Creating a Fulfilling Life Step 1: finding your values.

Fulfillment is not a prize you earn by checking the right boxes. It is a feeling that shows up when your life matches who you actually are. We use a simple idea to guide the whole conversation: imagine a Venn diagram where one circle is your values and the other circle is how you live day to day. The overlap is peace, meaning, and that grounded sense of “my life fits me.” We walk through practical values discovery exercises you can do with a notebook in under an hour. When you know you...

• 0:09Speaker 00

  Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Sharina. I'm your host. I'm your executive health and high performance coach 360 and just someone who is obsessed with change, with doing better, with getting closer to doing our best. But the most important part is

• 0:30Speaker 00

  learning how to live our life to maximize fulfillment and satisfaction and joy and meaning, feeling like we are living a good life. Today, guys, by the end of this podcast, you're gonna learn a couple of techniques that will help you to excavate, to realize, to understand, to become more aware of your values, what drives you in life, and why is that important thing to do? Because then you will start understanding a lot better in practical terms, meaning what you can do about it, what to adjust, what to change,

• 1:11Speaker 00

  where to invest more of your time and energy to create more fulfillment in your life. Yesterday while writing a blog, I created this graphic with artificial intelligence, which I really loved. It's Venn diagram and there are two circles intersecting and in the middle it's peace and fulfillment. So two circles are who you are, what is important to you, what makes your life feel good. So who you are, right? And the second circle is how is your life aligned or how you actually live your life?

• 1:55Speaker 00

  And the intersection is peace in fulfillment. So first, you need to understand who it is you are, what drives you, what is important to you, what's your purpose, what's your values, so who you are. And the second piece, doing the work to align the way you live your life with this understanding. And when you get closer and closer to intersecting those circles, that's where you get closer and closer to maximizing fulfillment, richness of your life, and just feeling good about your life. But the first step is a step that almost no one takes in our world today. We ask for answers, we wait for answers, we think that,

• 2:38Speaker 00

  you know, if we achieve what society tells us that's important, then we're gonna arrive to happiness, which is, actually, a real life experience shows us is never the fact. So you can be the richest, the, I don't know, most beautiful, most successful person, and tick all the boxes and still end up killing yourself. And that happened to a lot of celebrities. That just shows us, just because you get all of the ducks in a row, doesn't mean that your life gonna feel like a magical garden. So that being said, in order for you to create a life of fulfillment life that feels good, you need to first understand yourself. And one of the pieces, one of the most important pieces of understanding yourself

• 3:21Speaker 00

  is understanding what drives you in life, for whichever reason. Certain things drive you more, certain things create more quality and fulfillment, make you happier than others. And you need to understand what those things are, and then do your best to align your life with it. So today, I'm gonna give you a couple of exercises. Also, I'm gonna share a link, which is already in the show notes, you can use it, to take a test, which is free, which I learned about in the book Becoming You. It was actually a course in New York University, created by Professor Susie Walsh, who helped people to navigate life and career transitions by first figuring out a couple of things about themselves.

• 4:05Speaker 00

  It's your values and your aptitudes, and then also figuring out what are the possible monetizable career and life paths. So the course was done was in the university, and so people who were there were They wanted to figure out what to do with their life. And a big part of our lives is figuring out what to do for work that fulfills us, allows us to earn a living, but then also makes our life feel good. Anyhow, so, exercisers, value exercisers. A lot of them are exercisers that are really, well, that are done by others. All of them are science and research backed and experience backed.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  And so also again, as an addition, you can take a 100 question test on your values that will allow you to understand what your values are, where you are today, and how do you, and how, what you need to do or focus on to breach those. But before we jump into that, or before you jump into that link, that again, you already can do so now. It's linked in the show notes. It's called the Values Breach. Before we do that, there are a couple of exercises that also are very useful to start understanding better and also very simple of what it is you stand for in life, what drives you, what you need to create more of, align your life with, so you get more fulfillment.

• 5:32Speaker 00

  So the first exercise, it's called Hero's Exercise. And it's very simple. You take a piece of paper and you have three columns in, on this, you make three columns on the sheet of paper. In the first column, you put, you put down names of people you admire, life or that, that you, you know, read biographies of, you know of, someone you know, or someone, you know, you, you know, from afar, and, and author, a person who achieved a lot. So three to five names, you can do more, but I recommend to start there so you don't get overwhelmed with the time it requires and thinking it requires. Three to five people you admire, you wanna be more like,

• 6:18Speaker 00

  you would perhaps trade lives with. So three to five people that you can think of. Then the second column, you need to write either shortly or more in detail, what it is that you admire about those people. And what you'd like to bring more of into your life? Like what, why do you wanna put those people? Or maybe even exchange lives with those people in the first place? What is you admire? So the second column is what qualities? Or what maybe ways of those people living their lives or doing things? What do you admire about them?

• 6:59Speaker 00

  And the third column is what you don't from the lives of those people? Maybe if you admire something about Elon Musk, and like his great, his ability to just do really hard stuff and be really committed and dedicated and against all odds, keep doing his stuff based on his conviction, right? That you can admire, well, I admire. But then the second part, not paying maybe too much attention or care at all about relationships and how other people feel and how about people's well-being in general

• 7:44Speaker 00

  or about his health, right? Like those things I don't admire and I don't want more of. So, yes, I admire, again, the person, but only specific aspects of their life, or at least what I know about their life and their personality from the few, I don't know, interviews and books and articles. So the first column, again, the names of the people you admire, again, maybe not 360, not everything about them, but specific character qualities, so specific ways they live their lives or show up in the world. The second column is what you admire exactly and perhaps why also. And then the third part that you'd like to maybe not have from their life.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  And then, once you write down the names, the qualities you admire, the qualities that you don't want, you look for patterns. Like what seems to those people have in common? Or what are the qualities? That feel like you really want to have more of in yourself, in your life. And then also the third column, what are the things that you know, you really don't want to have near you or around you. So reflecting on that, like, what are the commonalities? What are the differences? What seem to stand out for you and provoke most emotions? And whether positively or negatively.

• 9:09Speaker 00

  Perhaps from there, you can all right away, write down a few value statements or a few values or just things that are important to live through in your life. In order for you to feel like your life matters, like you're living it according to who you are. So that is the first exercise. The second exercise is three questions. Alpha, omega, that the book Becoming You has them, which will help you to dial in even more your understanding, your awareness of things that are important to you, of things that make you you, of things that you would fight for or stand up for or really need to be present in your life for you to feel fulfilled

• 9:54Speaker 00

  and you're in that you're living life aligned with who you are. So the first question is, what do you want to say to people? What do you want people to say when you are not in the room? To give you an example, I did this exercise and for myself, I was kind of surprised that so much of what I want people to say about me is around trust and reliability. So some of the things that I wrote down, I want people to say that I'm kind, that I I'm open minded and understanding, that I get things done, that I'm smart, that I'm reliable, that I'm someone you can trust,

• 10:38Speaker 00

  that I'm gritty and tough and courageous, and also direct, blunt and not fake, and also generous and knows your stuff, like sounded stuff. You can see how there are common themes among all of that. So what do you want people to say about you when you're not in the room? The second question is, when you were a kid, what you loved and what you hated? What did you love, what did you hate when you were growing up? Again, personal example, I absolutely hated that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. And there was were so many rules and regulations and things about the world and my life that I just couldn't change.

• 11:20Speaker 00

  And I had to take it in and, you know, just deal with that. So I actually hated with that. And actually, one of my top values, and I always say that freedom is my number one value. But actually, it's not like freedom, freedom. It's agency, it's ability to choose what it is I want to do and how I want to do it. Like, that is very high on my value list, right? So that's what I hated about my childhood. What I loved about my childhood is that maybe trust in the universe and one might say carelessness, but in a good way, that I could just let it go and be present in the moment. And I didn't worry about things.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  And yeah, so that's like lightness and playfulness that I loved about my childhood. The third question is, so the second question that will help you to understand your values is what did you love, what did you hate when you were growing up? And here we are looking for emotional responses, right? That's something that you can really say, oh, yeah, I really loved about my childhood that, or I really hated this. And then the third question, let's say, well, imagine you are eighty-five or ninety or ninety-five at the end of your life and you're crying from regret.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  So what did make you cry from regret when you are at the end of your life?

• 12:53Speaker 00

  For me personally is that I didn't go for, I didn't try for the big things that I care about, that I sort of tiptoed on the edge of the life that I wanted to live. That would actually make me cry with regret, like I didn't live it to the fullest. And I'm still figuring out how to fully step into that, but that is a huge thing for me. And so one of my biggest values as well is impact in the world. Like I wanna make a ripple, like it's like a hunger and I didn't know how to explain it, but it's like a hole, right? And I thought at some point that everyone, everyone wants to do the same.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  But as I've gone through a lot of coaching with people and also talked to a lot of people and just, you know, life experience, I realized, no, actually that thing is changing the world and making a ripple is not important to all of the people at all. Not everyone wakes up and thinks, how can I change the world and create maximum impact? Not everyone at all. And so very powerful question as well. And again, here's exercise, three questions that I just talked you through. What do you want people to say when you're not in the room? What did you love, hate when you were growing up? And at your eighty fifth or nineties or ninety fifth birthday, you're crying from regret.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  So what are those regrets about? And then I want to, like, walk you through a few questions about your life, which will help you to reflect on certain values like impact, although in the book it has a different name. But those are the same or they are integrated in the values breach assessment that you can find following the link in the show notes. So a few questions that will help you to also understand, yeah, I recommend re-listen to this part with a journal and reflect a little bit, like a minute or so on each question, like where do you stand?

• 15:05Speaker 00

  And where do you need to work more on to bring your life into more alignment with that value? That might be higher for you than lower.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  So first in the book, it's called radios. But for me, it's impact. The question is, when I envision my ideal life, when I envision my ideal life, like ideal life, two statements, see which one are you closer towards? When I envision my ideal life, I'd be happy, I'd be a high impact world changer, even if it meant some controversy or criticism. So that is your impact value at its maximum. Here, there is a scale from one to seven, so seven is the highest, right? I'd be a high impact world changer. One is, I'd really concern myself with trying to change the world, society or the culture.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Like, no right or wrong, but where are you, right? World changer, seven. Not really, I don't really care about that one. It's some things to think about. The next one, and I'm scrolling through the book here, scope. Or how much, well, let me actually read the statement from the book. When I envision my ideal life, I'd be immersed in a world teeming with adventure, learning, experiences and even some chaos. So your life is full, rich of stimulation and experiences. That is seven. And I'd be surrounded by stability, predictability and calm. Everything would be known and under control. Where are you?

• 16:42Speaker 00

  You know, one is control, seven is like those experiences, sometimes even chaos, right? How much stimulation do you actually need? Again, the purpose of this is to help you reflect on things that you do care about and that you don't care much about. And realizing that there is, it's not right or wrong. It's what matters to you for your ideal life.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  The next one, family centrism. When I envision my, my ideal life, nothing would get in the way of my family coming first. That is a seven. You are high on family centrism value. And one, family consideration would rarely determine my decisions or plans. For me, it's like two, maybe three now. But there is a reason why I live on the other side of the world from my family, don't have kids and not married. Like, family centrism is like just not a value for me for one reason or the other. And that's okay, guys.

• 17:41Speaker 00

  Where are you? Family centric? Family is your like centerpiece? Or someone like, you know, whatever happens. Non-self value. When I envision my ideal life, I'd be all about helping people in ways large and small. Or I'd help people, but doing so wouldn't be among my top priorities. To be honest, even though I'm a coach, like volunteering and becoming some sort of mazita, Teresa, Teresa is not top of my values. Again, no right or wrong, just understanding in your ideal life, what would it be for you? And I'm gonna tell you why your ideal life phrasing is so important.

• 18:25Speaker 00

  So where are you on non-self value? Luminance or how bright you shine, right? When I envisioned my ideal life, everywhere I'd go, people would know who I am, right? It's high on fame and fortune and being seen and visible and applause and all of that. Or I'd be a private person known only to a small circle. I'm probably somewhere in the middle, like I love public speaking, I love to be acknowledged, I love to be seen, but I definitely do not want people following me around, being in the news and being my personal life, you know, excavated and put on displays. That's just not me. Where are you? So that's the question.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  The next one is agency or freedom for me. When I envisioned my ideal life, no one would tell me what to do or how to do it. I'd be the boss of me. Or one, I wouldn't want to control things. Consensus and harmony would matter more. Where are you? Again, no right or wrong. I'm high on agency. Even if I have to go against the whole world, I will be the boss of me. Harmony and consensus are not top of the world for me. That you can know for sure if you know me a little. Again, no right or wrong, just where you are. Achievement.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  When I envisioned my ideal life, seven, my life would be filled with accomplishments and success. One, I'd really concern myself with success. Winning and losing wouldn't matter to me. Like, I'm somewhere, to be honest, like somewhere four, like I wouldn't kill myself over some measurements of success. But I would like to be the world's greatest doing my work, right? So achievement does matter to me, but it's not the most important part of me. Like, yeah, it doesn't go above my agency or my freedom, for example, right? Where are you? Do you, are you concerned with achieving things or not really? Especially again, in the ideal vision of your life. Where would you be?

• 20:29Speaker 00

  Work centrism. Seven, work would be my main purpose, defining my meaning and momentum. And one, work would play a very insignificant role in my life. I'm definitely, you know, there is, there is a reason why I sign up for being a happy workaholic. I love my work. I'm like, that is the purpose, the purpose, like becoming great at what I do, serving, like, I love my work. And I'm seven. And again, there is no right or wrong, but just figuring out who you are, where you stand is super important. To create the life of fulfillment and happiness. Affluence or richness, abundance, money, right?

• 21:10Speaker 00

  When I envisioned my ideal life, I'd be so rich, I could have anything I'd ever wanted and then some. One, I'd have enough money to get by because that's all I'd want. I'm somewhere like maybe four, I wanna have a lot of money to do the things that I wanna do, but I couldn't care less about, you know, luxurious vacations and helicopters and like, yeah, it's fun to do it once in a while, but like owning a lot of things never was my top priority.

• 21:37Speaker 00

  Again, no, no right or wrong, just understanding where you are to make you happy. It would demonia or pleasure and joy in your ideal life. Fun, well-being and pleasure would come first. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Or one, fun, well-being and pleasure would matter, but they wouldn't be anywhere near my top priorities. I'm more like one or two for, to be honest. Like, I like to have fun, but mastery, work and purpose and, I don't know, freedom and achievement, those are much more important than pleasurable things. There is a reason also why I haven't had ice cream in like a decade and, and I don't care.

• 22:17Speaker 00

  Right? So joy and pleasure, they're fine, fun, but you know, I don't really care. Beholderism, you'll understand what it is. When envision my life, everything in my world, from myself to my home and belongings would look elevated, even beautiful, right? So like, like beauty aesthetics. It's seven. Or I'd rather concern myself with how anything looked. I'd really concern myself with how anything looked. It just wouldn't matter to me. I was an image consultant, helping people to align how they look to create this image that makes them feel good from outside. So aesthetics matter to me. I went to art school.

• 23:00Speaker 00

  Like, I love things to be well arranged and beautiful. There is a reason why I love, you know, certain colors and looks, certain way and work in my physique so much. I was a physique athlete at some point. It matters to me. But doesn't matter so much that I'm gonna be spending hours in some beauty salon and obsessing over every detail in my house and there is some mass like, I'm probably three or four, not seven. Right? Again, no right or wrong, but understanding where you are, what's important to you. Voice, expressing yourself, the next value. In your ideal life, I'd express my individuality as openly as I'd like. No one will be able to dim my light. Or one, I'd feel more comfortable fitting in than standing out.

• 23:43Speaker 00

  I'm definitely a standing out kind of person, although compared to some other people, I don't need to be super loud about it. So I'll probably maybe like a five. That's why I'm doing this podcast, right? My voice to be heard. I like to express my opinion, even when it's controversial and cause me sometimes relationships. But yes, voice is important to me, isn't important to you. Again, no right or wrong, just understanding where you stand to make you happy. Belonging. In my ideal life, I'd be deeply connected to friends, spending time together and building a sense of community. That is seven. One, I'd be my own person. Independence would be a paramount to me. I'd say I'm more on the one or two on belonging.

• 24:28Speaker 00

  So I'm the solo guy, the independence that climb a mountain solo kind of person, although I do enjoy deep friendships and my family, but again, not top of my priorities to make me happy. Place. When I envision my ideal life, I'd be living in the one place I know I'm meant to be. One, I wouldn't be tied down to any location or home base. Spending fifteen years as a digital nomad, not having a home. I'd probably sign up more for one or two on the place, even though I need my walks, I need nature, et cetera, but they can be anywhere in the world. So. And then faith and tradition, cosmos, universe,

• 25:14Speaker 00

  things beyond what you can see, right? When I envision my ideal life. Seven, my faith and its central principles would be in all I do. One, religion wouldn't play any role in my decisions or actions. Yeah, I must admit, I'm on the one or two on the cosmos and spirituality. That's why I went to church maybe like twice in my life. I do meditation and I think about bigger things in life and all. And I go to nature and I admire like, you know, things bigger than myself and cosmos. But do they define my life? Um, not so much, to be very honest. So this is a short list of those values.

• 25:55Speaker 00

  Again, most of them are research backed, meaning people who research values came up with list close to that and understanding. Where you stand on all of this will help you, most importantly, to make choices and decisions, to take actions in your life that will create more and more fulfillment, because they will align who you are and the way you live your life. And again, to supplement everything, all the exercises that you learned about today, I highly recommend using that link and go to do the values breach, which is done by the author of the book Becoming You, Suzy Walsh, who we're gonna have on our podcast in some near future. What else?

• 26:39Speaker 00

  I recommend setting up some time, maybe like an hour, to do some good work on your values and then go through the exercises, starting with, I recommend starting with heroes exercise, because it's kind of fun and very easy lift. And then going to the three questions about what you loved and hated when you were growing up, what you want people to say when you're not in the room, and what you would cry from with regret when you are eighty five. And then doing the values breach assessment. And then just sitting with that and maybe putting it on the wall or on the mirror. So you look at it every day for, I don't know, a couple of weeks and start maybe looking at your life and your decisions and actions

• 27:25Speaker 00

  and what you have, what you don't have. And start sort of realizing, hey, I'm missing this. That is really important to me, but it's nowhere near in my life. And realizing that, you know, that ideal life, your values was important to you. How much of it is lived experience? And usually, the less lived experience is the less you live your values in your real life, the less fulfillment and satisfaction you're gonna have from your life. And so if you wanna improve that fulfillment and happiness, you wanna connect what you value with what you actually live in your day to day life. So that is it's suggested way to work with what you learned today. What else?

• 28:08Speaker 00

  Well, guys, really appreciate your time, your attention, your work on personal growth. Please do share this podcast episode, maybe with a family member, with a friend, with someone you wanna help, with someone you admire, maybe bring it to your book club, to your collective of like-minded individuals, work through it together for an hour, maybe dedicate, I don't know, a whole meeting to that. So together, you then keep you accountable to living more of these values in your daily life. Take one of those values and one behavior and start implementing that and reflect on how much more fulfillment it starts bringing into your life.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  Other than that, guys, thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. And till next time, keep growing.