Howie Mandel | Club Random with Bill Maher

Can a germaphobe survive Bill Maher’s world—and being left alone for two whole minutes? Howie Mandel returns to Club Random for a delightfully off-kilter conversation about OCD, cancel culture, comedy, and the trouble with getting clipped out of context. Howie reveals how an OnlyFans conversation cost him a major deal, the sneaky way he became the face of Skechers, and why he’s still terrified of disappointing people at 70. Bill tries to convince him to stop apologizing, embrace his darker comic side, and treat the whole world like the Comedy Store. Somehow, they also wander into ghosts, holograms, marriage, food influencers, trampoline science, Richard Dreyfuss’s chair—and Bill’s one-issue platform: sex before food. Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: https://billmaher.substack.com Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom Support our Advertisers: With World Mental Health Day this October, it’s a good reminder that taking care of your mental health can start with one step. Visit https://www. Rula.com/RANDOM to get started. For a limited time, try OneSkin with fifteen percent off using code RANDOM at https://www. OneSkin. Co/RANDOM. Try ZipRecruiter to post your job FOR FREE at http://ziprecruiter.com/RANDOM For free and unbiased Medicare help, dial 984-217-3643 or go to https://askchapter.org/billmaher Buy Club Random Merch: https://clubrandom.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM In Club Random, Bill Maher unleashes his comedic wit on an unpredictable lineup – from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Quentin Tarantino and Neil deGrasse Tyson – digging into everything but politics. It’s Maher in his familiar element: one-on-one vibes, unfiltered laughs, and the kind of freewheeling banter only he can deliver. ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last 23 years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 41 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written six bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass", and most recently "What This Comedian Said Will Shock You". FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:24Speaker 01

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• 0:54Speaker 02

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• 1:24Bill Maher?

  Breaking news: our merch just got a full revamp with all new designs and items. So if you want a little more random in your life, head over to clubrandom.com and check out the store. We've got premium hoodies, including our brand new quad hoodies with the updated logo, super soft t-shirts, super soft, for men and women, and even tie-dye shirts. All merch is available exclusively at clubrandom.com. While you're there, catch up on recent episodes and grab some swag and bring a little random home. Once again, that's clubrandom.com.

• 2:04Speaker 04

  I really am concerned with how I affect others. If I offend you-

• 2:10Bill Maher?

  That's kind of offensive to me.

• 2:15Bill Maher?

  Is this making you a billionaire?

• 2:17Speaker 04

  I'm not a billionaire. I hope one day to-

• 2:20Bill Maher?

  Sounds like the kind of thing that does.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  Oh! Look, look who's here.

• 2:28Bill Maher?

  My mic?

• 2:29Speaker 04

  You're not even mic'd?

• 2:31Bill Maher?

  Now? Yeah.

• 2:33Speaker 04

  You're not mic'd?

• 2:34Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I am mic'd.

• 2:35Speaker 04

  Oh, it's me, Howie.

• 2:37Bill Maher?

  I'm mic'd. I'm suited and booted and ready to go.

• 2:41Speaker 04

  I know, you and I-

• 2:42Bill Maher?

  Don't fucking touch me.

• 2:43Speaker 04

  I wasn't gonna.

• 2:44Bill Maher?

  You think you can touch me?

• 2:45Speaker 04

  No, I just did this, it's the thought that counts.

• 2:46Bill Maher?

  You think you're the only one who doesn't want to be touched?

• 2:49Speaker 04

  I'm the only one that doesn't want to be-

• 2:51Bill Maher?

  Do you think you're the only one who doesn't want to be touched?

• 2:53Speaker 04

  No, I don't think anybody wants to be touched.

• 2:55Bill Maher?

  Well, we do, but-

• 2:57Speaker 04

  Can I just say something? I've been here before and I absolutely love you, but this is, it's a little...

• 3:06Speaker 04

  We come from the same era.

• 3:08Bill Maher?

  Same year?

• 3:10Speaker 04

  Yes, but of show business I'm talking about, around show business. When did you start show business?

• 3:15Bill Maher?

  That would be natural, since we're born in the same year.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, but did we start out in show business the same year?

• 3:21Bill Maher?

  Well, we start out-

• 3:22Speaker 04

  Seventy, seventy, seventy-seven.

• 3:23Bill Maher?

  Seventy-seven, I was seventy-nine.

• 3:27Speaker 04

  You're a kid.

• 3:27Bill Maher?

  Yeah, we're the same age, we're seventy-

• 3:29Speaker 04

  No, I know, fifty-five, I know.

• 3:30Bill Maher?

  Fifty-six, but January, so like-

• 3:32Speaker 04

  Yes, we're both seventy.

• 3:33Bill Maher?

  We could have been switched at birth.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  You wouldn't want that. You would not want that.

• 3:39Bill Maher?

  I really wouldn't.

• 3:40Speaker 04

  I'm telling you, you wouldn't, and I don't even mean that as a, I'm a fucking mess, and we talked about that last time.

• 3:44Bill Maher?

  You're not a mess.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  But here's the thing, I am, as much as I like living in the now and aspire to do much more than you like, the technology and everything that comes with whatever now is-

• 3:59Bill Maher?

  Oh, you're way ahead of me.

• 4:01Speaker 04

  No, I know, you are, you are so, you have disdain, such disdain.

• 4:04Bill Maher?

  I don't, I'm just not, no I don't.

• 4:06Speaker 04

  Yes, you do.

• 4:07Bill Maher?

  I wish I could be better at technology and things that are not native to me, and I see people my age, you are one of them, who adapt very easily and master it, as I should. No, I'm not proud of that at all.

• 4:18Speaker 04

  Adapt and adopt, that's what we need to do, you need to pivot.

• 4:24Bill Maher?

  You mean, right, this conversation, or do you mean in general, for the humanity?

• 4:28Speaker 04

  Humanity, there we go.

• 4:30Bill Maher?

  That's my rimshot. It's a cheap rimshot.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Go take your, take your hands.

• 4:34Bill Maher?

  Thank you.

• 4:36Speaker 04

  So here's the thing.

• 4:37Bill Maher?

  No libations for you, Albert, right?

• 4:39Speaker 04

  No, I'm sober right now.

• 4:40Bill Maher?

  I know, right now, but would you like to change it?

• 4:45Speaker 04

  I would love to change it. I would love to drink, I would love to smoke pot, I'd love, no, no, no, but I can't, because I don't, I'm not good with control, which I was kind of... The fact that you show up after the guest is a little discon- you know, from the beginning of show-

• 5:06Bill Maher?

  You're obsessed with that.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  I'm obsessed with everything. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. But, but the thing is, I just got to say that I ended up talking to myself before this, but I come from an era, your era, where if you have somebody on a show, the person who has the show is here and you go, ladies and gentlemen, Howie Mandel, ladies and gentlemen here, to have a surprise party for yourself, where I'm here and then you walk into your thing and I'm supposed to go, surprise, look, I'm here.

• 5:35Bill Maher?

  I feel like I'm getting chewed out by Fred Decortiva, you know, I mean, I don't, I don't see that, this is, it's like two minutes, it's, I live next door, so, you know-

• 5:45Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't realize that you had to come all the way from next, I take it all back. You had to come from next door.

• 5:51Bill Maher?

  Well, also, this is a work week, work day and a work week for me, like, I'm working right up until the moment I come here-

• 5:58Speaker 04

  So thanks for coming.

• 5:59Bill Maher?

  After, after I leave, but we'll find a way next time, so you don't have to wait for those two minutes, we're gonna do something.

• 6:07Speaker 04

  Two minutes alone, for me, is hell.

• 6:10Bill Maher?

  Oh, I didn't realize that.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  To spend by myself-

• 6:12Bill Maher?

  Is that right?

• 6:13Speaker 04

  In the quiet, yeah, I sleep with TV on. I cannot have no noise, I can't have nothing to do in any conscious moment of my life.

• 6:22Bill Maher?

  And is this part and parcel to the touching thing? Is it all part of the same thing?

• 6:26Speaker 04

  I know, I'm not a doctor, I don't know.

• 6:28Bill Maher?

  Well, you must have thought about that, you have these two enormous psychological-

• 6:33Speaker 04

  I think it probably is part and parcel to the fact that my mind is overactive in as far as obsessing about what, so if it's quiet around me, then I'm-

• 6:48Bill Maher?

  May I point out to you, from recent personal experience, the really good side of this? Because about a month ago, I went to the Comedy Store. I go there sometimes just to laugh, you know, you want to go on? No, I don't do that anymore. You, I saw you there, you know what I'm talking about, don't look at me, look, I have two heads, and it was, it was the comedy, and it was the main room, usually I go to the room with the tryouts, it's funnier, and, you know, if they're bad, it's terrible, but it's not entertaining, and if they're good, it's entertaining. This one, the main room, the big acts, and what a lineup, I mean, Whitney Cummings-

• 7:25Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 7:26Bill Maher?

  Jay Leno was on, Sebastian, somebody, a few other, like, major motherfuckers, who was on right before you?

• 7:34Speaker 04

  I don't remember, I go on three, four times a week.

• 7:37Bill Maher?

  But like, for me, it was like, whoa, like, and you came on after everybody, and they all killed, because, I mean, we're talking about the best of the best, and it was like nobody had been on stage before. You reminded me of the story of Al Jolson, supposedly, like, went up after everybody in show business, and how's he gonna follow them? And he augmented the orchestra with violinists, and it was like, oh, a whole new show. And that's what it was like when you went up there, you, the way you like, and again, your mind, because a lot of it was with the crowd, and making something that, you know, the audience is always a little more a tingle when they know that this is happening for the first and probably only time.

• 8:18Bill Maher?

  Not that material isn't funny, it's fantastic, but you're, you know, you have material that you work through, but a lot of it was that, and it was just, there was an explosiveness that even after all those heavy hitters was noticeably different, and I don't think they'd, any of them, I don't think any of them would disagree with that.

• 8:36Speaker 04

  And coming from you, that means a lot, and-

• 8:39Bill Maher?

  I witnessed it.

• 8:40Speaker 04

  Okay, but-

• 8:41Bill Maher?

  I'm just telling you the truth.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  Thank you for saying it. And I was, I was one of them that said to you-

• 8:44Bill Maher?

  I didn't think it was funny.

• 8:49Bill Maher?

  But the crowd, the crowd loved it.

• 8:52Speaker 04

  You're an observer and you are so observant and such a raconteur of stories. You could recount the feeling in the room. It's not the feeling you had.

• 8:59Bill Maher?

  No.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  But, and I kept saying to you, why don't you go on? And you would not, I don't know, I can't.

• 9:06Bill Maher?

  Because I stopped. You can't just pick it up.

• 9:08Speaker 04

  That's different. That's different.

• 9:10Bill Maher?

  That's even harder.

• 9:11Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 9:12Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why, and this is why you should do it. I talked about, we began this conversation with my mental health issues. This is my primal scream at the end of every day. The monologue that you do on your television show.

• 9:28Bill Maher?

  I love it.

• 9:28Speaker 04

  I know, and you're great at it, and it is fascinating. And you work at it, and it's poignant, and it's in the moment, and it's about, it's current, and it engages people. I think more people probably get their news from your monologue.

• 9:41Bill Maher?

  And it's funny. I don't ever leave out the jokes.

• 9:44Speaker 04

  Right.

• 9:45Bill Maher?

  Some weeks it's like, like it's, you know, mostly funny, like it's just a scream about something that's not that important.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  Oh, about darkness.

• 9:54Bill Maher?

  But then some weeks, it's like, it's still funny, but it's about something so serious, it can't all be funny, and it's not supposed to be.

• 10:02Speaker 04

  Well.

• 10:02Bill Maher?

  Those are the two types.

• 10:03Speaker 04

  I think really good comedy always comes from darkness. You have to, two guys walk into a bar, if nothing happens to them, that is either embarrassing, awkward, or horrible, then there's no joke.

• 10:16Bill Maher?

  I mean, we did one a couple of weeks ago, it was about, let there be workplace romance again, you know, and that's not like a super heavy issue. So it's really just laugh, laugh, laugh, you know, let people fuck again from meeting at the office. We shouldn't have ever stopped that. Yes, it has a point, but it's, and then there's ones about, well, let's not get into heavy issues, but I, you know, I deal in heavy issues. I mix dangerous chemicals for a living and I like it. Look, I'm a big fan of efficiency. Life is short and I refuse to spend it doing things a machine or another person even could do for me. I order my groceries online, I have my laundry picked up, and if somebody could sleep for me and hand me back six hours a day, I'd write that check tonight.

• 10:59Bill Maher?

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• 11:41Bill Maher?

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• 12:00Speaker 04

  So here's what I'm saying to you. At the Comedy Store.

• 12:04Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  I think because of what you do, you are, first of all, incredibly entertaining, also informative, well, entertaining, informative and entertaining are a hard combination to acquire, but here's, here's my point.

• 12:19Bill Maher?

  Sexy. I'm gonna leave that out.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  You're sexy. I love that you need to tell me that. I shouldn't be the person that you're sharing your sexiness with. Anyway, the point that I'm trying to make is that when I go to the Comedy Store, I go, I do, I tour all the time, live, I go and do shows, I am on national television also. I try to be somewhat witty and somewhat entertaining. When I go to the Comedy Store, it is a free for all. I love the fact that there isn't the opportunity to record anything, there isn't, you happen to see me on a good night. I love the idea that I can go to the fucking edge and jump off, and sometimes I, I end

• 13:05Speaker 04

  up in the abyss and there's no way out, and I love that kind of danger, that kind of exercise, that kind of, I'm not gonna be canceled, I'm not gonna get in trouble, I'm not gonna be controversial, everybody's got their phones locked away, and for my mind, I love to work in the moment and not worry, even this conversation that I'm having with you right now, this is a broadcast. People are watching this, people are listening to this. I am concerned, not at this particular second, but I'm concerned about maybe saying something. I get in trouble all the time on my podcast, on AGT.

• 13:47Bill Maher?

  Okay, if you're so afraid of being canceled for things that are so nebulous, and I know the feeling, because I have that same feeling, that every week I do that after the show, it's like, oh wow, I never would have guessed that that's the thing they would have been pissed at this week. A couple of weeks ago, when Dolly Barton died, and I did a joke in the monologue, and it was like, all the landmarks are paying tribute, the Empire State Building was lit up in pink and something else and something, and the Sphere in Las Vegas added a nipple. It's not offensive.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  That's hysterical.

• 14:20Bill Maher?

  It's a good joke, you know?

• 14:22Speaker 04

  Great joke.

• 14:22Bill Maher?

  And it, and.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  And what, you got repercussion?

• 14:25Bill Maher?

  So many important issues on the show that week, everybody, I get the digest of what they covered over the weekend, and it was all about Bill Maher's joke about Dolly Barton's nipple, you know, she had just died. Yeah, her nipple isn't like, you know, Jesus's foreskin, it didn't go to heaven with him, you know, she took it with her. It's not an insult, it's not a slander, it's just like, what they.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  Did it cost you?

• 14:49Bill Maher?

  Of course not.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  So I'm saying that I.

• 14:52Bill Maher?

  I'm just saying, to your point, you can't even predict what these fucking jellyfish will get offended by. You just don't know.

• 15:00Speaker 04

  So I was on my podcast, I do a podcast as you, you've done before.

• 15:03Bill Maher?

  A very successful one, I love it. And you reveal things a lot on it.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  What did I reveal?

• 15:08Bill Maher?

  That thing about going to the massage parlor and.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  That's not real.

• 15:11Bill Maher?

  I figured that.

• 15:12Speaker 04

  Okay, but that's what I was gonna talk about.

• 15:14Bill Maher?

  Sounded real.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Because people clip farm. So here's what, I had on an OnlyFans girl, a guest, you just had Sophie.

• 15:22Bill Maher?

  Yes, Sophie Raines.

• 15:23Speaker 04

  Well, no, but I had another one. Not one that doesn't make as much as Sophie. One that probably talks to everybody herself where you don't have to call her mother. You know, it's her mother and her sister. Sophie's mother and sister talk to you.

• 15:36Bill Maher?

  I, you know what, as much as I've tried, I don't, I still can't quite understand how it works, and we won't even get into why they do it, but.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  Technology, there I said, you're shunning it. What do you mean how it works?

• 15:49Bill Maher?

  Like, yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  Anyway, so let's finish this story and then we'll talk, and then I'm gonna teach you about OnlyFans. So there was an OnlyFans girl on, and obviously the, the conversation becomes adult in nature. I have something right out of my act, that, you know, I'm sitting with my daughter who happens to be 42 years old.

• 16:12Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 16:12Speaker 04

  I'm gonna tell you the piece right now. The piece right now is I said, because she was talking about sex, I said, I have been going to the same woman for years now, for 25 bucks, I get handjobs. I get, I go to the same woman, the same woman, for 23 times a week, I get handjobs from this woman. After three years, at the end of one of the handjobs, I look at her, I said, is there any way, I didn't know how to broach the subject, is there any way I could get a massage?

• 16:43Speaker 04

  And she looked at me like, what the fuck is wrong with you, and threw me out of the place, and I go, what is so, the young lady that was on my podcast, went, like, no laugh, right, just said, well, isn't, that's the, you know, they call the, the handjob the happy ending. I go, happy ending? At my age, if I could just have my shoulders loosened or the crick out of my back, that would be a happy ending. And then, and then my daughter went, dad, this, this, and she went, wait a minute, this is your daughter, you're talking about your, and you're okay with the fact that he gets handjobs? Never got the joke, and he goes, yeah, your mom's okay with it. She goes, and you're married? I go, yeah, I'm married. She goes, do you think your wife would be upset? I said, let's call my

• 17:28Speaker 04

  wife. Her people clip farmed my podcast. It's me going, I get handjobs for three years for 25 bucks. I get handjobs for three years. Her going, dad, every newspaper had me talking about getting, paying for sex in front, I'm gonna show you a picture too, paying for sex.

• 17:51Bill Maher?

  Well, you should take that as a compliment. It shows how.

• 17:54Speaker 04

  Don't care.

• 17:55Bill Maher?

  In the culture you are. What?

• 17:57Speaker 04

  I lost a fortune in a, in a campaign. I'm not gonna mention the company or anything, they walked away from me.

• 18:05Bill Maher?

  You're kidding.

• 18:05Speaker 04

  I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. That's why I need the fucking Comedy Store.

• 18:10Bill Maher?

  Okay, and, but, let's, let's file this under cancel culture not dead.

• 18:19Speaker 04

  Right.

• 18:20Bill Maher?

  Cancel culture not dead. Stop saying it's dead, or you're over peak woke. I hope we're over peak, but, you know, this kind of shit goes on all the time, and that's just amazing. First of all, you're not even guilty of anything. Secondly, the fact that the kid didn't get the joke, you know, I know these kids get so offended when you say, oh, they're not that bright, and then it's like, but you are, Blige, but you are.

• 18:46Speaker 04

  You know, I have a picture, my wife took a picture, we stood outside a door, my wife put on one glove, held up 25 bucks, it said open, and I was standing next to her. They posted that this is the woman that I get the handjob with. My wife thought it was the funniest thing, but they don't post that that's my wife. So then, my wife, Teri, they had me at the salon with my tuggy friend, and I got, I lost a lot of money. That happened to me two years ago again.

• 19:14Bill Maher?

  Have you had handjobs in your life?

• 19:17Speaker 04

  From myself.

• 19:18Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I mean, other than, other than yourself.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  No, not at a, not a professional handjob.

• 19:23Bill Maher?

  No, but in the.

• 19:25Speaker 04

  From other people? Yes.

• 19:26Bill Maher?

  Oh, okay. Well, I mean, it's a natural question.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  What do you mean? Why wouldn't I have had a handjob?

• 19:31Bill Maher?

  You have touching issues. It's a lot of touching.

• 19:33Speaker 04

  Handshakes. I would, I gladly, you know what?

• 19:36Bill Maher?

  Hand job. We're talking about hand job.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  But for me, that's the handshake. That's the high, that's the high, that's the low one instead of the high five.

• 19:42Bill Maher?

  That is fantastic. That's such a great joke, though, the way it ends. It reminds you of the one I saw you do that night about the shower.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  My wife.

• 19:51Bill Maher?

  Will you do that one?

• 19:52Speaker 04

  My wife is mad at me for peeing in the shower. And because it's not that I pee in the shower, it's that her rule is if you're going to pee in the shower, you have to be taking a shower.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  But I love, you know, I, I, and these things come into my head, but the point is that if I did that, and maybe even here, somebody might clip farm this moment and go, you know, Howie's wife is mad at him, which doesn't matter and doesn't bother me. It's when I, when I can see a, an obvious negative, what the fuck are you cooking? There's so much.

• 20:31Bill Maher?

  I know, there's a lot going on.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  This is, it's been like, it's almost like a joke. I just, the clicking and the banging and the, I can't fucking concentrate. You've never been, you can afford somebody to do whatever you need. How many things are you fucking preparing? You're drinking, you're smoking?

• 20:48Bill Maher?

  You do not have the mind of a stoner or a drug addict. We like preparation. We, we really get off on like doing the actual thing that gets you high and then getting high.

• 20:58Speaker 04

  Of course, but I can't focus with all the fucking clicking. I was talking about how I was going crazy in the silence. Then you show up and I can't fucking, I don't, oh, no, go ahead.

• 21:08Bill Maher?

  But actually was a good thing because, bro, you gotta let this go.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 21:11Bill Maher?

  You gotta let go this worry. First of all, you're gold.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Fish. Please just light that now.

• 21:18Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 21:19Speaker 04

  Just light it.

• 21:20Bill Maher?

  Let me have a drink first.

• 21:21Speaker 04

  Go ahead, have a drink. Can we sit in silence for a minute?

• 21:23Bill Maher?

  Hmm.

• 21:23Speaker 04

  This is fucking nuts.

• 21:25Bill Maher?

  No, because now I know why the si, I'm so glad we had this talk and I'll never let it happen to you again.

• 21:30Speaker 04

  What? You will never leave me alone again?

• 21:32Bill Maher?

  I, exactly.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  You're gonna hire, you won't even show up. You're gonna hire somebody to sit with me. To sit with me.

• 21:38Bill Maher?

  Till I get there.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  That's so fucking you. Never again, buddy. I love you. I'm never leaving you alone again. I'm gonna hi, I'm gonna build something.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  You're so fucking weird. I think of you, you don't know how many days I think of you. You are my spirit animal. Do you know that the most ridiculous things that I do in my life now are because of you?

• 22:01Bill Maher?

  Oh, the trampoline?

• 22:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:04Bill Maher?

  Well, that's good.

• 22:05Speaker 04

  I know, but people walk into my office.

• 22:07Bill Maher?

  That's science.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  I'm science. That's what I, that's how I'm gonna answer.

• 22:10Bill Maher?

  You're massaging your lymph gland. It's not fucking hippie bullshit. You know, it's amazing to me how the anti-aging business works. They wait until your face looks like a roadmap of Arizona, then sell you a hundred dollar jar of spackle. It covers the cracks, but nobody asks what's causing them. That's not skincare. That's drywall repair. That's what makes OneSkin different. No gimmicks. They look at how skin actually ages at the cellular level. Founded by four PhD longevity scientists who created a proprietary peptide, OS1, designed to target the cells that drive visible aging instead of masking the damage.

• 22:53Bill Maher?

  In their research, the team saw smoother, firmer-looking skin, a more even tone, and a healthier overall appearance. OneSkin's backed by four peer-reviewed clinical studies, over 10,000 five-star reviews, and nods from Bloomberg and Fast Company as a leader in skin longevity. Born from over 10 years of longevity research. OneSkin is helping you unlock your healthier skin now and as you age. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code RANDOM at onescan.co/random. That is 15% off onescan.co with code RANDOM.

• 23:35Bill Maher?

  After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you.

• 23:41Speaker 04

  I know, but you walk into an office, people walk into my office, that's where mine is, and I'm jumping up and down and I'm 70 years old.

• 23:48Bill Maher?

  You look great.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  No, thank you. And I think it really works. I don't think it's a joke. But every time, and then they go, what are you doing? Or they laugh, they think I'm trying to be funny. And I go, no. Bill Maher told, Bill Maher told me.

• 23:59Bill Maher?

  Well, Bill Maher didn't invent it. Like, this is something like every, health nuts all know about this.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Not everybody knows.

• 24:04Bill Maher?

  Not everybody, not, most people are not health nuts. But again, it's.

• 24:08Speaker 04

  Most people that our age aren't jumping.

• 24:09Bill Maher?

  Right, and they should be. It's just, it's simple. The heart has a pump, the lymph system.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  Light the fucking thing! Light it!

• 24:19Speaker 04

  I'm sorry.

• 24:23Bill Maher?

  We're making a lot of breakthroughs here.

• 24:25Speaker 04

  Well, we are.

• 24:26Bill Maher?

  Whether we're spirit animals, I don't know about that.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  You are, though. So I, and then the other thing was, when I came here, I, I so enjoyed the conversation that on my podcast, I took away the desk. And the reason I took away the desk is because one of my favorite podcast moments is Club Random. Richard Dreyfuss, I think I talked to you about this. I have, I have that on still. This is Richard on this show. I just, I was flipping by and I had to watch.

• 24:55Bill Maher?

  It's just, I mean, and I, I like him and I'm not, we're not trying to make fun of him.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  No, I'm not making fun of Richard Dreyfuss.

• 25:03Bill Maher?

  And it's one of those things, I mean, somebody should put out a compendium, I'm sure you could find it on AI or something, of like the 100 most embarrassing moments, and there's actually thousands. I mean, it's, it's hard to find a celebrity who doesn't have a super embarrassing moment. My, my, my nomination maybe for number one would be Ryan O'Neal hitting on his own daughter because he didn't recognize her at a funeral. Maybe you can beat it, but Dreyfuss in the chair. And you know what you gotta, you gotta, unless it's like something like murder, you gotta own it. You gotta just own it and say, like.

• 25:40Speaker 04

  Did you realize it while it was hap, like, he's sitting there like that?

• 25:44Bill Maher?

  I didn't want to mention it because it was just, I mean, maybe that's where I morally made a mistake. Maybe you would have been, but it was just like.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  This is forever. This is forever.

• 25:56Bill Maher?

  But he just kept getting lower and lower, and I just wanted to see how low it could go. I just, maybe that makes me a bad person. But it's like, if something is melting like that, and I just had to see how far I could go.

• 26:09Speaker 04

  I think it makes me a bad person because I took the table, the desk away from my podcast so that in hopes that I would get somebody to play limbo.

• 26:17Bill Maher?

  Well, I think, I think what happened was he's got a bad back, and maybe that's the posture that alleviates the pain. I don't know.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  For bad backs, I gotta say that this is not the best chair.

• 26:27Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 26:27Speaker 04

  For bad backs?

• 26:28Bill Maher?

  Bad.

• 26:28Speaker 04

  I, I have a good back, but I'm just saying from, and before the, your staff, before your staff sat me here, they gave me a selection of pillows.

• 26:38Bill Maher?

  We left you alone. You got a bad chair.

• 26:40Speaker 04

  Look, no, no, no. Look, they said you could take anyone, are you gonna need anyone? And this is what they had me look at.

• 26:47Bill Maher?

  We'll get you a better chair.

• 26:47Speaker 04

  No, no, I'm happy, but I don't know if I would have said yes to one of these. Where would you put this?

• 26:53Bill Maher?

  Karen, it would be my pleasure

• 26:59Bill Maher?

  to handle all your complaints. And trust me, this will go up the chain.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  I'm pissing myself off right now. I'm, I'm horrible.

• 27:07Bill Maher?

  They would not have made me regional manager if I didn't take complaints like this seriously and do something about them. That's how I rose.

• 27:15Speaker 04

  I love the next time I'm here, you're getting somebody else to take care of me.

• 27:17Bill Maher?

  That's how I rose in this company.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  You are. You, you, this is, you are. I, I really,

• 27:25Speaker 04

  I'm so thrilled to be here. I find you so funny. But I think that you, at the clubs, my hero in comedy is, is Richard Pryor. Were you, were you in town when he was putting together Live on the Sunset Strip?

• 27:40Bill Maher?

  No, I was in New York. I think that was late 70s, early 80s.

• 27:43Speaker 04

  79, 80. So I went every night and watched him. And.

• 27:47Bill Maher?

  At this very same comedy store?

• 27:49Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 27:49Bill Maher?

  The same room I saw you.

• 27:50Speaker 04

  Yes. And, and.

• 27:52Bill Maher?

  What history in that room?

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Crazy. Well, you know, I saw Count Basie and his orchestra. I used to go watch, um, oh, I loved him.

• 27:59Bill Maher?

  And it used to be Ciro's.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:02Bill Maher?

  That, in the 50s, that.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  Supper Club.

• 28:04Bill Maher?

  That, yes, that's why they think it's haunted, because the gangsters ran it and.

• 28:09Speaker 04

  There's probably bodies someplace.

• 28:10Bill Maher?

  Well, everybody I know who's ever like worked the comedy store and is there a lot says, if you're there after hours, it's definitely haunted. The chairs fly across. You never heard this?

• 28:19Speaker 04

  No, I hear it a lot.

• 28:20Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I hear it a lot. The chairs.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  I have a look on my face like, what the fuck are you talking about?

• 28:23Bill Maher?

  Yeah, you do. But you always do. It's your resting, what the fuck are you talking about, Bill?

• 28:29Speaker 04

  I'm just an idiot.

• 28:30Bill Maher?

  It's okay. That's all right. I love you.

• 28:33Bill Maher?

  But, but yeah.

• 28:34Speaker 04

  I love you can have a conversation and critique my life.

• 28:39Bill Maher?

  Get him a chair and a new look, okay? And be here on time.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  I wanna look like I know what you're talk- I do know what you're talking about and I don't know that I-

• 28:47Bill Maher?

  Now, do you believe in things like that?

• 28:48Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:49Bill Maher?

  You do.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  I do. I do. You don't.

• 28:52Bill Maher?

  I know, that's not true. I've, we've talked about this before and I, I know too many intelligent people who'd have some sort of story that convinces me they weren't drunk, they're not crazy. I know they're very rational people, it's not religious. It's just they have some story of what we would call a ghost. Something that is not really here in our world and somehow their presence is felt in a certain way, maybe it can be a rush of air, a scent, something moving or just- maybe it's a, just you're having a psychotic episode of some kind.

• 29:27Speaker 04

  But you know, science-

• 29:28Bill Maher?

  I don't know.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  Science-

• 29:29Bill Maher?

  We just don't know.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  We do. Science says that energy cannot be destroyed, it only changes form. Do you believe that?

• 29:38Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 29:38Speaker 04

  So do you not-

• 29:39Bill Maher?

  That's the first law of thermodynamics, isn't it?

• 29:41Speaker 04

  Right, yes. So do you not think that this is an energy force? It's energy, it's a, we, we are electro- electrocardiogram, have you ever had an electrocardiogram done? We are electricity. We are powered by something, we are an energy form.

• 29:58Bill Maher?

  I'm not sure I wanna stay on as a ghost, you know?

• 30:01Speaker 04

  I don't think you have a choice. I think that whatever this energy is-

• 30:05Bill Maher?

  I know, I'm just saying I'm not sure I want to. It's a little like your girl breaking up with you and staying on as a gardener. You know, it's just not a pleasant- There's no dignity in it, you know what I mean? You can't do anything, you can't affect anything. You can like, I guess, scare, well, you can scare people to like-

• 30:23Speaker 04

  No, you go from the, the, the highest form of existence, whi- which if, I think we're using the term ghost, I don't know that I believe in ghosts, but I do believe-

• 30:34Bill Maher?

  For lack of a better word.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  But then you're, you know, and, and how do you know that that is, this is where we can't really affect anything? That this is the lowest common denominator-

• 30:45Bill Maher?

  What do you think the ghosts are doing that are affecting things?

• 30:47Speaker 04

  I think that the universe is so much bigger than we can even fathom.

• 30:52Bill Maher?

  Well, that we know, what does that have to do with ghosts?

• 30:54Speaker 04

  It has to do with energy. This, wh- this is just a speck, this is a moment in time. This is why, when people are worried about shit, when people, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna transition into whatever that is. I don't know how much we can affect. So what we have to do, and I talk about this now maybe at our age, the, the only currency I really care about is time. And, uh, time, that's all. And moments, and moments have value and you don't wanna spend it frivol- frivolously.

• 31:26Bill Maher?

  No.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  But you wanna, like, what are we doing? How are we really affecting? But maybe we will one day.

• 31:33Bill Maher?

  No. Every decade, you're a different person, I always say that. And then the, what'd you get in these higher ones? I mean, you put it in one way, the way I put it is always, every day has to be a good day. That was just not a mantra I had when I was thirty. It would've been nice if every day was a good day, but I didn't even expect it. Cause there was just more shit in my life and more-

• 31:55Speaker 04

  What is this shit in your life?

• 31:56Bill Maher?

  Anxiety, am I gonna be a failure? I'm gonna make it, you know? That is a big thing. Or, you know, how can I get this girl to like me? And, you know, just basic shit that you're bad at cause you're young. But now, uh, every day has to be a good day? That, that's, I didn't have the luxury of that when I was young. Cause you're making your life, you have to make a lot more sacrifices.

• 32:17Speaker 04

  But you have no sense of what your life is in your thirties, even your forties? Until-

• 32:25Bill Maher?

  You're saying the same thing?

• 32:26Speaker 04

  We're almost finished, you know? We're almost finished.

• 32:29Bill Maher?

  That's actually not true. I mean, well, I mean, we're maybe, first of all, we don't know what AI is gonna do for us. And, uh, I actually, it's all gonna kill us in like two years.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, he just told us the other day.

• 32:41Bill Maher?

  Yeah, it's definitely gonna kill us, very quickly.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  The end of this decade, right?

• 32:44Bill Maher?

  Well, I mean-

• 32:45Speaker 04

  Isn't that what he said?

• 32:46Bill Maher?

  By, before, he said, bu- uh, yeah.

• 32:48Speaker 04

  For the next decade?

• 32:49Bill Maher?

  Yes, before the next decade. So we got four years, great.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  So what he did about it is he quit.

• 32:54Bill Maher?

  Who, who are we talking about?

• 32:55Speaker 04

  Uh, what's his name, Co- Cob- Cobach?

• 32:58Bill Maher?

  Well, I mean, somebody has to do something to, I mean, I've been screaming like my hair is on fire about this issue for a few years. Um, saying, yes, I think, I, I'm not an AI optimist, I do think it's gonna fucking kill us. Uh, I've seen too many movies, movies always predict the future, the robots always win and they take over and that's what's happening. And they don't even have to do any, they don't, you know, it's not like they're gonna create somehow big giant actual robots on the ground like the Terminator. No, they're doing it all from inside the data center. And they're already doing it. But I don't wanna talk about that, it's so like, uh, wonky and that's what I do on my regular show and-

• 33:38Speaker 04

  I didn't wanna talk about it.

• 33:39Bill Maher?

  I know. You, yes, you did, you brought it up, you were like, AI.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  No, you asked me if I believe in ghosts and you went to AI.

• 33:46Bill Maher?

  Well, AI-

• 33:47Speaker 04

  Cause I said we're gonna die soon.

• 33:48Bill Maher?

  And I said that's, AI could change that. Also, Mel Brooks is a hundred. Now, can you be a hundred and, you know?

• 33:56Speaker 04

  He's, and he's pretty productive now, he's doing another movie?

• 33:59Bill Maher?

  Yeah. Oh, he is?

• 34:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, didn't, isn't he doing Spaceballs, the new Spaceballs? When he's working on it, yeah?

• 34:04Bill Maher?

  I mean-

• 34:05Speaker 04

  I am right.

• 34:05Bill Maher?

  Whatever. The good thing we're not married, let's put it that way.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  No, I'm married.

• 34:11Bill Maher?

  I mean, well-

• 34:12Speaker 04

  I'm married.

• 34:12Bill Maher?

  Yeah, you're married, but you get handjobs at the massage parlor.

• 34:18Speaker 04

  I just have her put on an accent.

• 34:20Bill Maher?

  Listen, folks, every October, World Mental Health Day arrives and corporate America discovers empathy for about twenty-four hours. There's a colorful quote on Instagram, there's a green ribbon in the email signature, and on the eleventh, everybody goes right back to ignoring it for a year. One day of ribbons doesn't undo the other three hundred and sixty-four. That's why the team here likes Rula. They skip the lip service and actually make therapy accessible. Rula partners with over a hundred and twenty insurance plans, bringing the average copay down to just fifteen bucks per session. And they don't just hand you a therapist and disappear. They track your progress to make sure the care is actually working.

• 35:04Bill Maher?

  No endless waitlists, no bureaucratic back and forth. You can book with a licensed professional as soon as tomorrow for therapy or medication management. With a deep network of experienced licensed professionals, Rula makes it easy to get the care you need. With World Mental Health Day this October, it's a good reminder that taking care of your mental health can start with one step. Visit rula.com/random to get started. That's R-U-L-A dot com slash random. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  I'm, I'm fascinated by even the, the term marriage, like, it's the only, what is marriage? Marriage is a, is a state that we decide to put ourselves in, but it's the only state where we have to describe to each other how, I'm happily married. You don't say, I'm, I'm, you don't say, or you, you don't say, I'm happily eating. You don't say, I'm happily, what, what other thing in life?

• 36:04Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 36:04Speaker 04

  Go ahead.

• 36:05Bill Maher?

  But that should be my line. I should, this is, you're reading my lines. I'm the anti-marriage guy. I, I should be making this case, you should be like-

• 36:13Speaker 04

  I've been married forty-eight years, I'm happy. I'm happy, but I don't understand why I need to-

• 36:19Bill Maher?

  Because it is, yeah, I'll tell you why, because it is generally not a happy institution. I hate to be the bearer of bad news and I know there are exceptions and people, I absolutely know people who would be a wreck if they didn't have their spouse. But many, many other people find it stultifying and it's just codependency and it does, it lacks passion and, um, and very often blood of carping and- And then there's the bad part.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Wow. I just told you how happily married I was.

• 36:51Bill Maher?

  I know, you are, but you're one of those lucky few.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  I am, I have a lucky girl, but, but, uh, she's a lucky girl to have me, but-

• 37:00Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 37:01Bill Maher?

  Because-

• 37:01Speaker 04

  No, but even, even at the wedding, that scared the fuck out of me. What kind of commitment are you making in life to have a partner and you go, kill death to us, partner? Why do you have to bring that up? The only way to get out of this fucking agreement is that you, one of us has to die. You know?

• 37:17Bill Maher?

  Can I give you my, cause we are spirit animals in some ways, but we're spirit animals who are just so opposite in many ways.

• 37:24Speaker 04

  Right.

• 37:25Bill Maher?

  Okay. So let me tell you what people say to me all the time, because I have sort of the opposite life of you.

• 37:30Speaker 04

  You do.

• 37:31Bill Maher?

  Right. And they say, you know, like, if there's a, a big age gap, I mean, my God, it, it's no good because you, you're not gonna be around for the whole thing. And I'm like, you mean like every other relationship in America? Because we're just past the age, I believe, in humanity, where people even expect, and maybe they shouldn't, to be with the same person for this, your whole life. If you can pull it off, it's great, maybe it's even better. But for most people, it's like we're different people at different stages. I mean, the person you are at twenty is so different than the one at fifty. If you can be with that same person for this different you, great. But it's very understandable why, you know, a woman in her twenties would wanna be with someone at least twenty years older.

• 38:15Bill Maher?

  Because the guys their age are such douchebags. You give me that look again-

• 38:19Speaker 04

  Well, this is, would you date, you, you would go out with people in their twenties?

• 38:22Bill Maher?

  I can't even entertain that as a source of comedy. That's how, how-

• 38:26Speaker 04

  That's where you draw the line? I found where you draw the line?

• 38:29Bill Maher?

  That is where I draw the line, okay?

• 38:31Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 38:32Bill Maher?

  Epstein?

• 38:33Speaker 04

  Epstein.

• 38:34Bill Maher?

  Well, I mean, wasn't that-

• 38:35Speaker 04

  You know the worst thing that, like, you might, because you got one parent like that, people go, Emmy was a Jew.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  It's horrible enough, but you, well, go ahead.

• 38:47Bill Maher?

  It was the We- Weinstein-Epstein one-two punch. Like, when it comes to, uh, you know, giving people permission to hate the Jews, people don't need, if you look back in history, a lot of permission. They always seem pretty ready to do it. You don't have to give them a lot for them to latch on to.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  But that would go, I'm not knocking whatever you're gonna say, but I think that we find reasons to hate anybody who is not us.

• 39:17Bill Maher?

  You don't think historically the Jews have gotten it a little more than the average bear?

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 39:21Bill Maher?

  Oh, okay.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  And you think deservedly?

• 39:23Bill Maher?

  No, I'm saying not deservedly. I'm saying people need very little excuse to start hating the Jews. It's the one thing the, the left and the right radicals seem to agree on. Hassan Piker and Nick Fuentes are, and Candace Owens, and by the way, conspiracy theories have gone far enough, but having said that, I would like to say, I think Candace Owens is a man and a Jew.

• 39:52Speaker 04

  That's hysterical.

• 39:53Bill Maher?

  Oh, good.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Is that from your, is that?

• 39:55Bill Maher?

  No, I don't have an act. See, this is, let's get back to that.

• 39:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 39:59Bill Maher?

  See, I don't have an act, but what you're talking about, going back into it, there is something I have been noodling about, and I'll just share it with you. It may not come to anything, and maybe you shouldn't talk about your, you know, very vague plans for the future, but I had a birthday party here, and I got up and talked.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  Thanks for, thanks for.

• 40:20Bill Maher?

  No, it was, it was just.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  Just a small group.

• 40:23Bill Maher?

  You know what?

• 40:24Speaker 04

  No, it's okay. It's all right, finish.

• 40:25Bill Maher?

  There was a theme to it.

• 40:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, no Jews?

• 40:28Bill Maher?

  No, caretakers. It was just the people who I feel have been my caretakers. I've had caretakers my whole life.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  With a lot of hot women. There were a lot of hot women.

• 40:40Bill Maher?

  It's not about that.

• 40:42Speaker 04

  I know.

• 40:42Bill Maher?

  It's.

• 40:43Speaker 04

  I'm just saying.

• 40:43Bill Maher?

  My assistant, Mark, who lives next door and watches over security and many other things.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Just you and Mark?

• 40:51Bill Maher?

  You know, just.

• 40:51Speaker 04

  What a party.

• 40:52Bill Maher?

  No, my manager, I've had a lot of.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Gerbets?

• 40:56Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 40:57Speaker 04

  I love gerbets.

• 40:58Bill Maher?

  Yes, my first manager, when, when there was no pay to be had back in New York.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Who's that?

• 41:03Bill Maher?

  Did it, it doesn't matter. The point is.

• 41:05Speaker 04

  I want to know who was at the party when I wasn't at.

• 41:07Bill Maher?

  You weren't a caretaker.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  You know I would take care of you. You asked.

• 41:10Bill Maher?

  You would. These people did.

• 41:11Speaker 04

  You could call me anytime for anything. You came to my party. I invited you to my party.

• 41:17Bill Maher?

  It was not that theme. It wasn't a party of just your caretakers. It was a big party.

• 41:22Speaker 04

  It was a party about the people I cared, mine was just the people that I cared to invite.

• 41:28Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  The people I admire, the people who are there for me, the people who are, but it's okay. It's okay. I'm not hurt.

• 41:34Bill Maher?

  Okay, Elaine May, when does this improv end? I, I get it. We, we, the area explored. Okay, we.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Okay, go. Got it, got it.

• 41:41Bill Maher?

  But, well, we, oh shit, what was I?

• 41:43Speaker 04

  Fuck that.

• 41:44Bill Maher?

  No, it was important.

• 41:45Speaker 04

  Nothing we're saying is important.

• 41:47Bill Maher?

  Oh, what were we talking about?

• 41:49Speaker 04

  Somebody, uh, who you invited the caretakers to your party.

• 41:53Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 41:54Speaker 04

  And this is the vague plan.

• 41:55Bill Maher?

  I spoke at my party, and it was, you know, I was right up there with a little stage and like, it was very intimate. I mean, I wasn't doing an act. I was just talking about my life. And a number of people said to me afterwards, you should have a second stand-up career, where you don't really do what you always did, talk about the issues of the day and important stuff and, you know, lots of other stuff, but mostly, you know, uh, and just stories, your life, very, you know, bill intimate, or whatever. And, you know, do it in smaller venues, maybe shoot it, you know, maybe you're sitting down when you do it, on a stool, is it, you know, make it, and that intrigues me, because there are a lot of things that, I mean, it's, you know why it intrigues me?

• 42:39Bill Maher?

  Because it's basically what I'm doing here every week. You know, we're not trying to be political here. We're just, we're so, look at how personal we get.

• 42:47Speaker 04

  We're trying to just have a conversation.

• 42:49Bill Maher?

  Aren't you glad we have this? Isn't this even better than going to dinner? Would we be, would we be this intensely, like, interested in each other at dinner? I don't think so. I think there's just something about.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  I like this because I'm not worried about who's paying.

• 43:04Bill Maher?

  I like.

• 43:04Speaker 04

  Back to the Jews.

• 43:05Bill Maher?

  I like it because I can drink and get high. I can't do that at a restaurant.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  No, I, I like, I love this, and this is real conversation, and it's not really performative, which I like, and I don't feel any pressure to be entertaining.

• 43:18Bill Maher?

  No.

• 43:18Speaker 04

  I just, I feel like I'm talking to a friend that I like.

• 43:21Bill Maher?

  Working out.

• 43:29Speaker 04

  I guess I need pressure.

• 43:34Speaker 04

  I, uh, I didn't even feel pressure to wear long pants.

• 43:39Bill Maher?

  You could, you couldn't, you couldn't help yourself from being entertaining. You're just one of those types.

• 43:44Speaker 04

  No, I, you know what? I feel like I was always an outcast, and I am so joyful at this point in my life that anybody, and especially somebody who I admire and I, and I really think you're.

• 44:00Bill Maher?

  I'm very self-conscious about doing things.

• 44:02Speaker 04

  Making noises.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  I'm trying to make the sentence not on a clean.

• 44:08Bill Maher?

  I'm like fucking the, I'm like the pink, I'm like the Pink Panther here.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  I'm gonna say something poignant. I'm trying to be poignant and nice and, and, but I know that right when I want to say something.

• 44:23Bill Maher?

  I'm telling you, stoners, we just love the process.

• 44:26Speaker 04

  I'm a stoner who's not stoned right now. I love being stoned.

• 44:30Bill Maher?

  We, I do too.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  I love it. I, that's why I had to stop though, because I don't like not being stoned.

• 44:37Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 44:37Speaker 04

  And, and that's a problem. You, you seem to be able to control that.

• 44:41Bill Maher?

  Oh, I absolutely, uh, have more times in my life when I don't want to be stoned, but I have to get stoned than the opposite.

• 44:51Speaker 04

  You're forced to get stoned?

• 44:52Bill Maher?

  Yes. Yes. There are certain things I, I really only want to do stoned, and it happened to be the, like, the greatest things in my life.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  Sex.

• 45:01Bill Maher?

  Sex, writing, and when I did stand-up, stand-up. So that's a lot of getting stoned.

• 45:07Speaker 04

  When weren't you stoned then? Sex, writing, and stand-up seems like 95% of your life.

• 45:13Bill Maher?

  That's what I'm saying. That's why I needed a day off. I did. Um, no, I, I've never smoked every day, um, and, but I like those days when it's a non-smoking day, but they're more passive, because, you know, it's a, it's an.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  You feel you're more creative?

• 45:29Bill Maher?

  Yeah, of course. It's a more of an up-drug, you know, it's, it's just like, it's, it's fun. Whatever I'm, I'm, uh, doing when I'm stoned is usually fun, and I'm enjoying it immensely.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  You don't use it as an escape?

• 45:43Bill Maher?

  No, it doesn't help me escape. In fact, if you, if I was in a bad mood or thinking about something negative, it would be a terrible thing to do because it would just exacerbate that feeling.

• 45:55Speaker 04

  Depending on what you're smoking, what do you smoke?

• 45:57Bill Maher?

  All pot is pot.

• 45:58Speaker 04

  You think that they're all?

• 45:59Bill Maher?

  For me, they are. I mean, I, I'm sure indica is a little more, uh, restive, but it would also keep me up all night. I'm just, it's just pot is pot. You know, it's THC, and for some reason, it amps me up. Other people, it puts us sleep.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  It's very different than when I was taking it, when I, when I was smoking it, when I was 15 to now. It's a lot more powerful now than it ever was.

• 46:21Bill Maher?

  How do you know? If you don't do it. Apparently, people will take Medicare advice from anybody. Some guy you vaguely remember from a 90s sitcom, a retired athlete wearing a headset, basically anyone with a headshot and a teleprompter. Chapter takes a different approach, helping people compare Medicare options without simply steering them toward whatever pays the most. They look across every available plan based on what actually matters to you, your prescriptions, your providers, and your needs. They're honest, and they don't get paid more for pushing one plan over another. Novel concept for this industry. If you're already on the right plan, they'll tell you flat out. If not, they'll help you find one that fits.

• 47:06Bill Maher?

  But folks who found a new plan with Chapter saved an average of $1,100 on healthcare costs. It takes about 20 minutes and is completely free. No pressure. You don't need to just trust any random celebrity or even me. Find out for yourself and call Chapter today at 984-217-3643. That's 984-217-3643.

• 47:33Speaker 04

  I, I did it up until three years ago.

• 47:37Bill Maher?

  Yeah, well.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  I've been, I've been, uh, sober for about three years.

• 47:43Bill Maher?

  Uh, that seems so late in life to make that choice.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  Because I almost died during COVID. We talked about that the last time. I, I, I over-inbibed. I wanted to lose, I would smoke and drink and do whatever to lose consciousness because I was, uh, fucked up from the, uh, it's like arts and crafts for you. I was, I was fucked up from the, uh, the, um, COVID.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  You know, I have horrible ADHD. I'm, not we're gonna talk about ADHD, but just somebody doing stuff. Like, I couldn't talk to my grandmother when she was fucking knitting.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  I'd say, put the fucking blanket down. Put, I want to talk.

• 48:26Bill Maher?

  You, you're so right. You're, the worst person for you to be around if you have this issue that you have is a stoner, because we are always just futzing with the implements of getting stoned.

• 48:38Speaker 04

  Right.

• 48:38Bill Maher?

  And I always thought there was a kind of a built-in mechanism for not having ODs, you know, ODing on something because. You're literally too fucked up to prepare the next bit of drugs. Or you forget to do it.

• 48:53Speaker 04

  Well, I'll be honest with you, in my drinking and smoking, I didn't, I've never seen all this, I've never been involved in a lot of preparation. I buy a, I buy a, a joint. I didn't clip anything, I didn't take off the top. I open a bottle, I would drink the bottle even if it was tequila.

• 49:12Bill Maher?

  This is probably a generational thing. I mean, kids today don't even smoke. They, everything they get high on is a pill of some kind. Maybe they take a gum.

• 49:19Speaker 04

  Kids today and their drugs, they don't know how to get high like we did.

• 49:22Bill Maher?

  In my era, it was like, there was a lot of rolling the joint, cleaning the pot. You had to get rid of the seeds from the pot. It was all a process, cleaning, you know, it's amazing. It didn't look like one of those scenes from the, you know, coke dealer movies where there's like three naked chicks who are preparing the cocaine.

• 49:40Speaker 04

  You're so busy, I mean, you're a single guy.

• 49:42Bill Maher?

  Busy, that's it, it was, you're busy.

• 49:44Speaker 04

  You're so busy. If you wanna take a woman back to your place, I don't know, I'm just asking as a married guy. You bring a woman back here and you go, let's get high, let's drink. Like, how do you even have time to fuck her? You're clipping and rolling and pouring and doing and look at all the tools you have.

• 50:00Bill Maher?

  I know, I know.

• 50:03Speaker 04

  Look, that's why you have a lot of caretakers, there's a lot involved.

• 50:07Bill Maher?

  There really is. I know, it's like Geppetto's workbench.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  It really is.

• 50:12Bill Maher?

  It's like I'm gonna make Benno.

• 50:13Speaker 04

  To get to a point where you can't function, there's so much functioning going on. And I imagine somebody was in here half hour before I got here, who wants to come here? We're gonna put two lighters, put two lighters on Howie's side. Put, and they, I mean, they did come to me, they go, this is water, and we'd covered it. Why would you, like, what was gonna drop into my water?

• 50:33Bill Maher?

  Look, look who's talking, the ultimate germaphobe.

• 50:36Speaker 04

  I'm not, I'm a, I'm, I don't, I have, I worry about getting sick and dying. When I touch somebody's hand, I have to wash my hand. I have children, I fucked, I've had hand jobs, don't clip that part.

• 50:52Bill Maher?

  See, that's another reason why you should just like, let it go, let it go, because.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Mental health?

• 50:57Bill Maher?

  No, no, no, because you're, you're a beloved American icon. It's gonna take it, you're like Dolly Parton without, you know.

• 51:05Speaker 04

  Without the nipples, without the sphere.

• 51:07Bill Maher?

  And, uh, and, um, so they're not gonna, they're not gonna wanna get rid of you. And also you have that kind of Bob Saget reputation for being, you know, TV dad or TV, you know, judge. Like, clean, but also, we know you have this sick, fucked up twist.

• 51:28Speaker 04

  So fucking sick.

• 51:28Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  No, but I am.

• 51:30Bill Maher?

  And we like that, and we like that, so there's almost nothing.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  Who are we though?

• 51:34Bill Maher?

  We, the American public, who I speak for.

• 51:37Speaker 04

  No, and you're not, nobody's chosen you as the spokesperson for the American public.

• 51:41Bill Maher?

  No?

• 51:42Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 51:43Bill Maher?

  I'm getting bad information.

• 51:44Speaker 04

  You are, but the thing is that I piss a lot of people off, I do. You do too. But I love that about you.

• 51:51Bill Maher?

  Of course, I love it about you, I didn't know you did it. I, I, I feel like you're gold on this, I mean, obviously anybody can say anything horrendous and you could be out tomorrow, but if you just, but you wouldn't, it's not who you are, it's not what you think, but just being, you know, the bad boy, uh, Howie, like, has this, this, you know, comes out on Halloween, crazy, like, macabre, sick fuck side, we like that, we loved it about Bob Saget. TV dad, Bob Saget, and we all knew that part of him, and we, and it was.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  Those are jobs, you know, these are, those are jobs, you know, like, being a, um, a responsible broadcaster is a job. What you see at the Comedy Store is me, that doesn't feel like a job. And everything I was ever punished for, expelled for, admonished for, is what I like getting paid for.

• 52:45Bill Maher?

  Well, again, it's, you know, the mystery of life and sometimes the way it works out beautifully, yes, it's two sides of the same thing, you couldn't have one without the other. You have these issues that you have to deal with that have caused you great pain in your life, that's also what allows you to be the guy who goes up after Leno and after Whitney and after Sebastian and all these heavy hitters and still outdoes them, that's what it is. They're not crazy like you. They don't have, they don't have the hamster wheel underneath that dome that you do in some ways, I mean.

• 53:19Speaker 04

  We all do, but I don't think people identify it. The, the, the thing is, what, I'm also aware of where we are in our life, like, look at this fucking place, look at this, this is a fucking.

• 53:33Bill Maher?

  Well, let's not go by this, but.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  But go by this, go by this, I don't know how much the audience actually sees, but this is a fucking gorgeous.

• 53:41Bill Maher?

  It is amazing.

• 53:42Speaker 04

  It is amazing with the most collectible, wonderful moments and things that, but, but I, I was with, I'm, I'm not name dropping, but, uh, I, I rented a, a, a nice place recently and I was talking to Jim Carrey. And Jim Carrey came over and he, and he looked at it, he goes, and he just looked and he just like, jokes.

• 54:07Speaker 04

  You know, so we, that's how we all started, right? And it's just jokes, you told some jokes, did you ever fucking dream that you would?

• 54:16Bill Maher?

  I mean, your, your, your studio, where I had office spaces for a while, I mean, in the valley where you had your party, where you invited the whole world, I, you know.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  No, just the caretakers, I just have many more caretakers than you.

• 54:31Bill Maher?

  No, we're not each other's caretakers and we don't wanna be, but, uh, but that place is massive and just bespeaks of someone who has been very successful in this business as you have, and, um.

• 54:45Speaker 04

  Well, I talk, I talk, that place that I did is, I'm not gonna besmirch any, I had a deal with a standard studio and, uh, network and I felt like, you know, just dealing and being in these, in this office space and doing this, I felt like I was throwing a party at my parents' house. So I, I event, I said, like, I don't need all this, and they were paying all the overhead and I had an office and I love producing and I love putting things together and I love technology, but you can't do that on a lot. And I just had this space and I invite, it's a, it's a co-working kind of, sometimes I see things online and I, I direct message them and say, hey, come on, work in my place.

• 55:29Speaker 04

  And whether that's a live band, I have a live band there.

• 55:32Bill Maher?

  And you have those like, what is that thing where you walk in and you're like, it's like you're transported from the spaceship?

• 55:41Speaker 04

  Which I tried to show you and you went, I have no interest in that.

• 55:44Bill Maher?

  I, that's not true.

• 55:45Speaker 04

  You kinda did, you did.

• 55:47Bill Maher?

  It looked to me like the transporter on the starship.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  So here's what it is.

• 55:51Bill Maher?

  Enterprise.

• 55:52Speaker 04

  Here's what it is, during COVID, when things were really bad, I saw, it's called proto-hologram.

• 55:58Bill Maher?

  Hologram, yes.

• 55:59Speaker 04

  It's hologram, and, and I saw it on Instagram and I said, oh, this is cool, because people were trying to do shows on Zoom and you were doing shows on FaceTime and it was just so stupid, I just felt like on my laptop, how much performing, it was, I just hated it.

• 56:14Bill Maher?

  The whole pandemic is so stupid.

• 56:17Speaker 04

  Well, I agree with you, but it was more stupid for me than it was for the, well, I shouldn't say it was worse for me than the world, people died, but I died inside. The point was that I saw this technology and I direct messaged him and I said, let me see this, I'd like this, this is better than FaceTime. I went and saw it and I went, holy shit, this is the low hanging fruit, I love this, can I invest in this? I invested in it and I said, I got all this space, why don't you come and make this this head office? And this is the guy, originally he was part of the, the group that put Tupac at Coachella, remember hearing that story?

• 56:52Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  Tupac was at Coachella, that's old timey kind of, that's Pepper's Ghost, it's called, it's the same as a teleprompter, you know, they just project on an opaque screen.

• 57:02Bill Maher?

  Hologram Tupac, for the older people who don't know when Tupac really was alive.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  They finally got the guy.

• 57:08Bill Maher?

  They did.

• 57:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:09Bill Maher?

  Boy, I tell you, I think the Constitution has something about a speedy trial or spee, speedy, I mean, he was shot in 96 and they got him last week, yeah, a long arm in the law.

• 57:22Speaker 04

  Long, long, long arm. But anyway, the point, the point is that he came up with this, David Nussbaum came up with this new technology where it's just this inexpensive box that is life-size, now what are you, what are you creating?

• 57:38Bill Maher?

  I wanna do a Dreyfus.

• 57:42Speaker 04

  You are so busy. You're the busiest guy.

• 57:45Bill Maher?

  That's funny, because most people think I'm so chill, you know, I mean, I'm not.

• 57:48Speaker 04

  I think you're chill, and then that's, maybe that's why I notice when you get busy. You'll, you'll, you'll sit there, very chill, and then, just, let me get that.

• 58:00Bill Maher?

  Don't forget this.

• 58:01Speaker 04

  Yes, and then, open this and close.

• 58:05Bill Maher?

  Cigarette case where I keep my pot. I mean, it's beautiful, isn't it?

• 58:09Speaker 04

  Anyway, it's beautiful, I love what you've done.

• 58:11Bill Maher?

  It makes a nice sound when you just close it. Okay, sorry, go ahead.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  I forget.

• 58:18Bill Maher?

  No, I'll come on.

• 58:19Speaker 04

  What was it?

• 58:20Bill Maher?

  Don't be that way.

• 58:21Speaker 04

  Don't be, don't forget?

• 58:22Bill Maher?

  Well, don't.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  Uh, what was I, what was I talking about? Do you even remember?

• 58:25Bill Maher?

  Uh, I don't. But I'm not supposed to.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  And I'm not high!

• 58:30Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 58:31Speaker 04

  I'm, I've got maybe a contact high. What was I talking about?

• 58:33Bill Maher?

  It was something important.

• 58:34Speaker 04

  It was?

• 58:35Bill Maher?

  Jim Carrey said jokes.

• 58:37Speaker 04

  No, that's a lot, you went way back.

• 58:38Bill Maher?

  That's the last thing I remember.

• 58:40Speaker 04

  There is people in the control room, nobody's allowed to help me and tell me what I was talking about? They're not allowed out here, right?

• 58:46Bill Maher?

  That was the whole point of this.

• 58:47Speaker 04

  They're only, the only time they're allowed out, the helpers, is if you're gonna have a party.

• 58:50Bill Maher?

  There's nobody here but us.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  I know, that's the point.

• 58:53Bill Maher?

  That's the point.

• 58:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, you turned, they're supposed to believe you turned on all these cameras and you put on your own mic.

• 58:58Bill Maher?

  And you forgot they were on, as you should.

• 59:00Speaker 04

  I, I love this, I'm not worried at all, I love this, this is a real, you said, when you invited me here, because we've been going back and forth about, let's go out for dinner, this is a thousand times better than dinner.

• 59:10Bill Maher?

  It's so much better than dinner.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  It really is.

• 59:12Bill Maher?

  Like, I have few absolute rules in my life, but one of them is sex before food. Everybody in America.

• 59:19Speaker 04

  I didn't wanna fuck you, I just wanted to talk to you.

• 59:22Bill Maher?

  Everybody in America does it wrong. You should, it's just such a dumb idea, and the same thing here, it's like, no, we're not gonna have sex, but I'd rather talk to you, not when I'm eating, you know, which is like a buzzkill. I'd rather talk to you when I'm actually at my best, like.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  Well, during sex?

• 59:40Bill Maher?

  No, during, during pot and liquor.

• 59:43Speaker 04

  What have you been doing today?

• 59:44Bill Maher?

  No, no.

• 59:47Speaker 04

  I don't understand.

• 59:48Bill Maher?

  You know, it's, it, it's just the kind of thing of, it matters how you position your life that way. And people just go along and float with the tide in what we've always done, we have a hearty breakfast. Well, I never have breakfast, and I feel like I feel better. Um, you know, I live with that dumb idea, three meals a day, and make sure the first one's big, and it's like, oh, but I don't really feel like it. And it's like, you know what? If I wanna talk to somebody, really talk to them, I'm gonna do it on an empty stomach when my energy is up here, and it's just mentally stimulating. And that doesn't happen in a maximalist, maximalist way at dinner.

• 1:00:32Bill Maher?

  When you're like, going through a giant plate of spaghetti. It just doesn't.

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  So you can fuck on an empty stomach?

• 1:00:41Bill Maher?

  No, but I'll talk to you, and then I'll be very hungry, and I'll go eat, and I can eat alone. It's a better way to manage.

• 1:00:48Speaker 04

  Wait, so you have a woman here?

• 1:00:49Bill Maher?

  A woman? Where'd we, where'd we get that?

• 1:00:52Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 1:00:52Bill Maher?

  Where there's a woman.

• 1:00:53Speaker 04

  You said before sex, you brought up the sex.

• 1:00:55Bill Maher?

  I'm just, in general, not now, I'm just saying, the order which you do things, and what you do while you're doing them, apropos to your point about, this is better than dinner.

• 1:01:06Speaker 04

  It is.

• 1:01:06Bill Maher?

  It is, okay, then we're agreeing, darling.

• 1:01:09Speaker 04

  But I don't like, I don't like dinner, I don't, I don't like dining. I don't think dining is a thing.

• 1:01:14Bill Maher?

  It would add nothing to our relationship to go and do it in front of people in a restaurant. What are we showing off? What are we going Instagram official? No, we, we would just be doing what we're doing here, but with other people in a room, and with food we can't trust, that's gonna make us logie. That's dining out.

• 1:01:35Speaker 04

  When did dining, at what point did dining, the timing is great, when did? It's making me laugh now, it's the rhythm that everything is. Now my turn.

• 1:01:47Bill Maher?

  And that's why I'm a one-issue candidate.

• 1:01:51Bill Maher?

  Sex before food, that's my one issue.

• 1:01:53Speaker 04

  But dining for me was, like, I don't know when I became, I'm, I know I'm an adult, but I don't know when dining became, like, I, I eat to survive.

• 1:02:05Bill Maher?

  Me too.

• 1:02:06Speaker 04

  I eat to survive, I don't think of dining as a, uh, and a lot of people do, I'm not knocking them for it, but a lot of people, like, what do you want, Friday night, we're gonna go, my wife will tell me, we're going out for another couple, we're gonna go, what are we gonna do? We're gonna go for dinner. I go, but that's, so we're just gonna watch other people, we're gonna eat? Like, that's, why did that, when you were a kid? If you wanted to do something, let's just go ride our bikes, let's go play baseball, let's go on a hike, let's climb a tree. We never said, you know what I wanna do? Maybe I'll have Bill over for lunch. Mom, will you make us some sandwiches? What, Bill, Bill's gonna come over, and we're gonna have lunch.

• 1:02:43Bill Maher?

  And this gets to like, the more fundamental issue that I think we're in a complete agreement on, which is that we somehow got trapped somewhere along the way, civilization-wise, in this idea that socialization has to be completely connected to putting food in our mouth. Now, maybe it is the right thing to do, I know people are very connected to food, they've prepared it, it's like connected with family and all, and like, okay, I don't, I'm trying to undo humanity and what works for them. But maybe just reexamine it a little, maybe we don't always have to completely connect human connectiveness to that moment where you're fucking pushing food into your pile.

• 1:03:27Speaker 04

  But not only eating it, this is, now I'm gonna sound like an old guy, but, but it's actually, and I am on social media, and I love social media, but I.

• 1:03:34Bill Maher?

  I'm on social security.

• 1:03:35Speaker 04

  And I'm on social security too. But, but, but I'm fascinated by these people who, uh, all over Instagram and, and online are pictures of food. You don't have to be so careful, I was just fucking with you, now I feel like I'm.

• 1:03:50Bill Maher?

  Now I'm fucking with you.

• 1:03:51Speaker 04

  I just, I'm watching, I'm so fucking careful. Don't make me forget again, but people take pictures of food.

• 1:03:58Speaker 04

  People take pictures of their food, and they share that, and that's a big part of influencing, and their dishes, and how they, and I said, I lived before this became, I was in my sixties when influencing food influencers became even apparent, but I said, I was never, in my whole life, in my sixty years of life, nothing has ever, oh, no, in front of me or anybody I know, nobody has ever had a plate of food, a salad, a sandwich, placed in front of them where they go, fuck, I wish I had a camera. You got it, we gotta share a picture, I wanna show this tuna salad sandwich to the world. Like, when did that become a thing?

• 1:04:37Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:04:37Speaker 04

  When did that become a thing?

• 1:04:38Bill Maher?

  Can you imagine us, like, in the age when it was a Polaroid, we all had Polaroid cameras, bringing a Polaroid, taking a picture, it took like, you could see it develop, it took like sixty seconds. Right, you shake it because it was wet or something, can you imagine bringing that to a restaurant with an envelope? And, boy, you know, the, the guy, you know, the old thirties movies with the, with the bellhop.

• 1:05:03Speaker 04

  Age boy, age boy hat.

• 1:05:04Bill Maher?

  The bellhop, the kid who took the telegrams. Telegram boy, telegram boy, get this over to my, uh, yes, high school, uh, lab partner, he's over on Third Street, I want him to see this immediately.

• 1:05:17Speaker 04

  But even if you didn't send the, the bellboy to, to do it, even to have like handheld pic.

• 1:05:22Bill Maher?

  Wanna see a, wanna see a salad?

• 1:05:25Speaker 04

  Like, just to share, I always laugh even when people are taking selfies, I, I do it tongue in cheek, but even, oh, wait, wait, wait till they see me.

• 1:05:34Bill Maher?

  I have been told, however, that, that thing about taking pictures of your food, even they're not doing it anymore, like, that's, it was kind of like a millennial thing.

• 1:05:44Speaker 04

  No, I don't agree.

• 1:05:45Bill Maher?

  You really, they still do it to kids? What?

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  I, I was gonna, here, my phone. There's things posted every fucking day.

• 1:05:54Bill Maher?

  I don't see shit like that.

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:05:55Bill Maher?

  I don't see shit like that, but.

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  Well, it's not your algorithm, why would your, your algorithm would never be.

• 1:06:00Bill Maher?

  We've established I'm bad at technology.

• 1:06:01Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:06:02Bill Maher?

  But, you know what, I, I'm.

• 1:06:03Speaker 04

  Oh, I was telling you about proto-hologram.

• 1:06:05Bill Maher?

  Oh, yes.

• 1:06:05Speaker 04

  Yes, so I went over, I invested in this company, they're in my, that office, and it changes the world, it changes, that's why I was saying to you that you should have, like, even if you wanted to sit down now and tell about your life, you could sit in this room, in that chair, and that box with the sponsor could be in any place, you could see.

• 1:06:28Bill Maher?

  That is so, the last thing I would ever wanna do, that is so anti-everything I'm trying to do here, which is human connection, there, it has a place that's, you know, even on real time, like, very often they'll say, you know, we can get this, and it's a very big person, a senator, somebody who's really in the news, but they can only do it by satellite. Yeah, if it's the Pope, I'll do it by satellite. Uh, but everybody else, no, you have to come to my studio. I have to talk to you just the way we're talking. I feel your energy. I thought we were all energy, right? We are, we're all energy. I'm on the page.

• 1:07:04Speaker 04

  So you say that about that, but let me tell you something. So we are, our, our technology now can send a doctor, a top doctor into the most rural area in the middle of, and he could see and interact.

• 1:07:18Bill Maher?

  This person who's sick couldn't- That's not a talk show.

• 1:07:21Speaker 04

  No, I'm not, it's not all about show business.

• 1:07:22Bill Maher?

  No, but it is. I mean, for this, for this, I would never want to have a hologram as a guest.

• 1:07:27Speaker 04

  No, but I'm saying what I, what I invested in is the fact

• 1:07:31Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:31Speaker 04

  that, that we can-

• 1:07:33Bill Maher?

  You're smart.

• 1:07:33Speaker 04

  We could, we could send anybody, so telehealth, uh, information. If you wanted to just communicate with people that you can't get to, or more people than you can get to in any one time.

• 1:07:46Bill Maher?

  But remind me, I remember doing it, like, like there's this, you know, what looks again like the transporter on the Starship Enterprise, and you walk behind it, and now you're hologrammed to anywhere, right?

• 1:07:59Speaker 04

  No, you can be, we're a software company. The software you can download onto your phone. So all you need is 4K. And you could stand in your kitchen, on your phone. It'll rotoscope out the background, so it's not, it's not your kitchen.

• 1:08:15Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:08:15Speaker 04

  And then in 3D, in full, you're right there. And you could look on your phone and see with the camera that is based on the box, you can see the whole room and talk to them. I can also capture you in ten and a half, in two and a half minutes on your phone, where there's, you can create, and create an avatar of yourself. If you want to be dressed like this and look exactly like you're looking, and then you can operate your avatar from, you could be naked in your bed, and you could see the room, and you will talk with no latency. You could say what you're saying, and it'll say hello to the people. You could talk to the people, be, you don't have to be dressed, you don't have to go there. You can also, in real time, be talking another language.

• 1:08:57Speaker 04

  So if the box was in Mexico, and you, and you're just talking, and regaling them with the stories of your life, you can be talking Spanish, and it's Bill Maher speaking Spanish. I just think that the possibilities, I love being there in person. I love how we started this conversation, I love this, more than I love being on the hologram.

• 1:09:16Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  I love being in the room, uh, at the Comedy Store, more than I love being on the hologram. But there are things in my life, and, you know, that, where this is, serves me, serves a lot of people, and, and kind of solves a lot of problems.

• 1:09:35Bill Maher?

  I have trouble ordering from Uber Eats. So like, you know, I, I'm not, I'm not arguing with you about this. I'd rather be as smart as you on this. I'm just not. But I'm not saying it's bad.

• 1:09:47Speaker 04

  Well, I think you're getting, it's not about smart. It's about, then if, if you have a problem in your life that you want, or somebody else's life, if you feel like you want to solve a problem.

• 1:09:56Bill Maher?

  No, I, I have no problem saying I'm not as smart about X as you are about X. I'm smarter maybe about something else. We all have our-

• 1:10:05Speaker 04

  It's not smarter, it's knowledge. Well, smart is not, uh, intelligence is, and, you're an intelligent person.

• 1:10:10Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  I don't care, I don't want to care about the news as much as you, because it depresses me.

• 1:10:16Bill Maher?

  Right. If I really wanted to apply myself, I guess if you put a gun to my head, could I, uh, understand this better than I do? Yeah, I'm sure I could, but it still would be like doing something left-handed. It's just not my forte, and that's okay. Wisdom is just understanding what your forte is. Not trying to force yourself to have-

• 1:10:38Speaker 04

  Well, for me, the hell, the, the beauty of this was, I don't have to get on a plane, I don't have to stay in a shitty hotel. I just, uh, you know, I just did something for-

• 1:10:49Bill Maher?

  You don't do, but you, when you appear live on the road, it's not a hall-

• 1:10:53Speaker 04

  You, yeah, but I do, I'll do-

• 1:10:55Bill Maher?

  It's really you.

• 1:10:57Speaker 04

  I will, I, I've been booked as a hologram.

• 1:11:00Bill Maher?

  With the same level of enthusiasm from the crowd, and-

• 1:11:04Speaker 04

  Almost even more because people are fascinated by the technology. They go, wait, wait, wait, wait, you can see me? You can, we're interacting? Yes. And they get, because it's, it's, it's kind of a little toy. It's a game. They've never seen this before. So they're fascinated. I say, you can get up and ask me any question. You, you clipping your, your, your joint. You, did you want to ask a question? And, and the person there, you know, right now, we're partners with a lot of malls. They're in the malls, you know? And I will, there's advertising, because they could sell advertising space on the screens when we're not projecting. And I will sometimes just, or in Japan, or we're in 59 countries. I will go on, and I'll go, light it up, light it up, in the streets in Japan. And then I'll go fuck with people. And they go, wait, wait, wait, wait, this is real?

• 1:11:48Speaker 04

  You can see me? And I'm just fucking with people, and they don't, they don't know, they- It is wow.

• 1:11:53Bill Maher?

  It is wow. I mean, again, I'm not arguing with it. I just, you know, some people are just not comfortable joining in on where the train is heading, and where it's going, and where it's really frankly-

• 1:12:05Speaker 04

  But the train is heading. If you're alive, you gotta, you don't want to miss the train.

• 1:12:11Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I don't want to miss all the train. There are parts of, there are some cars I don't need to go into. It's not like I'm not on the train.

• 1:12:19Speaker 04

  You're on the train, you have a, you have a television show.

• 1:12:22Bill Maher?

  Exactly.

• 1:12:22Speaker 04

  You have a platform.

• 1:12:23Bill Maher?

  Exactly.

• 1:12:24Speaker 04

  You're doing this.

• 1:12:25Bill Maher?

  And it wouldn't be there if it still wasn't very relevant. Uh, so I'm on the train.

• 1:12:29Speaker 04

  There's nothing more relevant.

• 1:12:30Bill Maher?

  I just don't go into the tech car. Okay?

• 1:12:34Speaker 04

  But sometimes that's a tool you need. You don't need it now. I need it more than you need it.

• 1:12:38Bill Maher?

  The same guy I'm gonna hire here to sit with you, I'm gonna hire to learn that for me.

• 1:12:43Speaker 04

  You know, I just saw we were in Boston Airport, we're in a lot of airports now. So it's the concierge, and it's an avatar, it's not even a real human being. So you can walk up to this woman and say, how do I get to gate 26? And she goes, you know what? Gate 26, you're standing right here, just go down there. When you see the, the newsstand, make a left, and she'll tell you. Or you can click on anything, and it's not just information like a map. You have a human being telling you what to do.

• 1:13:08Bill Maher?

  Or you could look up from your fucking phone and see the number of the gate, and see which way the gate's numbers are moving, and then go to that one. Because I used to do that all the time. Oh wait, we're at 19, I see after that's 20, I bet you 23 is past there.

• 1:13:24Speaker 04

  I'm giving you an easy situation. These people are answering questions that, or we, we are informing. It's just an easy, seamless way to share information, to share entertainment, to have, I'll tell you how we used it in, uh, in, we have been involved, our company has been involved in launching the last maybe three or four, uh, movies that have come out theatrically, and I, I believe that we've helped them to number one. I'll give you an example, the Michael movie. The Michael movie, the kid that played Michael Jackson and Jafar, that played him as a little, they came into our office, and they recorded this thing, where it was in every theater. We, we had the box in every theater, and you would go up there,

• 1:14:08Speaker 04

  and if you, he'd go, touch, touch, come here and touch the screen. You touch the screen, he would teach you one of the dances from the movie. And then he would record, it would record you, and then you could upload it. Every night from every theater-

• 1:14:20Bill Maher?

  So Michael was in the screen, and you could touch the screen?

• 1:14:22Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:14:23Bill Maher?

  And if you were a kid, he touched back?

• 1:14:27Bill Maher?

  I see what you did there. I'm just, I'm just asking questions.

• 1:14:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're funny questions. But 50,000 people are uploading them dancing to the Michael Jackson movie, and we can embed, and as they, everybody becomes the PR agent, everybody-

• 1:14:43Bill Maher?

  Is this making you a billionaire?

• 1:14:46Speaker 04

  I'm not a billionaire. I hope one day to-

• 1:14:49Bill Maher?

  Sounds like the kind of thing that does.

• 1:14:51Speaker 04

  It could.

• 1:14:52Bill Maher?

  If it's in every theater?

• 1:14:53Speaker 04

  It wasn't in every theater, but it's in a lot of theaters. I believe that one day, a company much larger than ours will buy us at a, you know, at, at many times more than what it costs, and will make a lot of money. And I don't need a lot of money, but I like making money now, because to me, that's my sport.

• 1:15:14Bill Maher?

  Don't apologize for money, money's awesome. Everyone wants it. People who just, who-

• 1:15:19Speaker 04

  My buddy owns a company, which I work with, Skechers. You know about Skechers?

• 1:15:24Bill Maher?

  Yes, of course, I see, you're, you're the Skechers man.

• 1:15:26Speaker 04

  No, I'm not, there's many.

• 1:15:27Bill Maher?

  Yes, you are!

• 1:15:28Speaker 04

  No, he, but do you know that he is now, in the United States, the number two footwear, behind Nike? Number two. He started, this is his third company. He started, he's 84 years old, goes to work every day. He started it in 1992. Worldwide, he's probably number three.

• 1:15:46Bill Maher?

  No laces, right? You just slip into it.

• 1:15:47Speaker 04

  They have laces, but they, they have the slip-ins. I, I, I'm wearing, these aren't the slip-ins, these have laces.

• 1:15:51Bill Maher?

  You don't have to bend.

• 1:15:52Speaker 04

  No, but these have laces.

• 1:15:53Bill Maher?

  You just stick your foot, and somehow it goes in, right?

• 1:15:56Speaker 04

  You know that's how I got into it, right?

• 1:15:58Bill Maher?

  What, how?

• 1:15:59Speaker 04

  So because I'm the germaphobe, I, I like Skechers slip-ins, because, so I didn't have to touch laces, and I could slip in. I'm at the store, and I go buy my slip-ins at Skechers. And I didn't know anybody at Skechers. And I buy the slip-ins, and then I go to the counter, and the lady at the cash register goes, you're Howie Mandel? And I go, yeah. He goes, you're an ambassador, so you get the 20% discount. And I went, yeah. I wasn't. And, and my wife was behind me, like kicking me, like, what are you saying? So she rings me up, gives me 20% off, gives me the shoe. She goes, I can't find your name in the computer. Now I'm too embarrassed. And I go, I, I don't, I don't know what's happening. She goes, it's okay. Take the shoes out of the box, hold the shoes up, and I'm gonna take a picture of you.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  So I hold the shoes up, she takes a picture of me, she goes, I'll send it to the office.

• 1:16:47Bill Maher?

  But see, another reason why like having the bad side of what made you have pain in your life was beneficial toward getting this contract because it did make sense that the guy who doesn't want to touch the laces would do this.

• 1:17:04Speaker 04

  Wait, so let me listen to this.

• 1:17:05Bill Maher?

  And it must be worth a lot of fucking lolli.

• 1:17:07Speaker 04

  It is, it is. I make a lot of money. But here's the thing. The point that I'm making is, two weeks later, I get a call from my agent and said, you know, Skechers is on the phone. They saw the picture and I didn't even let them finish. I go, fuck, for thirty dollars? They're chasing me? They called my agent? They chased me down? Then they go, no, they think you'd be the perfect ambassador. Not only did they hire me, that's the commercial. The commercial is me telling that story.

• 1:17:34Bill Maher?

  So this paranoia you have about saying something that people will find just beyond the pale, is that because you're afraid you'll lose the Skechers account?

• 1:17:44Speaker 04

  Because if you- Did I just say something that would lose the Skechers account? Did I?

• 1:17:49Bill Maher?

  Okay, I think you answered my-

• 1:17:50Speaker 04

  Now you may-

• 1:17:51Bill Maher?

  But I don't, see, I don't think you will. Because again-

• 1:17:53Speaker 04

  No, Skechers, I love them. The Greenberg family, I love you. Where's your cameras? You can't even see them. You hide cameras.

• 1:18:00Bill Maher?

  Exactly, that's why this is-

• 1:18:02Speaker 04

  But I love Skechers. I was a real, I'm the best ambassador because I'm not only hired, I'm a real buyer.

• 1:18:08Bill Maher?

  It's built into the cake, who you are. You're seventy. I mean, if you can't be secure by then and not care what they think, I mean, what are we waiting for? Eighty? Are we waiting for eighty before we like completely-

• 1:18:23Speaker 04

  No, but I had, I'll give you, I'll tell you, like, I had a, during COVID, I liked to post. I posted a picture of, what is it called when your ass falls out?

• 1:18:33Bill Maher?

  I don't know. What?

• 1:18:35Speaker 04

  I don't know. It's not a joke. I'm asking you. No, what is it called?

• 1:18:39Bill Maher?

  How could your ass fall out of your ass?

• 1:18:41Speaker 04

  Where the fuck are your helpers when you need them? What is a protruding ass?

• 1:18:46Bill Maher?

  It is, protruding is different than falling out.

• 1:18:50Speaker 04

  Anus drops out. Drops out.

• 1:18:53Bill Maher?

  Okay, see, I would never even Google that.

• 1:18:54Speaker 04

  So you don't know and I'm gonna be more-

• 1:18:56Bill Maher?

  No, but permanently, it's on your record that you are-

• 1:18:59Speaker 04

  It is a prolapse. A rectal prolapse.

• 1:19:02Bill Maher?

  I've never heard that term.

• 1:19:04Speaker 04

  So I saw a picture like this and I just posted it and I wrote, is this COVID related? Because everybody at the time was saying, you know, you get a cough, you get, there was all these different symptoms. I saw this thing which looked like a cupcake in the back of a man and it was all wet, a wet cupcake on his ass. And I went, is this, this is my friend Neil, is this COVID related? In the middle of the night, my son calls me, Dad, what the fuck did you, they all talk to me like that. What the fuck did you do? I go, what do you mean? What did I do? He goes, what did you post? I go, I think it's like a cupcake or something. I said it was COVID. He goes, take it down. Take it down right now. And it was a prolapsed anus. And so I took it down. The next day, I lost,

• 1:19:43Speaker 04

  I had an account. The next day, they were really mad at me. I think I lost a big account in Canada for office furniture.

• 1:19:51Bill Maher?

  Okay, but then you'll gain one from butt plugs. You know, because that looked like a big butt plug. We'll be right back with Pete Barbooty.

• 1:20:00Speaker 04

  I did his show. I love Pete Barbooty. I loved him on The Tonight Show.

• 1:20:05Bill Maher?

  He was always on The Tonight Show. And the card you got me, which is an amazing gift, I told you, but I mean, let's just say it again, it's hanging in my office, of course. This is the cue card from my last appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. And how you got it, I don't know.

• 1:20:19Speaker 04

  I'll tell you, I did a talk show in ninety-eight in Burbank, in that studio.

• 1:20:25Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:20:25Speaker 04

  The famous studio. I also have the front seats, the blue seats from that studio. I have them in my office. I take things. I went under the bleachers where Johnny used to play Stump the Band.

• 1:20:36Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:20:37Speaker 04

  And they had piles of these cue cards. Bob, it was his cue card guy, and it said, don't take these cards. I took them all. I took them all. And I go through them. I have the last cue card he ever used where he introduced Robin Williams and Bette Midler.

• 1:20:52Bill Maher?

  Bette Midler, yeah.

• 1:20:53Speaker 04

  And then I go through them all the time. So I see part of his monologue. I have his monologue pieces. I have cards that he had up on the desk.

• 1:21:00Bill Maher?

  Unbelievable.

• 1:21:01Speaker 04

  And, but I sometimes see at the end of the monologue, you know, tonight, we have a young comic on, Bill Maher. You know, I'll see names that I know and I go, this is, he read this, this is how he introduced you. And I give them to people. And I guess I wasn't supposed to take them, but they tore down the whole building.

• 1:21:16Bill Maher?

  Very generous of you to part with that even though it's my name on there because that's-

• 1:21:20Speaker 04

  It's generous of me to part with shit that I stole?

• 1:21:23Bill Maher?

  Yes. I mean, that's it. I mean, that's a, I mean, you could sell that on eBay, you could, and you know, we know you need the money. But see, there's my final point. And then I'll let you go and release you back into the wild. You have all this money from the-

• 1:21:36Speaker 04

  When you release me at the end, do you leave first and I have to sit for a couple of minutes? Or can I leave you alone here for a couple of minutes? So it's like this full circle moment.

• 1:21:44Bill Maher?

  Please do. But like, I mean, just the money from the Star Trek transporter and then the Skechers and the TV, you know, how many seasons on?

• 1:21:55Speaker 04

  Seventeen.

• 1:21:56Bill Maher?

  Seventeen. And then the podcast you do is enormously successful. That brings in money. So I guess my point is like, even if they all cancel you tomorrow, you're not gonna be driving an Uber. You're set for life. So isn't the freedom to say whatever the fuck you want at seventy, shouldn't we be allowed, like, there's a lot of bad things about-

• 1:22:20Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:22:20Bill Maher?

  Being older. You know what's the great thing? You're allowed to be cranky. It's almost expected.

• 1:22:26Speaker 04

  I know. Here's where you and I are different. There's many places. That's another thing. I, I really am concerned with how I affect others. If I offend you-

• 1:22:39Bill Maher?

  That's kind of offensive to me. You're saying, well, here's why we're different. I care about others.

• 1:22:46Speaker 04

  No, you don't care if you, if you are right, you don't care-

• 1:22:51Bill Maher?

  True.

• 1:22:51Speaker 04

  If you have offended somebody, if what you say-

• 1:22:54Bill Maher?

  It's not my, it's not my aim, but it's not, it doesn't supersede being honest. Correct.

• 1:23:00Speaker 04

  Right. For me, if somebody says they were incredibly offended, their kids were watching and they wanna, they don't want me to represent their product anymore, more than, it's not about the money or losing the account. It's more about losing their respect for me or trust in me to, it's really flattering if you want me to be the face of whatever it is you're selling. And even if what you're selling is, I love being on America's Got Talent. That is the ultimate, it's our Ed Sullivan of today.

• 1:23:36Bill Maher?

  You're a golden goose.

• 1:23:36Speaker 04

  Yes. But it's not even about the money now. You know-

• 1:23:39Bill Maher?

  In every way, yeah.

• 1:23:41Speaker 04

  But it's just, you know, I love seeing all these young variety acts come out and their lives changed forever. I mean, this sounds a little corny and shit, but it is true. I want them to succeed. I want them to win. I love that there's grandmothers and kids and families all sitting there watching. And I'm not doing anything that I have to be-

• 1:24:01Bill Maher?

  No, and that reads, and that's why you're successful.

• 1:24:04Speaker 04

  So when I do something where I was just trying to be funny on TikTok and an anus fell out and I didn't know what it was, and then they go, we can't have you representing our brand anymore. It's not about the money. It's about, holy shit. Or somebody saying that, you know, he talks horribly in front of his, we watch you because we watched America's Got Talent and you're talking about getting hand jobs in front of your daughter and you're throwing-

• 1:24:30Bill Maher?

  You know, why do you worry about these people? If they can't take a joke, they're not your kind of people. Yeah, I mean-

• 1:24:36Speaker 04

  But they don't know it's a joke. I need to get to everyone to tell them it's a joke.

• 1:24:39Bill Maher?

  I think you should trust yourself more than you do that bad shit actually isn't even in your head. So it's not going to come out. Like, risque jokes are good. We like that. And the American people-

• 1:24:54Speaker 04

  But what if they don't know it's a joke?

• 1:24:55Bill Maher?

  Then that's on them. You can't worry about what everybody is going to misinterpret. Anywhere that, like, as somebody who uses marijuana for years when it wasn't legal, why am I having to forego something just because some people fuck up with it? That's on them. I don't fuck up with it. I don't.

• 1:25:15Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:25:16Bill Maher?

  And you don't fuck up with this. Why are you worrying so much about people who are just, anyone's offended at you is just looking to be offended at something.

• 1:25:26Speaker 04

  I agree. And what you're saying makes sense. That's very easy. Those are just words. But my feeling inside is, I've let somebody down or I've given them an impression that is not true, is so far from who I am and what I mean.

• 1:25:39Bill Maher?

  That's a crazier anxiety than the other ones. Than the touching and they can't be left alone at the beginning of the tongue show. That's a crazier anxiety than, that every single person on earth you have to put on your shoulders, what are you, Atlas? What are you, Jesus? You don't have to. You don't have to put all of their anxieties and troubles and looking to be offended on your shoulders. Just be you and let it out.

• 1:26:05Speaker 04

  That's why I love the Comedy Store, because that's the place where it doesn't happen. And I feel like it's my safe place. This is a safe place.

• 1:26:12Bill Maher?

  The whole world is the Comedy Store, if you want it to be.

• 1:26:14Speaker 04

  I don't agree with that, but it's a nice thought.

• 1:26:20Speaker 04

  It's not, it's not. You know, I don't know if there's anything, there's nothing I'm telling you right now on camera. There's nothing I want you to cut out of this conversation, but I will ruminate on my way home. I will not have you cut a second of this, but, and well, you may decide you want to cut things that aren't, but what I'm saying is, I will tell you that on my way home, I will be concerned that I have offended somebody.

• 1:26:47Bill Maher?

  I will submit that if it wasn't that, you would have found something.

• 1:26:51Speaker 04

  Oh, absolutely.

• 1:26:52Bill Maher?

  Something else in this 90 minutes for you to obsess like that. Because it's so much more about you wanting to obsess about something like that.

• 1:27:02Speaker 04

  I don't have control of it, you know, I don't know if you can see me now. I'm sweating right now because as you told me, we're nearing the end. I am now thinking about everything I could possibly, and I won't let myself, but I'll, I'll, you know, I'll take the pain, but it is painful for me and it is hard for me. And it is hard, my natural resting position is not to be public, but my natural habitat is in public.

• 1:27:28Bill Maher?

  Right. No, I mean, it's, you're a, besides being a wonderful human being and a fascinating person, you're a fascinating character. That's a really interesting character and it.

• 1:27:39Speaker 04

  I'm a dichotomy.

• 1:27:40Bill Maher?

  Yeah, well, and what's, what's so interesting about it from a dramatist's point of view is the, the character who can't be happy without the thing that also makes him unhappy. That's an interesting character.

• 1:27:56Speaker 04

  I've gotten uncomfortable with discomfort.

• 1:27:58Bill Maher?

  You can't be happy without being out there. You are a born performer, you're a fucking ham and we love you for it.

• 1:28:05Speaker 04

  I love you.

• 1:28:06Bill Maher?

  But that is what also is going to cause you to have this sort of anxiety tonight, even though it's groundless and you know it's groundless, but you can't stop it.

• 1:28:15Speaker 04

  I don't know how good your cameras are, but can you see me sweating? Sweating. I really like, now my nerves are, you know, I'm getting soaked. Because, and it's after the fact, because now that I'm not deep in a conversation anymore, I'm ruminating.

• 1:28:29Bill Maher?

  And we didn't have a towel.

• 1:28:32Speaker 04

  Well, because the helpers all went home from the party that I wasn't invited.

• 1:28:35Bill Maher?

  And we fucked up and we didn't have a towel.

• 1:28:38Speaker 04

  You're the best.

• 1:28:38Bill Maher?

  All right, well, let's stop it so that you don't, there's nothing more, we were not gonna pile any more on top of what already could be, but I promise you, everyone's gonna love it. The, the comments are gonna come out.

• 1:28:51Speaker 04

  They're not gonna look.

• 1:28:52Bill Maher?

  I, I don't look either, but they tell me.

• 1:28:55Speaker 04

  That's great.

• 1:28:56Bill Maher?

  It's true.

• 1:28:57Speaker 04

  We decide not to look so that we can, we can be comfortable, but if something terrible comes out, your closest people.

• 1:29:03Bill Maher?

  I have people who never lie to me because they know that's the one thing I don't tolerate, just don't lie to me. And I promise you, when the comments come out, they'll be like, oh my God, everybody loved it. It was all positive, blah, blah, blah. There's gonna be, I mean, even theoretically could someone.

• 1:29:19Speaker 04

  I don't care if you loved it.

• 1:29:20Bill Maher?

  Troll you.

• 1:29:21Speaker 04

  I don't care if they loved it.

• 1:29:22Bill Maher?

  They're gonna like.

• 1:29:22Speaker 04

  I don't want to put my, the people I love, the people I care about and anybody in an uncomfortable position. I'm just here, I hope, my only goal in life, they always ask us, they always say, how do you want to be remembered? Which is the most ridiculous question I ever get asked. I don't give a fuck about being remembered, because I don't think anybody's remembered. I mean, unless you're the president or you're, you know.

• 1:29:45Bill Maher?

  What about our ghost? When the ghosts.

• 1:29:47Speaker 04

  Well, you're not remembered, you'd come back and visit and it's just experienced in real time. But my point is that all I want to do is the moments that I'm here, the moments, that's my currency, we're back to that. I just want, I don't want to offend, I just want you to smile and I just want you to be better, feel okay having spent a moment with me.

• 1:30:08Bill Maher?

  I have prepared 100 fruit baskets with pre-written apologies.

• 1:30:13Bill Maher?

  I promise we will send them out.

• 1:30:15Speaker 04

  You're the best, buddy.

• 1:30:15Bill Maher?

  But Simhala Bim?

• 1:30:17Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:23Bill Maher?

  Remember when Johnny used to Simhala Bim when Karnak?

• 1:30:26Speaker 04

  With Karnak, yeah.

• 1:30:28Bill Maher?

  I used to love that.

• 1:30:33Speaker 00

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• 1:31:28Speaker 05

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