Pod Insights Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend 2024 Memorable Moments: Conan, Sona, and Matt About this episode Sona and Matt look back at a collection of this year's most memorable moments from Conan's intros, outros, and ad reads on a special Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend.
For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.
Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.
Transcript 14,020 words · 8 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:02 Conan O'Brien? Now Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.
0:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:05 Conan O'Brien? Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.
0:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:08 Conan O'Brien? I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?
0:13 Speaker 01 A vase.
0:15 Conan O'Brien? No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.
0:17 Speaker 01 A jacket.
0:19 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.
0:20 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.
0:21 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.
0:23 Speaker 01 Aw man, I didn't know you were doing that.
0:25 Conan O'Brien? Well, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.
0:37 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:37 Conan O'Brien? Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place so you can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.
0:59 Speaker 02 Grainger knows if you're a procurement manager at an industrial manufacturing facility, you're balancing inventory and budget while sourcing critical supplies across the operation. Too much inventory? Costs climb. Too little? Production slows. Grainger's $2 billion in on-hand inventory helps you get what you need when you need it, so you can help keep budgets balanced and lines moving. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click Grainger.com, or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done.
1:52 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
1:55 Speaker 03 That was very official sounding.
1:57 Speaker 01 I know. I was trying to do, I was trying to channel Conan, who is not here today.
2:02 Speaker 03 That's right. Sona Ossessian has moved from second chair to first.
2:05 Speaker 01 I would move?
2:06 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:06 Speaker 01 You would move.
2:07 Speaker 03 What are you talking about?
2:08 Speaker 01 No, no, no. If, if, if he left, which he is not here, you would take over as like the guy.
2:15 Speaker 03 No, absolutely not.
2:16 Speaker 01 Yes, well, yes, okay. But anyway.
2:19 Speaker 03 It's not why we're here.
2:19 Speaker 01 Conan is not here because sadly, last week, his mom and his dad both passed away within days of each other. His dad, Dr. Thomas O'Brien, was 95. Conan was actually shooting overseas for his Max show. He came back to Brookline and then while he was there, his mom, Ruth Reardon O'Brien, died at 92. And today is actually her birthday.
2:42 Speaker 03 I didn't know that. No kidding.
2:44 Speaker 01 Yes, today is her birthday. And so you never got a chance to meet his parents.
2:48 Speaker 03 I never did, no.
2:49 Speaker 01 No, I, so, you know, I, I worked for him for a very long time. And his parents were very impressive, very remarkable people. In, in their fields, they were celebrities in their own right. His dad was a microbiologist. He retired at 90. And I'm hoping Conan will also retire at 90.
3:08 Speaker 03 Really? I think he's gone too far already.
3:10 Speaker 01 You do?
3:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:12 Speaker 01 No, I want to ride those coattails until the very end, don't you?
3:16 Speaker 03 Yes, of course.
3:16 Speaker 01 Just like wheeling in a, a decrepit Conan?
3:21 Speaker 01 To this studio? This is terrible. I'm so sorry. I'm like sweating because I'm, I have to talk about serious stuff. But, um, but yeah, his dad is a legend in his field. And his mother was actually one of the first graduates of Yale Law School. And she became a partner at her law firm when she had five kids.
3:39 Speaker 03 And like the second female to do so, right?
3:41 Speaker 01 Second female to do so. I mean, she was practicing law when there were like dining halls that women weren't allowed into. And so she would sit outside these dining halls and men would be inside. And she'd be sitting on her own little table outside. And she was like a partner in the, at the law firm. So it was like, they're just incredible people. It's a huge loss. Um, so Conan's with his family, all 800 of them.
4:02 Speaker 03 And he mentioned to us that he wanted us to do this and to set up the context as to why he's not here.
4:08 Speaker 01 Right.
4:09 Speaker 03 And be transparent about it, that he's with his family. And so we've cobbled together some of our favorite moments of the last year. So this first episode will be from the intros and segments, which you, Conan, and I do together. And then next week, there'll be an episode of some of our favorite moments from the various guests that have been on the show in 2024.
4:29 Speaker 01 Okay. I mean, I'm acting like I don't know what you're saying.
4:32 Speaker 03 You are.
4:32 Speaker 01 But we had a whole conversation before.
4:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, so why are you doing that?
4:35 Speaker 01 I don't know.
4:36 Speaker 03 You're thrown by having to be serious on Sirius XM. It's in the name.
4:41 Speaker 01 I know, I know, but it is a really sad thing. I mean, I've, you know, over the time working for Conan, I really got to know all of his family, all his siblings, his parents. They were always really nice. It's just a really hard thing to talk about. And I think that it's beautiful that they passed away within days of each other.
5:00 Speaker 03 It really is. It's, it's strikingly poignant in a way.
5:03 Speaker 01 I know, I know.
5:04 Speaker 03 And, you know, like you said, I haven't met his parents. He wouldn't allow that.
5:07 Speaker 01 He kept you away.
5:10 Speaker 03 We have been thinking about him a ton. And I saw my extended family and everybody yesterday at my extended family, people who he's never met, and he's met some of my extended family, was like, please tell him I'm thinking about him. Anyway.
5:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:22 Speaker 03 We are thinking about you, boss.
5:24 Speaker 01 Yes, yes, we are, we are. It's, it's a really hard time for him, but, you know, he's still Conan. He made fun of me this morning, so I think he's doing okay.
5:33 Speaker 03 I think his exact words were, the show must go on, but you guys have to do it.
5:37 Speaker 01 What a dick. We could still call him a dick.
5:42 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, it doesn't change.
5:43 Speaker 01 Even though he's not here.
5:44 Speaker 03 No, none of this changes that he's still a dick.
5:47 Speaker 01 A grieving dick is still a dick.
5:49 Speaker 03 Exactly.
5:50 Speaker 01 Yeah. I think that that's okay.
5:52 Speaker 03 A grieving dick is still a dick.
5:56 Speaker 03 Wiser words.
5:57 Speaker 01 Yes, and that's why I'll be delivering the eulogies. Oh my God, what am I doing?
6:03 Speaker 03 I can cut this.
6:03 Speaker 01 Why can't I do this normally?
6:05 Speaker 03 You can. In the end, it'll, it'll sound fine.
6:08 Speaker 01 Okay, all right, okay.
6:09 Speaker 03 Okay, so let's move on to our first clip. I think an all-timer, not just for 2024.
6:14 Speaker 01 Oh my God, this is one of my favorite things that ever happened to me.
6:17 Speaker 03 I agree. It's Conan makes a stranger take a selfie with him.
6:22 Speaker 04 I will say I have watched this with, over and over again, like once a week, I'll just go back and watch it.
6:27 Speaker 03 The schadenfreude that you love, with the feeling of Conan's, like, desirous ego being quashed.
6:34 Speaker 04 Story. It's told perfectly. It's so funny. It has payoff. It's just great.
6:39 Speaker 03 Okay, let's roll it.
6:45 Conan O'Brien? I have a tale to tell, and it's an embarrassing tale, and I think these are the ones you guys like.
6:50 Speaker 01 These are our favorites.
6:51 Conan O'Brien? This is a true story. I just flew in from Boston. I was seeing my family there. And I, you know, I check out my family. I check out my family. Hey, you guys are looking. Hey, Mom, Dad, you guys are looking good.
7:06 Speaker 03 Sexy nuclear unit.
7:09 Conan O'Brien? No, I was checking in on my family and seeing my, my, my fam, my sibs. And then I go to Logan Airport, and I'm going to take the flight from Boston to Los Angeles. And I am in the line, you know, you wait in the line to hand your stuff over, put it on the conveyor belt. So you're a little distracted, but I'm, you know, taking my belt off. They always say you can leave your belt on, but it always sets it off. So now I take everything off. I'm pretty much naked when I go through that thing.
7:40 Speaker 01 No.
7:41 Conan O'Brien? But I'm taking everything off. I'm putting it down into this bucket. And this very nice kid who's wearing a white sweater and he has glasses and dark hair. And he says, oh, hi, Conan, and he could not have been nicer. He said, um, your show means a lot to me, or your TV show meant a lot to me. Uh, I've listened to Conan O'Brien, uh, needs a friend all the time. He is Armenian. He introduces himself and I think he said his name was Armon. He could not have been nicer and he was talking about, he was very beautifully talking about what, what the work has meant to him and all that. And I just had like the nicest conversation with him and he was kind of holding his phone, but we were just about to go through whatever, the X-ray machine. And so he had to put his phone in and I was kind of thinking, I think he wanted to do
8:26 Conan O'Brien? a photo, but he didn't. Okay.
8:27 Speaker 01 Oh.
8:27 Conan O'Brien? Hold on, but anyway, we go through and I'm thinking, that guy was so nice. So then they, they want to look again at one of my bags. Uh, I think it's, you know, how many men travel with nine bottles of hairspray? So it was suspicious.
8:43 Conan O'Brien? And it's Aquanet, it's for old women. They don't even make it anymore.
8:46 Speaker 01 It was like a two day trip.
8:48 Conan O'Brien? It was a day and a half trip. And so, and it's all, not all for my, uh, for my hair, but anyway.
8:53 Speaker 01 Oh.
8:54 Conan O'Brien? No, as I'm saying, I inhale that stuff. It's an incredible high. Uh, shout out to Aquanet, but anyway, um, I get through and I get, got some of my stuff and I stand up and standing there, uh, white sweater, glasses, dark hair, uh, this guy, and I walk up to him and say, um, hey, let's do a selfie. And he said, um, okay.
9:23 Conan O'Brien? And he starts to fish around in his luggage for his camera. And I'm thinking, he was just holding his camera and he doesn't seem that interested. And what the fuck? That's weird. I thought I was being super nice because he said all those nice things. And he starts to pick it up and he goes, uh, okay. And I went and look at him and I go, wait a minute. Oh, no. It's not that guy. I just wa- I swear to God, I just. So this guy, who's just a guy who's wearing. And I look over and I see the other guy. Listen to me, I see. Listen to me, I'm not kidding, this, I swear to God, this is all exactly happened. I see the other guy.
10:07 Conan O'Brien? He's wearing a sweater that is practically identical. They look very similar and he's got glasses and I see him standing over at a post, holding his cellphone.
10:16 Speaker 03 And he's thinking, why wouldn't he take a selfie with me?
10:18 Conan O'Brien? And I'm looking at this guy and he goes, uh, okay. And he takes a selfie of us. And so look at it from his perspective. He's sitting there waiting for another relative, a girlfriend or whatever, to come through. And Conan O'Brien walks up and goes, hey, let's do a selfie.
10:37 Speaker 03 He must have thought you were insane.
10:40 Conan O'Brien? He thought I was fucking insane and so then I start to go, no, no, no. I thought, I thought you were him. And I'm pointing to the other guy. And the other guy isn't even looking at me at that point, he's looking at his phone because he just got a text. And there's no good explanation for why you would walk up to a stranger and say, hey. Hey buddy, let's get a selfie. You're gonna want this. You're gonna want this. So somewhere out there, there's a guy who isn't a fan.
11:07 Conan O'Brien? Doesn't care, maybe actively dislikes what I do. Came up to him and made him take a selfie. And I just, and so then I walk up to the other guy. And I said, I'm sorry, I thought he was you. And the other guy, I'm just, you know, there's no, now he just thinks, oh, so all non-celebrities look alike to you?
11:31 Speaker 03 No, I think what happened is there was no first guy and you just got a bad reaction from someone you wanted to take a selfie with. And this first guy is your like Fight Club Tyler Durden guy that gets you to do selfies.
11:42 Conan O'Brien? Nice, nice try, yes, that I see phantom people. No, I loved, it was so perfect and I, I don't have photos, but if I could show you a photo of what both of them were wearing, you would laugh because.
11:54 Speaker 03 Somewhere these selfies exist though.
11:55 Conan O'Brien? It's as if. It's as if a higher being, God, said, "This is gonna be really funny." "I'm sending down two people who look somewhat alike." "And they're both, uh, in a, and they're both wearing this very similar sweater." "And, uh, and like dark jeans, so whatever." "That, that happened."
12:14 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
12:15 Conan O'Brien? And I just keep thinking about this guy, just like, "Okay, where's, where's Sarah? I just gotta wait for Sarah to come through." "Hey, hey, let's take a selfie." "What do you, let's do it right now, come on, get the camera out."
12:26 Speaker 01 Like, you're doing him a favor.
12:28 Conan O'Brien? Like, "Hey buddy."
12:29 Speaker 01 And now I think that shows in you.
12:31 Conan O'Brien? Hey, guess what? Randomly, every hundredth person gets to win the ultimate lottery.
12:36 Speaker 03 You think you're about to be selected for improved security? No.
12:40 Conan O'Brien? No, you're getting a selfie with Conan O'Brien. "I'm sorry, and you do what?" Come on! Late night show, nineties, two thousands, NBC, TBS, come on, come on. Podcast, come on, come on, get the camera, let's do it.
12:56 Speaker 03 Incredible.
12:57 Conan O'Brien? That's a, that's a, that's just happened, that happened thirty-six hours ago, and I, I, the minute it happened, I said, "These exist, this is why I have the podcast, because this is fresh, this just happened." "Hey buddy, let's do it." "Get the camera out, let's get that selfie."
13:15 Speaker 01 I love that you said these two selfies still exist, but that guy probably just deleted it.
13:22 Speaker 03 He never took it.
13:24 Speaker 01 He was like, "Yeah, oh yeah, I took it."
13:26 Conan O'Brien? There you go. He, and you know what he said? He said, "Click."
13:31 Conan O'Brien? He said, "Click." And I was like, "I didn't think he pushed the phone." And then, I saw him walk up to a trash can and throw his iPhone away. And it was the new one. It's the new one with the funny new cord.
13:47 Speaker 03 Oh, man. That is true, that picture is probably out there somewhere.
13:52 Speaker 01 Yes.
13:53 Speaker 03 If, this person, like, has this never made its way back to that person? I want to see that photo so badly.
13:59 Speaker 01 Armon, it's me, it's so.
14:04 Speaker 01 He said he's Armenian, maybe he's my cousin or something. But um, yeah, just show us this picture. Wait, no, we don't want his picture. We don't want it with Arma. We want it with the other guy that he like went up to.
14:15 Conan O'Brien? I just love to see it.
14:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know, it's awesome. That was one of my favorite stories. Also, very sweet that he was visiting his parents, he said, in the beginning of that clip. And I do have to say, Conan visited his parents constantly. So, I mean, he was always, anytime he was on the East Coast, he stopped by Boston. So, it's sweet that he mentioned.
14:33 Conan O'Brien? He made them do selfies with him as well.
14:34 Speaker 01 I know.
14:37 Conan O'Brien? All right, this next segment is called Conan Tries Sona's Lip Gloss.
14:42 Speaker 01 We've had a few things with my chapsticks.
14:44 Conan O'Brien? This one is more recent, if it's the one I'm thinking of.
14:47 Speaker 01 Is this the one where I was, I like kept reapplying because it was really tasty?
14:51 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, and then he basically ate a whole tube of it.
14:53 Speaker 01 That's right.
14:54 Conan O'Brien? And I wouldn't touch the stuff.
14:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know, I mean, he stuck it in his mouth, I think. And yeah, he, I don't even know where that chapstick is. I actually think I may have thrown it away.
15:03 Conan O'Brien? I think he ate it all.
15:05 Speaker 01 Ew, oh god, that's gross.
15:12 Speaker 01 I'm a chronic lip moisturizer.
15:14 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, what's that all about?
15:15 Speaker 01 But the thing is, I got a new one. And I was like, this will be nice, because it's like a tube.
15:20 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
15:20 Speaker 01 And then it comes off, and then I, it tastes so good, I keep licking it off.
15:24 Conan O'Brien? So you're basically eating it? You're eating it. Sona! Can I see it? Can I take a look at it? Would you hand it to me?
15:30 Speaker 03 And will you say what you called it when she was putting it on?
15:32 Conan O'Brien? Oh, well, she kept putting it on, and I said, what is that? Say something stupid, Sona.
15:39 Conan O'Brien? Uh, because you sure are using it a lot. Uh, Gimme Some Lip, it's called. We're just giving these people a free plug.
15:46 Speaker 01 We are.
15:46 Conan O'Brien? Do you mind if I put it on right now? I promise.
15:48 Speaker 01 I don't mind, I really don't.
15:50 Conan O'Brien? Sore, I have a sore that appears monthly.
15:53 Speaker 01 Ew.
15:54 Conan O'Brien? Well, you knew that.
15:54 Speaker 01 Why are you looking at your hand? Are you gonna put on your hand? No, okay, on your lip.
15:57 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
15:58 Speaker 01 It tastes good, and also, it doesn't, it doesn't stay on that well. I have other stuff that kind of just like stays on.
16:05 Conan O'Brien? Oh my god, this tastes fantastic.
16:07 Speaker 01 That's what I'm saying, I keep eating it. And so, oh!
16:12 Conan O'Brien? This is delicious! I'm not kidding, it's delicious.
16:16 Speaker 03 Oh my god.
16:17 Speaker 01 Just keep it, yeah, you gotta keep it now. You have to keep that.
16:20 Conan O'Brien? No, I'll give it back to you.
16:21 Speaker 03 It's like he's just sucking on a... Gogurt.
16:25 Conan O'Brien? This is amazing. What's in it?
16:27 Speaker 03 Oh, God.
16:28 Conan O'Brien? Do not ingest.
16:30 Speaker 03 Oh.
16:31 Conan O'Brien? Now it's 40% less asbestos. This is incredible. This really does. I see now why you keep applying it because it's very delicious. You ever put it on the finger and then use the finger to apply?
16:41 Speaker 01 I don't. No, I just go straight from tube to mouth. But, um, but you're putting on a lot. Do you see what I mean?
16:48 Conan O'Brien? You know why I'm putting on a lot? I don't think I've ever moisturized my lips.
16:51 Speaker 01 Oh.
16:52 Conan O'Brien? Not once. Have you ever seen me moisturize my lips in all the years you've known me? I, I, do you moisturize your lips?
16:57 Speaker 03 I always have a chapstick with me.
16:58 Conan O'Brien? I never do. I don't, Eduardo.
17:01 Speaker 01 It's so.
17:01 Speaker 03 Never do it.
17:02 Conan O'Brien? It's foreign to me.
17:03 Speaker 01 It's just so shiny. Your lips are so shiny right now.
17:05 Conan O'Brien? They should be. That, you know what? Draw attention to the mouth, they always say.
17:08 Speaker 03 I've got two chapsticks with me for some reason.
17:10 Conan O'Brien? It's just weird, but why? Am I, I don't, I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, but Eduardo, back me up on this.
17:15 Speaker 04 I don't participate in that.
17:16 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I don't. I just think, well, we're in the world. We didn't, when we evolved from the great ape. Uh, he did not moisturize his lips.
17:26 Speaker 03 So then you don't need to use sunscreen?
17:29 Speaker 01 Oh.
17:29 Conan O'Brien? Okay. That's just, that's cruel. That's going after my disability.
17:34 Speaker 01 That is, that is, but you're, oh my God, you're putting on so much of it.
17:40 Speaker 03 Oh my God, this is disconcerting.
17:42 Speaker 01 But you know what the thing is? I, I laugh a lot and I smile a lot.
17:45 Conan O'Brien? See this on video.
17:46 Speaker 03 Don't. Don't zoom in, zoom in.
17:50 Speaker 01 Skip it.
17:50 Conan O'Brien? Help me. Help me.
17:53 Speaker 03 Oh my God, with your like five o'clock shadow.
17:56 Conan O'Brien? I'm over moisturized.
17:58 Speaker 03 God.
17:59 Speaker 01 Um. You should lube up. It feels good.
18:02 Conan O'Brien? What's that?
18:03 Speaker 04 What does it taste like?
18:04 Conan O'Brien? Try it. Go ahead. No, no, no, good. Oh, come on, it's fine. The sore, no, listen. The sore I get erupts once.
18:11 Speaker 01 Take it with your fingers.
18:13 Speaker 03 Don't even open it.
18:13 Conan O'Brien? Just try it, you coward. Put it on, Eduardo. Come on. Eduardo, I promise you.
18:17 Speaker 03 You're all talk, dude. You're all talk. Put it on.
18:20 Speaker 01 Don't be a little bitch, Eduardo.
18:22 Conan O'Brien? Just do it.
18:23 Speaker 03 Kiss Conan on the mouth? Come on.
18:24 Conan O'Brien? No, Eduardo, I'm telling you, I.
18:27 Speaker 04 What do I lick?
18:28 Conan O'Brien? Just lick it.
18:29 Speaker 01 It's for your lips.
18:30 Conan O'Brien? Put on your lips, but then lick your lips. Lick your lips.
18:32 Speaker 01 I mean, it has a tint.
18:33 Conan O'Brien? Eduardo, lick your lips.
18:35 Speaker 01 Good.
18:36 Speaker 03 Look at that. What's it taste like?
18:38 Speaker 04 I don't know.
18:40 Speaker 03 I've never used lip balm before.
18:42 Speaker 04 I don't know if this is what it normally.
18:43 Conan O'Brien? You know why? This is, this is why Eduardo's never been hired to do an infomercial.
18:48 Conan O'Brien? Try this amazing new product. What do you think, Eduardo?
18:50 Speaker 04 Uh, I don't really want to.
18:52 Conan O'Brien? Try it. No, Eduardo, it's the amazing new lip balm. Try it on your lips. I'll just put a tiny bit. But Eduardo, doesn't it feel good? I don't know.
19:04 Speaker 04 I didn't say it was bad. I just, you know.
19:07 Conan O'Brien? I didn't say it was bad. Oh, great. You heard it from Eduardo. He didn't say it was bad. Call 1-800-555-2525 and get your not-so-bad lip balm.
19:19 Conan O'Brien? What is your problem? It's delicious.
19:21 Speaker 01 It is really good.
19:21 Conan O'Brien? Seriously, you keep it. And don't worry about whatever sores I may have.
19:25 Speaker 01 I don't, I'm not, nobody puts it in their mouth. It's like, I don't want it after that.
19:29 Conan O'Brien? Why? What are you afraid of? Be honest.
19:31 Speaker 01 I don't want, your saliva is all over it now.
19:34 Conan O'Brien? What do you worry is on my-
19:36 Speaker 03 The visual is forever tied to that, too.
19:38 Speaker 01 I know. Of you like, rod, like, deep-throating my cactus.
19:42 Conan O'Brien? You say rod-dogging it?
19:44 Speaker 01 I said rod-dog, and I was like, that's not the right one. Then I changed it to deep-throating, which is what you were doing with this.
19:50 Conan O'Brien? I didn't deep-throat it. I know what deep-throating is.
19:52 Speaker 01 Yes.
19:52 Speaker 03 Well, you definitely fellated it.
19:58 Speaker 01 You blew my chat.
20:00 Conan O'Brien? I have never, ever fellated a penis that small. That I promise you. That's the Conan guarantee.
20:08 Speaker 03 With the lip gloss.
20:11 Conan O'Brien? You heard it here.
20:12 Speaker 03 Oh, God.
20:13 Conan O'Brien? I've never fellated a penis that small.
20:19 Speaker 03 Oh, God.
20:20 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
20:20 Speaker 03 And then we've come to find out, he did tell us after the recording, he has.
20:24 Speaker 01 He has, he has.
20:24 Speaker 03 That was not true.
20:26 Speaker 01 That had a, what did you, he's like, I don't participate in that. That made me laugh.
20:31 Speaker 03 What listeners would have never seen is that Adam's in the background, too, having never even been asked at this point whether he wants to try it, just shaking his head going, no.
20:40 Speaker 04 They made the rounds. I didn't even have to-
20:42 Speaker 03 By then, especially getting it as a fourth person.
20:44 Speaker 01 It did make the rounds.
20:45 Speaker 04 Conan's whole mouth was on that thing. I didn't, I didn't hear it.
20:48 Speaker 03 You and you have French kissed Conan over-
20:53 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
20:54 Speaker 04 Was it last year that he asked Julia Louis-Dreyfus to put on her lipstick?
20:59 Speaker 03 That's right.
20:59 Speaker 04 There's something-
21:00 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
21:00 Speaker 03 Something going on.
21:01 Speaker 01 Well, and he did- That remote in Texas when he was doing, was it Mary Kay? Where he put makeup, there's this insane image of him. And I think I've seen it in a gif, like someone's probably sent it to me. Where he looks like a crazy person peering through a window. And he's got like lipstick all over his face, right? Am I wrong?
21:20 Speaker 05 You're absolutely right.
21:21 Speaker 01 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:22 Speaker 05 And it haunts my dreams every night.
21:24 Speaker 03 I didn't even know the context of that. I've just seen that picture and it is harrowing.
21:28 Speaker 01 You should watch that remote he did. Where he meets with women who sell Mary Kay products. And it's, it's really, really funny.
21:36 Speaker 03 We don't even really talk about it on this show, but I've always been a Conan fan. And I've seen most of, if not all of these remotes at some time or another.
21:43 Speaker 01 Yes, yeah, yeah. His remotes, I think, are pretty legendary. And, you know, that one is a really funny one.
21:49 Speaker 03 I also, this has never come up on the show. I submitted a packet to be a writer on his show.
21:54 Speaker 01 You did?
21:55 Speaker 03 Cause I knew Todd Levin and he asked me.
21:57 Speaker 01 You're kidding?
21:57 Speaker 03 We've never talked about it on the show.
21:59 Speaker 01 Girls, you would have been a really good writer on that, on the show. Cause you just have like such a similar sensibility.
22:04 Speaker 03 Well, I didn't get hired, so I don't.
22:07 Speaker 01 You know what? Sweeney's here. We should just ask him why he never hired you.
22:10 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. Let's, let's go straight to the source.
22:20 Conan O'Brien? You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?
22:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, I love awards.
22:23 Conan O'Brien? Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.
22:37 Speaker 01 Nice.
22:38 Conan O'Brien? Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.
22:46 Speaker 01 I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.
22:51 Conan O'Brien? I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?
23:10 Speaker 01 Hello?
23:11 Conan O'Brien? They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space with available, I had this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details. Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything. Like, I feel that way about my name.
23:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:50 Conan O'Brien? It stands for all of the work, good and not so good in my life. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.
23:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:59 Conan O'Brien? Your children haven't even started building their futures, but their identities are already valuable. Your child's clean credit history can make them a target for identity thieves. Never thought of it that way, but it's true. Identity thieves can open loans and credit cards using your child's social security number, racking up debt and ruining their credit, and you may not notice until they try and get their first credit card. So it could be a long time.
24:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:21 Conan O'Brien? Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now, Sonya, your kids are pretty young still.
24:30 Speaker 01 They are.
24:30 Conan O'Brien? Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online.
24:36 Speaker 01 What?
24:37 Conan O'Brien? They're gonna be, become tractor fanatics. They're gonna be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply. Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sonya? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?
25:04 Speaker 01 My kids.
25:05 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
25:05 Speaker 01 Or Oki.
25:06 Conan O'Brien? You gotta get them your stuff.
25:06 Speaker 01 Or my dog.
25:07 Conan O'Brien? And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that. You smell that, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?
25:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:17 Conan O'Brien? And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey.
25:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:22 Conan O'Brien? Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want even this early in the season. So get ahead to the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.
25:56 Speaker 03 This next one, oh boy, Sona, this is called Sona is a Bad Grandchild.
26:00 Speaker 01 I don't want to do this one. I listen, recently my mom, after we watch this clip, you'll understand this more. I mean.
26:06 Speaker 03 I love it. I don't want to do this one, but after we watch the clip.
26:08 Speaker 01 I know. I so want to do this one because my mom did come up to me and she's like, you need to tell everybody what a great woman your great grandma was because I made her sound like a crazy witch.
26:18 Speaker 03 I'm sorry, we don't have time for that. No, go ahead. This is the time.
26:22 Speaker 01 She was. My great grandma, who I made, used to make cry just for funsies, was actually a really incredible human being and, you know, I, I, okay.
26:33 Speaker 03 So your mom has seen this?
26:35 Speaker 01 She has. I don't even know how. She never talks to me about like, hey, I saw you talk about this thing on the podcast. It's just like every once in a while she brings it up. So I don't know if someone sent it to her or if she just watches it and just doesn't want to talk to me about the things that I say.
26:52 Speaker 03 Wow.
26:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, which that could possibly be the second one because she doesn't like some of the things I talk about.
26:58 Speaker 03 Okay, roll it.
27:05 Conan O'Brien? Sona, you lived with?
27:06 Speaker 01 Oh, my, yeah.
27:07 Conan O'Brien? Your grandparents.
27:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they both lived into their 90s.
27:11 Conan O'Brien? Into their 90s?
27:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:12 Conan O'Brien? And they came from?
27:14 Speaker 01 They came from Istanbul.
27:15 Conan O'Brien? Yep.
27:16 Speaker 01 And I mean, my, my grandpa started, he was a butcher when he was 12. Like, they just put him to work really early.
27:23 Conan O'Brien? Right.
27:23 Speaker 01 So it's like the idea that you are trusting a 12 year old with slaughtering animals is, just feels like a completely different world.
27:32 Conan O'Brien? But also just the fact that then they come to this country and they're living with you and it's, you're going out to In-N-Out.
27:41 Conan O'Brien? Out to grab a burger.
27:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:42 Conan O'Brien? And whatever else you're up to. It's just this amazing clash of cultures. I find that stuff fascinating.
27:47 Speaker 01 Well, my great grandma also lived with us and she was old as shit. She was really old.
27:52 Conan O'Brien? You don't say old as shit.
27:54 Speaker 01 She was really, really old. And I remember she was this old wrinkly lady and I was really young. I was maybe like 10. And my mom's like, she's gonna sleep in your room. And I, that, it, from then on, I was terrified of the dark because I thought she was like a old witch lady. And she was just like-
28:10 Conan O'Brien? Wait, when you say she was, what did you say? Old as shit?
28:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:13 Conan O'Brien? How old is old as shit?
28:14 Speaker 01 She was, I mean, when I was 10, she was like 95.
28:18 Conan O'Brien? Because there are young comedians out there that now see me and go, you're old as shit. So it's all, it's all relative.
28:25 Speaker 01 That's right. I was 10 and she was 60.
28:27 Conan O'Brien? No, no, seriously, how old do you think she was?
28:29 Speaker 01 She was 95, yeah. But she was like an old wrinkly lady and I was young and I was like, why is this old person in my room? And I, I got terrified of the dark.
28:37 Conan O'Brien? You're like an awful grandchild.
28:39 Speaker 01 I was really bad.
28:40 Conan O'Brien? I love this, like, oh, and wrinkled? Why is that in my room?
28:43 Speaker 01 I have, we did something else. I don't want to, I shouldn't bring it.
28:47 Conan O'Brien? Well, we got it now.
28:48 Speaker 01 This is really bad. So she had a son who passed away that no one told her passed away. And then my uncle, who was still in Istanbul. And we'd hold up two fingers and be like, Menzies, you know, touch one of them. And we would, she would touch them and be like, oh, that's, you know, Bedjo Dadi, who was my uncle. And she'd just instantly start crying. And we thought it was so funny.
29:09 Conan O'Brien? What was happening here?
29:10 Speaker 01 Because we kept reminding her of these people she hadn't seen in a long time. And we'd instantly make her cry. And Danny and I were like, let's go make Menzies cry.
29:19 Conan O'Brien? Oh, my God, you're a, you're a monster. You're a sociopath. How is that?
29:24 Speaker 01 We were just fascinated with her instant, like, sadness.
29:27 Speaker 03 I thought you were the true sociopath, but it's you on the road.
29:30 Speaker 01 It was messed up.
29:32 Conan O'Brien? No, no, no, I, to be fair, I did it to my grandmother, Madi, too. I used to go, remember that? That beloved one that perished? It was fun. We used to call it, it was the old fun, we called it the parish game. Hey, let's go play parish. And we'd go into Madi's room. Remember the one you loved who perished?
29:53 Conan O'Brien? Look at that. Waterworks. You're an awful, awful person.
29:58 Speaker 01 No, no joke, that was really bad.
29:59 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, you're a bad person.
30:00 Speaker 01 It was bad. We would make her laugh just for fun.
30:02 Conan O'Brien? All right, well, listen, let's have some good come from this.
30:04 Speaker 03 You don't need to clarify no joke. We know that it's bad.
30:06 Speaker 01 We would make her cry just for fun.
30:07 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, yeah, I know.
30:07 Speaker 01 Because we were terrible people.
30:08 Conan O'Brien? Let's have some good come out of this. If you're listening right now and you're tempted to go mock a very, very old relative by reminding them of someone they lost long ago, think twice.
30:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:22 Conan O'Brien? That's a little word from Conan O'Brien. Needs a friend.
30:29 Speaker 03 What if one day your great grandchildren come up to you and you're old and wrinkly and sleeping in their bedroom?
30:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:36 Speaker 03 And start doing this to you? Will you laugh?
30:40 Speaker 01 I'll be so old. Look, I think,
30:46 Speaker 01 did you ever do anything when you were younger where you're like, that's a shitty thing? Like, I used to egg houses and now I'm like, that's not cool.
30:52 Speaker 03 We would play, did you ever play Dead Man?
30:54 Speaker 01 No.
30:55 Speaker 03 Where you'd lie half in the street, half on the curb, like you're dead, and wait for a car to drive by and stop and go like, are you okay? And all the other kids are hiding in the bushes listening.
31:05 Speaker 01 No!
31:05 Speaker 03 And you just go, I'm just looking at the stars.
31:09 Speaker 01 Matt, really?
31:10 Speaker 03 Don't act so surprised. That's nowhere near what you did.
31:13 Speaker 01 That is a horrible thing you used to do.
31:14 Speaker 03 No.
31:15 Speaker 01 That is so bad. Look, my mom unfortunately saw this clip. My mom, that was, that's my mom's grandma, Medzek. She's my great grandma. She was an incredible woman. I can't believe I called her old as shit. And I think that that's a terrible word usage that I had, but I, she was an incredible, incredible lady. I do feel bad. I think I just kind of said it in a flippant way, but I do feel bad that I used to make her cry just for fun, which is an awful thing to do.
31:44 Speaker 03 How old were you?
31:45 Speaker 01 I was like, I think I was around 10 or 11, and it is-
31:48 Speaker 03 So definitely old enough to know better.
31:49 Speaker 01 It is, you know what? That's the thing. I was, I was old enough to know better.
31:53 Speaker 03 I think people are hearing you, your true self right now.
31:56 Speaker 01 Yes. I do think, like, the older I get too, the more I realize I can cry very easily. So I think that we were just kind of like, look at her, have emotions, just from us saying a name. And I feel like now as a, you know, a human, I would be like, I shouldn't do that.
32:13 Speaker 03 It's kind of true. Most kids are sociopaths and then you learn empathy as you have trauma.
32:19 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
32:22 Speaker 03 Again, don't act so shocked.
32:26 Speaker 01 Look, if there's any 10 or 11 year olds listening and you have a great grandma who can cry very easily, like, just don't do it. Okay.
32:34 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
32:34 Speaker 01 Now we cleared that up. Oh geez, that was hard to watch. That was hard to watch.
32:39 Speaker 03 It's hard to be a partner sometimes.
32:45 Speaker 03 This next one is Conan's Hot Ones recap. This was quite a moment in the pop culture in last year. And then we got to have Conan just kind of recap his experience on Hot Ones where he broke the system.
32:57 Speaker 01 I, I don't even, like, this is, this was a fun moment for our podcast, but the Hot Ones episode, I think in terms of Conan's career, was probably one of the most unhinged, just funniest things I think I've ever seen him do.
33:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:14 Speaker 01 But yeah, it was really, I mean, it was incredible how many people were talking about him after that. And so, yeah, this one, this one's really funny.
33:22 Speaker 03 Let's listen.
33:28 Speaker 01 How are you?
33:29 Conan O'Brien? I'm doing great.
33:29 Speaker 01 Are you?
33:30 Conan O'Brien? I am.
33:31 Speaker 01 Okay.
33:31 Conan O'Brien? A lot of people are asking me, how do I feel?
33:33 Speaker 01 Cause you, you ate, you ate a lot of spicy food on Hot Ones.
33:37 Conan O'Brien? Yes, I went on the show Hot Ones. And I did not, I was aware of the show, obviously. It's a very successful show. I hadn't really, can't say I was an expert on the show. I went in thinking, well, whatever happens, I just have to eat all the wings. And, and just go for it and make a fool of myself. And so that's, I kind of had that plan in mind, but didn't know much beyond that. The host, very good, excellent. I like that guy a lot. He's a very good interviewer.
34:09 Speaker 01 He is.
34:09 Conan O'Brien? He's a really good interviewer and, and they do a really good job on that show. So Sean's asking me questions and I was just determined to just keep stuffing these wings in no matter what. And then, of course, me being me, I start drinking the sauce.
34:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:22 Conan O'Brien? And rubbing it around on my face and my chest and everything and. The whole, and I've, so when I walk around now, because a lot of people have seen this, people keep asking me if I'm okay.
34:34 Speaker 03 I wondered the same thing. Well, I also just watched Conan Must Go, which is fantastic, by the way. And in Thailand, you get pretty floored, albeit comedy.
34:42 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
34:42 Speaker 03 Comedically by some sauce. So I thought you're gonna go down when I see Hot Ones.
34:47 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. Uh, no, well, we played that up for comedy and then, uh, and, and, and you're allowed to, in the, in a sketch world, or comedy world, you can fake things a little bit.
34:58 Speaker 03 I'm aware of.
34:58 Conan O'Brien? Yes.
34:59 Speaker 01 Is that how comedy works?
35:00 Speaker 03 Comedy works, really?
35:01 Conan O'Brien? I really, when I look at you two, I think an explanation might be in order.
35:06 Speaker 03 So what's the deal? Do you not have taste buds or something? How, how did you do that?
35:10 Speaker 01 I have never seen you eat spicy food.
35:12 Conan O'Brien? I don't eat spicy food.
35:13 Speaker 01 I hear, you know, there's people who like put Tabasco or Tapatio on stuff. I've, I've had so many meals with you and I've never seen you eat spicy food.
35:21 Speaker 03 I have a theory. It's that the only thing worse than that amount of thermal spice would be you not somehow getting the attention that eating all of that would give you.
35:31 Conan O'Brien? Yes. And all joking aside, and also I've had a bunch of people posit that, uh, I have the red haired gene, which is, um, there's a, you know, when I go to the dentist and they give me Novocain, they then go to drill and it's like, I haven't had Novocain. And I'm always saying, I, I feel everything right now. And they, and they always say, oh yeah, you're a redhead. I don't know if that's, but I've had many dentists say that to me and they keep, they give me a lot more. And they say the redheads have, uh, whatever, higher pain threshold or something. I don't know what it is.
36:03 Speaker 03 Meaning you feel less pain, you feel more pain?
36:06 Conan O'Brien? I don't, you don't, well, you don't feel, I don't know, I don't know exactly how it works. And I'm just freewheeling here. I just know what I've been told by people. I don't think it's it. I think you have it, Matt, which is, I've always been, if I think something will be funny, I'll do it and deal with it later.
36:23 Speaker 03 And did you?
36:24 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I did deal with it later. I, I was dealt with later.
36:28 Speaker 03 How did it manifest itself?
36:29 Conan O'Brien? Um, I've, I've spot welded an iron, I spot welded it.
36:35 Speaker 01 We're all thinking the same thing.
36:36 Conan O'Brien? I spot welded, I went to, I went, I wanted it to be useful.
36:39 Speaker 03 And how much did you shit?
36:40 Speaker 01 How much did your butt hurt?
36:44 Conan O'Brien? Here's what I decided to do.
36:46 Speaker 03 And do your butt taste butt?
36:48 Conan O'Brien? Here's what I decided to do. I decided that I wanted, after I ingested all that, I wanted it to be useful. So I found a construction site where they were doing spot welding. And I went there. And I said, gentlemen, if you want, I can weld these girders for you in about, I'm guessing about 15 minutes. You'll need to avert your eyes because I'll be dropping my pants. And, um, they said, uh, okay. And I said, I will need someone to stay behind and light it. And then we'll be all set to go. So there's a building in the mid-Wilshire district that's going up. And I, um, I think I did about 65 rivets
37:33 Conan O'Brien? in the building. And people were driving by saying, Conan O'Brien his pants are around his ankles. And I think fire is shooting out of his ass and he's welding a building. And here's the biggest problem. I had to join the union.
37:51 Conan O'Brien? But that way, everybody wins. There's a building and trust me, that section of the building will never fall. That's it. That's the best. And they've had an engineer say, whoever did this, these are heat temperatures we've never seen.
38:05 Speaker 01 So every time you're gonna weld something, you just have to eat a lot of hot wings?
38:09 Conan O'Brien? Yes, I'm in the union now. And all I have to do is I've got all the sauces from Hot Ones.
38:14 Speaker 03 You are the saddest X-Men ever.
38:17 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
38:19 Conan O'Brien? Meet the X-Men.
38:21 Speaker 03 Really? He's on the X-Men? What do we do with him?
38:23 Conan O'Brien? His name's Ass Weld.
38:27 Conan O'Brien? What's this super? And I just, and you know what it is? I have a bandolier and instead of, instead of ammunition, it's just sauces.
38:36 Conan O'Brien? And they're like, what are we gonna do? How are we gonna get out of this? The bad guys have sealed us in this lead safe. Hold on a second.
38:50 Speaker 01 To pull your pants down?
38:52 Speaker 05 You have to pull your pants down.
38:53 Speaker 01 Does your uniform have a compartment?
38:55 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah, the uniform has, and-
38:57 Speaker 03 Like a Union suit, a little thing, little flap you-
39:00 Speaker 05 Well, it's actually, it's a very tiny flap that's the exact circumference of an anus. It's a tiny circle that unflaps. And then just a beam of the whitest light you've ever seen comes out.
39:11 Speaker 03 Of phosphorus.
39:12 Speaker 05 Of phosphorus, yeah. And, um, and everyone has to put on welding goggles.
39:18 Speaker 03 Oh, God.
39:21 Speaker 03 Do you see what I'm doing? I'm raising my ass out of the chair. Because I feel like I'm just having psychosomatic symptoms of that or something.
39:30 Speaker 01 You know what? I think you asked the question everybody was thinking after Hot Ones, which is like-
39:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:35 Speaker 01 Had it come out?
39:36 Speaker 03 Right. He joked, but we don't really know.
39:39 Speaker 01 I know.
39:39 Speaker 03 Maybe that's true, you know, maybe.
39:41 Speaker 01 Maybe it's true that he welded a building-
39:44 Speaker 03 Maybe.
39:45 Speaker 01 With his butt.
39:47 Speaker 05 The reason why I love that clip is that I think more than most clips shows how good Conan is at improv. I mean, he took basically a thing of like, yeah, my stomach is upset and my butt was burning and turned it into like a movie. Like that, like it was like a three act structure.
40:06 Speaker 03 A character, a fully developed character.
40:08 Speaker 05 That's right.
40:08 Speaker 03 That had to join the Union.
40:09 Speaker 05 Exactly. I mean, just so many amazing, I mean, truly, it was just like a one man show. So that's-
40:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, and how many welding terms he just randomly just pulled out of his ass.
40:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:20 Speaker 01 Pun intended.
40:21 Speaker 03 Well done.
40:22 Speaker 01 Thank you. I have to say, I, I haven't watched these since we recorded them.
40:27 Speaker 03 Me either.
40:28 Speaker 01 But, so it's, this is really fun.
40:30 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:31 Speaker 01 We should do this more often.
40:32 Speaker 03 I agree.
40:32 Speaker 01 Just watch ourselves.
40:34 Speaker 03 You want to come over later and watch me?
40:37 Speaker 01 Watch you?
40:37 Speaker 03 Just me.
40:39 Speaker 01 You edited yourself out of every video and there's just a big, gory video out there.
40:45 Speaker 04 We knew we wanted to have like some reference to Hot Ones, you know, in this because that, like you said, such a big moment. What we couldn't really fit into this episode was the Dr. Arroyo special.
40:55 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
40:56 Speaker 03 Which was also- Because it's just so long, right?
40:58 Speaker 04 So long.
40:59 Speaker 03 But it's consistently funny.
41:00 Speaker 04 And it contains what I think might be the funniest line of the year on this podcast, which is when he says, "Dr. Arroyo, I want you to come and take my pulse."
41:09 Speaker 01 Yes.
41:09 Speaker 04 And then he started choking me. And then Dr. Arroyo, Jose Arroyo, hilarious writer, says, "I thought you wanted me to take your pulse."
41:16 Speaker 03 Take your pulse.
41:17 Speaker 04 Yeah, take your pulse. Take it away.
41:19 Speaker 03 Oh, God, that guy.
41:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:21 Speaker 03 It's so funny. Well, as brilliant as Conan is at improv, he's not a great arm wrestler.
41:28 Speaker 01 He's weak.
41:30 Speaker 01 He's a weak little man.
41:31 Conan O'Brien? This also, I think, out of maybe all the segments we've done this year, is the most chaotic.
41:37 Speaker 03 I'm trying to remember. All I can remember from this is utter victory. That's the only thing I remember. So I'm excited to see this.
41:45 Conan O'Brien? Then you're in for a treat.
41:46 Speaker 01 Did you really think he would ever beat you? I knew you were gonna win.
41:49 Speaker 03 Did you really?
41:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:50 Speaker 03 I don't know. I don't know because he is, I don't know about his physicality, but he has a willpower like no human I've ever met before. So sometimes that's all you need, you know?
42:00 Speaker 01 But I also, he's, he is a very strong person too. I mean, he works out. But I also know that he would put too much thought into it.
42:07 Speaker 03 Oh, interesting.
42:07 Speaker 01 And he'd be like in his own head.
42:09 Speaker 03 Where I'm just all animal magnetism.
42:11 Speaker 01 You're just a dumb jock. And you're like, fuck you, arm wrestler. Yeah, let's do it.
42:16 Speaker 03 And then I went home to my cheerleaders.
42:20 Speaker 01 Classic Matt.
42:21 Speaker 03 Classic. All right. Let's roll this. I want to see this. Maybe we'll watch it twice.
42:32 Conan O'Brien? This is what we were just talking about. I made a declaration that I'm pretty sure I could take anybody in this room in a physical fight, except I said Blay. I don't think I could take you because you work out all the time.
42:43 Speaker 04 Thank you very much.
42:44 Speaker 01 You could.
42:44 Conan O'Brien? I don't think I could. But, and then everyone started to get into it like, no, you couldn't. You couldn't take Eduardo.
42:50 Speaker 04 But you said more than that.
42:52 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:52 Speaker 04 You said I'd fight you without my hands.
42:54 Conan O'Brien? Yes. Well, I know that you're a huge.
42:56 Speaker 03 And I still think he'd win.
42:57 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. No, I think you're a huge, you're a huge soccer fan. You love Lionel Messi.
43:01 Speaker 04 Uh huh.
43:02 Conan O'Brien? It's Leonel, by the way. And I just think you're probably like, in the back of your mind, think I can't use my hands. I've got to get him with my feet. And then I just lay you out, you know? And then Adam, I'm sorry, but I just, it would be over very quickly.
43:16 Speaker 03 I disagree.
43:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:18 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
43:18 Speaker 03 I think Adam's the quiet prizefighter, you know?
43:22 Conan O'Brien? Have you been in many physical fights?
43:24 Speaker 04 Very few.
43:27 Conan O'Brien? Very few. Very few say.
43:30 Speaker 04 Sona, I think rightfully said that she couldn't see me getting, like, working up enough rage.
43:35 Conan O'Brien? I don't, yeah, I think, first of all, you remind me, and the listeners probably thinking, well, we can't picture this Adam Sacks. Imagine a milder Michael Sarah. Is that fair? Like, even milder and not as strong.
43:52 Speaker 03 I don't know.
43:53 Conan O'Brien? Like, Michael Sarah is, like, on steroids compared to...
43:56 Speaker 03 No, Adam's tall and lit.
43:58 Speaker 04 I think, do you want to arm wrestle across the table?
44:00 Conan O'Brien? Oh, yes.
44:03 Speaker 03 Come on.
44:04 Conan O'Brien? No, I can't. This rotator cuff.
44:06 Speaker 03 Oh, really? I'd like to see this. My money's on this guy right here.
44:09 Conan O'Brien? Well, wait a minute. Whoever wins an arm wrestling struggle does not win the fight.
44:14 Speaker 04 No, it is a one indicator of strength. It doesn't mean I would beat you in a fight, but it would, it means I'd beat you in a single, you know, feat of strength.
44:23 Conan O'Brien? Well, this thing's in the way.
44:25 Speaker 03 No.
44:26 Conan O'Brien? But listen, let's keep the conversation going for a bit first, okay? And then we'll see if this so-called test of fighting aptitude gets us there. You know, so every time you're in a stressful situation, or let's say you're walking down the street with your wife and some thug stands in the way and says, "Give me your money." You're gonna say, "We'll arm wrestle and see who gets my gold." Is that what you'll say?
44:48 Speaker 04 It's, I mean, it came to mind. We can figure out other ways to test.
44:51 Conan O'Brien? How about, "I fight you. I fight you." But you're mind folded. I mean, I'm...
44:55 Speaker 04 You can't do that, you know, mic'd up. It's easier to sit at the table.
44:58 Conan O'Brien? And what about, now, Matt, when you see me, when you see you coming after me, I know you're ageist and stuff, but come on. I mean, look at, look at this guy.
45:05 Speaker 03 No, you look great. You're super fit for your age. And I want to say this. The only thing I've got going in my corner is a desperate need to prove something to you, my father figure.
45:16 Conan O'Brien? Yes.
45:17 Speaker 03 And so that might be enough to take me over the top.
45:19 Conan O'Brien? Also, I'm betting, just because I know you got a lot of flea markets and you love to buy weird things, I bet you have a Flemish suit of armor at home.
45:25 Speaker 03 And probably some kind of antique brass knuckle.
45:28 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
45:29 Speaker 03 Umbrella with that knife cane, you know?
45:31 Conan O'Brien? You have all kinds of weapons, ironically. I bet you have those.
45:34 Speaker 03 What's an ironic?
45:36 Conan O'Brien? Like a bumber shoot that has a little.
45:38 Speaker 03 That's what I just said.
45:39 Conan O'Brien? A little knife that comes out.
45:40 Speaker 03 That's what I literally just said.
45:41 Conan O'Brien? I know, but it comes out, but one that has like a James Bond.
45:44 Speaker 03 What I just said.
45:45 Conan O'Brien? You didn't say one that has a little knife that comes out, did you?
45:47 Speaker 03 I did.
45:48 Conan O'Brien? Did he say that? Oh, I think I would lose this fight. I wouldn't even know I was in a fight. I'm telling you, um, as my body grows stronger and it does every day, ladies, um, I think my mind is going. I didn't hear you say that, but then again, I was yelling at you and I wasn't really listening.
46:02 Speaker 03 You need your mind. You know, you can't just be fleet of foot. You need your mind in a fight, you know?
46:06 Speaker 01 Yeah. And coordination. You have no coordination. You have no coordination.
46:11 Speaker 03 Get to the bigger thing and I think Sona could take you.
46:13 Speaker 01 I can easily take you and you know I can take you.
46:16 Conan O'Brien? You know, I do have the rage. I will say this. An angry Sona beats everyone in this room.
46:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think we're all agreed.
46:22 Conan O'Brien? And I've seen you when your blood is up.
46:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:24 Conan O'Brien? And you are the Khaleesi. It's, it's insane. The dragons, the whole thing. You're just.
46:29 Speaker 01 But you don't have, you, yes, you are a strong person.
46:32 Conan O'Brien? And I have, I have a lot of inner rage.
46:33 Speaker 03 Oh, for sure.
46:34 Speaker 01 But you also, you don't have very much coordination and I think you'd be doing a lot of bits.
46:39 Conan O'Brien? I would do bits.
46:39 Speaker 01 Putting the pen and be like, oh, a mustache pen.
46:42 Conan O'Brien? Yes, yes. I would do bits as I fought, which I think is very impressive. Uh, I manage to do bits when I fight people.
46:49 Speaker 01 I don't think that is impressive and I think you'd get beaten, beaten up.
46:52 Speaker 03 Unless it's a distracting tactic.
46:54 Conan O'Brien? Oh, it wouldn't be distracting. It's a lot of me using glasses. If I have a pen, I make it a mustache or I make it, like, oh, I'm the walrus with one, with one, with one tusk. I'm the walrus with one tusk, you know?
47:07 Speaker 03 There's only one way to decide this and that is right now.
47:09 Speaker 01 Fight club.
47:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
47:10 Conan O'Brien? Battle royale, the six of us.
47:12 Speaker 04 Why don't you guys go right now?
47:13 Conan O'Brien? Okay, so, Jesus. What, what are you doing? Trying to swing at you.
47:17 Speaker 01 Already I feel like, I don't know anything about arm wrestling technique, but I could tell it's not right.
47:21 Conan O'Brien? I know nothing about arm wrestling.
47:22 Speaker 01 All right.
47:23 Conan O'Brien? And I don't think it's a chest of strength.
47:24 Speaker 04 All right, on your mark.
47:25 Conan O'Brien? And we, we hold these hands?
47:26 Speaker 04 Ready?
47:27 Speaker 01 Wait, what are you doing?
47:28 Speaker 04 Hold the bottom hand.
47:29 Conan O'Brien? No, hey, trying to say something? Matt reached over and held my other hand.
47:33 Speaker 03 This is over the top rules. If we don't have the little joysticks.
47:36 Conan O'Brien? Wait, what? But why did you hold my hand?
47:38 Speaker 03 This is what you do.
47:39 Conan O'Brien? Hey, do you want to get one milkshake and two straws? Hey, how about we both, we both start on different ends of a strand of spaghetti and move our way to the middle.
47:48 Speaker 03 Have you people never arm wrestled with someone you loved dearly and wanted to get closer to?
47:53 Conan O'Brien? Can I say something else? Sona, give me your hand. He held my hand and he did a little bit of that. It was a little bit of a rub.
47:59 Speaker 03 No.
47:59 Speaker 01 Why are you doing it?
48:01 Speaker 03 You do this?
48:02 Speaker 01 No, that's on the side. That's not in the middle. That's on the side.
48:06 Speaker 04 There's nowhere for your arm to go. That's blocking that.
48:08 Conan O'Brien? A disagreement has broken out in chess club is what's happening.
48:11 Speaker 01 This is the weirdest. I have never seen this technique.
48:14 Conan O'Brien? My microphone is over here.
48:15 Speaker 03 What are you doing with this hand?
48:17 Speaker 01 I have never seen this technique before.
48:19 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. When?
48:21 Speaker 03 Okay, but.
48:21 Conan O'Brien? Ah, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. He's, wait a minute. You're on this side of the table pushing that way.
48:28 Speaker 03 What the fuck did you do?
48:29 Conan O'Brien? Push that way. Gourley won easily. No, but you saw what he did.
48:33 Speaker 03 Oh, let's do it.
48:34 Conan O'Brien? You're on like this side of the table. There's no way.
48:36 Speaker 03 Well, let's switch places then, like.
48:38 Conan O'Brien? Arm wrestling. No, just stay there, but get here.
48:43 Speaker 04 Here we go. Ready?
48:44 Conan O'Brien? Yep.
48:45 Speaker 03 Wait, wait, no.
48:46 Conan O'Brien? When?
48:47 Speaker 04 When?
48:50 Speaker 04 One to one.
48:51 Conan O'Brien? One to one.
48:52 Speaker 04 One to one.
48:53 Speaker 03 Hold his other hand, Sona.
48:54 Speaker 01 I'm not doing shit.
48:55 Conan O'Brien? And go.
48:59 Speaker 05 Lift down his arm.
49:00 Conan O'Brien? Oh, wait. You okay? What happened? What the fuck's wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you arm wrestle?
49:11 Speaker 03 Oh my God, look at that. He, he broke my skin.
49:14 Speaker 05 Dapped him with a pen.
49:15 Conan O'Brien? Here's the thing.
49:16 Speaker 03 Dirty. You're the little poison tipped umbrella.
49:19 Conan O'Brien? Look, when I said I would win, what I'm telling you is I would win. I would use anything in the room to win.
49:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, you know what? You would. I think you would. I think you're the best like cheater.
49:30 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:30 Conan O'Brien? I don't call it cheating. Is it cheating?
49:34 Speaker 05 When Jason Bourne uses he uses something in the kitchen when the Russian attacks him and beats him.
49:41 Speaker 03 I just want to say, he does use a pen, but he uses the pointy nib and you just took like the blunt curvy end.
49:48 Speaker 05 Because I didn't.
49:50 Speaker 03 Look at that.
49:50 Speaker 05 Matt, I didn't want to hurt you. Do you realize if I'd use the sharp? I thought about that.
49:55 Speaker 03 You did. You could have killed me.
49:57 Speaker 05 I would like, my dream is that all of you attack me at once.
50:02 Speaker 03 That's my dream too.
50:03 Speaker 01 Okay, I think we all, I think we all have the same dream.
50:09 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
50:12 Speaker 03 Still feels good after all this time.
50:14 Speaker 04 Part two, yeah.
50:15 Speaker 01 That really was.
50:17 Speaker 04 Yeah, no, I will. I forgot how much he went after. He just totally dismissed.
50:20 Speaker 03 I think we need to have a tournament. Like, have you guys ever seen Over the Top, the Stallone movie? And that's what I'm talking about when I reference those joysticks, when you do professional arm wrestling. And so when you're doing it at truck stops, like I often am, you have to grab each other's hands underneath. That's how you do it. I defend this and there are people online that will come to my defense on this.
50:38 Speaker 01 I think the interesting thing was you just assumed Conan knew that.
50:41 Speaker 03 That's true.
50:42 Speaker 01 So that you like went to hold his hand and he just didn't understand what you were, I think, no, no, nobody did. I think we were all like, why are you?
50:50 Speaker 03 Really?
50:51 Speaker 04 Yes.
50:51 Speaker 03 You guys gotta get out, you know?
50:53 Speaker 01 To truck stops?
50:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, truck stops and dive bars and honky tonks.
50:57 Speaker 05 It's like a switch.
50:58 Speaker 03 Exactly, yes.
50:59 Speaker 05 He turns his hat around and that's when he goes and then.
51:01 Speaker 03 But we need to have a tournament. How does that work? So you just, everybody does, everybody arm wrestles everybody and then the winners proceed?
51:08 Speaker 01 Do we have to have one?
51:09 Speaker 05 It's either round robin where we all.
51:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, we have to.
51:11 Speaker 05 It's either, there's three choices.
51:13 Speaker 01 Yes.
51:13 Speaker 05 It's round robin where we all arm wrestle each other, or we come up with heats into a bracket, or we don't do it.
51:18 Speaker 01 I think the third option is probably the best. Honestly, that was, there was so much testosterone in that segment.
51:26 Speaker 03 Which is rare for this room.
51:27 Speaker 01 It is, that's what is so crazy is that you guys are not like, yo, kick anyone's ass. And you're not, nobody in this room is like that.
51:36 Speaker 03 No.
51:36 Speaker 01 But we had an entire segment where we just talked about whether or not we could all beat up Conan.
51:42 Speaker 05 I would like to do like, maybe this summer, you know, now that we're talking about this, maybe a podcast Olympics to find out which one of us is the best podcaster. And it could be different events that aren't necessarily all, you know, who has the best pronunciation of different words, perhaps? Who, you know? Oh, okay, maybe not.
52:01 Speaker 01 No, I didn't, I didn't know what goes into being a good podcaster.
52:04 Speaker 03 I stand only to lose on this because I've almost been doing this for 20 years. And if I don't win this, I'm gonna, that's a huge embarrassment.
52:11 Speaker 05 The stakes are high. I'm just saying it could lend itself to a competition. Eduardo?
52:15 Speaker 01 You're right. Sure. I just.
52:17 Speaker 05 Sure. Thanks, buddy. What is, you forget your retainer today?
52:21 Speaker 03 I'm a great podcaster.
52:23 Speaker 01 I just love, I love your idea of like being a great podcaster is do you enunciate? And then do you have good mic technique? That also felt like a Conan joke to you. Oh.
52:33 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. With the hard G's.
52:35 Speaker 01 Oh.
52:36 Speaker 05 Oh, I did not think of it. I was not, I was not a retainer.
52:39 Speaker 01 That's true. I know of all the thing, I mean, obviously I would lose that one. Cause also.
52:43 Speaker 03 Well, no, because Conan does this all the time. I'm constantly editing it out. I'm constantly editing out his.
52:50 Speaker 05 Wow, you're gonna lose.
52:51 Speaker 01 You, so you've been doing this for 20 years?
52:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
53:01 Conan O'Brien? You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?
53:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:04 Conan O'Brien? Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.
53:18 Speaker 01 Nice.
53:19 Conan O'Brien? Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.
53:27 Speaker 01 I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.
53:32 Conan O'Brien? I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?
53:51 Speaker 01 Hello.
53:52 Conan O'Brien? Rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid. Yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I had this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation technology and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.
54:26 Conan O'Brien? Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything, like, I feel that way about my name.
54:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
54:31 Conan O'Brien? It stands for all of the work good and not so good. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.
54:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
54:40 Conan O'Brien? Your children haven't even started building their futures, but their identities are already valuable. Your child's clean credit history can make them a target for identity thieves. Never thought of it that way, but it's true. Identity thieves can open loans and credit cards using your child's social security number, racking up debt and ruining their credit. And you may not notice until they try and get their first credit card. So it could be a long time.
55:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:02 Conan O'Brien? Well, guess what? With LifeLock, you can add family members to your plan, giving you the power to block identity threats targeting your children. Now, Sony, your kids are pretty young still.
55:11 Speaker 01 They are.
55:11 Conan O'Brien? Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online.
55:17 Speaker 01 What?
55:18 Conan O'Brien? They're gonna be, become tractor fanatics. They're gonna be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.
55:42 Conan O'Brien? This fall, I want to try something different.
55:44 Speaker 01 What?
55:44 Conan O'Brien? I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.
55:48 Speaker 01 Ooh.
55:48 Conan O'Brien? Every morning.
55:49 Speaker 01 Okay.
55:50 Conan O'Brien? This fall, just to see if I can do it.
55:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:52 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.
55:56 Speaker 01 Oh, that's good.
55:57 Conan O'Brien? See what I did?
55:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:58 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?
56:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:02 Conan O'Brien? They're America's best network.
56:03 Speaker 01 Okay.
56:04 Conan O'Brien? True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.
56:11 Speaker 01 Oh, that's weird.
56:11 Conan O'Brien? When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.
56:13 Speaker 01 Oh.
56:13 Conan O'Brien? And, uh, that's when it comes in handy.
56:15 Speaker 01 Okay.
56:15 Conan O'Brien? Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the-
56:20 Speaker 01 You travel a lot.
56:21 Conan O'Brien? Travel show that I do.
56:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:23 Conan O'Brien? Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should. But I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
56:33 Speaker 01 That doesn't seem like a good idea.
56:34 Conan O'Brien? It's a great idea.
56:35 Speaker 01 Okay.
56:36 Conan O'Brien? You know, uh, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?
56:41 Speaker 01 My god.
56:42 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
56:42 Speaker 01 What?
56:43 Conan O'Brien? Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.
56:45 Speaker 01 I agree.
56:46 Conan O'Brien? T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to tmobile.com and find yours. Best, based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit tmobile.com. Consult a physician. I just threw that in there.
57:10 Speaker 01 Oh.
57:16 Conan O'Brien? Speaking of enunciation.
57:18 Speaker 03 Oh, that's right. And this was from a Summer Smores with Conzie and the Chill Chums, where we played the camp game, Chubby Bunny, which, like, holding hands under the arm wrestling, you guys didn't know, or Conan didn't know.
57:31 Speaker 01 I didn't know about Chubby Bunny.
57:32 Speaker 03 You guys, you gotta get to truck stops and summer camp.
57:35 Speaker 01 Well, here's the thing. I remember, I remember you talking about how you learned about Chubby Bunny at summer camp, but then I feel like shortly after, you were saying you never went to summer camp.
57:46 Speaker 03 I learned about it when I taught at an improv summer camp at Viola Bible College.
57:51 Speaker 04 Wait, is this the same, is this when you were also talking about when you kept getting homesick? When you were-
57:55 Speaker 03 That was a different improv camp that I taught in-
57:57 Speaker 04 Because you were saying that you were homesick at camp, and then it turned out you were not a camper. You were homesick.
58:02 Speaker 01 And you were in your twenties.
58:04 Speaker 03 I was a fully grown adult.
58:05 Speaker 01 And you said Viola? Wait, so that's not even, you weren't even that far from where you live?
58:10 Speaker 03 No, it was La Mirada, and I lived in Whittier, the next town over. I lived in Long Beach at the time.
58:14 Speaker 01 Oh, that's better.
58:15 Speaker 03 This was improv camp that was not affiliated with the Bible College. It just rented the thing, but there's on that campus. There's a building with a photorealistic 40 foot tall Jesus. And every time you're doing improv, you look up at this Jesus just staring down at you.
58:30 Speaker 01 Is he at least laughing?
58:31 Speaker 03 Well, he's got a mouthful of marshmallows.
58:38 Speaker 03 All right, let's roll it.
58:44 Speaker 03 When you guys were at camp, did you ever play chubby bunny?
58:47 Conan O'Brien? I don't know what that is.
58:48 Speaker 03 You don't?
58:48 Speaker 01 I don't know what that is.
58:49 Speaker 03 Okay, we don't have to do this, but this was just an idea that came up when we were discussing this season.
58:55 Speaker 03 What happens is everybody takes a marshmallow and you put it in your mouth. And you say the words chubby bunny. And then we take turns adding a marshmallow each time until someone can't say chubby bunny anymore and they're out.
59:07 Speaker 01 All right.
59:08 Speaker 03 Okay.
59:09 Speaker 01 Can we eat the marshmallow?
59:10 Speaker 03 You have to keep it in your mouth.
59:11 Speaker 01 All right.
59:14 Conan O'Brien? This is the game Marlon Brando was playing when he, when he secured, when he secured the role for the Godfather.
59:20 Speaker 01 Can I keep drinking?
59:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
59:22 Speaker 01 Will it dissolve the mud?
59:23 Speaker 03 Oh, no, you can't drink. You can't drink. All right.
59:26 Conan O'Brien? So Sona's out.
59:28 Speaker 01 Chubby bunny.
59:28 Speaker 03 You can't swallow it. You can't chew. You have to keep it in your mouth.
59:31 Speaker 01 Let me just, hold on.
59:32 Speaker 03 That's all it does.
59:33 Speaker 01 Let me stock up.
59:33 Conan O'Brien? Ever heard of this?
59:34 Speaker 03 You've never heard of this?
59:35 Conan O'Brien? No. God, you grew up in a strange way.
59:39 Speaker 03 I did.
59:40 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
59:40 Speaker 03 You.
59:41 Conan O'Brien? No, no, I have strange tales and stuff, but there was no chubby bunny in my, in my background.
59:47 Speaker 03 Who's played chubby bunny? Every hand goes up.
59:49 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
59:50 Conan O'Brien? Eduardo's giving me the thumbs down.
59:51 Speaker 03 Never heard of it.
59:52 Speaker 01 Never played it?
59:53 Speaker 03 Never.
59:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
59:54 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
59:55 Speaker 03 All right. Chubby bunny.
1:00:00 Conan O'Brien? Wait, does that count as you saying chubby bunny? It didn't sound like chubby bunny.
1:00:06 Conan O'Brien? She's out. She's out.
1:00:09 Conan O'Brien? You, first of all, you can't articulate things when you.
1:00:18 Conan O'Brien? Chubby and bunny.
1:00:25 Speaker 03 You should go in snake order.
1:00:27 Speaker 01 Mmm, yeah.
1:00:37 Speaker 01 Oh god, you're not actually? Well, don't talk to that. I was gonna throw up. You're out. Okay, wrong.
1:00:46 Speaker 05 This game brought to you by Dr. Heimlich.
1:00:49 Speaker 01 I was gonna, I was going to throw up. I was actually going to throw up. These are the biggest marshmallows of all time.
1:00:59 Speaker 01 What, girl, stuff it in your mouth, Curly. These are marshmallows. Stop being funny, bitch.
1:01:21 Speaker 01 Suck it. Oh, boring.
1:01:35 Speaker 05 Oh, no.
1:01:39 Speaker 01 Oh god, there's so much spit there, girls.
1:01:44 Speaker 01 Oh my god, oh my god. A giant mouth.
1:01:53 Speaker 01 Suck it.
1:01:59 Speaker 01 This is so stupid.
1:02:02 Speaker 01 This is so dumb.
1:02:07 Speaker 01 This is, this is the dumbest thing I've ever been a part of. This one is disgusting.
1:02:19 Speaker 01 I just love that you can't talk. This one is disgusting.
1:02:26 Speaker 01 What is coming out? It's so grotesque. Oh god, it's so gross.
1:02:34 Speaker 01 Are you doing the Gettysburg Address?
1:02:36 Speaker 05 Yes, I am. Which means I win.
1:02:40 Speaker 05 Okay, that's it.
1:02:46 Speaker 01 Oh god.
1:02:48 Speaker 03 Oh, more napkins.
1:02:51 Speaker 01 How'd you guys do more than one?
1:02:53 Speaker 03 There's no winners in chubby bunny, only losers.
1:02:56 Conan O'Brien? I don't know why. I have one question.
1:02:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:02:58 Conan O'Brien? I developed this fastidious way of talking. I was going, "A chubby, a bunny." And I wasn't even trying to. But in my effort to over enunciate, it came out as, "A chubby, a bunny." And I wasn't trying to do that. It's just what happened. Could you tell it was the Gettysburg Address?
1:03:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, I could.
1:03:19 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, definitely.
1:03:20 Conan O'Brien? Well, there you go.
1:03:21 Speaker 01 Also, if there's anything you're reciting, it's usually the Gettysburg Address.
1:03:28 Speaker 03 Oh man.
1:03:29 Speaker 01 Oh my god. Chill Chums is so fun.
1:03:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, because we get to drink.
1:03:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, although this year, not until much later.
1:03:37 Speaker 03 I know.
1:03:37 Speaker 01 And so I remember just like downing those drinks you gave us. And I got pretty hammered pretty quickly.
1:03:43 Speaker 03 That's nice.
1:03:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, I made up for lost time.
1:03:45 Speaker 03 Yeah, good, good. We gotta change that rule for next year.
1:03:48 Speaker 01 We do, but I don't think Conan's gonna want to.
1:03:50 Speaker 03 Well, he doesn't have to know.
1:03:52 Speaker 01 He's like, why do you guys have to get drunk? Because he's not, he doesn't, he can't hang with us.
1:03:56 Speaker 03 No, he can't. That's why you and I will pregame.
1:04:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:00 Speaker 03 We're gonna go to Pachanga Casino.
1:04:02 Speaker 01 We're gonna pregame there? Why can't we just go somewhere else?
1:04:06 Speaker 03 Okay, that's fine. That's fine too.
1:04:10 Speaker 01 What was I gonna say? Okay, so in order to promote the Chill Chums, because we recorded it in Altadena.
1:04:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:16 Speaker 01 Ruthie and Sam are two of the awesome people in our marketing team, got in touch with the Altadena Chamber of Commerce. And then I ended up joining the Altadena Chamber of Commerce. And then very recently, I went to one of their events and I had a blast.
1:04:30 Speaker 03 Wait, don't you have to have a business to be in the Chamber of Commerce?
1:04:33 Speaker 01 You don't. Not in Altadena at least. I just was like a normal person and I just signed up to be in the Chamber of Commerce.
1:04:39 Speaker 03 What did you do and what kind of blast did you have?
1:04:41 Speaker 01 It was something called the Sip and Shop.
1:04:43 Speaker 03 Oh.
1:04:44 Speaker 01 Yes, and you sipped, you shopped, and then there was a live band. And you could just dance and have a really nice time in Altadena.
1:04:52 Speaker 03 What did you sip?
1:04:54 Speaker 01 Wine.
1:04:54 Speaker 03 You paused.
1:04:55 Speaker 01 I took shots.
1:04:58 Speaker 03 You guys Jäger bombed.
1:04:59 Speaker 01 We did a Jäger bomb. Oh, man, I haven't done a Jäger bomb in ages. We should do old school drinks that we don't do anymore.
1:05:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:05:07 Speaker 01 Like Long Island iced teas.
1:05:08 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
1:05:09 Speaker 01 Right.
1:05:10 Speaker 03 Sex on the beach.
1:05:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, Southern Comfort. I can't drink Soco. I can't do it because I still remember that one time I had a house party and threw up.
1:05:18 Speaker 03 Zima. Four Loco.
1:05:22 Speaker 01 Four Loco?
1:05:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, I still got some.
1:05:24 Speaker 01 That was more recent, though.
1:05:25 Speaker 03 I still got some.
1:05:26 Speaker 01 No, you don't. Do you really?
1:05:27 Speaker 03 I don't.
1:05:27 Speaker 01 Okay, all right.
1:05:28 Speaker 03 All right, well.
1:05:29 Speaker 01 Speaking of commerce.
1:05:31 Speaker 03 Oh, right, very good. That's right, this last clip is actually not from the show itself, but an ad, and it's kind of become infamous. It's the Lux bidet ad.
1:05:41 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
1:05:42 Speaker 03 Which I have to admit, I have never fully seen. I've heard about it.
1:05:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:47 Speaker 03 But when I edit, the ads are not in the episodes. They are what's called dynamically inserted later. And Mars edits the ads, so I've never really heard or seen this full thing, so I'm very excited.
1:05:59 Speaker 01 Really?
1:06:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:00 Speaker 01 I wasn't even, I don't, if this is the one that I think is the first one, I wasn't even. No. Yeah, I wasn't even here for that.
1:06:08 Speaker 03 Wow, okay, yeah.
1:06:08 Speaker 01 And so David was sitting in for me, and this is, since then, we've done, I think, a couple other Lux bidet ads. But this was the first one, and this one is apparently, I don't know if I've ever listened to it all the way through either.
1:06:22 Speaker 04 We weren't sure how Lux was going to react, and listeners will understand why after they, I think, see the clip or hear the clip. But they were so thrilled about it that they, you know, kept coming back and wanting more ads.
1:06:33 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
1:06:34 Speaker 04 They're crazy.
1:06:41 Conan O'Brien? Toilet paper has no business trying to battle the mess of a large holiday meal. Bidets, on the other hand, shoot a precise... What the fuck happened to me? I'm a good guy. I went to a good college. I worked hard. I wrote a thesis in college. I wrote a thesis. I've worked hard for years. I've raised a family. I've never gone to jail. I've never committed a crime. And here I am explaining how you gotta shoot water up your ass!
1:07:16 Conan O'Brien? Ridiculous! Insanity!
1:07:23 Conan O'Brien? What did I do? What am I, some kind of... I don't understand! How'd this happen?
1:07:31 Conan O'Brien? Toilet paper has no business trying to battle the mess of a large holiday meal? Do you know what they're implying? They're implying that if I eat a large holiday meal, I just am gonna... My bottom's gonna explode? It's gonna be too much for any toilet paper? No toilet paper can handle that! No! You need a whole other device. I'm crying. You need a bidet that shoots water! No more smearing... It says here on the copy, "No more skid marks." What happened to this? A precise stream? A precise stream! Luxe Bidet... Oh, here we go, is the number one best-selling bidet brand. And I thought I had sold out.
1:08:16 Conan O'Brien? Can I just say, they say people will laugh when they first see it, and we sure did. We haven't even seen it!
1:08:23 Conan O'Brien? 3 million satisfied customers across the US and over 150,000 5-star reviews on Amazon. Who uses a bidet and then says, "I've gotta go give an Amazon review"? I've checked back there 7 times, clean as a whistle!
1:08:42 Conan O'Brien? This is... I'm gonna keep going, because people are laughing too hard. Luxe Bidet offers a range of patented bidet models. Oh, really? Including the award-winning Neo Plus Series. What does that do? Yeah, the bidet comes and finds you when it's time to poop. I think you should go. Really? I think you should go. That was a large burrito. Luxe Bidet's Neo Plus Series is the next generation of bidet attachment with never-before-seen patented features. That's right, never-before-seen. This series features a 360-degree self-clean mode.
1:09:25 Conan O'Brien? Easy... 360-degree self-clean mode. Are people spinning around on their ass? Easy lift design, fast slide and installation, plus all the same features as their best-selling bidets. Oh my god! Then it says, "Please talk about what you... why you love your Luxe Bidet." I don't have one! But this is my favorite ad ever! This is a fantastic ad, and this is gonna go out as it is, or it won't go out.
1:09:58 Conan O'Brien? Get the gifts your friends and family will never forget this holiday season. Hey grandma, wash your ass!
1:10:07 Conan O'Brien? Use code NA to get 20% off bidets at luxebidet.com. That's L-U-X-E-B-I-D-E-T dot com. And code N slash A for 20% off. They made me spell bidet!
1:10:24 Conan O'Brien? Oh my god.
1:10:25 Speaker 01 Oh my god!
1:10:28 Speaker 05 Now, one of my favorite things about that ad that many people probably don't know is there's a person sitting in the back of that room. And Eduardo, do you want to explain who that person is?
1:10:39 Speaker 03 Shout out to Brendan Burns, who we had invited that day to come and sit in unbeknownst to me. I didn't know what coding was gonna be reading that day. Brendan, you might hear him in the credits he mixes for the show, so. Yeah, but this was his first day to just kind of get a lay of the studio.
1:10:54 Speaker 05 I met him right before that, the ad session. He had never sat in on a session with us before. And then this happens and it's really funny to watch the video and see Brendan like kind of looking around like,
1:11:08 Speaker 03 Should I, is this, is this how things are here? I made a huge mistake.
1:11:12 Speaker 05 Really, really, really funny.
1:11:14 Speaker 03 It does kind of make you want to buy a bidet, though.
1:11:16 Speaker 01 I, yeah, I think so. I think, oh, man.
1:11:19 Speaker 03 I love that you can, like, Conan usually gets a stack of ads, starts reading and sort of like is understanding in real time what the ad is. And you can see him.
1:11:28 Speaker 01 That's true.
1:11:28 Speaker 03 Like discovering the, what he's reading an ad for as he's getting further and further into the copy.
1:11:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I do, going back to what you said about his improv, when he does ads, it is so, because he is reading everything and saying everything as he's recording, and then the stuff he comes up with is just unbelievable, like in the spot. So it is, it is really, I mean, like, I didn't think I would enjoy doing ads for this podcast with him as much as I do, but I, I really love doing ads with him. It's really funny.
1:11:59 Speaker 03 Oh, God, that's so funny.
1:12:01 Speaker 01 You should get a luxe bidet.
1:12:03 Speaker 03 Me?
1:12:03 Speaker 01 They should, they should send us like 20.
1:12:06 Speaker 05 You know what? Because of this ad, I got one and it is awesome.
1:12:11 Speaker 03 How'd you get one?
1:12:12 Speaker 05 I bought one.
1:12:12 Speaker 03 Oh, they didn't give you one?
1:12:14 Speaker 05 I used the code.
1:12:14 Speaker 03 Because now we're giving them double exposure.
1:12:16 Speaker 01 This isn't even, we're not even dynamic inserting this shit. This is, this is just in there.
1:12:21 Speaker 03 Send us our bidets.
1:12:22 Speaker 05 Yeah, I haven't gotten a paycheck from this place since, since 2003.
1:12:26 Speaker 01 Oh, right, well, yeah.
1:12:27 Speaker 05 It's my charity work.
1:12:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, we don't get paid.
1:12:30 Speaker 03 Uh, well, Conan's a horrible boss, but he's a wonderful man.
1:12:34 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:12:34 Speaker 03 And, uh, we're thinking about you.
1:12:36 Speaker 01 Yes, we are. We are thinking of, I don't, I don't think he's going to be listening.
1:12:39 Speaker 03 No, but I'm just sending that out. I know he doesn't listen.
1:12:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you're right.
1:12:44 Speaker 03 But this hardly seems like the episode to trash talk him.
1:12:46 Speaker 01 It's true, but we have been.
1:12:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, we have.
1:12:48 Speaker 01 I will say, it is really obvious that he's not here. He is our leader. He's just the, he always turns everything that we say into the funniest thing. You could possibly hear, and I think that he's definitely missed. I do like just the two of us being here. I'm not gonna lie.
1:13:06 Speaker 03 Do you want to just go a little longer?
1:13:08 Speaker 01 I know, why not? Let's just, how you been?
1:13:10 Speaker 03 I'm pretty good. How you been?
1:13:12 Speaker 01 Not bad, not bad.
1:13:14 Speaker 03 You got a bidet?
1:13:15 Speaker 01 I actually do.
1:13:16 Speaker 03 You do?
1:13:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:13:18 Speaker 03 On that seat right now?
1:13:20 Speaker 01 I installed it onto this seat, and I am sitting in Conan's seat.
1:13:24 Speaker 03 That's right, you are.
1:13:25 Speaker 01 He's gonna come back with a nice surprise.
1:13:30 Speaker 03 Well, we'll be back next week with our favorite clips from all the interview guests. And we should mention, if you want to see these clips in their entirety, you can go to the Team Coco YouTube channel. So what you've heard on almost all of these has just been a selected portion of a longer clip that you can watch on YouTube. All right, that's it.
1:13:50 Speaker 01 That's, that's all, that's all she wrote.
1:13:53 Speaker 03 Excuse me?
1:13:53 Speaker 01 That's all she did. That's all she did.
1:13:55 Speaker 03 Who's she?
1:13:55 Speaker 01 She did it.
1:13:56 Speaker 03 Who did?
1:13:57 Speaker 01 Mrs. Podcast.
1:13:59 Speaker 03 From Mr. And Mrs. Podcast, this is Team Coco saying, have a wonderful 2024. What's left of it.
1:14:08 Speaker 03 You sound too.
1:14:09 Speaker 01 So awkward.
1:14:10 Speaker 03 Mine?
1:14:11 Speaker 01 That was so awkward. Whatever's left of it. Yeah, thanks. Thanks for, thanks for coming.
1:14:20 Speaker 03 Thanks for coming and thanks for staying.
1:14:22 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:14:23 Speaker 03 Thanks, thanks for just being you.
1:14:24 Speaker 01 Yes, thank, thank you.
1:14:26 Speaker 03 Bye.
1:14:26 Speaker 01 We gotta stop. Just, let's do it.
1:14:28 Speaker 03 Let's end?
1:14:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:14:29 Speaker 03 All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. You don't want to add anything to that?
1:14:33 Speaker 01 Bye. We love you. Is that too much?
1:14:40 Speaker 03 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.
1:15:00 Speaker 03 Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
1:15:48 Speaker 06 Insurance may all seem the same on the surface, but having insurance isn't the same as having State Farm. It's like getting a granola bar with a candle in it when you wanted a three-layer birthday cake. You wouldn't settle for just any dessert on your birthday, so don't settle for just any insurance. When it comes to getting the help you need, State Farm is the real deal. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
1:16:26 Speaker 07 McRib season is here at McDonald's. Enjoy a tasty McRib sandwich and pair it with fries and a refreshing Diet Dr. Pepper. At participating McDonald's for a limited time.
Previous Club Grub Hub Next Rascally Nincompoop Page updated November 5, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated