Pod Insights Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend The Conan and Jordan Show – Painting The Barn About this episode On this episode of “The Conan and Jordan Show”, a spirited discussion about walking posture turns into an unexpected debate about water connoisseurship, with a dash of Austrian travel memories thrown in.
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:02 Conan O'Brien? The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.
0:13 Speaker 01 Same.
0:14 Conan O'Brien? Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.
0:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:18 Conan O'Brien? Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.
0:22 Speaker 01 Whaaat?
0:23 Conan O'Brien? That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry.
0:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:27 Conan O'Brien? WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I grew up with this.
0:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:49 Conan O'Brien? And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.
0:56 Speaker 01 Ohhh.
0:57 Conan O'Brien? Boy, we were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.
1:02 Speaker 01 That's cool.
1:03 Conan O'Brien? So get a gift today at weathertech.com.
1:09 Conan O'Brien? Now Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.
1:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:12 Conan O'Brien? Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.
1:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:15 Conan O'Brien? I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?
1:20 Speaker 01 A vase.
1:22 Conan O'Brien? No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.
1:24 Speaker 01 A jacket.
1:26 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.
1:27 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.
1:28 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, so now you have to do it. Cause you said you would.
1:30 Speaker 01 Aw man, I didn't know you were doing that. I didn't know you were trapping me.
1:33 Conan O'Brien? I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.
1:44 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:44 Conan O'Brien? Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.
2:19 Conan O'Brien? Okay, uh, if you've heard that annoying song, uh, it means that you're listening to the Conan and Jordan Show. I'm Conan O'Brien, joined by Jordan Schlansky. We chose that song, Jordan, because it's your favorite group, and maybe your favorite song by that group?
2:37 Speaker 02 Not necessarily, but it is an excellent song. Maybe their archetypal song.
2:41 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
2:42 Speaker 02 Why did you have to glance at the logo that said the Conan O. Jordan Show when you said the name of the show? Do you forget the name?
2:48 Conan O'Brien? You didn't know it either. If you play that back, you just said Conan O. Jordan Show. So you don't know it either. Maybe you should, maybe you should look at the screen next time.
2:57 Speaker 02 All right, all right.
2:58 Conan O'Brien? If you're gonna call me on the title of the show,
3:00 Speaker 02 Sure.
3:01 Conan O'Brien? you better have it right.
3:02 Speaker 02 Right.
3:03 Conan O'Brien? Uh, I looked at it because sometimes I need confirmation that I agreed to do this.
3:08 Speaker 02 I see.
3:09 Conan O'Brien? And there it is.
3:09 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:10 Conan O'Brien? And it's got a lot of your favorite things, a Vespa.
3:12 Speaker 02 I can't even identify some of them.
3:14 Conan O'Brien? Uh, I understand the pizza, the wine, the grapes, the Vespa.
3:18 Speaker 02 Is that a lemon behind the meatballs? What's the yellow thing?
3:23 Conan O'Brien? I didn't know what those were. That looks like, that looks like, that looks like General Chow's Chicken.
3:27 Speaker 02 That's what I thought it was.
3:28 Conan O'Brien? And I thought, I didn't know you loved General Chow's Chicken.
3:30 Speaker 02 I think Frank told me it was meatballs. But I still don't know, is that a lemon coming from behind the meatball?
3:34 Conan O'Brien? I honestly don't know what that is. Okay. And I never had the graphics person correct. Um, Jordan?
3:41 Speaker 02 Yes.
3:42 Conan O'Brien? Uh, people, I don't wanna say they enjoy our chemistry.
3:47 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:47 Conan O'Brien? There's no proof that that's the case.
3:49 Speaker 02 Right.
3:49 Conan O'Brien? But we do have a chemical reaction between us, which is quite unusual. I have never had a relationship with anyone in my entire life. I've met kings, queens, courtesans. I've never met anybody quite like you.
4:01 Speaker 02 No.
4:01 Conan O'Brien? You're an unusual fellow. Uh, we fight, we bicker, but I think beneath it all, we really do hate each other. Um, and there's no other show like this.
4:12 Speaker 02 Okay.
4:13 Conan O'Brien? People love our interactions. Whenever I walk around in the world, people say, hey, where's Jordan? How's he doing? Is he for real? That's one I get a lot. Is he for real? And I'm not sure. You might be a hallucination. This could be like the end of Fight Club where I realized you never existed. Or maybe I don't exist and you're imagining me. Uh, it's one of those things. It's a real mind blower. One of us is imagining the other. Or maybe neither of us is imagining no one. Anyway, that was a lot of, a lot of what we call filler in the business. He has a clip. Uh, Jordan, Jordan brought a clip with him today. Okay, you brought a clip?
4:53 Speaker 02 I did.
4:53 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
4:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, I spotted a paparazzo video of you. Uh, you are in fact, an A-list celebrity and from time to time. Yeah, from time to time, you're confronted by paparazzi out in the world. And I saw this one, um, a while ago and you're look, you're in New York City, walking by what I assume might be Central Park South, somewhere in the vicinity of Central Park.
5:14 Conan O'Brien? That is Central Park South.
5:15 Speaker 02 Central Park South, 59th Street, for those that are unfamiliar. You see this paparazzo standing there.
5:20 Conan O'Brien? Paparazzi.
5:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, and, um, and you know, in that moment, uh, that you're not, he does not even asking you a question. The question becomes in your mind, what do you do? How do, how do you handle? How do you react? And, and the way I interpret it is you make a conscious decision. Okay. I see this paparazzo there. Nothing new. It must happen frequently. I'm just going to continue walking, going about my day. Right. Uh, but your brain is very conscious of the fact that now you're deliberately walking, uh, with, with purpose. Now, listen, you're a man with good posture. Uh, I myself am not, and I've always appreciated that about you. You stand very erect. Okay. Now, a lot of taller people have a problem with good posture because they feel insecure about their height and they're even subconsciously trying to shrink down a bit. But you, you own it. I've always appreciated that.
6:06 Speaker 02 Now, in this particular moment, and I've seen you walk many times over many years. In this particular moment, I'm convinced that your mind is so. deliberate about I'm going to walk confidently. You pass the camera, you start, you're coming at him and you pass and then there's a shot of your ass. Walking away and your ass cheeks are gyrating from side to side because you're you're walking with such purpose. Now, listen, you have a high rider, you always have your ass. If one were to categorize different asses, they do fall into general. Everyone has a unique ass. I'm not trying to diminish anybody's uniqueness. But what I'm saying is there are general categories and yours is you'll call your ass flat. But to me, the flatness is not the most significant characteristic.
6:49 Speaker 02 You have a high rider, it rides high up on your legs and and that has a very specific look. And when you're walking away from this man's camera with such confidence, such deliberate confidence. Your ass cheeks are gyrating from side to side. It's a saunter. It is the perfect representation of a saunter. And in that moment, I don't know if you were feeling a sexuality in you in your confidence. But I'm telling you, your ass and and your pants are very form fitting as well. I remember the days when as a tall man, you found it hard to buy jeans that were long enough. And and then you found a guy to start custom making your jeans and your pants are so well fitted now. They're really hugging those ass cheeks and and I just think it's remarkable.
7:31 Speaker 02 I think we should acknowledge your ass, the behavior of your ass as you're walking away from camera in this paparazzo video.
7:38 Conan O'Brien? Would you like that to go on any longer before I interrupt you or are you done?
7:42 Speaker 02 I I said what I needed to say.
7:43 Conan O'Brien? Okay, um, I uh, I don't recall this. In general, it looks like it's a springtime, maybe fall, who can say?
7:54 Speaker 02 Maybe about forty nine weeks ago.
7:58 Speaker 02 Somewhere around May seventeenth, two thousand twenty four.
8:01 Conan O'Brien? Okay, I'm guessing there's a date on this.
8:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:05 Conan O'Brien? And we live in an era now where people have cameras out all the time. They have, there's paparazzo cameras, but there's also just people with iPhones, whatever. So you get less self-conscious about it over time. I think, I don't think I'm that much affected by this person.
8:26 Speaker 02 You're saying you would be walking like that. Again, you haven't seen this footage.
8:30 Conan O'Brien? Oh, but I know how I walk. I walk. Here's what I'll tell you. You've walked with me. I walk very quickly. I walk with purpose. I do have very good posture. None other than Steve Martin once in a note to me, talked to me about my posture.
8:46 Speaker 02 Fascinating.
8:46 Conan O'Brien? And said, pointed out that my posture was so good that it distracted him from whatever I was saying. Meaning that he thought my posture was much more impressive than my comedy.
9:00 Conan O'Brien? And I do think it's possible that I'm trying to, this is my way of coming on to whoever's photographing me, that maybe I'm putting a little English on the ass.
9:12 Speaker 02 I think you were. I've never seen your ass move like this, and I've seen your ass move many times.
9:16 Conan O'Brien? And you're, you're, you keep an eye on my ass?
9:19 Speaker 02 It presents itself to me. I'm not looking for it and I'm not looking away from it.
9:23 Conan O'Brien? My ass presents itself.
9:24 Speaker 02 Yes, it presents itself to me in certain situations. I never expected to, but sometimes there it is. Like I say, I don't turn toward or away. If it falls into my field of vision, if I'm looking this way and your ass moves there, I'm not gonna look away from it.
9:38 Conan O'Brien? You're saying much like a baboon. I use my ass to attract you.
9:43 Speaker 02 You know what? A baboon is a perfect analogy. Yes.
9:46 Conan O'Brien? And a baboon.
9:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:48 Conan O'Brien? When a baboon's ass becomes quite red, they present it.
9:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:51 Conan O'Brien? And presenting the ass is maybe the most primordial
9:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:56 Conan O'Brien? form
9:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:57 Conan O'Brien? of a sexual come on.
9:58 Speaker 02 Yeah. I honestly don't think you meant to be sexual, but I've never seen your ass move like this, and I know you were working, you were walking with a determined sense of confidence, and it manifested in your ass cheeks gyrating from left to right.
10:13 Conan O'Brien? Should we look at it?
10:14 Speaker 02 Roll the tape.
10:15 Conan O'Brien? Sure. How's it going? Good to see you. Yeah, good to see you too.
10:20 Conan O'Brien? I don't see a lot of gyrating going on there.
10:24 Speaker 02 Do you see how like there is a, see there are two diagonal creases? Primary diagonal creases in the pants.
10:31 Conan O'Brien? Eduardo, do you want to jump in? Do you see a lot of undulation of ass?
10:34 Speaker 02 I don't know what to say.
10:36 Conan O'Brien? You can say whatever.
10:37 Speaker 02 No, I just see a normal person walking.
10:39 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I don't see, I don't see what you see.
10:42 Speaker 02 Okay, so there are two diagonal creases, primary diagonal creases in the pants, and as you walk.
10:46 Conan O'Brien? You know what this is? This is, this is the Zapruder film.
10:49 Speaker 02 I would have to see the opposite of that to be able to compare. You can't identify the variable without the control.
10:54 Conan O'Brien? This is the Zapruder film, meaning, uh, a lone assassin theorist, like myself, looks at it and goes, "Yeah, that's Oswald getting off, three shots and two of them hit."
11:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:09 Conan O'Brien? But you show the exact same footage to a conspiracy theorist and they see 15 gunshots and people with arrows and parachutists and all kinds of stuff. I, uh, I don't know how not to walk like that. You know, I don't know how to...
11:28 Conan O'Brien? For that not to happen.
11:29 Speaker 02 Right.
11:30 Conan O'Brien? For one buttock not to be moving independently of the other, you would have to sew my buttocks shut and I would have to be on some kind of electric scooter where my legs are immobile.
11:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:41 Conan O'Brien? That's the only way you could achieve the non-undulation.
11:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:47 Conan O'Brien? That's the only way that could happen.
11:48 Speaker 02 Well, look, I have confidence in my observational skills and I'm familiar with your ass.
11:52 Conan O'Brien? I don't. And you say you're familiar with my ass.
11:55 Speaker 02 Obviously, something jumped out at me about this particular way your ass was moving. I immediately sent it to Frank.
11:59 Conan O'Brien? Okay, I'm gonna, uh, stand.
12:01 Speaker 02 Okay. You can take the headphones off.
12:04 Conan O'Brien? Well, I want to keep them on just so I can hear.
12:06 Speaker 02 All right.
12:07 Conan O'Brien? It's me wearing...
12:07 Speaker 02 So, yeah. All right.
12:09 Conan O'Brien? And so I'm walking.
12:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:11 Conan O'Brien? Now, you have me...
12:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, like, that's what I'm talking about.
12:13 Conan O'Brien? You have this happening.
12:14 Speaker 02 I didn't see the, you see these two diagonal creases right here? I, and they have a, I didn't see that until you started sticking your ass out right now. When you first started doing it, I, I just saw a big blob of fabric.
12:26 Conan O'Brien? Was this an excuse to touch me? You didn't need to touch me, you just touched my-
12:30 Speaker 02 The back of my hands, that's how they do it at the TSA. That's not, that doesn't count. The front of the hands counts, the back of the hands doesn't count.
12:38 Conan O'Brien? Look at his maniacal puss.
12:39 Speaker 02 No, that's how they do it at the TSA.
12:40 Conan O'Brien? Look at his maniacal puss. Whenever you start to lose it, you get crazy eyes.
12:44 Speaker 02 No.
12:44 Conan O'Brien? You get crazy eyes.
12:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:46 Conan O'Brien? Oh, so you go on a subway and you take the backs of your hands-
12:49 Speaker 02 I don't, I'm not interested.
12:50 Conan O'Brien? And you touch women's asses and then say, "Hey TSA, TSA, TSA in the USA." That's what you do?
12:55 Speaker 02 I am telling you, it is very asexual to touch anything with the back of your hands.
13:00 Conan O'Brien? That's not true. I think some of the most-
13:02 Speaker 02 No, there's no-
13:03 Conan O'Brien? Some of the most erotic moments of my life have been with the back of my hands.
13:07 Speaker 02 What are you talking about? How would you ever, how would you ever in a sexual situation use the back of your hand?
13:12 Conan O'Brien? What are you talking about? I use the back of my hands all the time in a sexual way.
13:15 Speaker 02 No, it's counterintuitive, it's completely a-
13:16 Conan O'Brien? You haven't done that?
13:17 Speaker 02 No, there's nothing you can do to anything.
13:20 Conan O'Brien? It's called painting the house. What you do is you brush the woman, or, I'm gonna say, listen, we live in a culture where it could be a woman and a guy on guy, whatever, it doesn't matter to me, woman on woman, you know. What I'm saying is, I have often used that motion, I've often used the back of my hands.
13:36 Speaker 02 The difference between the front of the hand and the back of the hand is immense.
13:39 Conan O'Brien? Not true.
13:40 Speaker 02 It's not subtle, it is not subtle.
13:42 Conan O'Brien? Old wives' tale, there's more nerve endings on the back of your hand.
13:45 Speaker 02 No, that's ridiculous.
13:46 Conan O'Brien? And guess what?
13:46 Speaker 02 Just a psychological?
13:47 Conan O'Brien? The most erogenous zone, and this is a true fact, it was in Men's Health, three months ago, look it up.
13:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:53 Conan O'Brien? Um, Ryan Reynolds is on the cover, is the back of the hand and the knuckles are the most erogenous zone on the body, more so than any other part of the body. True story.
14:02 Speaker 02 Can you imagine if you were gifted a sexual experience with someone you, you were incredibly attracted to?
14:08 Conan O'Brien? Bridgette Bardot, Bridgette Bardot, 1958.
14:10 Speaker 02 1958, but the rule was you could only use the back-
14:13 Conan O'Brien? That would be my request.
14:14 Speaker 02 You could only use the back-
14:15 Conan O'Brien? That would be the back, that would be my request.
14:17 Speaker 02 You cannot do anything you want with the back of your hands.
14:20 Conan O'Brien? My request.
14:20 Speaker 02 What a horrible, frustrating way to leave somebody hanging.
14:23 Conan O'Brien? My, that's not true.
14:25 Speaker 02 What are you talking about?
14:25 Conan O'Brien? You've never even tried it.
14:26 Speaker 02 No, what are you talking-
14:27 Conan O'Brien? You haven't tried it.
14:28 Speaker 02 Of course I haven't tried it.
14:29 Conan O'Brien? Well, if you haven't tried it, how do you know what you're talking about? You're missing out on the-
14:32 Speaker 02 Because some things you just know.
14:33 Conan O'Brien? The greatest sexual high is using the erogenous zone. The primary erogenous zones of the body are the left and right back of hands. And do you know that the knuckles, the knuckles were thought of by the Greeks as the center of eroticism?
14:47 Speaker 02 Do you know what ruined orgasms are? Do you know this sexual genre?
14:51 Conan O'Brien? What's it called? Ruined?
14:53 Speaker 02 Ruined orgasms.
14:54 Conan O'Brien? Do you mean ruined?
14:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, ruined.
14:56 Conan O'Brien? You just said ruined.
14:58 Speaker 02 That's the same thing.
14:59 Conan O'Brien? Are you losing your mind? Look at your eyebrows.
15:01 Speaker 02 Forget about ruined.
15:02 Conan O'Brien? Hey, Riddler, your eyebrows are going off the charts.
15:04 Speaker 02 Listen to me. Do you know about ruined orgasms? It's a sexual fetish. Do you understand? It's when you, it's when, uh, I want to say this in a tasteful way. When, uh, someone is going to have an orgasm.
15:18 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, when someone's about to.
15:19 Speaker 02 But at the critical moment, the sexual stimulation stops.
15:23 Conan O'Brien? Yes.
15:23 Speaker 02 Now, it's too late to stop the orgasm, but you're not enjoying the orgasm. But people love that. To me.
15:29 Conan O'Brien? What do you mean, love it? Who loves it?
15:30 Speaker 02 I'm saying people are into it. You know, deviant, deviant.
15:33 Conan O'Brien? Can I say it the correct way? Ruined?
15:35 Speaker 02 Ruined orgasm.
15:35 Conan O'Brien? Is that a New York thing when you say ruined?
15:38 Speaker 02 I don't know. That's the way I say it. Ruined.
15:40 Conan O'Brien? I've never said ruined. I'm from New York.
15:44 Speaker 02 I have a problem. But what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, that to me is another untapped sexual genre of you can be with anyone you want. You can do anything you want. Like a woman says, "Take me. Do whatever you want, but only use the back of your hands."
15:57 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
15:58 Speaker 02 That's incredibly frustrating. That's like you ruined the experience.
16:01 Conan O'Brien? Well, I'd say, I more think you ruined it. But I, I disagree with you. And I think you're, you're berating something you haven't tried. And I suggest that you go home tonight, talk about it with your wife, and say that you want to paint the barn. And that's called, that's using the back of the hands. And, uh, just try it. But I don't see, you've read into this Conan paparazzi footage of me walking, and it's, it's nonsense. It's nonsensical. Um, and I think, I'm glad that Eduardo spoke up. There's no, there's no there there. You're seeing, you're lost in a mystical world of my ass.
16:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:35 Conan O'Brien? And you've, and you can't find your way out. You're seeing things that aren't there.
16:38 Speaker 02 Like any great piece of media or art, we're all allowed our own interpretations. Eduardo, I appreciate the way he sees it. I appreciate the way I see it.
16:46 Conan O'Brien? Okay. If you ever touch me again, the front or back of hands, I'll pound you.
16:51 Speaker 02 Okay, yes.
16:52 Conan O'Brien? I'll pound your face to clay.
16:53 Speaker 02 Understood.
16:54 Conan O'Brien? Okay?
16:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:55 Conan O'Brien? You just, never do that. Or you ask first. With the TSA, it's understood that this is gonna happen.
16:59 Speaker 02 How would I have asked?
17:00 Conan O'Brien? You would have said, "May I now touch you?"
17:02 Speaker 02 Okay.
17:03 Conan O'Brien? And I've said, "No."
17:04 Speaker 02 I should have said that.
17:05 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
17:06 Speaker 02 I, I don't disagree.
17:12 Conan O'Brien? You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?
17:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, I love awards.
17:15 Conan O'Brien? Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.
17:29 Speaker 01 Nice.
17:30 Conan O'Brien? Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.
17:38 Speaker 01 I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.
17:43 Conan O'Brien? I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?
18:02 Speaker 01 Hello!
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18:37 Conan O'Brien? Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them? You fell for one.
18:42 Speaker 01 I fell for a scam.
18:44 Conan O'Brien? Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.
18:46 Speaker 01 I did lose and it was very inconvenient and now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.
18:52 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I don't know where they got that impression.
18:56 Conan O'Brien? Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.
19:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:13 Conan O'Brien? Do you know what I mean?
19:13 Speaker 01 Maybe I should start scamming.
19:15 Conan O'Brien? No, that's not the point.
19:16 Speaker 01 Oh, no, that's not the point of this.
19:17 Conan O'Brien? That's not the point.
19:18 Speaker 01 It's so much money.
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19:28 Speaker 01 Right, right, right, right.
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19:40 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
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19:48 Speaker 01 Mm.
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20:01 Conan O'Brien? We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.
20:06 Speaker 01 Are you gonna do a bit?
20:07 Conan O'Brien? No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.
20:09 Speaker 01 I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.
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20:21 Speaker 01 What?
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20:27 Conan O'Brien? No, a co-coincidence.
20:29 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
20:32 Conan O'Brien? That's why I get the big money.
20:33 Speaker 01 I gotta go.
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21:23 Speaker 01 All right.
21:24 Conan O'Brien? And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, by the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Oh, I didn't really ask. I just want you to know. It's the best way to support the show.
21:43 Conan O'Brien? Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype?
21:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, like all the time.
21:48 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I did that with an all potato restaurant.
21:51 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
21:54 Conan O'Brien? Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great, like impressions, but then they don't see revenue. You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Simon?
22:03 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, all the time.
22:04 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, LinkedIn has a word for that: bull spend.
22:07 Speaker 01 Bull spend.
22:08 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, instead, you can get the highest ROAS of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads.
22:12 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
22:13 Conan O'Brien? Cut the bull spend.
22:16 Conan O'Brien? Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com/Conan. Terms apply.
22:31 Conan O'Brien? As you know, the new season, Max Travel Series, Conan O'Brien Must Go, it's coming out, season number two.
22:39 Speaker 02 Yes.
22:40 Conan O'Brien? And we are, it'll be three episodes. And you are a part of that journey. Um, I, I, people love, the fans love it when you come along and make an appearance. Uh, we went to Austria together.
22:55 Speaker 02 Yes.
22:55 Conan O'Brien? This is gonna be seen by people. I don't know exactly when this drops, but I'm assuming it's, it's out, because it's coming out very soon. Uh, and people can watch it. It was a lot of fun. Did you enjoy Austria?
23:05 Speaker 02 I, yes, I love, uh...
23:06 Conan O'Brien? Do you call it Austria, do you call it, do you call it Austerlitz?
23:09 Speaker 02 Uh, Oesterreich.
23:10 Conan O'Brien? Pardon me?
23:11 Speaker 02 Oesterreich.
23:11 Conan O'Brien? You okay?
23:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:12 Conan O'Brien? Oh, Gesundheit.
23:14 Speaker 02 Thank you. Uh, I did, I, I had a great time. Uh, you and I had many moments, even off camera. Uh, I do believe that these experiences, uh, bring two human souls closer together. They give us, they, they, they put us in a situation where we flourish long after the trip has ended.
23:32 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. Um, it's funny how you always need to point out that we are human beings.
23:37 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
23:38 Conan O'Brien? It's completely, it's, that's just wasted verbiage. That's packing peanuts.
23:41 Speaker 02 Well, it's perspective. I like to give perspective. And I speak the way I speak. Uh, you may not understand all my motivations, but they are very deliberate. I like to paint a picture.
23:49 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
23:50 Speaker 02 You know, we, we are looking down on ourselves in that moment. We are human beings.
23:54 Conan O'Brien? Trust me, I am looking down on you right now.
23:55 Speaker 02 Okay.
23:57 Conan O'Brien? Uh, Jordan, um, we went to Vienna.
24:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:01 Conan O'Brien? I had not been to Vienna before. What a beautiful city.
24:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:04 Conan O'Brien? Incredible, and you're a man of many tastes. Uh, you appreciate different cultures. And Vienna, I saw you really come alive in Vienna.
24:12 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
24:13 Conan O'Brien? Um, and I wish I hadn't, but I did. You were, uh, you love your Wiener Schnitzel.
24:19 Speaker 02 Yes, I do.
24:20 Conan O'Brien? And you had Wiener Schnitzel every night.
24:22 Speaker 02 I did, yeah.
24:22 Conan O'Brien? And you wanted to try the Wiener Schnitzel in every restaurant.
24:25 Speaker 02 That's right.
24:26 Conan O'Brien? Um, it is a, uh, I don't know how else to say it. It's a chicken McNugget. It's a chicken McNugget that's been pounded a little flatter.
24:34 Speaker 02 It's neither chicken nor a nugget.
24:37 Conan O'Brien? It is basically a breaded, um, piece of white meat. Um, whether, whether it's veal or chicken, they make both.
24:48 Speaker 02 I'll allow it.
24:49 Conan O'Brien? But, uh, thank you, Your Honor.
24:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:51 Conan O'Brien? Appreciate it. Um, but it was quite good. But I found that by like night three, I was yearning for anything else.
25:00 Speaker 02 This is no exaggeration.
25:01 Conan O'Brien? And you kept saying, the, the waiter would come and you would say, I'll have your Wiener Schnitzel, sir. And they would say, oh, they'd click their heels. And I was just like, give me anything else at this point.
25:17 Speaker 02 You, you are a hundred percent correct. And I would have thought that fried meat is right up your alley.
25:21 Conan O'Brien? It is.
25:21 Speaker 02 It was for a day or two.
25:23 Conan O'Brien? For, no, for three days in a row. And like by the fourth day.
25:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:27 Conan O'Brien? I wanted someone to use that device that's in No Country For Old Men.
25:32 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
25:33 Conan O'Brien? That Javier Bardem has that puts a bolt in your brain.
25:35 Speaker 02 Right.
25:36 Conan O'Brien? I was done.
25:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:37 Conan O'Brien? I was done with it. They also, um, not a lot of vegetables.
25:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's correct, yeah.
25:44 Conan O'Brien? What happened with the vegetables? Did they, did the vegetables flee Germany at some point?
25:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, they, well, they, what they consider to be vegetables are potatoes, which of course is a starchy vegetable. Doesn't give me the fiber I'm looking for. I'm deliberately looking for fiber.
25:57 Conan O'Brien? You talk about this a lot. Fiber is important to you.
25:59 Speaker 02 It's incredibly important. There's a, uh, food to me, the secret to eating healthy is combining foods. It's not what you eat, it's what you eat to. Together.
26:07 Conan O'Brien? Ah.
26:07 Speaker 02 Okay, so for me, there are three components of every meal and every snack.
26:10 Conan O'Brien? I'm gonna pretend to find this interesting. Yes, go ahead, please.
26:12 Speaker 02 Protein, carbohydrates, and fiber.
26:14 Conan O'Brien? Wow, this is some new theory you've come up with.
26:16 Speaker 02 This is the way I live my life.
26:17 Conan O'Brien? Protein, carbohydrates, and fiber.
26:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's the way I live my life. No, that's absolutely not everything. That means you're gonna have a meat, you're gonna have a starch, a meat or a fish, a starch, and then a vegetable. And the vegetable is where I found it challenged in, uh,
26:30 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
26:31 Speaker 02 Osterreich.
26:31 Conan O'Brien? Um, I think we get a little spoiled here in Los Angeles. In Los Angeles, we have an abundanza, if you will. Uh, fruits, uh, oranges, um, I mean, anything you want.
26:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:42 Conan O'Brien? It's at your nearest Whole Foods.
26:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:44 Conan O'Brien? There, uh, am I correct?
26:47 Speaker 02 Well, I've traveled the world. And you have to understand, too, that,
26:49 Conan O'Brien? That doesn't sound pompous at all, by the way.
26:51 Speaker 02 No, no, I have traveled the world and, and I'm not only coming from a frame of reference of Los Angeles. I realize that there are many cultures, they all eat differently. But you have to remember, Austria, while Vienna is not in the mountains per se, Austria is a mountainous culture, and food of the mountains is typically meat and potatoes. That doesn't surprise me.
27:07 Conan O'Brien? Um, so you get your fiber, so things are regular, things move along, the trains move on time with you.
27:12 Speaker 02 One of many reasons to include fiber, not the only reason.
27:15 Conan O'Brien? Okay. You said something interesting to me.
27:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:17 Conan O'Brien? You watched me when we were getting on the plane, I think maybe coming back from Austria. And you said to me, this is true, everybody, you walked up to me and you said, I watch you.
27:26 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
27:27 Conan O'Brien? Do you remember this?
27:28 Speaker 02 I, I'm surprised you remember it, but I, I,
27:30 Conan O'Brien? You said, I watch you. I, I just, I put my stuff in the overhead compartment.
27:34 Speaker 02 Yes.
27:34 Conan O'Brien? Click it shut. I, I take my book out and my laptop and my journal and put it down. And then sit down and you came up to me and you said, I, you said, I watch you. I watch your, you said, your motions and your movements.
27:50 Speaker 02 Yes.
27:51 Conan O'Brien? And then you had a point. What was the point?
27:53 Speaker 02 Um, the point was, uh, well, there's even a larger point, which I've never expressed to you, but, um,
28:00 Conan O'Brien? You said that I move with great,
28:02 Speaker 02 With great, you move with grace and dignity, um,
28:04 Conan O'Brien? He said this to me. He walked up to me and literally people around me are opening little bags of peanuts or asking for the, and they're, everyone, people were listening to see this guy come up to me. Um, and, you know, obviously, I was, I hate to say obviously, but kindly, HBO,
28:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:23 Conan O'Brien? Max had flown me first class. I believe you were down where the wheel well of the plane was, and you climbed up through a hatch. They wouldn't even let you in economy.
28:33 Speaker 02 Sure.
28:34 Conan O'Brien? But you've been just clinging to the wheel, well, because when they retract the wheel, sometimes you fall out.
28:38 Speaker 02 I.
28:39 Conan O'Brien? Into the ocean, but you've been rescued. But anyway, you came up to me and you said, I watch you. So you had been watching me and you thought that my movements.
28:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:48 Conan O'Brien? Were beautiful.
28:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, I admire you. I go through phases in my life where I get really into something. And then it kind of passes and then maybe a few years later, Rush is like that. Sometimes like I'm listening to Rush all the time and I'm obsessed and I start watching a little bit. And then a few years go by and I don't listen. Same thing with my feelings about you. Sometimes I'm indifferent and and there'll be a year or two where I'm completely indifferent. And then there are some times where I really feel a deep, intense admiration for you. And I don't know if it's saying more about you in that moment or me in that moment, but this is one of those moments and I'm in the midst of it right now where I just admire you.
29:27 Speaker 02 For so many reasons, you've had many career-based successes, even in the past year especially. But through it all, you've maintained this grace and dignity and approachability. That is just astounding to see. And I watch you, when we get separated a bit. I watch you interact with other people and it's just stunning to me and I'm proud to know you. I'm.
29:54 Conan O'Brien? This is very sweet.
29:54 Speaker 02 I find myself inspired and I feel like I can learn a lot, not from necessarily what you say, but just how you conduct yourself. It's great to have someone like that in your life.
30:02 Conan O'Brien? That's, first of all, I do appreciate you saying that, but I remembered you specifically.
30:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:08 Conan O'Brien? Honing in on.
30:09 Speaker 02 Is this boring you? You want to get, you want to get to something? You're honing into something?
30:12 Conan O'Brien? No, no, no, first of all.
30:13 Speaker 02 I just exposed myself and you're like, okay, that's great. But what, tell me what I want to know.
30:18 Conan O'Brien? What, I took in what you said and I appreciate it. But what I want to hone in on is it almost felt like you had watched me just. You said humility.
30:31 Speaker 02 Yes.
30:31 Conan O'Brien? And that you had just watched me put my stuff in the overhead compartment and I thought.
30:34 Speaker 02 That's it.
30:35 Conan O'Brien? I just put some stuff in an overhead compartment.
30:38 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:39 Conan O'Brien? And you were talking like you had seen Gandhi, you know, bathe the feet of a leper. And I thought, eh, I, I, I appreciate all of this. I really do, Jordan.
30:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:49 Conan O'Brien? And we've been together a long time and I appreciate you saying that and I do take it in. But I thought it was, I'm, I'm, I'm sitting down in this nice airplane seat and I just put my stuff in the overhead compartment. And you talked to me as if Christ had just raised Lazarus.
31:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:04 Conan O'Brien? And that, that felt, I have to say, a little out of place.
31:07 Speaker 02 Okay. I understand you think like that, but what I'm saying is yes, you put your, your bag in the overhead compartment. You sat, you had a window seat, you had your glasses on and your hair was all messy and frazzled. And you leaned your head against the window. I think someone said something to you and you responded very politely. And I, and I remember just thinking like, and I have thoughts, I have deep thoughts in my head.
31:27 Conan O'Brien? Well, anyone who says I have deep thoughts doesn't have deep thoughts.
31:30 Speaker 02 So what I'm saying is-
31:30 Conan O'Brien? Einstein didn't go around saying, "I have deep thoughts."
31:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:33 Conan O'Brien? He, people, real thinkers don't tell people, "I'm thinking."
31:38 Speaker 02 Well, guess what? I'm a thinker and I'm telling you that I'm a thinker. Okay? So there, I broke the mold. But listen, what I'm saying is-
31:43 Conan O'Brien? Look at the eyebrows, look at the eyes.
31:44 Speaker 02 What I'm saying is-
31:45 Conan O'Brien? If you're watching this, if you can see the video, when you lose it, your eyebrows become those of a madman.
31:50 Speaker 02 I found it, I found it. Okay? Maybe you have it backwards. When I find it, my eyebrows react accordingly. So I witnessed you and I admired you in that moment and I felt that I needed to tell you, even though I understand that to a normal human being.
32:02 Conan O'Brien? Don't judge, like, don't say "normal human being" and gesture to me.
32:04 Speaker 02 These kinds of sentiments seem foreign.
32:06 Conan O'Brien? Eduardo, am I a normal human being in any way?
32:09 Speaker 02 No.
32:09 Conan O'Brien? No! There's never been anybody like me!
32:13 Speaker 02 No, you're a guy-
32:14 Conan O'Brien? Where's your grace and humility now?
32:15 Speaker 02 You're a guy that would, you know how I know you're a normal human being? Cause you would do well in, do you know what the Jennifer Hudson Spirit Tunnel is?
32:21 Conan O'Brien? I don't know what's happening.
32:22 Speaker 02 Do you know that Jennifer Hudson, she has a show? And, and when the guests go to the show, the entire staff is like cheering and dancing as they walk through the hallway and they dance too. And it shows what kind of person, what kind of brain you're dealing with. Cause some people flourish in those environments. They're dancing and they're moving and they're so natural. And then some people walk through completely awkwardly and that would be, I would be the second, but you would be the first. You would like embrace it and you-
32:45 Conan O'Brien? I don't know that I'm ready for the Jennifer Hudson Spirit Tunnel.
32:48 Speaker 02 No, I'm saying you would, you would do well. And, and some people, it's, it's a little cringe-worthy to watch. And look-
32:54 Conan O'Brien? So this is the, the guests have to walk through this?
32:56 Speaker 02 The guests to get to the studio and they put it on social media. It's a whole thing.
33:00 Conan O'Brien? I've not been asked to be on Jennifer Hudson's show and I like Jennifer Hudson, I admire her. But I don't think I could ever walk through a tunnel of people cheering me on.
33:08 Speaker 02 It's a barometer for what kind of brains does this person have? How comfortable are they in their own skin? You are very comfortable in your own skin.
33:14 Conan O'Brien? But I think I'd be comfortable in the Jennifer Hudson Spirit Tunnel. Yeah, show me the, Eduardo, thank you.
33:19 Speaker 02 Here's Kevin Hart, dude.
33:20 Conan O'Brien? Here's Kevin Hart.
33:21 Speaker 02 Okay, he'll be a good one.
33:22 Conan O'Brien? Well, if anyone was built for the Jennifer Hudson Spirit Tunnel, it's Kevin Hart.
33:36 Conan O'Brien? Oh, oh, I see.
33:42 Speaker 02 Now, you can handle it however you want. People do different things.
33:50 Speaker 02 So you would do well. You were probably already envisioning how you'd handle it, and I would do horribly.
33:56 Conan O'Brien? This is the staff?
33:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, this is the staff, and they write a song that I think has significance to that particular person.
34:05 Conan O'Brien? Hey, you know what's interesting? Is there, how does she have any time to interview people? This is incredible. This is, this is 45 minutes, and it's still going. Wow, that is, that is incredible. I saw Kevin Hart age during that. He had a beard when it was over, that he did not have at the beginning. Um, yeah, I could handle that.
34:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:27 Conan O'Brien? I could handle that. Let's see what it looks like. Conan O'Brien.
34:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, see, that's it, that's it. That's it.
34:33 Conan O'Brien? Conan O'Brien.
34:38 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I'd do that for a while, yeah, yeah, and I'd do some, I'd do some push-ups and...
34:41 Speaker 02 That's how I guess.
34:42 Conan O'Brien? I would, uh...
34:43 Speaker 02 You take it to the next level.
34:44 Conan O'Brien? You know what I would do? I would not leave the Spirit Tunnel.
34:47 Speaker 02 Right.
34:48 Conan O'Brien? You see how long Kevin Hart did? I would stay in for at least 20 minutes.
34:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:54 Conan O'Brien? And they'd be out there. If you don't leave, the staff has to keep going. So they would go to a commercial break, come back. And I'm still going, and then they'd go to another commercial break. Other guests would be on the runway. They never, you know, there'd be people there to talk about real things. They'd have like the Secretary of the Interior, they'd have... No, nobody gets on because, and they would keep coming back and trying to get my attention, say, Conan, you've gotta just stop now because, you know, Tina Fey is gonna come. Nope, I'm just keep, I just keep going.
35:21 Speaker 02 Right.
35:21 Conan O'Brien? I just keep movin' and groovin'.
35:23 Speaker 02 Right.
35:24 Conan O'Brien? I would use the Spirit Tunnel and turn it into an eternal hell for the viewer. An eternal hell. Well, Jordan, I do take what you say seriously. And I take it to heart, and you're a nice guy to say those nice things about me. And, you know, I think there's room for us to grow in our relationship. And I hope you'll allow that growth to happen.
35:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
35:48 Conan O'Brien? Thank you. What a warm response.
35:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, I would like to grow with you as well.
35:52 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
35:53 Speaker 03 Can I bring up something about Austria?
35:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:56 Speaker 03 I understand that you were a huge fan of the water.
36:00 Conan O'Brien? Oh, true story.
36:01 Speaker 02 Oh, yes.
36:02 Conan O'Brien? You requested certain waters.
36:04 Speaker 02 Oh, yes, Vosslauer, Vosslauer. So, you know, I'm a... Some people drink water and they think all water is the same. Okay, fools. I, when I, when I, when I encounter water, yeah.
36:18 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
36:18 Speaker 02 Okay, when I encounter water, every type of water is different. Obviously, the biggest difference would be sparkling versus flat. But even within that, what are the size of the bubbles?
36:28 Conan O'Brien? You can taste differences in...
36:30 Speaker 02 A hundred percent, mouthfeel, taste. And I argue you can taste them too, if I gave them to you side by side. In a vacuum, maybe you can't tell the difference.
36:36 Conan O'Brien? I have, I have to say, I, I might be a little bit of a dummy when it comes to water. I know, I know bad water, meaning, oh, this is water out of a tap and they put too much chlorine or the pipes are rusty, you know. I know that, but I don't think I know one water from another water. You know your waters?
36:57 Speaker 02 Well, I, I know what waters I like. So, the, one of the most defining characteristics about water is how many total dissolved solids are in them, expressed in parts per million, also known as TDS. So, you've got your average, like, average, maybe Avion has 150 parts per million TDS. And that's a very comfortable, it doesn't leach your minerals, nor does it really enhance your body. But, and then you have very, like, waters like Voss, the Norwegian water, which has great packaging and everything like that, but it's got like a very low TDS. And then you've got like a Gerolsteiner from Germany with a very high TDS. You drink a liter of this and you have like a quarter of your day's requirement of calcium. So there's a water in Austria called Wollslauer. And unfortunately, it's not imported into the United States.
37:39 Speaker 02 But whenever I go to Austria, to me, that's a huge draw to be able to order a Wollslauer. And you had Wollslauer too, because that's what people drink there.
37:45 Conan O'Brien? I don't know, I had some water.
37:46 Speaker 02 That's what I'm saying.
37:47 Conan O'Brien? That's what it tastes like to me. I had water and I, I don't, I, I did not drop the glass and go, um. Aggatn himu.
37:55 Speaker 02 Yes, that's right.
37:55 Conan O'Brien? What is this? I didn't do that.
37:56 Speaker 02 You know, I watch you drinking it and I, I think to myself.
37:59 Conan O'Brien? Why are you always watching me? All of your stories are you in a corner with your hands in your pants, watching me.
38:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's right.
38:04 Conan O'Brien? What the hell are you doing? You're watching me on a paparazzi.
38:06 Speaker 02 But the rest is correct. Well, yeah, I, I watch you drinking that Wollslauer and I'm thinking, that jackass. He doesn't even realize what he's drinking. He's just shoveling it down.
38:13 Conan O'Brien? You just saw a donkey at the trough, didn't you?
38:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's, that's exactly what I saw.
38:17 Conan O'Brien? All right, well, let's, uh, let's do it. Let's get this going.
38:19 Speaker 03 We're gonna do a little blind taste test.
38:20 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I've got, I've got things to do and places to go.
38:22 Speaker 02 Oh, I'm sorry if I was keeping you.
38:23 Conan O'Brien? No, no, no, not at all, not at all.
38:25 Speaker 02 All right.
38:25 Conan O'Brien? Why don't you put this blindfold on and let's see if you can tell your Wollslauer from your shooting.
38:31 Conan O'Brien? Oh my God, what a cuckoo.
38:34 Conan O'Brien? You cackling chimp, what are you doing to him? Just put his.
38:38 Speaker 02 I probably don't need the headphones, because again, we're in very close proximity.
38:41 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, why do we need the headphones? Oh, it doesn't matter. Keep them on. You're sure you, you can't see through that and, and it's, it's a, do the honor system. Keep your eyes closed anyway. And why don't you give that a little sip,aroo? Each of us has a glass there.
38:54 Speaker 02 Oh, there it is. Okay.
38:55 Conan O'Brien? Okay. And why don't you give that a little sip?
39:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, perfectly fine. I put it at a TDS of around, uh.
39:05 Conan O'Brien? You realize we don't know what TDS is. You explained it.
39:08 Speaker 02 I just explained it. Yeah, total dissolved sol, expressing parts per million, calcium, magnesium, phosphoric acid.
39:12 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, um, yeah.
39:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, I put that at like a, uh, 234 TDS parts per million, uh, fine, perfectly fine water. I'd be happy to drink that.
39:21 Conan O'Brien? Wapner, can you identify the water?
39:23 Speaker 02 Oh.
39:23 Conan O'Brien? Try and identify it.
39:27 Speaker 02 Um, I can't identify it.
39:30 Conan O'Brien? It just tastes like water to you, right?
39:31 Speaker 02 It's somewhere, it's, I'd express what it tastes like. I can't.
39:34 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, it's fine. You said it's fine.
39:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's fine.
39:37 Speaker 03 Well, that was, uh, your favorite water.
39:39 Conan O'Brien? That was your favorite water. That was, no, no, take off your blindfold.
39:41 Speaker 02 Okay.
39:42 Conan O'Brien? That was the much vaunted Vosslauer.
39:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, but that's the Ona. I wanted the Prickland. That's, I wanted the Prickland. You got the Ona variety.
39:50 Conan O'Brien? I don't, I don't understand what you're talking about. What's the difference?
39:52 Speaker 02 You fools, you bungled the operation. I like the Prickland. I like the Prickland. You thought you were so clever.
39:59 Conan O'Brien? Of course you like the Prickland.
40:00 Speaker 02 You thought you were so clever, you had half information and you didn't, and you didn't get the right one. The Prickland.
40:05 Conan O'Brien? So this is the Prickland?
40:06 Speaker 02 No, that's the Ona.
40:08 Conan O'Brien? What's the difference between the Ona and the Prickland?
40:10 Speaker 02 The Prickland is the sparkling and the Ona is the flat.
40:13 Conan O'Brien? And so you wanted?
40:14 Speaker 02 I wanted the sparkling. I wanted the Prickland.
40:16 Conan O'Brien? You know what? You're an asshole.
40:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:18 Conan O'Brien? You're just a terrible person.
40:20 Speaker 02 Right.
40:20 Conan O'Brien? This.
40:20 Speaker 02 I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for this, but if you're gonna do it, do it right.
40:24 Conan O'Brien? I didn't do any of this. I didn't set any of this up.
40:27 Speaker 02 It's Frank who set this up.
40:28 Conan O'Brien? But for you to say, "You fools, you fools."
40:31 Speaker 02 You're part of the operation. You're the, you're the figurehead of this operation. Everything goes through you.
40:36 Speaker 03 We got this from Austria. It was shipped in.
40:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you're trying to ridicule me for not detecting that this is my favorite water. Whereas you shouldn't have got the Prickland.
40:43 Conan O'Brien? Hey, down, down, down Rex, down. What's fascinating to me is that the term, "You fools, you fools."
40:50 Speaker 02 Right.
40:51 Conan O'Brien? "You fools, you've bungled it." That is reserved for the D-Day invasion.
40:55 Speaker 02 Okay.
40:55 Conan O'Brien? That is reserved for Operation Desert Storm going wrong. That is reserved for a major operation, that, for, for the 1066 invasion of England by the Normans. That's what that's reserved for. "You fools, you fools, you've bungled it." Not getting you the incorrect type of Vosslauer water. That's not where you say, "You fools, you fools." Do you understand?
41:18 Speaker 02 This is my 1066 invasion of England, okay?
41:23 Conan O'Brien? You went on and on about Vosslauer.
41:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:25 Conan O'Brien? We gave you a blind taste test. You shrugged and said it's fine.
41:28 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:29 Conan O'Brien? So, um, and then you, and this is after you had described it as the water that Christ walked upon. So you understand that now I'm a little, yes, it may not be the exact subset of the types of water that you like, but I'm a little suspicious that water means that much to you and that you can tell the difference.
41:44 Speaker 02 Okay. So I guess I'm the fool now.
41:46 Conan O'Brien? Yes.
41:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:47 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. You're the chimp.
41:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:48 Conan O'Brien? You're the chump.
41:48 Speaker 02 Yeah. I have.
41:49 Conan O'Brien? You're the orang.
41:50 Speaker 02 I, you see things superficially to you while water's the same, but I'm the fool because I understand the chemical composition of water and how it affects the overall experience.
41:58 Conan O'Brien? You just had Vosslauer and shrugged.
42:00 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
42:00 Conan O'Brien? Okay? Acted like you just drank it out of a Chicago YMCA.
42:04 Speaker 02 Sure.
42:04 Conan O'Brien? Okay?
42:05 Speaker 02 Sure.
42:06 Conan O'Brien? And so I don't understand why you're supposed to be the superior one here.
42:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, I, I.
42:10 Conan O'Brien? Apologize.
42:11 Speaker 02 Yeah. If you're trying to make me look like a fool, I think you failed.
42:13 Conan O'Brien? I, I don't think I made you look like anything.
42:15 Speaker 02 Okay.
42:15 Conan O'Brien? I showed you as who you really are.
42:17 Speaker 02 Right. Okay.
42:17 Conan O'Brien? I showed you who you be and what you be.
42:19 Speaker 02 I'm impressed that you found the Vosslauer though. I, I have never seen it in the United States. Yeah. I mean, I'm impressed at the mechanics of the operation. If, if, if the center of the operation failed, at least the mechanics were there. It was well executed. Poorly conceived, well executed.
42:34 Conan O'Brien? Look at his eyes.
42:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:35 Conan O'Brien? Look at his eyes. You have the eyes of a madman. You know that, don't you? The eyes of a predator.
42:40 Speaker 02 These are my eyes. These are the eyes. Why is it okay to poke fun at somebody's physical appearance? These are my eyes. It's true that the eyes are not often lumped in with the common slights that people are sensitive about physically. Usually it's things like weight.
42:53 Conan O'Brien? I'm not saying they're not.
42:54 Speaker 02 Height, height in some cases.
42:55 Conan O'Brien? I'm not saying you're unattractive or anything like that.
42:57 Speaker 02 But eyes is usually, you think that's safe territory? You think it's okay to poke fun at someone?
43:02 Conan O'Brien? Your eyebrows get naturally high and your eyes.
43:05 Speaker 02 Why is that?
43:06 Conan O'Brien? Do you guys see it?
43:07 Speaker 02 Why is this not inappropriate? To be fair, you talked about his ass earlier. Yeah. But I, I, I enjoyed your ass. I wasn't criticizing your ass. I didn't say, I didn't say your ass was aesthetically displeasing.
43:18 Conan O'Brien? You zeroed out on my ass and I'm not allowed to talk about your eyes?
43:21 Speaker 02 You could talk about my eyes complimentary. You're insulting my eyes.
43:24 Conan O'Brien? I'm not insulting them. I said it.
43:26 Speaker 02 Eyes exempt from the normal rules of physical courtesy.
43:29 Conan O'Brien? Okay. I need a, this, I'm so upset now. I need a glass of this Vosslauer to calm down.
43:37 Conan O'Brien? Hmm. Voslar. Um, I don't know that this is valuable to anybody. I don't know if anyone's still listening at this point.
43:45 Speaker 02 Sure.
43:45 Conan O'Brien? If people are listening in a rental car, they probably veered it sharply to the right and hit an oak tree. Um, they've gone to a better place. Uh, I just want to say that once again, this was the Conan and Jordan Show, and we did our best to bring you my relationship with Jordan Schlansky. It's a strange one. I can't quantify it. I can't qualify it. Those are two Qs.
44:07 Speaker 02 Hmm.
44:08 Conan O'Brien? Um, and shout out to Questlove. But, uh, we're taking off now and Jordan, happy journeys to you.
44:17 Speaker 02 Thank you.
44:18 Conan O'Brien? In all you do here.
44:19 Speaker 02 And to you.
44:20 Conan O'Brien? Have a drink.
44:20 Speaker 02 Out of LA from Italy, naturally carbonated.
44:23 Conan O'Brien? Go ahead.
44:23 Speaker 02 Sure, it doesn't have the bubble size of a Gerald Steiner, but.
44:25 Conan O'Brien? A sip.
44:26 Speaker 02 Excellent.
44:26 Conan O'Brien? Have a sip.
44:27 Speaker 02 Delicate, elegant.
44:28 Conan O'Brien? If you could sip, you can't talk.
44:43 Speaker 03 Conan and Jordan Show with Conan O'Brien and Jordan Schlansky is produced by me, Frank Smiley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Jim McClure. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez. Our supervising producer is Andrew Gruce. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. The theme song is Tom Sawyer by Rush. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan and Jordan? Call the Team Coco hotline, 669-587-2847, and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine
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