Pod Insights Change Wired From Cravings To Control: 7 coaching exercises to train your willpower About this episode Think your willpower is weak? It’s probably just untrained. We explore a practical, science-grounded path to stronger discipline by reframing willpower as a skill you can build, not a talent you either have or don’t. From late-night snacking to endless scrolling to skipped workouts, we map the moments that derail you and show how small, targeted shifts create big results. We start by redefining willpower, then we dig into 7 exercises you can use today that reset your nervous system and...
Transcript 0:09 Speaker 00 Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Sharina, I'm your host, I'm your partner in change, personal and collective transformation in the process of unlocking and using more of our human potential every day, so together we can create the most extraordinary world and live the most extraordinary lives. One habit, one step, one change at a time. Today guys, you're gonna learn at least seven exercises to start improving your willpower where it matters the most to you right now.
0:48 Speaker 00 You know, sometimes we feel, we think that we are not disciplined or we don't have much willpower because we have certain negative experiences in our lives. It's like we're planning to do it better, but we don't. We're planning to exercise more consistently, but we don't. Or we're planning to do X, but we forget and we just never do, right? And it steals away from our belief, our confidence that we have discipline and willpower, even though we can do so many other things that require that willpower and discipline. And we actually do them. We work hard, we are good at work, we don't shout at people, we try to resolve our differences
1:30 Speaker 00 in a civilized way, we take care of other people, whether that's, you know, our kids, our parents, our partners, we show up for others, we offer our help, we study to get better at our craft, at our work. We do so many things that require that constant discipline or willpower when we gotta work on certain things, even though we might be tired and not necessarily wanting to do it every time. But then not being able to create this willpowered action in some areas and we start believing that I'm just not a disciplined person. And that's, today guys, you're gonna get the tools that we learn in coaching and then
2:15 Speaker 00 we teach it to our clients. So you start developing more willpower for specific areas where you don't exercise that much. So you're gonna learn the seven exercises. But besides, you're gonna have a much more empowering, a more precise definition of willpower, which will help you to get better at anything that you think requires discipline. And then also, you can teach the same skills to your, to the people you lead, to your team, also to people you live with, your partners, parents, kids, to your friends. So together, we can do more of things that matter for our next level development or the positive impact we wanna create in the world.
3:00 Speaker 00 So if you have those moments when you think, I just don't have the discipline, or my willpower is weak around the acts or certain things, then listen up and you're gonna learn actual exercise tools that will help you develop the skill of willpower in the areas, again, where you want to create change. So first of all, let's talk about definitions. You know, how you define things matters for how well you can do them, you can improve them, you can work on them. A couple of days ago, in the coaching class I'm taking, we were talking about motivation and willpower, what they are, how they work, where people struggle and how to help clients struggle less with those things.
3:45 Speaker 00 We started with definitions. If you define willpower as some mystical talent or inner force, something you either have or don't have in certain amounts or for specific things, then you're not gonna move or get anywhere far trying to improve it. You become a victim of your moods, your cravings, your momentary desires, your definitions, basically. The research shows that when people believe that they can develop a specific thing as a skill instead of thinking it's some sort of innate talent, that they improve that thing. Whereas if people believe, again, that that's fixed and it's something that you have or don't have, at least for a specific thing
4:30 Speaker 00 or a specific setting, then guess what? You're not gonna improve in it. When people say I'm not good in sales, you know, nobody is good at sales from like the the time they they were born. They just work on it and they get better. Or you can hear like, oh, I'm just not good at promoting myself. No, you just haven't traded and trained the skill. And that's why you're not getting the results that you want. And that's it. The same is business. You're not bad or good at business. You work on your business skills and you get better results. And that's the point. So back to discipline and willpower. Willpower is the ability to resist a short term temptation in order to reach a long term goals. That's it, guys.
5:15 Speaker 00 It's your ability to resist what you want right now in order to achieve your long term goals. That's it. Nothing mystical, no special personality trait or talent, just a trainable mental skill of being able to resist your almost animal urges for the long term gain. The skill that you're already doing all the freaking time, guys. And once you see it as a skill and that you're already using it and the and that you are already quite great at it, maybe just not for the specific a- area. It becomes something you can work on, something you can improve, something that you can get great at, just like sales.
5:56 Speaker 00 And if you're good at sales, or if you're not good, you can improve there, which I'm happen to be working on. But anyhow, willpower isn't something, again, you are universally good or bad at. You're bad in it in some situations and worse in others. Just like with your fitness, you might be great at lifting heavy things and might not be that great at endurance running. Are you then bad at fitness? Well, it depends what activity you choose, right? So the same with willpower. Most of our skills are quite situational, guys, and are defined just as much as what you do as by the environment in which you do it. So think about it, you don't randomly shout at coworkers, do you?
6:41 Speaker 00 Or fight strangers or lose control in meetings, even when you are angry or disagree passionately with something. Social consequences matter. Negative effects in your life moving forward matter. And that's why you don't do such things as shouting at people randomly on the street or at work or somewhere. Yet many people are completely fine with making choices that slowly make them sick or because we have no accountability or immediate negative results for it. Food, sleep, alcohol, stress, movement. Yes, you know, you know, some maybe in twenty, thirty years, we're going to be getting some negative results, but you're like, but for now I'm good. You neglect it because there is no immediate pain.
7:22 Speaker 00 Same person, different contacts, different level of practice restraint, which is your willpower. Once you realize willpower is situational and you can have more or less of it depending on what you've trained, what you habituated to, what environment you are in, you can stop judging yourself and start working on your willpower fitness, just like you would work on your regular fitness. Want to develop your cardio, run more or do something before that pumps up your heart. Want to develop strength, lift heavy things. And so just like the gym, if you again want stronger legs, you don't train your biceps. So if you want willpower in a specific area, you train it there with specific exercises.
8:06 Speaker 00 And so in coaching, we teach our clients different moves or exercises that build willpower muscle where it matters to you the most. And to do right about now, you're going to hear the seven willpower exercises that will help you to train willpower for the things that you might not be as good at using it. But before we jump into that, a couple of announcements. First, this week, we're going to have one more episode at the end of the week with a guest who's going to be talking about how to turn strategy, our vision. Into execution, we're gonna be talking more about workplace environment.
8:50 Speaker 00 So if you're a leader, stay tuned for that. If you know a leader, stay tuned, share this podcast with them. And if you have perhaps any questions around strategy, execution, turning vision and goals into actual results through behavior change, then reach out. We're gonna have more future episodes on that. And besides that, this Tuesday, which is for me is tomorrow. If you hear this podcast before that, we are running a mindset gym series event where you're gonna learn and practice skills like you're about to learn right now. So check out the link in the show notes. It's there, free, limited seating, and it's happening quite soon. And there is gonna be no recording, so check it out.
9:35 Speaker 00 And back to the episode. Skill exercise to strengthen your willpower. Number one, intentional distraction. When an urge shows up, like you wanna have a snack, don't fight it. Redirect your attention until it passes. Like very often, I would think about, oh, I wanna eat this or that. And then I'm like, no, Angela, you really don't. You had enough food. And so I get busy with doing my work, listening to the music, going for a walk. And guess what? In just like couple of minutes, I don't have this urge or craving like it was never there. This is tool number one, intentional distraction. Tool number two, sitting with discomfort. Guess what, guys?
10:21 Speaker 00 You can have an urge and just sit with it, just like sore muscle. You feel the discomfort and you can sit with it and you don't die. And it subsides, it gets less and less and less, and you survive. Learning how to just sit with it. Not every itch needs to be scratched. You know that if you're, I don't know, have some sickness and you're not supposed to be scratching certain parts of your body, you just don't. And so here is the same thing. Just because you feel discomfort, it doesn't mean that you need to make it go away. Eliminating triggers. Identify what reliably pulls you into the behavior you want to do less of.
11:01 Speaker 00 Ask, how can I reduce my exposure to that thing, that person, that conversation, that thing in my environment that makes me think about food? Like, if you don't want to be eating sweets, don't hang around sweets. But they did a lot of research where candy, for example, was just visible and when it wasn't. And people ate consistently more when it was visible and consistently less when it wasn't. And the same kind of people. So what you see is what you do more of, what you're reminded of is what you do more of. So eliminate that trigger and it's so much more likely that you're not gonna even need to use willpower.
11:45 Speaker 00 Connecting to your why. Go beyond surface level goals. Link restraint to identity values, who you're becoming. What does this matter for the person you want to be? Just go deeper. The person with the strong enough why will figure out anyhow. Nietzsche.
12:05 Speaker 00 The next tool, notice, name, respond. So when the craving or the urge comes up, just take a breath. And then tune into you. What am I feeling? Why might this be here? Like this feeling, this sensation. What response would I be proud of? Even if it's hard now, what's worth the heart? Right? So notice what's happening, name it, and then choose to respond, not react. Accountability. Most things you do well with willpower, have accountability attached. Like, that's why you don't shout at coworkers, because someone is gonna keep you accountable.
12:46 Speaker 00 It's like, well, that person is really, you know, weird and shouts at people, so. Probably not great for our workplace. So you have some sort of accountability, people watching you. And for a lot of things where you struggle with your willpower, just checking with yourself, you probably have none of the accountability. Nobody is checking in you. It feels like nobody cares. And if you don't do it, nothing happens. It's like, you know, nowhere to be found. So how can you attach more accountability for the habit, the behavior that you wanna do more of or wanna do less of? Who is your accountant for this behavior? Who are you doing this for also?
13:28 Speaker 00 Like maybe you want to improve your health because you wanna support your family and be a great leader. So think about that when you are reaching for additional cookie that shouldn't be on your plate at nine P M. in the evening. Think about that and figure out how that can, how you can remind yourself of that when the moment of action comes. And then the last but not least, stay changing. Your urges, thoughts, emotions, cravings, come and go just like the weather. And so if you change what's happening in your body, you're gonna change your thoughts and the actions you take. And what I mean by that is whenever you feel something,
14:12 Speaker 00 go move, go take a shower, breathe, use music, shift your focus. Think of something different, something that makes you feel stronger, more disciplined and empowered and motivated. Once you change what's happening in your body by changing your biochemistry and biology, quite literally, your nervous system shifts. And then your thoughts, your emotions, your urges and your actions follow.
14:45 Speaker 00 And these are the different tools, just like in your workout. Access ideas, you can choose and pick and try to see what works better for that specific behavior or that specific habit that you want to do more of, or you don't wanna do more of, like scrolling. See what can help you, maybe another distraction, maybe removing the trigger. Like when I work, my phone is in another room and I sometimes even forget where that is. And that because of that, I don't think of checking it, right? So removal of the thing works the best for my, so to speak, willpower. And sometimes sitting with discomfort, I'm like, yes, it does not feel comfortable.
15:30 Speaker 00 And I feel like, I don't know, sneaking or something. And that's okay, I'll sit through and it will disappear. So see what works for you. And again, let's recap all the tools. But before we do, guys, don't forget to share this episode with at least one other person who might be struggling with their willpower or discipline. They might even think, I'm not good with this stuff, I'm not disciplined, I can't make myself do that. Make them aware that there are access ideas, that there are skills that they can train so they get better. So it's a skill, just like anything else. And if it matters to you enough, then work on those skills and you will get better.
16:12 Speaker 00 Just like with sales, business skills or having difficult conversations. It's a skill, you're not all or nothing person. You've been habituated to certain behaviors in certain environments. And that's about it. Mental skills and emotional responses are, just like anything else, a set of habits that you can unlearn, relearn and get better at. So let's recap, share, review, rate, and then let's recap. Intentional distraction, tool number one, you don't have to pay attention to where your mind goes. You can switch to something else. Sitting with discomfort, it's fine to not feel fine and it will pass. This too shall pass. Tool number three, eliminating triggers. Look around you.
16:57 Speaker 00 What makes you think of this behavior in the first place? Tool number four, connecting to your why? Why do you want to do this? Why does it matter for the person you are becoming? Tool number five, notice, name, respond. Make a pause, slow it down. Notice what's happening in you, outside of you. Name it and then choose to respond. Slow it down. Tool number six, accountability for things you do well. You do more of, you do better. You usually have accountability. So create accountability in everywhere you need to improve or change. And then stay change. Where your biology goes, your nervous system, your thoughts, your emotions, and then your actions follow.
17:42 Speaker 00 So how can you change in your biology? You move, you take a shower, you splash cold water into your face, you listen to the music. You shift your focus and think about different things. And your biology will shift and so will your urges and your actions. That's it, guys. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. The gym is open. Check out the link in the show notes for Mindset Gym event. And remember, willpower is not a gift, is not a talent. It's a skill that you can get better at. At skill that is good in some environments and not that great yet for you in other environments.
18:25 Speaker 00 So train it like you would your muscles, like you would your biceps in specific situations. And you will get better. And one might say you will become a completely different person. Thank you, guys, for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Till next time, check out the link in the show notes for your Mindset Gym. And keep working on yourself, keep improving and keep growing.
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