Pod Insights Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend Putting The Fun Back In Funeral with Special Guest Paul Scheer About this episode Conan and special guest Paul Scheer talk to Josh from Bellevue, WA about his direct-to-consumer casket and urn company.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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0:39 Conan O'Brien? Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids, or do you shop for Tac?
0:43 Speaker 01 My kids.
0:44 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
0:45 Speaker 01 Or Okie.
0:45 Conan O'Brien? You gotta get them your stuff.
0:46 Speaker 01 Or my dog.
0:46 Conan O'Brien? And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?
0:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:56 Conan O'Brien? And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at Amazon.com/holiday.
1:33 Speaker 01 Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit TeamCoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.
1:43 Conan O'Brien? Hello.
1:43 Speaker 01 Hi, Josh. Welcome to Conan Needs a Fan with Conan and special guest, Paul Scheer.
1:49 Speaker 02 Hey, Josh.
1:50 Speaker 03 Hey, everyone.
1:50 Conan O'Brien? Hey, Josh. And I understand, Josh, you and I have not met, but you and Paul have chatted on the podcast. Is that right?
1:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, I guess so, right?
2:00 Speaker 03 We met, you tied it with David, but I was in the room, so I shook your hand, but you likely won't remember me from all the activity.
2:06 Conan O'Brien? Well, quick question, Josh, was he cold and dismissive when you shook his hand? Was he, like, did he try and big time you?
2:14 Speaker 03 He looked deep into my eyes. I panicked, and I left, and I handed it to David.
2:20 Speaker 02 This is the effect I have on people, you know?
2:22 Conan O'Brien? He did it with me today, so, yes, we have a special guest, the very funny Paul Shear sitting in with us, and he's gonna help us help you. Because what I like to do is meet fans and find out about them, and then help them with their issues, if they have any. And so, Josh, tell us a little bit about yourself.
2:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, so I live in Bellevue, Washington. My wife of 17 years, I have three kids. Today, I'm in Chicago because I'm here for a national funeral convention. Oh, shit. Because I run a direct-to-consumer casket and urn company.
2:57 Conan O'Brien? I was gonna say, I thought, I was just gonna say, I'm glad he's in the funeral business. Because if you were just fanboying out at the convention, I'd be creeped out.
3:11 Speaker 02 I was gonna say, what happens if someone dies? Are y'all in Chicago right now? I mean, what's gonna happen?
3:16 Speaker 03 The best possible place. But you should attend one funeral convention in your life, I would say.
3:21 Speaker 02 All right.
3:22 Speaker 03 Not two, but one.
3:23 Conan O'Brien? Um, I disagree.
3:27 Conan O'Brien? But, you know, we can talk, and let's talk about it, and you can tell me a little bit about the business. What do you do in the funeral business, Josh?
3:36 Speaker 03 So, most families, when they have a loss, they go to their local funeral home. They don't know what things should cost, reasonably so. They don't shop around, and they end up spending often too much money. They don't have the good buy they necessarily want. But what these families don't know is there's a federal law called the funeral rule. It's an FTC law that gives you the right to buy your caskets, urns, other products outside the funeral home. And so that's what we do. We sell caskets and urns at roughly half the price that they're sold elsewhere, through our own site, through Costco, Sam's Club, Amazon, and so we try to help families save a lot of money.
4:07 Conan O'Brien? Wait a minute, so I could buy, I could buy caskets in bulk? I mean, is it, do you know when you go to a, if you go to a Costco or something, you can get not just, you get like 35 rolls of toilet paper? Could I go and buy like?
4:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, for a family.
4:20 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, for a family.
4:21 Speaker 03 Don't stop at 35.
4:22 Conan O'Brien? Family size.
4:24 Speaker 03 We will sell you hundreds of caskets.
4:26 Conan O'Brien? It's like the Fruit Loops. It's like the Fruit Loops that feed 35 kids for a week.
4:33 Conan O'Brien? Does anyone ever buy more? Does anyone ever buy more than one casket at once, do you think? Just by a couple?
4:39 Speaker 03 Not at once, but we have families that have needs in their community and so, but usually they don't fill up their trunk with more than one.
4:46 Speaker 02 I have a question about this because, you know, normally when someone dies, it's, you know, it's a surprise or we didn't know it was gonna happen. And it seems like you can't take this time to like go shopping around. It's not like, oh, hold on, let me order one on Amazon. And like, when will that come? In like a week? Like, I don't know, you know?
5:04 Conan O'Brien? Also, a big problem, I've had this with shoes. Oh, this pair of shoes looks really amazing. You order it from Amazon, they come and they don't fit. If the casket shows up after you've waited for three days and you try and put Uncle Maury in there and he doesn't fit, what do you do?
5:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, he'll fit. We'll make sure he fits.
5:26 Speaker 02 I don't like the way he says that.
5:27 Conan O'Brien? Yes! Josh! Josh has another product he could sell you called the D legger.
5:36 Speaker 03 I told you, you have to come to a funeral convention.
5:39 Conan O'Brien? It's Munson's D legger. Keep the bottom part closed and no one knows where those legs went.
5:45 Speaker 02 Please change the name of your funeral company. We'll make sure they fit.
5:51 Speaker 03 That's right. Most people fit in a standard size and then we do have wider ones for those who need them.
5:58 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. Okay, this is a very obvious area, but when one is in this position, they often start selling you a casket. This is the normal way. You're at a funeral home. They start ordering you a casket or trying to sell you a casket and they want to sell you this really beautiful casket. And even if this is someone who is really near and dear to you, there is part of you that's thinking like, it's going immediately in the ground.
6:25 Speaker 02 No one's getting to look at this.
6:26 Conan O'Brien? No one's getting to look at this thing. So the fact that it has flames painted on the side. And it gets AM FM radio.
6:33 Speaker 02 Now, stop attacking my kiss coffin because that is something I hold and I treasure dearly.
6:40 Conan O'Brien? You know, I've seen the kiss coffin.
6:42 Speaker 02 Oh, my gosh.
6:42 Conan O'Brien? We had Gene Simmons on the old late night show and he came on with all kiss. He just tried to use my show as an infomercial and he came on with all these, all this kiss stuff.
6:53 Speaker 02 I was actually on that show.
6:54 Conan O'Brien? Were you on that show?
6:55 Speaker 02 Yes, because I remember the kiss coffin in the hallway.
6:57 Conan O'Brien? It was in the hallway.
6:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:59 Conan O'Brien? And I was looking at it and I kept trying to talk to him about cool backstage stories and being in a rock band. And he's just like, let's just stick to the merchandise.
7:08 Conan O'Brien? So the coffins you're selling for half price, how can you find that savings? Is it, is it because there's so much up selling that goes on in a normal funeral home?
7:20 Speaker 03 That's, that's right. Just the dynamics of somebody making a distressed purchase. They're only not shopping around has led to huge markups on these products. But to your point, they, they all do the same thing. You should not, it's all aesthetics. It's a rectangle. They have the same functionality. You should not overspend on, on these products.
7:37 Conan O'Brien? And there's not a lot of functionality either. I mean, there, it's a box that is out of sight, out of mind.
7:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:44 Conan O'Brien? I hate to be too graphic about this.
7:46 Speaker 02 I don't mind putting a little string and a bell there just in case, you know, I feel like old school style. Just in case you, you know, you wake up, you gotta hit that little.
7:53 Conan O'Brien? Do you know who wanted that?
7:54 Speaker 02 Who?
7:55 Conan O'Brien? Uh, George Washington wanted that. His big fear, which was a very common late 18th century fear and early 19th century fear was being buried alive. Because before they were embalming, it was a real possibility. And so he was very worried that he would be buried prematurely. He didn't do, they didn't do the bell, but he did ask that people keep an eye on him for a couple of days and poke him with sticks.
8:18 Speaker 01 Wait, is that true?
8:19 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
8:20 Speaker 01 No, poke him with sticks?
8:21 Conan O'Brien? No, I maybe made that part up just for fun and now you've ruined it.
8:24 Speaker 01 I'm sorry.
8:26 Conan O'Brien? So Josh, you have this business and this actually, all kidding aside, it does sound like you're really helping people because many people spend a fortune and sometimes spend money they don't even really have, paying all these expenses and. And they don't realize that there's another way to go.
8:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, we we try to be a service business. We sell products, but at the end of the day, we we have a team here who's here to guide somebody through a really difficult period. It's incredibly rewarding to run this business.
8:55 Conan O'Brien? Can I ask you about something I've considered and tell me if this would even be possible? But I've discussed this with a couple of people. It may even have come up here. But it's the idea that if I pass away, maybe I'm not put in a casket, or maybe I'm not cremated. Maybe I could be a body on a crime procedural show.
9:19 Speaker 02 Oh.
9:20 Conan O'Brien? Do you know what I mean?
9:20 Speaker 02 Dream of dreams.
9:21 Conan O'Brien? Found by a jogger.
9:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
9:23 Conan O'Brien? Like a jogger's running by and then you cut to the cops and they have their coffee. And it's me, I'm there, and whatever, put some jogging clothes on me. I'll I'll clean up all right.
9:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:33 Conan O'Brien? But it would be a way that I've continued to work in the business.
9:37 Speaker 02 A final performance. Yeah.
9:38 Conan O'Brien? Or more.
9:39 Speaker 02 Oh, look, you're saying keep it going. Wow.
9:41 Conan O'Brien? Well, there are probably chemicals that would keep me going. And Weekend at Bernie's, I think, is a documentary.
9:48 Speaker 02 That's right. I know two is.
9:50 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
9:52 Conan O'Brien? But anyway, it's just, or being left in a field, something.
9:55 Speaker 02 A scarecrow.
9:57 Conan O'Brien? Yes.
9:57 Speaker 02 Ooh.
9:58 Conan O'Brien? I'm kind of scarecrow-y now. Crows do not settle on me.
10:02 Speaker 02 You see, that's that would be amazing. I I want to ask Josh about.
10:06 Conan O'Brien? I think Josh left.
10:07 Speaker 02 Oh, is that? Josh, no, let's make all this happen. I'm taking notes.
10:10 Conan O'Brien? Josh, Josh realized that these guys are not.
10:15 Conan O'Brien? Are not reputable. I should not be talking to them.
10:19 Speaker 02 Is there, I I've seen this a few times where they set up a scene. So it's like somebody, the the image that I'm thinking of is like a woman sitting at a table with a drink and cards and a pack of cigarettes. I've seen that as like a way to do a wake.
10:33 Conan O'Brien? A tableau. Is that, does anyone really do that?
10:35 Speaker 02 I think we've reached the edge of my expertise. I've seen a lot of strange things. That is not, I I have a picture of it on my phone because I was, I I.
10:42 Conan O'Brien? What?
10:43 Speaker 02 Just for fun.
10:44 Speaker 01 Oh, okay, then that explains it.
10:47 Speaker 02 But I didn't know if this is a new thing, like creating a tableau.
10:50 Conan O'Brien? I'm gonna back you up here, Paul, and this is, and I don't want to, I wanna go after you.
10:55 Speaker 02 Thank you, I know.
10:55 Conan O'Brien? But I have to, because I have also heard of, oh, they've been set up in their bar calounger, and they used to watch, you know, love watching their, you know, Seahawks game, and so that's what we set up, and that's how you can go see them.
11:10 Speaker 02 It's like an exhibit in the Smithsonian, instead of like a, it's like a wake, but you're watching them in their, their nice moment.
11:15 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, well, I think Josh made it clear, he's, he's not going anywhere near this.
11:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's checked out.
11:22 Speaker 03 There's no limit to what we'll do.
11:23 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
11:24 Speaker 03 Part of why I reached out, you're a visionary.
11:26 Speaker 01 No, no.
11:27 Speaker 02 We'll get him in there, there's no limit, and we'll get him in there.
11:30 Conan O'Brien? He's jamming NBA stars into a tiny casket.
11:35 Speaker 03 Let's create options.
11:36 Speaker 02 I want the Wemby coffin, please.
11:39 Speaker 03 That's right.
11:41 Conan O'Brien? Are you, um, at this convention, is there a lot of partying? Is there a lot of partying? Because, you know, I'm gonna say this, because Josh is clearly a very funny, fun guy, he's met you before, Paul, and you only meet with people who are fun and funny.
11:55 Speaker 02 I do, and that's like.
11:56 Conan O'Brien? And you, you, you're listening to our podcast, and you're, you're contacting us. So, people always have this feeling that the person at the funeral home is, you know, oh, is just very, like Lurch on The Addams Family, and you're not. I'm guessing you guys really like to party when you get together?
12:15 Speaker 03 It, it's hit and miss. I would say I've been in other industries where.
12:18 Conan O'Brien? Okay, you shook your head, you shook your head, no.
12:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, I, I don't, I don't, like, there are a lot of fantastic people in this business. I wouldn't say it's the most lively crew of any industry out there.
12:30 Conan O'Brien? It's so funny, because I would think being around death all the time would make you want to be more alive. Does that make sense?
12:38 Speaker 01 Oh.
12:39 Speaker 03 I, I agree with that, very much so. I, I think spending every day answering the, the call from people or in these moments, it, it really makes you reflect. Um, I don't know if it makes you go out and party, but it certainly makes you appreciate.
12:52 Speaker 02 You're not putting the fun back in funeral.
12:54 Speaker 03 We are putting the fun in funeral.
12:55 Speaker 02 You are, you are.
12:56 Speaker 03 It's.
12:57 Speaker 02 Oh, I, I get you.
12:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's not on the streets of Chicago, but.
12:59 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, he calls them funerals.
13:02 Speaker 03 That's right. That's, again, taking notes.
13:06 Conan O'Brien? Just try it. Just try one saying, I'm sorry. This is why I came on. I hope you, uh, welcome to this funeral. Just try it. I like a funeral. Funeral sounds nice. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't seem as dour. Yeah.
13:16 Speaker 01 Okay.
13:17 Conan O'Brien? Then we could call. Like carnival. We could call funnel cakes funeral cakes, just to try and switch it back the other way.
13:29 Conan O'Brien? You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?
13:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, I love awards.
13:32 Conan O'Brien? Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.
13:46 Speaker 01 Nice.
13:47 Conan O'Brien? Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.
13:55 Speaker 01 I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.
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14:19 Speaker 01 Hello.
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14:53 Conan O'Brien? Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?
14:58 Speaker 01 My kids.
14:58 Conan O'Brien? Okay, you gotta get them your stuff.
15:00 Speaker 01 Or my dog.
15:01 Conan O'Brien? And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?
15:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:11 Conan O'Brien? And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.
15:47 Conan O'Brien? Sonja, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.
15:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:53 Conan O'Brien? And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.
16:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:03 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin? With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?
16:13 Speaker 01 Because it's family.
16:14 Conan O'Brien? But what about a niece or a nephew?
16:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:18 Conan O'Brien? Like a walk with an ex-wife? I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.
16:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:25 Conan O'Brien? Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.
16:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.
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18:34 Speaker 04 Josh is, he is trying to put the fun back in vunrelent. He actually sent us all gifts. Josh, do you want to explain what these gifts are?
18:42 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, please.
18:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, so about a year ago, we had a visitor at Titan. His name is Mort and he is, we're still getting to know him. He's a little coffin plushy and he, we think in his prior life, he was a funeral director and has now come back to encourage families to plan. He's, he's very cuddly. He was the mascot of the Worcester Red Sox this year. He ran the bases.
19:05 Conan O'Brien? My family's all from Worcester, yes.
19:08 Speaker 03 Oh.
19:09 Conan O'Brien? That's the farm team. The farm team is, is in Worcester.
19:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, he, he lost the mascot race pretty, pretty badly, but he put in a good effort.
19:20 Speaker 03 Died out there.
19:24 Speaker 03 And so, yeah.
19:25 Speaker 04 Just a quick question. Well, here's the thing, I'm, no, I'm not going to hug a casket.
19:32 Conan O'Brien? I, I.
19:33 Speaker 02 Coughing.
19:33 Conan O'Brien? I'm sorry, coughing. Um, you know, uh, it's always been strange to me when, um, you know, if you're watching a commercial and it's for a kind of food, do you know what I mean? Like a hamburger and the hamburger comes out and says, "You'll love me." And whenever the animal is saying, "Please eat me." And Robert Smigel and I once worked on a sketch that we couldn't get onto Saturday Night Live for obvious reasons, but it was a cartoon hot dog and he was saying, "Convert me into shit." And it was all him, and it's him begging to be eaten, ingested, and then excreted into a toilet.
20:13 Conan O'Brien? And, cause it's the nonsense, it's insane that food would be begging you to enjoy consuming it. This, I'm getting the same vibe here with Cascady, which is.
20:23 Speaker 01 It's Mort.
20:24 Speaker 02 Mort.
20:24 Conan O'Brien? What's, I think Cascady really rolls off the tongue.
20:29 Speaker 02 Mort Cascady.
20:30 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, exactly. But he's so happy, he's someone who you think was a funeral director, died, and is enjoying the experience of being dead so much that he's come back to convince other people to die.
20:44 Speaker 02 I want you inside of me.
20:47 Speaker 03 To plan their funerals, not to die. To plan their funeral.
20:50 Conan O'Brien? Oh, to plan their funeral.
20:51 Speaker 03 Yes, not to, not to pass.
20:53 Conan O'Brien? Does he profit?
20:54 Speaker 03 He wants you to live.
20:55 Conan O'Brien? He wants you to live, but he's here to remind you that you've only got so much time left.
21:00 Speaker 03 Yes.
21:01 Conan O'Brien? Mort. Uh, now let me ask you, this is a question I have to ask. Um, who's selling Mort? Who, who benefits through sales of Mort?
21:10 Speaker 03 I mean, we sell, we sell Mort. I would say we, we've given more Mort's away than we, we sell him, but he is for sale on our, our site.
21:17 Conan O'Brien? Mm-hmm.
21:18 Speaker 03 He is, he is here to, to help though.
21:21 Conan O'Brien? Do you sell urns as well as caskets?
21:24 Speaker 03 Oh, definitely, yeah.
21:24 Conan O'Brien? And what are people looking for in an urn? Cause an urn is a much, I mean, first of all, technically you don't need an urn. Everyone's got jars at home.
21:33 Speaker 03 That's right. Yeah, again.
21:37 Conan O'Brien? You just gotta label it. It's like yogurt in the fridge. You gotta label it.
21:41 Speaker 03 Exactly.
21:42 Speaker 02 Well, I made the mistake I put it in my spice drawer.
21:44 Conan O'Brien? Oh, no. This ham tastes fantastic.
21:49 Speaker 03 Everything is aesthetics. It's, uh, what we tell families is to close your eyes and envision the look that you'd love for, for this, uh, for your loved one. And we'll have an option for you in that color, that style, and it will be affordable.
22:04 Conan O'Brien? Oh, wow.
22:05 Speaker 03 And so it's, it's really just, are you gonna place it in your home? Are you going to scatter in a place that's meaningful to you? Are you gonna, you can bury and earn and have a place to visit.
22:15 Speaker 02 Why would you bury and earn, though? Like, it feels like-
22:17 Conan O'Brien? People do it. I know that. It's quite common. People often bury and earn. First of all, you don't have to get a big plot.
22:22 Speaker 02 Okay.
22:23 Conan O'Brien? And it's, uh, it gives you, and you'll probably know the term for this, Josh, but people want a destination. They wanna, they wanna go visit this person. First of all, we all know they do that for about a year or two. And then they drift away and the grave goes untended, but-
22:40 Speaker 02 That bell just ringing. Ding ding ding.
22:42 Conan O'Brien? Ding ding ding, ding ding ding, ding ding ding.
22:47 Conan O'Brien? I just shout down into the earth, "You in the ringing!" "Lay off the bell. We'll get to ya. I'm busy." Um, wow.
22:58 Speaker 01 It's messed up.
22:59 Conan O'Brien? Josh, I blame you for this whole segment.
23:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:04 Conan O'Brien? You did this.
23:05 Speaker 03 Taken us to a dark place. Bring us, bring us back.
23:08 Conan O'Brien? But you know what? You have, I have to say this, Josh, you have a very, uh, kind face. And you seem very serene, and I think you have the kind of, uh, mean, the kind of, uh, you know, aura that someone should have who's in this business, which is, you know, doesn't he?
23:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, you do.
23:29 Conan O'Brien? You seem like you're very sympathetic. You have a lot of empathy.
23:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, you've got really kind eyes, and if, when Conan dies, I'll call, I'll call Josh.
23:39 Conan O'Brien? Well, but also-
23:40 Speaker 01 A really short casket.
23:43 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, really short.
23:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:44 Conan O'Brien? I want my legs, I want holes in my legs coming out the-
23:47 Speaker 02 To the sides?
23:48 Conan O'Brien? I want, yeah, and then I want them to curl up like the wicked witch.
23:54 Conan O'Brien? I want them to go out and in, out and in, and pulse, like with the pulsing music. Have pulsing music playing and my legs are going.
24:03 Conan O'Brien? It's Diplo.
24:07 Speaker 03 This is your official funeral plan.
24:10 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
24:10 Speaker 03 Unless you have it written down elsewhere, this podcast will.
24:13 Conan O'Brien? Well, sir, this will serve that I want Josh to handle it all. He'll get me in there. He'll cram me in.
24:19 Speaker 03 Perfect. One way or another.
24:23 Conan O'Brien? I want, I want nothing to do with Mort. Mort's, uh, why is Mort wearing a bow tie? Who made that?
24:29 Speaker 03 He's a funeral director. He's very, this is a profession that people wear suits.
24:32 Speaker 02 He stole it off a dead body.
24:38 Conan O'Brien? Please, let's not bring up grave robbing. I think that's taboo subject. I don't know, Josh. I, I, you've got me thinking about a lot of stuff right now. There's a lot to consider here.
24:50 Speaker 03 Yes.
24:50 Conan O'Brien? I do think we are a society that has largely removed all thinking about death. It's been removed from, you know, advertising has scrubbed away elderly. It's not discussed.
25:04 Speaker 02 Right.
25:05 Conan O'Brien? So this is important. This podcast is a way for people to really think about the dead, death, and what preparations they want to make. And that leads me to my next question. Have you ever suspected someone of murder because they came in and started asking about caskets before the person died?
25:27 Speaker 03 I, I remember one person asked me about buying caskets in bulk from Costco.
25:33 Speaker 03 That's my prime suspect.
25:34 Conan O'Brien? Oh, well, I sympathize with this fellow. He must have many people he's angry with. I love a guy who's really worried about, I want to kill them all, but I've got to take care of their arrangements.
25:46 Speaker 02 By the way, I like, this is like an hour-long procedural. The funeral director who solves murders, like, he's like, "I know it was foul play."
25:53 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
25:54 Conan O'Brien? That's right. Yeah, people, that's a good procedural.
25:56 Speaker 02 That would be great.
25:57 Conan O'Brien? If this becomes a show, Josh, you participate in the profits. Yeah, funeral director who, just, something's off. He's really good at being a funeral director, but bodies come in.
26:08 Speaker 02 They say it's natural causes, but this is very suspicious.
26:11 Conan O'Brien? But he's not a forensic scientist. He's not, he's not, uh, yeah.
26:16 Speaker 02 He's just a funeral director. He's like, uh, like, uh, Murder She Wrote. It's like that. It's just like a small town. People are dying unexpectedly.
26:23 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, and I think what happens is when the body comes in and it's got a large harpoon through it. And other people are saying it's a heart attack. This person's like, "I just don't know." And they have that Columbo thing of they're, they're very nice and they're just asking questions, but clearly, that's their, their way of getting the truth.
26:40 Speaker 02 And then, uh, at the end, they go, "Well, yeah, yeah, we knew it was murder. We just didn't tell you. You're just doing the funeral directing, so, yeah, you didn't need to know that."
26:46 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
26:46 Speaker 02 "Oh, okay, well, sure, yeah."
26:48 Conan O'Brien? The police, no, the police said, "Did you hear that?" It was in the paper three weeks ago and they caught the guy.
26:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
26:53 Conan O'Brien? It wasn't a murder.
26:54 Speaker 02 He had a harpoon through his chest. Yeah, you knew, yeah, yeah.
26:56 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. So why are you acting like this is a show? It's not a show, you asshole. All right, Josh.
27:03 Speaker 01 Wait, uh, Josh, do you have a question for Conan before we go?
27:06 Conan O'Brien? We may have answered it with all my funeral babble.
27:08 Speaker 03 Absolutely. As a, as a funeral visionary, Conan, um, we designed the perfect casket for you. What would that, what would that look like? Cause we, we would love to do that.
27:19 Conan O'Brien? My casket? You know, I went, I went to Ghana, where the people, and the people of Ghana are brilliant at making custom caskets. It's a tradition they've had for a long time and, I mean, beautiful woodworking where they'll make, uh, if, if the person was really into a certain kind of beer, the, the casket will be a giant, you know, six-foot beer bottle that's beautifully rendered. And, um, so they asked me, it's an episode of, uh, Conan O'Brien Must Go, or no, it was, I think Conan Without Borders.
27:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:53 Conan O'Brien? Uh, also available on the same streaming service, HBO Max. But anyway, uh, I go, you can see me go to Ghana and they ask me about my casket and I say that I want to be able to watch myself for all eternity. And they built me a casket with a TV that faces in and I get in it and they close it and I can watch on a loop.
28:13 Speaker 04 Wow.
28:13 Conan O'Brien? My shows from, you know, the 90s and 2000s and stuff on a steady, steady stream.
28:19 Speaker 04 And the shape is you.
28:21 Conan O'Brien? Yes.
28:21 Speaker 04 It's a giant you.
28:22 Conan O'Brien? And it's, oh, I forgot. I buried the lead. Hello, homerun. But I, I get inside me and we can post this photo along with, Blay, what's the lingo here?
28:36 Speaker 04 Uh, just a little, uh, Team Coco podcast on Instagram.
28:39 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, and then we'll post the photo of my casket and I brought it back. We have it here somewhere. Yeah. We really do. We have it in storage. So, sir, no sale. I'm all taken care of.
28:55 Conan O'Brien? I tied up all your time and I already own my casket.
28:59 Speaker 03 It's okay. I was stealing all the ideas we talked about.
29:03 Conan O'Brien? All right, well, we're gonna get in touch with you about this. We're gonna get in touch with you about this TV show because I think Paul's got a winner here. And I love the idea that the police already had it solved.
29:12 Speaker 03 They've already solved it.
29:13 Conan O'Brien? Every week, every week. What are you talking about? Just, just do your job and shut up. Hey, Josh, thank you so much. Really nice talking to you.
29:22 Speaker 03 You too, Conan. Can I say one nice thing before we go?
29:25 Conan O'Brien? If it's nice, of course.
29:26 Speaker 03 It, I thought, I feel like this was a little, but when I was, uh, humor was really important to my family growing up. And there was nothing more thrilling to me than when my, uh, I saw my dad laughing at something that I like.
29:36 Conan O'Brien? Mm-hmm.
29:36 Speaker 03 And that was often The Simpsons when you were there.
29:38 Conan O'Brien? Oh, thank you.
29:40 Speaker 03 I have kids and we listen to your podcast and watch Moscow and Without Borders. And I see my kids watching me laugh at your show. And I just think that you've, uh, no one's made me laugh more in my life than you and
29:52 Conan O'Brien? Oh, wow.
29:52 Speaker 03 The generational impact you had as a-
29:54 Conan O'Brien? Hey, Josh, that means, that means the world to me. Thank you. I'm, I'm ecstatic that that's true. Um, and I will tell you, I lost both my parents last December. One of the things I think about a lot is that I would watch TV with my dad and I would clock what he laughed at. And he really loved, um, Johnny Carson when he would do Karnak. So I had this- Very strong memory of watching my dad, watching this, this very silly man in a giant hat, doing really funny jokes on a late night show. And that was imprinted on my DNA.
30:34 Conan O'Brien? I know it was. And so I get what you're saying, and I'm thrilled that that's true. And we're gonna just keep trying to make more idiocy for you and your children. And you know what? Screw it. I'm getting, I'm selling the Ghana casket.
30:48 Speaker 02 What? No!
30:49 Conan O'Brien? And I'm going with Josh now. Okay, Josh? Yeah. I'll be up there. I'll come up there and we'll pick up something amazing. And I'm gonna spend, spend, spend. I wanna be buried in a Bugatti.
31:02 Conan O'Brien? That's running. And you have to keep refueling it at the cemetery.
31:08 Conan O'Brien? I'm coming, Josh. Thank you, Josh. Take care.
31:11 Speaker 03 Thank you so much. Great to meet you.
31:15 Speaker 05 Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.
31:32 Speaker 05 Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Dougherty and Lisa Bern. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are done.
32:01 Speaker 06 This podcast is supported by Nurtac ODT, Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtac can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtac is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtac ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain, or color changes in fingers
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33:00 Speaker 07 Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app at participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Inc.
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