Pod Insights Change Wired Navigating Life's Competing Priorities: polarity mapping and going beyond unsustainable balance. About this episode Balance isn’t the goal. Integration is. Not Either/Or but Both/And. If you’ve ever gone all in on hustle and deep work only to feel isolated, or filled your calendar with people and meetings only to feel scattered and behind - you’re not broken, you are human. You’re living inside a polarity and treating it like a problem to solve instead of a tension to manage. We walk through Polarity Mapping (also known as polarity management, based on Barry Johnson’s method) and show how “both and” think...
Transcript 0:09 Speaker 00 Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Sharina, your host and your partner in change, personal and collective transformation, in evolution, growth, and learning how to discover, learn, use more of our potential, which is not necessarily hidden, but we don't always see it. We don't always dedicate time to it. We don't always think about that. So this podcast is the place to focus on your personal and life's and work's potential and do something today, learn something today. So you unlock more ways to create the most extraordinary life experience
0:54 Speaker 00 and the most positive impact you can do in the world. And today, guys, we are going to be learning, going through this beautiful tool, very useful and very needed in our lives, tool polarity mapping, that will help you to go beyond creating some sort of trying to create at least some sort of balance of work, life or personal ambition and relationships. Well, actually, we're going to talk more about where this integration instead of balance is needed. So you're going to learn a tool which then you can use in your life and your work, in different pursuits, in your health
1:39 Speaker 00 or in your self-development, to again, not create balance, but feel like all parts of yourself are better integrated and you don't deny the development or enjoyment, some parts of you or your life over others so much that there are negative consequences and regrets, regrets that you are creating by doing so. To you, maybe let's jump right into that. So what, why, like, where would you use polarity mapping to, to integrate and balance what? So some of the areas, I actually brainstormed with Claude and she gave me a lot of examples, which I really liked.
2:24 Speaker 00 So energy and performance, deep work, solo focus or collaboration and social connection, right? Those are things, competing priorities and values that you consciously or subconsciously might battle with on a regular basis from time to time. Usually when you land on some negative or unintended consequences of one and we tend to sort of bounce or swing to the other side, trying to do more of the other and then we get negative consequences. So, you know, like even work life, like when do you work? When do you have your life? So you don't feel guilty, but instead feel like these parts of you, of your life are integrated. So what are some of the areas or values or priorities that you might be struggling
3:09 Speaker 00 with balancing? Deep work, solo focus with collaboration and social connection. Rest and recovery with hustle and output. Physical health with enjoying your food and drink and pleasures. Saying no to people opportunities to focus and saying yes, because you might miss out something really important and good. Slowing down and deflecting, moving fast and acting.
3:39 Speaker 00 Now, in the areas of achievement and relationships. Personal ambition with team success and helping others grow. What require time, right? Your time, your energy. So where do you spend more of it? Being the expert and being the learner and the beginner, which is required actually to be the expert. The peculiar thing about this polarity is that we need both. In most cases, for most people, if you over-index on one, like let's say becoming the expert. And or leaving this identity of an expert. Then you lose this almost drive, ability, a curiosity to be a learner, a beginner,
4:22 Speaker 00 which is needed to become more, to have more and more expertise. Because ultimately in life, you can't become expert end of point. And you're like, I know everything. That just never happens in life. There is always something to learn, at least not for human beings, maybe for AI at some point it will happen, but not for humans. And so you're gonna have to be in both modes as an expert, helping others or producing some work that might help others or improve the world in some way. But also at the same time, being a beginner, a learner, a starter, who doesn't know everything, right? Leading and following and being coached. You know, the best leaders, actually, people who are the best coaches.
5:03 Speaker 00 They are open to input, to feedback, to following others leading, right? Not just leading. Independence, being able to be on your own, to form, I don't know, your own opinions. And interdependence, the need to be with others and having a perspective of others and empathy. So we can exist and create this world together that don't just benefit, you know, one type of people, but benefits all of us. Self-investment and investing in others, again, both require energy and time. Work and life, work and family, presence at home, career growth and stability and
5:43 Speaker 00 predictability, professional identity and personal identity outside of work. We are not just our work. Being own and available to perhaps serve others and being unreachable and protected to take care of you. Building the future and the path forward and putting, you know, the necessary work for the future and for now, maybe saving money and living in the present and giving yourself joy and spending some money for joy today.
6:15 Speaker 00 Inner life, structure and discipline, like we all need this. But also we need spontaneity and flow and play to discover, to explore, to not be stuck in being, you know, in this state and never growing. How do you know where to grow if you never experiment and don't allow yourself this spontaneity and flow? Emotional openness, allowing emotions to flow through your life, to come, but also emotional containment when you realize, hey, this emotion doesn't serve me if I just allow it to flow and both I need it. Certainty and planning that we need to, you know, achieve, create, but then ambiguity in experimentation that we also need, not to be rigid and stuck.
7:00 Speaker 00 Self-compassion, like, hey, you know, you've been going through a lot, don't beat yourself up so, so much. And but then also having standards and accountability, like, hey, this wasn't that great. Maybe you need to create a little bit more standard here, a little bit more structure here. Salute and belonging.
7:24 Speaker 00 Needed a quick break here for what are values and identity, guys? Let's talk about values and identity, the balance and integration of different parts of us. Loyalty and growth, right? Staying with, I don't know, beliefs or a group of people. Or, you know, when I was growing up, I always wrestled with this, like, I wanna get out there and explore and go to different, you know, countries and locations and study abroad and expose myself to more people and opportunities. But I also really, really loved at home and I wanted to stay, right? Like loyalty or growth or staying and living.
8:03 Speaker 00 Security and risk-taking, tradition and respecting where we've come from culturally, but then also innovation and embracing that, hey, the world is changing. If we get stuck in one way, we're not gonna be growing and embracing the world and developing it. Giving.
8:24 Speaker 00 And receiving humility and confidence, right? All of these polarities, and that is where, you know, polarity mapping, polarity map method, polarity management is the book by Brian Johnson. That's where they, how they manifest in all the different phases of these polarities. Let's take one, deep work and solitude and social connection. By the way, polarity mapping is all about both and thinking, not either or. To create this sustainable balancing, always in flux, but
9:04 Speaker 00 creating the kind of life where both exist and you don't overindex on one or the other, creating negative consequences. So to, right now, I'm going to walk you through how you would go about creating more of integration of all of these different parts of you, values and priorities and different facets of your life and your personality, how you would go about integrating them. So unintended negative consequences don't creep up and you keep in this flow respecting one side and the other and creating this beautiful life experience where you feel like you are allowing into your life all facets of you, your work and your life.
9:46 Speaker 00 So the example that we're going to take is deep work and solitude and social connection, right? So deep work being by yourself, working on things that are important to you, but then also social connection.
9:58 Speaker 00 The first thing that you do when you work with polarity mapping is, by the way, before we jump into what we do first and second and after, there is an event that is linked in the show notes. It's called Beyond Balance, where we're going to do this work in real time. Free event, open to you guys to sign up. It's online, it's going to be live, it's not going to be recorded. And the link to the event is in the show notes and you're going to Come on April 2nd to our Zoom room where we're gonna be working through the polarities that you are battling with. We're all gonna have some
10:40 Speaker 00 time on our own, when we're gonna do the work, not just listen. And then I'm gonna actually share with you assessments and worksheets. So you're gonna learn how to balance all this unbalancing, competing priorities and values and parts of your work itself. So the link to sign up, free, April 2nd is in the show notes. So now back to the episode. Deep work and social connection. So the upsides. First you do is you list the upsides of honoring, of integrating each of the sides, each of the polarities. So for example, deep work and solitude, upsides. Deep thinking and original ideas, flow states and peak performance,
11:24 Speaker 00 self reliance and confidence, real progress on your big important goals, clarity, stillness, self knowledge, self awareness, mastery compounds over time, it less distraction, more energy. It has been shown that our brain works better in chunks, undestructed in this, you know, unreachable time when you create time block and you don't allow the rest of the world in. So these are some of the upsides. Now let's go to unintended consequences that might arise when you over index on that or do too much of it. Isolation and loneliness creeping, brittle thinking,
12:09 Speaker 00 like you might lose your perspective, no reality check, empathy for the world and other people, relationships, atrophy, rigidity, perfectionism spiral, you know, you just focus too much on it. Miss serendipity and flow and spontaneity, some signals from the universe. Burnout without social replenish might creeping. You know, I don't know about you, but I do tend to overindex on deep work and being, you know, a solar person. And so I sometimes feel like I burned out of it and I need a social connection and perspective and spontaneity and flow. Work becomes your only identity.
12:51 Speaker 00 It's like I am a coach and that is all I am. So those are some of the unintended consequences, not all of them, but some that came to mind to me and I actually brainstormed as I shared with you with Claude.
13:07 Speaker 00 Now, the next one, social connection, the upsides, belonging and emotional safety, creativity through your collision with different people, different ideas, accountability and motivation that other people also give you. Like you talk to people like, oh, I did not think about that and now I want to do more of that and people can keep you accountable, which is one of the best tools to get yourself going on your deep work, right? Already you now can see how both playing to each other. Feedback and new perspective on the deep work that you're trying to do to deliver resilience and shared meaning. When we are by ourselves and research show this really well, we are less resilient,
13:50 Speaker 00 we are more fragile, whereas when we have sort of safety net with someone we can lean on, that's where we are the most resilient, which also allows us to do more and better of our deep work. Shared meaning, perspective, opportunities and serendipity coming from other people, joy, laughter, aliveness that come from those social interactions, right? But then what are some of the unintended negative consequences? Shallow and fragmented thinking, you just start losing your originality. You're always reactive, never creative. It's like whatever comes from the world, from other people, that's and you respond,
14:35 Speaker 00 you never really generate some, again, original output, something that comes from the depth of your self-awareness and thinking. People pleasing erodes your identity. You start losing this like what is
14:51 Speaker 00 I and what is, you know, the rest of the world following the herd, the tribe, never really understanding what you are all about. So exhaustion from over giving, real work never gets done, you know, it's really complex, deep work needs time and thinking on its own, right? Resentment without solitude, like you literally start resenting to other people like, I don't wanna see anyone, I just wanna be by myself. And you almost start becoming a jerk for like no fault of other people but your own because you didn't figure out how to manage both your time and time with others.
15:33 Speaker 00 Noise, the, of noise that is more, that is louder than your own voice. And again, I personally tend to over index on deep work and solitude. So a lot of negative consequences of social connection I never actually experienced because I go swinging into the other side way before as an introvert, as I get to any consequences of a lot of social connection. So that I cannot relate too much to, but perhaps you could? A lot of my clients, leaders do tend to actually over index on social connection because they are leaders. Some of them are extroverts and so they lose the connection with self and their deep
16:18 Speaker 00 work and deeper insight that they can produce. So what do you do after you put this list together of upsides and unintended negative consequences? Well, again, the goal is not to balance, it is intentional integration over time. And when you start thinking more about this, part is you start seeing that one cannot fully
16:42 Speaker 00 Exist without the other, so you need to learn how to integrate and balance them. So how do you do that? Well, that's what the next steps are for. First, you list the actions that you can take to develop each, to invest into each. Eight, we have deep work. Time block and non-negotiable unreachable work window. Design a ritual of some sort that signals deep work mode to your brain location device. You know, removing notifications, maybe putting the sign on your door like I used to do when I was a kid. Like, no, do not disturb, right?
17:23 Speaker 00 Batch all meetings and social touchpoints into specific times and protect, like I protect mornings for things like this, like creating podcasts or writing.
17:36 Speaker 00 Working on projects that require a lot more deeper thinking. So some of the things, again, then you might audit your week to see where your social and responsive mode might be overtaking your deep work time. So those are some of the suggested actions, but those are again up to you, what's doable in your life, what feels like right things for you to do. Actions to develop social connections, some examples. Schedule proactively, which I need and I do, like today I have one blog that is social, which I tend to actually cancel because of the deep work that I suddenly need to do. So that is not a good dynamic for me.
18:21 Speaker 00 So schedule proactively a relationship touchpoints. Don't wait for some organic moments, which might never happen for if you're an introvert and into deep work more. Create contexts that feel a low effort social connection, like shared walks. Or I always go to Friday entrepreneurial mountain hike. Maybe some recurring lunch with some people you need to connect with on regular basis because you enjoy it. Because it's good for you to develop relationships. Being vulnerable first and not waiting for somebody to invite you to do things together, but instead invite others. Because again, you know, it's good for you, good for other people.
19:01 Speaker 00 It's needed. Trying to deliver value in each interaction, not treating it as a transaction. Investing in one or two relationships every week, again, purely non-transactional, but to develop the social part of you.
19:17 Speaker 00 Some actions. And then after you list the actions that you want to do to develop a certain area, then you put actions in place to prevent the downsides. And also write the warning signs, like how do I know that I'm over indexing or overdoing one over the other? What might be the feeling or a science in my real life? Right? I start feeling resentful towards my work as one of the warning signs. So what do I do to prevent those downsides, which is usually kind of too late? And you should just invest in those ideally with integration. You want to invest in those areas consistently with the rhythm that works for you,
20:02 Speaker 00 that feels right, that makes your life feel more fulfilling. So you want to invest in both areas. Again, the degree, the dial will be different for each person. Some people feel more like introverts and extroverts need more social connection, but they also need deep work. Some need less. And that can also change throughout the week, throughout your life cycle, your aging, life stage, right? But then again, after you put the actions, a list of actions together of things to develop or integrate certain area, then you put the list of action to prevent the downside. Like, for example, at a social checkpoint time during my reflection time,
20:45 Speaker 00 I reflect on that. Did I invest? Did I have time dedicated to social connection and relationships? Right? So that is my social checkpoint.
20:56 Speaker 00 Your deep work outputs with other peoples, like maybe you're running a book club that actually did this, we accidentally substituting another person. But like, hey, that actually can be such a great thing to do. Community of practice where we come together and we share our work with each other and get input or maybe share some tips, etc., which I'm actually planning to design more intentionally into my life now. And don't cancel social plans to extend solo work sessions like I wanna do today, right? Let me cancel and work on the things that I gotta work on to move that solo work, the deep work objectives forward. So do not do that.
21:41 Speaker 00 Some actions to prevent social overuse downside. Creating, for example, a rule again that when you dedicate time to social interactions and when you dedicate time to deep work and if you are over indexing on social interactions, that also create a rule for you that you do not cancel those deep work times, no matter how many asks from people you get. Notice also when you're socializing to avoid the hard thing and regular reflection practice, like every Saturday or Sunday, Monday, whatever the day is for you, having this question. Am I over indexing or giving too much to others
22:26 Speaker 00 and not giving enough to my deep work and my commitment to self, perhaps self-care in some form or shape? And again, like the warning signs, you need to think about that. For my too much social connection might be, again, your calendar is a little bit too full for any deep work to exist. You feel exhausted but can't point to, you know, what it is, except that you don't wanna see people. You haven't had a genuine, like, very, you know, unique insight in a while.
23:06 Speaker 00 You secretly hope that people just disappear for you to focus. Well, some of the signs of over indexing on social connections and giving to others and connecting too much. So again, step by step process to recap. But before we recap again, in the show notes, there is a link to sign up for our Beyond Balance Event. One hour on Thursday, April 2nd next week to work through some of the most challenging polarities or competing priorities and values that you are, that you've been battling with for a while. So we're going to use Polarity Mapping, Polarity Management Method by Barry Johnson. So please do check it out, invite friends and family.
23:51 Speaker 00 It is limited in, in sitting, but spaces are available and free. So that's what we're going to do. You're also going to get away from the assessment where, which you can use regularly to actually help yourself see, am I over indexing on one or the other? So all of that, all the link to sign up to the event where we're going to go through the whole process. And you're going to get some goodies to work then on your own. All of that is on Thursday, April 2nd. The link is in the show notes. So again, to sum up how the process works, you choose two areas, two competing priorities or values.
24:29 Speaker 00 Then you put the positives, what are the upsides of doing work and spending time in that polarity or this area? So for both sides, you list positives, then unintended negative consequences. What happens when you overdo it, like how it feels, what it looks like, how it might be affecting your work, relationship, life? Then you're going to write down what are some of the warning signs? Usually you can start in different ways. Your polarity mapping, you can do one side and the other. So the, and the next step is warning signs. What are the warning signs for you that you're going to pay attention to?
25:14 Speaker 00 Or maybe do the check ins with that will tell you, hey, I'm overdoing this, right? And then you list the actions you need to take to respect and honor and integrate both sides. Like what are you going to do to? Do more deep work and to self, to pay attention more to self-care. What are the actions you need to take on a regular basis? And when you're gonna take them, right? Then for the opposing polarity, you do the same. The warning signs and the actions you need to take to bring more of it into your life. And the whole purpose is to integrate those areas before you get into all of these unintended consequences, right?
25:56 Speaker 00 If you always prioritize joy and other people and recovery time, you might end up in a situation where you have health problems, which are harder to fix instead of, well, harder to fix, but could be prevented. And that's the whole idea of integrating polarities. A lot of things, when you integrate them well, they create this beautiful, fulfilling life experience. And when you don't, you get negative consequences that you don't wanna deal with, which again, is, is okay to have from time to time, I believe. But ideally, we wanna learn from them. So then we can integrate all the different parts of ourselves to create fulfilling life experience. That's what it's all about, guys.
26:39 Speaker 00 And yeah, come Thursday, let's work through that.
26:45 Speaker 00 Today, we, I've talked enough and hopefully you learned some very useful tool and concept. Again, come Thursday, let's do it live. So you learn the process and can also teach the process to people at work, to your family members who might be battling, all of us battle with this to some degree from time to time or all the time. So you can learn the process, share the process, do the process and create this life fulfillment, not just for yourself, but also for people at work, your family, your friends, et cetera. So come and let's do this. That's it for today, guys. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. And till next time, keep growing.
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