Pod Insights Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend Cōnānus et Jordānēs Show - Luke Ranieri About this episode On this episode of “The Conan and Jordan Show”, Conan challenges Jordan's pronunciation obsession with help from a special guest who knows his ancient Latin and Greek.
Transcript 8,322 words · 10 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:02 Conan O'Brien? Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?
0:06 Speaker 01 My kids.
0:07 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
0:07 Speaker 01 Or Oki.
0:08 Conan O'Brien? You gotta get them your stuff.
0:08 Speaker 01 Or my dog.
0:09 Conan O'Brien? And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?
0:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:19 Conan O'Brien? And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.
0:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:24 Conan O'Brien? Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.
0:55 Conan O'Brien? The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping, and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.
1:06 Speaker 01 Same.
1:06 Conan O'Brien? Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.
1:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:10 Conan O'Brien? Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.
1:14 Speaker 01 Whaaat?
1:15 Conan O'Brien? That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry problem. WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt, and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean, and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I grew up with this.
1:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:42 Conan O'Brien? And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala, and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.
1:49 Speaker 01 Oh!
1:50 Conan O'Brien? Boy, we were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.
1:55 Speaker 01 That's cool.
1:56 Conan O'Brien? So get a gift today at weathertech.com.
2:06 Conan O'Brien? All right, well, if we're listening to a, I guess, a hyperactive version of... What are we listening to here, Jordan? Explain what this is.
2:17 Speaker 02 Uh, I'm gonna say that I hear nothing. There's apparently a technical problem. Turn the knob on your headphone amp.
2:22 Conan O'Brien? Oh, my god, what an idiot.
2:25 Conan O'Brien? What an audio idiot.
2:26 Speaker 02 Sorry, I should've explained that. Apologies, Jordan, that's my fault. All right, now, let's take a listen.
2:32 Speaker 02 This is like a Duran Duran 12-inch, like, a night version?
2:36 Conan O'Brien? Well...
2:36 Speaker 02 Oh, I see.
2:38 Conan O'Brien? You know what it is?
2:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, this is a souped-up version of Tom Sawyer by Rush.
2:42 Conan O'Brien? Yes, let's kill it now, because I think we're... The idea is to get listeners, not drive them deep into the woods, where they commit suicide.
2:51 Speaker 02 Mindless Self-Indulgence is the name of it.
2:54 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, which is the... maybe the correct title for this episode. Uh, welcome to the Conan and Jordan Show. And, uh, we usually begin with the Rush song, Tom Sawyer, which is... That's your favorite band and maybe your favorite song of theirs. And then, this was a hyped-up version by the band Mindless Self-Indulgence. And that was a surprise for both of us. I didn't know that was gonna play.
3:17 Speaker 02 Well, what I'm saying is, we've had a bit of time off, and there's been a lot of time to think of ideas. And that's what... and that's what you guys came up with.
3:25 Conan O'Brien? Don't include me in this.
3:26 Speaker 02 Oh, okay.
3:26 Conan O'Brien? I am... I am... What they did, imagine, imagine, a Soviet-era space capsule.
3:33 Speaker 02 Right.
3:33 Conan O'Brien? And they put two chimps inside.
3:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:35 Conan O'Brien? Now, the scientists, the Russian scientists, have been working hard on blasting the chimps into space. But you and I are the chimps.
3:42 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:42 Conan O'Brien? So, I am... was unaware that that was gonna happen.
3:45 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:45 Conan O'Brien? And I've done no preparation for this podcast.
3:47 Speaker 02 Right. Yeah, likewise. Now, is that the sense... do all your podcasts involve the same lack of preparation? Or do you somehow devalue this one with respect to some of the others?
3:57 Conan O'Brien? Conan O'Brien needs a friend, I actually... I care about those people.
4:00 Speaker 02 I see.
4:01 Conan O'Brien? We're talking about big stars like Al Pacino. I'll read his book, I'll think about all the things I wanna talk to Al Pacino about.
4:07 Speaker 02 Makes sense.
4:07 Conan O'Brien? Um, or if I'm talking to President Barack Obama, I really put a lot of thought into it. When they say, um... when I call in, as I do in the morning, and say, "Who am I talking to today?", and they say, "It's you and Jordan", um, I actually stop off at UCLA and have a portion of my brain removed.
4:23 Speaker 02 I see.
4:24 Conan O'Brien? And destroyed.
4:25 Speaker 02 You know, I've heard you talk about when you have a big guest like Harrison Ford, that there were some extra people out there in the waiting room. You know, the whole staff shows up, people that don't need to be here.
4:33 Conan O'Brien? People are excited.
4:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, I couldn't help but notice. I walked in, it is empty out there. There is no one there.
4:38 Conan O'Brien? There's one tumbleweed.
4:44 Conan O'Brien? And then the tumbleweed left. Listen, we have a lot to talk about. And Jordan, you know, I do treasure our friendship, if you can call it that. I don't know what it is. But we have a, we have some kind of chemical bond.
4:56 Speaker 02 All right.
4:56 Conan O'Brien? Which needs to be eradicated like smallpox.
5:00 Conan O'Brien? But people are fascinated. They like to listen to us. They like to watch us travel the world. You've come with me on some of my adventures. And we have this show that we do, which people do enjoy.
5:12 Speaker 02 Oh, good. I haven't seen the metrics.
5:15 Conan O'Brien? There are none.
5:16 Speaker 02 Okay.
5:17 Conan O'Brien? There are no metrics.
5:17 Speaker 02 No one even cares to measure.
5:19 Conan O'Brien? No, who would measure that?
5:20 Speaker 02 Right.
5:21 Conan O'Brien? But I want to start today with some, I think, good news for you.
5:25 Speaker 02 Oh.
5:26 Conan O'Brien? You have many pet peeves. You have many, uh, sort of causes that you champion.
5:33 Speaker 02 All right.
5:34 Conan O'Brien? Which are a waste of time. One is food coloring. You've been bothered about food coloring. Do you want to take us, give us just a quick tour of what you think about food coloring?
5:46 Speaker 02 Well, it becomes most apparent when you compare some American food products to their foreign equivalents. Things like M and M's, where if you get them in the United Kingdom, the colors come from things like vegetable juice. And the colors are a bit muted, I guess, with, you know, compared to America's artificial.
6:03 Conan O'Brien? Like the British themselves are kind of washed out.
6:07 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, they'll live a bit longer because they have.
6:10 Conan O'Brien? Will they though? I think they all have massive heart attacks in their 50s.
6:13 Speaker 02 Right.
6:14 Conan O'Brien? Because of all the pints they've been having. But anyway. You're saying that the the UK, they use uh natural food coloring.
6:23 Speaker 02 They have more stringent requirements about limiting the types of artificial coloring that's used in our food. And when you talk about artificial flavor, I guess I could see the appeal in it because you want something to taste a certain one. You can't achieve it otherwise. But when you talk about artificial color, I mean, how shallow are we that we just need something to look a certain way?
6:42 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
6:43 Speaker 02 You know?
6:43 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, well, you've made the same point um many times that you think uh the Europeans do things better than we do.
6:51 Speaker 02 Sometimes, yeah.
6:52 Conan O'Brien? Uh, well, you tend to mostly lean that way. You seem a little anti-American to me.
6:59 Conan O'Brien? I want to tell you that you should be quite happy. Robert Kennedy Jr.
7:05 Conan O'Brien? who is now the health czar of America. He's in charge of, and rightfully so, given his medical background and his knowledge and his years and years of uh study. I think he has a medical degree. Does he have a medical degree? Does anyone know? You looking it up right now? You don't have to. He he does not. It's not important. Anyway, um, Robert Kennedy Jr., RFK Jr. has decided to ban uh the artificial colors and dyes that are used in the United States. He wants to get rid of them. And this is one of those instances where what the government's doing aligns with what you believe in. And he is getting rid of those colors.
7:50 Conan O'Brien? And so probably one of the places you're going to see this most clearly is Fruit Loops.
7:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:56 Conan O'Brien? Now, do you enjoy Fruit Loops, the cereal?
7:59 Speaker 02 They're not the ideal breakfast cereal, uh, but yeah, I've been known to.
8:03 Conan O'Brien? Ideal in what way?
8:04 Speaker 02 Uh, well, I did a deep comparison of different breakfast cereals recently. And uh Fruit Loops, while they um they have a lot of sweetness, which is enticing. The texture is a little bit too airy. I like a little bit more substance, like a Golden Grahams is a little more um fulfilling an experience.
8:22 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, uh, I love Fruit Loops.
8:24 Speaker 02 Okay.
8:24 Conan O'Brien? I have long been a Fruit Loops fan.
8:26 Speaker 02 Do you know how to spell Fruit Loops?
8:28 Conan O'Brien? What are you talking about?
8:28 Speaker 02 Do you know how to spell Fruit Loops?
8:30 Conan O'Brien? F R O O T.
8:32 Speaker 02 Okay.
8:33 Conan O'Brien? L O O P S.
8:34 Speaker 02 Good job. Good job.
8:36 Conan O'Brien? I went to Harvard.
8:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:37 Conan O'Brien? You don't think I know how to spell Fruit Loops?
8:39 Speaker 02 Right, okay.
8:41 Conan O'Brien? So.
8:43 Conan O'Brien? Fruit Loops in the future, very soon, they, they have like fluorescent colors now.
8:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:49 Conan O'Brien? Which I love, by the way. Um, those are going to be gone and they'll have a more muted, muted tones.
8:56 Speaker 02 You may call it muted, I call it natural. The way colors occur in nature.
9:02 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, but I think that man's job on earth is to improve upon nature.
9:07 Speaker 02 They will taste the same. And I don't know what pleasure you derive in looking at that.
9:12 Conan O'Brien? I love the color. And I like the way the colors change the milk.
9:15 Speaker 02 Okay.
9:16 Conan O'Brien? The great thing about Fruit Loops with all of the radioactive dyes that we use in the United States.
9:20 Speaker 02 Right.
9:20 Conan O'Brien? Is that you can turn off the lights and like an alarm clock, you can see, you can still see the little, the, the, that's lit up.
9:28 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:29 Conan O'Brien? That's what I love about Fruit Loops.
9:30 Speaker 02 I don't even eat cereal in milk.
9:32 Conan O'Brien? You know what's amazing?
9:32 Speaker 02 What's that?
9:33 Conan O'Brien? Uh, fruity pebbles. Have you had fruity pebbles?
9:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, they're a little, their texture is a little bit too slight for me.
9:39 Conan O'Brien? I love that texture. I love how small they are and there's so many of them.
9:43 Speaker 02 Specifically dislike that. They're like slivers.
9:45 Conan O'Brien? Okay. Well, this is why you and I should never occupy a cell in a prison together.
9:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:49 Conan O'Brien? Because, uh, we just don't get along on some of the major life issues. But the colors in fruity pebbles are insane. I've never done LSD.
9:58 Speaker 02 Okay.
9:58 Conan O'Brien? And I don't have to.
9:59 Speaker 02 Sure.
10:00 Conan O'Brien? Cause I've had fruity pebbles.
10:02 Speaker 02 Well, you better stock up now, apparently.
10:04 Conan O'Brien? Uh, well, the nice thing is I can stock up and they'll never go bad. Because of the dyes.
10:09 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:10 Conan O'Brien? Uh, there's, it's true that, uh, any box of Fruit Loops you buy today will exist in its intact form 10,000 years from now.
10:18 Speaker 02 Hmm.
10:19 Conan O'Brien? And will be edible.
10:20 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:22 Conan O'Brien? Um, great improv, by the way. Okay.
10:24 Speaker 02 I love that we're discussing current events. I like that, that this has become the format of the show. What else is in the news and we'll weigh in on it.
10:31 Conan O'Brien? Robert Kennedy.
10:31 Speaker 02 Just inform me in advance if we're going to be changing the format of the show.
10:34 Conan O'Brien? No, no.
10:35 Speaker 02 I mean, we did, uh, we spoke for an hour about breakfast cereal like two weeks ago. If you want to continue, we can. I am assuming this is leading to something. Where's the payoff coming?
10:44 Conan O'Brien? I'm just telling you that we like to occasionally cover current events.
10:48 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:48 Conan O'Brien? This is a current event. It's in the news today.
10:50 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:51 Conan O'Brien? That Robert Kennedy Jr., the very well-qualified government official in charge
10:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:58 Conan O'Brien? in the cabinet, in the Trump cabinet, who's in charge of our health and our welfare, who's done, I'm assuming, just years and years and years of hardcore research and study, has decided that this is the best course of action.
11:13 Speaker 02 Okay.
11:14 Conan O'Brien? And it may, and I'm assuming it's a good idea. And I think you agree.
11:18 Speaker 02 If you're looking for a political opinion, I have none to offer. I am happy to hear that the United States is moving in the right direction with respect to artificial colors.
11:28 Conan O'Brien? Now, do you hate bright colors in general?
11:33 Speaker 02 No, I have no problems with bright colors, but I have a problem with artificial colors.
11:37 Conan O'Brien? Okay, but when you see a movie, you know that they're doing, sometimes there's gonna be some enhancement to the colors and things like that. When you see your beloved Star Wars...
11:44 Speaker 02 When you call it an enhancement, I call it like an HDR color grade in the HDR10 color space, or perhaps the Dolby Vision color space, maybe even HDR10 plus. Of course, I understand that movies are graded. You're talking to an expert here. You come in there talking about enhancement?
12:00 Conan O'Brien? Do you want to apologize?
12:01 Speaker 02 Yeah. I could tell you, I could tell you the IRE level, 400 nits. You're coming to me, you're coming to me like I'm a, like I'm a chimp, explaining to me that movies are colored.
12:10 Conan O'Brien? You asked me to do it, could I spell Fruit Loop?
12:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, I like pleasing colors.
12:12 Conan O'Brien? You thought I was gonna think it was F-R-U-I-T?
12:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, and let's not pretend that everyone knows that it's F-R-U-I-T.
12:18 Conan O'Brien? Of course they know it's that. You wouldn't call them real Fruit Loops.
12:21 Speaker 02 No, that's not self-
12:22 Conan O'Brien? No one would do that.
12:23 Speaker 02 No, no, no, no.
12:23 Conan O'Brien? No, eh, no, you, no one asks for, I would like the loops that are made of fruit.
12:28 Speaker 02 How do you spell fruity pebbles?
12:30 Conan O'Brien? Fruity pebbles is actually F-R-U-I-T-Y.
12:34 Speaker 02 Very good. Testing you again.
12:35 Conan O'Brien? No, these are-
12:36 Speaker 02 You did well.
12:36 Conan O'Brien? This is what I majored in in college. I wrote a thesis on fruity pebbles versus Fruit Loops.
12:42 Speaker 02 Right.
12:42 Conan O'Brien? Guess what? Summa cum laude.
12:44 Speaker 02 Okay.
12:44 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I actually went to Oxford and was given several prizes for this dissertation, if you will.
12:50 Speaker 02 Okay.
12:51 Conan O'Brien? Well, we're gonna move on, but I-
12:52 Speaker 02 I hope so. I thought this was going somewhere. That was it? That was the, that was the climax of that particular hunk?
13:00 Conan O'Brien? You should be pleased with how that went.
13:01 Speaker 02 All right.
13:01 Conan O'Brien? Because I have great, I've listened to some of our last conversations. This is a home run compared to some of them.
13:06 Speaker 02 Good stuff.
13:06 Conan O'Brien? Okay?
13:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:08 Conan O'Brien? Uh, and, uh, I just want you to know that that's what's happening in the news and I'm glad you're happy.
13:12 Speaker 02 Right.
13:13 Conan O'Brien? Your choice.
13:14 Speaker 02 Okay.
13:15 Conan O'Brien? Your choice.
13:16 Speaker 02 All right.
13:16 Conan O'Brien? For the person who would lead this nation on health, uh, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has, is in full agreement with you on most everything.
13:23 Speaker 02 Maybe we could talk about interest rates next.
13:26 Conan O'Brien? No, no, no.
13:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:27 Conan O'Brien? You're also an anti-vaxxer, I believe.
13:31 Conan O'Brien? Just gonna get that out there. Anti-vaxxer. And a flat-earther, I do, I believe as well. You think if you go too far in Europe, looking for a cappuccino, you'll fall off the edge of the earth, is that true?
13:40 Speaker 02 Hmm.
13:41 Conan O'Brien? And then a dinosaur will eat you?
13:50 Conan O'Brien? Owning a car or home comes with responsibilities. Sure, it's fun, but sometimes it makes you wonder why you ever longed for adulthood in the first place. I do that all the time. I'm like, oh, these bills, these bills. What am I gonna do?
14:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:02 Conan O'Brien? You know, when you own a house, you gotta fix it yourself. A sauna.
14:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:05 Conan O'Brien? You, you see this to be true, right?
14:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, your garage door breaks and you're like, well, I have to fix it.
14:10 Conan O'Brien? Probably at first you said, hey, I'll get the super to fix it. It's your house, dude.
14:13 Speaker 01 It's mine, dude!
14:15 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance to save you money. In fact, they work overtime to tailor your insurance policy around what you actually need. The only thing they can't do is get that liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty jingle out of your head.
14:27 Speaker 01 Liberty, liberty, liberty.
14:28 Conan O'Brien? It's in my head all the time.
14:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, me too.
14:31 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. Start your quote at libertymutual.com.
14:37 Conan O'Brien? This fall, I wanna try something different.
14:39 Speaker 01 What?
14:40 Conan O'Brien? I like to change it up. I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.
14:43 Speaker 01 Ooh!
14:44 Conan O'Brien? Every morning.
14:44 Speaker 01 Okay.
14:45 Conan O'Brien? This fall, just to see if I can do it.
14:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:47 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.
14:51 Speaker 01 Oh, that's good.
14:52 Conan O'Brien? See what I did?
14:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:53 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You wanna hear what they are?
14:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:57 Conan O'Brien? They're America's best network.
14:59 Speaker 01 Okay.
14:59 Conan O'Brien? True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.
15:06 Speaker 01 Oh, that's weird.
15:07 Conan O'Brien? When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.
15:08 Speaker 01 Oh.
15:09 Conan O'Brien? And, uh, that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason: high-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the
15:16 Speaker 01 You travel a lot.
15:16 Conan O'Brien? Travel show that I do.
15:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:18 Conan O'Brien? Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
15:28 Speaker 03 That doesn't seem like a good idea.
15:30 Conan O'Brien? It's a great idea.
15:31 Speaker 03 Okay.
15:31 Conan O'Brien? You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?
15:36 Speaker 03 My god.
15:37 Conan O'Brien? Yeah. Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.
15:41 Speaker 03 I agree.
15:41 Conan O'Brien? T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the U.S. Where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com. Consult a physician. I just threw that in there.
16:05 Speaker 03 Oh.
16:10 Conan O'Brien? So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.
16:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:16 Conan O'Brien? And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.
16:24 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:25 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?
16:36 Speaker 03 Because it's family.
16:37 Conan O'Brien? But what about a niece or a nephew?
16:38 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:41 Conan O'Brien? Like a walk with an ex-wife. I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.
16:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:48 Conan O'Brien? Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse. Crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.
17:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.
17:18 Conan O'Brien? Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.
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18:11 Conan O'Brien? Jordan, you and I've spent a lot of time together.
18:14 Speaker 02 Yes.
18:15 Conan O'Brien? And you have certain obsessions. One of them is pronunciation. It's important to you.
18:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:22 Conan O'Brien? And sometimes your pronunciation of words is quite different than, not just me, but what most people would think is the correct pronunciation.
18:32 Speaker 02 Oh, okay. That may be the case. I can't speak for how people interpret the things I say.
18:38 Conan O'Brien? When you and I were doing the travel show for Max, and we were in Argentina, I said it would be a good idea if we took lessons and learned how to dance the tango. You corrected me and said it's the tongo. That's the closest I've ever come to hitting you.
18:56 Speaker 02 Okay.
18:57 Conan O'Brien? I've slapped you before, but I've never struck you with a closed fist. That's the closest I ever came to striking you. You insisted it was the tongo. And it was an insane moment.
19:06 Speaker 02 Okay.
19:06 Conan O'Brien? And I think if you go online, people will realize that you were in the wrong. Well, you're constantly correcting my pronunciation, and I think you're errant. I decided to bring somebody in who actually knows about linguistics, and I believe you're a big fan of his YouTube channel. I'm talking about Luke Ranieri.
19:25 Speaker 02 Oh, yes. Excellent man.
19:26 Conan O'Brien? Luke Ranieri is here, and he's going to come in now. I think he's being probably...
19:30 Speaker 02 Oh, yes.
19:31 Conan O'Brien? Hello, Luke. How are you? I'm great, Conan. How you doing? Tell me a little bit about yourself, because I'm not knowledgeable about your YouTube channel. But thank you so much for joining us. Tell us a little bit about how you became fascinated with pronunciation, linguistics.
19:47 Speaker 05 Oh, thanks for having me. Yeah, I I just fell in love with Italian and then later Latin. And for whatever reason, I wanted to speak Latin. I would just, for no reason, I was just a weirdo like that. And so wanting to speak an ancient language, I wanted to figure out how it's actually pronounced. And thankfully, lots of people smarter than me wrote lots of books about that. And so I studied that. And then eventually I started talking about that on YouTube. How to pronounce Latin and ancient Greek in ancient pronunciation.
20:16 Conan O'Brien? Well, I don't know how familiar you are with my dynamic with Jordan Schlansky, but for many years now, he and I have sort of like the coyote and the roadrunner. We've been at war. And we disagree about a lot of things. Jordan is constantly correcting my pronunciation of certain words. There are times where I'm convinced he's wrong.
20:40 Conan O'Brien? He thought instead of tango, the word was tongo. I don't know where you weigh in on that one, whether it's tango or tongo.
20:48 Speaker 05 Well, in Spanish, it's it's tango. But so that's a short ah sound and a short ah can go either towards ah.
20:57 Conan O'Brien? Oh, I know. I know it could be tango, but it's not ta. He was saying tongo. The way Tarzan would would Tarzan would name a fellow ape. Hey, tongo, come here. Would you agree that tongo would be incorrect? It could be tongo, a quicker A. I I accept that, but I will not accept tongo.
21:17 Speaker 05 I liked your Spanish pronunciation when you said tango. That sounded good to me.
21:20 Conan O'Brien? Tango, si, pero es importante que nosotros. Claro que sí, claro que sí.
21:24 Speaker 05 Oh, Dios mio.
21:25 Conan O'Brien? Oh, Dios mio, sí, oh.
21:27 Speaker 05 Yeah.
21:27 Conan O'Brien? Uh, my God.
21:28 Speaker 05 Yes.
21:29 Conan O'Brien? But, okay.
21:29 Speaker 05 As for English, I think you go a lot of ways.
21:31 Conan O'Brien? Okay, would you just please agree with me before we proceed that tongo? T O N G O with a long.
21:39 Speaker 02 No, I never spelled it T O N G O. It's El Tongo. It's El Tongo. I didn't make the word up. I'm only reciting it.
21:47 Conan O'Brien? Um, Luke.
21:50 Speaker 02 There's no shortage of Spanish-speaking people in this town.
21:52 Conan O'Brien? Luke.
21:53 Speaker 02 You've got, you've got a celebrity here. You've got one of the few men on earth that can currently speak Latin, both classical and ecclesiastical. And you're asking about Spanish. We have 10 people in the building that speak fluent Spanish.
22:04 Conan O'Brien? Luke.
22:04 Speaker 02 You're wasting this man's time.
22:05 Conan O'Brien? Would you say tango or would you say tongo?
22:09 Speaker 05 Tongo sounds too much like the Brandy game from Star Trek.
22:12 Conan O'Brien? Thank you so much. Now, before we continue, I'd like to know how to pronounce your name. Is it Luke Ranieri? Or is it Ranieri? What do you prefer?
22:22 Speaker 05 So in English, I do Ranieri.
22:24 Conan O'Brien? Boo.
22:24 Speaker 05 And in Italian, it's Ranieri.
22:26 Conan O'Brien? I think Ranieri sounds better.
22:29 Speaker 05 I like it fine.
22:30 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, okay. And how do you go with Luke? Are you Luke? Like Luke, I am your father. That would please my compatriot here who's a big Star Wars fan. It's his religion.
22:41 Speaker 05 Me too.
22:42 Conan O'Brien? Do you go with Luke? Or is, or just Luke? I have a brother and I call him Luke. Okay.
22:48 Speaker 05 Yeah.
22:49 Speaker 02 You're not going to divide us. We have a pre-existing relationship. Do you understand? You're the odd, I, I see where you're trying to go with this. I'm being a spoiler alert right now. He and I are aligned.
22:58 Conan O'Brien? Oh, really? Have you ever? You guys are aligned.
23:00 Speaker 02 We may have small differences like any human beings do.
23:03 Conan O'Brien? Have you ever danced the tongo together?
23:08 Speaker 05 Gentlemen, later, we may have a chance to test this.
23:11 Conan O'Brien? Okay, good.
23:12 Speaker 05 With a little bit of a competition, we'll find out later.
23:14 Conan O'Brien? Okay, now, um, there are some words I think you and I have spoken before. You'll often give me what you say is the correct Latin pronunciation of certain words.
23:25 Speaker 02 I do the best I can.
23:26 Conan O'Brien? Or names like Julius Caesar. We, we say Julius Caesar. And what do you say, Jordan?
23:32 Speaker 02 Gaius Julius Geyser.
23:34 Conan O'Brien? He says Gaius Julius Geyser.
23:36 Speaker 02 No, that's not what I said.
23:38 Conan O'Brien? What did you say?
23:38 Speaker 02 No, I said Gaius Julius Geyser.
23:41 Conan O'Brien? Okay. And is that correct? Luke?
23:46 Speaker 05 For a classical Latin pronunciation, I think that's very good.
23:50 Conan O'Brien? Now, do you think?
23:51 Speaker 02 You're not gonna win here. I see where you're trying to go. Keep trying.
23:55 Conan O'Brien? No, but.
23:56 Speaker 02 Now, is it perfect? No, of course not. Is it better than what you throwing out of that pie hole? Of course it is.
24:03 Conan O'Brien? So my speaking is hurling things out of a pie hole. So what you're saying, Jordan, uh, is, do you say Jordan? How do you pronounce it?
24:11 Speaker 02 Jordan.
24:11 Conan O'Brien? Jordan?
24:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:12 Conan O'Brien? Oh, I say Yoo-ryang. Um. Gaius.
24:19 Conan O'Brien? And what do you say for Caesar?
24:20 Speaker 02 Julius.
24:21 Conan O'Brien? Julius.
24:21 Speaker 02 Oh, Geyser.
24:22 Conan O'Brien? Geyser.
24:23 Speaker 02 Well, that's the classical Latin, of course. It's Caesar in the ecclesiastical Latin. You should know that, you're a Roman Catholic.
24:28 Conan O'Brien? So Caesar Romero was your favorite Joker?
24:32 Speaker 02 Sure.
24:32 Conan O'Brien? Okay, how about Socrates? What do you, first of all, what do you say?
24:36 Speaker 02 Socrates.
24:36 Conan O'Brien? Socrates, and what do you say, Luke?
24:39 Speaker 05 So Socrates is the modern Greek pronunciation. Jordan did it perfectly. Ancient pronunciation, it's a classical attic pronunciation. Sokrates.
24:49 Conan O'Brien? Oh, you never did that one. That actually sounds like if I was getting directions, you know, in my car. Do you know what I mean? From a, from a GPS. And, and, you know what I mean? And it said that I had to take a left on Socrates Boulevard. It would go, take a left on Socrates Boulevard. Do you know what I mean? That's what a little bit of it sounds like. I think most GPS voices are probably programmed to speak in the correct ancient Latin. And that's why it sounds so weird to us. Do you agree with that?
25:19 Speaker 02 I have a real agenda with this man. If we have his time, I have questions, okay? I know you have bits that you have planned.
25:25 Conan O'Brien? I'm not doing bits.
25:25 Speaker 02 I'd like, I'd like him to, I'd like him to rattle off every astrological sign in Latin. I'd like you to tell me how to pronounce Tyrannosaurus Rex in Latin. I want to know how to say Brontosaurus. I want to know.
25:35 Conan O'Brien? Okay, all right, all right, okay. I'll take care of you.
25:37 Speaker 02 I have real questions here.
25:38 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
25:38 Speaker 02 All right, I think our viewers would, would.
25:40 Conan O'Brien? I'm gonna blow past the astrological signs, because that's just cheesy and you're probably gonna use that on some dating website. Uh, Tyrannosaurus Rex, what would be the correct way to say Tyrannosaurus Rex?
25:52 Speaker 05 Tyrannosaurus Rex with a classical Latin pronunciation.
25:56 Conan O'Brien? Wow, that's a real deal breaker for me. I mean, you're talking to a kid. Let's say you're talking to a kid and you just want to say, oh, and, oh, let's go to the museum. I don't want to go, I don't want to go. No, come on, it's really cool. They have a T-Rex there. Oh, cool. I will go to the museum. I love a T-Rex.
26:14 Conan O'Brien? Jordan, when he's talking to his kids, is gonna say, do you want to come see a T-Rex?
26:22 Conan O'Brien? And the kid's gonna go, no, I don't. And so your kids are never gonna see a natural history museum in their lives. Cause you're such a freak.
26:30 Speaker 05 Okay.
26:31 Conan O'Brien? Uh, Brontosaurus, how do you say it?
26:34 Speaker 05 Brontosaurus. From the word bront, meaning thunder in Greek, and of course, the saurus means a lizard or a reptile.
26:42 Conan O'Brien? Of course.
26:43 Speaker 05 Yeah, now caveat, we have all these Latin words.
26:47 Conan O'Brien? Is caveat the way to say it? Or is it?
26:49 Speaker 05 I say caveat.
26:50 Conan O'Brien? Oh, I say caveat.
26:52 Speaker 05 Caveat means may he or she be careful. Like, watch out, caveat. Uh, but the caveat I would bring up is the fact that we have these names from Latin, ancient Greek, other languages, and we've anglicized them, like, uh, like Caesar. And, you know, uh, we can say, uh, if we're speaking in Latin, we'll say Gaisar or Gaisar potentially. But in English, yeah, we have these English pronunciations like Caesar.
27:16 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
27:17 Speaker 05 And Tyrannosaurus Rex.
27:18 Conan O'Brien? I mean, I would like to see you go, uh, you know, to, um, an Olive Garden and ask for a Gaisar salad.
27:25 Speaker 05 Mm-hmm.
27:26 Conan O'Brien? And see what you get. You know what I mean? It's not gonna happen.
27:29 Speaker 05 Okay.
27:29 Conan O'Brien? So, I think sometimes it's off-putting. I guess that's what I would say to you, Luke. I appreciate your knowledge and I appreciate that, uh, someone is making sure they understand the, uh, long-dead pronunciation of these names. But when Jordan does it in real life, it can feel like a put-down and it can be socially a little awkward. Could you see how that would be?
27:54 Speaker 05 Having done that for a long time and then changing my own behavior, yes, I can understand.
27:59 Conan O'Brien? So you modified your behavior because you realize I'm not gonna say Gaisar. I'm gonna say, yeah, well Caesar, uh, was stabbed on the eyes of March by his felt, by the senators. That's what you would say. You wouldn't say Gaisar, right?
28:14 Speaker 05 Usually talking about history, yeah, Caesar was stabbed by Brutus and Cassius and the rest of the conspirators.
28:18 Conan O'Brien? So, you learn that Luke, because he's a human and has lived among humans, has altered his behavior somewhat, even though he is an expert, far more than you, at all these pronunciations. He has altered his behavior somewhat in order to fit in society better.
28:39 Speaker 02 He has a forum to disperse his knowledge. He has an excellent-
28:43 Conan O'Brien? It's called "for room."
28:44 Speaker 02 That's close. He has a couple of YouTube channels where he can talk about these things. This is my forum. Do you understand? This is my chance. Do you know what I've done here? I've started a dialogue. There are millions of people listening right now that now know how to pronounce Geyser.
29:01 Conan O'Brien? I don't know about that.
29:01 Speaker 02 And they never, it never even occurred to them before.
29:03 Conan O'Brien? Right.
29:04 Speaker 02 And they know how to pronounce the real names of dinosaurs. I'd like to cover Greek gods. I want to talk about things like habeus corpus and e pluribus unum. We say these words every day, but we don't know where they come from.
29:16 Conan O'Brien? You're providing a service. So many dates aren't gonna happen because you've provided this knowledge. So many guys are gonna be at bars and they're gonna say, "By the way, it's not Caesar, it's Geyser." And then they're gonna go to say something else and the girl is gone.
29:33 Speaker 05 Uh huh.
29:34 Conan O'Brien? So-
29:34 Speaker 05 In fairness, in fairness, my fiancee liked me because I was talking about those things. That's how we met.
29:42 Speaker 02 I think she's Italian. He has a beautiful fiancee.
29:44 Speaker 05 She is.
29:44 Speaker 02 This man is, I just want you to respect who you're speaking to right now, okay?
29:48 Conan O'Brien? Can I just say one thing, Luke?
29:49 Speaker 02 This man is like a celebrity.
29:50 Conan O'Brien? I have no proof, there's no proof here, that your fiancee, it could be the old girlfriend in Canada bit. We have no proof that this girlfriend's real.
29:57 Speaker 02 She's probably in the next room.
29:58 Speaker 05 Their pictures are right here.
29:59 Conan O'Brien? Oh, yeah. Oh, I've got a picture too. Do you want to see the picture of my girlfriend? Yeah, it's, I've got lots of pictures of my girlfriends from the past. Now, they're gonna look a little like supermodels that you've seen, but they were really my girlfriends.
30:14 Speaker 02 Do you know that you're not an Ares, you're an Adias?
30:16 Conan O'Brien? Uh, I didn't know that.
30:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:22 Conan O'Brien? I didn't know that.
30:22 Speaker 02 Well, now you learned something new. And you could, for the rest of your life, you'll know that you're an Adias.
30:26 Conan O'Brien? And you are, what is your, what is your son?
30:27 Speaker 02 I'm an Adias too.
30:28 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
30:29 Speaker 02 Well, you're April 18th. You should know my birthday. It's five days before yours. I shared with Max Weinberg.
30:32 Conan O'Brien? I don't know your birthday, because I don't want to know your birthday.
30:36 Speaker 02 Maybe after 30 years, it's time that you learn these things. You could have wished me well.
30:44 Speaker 05 Happy belated birthdays.
30:45 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, thank you so much. We, uh, well, how would you say, are you familiar with the Karate Kid movies?
30:53 Speaker 05 Absolutely.
30:54 Conan O'Brien? You know who they starred? They starred Ralph Macchio. How would you pronounce his name?
30:59 Speaker 05 I remember it's M A C C H I O, right? Macchio. That's in Italian, it's Macchio.
31:07 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, Ralph Macchio, Lou Ferrigno. Lou Ferrigno, the Hulk?
31:11 Speaker 05 Lou Ferrigno, the Hulk.
31:12 Conan O'Brien? But, but here's what we get an interesting thing. There is how they're known, meaning how they are known throughout the world. So you could be a huge fan of Ralph Macchio. I'm sure even if you pulled Ralph, if a state trooper pulled over a sports car and the plate said Karate Kid 1, Karate Kid 2, whatever, it was a license, vanity license plate. And the thing went down and he said, license and registration, what's your name, sir? And it was Ralph, the star of those films. And he said, uh, he would say, I'm Ralph Macchio. He wouldn't say, I'm Ralph Macchio. So this is important to me that you're saying what you think it should have been 10,000 years ago.
31:56 Conan O'Brien? But no one calls it that. I mean, my name is Conan O'Brien. What would my name have been? You know, 800 years ago in Ireland?
32:07 Speaker 05 I assume it was something like Conan, because I think that's what it is in Irish, Conan. But, uh, but yeah, that's a
32:14 Conan O'Brien? But O'Brien would be like, Oy Breen? It'd be Gaelic, I don't know. But that is not my name. My name is Conan O'Brien.
32:22 Speaker 05 That's true. Though if we Latinized your name, it would be Conanus Breenius or something like that, which would, which would sound cool. We like to Latinize our names when we, when we speak because it makes it easier for different parts of the grammar. So we have, and we have Conanus Breenius and Jordane Slanskyus.
32:41 Conan O'Brien? Do you wish that I called you that?
32:44 Speaker 02 No, I like to, I appreciate all these factoids. Many people spend time on the internet watching various things. I appreciate spending a couple hours watching Luke and his excellent dissertations about any number of subjects. However, I believe in staying true to one's background, so to speak. So I would want to know more of the Polish-Russian origins of my name and Irish for yours. But yeah, there are so many things I have to ask Luke, but I'll have to save them for another time because it appears you have an agenda of jokes and quips. So I'll let you, I'll let you take the lead. I'll let you take the lead and we'll converse offline.
33:19 Conan O'Brien? Why don't you test us, Luke? Why don't you test us on the pronunciations of historical Greek and Roman names? You think that's maybe a good test for the both of us and we'll see?
33:28 Speaker 05 I, I think that's a great idea.
33:30 Conan O'Brien? Let's try that.
33:31 Speaker 05 And let's start with, what we're going to do, we're going to play a little game.
33:36 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
33:36 Speaker 05 And you'll both get the chance to steal. Now, let's start with speaking of the assassination of Julius Caesar. Here was one of the men behind it. Now, Conan, we're going to start with you. What, you can pronounce his whole name or just that, we'll call it last?
33:53 Conan O'Brien? Well, he was stabbed by Brutus and so I'm just going to say it was Brutus.
33:57 Speaker 05 And now you got to try to do it in a classical Latin pronunciation, best you can.
34:01 Conan O'Brien? Marcus Junius Brutus. Is that it?
34:08 Speaker 05 Not, not bad, not bad.
34:09 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, I just did it the worst way. I did it the stupidest way I could think of and you said that was pretty close. Now you go for it there, chimpie.
34:16 Speaker 02 I would go with Marcus Junius Brutus.
34:20 Speaker 05 Okay, I'm going to give that point to Jordan.
34:23 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
34:25 Conan O'Brien? So when he said "you too, Brutus," he was saying "Et tu Brutus?"
34:30 Speaker 05 Brute.
34:32 Conan O'Brien? Brute.
34:32 Speaker 05 Et tu brute.
34:33 Conan O'Brien? So "you too, Brutus," okay.
34:35 Speaker 05 Yes.
34:35 Conan O'Brien? That's a lot to get out while you're, I mean, he was bleeding out of, I think, maybe 35 different knife wounds. And he had to get all that out?
34:42 Speaker 05 Some historians say he didn't say anything. Others said he in fact said, he said in Greek, "And you, my child, and you, my son."
34:51 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
34:51 Speaker 05 And others, "Et tu brute" is a...
34:53 Conan O'Brien? There's one, and also there's one account where he just went, "What the fuck?"
34:57 Speaker 05 What the fuck?
34:58 Speaker 02 Can you imagine if you can go back in time in a time machine and hear everyone? How beautiful is that? Even when he says something like et tu brute. Can you imagine hearing everyone speaking like that, dressed in their togas?
35:09 Conan O'Brien? I can imagine the togas.
35:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:10 Conan O'Brien? I do that a lot.
35:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:12 Conan O'Brien? Okay, continue, sir.
35:13 Speaker 05 All right, so speaking of, speaking of Brutus, this was his wife. How is this pronounced in Latin? Jordan, we're gonna start with you.
35:21 Speaker 02 Classical Latin. Classical Latin, uh, porchia. And I'd go ecclesiastical, I'd go porchia.
35:28 Conan O'Brien? I'm gonna go.
35:28 Speaker 05 Very nice.
35:29 Conan O'Brien? I'm gonna go borchia.
35:33 Speaker 05 Not bad, but I think I'm gonna have to give that point to Jordan.
35:35 Conan O'Brien? Mm-hmm.
35:36 Speaker 05 And yeah, we call her Portia.
35:37 Conan O'Brien? I see how, I'd spill the fixes in. Okay.
35:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, it means, uh, uh, little piglet.
35:42 Conan O'Brien? Oh, that's a nice, that's great. That's great. That's some real misogyny there from, uh, from Brutus. Hey, hey, little piglet, come here. That's nice. Women love it when you call them little piglet. I'm gonna go home tonight, my wife, and say, hey there, little piglet.
35:57 Speaker 05 You know, it's even worse, cuz in a way, women in ancient Rome didn't get their own names. The usual name that they were called was just the feminine version of their father's family tribe name.
36:06 Conan O'Brien? Yep. And they wonder, they wonder why that empire fell and is no more. When you don't treat the women right, the empire crumbles.
36:14 Conan O'Brien? A word of, a word of warning.
36:16 Speaker 05 Well, how about a poet or two?
36:18 Conan O'Brien? Okay.
36:19 Speaker 05 Let's start with this one first. Conan, can you guess what we call this poet in English? Cuz it's a little bit different.
36:26 Conan O'Brien? Uh, I'm gonna say in, in English, it's, uh, Vergilius.
36:30 Speaker 05 Oh, that's right, yeah, Virgil, very good.
36:32 Conan O'Brien? Yeah.
36:33 Speaker 05 And, uh, what, can you do your best classical Latin pronunciation, Conan?
36:36 Conan O'Brien? Vergilius.
36:38 Speaker 05 Not bad, not bad. You know, I'm, I, because you guessed it was Virgil. And the Vergilius sounded pretty good. We use, we pronounce the V as a W.
36:47 Conan O'Brien? I was gonna go that way. I could've gone that way, but I knew that it was a fork in the road and I could take either one.
36:53 Speaker 05 That, I liked that, that was good.
36:54 Conan O'Brien? I think I get that point. We don't even have to try, Jordan.
36:57 Speaker 05 I'm giving that point, just so you know, we're keeping score. This is a free and fair game show, so this is all, it's all correct and above board.
37:03 Conan O'Brien? Um, of the game shows that have existed in the world, this might be the worst, but... And I say that with kindness, but let's, let's continue.
37:11 Speaker 05 I, and that may be. Well, let's take, uh, this one.
37:16 Speaker 05 Jordan, what poet is this in English? What do we call him in English?
37:20 Speaker 02 Horatio, in English?
37:23 Speaker 05 Uh, not usually.
37:24 Speaker 02 Oh.
37:24 Conan O'Brien? It's Horus.
37:26 Speaker 05 That's right. Conan is correct. And how would we pronounce this in classical Latin, uh, Jordan? Horatius.
37:32 Speaker 02 Uh, Horatius, yeah.
37:34 Conan O'Brien? I had it first. I, I'm sorry. You gotta give me both of those points. Because
37:39 Speaker 05 I gave you both a point.
37:40 Conan O'Brien? I knew it was Horus. He didn't even know who it was. Um, well, how, how many points we have now?
37:45 Speaker 05 We have, uh, three to two Jordans in the lead.
37:48 Conan O'Brien? Okay, let's go one more time and you have to ask me first.
37:51 Speaker 05 Okay, let's do a Greek one. This is a mythological figure.
37:56 Conan O'Brien? Mm-hmm. Of course, well, we would know him as Odysseus.
37:59 Speaker 05 Right, very good.
38:01 Conan O'Brien? But in the Greek, it would be Odysseus. Od- Odious.
38:08 Conan O'Brien? Adyssisus. Adyssisus, get to the chopper. It's not a tumor. Odysseus. Odysseus. Odysseus. Odysseus. What do you think? We get it in there?
38:24 Speaker 05 Barbe. Yes, you are, yeah, definitely getting there. Uh, Jordan?
38:29 Speaker 02 Well, first of all, we know Odysseus was, uh, Ulysses in Rome. And, uh, despite the pronunciation, which I'm not familiar with, I will tell you that a lot of people know about, um, the Iliad, but do they also know about the Odyssey? Do, do people know that nobody could string Odysseus's bow except his son, uh, Telemachus, or is it Telemachus? And he had all these suitors coming after his wife and, and, uh, and he had a dog and, and the dog was the only one that recognized. They thought he was dead and he comes back and, and the dog is the only one that recognizes him and all these suitors are trying to string this bow, but they can't string the bow. And then Odysseus gets up there in disguise and he strings the bow and he executes the suitors and everyone lives happily ever after.
39:09 Conan O'Brien? If you were on the street in, say, San Diego and it was two o'clock in the morning and you said all of that, the police would put a blanket around you? And then they would take you to a shelter and you'd be medicated.
39:20 Speaker 02 Right.
39:21 Conan O'Brien? And the body cam footage would totally exonerate those policemen.
39:24 Speaker 02 I understand.
39:25 Conan O'Brien? You just raved like an absolute fucking lunatic.
39:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:28 Conan O'Brien? And even, I, I, I mean, you have the safety of being on a Zoom, Luke, but even you retreated somewhat from the camera. Wasn't that a little bit frightening? The intensity of that speech?
39:39 Speaker 05 Well, it's kind of like, you know, Tower of Terror. Sometimes frightening is enjoyable.
39:43 Speaker 02 There are people out there that appreciate me. You need to understand that.
39:46 Conan O'Brien? I just haven't met them.
39:47 Speaker 02 I'm a polarizing individual.
39:48 Conan O'Brien? Yeah, there's a yeti. There's a yeti out there and I haven't met it. I've heard tell, but no one has footage. I have never seen even a photograph of someone who enjoys what you're saying.
40:00 Speaker 02 What I'm saying is, you know, I am polarizing. I understand that.
40:03 Conan O'Brien? No, polarizing means half are with you, half are against you.
40:06 Speaker 02 That's right.
40:06 Conan O'Brien? You aren't polarizing. You are completely alienating.
40:10 Speaker 02 Okay.
40:11 Conan O'Brien? No one is in your corner. I've never met anybody who's in your corner.
40:14 Speaker 02 Okay.
40:15 Conan O'Brien? Ever.
40:15 Speaker 02 All right.
40:15 Conan O'Brien? Ever.
40:16 Speaker 02 I understand.
40:17 Conan O'Brien? Ever.
40:18 Speaker 02 The people that dislike me, I get it. I really do.
40:20 Conan O'Brien? That's called humanity. That's called humanity. That's the population of Earth.
40:24 Speaker 02 Yeah. But the people that can tolerate me, I get you too.
40:28 Conan O'Brien? I'd like to meet them.
40:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:30 Conan O'Brien? All right, well, I want to thank you, Luke. It's been lovely talking to you. And I do appreciate what you do. You seem like a lovely person. I am going to check out your YouTube channel. I want to give you a shout out. Luke Raniere, or you would say Raniere.
40:48 Speaker 02 No, he wouldn't. He'd say Raniere.
40:50 Conan O'Brien? Don't argue. The man who actually, it's his name.
40:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, you don't know. He knows.
40:54 Conan O'Brien? How can they access your YouTube channel? What's the best way to find it?
40:57 Speaker 05 Well, yeah, if you search for Luke Raniere, you'll find both of them really easily.
41:02 Conan O'Brien? Great.
41:02 Speaker 05 And otherwise, the main channel is called Polymathy. It's like polymath with a Y at the end. Polymathy. And you can find a lot of my videos that way.
41:10 Conan O'Brien? Well, I am a fan of people who know their stuff. You seem to know your stuff and you seem like a very affable fellow. And so I wish you all the best. And it really has been nice talking to you. Thank you for intervening here, because this was an intervention. And Jordan, I do think now you may know some of what you're talking about.
41:31 Speaker 02 Okay.
41:31 Conan O'Brien? I still think you're completely wrong on Tongo. And I know that Luke agree with me on that. And that'll wrap this section up.
41:40 Conan O'Brien? Okay, for better or worse, and I'm going to say worse. This was the Conan and Jordan Show. And Jordan, once again, I wouldn't say it's a pleasure, but it certainly is an experience.
41:52 Speaker 02 Okay.
41:53 Speaker 06 You are so additive to the process. Your sullen okays really take us out.
41:58 Conan O'Brien? If I have nothing to contribute, I'm not going to pretend to contribute.
42:01 Speaker 06 Okay.
42:02 Conan O'Brien? But you know, when I do say something, it means something.
42:06 Speaker 06 Okay. Are you about to snap?
42:08 Conan O'Brien? I have nothing to say right now.
42:09 Speaker 06 Okay. Well, for a guy with nothing to say, you are very animated and you seem furious. So we're going to go to take this out. This has been our episode of the Conan and Jordan Show. We hope you enjoyed it. We certainly have an interesting time making these. We hope you find value in this process. Just going to mutter on my way out. Jordan?
42:34 Conan O'Brien? I have nothing to mutter.
42:42 Speaker 06 The Conan and Jordan Show with Conan O'Brien and Jordan Schlansky is produced by me, Frank Smiley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Jim McClure. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez. Our supervising producer is Andrew Gruce. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. The theme song is Tom Sawyer by Rush. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan and Jordan? Call the Team Coco hotline, 669-587-2847, and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine
43:27 Speaker 06 podcasts are downloaded. And be sure to subscribe and tune into Conan O'Brien Radio, Channel 104 on Sirius XM.
43:45 Speaker 07 Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. Participate at McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Inc.
44:10 Speaker 08 Hi, I'm Cyndi Lauper, Cosentyx's lead detective in the new mystery series, Unpredictable Symptom Squad. My team and I are on a curious case to gather clues about plaque psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, and learn how Cosentyx treats both, and can help stop further joint damage in psoriatic arthritis.
44:32 Speaker 09 Cosentyx secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis and adults with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if allergic to Cosentyx. Get checked for TB before starting. Increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur, like TB or other serious bacterial, fungal, or viral infections, some are fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough, had a vaccine or plan to, or if IBD symptoms develop or worsen. Serious allergic reactions and severe eczema-like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-COSENTIX or cosentyx.com.
45:04 Speaker 08 Don't let mysterious symptoms go unsolved. Talk to your doctor about Cosentyx.
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