How to stop impulsive buying, eating and doing. And make complex life decisions fast and well in the world of endless choice.

Ever notice how a choice can look perfect on paper yet feel wrong in your gut? Or do you ever wake up with this thought, "What was I thinking?" We unpack why that happens and how to fix it by pairing clear analysis with the kind of steady feeling that signals identity and values. Instead of chasing quick relief and regretting it later, we walk through a simple routine that turns impulse into alignment and helps your future self breathe easier. You’ll learn a 3-step in...

• 0:09Speaker 00

  Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Sharina, I'm your host, I'm your partner in change transformation, your executive health and high performance coach 360 and just someone with a lot, a lot of passion and obsession and drive for learning how to unlock and use more of our potential every day. So we create the most positive impact. We're capable of living the most extraordinary lives. And by the end of today's podcast, guys, you're gonna have some cognitive behavioral tools to help you sabotage your decisions and ultimately your future self

• 0:52Speaker 00

  less and instead be a lot happier with your decisions, your choices and ultimately where your self-growth, self-development and where your life trajectory leads you. So if you are often in a position where you regret decisions or choices, day-to-day choices, either because they were emotional or really short-term thinking or for some other reasons, they just don't feel like you or like the you that you want to develop, then this podcast

• 1:33Speaker 00

  will help you to overcome this tendency to make decisions and choices that don't really align with who you truly are and make more choices and decisions that are aligned with that version of you and your life that you want to be living more of. Yesterday, I read a chapter in the book Decisions That Matter: How to Make Decisions in the World of Endless Choice. And I love this concept of JSB, Joy Spending, that the author brought up.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  And the whole idea is to dedicate a part of your monthly income towards things that bring you joy. You know, like your life starts feeling a little bit more beautiful, a little bit more bubbly, a little bit more elevated and just gives you this pleasure, that last, that fulfills, that satisfies your soul. So for me, it might be more notebooks or great writing materials, because I do write a lot. Or simple things like buying myself fresh berries for breakfast every day,

• 2:52Speaker 00

  because it's something that just adds this color, this little bit of sparkle in the beginning of my day and the whole day afterwards feels just a little bit more luxurious and beautiful and like a joyful experience. So joy, a spending budget. Compare that to emotional buying. When you buy stuff and the next day you wake up and you're like, what was I thinking? And a lot of that will end up in a, you know, waste bin of some sort,

• 3:30Speaker 00

  whether that's e-bean on your computer or something that arrives by Amazon or some other delivery service and you barely if ever use it. And it's for sure does not bring you that joy, that satisfaction, lasting satisfaction that you were hoping for. Joy, the emotion, it's something that comes more from self-awareness. Like I know that certain things just make me feel better about my life, about myself, about it helps me to enjoy the whole experience a lot more, not just for the moment,

• 4:09Speaker 00

  but also as a lasting lingering taste and experience that I carry into the rest of my life that I'm almost like proud of. Whereas again, something like emotional buying, you just wanna forget about the whole thing and hoping to do less of it in the future. Emotions, well, actually feelings like joy, again, the whole difference is there are more long-standing extensions of your self-aware self. So what brings you joy tends to persist. Whereas something like, again, this guilty, what we call guilty pleasures or instant gratification

• 4:50Speaker 00

  things, they are instant and very often come with a feeling or, yeah, with a feeling of regret that we somehow made the choice that wasn't aligned with who we are. And that made me think about a couple of concepts here. First, I looked up the concepts of the meaning of the words feeling and emotion. And in literature, psychologists differentiate between emotion, which is a biochemical, a set of biochemical reactions that are happening in a moment in your body, which are very fleeting. And it's more like, you know, I'm craving chocolate. Well, it's not something that a part of your personality, just a craving that will disappear

• 5:34Speaker 00

  in a five to 10 minutes. Whereas again, feeling, what is defined as feeling in psychology, it's something that incorporates your self-awareness, self-knowledge, your prior experiences, your prior memories. And that is something that we tell stories about our identity. Feelings are more long-lasting and they are, again, related more to our more stable sense of identity and the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves and the world. And the reason why I wanted to look it up, because yesterday I had quite a few coaching

• 6:18Speaker 00

  sessions and I was helping my clients to make difficult choices, like where do I go now in life? How do I choose the next career transition and move when I don't really know where it is I want to end up? Or how do I evolve a, the next version of me? When I don't really know what that version looks like. I just know that the version I have right now, it isn't enough and is isn't where I wanna be. And you know, the, the process of growth of evolution, it's, it's very natural to a human being. In fact, growth is one of the core needs of a human.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  When we are not growing, we are not doing what we are designed to be. The whole process of evolution, it's at our core, like evolving, improving, changing. It's who we are. Humans are the most adaptable species on earth. But the reason why I'm bringing it up and this whole concept of joy spending budget is I realized most of my clients were taught how to use logic. Like, you know, this goods on paper. And if I were to ask my dear friends who are, you know, smart and everything, how to make decision in or choice in this situation, they would advise me to do X, X and X. Uh, because it makes sense on paper, et cetera.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  But then the clients would, but it doesn't feel right. And during those sessions yesterday, I was sort of giving permission clients to

• 7:58Speaker 00

  bring in, to invite, not just their logic and their analytical mind, but also feelings as a, an owner guest, as someone who needs to be in the room to make the right decisions, the right big decisions. And a lot of people I notice and a lot of my clients don't understand that feelings, like the ones that are persistent, that are part of our identity and a part of how we interpret the world. They actually are the way of our minds, of our brains and bodies to store information.

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Long lasting and important like our values and our sense of identity. So what what researchers tell us is those feelings are a way for us to store that important information for fast and easy access. So when we do need to make decision, we have this like summary of what it is we are meant to do because of our prior history, because of our memories, because of our identities and who we aspire to be.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Feelings like those lasting ones, not the cravings, you know, for chocolate or some purchase that come and go and you regret about them later. No, but feelings that persist, that stay with you, those reactions to the world when something feels really right. It's not just any emotional buying. It's actually that vital information that tells you, hey, this is actually a part of who you are, who you're becoming, of your values, of your purpose, of your mission, of your evolution. And so during those sessions yesterday, I was helping my clients to invite

• 10:09Speaker 00

  those feelings in to use for decision making, what they say, a wise mind, which is a concept in psychology that talks to the fact that, yes, we have our prefrontal cortex that helps us to analyze and to consider pros and cons and what logically makes sense in our life. But then also, wise mind is about connecting and bringing in the feeling side of self, which also possesses a lot of vital information

• 10:48Speaker 00

  in this different form of things we feel, those intuitions, gut feeling, whatever you call it, if that's something persistent and feels very right, it is a part of who you've been evolving into, who you've been becoming.

• 11:07Speaker 00

  And so, yes, if you are struggling with making important decisions and choices, the first tool, well, the first step is to realize that your feelings, your persistent feeling of what feels right, of who you are. So the first step is, yeah, realize that you have these two parts that are equally important. And the second step is to, when you are in the middle of making that decision, create this quiet and peaceful space. And yes, write down all the logical reasons from yourself and from other people.

• 11:48Speaker 00

  And also allow this feeling, what feels right, to also be a part of the equation. And you can even also question it, like, why does it feel right? What are my prior memories and experiences that are important for my identity? For perhaps who I'm becoming? So that is the first tool when making those complex decisions. And again, you need to have some quiet space which allows reflection. You need to have some peace of mind and unrushed space to be able to connect those two to make the best possible decision. You sometimes even need to sleep on it to, yes, feel right about your choices.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  But then the second mini tool that will allow you to not have those emotional experiences, which you later regret, whether that's buying something or eating and drinking something. The second tool is whenever you are about to make the choice and you have this rush and agitation, maybe a little bit anxiety. First, find a way to interrupt yourself, like literal state interrupt, like music, going for a walk, taking a shower, dancing, I don't know, doing jumping jacks. Just create a pause however you can.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  And then the second step, ask yourself, like, what's the uneasy feeling for me here? What's doesn't feel exactly right? What's the rash? What's the anxiety about, right? So start questioning that thing that is happening, which will slow down your emotional brain. You know, those fast and fast and fleeting reactions, more like fight or flight. And it will transfer your awareness into your long-term thinker, your prefrontal cortex, allowing other deeper feelings to show up. And then ask yourself this question.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  Okay, I'm gonna be happy or satisfied or pleasured with this choice right now. It will calm me down perhaps. But will I be happy with this choice tomorrow morning? Will I be happy about this choice in three days? Will I be happy about this choice in a week and a month from now? Right? So ask yourself this question. And again, first interrupt, then give yourself this time and space. And then the third one, ask yourself, is it aligned with who I feel I'm becoming? With who I think I am? With who I am aspired to be?

• 14:40Speaker 00

  Or maybe somebody inspires you to be that person? Is it aligned with that? Right? So when you have this agitation, anxiety, bitterness, which feels like it's, you know, something you need to put a plaster on, something like very fast, painful experience, which you need to attend right now. When you feel it, first pattern interrupt, whether that's going for a walk, shower, dancing, exercise, whatever that is. Then ask yourself three questions. A, what's the unease, agitation and anxiety about? What is I'm actually trying to resolve here? Why is it happening? Maybe sleep will work, will actually work better for it? The second one, will I be happy about it now and tomorrow?

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  And a week from now? And a month from now? And then the third one, is it aligned with who I say I am? With who I wanna become? With who I'm inspired to evolve into?

• 15:41Speaker 00

  And that mini tool of inquiry, three-step inquiry, will allow you to transition into a different space, where you start looking for different solutions, the ones that don't just help you to cope with now, but also help you to create the kind of future and the kind of person you wanna be a lot faster. So that's it for today, guys. So we, well, before we jump in into summary, please don't forget to share this podcast episode with at least one other person, with someone who might need to hear this before making that complex decision,

• 16:24Speaker 00

  or maybe need to hear it because they regret their choices, their emotion, they'll be fleeting emotion kind, kind of decisions and feelings that they need to deal with life from the perspective or of their future aspirations more, right? So share this podcast, rate and review, so it can reach more people. And then, yes, let's sum it up. So we learned about joy, spending budget, and how it is important to honor that side of you who wants to have more beauty, more alignment, more satisfaction in life, long-term and without regrets.

• 17:08Speaker 00

  So we learned about the difference between emotion, which is fleeting, and, you know, the in-the-moment, and you act on it, you need to act on it right now. And we talked about feelings, which are stories about the world, about us in the world, about how experience connect to us, which come from more self-aware place. And we talked about how to use those more lasting feelings and the concept of your wise mind, your logical, your analytical brain, and those long-lasting feelings that come from self-awareness, how to use that to make better decisions, the decisions that don't just good and, that aren't just good on paper,

• 17:53Speaker 00

  but also feel right for you.

• 17:57Speaker 00

  And by the way, feeling great, it's the feeling you own. Nobody else can feel it except you, outside of you. So when your friends, your relatives, your family, your spouses give you advice, they don't come from that feeling. So wise mind, use it for invite that feeling into the room when making complex and life-changing, life-important decisions. And then when you need to deal with more, you know, day-to-day, in the minute, in the moment, struggles with cravings that need to be satisfied right now and more of your long-term objectives. Three-step inquiry process.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Well, first, create a pause and then ask, what's the unease? What the anxiety is all about? What is happening here? What am I trying to deal with here? And then the second one, am I going to be happy about not just now, but tomorrow morning, a week from now, a month from now? And then the third one, is it aligned with who I say I am as a person, who I'm aspired to be? So I'm gonna leave you with that, guys.

• 19:15Speaker 00

  Invite your feelings to the table to make life-changing decisions, decisions that matter in the world of endless choice. You have your logical mind, analytical mind, and your feelings for a reason. So use both of them together and you're gonna get the best possible outcome in a short run and in the long, self-evolving kind of run. Thank you, guys, for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Looking forward to seeing you somewhat again here in the next couple of days. And till next time, keep working on yourself.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  Keep listening to all of the parts of you and keep growing.