John Stamos | Club Random with Bill Maher

Every friendship has an origin story, and for John Stamos and Bill Maher, it starts with a near-fight in the ’90s that somehow took 30 years to resolve. The two clear the air over booze, VIP access, and bruised egos before diving into Don Rickles’ fearless comedy and why it wouldn’t survive today. Stamos shares a moving story about seeing Sinatra perform with his father, bonds with Maher over MacArthur Park, Jimmy Webb lyrics, and their shared obsession with classic music, and trades wild stories about the Beach Boys, Springsteen, Broadway, and the challenge of staying relevant without losing yourself. Somewhere along the way, Uncle Jesse shows up — just long enough to remind everyone this is, in fact, a very full house. Support our Advertisers: -Try Claude for free at https://www.claude.ai/clubrandom -Go to https://www.radioactivemedia.com or text RANDOM to 511511 Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it. For advertising opportunities please email: [email protected] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:57Bill Maher?

  Do you watch the show? Yes. That was my guilty pleasure show. I've lost all respect for you. I don't blame you.

• 2:06Speaker 07

  I don't know why we spent 22 years avoiding each other.

• 2:09Bill Maher?

  I wasn't avoiding. I just don't, no, no.

• 2:16Bill Maher?

  John.

• 2:17Speaker 07

  Billy boy.

• 2:19Bill Maher?

  I was told, I have no recollection of it, that we almost had a fight, mom. I'd like to, first of all, uh, offer a complete and absolute apology. I don't remember what it was.

• 2:33Speaker 07

  I don't, I.

• 2:34Bill Maher?

  But in case it happens again, we're not any younger. I feel like we should not have a bare knuckle.

• 2:41Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 2:41Bill Maher?

  I think a regular fight, yes, with gloves, but no bare knuckles.

• 2:45Speaker 07

  Okay, fair enough. Look at you.

• 2:47Bill Maher?

  So.

• 2:48Speaker 07

  I am in such good shape.

• 2:49Bill Maher?

  Sorry.

• 2:50Speaker 07

  About what?

• 2:50Bill Maher?

  The fight I don't remember that we almost had.

• 2:54Speaker 07

  Well, it, but you, but you think I don't like you and I think you don't like me.

• 2:59Bill Maher?

  No, I never.

• 3:00Speaker 07

  And here we are.

• 3:00Bill Maher?

  I don't, I don't think, you smell like rats in here.

• 3:03Speaker 07

  It smells like, uh.

• 3:04Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I feel like a rat died in the walls. Anyway.

• 3:09Bill Maher?

  Uh, I, I don't have this memory.

• 3:12Speaker 07

  But this is just a funny thing.

• 3:14Bill Maher?

  I always liked you.

• 3:16Speaker 07

  I know, well, we've been, you know, we've seen each other.

• 3:17Bill Maher?

  Seen each other, but you're right, we don't, I've never really talked to you, ever.

• 3:21Speaker 07

  Because you don't like me.

• 3:22Bill Maher?

  Except that time I almost killed you.

• 3:24Speaker 07

  You know where it was?

• 3:24Bill Maher?

  What, what, what year, what year are we talking about?

• 3:27Speaker 07

  It was in the 90s, I think. It was at.

• 3:29Bill Maher?

  The 90s.

• 3:29Speaker 07

  Do you remember, it was like a club? It was, it was like.

• 3:32Bill Maher?

  I was always in a club.

• 3:33Speaker 07

  I know, but it was.

• 3:33Bill Maher?

  And I was a drunk. I was a drunk and you were a drunk.

• 3:36Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's true.

• 3:37Bill Maher?

  Okay, two drunks.

• 3:38Speaker 07

  Two drunks.

• 3:39Bill Maher?

  I think we've solved it.

• 3:40Speaker 07

  Here, no, here, here's the deal. It was like, uh, it was Randy Gerber and George Clooney's place. Do you remember they had that, that, that, that, behind a hotel or something? It was like the hip place.

• 3:49Bill Maher?

  Of course they did. I don't remember, but of course they did.

• 3:52Speaker 07

  And we were standing, we were waiting to go in to the VIP thing. And I think they, fuck it.

• 3:59Bill Maher?

  Two asshole Hollywood white boys getting into a fight.

• 4:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, exactly.

• 4:03Bill Maher?

  What could be more lame?

• 4:05Speaker 07

  Stupid, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I love you, Bill.

• 4:07Bill Maher?

  But what was the fight over, do you think?

• 4:10Speaker 07

  I think I got in and you didn't.

• 4:12Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 4:12Speaker 07

  Yeah, and you're like, why does that fucking guy get in my room? I said, fuck, I shouldn't. And I think we literally almost.

• 4:17Bill Maher?

  Shit.

• 4:17Speaker 07

  You know, gotten it.

• 4:18Bill Maher?

  But why would I get mad at you for that?

• 4:20Speaker 07

  I don't know.

• 4:22Speaker 07

  I don't know. But I've, I've, I've, since then, I've been your biggest fan.

• 4:27Bill Maher?

  I'm, I'm your fan.

• 4:28Speaker 07

  But, but, but when I see you, something, it's like either, hey, John, or it's like.

• 4:33Bill Maher?

  Well, I, just because I don't push, um, what?

• 4:37Speaker 07

  They're laughing in there.

• 4:38Bill Maher?

  I don't push relationships ever like friendships. Like when they happen organically. I was once out with Salman Rushdie at the Tower Bar and somebody came up to us and said.

• 4:49Speaker 07

  Duck. No.

• 4:53Speaker 07

  Sorry.

• 4:54Bill Maher?

  Perfect. And they said, you know, how long have you guys been friends? And we went like, looked at each other like, I don't know. Like he, I know he did the show a long time ago. It just happened organically.

• 5:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, right.

• 5:07Bill Maher?

  You know, I, I, the last thing you want to do as a talk show host is be the guy who like, meets somebody once and then, hey, let's hang out. Can I have your number, George Clooney? It's like, no, no, no, no, no. But, you know.

• 5:20Speaker 07

  You've always been sort of.

• 5:21Bill Maher?

  Now it's happening that it's faded to happen now.

• 5:24Speaker 07

  It had to. I had to write you a nice email and then.

• 5:26Bill Maher?

  Oh, so lovely. Thank you so much. That meant so much to me.

• 5:30Speaker 07

  Did it really?

• 5:31Bill Maher?

  Well, because I love that Billy Joel show so much and him was such a, uh.

• 5:37Speaker 07

  You were so fucking.

• 5:38Bill Maher?

  What a great get to get.

• 5:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, you went to him.

• 5:40Bill Maher?

  Went to him. Yeah. But he was somebody we both love. The music is.

• 5:47Speaker 07

  But you were so spot on, like you've interviewed, you know, everybody and obviously we've seen you with so many, you know, politicians and, you know, all that. And you can go toe to toe with anybody. But watching you go toe to toe with a musician like that was like, who knew that you had that as part of your, you know, your repertoire?

• 6:04Bill Maher?

  That's one reason I started a podcast.

• 6:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, right.

• 6:06Bill Maher?

  Because, you know, I would never do two hours with Billy Joel on, you know, on even a two hour show.

• 6:12Speaker 07

  Right.

• 6:12Bill Maher?

  But, um, oh, I love music and I wish I could, you know, you can, you have a great.

• 6:21Bill Maher?

  You know, split portfolio with music in it. I do not. I have no musical ability.

• 6:27Speaker 07

  Do you play anything?

• 6:27Bill Maher?

  No, no. Twice I tried when I was 15 with the guitar. I got somewhere with it, but you could just tell if you're not really. And then somebody gave me a guitar fairly recently and the pandemic hit. And I was like, oh, you know what? I'll pick up the guitar again. I'm home all day. So 50 years apart, I found out I have no musical ability, really.

• 6:49Speaker 07

  Guitar is hard to learn because it's... Piano is, it would be easier. You hit three, four notes and there's a chord and you're done. Guitar, you gotta press it and you gotta get calluses. You know who always thought he was a musical, who's now playing guitar all day long is Howard Stern.

• 7:04Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 7:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 7:05Bill Maher?

  He's playing guitar? I know he... He's another one who like knows his music.

• 7:11Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:11Bill Maher?

  You know?

• 7:12Speaker 07

  How do you know?

• 7:12Bill Maher?

  He's very close to Billy Joel. Because they both like live on Long Island, they're married. It's like couples like to get with couples.

• 7:18Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:20Bill Maher?

  You know, stars like to be with stars. People feel comfortable with their...

• 7:23Speaker 07

  Comics like to be with comics.

• 7:25Bill Maher?

  Absolutely, they do.

• 7:26Speaker 07

  I'm a, I'm jumping around, but I am the, I'm a comic, stand-up comic junkie. I think, uh...

• 7:34Bill Maher?

  I'm a junkie, junkie.

• 7:35Speaker 07

  Yeah, I was... No, you're not.

• 7:37Bill Maher?

  Why go through...

• 7:37Speaker 07

  You're the healthiest junkie I know.

• 7:38Bill Maher?

  Why go through comedy if you...

• 7:40Speaker 07

  But I'm obsessed with stand-up comics and how you guys do it and the craft and the science and the, you know, the...

• 7:46Bill Maher?

  Well, it's like, you know, it's the same with me watching you. I've seen you many times, like at Jeff Franklin's parties, playing. You know, you're an official Beach Boy now, right?

• 7:54Speaker 07

  Well, I don't consider myself that, but...

• 7:57Bill Maher?

  Well, it's like, well, that's what I heard.

• 8:00Speaker 07

  Well, who told you that? Me?

• 8:02Bill Maher?

  Uh, the same guy who told me we almost got into a fight. Um, uh, yeah, uh, I thought, well, anyway, who...

• 8:09Speaker 07

  Well, it's been...

• 8:11Bill Maher?

  You know, there's like guys who play with the Eagles now. I can't remember the guitarist's name. And he's like really a part of the Eagles, but like. They're not, you know, the fans wanna see. Mick and Keith, you know, holding hands at the end of the show, even though they fucking hate each other. They're never gonna like, they're not going out to dinner after.

• 8:31Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 8:32Bill Maher?

  You know. So, like, would it? Would it like upset people that the Beach Boys? Fans are like that. They get upset about very emotional things.

• 8:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 8:43Bill Maher?

  They treat their stars, especially their musical stars. We don't want John and Paul fighting. Mommy and daddy shouldn't be fighting.

• 8:51Speaker 07

  Yeah, right, right.

• 8:51Bill Maher?

  You know? And you certainly shouldn't be writing nasty songs about each other.

• 8:55Speaker 07

  Right.

• 8:56Bill Maher?

  Wah!

• 8:57Speaker 07

  And one of the guys in the band shouldn't become good friends with Charlie Manson, shouldn't bring him home. Do you know this story?

• 9:03Bill Maher?

  Oh, you, about Brian Wilson?

• 9:06Speaker 07

  Dennis Wilson.

• 9:07Bill Maher?

  Dennis, oh, okay, yes.

• 9:09Speaker 07

  Dennis Wilson was, was out, um, he was, he picked up two hitchhikers. Took them back to his house, had sex with them. Went to the studio with Terry Melcher, Doris Day's son.

• 9:20Bill Maher?

  Had sex with the hitchhiker?

• 9:21Speaker 07

  Had two of them. Turned out to be Squeaky Fromm and Susan Atkins. Comes home. There's a party going on at his house, and this little guy comes out and says, kisses his feet. Says, "I'm not here to hurt you, man, I'm here to serve you." And it was Manson. And moved into Dennis's house and never left. Dennis had to move out. They crashed his cars. So Dennis, I mean, Manson wanted to be a singer, right?

• 9:47Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 9:47Speaker 07

  And he found himself.

• 9:48Bill Maher?

  I know he was aspirant to the musical arts and thought he would advance himself.

• 9:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 9:55Bill Maher?

  Through the Wilson connection.

• 9:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 9:57Bill Maher?

  And that's a good bet.

• 9:59Speaker 07

  Yeah, I should.

• 10:00Bill Maher?

  Brian Wilson to write songs for you?

• 10:03Speaker 07

  He wrote a song that the Beach Boys recorded. And played on the Mike Douglas Show called Never Learn Not to Love.

• 10:09Bill Maher?

  Written by Charles Manson?

• 10:11Speaker 07

  Written by Charles Manson.

• 10:13Bill Maher?

  Lyrics by Jerome Porter for some, no, I, I, that's.

• 10:17Speaker 07

  Lyrics by Jerome, yeah.

• 10:21Bill Maher?

  They collaborated briefly at the end of.

• 10:24Speaker 07

  And Manson, you know, like when, when, um, so they all thought he was a joke. Mike called him Pigpen or something. And, you know, Terry Melcher, who was Doris Day's son, was a, was a producer. He produced The Byrds, some other big groups, and Manson.

• 10:38Bill Maher?

  Music producer?

• 10:38Speaker 07

  Music producer. And Manson wanted him, and, and he had a, uh, he was a musician, he was a singer. He had Terry, Terry and Bruce Johnston had a group together. They had "Spring, little cobra, won't you shut 'em down?" And, um, uh, if it was a Beatles song, you'd know it.

• 10:54Bill Maher?

  Who was this play?

• 10:55Speaker 07

  This was Terry Melcher and.

• 10:57Bill Maher?

  No, who was this artist?

• 11:00Speaker 07

  Bruce Johnston and Terry Melcher.

• 11:01Bill Maher?

  Oh, Bruce Johnston.

• 11:02Speaker 07

  So, anyway, Terry Melcher was.

• 11:03Bill Maher?

  I thought Terry Melcher was the producer.

• 11:04Speaker 07

  He was, but he wasn't artist at first.

• 11:05Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 11:07Speaker 07

  And he.

• 11:07Bill Maher?

  Because The Byrds were great.

• 11:09Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 11:10Bill Maher?

  "Turn, turn, turn" is one of the greatest singles of any era. Not just the, the fact that they turned biblical verse.

• 11:20Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 11:21Bill Maher?

  Not that I'm a Bible fan, but that is.

• 11:23Speaker 07

  Really?

• 11:24Bill Maher?

  But that is a beautiful.

• 11:25Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 11:26Bill Maher?

  Beautiful, uh, verse in, you know, the Bible, once in a while, does stumble upon some wisdom.

• 11:31Speaker 07

  Right.

• 11:32Bill Maher?

  That is one play, not.

• 11:34Speaker 07

  Deuteronomy?

• 11:36Bill Maher?

  No, no, those are the ones that, those are the, you know, like, if you see a man lie with another man, kill him.

• 11:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, right, right.

• 11:42Bill Maher?

  This is more, and it was a beautiful verse, you know, to everything. Turn, turn, there is a season for, you know, it's, it's, and to turn that and then the song with that 12-string guitar.

• 11:53Speaker 07

  McGuinn, right?

• 11:53Bill Maher?

  That he played, yes. All right, so go back to your story.

• 11:57Speaker 07

  Just to, well, so they, so Manson wanted Terry to produce him. And Terry said, "You were shitty and didn't like him." And so Terry, you'll like this, you have a connection to this. Terry Melcher owned the house up there.

• 12:12Bill Maher?

  We won't say where we were.

• 12:13Speaker 07

  Our friend's house.

• 12:16Speaker 07

  Our friends.

• 12:16Bill Maher?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 12:18Speaker 07

  On Seattle Drive.

• 12:18Bill Maher?

  Yes, yes.

• 12:19Speaker 07

  Terry owned that.

• 12:20Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 12:21Speaker 07

  House where the murders happened.

• 12:23Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 12:23Speaker 07

  Till the day he died, he thought Manson was after him.

• 12:27Bill Maher?

  Oh, wow.

• 12:28Speaker 07

  When Manson committed the murders, for a couple of weeks, they didn't catch him. And the Beach Boys were doing coke and paranoid.

• 12:35Bill Maher?

  Manson didn't commit the murders because he was too much of a coward for that.

• 12:39Speaker 07

  Pussy, yeah, right.

• 12:40Bill Maher?

  He was such a pussy, there was like, um, kids, daddy's staying home tonight.

• 12:44Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 12:45Bill Maher?

  Um, I, there is an errand that I did have to do, if you'd just cover for me. Uh, I'm just not feeling great, you know that feeling?

• 12:53Speaker 07

  Right.

• 12:54Bill Maher?

  So, okay, you're gonna go.

• 12:55Speaker 07

  Listen to the White Album real fast before you go, there's a song on there.

• 12:58Bill Maher?

  What is the connection there? Helter Skelter was, they thought that that was speaking to them?

• 13:03Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:05Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 13:07Bill Maher?

  Another amazing song.

• 13:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:09Bill Maher?

  I mean, so.

• 13:10Speaker 07

  We were playing, so our friend Jeff Franklin owns, built a house on that property, they tore the property down. But he, he, he has a house there that we've been to and at the, uh, he had a, um, an open house, you know.

• 13:23Bill Maher?

  He is the producer of the show that brought you to the attention of many zillions of, uh, full house.

• 13:30Speaker 07

  We put a band together and the guitar player, I can't remember who, it wasn't, someone in Guns, it wasn't Slash or something. And he started playing, started playing Helter Skelter, and I'm like, oh, stop, we tried to stop him, he wouldn't stop, and that was it.

• 13:44Bill Maher?

  But we shouldn't let that ruin the song.

• 13:47Speaker 07

  No.

• 13:47Bill Maher?

  A cool song. What, I mean, you know, it's funny.

• 13:51Speaker 07

  I used to so healthy and you have control over the drinking and smoking.

• 13:56Bill Maher?

  Well, plainly, I didn't back in the day. Um, I, I didn't for, I mean, I, I mean, if you had a real problem, I wouldn't never say I had a real problem because it never affected my work.

• 14:07Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 14:08Bill Maher?

  And I, and I didn't drink every day of the week, but when I went out, when I was in that era and I was younger, we, I would, it would not be uncommon to have eight drinks in a night because you would go to multiple places and at each stop, you would have a couple of drinks.

• 14:25Speaker 07

  Right.

• 14:26Bill Maher?

  You know, you were just full of stupid energy.

• 14:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:30Bill Maher?

  To go and do douchey things.

• 14:33Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:34Bill Maher?

  And that, the fuel for that was liquor.

• 14:37Speaker 07

  We were always after the girls.

• 14:40Bill Maher?

  Well, yeah. That's, I mean, that was part of it.

• 14:42Speaker 07

  Right.

• 14:43Bill Maher?

  You know.

• 14:43Speaker 07

  You and I never fought over girls, I don't think.

• 14:45Bill Maher?

  No. But I don't remember seeing you out that much. And, but then you got married.

• 14:53Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:54Bill Maher?

  You are married.

• 14:55Speaker 07

  I'm married a second time.

• 14:56Bill Maher?

  A second time, right. Oh, right, I was at Howie's party and there was Yeah. Did somebody Frank Sinatraed to your Dean and Jerry, right?

• 15:06Speaker 07

  Frank Sinatraed to, oh, was it?

• 15:08Bill Maher?

  Well, remember Frank Sinatra when Dean and Jerry didn't talk?

• 15:10Speaker 07

  Oh, right, right, right, right.

• 15:11Bill Maher?

  You went on the telethon and he got there?

• 15:13Speaker 07

  Right, right, right, yeah. Well, it wasn't exactly.

• 15:15Bill Maher?

  Who were you beefing with? Oh, Jerry, because he married her too, of course.

• 15:19Speaker 07

  But it was more like, it wasn't, it wasn't Howie wasn't Sinatraed. It like, it was just like, if Jerry would have jumped on Dean's back. Because that's how, that was Jerry O'Connell. He sort of jumped him, "Hey Johnny, blah, blah, blah." I never, I met him once about 25 years ago or something and I haven't spoken to her. So it was interesting.

• 15:38Bill Maher?

  Well, you've only been here 20 minutes. But I have to say, it sounds like you're always beefing with someone. You Greek fuck.

• 15:45Speaker 07

  Yeah. Me of all people. You, you don't beef with them. You get along with everybody.

• 15:50Bill Maher?

  Can you get that?

• 15:51Speaker 07

  Everybody loves Bill Maher across the country.

• 15:53Bill Maher?

  Oh, no, no, no, no.

• 15:55Speaker 07

  You know, I have, I was, I couldn't tell my father a lot was coming on here. But I didn't, I want to say too that I, you are a genius. You are my north star for, for being. There was a relationship that I had that she said, she thought, she said I was stupid or said I wasn't smart enough to be around her people and stuff. And I won't say who it was, but you mentioned her a few minutes ago. And I never sort of got over that. But I was like, I'm not stupid. And I really buckled down, but, but I was, you know, not super articulate into the political world. I didn't grow up in, with politics in my family.

• 16:32Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 16:32Speaker 07

  And I learned everything from you.

• 16:34Bill Maher?

  Good.

• 16:34Speaker 07

  And I stand with you.

• 16:36Bill Maher?

  That's great, thank you.

• 16:36Speaker 07

  Right where you're at.

• 16:37Bill Maher?

  Oh, I appreciate that.

• 16:38Speaker 07

  I read your book. I love, especially the beginning, you just lay it out so simple and. I'm not gonna.

• 16:43Bill Maher?

  Well, I appreciate that because, you know, I get nothing but shit, really. Uh, I mean, from the media, from the Hollywood establishment, awards, all that shit. It's just like, so I take a lot of shit, what I call a soft cancellation for not, not being woke. But still being a liberal, but that's not enough for these fucks.

• 17:00Speaker 07

  My liberal.

• 17:01Bill Maher?

  Yeah, old school liberal is really.

• 17:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, like my.

• 17:04Bill Maher?

  Yeah, yeah, but that's not enough for, for the Hollywood types. Anyway.

• 17:07Speaker 07

  But you don't back down.

• 17:08Bill Maher?

  No, but I don't back down, and it means more to me that people like you appreciate that than all that other shit. But you, you can't have both. I mean, I'm up for a Golden Globe this year, which is a good sign to me that, we're at least cracking the wokeness thing, but I don't think I'll ever win in that room. Because it's a, it's okay. I don't think I'm gonna go, but.

• 17:30Speaker 07

  Really?

• 17:31Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I mean, I'm debating it.

• 17:33Speaker 07

  But people kiss you when you're out. I mean, I'm sure.

• 17:36Bill Maher?

  Yeah, they do, but, but those people, but not, but not at the epicenter of wokeness.

• 17:41Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 17:42Bill Maher?

  You know, but it is amazing how many people do, say the very similar things to what you say. But, and I so appreciate it because, like I say, it's such a compensating thing. And, you know, there's, there's fans and I, you know, I'm too insecure about any career to not like appreciate every fan.

• 17:59Speaker 07

  Right.

• 17:59Bill Maher?

  But there are people who like get you on a deeper level, you know, and I could tell you are that person who like really get what you're doing.

• 18:05Speaker 07

  I do.

• 18:06Bill Maher?

  And other people like they can enjoy it for a number of different reasons, and I'm thrilled if they get 70% of it or 50, whatever. I mean, lots of conservatives come up to me and they go, you know, I'm not really what you are, but you know, I appreciate what you do and you're honest and you're cold like you see you, but.

• 18:22Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:23Bill Maher?

  We're not exactly on the same page.

• 18:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, but.

• 18:25Bill Maher?

  But okay, but I do appreciate you hundred percenters. I really do, and I can tell when someone really is one.

• 18:31Speaker 07

  I am.

• 18:31Bill Maher?

  You know, I can always tell when someone's lying, when they say, I watch you every night.

• 18:35Speaker 07

  Right.

• 18:35Bill Maher?

  Well, I'm not on every night.

• 18:36Speaker 07

  Right, right, right, right.

• 18:37Bill Maher?

  You must be a real fan.

• 18:38Speaker 07

  Every Friday. I came and saw you. I, I, a friend of mine was in town. We're, we, you know, all we do is talk about you the next, on Saturday, like, you know, after we've seen your show. And I said, we should go, we should see if Bill's filming, it's shooting this show tonight, and you were. I mean, Gerbert set me up down there. I came to see you.

• 18:55Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's a good experience sitting in that audience. Because first of all, unlike other, you know, sitcoms you've done, the mind done, they stop tape. This is just, you're there for an hour.

• 19:07Speaker 07

  I know.

• 19:08Bill Maher?

  You know, you don't have to worry that this can take a long time. There's gonna be a lot of boring shit in between. We start, it goes from one thing to another, to another, to another, and we're done, and.

• 19:17Speaker 07

  But you know what blew me the fuck away about you is like, you're so, like, you, I can't remember who it was, but it was a, you know, pretty sharp person, and you were throwing out quotes and things and stuff. And you didn't look at your notes one time. I'm like, how the fuck does he know all this and remember all this?

• 19:33Bill Maher?

  Well, it was probably history.

• 19:34Speaker 07

  No, it wasn't. It was topical, it was shit that this person was talking about, and you are boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I mean, why do you, do you think you have a great, I know you're super intelligent, but a lot of it's memory too, do you think?

• 19:48Bill Maher?

  I'm not even super intelligent, I mean, like IQ level, I'm sure I'm not in like, and you know what? I don't, I don't want, I don't wanna be.

• 19:55Speaker 07

  Right.

• 19:55Bill Maher?

  You know, people, are they, I wanna be happy.

• 19:58Speaker 07

  You're a medium IQ.

• 19:59Bill Maher?

  What?

• 19:59Speaker 07

  You're a medium IQ person.

• 20:01Bill Maher?

  I think probably a little above medium.

• 20:03Speaker 07

  No, he says low IQ.

• 20:04Bill Maher?

  Oh, oh, yeah, exactly. Oh, of course, I mean.

• 20:10Speaker 07

  I love that.

• 20:11Bill Maher?

  I mean, I'm not a genius, but I'm not dumb as a rock, sick, insane, wacko, very sad, or a crazy man.

• 20:19Speaker 07

  You're about three things on that list.

• 20:20Bill Maher?

  I'm not a third-rate comedian, I'm not a, still a very dumb guy, I'm not a wacky guy. I'm not totally shot, John. I don't look terrible, exhausted, quarantined, weak, I'm not a jerk.

• 20:29Speaker 07

  No.

• 20:29Bill Maher?

  My show isn't dead.

• 20:30Speaker 07

  No.

• 20:31Bill Maher?

  And I'm not increasingly boring.

• 20:32Speaker 07

  You're right, you're none of those things.

• 20:35Bill Maher?

  But, uh.

• 20:36Speaker 07

  I got a letter from him once.

• 20:37Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 20:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, he came to see me at Cabaret, it was.

• 20:41Bill Maher?

  Cabaret? Wow, you did Cabaret on Broadway? Wow, that's right.

• 20:45Speaker 07

  Studio 54.

• 20:46Bill Maher?

  Were you, um.

• 20:47Speaker 07

  The MC, yeah.

• 20:48Bill Maher?

  Oh, wow, what a part to get.

• 20:50Speaker 07

  It was, it was the second show I've done on Broadway, and.

• 20:54Bill Maher?

  What theater was it? I know.

• 20:55Speaker 07

  Studio fifty-four.

• 20:56Bill Maher?

  Oh, wow.

• 20:57Speaker 07

  Did you ever go there?

• 20:58Bill Maher?

  No, but I did a, I did a Broadway show. I got a.

• 21:02Speaker 07

  Right, a Tony nomination.

• 21:03Bill Maher?

  A Tony nomination for that one in two thousand and three about the war on terror. And it was on fifty-second. Oh, I can't remember the name of the theater, but I can picture it. It's very exciting to be in the theater district, I must say.

• 21:17Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 21:17Bill Maher?

  You walk out after the show and you see there's all the other people coming out and all the other shows and.

• 21:23Speaker 07

  That's what I would say because, you know, like show business, everything's at different times. But in that eight-block radius at eight o'clock.

• 21:29Bill Maher?

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:30Speaker 07

  Everybody's being ready to be entertained and all the entertainers are ready to entertain. And right at that moment, that spark that you.

• 21:36Bill Maher?

  And there's lots of stars, you know. You're a star. You're on Broadway, or you could see George Clooney.

• 21:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 21:42Bill Maher?

  Or Jack Human.

• 21:43Speaker 07

  Right. You hang out at Barstool after Hugh Jackman. What did you say?

• 21:47Bill Maher?

  Jack Human.

• 21:47Speaker 07

  Jack Human. Where were, oh, so he, so he came, so I got a telegram from him. I didn't know he was there.

• 21:55Bill Maher?

  A telegram?

• 21:56Speaker 07

  Back in the telegram days or whatever.

• 21:58Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 21:58Speaker 07

  And.

• 21:59Bill Maher?

  Telegram.

• 22:00Speaker 07

  It said, you know, me and Melania, I thought you were great, blah, blah. And every time I saw him after, like with Howard, you know, Howard Stern's wedding or whatever. It was like, you got, wasn't my telegram the best telegram you ever got? Just like he is now. I'm like, no.

• 22:14Speaker 07

  You know, it was, it was, it was a good telegram. Yeah, but wasn't it the best?

• 22:17Bill Maher?

  It was a perfect telegram.

• 22:18Speaker 07

  Wasn't I the only one who said, no, a lot of people sent, sent me telegrams, but thanks.

• 22:21Bill Maher?

  A perfect telegram.

• 22:23Speaker 07

  Yeah. It was, I swear to God, it was.

• 22:24Bill Maher?

  That's. He is who he is.

• 22:27Speaker 07

  He is who he is.

• 22:28Bill Maher?

  That is not gonna change. You know?

• 22:32Speaker 07

  They said, no politics.

• 22:34Bill Maher?

  No, no, no, I, I agree.

• 22:36Speaker 07

  No, I know, I know. Um, yeah, I guess.

• 22:37Bill Maher?

  You brought him up.

• 22:38Speaker 07

  You're right. I watched, I watched your Rob, Rob.

• 22:45Speaker 07

  Episode yesterday.

• 22:47Bill Maher?

  Rob?

• 22:47Speaker 07

  Rob Reiner.

• 22:48Bill Maher?

  Oh my god.

• 22:49Speaker 07

  Not to bring it back down to that, but he was just here like a September or something.

• 22:54Bill Maher?

  It's always so mind-bendingly weird. It's not the first time this has happened to me, or any of us, certainly my age. Where you're with somebody and then they die and you're like, it's just, your mind is, it's hard to process. They were just here.

• 23:10Speaker 07

  Sad.

• 23:11Bill Maher?

  I, well, no, it was, it was one of the spinal tap he was plugging that, but it was very, very recently. And, and you know, I mean, gosh, I knew him for a long time. He did the show a lot and went out to dinner. I mean, it's just, uh, I, you know, it's hard to stop, have it come into, again, it was just a few days ago. Hard to have it not come into your mind a few times every day, even after, you know, a few days of it. Because it's just so shocking and horrible. I mean, you know, this guy was such a, you know, um, just a presence. You know, just charisma and, you know, he just was who he was. We knew him forever.

• 23:56Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 23:57Bill Maher?

  When kids, all in the family, at least, and I was still a kid, you know? And all through his changes and director and, you know, they were asking me for a quote from, I gave it to the Free Press about, the discussions we had in recent years were a lot about him not being able to get funding.

• 24:15Speaker 07

  Oh, because of his?

• 24:16Bill Maher?

  Yeah, well, and he's not the only director of a certain age who's told me that. And I just was saying, this town is very ageist and very, not, not very nice.

• 24:27Speaker 07

  Right.

• 24:27Bill Maher?

  To people who have done a, I mean, he's got a pretty iconic resume of movies.

• 24:32Speaker 07

  The spread is the dramas and comedy.

• 24:34Bill Maher?

  I remember him saying, you know, if it's not Spandex and, or, you know, it's very hard to, you know, for even somebody of his stature to get that funding. And, I mean, life goes on. The, the generation that's probably going out to movies, they don't want to see things like that. They have a different, and that's what every generation is and deserves to do their own thing.

• 24:57Speaker 07

  But ageism is, I mean, it's such, oh my god, you know, I started off, the first show I did after the soap operas, and, and Tony Geary just passed away too on the same day.

• 25:07Bill Maher?

  Oh, right, you were on the soap opera.

• 25:09Speaker 07

  I was on there. And, uh, I'm old too. Yeah, we're both aging out any minute.

• 25:16Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but they show you on TMZ and they go, and all the girls are always go, "I can't believe how good he looks."

• 25:23Speaker 07

  Who?

• 25:24Bill Maher?

  The girls on TMZ.

• 25:25Speaker 07

  Me?

• 25:26Bill Maher?

  Yeah, when they're talking, no, when they show you on TMZ.

• 25:28Speaker 07

  Why are you watching TMZ?

• 25:30Bill Maher?

  I watch every.

• 25:30Speaker 07

  Oh, you're buddies with Harvey or something, right?

• 25:32Bill Maher?

  I love Harvey and I.

• 25:33Speaker 07

  Okay, good.

• 25:33Bill Maher?

  I mean, it's, you know, well, we don't talk about TMZ, but yes, I, but they, when they show you and all the girls are like, "Oh, I'd still do him," you know, what? That's pretty good.

• 25:43Speaker 07

  All right.

• 25:44Bill Maher?

  They wouldn't say it about me.

• 25:45Speaker 07

  Nah, you'd do fine.

• 25:46Bill Maher?

  No, no, they don't like me just because they're, they're woke, stupid, so like, you know.

• 25:52Speaker 07

  What I was gonna say was the first show I did after there was, I worked with Jack Klugman.

• 25:56Bill Maher?

  Jack Klugman?

• 25:58Speaker 07

  And he was my first mentor. Odd Couple. Yeah. You listen to that one, right?

• 26:04Bill Maher?

  TV Odd Couple.

• 26:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 26:05Bill Maher?

  Movies, it was Walter Maltham and Jack.

• 26:07Speaker 07

  I worked with him too.

• 26:07Bill Maher?

  Jack Lemmon.

• 26:09Speaker 07

  Jack, did you ever meet Walter Maltham?

• 26:11Bill Maher?

  No, I, I went, saw Jack Lemmon walking on the street my first week in Hollywood. I was very excited about that.

• 26:18Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 26:19Bill Maher?

  No, but they, and then Jack Klugman and Tony Randall did it on TV.

• 26:22Speaker 07

  Yeah, my best.

• 26:23Bill Maher?

  One of the, Gary Marshall, right? Wasn't that what made him Hollywood?

• 26:28Speaker 07

  And Jack, so I was on, I was on that show with Jack and he was like my first mentor. I'm saying, we're talking about ageism with these older men that I, I gravitate towards. And, and Gary Marshall was on there. Jack, the, one of the greatest things that Jack did was he would sit me in the writer's room on Tuesday, Wednesday, whatever the punch-up night was, and it was Gary Marshall, Harvey Miller, Jerry Belson, these titans of, of comedy. And I would sit in the corner and I'd just keep my mouth shut, have each father like, throw shit at me. But he would make me watch them rewrite, come up with jokes, root structure, all this stuff. And Gary was one of them, and Gary was the one who suggested me to Miller and Boyett to do Full House.

• 27:06Bill Maher?

  Is that right?

• 27:07Speaker 07

  And Gary was a mentor as well after a while.

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• 28:41Speaker 07

  And then Gary passed away.

• 28:43Bill Maher?

  Do you know, I may be misremembering this, but I think I was offered the part on Full House.

• 28:51Speaker 07

  Of Saget, the Saget role? You might have, because Jeff...

• 28:54Bill Maher?

  I seem to remember it being a big thing Mark Gerberts would know, that we really debated it because it was money and it was the lead on a show, but we just thought it wasn't right for me. Kids, me, kids. And of course, Bob, that was a good decision on both parts, if that was the case. This is like 1988.

• 29:15Speaker 07

  That's interesting.

• 29:15Bill Maher?

  Is that where the year went on? Eighty-eight?

• 29:17Speaker 07

  No, earlier, I think.

• 29:19Bill Maher?

  No, I think it was.

• 29:20Speaker 07

  Four A.

• 29:21Bill Maher?

  Because I took this other show called Hard Knocks on Showtime.

• 29:26Speaker 07

  Oh, that one.

• 29:27Bill Maher?

  Yeah, exactly. On Showtime.

• 29:29Speaker 07

  On Showtime, yeah, right.

• 29:30Bill Maher?

  It was just starting a network. But it was cool. We were mismatched detectives.

• 29:35Speaker 07

  Who was the other guy?

• 29:37Bill Maher?

  Tommy Hinkley was like a redneck detective and I was Gower Rhodes, the hippie detective.

• 29:44Speaker 07

  All right, right.

• 29:45Bill Maher?

  With long hair. And, you know, there was girls and it was like.

• 29:48Speaker 07

  Just match.

• 29:48Bill Maher?

  Oh, this is just much more my vibe, you know?

• 29:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, right, right.

• 29:51Bill Maher?

  And of course, it probably had an audience of 300,000 at the time.

• 29:54Speaker 07

  Yeah. On Showtime. Saget was the, there was another guy who, Saget wasn't available and you turned it down.

• 30:00Bill Maher?

  I think.

• 30:01Speaker 07

  And so, uh, there was this guy named John Posey did the pilot and then Bob became available and then he came over.

• 30:07Bill Maher?

  Oh, you didn't do the pilot?

• 30:08Speaker 07

  Uh-uh.

• 30:09Bill Maher?

  That's interesting. I was on a show once where they changed the, Sarah. That was a big show on, and Sarah, it was 1985. It was my first show. Gina Davis.

• 30:20Speaker 07

  Oh, interesting.

• 30:21Bill Maher?

  Gina Davis. It was four lawyers and produced by Gary and written by Gary Goldberg, who was the hottest at the time because of Family Ties.

• 30:30Speaker 07

  Ties, yeah.

• 30:30Bill Maher?

  So it was Cosby, NBC's lineup. We were sandwiched between like Cosby and Family Ties.

• 30:36Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 30:36Bill Maher?

  It was an, or maybe after, I don't know, but it was a very good.

• 30:40Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah.

• 30:42Bill Maher?

  But Gary Goldberg at some point had a, almost a fistfight with Hollywood.

• 30:47Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:47Bill Maher?

  With, uh, Brandon Tartikoff, the head of the network, out of taping.

• 30:51Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 30:51Bill Maher?

  And we knew we were dead after that. But it was Gina Davis. We were four lawyers in San Francisco. Ronson Pinchot was the gay one. Alfie Woodard was the black one.

• 31:01Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 31:02Bill Maher?

  Gina Davis was the lead and I was the office creep.

• 31:07Bill Maher?

  I was. That's what it said in TV Guide, the office creep. Yeah.

• 31:15Bill Maher?

  I had all the funny lines.

• 31:17Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:18Bill Maher?

  Better to be the creep.

• 31:19Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:21Bill Maher?

  Yeah, you were like Uncle Handsome.

• 31:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:24Bill Maher?

  What the fuck was that?

• 31:25Speaker 07

  I didn't get anything funny. I had to make my own shit. Jack Klugman called, you know, the show was called You Again, and it was from a show in England called Home to Roost. And it was a son who came home and the father forgot that he had him or whatever. And it was like this. Yeah, and the notes kept coming back that, you know, soften up, you know, screaming at stay most people like him and you're so hard on him. And one day he called me over and they had this set phone, you know, and he said, come here, come here. Hey, give me Brandon Tarnica. Brandon, fuck you. Boom. Cancelled the next day, just like you.

• 32:01Bill Maher?

  Whoa, you're s-

• 32:03Speaker 07

  We did a season and a half. And we were after Cosby, too. We had a great conversation.

• 32:10Speaker 07

  Same thing.

• 32:11Bill Maher?

  Yeah, don't ever, that was, you know, a lot of times kids come up to me, you know, young people want advice about show business. And they say, you know, hey, Austin Butler, can I ask you a question? No, and like, among the lessons I would give them is, is one, you always have to have someone talk for you. You need, I don't care that's the worst agent in the world, you can't talk for yourself.

• 32:35Speaker 07

  Right.

• 32:35Bill Maher?

  And two, don't ever think that you're important.

• 32:38Speaker 07

  Right.

• 32:39Bill Maher?

  Because they once cancelled, they once fired, um, somebody off, was it Rhoda? Uh, no, it was-

• 32:50Speaker 07

  No, it was, yeah, the title, the titular character, right?

• 32:53Bill Maher?

  She was the titular character, and then they changed, it was like, what was, who was it? But then they changed it to like Hogan's Family.

• 32:59Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 33:00Bill Maher?

  And they went, and same thing, Roseanne got fired off of Rontcha.

• 33:03Speaker 07

  Right.

• 33:03Bill Maher?

  Like, you are not important and they can always get rid of you. The bus stop is full of people from Iowa who have come here to take your place.

• 33:13Speaker 07

  That's what they used to say about the Beach Boys. Brian Wilson was fired or was out of the band. It's like, nobody's more important, like, the band went on without Brian Wilson, you know?

• 33:22Bill Maher?

  That's right.

• 33:24Bill Maher?

  Because you still had the song.

• 33:25Speaker 07

  Still had the songs, yeah. And Mike Love, what?

• 33:29Bill Maher?

  No, you have a very funny way of like, you're almost doing Kevin Nealon's Subliminal Character guy, you know?

• 33:36Speaker 07

  No, I'm not. Yes, I am not. I think Kevin Nealon was hitting on my wife the other day, and I thought it was funny.

• 33:41Bill Maher?

  Oh, you want the gloves?

• 33:44Speaker 07

  Fucking comics.

• 33:46Bill Maher?

  Yeah, they're always beefing, but, um, so you were able to play the songs, right?

• 33:52Speaker 07

  Yes. Well, yeah, of course.

• 33:54Bill Maher?

  Well, I mean, the songs are unbelievable. I was just actually just listening to the solo album he put out fairly recently.

• 34:03Speaker 07

  Brian?

• 34:03Bill Maher?

  Yes, which was quite good.

• 34:05Speaker 07

  Yeah?

• 34:06Bill Maher?

  Yes, you must know it. It was, when was it?

• 34:10Speaker 07

  He put out a lot of solo albums.

• 34:11Bill Maher?

  This one was good, though. It must have been fairly recent because the, like, some of the people who were singing on it, Nate Royce, is that, am I? You know, my, oh, he's very, his voice is on a lot of songs. And he has his own stuff, very great voice and perfect for what Brian writes.

• 34:31Bill Maher?

  But, yeah, those songs, I mean, are among God Only Knows.

• 34:35Speaker 07

  That's a perfect song.

• 34:36Bill Maher?

  Is a perfect song.

• 34:37Speaker 07

  Perfect song.

• 34:38Bill Maher?

  So is Help Me Rhonda.

• 34:39Speaker 07

  Perfect song, yeah.

• 34:40Bill Maher?

  And even, I have some that people don't know that I, well, one I can think of for sure. I think I said this to you at one of those parties, Disney Girls.

• 34:50Speaker 07

  Oh, I love it.

• 34:52Bill Maher?

  Is such an amazing song.

• 34:53Speaker 07

  Beautiful song. Bruce, Bruce Johnston wrote it.

• 34:55Bill Maher?

  Patty Page, in summer days on old Cape Cod.

• 35:01Speaker 07

  That's right.

• 35:01Bill Maher?

  It's a turn back world with a forever girl and a kid someday. It's just like so.

• 35:09Speaker 07

  He sang that at my wedding.

• 35:10Bill Maher?

  Come on.

• 35:11Speaker 07

  It's my favorite, my wife's favorite song, and she, she walked down to the aisle of that, to that.

• 35:15Bill Maher?

  That's your wife's favorite song, too?

• 35:17Speaker 07

  Disney Girls.

• 35:18Bill Maher?

  Maybe we should be together.

• 35:18Speaker 07

  Maybe, yeah.

• 35:21Bill Maher?

  I just thought I'd get in the first punch before it started.

• 35:25Speaker 07

  I was with my friend Kenny Fuchs and he said, he said, "What are you guys gonna talk about?" "I don't know, you don't have to talk, you don't have to pre-arrange these, it's not Jimmy Fallon, you know." And, uh, and he says, "You think he's gonna bring up Jerry O'Connor?" I'm like, "No, we don't give a fuck about Jerry O'Connor," and then you did.

• 35:39Bill Maher?

  Oh, well, it certainly wasn't planned.

• 35:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, okay.

• 35:43Bill Maher?

  I mean, I, I think we can agree that the show does not look planned.

• 35:48Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 35:49Bill Maher?

  This is what I planned. I planned on bringing a lighter and having a joint.

• 35:54Speaker 07

  Who's the only person who's been, me and Ben Shapiro on here, that don't drink, or who else?

• 35:58Bill Maher?

  Oh, no.

• 36:00Speaker 07

  I loved that.

• 36:04Bill Maher?

  Ben Shapiro, um...

• 36:05Speaker 07

  Kanye?

• 36:07Bill Maher?

  Kanye, oh no, we, we drank a lot. He said, "Ooh."

• 36:11Speaker 07

  Was that?

• 36:12Bill Maher?

  We haven't shown it.

• 36:13Speaker 07

  Right.

• 36:15Speaker 07

  Can you show it to me after? Do you have it on your phone?

• 36:17Bill Maher?

  No, I actually wanna have a screening.

• 36:20Speaker 07

  Right, like, like, like when they screened Jerry Lewis's, uh, Hitler movie?

• 36:24Bill Maher?

  The clown, the clown that cried.

• 36:26Speaker 07

  Right, did you ever see that?

• 36:27Bill Maher?

  No, nobody has seen it. There's like two people in the world who've seen it. I don't remember who, but like, for people that don't know what we're talking about, Jerry Lewis, uh, at the height of his genius, but also egomaniac.

• 36:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 36:39Bill Maher?

  Um, and power, made a movie about the, where he was a clown in a concentration camp.

• 36:46Speaker 07

  To cheer up the kids before they went to take a shower.

• 36:48Bill Maher?

  But he did not want to look like he was in a concentration camp. He had little slick, black, oily hair. He practically had the...

• 36:56Speaker 07

  He looked like Buddy Love, right?

• 36:57Bill Maher?

  Practically had the pinky ring on in a concentration camp. And it apparently is so megalomaniacally, crazily wrong and terrible.

• 37:07Speaker 07

  Somebody has it, though. Somebody has the print of it.

• 37:09Bill Maher?

  But it's, it's not uninteresting. I, I, I need to see it. We all need to see it.

• 37:13Speaker 07

  We're gonna, we're gonna find it.

• 37:15Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 37:16Speaker 07

  I made a movie, I, I had this book by Arthur Marx about Martin and Lewis, and, um...

• 37:21Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah, sure.

• 37:22Speaker 07

  I made a TV movie about it, and Jerry was so fucking pissed off, uh, because he was doing something with Brad Gray. They were trying to do something with HBO, and he was screaming and yelling at us, and then we sent him the script, and they called and said, "Who wrote this?" I said, "Um, this guy, Ellis," and they said, "Was he there? How does, how does he know?" "This is the best script about the, uh, two of us, and we're, I'm gonna, I'm behind this 100%." I got, I thought, I couldn't get it made, and then one day I was in a restaurant, I saw Sean Hayes, I go... Jerry Lewis. I said, "Do you want to play Jerry Lewis?"

• 37:49Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 37:49Speaker 07

  He said, "Yes."

• 37:50Bill Maher?

  I saw that.

• 37:51Speaker 07

  It was Sean and Jeremy Northam.

• 37:53Bill Maher?

  He was perfect.

• 37:54Speaker 07

  Wasn't he great?

• 37:55Bill Maher?

  He was perfect.

• 37:56Speaker 07

  Yeah. And so Jerry, but he was pissed at me.

• 37:59Bill Maher?

  What movie is that? I want to watch that again.

• 38:00Speaker 07

  It's called Martin Lewis. It was, it's not, it's hard to find because...

• 38:03Bill Maher?

  What place, Dean?

• 38:04Speaker 07

  Jeremy Northam.

• 38:05Bill Maher?

  Oh!

• 38:06Speaker 07

  And he was very good.

• 38:07Bill Maher?

  Yes!

• 38:07Speaker 07

  He's had the hands and all that. Really interesting. But Jerry was pissed at me because I was a guest on the Howard Stern Show, so he wouldn't talk to me. But Sean flew up there to Vegas and spent time with him.

• 38:17Bill Maher?

  Now, the person who hates you.

• 38:18Speaker 07

  Did you?

• 38:18Bill Maher?

  You are, you are, you are the most unlikable guy.

• 38:21Speaker 07

  I'm the most hated, awful handsome man.

• 38:23Bill Maher?

  I don't know, I've seen, they're having such a good time here, but like, are you just...

• 38:26Speaker 07

  Well, when I get out that door, that's when...

• 38:28Bill Maher?

  I was gonna say, you're very Trumpian in that way. You're very nice in person.

• 38:31Speaker 07

  Oh, I know. He was so funny to you, I heard.

• 38:32Bill Maher?

  He was, he was, well, he wasn't funny, but he laughed.

• 38:35Speaker 07

  He laughed at your jokes.

• 38:36Bill Maher?

  He, he, well, I don't want to, we don't want to get into politics. All I'm saying is, he was extremely different. Maybe I'm the Trump whisperer, but I think, I think we would do a lot better to have more people like me talk to him. He is not against talking to people.

• 38:52Speaker 07

  Yeah, I know. I know a lot of guys.

• 38:54Bill Maher?

  He's a guy from New York, okay? He doesn't want to be with a bunch of fucking rednecks and simpletons.

• 39:00Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 39:01Bill Maher?

  You know, I mean, he's, does he like ass kisters? Yes, he does. So, there's always going to be a couple of them around, but I think he, anyway, let's not go there.

• 39:10Speaker 07

  You brought it up.

• 39:10Bill Maher?

  I didn't, no, I didn't. Did I?

• 39:13Speaker 07

  I know, but we've both been bringing it up. Trumpian, you know.

• 39:16Bill Maher?

  It is hard, it is, it is a phenomenon we have never seen before.

• 39:20Speaker 07

  Right.

• 39:21Bill Maher?

  That one person would dominate.

• 39:23Speaker 07

  Every conversation. Every dinner.

• 39:26Bill Maher?

  For over a decade.

• 39:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 39:28Bill Maher?

  You know, but, but, and I do think you have to fight that. Like I say, if that's your whole personality, is the first thing out of your mouth is, "What are we gonna do about Donald Trump?" I just, I just can't. And you know, I, I can't, and I, and...

• 39:43Bill Maher?

  You know, first of all, I can't.

• 39:46Speaker 07

  First of all, you don't have the answer.

• 39:48Bill Maher?

  I don't have the answer, exactly.

• 39:49Speaker 07

  But people think you do. I would get it.

• 39:52Bill Maher?

  I can't get away from these people who, like, walking through a room that I was at a party Saturday night. Awesome party, Seth MacFarlane gives an amazing Christmas party, what?

• 40:03Speaker 07

  Did he sing? He had an orchestra?

• 40:04Bill Maher?

  With an orchestra?

• 40:06Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 40:06Bill Maher?

  Orchestra is.

• 40:08Speaker 07

  Is that him? Is that Seth back there, one of those? That thing is so cool. I almost bought one of those.

• 40:15Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 40:15Speaker 07

  Does it work?

• 40:16Bill Maher?

  It does. It's creepy as fuck. It is.

• 40:20Speaker 07

  Which one's Seth? I've seen them, they're kind of amazing.

• 40:22Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 40:22Speaker 07

  They used to have one in the Ivy.

• 40:24Bill Maher?

  But the way they're painted, it's very The Shining.

• 40:27Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, right, yeah.

• 40:28Bill Maher?

  You know?

• 40:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 40:28Bill Maher?

  It's, I don't know.

• 40:29Speaker 07

  There's no black people in that band.

• 40:31Bill Maher?

  They're Cuban, I think.

• 40:32Speaker 07

  If they are, oh, okay.

• 40:33Bill Maher?

  I think they all are.

• 40:35Speaker 07

  Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense.

• 40:41Bill Maher?

  And look at that. Doesn't this guy look exactly like Kanye?

• 40:46Speaker 07

  A little bit, yeah.

• 40:46Bill Maher?

  A little?

• 40:47Speaker 07

  Okay, yeah, a lot.

• 40:50Speaker 07

  Look, if we can't get along here, see, look at all the years we missed being friends because, you know.

• 40:55Bill Maher?

  I know. That's happened with a number of people who've sat here, but, you know, as I always say, everything happens.

• 41:02Speaker 07

  Yeah, I mean, we got enough friends.

• 41:04Bill Maher?

  Sometimes it's just not destined. It's like George used to always say about Ringo. He was always meant to be in the Beatles, he just didn't enter until, like, act three.

• 41:14Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 41:14Bill Maher?

  You know, but it was destined. It's like, yeah, that's it. I mean.

• 41:17Speaker 07

  Have you interviewed McCartney?

• 41:20Bill Maher?

  I would love to. I hung out with him like this one night at The Woods, the pot store that Willie Harrelson.

• 41:27Speaker 07

  Yeah, right.

• 41:28Bill Maher?

  And I were running into the ground. And he was super nice.

• 41:34Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:35Bill Maher?

  Have you ever?

• 41:37Speaker 07

  I've met him a couple times.

• 41:38Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I mean. He couldn't have been more what you would want.

• 41:42Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 41:43Bill Maher?

  The Beatle to be. And I said to him, I said, besides the music, one thing I really love about you guys was that none of you ever did anything that made the fans go, ugh.

• 41:56Speaker 07

  Yeah, right, right. Yeah, right, right.

• 41:58Bill Maher?

  It's like so many people.

• 42:00Speaker 07

  But I think because they only had exactly 10 years, right? Like, the Beach Boys, if they would have stopped at 10 years, they would have been closer to the Beatles, I think, you know? They would on and on, you know, and on and on.

• 42:11Bill Maher?

  Not by numbers.

• 42:12Speaker 07

  You know?

• 42:13Bill Maher?

  Well, I, the reason I love the old iPod is because, one reason is that it helps me with numbers, simple numbers. Like, I don't keep anything in there that I don't really want. I don't never, I've never once, like, loaded the whole album.

• 42:27Speaker 07

  Right.

• 42:28Bill Maher?

  I pick the ones I want. Now, there are a few great albums in the world where you want every song on them, but they're pretty rare.

• 42:33Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it, that's it.

• 42:35Bill Maher?

  So, the number of Beatles songs and the number of Beach Boys songs that I want.

• 42:40Speaker 07

  For you.

• 42:42Bill Maher?

  Yeah, of course, but it's my iPod. Exactly for me.

• 42:46Speaker 07

  Well, if you look at my iPod, it's different.

• 42:48Bill Maher?

  Okay, but I would say, not that it matters.

• 42:50Speaker 07

  What I'm saying is the Beach Boys did a lot of shit after, you know, 10 years. You know what I mean?

• 42:55Bill Maher?

  And some shit during it. And so did the Beatles.

• 42:58Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:59Bill Maher?

  Nobody gets through this without doing some shit.

• 43:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 43:02Bill Maher?

  I mean, I don't have every Beatles song in there.

• 43:05Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 43:05Bill Maher?

  You know?

• 43:06Speaker 07

  But they both were solid, those were the greatest 10, you know? I'm just saying the Beach Boys went on a lot of, they jumped in on that disco shit and they, you know?

• 43:14Bill Maher?

  I'll give you this, Joe.

• 43:15Speaker 07

  Go ahead, Bill.

• 43:17Bill Maher?

  I would say the best 20 Beach Boys songs.

• 43:21Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 43:22Bill Maher?

  Are as good as the best Beatles 20 songs.

• 43:25Speaker 07

  That's huge.

• 43:26Bill Maher?

  That is huge.

• 43:27Speaker 07

  For you to say.

• 43:27Bill Maher?

  For me to say. Uh, but the Beatles just have an additional.

• 43:34Bill Maher?

  Like hundred and fifty songs that are still. The additional hundred and fifty, that's an additional. Plus, and if you add in the solo work, McCartney alone. Yeah, yeah, that's, you're right. John didn't do a lot, but I mean, you know, there's like twenty good ones. Yeah, yeah. George had a pretty, you know, not just All Things Must Pass, but he had a great one in nineteen eighty seven. He hadn't done one in ten years or eight years or something. He had some shitty ones too. There's one he did where he was sick and, you know, the name of his label was Dark Horse. And of course, the review is spelled a dark horse, H O A R. Because he had, he had no voice and he still went on tour. Right. That's fucked up.

• 44:20Bill Maher?

  Whereas today, these artists, artists, yes, they are artists. I'm not saying they're not good, but like if they have, if they just have a bad day, they cancel the concert. These fucking Gen Z little nepo baby or whatever the fuck they are. If it's too cold, because these girls are wearing nothing.

• 44:38Bill Maher?

  You noticed? Well, yeah, I mean, you mean like making music. I mean, we've done, we've been doing that for a long time where we want to mix sex in with the music. I mean, music, the reason why comics are jealous of musicians is because, you know. We got all the girls? Well, it goes right to the pussy. Whereas we gotta go through their brain.

• 45:04Bill Maher?

  But you know what? In the long run. That's great. It's better because it. A little more authentic? It filters out people who you are not really going to vibe with. Okay. You know, now, this is not something I would have said when I was thirty, because I, you know. But I, looking back, that is my assessment is like, it actually saves you. Because, well, because, yeah, a girl is not going to like you unless it's for something a little deeper than just the bassline.

• 45:34Bill Maher?

  You know, I mean, you can sit on the bass and have it, the amp where the bass is playing and have an orgasm. But you're not. As I'm sure you have. Yeah, but you don't want a long term, you don't want, did you want, do you want some substance? I know you know what I want.

• 45:51Bill Maher?

  You're basing it on that fight we had thirty years ago?

• 45:56Speaker 07

  What do you care?

• 45:57Bill Maher?

  I'm very happy right now.

• 45:59Speaker 07

  That's good, you know, I really believe you are.

• 46:01Bill Maher?

  Oh, I am.

• 46:01Speaker 07

  Some people bullshit it.

• 46:02Bill Maher?

  No, no, no.

• 46:04Speaker 07

  But you are.

• 46:04Bill Maher?

  No, I played, I played the bat, the game of The Bachelor for a very long time.

• 46:08Speaker 07

  I've watched it.

• 46:09Bill Maher?

  And I gave out a lot of roses, but you know, there was a winner.

• 46:13Speaker 07

  Who?

• 46:13Bill Maher?

  Oh, that's not, I didn't go into my personal life.

• 46:17Speaker 07

  You had a long term?

• 46:18Bill Maher?

  Yeah, that's not even, I said what I said.

• 46:21Speaker 07

  My friend who's here directs The Bachelor, you're talking about giving out roses.

• 46:25Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 46:25Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 46:26Bill Maher?

  Come on.

• 46:26Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 46:28Bill Maher?

  Who's your friend?

• 46:29Speaker 07

  Ken Fuchs.

• 46:30Bill Maher?

  Can you tell him for me?

• 46:32Speaker 07

  He's listening.

• 46:35Bill Maher?

  Okay. I have a great idea.

• 46:37Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 46:38Bill Maher?

  For The Bachelor.

• 46:38Speaker 07

  What is it?

• 46:39Bill Maher?

  You know, they do the Golden Bachelor.

• 46:41Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 46:42Bill Maher?

  I am the correct age.

• 46:43Speaker 07

  You, you want to be on Golden Bachelor?

• 46:45Bill Maher?

  Can I finish?

• 46:46Speaker 07

  Go ahead, it's your show.

• 46:47Bill Maher?

  I want to be the Golden Bachelor.

• 46:48Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 46:49Bill Maher?

  But none of this age appropriate bullshit.

• 46:52Speaker 07

  Oh, you want to have the younger?

• 46:54Bill Maher?

  What I would actually, right.

• 46:55Speaker 07

  Alright.

• 46:56Bill Maher?

  That's a funny show.

• 46:57Speaker 07

  That's a good show.

• 46:59Bill Maher?

  That's a great fucking show.

• 47:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's a good show.

• 47:01Bill Maher?

  Now, some of these girls will leave crying. No, they will. Because I'm gonna be real with them, not mean, just real. I'm gonna fucking straighten out their lives as I have so many twenty year old girls.

• 47:13Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 47:13Bill Maher?

  Ish girls in my real life.

• 47:15Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 47:16Bill Maher?

  I'm very good at it. I was never meant to be Sir Lancelot. I'm the king. I'm the old dude.

• 47:22Speaker 07

  Who sits back and says?

• 47:23Bill Maher?

  Well, did you ever see Camelot?

• 47:25Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 47:26Bill Maher?

  You'd be good.

• 47:26Speaker 07

  With Richard Burton. Richard Burton? I mean, but I, no, I saw it with Richard, I saw it in Pat, Pat, Patagonia.

• 47:33Bill Maher?

  You're such a good looking son of a bitch.

• 47:34Speaker 07

  For one brief shiny moment.

• 47:36Bill Maher?

  You could almost play.

• 47:37Speaker 07

  There was Club Random.

• 47:38Bill Maher?

  Lancelot.

• 47:39Speaker 07

  Yeah? Too old.

• 47:42Bill Maher?

  Yes, a little, but it's a but it's a tribute to your Greek genes. Oh, thank you. That you could almost play Lancelot. And you're but you know, you could, I mean, Robert Goulet. Yeah, that's who I saw do it at the Pantages. Of course, he was camel- he was Sir Lancelot on Broadway when it was first on Broadway. It was such a sensation. Right. This is nineteen sixty. Um, I mean, Robert Goulet is the singer who, when I was a kid, wet in my mother's panties. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. He he was like the screen crush my mother had, you know. Robert Goulet. And, yeah, Robert Goulet, remember Will Ferrell used to. Yes, yeah, yeah. Do you remember that on SNL? Yes, yeah, yeah, I was that's what I was trying to think of. And I think they did on SCTV too, had somebody did it on there. But he was a friend of mine later when he. Really?

• 48:22Bill Maher?

  Absolutely, I used the fact that he was a fan to once bring my mother to Las Vegas to meet him, go to his house and have dinner with him. Wow. Is your mom still around? No, not to my knowledge. Did she get? She died just to get rid of you. Tell him I'm dead.

• 48:39Bill Maher?

  This is, yeah, this is like, mother. No, you know what's weird? She's still around, but she won't talk to me because I had dinner with Trump.

• 48:47Bill Maher?

  Did she see your success? Um, to a degree. Politically incorrect? Oh, definitely saw that. She died in two, yes, I was on Real Time for four years when she died. So she's she saw a lot of it. And your dad, your father? Uh, no, he died right before I got politically incorrect. Oh, okay. You know. Did he see your stand up and? Hmm. Did he go see your stand up? I remember them once seeing me at Caroline's. I was not good. Well, I mean, I was as good as I could be at that point in my career. So, you know, like, laughter is an involuntary response. Yeah. Involuntary. Okay. So when you see your parents not laughing. Right. You know, you have some work to do in the industry. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:31Bill Maher?

  You know, like, not that I didn't. But they were supportive. Of course. I mean, I didn't want them there. I don't know why. I guess it had just gotten to the point where like, what are you doing, son? You know, because I was not the kind who ever like imposed. I like, I always made my own money. I know, that's why we're not, we haven't been friends. Why? You don't want to impose. Hey, no. Sorry, you made your own money? No, I'm a lone wolf. Yeah. You know? But you made your, so, right.

• 49:57Speaker 07

  So they, uh, so but your mom saw your success, that's good.

• 50:00Bill Maher?

  Well, yeah, she did, but of course, mothers are different. They just don't. I remember once I was staying at this very fancy hotel. She always used to ask me where I'm staying on the road. And I said, yeah, they gave me the presidential suite. And she said, why?

• 50:17Speaker 07

  Come on, mom.

• 50:18Bill Maher?

  And I said, well, you know, I'm kind of a big shot now. And she said, oh, yeah, I forget because I remember holding your little hand.

• 50:26Speaker 07

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 50:28Bill Maher?

  It is, it is.

• 50:30Speaker 07

  I'm glad she saw, I always get so upset with people.

• 50:32Bill Maher?

  You have that experience now, don't you have little kids?

• 50:34Speaker 07

  I have a seven-year-old. But wait, I gotta get back to Golden Bachelor and, and the toddler.

• 50:38Bill Maher?

  Such a great idea.

• 50:39Speaker 07

  What are you gonna call it? The gold, uh, the, uh.

• 50:41Bill Maher?

  Uh, we'll call it, I don't, uh.

• 50:45Speaker 07

  Daddy Issues. Golden Bachelor, Daddy Issues.

• 50:50Speaker 07

  What do you say?

• 50:52Bill Maher?

  Daddy Problem Solving.

• 50:55Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 50:55Bill Maher?

  Not Issues.

• 50:56Speaker 07

  Well, they gotta have the issue for you to solve the problem.

• 50:58Bill Maher?

  I will.

• 50:58Speaker 07

  Do you ever have somebody when I?

• 50:59Bill Maher?

  I will solve their problem.

• 51:00Speaker 07

  My wife's a little younger, but people say, what do you talk about with these young girls? I'm like, who gives a fuck? I'll talk to you about all in the family. I don't need to talk to the, anyway. So how do you fix these?

• 51:11Bill Maher?

  There's a movie called Under Suspicion. With, why did you look like that?

• 51:18Speaker 07

  Because I was trying to look suspicious.

• 51:19Bill Maher?

  Oh. With Morgan Freeman.

• 51:22Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 51:23Bill Maher?

  And Gene Hackman.

• 51:24Speaker 07

  Uh huh.

• 51:25Bill Maher?

  Any record?

• 51:25Speaker 07

  Son of a bitch.

• 51:26Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 51:27Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 51:27Bill Maher?

  So great. Gene Hackman?

• 51:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:30Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 51:30Speaker 07

  I worked with Ernie Borgnag on ER, that was pretty good.

• 51:33Bill Maher?

  Ernie Borgnag?

• 51:34Speaker 07

  Sorry, we're jumping around. The Golden, the movie you were talking about, Under Suspicion.

• 51:39Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah. Apropos to what you were saying about what do you talk about? And he has, Gene Hackman is this rich guy in, it takes place in San Juan, I'm not sure why. And Morgan Freeman is the police chief.

• 51:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:55Bill Maher?

  And they're friends, you know, Gene Hackman's a prominent citizen and, um.

• 52:01Bill Maher?

  But then these young Puerto Rican girls start turning up dead. Okay. And Gene Hackman, who has a loveless marriage to Monica Bellucci. Wow. Yeah, but she's cold as ice, you know. So he likes, it's kind of the rumor he likes to be with younger women. Okay. Very young. Yeah. But still, not children, you know.

• 52:26Bill Maher?

  Okay, I'm not saying, I'm not saying they'd make this movie today. No, yeah. So he is, when they start turning up dead, he is under suspicion. Okay, alright. So there's this scene where he's being interrogated by Morgan Freeman. And he gives this awesome monologue where he's like, you know, "You think I did this?" And he says, you know, "Victor, you're twice divorced. You're single with a vengeance. Where do you go every Friday night? You go to the martini bar. And who do you talk to? The prettiest girl you can find. That's who. And she's not 50. Probably mid 30s. But if you can find one in her 20s, hey. Why not? Yeah. What about young girls? We liked them then. What changed? People say to me, "What do you see in these young girls?

• 53:12Bill Maher?

  What do you talk about? Hey, if I wanted to talk about the S and P 500, I'd call my broker." Yeah, right. Young girls don't talk. Right. They laugh. They're in the moment. And every night is the night. And their skin is smooth and hard like skin is supposed to be. And saying so doesn't make me a pervert. Not that I've memorized this speech. I was gonna say.

• 53:39Bill Maher?

  You've said that before. I only...

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• 54:52Speaker 03

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• 54:53Speaker 04

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• 54:57Speaker 03

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• 54:58Speaker 04

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• 55:06Speaker 03

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• 55:12Speaker 05

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• 55:37Bill Maher?

  I can watch a movie if I like a movie.

• 55:39Speaker 07

  Can you?

• 55:40Bill Maher?

  Twice, and I can do one from The Godfather.

• 55:43Speaker 07

  Wow, yeah, I'm sure. Leave the cannoli thing.

• 55:45Bill Maher?

  Not leave the cannoli. That's one line. I can do the whole speech from...

• 55:50Speaker 07

  I think I've seen you do that somewhere.

• 55:52Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah. God with the Wind.

• 55:54Speaker 07

  Yeah?

• 55:54Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 55:55Speaker 07

  But that one in particular makes sense.

• 55:58Bill Maher?

  Well, it was apropos to.

• 55:59Speaker 07

  You could start the Bachelor Daddy Issue show with that. Like, just a.

• 56:03Bill Maher?

  That's dramatic.

• 56:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, just a dramatic, like a, Ken, get the right lighting, like, put him in shadow. You know, half of his face is lit. Did you do that speech on the, on the, on your?

• 56:14Bill Maher?

  I've never done that speech.

• 56:16Speaker 07

  Well, it was great.

• 56:16Bill Maher?

  I've never done, it's not done, I just remember things. I could, you want me to do the one?

• 56:22Speaker 07

  Goosebumps.

• 56:22Bill Maher?

  When, uh, with the horse's head dude?

• 56:25Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 56:26Bill Maher?

  You know, you know the scene?

• 56:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 56:27Bill Maher?

  In The Godfather, are you a Godfather fan?

• 56:29Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 56:30Bill Maher?

  Okay. Um, I'm probably fuck it up now, but they're at dinner, right?

• 56:35Speaker 07

  Right.

• 56:35Bill Maher?

  And you're saying, Tom.

• 56:39Speaker 07

  You're out, Tom. I jumped to the ending, sorry.

• 56:42Bill Maher?

  That's not even the same movie.

• 56:43Speaker 07

  Oh, it's okay. Those are two.

• 56:45Bill Maher?

  Godfather two.

• 56:45Speaker 07

  That is right. I just liked it. Sorry. They're in the thing and it's like, you're not gonna get that part.

• 56:51Bill Maher?

  Tom, ask me anything else.

• 56:53Speaker 07

  Oh, right.

• 56:54Bill Maher?

  And Tom is like, well, Mr. Crowley owner is a man who doesn't never ask a second favor when a first has been refused. Understand? You don't understand. Johnny Fontaine never gets that movie. He's perfect for it.

• 57:08Speaker 07

  Right.

• 57:08Bill Maher?

  And make him a big star. But I'm gonna run him out of town. And I'll tell you why. Johnny Fontaine ruined one of Walt's international's most valuable proteges. I had her under a contract. We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars, singing lessons, dancing lessons, acting lessons. Then Johnny Fontaine comes along with his olive oil voice and his Guinea charm. And she ran away with him. Just to make me look ridiculous. And a man in my position can't afford to look ridiculous. And just to show you, it's not all dollars and cents, that I'm not a hard-hearted man. She was young, she was beautiful, she was innocent, she was the best piece of ass I've ever had. And I've had him all over the world. Now you get the hell out of here.

• 57:53Bill Maher?

  And if that goomba tries any rough stuff, you tell him, I ain't no band leader. Yeah, I heard that story.

• 58:03Bill Maher?

  I'm telling you.

• 58:05Speaker 07

  And then he put his hat on and Tom just popped out.

• 58:08Bill Maher?

  And then Tom goes, "Thank you for a lovely evening. If your car can take me to the airport." Just to call the owners, a man who insists on hearing bad news immediately.

• 58:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, right.

• 58:18Bill Maher?

  I don't know. People have weird bar trick skills.

• 58:21Speaker 07

  But you have a great memory. I think some people...

• 58:23Bill Maher?

  I don't, but for that I do. I don't remember our fight.

• 58:26Speaker 07

  Right. Because you lost.

• 58:29Bill Maher?

  Because I lost.

• 58:31Speaker 07

  And you had, there was a producer you used to have on that show, an older lady.

• 58:34Bill Maher?

  An older lady?

• 58:35Speaker 07

  Well, you know, 60 maybe, 50s.

• 58:38Bill Maher?

  On what show?

• 58:39Speaker 07

  On, on the show back, Politically Incorrect.

• 58:42Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 58:42Speaker 07

  Yes, and she tried to patch us up, but I said, I said Johnny Fontaine doesn't, you know. That's all I can remember, what you just did. The Golden Bachelor, so you would,

• 58:56Speaker 07

  I think we can do it.

• 58:58Bill Maher?

  Oh, it would be so funny.

• 59:00Speaker 07

  Is there an age limit for the girls?

• 59:01Bill Maher?

  Um, well, you know what? They should, every other, like, dating show on TV.

• 59:07Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 59:07Bill Maher?

  Is just as sexist in the other way. You're not gonna find on Temptation Island, anyone over 30.

• 59:14Speaker 07

  Right.

• 59:14Bill Maher?

  Right, they're all gonna be like 22 to 32, shall we say. Uh, so, fine. Let's do that.

• 59:21Speaker 07

  Do you watch those shows?

• 59:22Bill Maher?

  I, I used to love Temptation Island.

• 59:24Speaker 07

  Really?

• 59:25Bill Maher?

  Yes. That was my guilty pleasure show.

• 59:28Speaker 07

  I've lost all respect for you. I mean, I was so...

• 59:32Bill Maher?

  I don't blame you.

• 59:33Speaker 07

  Kidding.

• 59:34Bill Maher?

  But, you never saw it?

• 59:36Speaker 07

  No.

• 59:36Bill Maher?

  Temptation Island?

• 59:37Speaker 07

  No.

• 59:40Speaker 07

  Temptation Island?

• 59:43Bill Maher?

  Do you know the premise?

• 59:45Speaker 07

  They're on an island.

• 59:49Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 59:49Speaker 07

  I love you, Bill. You know, I, I don't know why we didn't, we spent 22 years avoiding each other.

• 59:54Bill Maher?

  I wasn't, I wasn't avoiding.

• 59:56Speaker 07

  Yeah, a little bit.

• 59:57Bill Maher?

  I, I, I know. I, I just don't, I just don't, no, no. I, because I don't remember the fight.

• 1:00:03Speaker 07

  Like, hey, John, Bill, Bill, John, you guys know each other?

• 1:00:06Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:00:06Speaker 07

  We got a close up on the camera?

• 1:00:11Bill Maher?

  Well, I apologize.

• 1:00:12Speaker 07

  But you always had girls that wanted to say hi.

• 1:00:15Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:00:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, sometimes.

• 1:00:17Bill Maher?

  Oh, come on.

• 1:00:18Speaker 07

  You didn't have a... You just had a girl the other day I saw you, and she said, "I'm gonna say hi to Johnson."

• 1:00:24Bill Maher?

  She was not a girlfriend.

• 1:00:25Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 1:00:26Bill Maher?

  That was not a...

• 1:00:27Speaker 07

  But my point to all this was that you're really charming and funny and... Well, you're not as... You know, you can be... You come off as very, you know...

• 1:00:39Bill Maher?

  Serious?

• 1:00:39Speaker 07

  Serious, yeah.

• 1:00:41Bill Maher?

  Well, it's a comedy show.

• 1:00:43Speaker 07

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 1:00:45Bill Maher?

  So...

• 1:00:45Speaker 07

  No, but I mean, you're...

• 1:00:47Bill Maher?

  I mean, I know what you mean. Like, sure, like...

• 1:00:50Speaker 07

  I guess this is how you are. And I watch the show all the time.

• 1:00:53Bill Maher?

  We talk about weighty topics. And here, we're not talking about weighty topics.

• 1:00:56Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:00:57Bill Maher?

  I mean, sometimes, we wander into a weighty topic. But, you know, the point of this show is that it is exactly what we would be doing if there were no cameras and it wasn't a show. I mean, there's no agenda. I don't have a series of questions.

• 1:01:10Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:01:11Bill Maher?

  There was zero difference. And I feel like this is what differentiates us from all the other podcasts, which are really just talk shows. They have questions. Sometimes, they see them in their hand.

• 1:01:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:01:22Bill Maher?

  You know, and that's okay. But that's just what TV I grew up on.

• 1:01:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:01:26Bill Maher?

  This is something different. This is just like, no, let's get high, or drunk, or neither, or both, or whatever you want. But just have the exact conversation we would. Because like, when I go to dinner, if we go to dinner, I'm not gonna like, bring a series of questions.

• 1:01:40Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 1:01:41Bill Maher?

  We're just gonna bullshit.

• 1:01:42Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:01:43Bill Maher?

  And we'll stumble on some great stuff.

• 1:01:45Speaker 07

  Right, like we have.

• 1:01:46Bill Maher?

  Because we're both interesting guys of a certain age, which really helps, you know, because...

• 1:01:51Speaker 07

  Right, right, we can talk about...

• 1:01:52Bill Maher?

  Well, you just have more experiences and more knowledge and more things.

• 1:01:56Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:01:56Bill Maher?

  You know, I mean, and of course, there are kids out there who'll be like... Why are they still talking about Billy Joel?

• 1:02:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, right.

• 1:02:03Bill Maher?

  Cause like, even though we haven't really haven't talked about him that much.

• 1:02:06Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:02:07Bill Maher?

  And we should.

• 1:02:08Speaker 07

  Alright, let's.

• 1:02:08Bill Maher?

  Cause we love him. And that's what brought us together.

• 1:02:11Speaker 07

  That's right.

• 1:02:12Bill Maher?

  That's what brought it. You wrote me such a wonderful email about that and I'm so glad you liked that show.

• 1:02:18Speaker 07

  Good things and people that inspire me. I could try to write to them or like on Instagram, which you're not on, but you could just DM somebody, which I do all the time. I say, you know, I'm a fan and you're... Yeah, I've met a lot of great, you know, people. The Beach Boys were looking for a new drummer. I found him on Instagram.

• 1:02:33Bill Maher?

  Is that right?

• 1:02:34Speaker 07

  Uh huh.

• 1:02:34Bill Maher?

  That's right. You also are a drummer. I remember seeing you do that at Jeff's house.

• 1:02:38Speaker 07

  That's my main thing, is drums.

• 1:02:40Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 1:02:41Speaker 07

  You'd love it.

• 1:02:41Bill Maher?

  I thought it was guitar.

• 1:02:42Speaker 07

  No, I'm not a crappy guitar player.

• 1:02:44Bill Maher?

  Really? Yeah. I've seen you play it with Beach Boys.

• 1:02:47Speaker 07

  Yeah, I've played drums with the Beach Boys.

• 1:02:49Bill Maher?

  I've seen you play guitar with them.

• 1:02:51Speaker 07

  Well, you weren't looking close enough, cause I mostly play drums with them.

• 1:02:54Bill Maher?

  Yeah, one time you were, it was outside.

• 1:02:56Speaker 07

  I did play, yes, yeah.

• 1:02:57Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:02:58Speaker 07

  But mainly, I'm a drummer. I just kind of hack the guitar.

• 1:03:01Bill Maher?

  But you, I did see you do that. So maybe it's you who misremembers things.

• 1:03:05Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah. Maybe I should start. What do you got? Give me something. No, I play drums and I've got to play with some of the coolest people. You, I know you have Forwardy on here, right?

• 1:03:16Bill Maher?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:03:17Speaker 07

  He was, he's a friend of mine.

• 1:03:19Bill Maher?

  Oh, really?

• 1:03:20Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:03:20Bill Maher?

  Creedence Clearwater Revival?

• 1:03:22Speaker 07

  Yeah, I remember that.

• 1:03:23Bill Maher?

  No, no, I'm just helping the audience.

• 1:03:25Speaker 07

  Yes. CCR. No, he was, his, his...

• 1:03:31Bill Maher?

  Proud Mary.

• 1:03:32Speaker 07

  Friend of mine worked at, do you remember Santa Pietro's up there on?

• 1:03:37Bill Maher?

  Totally. I remember the guy.

• 1:03:39Speaker 07

  Santa Pietro, George Santa Pietro. Vanna White.

• 1:03:41Bill Maher?

  Vanna White?

• 1:03:42Speaker 07

  Yeah. Vanna White? Yeah.

• 1:03:44Bill Maher?

  What was Vanna White?

• 1:03:45Speaker 07

  Then I said Vanna White.

• 1:03:46Bill Maher?

  Okay, Vanna White, yeah.

• 1:03:48Speaker 07

  Saget used to live near her, near her. And he used to listen to her have sex.

• 1:03:54Bill Maher?

  What?

• 1:03:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:03:57Bill Maher?

  Seriously?

• 1:03:57Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, through the, I think Couyay would come over and maybe Mike Binder, whoever they were, would listen to Vanna getting, you know.

• 1:04:03Bill Maher?

  Railed?

• 1:04:04Speaker 07

  Yeah, railed.

• 1:04:05Bill Maher?

  At the restaurant?

• 1:04:06Speaker 07

  No, no, at her apartment. They lived near, before she was, I think, a family. You were talking about losing Rob in a blink of an eye. Saget was like that. I mean, one day you're talking to him.

• 1:04:19Bill Maher?

  Another one.

• 1:04:19Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:04:21Bill Maher?

  I know. It's, um...

• 1:04:25Bill Maher?

  We get to these ages, you know, I mean, I'm seventy basically in a month, so.

• 1:04:32Speaker 07

  That's incredible.

• 1:04:33Bill Maher?

  Yeah, it's incredible when you think about how many, you know, not to beg a term from Taylor Swift, but eras you've lived through. Because, you know, it's a clever name for a tour and a concept, and she's not even that old, but we do live through eras.

• 1:04:48Speaker 07

  Yes, right.

• 1:04:49Bill Maher?

  You know, when we were fighting each other.

• 1:04:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:04:52Bill Maher?

  It's like a completely different era of a completely different version of the person you are.

• 1:04:58Speaker 07

  A hundred percent, yeah.

• 1:04:59Bill Maher?

  A completely different.

• 1:05:00Speaker 07

  Going to Nike or hanging out of clubs and bullshit, yeah, terrible.

• 1:05:05Bill Maher?

  Just the fact that we were there speaks of how different.

• 1:05:08Speaker 07

  Trying to get into the VIP fucking thing and.

• 1:05:10Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:11Speaker 07

  The Beach Boys, it's been forty years. Eighty-five was the first time I played with them.

• 1:05:18Bill Maher?

  Forty years for you?

• 1:05:20Speaker 07

  Yeah. The first time I played with them, you like this, oh wait, I didn't finish Fogarty's story. So I became friends with him. He invited me to his fiftieth birthday. He says, "Stamos, come sit in, we're playing some Creedence stuff." And then he, it was in his living room.

• 1:05:35Bill Maher?

  Name some of the songs, just for people who don't remember Creedence.

• 1:05:38Speaker 07

  Dax, Duh, Duh, and Suzy Q, Proud Mary.

• 1:05:41Bill Maher?

  That's not one of their great ones. Proud Mary, Up Around the Bend.

• 1:05:46Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:47Bill Maher?

  Bad Moon Rising.

• 1:05:49Speaker 07

  Green River.

• 1:05:50Bill Maher?

  Down on the Corner.

• 1:05:51Speaker 07

  Down on the Corner.

• 1:05:52Bill Maher?

  Long as I can see the light.

• 1:05:55Speaker 07

  Who'll ever see, Who'll Stop the Rain?

• 1:05:56Bill Maher?

  Who'll Stop the Rain?

• 1:05:59Speaker 07

  Playing these songs.

• 1:06:00Bill Maher?

  The eleven-minute Herd of Through the Grapevine.

• 1:06:03Speaker 07

  How about Midnight Hour?

• 1:06:06Bill Maher?

  They were tight.

• 1:06:06Speaker 07

  They did, yeah.

• 1:06:07Bill Maher?

  Down on the Corner.

• 1:06:09Speaker 07

  Down the corner.

• 1:06:10Bill Maher?

  Come on, man.

• 1:06:11Speaker 07

  Drummer says, it's like, "Go sit in, play a couple of songs." Fogarty's, it's a room like this, maybe fifty, like his cousins and nobody famous.

• 1:06:21Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:06:21Speaker 07

  John gets on the mic and goes, "Bruce." I get the fuck out of here. Springsteen.

• 1:06:27Bill Maher?

  Bruce Springsteen.

• 1:06:29Speaker 07

  Springsteen, Stamos, Fogarty. Played for about forty-five minutes just.

• 1:06:36Speaker 07

  Bruce is calling up. Anyway.

• 1:06:38Bill Maher?

  All Creedon songs.

• 1:06:40Speaker 07

  Yeah, he didn't want to play any Bruce. So he played one song called, um, "Detail, detail, man." I don't know, we just followed along. Midnight hour or two, they sing. But that was my point, was that I'm a drummer.

• 1:06:55Speaker 07

  First time I played with the Beach Boys.

• 1:06:57Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:06:58Speaker 07

  Was in eighty-five. At the Washington Monument on July fourth.

• 1:07:02Bill Maher?

  Before Kokomo.

• 1:07:03Speaker 07

  Before Kokomo, it was eighty-eight. Played on that.

• 1:07:06Bill Maher?

  Kokomo was their comeback song.

• 1:07:08Speaker 07

  Yeah, number one.

• 1:07:10Bill Maher?

  Number one, yes.

• 1:07:11Speaker 07

  In that video and stuff.

• 1:07:12Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 1:07:13Speaker 07

  You'll like the story. I get to, uh, I get to DC and my friend says, "Come on, I gotta go teach Jimmy who the songs." Jimmy who? Oh, doors open. Jimmy Page.

• 1:07:26Bill Maher?

  Jimmy Page.

• 1:07:28Speaker 07

  Comes out.

• 1:07:28Bill Maher?

  Led Zeppelin.

• 1:07:30Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, are we too old? Should we talk about Taylor Swift?

• 1:07:32Bill Maher?

  I'm just helping.

• 1:07:33Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:07:34Bill Maher?

  I may look like a fucking drunk and a pothead, but I actually know what the fuck I'm doing.

• 1:07:38Speaker 07

  You know how to host.

• 1:07:38Bill Maher?

  I know.

• 1:07:39Speaker 07

  Yeah. Uh, he comes out like a slinky, you know. And, um, my friend says, uh...

• 1:07:47Bill Maher?

  What, he was wasted?

• 1:07:48Speaker 07

  A little bit. Well, he had a, he had like a bottle of Jack Daniels. And he wants some Jack. I said, "Do you have a light beer, Mr. Page?"

• 1:07:54Bill Maher?

  Jimmy Page?

• 1:07:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:56Bill Maher?

  I didn't ever know he was that guy.

• 1:07:58Speaker 07

  He was then.

• 1:07:59Bill Maher?

  Okay, I'm sure he was, but, you know, you think about Keith doing that and people like that. I never, and I mean, I just didn't have that impression of Jimmy Page.

• 1:08:07Speaker 07

  Really?

• 1:08:08Bill Maher?

  No, I mean, I really don't know what he did, except put like a shark up a girl's pussy in a hotel room.

• 1:08:15Speaker 07

  Yeah, right.

• 1:08:15Bill Maher?

  You heard that story?

• 1:08:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, and how come he didn't get in charge?

• 1:08:20Bill Maher?

  I mean, first of all, we don't know if that's what happened.

• 1:08:23Speaker 07

  We don't know if it was a shark. It could have been a cod.

• 1:08:27Bill Maher?

  Which would be perfectly acceptable.

• 1:08:30Speaker 07

  You know what's good about you?

• 1:08:30Bill Maher?

  I mean, if it's a freshwater fish.

• 1:08:32Speaker 07

  You know how some comics don't laugh at other people?

• 1:08:35Bill Maher?

  Hate them.

• 1:08:36Speaker 07

  You're not that, that's good.

• 1:08:37Bill Maher?

  Who wouldn't want to laugh?

• 1:08:39Speaker 07

  Well, some comics don't think-

• 1:08:40Bill Maher?

  Oh, I know they- oh, I know them, John.

• 1:08:43Speaker 07

  Some of your friends.

• 1:08:43Bill Maher?

  Trust me, I-

• 1:08:44Speaker 07

  Who are all these people?

• 1:08:45Bill Maher?

  I know, I- he laughs. He's a great laugher.

• 1:08:48Speaker 07

  Yeah?

• 1:08:49Bill Maher?

  Seinfeld-

• 1:08:49Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:50Bill Maher?

  Is the best.

• 1:08:50Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:08:51Bill Maher?

  A laugher.

• 1:08:51Speaker 07

  Right. Who isn't?

• 1:08:53Bill Maher?

  I'm not gonna say who isn't, but I- but I appreciate your point and I take your point because it-

• 1:08:58Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:08:59Bill Maher?

  I love laughing and I love being a good laugher.

• 1:09:01Speaker 07

  You do.

• 1:09:02Bill Maher?

  And it's- and the thing with me, I think that really adds a little-

• 1:09:06Speaker 07

  Orsino.

• 1:09:06Bill Maher?

  Half to- horsino. A little half to it is that I'm known as not a pandurer. So like, if I do laugh, you know it's actually real.

• 1:09:17Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:09:18Bill Maher?

  You know, I'm not, ah, you know.

• 1:09:20Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:09:20Bill Maher?

  There are hosts, we won't name them all, who do that. I do not. Like, I can't.

• 1:09:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:09:27Bill Maher?

  I just can't lie.

• 1:09:27Speaker 07

  Okay, good.

• 1:09:28Bill Maher?

  So like, when you get a laugh from me, it's real.

• 1:09:30Speaker 07

  Alright.

• 1:09:31Bill Maher?

  So that's-

• 1:09:31Speaker 07

  And we'll get a laugh from the booth back there, that's, uh-

• 1:09:34Bill Maher?

  There's no booth, it's just us here.

• 1:09:36Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, sorry. Club Random.

• 1:09:37Bill Maher?

  Club Random. It's just us. Do you see any cameras or people or any mics?

• 1:09:42Speaker 07

  That's why I feel so relaxed.

• 1:09:43Bill Maher?

  It's just us.

• 1:09:44Speaker 07

  Hey, baby?

• 1:09:47Speaker 07

  Why are we in your jacuzzi? You know? We going in the jacuzzi after?

• 1:09:51Bill Maher?

  That's probably what the fight was about. I wouldn't fuck you.

• 1:09:54Speaker 07

  You wouldn't, you-

• 1:09:54Bill Maher?

  Yeah. You know?

• 1:09:57Speaker 07

  Bill Maher wouldn't fuck me. I'm gonna fight him. Yeah, that was it.

• 1:10:02Bill Maher?

  I'm sure gay guys hit on you. You- you seem like the kinda guy gay guys would hit on, and I mean that as a- as a compliment.

• 1:10:07Speaker 07

  Thanks.

• 1:10:08Bill Maher?

  I mean that as a compliment.

• 1:10:09Speaker 07

  I did do cabaret, and, you know.

• 1:10:12Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but I mean, just in general, there are gay guys who I won't- there's one giant movie star who is not technically out of the closet, although it's like the worst kept secret ever.

• 1:10:21Speaker 07

  Who?

• 1:10:22Bill Maher?

  Well, no, I'm not gonna say.

• 1:10:24Speaker 07

  George Clooney.

• 1:10:24Bill Maher?

  No. No.

• 1:10:26Speaker 07

  No?

• 1:10:27Bill Maher?

  Not him, but like-

• 1:10:29Speaker 07

  Well, it seemed gay to me.

• 1:10:30Bill Maher?

  He was so-

• 1:10:31Speaker 07

  If he's not gay, he's blowing guys for no reason.

• 1:10:35Speaker 07

  I'm kidding, George. I know you.

• 1:10:40Bill Maher?

  Oh, that's a good line.

• 1:10:42Speaker 07

  Did you laugh this much with Kanye?

• 1:10:43Bill Maher?

  No, but that's a great joke. Blowing guys for no reason. I'm gonna tell Jeff Franklin he should put you on the writing staff.

• 1:10:52Speaker 07

  I wrote two stuff on him.

• 1:10:53Bill Maher?

  But, no, when I'm, this person, like, so good-looking and so, you know, charismatic and famous and star-power, that his thing was always, I mean, I hear. When I'm getting fisted, I hear.

• 1:11:09Speaker 07

  Right. It's hard to hear.

• 1:11:11Bill Maher?

  Just at my bathhouse.

• 1:11:12Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:11:13Bill Maher?

  I hear.

• 1:11:14Speaker 07

  Oh, I know who you're talking about.

• 1:11:15Bill Maher?

  That he, that he, yes, that he, and there are gay men like this who are, like, feeling themselves so much that they're like, they're not really concerned whether you think you're still straight. They wanna turn you.

• 1:11:29Speaker 07

  Yes, yeah, right.

• 1:11:30Bill Maher?

  They wanna take a straight guy. And, and that, that's a challenge.

• 1:11:36Speaker 07

  Right, I've had a couple of those. The one in particular, who, and it's just like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm married. You came to, you know, you hang out with me and my, you know, it's, what are you? They keep trying, they're just waiting for that one moment of like, okay.

• 1:11:52Bill Maher?

  If there are two words that mean less in Hollywood than "I'm married",

• 1:11:56Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:11:56Bill Maher?

  you'll have to tell them what they are.

• 1:11:58Speaker 07

  Because I'm straight.

• 1:11:59Bill Maher?

  "I'm married" means nothing in this town. I've heard this from every woman here. Like, married men in this town absolutely give it no quarter. It just doesn't matter. Yeah, it, no, I'm just saying, the marriage is not something that prevents them from hitting on women.

• 1:12:18Speaker 07

  Right, but there's a vibe that some people put out that they maybe shouldn't. If they're, if they're married, right?

• 1:12:26Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 1:12:27Speaker 07

  Yeah, let's go back to the gay guy. I think I know who you're talking about.

• 1:12:32Bill Maher?

  Well, let's say.

• 1:12:33Speaker 07

  Okay, let's not say.

• 1:12:35Bill Maher?

  I'm sure you do, but.

• 1:12:35Speaker 07

  But I had a, like, okay.

• 1:12:37Bill Maher?

  But I'm just saying, I think gay men hit on you.

• 1:12:40Speaker 07

  Yeah, but I'm very gay, you know, like, I'm, you know, a friend of the gays, as they say.

• 1:12:46Bill Maher?

  Yeah, well, we're all friends of the gays.

• 1:12:47Speaker 07

  Not all of us.

• 1:12:49Bill Maher?

  No, but, again, this is one of those woke things, like.

• 1:12:53Speaker 07

  You had Chuck on here, the guy played Chuck.

• 1:12:55Bill Maher?

  Stop pretending we live in America where it's just a nightmare to be gay. I mean, there was a time, yes, and it's not now. Can you find pockets of places where, I guess, they look at you, crap, man, that guy's a, you know, okay, but don't, you don't go there. And, and, you know, is it wrong? Yes. Should we fix it? Yes. But in the meantime.

• 1:13:16Speaker 07

  It's gotten better.

• 1:13:17Bill Maher?

  It's just not like a problem to be gay in America, mostly where, where gay people live and interact. Also, look at the polling. Even Republicans have come around. They're pro-gay marriage, you know, it's just not what it was.

• 1:13:31Speaker 07

  I've officiated two weddings and both were gay.

• 1:13:34Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:13:35Speaker 07

  So doesn't that make me great?

• 1:13:38Speaker 07

  Well, you, Rob, Rob Reiner was saying how.

• 1:13:40Bill Maher?

  That's probably how they're trying to get at you.

• 1:13:42Speaker 07

  Will you marry us?

• 1:13:45Bill Maher?

  You know, you, you perform the ceremony, you're in kind of a gay mood, shall we say.

• 1:13:51Speaker 07

  It's a wedding, weddings are.

• 1:13:52Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I mean, everyone is a little susceptible at a wedding, so Stamos, he's got the gay glow right now. If you're ever gonna get him, do it now.

• 1:14:02Speaker 07

  Dick that robot.

• 1:14:08Speaker 07

  So.

• 1:14:10Bill Maher?

  I love the way you think it's yours. You're so adorable. You, you think it's your responsibility to carry my stoned ass. Like, like, you're always like, what next? And I'm like, I'm gonna light the.

• 1:14:23Speaker 07

  I know, I know.

• 1:14:24Bill Maher?

  It's so cute, nobody's so, it's, it shows your kindness, you know, you're like, oh, I gotta, like, step in here. No. We can just like.

• 1:14:32Speaker 07

  Okay, we can just do.

• 1:14:33Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:33Speaker 07

  Tom Hanks.

• 1:14:36Speaker 07

  No?

• 1:14:37Bill Maher?

  My thoughts?

• 1:14:38Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:14:39Bill Maher?

  What is that, your Larry King impression?

• 1:14:40Speaker 07

  Tom Hanks, no, get you.

• 1:14:42Bill Maher?

  Larry King, I love him, but boy, he just, he, talk about somebody who didn't prepare. Well, that was his whole thing, was like, I wanna be like the person watching the show who doesn't know anything, so I'm gonna find out.

• 1:14:56Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:14:57Bill Maher?

  But, you know, he just like to, I love him, but like, he.

• 1:15:02Speaker 07

  He was your idol, one of your idols?

• 1:15:03Bill Maher?

  No, no, not at all. I loved him.

• 1:15:05Speaker 07

  Didn't you do something, his last thing or something, didn't you have something to do with it?

• 1:15:08Bill Maher?

  Oh, I did like ten tributes to him. But he was always getting a tribute, because again, he was like, Al Gore, your thoughts?

• 1:15:15Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:15:15Bill Maher?

  And then he'd sit there for five minutes, you know, it's like, it's amazing the way they, they elevated this guy to like genius.

• 1:15:21Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 1:15:22Bill Maher?

  It was just like, you know.

• 1:15:24Speaker 07

  Talk.

• 1:15:26Speaker 07

  That's what's me, I'm trying to tell stories about Jimmy Page and the people.

• 1:15:29Bill Maher?

  Oh, Jimmy Page, yeah, so what happened? He came out all stoned.

• 1:15:33Speaker 07

  Yeah, and, uh, and he had all these Anvil cases everywhere, which I thought were guitars, turned out to be devil shit, like whips and stuff.

• 1:15:43Speaker 07

  And, uh, but my friend runs off with his assistant to some other room, and I'm sitting, first I'm sitting there, first I, they, they all leave. He goes to get me a light beer, my friend goes off with the roadie, and they're looking at some guitars in some other room. I'm sitting in this big, like this kind of, this, this sinks down like this, and I'm just looking around, I'm like, I gotta get the fuck out of this, this is weird. Swear to God, out pops this, like a goth cuckoo clock, some weird chick out of a, out of the thing, out of the, behind a, uh, Anvil case, sees me. Ah! Goes back. He had some young girl that he was bringing on the road with him. He comes out.

• 1:16:20Bill Maher?

  In the case?

• 1:16:21Speaker 07

  In between the two cases.

• 1:16:22Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 1:16:23Speaker 07

  And there was a, a blank, I'll never forget it, a blanket over, I mean, a, a tied dyed sheet.

• 1:16:29Speaker 07

  Jimmy comes back and says, doesn't say anything. I'm like. And I'm eight, nineteen years old. He's like, "Okay, so what songs would you do?" I said, "I think you're doing Barbara Ann." "What key is that in?" "F sharp." "I can't fucking stop!" He's screaming at me, you know, about the keys. And I'm like, "Uh..."

• 1:16:45Bill Maher?

  Again, people met at you.

• 1:16:47Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:16:47Bill Maher?

  Always.

• 1:16:48Speaker 07

  I know, we should have took a guitar.

• 1:16:49Bill Maher?

  Is it weird? Are you, it's like, it's like I'm watching this Puff Daddy video. Uh, I mean, not video, this Puff Daddy series.

• 1:16:57Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:16:57Bill Maher?

  This documentary.

• 1:16:58Speaker 07

  That's good, yes.

• 1:16:59Bill Maher?

  And like, everyone, you, you look at all the things in a row and you see, oh god, everybody this guy has ever been encountered with, from J Lo to everybody else, has either been embroiled in some sort of violence or death, or cheated, or beaten, or something horrible. It seems the same with you.

• 1:17:17Speaker 07

  I killed Tupac.

• 1:17:20Bill Maher?

  Yeah, Tupac, I mean, like, murders and, I mean, this is a, this is a...

• 1:17:24Speaker 07

  I've watched it.

• 1:17:25Bill Maher?

  The Chico Malo, this guy, I mean, seriously.

• 1:17:29Speaker 07

  He, uh, yes, did you know him?

• 1:17:32Bill Maher?

  Well, not like that, I mean, it's funny.

• 1:17:35Speaker 07

  By parties?

• 1:17:36Bill Maher?

  He, well, no, but I, there was a few times I did run into him, and I did see the charm. He was the kind of guy who could like, corner you for like, two minutes. And make you feel like he was your best friend and he loved you and everything. Did it, and then like, he would give you your number and then you'd be like, I remember you get, and I was like, "I don't really wanna call him, but I feel like an asshole if I don't," and then it could be like, eh.

• 1:17:58Speaker 07

  You're wrong, remember?

• 1:17:59Bill Maher?

  It was nothing, it was not.

• 1:18:01Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 1:18:02Bill Maher?

  So, you know. But, no.

• 1:18:04Speaker 07

  I did, I did, um, Raisin in the Sun, a three hour TV movie of that. I was the white guy, I was the racist white guy in there.

• 1:18:12Bill Maher?

  Who's the, oh, there's a white guy.

• 1:18:14Speaker 07

  And Sean Combs was the, was in it.

• 1:18:16Bill Maher?

  Oh, I remember when he did that.

• 1:18:17Speaker 07

  He did it on Broadway and then they did a TV movie.

• 1:18:19Bill Maher?

  You were the racist white guy.

• 1:18:20Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 1:18:30Speaker 07

  That might have been a fake laugh.

• 1:18:31Bill Maher?

  No.

• 1:18:32Speaker 07

  No?

• 1:18:32Bill Maher?

  Oh, no.

• 1:18:33Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:18:34Bill Maher?

  No, no, no.

• 1:18:35Speaker 07

  What do you do now after people, the guests, leave?

• 1:18:39Bill Maher?

  The guests don't leave, John.

• 1:18:40Speaker 07

  Uh-oh.

• 1:18:41Bill Maher?

  You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave.

• 1:18:44Speaker 07

  All right.

• 1:18:45Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:18:45Speaker 07

  Jacuzzi?

• 1:18:46Bill Maher?

  This is a satanic, a jacuzzi, aren't you funny?

• 1:18:50Speaker 07

  This is satanic, uh...

• 1:18:52Bill Maher?

  No.

• 1:18:52Speaker 07

  It is a little weird down here.

• 1:18:53Bill Maher?

  Oh, it's lovely. It's the greatest.

• 1:18:56Speaker 07

  You hang here when, when you're not having a TV show?

• 1:18:58Bill Maher?

  You know, I used to before we, like, made it into, I'm so here off, here so often, you know, but like, before we did this, it wasn't like I didn't sit in this chair and smoke pot and talk to people.

• 1:19:10Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 1:19:11Bill Maher?

  You know, it's like, not like I'm suddenly doing this.

• 1:19:14Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:19:15Bill Maher?

  The Bachelor show, let's get back to that.

• 1:19:17Speaker 07

  Okay, let's go back to it.

• 1:19:17Bill Maher?

  We, we gotta get this going.

• 1:19:19Speaker 07

  All right.

• 1:19:19Bill Maher?

  Don't you think the ratings would be off the charts?

• 1:19:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:19:22Bill Maher?

  I mean, if we, me...

• 1:19:23Speaker 07

  I mean, women won't watch it, but, you know.

• 1:19:25Bill Maher?

  Women?

• 1:19:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, you know.

• 1:19:28Bill Maher?

  Oh, you don't think they'd be interested just to hate-watch it?

• 1:19:31Speaker 07

  Oh, maybe.

• 1:19:32Bill Maher?

  This is, this is like an ultimate hate-watch for them.

• 1:19:34Speaker 07

  Maybe, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:35Bill Maher?

  I mean, what do people want to these days? They just wanna get stirred up about shit.

• 1:19:39Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:19:40Bill Maher?

  And be angry about shit and bitch about shit.

• 1:19:42Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:19:43Bill Maher?

  I think I'm giving them...

• 1:19:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:19:44Bill Maher?

  ...the product they are asking for.

• 1:19:46Speaker 07

  Okay. Start off with your hatred towards the woke.

• 1:19:51Bill Maher?

  No, but it's just, I just think it'd be funny.

• 1:19:53Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:19:53Bill Maher?

  I just think it's funny.

• 1:19:54Speaker 07

  Just all a bunch of young girls?

• 1:19:56Bill Maher?

  Well, first of all, like...

• 1:19:59Speaker 07

  So how...

• 1:19:59Bill Maher?

  People in their twenties don't know anything.

• 1:20:01Speaker 07

  But you'd have to have sex with a lot of them, that's what happens on these shows.

• 1:20:04Bill Maher?

  No, no, no, no sex.

• 1:20:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:20:05Bill Maher?

  Oh, no, that's one thing that you'd have to do.

• 1:20:07Speaker 07

  What do you mean?

• 1:20:08Bill Maher?

  You'd have to be chased. Or else it would, no, then you would lose the audience completely. And I don't wanna do...

• 1:20:14Speaker 07

  But don't those guys have sex with all the girls on, on that show?

• 1:20:17Bill Maher?

  But this is a different show. This is The Golden Bachelor: Age Inappropriate.

• 1:20:21Speaker 07

  Oh, okay.

• 1:20:21Bill Maher?

  That's the name of it.

• 1:20:22Speaker 07

  That's the name, Age Inappropriate.

• 1:20:23Bill Maher?

  Golden Bachelor: Age Inappropriate.

• 1:20:25Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:20:25Bill Maher?

  But you cannot have sex.

• 1:20:27Speaker 07

  So a lot of it's just you telling these girls, like...

• 1:20:29Bill Maher?

  It's just, yes.

• 1:20:30Speaker 07

  Say I'm a girl, say I'm one of the girls.

• 1:20:35Speaker 07

  Bill, I'm 22.

• 1:20:36Bill Maher?

  Oh, again, you're trying to get me to fuck you. Oh, Jesus. First, it's the gay weddings, and then it's the fighting. And then, okay, John.

• 1:20:43Speaker 07

  That is the jacuzzi.

• 1:20:44Bill Maher?

  All right, so, what? So, well, can you act like a 22-year-old girl? Can you?

• 1:20:52Speaker 07

  Can I? I've just, because I didn't shave today. I would normally. What would you say to these girls?

• 1:20:57Bill Maher?

  You didn't shave today? Wow. That's pretty macho. Because you've got like a half a beard.

• 1:21:02Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 1:21:03Bill Maher?

  Yeah, go ahead. Do your best.

• 1:21:05Speaker 07

  I, I, first of all, what is the show All in the Family you're talking about?

• 1:21:13Speaker 07

  I always say, who gives a fuck if they know those shows? But, yeah.

• 1:21:16Bill Maher?

  Then I would say, it's an iconic. And you would stop me and say?

• 1:21:20Speaker 07

  What's iconic?

• 1:21:21Bill Maher?

  Thank you. And you see, this is how we learn. Because it actually gets to, I think, if any you, problem you want to identify in America as root.

• 1:21:33Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:21:33Bill Maher?

  I would say it is education. I would say.

• 1:21:37Speaker 07

  What's education?

• 1:21:39Bill Maher?

  Exactly. Something you didn't have. Because you went to high school in America after the time when they felt it was perfectly okay to let you out with a diploma, even if you didn't know anything. You didn't know science, you didn't know history, you hadn't, you probably don't know which country America got its independence from.

• 1:22:04Speaker 07

  Right. I could cut a frog up, though.

• 1:22:08Bill Maher?

  I don't, I did when I was in high school, and I'm sorry I did.

• 1:22:12Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:22:12Bill Maher?

  And I've been a repentant PETA board member ever since.

• 1:22:16Speaker 07

  Am I still the girl, or are we back to?

• 1:22:20Speaker 07

  I didn't know if we, I don't know if we went back to John and Bill.

• 1:22:26Speaker 07

  I like those beetle boots.

• 1:22:29Bill Maher?

  Yeah, let's go back to us.

• 1:22:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:22:30Bill Maher?

  I mean, but it is a great idea.

• 1:22:32Speaker 07

  Yeah, it is a very good idea. You got the guy here that can do it.

• 1:22:35Bill Maher?

  And like, I'm the only one who could do it. Because, first of all, to your point about the sex. No, you can't, that's super sleazy. It's super sleazy when age-appropriate people do it.

• 1:22:46Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 1:22:46Bill Maher?

  It would be just beyond super sleazy. And I wouldn't, I don't want to be sleazy. And I don't want to ever be in real life or anytime be taking advantage of somebody. If I'm with somebody who's younger than me, it's to make their life better.

• 1:23:00Speaker 07

  What is some of the advice, though, honestly, that you give these girls?

• 1:23:05Speaker 07

  I'm not being funny, like, what are some of their issues?

• 1:23:07Bill Maher?

  It depends on what the issue is.

• 1:23:08Speaker 07

  I mean, the daddy, I'm sure it's the dad.

• 1:23:10Bill Maher?

  It depends on what the issue is. But generally, it's the kind of common sense shit that kids don't get today anymore from their parents, who have abdicated their responsibilities in big ways. And, you know, I just think they're directionless a lot of times.

• 1:23:29Speaker 07

  You don't think being an Instagram model is a good direction?

• 1:23:33Bill Maher?

  I mean, are you on Pornhub?

• 1:23:36Speaker 07

  Right now?

• 1:23:42Speaker 07

  I've been on there, sure.

• 1:23:44Bill Maher?

  I've been on there, sure.

• 1:23:45Speaker 07

  I mean, I haven't been on there, but I've been on, you know, I've looked, I've, no, yes, I've gone on there a lot, yes.

• 1:23:50Bill Maher?

  Jesus Christ, I'm so glad I'm not married. I would hate to have to thumfer around like this.

• 1:23:55Speaker 07

  She doesn't care.

• 1:23:56Bill Maher?

  Then why are you like?

• 1:23:58Speaker 07

  I'm not. I said I'm on there, I said, you know.

• 1:24:02Bill Maher?

  Okay, constantly.

• 1:24:04Speaker 07

  Not constantly, but, you know. What's your point, Bill?

• 1:24:08Bill Maher?

  My point is that you're on Pornhub constantly.

• 1:24:10Speaker 07

  I think there was a point, there was a point where I was running into this, I saw it all. I watched all of it.

• 1:24:18Bill Maher?

  Okay, but that's like saying my dick is never gonna get hard again. Yes, I've seen it before. I've also showered, but I'm gonna need one of those too.

• 1:24:24Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:24:25Bill Maher?

  You know, okay. Anyway, the point is

• 1:24:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:24:27Bill Maher?

  that if you look on Pornhub, I mean, it is just a never-ending, if you scroll.

• 1:24:36Bill Maher?

  Montage of young girls doing porn, who I've never seen before, I'll never see again. It looks to me like any girl who didn't go to college in America is either on Pornhub, is on OnlyFans, or is a stripper.

• 1:24:53Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:24:53Bill Maher?

  Because there's like no other way to make a living, which I think is a comment on our economy, not that we want to get into that. My next guest is Mondami from New York.

• 1:25:02Speaker 07

  Hi.

• 1:25:05Bill Maher?

  But in the first half, we want to talk about this. I'm like, Trump is not, we want to talk about him. He was making a speech about affordability, which is a hoax.

• 1:25:15Speaker 07

  I love your Trump.

• 1:25:17Bill Maher?

  I love that we both said it at the same time.

• 1:25:19Speaker 07

  I love your Trump because it's terrible.

• 1:25:21Bill Maher?

  It's terrible.

• 1:25:22Speaker 07

  It's like, it's not even, it's like,

• 1:25:23Bill Maher?

  Exactly.

• 1:25:23Speaker 07

  You sound like one of the guys from, you sound like an extra from The Godfather.

• 1:25:26Bill Maher?

  I, yeah, it's just, it's terrible. Hey, Joe Vinnie, are you going to take the car? Are you going to park the car? You're right. I know, it's not my skill, it's not my bar skill. My skill is remembering lines from movies.

• 1:25:38Speaker 07

  Okay, good, good, good. Bar skills, right.

• 1:25:40Bill Maher?

  Should I do Gone with the Wind?

• 1:25:41Speaker 07

  No. It's nobody, if they haven't turned it off by now, you go into Gone with the Wind and we've lost everybody.

• 1:25:48Bill Maher?

  I'd like to do Gone with the Wind.

• 1:25:51Speaker 07

  And I'm not kissing ass because I've already won you over, but you look really good in person too, you look healthy.

• 1:25:57Bill Maher?

  Oh, here we go with trying to fuck me.

• 1:25:58Speaker 07

  Well, it's just.

• 1:26:01Bill Maher?

  Just never.

• 1:26:01Speaker 07

  You have good coloring this time, I've, you know.

• 1:26:06Bill Maher?

  Look.

• 1:26:08Speaker 07

  Sorry.

• 1:26:09Bill Maher?

  When you make it feel awkward.

• 1:26:11Speaker 07

  I know.

• 1:26:11Bill Maher?

  I get the ick.

• 1:26:13Speaker 07

  Sorry, just come over here. I'm sitting here laughing. We'll talk this out.

• 1:26:17Bill Maher?

  Once I get the ick, excuse me, but, you know.

• 1:26:21Speaker 07

  The cringe is the kid.

• 1:26:24Bill Maher?

  The ick, I think they still call it the ick. I mean, that's that.

• 1:26:26Speaker 07

  The penicillin will get rid of the ick.

• 1:26:28Bill Maher?

  That's, no, nothing gets rid of the ick.

• 1:26:30Speaker 07

  What's the ick?

• 1:26:31Bill Maher?

  The ick is when you give a girl. When you do something that makes a girl get the ick, she can never, ever look at you like she wants to fuck you again. And, you know, it can be just something as simple as tripping.

• 1:26:46Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 1:26:46Bill Maher?

  You know, like, or, or just being, being...

• 1:26:50Speaker 07

  Or texting them eight thousand times when they won't return a call.

• 1:26:53Bill Maher?

  Of course, that would give the ick. But, you know, just being rude to a waiter or something, or to people, and she's like, oh my god.

• 1:27:00Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:27:00Bill Maher?

  That's who this asshole is? You know, like, it doesn't have to be something that's directly with her.

• 1:27:05Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:27:05Bill Maher?

  She can just see you do something icky and go, oh, I, I don't want...

• 1:27:09Speaker 07

  That's a good way to weed him out, too, because if you're shitty to a waiter and they go, I love that. Be shittier to him.

• 1:27:14Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:27:15Speaker 07

  There you go, she's out.

• 1:27:16Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:27:16Speaker 07

  She gives you the ick.

• 1:27:17Bill Maher?

  You're right.

• 1:27:17Speaker 07

  Right, yeah.

• 1:27:18Bill Maher?

  You could, you could test the girl, and maybe he'll do it on The Bachelor.

• 1:27:21Speaker 07

  On The Bachelor, yeah.

• 1:27:22Bill Maher?

  By being shitty to people.

• 1:27:23Speaker 07

  Right, inappropriate.

• 1:27:24Bill Maher?

  And then see if, see if they, you're like, you know what, I don't want to be with you. I don't want your penis inside me when you treat a waiter like that.

• 1:27:31Speaker 07

  Shove the rose up your ass and get out of here.

• 1:27:35Speaker 07

  Right? I never watched that show.

• 1:27:38Bill Maher?

  I don't know, I just seem to have connected the waiter and erections a little too closely. But, but it's, but it is true, that you can give the girl the ick.

• 1:27:47Speaker 07

  I thought it was something that, like a venereal disease or something, but it's not.

• 1:27:51Bill Maher?

  Well, that would, that would definitely give the ick, too.

• 1:27:54Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:27:54Bill Maher?

  But that could be more innocent because, you know...

• 1:27:58Speaker 07

  Giving a venereal disease?

• 1:27:59Bill Maher?

  Well, it, it's, I mean, let's not get into venereal diseases, but...

• 1:28:03Speaker 07

  Why?

• 1:28:05Bill Maher?

  Because they're gross and... I'm just saying, you know, um, sometimes things don't come up in testing, or, you know, there are...

• 1:28:15Speaker 07

  I once got it, the clap.

• 1:28:19Speaker 07

  We'll be right back, right after.

• 1:28:21Bill Maher?

  Who was the lucky guy?

• 1:28:23Speaker 07

  Can't tell.

• 1:28:25Speaker 07

  Richard Marx. I can't tell you, but what was strange was that I got, I had something, I was going to meet this girl in Hawaii for the weekend.

• 1:28:36Bill Maher?

  Of course you were.

• 1:28:36Speaker 07

  And, uh, and I realized, and I was gonna meet her there. Thursday, it was, it was a long, like, the late 90s, maybe, and something was, I went to the doctor, said, I don't, we're gonna test it, it'll take 24 hours, call me tomorrow, I'm gonna be in Hawaii. Called him, said, you got it, and there I am with this girl.

• 1:28:54Speaker 07

  And I'll never forget, John Ritter was there. And I came down and I was, "I can't be with this girl." She gave me the clap.

• 1:29:01Bill Maher?

  Oh, this is the girl who gave you the clap?

• 1:29:03Speaker 07

  It was, yeah.

• 1:29:05Bill Maher?

  Well, then you were good to go. You both got it, you might as well fuck.

• 1:29:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 1:29:10Bill Maher?

  Right?

• 1:29:11Speaker 07

  No, it was terrible. She gave me the ick. That was the clap and the ick she gave me.

• 1:29:16Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but as long as you're in Hawaii, you both have the same disease. I would have fucked her and then broke up with her. No?

• 1:29:24Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:29:25Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:29:25Speaker 07

  I hung out with John Ritter and that was it.

• 1:29:28Bill Maher?

  Wow, that's gay. That's pretty gay.

• 1:29:31Speaker 07

  Three's Company. What's that? What's Three's Company? See, now I'm back to the girl again. You'd think that I was on sort of pot or something, huh?

• 1:29:41Bill Maher?

  Three's Company? Doesn't matter. You don't have, you're not, that is not something you're responsible for, Three's Company. It was a sitcom, back when sitcoms were a big thing. Now, you should know what sitcoms were. Do you know what sitcoms were?

• 1:29:55Speaker 07

  Is that where you sit on a, there's not, sitting isn't involved, right?

• 1:29:58Bill Maher?

  No, it was like, you know, you don't have a TV, right?

• 1:30:02Speaker 07

  I have a iPod. It's all Beatles.

• 1:30:08Bill Maher?

  Oh, now you're, now you're John as a 22-year?

• 1:30:10Speaker 07

  Sorry.

• 1:30:12Bill Maher?

  Now I'm confused, okay?

• 1:30:16Bill Maher?

  Look, they're gonna switch back and forth.

• 1:30:18Speaker 07

  Well, I gotta know when. Do a light or something.

• 1:30:23Bill Maher?

  Well, because you would have Beatles, well, you don't use the iPod, so you think.

• 1:30:29Speaker 07

  You still have it?

• 1:30:30Bill Maher?

  I'm telling you, I think it's a superior form of listening to music, because.

• 1:30:35Speaker 07

  Did you get that stupid Spotify thing where they said?

• 1:30:37Bill Maher?

  You have to get them on eBay, you know, you can't just buy them, of course.

• 1:30:41Speaker 07

  Do you, do you, did you get that Spotify thing where they showed you how many songs, like who? You know, what your top song was from the, are you on Spotify? Do you know what Spotify? This is now, you know.

• 1:30:50Bill Maher?

  I do know what Spotify.

• 1:30:51Speaker 07

  Hey, grandpa!

• 1:30:52Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I do know what, I have Spotify and Pandora. And I like, I like, I use Pandora, I like.

• 1:31:03Bill Maher?

  You know, sometimes if I'm not too interested in what the music playing is and just want it in the background. Wow. I can. You open the box. Yes. Even if they didn't get that one. But Pandora's box kids will get into mythology in the second part. I am Greek. But, yeah, right. You know your mythology stuff? Not very well. I don't. It's fascinating. Yeah, I should learn. I should. And many of the stories, you know, are just keep getting remade as modern versions. Uh huh. Of course.

• 1:31:41Bill Maher?

  I mean.

• 1:31:44Bill Maher?

  P. Diddy documentary? Well, yes. Sort of, yeah. There are definite, you can do, definitely that is Greek tragedy. Yeah. Baby oil. But also, apropos to our earlier sad discussion. Family murders is very much a part of the House of Atreus. The whole cycle is begun with, he sacrifices his daughter to have favorable winds. Agamemnon does. Favorable winds to go to Troy to fight the Trojan War. Because they were out of condoms.

• 1:32:23Bill Maher?

  What can I say? That was a big one. It's a gift, you know.

• 1:32:28Bill Maher?

  No. Who's your favorite comic? You know, you're the second person in two days who asked me that. Who was the first? I.

• 1:32:38Bill Maher?

  Oddly, Mike Pence. No. It's funny. Did you, were you friends with Rickles at all? Friends? No, but I've met him. Right. And he totally reckled me, you know? Which I take as a compliment, but I would have loved to have seen. There was.

• 1:32:58Speaker 07

  There was.

• 1:32:59Bill Maher?

  There was.

• 1:32:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:33:00Bill Maher?

  Cause you were friends with him. Really?

• 1:33:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:33:02Bill Maher?

  And he, so he could like not be insulting for like a half hour at a time?

• 1:33:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, with, with me, you know, when we're together alone or.

• 1:33:09Bill Maher?

  Wow, how'd you get to know him that well?

• 1:33:12Speaker 07

  We were at a, I paid attention to him.

• 1:33:15Bill Maher?

  That's liquor.

• 1:33:16Speaker 07

  That was a good spit.

• 1:33:17Bill Maher?

  Thought it was water.

• 1:33:18Speaker 07

  I paid attention to him. I, I was, met him at a restaurant years ago, Tony's Tavern, you remember the Greek place up there? Speaking, going back to Greek. And, um.

• 1:33:26Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:27Speaker 07

  We just became friends. He was irrelevant at that time. People thought he was dead. I don't think, you know, it was before the, the documentaries, before the tributes and stuff and we just, because he lost his son, so I sort of, you know, wedged myself into that. His son died very young.

• 1:33:43Bill Maher?

  From what?

• 1:33:43Speaker 07

  Routine, uh, um, he had, uh, his, his esophagus issues and had a routine operation at, at, um, and passed away at, in, at thirty-two, I think he was.

• 1:33:55Bill Maher?

  Jesus.

• 1:33:56Speaker 07

  Um, but no, he could be. I, you know, I would, yeah. Do you remember his album Hello Dummy? That was his only, only one he did.

• 1:34:06Bill Maher?

  I didn't remember him having an album.

• 1:34:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:34:08Bill Maher?

  I did, I did see him open for Sinatra. I took my mother to see.

• 1:34:12Speaker 07

  Where? At the Pacific Amphitheater?

• 1:34:13Bill Maher?

  No, no, no, uh, in New York. It was at Radio City. And Sinatra was nineteen ninety-five. My father had died four years earlier, so it was very, very emotional for both me and my mother because they had seen him when he was pre-famous, cause he was from Hoboken, as they were from Cliffside Park, the next town over. They saw him sing in New Jersey at the Rustic Cabin, the first place he ever sang. So, and then, you know, my father had just died and so my mother was apprehensive about even going, but I said, come on, let's go see Frank Sinatra. And Rickles opened and, you know, it was nineteen ninety-five, even then, pre-woke, um, the band, you know, you'd see the band guys, like the black guys in the band go like, oh, Jesus.

• 1:34:58Bill Maher?

  You know, don't trip on it, because he was still doing, and the black guy says this.

• 1:35:02Speaker 07

  Is he laughing at me?

• 1:35:03Bill Maher?

  You know, and it's just, it was just like, it was a little past its expiration.

• 1:35:07Speaker 07

  In ninety-five?

• 1:35:08Bill Maher?

  Yeah. A little bit.

• 1:35:11Speaker 07

  Did you, so?

• 1:35:12Bill Maher?

  That was, look, I started Politically Incorrect in 93, and that was a reaction to too much political correct. So political correctness, we didn't quite call it woke yet, but it was the same sort of movement towards stuff that was, you just don't say that.

• 1:35:29Speaker 07

  Right, right, right.

• 1:35:29Bill Maher?

  And, you know, a lot of his stuff was, was right on the edge of.

• 1:35:34Speaker 07

  Yeah, I mean, he wouldn't last now. He would.

• 1:35:38Bill Maher?

  No.

• 1:35:38Speaker 07

  One time, one time I called him out, we were on a Tonight Show together, and he, and I, and I said, you know, you go to one of Don's shows, and he'll say, you know, the black over there singing the Old Man River, and the Asian over there, like, looks like a beaver eating a, you know, a chair, and, and the Mexican over there going, can I, can I get you another salad? And the lights go on, there's no black guy there. There's no Mexican, there's no Asian, you know, he's just doing it. 95, I went to the Pacific Amphitheater, my father was my hero, and he loved Sinatra, turned me on to Sinatra when I was a kid. Turned me on to the Rat Pack, you know. And I, you know, you want to do, my dad was a very humble man. Tried to buy him a new car, he wouldn't, nothing, you know. I worked at his restaurant, a fast food restaurant. Here I am, taking over the interview again.

• 1:36:21Bill Maher?

  It's not an interview.

• 1:36:22Speaker 07

  But, but, but it was the same, same tour. And Rickles was, was opening up. I didn't know Don then. I'm at the, I wanted, I wanted to meet Sinatra, so I put the word out to Tony O and all these people, and I said, if Sinatra wants to meet you, you'll know. I'm like, how am I gonna, what am I, smoke signal?

• 1:36:39Bill Maher?

  That's awesome.

• 1:36:41Speaker 07

  Rickles goes on, intermission. I'm at the Pacific Amphitheater with my mom and my dad. My mom's drinking it.

• 1:36:48Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:36:48Speaker 07

  Yeah, she liked to drink. And, and I get this, Tony O, Mr. Rickles will see you now. Mr. Sinatra will see you now. Go back, take pictures with him. And my dad is standing off to the side, saying, Dad, get in here, you know, Frank's gonna. And, and the pictures I all have is like Frank's bossing around the, you know, the photographer. Do it this way, do it that, his hands going like this through the picture. Dad, come here. And he just, he's like, no, no. And Sinatra looked at him like, you, either two things. You fucking out, you don't wanna take a picture with the great friend? Or, you're the coolest motherfucker I've ever met in my life. You don't care about, you just wanna see your son. I, I think that's what he felt, that was my dad.

• 1:37:26Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 1:37:26Speaker 07

  So, the show, if Sinatra ends and he gives it, he was older then. And gives, doesn't leave anything on the stage. And then I go, that's a real, you know. Me and my dad had this moment where we were both sort of tearing up and we looked at each other, you know, like this. But it was that great moment with my dad. Sinatra, Rickles comes on and introduces people in the audience. Tony Danza was there, whatever, so and so. John Stamos, he's probably, he's probably in the cheap seat, he's probably up in the, up in the grass. In fact, he's probably smoking grass. Sinatra grabs the mic from Rickles and goes, "Smoke one for me, Johnny."

• 1:38:04Speaker 07

  My dad's there, my mom.

• 1:38:05Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:38:05Speaker 07

  It was a great moment, yeah. It was the same tour, ninety-five.

• 1:38:09Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:38:10Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:38:12Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I mean, my memory of it was not as great because he was a little, he was, you know, drank during the show, was half in the bag.

• 1:38:21Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:38:22Bill Maher?

  His son was the conductor and he belittled him.

• 1:38:27Speaker 07

  Yes, right.

• 1:38:27Bill Maher?

  From the stage. Did he do that at your show?

• 1:38:30Speaker 07

  I think so.

• 1:38:30Bill Maher?

  I, I felt very bad for the son.

• 1:38:32Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:38:33Bill Maher?

  And he also couldn't get through some songs.

• 1:38:37Speaker 07

  Did he have a teleprompter?

• 1:38:38Bill Maher?

  Seven, large screen teleprompter, all around. My friend Tom Dreeson, the comedian.

• 1:38:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:38:43Bill Maher?

  He always took credit for that. I'm not saying it's not true. He said, "Frank, you know what? You can keep going longer if you just got a teleprompter." And then Frank had them apparently all around, like you couldn't look anywhere without seeing. But he, like songs that he hadn't been singing his whole life, like "Mac the Knife," he had just started doing. And I remember he started it, stopped it, started it, stopped it. "Oh, the shock bites with those..." "Cut it, cut it, what is it, the teeth, dear?" You know, whatever it was, he, it was like, he had to really have known it from, you know, in his bones from memory.

• 1:39:18Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:39:18Bill Maher?

  You know, if he went, "New York," he'd go, "New York." That's probably the next word there, you know, but, yeah.

• 1:39:24Speaker 07

  He was pretty good when I saw him. You know, I had the, Jan and Dean, who were, you know, adjacent to the Beach Boys, I was, played with them.

• 1:39:31Bill Maher?

  Jan and Dean?

• 1:39:32Speaker 07

  You know, Jan and Dean.

• 1:39:33Bill Maher?

  What did they sing? "Surf City"?

• 1:39:34Speaker 07

  "Surf City" and.

• 1:39:35Bill Maher?

  "Surf City, Huey."

• 1:39:37Speaker 07

  "Little Lady from Pasadena." Dead Man's Curve. So they're the group that people hear on the radio and think that's the Beach Boys, but they're not. Yes, Brian wrote Surf City. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that explains it. And Dean sang on Barbara Ann, he sang. The high part of that. Barbara Ann, yeah, that's, oh, that's the Jan and Dean? That was the Beach Boys. But Dean sang on, was part of it. That's a great one, Barbara Ann, yeah. Dean was friends, best went to school with this guy named Barry Keenan, who kidnapped Frank Sinatra Jr. Oh, I remember that. Well, I don't remember it, but I remember seeing it when it. I did a podcast, it was the only podcast I've ever done, I did it 10 episodes of it, because I became friends with this guy through Dean,

• 1:40:18Speaker 07

  this guy Barry Keenan, and he recently shot, killed himself at 93 or something recently. But the story's fascinating, my fault, mostly my fault. Another beef. I talked him on, yeah. Even 90-year-olds, they're like. Stay most, enough people tell you you're drunk, fall down. Anyway, so that's, I did, you should listen to that, you'll like it, it's a fascinating story about how he, you know, why he kidnapped Frank Sinatra. He, he was mentally ill and, you know, they didn't have the term back then, and he said, I asked him, why did he do it? And he said, because I was sitting in the car and on the radio, God told me to. And this is 62? Three. 63, okay, so Kennedy. Kennedy just, it was December of 63. It was after the assassination. Right after. Wow.

• 1:41:03Speaker 07

  And the nation was like this. I'd have. He was gonna kidnap Bob Hope's son, but he thought, no, it's too patriotic, I'll go for Sinatra because he's a monster. And the whole, you know, it was like, Kennedy's just been shot. He kidnaps Junior, gets him out of Tahoe and brings him to the valley. Tahoe. Realizes he left the gun, it was like Keystone Cops, left the gun, left the bag, left the thing, brings his girlfriend back up, they pose as newlyweds. They go get the stuff, they're skiing, the FBI, the CIA, Sam Giancana, Sam Giancana called Sinatra and said, do you want me to take care of it? Let us do it first. The FBI, all of them are after this guy, and he's doing the bunny slopes up in like Tahoe, you know, like a fucking guy.

• 1:41:44Bill Maher?

  And um. That was one thing about Rickles, I gotta say, that just made me go, whoa, what balls this guy has. When he was on the Tonight Show with, on the couch with Sinatra. And he would do mafia jokes at Frank. Nobody did any jokes at Frank, but to do mafia. Right. Joke. Two bullets in the head Thursday. If Frank wasn't laughing, it would have been, you know, there's no in-between of like getting the laugh and dying. Right, right, right, right. And you were like, Frank, Obugo and Bonzo called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Sinatra would be. Jimmy Bonnamba Bonzo. Right, he would call and say, you know, we took care of the thing. Yeah, right, yeah. And Frank would be laid out. Right, right, right, right. But boy, if you missed that, Mark. Yeah, right.

• 1:42:30Bill Maher?

  He called him, uh, he called him, uh, what did he call him? Bullet Head. I would sit here all night with you, but I'm sure you. Well, I'm not leaving. We didn't get to Sammy Davis Jr. Let's do it. Whether I'm right. Whether I'm wrong. Or whether I'm wrong. Whether I find a place in this world or never belong. I gotta be me. Oh, shit. I gotta be me. What else can I be but what I am? You're a good singer. What kind of fool am I? You know, he never had a hit before that. He was. Caddyman was after that?

• 1:43:14Bill Maher?

  After that. He was iconic. Did you know him? Did you ever meet him? Uh, I think I met him once for a second, but no, practically no. I mean, he died in 94, I think, so, you know, he was 64. Um, but I saw him in Reno. Shoot a man? What? Did he shoot a man? No. Johnny Cash saw. Oh, I know. No, he was, I was playing Reno, this is like nineteen eighty-four, and he was, I mean, and those rooms were intimate. Reno is not a big, you know, it's, they call America.

• 1:43:46Speaker 07

  Biggest little town.

• 1:43:47Bill Maher?

  Yeah, it's, it's the little, accent little. So you could see them, it was almost like a club atmosphere.

• 1:43:53Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:43:53Bill Maher?

  And I remember he sat in the middle of the room on a stool, smoking, and he even said to the audience, "Don't do this," as I'm doing it endlessly. Uh, but, you know, and, he was just amazing, and that was the, he had never had a hit before. "I Gotta Be Me," and that was the first year I was listening to music, nineteen sixty-eight.

• 1:44:12Speaker 07

  Really?

• 1:44:13Bill Maher?

  Yeah, nineteen, I was twelve, nineteen sixty-eight, and, you know, a year that had Hey Jude and MacArthur Park.

• 1:44:20Speaker 07

  Did you have records?

• 1:44:22Bill Maher?

  I still do, sure.

• 1:44:23Speaker 07

  You do too? Do you have a record player?

• 1:44:25Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I don't use it, but.

• 1:44:28Speaker 07

  I was looking for it.

• 1:44:28Bill Maher?

  Oh, but MacArthur Park, I brought that up to Billy Joel, we had to cut it out because you have to pay for it, but immediately.

• 1:44:37Speaker 07

  He sits and plays it, right?

• 1:44:38Bill Maher?

  And play, you know, and it's very complicated.

• 1:44:40Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:44:40Bill Maher?

  You know, and I, I just to talk to Billy Joel about MacArthur Park.

• 1:44:45Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:44:46Bill Maher?

  Which I was telling somebody, you know, who was gonna be a, a contestant on The Bachelor inappropriate age version. About MacArthur Park, and we Googled it, and the first thing that comes up is, "This may be the worst song ever." And I was like, huh, this may be the best song.

• 1:45:06Speaker 07

  Best song ever, yeah.

• 1:45:07Bill Maher?

  It's crazy.

• 1:45:09Speaker 07

  Who wrote it?

• 1:45:10Bill Maher?

  Ju-, uh, Jimmy Webb.

• 1:45:11Speaker 07

  Right, yes, I just had dinner with him.

• 1:45:14Bill Maher?

  You did?

• 1:45:15Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:45:15Bill Maher?

  Jimmy Webb?

• 1:45:16Speaker 07

  Yes, well, I sat next to him at the, I had dinner with him at the Songwriters Hall of Fame.

• 1:45:21Bill Maher?

  Recently?

• 1:45:22Speaker 07

  Few months ago.

• 1:45:23Bill Maher?

  Wow, how old is he?

• 1:45:25Speaker 07

  He doesn't, I mean, maybe seventies, but, by your age, but he's, uh, no, he's probably a little older than you. What's the best song he ever wrote? Or what's the best line in any song he, whatever he wrote?

• 1:45:36Bill Maher?

  Didn't he write "Gentle On My Mind"?

• 1:45:38Speaker 07

  Yes, but there was another song, there was a great lyric, he says, "In Wichita Lineman."

• 1:45:43Bill Maher?

  Wichita Lineman.

• 1:45:44Speaker 07

  Right, and does, um.

• 1:45:45Bill Maher?

  The Wichita Lineman.

• 1:45:47Speaker 07

  You wanna be a singer.

• 1:45:48Bill Maher?

  Is still on the line.

• 1:45:50Speaker 07

  Right, and "I need you more than want you," "I want you for all time."

• 1:45:53Bill Maher?

  Yes. Very, that will wet in panties a long way.

• 1:45:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:45:59Bill Maher?

  Yes. And I need you more than want you.

• 1:46:02Speaker 07

  And I want you for all time.

• 1:46:04Bill Maher?

  Yeah. In the Wichita line, I'm still in the line. Now, you gotta be a romantic to be a lineman and get a, get a good girl.

• 1:46:12Speaker 07

  Yeah. Unless you're a football.

• 1:46:15Bill Maher?

  What?

• 1:46:16Speaker 07

  Bill, can I say that I've had this image of you for so many years. So I know you want to wrap this up and I'm helping.

• 1:46:23Bill Maher?

  I mean, I really don't.

• 1:46:25Speaker 07

  We've been here for three hours.

• 1:46:26Bill Maher?

  But like, it's, you know, I don't know.

• 1:46:29Speaker 07

  Well, we can be friends now, right?

• 1:46:31Bill Maher?

  Totally. We can do this like, again, if we did this without the cameras, it would be

• 1:46:35Speaker 07

  Just like this.

• 1:46:36Bill Maher?

  Zero different.

• 1:46:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:38Bill Maher?

  Can you imagine it any more like inappropriate?

• 1:46:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:42Bill Maher?

  But I will. I mean, and we're both friends with Jeff.

• 1:46:45Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:46:45Bill Maher?

  Like, you're still asshole buddies with him, right?

• 1:46:49Speaker 07

  What is that?

• 1:46:49Bill Maher?

  That means very close. It doesn't mean gay.

• 1:46:53Speaker 07

  Sounds like it.

• 1:46:57Bill Maher?

  No, it just means you both can be an asshole with each other.

• 1:47:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, okay, yeah. That's us now.

• 1:47:02Bill Maher?

  That's us now.

• 1:47:03Speaker 07

  Well, we've been that for a while, but now, now we can do it in a chair, in soft chairs. But I really, I was shocked, I was, I was, I was surprised when you asked me to come on here. Only because, I'll tell you why.

• 1:47:16Bill Maher?

  I'm so glad this happened.

• 1:47:17Speaker 07

  Because I don't, I didn't, I don't think of me as a big enough get, you know, guest for you.

• 1:47:24Bill Maher?

  Are you crazy? You're, you're, oh my god.

• 1:47:27Speaker 07

  I'm not looking for compliments, but I'm just saying.

• 1:47:29Bill Maher?

  No, no, but your resume is like so broad and, yes, first of all, everybody knows you. So like, you're much more famous than I am. I mean, not just from the sitcom, but then from broad, you know, all these places you, you, the, the music, the, the soap opera, all these places you've, you've been and like.

• 1:47:48Speaker 07

  But you've had everybody. Anyway, I'm just saying, I'm not looking for compliments. I'm just saying that I was so flattered when, when you guys asked me to be on here. And I'm so glad that I came and spent time with you and you're just a charming, delightful guy.

• 1:48:00Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:00Speaker 07

  You are.

• 1:48:01Bill Maher?

  I would feel the same about you. I mean, it looks weird now that the end of it, like, how much we love each other.

• 1:48:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:09Speaker 07

  Cycles, you know?

• 1:48:11Bill Maher?

  But, you know, it's, it's real.

• 1:48:13Speaker 07

  It's real for me.

• 1:48:13Bill Maher?

  Okay, all right, Paul. Thank you.

• 1:48:15Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 1:48:15Bill Maher?

  Thanks for coming.

• 1:48:21Speaker 07

  The camera's still rolling? I had to break up a fight between you and Kimmel. At a party. Do you remember that? Brad Gray's house? This makes me look really bad. No, seriously? Yeah, you can't. Come on. Why did you say that about me, about you? Jimmy was like, "I was right in the middle of you."

• 1:48:40Speaker 03

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