And you would go like, what, what, what's the problem? And I'd go, why, if I'm in this, if I'm in this, why did you have the magazine here?

• 1:07:14Conan O'Brien?

  And you guys would think for a second, oh shit, there's like a paparazzi photo of Conan and it's not flattering, or he gets upset if he sees himself. And I would then proceed to read copy very fluently.

• 1:07:27Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:07:27Conan O'Brien?

  Like fluidly.

• 1:07:29Speaker 07

  Legit.

• 1:07:29Conan O'Brien?

  Meaning, I'd be flipping through and I'd go like, hey, I didn't know I was in this. And why do you have this magazine out if I'm in it? Why do you have this Us magazine if I'm in it? And Paula and Gina would go, oh, oh, oh no, oh shoot, I guess we didn't realize he's in it. And then I'd say, red terror rides again. And you guys would be listening and at first I'd make it plausible.

• 1:07:50Conan O'Brien?

  Cited, you know, a certain carrot top quipster was cited, you know, whatever, on, on, I always work that in, a carrot top jokester was cited on La Cienega Boulevard, you know, entering whatever, and I would say like, you know, an ice cream store. And then I would proceed to describe the most horrible thing about myself.

• 1:08:10Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Conan O'Brien?

  That was completely fake, but it was always me dropping my pants, spilling ice cream, kicking an old woman. Please stop hurting me, the old woman, a veteran of the Korean War, cried. You'll take it and like it, O'Brien said.

• 1:08:30Conan O'Brien?

  As I remember, we didn't win that war, Granny. I mean, I would describe this absolute monster. But Brian then said, "Where's my ice cream?" When the ice cream was not brought quickly enough for the, and then I would say the freckled, you know, late-night star. He grabbed the cone of a nearby boy in a wheelchair. Looks like you lose out, Wheelie.

• 1:08:55Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, absolute insane.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:09:01Conan O'Brien?

  And I think that's one of the things that's never come out, is my joy at, I'd like to try to be a good person, but I love imagining myself as the worst person alive. And I would read these things, and you would laugh till you were crying, and it would make me so happy.

• 1:09:16Speaker 07

  It was good. It was good.

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  It makes me angry how nice you are to Paula sometimes. It really does.

• 1:09:25Conan O'Brien?

  Makes me angry that she gives of herself at 7 o'clock in the morning to yoga with elderly people, instead of she could be on the phone booking Dakota Johnson.

• 1:09:34Speaker 07

  How dare I...

• 1:09:36Conan O'Brien?

  I'm like...

• 1:09:36Speaker 07

  How dare I donate my time and my skill and my good karma?

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  And that 7 o'clock time is the only time Dakota Johnson can be booked.

• 1:09:44Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 1:09:45Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? Dakota Johnson said she's available to take our call for a booking at 7 a.m.

• 1:09:50Speaker 04

  She's the white whale.

• 1:09:51Conan O'Brien?

  She's the white whale, yeah. Yeah, this is meant to be a cruel staff review, and we just can't do it.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  Once again, you've made it all about you.

• 1:09:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:57Conan O'Brien?

  Well, she's amazing. I mean, make it about Paula at the end.

• 1:10:00Speaker 07

  Thanks, you guys.

• 1:10:01Conan O'Brien?

  You're great.

• 1:10:01Speaker 04

  Everyone loves Paula.

• 1:10:02Conan O'Brien?

  Everyone loves Paula. Boring.

• 1:10:04Speaker 07

  Sorry. Love you guys.

• 1:10:06Conan O'Brien?

  But, uh, but thank you for getting us all these amazing people.

• 1:10:09Speaker 07

  Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for employing me and giving me a great place to work.

• 1:10:13Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, you get paid?

• 1:10:14Speaker 07

  Not that much. Don't worry about it.

• 1:10:16Conan O'Brien?

  But you donate your time for the oldies.

• 1:10:18Speaker 07

  Isn't that weird?

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  For the oldies!

• 1:10:21Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm sorry. They had their fun in the 1940s. Why should they be getting a free ride now? Oh, wait. That's the guy from the fake Us magazine ad.

• 1:10:31Conan O'Brien?

  Um, all right, Paula, we love you. Bye.

• 1:10:33Speaker 07

  Thank you. Bye.

• 1:10:56Speaker 04

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.