A Better Adult Pacifier: how 10 years ago I broke up with emotional eating and have been in the best shape ever since.

A problem almost everyone recognizes but few people know how to solve well: emotional eating and stress eating. When anxiety, overwhelm, sadness, fear, or loneliness hits, it’s easy to reach for a quick pacifier, food, wine, late-night Netflix, scrolling, even relationship drama. I share how I broke up with emotional eating and why the goal isn’t to deny your feelings, it’s to learn what they’re saying and respond in a way that actually helps your nervous system settle. You’ll get a practica...

• 0:09Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. Guys, today is the day when I can say I made 1,700 podcast episodes.

• 0:27Speaker 00

  We are here to celebrate a little bit, but can you imagine when I think about that 1,700 episode back when I started this podcast, I was in New York City, Lower East Side. I think it was Tribeca, I was renting a room in an apartment that my friend, entrepreneur, very successful businessman owned. And I started this podcast not having any fancy equipment at all, using my phone, no fancy microphones, nothing.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  I was sitting in this small room and very often on the floor, recording my first podcast episodes. I believe it was 10 years ago or more. And here we are today, having, getting some traction and some amazing guests and just so many things changed and developed and I could not imagine the journey that I was about to have back then 10 years. And this podcast, you know, something that, you know, some people say, "You were committed."

• 1:48Speaker 00

  I'm like, "No, it's just was so, such a natural extension of who I am, how I am and my passion and obsession with figuring out how to do my best, how to help others do their best, unlock their potential." It's just so essential to the core of my being, learning, communicating, talking to people smarter than myself and then sharing their knowledge with wider audience, with all of you guys all around the world. I, it just is such a core to who I am that I kept going. And if I don't do my podcast, I feel like something is missing, almost like food or

• 2:33Speaker 00

  some sort of nourishment that I need. And that's why I stuck with it. And so my advice to you guys, if you are trying to get consistent with something, first and foremost, ask yourself, "Why do I feel I need to get consistent with that? Like, why is it important to me?" You know, Nietzsche said, "A person with a big enough why," not exact quote, but very close to that, "Someone with a strong enough why will figure out or will bear anyhow."

• 3:08Speaker 00

  Most things that are exceptional will require a lot of consistent, very often hard, effort. And the only way you'll be able to give this effort, this kind of effort consistently, if that's something that you want to get consistent with, is something you really care about and you've got to figure out what that is. And then what seems to the rest of the world like commitment will feel like just something you want to do, something you are obsessed with, something you do it, nobody paid you to do that and nobody cared about. And that's how I started and that's how I kept going.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  So find those things that you really, really, really care about and you'll get consistent and really good with them. Well, that being said, let's jump into today's episode. That's all about finding a better pacifier, or learning how to regulate emotions, how to manage our emotions so they don't manage us. And instead, we'll learn how to read our emotions, how to understand what they are trying to tell us and then what to do in our life to address those emotional states and ultimately to enjoy our life to the fullest. And by the way, guys, my name is Angela Sharina.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  I'm your host, I'm your partner in change, evolution, transformation, your master health, sleep, stress management, nutrition, body transformation, executive and self-actualization coach, and just someone with a lot, a lot of obsession for figuring out how to unlock and use more of our potential in this life to live the most extraordinary lives and create the most positive impact we are capable of. So let's dig into our episode today. And I'm going to share something that I just wrote in my daily blog. By the way, daily writing, you want to stick with daily writing? It's, has to be something that you really care about.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  You know, if it's just the marketing thing that you might, you should be doing, you're not going to stick with that. So find the things that you really care about and you'll get consistent with it really, really fast and well. Well, there is such a thing as fast consistency. So 10 years ago, guys, I broke up with emotional eating and I've been in the best shape of my life ever since. A client of mine just shared this experience that they're going through and one of the reasons why they decided to get coaching with me. "I think I might need to see someone," a client shared, "like a specialist. "When I get anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, sad or afraid, I snack on things."

• 6:08Speaker 00

  And that is such a common problem, something that I personally dealt with, something that I successfully dealt with. I broke up with emotional eating and again, it's been ever since such a more beautiful, expansive and transformational journey. Imagine that you never struggle with food ever again. How much energy is freed up from all these struggles with willpower and discipline and very often with self-image, with your body weight, with your health, with your fitness, with even your relationships with other people in the world and your work.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  Food and our relationship with food affects us on so many levels and that's the one we all have to figure out in our world of, you know, endless supply of foods that we shouldn't be eating.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  When we were little, guys, when you were little, your mom had a whole toolkit of things to calm you down. You got cranky, you cried, you were uncomfortable in some way, you couldn't name it. So your mom reached for something, a pacifier of some sort, a snack, a cuddle, a toy, a song, a destruction, a lullaby. And it worked. And then you grew up and you spent a surprising amount of energy looking for something to replace your mom's tools. What we find, what you find doesn't always serve you.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  A glass of wine that turns into a bottle and a bad night of sleep and a really not such a great morning, Netflix until 2:00 a.m., the fridge, a hit of relationship drama, all to deal with the same thing we struggled when we were babies, being uncomfortable, physically, mentally, emotionally, in a way you couldn't name it, having feelings.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  So what do you reach, guys, for when a feeling gets too big to handle?

• 8:31Speaker 00

  About 10 years ago, I broke up with emotional eating, not by convincing myself I don't have bad feelings or they don't matter.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  I do get anxious and stressed and sad and afraid.

• 8:45Speaker 00

  I didn't convince myself that I didn't have those feelings or those feelings didn't matter. Instead, I found a better pacifier, a whole box of them, actually. And I learned also one other thing. At the right moment to tell myself what my mom used to tell me. Or maybe even when I were very, very young. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. A better adult pacifier. Through years of coaching certifications, it's been more than 10 years, and books that keep coming out recently by emotion researchers,

• 9:29Speaker 00

  like Dealing with Feeling by Mark Brackett, highly recommend. Shift, Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You by Ethan Cross. These tools, these experiences gave me a whole range of tools, ways to get the soothing and comfort I need without food. Since then, my eating habits have never been better. I stopped needing food as a pacifier. I got a whole other set of them. And here is the process and my box of pacifiers that I use with clients and myself to break the feeling connection.

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Or any feeling Netflix, feeling drinking, feeling relationship drama kind of connection. So here is the process and my toolkit of adult pacifiers that you can freely borrow and use. Number one, accept the feeling. And that is the most important one, guys. It's normal, absolutely normal to feel those uncomfortable feelings. Anxiety, fear, sadness, stress, overwhelm, panic, rage, hurt, loneliness, the whole gamut of bitter emotions. Each one is trying to get your attention.

• 10:54Speaker 00

  Something in your life needs looking at. This is what it means to be alive, to feel the whole range, to hear the bittersweet symphony. Number two, frustrate, accept the feeling. Like, it's normal to have those feelings. They're there for a reason. You're not weird in any way. You are meant to have those feelings. Number two, notice and name. Where do you feel it? Your chest, your head, your gut? What does it want you to do? Run, freeze, hide under the blanket? Those are, by the way, natural, physical, animal responses to uncomfortable feelings. You need some sort of comfort and safety, right?

• 11:39Speaker 00

  So what would you call that emotion? Naming it makes the feeling less about you. It becomes a passing sensation, you know, something that you just feel. Your body's natural response to something happening in your life, like pain when you get an injection. Find the cause. What's really going on? Lack of connection, hurt, fear of loss? Or fear you can't handle life? Plain exhaustion? Too much on your plate and you, you want to check out? And forget about it for at least a brief moment?

• 12:17Speaker 00

  And what do you actually need to feel safe, feel confident, trusted, at peace? Number four, choose a better pacifier. What could you do? What could you use instead of your go-to response? The snacking you didn't actually want to do? The Netflix, drinking? Here is what in my box. Here is my box of adult pacifiers. Pay attention, guys. They are all research-backed tools that you can find also in those books I told you about, Dealing with Feeling and Shift, How to Manage Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You. Tool number one, breathing. It's one of the fastest ways to switch your nervous system

• 13:00Speaker 00

  from rest, digest, from fight or flight to rest and digest, where you're gonna feel less anxious, more comfortable, safer. This is what did it for me, really, breathing. Just taking five minutes to breathe. I needed to calm down and let the wave of anxiety pass. Journaling. When breathing wasn't enough, I'd write. What's troubling me? Why it feels so overwhelming? Also, really, really good research-backed tool. Journaling, writing things down, de-emotionalize a lot of experiences. It makes you feel more grounded right away. A shower or a bath?

• 13:43Speaker 00

  Did you know that warm water is actually very safe and comforting, especially when you switch off the light? Maybe you put on some candles, smell lavender, make a warm chamomile tea with coconut milk, honey and a dash of vanilla? Music, just like your mom's voice, beautiful sounds, soothe. Maybe even a lullaby, listen to some lullabies. Mom, call her if you're lucky enough to still have her. Your voice still works just as well. Listen to her. You don't have to have her to solve all your problems. Just listen, listen to her voice. Movement.

• 14:27Speaker 00

  Walking, especially in nature, helps you move through emotions faster, quite literally. It wakes up the doing, confident part of your brain. Troubles get smaller. You feel stronger. Action. It's hard for your brain to doubt and act at the same time. So start doing something about what's bothering you and doubt fades into a shadow you barely notice. Things will start to feel manageable again. Tomorrow. Your brain can time travel. Did you know that, guys? You can go into the past, see what you dealt already with in your life, and go into the future.

• 15:09Speaker 00

  Picture a week from now, a month, a year? Will this still trouble you? And if not, maybe you can relax today, like right now, sorry, in advance. And then sleep. There is always a nap or a good night's rest. As Met Walker, the sleep guy of our era, said, "The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep." Sleep, especially rapid eye movement, is where your brain does its own emotional regulation therapy. And then step number five, actually use this pacifier or a whole range of them regularly

• 15:53Speaker 00

  until the old response, like eating or drinking or Netflix or drama, fades into nothingness completely. You'll forget about that. Like, I forgot about it 10 years ago. It took some time. It took maybe a year, to the point that now I didn't even have it in my mind. When I feel uncomfortable, like, go take a nap, call your mom, listen to some music, take a shower, call a friend, go for a walk. The food is never part of the occasion. These are just some of the tools in my big box of adult pacifiers. Again, feel free to use and borrow any as much as you want.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  I've collected all sizes and flavors for every possible case. And next time you find yourself at the open fridge or in open bottle, or scrolling your phone, and you're not hungry or thirsty, pause and ask, "What are you really reaching for and why? And what else can you use from your pacifier box to deal with this uncomfortable and passing feeling?" So, guys, we all are adults searching for that replacement, for that pacifier that our mom used to give us.

• 17:16Speaker 00

  And by the way, she had a whole toolbox as well. So you as adults might need a whole toolbox as well. And once you learn how to soothe yourself through difficult feelings and how to take action, the action that actually helps, not just makes you check out, then no food, no fridge, no wine, no Netflix will do any harm for you. You lose the need for them. So, guys, my question back to you. And, but before I do that, and maybe we'll do a short recap as well.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  Share this podcast episode with other people who actually use it and need it, who don't know how to deal with their feelings but with the behavior that doesn't serve them. So please do share and also rate, review this podcast so it reaches more and more people. I'm surprised how many of us don't know that we have all these other beautiful ways, which are affective, research-backed, which books are written about. We have all these tools that we can use to change our feelings so then we learn how to live our life better in a more effective, fulfilling way. So we get out of our own way of living our best lives, right? To share, review, makes a whole difference.

• 18:41Speaker 00

  And let's recap the tools and finish our episode. So, number one, when you feel this uncomfortable urge of feeling, anxiety, fear, sadness, loneliness, whatever that might be, sometimes and often you don't even have the name for it. So number one, accept the feeling. It's normal. You're human. It's a part of your experience. Number two, notice and name. Where are you feeling it? What is your feeling? And what does it want you to do? Number three, find the cause. What's happening? What's been happening in your life around you? Like, what's causing this? Number four, choose a better pacifier. And the link to the blog where I list all of those pacifiers,

• 19:26Speaker 00

  that link you can find in the show notes. And then actually use it. Step five, actually use it until it becomes a habit that you don't even think about. That's it for today, guys. And till next time, thank you so much for being my dear listener, being on this journey of 1,700 episodes with me. Woo-hoo! And till next time, deal better with the uncomfortable feelings so you get better at living your most extraordinary life. And till next time, keep growing.