Kaitlin Olson

Actress Kaitlin Olson feels apprehensive about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Kaitlin sits down with Conan to discuss starring in the ABC crime series High Potential, cooking and critiquing with husband Rob McElhenney, and introducing their kids to the refined vulgarity of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Plus, Matt Gourley tests Conan and Sona’s trucker lingo knowledge with a CB slang quiz. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:24Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:29Speaker 01

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• 0:29Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:43Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:46Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:48Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 0:53Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 0:55Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 0:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.

• 1:02Conan O'Brien?

  So now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 1:05Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:18Conan O'Brien?

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• 1:43Speaker 02

  Hi, my name is Kaitlyn Olson, and I feel

• 1:49Speaker 02

  apprehensive about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 2:15Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm the aforementioned Conan O'Brien, joined by some of Sessian.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 2:22Conan O'Brien?

  Matt Gourley, and we're just-

• 2:24Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 2:24Conan O'Brien?

  I feel like we're already rocketing through 2025.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  Really?

• 2:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Just rocketing through it.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 2:31Conan O'Brien?

  Just rocketing through.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  Could you explain what the hell you're talking about?

• 2:34Conan O'Brien?

  Time accelerates, is what I'm telling you. The more experience you've had in life, the less each single moment registers in your brain. So time actually accelerates. By the time I'm done speaking, we'll all be dead.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  I don't want to die with you. No offense.

• 2:54Conan O'Brien?

  It's the worst thing anyone's ever said to me. What a terrible thing to say.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, just my wife, my daughter.

• 3:00Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, come on. They've seen enough of you.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  You may be the death of me.

• 3:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there you go. No, I just think 2025, man.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 3:08Conan O'Brien?

  Love it, yeah?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  We did it.

• 3:10Conan O'Brien?

  We did it.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  We did it.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  We're just starting. We haven't done anything.

• 3:12Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it's just beginning.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 3:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's just starting.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  2025.

• 3:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  We're a quarter of the way into this century.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 3:20Conan O'Brien?

  That's madness.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  We're in like a sci-fi year. 2025 sounds like a future year.

• 3:24Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't it?

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:25Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I used to think that the year 2000 sounded like a long time. This was when I was a kid. People would talk about the year 2000. And then we did a bit, Robert Smigel, he came up with this idea for a bit called Year 2000, which we did in 1988 at the Victory Garden Theater in Chicago. And then a couple of years later, when I got The Late Night Show, we did it on The Late Night Show in the year 2000. And still in 1993, it's getting a little squirrely then, but the year 2000 did feel like this kind of funny distant future. And then I'll never forget, it was 1999, and we were getting close to the year 2000, and we're doing the bit in the year 2000. And we didn't know what to do.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  I remember this.

• 4:11Conan O'Brien?

  We didn't know what to do, and we were thinking, what do we do? And we were thinking, maybe La Bamba could sing, "In the distant future..."

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Oh, weird.

• 4:20Conan O'Brien?

  And we were like, no! And then we said- We're just gonna stick with in the year 2000.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  And you talked about this on the show, right? Cause I remember watching this.

• 4:29Conan O'Brien?

  And then, sure enough, you know, Sting would be on the show and it would be 2005. And I'd say, you know, hey, well, maybe we should look to the future. And Andy had left at that point, so Sting, I'd do it with like whoever the celebrity was. And Sting would come through the, through the curtain and go, "The future, Conan?" And I'd say, "Yes, Sting." All the way to the year 2000. And it's 2005. Talk about, we just didn't deal with it. And so, but I remember when I was a kid, there was a show on starring Martin Landau. And I think his co-star was Barbara Bain.

• 5:10Conan O'Brien?

  I think it was a show that was made in England and it was called Space 1999. And it was the same thing where it was the seventies and this syndicated show had come on. And this is back when nothing was on television. And so whenever something came on, you watched it. And I remember thinking, oh, wow, space 1999. And everyone on that show wore what looked to be like what they'd give you to wear on first class if you were going on a transatlantic flight. Everybody, and I thought-

• 5:40Speaker 03

  Somehow mixed with tennis leisure.

• 5:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, exactly. So I just thought, in the future, we're all gonna be very comfortable. And we're gonna live on the moon. And the future, of course, came along and really the big cars kinda looked pretty much the same. They didn't rust, but they kind of operated the same. There's still a steering wheel. You're still driving on the same roads. You're not up in the air like they told us they would be.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  The real difference is that radio just turned to podcasting.

• 6:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, exactly. The only thing that really changed, all this stuff they told us, ray guns, we're gonna be living on different planets. None of that happened. No one talked about, "You'll have a personal computer in your pocket."

• 6:22Speaker 01

  That's a big one.

• 6:23Conan O'Brien?

  And it will also be, yes, but who, no one, none of us thought of.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:26Conan O'Brien?

  And if you were told.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Kinda did. They had their little like, you know.

• 6:31Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, Spock had a tricorder.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Well, I'm famously, I'm a Star Wars guy.

• 6:35Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, I'm a Star Trek, I'm a Star Trek guy.

• 6:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 6:38Conan O'Brien?

  And what I love is that Spock had a.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Neither one guy.

• 6:43Conan O'Brien?

  Spock had.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  I'm a not nerd guy.

• 6:46Conan O'Brien?

  Spock had what looked like a, um, like, uh, maybe a, an AM FM radio.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:52Conan O'Brien?

  But it had a little screen on it. And whenever they would go on the planet, it was a device that just did everything, called a tricorder or something.

• 7:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, tricorder, that's right.

• 7:01Conan O'Brien?

  And he would just be like, they'd be like, Spock, what's up? And he'd go like, well, according to this, my tricorder, uh, we're going to have a conflict with a major character in about eight minutes. You know, or, I mean, basically it could tell you what you're having for lunch. It could, it could supply whatever the writers needed it to supply.

• 7:20Speaker 03

  Have you ever heard about, in The Phantom Menace, you know, the first Star Wars prequel, Qui-Gon Jim, played by Liam Neeson, has this little.

• 7:26Conan O'Brien?

  First of all, I could have finished this whole sentence for you. But yeah, Qui-Gon Jim, played by Liam Neeson.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  Qui-Gon Jim.

• 7:35Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 7:35Speaker 01

  His name's Jim.

• 7:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Even I know that.

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  Isn't it?

• 7:39Speaker 01

  There's no normal names in any of the names.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  Qui-Gon Jim.

• 7:43Conan O'Brien?

  It's Qui-Gon Jim.

• 7:44Speaker 03

  Who's popping the cores?

• 7:46Conan O'Brien?

  Meet, meet, meet Glimglor Henry.

• 7:50Conan O'Brien?

  And Scalia Balow Sally.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  Anyway, he has this little machine to test Anakin's midchlorian count. Don't get into it. And it's made from a woman's shaving razor.

• 8:04Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wait a minute. So George Lucas just said, we need a device?

• 8:09Speaker 03

  And they just.

• 8:09Conan O'Brien?

  I just took this from my wife's shower.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  Basically, yeah.

• 8:13Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:14Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  That's pretty great, huh?

• 8:16Speaker 01

  What year was Back to the Future, the future? What year was that?

• 8:20Speaker 03

  That just happened recently. Blay, you've gotta know that.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  You've gotta know.

• 8:22Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 8:23Speaker 01

  When he goes to the future in Back to the Future, what year is that? Isn't it like?

• 8:27Speaker 03

  It just happened not too long ago.

• 8:28Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I think it's, uh, I do think it's 2023, maybe. But I wanted to bring up, there's another thing, the sonic screwdriver. Nobody here is a Doctor Who fan, right? Cause I'm a Doctor Who fan. Sonic screwdriver.

• 8:40Speaker 03

  I wish Harrison Ford was here right now to tell you to shut the fuck up. You just took us down.

• 8:44Conan O'Brien?

  That's also a thing that does everything. Uh, Eduardo? It was, it was 2015. That was.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  2015 was when we were supposed to have hoverboards?

• 8:53Conan O'Brien?

  10 years ago.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Come on, we really dropped the ball.

• 8:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:56Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, I think there should be a Senate investigation into why we're not flying around.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, Blade Runners also happened time-wise too, right? Cause they had flying cars in that.

• 9:06Conan O'Brien?

  No, every future sci-fi movie, I mean, now they're smart enough to say, in the year 4572, they've picked it, they've picked a time when clearly humans will no longer be on the planet.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Alien was always good about that. They were far, far into the future.

• 9:22Conan O'Brien?

  Right. Early sci-fi, if you listen to old radio shows or like, that were made in the 1930s, they'll say, by 1948. And my favorite is, I listened to one once where they called, robot was still a new word, and they called it rubbit.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Rubbit, yeah.

• 9:40Conan O'Brien?

  Rubbit. There'll be a rubbit. And the rubbit will be a mechanical man.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Named Qui-Gon Jim.

• 9:48Conan O'Brien?

  Named Qui-Gon Jim, who will open the mayonnaise can for you. It was all very pedestrian.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  Well, I will say, Eduardo just looked up, uh, the movie Her, which is everybody has an AI girlfriend, takes place this year, 2025.

• 10:03Conan O'Brien?

  And we kinda do all have AI girlfriends.

• 10:04Speaker 03

  Finally getting a mistress then, huh?

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 10:10Speaker 03

  Don't talk about her that way.

• 10:11Conan O'Brien?

  It's a victimless crime, yeah.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 10:14Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 10:15Speaker 01

  He had a really special relationship with that AI.

• 10:19Conan O'Brien?

  But not with another person, and that's allowed, the Bible allows an exception if it's an AI girlfriend.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Oh, come on.

• 10:25Conan O'Brien?

  The Bible doesn't say thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's AI image. The Bible, we got around the Bible finally. I can covet all I want. As long as it's made of pixels and hexels.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 10:38Conan O'Brien?

  What, did I get something wrong?

• 10:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, hexels?

• 10:42Conan O'Brien?

  Did that cover it?

• 10:45Conan O'Brien?

  Mixels and glaxels?

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Let me just refer you to this rap sign.

• 10:51Conan O'Brien?

  Look at that, it's handwritten. How quaint. Clearly, you've not visited the year 2000.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  Oh, no. I was in haste.

• 10:59Conan O'Brien?

  All right, let's get into it. My guest today is a terrific actress you know from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Hacks. There were many years, Sona, where I would pass you at your desk and I couldn't get you to do a goddamn thing because you were watching It's Always Sunny on your computer. Yes, I was. Well, now she stars in the hit series High Potential, which releases new episodes Tuesdays on ABC and next day on Hulu. We're thrilled she's here today. We adore her.

• 11:30Conan O'Brien?

  Kaitlin Olson, welcome.

• 11:35Conan O'Brien?

  I've been acting like a fool since you came in the building.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot of dad jokes so far.

• 11:41Conan O'Brien?

  I believe it's grandpa jokes at this point. I, that was my A material.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 11:46Conan O'Brien?

  From 70 years ago. No, I've been so goofy around you for a reason. I'm a massive fan and I got giddy. And so then this tall drink of water comes walking in and I'm doing shtick left and right. And I've made a complete fool of myself.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  You really did.

• 12:05Conan O'Brien?

  And you know what? I apologize, but it came from a place of great admiration and some drinking about an hour ago.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  I'll allow it. I like that. I like the explanation.

• 12:16Conan O'Brien?

  I'm thrilled you're here and I want to start by acknowledging you have a crazy stalker fan here.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:24Conan O'Brien?

  In the form of Sona Mobesse.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Why would you do that to her? Say it like stalker fan. I'm a fan. I don't stalk you. That's okay. I haven't seen her peeking around in my bushes. Oh, okay, but not of mine.

• 12:36Conan O'Brien?

  But not your stalker, no.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  I'm fine with both.

• 12:40Conan O'Brien?

  Only Don Cheadle. It's true. It's just the guy I'm throwing in the, on the audio lately. The point is that a number of years ago, I was aware of Always Sunny when it was first starting up. And I would catch the show here and there and I always think this is really funny. I, I like these people. I like what they're doing, but a lot of other stuff is going on. And then I would come to work and Sona's desk, so my assistant, was a shrine to all-

• 13:08Speaker 01

  It wasn't a shrine.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  No, just let him do it. Just let him do it. I like it.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  I had a picture of the cast.

• 13:14Conan O'Brien?

  You talked about it all the time.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  You're making me sound like a creeper. I had a picture of the cast and sometimes I would watch it at work when I should have been doing things for him. So he's a little resentful about it.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  That's what's happening.

• 13:27Conan O'Brien?

  But that's what got me more into the show because I would be asking Sona, you know those pills I need for my heart to keep me alive? And she'd say, whatever, I'm busy. And then I would see that she was watching Always Sunny at work.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  Right.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  Important. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

• 13:42Conan O'Brien?

  So then we flash forward to my children, uh, my son and my daughter get to a certain age. And I will say this about my kids, I don't brag about them much because I'm not a fan.

• 13:56Conan O'Brien?

  But, um, they have excellent, excellent, excellent comedy taste. And they started from the beginning and they started binge watching Always Sunny. And then they pulled Liza and I into it. And as a family, we started from the beginning. And we knew that soon, like they're both going off to college, we watched all of them.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 14:19Conan O'Brien?

  All of them. I have not missed a one.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 14:22Conan O'Brien?

  And I was delighted because it's such an original comedic voice, uh, and voices. It's just coming at everything from a different angle and it's just delightful. And so that's where a lot of my giddiness came from today.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  That's so sweet.

• 14:41Conan O'Brien?

  It's true. It's absolutely 100% true. And, um, and then if you'd have the gall to go on and have all this other success, outside of Sunny, uh, I think it's, I think it's too much.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Oh, too much success. Yeah.

• 14:54Conan O'Brien?

  I thought you had, I mean, you hit it out of the park.

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Just be the girl on the one funny show. Go home and take care of your kids.

• 15:01Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  I get it.

• 15:03Conan O'Brien?

  But then you're on Hacks. And you're fantastic.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  Thanks.

• 15:07Conan O'Brien?

  On that show.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  Thanks.

• 15:09Conan O'Brien?

  Although your name on that show is eerily similar to J.D. Vance.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  God, that was so... We were like, are you... First of all, I came along first.

• 15:17Conan O'Brien?

  You were first.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  I'd never heard of this man.

• 15:19Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  I could not believe it.

• 15:21Conan O'Brien?

  And you're DJ Vance?

• 15:22Speaker 02

  DJ Vance.

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 15:24Conan O'Brien?

  And anyone who's watching it later is gonna go, oh, what a corny take on J.D. Vance.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Nope. No. We... No. It stands for Deborah Junior.

• 15:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  And, um, yeah.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  Well, his name is Jebber Junior.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Oh, oh. Well, then we did copy him. Yeah. Jebber Junior.

• 15:41Conan O'Brien?

  And then we're going to discuss your new show, which I watched yesterday, which is getting insane over-the-top reviews. Again, something I resent. Didn't see mention of me anywhere on these reviews.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Mm-mm.

• 15:54Conan O'Brien?

  Because I'm not in the show, and I'm not involved in any way.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:57Conan O'Brien?

  But, uh, high potential, uh, which is an adaptation of a French show.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 16:02Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea, and you're fantastic in it.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 16:06Conan O'Brien?

  And what I like about it is that it is a good... Someone... I was trying to think about it afterwards. It was like, it's... I wouldn't say it's a comedy. It's a... It's a funny, and at times very funny, uh, show. That's a very good crime show and really smart.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 16:23Conan O'Brien?

  And I thought, everyone wants to label something now and say, well, my wife said to me afterwards, she's like, is it a comedy? And I said, it's not a comedy.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Mm-mm.

• 16:32Conan O'Brien?

  It is not... It's definitely not a comedy, but you get to be very funny in it. And some of the situations are very funny, but it's also, uh, an excellent kind of... One of those crime shows that is building a Rubik's Cube and solving it in front of you.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:48Conan O'Brien?

  Which is really cool.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. That was... That was the goal, was to really make sure that you believed the world and bought into the fact that there was something urgent and bad happening.

• 17:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  And that wasn't gonna happen if the rest of the world was funny. So, yeah. And also, I was like, only I get to be funny on this show. You want me to do it? Only I will utter funny things.

• 17:11Conan O'Brien?

  I have made that rule here at the podcast many times.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  They're breaking it.

• 17:14Conan O'Brien?

  And it just doesn't seem to happen.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  No, they are breaking it.

• 17:16Conan O'Brien?

  I gotta come up with more good shtick at the top. There were a couple of things that I realized about you today that I didn't know before, which is that you lived on Vashon Island.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  I did.

• 17:26Conan O'Brien?

  My wife is from Seattle.

• 17:27Speaker 02

  Oh, she is?

• 17:28Conan O'Brien?

  She, yes, and so I have wandered those islands. And spent time on Vashon, and that's a very, and also Portland. That's a very special, specific part of the country.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  Yes, it's very Pacific Northwest. My parents were hippies, my mom's an herbalist. We like went fishing for salmon on the island for dinner. Yeah, and then we moved to like outside. You say Portland, which is like, that was the big city 20 minutes away. We lived in Tiger, Oregon. And if you were hungry, you went outside and, you know, grabbed some whatever was ripe. Washed it off with the hose. Yeah.

• 18:06Conan O'Brien?

  So when I-

• 18:07Speaker 02

  We were very, you know, it was just the four of us living off the land.

• 18:12Conan O'Brien?

  When I met my wife, she had moved to New York and she'd grown up in Seattle. And, you know, she'd only been in New York a short time. And we start dating and then I'm going to, oh, we're invited to an event. I'm doing the late night show and I invite, you know, my, this new woman I've met who I'm in love with. Like, oh, I'm gonna bring her to this event. And she would say, okay, let's go. And she only had fleece. And she'd be like, I've got this-

• 18:45Speaker 02

  Patagonia.

• 18:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've got this.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  My Timberland boots.

• 18:47Conan O'Brien?

  I can put on this nicer fleece. And I'm like, it's kind of black tie. Like, I'm wearing a tux. And she's like-

• 18:54Speaker 02

  I've got sandals.

• 18:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I can put on the good sandals and it was- There was a moment where I was like, we need to.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, is this gonna work?

• 19:02Conan O'Brien?

  We need to talk about the fleece only. Not everything's a fleece vest and a baseball cap.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right.

• 19:09Conan O'Brien?

  But the other thing too was, um, I would say, I'm Irish Catholic Boston, so everything for me, and Zona's witnessed this many times, which is I need to eat a massive ham. I've tried to change, I think I have changed, but my go-to is always a meal involves a massive piece of ham and potato.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 19:28Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, mayonnaise and it has to be this big thing that you then sit around and digest like a bank vault in your stomach.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  That was Rob too.

• 19:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  I retrained him.

• 19:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. So, my wife, I'd show up, at the time, she's my girlfriend, and I would show up at her tiny apartment and I would say, hey, uh.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  I brought a ham.

• 19:46Conan O'Brien?

  And I'd say like, yeah, I'd say, I'm wearing a ham. I had a hat that was made that just had hams around it. I would show up in her apartment and say like, I, um, hey Liza, I, uh, I'm really hungry. Are you hungry? And she'd say, I ate. And I'd say, oh, you ate? And she'd be like, yep, um, I had, uh, half a pear and then I had some walnuts. Um, and then I had some, uh, antioxidant juice.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I gotta meet this lady.

• 20:12Conan O'Brien?

  Pacific Northwest.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  I bet her gut health is just top shelf.

• 20:17Conan O'Brien?

  Well, she's a massive fan of yours, so she would be thrilled that, uh, that, to, to meet you someday, but you say that you had to, you had to retrain Rob.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He, it was just all, first of all, I, I don't know that they, that fresh vegetables existed on the east. I think it was just all cans and frozen stuff, apparently.

• 20:35Conan O'Brien?

  I never saw a vegetable, I think until after Reagan was in office.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Right. I didn't believe him. I was like, that's not possible, like, it's, it's, but no, it was all, they had like, you know, lima beans and steak and ma, always, always a potato of some kind.

• 20:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  God forbid you leave the potato out. A meat, a potato and some bagged rewarmed vegetable.

• 20:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:59Conan O'Brien?

  We, uh, that's interesting, and so how long did it take to retrain?

• 21:02Speaker 02

  Not long, cause I love cooking and he was like, oh, what's this? Oh, and one time I asked if he liked eggplant, cause I was gonna do like an eggplant Parmesan. He was like, I, oh no, I was gonna do some eggplant thing that wasn't eggplant Parmesan. And I just ruined the whole story. Um, and he was like, yeah, I, I, I love eggplant. I was like, great, so I made, I don't remember what it was, we were still dating, it was eight, eight hundred years ago.

• 21:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, this is before the printing press.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right. And uh, he ate it and he just wasn't eating it. I was like, you don't like eggplant? He was like, I swear this is not what eggplant tasted like when I was growing up. And he had eggplant parmesan. I was just like beaten to a pulp and just mostly fried breading.

• 21:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, it's breading and cheese.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like, that's not the eggplant part.

• 21:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, no, no, no.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  That's the heart attack part.

• 21:46Conan O'Brien?

  If you hit a vegetable in heart attack sauce, I was fine with it, you know?

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Everyone is, yeah.

• 21:52Conan O'Brien?

  Everyone is, but um, it's just.

• 21:54Speaker 02

  Now he loves a fresh vegetable, I will say.

• 21:56Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, and I've completely changed.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:58Conan O'Brien?

  It's the same, I mean, this is interesting. I, I was, I wanted to talk about this initially just for saying, cause it, I realized we've had a similar experience. Um, but I had the same thing happen to me, which is now I'm like, I would like a salad, please.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Your opposite.

• 22:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Him too. He's like, he'll look at, at what his friends back east eat and he's just like, how are they not all dead? And why are they wondering why I look good and they don't?

• 22:27Speaker 02

  They all look like 75 year old men. Doughy. I love them. I want to make that clear. I love all of them.

• 22:45Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 22:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:48Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 23:03Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 23:16Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 23:36Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  It should.

• 23:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I had this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything, like, I feel that way about my name.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:15Conan O'Brien?

  It stands for all of the work, good and not so good in my life. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:24Conan O'Brien?

  Your children haven't even started building their futures, but their identities are already valuable. Your child's clean credit history can make them a target for identity thieves. Never thought of it that way, but it's true. Identity thieves can open loans and credit cards using your child's social security number, racking up debt and ruining their credit, and you may not notice until they try and get their first credit card. So it could be a long time.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:46Conan O'Brien?

  Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now, Sony, your kids are pretty young still.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  They are.

• 24:55Conan O'Brien?

  Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  What?

• 25:01Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna be, become tractor fanatics. They're gonna be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 25:26Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 25:28Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 25:32Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:33Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 25:40Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:46Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:47Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 25:55Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 25:57Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 26:04Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 26:05Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:06Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 26:18Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:20Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 26:25Speaker 02

  My god.

• 26:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 26:30Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com. Consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:01Conan O'Brien?

  Can I geek out on It's Always Sunny for a second and ask how much improvisation are you guys doing? First of all, it's the 17th season.

• 27:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, really weird, really strange.

• 27:13Conan O'Brien?

  Because it all began so improbably. And I know you've talked about it a million times, but you literally just went out, which is my favorite comedy is let's make ourselves happy. And now it's 17 years later.

• 27:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a good life lesson. That philosophy goes towards auditioning, too. I was always auditioning before that, you know, reading the description of the character and trying to figure out exactly what they wanted and going in and doing an audition that I hoped that it was what they were looking for. It doesn't work like that. You gotta go and like do your best version of whatever you think it is and make yourself like I my it turned into my only goal, rather than like going over the lines in my head eight million times was just have fun, just have fun. Do you say a couple of different words? Who cares? It's fine, just have fun. It's the only way it works. And then I started booking stuff because you didn't really make other people happy. It doesn't, that's not possible. There's too many of them.

• 28:08Conan O'Brien?

  We all start out in that situation where we're trying to make someone happy. And you're told, yeah, they, someone, it went to someone else. And you think it's a judgment on you.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 28:21Conan O'Brien?

  When it really isn't.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Not at all.

• 28:23Conan O'Brien?

  Because in this town, in this business, I was trying to explain to people. They're seeing 10,000 people and they might, you might have come in and nailed it in some way.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 28:34Conan O'Brien?

  But you're a little taller.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  Or more often than not, they've already, they've already offered it to someone else.

• 28:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  You're going in and spending days working on this thing, blow drying your hair, putting makeup on, driving to that lot, walking across the lot in 100 degree heat. You look like shit by the time you get there. You do your best and all the while, they're just waiting to get a phone call that the person they offered to is accepting or rejecting, and then they've got backups that they're, and they're gonna keep offering it. And then if no one accepts it, then they're gonna turn to these auditions. It's crazy. There were so many auditions where I was like, I felt so good about that. And plenty of auditions that I hated, because I just, I would get anxious and be weird. Like, that's not what I was meaning to do. Yeah, but now being on the other side of it, I'm like, oh yeah, you've already offered it to someone else.

• 29:21Conan O'Brien?

  We auditioned like thousands of people to be Conan O'Brien on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. When we knew all along it was gonna be me.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  That's so mean. Everybody had to do their hair like that?

• 29:33Conan O'Brien?

  And I was behind, I was behind a one-way mirror and I was just la, I was laughing.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:38Speaker 03

  We were earnestly trying to replace you though.

• 29:42Conan O'Brien?

  I was just laughing and drinking caramel out of a big pitcher. Warm caramel and laughing and it was running down my face. Bring in the next one.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  What?

• 29:54Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, I'm broken inside.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Caramel or caramel?

• 29:59Speaker 01

  I'm a caramel person. What'd you say?

• 30:02Conan O'Brien?

  Caramel.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Caramel.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Is anybody caramel?

• 30:04Speaker 03

  I think I say caramel.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  Not Carmel.

• 30:07Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  That's a city.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  I think I know. I think I even say that, but if I think about it, I'll say it right. Same with crayon and crayon.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I'm caramel.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  No idea.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  I'm caramel.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  Well, no, no, no, I'm not the city. I'm the candy.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  I'm Monterey.

• 30:20Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, you're saying it correctly. I understand what you're saying. I don't know what's happening with you. You're saying, I say caramel. Car- caramel.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  No, you want's Carmel.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  Caramel.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Crayon differently?

• 30:30Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  I don't even hear the difference.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  He says Carmel.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  Well, I think I was saying that because I'm conscious of it, but I say what you say. And that goes for life.

• 30:37Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? This is going to end up being the.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Caramel.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  This will be the moment that trends.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  You're gonna get a lot of feedback. By the way, I have a strong feeling I'm wrong. I think it might be caramel.

• 30:48Conan O'Brien?

  It's caramel. It's caramel.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  All right, or it's caramel. Everyone's nodding, okay?

• 30:53Conan O'Brien?

  It's probably an east coast thing.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Oh, east coast, west coast?

• 30:55Speaker 01

  I say caramel.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Caramel.

• 30:57Conan O'Brien?

  That's weird.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  I'm upset.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  I think we're done.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Caramel.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  I think I should go.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Am I saying that weird?

• 31:01Speaker 02

  No, you sound great.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  I say things weird.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  You sound great.

• 31:04Conan O'Brien?

  Weirdly.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Weirdly.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Oh. I say things weirdly, like I have a hard G at the end of my words.

• 31:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Oh, do you say everything?

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Everything.

• 31:15Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Everything.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Everything.

• 31:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Everything.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Everything.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Wrong.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  Wrong.

• 31:19Conan O'Brien?

  She says, oh, you're wronga.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 31:21Conan O'Brien?

  And it just drives me crazy because first of all, I'm never wronga.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  Correct, because you're never wronga.

• 31:26Conan O'Brien?

  It's wrong to say wrong wronga. All right, listen, I'm gonna.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Just move on. I hate everybody.

• 31:31Conan O'Brien?

  I have to pile us back into safer waters.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Okay, thank you.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  It's for you, Captain. Conan O'Brien.

• 31:35Conan O'Brien?

  I do think.

• 31:38Conan O'Brien?

  I do think that there is a beautiful lesson to It's Always Sunny, which is you, it's like-minded people got together and said, we're gonna make something that doesn't fit any mold. We are going to please ourselves. I don't think this is going to work, but we like doing this. And it became, and, and the other thing is, it cannot be copied.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 31:59Conan O'Brien?

  There, no one else can do what you guys are doing. And there's so many different levels to it. It's, I mean.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Because it's Rob, Charlie, and Glenn. I mean, it's just like, and I just feel like I absolutely hit the jackpot on the show. It's exactly what you said is how I feel. I mean, we. We go in there, we have directors and a lot of them are our friends and they're wonderful. But at the end of the day, somebody else cut and we just gather and like what we like and you keep that and you keep that and I'll do this and then we go again.

• 32:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  And it's, it's great.

• 32:31Conan O'Brien?

  Well, my, as I said, my kids are, have, they have superb comedy taste and

• 32:37Speaker 02

  Clearly.

• 32:38Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, they really, no, I'm, I'm, I mean, I could list all the shows they like and it's their, they take it really seriously. Um, they're, they don't watch my stuff.

• 32:49Conan O'Brien?

  Which again, they're batting a thousand, but they, um, there's so many things that just kill them. One was that I think you guys, the gang had some idea and one of you said, who's it against?

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:02Conan O'Brien?

  And, and, and it wasn't against anybody and you, you

• 33:05Speaker 02

  We couldn't take that.

• 33:06Conan O'Brien?

  None of you can understand the idea of it's not against somebody.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Whose face are we shoving it into?

• 33:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, exactly. And it was, I don't know, it's such a funny, I know those characters so well now and it is such a funny conceit that there, they will unite to defeat and humiliate someone else.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:24Conan O'Brien?

  But someone could have a brilliant plan where you guys make a billion dollars, but if it's not against somebody, no one's in.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  No, it's not interesting.

• 33:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. So, um.

• 33:32Speaker 02

  Oh, so stupid. I love it so much. I'm very impressed with your kids and, uh, I have a fourteen, newly fourteen year old now who's been sneaking scripts and reading them, uh, for years and we will pull up clips that he can watch, but he's so, and now he's just like, I mean, he's fourteen, so now he, he's seen probably half the episodes. He's completely obsessed.

• 33:53Conan O'Brien?

  So.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  But not mature enough to be able to like go out into the world and speak like that. So he'll say things and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Oh, boy. We will fine tune this and one day you will be so funny, but that's not something to say at school.

• 34:08Conan O'Brien?

  So.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Dennis, please, um, yeah, let me explain. He's probably a rapist and murderer.

• 34:17Speaker 02

  But it's funny because, oh, God.

• 34:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there's just like times where it's not even explained. Something will happen and Danny DeVito's character will like a gun will drop out.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:31Conan O'Brien?

  And you're like, why did he have a gun? And it's not addressed why he had a gun? It's not necessary?

• 34:37Speaker 02

  No, it just fell.

• 34:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I, uh, there's so many different layers there. And I do think I had this thought a long time ago when I was, as the, uh, the old man here. When I was young, the show that really lit me up was SCTV because they put, you know, SNL was the big thing. And then SCTV was this other show that they really crafted. And it had all these different layers and they put all these little smart, weird runners in there. That you had to pick up on. And they didn't even know that anybody in America was watching it. We only saw it because it bounced off of a antenna in Buffalo, New York. And we managed to get it at my dad, at my grandfather's little cottage in Miss Quamacut. And my brothers and I would watch it and go, this is, it's something that Always Sunny does.

• 35:23Conan O'Brien?

  And certain shows do it where they put these little things in there. And I think they're talking to me.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Yes. Yeah, they are.

• 35:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. And it's a conver, it's a conversation. You guys are having a conversation with me as a viewer. And I feel not only respected, but like you're pulling me in on the secret.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:39Conan O'Brien?

  Which is a beautiful thing.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:40Conan O'Brien?

  I love that.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Charlie does that a lot. Well, he'll just improvise some kind of throwaway thing. That's like a current event thing that it's just so funny and it gets left in there. And we don't ever explain it has nothing to do with the episode. And it's just, that's what I think of when you, when you say that. It's like someone's going to pick up on that and understand what he's talking about. Or he'll just make a quick reference to something from 60 seasons ago that somebody, like some people will get. But the intelligent part, I think, is what's so great. Cause there are a lot of comedies that, that make me laugh, a lot of character driven stuff that, you know, I admire the character someone's doing. But the writing is so smart. And I can tell when someone hasn't seen it if they have something negative to say about it, usually online. Cause they didn't get it. Like, it's like, no, no, no, you, you watched a clip and you think you know what it is. Cause we're making a, a commentary.

• 36:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  A bunch of dumb narcissistic psychopaths are, but the writers are making commentary. So obvious, either you're too dumb or you didn't watch the episode.

• 36:35Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's cool to get to a place. Which you've clearly gotten to where you can, you've, you can have your cake and eat it too. I mean, between Hacks and Always Sunny and this, I mean, you've, you've gotten to really own this comedy space. And then there's some part of you that said, I'd like to do this, that is not, it's not a comedy. Uh, you're, I, I don't, uh, you can't not be funny in things and you are funny. Your character's funny, but it all comes off the character.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's human.

• 37:06Conan O'Brien?

  She's human, yeah.

• 37:07Speaker 02

  And, um, and the other characters I play really aren't human. I mean, they're not multifaceted characters. This is just a, um, there's a way to still be a, a grounded, hardworking woman with children and be funny.

• 37:23Conan O'Brien?

  I think I can, I can quickly set up, um, it's a terrific idea for a show. I know it's, it's, it's adapted, uh, from this French show, but the, the series, and this isn't giving away too much, but it opens with you getting up at four in the morning. We don't know, we don't know what you do. It's clear you don't have a lot of money.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:42Conan O'Brien?

  You go to work and you're getting dressed and you're getting a big trash can and cleaning supplies. And it's clear that, oh, you're a woman who cleans up in the middle of the night.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:54Conan O'Brien?

  And then it's revealed, it's clear that you're cleaning up at a.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Bullpen.

• 37:58Conan O'Brien?

  A bullpen in a police station. And then you knock into a box and all this stuff spills over and you're just cleaning it up.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Jerk the headphones off, music stops.

• 38:07Conan O'Brien?

  Jerk the headphones off and you're just gonna clean up this stuff and it's evidence. And your character has a gift, you're cleaning, but you also need to make sense of things. And you're highly intelligent and you start just quickly, and it basically leads to your character's very good and is kind of a savant at seeing these patterns and you start to help the police. Kind of against, kind of against their will.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, get up and go to their case board and cross off suspect and write victim under one woman's picture.

• 38:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I, I always think pilots are next to impossible.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  They're so hard.

• 38:40Conan O'Brien?

  Cause in a pilot episode, you need to lay out so much information that there's so many times that I've watched pilots and it's ding dong, hello, hi, I'm here.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  I'm your neighbor, remember me?

• 38:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm your neighbor and guess what?

• 38:54Speaker 02

  We don't like each other, you know?

• 38:58Conan O'Brien?

  I don't like you since that time you stole that, you know, whatever, because you know how you like to steal things. I guess I'm the stealer. And then music.

• 39:12Conan O'Brien?

  No, but, no, that's a show I actually wrote.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm sorry. But she was laughing because she thought it was so funny. It's funny, right?

• 39:18Conan O'Brien?

  Ran nine years on WB slash UPN. But anyway, when they were united,

• 39:27Conan O'Brien?

  I made hundreds of dollars on The Stealer.

• 39:32Conan O'Brien?

  But this pilot is a very good episode.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  I wanted people to want to come back. Like I could tune into stuff all the time where I'm like, yeah, it was great. And then I don't have a desire to come back for whatever reason. And I wanted you to really fall in love with this woman and who she is and be compelled to figure out. Because I drop a thing at the end of the first episode and I want people to buy into that. And I want to figure out what.

• 39:57Conan O'Brien?

  What is that all about?

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I have to say Drew Goddard wrote that script and I was not interested when they came to me and wanted to have lunch. I was like, ABC, hour-long drama, no, thank you. And my agent was like, no, you're gonna go have lunch with them. And I was like, what did you just say to me? He was like, it's good. You're gonna read it and you're gonna have lunch. I'm gonna make you because I think you're gonna really want to do it. I just had no interest in, first of all, working for a network. I'm very spoiled on FX. They let us do whatever we want and say whatever we want. And I have a hard time with executives who aren't creatives telling me what I can and can't do. Because again, it goes back to, it's all fine and it works. And a lot of people are fine with that.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  I just am so blessed to be in a position where I want to show up and have fun with my life. That's at home and at work. I don't want to do something that is. I just want everything to be great, or just I'll wait and wait until something comes along that I can make special. So I was very gun shy and then I read his script and was like, oh, I'm, I'm, I think I'm in. And then I have to point out that Alethea Jones directed that episode and she was absolutely incredible. So one of the ways that you see my character solve things is what we call Morgan vision and kind of these like flashes of what she's putting together in her brain. I was really nervous about those because I was like, my mind went to like a horrible reenactment on a bad A any crime show where there's like someone who kind of looks like the murderer walking up. I was like, oh God, I just was

• 41:24Speaker 02

  very scared of the Morgan vision stuff. And I told her that and she was like, that's the stuff I'm most excited about. And I was like, okay, walk me through that. She just did such a tremendous job with that pilot.

• 41:34Conan O'Brien?

  Also, some of the imagined recreations are really funny.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:37Conan O'Brien?

  You know.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  Because it's just what's going on in her.

• 41:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, your mind, you're, you're thinking of serious things like how a murder happened. But then there are these asides where you're thinking of other possibilities that are actually really good sight gags that are funny.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  And they're quick, just like quick little pops.

• 41:51Conan O'Brien?

  It's interesting to me because I would think what you want to do, it's that old phrase, like you're playing with house money. And I think sometimes in sports, if, if a team has, if they know that they've, they've got it, if they know that they're going to the Super Bowl or something, they play differently because they, or conversely, if they feel like we got nothing to lose.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:12Conan O'Brien?

  And it's nice probably to be in a part of your career where you feel like, no, I want to have fun.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:17Conan O'Brien?

  I want to have a good time.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Mm hmm. Yeah, it's, there's a, quite a freedom in having, knowing that I really would walk away if it was not up to the quality that I wanted to put out there. Because it's, that's not like a threat. It's just really like, no, thanks. I mean, thank you so much for thinking of me, but I don't, I don't, um, yeah, yeah. It feel, and I know

• 42:37Conan O'Brien?

  It would be perfect if you walked out on this podcast right now.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I should have done that. And away from my TV show.

• 42:43Conan O'Brien?

  And guess what? This is not up to my. Yeah.

• 42:46Speaker 03

  It's not too late.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  I was just gonna say.

• 42:49Conan O'Brien?

  Then we could put in a car starting noise.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:52Conan O'Brien?

  Tire screeching.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Me calling my agent.

• 42:56Conan O'Brien?

  It's interesting, because when you put something out in the world and you're seen a certain way, fans react to you in a certain way. And for so many years, as Dee, people know you a certain way.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:08Conan O'Brien?

  And that is not who you are.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  No.

• 43:10Conan O'Brien?

  But I heard this anecdote once, that the Three Stooges, the actual people who were the Three Stooges, that, you know, that Mo Howard and Larry and whatever. When they would go out in the world, people who were fans would come up and-

• 43:25Speaker 02

  Slap them?

• 43:26Conan O'Brien?

  Slap them, hit them, and do the eye poke.

• 43:29Speaker 02

  Get your fingers away from my eyes!

• 43:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, because they were like, "No, no, I love you. Hey, Curly, I love you." And they would jab them in the eyes, and it was a huge problem.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  They're so stupid.

• 43:40Conan O'Brien?

  But I'm thinking, if you're, there's part of Dee, I mean, you're this very attractive, cool actress.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Thanks, Conan!

• 43:48Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know what I mean. No, you're-

• 43:50Speaker 02

  I do now.

• 43:53Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, I don't know where Rob is right now. Feels like he's not showing you the proper attention.

• 44:00Conan O'Brien?

  I just, I'm sorry.

• 44:01Speaker 02

  That's right. Put it on Rob.

• 44:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. He's off somewhere eating a potato.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  I know.

• 44:06Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm here talking to you about how attractive you are.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 44:09Conan O'Brien?

  And talented as an actor, and what a career you've had. And, I don't know, I don't know if you have that syndrome where people come up to you and they're-

• 44:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Dee's a bird. Shut up bird. A lot, a lot of shut up bird. Mostly shut up bird. Yeah. On a daily basis.

• 44:24Conan O'Brien?

  And you're like with your kids.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. They love it. But they think it's the best thing in the world.

• 44:30Conan O'Brien?

  Donna, I bet you've done that.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Have you screamed shut up bird?

• 44:34Speaker 01

  I was gonna yell, "Hey, bird, shut up bird," when you walked in. I was like, I shouldn't.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  I see. I love it. The most fun is when people do it in the comment section of whatever social media, and then I have so many fans jump on it and be like, "You think she hasn't heard that before? You know, she's other things that..." I'm like, I find it hilarious. It doesn't bother me at all. Calling someone a bird is so not an insult. It's the stupidest-

• 44:55Conan O'Brien?

  Don't you love it when people come to your defense on social media for something that didn't need defending?

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Yes! I'm like, they're calling me a bird! Who cares? But I was very worried, very worried is maybe a little strong, but I did have a lot of thoughts about like, oh, I bet this show, this show might let a lot of my Sonny fans down, or my The Mick fans down, who just want me to do hard comedy.

• 45:18Conan O'Brien?

  Balls to the wall, kind of.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, just tell dick and ball jokes all day long. And set people on fire, you know, that's all anyone wants from me.

• 45:25Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  And have men yell at me and call me a bird.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  So I was like, oh, I don't know how people, like, the general public is gonna receive this. I feel like I've got the moms and grandmas with this one. But people are really liking it, which I'm very happy about. Yeah, yeah, they really have.

• 45:43Conan O'Brien?

  And it's, okay, I guess we're all human, so when you're waiting around.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  You need to take a shit?

• 45:51Conan O'Brien?

  Why do you always take us into the gutter?

• 45:53Speaker 03

  That was something for the old fans.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  There you go, guys.

• 45:56Conan O'Brien?

  There you go, and they're like, hey!

• 45:57Speaker 02

  There she's back.

• 45:58Conan O'Brien?

  It started to get real serious there, but then it was okay again. She is back!

• 46:05Conan O'Brien?

  No, but, you know, I, there's this, the uninitiated or people who wouldn't know would say, oh, by this point, you know, you wouldn't worry what people would say. Of course you would.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  Of course I would. Oh, yeah.

• 46:17Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you must be very happy, because it's, people are loving it.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  I was, oh, yeah, the, even filming the pilot, between filming the pilot and watching it, when I got it, I didn't watch it right away. I was so nervous. I was just like, I really enjoy being in control, and I felt very out of control with this one, because I just, it's a different genre, just a lot of trust. And, like I said, I mean, I'm just used to 17 seasons on a show where we're all doing it together. This was me just trusting this woman, and I'm very glad that I did. She was incredible. But, yeah, I care, I care very much. And I was scared to show it to Rob. Rob's the harshest critic I've ever met in my life, and when he liked it, I was like, we did it, guys.

• 46:59Conan O'Brien?

  Now, would Rob, okay, this is interesting, because this is someone who is your comedic partner, but also your life partner.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Brutally honest.

• 47:09Conan O'Brien?

  Brutally honest?

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Brutally honest. Doesn't matter if we're married. Yeah. He wouldn't be cruel about it, but he'd say something like... What, no, you know what he would do? He would give me a million notes, even though it was already finished and edited. He would give me so many notes.

• 47:22Conan O'Brien?

  Right, you're like, no, it's on t- we're watching it on television.

• 47:25Speaker 02

  We're watching it on television right now.

• 47:25Conan O'Brien?

  It's airing on ABC right now.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  He's like, no, no, no, no, just trust me. Just call the editor.

• 47:30Conan O'Brien?

  For reruns.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right. Never give up.

• 47:35Conan O'Brien?

  That's a fascinating dynamic.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  It's very true. Yeah, yeah. But he liked it.

• 47:39Conan O'Brien?

  When I show my wife things that we're gonna do, I mean, she's... She wouldn't say, "Oh, that's bad," but I can tell...

• 47:45Speaker 02

  She'd smile and nod.

• 47:45Conan O'Brien?

  She's got very... You know, Liza has these beautiful, big eyes, and sometimes...

• 47:50Speaker 02

  They get sad.

• 47:51Conan O'Brien?

  There, there's a little sadness in them, even though she's smiling, and I know, yeah, this... And I'm like, "No, this isn't good." And then she goes to her closet and pulls out one of 70 fleeces she has now. 'Cause she's ruining dough! All she did was go get... Yeah. "It's my Gucci fleece."

• 48:13Speaker 02

  I love Liza.

• 48:15Conan O'Brien?

  Liza's great, yeah, yeah. She's... She flies to Paris and has fittings and then comes back, and it's still a fleece vest. And she puts the Patagonia label over the Gucci label.

• 48:27Speaker 02

  It just smells like perfume.

• 48:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. And then she says, "Let's go get some cured salmon. Hang out by the water."

• 48:35Speaker 02

  Sounds great.

• 48:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Um, well, that's... That is amazing that you have figured... That you two have that dynamic.

• 48:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's... He's, he's, he's...

• 48:42Conan O'Brien?

  Can you do it with him? Can you look at his stuff? Can you look at Rob's stuff and say, "Uh, yeah..."

• 48:49Speaker 02

  Ooh, good question. Uh, this is gonna sound super lame. I, I think Rob's got incredible taste, so there's not really anything he's made that I haven't liked. But no, that's not my personality. I think I would find things... I do that thing where you go see a friend in a play and you have to find things that you liked about it 'cause their acting sucked, and then you just give 'em those things. I do that.

• 49:12Conan O'Brien?

  I hope you've seen more than one person in a play, 'cause they're gonna know.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  I've only seen one play in my life.

• 49:18Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:20Conan O'Brien?

  It was three weeks ago.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  I only have one of friends.

• 49:23Conan O'Brien?

  And it was her best friend in the world. Oh, no. Yeah. Jenny Tyler is Gandhi.

• 49:31Conan O'Brien?

  Jenny.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  Jenny. I shaved my head. What? Your head, you have a very round head, Jenny.

• 49:39Conan O'Brien?

  That part where you're not eating was...

• 49:42Speaker 02

  Probably really good for your diet.

• 49:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Jenny Tyler is got.

• 49:49Conan O'Brien?

  Well, she is.

• 49:52Conan O'Brien?

  It's playing on Highland. Go see it.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Don't see it.

• 49:55Conan O'Brien?

  It's at the Coronet Theater. Check it out.

• 50:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it is, uh, it is a delight. It's a delight. It's my, my favorite thing is when I'm, and I've said this a million times, but there are days where I'm coming in to talk to somebody who I am a big fan of and kinda giddy to see. And I also know that first thing I'm gonna be doing when I get home is texting, uh, you know, my kids and saying, guess who I was with today? And then I get points. So...

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Oh my god, that's the best compliment.

• 50:28Conan O'Brien?

  Seriously.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. And you know what? The show probably premiered before Beckett was even born.

• 50:32Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's, that's the other thing. That's the other thing too, um, is that my daughter's 21, my son is newly 19, and they... I always liked evergreen comedy. I always liked comedy that doesn't, that doesn't live off of this happened today and we're commenting on it. That was my favorite stuff. And I always wanted to make stuff that maybe would be funny if someone found it 30 years later. Definitely, It's Always Sunny. The fact that my kids are binge watching it and know every single twist and turn. What's the family you guys have the, the rivalry with?

• 51:06Speaker 02

  McCoyle's.

• 51:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. Oh my god.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  The best.

• 51:09Conan O'Brien?

  It's the best when...

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Oh god, they're the best.

• 51:11Conan O'Brien?

  It's real, the episodes where you realize at the end it's them and they just run away.

• 51:17Conan O'Brien?

  Anyway, this, okay. None of this adds up.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  So stupid.

• 51:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's so stupid, but my life has been spent trying to prove to people that there is an intersection between stupid and smart.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 51:29Conan O'Brien?

  And it's, it comes and goes and it's hard to find. And it's like the Northwest Passage. You know, many lives have been lost looking for it, but I believe in it with all my heart.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it's hard to do.

• 51:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:41Speaker 02

  And so when you find it, it's, it's special. So that's a big compliment. Thank you.

• 51:44Conan O'Brien?

  Um, well... Congratulations on your new show, High Potential. And I watched it on Hulu.

• 51:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, you should.

• 51:53Conan O'Brien?

  And is Hulu the one, or is it also on ABC?

• 51:56Speaker 02

  ABC and Hulu the next day.

• 51:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's just very smart and fun to watch. And fun to watch your character who is also very funny, but grounded in reality, figuring all this stuff out. And I'm a true, I'm a, I'm a crime fan. So when you were putting down these true detective shows.

• 52:16Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 52:16Conan O'Brien?

  These recreation shows, I live off of those.

• 52:18Speaker 02

  Good, good, good, good. Same. And one of my, it really is my favorite compliment, which is happening a lot now because we're in our 17th season, where grownups will come and say, my kids are now old enough to watch Sunny, and we watch it together as a family. And it's, it's our show that we watch as a family. And now that my kids are 12 and 14, I'm like, oh, I get it. There's only like a, I feel like there's only a couple more years left where we will all want to watch stuff together. And you're just holding on to it. And I'm like, whatever show you guys want. Yeah, but yes, let's get popcorn and watch it up on the couch together.

• 52:50Conan O'Brien?

  We are, I was shocked because my wife, who is an amazing mom, did an incredible job, was so sensible and really careful about, no, no, they, they can't eat this because I did read that it has a little bit of zinc in it.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  She and I really need to be best friends.

• 53:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. But, but, and she also, but she very quickly said, no, Always Sunny, the kids can watch Always Sunny, it's, it's fine. And then she, without my knowledge or permission, she hyperjumped to Veep.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 53:24Conan O'Brien?

  And I come home and she and my daughter, my son are watching Veep.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  Without you?

• 53:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, there, yeah, I wasn't there. I was doing something. I was out alleycatting, you know me.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:33Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a guy with needs.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  I understand.

• 53:36Conan O'Brien?

  A man, you know, whatever.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  She's over there talking about minuscule levels of zinc.

• 53:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 53:40Speaker 02

  It's very unattractive.

• 53:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. So anyway, I'm out doing what a guy does.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 53:46Conan O'Brien?

  And Rob knows what I'm talking about. And so, because I see him at the same pub.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  Sure, sure.

• 53:52Conan O'Brien?

  We high five. And, no, but I come on, they're watching, and Veep, Veep is, there's whole runs in Veep, which is like, I'm gonna take your balls and shove them up your asshole so far that you choke on the cum. That comes out your ears and dribbles down your umbil- you know, it's like insane. And she was like, "Yeah, but it's funny." And I'm like, "It is funny." But I told Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who I know, I told her like, you know, "Why is this letting the kids watch TV?" And she's like, "What?"

• 54:24Speaker 02

  I know. I know.

• 54:26Conan O'Brien?

  Deep is another step beyond.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  It's a step up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, listen, you opened the floodgates with Sunny. What was she supposed to do?

• 54:33Conan O'Brien?

  You guys were-

• 54:34Speaker 02

  The starter show.

• 54:35Conan O'Brien?

  You guys were the drug.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:37Conan O'Brien?

  A very good drug, by the way.

• 54:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:39Conan O'Brien?

  Excellent drug that gave them a powerful but safe high.

• 54:43Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:43Conan O'Brien?

  And then she went on to crack.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  She went to fentanyl.

• 54:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, she went to fentanyl.

• 54:48Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you so much for coming in.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  Thanks for having me.

• 54:50Conan O'Brien?

  An absolute joy to see you.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  So fun.

• 54:52Conan O'Brien?

  And my best to Rob and to the gang that's making the show. And tell them I say hello.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  I will.

• 54:59Conan O'Brien?

  And thank you so much for going down into the mines and making such good stuff for all of us.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  You're the best. I'm not leaving. Let's just do another hour.

• 55:08Conan O'Brien?

  Hour number two. We talk about what's going on in the world.

• 55:13Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 55:14Conan O'Brien?

  And it gets really dark.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  I gotta go.

• 55:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, no hour two. Thank you so much for being here.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me.

• 55:27Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 55:32Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 55:32Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 55:33Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 55:35Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:45Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:50Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get a head start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 56:21Conan O'Brien?

  The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Same.

• 56:32Conan O'Brien?

  Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:36Conan O'Brien?

  Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 56:41Conan O'Brien?

  That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:45Conan O'Brien?

  WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean and designed for harsh winter conditions. Okay? I grew up with this.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:07Conan O'Brien?

  And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.

• 57:15Speaker 01

  Oh, what?

• 57:16Conan O'Brien?

  We were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 57:21Conan O'Brien?

  So get a gift today at weathertech.com.

• 57:29Conan O'Brien?

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• 58:12Conan O'Brien?

  from BetterHelp's tailored recommendations. BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/conan. That's better H E L P dot com slash Conan.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  I was cleaning out some stuff in my office the other day and I found that I had this CB dictionary.

• 58:46Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god, I'm not surprised at all. Make sure that we don't say CB.

• 58:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:49Conan O'Brien?

  It sounded a little bit like CD for a second.

• 58:52Speaker 03

  CB, Citizens Band Radio, which is the way people talk like truckers from Smoking the Bennett. You know, we've talked about that movie before.

• 58:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and not just the movie. I remember very clearly there was a, the CB fad was huge in the late 70s. And there was a song called Convoy.

• 59:10Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 59:11Conan O'Brien?

  Remember that song?

• 59:11Speaker 03

  I do.

• 59:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  We got a little old convoy running through the night.

• 59:15Conan O'Brien?

  We got a great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight, convoy.

• 59:19Speaker 03

  Sona, where are you going? What's going on?

• 59:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I'm sorry, I was just trying to leave the room and not be here anymore. And I remember that one of my grandparents passed away and some of us, why don't you wrinkle pages even louder? What are you? Oh my god! Look at him, he's right, this is the guy who produces the podcast.

• 59:37Speaker 03

  I edit this, I cut my mic. You don't need to worry about it, you weirdo.

• 59:40Conan O'Brien?

  Look at this, what are you, Chris Crinkle? Anyway. Why'd you laugh so hard? Uh, good stuff. That wasn't that funny.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  It was.

• 59:47Conan O'Brien?

  I thought it was good! Chris Crinkle? It was funny. Chris Crinkle's not good. You heard of Chris Crinkle, this guy's Chris Crinkle. Louder, Blay, louder. There you go. Suck up. So anyway, um, one of my grandparents passed away and we were all like kids and we were, for some reason it got switched around. So we were in the funeral procession, you know, funeral procession. What's it called?

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  The, in the cars.

• 1:00:12Conan O'Brien?

  Is it the funeral procession with the cars?

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 1:00:14Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, anyway.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  It's a convoy.

• 1:00:16Conan O'Brien?

  Hurst was driving with one of my grandparents in it, I can't remember which one, and then other cars. And our cool cousin was driving the station wagon that my brothers and I, my sisters and I were all jammed into. And we're headed to the graveyard when the song Convoy came on and my cousin reached over and turned it up all the way. And there's this part of the song where they go, "So let them truckers roll 10 for, cause we got a great big..." And we were all rocking out and I love my granddad! But I, and it felt sacrilegious but also great at the same time. He would have wanted that. No, he wouldn't have liked that at all. Oh. Yeah, he was a...

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Well, I thought I could quiz you guys on CB lingo and see if you can figure it out. Because actually, speaking of Hurst, there is a CB term for Hurst. Oh yeah? Anybody know what it is?

• 1:01:01Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, is it called an old rolling pine?

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  The dead guy.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  The dead guy.

• 1:01:09Conan O'Brien?

  The dead guy.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  The dead guy.

• 1:01:12Conan O'Brien?

  No, yeah, let's see, I remember that, well, obviously a smokey is a policeman.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, so we'll go over, first of all, a hearse is called a bone box.

• 1:01:18Conan O'Brien?

  Bone box, we got a bone box.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  Here are just some of your regular things, like, the police are called, you could call them a smokey or a bear. Smokey the bear. Seabirdo are your ears.

• 1:01:28Conan O'Brien?

  Got my ears on.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  A bear in the air.

• 1:01:30Conan O'Brien?

  A bear in the air is a, is a whirligig. It's a helicopter with the cops inside.

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  A police helicopter, yeah.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Oh my god. The police backup, the police backup.

• 1:01:42Conan O'Brien?

  A helicopter with police inside.

• 1:01:47Conan O'Brien?

  It's a helicopter, but instead of a citizen,

• 1:01:52Conan O'Brien?

  contained within, at the core of it, are police.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Um, this is what truckers say to each other.

• 1:01:59Speaker 03

  Yes, this is the lingo they use.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Long range semi-drivers, okay, okay.

• 1:02:04Speaker 03

  Like a bear in the bush?

• 1:02:05Conan O'Brien?

  Bear in the bush is, oh, that would be a smokey that's hiding out, trying to catch people in a speed trap.

• 1:02:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's exactly right. Okay, so now I'm gonna quiz you guys, those are kind of the, just the easy ones.

• 1:02:15Conan O'Brien?

  Alright, here we go. Blood box. Blood box would be...

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  Ambulance.

• 1:02:19Conan O'Brien?

  That's right, one for Sona.

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:02:22Conan O'Brien?

  Bedbug hauler. Bedbug hauler, it'd be a motel, like a cheap motel.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  I think it's a furniture truck.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  A moving van, I'll accept that.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I'm crushing, I just learned what this was.

• 1:02:32Conan O'Brien?

  Bikini state. Bikini state is Florida.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:02:36Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I just know, because I'm a bikini inspector.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Are you looking at the thing?

• 1:02:40Conan O'Brien?

  No, I was, no, I was not looking at it, I was not. I don't know if my glasses on either, so. Breaking wind. Um, breaking wind, speeding, uh, breaking wind.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Going downhill.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, neither of you, it's the first sea bear in a convoy.

• 1:02:55Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:02:55Speaker 03

  They're breaking the wind, alright. Brush your teeth and comb your hair, that's something you'd say, what does it mean?

• 1:03:00Conan O'Brien?

  That's just, I mean, good hygiene.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that means I need to rest.

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:03:05Conan O'Brien?

  No, say it again?

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Brush your teeth and comb your hair.

• 1:03:07Conan O'Brien?

  It helps when you think of it like, ten-four, good buddy, brush your teeth and comb your hair. Um, be a good, see you around. Brush your teeth and comb your hair. There's a smokey up ahead. What? Look, look good, there's a smokey up ahead. Oh, that's stupid.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  See you around?

• 1:03:24Conan O'Brien?

  Just say there's a smokey up ahead, why brush your teeth and comb your hair?

• 1:03:27Speaker 03

  Well, that's the whole point.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  They could be listening, right?

• 1:03:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but a policeman doesn't, when they pull you over for speeding, they don't care about your attire and how well quaffed you are.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  No, the Smokies are listening in on the CB radio.

• 1:03:38Conan O'Brien?

  Got it.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  And then they hear, if you say, hey, there's a Smokey, they'll be like, oh, the convoy is smart.

• 1:03:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out.

• 1:03:46Speaker 03

  What are California turnarounds?

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  On ramps.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Off ramps. Way stations.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  Conan?

• 1:03:54Conan O'Brien?

  California turnaround.

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:56Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, that's when you hit the state of California, because you've made your drop and then you're headed back the other way.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Not really. They're

• 1:04:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, it is.

• 1:04:03Speaker 03

  They're Benzos or Speed. Because if you're going as far as California, you gotta take some of those to go there and back.

• 1:04:09Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I see. You mean like a Benny or a big

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  Yes, I said Benzos.

• 1:04:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  Benny.

• 1:04:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Benny or a Jubb Jubb.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are real hip.

• 1:04:18Conan O'Brien?

  Those are called, uh, Green Squanto, yeah.

• 1:04:21Speaker 03

  Choke and puke?

• 1:04:21Conan O'Brien?

  Choke and puke. Uh, let's see.

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  That's in Smokey and the Bandit. They use that a lot.

• 1:04:27Conan O'Brien?

  Choke and puke?

• 1:04:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:28Conan O'Brien?

  I'm going to choke and puke. Going to a choke and puke.

• 1:04:31Speaker 01

  Going to a choke and puke.

• 1:04:32Conan O'Brien?

  Like a bad diner.

• 1:04:34Speaker 03

  It's a restaurant, but I'll give it to you.

• 1:04:35Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you.

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  Christmas card.

• 1:04:37Conan O'Brien?

  Um, just like a way to wish people well?

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Use it in a sentence, please?

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  I'm doing double nickels on the I-5 and I got myself a Christmas card. I'm gonna have to pay that come Tuesday.

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  Uh, traffic ticket.

• 1:04:48Conan O'Brien?

  That's right.

• 1:04:49Speaker 03

  But why was it called a Christmas card?

• 1:04:50Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it's just

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  These guys suck.

• 1:04:52Conan O'Brien?

  It's CB poetry. I'm sorry. I'm glad, you know what? There's a reason this died out. You know what I mean? They had bad terms. I'm sorry!

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. I'm fine. I don't even know that one.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  Now, we're gonna get into some of the more colorful ones.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  Huh? What's the score?

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  I'm winning.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  It's three, Sona, Conan, two.

• 1:05:09Conan O'Brien?

  Also, we don't know that this died out. There's, there's truckers all over this great, uh, this great country.

• 1:05:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, but why don't they just email each other? Or text?

• 1:05:16Conan O'Brien?

  Because you don't wanna be on your phone on the, while you're driving.

• 1:05:19Speaker 03

  Of course, they can be on their phone. They have devices that handle all kinds of things while they're driving.

• 1:05:24Conan O'Brien?

  Let's get to that. What do you think VacuSuck is for?

• 1:05:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I have one. I'm using it now.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Oh, man!

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  What does it mean?

• 1:05:32Conan O'Brien?

  Three AA batteries takes care of old Captain Jack down there.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  Jesus. Captain Jack.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  What does abuse it mean?

• 1:05:42Conan O'Brien?

  Um, well, okay.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  Just say it.

• 1:05:48Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm, I don't want to.

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  Masturbate.

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 1:05:51Conan O'Brien?

  So I gave that to Sona because I didn't want to offend a lady.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  You didn't want to say masturbate?

• 1:05:55Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't, no.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  You just called your dick Captain Jack.

• 1:05:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he's in the army. That's his rank.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  You just did a whole vacuum suck thing.

• 1:06:05Conan O'Brien?

  I got a vacuum suck for Captain Jack. He did his time.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  Well, you don't want to say masturbate, but you're fine.

• 1:06:10Conan O'Brien?

  He was in Vietnam!

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  What's a douche job?

• 1:06:13Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, man, don't get me started.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  A douche job is when, um...

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  Why did you put two fingers up very specifically?

• 1:06:22Conan O'Brien?

  Car wash.

• 1:06:23Speaker 03

  Yes, that's right.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:06:25Speaker 01

  I was gonna say an actual, like, anal.

• 1:06:28Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 1:06:30Speaker 03

  An actual anal.

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  Okay, some of these have crossed over into popular culture, but what's a beaver?

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  A vagina.

• 1:06:40Speaker 03

  Well, no.

• 1:06:41Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 1:06:41Speaker 03

  I mean, it is.

• 1:06:41Conan O'Brien?

  It's a woman driving a truck.

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  It's just a woman, yeah, okay. Bra buster.

• 1:06:45Conan O'Brien?

  What is it? Bra buster?

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  Bra buster.

• 1:06:47Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, man, talk about it.

• 1:06:51Speaker 03

  Excuse me?

• 1:06:51Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 1:06:53Speaker 03

  Talk about it?

• 1:06:53Conan O'Brien?

  A bra buster?

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  Bra buster is a woman who is real tough.

• 1:07:01Conan O'Brien?

  No, bra buster's a speed bump.

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  No, that's good.

• 1:07:04Conan O'Brien?

  You go over it too fast, it's gonna bust your bra.

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  No, it's just a large-breasted woman.

• 1:07:08Conan O'Brien?

  Well, wait a minute. How does that... I thought they have to relate to trucking somehow.

• 1:07:11Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:07:12Conan O'Brien?

  Now you're gonna get into, yeah, he's, that's an old itchy face. What's that? A guy with a beard? Well, why are they talking in code?

• 1:07:19Speaker 03

  No one's changing the goalpost, Sona.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  No, if I'm driving the truck and I see, you know, lady with the titties, I go, "Hey, guys, bra buster, coming right up."

• 1:07:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but that's not, it's not coded enough.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:07:32Conan O'Brien?

  It's still, do you know what I mean?

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  Some of them are, some of them aren't. I mean, this is, this just evolved with the language. It's not like somebody sat down at a council.

• 1:07:39Conan O'Brien?

  No, but there's a more clever way to do that, if there's a large-breasted woman.

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Well, maybe they're not, like, they're doing it on the radio, but the woman doesn't hear it. They're just like, "Hey, guys, heads up."

• 1:07:48Conan O'Brien?

  Those are some big knobs on the radio. Yes, you know what I mean? Something like that.

• 1:07:52Speaker 03

  That's nice.

• 1:07:53Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? High beams on! Do you know what I mean? There's something they could do better. The twin pillars of society.

• 1:08:02Conan O'Brien?

  There's so many different ways to do it, but Bra Busters are just being unimaginative. Another reason why CB culture's died.

• 1:08:07Speaker 03

  All right, so this is a tiebreaker. Uh, and the last one, coffee break.

• 1:08:11Conan O'Brien?

  Coffee break. Oh, tell me about it. I'm just trying to use up time. Coffee break.

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Coffee break.

• 1:08:19Conan O'Brien?

  Coffee break.

• 1:08:19Speaker 03

  Now, this, this doesn't like necessarily have a one-to-one for what the name is to what the thing is. So you just have to think creatively. Remember, we're in the kind of like, you know, sexual section of this.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  Oh, we are.

• 1:08:30Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, coffee break. Does it have anything to do with, um...

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  This one's anal.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, you're obsessed.

• 1:08:39Conan O'Brien?

  And again, they have a device for that, too.

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Why?

• 1:08:42Conan O'Brien?

  So they don't have to...

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  Is it because coffee's...

• 1:08:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:43Speaker 01

  Because coffee's dark?

• 1:08:45Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, God.

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  No, not only are you not right, you're disqualified.

• 1:08:49Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you. Coffee break. Um, I don't know. I, I, it's just a visit with a prostitute.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  But why? That's just, I'm taking a coffee break. It's a way...

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  You can't get upset.

• 1:08:59Conan O'Brien?

  I can get upset.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  They're on the road for days.

• 1:09:02Conan O'Brien?

  I want these to be rewritten.

• 1:09:04Speaker 03

  Well, the good news is I've only gone through A through D on these, so we've got lots more to do.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:09:10Conan O'Brien?

  That's okay. I think this is our last visit to CB. What made you, why do you have a CB dictionary?

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  That was my question.

• 1:09:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:17Speaker 03

  I just, I don't know. Maybe someone gave it to me as a gift, or I bought it. I, you know, I love the movie Smokey and the Bandit. It's one of my favorite movies.

• 1:09:23Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  And, uh, so I wanted to, I wanted to be able to speak the, the patois.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  Oh, God. Jesus Christ.

• 1:09:30Conan O'Brien?

  Well, hope you're happy.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Saying coffee break or Bra Buster, I just, I can't know you.

• 1:09:36Conan O'Brien?

  I do think some of these could be better.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  I'm 10-10 in the shade, Pickle Park, and Taylor Made, so...

• 1:09:39Conan O'Brien?

  See, that's, that sounds good, but some of these just weren't very good. I'm gonna be honest, coffee break for a prostitute. There's a better way to do that, right?

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  I think coffee break, I think coffee break is cool.

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  It's a euphemism.

• 1:09:51Conan O'Brien?

  But what I'm saying is, that's a bad idea because coffee is a, is a regular part of what a trucker would be drinking.

• 1:09:58Speaker 03

  So is prostitution.

• 1:09:59Conan O'Brien?

  And they would want, no, that's not, that's a terrible thing to say.

• 1:10:02Speaker 01

  Why are you telling other people that you're going on a coffee break? Like, why are you telling the other people on the radio that you're going to see a prostitute? Why don't you just do it?

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  I think you, you guys gotta put yourself in the mindset of the 70s in the American South, and you're just talking to your buddies on a CB radio going, "I'm gonna go on a coffee break, 10-4, come back."

• 1:10:21Conan O'Brien?

  I'd say, "I'm gonna go hire a prostitute." And then I'm gonna have some coffee afterwards. With said prostitute.

• 1:10:28Speaker 04

  My old college roommate, Tom Crowe.

• 1:10:31Conan O'Brien?

  Jesus. Who's that? He came out of nowhere.

• 1:10:33Speaker 04

  His sister.

• 1:10:33Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, what's your handle there, good buddy? Is this "Shut the fuck up"?

• 1:10:37Speaker 04

  Snowcap. Yeah, no. No, my old college roommate, Tom Crowe, his sister, her job is coordinating long-haul truckers. I can ask her how much of these are still in use today, because she talks to a lot of truckers.

• 1:10:49Conan O'Brien?

  That sounds good. Yeah, find out if there are a lot of truckers out there taking coffee breaks. And you know what this segment really wants? A follow-up segment.

• 1:10:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it screams follow-up.

• 1:10:57Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 1:10:57Conan O'Brien?

  And ask her about VacuSuck. Is that the actual name? Is that the actual name?

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

  From the guy who won't say masturbate. Okay.

• 1:11:05Conan O'Brien?

  No, I can't do it myself, but with machinery.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  God.

• 1:11:16Speaker 03

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:11:36Speaker 03

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:12:25Speaker 05

  Hey, it's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it.

• 1:12:45Speaker 06

  Oh, hey, man.

• 1:12:46Speaker 05

  Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life. By the glow. White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Seltzer Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:12:57Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right?

• 1:12:59Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:13:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka Seltzer Cold?

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 1:13:06Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that, David?

• 1:13:07Speaker 04

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 1:13:08Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 1:13:09Speaker 04

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 1:13:11Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this.

• 1:13:12Speaker 04

  Did you?

• 1:13:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've tried it, it's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka Seltzer Cold into the water.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  You do, yeah.

• 1:13:19Conan O'Brien?

  Alka Seltzer Cold Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief FAST! Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action, ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka Seltzer Cold, nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products. Use as directed.