Pod Insights Change Wired Comfort or Growth? I want X but I also want Y - navigating competing priorities with 5 coaching questions. About this episode Ever feel split between the warm safety of what you know and the cold thrill of what could be? We unpack how competing priorities like comfort, growth, belonging, ambition, and health can collaborate instead of collide. Then we hand you a simple, powerful toolkit: 5 coaching questions to illuminate what each option protects, what the conflict says about who you’re becoming, how each path serves comfort and growth, and how to design decisions that honor more than one value at a ...
Transcript 0:09 Speaker 00 Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Chorina, I'm your host, I'm your partner in personal and collective transformation, someone who is really passionate and obsessed with human potential, who we can become when we decide to focus on improvement, on getting better one step at a time and pushing boundary a little bit further into the discomfort of growth versus seeking the comfort of safety, of familiarity, of belonging and certainty.
0:48 Speaker 00 By the end of today's podcast, guys, you'll learn really important and useful tool in this age era of uncertainty, you learn how to navigate competing priorities and inner conflicts, I want X, but I also want Y. Let's start with a little story. So every Friday, we go on this hike up the mountain and it's before sunrise and I have to wake up, it's like 4:30 and there are two opposite forces, two forces pull me in
1:28 Speaker 00 two opposite directions, stay under the blanket and you know, start my day as usual, or get up, drive in the dark, meet new people, climb up the mountain in the dark, breathe deeply and have this challenge in front of me, comfort or growth?
1:48 Speaker 00 And I had quite a few, many actually, cases that I wanted X, but I also wanted Y and sometimes to the point that it was so hard, like going and leaving my home country and going to explore all these other countries because I felt a pull that that was I needed to do to figure out myself, my life and to learn more about the world, but I also wanted
2:18 Speaker 00 To stay home and to follow a familiar path to get into, you know, a normal job after getting a degree in university and be closer to my parents and my sister and be among friends who became, you know, just so familiar and they made me feel good and confident and or another pool that happens quite often at night, you know, you're tired and you're working hard on things that you wanna achieve. And sometimes you just want to eat ice cream and watch TV. But also you want to go to bed early.
3:00 Speaker 00 So then next morning you could do your workout and continue working on things that are important to you because you know that nobody else will move those things forward. So like these different pools, these competing priorities, or I learned a new word for that in a coaching certification that I'm taking. Inner conflicts, we have many things pulling us in different directions. We have competing values and priorities. And sometimes you feel like we want completely opposite things at the same time. And most people think that this tension is a bug.
3:45 Speaker 00 Heck, I used to think like that. Sometimes still get to this idea like, can't you just focus? But then I also wanna be creative and explore a lot more things, right? So a lot of people think, and I used to think that way as well, that it's a bug, something to eliminate and prioritize over. Many of my clients come to coaching actually hoping we can fix it, like remove the conflict, choose once and for all, build the ideal self, quote unquote, where all the shoes become dance.
4:18 Speaker 00 But guys, that's a fantasy. That's an illusion. That's unreal, at least not for a human. The tension isn't a flaw. It's a feature of being human. The goal isn't to make one value, one priority win. Comfort over growth, belonging to others and familiar over self-expression and uniqueness. Achievement over health, success over family. The real work is a bit harder. It's integration. It's learning to walk with this tension alive. To honor the parts of you that want safety and the parts that want expansion.
5:01 Speaker 00 To build a life where your values don't fight, but collaborate. And just in a moment, you're gonna learn a few, five questions, five coaching questions that will help you or someone you love, someone you lead to explore this tension between competing priorities and to figure out a way forward, honoring both. Sometimes, you know, one is gonna be honored more, sometimes the other. But it's learning to integrate all parts of you, not just become all or nothing person and do something really, really well and then regret that you didn't get to do at
5:43 Speaker 00 all other things that were, if not equally, then really important to you. But before we dig into questions, I wanna share with you a story of a client of mine who is going through career transition and she's changing countries and getting into new relationships, so a lot of change and transition. And she was waiting for an offer for her new job.
6:10 Speaker 00 But then she also needed to give an advance notice at her old job. And her tension was, well, in the ideal life, I would get an offer and be certain that I'm getting this new job and I can continue with this new path. And then say at my old job that I'm leaving and just be done with that. But unfortunately, that wasn't, you know, how it could work. She had this conditional offer, which still needed to be confirmed with a few details and checkups. But she also needed at the same time to give that advance notice if she were to honor her leadership values of taking care of all of the people, not just herself.
6:56 Speaker 00 And giving an advance notice so she also can prepare a successor for her because she is in a senior role. And not valuing that would be like betraying herself. Because that's not what she stands up for values as a leader. But then at the same time, again, she has this personal sort of safety and comfort. But what if I don't get this other job? What am I gonna do? But then when we dug deeper into like why that value of giving people an advance notice is important to her?
7:36 Speaker 00 And what's gonna happen, let's say, if she, if your offer in her new position is not confirmed? And we realized that actually she's still already decided that she's not gonna stay at her old job. And she will be moving forward either in the position that she's offered now or into some other position.
8:01 Speaker 00 And because of that, there was actually no conflict of values. She wanted to move forward. And so she gave that advance notice at her work and now she's preparing her successor, valuing her values as a leader, that you don't just quit things, you help other people to transition as well, you take care of other people, not just yourself. And at the same time, she honored her decision to transition to start a new path, even though there was uncertainty involved. But as we talked also through different options in her situation, we also realized that she has more than enough safety and more than enough options.
8:46 Speaker 00 Then even if that again offer doesn't work out, she still has a lot of options. And so actually, the most logical solution would be to, yes, give that advance notice and start helping your old work to transition to a new leader. And then while waiting for that new offer, whether it comes or not, she already made a decision that she's going to be moving forward. So a lot of times when you ask these questions that you're about to learn, when you truly sit with them and think through them, you realize, actually, you don't,
9:22 Speaker 00 first of all, both sides pulling you into different directions, they work for you, not against you. And in a lot of cases, in most of the cases, you already know what the right decision is. But you just need to think a little bit more through it and realize that, yes, that is actually the only option that will give you peace on both sides, right? Not the complete comfort and honoring all of your values. They're always... Almost always going to be growth and the need to embrace certain uncertainty or certain challenge. But in almost every case, there is a way to honor all of your values in a way
10:06 Speaker 00 that gives peace with the decision and the forward direction that you're about to take. But anyhow, let's get into the question, the most important part. So five questions. And this is the part where you want to replay for the time when you have the time to reflect. Again, you can work it with yourself or with someone else who you lead, maybe a family member who are, who is struggling with certain decisions to make. So question number one, so you have two competing priorities. What is, even if you have three, you can also add the third one. So the first one is, why is X, whatever X is, important to you? What value does it express?
10:50 Speaker 00 Why is it important to you basically? Like this first thing, this first option, why is that important to you? For my client, it was her new offer. Well, she wanted to grow. She wanted to expand. Her old job did not satisfy her at all. So that was the value, why it was so important to get moving, no matter whether into that offer or somewhere else. Then the second option, why is why or the second option important to you? What value does that express or protect? Like for my client, she needed to give that advance notice. It was important to her because she believed in taking care of all of the people,
11:33 Speaker 00 even though sometimes it might come with a little bit of, or sometimes a lot of personal sacrifice. But the sacrifice that feels right and aligned with your values. So why is that important to you, right? The, the second option and the third option, like what value does it express? Or what need does it satisfy? And you go through all of the options, two options or three options. Like, why is it important to you? And what value is it there? Or what need is it there to protect or satisfy? The third question. What did this conflict actually mean to you? And what does it tell you about the person you are, who you're becoming?
12:13 Speaker 00 For my client, it was, yes, I'm a leader who likes to take care of all of the people and create the best possible dynamic moving forward, not leaving the mess behind that not proud of, that just not who she is. But at the same time, it tells her that it's time to move on. It's time to grow. No matter how much uncertainty and discomfort is there, it's still her need. Then the fourth question is, how did this value relate to your need for comfort and your need for growth? We have both, guys. We need comfort, we need certainty, but we also need growth. We also need change. We also need expansion.
12:56 Speaker 00 So how do these options relate to your need for comfort and your need for growth? Just think through it. Which one place into which? The question number five. How might you design your life, your decisions to honor both or three options, whatever those options are? How can you design your life, your decision, your path forward, so you honor all of them? Sometimes more, sometimes less, instead of sacrificing one or the other? It's again, like back to that idea of mountain or staying under the blanket.
13:37 Speaker 00 Well, maybe do go to the mountain and the blanket is gonna be there at night. Maybe do have a little bit of ice cream, like a spoon, and then sleep with a little bit bigger smile on your face, so you do still have good night of sleep and wake up and go and work out and do the things that you gotta do. Or if... You wanna eat a piece of chocolate with your morning coffee? That is also totally fine. And then you practice moderation. So it doesn't derail your health goals. If you want to achieve a lot in your life, well, how can you achieve?
14:17 Speaker 00 Figure out a way to keep achieving, but at the same time, don't completely destroy your health, your relationships and your other passions and pursuits? Yes, maybe it's not going to be the ultimate expression of that achievement. Or maybe it will be richer because you do invest into other areas of your life. Life is not black and white. It's kind of three sixty and you have multitudes and your distractions, quote unquote, but actually be fueling that very obsession that you are so afraid to disturb with other pursuits. This is talking to the need that's been tearing me apart for a little bit.
15:01 Speaker 00 And I think I'm finally making peace with that, that, you know, your focus can actually benefit from you living a more balanced life. And that's it for today, guys. Don't forget to share. Don't forget to spread the news. Take this podcast and deliver it to more years of strivers, achievers, leaders, who wanna do more, be more, expand and grow and learn about themselves and how to live better and more beautifully in this world. So share this podcast episode, rate, review. That really means a lot to this podcast and to myself.
15:42 Speaker 00 And till next time, guys, keep working on it, one step at a time. Keep learning, keep honoring your competing values and priorities. Because guess what? You contain multitudes. You're not just one thing. And that's the beauty of it. And one of the like arts or mastery of life is learning how to navigate.
16:10 Speaker 00 All of these conflicting priorities and conflicts inner of inner values. And these five questions, re-listen to them, review and come back more often. These five questions will help you to navigate that in a more thoughtful, in a more integrated and aligned way. So till next time, keep growing.
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