Interrupto!

Conan talks to Mike from Ontario about working as a conservation authority (and former polar bear monitor), training bald eagles, and bear escape tactics. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:06Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:09Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:24Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 0:56Conan O'Brien?

  One in four Americans targeted by scams ended up falling for them.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  I did.

• 1:00Conan O'Brien?

  For me, it would be four out of four. Did you fall for a scam?

• 1:01Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam once.

• 1:03Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  They didn't steal much.

• 1:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yep, still, you got taken for a ride.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  I did.

• 1:08Conan O'Brien?

  And you just put it out there that you're easy to scam.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  I am!

• 1:10Conan O'Brien?

  One accident, little click, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Thankfully, there's LifeLock. LifeLock has live, US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to full restoration. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. This is a good thing to have in your back pocket, don't you think?

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I need this.

• 1:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you do need it. You need it fast. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

• 1:54Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Mike, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  Hey, thanks so much.

• 1:58Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Mike, how are you? Where are you right now?

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh. Hey, Conan, uh, I'm in London, Ontario, in Canada.

• 2:04Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow, okay. And are you in the wilderness right now? I mean, are you in a pretty urban area?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm in the urban area today.

• 2:13Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Can I just pretend that you're way out on the tundra somewhere?

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 2:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Can you occasionally make a

• 2:22Conan O'Brien?

  sound with your mouth, just so I feel like this is really authentic?

• 2:26Speaker 02

  What do you want, sorry?

• 2:27Conan O'Brien?

  Forget it.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  That's the perfect response.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  Why don't you repeat what you asked him?

• 2:32Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm good.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 2:33Conan O'Brien?

  And I just wanted to get you to say a Canadian sorry, so I'm happy. Hey, Mike, it says that you are a conservation authority. Is that correct?

• 2:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I work for a local conservation authority.

• 2:47Conan O'Brien?

  And in the past, you were a polar bear monitor. What does that mean?

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Essentially, I would be, I would go up to the Arctic and get dropped off by helicopter with anybody who needs a safe escort across the Arctic from polar bears. So I would kind of track the bears, find the bears, keep my eyes on them and make sure. Sorry, I was supposed to do this reveal earlier.

• 3:14Conan O'Brien?

  What is, oh my god! Look, for those of you listening.

• 3:19Speaker 02

  She blew it. She started talking to her.

• 3:20Conan O'Brien?

  Mike just panned to, I mean, a Hogwarts owl. You, a beautiful owl is perched right next to you and apparently was just happily hooting. That was the perfect cinematic reveal. If you get a chance to see that, go on your computer and check it out. That's amazing. That was amazing. I love that. What is that bird's name?

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Well, Conan, I was hoping you could name her for me. She's fairly new to my team here, so I was wondering if you could give her a name. Interrupto? I love it.

• 3:59Conan O'Brien?

  Interrupto the owl.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  She's also sitting on my router right now, so she might even interrupt us further.

• 4:05Conan O'Brien?

  That's okay. Um, yeah, that bird, Interrupto, just wants to destroy, like, not that guy.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  Just this podcast?

• 4:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, this podcast? Why isn't it Smartless? And he's like crushing the wire. Um, where's Will Arnett? He's Canadian. Hey Mike, so I just have to ask you, so your job was to be basically a guide who would protect people from polar bears in the Arctic, and so I have so many questions right now. I've always heard polar bears are the most dangerous bear, they can kill you so quickly. Is that true?

• 4:42Speaker 02

  It's true, yeah. Like a black bear, a grizzly bear might not want anything to do with you, where a polar bear, if they smell you, see you, they're coming to get you. They're hungry, it's cold, and they want to eat.

• 4:57Conan O'Brien?

  Right. They don't, they're not sitting around on their backs, eating a bunch of blueberries that they found. There's nothing like that in the Arctic.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  No.

• 5:07Conan O'Brien?

  So when they see a hamster and boots walking by, they go for it. They go for that person.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  They want it, they want it bad.

• 5:13Conan O'Brien?

  So what can you do to protect them in that situation?

• 5:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I care about conservation so much, so I want to protect the bears just as much as I want to protect the humans, because I am armed, I do use non-lethal rounds, but there are lethal rounds if need be. Never had to, never want to.

• 5:36Conan O'Brien?

  So what are the non-lethal rounds made of?

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Like, it's like a rubber slug, so.

• 5:42Conan O'Brien?

  And so it hurts?

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:44Conan O'Brien?

  If you hit a polar bear with it, he'll say, "I want to leave now."

• 5:48Speaker 02

  Kind of. I did it once, and the polar bear just kind of like squinted its eyes and walked away.

• 5:54Conan O'Brien?

  Sort of like Clint Eastwood, it looked annoyed and then walked away.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:59Conan O'Brien?

  And can I ask you, what is the caliber of weapon, if the rubber bullet isn't working, that you would use on a polar bear? Because I would think it just has to be a, you can't just be using a 22.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  No, no, it would be a 12 gauge.

• 6:12Conan O'Brien?

  Jesus, okay.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:14Conan O'Brien?

  But I'm glad, but you never had to kill a bear?

• 6:16Speaker 02

  No, I haven't. I've had some guys think that maybe I should have, you know, they might have pooped their pants a bit while they hid behind me, but I wanted to give that bear every chance to get away, and luckily, nobody got hurt and the bear got away.

• 6:30Conan O'Brien?

  I think once they pooped their pants, the bear wanted to leave.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:33Conan O'Brien?

  That's what saved their lives. Doesn't want food. The bear was like, "Oh my god, there's poop all over my hamster."

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yuck.

• 6:45Conan O'Brien?

  I'm giving this a terrible Yelp review.

• 6:52Conan O'Brien?

  You also have worked a lot with birds, is that correct?

• 6:55Speaker 02

  That's right, yep. Birds of prey.

• 6:57Conan O'Brien?

  Birds of prey, and you would train the birds of prey?

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Yep, train them right from the very beginning. And I would use them anywhere that has a problem with birds not of prey. So if there's a blueberry farm and all the songbirds are eating all the blueberries, they would hire me to bring my birds of prey. I would fly them around and it would scare all the other birds away.

• 7:21Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, so tell me a little bit, what kind of birds of prey are we talking about?

• 7:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:26Conan O'Brien?

  Hawks?

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Jeer falcons, sacred falcons, parrot falcons, Harris hawks, bald eagles, all kinds of different birds.

• 7:34Conan O'Brien?

  You can train a bald eagle?

• 7:37Speaker 02

  I had a bald eagle named Babe. I raised her from an egg, basically, so...

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Oh, you are so rugged.

• 7:44Conan O'Brien?

  Take it easy, Sona.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  You okay?

• 7:47Conan O'Brien?

  You're married, Sona.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  What's up?

• 7:49Speaker 01

  Oh, right, yeah, yeah.

• 7:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, wow.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Thanks, David.

• 7:54Conan O'Brien?

  Good lord. To be fair, I'm swooning too.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Oh, so am I.

• 8:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Wow, let's get it on.

• 8:05Conan O'Brien?

  Time for some polar... hey, time for some polar porn. So, anyway, moving on. I didn't think you could train a bald eagle.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's possible. They are one of the trickier to train birds because they have a natural instinct to be a bit nasty.

• 8:25Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, really?

• 8:25Speaker 02

  If they can steal prey from another bird, they will. You know, to save themselves the energy of catching their own. So, you know, they can be...

• 8:33Conan O'Brien?

  I love that that's the symbol of America.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Oh, I know.

• 8:37Conan O'Brien?

  Our national symbol is the dickiest of the birds.

• 8:42Conan O'Brien?

  I'll steal that food before I get my own.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, Babe had a, Babe was her name. Uh, she had a really good, uh, personality. She didn't really have that nasty side, uh, except towards women. Um, my girlfriend at the time.

• 8:58Conan O'Brien?

  What, really?

• 8:59Speaker 02

  They were near me when I had her, but, uh, you could come up and shake my hand and she'd just be like,

• 9:03Conan O'Brien?

  No, many birds have thought I was a woman. Trust me. They, they're like, uh, no, but, so, really, uh, so sometimes a bird will, or in this case, a, a bald eagle, or in Babe's case specifically, Babe would be cool with dudes, but if a lady showed up, would try to attack the lady, or?

• 9:23Speaker 02

  She was super jealous. Yeah, I wouldn't give her the chance. I'd, I'd, I'd hold on to her pretty good, but, uh, yeah, she'd think about it. She'd let you know she wasn't happy.

• 9:32Conan O'Brien?

  This must have gotten in the way of your dating life, I would think, that you had a bird that attacked women instantly.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, well, it did, and, um, but that's all right.

• 9:46Conan O'Brien?

  I know what you mean.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  I got polar bears to monitor.

• 9:49Conan O'Brien?

  You get to live alone, you know, yeah, um.

• 9:56Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, so, you have all these different birds and then you would use them, like, oh damn, there's some seagulls that are hanging around my house by the ocean and they're real drag and they're pooping all over the place. Um, I'm gonna get one of these birds of prey to chase them out of here and it works?

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll get rid of them right away for you, but, um, we do something called car hawking, um, which is essentially the hawk will ride in the front seat of my car, uh, we will do a drive-by of your house, I'll do down my window and the hawk will just fly out. Um, she might grab a sea dog, she might miss, but either way, every sea dog in the area is gonna disappear pretty fast.

• 10:35Conan O'Brien?

  And how long do they stay away for? When does it, when do people think, okay, the coast is clear now, the guy, the who has a hawk in his car, what left?

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, it, it depends, uh, they will send like a scope for back to sea.

• 10:46Conan O'Brien?

  Left.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, if it's a food source, like a landfill, they will keep coming back daily to check and see if I'm still there.

• 10:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Um, and, and I would be, but.

• 10:56Conan O'Brien?

  I love that you would ride up with a hawk in your front seat, riding shotgun, and then you'd pull up to the address and go, here we are, 34 Crenshaw Road, put the window down and, wah!

• 11:09Speaker 01

  That's boss.

• 11:10Conan O'Brien?

  That's so amazing.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  And then the hawk scares them all and just comes right back into your car?

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Uh, if they catch a bird, they'll stay out there. I did have a hawk train to come back right in the window, um, and I drove a Dodge Dakota at the time and she went out the window and I was driving behind a Dodge Dakota and they had their windows down. They didn't know me and she flew straight into their window and the car hit the gravel. Everyone came running out of their cars.

• 11:36Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I love? The hawk being embarrassed. Yeah, I'm just thinking of the hawk going, "Oh God, I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm so sorry." No, it's, it's just, I swear to God. It's the same, it's maroon. It's the same color. It's okay, it's okay. No, no, oh God, oh God. What, did the hawk just cover its face when it got back to your car? With its two wings?

• 11:57Speaker 02

  She walked back to me, yeah.

• 11:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. "Just get me home. Just get me home. Just get me home. Oh my God, oh my God."

• 12:02Speaker 01

  The walk of shame.

• 12:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, the walk of shame for a hawk. Bird of prey, walk of shame.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 12:11Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, that's so amazing.

• 12:19Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 12:23Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 12:37Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 12:50Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 13:10Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space with available...

• 13:19Conan O'Brien?

  I have this memorized H track all wheel drive up to an EPA estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation, technology and value drivers expect from an award winning brand. View US News best cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 13:43Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 13:48Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 13:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 13:49Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 13:51Conan O'Brien?

  And then your, your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that, that cinnamon cider in the air. Do you smell that?

• 14:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:01Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:06Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season, shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com slash holiday.

• 14:36Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, what are some of the things in life that really get you down?

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Uh, driving?

• 14:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  I, that's the first thing that popped in my head.

• 14:42Conan O'Brien?

  No, but I've seen you drive and it's true. I'm always picking mailboxes out of your grill.

• 14:48Conan O'Brien?

  You're a creative driver. Uh, look, let's face it. Just living on earth can be a lot, right?

• 14:53Speaker 01

  It can.

• 14:54Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, oy vey, it's a lot.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:56Conan O'Brien?

  There's gravity, there's mosquitoes, there's this, you know that they say the sun is going to at some point go supernova and incinerate the earth, probably in five billion years.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:05Conan O'Brien?

  But watch your diet, we might be sticking around for that.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 15:08Conan O'Brien?

  So cosmically speaking, you've earned a break.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:10Conan O'Brien?

  And you know where this is going? I think you do.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:13Conan O'Brien?

  Pluto TV.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 15:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. To escape all of these hassles in life, you gotta get Pluto TV. Turn off all your earthly problems and turn on the movies and shows you already love. You've seen them, but you want to see them again. They're old friends.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:26Conan O'Brien?

  Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Dirty Dancing, Alias, X-Files. Pluto TV is completely free.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 15:32Conan O'Brien?

  These streamers, all these things cost so much money these days. And I won't mention that when I do an ad for them, but.

• 15:39Conan O'Brien?

  No subscription, no fees, zero dollars. And as any mathematician will tell you, zero is one of the most profound numbers ever conceived. I was thinking about that this morning.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Wow, that's profound.

• 15:48Conan O'Brien?

  I really wasn't. The best thing on TV are free. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 15:57Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:04Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 16:24Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 16:25Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 16:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:27Conan O'Brien?

  Um, like a walk with an ex-wife. Uh, I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:36Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse. Crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 17:06Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 17:27Conan O'Brien?

  A bunch of fascinations here. I love the birds. I love, did you always, did you ever work with other bears, other than polar bears, grizzlies? Because grizzlies fascinate me.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, they are incredible. I didn't work directly with them, but I was a guide on horseback in the Rocky Mountains.

• 17:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Um, and I've had a few run-ins with grizzly bears, but nothing too, nothing too crazy.

• 17:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  But they, they're also quite incredible.

• 17:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I mean, take it easy, Sona. I'm sure Tac has been around.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  It's just one thing after the other with this guy.

• 18:02Conan O'Brien?

  Didn't Tac, hasn't Tac worked with some lethal animals?

• 18:06Speaker 01

  No!

• 18:06Conan O'Brien?

  Wasn't there a, no, there was a sickly hamster that he befriended.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  No, he's like cuddling with our poodle at home, like, you know.

• 18:12Conan O'Brien?

  Alright, well.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  That's what I have.

• 18:14Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, take it easy, I'm a big Tac fan.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  You can have him, I'll go to, I'll move to Canada.

• 18:23Conan O'Brien?

  And be attacked immediately by one of his birds.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  No, no, no, I won't allow it.

• 18:28Conan O'Brien?

  I'll cut her bitch! Cut, cut! I'll cut her bitch!

• 18:34Speaker 01

  I'll die immediately. I forgot, I'm not a very outdoorsy person.

• 18:38Conan O'Brien?

  Take it easy, interrupto.

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, I, no, I'm fascinated by grizzlies, and it's this crazy fascination where I find it terrifying, the idea of being mauled and eaten by a grizzly, but I'm also, I, I, I just find them so fascinating that part of me wants to have a grizzly encounter, just as much as I don't want to have a grizzly encounter. Does that make sense to you?

• 19:05Speaker 02

  I totally get it, I totally get it. I tried to tell my mom and family things, because it's, it's a bit of a dangerous job, so they worry about me, but,

• 19:16Speaker 02

  not to be morbid, but like, I don't want to, you know, die of old age, working in an office my whole life, if I, if I had a, you know, a bear encounter, and that's what happened, like, I don't want it, it would be awful, but like, you know?

• 19:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's like, that is a closed casket funeral, I'm telling you right now. Yeah, or if there's a, I don't even know what's left at that point, you know? They have to follow the bear for three weeks.

• 19:42Conan O'Brien?

  Keep tricking it to use a toilet. And then put your wool cap on whatever's left. I'm sorry, but that's exactly what would happen. Still sound romantic to you, dude?

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Just leave me out there, it's okay.

• 19:59Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, leave you out there. Got it. Okay. I think this is very cool. Now, be honest with me. Mike, if you've been listening to me at all, or familiar with my work and know me as a person, what you see is pretty much what you get. How would I do in these situations, you think? If you were with me? Terribly. Whether it's in the Arctic and we're approaching a polar bear? You're dead. Or in a grizzly encounter? I'm, I'm, I want to know. I want to know. I'm, I'm constantly wondering how I would measure up.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  I think you, you know.

• 20:30Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I know, I don't. Go ahead.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Let's see, how big can you get?

• 20:34Conan O'Brien?

  How big can I get? I'm 6'4" without doing anything. Uh, and if I, when I'm, when frightened, my hair gets much taller. Uh, so I could be 6'6", maybe?

• 20:45Speaker 02

  Okay, so that's bigger than me. I'm bald. So I'm 6'4", but I'm bald. So you're, you might, standing behind me, we'd look even bigger. So you know what? We might, we might survive together out there.

• 20:56Conan O'Brien?

  Would you think that I'd be the kind of person to panic and run, or do you think I'd be calm?

• 21:00Speaker 02

  Uh, I want to believe you'd be, be calm.

• 21:03Conan O'Brien?

  Why do you want to believe that? Why can't you just believe that?

• 21:05Speaker 02

  I don't know. You might try and like use comedy to get out of it.

• 21:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. Hey, here's my question. Do grizzlies like bits? Do they like, like sort of cartoony physical shtick?

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Little bits.

• 21:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay, yeah, okay. So I'm just thinking, um, yeah, that's the problem. The biggest problem is I might see a comedy opportunity.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:27Conan O'Brien?

  And start, you know, pretending to be another bear who's kind of a wise guy. And I could see that really irritating. Not just a human, but any member of the animal kingdom.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  If the bear wasn't going to kill you, after your bits, it would want to kill you.

• 21:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  You would be doing yourself a disservice.

• 21:45Conan O'Brien?

  The bear might befriend me, and then I would start to show the bear stuff from the podcast and Old Conan episodes. At which point, the bear would reduce me to a pile of ground chuck instantly.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  You're still gonna be doing bits during the attack?

• 22:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, even during the pet. I'd be like, "Oh no, I'm being murdered by a bear." "Maul, maul, I tell ya, maul." "Look at me, I have one leg." "Look at me, uh-oh, hoppy, hoppy, hop." "Got one leg and a hoppy, hoppy, hop."

• 22:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Mike, I'm gonna cancel this idea right now.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  Okay, if you change your mind, though, you know, we can go out there, I'll make sure.

• 22:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  We have a good time.

• 22:25Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, we'd have a good time. I like this guy.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  I do too, yeah.

• 22:28Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, I, I think you and I would do well hanging out. I think we'd be good buddies.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  And I think- It's so mutual.

• 22:35Conan O'Brien?

  I would try to, I think I could, I think I would be a little, you know, the way I, you've seen this, Sona and David, I, um, I kinda become the person I'm with if I'm with them for a while. I'm very zelig that way. I think I would become more like Mike.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:51Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, and I would, I might calm down. I really like being out in nature. I chill out a bit. There's way too much stimulation around me all the time. This might calm me down and maybe battling a bear of some kind would, you know, make me realize what it's all really about.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. Battle a bear?

• 23:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  Like, you think you have a chance?

• 23:12Conan O'Brien?

  I have a very good chance.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Okay, if maybe, maybe Mike is there.

• 23:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Only if Mike is there.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 23:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I will be in the car. The car will be locked. I'll be in there with your hawk. With the hawk.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  There's, there's no cars out in the Arctic.

• 23:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Dropped off, so.

• 23:28Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, we get dropped off?

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Okay. Yeah, so there's, there's no, uh, obviously no wifi, no reception. You're in the middle of nowhere.

• 23:36Conan O'Brien?

  I love it.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  And that's, uh, it can get quite boring. I'd go out for thirty to sixty days at a time. So I basically downloaded a gajillion hours of your podcast, uh, and Trailer Park Boys. Um, and I would just listen to you guys.

• 23:50Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you. That's, look at that.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  That is very cool. That's really cool.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Well, I've been, uh, yeah, I've been watching you for, forever, Conan, um, and I just have so much respect for you and your team.

• 24:01Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you so much.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  You're bringing comedy and kindness, um, and we just need so much more of that, and you're bringing it away. It just reaches everyone.

• 24:09Conan O'Brien?

  That's so nice of you.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Me getting to tell you this is changing my life.

• 24:13Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Like, I just, I want you to know how, uh, how incredible, um, you're, you're changing people's lives, whether you know it or not. It's such a good way.

• 24:23Conan O'Brien?

  Well, uh, all I know is we keep our head down and we, we do this stuff and we do it 'cause, uh, I can't not do it. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to do a public service. I do this 'cause it just has to happen. You guys have been around me when I haven't been able to do this for 10 minutes and it's not pretty. But Mike, getting to talk to you is a real, it's a real pleasure. You seem like a great person and what you're doing is really cool and I love that you have found this life for yourself. Those are, I say this all the time when we talk to fans, people that have found what they love and what they're passionate about and then they manage to will that to be their career, their life. I think that is the best way to go, you know, through our time here.

• 25:08Conan O'Brien?

  I really do. I managed to do it, you're doing it. It's a beautiful thing. So I hope our paths cross in person, because I'd love to shake your hand. I really would.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Incredible, Conan, incredible.

• 25:20Conan O'Brien?

  Did you have a question for Conan?

• 25:22Speaker 02

  A question for him. Well, I got him to name Interrupto over there.

• 25:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  She sat beside me perfectly through all the tech checks as soon as we got off, she flew away, so.

• 25:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I know. She saw which way this was going. Oh, look! Really standoffish now.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Just get back to Arnett.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  I brought her to a staff meeting earlier today and she was interrupting everyone, so they're gonna love that name you gave her.

• 25:49Conan O'Brien?

  Well, say hi to everybody and, Mike, a real pleasure and I mean it. I hope we cross paths. That'd be fun.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  That would be incredible.

• 25:57Conan O'Brien?

  Look, I'm hard to miss, so keep your eyes peeled.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Okay, well, thank you so much. This was incredible, guys. Thanks for everything you do.

• 26:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, this was really fun. Take care, we'll see you soon. Bye.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Thank you. Bye.

• 26:08Speaker 04

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Dougherty and Lisa Berman. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are done.

• 26:54Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right.

• 27:04Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 27:08Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 27:10Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 27:11Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 27:14Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 27:16Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters so you can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 27:38Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka-Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right?

• 27:40Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 27:41Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka-Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka-Seltzer Cold? Did you know that, David?

• 27:48Speaker 03

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 27:50Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 27:51Speaker 03

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 27:53Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this because I-

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 27:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've tried it, it's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka-Seltzer Cold into the water. Alka-Seltzer Cold Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action, ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka-Seltzer Cold: Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products used as directed.