Jüs’d

Conan talks to Jon in Reno about starting his own juice bar business, the virtues of celery, and how much juice could be squeezed from Conan himself. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Same.

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  Whaaat?

• 0:23Conan O'Brien?

  That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry problem. WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I grew up with this.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:49Conan O'Brien?

  And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy, my dad had a Chevy Impala, and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Oh, what?

• 0:58Conan O'Brien?

  We were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:03Conan O'Brien?

  So get a gift today at weathertech.com.

• 1:10Conan O'Brien?

  One in four Americans targeted by scams ended up falling for them.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  I did.

• 1:14Conan O'Brien?

  For me, it would be four out of four. Did you fall for a scam?

• 1:16Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam once.

• 1:17Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god, incredible.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  They didn't steal much.

• 1:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, still, you got taken for a ride. And you just put it out there that you're easy to scam.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  I am!

• 1:25Conan O'Brien?

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• 1:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I need this.

• 1:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you do need it. You need it fast. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  Hi, John. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

• 2:12Conan O'Brien?

  How are you, John? Good to see you.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  I'm amazing. How are you guys?

• 2:15Conan O'Brien?

  Well, we'll decide if you're amazing or not, John. That's our decision. We are the judge, jury, and executioner. John, that made no sense, and I apologize. Where are you coming to us from right now, John?

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Located in Reno, Nevada, just north of you guys.

• 2:30Conan O'Brien?

  I was gonna go by your house plant behind you and your guitar that was Reno. I'm coming in hot, and I apologize, John. But I just had some very sugary cereal. The company that makes Fruity Pebbles sent us in a couple of boxes of Fruity Pebbles, and I had three bowls of Fruity Pebbles with whole milk. Yes.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  That's my favorite cereal.

• 2:49Conan O'Brien?

  It's out there. There's tons of them. And I, it's like I mainlined something that's much purer than crack cocaine.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  And big bowls or small bowls? How much volume are we talking?

• 3:01Conan O'Brien?

  How dare you ask me a question? John, I came in way too hot, John, and that's a fair question. I would say a medium-sized bowl, a healthy-sized bowl. And that's why I'm revving a little bit. And I blame the people who make the delicious and fantastic Fruity Pebbles. John, let's get to the point. You come from Reno. What is it you do? Who are you? Tell us about this man named John.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely. Born and raised in Reno, Nevada, for better or worse. And yeah, started a couple juice bars with my older brother in Reno.

• 3:34Conan O'Brien?

  You and your older brother own some juice bars in Reno, Nevada?

• 3:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, we started them after I dropped out of college. We started them when I was 19 years old. And I'm 32 years young now, and...

• 3:51Conan O'Brien?

  How are they doing? Is this a viable, are you making your living off these juice bars?

• 3:56Speaker 03

  I am making my living off of these juice bars.

• 3:59Conan O'Brien?

  Congratulations. That's very cool. You're an entrepreneur. This is, this is very cool.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's exciting. It's a lot of smoothies for a living. But, you know, I'm constantly, constantly making and serving smoothies, you know, year after year. But, you know, there's worse problems to have on this.

• 4:16Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I don't know that there are, but... John, tell us about these smoothies, these juices that you make. Pretend I'm a potential investor, or let's simplify it, a customer. What makes these juices or smoothies so great? Sell me on these.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  Well, absolutely, yeah. So Raw and Fresh is what sets us apart, I would say. You know, we joined sort of the juice bar craze. Everybody's getting green juice. Do you guys drink any green juice?

• 4:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, I like a green juice every now and then. And I do have a habit of making, I've been doing it for a while. I make a smoothie for myself in the morning using like three fistfuls of baby spinach. And then I put some protein powder in there and some fruit.

• 5:04Speaker 03

  And fruity pebbles?

• 5:05Conan O'Brien?

  No, no. The fruity pebbles was an aberration. I don't do that a lot, but they sent the fruity pebbles and it is my, it's, I can't help it. It's.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  You're teaching every, every product that they could just send it to you and you're gonna use it no matter what it is.

• 5:23Conan O'Brien?

  Well, so far, yes, yes, every time. I mean, we get sent a lot of fresh medicines and antibiotics from the pharmaceutical companies and I just immediately inject them into my body without even knowing what they are. So send us whatever you got.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Send us some juice.

• 5:38Conan O'Brien?

  No, but, but the juices, so I'm familiar with, it's a good way to get some good stuff into you. And, and it is. What's wrong with that?

• 5:49Speaker 02

  You're sugar crashing.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  It's just the wording. Get some good stuff into you.

• 5:54Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it is, I mean, when am I gonna eat a couple of handfuls of spinach? That's not gonna happen.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 6:00Conan O'Brien?

  I'm not Popeye. That's not gonna happen. I'm not with olive oil, sailing the seven seas. That's not gonna happen in my life. But if I put it into a kind of a tasty vanilla tinged juice or smoothie, that's going into my body. So what kind of juices do you have? What do you recommend?

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, so we're all over the spectrum. You know, like, real health juicing is just like, no fruit juice, not that much sugar. You can have a little bit, but like, mainly you're talking like spinach, kale, cucumber, celery.

• 6:35Conan O'Brien?

  Now, what makes that?

• 6:35Speaker 03

  Just all the boring stuff.

• 6:36Conan O'Brien?

  What makes that palatable? How do you take all that stuff and make it drinkable?

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Um, you know, you know, we sell things like shots and stuff, and I tell people it's just like taking any other shot, you just get it down, you know, like cucumber kale spinach juice is always gonna taste.

• 6:52Conan O'Brien?

  That's really funny that you're serving a product for people to eat and you're saying, "Just get it down quickly and ignore the taste." Do you know what I mean? Can you imagine a restaurant where they're like, "Just get it in you fast! Just get it in fast!" And then just, just hold it down, you're gonna wanna vomit, but hold it down.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  Uh, once in a blue moon, we get like bad Yelp reviews, where they go like, "This product tastes like shit, I don't understand what the hype is about." And we always respond like, "It's supposed to taste like that, it's really good for you."

• 7:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's got shit in it.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  So, yeah, we run with this.

• 7:23Conan O'Brien?

  We put feces in it because it's a good roughage. Um, uh, are there, there are some things that I'm suspicious of that shouldn't, like, I don't like, uh, well, I know beets are good for me, but I don't like beets.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  I have a beef with beets.

• 7:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I do too.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  Because they look like candy.

• 7:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  They look like watermelon, they, they're false advertising.

• 7:44Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  They taste like absolute ass.

• 7:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yes, yes, yes, and yet it's the staple crop in Russia.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 7:50Conan O'Brien?

  Um, and, uh, and, and people swear by beets. I, uh, I'm with you on this.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 7:58Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, beets look red and wonderful and inviting, and it looks like you're gonna bite into the sweetest cherry in the world, and you bite into it, and suddenly, your mouth is World War III.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Oh, I disagree, I like borscht a lot.

• 8:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, I mean, you grew up in a different country in a different time.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, a different political ideology.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  What does that have to do with liking borscht?

• 8:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you grew up under the, uh, cold iron boot of an authoritarian regime.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  That's not true.

• 8:25Conan O'Brien?

  Um.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  That is not true.

• 8:26Conan O'Brien?

  So, uh, back to you, John, and I apologize for my compatriots bursting in like that. I've made it very clear to them they shouldn't speak. And yet they do, and yet I continue to invite them in and encourage them to speak and pay them to speak. John, I'm still on a fruity pebbles high right now.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  I'm jealous, man.

• 8:43Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, you know what you should do? Make a really healthy shake, but then throw a handful of fruity pebbles in there and you've got a delicious shake.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  That's what he was saying. He said that earlier.

• 8:51Conan O'Brien?

  Did you say that earlier?

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Okay, well, we're paying attention, John. Sorry.

• 8:55Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, John.

• 8:56Speaker 03

  It'll be new on our list. Oh, no, of course, yeah.

• 8:58Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, um, I have a question. Celery. Is celery anything?

• 9:06Speaker 01

  That's a good question, though. You're right.

• 9:08Conan O'Brien?

  Is it anything? What is celery?

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Celery is definitely something.

• 9:12Conan O'Brien?

  It's just water that somehow managed to form into a stick, isn't it?

• 9:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:17Conan O'Brien?

  Isn't it water that took a- It's water that took a class and got hypnotized and thinks it's a stick.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  But it's not beets. It's not telling you anything different.

• 9:25Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's not telling you anything, but what is, does, is there any nutritional value in celery? Let's say I'm in a shipwreck. I go overboard. I get into a little raft and all it has is celery. Do I survive after 30 days or am I dead?

• 9:41Speaker 03

  I would say emphatically, no, you do not survive.

• 9:44Conan O'Brien?

  Because what's in celery?

• 9:45Speaker 03

  With just celery. Well, it's got a lot of water and water and sodium and potassium. And, uh, yeah, I mean, it's-

• 9:53Conan O'Brien?

  It's got nothing, but it's a nice vessel.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  Dip in peanut butter. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 9:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes, it's like a cracker you don't mind, a tasteless cracker, but then you put some peanut butter on it, it's fine. But in and of itself, why would you add celery to any? And look, I know that there are some listeners right now saying, why is Conan going down this celery road?

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:11Conan O'Brien?

  I, I think he's lost his noodle. He's gone, uh, you know.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  He's been pebbled.

• 10:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he's been pebbled. But no, I think I'm onto something. Isn't celery a waste of time? Why put it in anything?

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Well, you're right. It is mostly water. And then while you were saying that, I was thinking that, you know, it does form into celery and then we technically are turning it back into a water product to put it back into juice.

• 10:31Conan O'Brien?

  But does it have roughage? Because roughage has its value.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  But celery has tons of value. You want all that potassium, you want all that sodium.

• 10:40Conan O'Brien?

  It's salt.

• 10:41Speaker 03

  It is a great source of water.

• 10:42Conan O'Brien?

  I have a bagel, there's some salt on it.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  I like the crisp crunch where the beets just let you down. That's fiber too. Yeah, fiber.

• 10:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, fiber, roughage. I said roughage.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  I'll take celery over beets any day. No, beets over celery. I said it wrong. I said it incorrectly, but I'll take beets over celery. Yeah, I'm with you on celery.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Also, can I add, you guys are crazy for hating beets. I'm team Sona here because beets are great.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  All right, John.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  You can pickle them, you can boil them, you can juice them.

• 11:09Conan O'Brien?

  You know what's funny?

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Possibilities are endless.

• 11:12Conan O'Brien?

  I hate a beet, but when you say pickle it, suddenly I'm down. Let it rot for a little bit and then I'm all in the basement and then I'm ready to go. No, if you don't like a food, pickling it doesn't make you like it more, John. I'm sorry, I've never been angrier at anyone in my life.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  I understand.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  I never knew your feelings about celery, but I agree with you.

• 11:35Conan O'Brien?

  You're in business with your brother. Now, I love my brothers, but if I went into business with them, there'd be gunplay pretty quickly. There'd be shots fired. I can't. Do you get along with your brother and what's your brother's name?

• 11:49Speaker 03

  My brother's name is Adam. Yeah, we started the business together and my number one piece of advice is you got it perfectly right. Don't go into business with your family. It's never a good idea.

• 11:59Conan O'Brien?

  Does he add, is he additive? Does he add much to it or is he sort of this celery in your shake? Is he just this, he's there, he adds a little bit of sodium and a lot of water and like you could do without him, but whatever, he's here. Be honest, is he, is your brother celery? Is Adam celery?

• 12:14Speaker 03

  I would like, I would like to think I'm the beets in this family, versatile, delicious. And then, yeah, I would like to think he's the celery.

• 12:20Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  He's a little bit boring, a little plain, you know. No, he's great. Yeah, and boy, do we fight. You know, we've developed some skills over the years of not like screaming at each other in front of customers and staff.

• 12:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, when people go to a juice bar, they don't want to see two guys screaming at each other. It's supposed to be, you're like a yoga studio.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:37Conan O'Brien?

  You're supposed to represent this calm, self-nurturing. Exactly.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  What do you fight over in the juice world?

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Oh my gosh, you wouldn't believe it. Recipes, how much chocolate we should add to something.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Chocolate, a lot.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, who's more and who's less chocolate, you or Adam?

• 12:55Speaker 03

  Uh, I would say I'm probably more chocolate and he's probably less chocolate.

• 13:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and can I say something? I'm gonna jump in here, and I know that's unusual for me to talk a lot on these things, but, um, I'd say if you're using beets, go very heavy on the chocolate.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:09Conan O'Brien?

  Anything you can to kill the beet and force the beet.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Agreed.

• 13:11Conan O'Brien?

  Into a silence.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  That beet-chocolate combo, you would be surprised. It's, it's, no, no.

• 13:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. It's, uh, it's incredible. Um, so, uh, banana, how do you feel about a banana? Is that too much sugar?

• 13:23Speaker 03

  Love bananas. Not too much sugar at all. It's an evolutionary sugar. It's the kind of sugar you want, so yeah, all types of bananas.

• 13:30Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, if it comes from a tree or a plant, it's gotta be good for us.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:33Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, some poisons come from trees and plants. That was a stupid thing I just said.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  No, I think food-wise.

• 13:40Conan O'Brien?

  No, I should've qualified.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Unless they're poisonous berries.

• 13:44Conan O'Brien?

  With the exception of certain poisoned berries.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:46Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I'm just trying to be safe and make sure that no kids out there get hurt.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  I love bananas.

• 13:50Conan O'Brien?

  A lot of kids listen to this podcast and then do immediately what I said.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 13:53Conan O'Brien?

  A lot of young children. Um, so...

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Dave Tovin's favorite fruit.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Bananas?

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Banana na.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Banana na.

• 14:02Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god. Oh my god, um, John, not only do I apologize, but you, I give you permission to sue us.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Oh, great.

• 14:10Conan O'Brien?

  And I will not contest the, I will not contest the suit.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  You know what Dr. Dre's favorite fruit is?

• 14:14Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Beets.

• 14:15Conan O'Brien?

  Beets by, by Dre. Um, John, you can't do the banana joke and then get on me for that.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  Beets were not good.

• 14:23Conan O'Brien?

  Huh?

• 14:23Speaker 01

  It was not good.

• 14:24Conan O'Brien?

  John, is there any way that I can cut, I can just talk to John myself and these two?

• 14:28Speaker 03

  I would love that.

• 14:29Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I wish, I wish that this was, there was a section, there was a button where I could push and you two were ejected into space. This whole side of the room was ejected.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  I wish that's fair.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  You need Eduardo and you need Adam.

• 14:41Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, really? I need Eduardo?

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 14:43Conan O'Brien?

  Where were you in 93, Eduardo? I don't remember you.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  I'll reverse the ejection.

• 14:46Conan O'Brien?

  Been in the dials back there when I was killing it in late night.

• 14:57Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  What?

• 14:59Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things. So I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 15:03Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:04Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 15:12Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:17Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:18Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 15:26Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 15:28Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 15:35Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 15:36Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:37Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 15:49Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 15:50Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 15:56Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 15:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  What?

• 15:58Conan O'Brien?

  No, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 16:01Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best, based on analysis by UCLA of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US, where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:30Conan O'Brien?

  We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Are you gonna do a bit?

• 16:36Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.

• 16:42Conan O'Brien?

  We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect t-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?

• 16:51Speaker 01

  What?

• 16:51Conan O'Brien?

  Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.

• 16:56Conan O'Brien?

  No a co-coincidence.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 17:01Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I get the big money.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  I gotta go.

• 17:03Conan O'Brien?

  Cut to very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are timeless, thoughtful, crafted, and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're using some Quince. That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder, so I got a featherless quilted jacket, an Atlas Navy, and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy. You look like a different guy, because you're well-dressed. That's right. No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time. That's true. He's right. That's true. No, they really do great stuff. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your

• 17:48Conan O'Brien?

  order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  All right.

• 17:53Conan O'Brien?

  And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, by the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Oh, I didn't really ask. I just want you to know.

• 18:07Conan O'Brien?

  It's the best way to support the show.

• 18:12Conan O'Brien?

  So now, what are some of the things in life that really get you down?

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Uh, driving?

• 18:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  That's the first thing that popped in my head.

• 18:18Conan O'Brien?

  No, but I've seen you drive, and it's true. I'm always picking mailboxes out of your grill. You're a creative driver. Look, let's face it, just living on Earth can be a lot, right?

• 18:29Speaker 01

  It can.

• 18:29Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, oy vey, it's a lot.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:31Conan O'Brien?

  There's gravity, there's mosquitoes, there's the... You know that they say the sun is going to, at some point, go supernova and incinerate the Earth, probably in 5 billion years?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:40Conan O'Brien?

  But watch your diet. We might be sticking around for that.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  So cosmically speaking, you've earned a break.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:46Conan O'Brien?

  And you know where this is going? I think you do.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  No.

• 18:48Conan O'Brien?

  Pluto TV.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Oh, right. Of course.

• 18:50Conan O'Brien?

  To escape all of these hassles in life, you gotta get Pluto TV. Turn off all your earthly problems and turn on the movies and shows you already love. You've seen them, but you want to see them again. They're old friends.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:01Conan O'Brien?

  Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Dirty Dancing, Alias, X-Files. Pluto TV is completely free.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 19:07Conan O'Brien?

  These streamers, all these things cost so much money these days. And I won't mention that when I do an ad for them, but...

• 19:14Conan O'Brien?

  No subscription, no fees, $0. And as any mathematician will tell you, 0 is one of the most profound numbers ever conceived. I was thinking about that this morning.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Wow, that's profound.

• 19:24Conan O'Brien?

  I really wasn't. The best thing on TV are free. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 19:34Conan O'Brien?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists can help you figure out what rules or traditions aren't serving you and how to rewrite them. And with insurance, many members pay $15 or less. Some pay $0. BetterHelp, they do a great job. You're in good hands. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the United States with at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. When it comes to matching with a therapist, BetterHelp does the initial work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to help identify your needs. And if you're not happy with your match, this is the best part. A lot of people think, oh, my God, this is the person I've signed up with. I need to make this work. That's not the case. If it's not a good match, you switch to a different therapist at any time from BetterHelp's

• 20:18Conan O'Brien?

  tailored recommendations. BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/conan. That's better H-E-L-P.com/conan.

• 20:45Conan O'Brien?

  I, uh...

• 20:48Conan O'Brien?

  I think...

• 20:49Speaker 02

  He's crashing.

• 20:50Conan O'Brien?

  Hold on, I'm not crashing. This is, no, this is me being thoughtful. Sometimes I take pauses to create the illusion that I'm thoughtful.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  I see.

• 20:57Conan O'Brien?

  John, there is a juice movement in this country, and it sounds like you have ridden this wave perfectly. People love their juices. Now, what kind of equipment do you use? Do you, what kind of blender do you use? And some might say, do you use a juicer? What's that big juicer everybody uses?

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Cuisinart?

• 21:15Speaker 01

  Breville.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  Breville has that one juicer, doesn't it?

• 21:18Conan O'Brien?

  Are you getting money from Breville? What are you getting money from?

• 21:20Speaker 01

  No, but I'd like them to send me a juicer.

• 21:21Conan O'Brien?

  Don't, don't do that. We're not gonna be...

• 21:23Speaker 02

  Me too, if we're doing this.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Breville, Breville, Breville.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Breville, Breville.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Send us a...

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Breville, Breville.

• 21:28Conan O'Brien?

  The NutriBullet.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Oh, NutriBullet.

• 21:30Conan O'Brien?

  I use the NutriBullet. And, um...

• 21:32Speaker 02

  I'd take that, too.

• 21:33Conan O'Brien?

  And again, I am not, we do not, no, I refuse any compensation. That's, that's bad. We should not do that.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 21:42Conan O'Brien?

  And, and if any of that stuff comes to us, I'm gonna have it destroyed, except for fruity pebbles, um, which I will eat immediately. Uh, what's your blender of choice?

• 21:51Speaker 03

  Uh, absolutely. Yeah. So blenders, we're just using classic Vitamixes. Um, to make our juice, we're using two different machines. We're using, um, a huge cold press machine, um, which is essentially just like a hydraulic pincher. It just squeezes fruits and vegetables together. Um, for like softer fruits and vegetables, we use a machine called the, uh, auger masticating.

• 22:13Conan O'Brien?

  What? An auger, say it again, auger mastic?

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. So in our case, we're using a dual auger masticating juicer.

• 22:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my God, that's like a torture device. You have a talk and then they unveil that this is the dual auger masticating process. I'll tell you, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Um, sorry, that was a little flight of fancy of mine. Continue, please.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  But yeah, so for our, for our volume, we are using, we're using huge cold press machines. Um, yeah, and that it's really just pinching. It's, it's really just a pinch machine. You wouldn't want to get like hands caught in there.

• 22:51Conan O'Brien?

  No, it could be.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  I wouldn't want to get.

• 22:52Conan O'Brien?

  Can I just say one thing? It would result in my death, but it might be kind of erotic to fall into a pinching machine.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  What?

• 22:59Conan O'Brien?

  Well, your body's being pinched and you're like, ooh. And then you realize, oh, it's over for me. I'm, I'm being turned into a juice.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  But then there's like a glass below that there's just all this Conan juice that comes out.

• 23:08Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, and I'm saying something, you can do a lot worse than Conan juice, pretend right now.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  I don't know. That's, that's true.

• 23:12Conan O'Brien?

  It's.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  I feel like some people would be willing to give it a try.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 23:16Conan O'Brien?

  Has anyone ever fallen into a juicer and been killed? And, and if they had, would you sell that juice?

• 23:22Speaker 03

  That's a good question. I would, we would probably examine.

• 23:25Conan O'Brien?

  It's not a good question, John. It's a stupid question. You're insane if you think that's a good question. Has anyone fallen into the juicer and then been turned into a juice? And then have you sold that juice? That was my question.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  You would need to fall very thin because you have, you have a very small amount of area to get in, but I'm willing to give it a shot, I'd say.

• 23:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm gonna say, John, let me ask you a question. Let's say I did, I had an accident and I fell. I was visiting you in Reno because I was there to gamble and, uh, lost big, got depressed and jumped into your juicer to end it all. Um, the juice that resulted would be pure Conan juice.

• 24:02Conan O'Brien?

  Wouldn't you be tempted to sell that for a lot of money? Because just think about it, the essence of Conan O'Brien in a juice. I think that would be worth.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Blood and guts.

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  No, but of, it'd be the essence of my, whatever it is that makes me me, the genius.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no, that sounds gross. That sounds gross. You would close up your shop completely forever.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, what I was gonna ask is if we, let's say we bottle and sell it in 16 ounce increments. Like, how much would we charge for Conan?

• 24:29Speaker 02

  How many, how many 16 ounce lots can you get out of a big man?

• 24:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, six foot, six foot four, 191 pound male.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  Boy.

• 24:39Conan O'Brien?

  You get a lot of people coming back saying, there's a red hair in my juice. I'm sorry.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  I bet we get, I bet we get 50 to 60 bottles out of you. We probably sell them for, what, eight to $10 each or something like that?

• 24:55Conan O'Brien?

  Eight to $10? I am a seminal figure.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  No, it's like tequila, but instead of a worm, there's a red hair and you gotta drink the red hair. It's carrot juice with red hair.

• 25:04Conan O'Brien?

  There's a red hair and a little ivy.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  Eight to $10?

• 25:08Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, John, this has been a terrible conversation. I mean, from beginning to end, just insanity. But, but I've enjoyed it, I really have, and I'm wondering if you have a question for me. How can I help you?

• 25:22Speaker 03

  I do, Conan, so we share something, which is that we both have webbed feet.

• 25:27Conan O'Brien?

  Well, excuse me, I will not be, let's be specific. On one foot, I have two toes that are joined by some webbing.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  So they're webbed.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Me too, that's, I feel like that's called webbed feet. Yeah, that's what I have.

• 25:40Conan O'Brien?

  No, what I'm saying is, it's not like I have these two duck feet. There's two toes joined by one web. Is that?

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:50Conan O'Brien?

  Does that mean I'm just in the webbed foot category?

• 25:53Speaker 02

  I have a family member with a similar thing and.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  That's what we in the industry call it, that's a webbed foot.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  You're in the web foot industry?

• 26:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's what our club calls it anyway.

• 26:03Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, so yes, I am part of that club.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Just be proud of it.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  It's a cool thing.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Swim better.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:09Conan O'Brien?

  Except it's just one foot, so I swim in circles. One foot's much more powerful than the other.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Like a bathtub.

• 26:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it looks like I'm circling the drain whenever I go swimming. Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead, John. So you have webbed feet, as do I.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  I, uh, I do, and I don't know if this would be of interest to you guys, and I also don't know if I'm flexible enough to show you, but I actually got the sort of famous webbed foot tattoo a couple of years ago.

• 26:32Conan O'Brien?

  What's the famous? I don't know what that is.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Let's see.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  Can I show you?

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 26:36Conan O'Brien?

  I insist. I insist.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  I did not take, I did not take care of my feet before this, so forgive whatever.

• 26:42Conan O'Brien?

  Please, that's okay. That's all right. We can clean this up in editing. Oh.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  So, look at that.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  That's really funny.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Oh, you're real webbed. That is so cool.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  So for the listener, he's got a little icon of scissors with a dotted line, like, cut here.

• 26:56Conan O'Brien?

  That's so cool.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  You should do that, too.

• 26:58Conan O'Brien?

  Now.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  I'm.

• 27:00Conan O'Brien?

  Have you ever been tempted to get the webbing cut? I would think it'd be a very simple procedure, and then your toes are separated.

• 27:09Speaker 03

  Uh, so I heard this. I don't, I'm not a doctor. I make smoothies for living.

• 27:13Conan O'Brien?

  Are you sure you're not a doctor?

• 27:14Speaker 03

  It's true or not.

• 27:15Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  But I heard that you can't anymore. Once you reach the age of, like, post-being-a-baby, whatever the scientific term for that is, uh, you, uh, they can't cut them anymore because your nerves are, like, too ingrained in there, and then you'll bleed to death.

• 27:30Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:31Conan O'Brien?

  Ah, I don't know who you're talking to, but I'm sure there's some, um, way to stop the bleeding by sewing it up. But I, uh, why mess with what God has done, is what I say.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:42Conan O'Brien?

  And I say that knowing that a year from now, I'm gonna have radical facial surgery. So I can stay in show business.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  But I had a webbed foot question for you, Conan, which is that I don't know if, uh, you, uh, promulgate. I don't know if you tell people a lot about your webbed feet, but, uh, people always ask.

• 27:59Conan O'Brien?

  You knew about it, so I guess I have mentioned it.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  I didn't even know that.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  That's true. You are fairly vocal about it.

• 28:04Conan O'Brien?

  I think it came up in, uh, I forgot. It came up somewhere, yeah.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, you mentioned it in a podcast, and I was like, oh, my God, Conan and I have something in common. But, um, my question for you is, uh, like, people always say, are you a fast swimmer? And I go, oh, yeah, Michael Phelps, blah, blah, blah. But like, that answer's always a little boring, so I was hoping you could help me come up with some better answers to, uh, what to respond with. People ask, like, are you a fast swimmer? What's it, you know, even what's it like? What are some good excuses I could make?

• 28:33Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, uh, the only thing that comes to my mind is fuck you.

• 28:39Conan O'Brien?

  I was born this way and it's not funny. You know, and then really act offended and hurt and walk out of the room and act like you've been, and then come back in the room and then walk out again. Um, that's one way to go. The other way to go is with my quick, is it on both feet or just one?

• 28:55Speaker 03

  I technically have them on both.

• 28:57Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, see, that, cause, cause my joke is I just swim in circles, cause it's just one foot.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 29:01Conan O'Brien?

  It's a pretty funny joke, but we already did that.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  Um. Oh, that is great.

• 29:04Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I would just go with it. I think it's a yes and, so, are you a fast swimmer? Yes, I'm incredibly fast. And it's like there's an Evan Rude outboard motor on my ass. I can swim at great speeds. I would go that route possibly. Um, there's all kinds of stuff you could.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  You're like Aquaman.

• 29:21Conan O'Brien?

  You're like Aquaman.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Oh, I could go the Aquaman route. Maybe I could get like a bronze Olympic medal and say I like place, not first, but like something or something like that.

• 29:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, get a bronze, and actually you can say there's one after bronze, which is a dense wood. A bu- well, or a balsa, then there's one after that. There's a mahogany and then after that, there's a balsa. Um, but yeah, I would just go with it. I would always go with the riff, I say. So yes, say I'm an incredible swimmer. And, uh, and then always allude to this sexual prowess. And, uh, people don't have to know what it means, but kinda, you know, you, and you know what they say about guys with webbed feet?

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:58Conan O'Brien?

  And do the old groucho at the eyebrows?

• 30:00Speaker 02

  That they have a webbed dick?

• 30:02Conan O'Brien?

  It's.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, webbed balls?

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:04Conan O'Brien?

  Excuse me? What's going on here? I was trying to keep it in the mysterious land and John, you went totally into the gutter with the help of Matt Gourley. John, um, I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you, uh, you, as a young man, you left college, you started out a business, uh, made the mistake of joining up with your brother. I would never do that. And, uh, but I'm, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you and what you've done and, uh, someday maybe I'll get to Reno and try your juice. What's the name of your store?

• 30:31Speaker 03

  It's called Juice, J U S. Yeah, you, uh, you won't have a hard time finding us if you go to Reno. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, you can call it whatever you want, though, so.

• 30:39Conan O'Brien?

  But J U S is, how do they, how you know that?

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Is it a juice with an umlaut?

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. It's J U S with the German umlaut, so it's Juice.

• 30:47Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, Juice, okay.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  It's not just.

• 30:49Conan O'Brien?

  All right. Yeah, cause I would just think that's just.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:52Conan O'Brien?

  Um, and, uh, all right, well, I'll check it out someday, but hey, no beets and no celery, okay?

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Well, that's too bad. That's mostly what we serve.

• 31:02Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's a terrible commercial for your business.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Lots of chocolate.

• 31:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I just basically want a milkshake.

• 31:09Speaker 03

  Chocolate-covered beets will serve.

• 31:11Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, John, best of luck to you and thanks so much for calling in.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, what an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much, you guys. I really appreciate it.

• 31:17Conan O'Brien?

  Take care, man.

• 31:18Speaker 03

  Did I do OK? Was this good?

• 31:19Conan O'Brien?

  You did great. This was very... No, this was fantastic. This was great.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  Oh, great.

• 31:23Conan O'Brien?

  We've never had people at... No one seems to care how they did, except you.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 31:27Conan O'Brien?

  And you did great. I like that you cared.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  Well, would you be honest with me if I did terribly?

• 31:32Conan O'Brien?

  No. We'd act just like we're acting now. But guess what? It was a really fun conversation and you seemed like a nice guy and I wish you'd take my advice about getting rid of beets and celery and that fucking juice.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  I'll send a group chat to my brother about it.

• 31:47Conan O'Brien?

  No, I hate that guy.

• 31:49Conan O'Brien?

  All right, man. Take care. Great job.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Bye, John.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, thank you guys so much. Really appreciate it.

• 31:53Speaker 02

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  Supervising producer Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Dougherty and Lisa Berman. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are done.

• 32:39Speaker 04

  Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections for what teens see and who can contact them. Plus, time management tools. And Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 33:10Speaker 05

  Hey, that's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Glo.

• 33:22Speaker 05

  Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it. Oh, hey, man. Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life. By the glow. White Glo. Please drink responsibly. White Glo helps to work Chicago, Illinois.