A Clown Is Not An Alibi

Conan chats with clown Mathew in Australia about working in a multi-generational circus family. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Owning a car or home comes with responsibilities. Sure, it's fun, but sometimes it makes you wonder why you ever longed for adulthood in the first place. I do that all the time. I'm like, "Oh, these bills, these bills. What am I gonna do?"

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:15Conan O'Brien?

  You know, when you own a house, you gotta fix it yourself. Sona, you see this to be true, right?

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, your garage door breaks, and you're like, "Well, I have to fix it."

• 0:22Conan O'Brien?

  Probably at first you said, "Hey, I'll get the super to fix it. It's your house, dude."

• 0:25Speaker 01

  It's mine, dude!

• 0:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance to save you money. In fact, they work overtime to tailor your insurance policy around what you actually need. The only thing they can't do is get that "Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty" jingle out of your head.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Liberty, Liberty, Liberty.

• 0:41Conan O'Brien?

  It's in my head all the time.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 0:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Start your quote at libertymutual.com.

• 0:49Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:52Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:54Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 1:00Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 1:01Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 1:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.

• 1:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that. I didn't know you were trapping me.

• 1:13Conan O'Brien?

  I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:24Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

• 1:59Conan O'Brien?

  Hello, Matthew. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Hello, Matthew. Thanks for having me. It's nice to be here.

• 2:06Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, Matthew. Conan here, and very nice to meet you.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  G'day, Conan. Good to meet you, too.

• 2:13Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I'm guessing from your accent that you're from Cincinnati.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, did. Downtown Moscow.

• 2:23Conan O'Brien?

  So exactly where are you right now in Australia?

• 2:26Speaker 02

  Uh, we're in Brisbane at the moment.

• 2:28Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, so lovely, lovely country. Uh, I, I, I love your people. I've always had a wonderful time there. And, uh, I'm excited that you're here. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Matthew. What do I need to know about one Matthew D. Goldie?

• 2:43Speaker 02

  Yep, uh, well, what do you need to know about me? Um, I am a circus clown. I guess we'll start there.

• 2:50Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Would be the best place to start.

• 2:52Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, very cool. And are you, where are you? I mean, you're, you're a circus clown in Brisbane? Is that where your circus is?

• 3:00Speaker 02

  The circus is in Brisbane at the moment, but we travel all over the country. But at the moment, we're in Brisbane.

• 3:06Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. And are you in, it looks like you're in a little compartment right now, maybe even in a, in a large steamer trunk.

• 3:16Conan O'Brien?

  Are, are you in one of those circus wagons right now?

• 3:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, basically, that's right. So I, I used to have a, a big 30 foot caravan behind me and this was my truck that, that was basically our laundry and a little spare bedroom, but, uh, my family have left. They ran away from the circus, uh, six months ago. So now I just live in my little truck. It's about a 2.5 by 2.5 meter space.

• 3:42Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  And I've got everything I need in here and, uh, yeah, this is my little home on wheels.

• 3:47Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. I just want to make sure you said your family left you. Did they leave you, leave you, or did they just, they'll see, you'll see them again soon? I mean, there's nothing acrimonious here. Cause it sounded dramatic for a second. And you said, I've got everything I need. And I'm like, well, your family's gone, dude.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Yes, that's true. I've got everything I need, except my family.

• 4:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  Um, no, that my daughter wanted to run away from the circus and go to school. She wanted to, she's decided to.

• 4:16Conan O'Brien?

  I want to be a neurologist.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  I know.

• 4:18Conan O'Brien?

  You crazy kid. Knows and like it. Yeah.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's a million kids around the world like, what are you talking about? But she did it the other way around.

• 4:26Conan O'Brien?

  I have so many questions for you, Matthew. First of all, how does one become a circus clown in the first place? How did this happen?

• 4:34Speaker 02

  My sister was a dancer and she got a job with the circus when I was a kid. And then one day I came home from school and there was a job opening for my parents. And I came home from school and my mom said, we're selling the house. And we're running away to join the circus.

• 4:49Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God, that's what I wished happened when I was a kid and it didn't.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:53Conan O'Brien?

  So then I had to be a freak on my own.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, you worked it out just fine.

• 4:58Conan O'Brien?

  I did work it out.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  I've been watching.

• 5:01Conan O'Brien?

  What, what jobs did your parents do in the circus?

• 5:03Speaker 02

  My, my mom worked in the canteen. There's always jobs around the circus that aren't performing. And my dad would take tickets at the door and seat people. And they would cook for the tent hands and the jobs around the place. And my sister became a trapeze artist and, and I became a clown.

• 5:20Conan O'Brien?

  So tell us a little bit about, first of all, did you know that clown was right for you? Did you think about, oh, I could be a strong man? I could be the bearded lady. Or did you, did you know that, what drew you to being a clown?

• 5:33Speaker 02

  I just found myself watching the clowns. I didn't even know I was doing that, but that's what I was watching and taking in and watching and taking in. And so when it got, got time to perform, that's what I started doing.

• 5:44Conan O'Brien?

  And tell us a little bit about your clown character. You have to, you have to find who your clown is. What is your clown like?

• 5:51Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:52Conan O'Brien?

  What's, what's your clown's name?

• 5:54Speaker 02

  The clown's name is Goldie the Clown, which is a ridiculous name for a clown. But because my last name is Matthew de Goldie, my mom, I said, I want to be Buttons or Patches or Mr. Stinky Pants, but she said, and but it's worked. You know, it's a good name for a goldfish. It's a good name for a golden retriever.

• 6:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, yep.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  It's a stupid name for a clown.

• 6:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't think so. I think it's much better than Mr. Stinky Pants. I think that would have. Signing that on a check would have followed you forever. Would have hurt your love life really terribly.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Try getting a table in a restaurant.

• 6:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, the name Stinky Pants. Matthew Stinky Pants. So, that's your name. Tell us a little bit about your persona, your look. That's what we want to know about.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  It's a happy august clown character, the style is called. And I'm the classic clown. I haven't pushed away from, which a lot of clowns have been doing in the last 30 years because of the scary clown movies and all that stuff that's happened. But I've got the hoopy pants, the big shoes, the big red nose, the red wig.

• 6:56Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you're the classic. You're a clown classic.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  I'm sticking with clown classic and I'm not gonna change it.

• 7:03Conan O'Brien?

  I also think that it's good to get the message out that not all clowns kill. Most do, but not all do.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Well, we don't know. We were only five minutes into this interview.

• 7:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and you do look like you're hiding right now from...

• 7:15Speaker 02

  They couldn't prove anything.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  I had an alibi every time.

• 7:19Conan O'Brien?

  So this is good. You've got... Do you do all the makeup and stuff?

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, face paint. So I prefer to... Thank you. Yeah, ladies wear makeup, clowns wear face paint. That's how I just...

• 7:30Conan O'Brien?

  All right.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  What about Lady Clowns?

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And by the way, I wear makeup. Not now, but I wear it all the time and I love it.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Sorry, I didn't mean to damasklet you.

• 7:40Conan O'Brien?

  You just clown shamed me.

• 7:45Conan O'Brien?

  So, so this is good. This is good. I like this. You're... So you've been working as a clown for many years and then you find your wife? You have some kids and you get them into the act too, is that right?

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, my son's a clown with me and my wife was the ringmaster with the circus. And my daughter performed for a little while, but then she didn't want to do that. That's not her. She's like the Marilyn in our Munsters. She wants to be just normal.

• 8:13Conan O'Brien?

  By the way, I love that reference.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:16Conan O'Brien?

  I love that reference. You've just alienated all of our younger listeners, but yes, yes, you're the normal one.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Three generations of your family have worked at the circus, is that right?

• 8:27Speaker 02

  No, no, we were the first generation.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  No, I mean your family.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Many.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  Your, your parents, you and your children, right?

• 8:34Speaker 02

  Well, that's true. That's right. You are. I hadn't even thought about it. That's right. So it's three generations.

• 8:38Conan O'Brien?

  He just said, Matt just said exactly what you are. He's like, you're so, you're sort of like a clown in Brisbane, Australia. And you went, no, no, no. Oh, and you put it that way.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  I don't think much.

• 8:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Nepo babies.

• 8:52Conan O'Brien?

  What is?

• 8:55Speaker 01

  Circus nepo.

• 8:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you're just a clown because your dad was a clown.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  You're not talented.

• 8:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Conan O'Brien?

  So, uh, what is the life cycle of a clown in a year? Are you working? Is there a season to clowning? Um, I mean, I clown 24/7, 365.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Oh, cool.

• 9:16Conan O'Brien?

  But I don't know what, I don't know what you're, you're like the old school hardcore, um, you know, real thing. What's it like? Is there a downtime for clowns?

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Yes, after the show and before, like I, we do 360 or so shows a year.

• 9:33Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Um, I've been doing it now for 35, nearly 35 years. I was in a theme park for many years, so I, I developed my character there.

• 9:42Conan O'Brien?

  Respect.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Like, street performing, improvising, joking around with people. And that's where you started to shine to me because I was out of the circus. I didn't have any clowns that I was watching and I started watching this TV show at night and this. And, and there was another man there that had this five day a week comedy gig. And I had a five day a week comedy gig and I started getting, because there's so many inspirations in comedy. There's so many different ways to do it. But this talk show host in America started to become my biggest inspiration for my clown. And I didn't understand why, um.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Until you went on James Lipton and you did that interview with him and in that interview, he said, basically, I'm a clown.

• 10:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  And I went, I knew it. I knew it.

• 10:26Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's funny because that was something I realized a long time ago. I always wanted my show or whatever I was doing to be funny, even if the sound was off. And so

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Right.

• 10:37Conan O'Brien?

  because of my background, people thought, well, it'll be, you know, he'll be like verbally dexterous and it'll be about, you know, his intellect. And I thought, what are you talking about? I, I love to make kids laugh. To me, that's the best test. If someone's funny is can you make a kid laugh? And I, if, if two or three year olds are around, I work really hard to get them laughing. And if they don't laugh, I'm shattered, absolutely shattered. And you've seen that, Sona, right?

• 11:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:09Conan O'Brien?

  I'm like, I had Mikey, but I didn't get Charlie. What happened? And then I'm drinking and you're like, Conan, take it easy. And I'm taking pills.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 11:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, descent into madness.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  I know the feeling.

• 11:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  He probably just had gas, too. It wasn't, it had nothing to do with you.

• 11:25Conan O'Brien?

  I took it personally.

• 11:34Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:36Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 11:51Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 12:04Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 12:09Conan O'Brien?

  Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 12:24Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. Palisade Hybrid delivers premium capability and class leading interior space. With available, I had this memorized, H-Track all wheel drive, up to an EPA estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality innovation technology and value drivers expect from an award winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 12:59Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them?

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:03Conan O'Brien?

  You fell for one.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam.

• 13:05Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  I did lose and it was very inconvenient and now they put protections on my account like I'm dumb.

• 13:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't know where they got that impression. Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:34Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 13:36Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  That's not the point of this.

• 13:38Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point. One accidental click, Son, it can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 13:50Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live US based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 14:02Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 14:21Conan O'Brien?

  Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is so good, it's almost impossible not to finish it before the meal arrives. It's just too good to wait. That happens to me sometimes.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 14:30Conan O'Brien?

  You can try rules like no sipping until the appetizer arrives, or you tell your friend, don't let me touch my glass, but every time you're staring at an empty glass. So if you've ever finished your Coke Zero before the first fry hits the table, you're among friends. It happens. Occupational hazard with Coke Zero.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:48Conan O'Brien?

  Real Coca-Cola taste, zero sugar, too good to wait. Enjoy an ice cold Coca-Cola Zero Sugar today.

• 14:58Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:05Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 15:26Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:30Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife?

• 15:33Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:37Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 16:07Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  We had 800 school kids in the show yesterday, like on vacation care, so the tent was full of just pretty much 800 kids and their, and their minders. And the noise was outrageous. They were laughing and screaming and hooing. It was beautiful.

• 16:43Conan O'Brien?

  Best drug, best drug in the world.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, it fills my heart.

• 16:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, it really is.

• 16:47Conan O'Brien?

  It's, uh, it, I, I, it's so funny what you're talking about because we're all doing basically the same thing. I mean, I, and there are different. You know, you can say, oh, no, that I'm doing something very different. No, I think we're both essentially doing the same thing. Exactly.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  I've learnt so much from you, just from the, and as you say, the physical comedy. So whenever I'm getting a bit tired with with my comedy, I think about what you do. Cause you have this way of of hitting the mark very strongly.

• 17:20Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, thank you.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  I think, no, what would, how would Conan do this? And then I start hitting my marks a bit stronger physically.

• 17:26Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's very, very, that's very nice of you. Uh, I, I.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  I've been writing down things, I've been studying you. I've been in the school of Conan for the last thirty years.

• 17:36Conan O'Brien?

  That's why, that's why right now you're trapped in a very small space. Crowded out by what looks like laundry.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  My family's left me.

• 17:45Conan O'Brien?

  This is what happens. You're hiding from the law right now, surrounded by unwashed clothing. Um, uh, no, but that, that, thank you so much.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  All washed, it's my clown clothes.

• 17:57Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, there you go. All right. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Thank you. I made them myself in my clown underpants.

• 18:02Conan O'Brien?

  Looks like the wardrobe from Golden Girls, doesn't it?

• 18:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, Mrs. Roper.

• 18:07Conan O'Brien?

  So what, uh, is this, and this is what you're doing now for life. Do you ever, do you ever have a day where you think, you know what? Feeling sore, I don't know if I got it anymore. We all have those moments. And do you ever think, ah, maybe I'll hang up the old red nose and I'll do X, Y, or Z? Or does that never, never come into your mind?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it has. And, and in, in COVID, of course, all, all the work went away. And so I thought, oh, maybe I'll, and I did, I drove a truck for a little while and, and I did a few different things. But no, this is so, you know, if you get cold hearted on making people laugh for a living there and making children happy and old ladies and singing to people and, and buffooning. If you get cold hearted on that, then I think I'd be, you'd be dead, wouldn't you? Like, it, it fills my soul every time I go out there.

• 19:00Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, amen. I agree with you a hundred percent. It's a, it's a great dodge. It's a great way to get through life is to, to try and do this. And there are just moments, you know, I'm sure you have them, I have them where we think, oh, my God. I, I don't know, I can't, I can't keep doing this. I, I need to go and do something kind of quiet and respectable. That always lasts about half a second. Yeah.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, on that interview too, you said when something's your job, it's your job. And that's true. There's days when you're like, oh, I've got to do this. But, but then you start doing it and it's so joyous. And because my clown character is so strong now after 35 years, it, it kind of takes over. Uh, you've, you're suddenly doing and saying things. I can't remember sometimes what my clown says or does. I don't know what, I can't do the voice out of the.

• 19:48Conan O'Brien?

  Now you're excusing crimes you've committed. Yeah, I mean, it's my clown. I don't know what he did. Why is there this blood on my hands? A clown is not an alibi, just so we're clear. I don't know where I was.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Are you trying to do an Australian accent?

• 20:04Conan O'Brien?

  Giant red footprints leading back to your.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  That sounded perfect. Very good Australian accent. Very good. Very hard to do.

• 20:15Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a fine actor. I just go in and out of characters. Um, but, uh, no, that's, uh, that's really nice. It's, uh, you know, it's funny because for, for so long, that was every kid's dream. Not every kid, but I want to run away to the circus is, and, and I think it still exists. It's just not always literally the circus. You happen to literally do the circus. But I had the same feeling when I got into this stupidness was I'm just running away to do this. Uh, do something that, that, uh, that, that sort of speaks to me, you know?

• 20:47Speaker 02

  It, but it called you. It didn't kind of call me. I got kind of thrust into it. It, I, I joined the circus and then I ended up, life kind of.

• 20:56Conan O'Brien?

  You were forced.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Thought it about for me, I guess.

• 20:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, your parents said, we're going to the circus and we're going to join. And then you had to decide, am I bending an iron bar? Um, am I putting on a dress and growing a beard? Um, yeah, I don't know. I don't just. Is the bearded lady still a thing? And the modern era, it may be, I don't know.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  I don't know if they do. They still, I don't think they still do like the freaks and stuff.

• 21:18Conan O'Brien?

  Well, we don't use the term freak.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry.

• 21:21Conan O'Brien?

  That's partially why.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Okay, okay.

• 21:24Conan O'Brien?

  And also, I wouldn't, I don't wanna misgender the bearded, you know what I mean?

• 21:28Speaker 01

  The bearded lady, I know, he can't be the bearded lady, cuz he's a man.

• 21:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, first of all, I cannot say what someone's gender is.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  Oh, right, right.

• 21:37Conan O'Brien?

  They need to tell me, and I don't know what, first of all, you're saying freaks, and now you're saying, "You can't be a bearded lady, you're a man." What are you, an 1850 Sona? What's your problem?

• 21:47Speaker 03

  The real Sonas arrived.

• 21:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  No, what happened to all them freaks?

• 21:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:51Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, how'd you like storming the Capitol, was that fun?

• 21:56Conan O'Brien?

  Sona was there, but she was there for snacks.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  I had to be there.

• 21:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  The election was rigged.

• 22:03Conan O'Brien?

  And you heard there were snacks inside.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, and there were snacks.

• 22:06Conan O'Brien?

  And it was Armenian Christmas. Yeah, yeah.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Exactly, how else do you celebrate?

• 22:09Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, when they certify, isn't there catering?

• 22:13Speaker 03

  I flew all this way.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Where's the congressional cafeteria?

• 22:17Conan O'Brien?

  I want those certification waffles. Let's go, gang!

• 22:24Speaker 01

  I was there for the food.

• 22:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 22:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, Matthew, I, you're a, I like you, you've got a stout heart, and you're a delightful person, you really are, and you're doing, I do think you're doing God's work out there, you're making people laugh.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Yes, thank you, there's a lot of things we could be doing in the world, hey, and making people happy is is one of the good ones to do.

• 22:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Just, I would ask you, when it is time for you to kill and kill again,

• 22:55Conan O'Brien?

  you know, just, don't blame the clown, okay? It's not an alibi, you know what I mean? You can't just say, "I don't know, that was Goldie." It's not, Matt, Matt's right, you can't do that, all right? You're responsible for yourself as Matthew and as Goldie.

• 23:12Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it was a delight talking to you, Matthew. Really a pleasure. And who knows?

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I wanted to just say, before we go, just thank you for, not only for the inspiration you've given me as the clown, but just the, your general way of being playful and, and the way you come up with comedy has affected my son and I. My daughter's very smart and comes up with all these questions and she talks politics and she, but my son and I have, he's 13 and we've yet to have a serious conversation.

• 23:39Conan O'Brien?

  Great.

• 23:40Speaker 02

  All we do is do bits and comedy and jokes and, and I think a lot of your ways of being have, have come into my son and my relationship.

• 23:47Conan O'Brien?

  I have to be honest with you. I don't, I don't know my son's first name. Always, from the minute he enters the room every day, I'm doing bits and God help him, but uh, it's a wonderful way to connect. So, well, I hope we meet someday. That'd be really nice, you know? And until then, uh, have a great show.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Thank you. I, I will. We're just starting our year. There's 300 shows ahead.

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God. All right. Well, I hope to be in the audience one day. Take care.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Wonderful to talk to you guys. Thank you.

• 24:17Conan O'Brien?

  We'll see you later. Bye, bye, Matthew.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 25:08Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right.

• 25:17Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 25:22Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 25:25Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 25:27Speaker 01

  I know, I remember that. That was not good.

• 25:30Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters so you can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 25:51Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka-Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right? Yep. Well, did you know Alka-Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka-Seltzer Cold? Did you know that, David? No, but I feel like we need it. Why didn't you know that, David? I know, you expect me to know everything. I knew this because I- Did you? Yeah, I've tried it, it's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka-Seltzer Cold into the water. Alka-Seltzer Cold: Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action, ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka-Seltzer Cold: Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief.

• 26:36Conan O'Brien?

  Among oral products used as directed.