Quiet The Mental Chatter: 4 research-backed practices to manage your head space

Your mind is loud, your calendar is packed, and your brain keeps replaying the same worries like they’re breaking news. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. I’m Angela Shurina, and I’m walking you through a mindset skill set that’s simple, research-backed, and built for ambitious, high-achieving people who want results - not more stories in their heads :) We start with a crucial truth: you can’t fully control your thoughts. Even highly trained meditators still have mental ...

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  How to control your thoughts? That's what we are talking about today, guys. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Shurina. I'm your host. I'm your certified master health coach, executive coach, sleep, stress management, recovery coach, self-actualization coach, nutrition coach, and just someone who is obviously very fond of coaching, but more specifically helping ambitious, high achieving people like yourself who are not satisfied with status quo to break the mold, to take

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  the leap and get to the next level, one tiny step at a time. And today, guys, we are talking about a skill set for very simple, research-backed, practice-proven, real-life-proven and applied practices that will allow you to, no, not to control your thoughts, and we're going to talk about why it's a very impossible goal to shoot for, but how to manage your mental chatter, your mental clutter better so then you get better at living your life, being more effective at doing things instead

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  of being stuck in your head, being better at relationships, real relationships versus the stories that you tell yourself in your head about the relationships. The main idea, or the most important idea, guys, and it took me some time to realize that as well, that the way you muster, the way you manage the content of your head, your headspace, the way you manage, you learn to manage your headspace is how you end up managing your life. Because every single action you take in real life comes from emotions and feelings

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  you're going to feel, and that comes from the thinking, the conversation that you allow in your headspace to happen. And managing, nourishing your headspace and your thoughts are kind of like tending to a garden. Nature is always going to be there, but if you don't tend to it, there are going to be a bunch of weeds taking over your whole garden. So think about your head exactly in this way. The possibility of all kinds of stuff growing there is always there, but if you tend to

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  it with intention and purpose with better practices, you might end up growing this beautiful garden that nourishes you, the world outside of you, and just creates this beautiful garden. So back to our practices and maybe finished for now with the garden metaphor. A conversation from a coaching chat on WhatsApp that was maybe two, three days ago. A client asked, "How do you get rid of mental chatter? It feels like it's almost impossible to calm my mind these days."

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  And before we jump anywhere further, guys, these days, a lot is happening. My parents just sent me a picture of a robot delivering stuff back in Russia in the middle of nowhere, and I thought to myself, "Oh, my God, this is going to be like the best, maybe the scariest at times, science fiction ever." Just a lot of stuff happening. Just give yourself some credit and some ease. All of these changes, all of the shifts that are happening in your professional and personal life, they're happening for everyone. So if that's of any calmness to you, it's happening to everyone. And having more clutter and more chatter in your head, just because your brain suddenly

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  is aware of a lot more things and a lot more things are happening, is totally normal. And that is why it makes it so essential to finally take the time to practice certain mindset skills so you manage that inner chatter better. Otherwise, it's just going to consume you more than ever. So how do you get rid of this mental chatter? How do you control your thoughts? It feels like it's almost impossible these days. And timely, I got this newsletter from Charles Duhigg, the Habit Guy, online newsletter with the title "How to Control Your Thoughts." And in that newsletter, no, he did not tell you how to control your thoughts, but he

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  did brought back to my mind the practices that I teach my clients, that I've read in different research and books, and I was just reminded by his newsletter to get back at practicing them myself, at helping my clients with these practices that we don't often get to talk about on our sessions when we like do, do, do, but actually doing comes from thinking, and it is a needed practice, or it is a needed redirection to first address our thinking patterns, work on those, because that what will ultimately lead to actions we take. So the newsletter, "How to Control Your Thoughts," and the practices, four practices

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  you're going to learn today, very simple ones that will help you to cultivate better headspace, the one that allows you to live your life in a more satisfying way, to do all the things that you've got to do effectively, and to be in life more present for life and people in it, instead of getting stuck in your stories and in your head. Before you ask AI or search engine, "How to Control Your Thoughts," "How to Find the Fix for Your Mind," keep in mind two things. AI, and which, you know, brings us most of the advice these days, AI has zero human experience.

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  Now, it might tell you the advice, what it found online on the models or data it was trained on, but AI does not, cannot relate to your human experience of having a human brain and managing that. It just can't. It doesn't have a human brain. And the second thing to keep in mind, you can't control your thoughts. Elite meditators, those Buddhist monks you read about in research, in the news somewhere in Tibet or elsewhere, they have spent thousands of hours on the cushion, meditating, and even they couldn't switch on the chatter. That's just the property of your mind.

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  So if you're alive, you're going to have chatter, period. So you're probably going to want to crack this, getting rid of your thoughts with a chatbot that never had a human brain experience in the first place as well. You can't fully control your thoughts. This is a property of your mind. Never happened in the history of humanity that somebody just stopped thinking for good. But you can learn the skill of redirecting your attention and with that, your thinking to better thoughts, to the present moment, to being, to taking action, and do that enough times, and the chatter gets quieter and better.

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  And here are four practices that really do do work in research with my busy and super ambitious clients, in my own, quite frankly, often overwhelming these days' life as well. Practice number one, tu, tu, tu. Dump it out of your head. I love this quote by David Allen, author of "Getting Things Done," the system that became a global phenomenon and that some of the most effective CEOs swear by. The system that's needed now more than ever, I'd argue. So the quote, "Your head is a crappy office." I think he even trademarked that quote. "Your head is a crappy office."

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  Dumping it all out of your head, or if we use the system and words of David Allen, capturing everything you want to remember or think about, capturing everything outside of your brain, it is essential for you to have less chatter, less overwhelm, and more presence for life and action.

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  Find a way to capture everything in a very simple way. So it actually works in your life without adding more overwhelm. I personally keep small notepads all over my house. People who know me know this, like there is a lot of writing material everywhere. There is a plan, place for me to just dump stuff without being careful. Oh, is it the right notebook? Is it a pretty one? You know, is it well organized? What not just dump it all because they are the purpose of those small notebooks to capture stuff and then being thrown away at some point. At the end of the day before dinner, I glanced through all the small notepads,

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  two or three of them around my house, and I put everything where it belongs, on my calendar, on my idea list, or dump it into Claude to sort into different projects. That leaves my working memory and it will leave your working memory. That's the memory in your head free of, free for thinking, deeper thinking, better thinking, solving problems and generating new ideas. You have this working memory, which is kind of like a table, your kitchen table where you do your cooking. When you put more stuff on it, it gets cluttered and it has limits.

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  And the, the limits are not that actually big for your working memory, which you use for thinking. And so the more stuff you're trying to remember actively in that space, just like with kitchen table, the less space there is for cooking or thinking or solving problems. So you want to remove all of that stuff as much as possible to the point that your head feels empty, like you have nothing on your mind. That's the place where there is no overwhelm and a lot less chatter. So figure out a system to dump it all out of your head, capture it in a way that works for your life. So this is practice number one. Practice number two, open a worry window.

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  Back to Charles Duhigg and his newsletter and this research back practice of creating worry window. It's a, it's a sad time when you sit down and write out whatever's on your mind, whatever your mind worries about. Writing forces a structure, narrative and clarity. The what ifs and fears that feel huge in your head often look ridiculous and small on paper. And some of them stop bothering you completely. You start seeing the bigger picture. You gain a bit of perspective because the talk is now on a sheet of paper

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  and out of your head and you're looking at it versus feeling it in your head, like it's a part of you. Notice when the chatter becomes overwhelming and book that time, 10, 15 minutes to write out all the worries. That's how you open the worry window. I mean, create that 15 minute window and open it and write all the worries. Writing is essential, not typing, writing. And it only works if you actually do it, not when you think about that. So this is practice number two. Open a worry window, set up a set time to write about your worries.

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  Practice number three, doo doo. Talk to yourself and in a different way, not like you usually talk to yourself. We all talk to each other, to ourselves. Actually, somebody said that some people don't have inner voice, that they don't talk to themselves. Well, I'm not that person, so I talk to myself and so should you. But in a different way, most people think again that this is ridiculous until they try it. Yet it works consistently in research and practice. My take on that, this practice that I'm about to describe is another way of separating you from your thoughts, just like meditation or writing your thoughts down. You're not your thoughts. Your brain is like a radio catching bottom freedom transmissions.

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  Imagine radio, you know, you, you twist that thing that changes radio stations. Radio stations are all there transmitted, but you choose which one to tune into. So your brain works the same way, only you don't control what you hear. You only control what you can focus on and amplify. And over time, that is going to be your default new radio station. You don't control which one again come to you, the thoughts, the transmissions, but you do control which ones you amplify and which ones you stay tuned to.

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  And those transmissions aren't you guys.

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  Researchers for this practice, talking to yourself, recommend talking to yourself in a way you talk to a friend in the second or third person to separate yourself further from those transmissions and your passing feelings. You're not your feelings, you're not your thoughts, you are a being experiencing that. And you can control which ones to make louder, which ones to make quieter by shifting your attention. So you talk to yourself in the second or third person like this. Angela is feeling overwhelmed because her new goals require her to do so many new things that it feels like too much to handle. Angela, how about you do what you recommend your clients do?

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  Find the vital few, prioritize based on your best understanding, then take the next step. That's all you can do really. Anyway, talking to yourself in the third, especially person or a second might make you laugh. And maybe that is the point also. You realize these thoughts are not you and you get to choose them. And the feelings also you get to choose which ones to amplify, whether to focus on a brighter, more optimistic side of things or more pessimistic. Talking to yourself in second or third person, it also again makes it fun.

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  And that helps you to be less serious about yourself and trivial things. And that actually helps you to be more effective with taking action, which changes things and gives you results. I named the feeling two. Notice when I said Angela is feeling overwhelmed. I named the overwhelm, right? Putting words to what you're going through, to what you're feeling, puts space between you and it. And then in that space, you can deal with that instead of being consumed by it. So this is practice number three, talk to yourself in the second or third person. Very good research back practice, very effective.

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  And then practice number four, boom, from what if to so what? Remember, even if the worst happens, so what? Is it really going to be that bad? Is it going, is anyone going to die? Will you even remember in a week or a month from now about that? Most likely, will you just carry on with your life? It might be genuinely important, but would you survive the failure? Would you survive it? And if yes, maybe worry less about the outcome. Surprisingly, that's, that's what lets you do a lot more and a lot better. Worrying less, not more.

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  When you're not afraid of falling, you end up focused on better flying.

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  And then at the end of the day, guys, give yourself a break. Go easy on yourself. Well, chatter is a part of human experience and you or I will never get it. With better tools over time, you learn to manage it better. You learn to work the radio in your head. You still won't control every transmission, but you'll choose what you turn up. How you manage the contents of your head, your head space is how you end up managing your whole life. Guys, isn't that true? Just reflect on that. The better you manage stuff in your head, the better you end up living your life.

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  That's why the skills are so worth working on, especially in our era of where overwhelm is just going to be increasing. There are going to be more and more radio stations, more and more. So if you don't learn how to work that radio, it's going to consume you.

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  Think of it as like time management, like a skill, and you can get better at it. So which head management tool will you try today? Before we jump into recapping four tools that we talked about today, guys, there is a session, free session available to you in the show notes that you can use to work on that mental chatter to maybe not control your thoughts, but become a better radio operator.

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  Other stress management techniques, sleep improvement techniques. We can work through that as well. I'm a certified sleep coach. So look into this session, feel free to book it. It's in the show notes. Oh, there is also a link to WhatsApp me if you have any questions or would love to say thank you. It was a cool podcast episode. I really loved it. And please do share, of course, to help more people to manage conversations, chatter, clutter in their head. So we get to experience our life better. Now to the recap. Tool number one, dump it out of your head. Your head is a crappy office. Don't forget this beautiful quote, capture it all.

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  So your head is empty and ready for thinking, problem solving and idea generation. Practice number two, open a worry window, set up a timer and alarm when you write all the worries that worry you and they worry you less in your day, interrupting less you living your life. Practice number three, talk to yourself in second and third person. It's going to sound funny, but it will help you to separate you and the feeling and the thinking, which you're not. You're the being that is experiencing that, which then will help you to be more effective in life instead of telling better stories in your head all the time.

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  And practice number four, from what if to so what? I love repeating these days, guys. Don't take yourself seriously. Take your life seriously. And that's why we practice these practices. But so what? And one thing won't work out, the other thing, you're going to keep on living. I promise you. And if it is life threatening, then, then worrying still will not help you to be more effective. So worrying less and being stuck less in your stories. That is a fundamental skill to master to become more effective at living and experiencing. And that's it for today, guys. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. I hope this was very helpful.

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  Don't forget to use your free to schedule a session to help you manage better mental clutter, thoughts, sleep, health. Drop me a WhatsApp to say thank you if it was useful. Until next time, guys, keep living, keep tuning up the right radio station and keep growing.