Pod Insights Change Wired Can't sleep at 3AM? Worry Window exercise (CBT) can help. Real-life stress management that works. About this episode Your stress does not politely wait for your meditation cushion. It hits when the day is already going sideways and your brain starts doing that late night replay at 3 a.m. Today we talk about what real stress management looks like when life keeps handing you lemons and you do not even have the capacity to make more lemonade. I walk you through a simple, research backed CBT tool called the “worry window,” which I also call a “whiny beach moment.” The point is not to pretend nothing bothers y...
Transcript 0:09 Speaker 00 Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Shurina, I'm your host, I'm your partner in change, personal and collective transformation, master health coach, executive coach, and just someone who is really passionate and dedicated to learning how to unlock and use more of our human potential, not standing in our own ways of our own greatness and by doing so, having the most extraordinary life experience we can possibly have, creating more positive impact in the world.
0:49 Speaker 00 Today, guys, we are talking about the real kind of stress management, not just breathwork, which a lot of people still don't do, which is one of the most effective ways to modulate the state of your nervous system, how stressed or relaxed your nervous system is at any given moment, but we are also talking about real kind of stress management when you're not in some retreat and you're in the Zen moment or doing some meditation practice,
1:27 Speaker 00 but you're going through stuff and the whiny beach moment. Today, guys, we were driving with a friend to the gym and talking about how sometimes life just keeps giving you lemons and you don't even have the capacity to make any more lemonade and it feels like everything falls apart.
1:56 Speaker 00 It feels like life is conspiring against you. When you're thinking can't possibly get any worse and then your car breaks down. Or your computer won't turn on when you need to deliver a presentation. A lot of things depend on. Or your kettle, the one thing standing between you and that first cup of coffee that keeps you going decides that today is its last day, you know, that kind of moments. You know what the best way to deal with those moments? Well, breath work will always help, but also the whiny bitch moments. You're allowed to have one, so go ahead and let it all out.
2:39 Speaker 00 Name all of the things going wrong, say them out loud. Even better, say it with two people that you trust, that you care about, maybe together. Not so you can kind of well in it and hand yourself a permission slip to give up and blame everyone and everything for your misfortunes. But for some other good reasons, like A, by doing so, you and being vulnerable and sharing this, you show other people that it's not just them who have this imperfect life experience, but it's common human condition.
3:25 Speaker 00 It's a reminder that we are all living through it, this human condition, which includes a lot of chaos and a lot of mess and sometimes a hole that just keeps getting deeper. It gives other people permission to feel okay with having a human life as it is, not as Instagram would show it. Right? So that's one reason, kind of acknowledging to ourselves and others, hey, life is not this perfect thing. And quite often, it gives you a lot more limits than you can handle. And then another good reason is.
4:07 Speaker 00 When you vent out, you empty the trash. The stuff that you let out, it doesn't sit inside you anymore.
4:21 Speaker 00 Instead of like stinking from inside out on the world and other people and coloring everything that you do and experience during the day. When you name it and you release it, you let it out. You free yourself up to keep living this beautiful, imperfect, jaw-dropping sunrise and sunset kind of life while sorting out what's still in your control. It's, this practice even has a clinical name. In talking to behavioral therapy, it's called the worry window or what I personally call the whiny beach moments.
5:06 Speaker 00 Instead of letting your worries bleed across your entire day or maybe a week or even a month, you give your worries a designated time slot. Fifteen to thirty minutes, scheduled, contained, and then closed and let out. Here is how worry window as a practice works. And this is a kind of practice that allows you to just let stuff out, feel the stuff that is meant to be felt, and then work on the things that are in your control without them keeping you awake at 3:00 AM in the morning. Okay, so this is how it works. Pick a time, later afternoon is what's recommended
5:51 Speaker 00 and what works for a lot of people, like 5:00 or 6:00 PM. Not right before bed, so you don't... Keep running that on the loop when you're trying to fall asleep. Keep a worry journal during the day, or what I usually recommend is having your note app on your phone handy, maybe on your first screen. And when something hijacks your brain some worry midday, write it down in your phone. And then tell yourself, I'll deal with that at five, four, six AM, whenever that worry window is. Use this window, right? So five or six PM, when your scheduled time arrives,
6:31 Speaker 00 open that list for things you can control, look for solutions and put it on your schedule. And for things you can't control, just let yourself feel it and like this too shall pass. That's okay. And that's enough. Right? And then close the window. When the timer goes off, fifteen, ten or thirty minutes, close the notebook, close the window, close the door to those worries. And move immediately into something that's more restoring to you. A walk, some music you like, whatever brings you back to the present moment and your better self.
7:11 Speaker 00 And this is what real stress management looks like, guys. Not pretending, especially guys, they they like to do it. But also females who are more into leadership and entrepreneurship, or sometimes females just get into this mode of looking for
7:31 Speaker 00 some protection or maybe complaining and whining again more than than it's effective. Real stress management is not pretending nothing bothers you or just giving it free, like, reign of your life and being over consumed by it. This is not stress management.
7:57 Speaker 00 Not performing toughness, but also not allowing yourself to just be this person who barely hold their things together. Both of them don't work and not effective. Not while knuckling your way through it, but also not, again, looking like a wreck who barely can handle their day together. Of that kind of stress management will keep you awake at 3:00 AM in the mornings, staring at the ceiling, replaying it all, or just not sure why you can't fall asleep. Real stress management is about tools like this.
8:37 Speaker 00 Letting it all out, which, again, it's a clinical practice used in therapy. Letting it all out without it running the show of your life, without some self-harming behaviors, while, at the same time, effectively dealing with what's still in your control. And what is in your control is dealing with the things that you control. You know, there is also practice control sphere, where you draw two circles in control, out of control. In the control, you put all the things that are in your control, that you can influence with your actions. And the out of control, you put all this stuff that are out of control. And I always ask my clients to imagine this out of control, it's like a suitcase.
9:22 Speaker 00 You put all of this stuff there that is out of your control. You close the suitcase and you put it on a conveyor belt, going away from you because you can't control it, which allows you then to focus entirely on things that you can control, which feels actually incredibly empowering and liberating. And you just feel so much better about your life, no matter what shit is going on in your life. Right? So, real stress management is about that, is learning how to let it out without it, again, keeping you awake at 3:00 AM in the morning, in the effective way, in the manageable way. And then dealing with the rest of life as effectively as you possibly can.
10:08 Speaker 00 That's what the real stress management that helps you to sleep through the night, no matter what's happening in your life. And at the same time, being effective in your life as well. So both, again, allowing the feelings, the messiness of life to exist without destroying you and your ability to still affect a lot of things in your life and enjoy your life at the same time. You know, sunrises and sunsets out there and life is pretty damn beautiful, even with all the mess going on. So the worry window, or what I like to call the whiny beach moments, you allowed to have
10:50 Speaker 00 one, but have them contained, have them effective, allow yourself to feel stuff and then separate the stuff that you can't control and cannot control. And then, once the window is, the worry window or whiny beach moment is over, get on with living your life. Some other things, tools that in practice, in clinical practice and in coaching have been shown to be effective in research and studies with real people, some other practices that help you to deal with stress effectively without it consuming you or ruining your sleep and at the same time, keeping you for the rest of the day in your effective zone, zone
11:33 Speaker 00 of control, where you can influence things and enjoy your life, no matter what. Breathing, so whenever you feel overwhelmed with stress or this unease or anxiety or worry at any given moment, just breathe, three deep breath or more, breathe in for the count of four, breathe out for the count of six or eight, just longer, much longer as you're breathing in.
12:02 Speaker 00 And then breathe in, breathe out, right? Breathe in, breathe out. Breathwork is one of the, well, it's, it's actually the most effective way to control the state of your nervous system. Body scanning is also really helpful, useful, effective practice, especially, you know, when you wake up at night or you can't fall asleep. When you, instead of trying to shut down your brain, not thinking about something, appoint that attention, that focus inside your body. And then there are guided meditation, helping you to do this body scanning practice, but it's really simple. While breathing, you focus on one part of your body after another, from your head to
12:45 Speaker 00 your toe, relaxing it, sometimes also using progressive relaxation techniques, when you actually tense the part of your body and then you release it. And that's how you release stress physically as well, making sure that you're not holding muscle tension, which will keep your nervous system in that stress state. It's a body scanning or a non-sleep depress protocol also known in the literature and you can find really good scripts on YouTube there. So body scanning, breathing, and then simple things to maintain your physical and mental health that have been shown for millennia to be some of the best tools to keep your
13:29 Speaker 00 stress level low, even when a lot of things is happening in your life and in the world. Walking, especially when the sun is out, especially when you have a little bit or a lot of nature around you. Exercise, which helps to deal with any muscle tension and pains, especially foam rolling and yoga, very good practices to release muscle tension, to stimulate certain tissues like fascia that helps your nervous system to produce anti-inflammatory and sort of distressing molecules in your body. So foam rolling, yoga, doing things like sauna as well are very helpful to release
14:13 Speaker 00 stress bioclimically and biologically in your body.
14:18 Speaker 00 And then also, again, nature, sun, in many countries, these tools, like especially nature and sun and walking, are prescribed to deal with anxiety and depression and to prevent burnout and manage with stress effectively. And again, just wanna remind, sphere of control is one of the most longstanding and effective practices. So you psychologically release the stress, put away the stuff that you cannot control and focus on things that can improve your well-being or things in your life. So the worry window, I highly recommend trying it out and doing it on a regular basis,
15:02 Speaker 00 especially if you're going through a period where a lot of stuff, just, you know, life gives you a lot of lemons. So worry window or the whiny beach moments, scheduled and contained, is something that will help you to deal with stress effectively and then also enjoy and deal with life effectively. Thank you, guys, for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Hopefully, this podcast episode was useful, insightful, and now, again, you have another tool in your toolbox to deal with real-life stress, not by holding it in and trying to look all tough and shiny
15:48 Speaker 00 and then not being able to sleep and getting sick and injured and just, you know, not feeling great about your life, but instead letting it out, not consuming you without self-harming behaviors and then enjoying life and dealing with life effectively. So worry window, AKA whiny beach moments, sphere of control, breath work, nature scans, nature body scans, all of that works. But specifically today, give worry window a try and let me know how it goes, how your sleep goes at night. After this practice, thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Don't forget to share this podcast episode with someone who tells you,
16:32 Speaker 00 "Oh, you know, just sleep isn't great. I just wake up and can't fall back asleep." Share this podcast episode with this person or who might be having those nights. You never know who that might be, right? So, share this podcast with them just in case. Rate, review our show as well to reach more people around the world who might need a worry window or a whiny beach moment. And till next time, keep growing.
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