Seth Green | Club Random with Bill Maher

Bill Maher sits down with Seth Green for a fast, funny conversation that zig-zags from Hollywood war stories to pop-culture philosophy – including a wild night on the town with Macaulay Culkin, Andy Dick, and Marilyn Manson that went spectacularly sideways. They trade notes on weed, hemp, and the myth-versus-merit of CBD, then dive into the child-actor reality – Gary Coleman’s hard truths, “fame without money,” and how Seth managed to avoid the pitfalls. From MTV Awards and Punk’d pranks to the anniversaries of Smashing Pumpkins and Green Day’s Dookie and American Idiot, they rewind to MTV Cribs, recount an undercover poker prank, and even debate the most important question of all: are comic books literature? Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support our Advertisers: It’s summer, and it's time to heat up your strategy before your competitors beat you to it. Go to ⁠⁠https://www. RadioActiveMedia.com⁠⁠ or text RANDOM to 511-511. Message and Data Rates May Apply. Get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for 1 year at https://www.factormeals.com/random50off Get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at https://www.nutrafol.com and enter promo code RANDOM Find Zyn at a store near you at https://www.zyn.com/find Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it. For advertising opportunities please email: [email protected] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:46Speaker 02

  Hey, listen.

• 0:47Speaker 03

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• 0:59Speaker 03

  And harness the power of the Ocarina with the built-in microphone.

• 1:08Speaker 03

  The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, a Nintendo Switch 2 exclusive. Game and system sold separately. Game rated everyone 10 and up.

• 1:16Speaker 04

  But that's a fair point.

• 1:17Bill Maher?

  Thank you, darling. Our anniversary is gonna be so much fun.

• 1:20Speaker 04

  Do you like cake?

• 1:26Speaker 04

  There are options.

• 1:26Bill Maher?

  I was the first one to say that. That was my joke.

• 1:29Speaker 04

  I'm not here to debate that, but he, uh...

• 1:37Bill Maher?

  You got Seth Green?

• 1:39Speaker 04

  I'm over here.

• 1:39Bill Maher?

  Let's do a fucking show. How are you?

• 1:41Speaker 04

  I'm good. How you doing?

• 1:42Bill Maher?

  You look the same as ever.

• 1:44Speaker 04

  So do you.

• 1:45Bill Maher?

  Really, you do. You have the same exact look.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:48Bill Maher?

  I mean, I haven't seen you in person in forever.

• 1:51Speaker 04

  It's been a minute. I feel like the last time I saw you was like, if it wasn't McFarlane's birthday party.

• 1:57Bill Maher?

  Probably.

• 1:58Speaker 04

  Maybe like, do you remember that, maybe the Chateau? It feels like the last time I really saw you in person. Maybe after that at the Emmy, something, something Emmys.

• 2:05Bill Maher?

  I mean Seth and I, who I adore so much and some of his paraphernalia is around here somewhere.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:11Bill Maher?

  Uh, but one birthday party, we did have a big fight about it because it was COVID, you know? And he was like, he was a COVID paranoid. I'm sorry, I love him, but I think that's my view. He would say, I'm whatever, I'm not an anti-vaxxer at all. But, uh, you know, we've had that.

• 2:29Bill Maher?

  We once had a screaming match in the middle of the Tower Bar over dinner about this. But that's what friends do.

• 2:35Speaker 04

  I think so.

• 2:36Bill Maher?

  Real friends talk and sometimes yell and then you come back to loving.

• 2:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've always, um, I've always valued civil discourse. Um, I brought some weed, I know you like weed. Do you have your own weed?

• 2:49Bill Maher?

  I, I, I grow it here.

• 2:51Speaker 04

  You do?

• 2:52Bill Maher?

  Yeah, right. I mean, probably 10 feet away, there's a pot plant growing.

• 2:56Speaker 04

  You're kidding. What kind of, is it like, what are your vindicas? What do you like?

• 3:00Bill Maher?

  Well, you know, I have an old friend who went to prison for pot, Todd McCormick. He's a famous pot revolutionary.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:08Bill Maher?

  Uh, done a lot, as much as anyone for the cause. He, uh, now he's into seeds, you know? He has got a huge seed business. No, I brought my own. I don't trust you.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  You don't trust me?

• 3:19Bill Maher?

  I love you, but I don't trust you because I only want to grow the stuff that I know is super clean, grown here.

• 3:25Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 3:26Bill Maher?

  And he's provide, you know, he's, his thing is seeds now.

• 3:30Speaker 04

  Well, I'm happy to try yours if you're sure.

• 3:31Bill Maher?

  Please do, absolutely. It's $10.

• 3:34Speaker 04

  Okay, I got, uh, do you take crypto?

• 3:39Bill Maher?

  Here, we don't have to share like it's the sixties. We could just do too far away.

• 3:43Speaker 04

  Isn't that the best part? Like I remember super illegal weed and I remember like, don't you remember like, I feel like it was the early nineties. Woody Harrelson got arrested for like planting.

• 3:53Bill Maher?

  A hemp.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  Don't you remember this?

• 3:54Bill Maher?

  Not weed, hemp.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, just hemp, don't you remember?

• 3:56Bill Maher?

  But, I mean, the reason why that's a whole, uh, different kettle of fish is that he was making the point that hemp, which is also illegal, not weed. And if you don't believe me, try to get high on it.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:12Bill Maher?

  Yeah, it's just, it's a cousin of weed, but you know, it was used to, the parchment at the Declaration of Independence, or the Constitution, or some old document is signed on it.

• 4:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:24Bill Maher?

  And you can use it to make a sailboat, you can use it to make a parachute, you know.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  You can't use it to get high without a lot of chemical processing.

• 4:32Bill Maher?

  Yeah, well, it has to be mixed with the THC variety. I mean, that's what a lot of CBD oils and stuff. Do you use that stuff? Do you rub that on your dick?

• 4:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh, as hard and as vigorously as possible.

• 4:45Bill Maher?

  I don't think it's the CBD, me too. I don't know if it's the CBD that's making me feel good when I do that.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  Might just be the friction.

• 4:52Bill Maher?

  I bet that's what I'm thinking.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 4:53Bill Maher?

  But I don't know.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  What kind of friction you into?

• 4:57Bill Maher?

  Not the kind with the Hollywood community, but there's certainly plenty.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  Boy, I'll tell you what, Bill, like I just, that's why I don't go to anybody's house. I just, I stay home, I don't talk on the press line. I mean, not like that, but I kinda just never, really early on, I just recognized before everybody was sort of toxified by social media in general, or empowered to speak their most immediate reaction without any kind of...

• 5:24Bill Maher?

  Speak their truth?

• 5:26Speaker 04

  But even more than just like react, just react. Like I, I knew you just don't fuck with faith, right? Like you, you don't get at somebody about their theological core stuff, the stuff that they share with only themselves, truly. Like, there's really no fucking with that. If somebody believes something, like that's theirs to believe. But I also believe in differences of opinion. I also believe in people being able to have a conversation and marvel at each other's differences.

• 5:54Bill Maher?

  Not everyone does.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  Of course not, of course not. It's gotten so much worse and so much shittier, and I really struggle with that. I think the most I struggle with that, like having to adjust my worldview to see this volume of active division and hate laundering.

• 6:11Bill Maher?

  But of course, the difference with us is I have to, this is what I do for a living, is talk about issues.

• 6:17Speaker 04

  I know, you gotta get into it.

• 6:18Bill Maher?

  And you... Smart, shouldn't, and don't.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, but here I am on your show. This is funny. I realize this is gonna be the longest conversation we ever have.

• 6:26Bill Maher?

  Specifically for not necessarily doing that.

• 6:29Speaker 04

  Oh, good. But you and I have known each other long enough and we're both come from comedy enough to talk about that. Like, I love stand-up. I love comedy. It's probably one of my favorite.

• 6:40Bill Maher?

  I mean, obviously, we didn't do a very good job of communication because the number one thing we've tried to communicate, obviously, failingly, is that I started this because I have a show about politics.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  Right.

• 6:52Bill Maher?

  And there's a million other things to talk about. Now, this show has-

• 6:56Speaker 04

  You're saying I didn't do enough homework, which is fair.

• 6:58Bill Maher?

  It's not you.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  They probably sent me a lot of emails and texts, and I have a really bad time reading any of that. I get a lot of emails every day.

• 7:06Bill Maher?

  Okay, all right. We'll blame it on that. But whatever it is, now, sometimes it veers into that depending on the guests. Sure, because I have no agenda. I have pot and liquor.

• 7:17Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 7:18Bill Maher?

  And that's it. And I, all my life, wanted to do a show.

• 7:22Speaker 04

  Who rolls these in tobacco lemons for you? Because that's, that's a move.

• 7:25Bill Maher?

  No, no, this is not tobacco. I promise. There's no tobacco.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  What is it? What's this brown one?

• 7:30Bill Maher?

  You know, it's just, it's the, it's the healthy kind.

• 7:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, you got filters and everything. This is smooth.

• 7:35Bill Maher?

  Yeah. I'm telling you. I'm trying to, I'm 70. I'm trying to, like, live.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  You're 70?

• 7:42Bill Maher?

  Yeah. What are you?

• 7:43Speaker 04

  I'm 51. I would have put you at maybe 64, maybe 65.

• 7:48Bill Maher?

  Okay. Well, I shaved off five years. What a thrill.

• 7:52Speaker 04

  Don't you feel like it's so different now? Like, I even look at pictures of Ted Knight.

• 7:58Bill Maher?

  Ted Knight?

• 7:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, Ted Knight. And he was, he was like 41. And he looked like he was 80. Conrad Bane was like, I don't even think he was 40 when he was making different strokes. Like, he was playing the young, rich guy on that show.

• 8:12Bill Maher?

  Why do, why do young girls now wanna, like, do shit that makes them look older?

• 8:16Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 8:17Bill Maher?

  I mean, like, a lot of ti- they're like, well, for example, beauty, you know, Miss Universe types, you know, beauty contestants, they-

• 8:27Bill Maher?

  They're nineteen and they look forty.

• 8:29Speaker 04

  Just because they've done like surgery or makeup and.

• 8:33Bill Maher?

  I'm asking, I mean, yes, and then you know, and to be a beauty contestant, they do things to themselves. I think that make them look older.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, as a kid performer, I can tell you that's always been the push is to make anything younger look older. I don't know why, I don't know what sense that makes.

• 8:54Bill Maher?

  I'm talking about a normal nineteen year old girl. Why is she, you know, doing plastic surgery at the very age when you don't need it?

• 9:04Speaker 04

  I think that's social, I think that's the social media.

• 9:06Bill Maher?

  Of course.

• 9:07Speaker 04

  I think the social media is.

• 9:09Bill Maher?

  Absolutely.

• 9:09Speaker 04

  You know, there was a, I have to scientifically recognize that we're still in the early beta of any of these social constructs. Like even the idea, we're just entering into generations that are born without it ever having not been there. Like it's always been this way. But I think there should be a seal these legal gate keeps across internet porn. I think the social should have the same kind of checks, right? They're trying to dox people over internet porn. You know what I'm saying?

• 9:39Bill Maher?

  What gate keeps are on porn?

• 9:41Speaker 04

  A lot of these states and countries have passed laws that you can't watch anything, like you can't.

• 9:49Bill Maher?

  Seems like there's everything on there.

• 9:52Speaker 04

  Right, but, but you're, a lot of these sites like your major traffic, it's now requiring you some kind of like personal doxing. Like this is who I am as a human, this is my age and my driver's license. And I just think that that's not cool at all, like asking people to sign up.

• 10:12Bill Maher?

  But isn't that just to make sure they're not underage?

• 10:15Speaker 04

  It is, but, but also now you've got a database of that. You know what I mean? Now you got a database of people that are watching porn.

• 10:21Bill Maher?

  Also, I think it's a fool's iron to think that you can outsmart a thirteen year old.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  I know, you're talking to the original Napster.

• 10:29Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:32Bill Maher?

  No, right, but aren't I right about that?

• 10:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course, like the people will always figure out how to get it for free. I don't think that's it. It's more like the idea of the law coming into place where someone can get arrested for getting porn illegally or porn before they're willing to give up their civil liberty of their name and their driver's license number.

• 10:52Bill Maher?

  It is amazing that at 51, you still kind of have retained your cred as, you know, a tribune of the youth.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  You think so?

• 11:00Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  Oh, thanks, man.

• 11:01Bill Maher?

  That's who, I mean, that's who you are. You kind of, again, you don't look your age, you know. It's like, you know, part of it is because you're, you're short, you know.

• 11:10Speaker 04

  I think so too, right? Nobody's like, they're like this kid.

• 11:13Bill Maher?

  Well, you know, it's like you look like I'm watching Wednesday, you know, which is such a fun show. And it helps that she's short.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  So little, yeah.

• 11:20Bill Maher?

  You know, because she obviously is not a kid, but she, you know, that size, she against all the adults in the cast.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:28Bill Maher?

  She looks.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  The cast, like, big people too.

• 11:30Bill Maher?

  Right. I think that's part of it, but, you know, you just have a youthful way and, you know, I don't know.

• 11:36Speaker 04

  Thanks.

• 11:37Bill Maher?

  It's very hard to do, to stay, to start as a child. I mean, you started as a child.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  I didn't get famous when I was a kid, and I think that's really the key.

• 11:45Bill Maher?

  But you were in it.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  I was in it, but I was in it as sort of like a character actor in the weirdest way. And since I was just sort of on the edges of all this shit, I worked all the time, but I never got any of these big showy roles. I was just sort of the other guy in the movie. And that, I think, helped give me some credibility, helped me build my own skill set, helped me really build up discipline and also humility. And then I got to watch person after person after person fuck it up again and again and again.

• 12:14Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 12:14Speaker 04

  Do all the different means to the point where I was like, wow, never gonna do that.

• 12:18Bill Maher?

  Maybe if, maybe if you had become famous at that age, right now, you'd be humping parked cars, like some, like some of these fucking.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  Right, hey, like, you know, don't king shame, Bill. I mean, you of all people.

• 12:30Bill Maher?

  No, but I'm just saying, I'm just saying, what do you mean of all people?

• 12:33Speaker 04

  You, come on, man, you try to keep everybody out your bedroom, same as any American person. Like, stay the fuck out my bedroom, we do whatever I want.

• 12:40Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but I don't, but you don't know.

• 12:42Speaker 04

  If you wanna hump parked cars, Bill, like, I'm not trying to tell you that's not okay, just make sure it's your car and that the car is consensual.

• 12:49Bill Maher?

  I'm just saying, there's a lot of nutty. Things that have happened with child actors. I mean, they, they, the, the percentage, it seems, I don't know, you know, I don't know people of other pursuits in life as much as I know, and we read about, of course, people in show business. But it seems like a greater percentage of them do crack up and become, I mean, kooky, you know, like homeless crazy kind of kooky.

• 13:18Speaker 04

  It's very hard. And there's a thing that a lot of people don't understand is that even if you, you stay famous, even if you don't have any money. And that's what happened to Gary Coleman, was like Gary couldn't get work. And he just couldn't get work. So there's no way for Gary to make money. There weren't the same kind of mechanisms in place now for people to do trade shows or fan expos to like make money being Gary Coleman. And so he had to suffer indignity after indignity. He lost all his money in one way or another. His parents totally fucked him over, so much so that there were like laws written on his behalf. And it sucks that, that, that kid had to go through all that just to show these other kids how to not do it. But there's nothing, there's no safety net for kid actors, you know what I mean? You're really on your own.

• 14:03Bill Maher?

  You make such a great point there that people don't think about. Wealth is associated with fame, all right? So if you are, as you say, famous, but don't have any money, then you have this double humiliation of what are you doing on the subway? You, I, I know why I'm on the subway. There's no shame in me being on the subway.

• 14:27Speaker 04

  Why you working the security guard gig?

• 14:29Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, poor fucking Gary.

• 14:31Bill Maher?

  Uh, I remember Armie Hammer was selling real estate in the Bahamas for a minute.

• 14:37Speaker 04

  I buy a house from that guy.

• 14:42Bill Maher?

  The kitchen was a little different.

• 14:44Speaker 04

  Ah, you know, it's got really big ovens.

• 14:46Bill Maher?

  He, he was, he sat here. I was happy to do my part in.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  Armie did. Sat here?

• 14:51Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 14:52Speaker 04

  I loved him in, uh, there was a movie.

• 14:54Bill Maher?

  He's not a cannibal.

• 14:55Speaker 04

  He and Henry Cavill did The Man from Uncle, and it was so fucking great.

• 14:58Bill Maher?

  I loved The Man from Uncle with Alicia Vikander was also in that.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Yes, she's the best, man.

• 15:02Bill Maher?

  She's very attractive, young lady, yes.

• 15:05Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, yeah, that too.

• 15:06Bill Maher?

  Oh, that's what I, I thought.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  Oh, that I was saying? Nah, she's amazing. I've seen her play a bunch of different roles.

• 15:11Bill Maher?

  And a fine actress, is what I meant to say, and.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, she looks the part, though, but most people.

• 15:15Bill Maher?

  And she, you know, Could've Been Wednesday is what I.

• 15:18Speaker 04

  You're not wrong.

• 15:19Bill Maher?

  You know.

• 15:21Bill Maher?

  No, that girl's Jenna Ortega, she's perfect for that part.

• 15:25Speaker 04

  Have you met her?

• 15:25Bill Maher?

  Kills it. No.

• 15:27Speaker 04

  Me neither.

• 15:28Bill Maher?

  I don't go, I don't go out to a lot of, I mean, I go out more than you. Apparently you just, you seem to be saying that you're just a complete stay at home.

• 15:36Speaker 04

  I'm not a, I'm not.

• 15:37Bill Maher?

  But you're married, right?

• 15:38Speaker 04

  I am married. Yeah, we have a almost three year old.

• 15:41Bill Maher?

  Oh, well, there you go. You've got, you've got the.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  But I go out. I do, I, you know, I do the stuff that feels like the prom stuff. You know what I'm saying? Like I went to that.

• 15:50Bill Maher?

  Not really, but I kind of do. What, like, like award shows?

• 15:53Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, yeah. You go to the stuff that, that is like your peers at this moment in the year.

• 15:58Bill Maher?

  I love the Vanity Fair Oscar party.

• 16:00Speaker 04

  Right on. So there's like a particular party you go to where it's like, I know everybody here. This is great.

• 16:05Bill Maher?

  I don't know everybody there, but I know who everybody is there. And it's fun, like a petting zoo is fun to, to stand in the middle of a room and see nothing but stars.

• 16:15Speaker 04

  And everybody knows you. Everybody knows you.

• 16:17Bill Maher?

  Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say everybody because there are certain democrat, demographics that are elusive. Let's, let's glide over that. But, you know,

• 16:29Bill Maher?

  anyone who, who knows like, you know, what the war in Ukraine is probably knows who I am. But yes, there are, you know, look, this is Hollywood. Never underestimate what people don't know in this town. This is not a town.

• 16:42Speaker 04

  You're not wrong.

• 16:43Bill Maher?

  This is not a town.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  People's blind spots are enormous.

• 16:45Bill Maher?

  It is not built on knowledge. It is, it is built on talent. They are, Sally Field once said it, she said, you know, this town is full of shit, but they adore talent. And it's true. And they're very good at finding it. You know, I always think for the people who are like, well, I never got my break. Well, it's possible you could have just gotten bad breaks. That's true. But generally the cream rises to the top.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Life is all about making decisions. Sometimes you make questionable ones. Like buying a new TV that's too big for the wall because the electronics store employee was a little too good at their job. Then, sometimes you make great ones. Like protecting your home and auto with Progressive. You get customized coverage options, so you can be sure you have the right coverage. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company affiliates and other insurers. Not available in all states.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  It is tough. I did notice it because I've had different moments. I've gotten to work on all kinds of sets, like first time director indies and like massive studio projects that have the full weight of multiple companies behind them.

• 18:25Bill Maher?

  You mean like Austin Powers?

• 18:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, like Austin Powers, Italian job.

• 18:29Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 18:30Speaker 04

  What's that? When we made Without a Paddle of Paramount.

• 18:32Bill Maher?

  Yeah, Big A-list.

• 18:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:34Bill Maher?

  Big budget.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I got to do that movie.

• 18:36Bill Maher?

  Big box office movie.

• 18:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. The thing I got to do with Travolta and Robin Williams, they had a ton of money behind that.

• 18:42Bill Maher?

  What was that?

• 18:43Speaker 04

  It's called Old Dogs for Disney.

• 18:46Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah, of course, yeah. Old Dog.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  I know, right? He's got me with a costumed man and a gorilla, like a gorilla costume.

• 18:55Bill Maher?

  There's a whole genre now, I call them geezer movies, where, you know, these are movies where actors who were huge stars, you have to be a huge star to begin with, for decades, now are 80. And there obviously is an appetite from the public, a certain percentage, to still see Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Morgan Freeman. So, I mean, what kind of script can you have for an 80? They have to be geezer movies.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  Oh, but there's the same.

• 19:25Bill Maher?

  Bad grandpa, you know?

• 19:28Speaker 04

  Or like that heist movie that Zach Braff directed that had like Morgan in it, Michael Caine in it, the heist movie.

• 19:36Bill Maher?

  This, I'm telling you, it's a whole.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  But don't you remember like grumpy old men? Don't you remember like Short Circuit? Not Short Circuit, Batteries Not Included or Cocoon even? Like this has always been a thing, like we always watch.

• 19:47Bill Maher?

  I think this is, I think it's more now, yes, they always. Did that, but I feel like in the old days. No, they put you about to pasture and the actors had more dignity. You know, they were Cary Grant ish, Greta Garbo ish, like I've had my moment.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  It moved in the eighties, you got your Hugh Mulroney's, your Jessica Tandys.

• 20:04Bill Maher?

  Yeah, that was one movie. I feel like now what they do is they they seg into. They're they were known as great, you know, dramatic actors, but they seg into the comedy world.

• 20:15Speaker 04

  You're talking specifically about Helen Mirren in stuff like Red.

• 20:18Bill Maher?

  Helen Mirren, I'm talking, I'm telling you, De Niro, Morgan Freeman, Al Pacino.

• 20:23Speaker 04

  De Niro's got a lot of childcare to pay, you know, he's doing those movies.

• 20:26Bill Maher?

  I'm not knocking it.

• 20:28Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 20:28Bill Maher?

  I'm just saying it's a phenomenon that we did not used to have to this level.

• 20:33Speaker 04

  I don't know, we could compare with these things, but I do, I do take your point.

• 20:38Bill Maher?

  I'm arguing harder than this than I do about Tarik.

• 20:41Speaker 04

  No, it's really fun. Hey, here's to that. Here's to the whole thing about nothing that matters.

• 20:45Bill Maher?

  So. So tell me about your life, like, so you're married, you got married, like what most people would say, late in life, right?

• 20:53Speaker 04

  I guess so, yeah, I was in my, in my later thirties, but I, you know, I.

• 20:58Bill Maher?

  Oh, later thirties?

• 20:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:00Bill Maher?

  How long you been married?

• 21:01Speaker 04

  We've been married fifteen years.

• 21:03Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 21:04Speaker 04

  I know. Crazy, right? That's crazy to think about. Neither one of us thought that was gonna happen to us.

• 21:11Bill Maher?

  Neither you or your wife, or me or you?

• 21:12Speaker 04

  No, no, neither me or my wife. We, we both just had been through a lot of life. We both had had a lot of experience. And sort of learned a lot about ourselves and about what we wanted, what we didn't want, you know, I learned a lot of.

• 21:27Bill Maher?

  That's smart. No one's ready to get married before. That's a perfect time to get married, if you're gonna do it.

• 21:32Speaker 04

  It worked for me. It worked for me. I really can't like prescribe anybody anything, but it, it, we, I felt like we lucked out in a lot of ways. And I learned a lot of shit on other girls' time, you know, there's really nothing you can do about it.

• 21:44Bill Maher?

  We all do, and, and we all, well, I'm not gonna speak for everybody, I have some guilt about that.

• 21:50Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 21:50Bill Maher?

  Because, not that I really should have guilt, because how could you help it? You're young and you're dumb and you gotta learn. And if you're learning, you know, comedy, you do it in front of an audience and you're bummed and it's painful and it's got it. You, you inflicted that pain on that audience who had to sit through your shitty.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  I like this metaphor, yeah.

• 22:09Bill Maher?

  Learning phase, and it's the same thing with relationships.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:13Bill Maher?

  You know, there are things that I did, I go, oh my God, I can't believe I was that stupid. Nothing horrific, just like. Dumb ass shit that you just would never do now.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:24Bill Maher?

  And, you know, yes, but I, all I can assume is that the girl was to a degree doing that on guys too. Now, of course, girls mature much faster. So I think their phase of being dumb ends a lot quicker than ours.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  I don't know. It just depends on, I think I have, I discovered at least for myself that each of the longer term relationships I was in, there was a bit of me trying on some other persona for size, right? Where this was a girl who had this way and she came from this and seemed like that and liked these things and we had this in common and let's see how this goes. You know what I mean? It was not, like, I look at other people and I see, oh, you dated all these girls with dark hair with bangs. It's like a very specific, oh, never a girl without tattoos or only a girl from this city or, you know what I mean?

• 23:13Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 23:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course. Don't you know people with a type? Yeah, a type. I don't feel like I had a type. I just sort of tried a lot of things on for size.

• 23:22Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I would say I'm the same way. I mean, my type was hot. Because I was just young and horny.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  What kind of things drive you? What do you think, what do you consider hot? Like, can a girl be hot if she not physically attractive?

• 23:34Bill Maher?

  No. What?

• 23:38Bill Maher?

  I mean, that's, that's, that's not even in, that's not even 101.

• 23:43Speaker 04

  Well, here's the thing, here's the thing I can give you.

• 23:45Bill Maher?

  I'm sorry, but that's just the truth.

• 23:47Speaker 04

  No, no, no, I understand.

• 23:47Bill Maher?

  Hot to you. Now, that's what's different. Hot to you may not be hot to me.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  That's totally fair.

• 23:53Bill Maher?

  But, you know, it's totally fair. And by the way, it's something everybody would agree on.

• 23:57Speaker 04

  Wouldn't it be funny if I was like, that's not fair? We're gonna fight about this?

• 24:00Bill Maher?

  You seem to wanna fight about everything, which is fine. I'm more than happy to fight.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Do I seem like I wanna fight?

• 24:05Bill Maher?

  I feel like you're like, I say X, you say Y, kinda person.

• 24:08Speaker 04

  I don't mean to be like that.

• 24:10Bill Maher?

  I don't, you can be. It doesn't bother me. It's kinda fun.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 24:14Bill Maher?

  Not for a half hour.

• 24:15Speaker 04

  What the fuck are you talking about, Bill? We're not gonna do this.

• 24:17Bill Maher?

  Yeah. But I had a girlfriend once who was just like that. Like, why I was in this relationship, I don't know. It was dumb. But I'd say X, she'd say Y. I mean, it was, it's just tedious.

• 24:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:28Bill Maher?

  But no, I mean, look, people just don't agree on everything and that's fine. But, what were we talking about?

• 24:35Speaker 04

  We were talking about pulling hot girls once you got famous.

• 24:38Bill Maher?

  No, we weren't.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  What?

• 24:39Bill Maher?

  We weren't actually talking about that.

• 24:41Speaker 04

  That's what I wanted to start it like.

• 24:43Bill Maher?

  No, no.

• 24:43Speaker 04

  That's what he was circling around.

• 24:45Bill Maher?

  You just wanted to get to that. We were talking about what constitutes attraction and if hotness was a part of it. And I said, of course it is, but it depends on what you think is hot. Would, I mean, you know. Billy Corgan was here.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  Ah, that's so cool.

• 25:03Bill Maher?

  Yeah, very cool.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  I really like him. I just got to meet him for the first time. I was at a, um, there was a big music festival and Green Day played. I don't know if you know this, but they're touring, like the anniversaries of both.

• 25:15Bill Maher?

  I love Green Day.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  Me too.

• 25:16Bill Maher?

  They do the theme to my show, you know.

• 25:17Speaker 04

  You're kidding?

• 25:18Bill Maher?

  No, they perform the theme to Real Time.

• 25:20Speaker 04

  That's amazing. If you had anybody on here, like, Mike would come on here in a second, I'm sure.

• 25:23Bill Maher?

  I want them all.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:25Bill Maher?

  I've had Billy Joe on the show on Real Time years ago, but.

• 25:29Speaker 04

  This kind of long form, though, fuck, you'd never.

• 25:31Bill Maher?

  Oh, I'd love, I mean, I love.

• 25:33Speaker 04

  It's just tangent city, though.

• 25:34Bill Maher?

  I'm such a fan of their music.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're the fucking best. They put on a show, um, but I got to see Pumpkins play beforehand. They put on a great show at this festival. And then, um, Green Day played the anniversary. It's like the 20th anniversary of American Idiot and the 30th anniversary of Dookie. And they just put up a big balloon and played the whole fucking record. It's so cool, man. They sound unbelievable. They look insane. I can't believe it. And they're all like really adults. I've been seeing these guys play music over 20 years. Like, I saw them the first time, had to be like 94, 95.

• 26:11Bill Maher?

  Yeah, sure.

• 26:12Speaker 04

  The first time I saw them, it's amazing to see them now. They're just unbelievable.

• 26:16Bill Maher?

  It's amazing. I mean, they're a great band and it's amazing how many great bands. And really, why shouldn't they? But continue on. I mean, the Rolling Stones are on tour this year. They're post 80.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  Have you gotten to see them?

• 26:27Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 26:28Speaker 04

  I've only gotten to see them one time and they were awesome.

• 26:30Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, really awesome.

• 26:32Bill Maher?

  They know what they're doing.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is cool they're still doing it. Oh, my God, did you see the Spinal Tap movie?

• 26:37Bill Maher?

  Not yet, but Rob was here a couple weeks ago.

• 26:40Speaker 04

  I love him so much. I think I froze up, like, looking back. I went to the premiere, I saw everybody. I've known Michael McKean for a long time because I made a movie with his wife when I was a child, which is hilarious. So when we see each other and all this shit, it's like, oh, hey, remember me when I was a kid? Anyway, I tried really hard to find an end to talk to Christopher Guest and I just, he, you know how it is, man. You have one of these things and you're like very far away from a person and you sort of catch each other's eye.

• 27:08Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 27:08Speaker 04

  And you're like trying to muster up the courage to give like a head nod or something and before you know it, the other person's like,

• 27:16Speaker 04

  goes kind of Chris Guest in a nutshell. Like, that's every experience I've ever had.

• 27:20Bill Maher?

  I mean, I don't know him, but I met him once and I did have the same experience.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:25Bill Maher?

  And that just could, that might just be because he's shy.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  I mean, some people.

• 27:28Bill Maher?

  Some people are just legitimately shy.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, and that's why I'm not, I don't take it personally. I just always wish I could.

• 27:33Bill Maher?

  And let's not be.

• 27:34Speaker 04

  Cooler.

• 27:35Bill Maher?

  Let's not be hypocrites. I'm sure there are people who you've done the head turn to because you didn't want to talk to them.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, never on, it's never like, oh, I don't want to talk to that person. It's always like, oh shit, I'm personally, I don't know. It's always like I'm embarrassed of something and don't feel comfortable talking to the person. You know what I mean? Some kind of like insecurity.

• 27:55Bill Maher?

  Okay, two words, Andy Dick. No, I'm kidding. I'm just saying.

• 28:00Speaker 04

  Buddy, I was there the night that Marilyn Manson punched Andy Dick in the throat.

• 28:05Bill Maher?

  Oh, I don't know about this. When and what was this?

• 28:08Speaker 04

  I mean, this could be anytime, anywhere. That's the worst part about Andy.

• 28:11Bill Maher?

  And why?

• 28:11Speaker 04

  Uh, it's about 2003. It was, uh, God, where were we? We're at some, is that right? It's 2003?

• 28:19Bill Maher?

  2003, I could see it now. Ja Rule is on the charts.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  Sounds about right. Yeah, so Mac and I were making that movie Party Monster. We were in New York going out quite a bit. And Manson was in the movie too, so we all traded numbers and then eventually all went out one night. And

• 28:39Speaker 04

  you know Andy, we're like walking down the street to go into this club and Andy is like putting on a show. And he just screams the second he sees me, Seth, Rick James is dead. And I go, oh, fuck, I didn't.

• 28:54Speaker 04

  I didn't know him, Andy. Did you know him? And he's like, "Kinda." And I was like, "Hey, man, we're gonna go in the club." And he was like, "Me too." And I was like, "Fuck, I don't..." We gotta get inside. And then we get inside and we're like seated. And Mac is there and Manson is next to him. And Andy gets in there and it's just... Andy comes and sits down and Manson just makes meaningful eye contact with me. And I just pull my hat down. I'm just... I was drinking tequila at that time. I just drank this tequila. I was like, "This is a great beat." I'm just gonna listen to this. I'm just gonna dance in this vibe. And then I see it's this. And I saw it so clearly, okay? It's Andy tries to talk to Mac and then tries to talk to Manson.

• 29:39Bill Maher?

  Tried to talk to who?

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Uh, Mac, Macaulay Culkin. He tries to talk to Mac. He like turns to Mac and he goes...

• 29:44Bill Maher?

  Macaulay Culkin was there?

• 29:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. We made... We just made this movie together. So we're spending a ton of time together. Yeah, he's an adult, two kids.

• 29:51Bill Maher?

  I know.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  You know?

• 29:52Bill Maher?

  I just do that when I hear it. The poor guy. How many years does it have to be before people stop?

• 29:58Speaker 04

  A.

• 29:59Bill Maher?

  Doing the... It's like the guy, the thing from Scream.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  I know, but two things. He's not poor, so you don't have to worry about it. And B, every third quarter, he cleans up. So you don't have to worry. Like, you might as well call him Santa. Yeah, it's Christmas.

• 30:13Bill Maher?

  Oh, right.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Christmas. That's his month. So here's the point. Andy leans over to Mac and he goes like this.

• 30:22Speaker 04

  And Mac just goes like this. Just literally like that. He's saying something to somebody else.

• 30:27Bill Maher?

  What was he saying?

• 30:28Speaker 04

  Who the fuck knows, man? I was dancing. I couldn't hear anything. And then he goes like this. And he turns to Manson and he goes...

• 30:36Speaker 04

  And I swear to you, Manson goes like this. Just hits him right in the fucking throat. And Andy just like sort of takes that hit and just like has a funny...

• 30:45Bill Maher?

  That's... Do we imagine... Well, Andy was, I think... You know, there's that old thing, you know, gay when drunk, or in Andy's case, gay when on crack. Or maybe, I don't know. But what could Andy have said?

• 31:02Speaker 04

  I don't know, he said all kinds of inflammatory shit. Like, he was one of the most provocative people I ever met.

• 31:07Bill Maher?

  But so personally offended that they hold off and clocked you in the face?

• 31:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'd love to say that Manson wasn't quick to punch people.

• 31:16Bill Maher?

  He was?

• 31:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 31:18Bill Maher?

  I didn't know.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Oh, well, if you're like, too close to him, he's definitely gonna push you.

• 31:22Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 31:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:23Bill Maher?

  I was not close to him. I mean, I used to see him, he did Politically Incorrect once and I got amazing press because he was like the biggest star at the time, and very controversial.

• 31:31Speaker 04

  Incredibly eloquent.

• 31:32Bill Maher?

  So, whenever I used to see him, I mean, first of all, I used to always just say, "Hi, Brian", because he's just a guy with a good Halloween costume. And like, I was always wanted to let him know, you know, "I'm not falling for the, you know, you've got a great act, it's great", and even enjoyed a lot of the music, I mean, the dope show and, you know, there's some great songs there. But, you know, it was just, again, a Halloween costume, I get it, you got a shtick, but, "Hi, Brian",

• 31:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, how did he take that?

• 32:00Bill Maher?

  Loved it.

• 32:01Speaker 04

  Right.

• 32:01Bill Maher?

  Was not, he got, it was a twinkle in his eye and mine.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  I think it felt better.

• 32:05Bill Maher?

  "I get it, and I'm not offended", and...

• 32:08Speaker 04

  Coming from you, I think it felt better than when it came from, like, Courtney Love. Like, Courtney Love would hit him with-

• 32:13Bill Maher?

  Courtney Love did that?

• 32:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, Courtney would hit him with that "Hi, Brian" shit, and I don't think he did.

• 32:17Bill Maher?

  I didn't know I was on the same beat as Courtney Love.

• 32:21Speaker 04

  I don't think y'all are on the same beat.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  Have you had her on the show?

• 32:25Bill Maher?

  No, but I would love to. I would love to talk to Courtney Love.

• 32:28Speaker 04

  There's a part of me that will always love her, always love her.

• 32:31Bill Maher?

  You know, Hole has some good music.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, they put on-

• 32:34Bill Maher?

  And very commercial, I mean, her image is, you know, really out there. Her records are not, not the ones I have, anyway.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love the "Live Through This" and the, what's it called?

• 32:48Bill Maher?

  Hollywood. But, yeah, she's got some good records. I mean, like, well-produced, just my kind of music, but-

• 32:57Speaker 04

  She put on the show too, I saw her tour, "Live Through This", and it was fucking incredible.

• 33:03Bill Maher?

  So funny, the 90s.

• 33:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 33:06Bill Maher?

  You know.

• 33:07Speaker 04

  What a time. Can you even believe we got to do that? That's so insane.

• 33:10Bill Maher?

  I mean, you were really young.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, but I was right in my 20s and in an age like I had already made enough money.

• 33:16Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  That I could just like make some decisions and.

• 33:19Bill Maher?

  No, it was.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  I was so hard hustling.

• 33:21Bill Maher?

  It was idyllic in the sense that it was post-AIDS, not that Oids went away. But AIDS in the 80s, for the kids who don't, this is all history to you.

• 33:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:32Bill Maher?

  People were freaked out.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  Well, because you could die from sex in a way that never seemed possible.

• 33:37Bill Maher?

  I mean, we don't have to get into the politics of how much was, as they would love to use the word these days, misinformation, but yes, there was absolutely reason to be scared.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:48Bill Maher?

  But, you know, people were not having sex or wearing three condoms or I don't know what they were doing.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  You know, at least two condoms is not a bad idea.

• 33:56Bill Maher?

  No, it's good to have safe sex. There was also a lot of stuff that was misleading. Anyway.

• 34:02Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 34:04Bill Maher?

  Point is that, like, in the 90s, we kind of got over that. Like, it was, it kind of reminded me of when we got over the pandemic. It was like, and then, uh, well, no, for, let's just go back to.

• 34:15Speaker 04

  Let's just move on.

• 34:16Bill Maher?

  Let's just go back to, yeah, let's just move on.

• 34:18Speaker 04

  I think we love panicking, don't you?

• 34:19Bill Maher?

  We love panicking, and then we get enough of it, and we, and we pretend it never happened, like it was just a dream, like it was the shower sequence in Dallas. It's just bullshit. Okay, so the night, so we were over AIDS and terrorism hadn't happened yet here in America.

• 34:33Speaker 04

  Not to that extent. I mean, we'd had, like, hijackings and things like that.

• 34:37Bill Maher?

  But it wasn't 9/11.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  There was no mass shootings. It was Columbine.

• 34:39Bill Maher?

  It was not 9/11.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  Right, 9/11. Well, Columbine became a kid before 9/11.

• 34:44Bill Maher?

  Yeah, so it was between, just go with this one.

• 34:47Speaker 04

  You gotta get to me.

• 34:48Bill Maher?

  Don't, don't say X.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, fuck it. There's no timeline. Time's a circle.

• 34:52Bill Maher?

  Just go with this one, darling.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  I'm with you, babe.

• 34:54Bill Maher?

  I'm telling you, the 90s was, it was post-AIDS and pre-terrorism paranoia. So it was like a very, and the issues were like not much. I mean, Clinton, who was a centrist, was president, and the big issue was he got blown.

• 35:10Speaker 04

  I know.

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• 36:42Bill Maher?

  Can you believe the way we lost our shit?

• 36:44Speaker 04

  No, I've been to Versailles and they showed me the separate house for the frérottes. You know, so you're like...

• 36:49Bill Maher?

  The...

• 36:50Speaker 04

  The favorite.

• 36:51Bill Maher?

  Mistresses?

• 36:51Speaker 04

  The other girl. They're like, hey, listen, this king, he probably had like five, six women. Two of them had houses, one of them had a house right next to their house.

• 36:59Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  They just, nobody gives a shit. They're just like, you guys are... It's so puritanical, it's shocking, right? Like, what is... What is the beef with that?

• 37:07Bill Maher?

  Well, that's true, but also, I mean, what I was getting at was that we were so innocent in a way of the kind of existential issues that we have now. That we were disposed to obsess about this guy getting blown for two years? That this was-

• 37:27Speaker 04

  We were. I wasn't. I didn't. But it became the-

• 37:30Bill Maher?

  Oh, please. It was a national obsession.

• 37:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I remember. And it wholly influenced culture in ways we couldn't even imagine. Like, all of a sudden, everybody's like, "I could wear a thong. I could wear a thong. We'll write a whole song about it."

• 37:40Bill Maher?

  Why? Because she wore a thong?

• 37:42Speaker 04

  She wore the thong, and because-

• 37:43Bill Maher?

  Was that new?

• 37:44Speaker 04

  Brand new. Brand new.

• 37:45Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 37:46Speaker 04

  Only dancers and prostitutes wore thongs pre-Monica Lewinsky, saying that what got the president-

• 37:52Bill Maher?

  Interesting.

• 37:52Speaker 04

  -to whip his dick out was her having the thong peek out over the skirt. And immediately, it flipped culture. Everybody's like, "No shit."

• 38:01Bill Maher?

  You're right. That was a big thing, that she kind of baited him with the thong.

• 38:06Speaker 04

  Baited him. My favorite thing is pop culture. Like, I love the way that this shit just ripples through full culture, and there's no avoiding it. Like, you think that history is the most critical influence, but history is defined by pop. Like, the stuff that we really remember, the stuff that really collects an audience. It's, it is as powerful as any theology.

• 38:27Bill Maher?

  History is really decided by technology. The new technology comes along, and we are just always slaves to it.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  Are you into that? Do you follow? Do you keep up on?

• 38:36Bill Maher?

  It's just the truth. I mean, I am not good at technology.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  No, no, I mean, but do you like it? Like, I'm super curious about tech, so I'm always paying attention to stuff that's-

• 38:43Bill Maher?

  Super curious about what?

• 38:44Speaker 04

  Technology. So I'm always-

• 38:45Bill Maher?

  I'm curious about it, but I'm not native to it, and so I'm poor at it. I keep up enough to not be completely out of it. But, you know, the way a thirteen-year-old is today, how they grow up, this new genera- I mean, even Gen Z, even millennials, you know, people who grew up with computers. I did not.

• 39:07Speaker 04

  Me too, man. With that generation, I guess I'm just a little behind you, but-

• 39:11Bill Maher?

  You're Gen X. I'm a boomer.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  That's funny.

• 39:15Bill Maher?

  But your generation is the last sane generation. Then it went right off the end of the cliff.

• 39:20Speaker 04

  We were, but we were the legit like, good luck.

• 39:23Bill Maher?

  Right, you were the last, you were the last generation that the parents allowed to have a free range childhood.

• 39:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 39:30Bill Maher?

  Did you have a free range?

• 39:32Speaker 04

  So much, yeah.

• 39:33Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 39:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, my parents, I mean, I think about, I grew up in Philadelphia and New York. I lived in New York anytime I was working, which was, you know, from the time I was seven to the time I was 16 and moved to Los Angeles, which was 91. But in that time, growing up in Philadelphia and, and, and all around New York, it was like, good luck. Here's your key. Don't forget your phone number.

• 39:55Bill Maher?

  When you talk, I mean, so I'm wondering if you like grew up around?

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Uh, I think that over time I've gotten very lazy about policing what could be somewhere between a Delaware and a New York accent.

• 40:08Bill Maher?

  Delaware?

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:09Bill Maher?

  How did that get in the picture?

• 40:10Speaker 04

  Cause it's, uh, the Philadelphia accent, what is like south and west and north and east Philly. It sounds like the most.

• 40:21Bill Maher?

  But did you grow up right in the city?

• 40:22Speaker 04

  I grew up in Westerly.

• 40:24Bill Maher?

  Where's that?

• 40:24Speaker 04

  It's the same place that Will Smith was born and raised.

• 40:27Bill Maher?

  Is it nice? Is it, it looks like a suburb?

• 40:30Speaker 04

  It's like lower middle class.

• 40:32Bill Maher?

  Lower middle class.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, my neighborhoods were all black and Italian. My school was all black and Italian.

• 40:37Bill Maher?

  See?

• 40:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, sorry, Bill.

• 40:40Bill Maher?

  So, so I'm right.

• 40:41Speaker 04

  You got me high. I'm supposed to follow these questions?

• 40:44Bill Maher?

  I got you high. Yeah, I really foisted it upon you. What do you think of the pot?

• 40:48Speaker 04

  This is great.

• 40:49Bill Maher?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's mellow, which I like.

• 40:51Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 40:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:53Bill Maher?

  But, okay, so you grew up in this, uh, I, I would say we probably had very similar backgrounds, although I grew up in an all white town, but I would say it was middle to lower middle class. I mean, when I, I went back to the house like a few years ago, whoa. First of all, they completely remodeled it. It's unrecognizable.

• 41:09Speaker 04

  Well, that's crazy.

• 41:10Bill Maher?

  Because it was so tiny. People were happier back then, but they had tinier houses. They had tinier everything.

• 41:18Bill Maher?

  They were not crazy, made crazy because they were mind raped by the internet.

• 41:23Speaker 04

  Don't you remember watching Cribs in the mid 90s? Yeah, the MTV show Cribs?

• 41:28Bill Maher?

  Of course.

• 41:29Speaker 04

  So when I watched that show, I was like, oh, this is the underculture. Like, we're watching this, we might as well be watching Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. And MTV was popularizing this. And I thought it was camp at first, but then I realized, like, I knew people that were like, I'm getting a shark tank. In my house. So I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

• 41:46Bill Maher?

  It gave me permission to say to people, okay, now get the fuck out of my house.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  Right.

• 41:52Bill Maher?

  Because that's the way every episode ended.

• 41:54Speaker 04

  I know, right? I knew a couple that was on that show and then like the next week after the show where they got robbed.

• 42:00Bill Maher?

  Oh, really? Because they know.

• 42:02Speaker 04

  Because I was like, oh shit, I see these multiple points of entry. It looks like they've got a really failing security system. That's where the safes are? Okay.

• 42:09Bill Maher?

  That's awesome.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  So fucking insanely stupid.

• 42:12Bill Maher?

  And Punk, remember that was like?

• 42:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I was on like the second episode ever of Punk.

• 42:16Bill Maher?

  Oh, really?

• 42:17Speaker 04

  So before the concept was even, yeah, yes.

• 42:20Bill Maher?

  That's a badge of honor.

• 42:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:22Bill Maher?

  They never punked me.

• 42:23Speaker 04

  Well, I was really lucky that it was a thing that I couldn't look. But I, it was, I was lucky that it wasn't a thing that made me look too stupid.

• 42:30Bill Maher?

  What was it? What was the punk?

• 42:32Speaker 04

  They invited me to what was supposed to be like a charity gambling night at the, uh, like Sunset Tower. And it was after, uh, a taping of The 70s Show. And so we, like, all those kids and I knew each other and we would have a habit. They'd tape on Friday and then we would all go out together to one of these clubs. And you roll into a place with like 15 or 20 people and you get to take over a section and you're not concerned about anybody getting in or making you feel unsafe or any of it really being dangerous. So it was a very cool vibe. If you just like to dance and drink. And we all had like cars that were there, so nobody was driving or anything.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  Anyway, so they were like, hey, instead of that, after the show tonight, we're going to do this charity gambling thing. And I was like, okay. And so we get to this place and I had just been in the place before for a table reading. So immediately I noticed that this room had been recently renovated. Yeah, yeah, I love that. Thank you. I don't know, how much of the story do you want? It's real simple, they tried to-

• 43:37Bill Maher?

  Well, as you can see, we have to go to commercial. No, isn't it great that we don't?

• 43:42Speaker 04

  Isn't that funny?

• 43:43Bill Maher?

  Or we have to like, I mean like a zero, do I ever think about this? Because, like I was saying in the beginning, I wanted to finally do a show that was exactly what my life is like.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  This is so fucking random.

• 43:57Bill Maher?

  Zero difference between, if you just came over. If you just came over, would I have a series of questions? I see these podcasts, and they're just like talk shows used to be. They have cards, they have microphones, okay. I'm not knocking them, I'm just saying, this is different.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 44:13Bill Maher?

  I love it too.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  You gotta put your spin on it.

• 44:15Bill Maher?

  But what were you saying, because I was very-

• 44:18Speaker 04

  When they punked me-

• 44:20Bill Maher?

  Oh, what was the punk?

• 44:21Speaker 04

  The whole punk was-

• 44:22Bill Maher?

  So you were in a charity thing?

• 44:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, but they took me out, so the guy was like, yo man, can I talk to you? And this guy looked really familiar, and I realized later it looked familiar because he was on 106 in Park. I was like, oh, this guy, I didn't even know. And then, uh, when he takes me outside, and you know, there's like nobody in this party. I'm like, this is not a party, guys, the lights are so bright.

• 44:44Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  I'm like, there's no fucking music, like, what is this? And I'm looking at all these doors, I'm trying to find an outlet, I'm gonna like plug in my speaker. I was like, y'all are not gonna raise any money, this party sucks.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Then the guy, the guy like takes me outside, and he says, hey man, um, I gotta let you know, I'm a cop. And I was like, oh, cool, I know, I know a lot of cops. And he's like, yeah, I'm undercover, we're about to bust up this game. And I was like, oh weird, I thought this was a charity game, what do you mean you bust it? And he goes, this is an illegal game, and I think you know who's running it. I was like, who?

• 45:26Speaker 04

  And he said, "We know that you know." And I go, "I don't know what you're talking about." "My friend said that this was a charity game." "Are you saying there's something going on?" "Is this like an illegal charity?" "What are you talking about?"

• 45:35Bill Maher?

  That is so.

• 45:35Speaker 04

  And he's like, "You gotta tell me whose game this is." And I was like, "Ah, well, these are the people that invited me, but I don't think they organized it."

• 45:41Bill Maher?

  But what were the punksters expecting you to do that would be so embarrassing? Like, suddenly we all...

• 45:47Speaker 04

  It's Ashton Kutcher's game! Ashton Kutcher! Ashton Kutcher invited me!

• 45:54Bill Maher?

  A-S-H-T-O-N.

• 45:58Speaker 04

  Because there's a moment where like, I go back and he's like, "Hey, the cops are gonna come in here in about 45 minutes, so you gotta, "you gotta get the fuck out of here." And I was like, "Okay, cool, cool, cool." So I go back on the table and I'm like, "Hey, Kutcher, we probably gonna get the fuck out of here." "Like, man, you get your money off the table." "Like, maybe we get out of here." And he's like, "What are you talking about? "We're staying, we're doing this thing." And then some motherfucker somersaults through the window and all of a sudden the doors explode and there's people and they're like, "Everybody on the ground!" kind of shit. And this is how many times I've been in handcuffs. I immediately look around and I'm like, "Well, none of these guys have guns, so this is obviously intended like a peaceful takedown." "This isn't... I don't think anybody's gonna get hurt tonight." So then everybody's like...

• 46:37Bill Maher?

  Well, that's your white privilege talking, Jess. I'm out of here.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  None of them had guns! There's nothing to talk about. None of them even had tasers. They didn't have utility belts. I'm like, "Well, whatever this is, is different than like cops." So...

• 46:53Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 46:54Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  So then, nah, they're blah, blah, blahing about like whoever knows whatever. And like, I make eye contact with Kutcher because they're like, "Everybody on the ground, get on the ground, on the ground." And I make eye contact with Kutcher and I'm just like, "Don't say anything. Don't say shit." "There's nothing to say."

• 47:09Bill Maher?

  I love blah, blah, blah.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, the blah, blah, blah. Because that's what they were like, blah, blah, blah, blah!

• 47:14Bill Maher?

  And then what happened?

• 47:14Speaker 04

  Illegal whatever. Well, then the same guy made me stand up and he was like, "Why don't you tell everybody what I showed them?"

• 47:20Bill Maher?

  So really, you punked them because they didn't get you to look stupid. And when that happens, I feel like that show should have then had this mea culpa. Like, okay, the contestant who we played this game with, they won the game.

• 47:35Bill Maher?

  Because they didn't do something stupid. Because I've seen them do stupid things.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 47:39Bill Maher?

  I've seen the ones where it's like, don't you know who I am?

• 47:42Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 47:43Bill Maher?

  Ooh, you look bad doing that.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  I know, I've seen so many people.

• 47:46Bill Maher?

  Don't do the, you don't know who I am.

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Of course not.

• 47:48Bill Maher?

  Because we just caught you being the asshole that you pretend you're not in public.

• 47:53Speaker 04

  They did a one, they punked, it was like Penelope Cruz.

• 47:57Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 47:57Speaker 04

  And maybe Salma Hayek, where there's a giant shit in the bathroom. And one of them is like out to take credit for it. They're like, which one of you shit in the bathroom? And I'm like, this is.

• 48:07Bill Maher?

  They did that to Penelope Cruz?

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek. Can you imagine that?

• 48:12Bill Maher?

  But wait, so the, the, the Salma Hayek punk was that there was a giant duty?

• 48:18Speaker 04

  I love you trying to keep this on track. Yeah, they went out to a public restaurant and she was like, I gotta go to the.

• 48:24Bill Maher?

  And she was supposed to like throw a fit about that?

• 48:26Speaker 04

  She, no, she was supposed to.

• 48:27Bill Maher?

  I, I gotta tell you, I would throw a shit about that. I would.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  I think she was supposed to find the shit and then like, they come out and they're like, hey, listen, you clogged the toilet. And she, and then she's like, no, I didn't.

• 48:39Bill Maher?

  Accuser of it.

• 48:40Speaker 04

  Accuser of it.

• 48:41Bill Maher?

  Because if anyone looks like they take massive shits.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Right.

• 48:45Bill Maher?

  Penelope Cruz.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  She, no, I think it was Salma Hayek. But similar, similar figures, the two of them.

• 48:51Bill Maher?

  You just said Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, you know, Latina ladies, they're all the same.

• 48:56Speaker 04

  No, no, absolutely not.

• 48:57Bill Maher?

  It just looks bad.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  I did say they have a similar figure.

• 48:59Bill Maher?

  They do, and there's nothing wrong with that. And by the way, I think we're past that era. That was the peak woke era.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  It is funny, right? Like how fucking delicate it got. It was almost Red Scare kinda.

• 49:12Bill Maher?

  It was.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  Kinda era.

• 49:13Bill Maher?

  And now, of course, we have the, because nothing ever happens in the middle in this country. We have the pendulum swinging all the way to the other side.

• 49:21Speaker 04

  It's scary, like the second they start talking about like the hate speech not being protected under the first amendment.

• 49:27Bill Maher?

  But, but peak woke was how dare you mix up with Salma Hayek with Penelope Cruz? And sanity is just, I'm sorry, I get stars mixed up sometimes. It's not a hate crime. Nobody died and nobody hates Latinos. He's not in the Klan because he got two actors mixed up.

• 49:49Speaker 04

  I know, I was at a party and saw Seth Rogen there. And we were standing next to each other, talking for a minute. And two different people came up and almost glitched at the idea of us being together.

• 49:58Bill Maher?

  Why?

• 49:59Speaker 04

  Because their both names Seth. And they don't have room in their brain for more than one set.

• 50:05Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I hate people like that. Now, when you were on Married with Children.

• 50:08Speaker 04

  Right.

• 50:08Bill Maher?

  What was the.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  You know what's so funny?

• 50:11Bill Maher?

  What was the cast like? Ed O'Neill, great to work with.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  So great. Ed is like a dad to me. Like, he still calls me every once in a while to be like, hey, uh, you getting those residuals?

• 50:22Bill Maher?

  And Christina Applegate, National Treasure. You know, I was a guest star on that show.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  You were?

• 50:26Bill Maher?

  Yes, in my, uh.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  Were you talking about Married with Children or?

• 50:29Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 50:30Speaker 04

  Her other show, the.

• 50:30Bill Maher?

  Married, no, Married with Children. I mean, in my, uh.

• 50:33Speaker 04

  What did you do? What were you seeing? Oh my God, what did you play?

• 50:36Bill Maher?

  In my wandering years, you know, I came out here in the early eighties, comic. And in those days, we all wanted to get on a sitcom and I did, and I got on a few of them. And then it was like that was going down. Uh, but I was still like, you know, somebody who they were interested in putting in a show, maybe. So I would do guest spots. I did Roseanne. And I did Married with Children.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Amazing.

• 50:57Bill Maher?

  And, uh, she could not have been nicer. As, as far as like.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Ooh, Applegate, this is the fucking greatest.

• 51:04Bill Maher?

  Inviting someone into the, like, sort of inner circle of the cast, which is, you know, it's a, we've been all been on shows. It gets very clicky. But making someone who was a guest star feel like, oh, you're part of the family this week, too. I will, I will never forget that. And I, and I, I think we all do. We remember the people who treated us like that. And we remember the people who don't.

• 51:24Speaker 04

  You're right. I always try to be the former.

• 51:27Bill Maher?

  I do too.

• 51:28Speaker 04

  I had enough, I had enough.

• 51:29Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  Really positive experiences, especially as a kid, to, to take, um. I wouldn't say responsibility, but I have sympathy for, and I have empathy for anybody who's like going through this. I've been, I, I, my whole career was defined in guest spots and like day player parts. You, you know what I'm saying? Like, just trying to find a way to.

• 51:50Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 51:50Speaker 04

  Make somebody notice me. But as a result, I worked on all of the shows. So I got to know everybody from a very young age and see how people do it well or do it poorly.

• 52:00Bill Maher?

  And you got into the slipstream that was like the right one to get into, which is like comic book stuff.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  Isn't that funny? Well, all of this shit that nobody wanted to talk about, pre 2007.

• 52:11Bill Maher?

  Which now rules showbiz.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, isn't that crazy? That's the, that's the funny thing. I have to remind all of my nerdy friends that like, we won, everybody chill out.

• 52:20Bill Maher?

  Good for their college funds.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  It's not bad. My, my child will be able to love Fantastic Four without ever worrying about be, being beaten with their own metal Fantastic Four lunchbox.

• 52:33Bill Maher?

  Yeah, there's good money in that, right?

• 52:35Speaker 04

  It ain't bad. Well, with anything, man, you get anything that hits. Like, the, the margins are so much bigger now than they ever were before. It makes it a little bit harder for the independents, but it just means that you gotta find the little money for little things in other places.

• 52:49Bill Maher?

  Those comic book people went after me once really hard because I said something about when, when Stan Lee died.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:58Bill Maher?

  You know, and I wasn't making fun of Stan Lee. I wasn't happy Stan Lee died. I was sorry that comic book fans lived.

• 53:09Bill Maher?

  No, I'm, I'm, I'm, enjoy. I was just saying, like, these people who think that comic books are great literature. I mean, I heard from the Stan Lee Society, who said, like, you, Bill Maher, you're a terrible person, you think comic books are immature. They said the same thing about Dostoevsky and Melville and Shakespeare. No, they didn't. Nobody ever said that. If you read a book without pictures, you'd know that to be true. Nobody ever said that. So, you, you know, you could enjoy an everlasting childhood. I mean, everybody does what they want. It's a free country. But just don't tell me that it's, that this is the same thing as literature. Cause it's not. Because the plots are not resolved the same way. God, The Godfather is a great movie because of the way the plot is resolved.

• 53:56Bill Maher?

  Comic book movies, the plot is resolved because somebody shoots rays through their fingers. That's not, that's fine, but that's not for adults. You know, I want material for adults. It's just me. You could enjoy that, but, you know, don't get on my case if I call you out on it.

• 54:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't agree with the getting on each other's cases about your likes or dislikes. The great thing about living in this country, at least for the moment, is you're

• 54:22Bill Maher?

  For the moment.

• 54:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, for the moment.

• 54:23Bill Maher?

  No, it's true.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  We still have this freedom of expression.

• 54:27Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  We still have these, what we imagine to be inalienable rights. Like, when our forefathers escaped, who left what they felt was the tyranny of the

• 54:38Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 54:39Speaker 04

  the, the king, and decided to forge this new union without any of the dumb shit that they felt they'd endured under the king. And here we are, you know, it's almost 300 years later. You could also argue that, like, which empire lived more than 300 years? Like, most of these empires go through some kind of very significant change. I just didn't expect ours to be like, this kind of apathetic resignation to autocracy. Like, that just seems so silly. Everybody's like, oh, well, I guess we'll just never have elections again. I'm like, well, guys, you forget the power of the people. Like, the fucking power of the people, guys, that's it. Even if they say you can't vote, you could still. I couldn't have expected a guy like this guy to be the guy. And I think, you know, we both knew this guy.

• 55:22Speaker 04

  Like, I had never met him, but I know this guy. The, this guy, the guy that's in the office, is this?

• 55:27Bill Maher?

  Trump?

• 55:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, that.

• 55:28Bill Maher?

  That's just a sparkling water.

• 55:30Speaker 04

  This is just sparkling water. I swear they said, I think it's this. It's this one, right? Somebody say something off camera.

• 55:36Bill Maher?

  What is that?

• 55:36Speaker 04

  I'm gonna refill this drink. I've got another drink.

• 55:39Bill Maher?

  Oh, that's yours.

• 55:39Speaker 04

  This is mine?

• 55:40Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  All right.

• 55:41Bill Maher?

  What are you drinking?

• 55:42Speaker 04

  I'm drinking a Moscow Mule. I stayed on vodka. I find it mixes really well with the weed.

• 55:47Bill Maher?

  Yeah, you don't have to apologize for it.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  No, no, I was just telling you.

• 55:49Bill Maher?

  I'm just. You're gonna give me a reason to drink vodka? You're a club random, dude.

• 55:55Speaker 04

  That's not what this show is. You're not talking about.

• 55:57Bill Maher?

  Jesus Christ. You could be doing heroin here. You think I would give a?

• 56:01Speaker 04

  It's not really my move.

• 56:02Bill Maher?

  Is that your thing?

• 56:03Speaker 04

  I mean, wouldn't that be crazy?

• 56:05Bill Maher?

  You know what the most romantic thing a girl ever said to me?

• 56:07Speaker 04

  Let's hear it.

• 56:09Bill Maher?

  I went and said to the girlfriend, "What would you do if I started taking heroin?" And she said, "Start taking heroin."

• 56:17Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 56:17Bill Maher?

  I mean, I thought she was gonna say, "I'd get your help."

• 56:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 56:20Bill Maher?

  We'd get the best people in the world.

• 56:22Speaker 04

  I'm really good at needlework.

• 56:23Bill Maher?

  And, I mean, it's wrong, but it's also like the most romantic thing I've ever heard in my life.

• 56:29Speaker 04

  That is very sweet. Don't you remember that rock bit? Chris Rock had that bit where he talked about, it was, it dovetailed into the whole thing about Clinton getting blowjobs and making the comment that men are only as faithful as their options.

• 56:44Bill Maher?

  I was the first one to say that. That was my joke.

• 56:47Speaker 04

  I'm not here to debate that, but he...

• 56:50Bill Maher?

  Men are as loyal as their options.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, he said that. But the joke that he made that I thought was so funny, he's like, "Listen, man, if you smoke crack, your wife has to smoke crack. That's it."

• 57:00Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 57:00Speaker 04

  That's it. You gotta have the same hobbies, which I thought was a very funny comment. Pretty accurate.

• 57:06Bill Maher?

  I know I said that first. You know why? Because I remember who said it to me, who I stole it from.

• 57:10Speaker 04

  Who's that?

• 57:11Bill Maher?

  I'm not gonna say the name, but I was living in New York from 1979 to 1982. And I was dating, of course, a waitress in 1982.

• 57:22Speaker 04

  Remind me to tell you something about that.

• 57:25Bill Maher?

  In two seconds, I will.

• 57:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, give it to me.

• 57:27Bill Maher?

  And she said that to me, those exact words, "Men are only as loyal as their options." I remembered it, I stole it, I used it. What is your story? Waitress.

• 57:37Speaker 04

  So Max's mom. Max's mom at one point.

• 57:41Bill Maher?

  Who's Max's mom?

• 57:43Speaker 04

  Macaulay Culkin's mother.

• 57:44Bill Maher?

  Oh, Mac.

• 57:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, at one point.

• 57:46Bill Maher?

  Is he still like your fucking bro from another mom?

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, we're in the club, we're good friends.

• 57:50Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 57:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love that boy.

• 57:51Bill Maher?

  And how's he doing?

• 57:52Speaker 04

  He's fucking great.

• 57:53Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 57:56Bill Maher?

  Sorry.

• 57:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's great. Oh, my God.

• 57:58Bill Maher?

  It's so wrong.

• 57:59Speaker 04

  He's done like a little bit of acting. Like, I forced him out of retirement to make this movie in Thailand.

• 58:03Bill Maher?

  Where is his mind at?

• 58:05Speaker 04

  His mind is clear and great.

• 58:07Bill Maher?

  So he doesn't care. He doesn't care that he, that the rocket that went up when he was a child didn't stay up.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  I don't know if you understand, like, part, his, his dad was a, was not a great dad, but his dad made sure that Mac has money. Mac never had a drug problem, Mac never had a gambling problem. Mac still has all that money. And there are so many different points of income for him annually, and he's only introducing new ones. So I gotta tell you, he is of sound mind and body and like not even getting started. Like, he did a bunch of acting stuff. Pulled him out of retirement to do this movie in Thailand. And then he was like, oh, I think I like acting, wound up, it's the best. And people like, you wanna do some acting? He did a Vanity Fair cover, got a star on Hollywood Boulevard, showed up in Righteous Gemstones.

• 59:02Bill Maher?

  Can you make him come here?

• 59:03Speaker 04

  Can I make him come here?

• 59:04Bill Maher?

  Can I talk to him?

• 59:05Speaker 04

  I bet he would chat with you as long as you don't wanna talk about Michael.

• 59:08Bill Maher?

  I don't.

• 59:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:10Bill Maher?

  Do I look like I have an agenda?

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Dude, no, he loves comics too.

• 59:15Bill Maher?

  I would love to talk to him.

• 59:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, he loved it, I bet he'd be down to talk to you too.

• 59:18Bill Maher?

  I bet you'd be good for him too, because people just have no idea who he is. It's like, and, and look, I, I understand what you're saying about his father not being a good father. Of course he's not a good father. That kid had to booby trap the house himself.

• 59:33Bill Maher?

  Okay, I'm not gonna do any, I'm not gonna do any of that.

• 59:37Speaker 04

  No, no, he loves all that shit, but he's buddies.

• 59:39Bill Maher?

  He does?

• 59:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, he's buddies with.

• 59:40Bill Maher?

  But we'll get along.

• 59:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:41Bill Maher?

  It'll be so much fun.

• 59:42Speaker 04

  He loves comics, he's buddies with Jeff Ross, he was buddies with Saget.

• 59:46Bill Maher?

  Tell him to come here, I'll treat him so good. I never, I'm, this is not a gotcha show.

• 59:51Speaker 04

  It doesn't feel like it.

• 59:52Bill Maher?

  It, it's not.

• 59:52Speaker 04

  Although they're getting drunk, like, this kid is leaving Cosby's basement.

• 59:55Bill Maher?

  Everybody leaves here, the only thing they all have in common is they wanna stay longer.

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, but we only got ninety minutes, man.

• 1:00:02Bill Maher?

  Well, we have whatever we want.

• 1:00:04Speaker 04

  Oh, really? How do you cut this show? Do you like cut it?

• 1:00:07Bill Maher?

  We don't cut it.

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  You just let it run, so if it's like two hours?

• 1:00:10Bill Maher?

  The only way we cut it is if the guest complains, because we, we, you know, we wanna be guest friendly.

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  We shouldn't have been talking about.

• 1:00:17Bill Maher?

  I don't cut anything. They, you know, but.

• 1:00:20Speaker 04

  We shouldn't talk about Gerbils being a great name for your gerbil.

• 1:00:24Bill Maher?

  Gerbil.

• 1:00:25Speaker 04

  This is Gerbil's the gerbil.

• 1:00:27Bill Maher?

  It is a great name, though.

• 1:00:28Speaker 04

  It's not bad, right?

• 1:00:29Bill Maher?

  A terrible person and really rotten guest.

• 1:00:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I bet he's just a real bummer, doesn't have any good stories.

• 1:00:36Bill Maher?

  But what about Mac?

• 1:00:37Speaker 04

  Oh, this is the best story. So I said to Mac's mom, yeah, I got a, got a crush on this waitress at this bar. And she goes, of course, you're gonna have a crush on the waitress because she's serving you.

• 1:00:50Speaker 04

  And I was like, ah, that's fair.

• 1:00:53Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but I mean, we've all had waitresses that were serving us and we didn't also want to date.

• 1:01:00Speaker 04

  Plenty, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:03Bill Maher?

  Mostly the guys.

• 1:01:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. No, it's definitely selective in the people that I would give. You know, this and you probably had the same kind of thing. Like, there was a point in the 90s where I realized that I couldn't predict anyone's

• 1:01:25Speaker 04

  purpose in talking to me.

• 1:01:27Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:28Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying? I was like, well, I'm very recognizable at this point.

• 1:01:31Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  To the point where I can't underestimate the reach of that and whether someone would be pursuing me. I had people pursue, even before cell phone cameras and social media, I had a lot of people try to take advantage of me or trick me or like rob me, all kinds of crazy shit.

• 1:01:46Bill Maher?

  But you get pretty savvy about sussing them out early, don't you?

• 1:01:50Speaker 04

  Philadelphia and New York, like I I got to make my first movie when I was eight years old with a lot of very successful people.

• 1:01:57Bill Maher?

  No, but I'm saying, so the people who weren't sincere, who were trying to get in your drawers.

• 1:02:02Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:02:03Bill Maher?

  You kind of get it, whether it's man for his things, business stuff, or a woman. You kind of, I mean, you can do it in a sentence or two.

• 1:02:12Speaker 04

  It's true. I got very street smart from all of that, and I think that's why. Cuz here's the thing, I knew a lot of kids that died. I knew, I know a lot of kids that got molested. I know a lot of kids that got into all kinds of shit that never happened to me.

• 1:02:30Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  And I had this moment when I was, you know, in my twenties. When all these kids start kinda coming out and talking about it. And I was like, oh my god, I stayed at that guy's house for a month.

• 1:02:43Bill Maher?

  Nobody ever tried to molest you?

• 1:02:45Speaker 04

  No, and I had to.

• 1:02:46Bill Maher?

  Kind of insulting, isn't it?

• 1:02:47Speaker 04

  Well, I had that moment of like, what the fuck? Am I just like so unfuckable?

• 1:02:53Bill Maher?

  Well, I mean, that is the conclusion one would have to draw.

• 1:02:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, so I was like, alright, well, I gotta work harder for this. I just started doing crunches like crazy. You know what I'm saying, squats all day long, like just trying to put it out there. Making breakfast with no shirt on.

• 1:03:09Bill Maher?

  Maybe a thong?

• 1:03:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:11Bill Maher?

  Can guys wear thongs?

• 1:03:13Speaker 04

  Always. Go to Europe.

• 1:03:15Bill Maher?

  But I, I feel like in the nineties era, early two thousands, I think that's like when our time overlapped. These guys who were out a lot.

• 1:03:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, right, I saw you out.

• 1:03:28Bill Maher?

  I saw you out.

• 1:03:28Speaker 04

  I think I was more monogamous for longer periods of time.

• 1:03:30Bill Maher?

  And you know what I did when I saw you out, I just kinda.

• 1:03:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was like, oh shit.

• 1:03:35Bill Maher?

  We did it to each other.

• 1:03:36Speaker 04

  No, no, I liked it cuz you were, cuz you're smart and you're not crazy and you're, like, there's something about comics, I think, where you inherently love the audience as much as you find reason to resent them. Like, you, you kinda can't help it. It's what I love about guys like Robin. You just sorta need, you know, life is fucking terrible. And you just sorta wanna make people smile sometimes, you know? Even if it's like feeling not alone. I think that's the thing that comics really share, and I've always related to that.

• 1:04:08Bill Maher?

  But somehow we wound up both being the kind of guy who, per the old phrase, would go to the opening of an envelope.

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  I went to a bunch of things.

• 1:04:19Bill Maher?

  We just.

• 1:04:20Speaker 04

  I did go to parties.

• 1:04:21Bill Maher?

  Yeah, because it was like. Because it was fun.

• 1:04:23Speaker 04

  Well, it's also, like I said, it's a little bit like your, your winter formal or your social at your school, right? These are our peers and you sort of just have to.

• 1:04:33Bill Maher?

  But like, I remember, I mean, I didn't, you were younger when it happened to you.

• 1:04:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:37Bill Maher?

  I was older, so it was like, I remember the normal life when you would just go to Dingleberry's on Friday night, you know, and hope to get lucky.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Dingleberry?

• 1:04:46Bill Maher?

  Dingleberry's.

• 1:04:47Speaker 04

  You go to residuals.

• 1:04:49Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah, residuals. And there was, there was a great disco, Enema. Oh, it was fantastic. Three levels. The top was hip hop, then it was eighties. Uh, but okay. So you, I was like, okay, but now I'm invited to this thing, which is like red carpet.

• 1:05:04Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:05:04Bill Maher?

  And, you know, maybe it's a shitty fucking horror movie, but I'm invited.

• 1:05:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Bill Maher?

  And I'm gonna go.

• 1:05:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:10Bill Maher?

  And there was a period.

• 1:05:11Speaker 04

  I went to the MTV Awards a bunch because it's crazy. You go to MTV, you like meet Busta Rhymes. I got to meet CeeLo.

• 1:05:16Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:17Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? It was fun for me. I get to see all these crazy things. I get to see.

• 1:05:21Bill Maher?

  Things that are on a much lower level than, than the MTV Awards. That's at least an award show. I'm talking about movie premieres and just parties.

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  It had to be somebody I knew. It had to be somewhere I felt safe. We started going out. That club thing really worked and it was a couple of years that we did it just because it was safe. You'd go to a spot, there's this place on La Brea called AD that was really chill. And it was just, we'd roll in there a bunch of, you know, I think I was the oldest at 29.

• 1:05:52Bill Maher?

  Are you talking about the 90s? Is this the 90s?

• 1:05:54Speaker 04

  It was the end of the 90s, early 2000s.

• 1:05:57Bill Maher?

  I feel like that, yeah, that was my era to be out a lot.

• 1:06:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:01Bill Maher?

  I feel like.

• 1:06:02Speaker 04

  I was just in tighter spaces, I think. My focus was on like dancing and not getting photographed.

• 1:06:09Bill Maher?

  But what about, but you were obviously not married, you were obviously out there.

• 1:06:13Speaker 04

  Oh, and I was definitely meeting people.

• 1:06:16Bill Maher?

  You were single and ready to mingle.

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, also you, you, just like you, I got invited to like the Playboy parties, I got invited to like the Perfect Ten parties. And all of a sudden, you're in a position where a girl who looks like a photograph is like, I'd fuck you.

• 1:06:32Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:06:32Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying? So I definitely, there are, there are plenty of instances where we both got a story to tell for the rest of our lives.

• 1:06:40Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:41Bill Maher?

  I mean, yes, and.

• 1:06:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, as like a short Jewish kid with red hair named Seth that grew up in West Philadelphia and got constantly his ass kicked with his own like pop culture accessories, it was really cool to have girls say, I'd fuck you.

• 1:07:02Bill Maher?

  And, I mean, what is the lesson there that life evens out, right? I mean, like.

• 1:07:07Speaker 04

  I don't know why, I think for me, the lesson was, man, you, you gotta have a really good personality because you're not gonna pull this off on first glance.

• 1:07:14Bill Maher?

  Well, fame.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, but, but even before that, I think the reasons that I got famous is because I pushed my personality so hard.

• 1:07:21Bill Maher?

  Your fame, your personality comes through in the roles you play, right? But, I mean, let's not gild the lily too much, I mean, it's also just fame, it's also just.

• 1:07:33Speaker 04

  There's plenty, that's my, you know, Warhol's my favorite, favorite, because Warhol was the one who really talked about the power of the camera. Talked about like the audience's obsession with self, talked about the audience's inevitable individual 15 minutes of fame.

• 1:07:48Bill Maher?

  I mean, that is the most prescient thing anybody ever said, because when you see that everybody has a podcast.

• 1:07:54Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:07:54Bill Maher?

  Every, you know, there's, every, everything is so fractured.

• 1:07:58Speaker 04

  When was the last time you read? Uh, nineteen eighty-four. I read it in sixteen. I read it in sixteen when Trump was running. And it was, you know, the thing that Orwell never presumed was something like the internet. There was no way to imagine social media. And so it all took the form of the telescreen, which could always be on, which could always be recording. But the main thing was getting down to thought crime. Like a real separation of the classes and the cultures and the point where you thinking something is an arrestable offense. And then they go and put you in the.

• 1:08:26Bill Maher?

  But that's a hate crime.

• 1:08:28Speaker 04

  Well, so I, well, this is it, right? Like, we're edging that territory.

• 1:08:32Bill Maher?

  Well, not edging. It's been decades since we said, we believe in this country that there is such a thing as a hate crime. Now, that's basic liberal dogma. I consider myself a liberal, but I never agreed with that. A hate crime is a thought crime.

• 1:08:48Speaker 04

  More punishable than something else.

• 1:08:49Bill Maher?

  It's a thought crime. And I don't think we should go down that slope. It's a crime is a crime. If you kill somebody, you should be punished for it. The law should not be involved in what is in your mind, your fucking fucked up mind. I don't really give a shit.

• 1:09:06Speaker 04

  I hadn't really thought about it that way, but that's a fair point.

• 1:09:09Bill Maher?

  Wow. Thank you, darling. Our anniversary is gonna be so much.

• 1:09:12Speaker 04

  Do you like, do you like cake?

• 1:09:20Bill Maher?

  All right, well, listen, I, I really enjoyed you.

• 1:09:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's great to talk to you, man. I had this realization, this is the longest conversation we've ever had.

• 1:09:28Bill Maher?

  Oh, by far.

• 1:09:29Speaker 04

  Like, one-on-one. Yeah, because I always see you in green rooms.

• 1:09:31Bill Maher?

  Yeah, because when we were out and saw each other before, we gave each other the look and then went after the hottest girl.

• 1:09:38Speaker 04

  Good luck out there.

• 1:09:39Bill Maher?

  Girl in the room.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  Well, I'm like, you know, five-ten and under is usually where I may make.

• 1:09:45Bill Maher?

  Uh, okay, I'm glad I got to know you.

• 1:09:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, good to see you, man.

• 1:09:48Bill Maher?

  I hope I get to know you more. Okay. All right, I'm gonna go back to my real job.

• 1:09:52Speaker 04

  That's sweet. So this is like your thing. How long did it take to build this room?

• 1:09:57Bill Maher?

  I didn't build it, I bought it.

• 1:09:58Speaker 04

  You're kidding, this came on the property already?

• 1:10:00Bill Maher?

  Yeah, this was on the property and it was a mess, but um...

• 1:10:06Speaker 04

  What was it, like a wine cellar or something?

• 1:10:08Bill Maher?

  No, a movie star owned this house. It was full of video games, like it was like an arcade.

• 1:10:16Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:10:16Bill Maher?

  And it was just terrible. It was full of termites and mold and... But I just was like, you know, there's a vibe to this place. I mean, look at that crooked door.

• 1:10:27Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 1:10:33Bill Maher?

  Like, there's some, somebody like did something.

• 1:10:37Speaker 04

  It's got some like Paul Rubin shit about it.

• 1:10:40Bill Maher?

  I've always loved it.

• 1:10:45Speaker 00

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