Pod Insights Casefile True Crime Case 314: Yarmila Falater About this episode On a January night in 1997, Yarmila Falater was brutally stabbed and drowned in the family’s backyard pool. Her husband, Scott Falater, was caught red-handed, but claimed he had no memory of the crime. What followed was a high-profile trial that pitted science against suspicion, as experts debated whether Yarmila’s death was a tragic accident or deliberate murder.
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Narration – Anonymous Host https://www.instagram.com/caseys.snaps/
Research & writing – Milly Raso
Creative direction – Milly Raso
Production & music – Mike Migas http://mikemigas.com/
Audio editing – Anthony Telfer
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Transcript 10,658 words · 5 speakers
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1:56 Speaker 00 Our episodes deal with serious and often distressing incidents. If you feel at any time you need support, please contact your local crisis center. For suggested phone numbers for confidential support and for a more detailed list of content warnings, please see the show notes for this episode on your app or on our website.
2:23 Speaker 00 At around 10pm on Thursday, January 16, 1997, Gregory Coons was watching the late-night news at his home in Phoenix, Arizona. After ten or so minutes, he turned the television off and headed to bed, where his girlfriend Stephanie lay awake, looking obviously concerned. Moments earlier, she had heard what sounded like a woman outside screaming “Please no!” or “Please don’t.” The screams had since subsided, giving way to the faint sounds of someone moaning or crying.
3:01 Speaker 00 Years of working in construction had damaged Gregory’s hearing, and while he hadn’t heard anything unusual himself, he still felt compelled to check if everything was all right.
3:13 Speaker 00 After stepping out onto his back patio and listening closely, he soon heard the strange noise Stephanie had described. It was coming from the other side of the tall, grey cinder block fence that separated his yard from that of his next-door neighbours, the Falater family.
3:57 Speaker 00 At first, Gregory Coons thought the noises might be a couple having sex, but with the six-foot-high fence blocking his view, he couldn’t be sure. He went into his garage, quietly opened an exterior door closer to the fence, and listened again, only to realise the moaning had stopped. Then, he heard the sound of footsteps crunching along the gravel path that lined the Falaters’ side of the fence.
4:27 Speaker 00 Driven by curiosity, Gregory silently crept to a flower planter at the rear of his backyard. He stepped onto the railroad ties that held the planter together, giving him just enough height to peer discreetly over the fence. The Falada property featured a two-story stucco home in a warm cream color that occupied most of the lot. Their backyard, like Gregory's, was compact and fully enclosed. It had a cozy patio, a towering pine tree, and a small curved swimming pool.
5:03 Speaker 00 Though the Falada's yard was unlit, Gregory could make out a figure writhing on the ground near the pool. It was a fully clothed woman.
5:14 Speaker 00 She lay with her head facing the house and her feet pointing towards the pool pump equipment. She sluggishly shifted onto her left side, draped her right arm over her head, moved her legs slightly, then rolled onto her back again. Her slow, uncoordinated movements led Gregory to suspect she was heavily intoxicated.
5:38 Speaker 00 Glancing toward the Falada's house, Gregory noticed multiple lights on inside, including one in the downstairs kitchen and another in the garage. Suddenly, a light flicked on in an upstairs bedroom. The window's blinds were open, giving Gregory a clear view inside. A man wearing a white t-shirt and red flannel sweatpants walked past the window and into an adjoining bathroom, where he turned on another light.
6:09 Speaker 00 Even though the bathroom window was frosted, Gregory could see the man's silhouette as he moved about. It was forty-three-year-old Scott Falada, the family's husband and father.
6:23 Speaker 00 Scott moved in and out of sight before switching off both the bathroom and bedroom lights, then disappeared entirely. Moments later, Gregory spotted him again. Now he was downstairs near a sliding glass door that opened out to the patio. Through the surrounding windows, Gregory watched Scott move from the kitchen to the living room, appearing to wring his hands as if he had just washed them. He then started towards the staircase leading back upstairs, but abruptly changed direction to enter another room instead.
7:00 Speaker 00 He reappeared at the patio door again a short while later. Scott slid open the door and stepped outside. One of the family's two pet dogs approached him, and he motioned to them to lie down. They obeyed as he moved towards the woman lying near the pool. By now, Gregory had deduced that the woman was Scott's wife, 41-year-old Yarmila Falata. The situation was undeniably strange, but he hesitated to jump to conclusions.
7:40 Speaker 00 The Falater had always been good, peaceful neighbours, well-liked within their community, and known for their pious and pleasant nature. Nothing about them had ever suggested trouble. Yet, something about Scott's demeanor was deeply unsettling. He stopped just a few feet from Yarmila and stood completely still while staring down at her in silence. It was as if he was lost in thought, contemplating his next move. Time stretched uncomfortably by. Then, without a word, Scott turned and walked back toward the house.
8:22 Speaker 00 Suddenly, a noise rang out near Gregory. He hadn't made it, but Scott heard it. His head snapped in Gregory's direction, scanning the darkness. Gregory froze, holding his breath, afraid he'd been caught spying. A tense moment passed before Scott finally turned away and disappeared through the sliding door, seemingly unaware of Gregory's presence.
8:52 Speaker 00 The next time Gregory saw Scott, he was emerging from the garage. He wore a glove on one hand and was slipping the matching on as he walked along their shared fence. Upon reaching Yarmila once more, he stepped over her, grabbed her by the wrists, and pulled her arms over her head.
9:13 Speaker 00 He then began dragging her backward toward the pool. At the water's edge, Scott laid Yarmila's arms down, walked around her, lifted her legs, and had dropped them into the shallow end of the pool.
9:28 Speaker 00 Gregory struggled to make sense of what he was witnessing. Scott knelt beside Yarmila, pushed her entire body into the water, and leaned over her. At first, it seemed as though Scott was splashing Yarmila's face to wake her from a drunken stupor. But as Gregory watched on, the truth became far more sinister. Scott wasn't trying to help Yarmila. He was forcibly holding her head underwater.
10:02 Speaker 00 Gregory jumped down from his vantage point and ran inside his house.
10:08 Speaker 00 "Oh my god, he put her head underwater," he blurted to his girlfriend Stephanie before calling 911.
10:16 Speaker 00 When the dispatcher asked about the unfolding emergency, Gregory struggled to process what he had just seen. "I don't know," he said breathlessly. "My neighbors, there was a bunch of yelling and screaming going on. I looked over the fence and the husband had just threw, I believe, the wife into the pool, and it looks like he's holding her underwater."
10:39 Speaker 00 After the call, Gregory rushed back outside to check on the Felladers. Yarmila was now floating face down in the pool. Scott was nowhere to be seen.
10:53 Speaker 00 Gregory called 911 again, emphasizing the urgency of the situation. Within minutes, officers arrived at his house, swiftly scaled the blocked fence, and dropped into the Felladers' backyard. Tensions ran high. They had no idea where Scott Fellada was, or what level of danger he posed. Was he inside the house, armed and waiting?
11:21 Speaker 00 In the pool lay a gruesome sight. The faint glow of a motion sensor light dimly illuminated Yarmila Fellada's motionless body, the water around her tinged with a faint pink hue. The moment an officer pulled her out to begin resuscitation efforts, the water darkened, swirling into a deep red.
11:45 Speaker 00 It was then that the full horror of the scene became clear. Yarmila's body was riddled with dozens of open wounds, her blood transforming the pool into what officers would later compare to the aftermath of a shark attack.
12:05 Speaker 00 An autopsy later confirmed that Yarmila had been stabbed 44 times with a hunting knife. She suffered multiple wounds to her face, neck, breasts, torso, and back, most of which were deemed defensive. The blade had pierced her lungs, heart, spleen, spinal cord, and jugular vein. The deepest wound spanned the full five-and-a-half-inch length of the blade. Several of her ribs and vertebrae were also fractured. Her hands and fingers bore 12 deep cuts, evidence of a desperate struggle. She had tried to grab the knife during the attack, nearly severing her ring finger in the process.
12:51 Speaker 00 The exact sequence of the injuries remained unclear, as did the total number of times the knife had been thrust at Yarmulke. The medical examiner determined she had died from massive blood loss and estimated she could have survived upwards of thirty minutes after the attack commenced.
13:11 Speaker 00 A key point of contention among experts was whether Yarmulke was already deceased when she was pushed into the pool. Whatever the case, her official cause of death was listed as “multiple stab wounds with drowning”.
13:27 Speaker 00 As the first responders processed the grim scene, one of them noticed movement inside the Falater’ house. Scott Falater’ silhouette appeared at an upstairs window, before vanishing again. Guns drawn, officers advanced toward the patio, where they found the sliding glass door partially open. They entered cautiously. The house was silent, save for the low hum of an unwatched television in the living room.
14:00 Speaker 00 Suddenly, Scott appeared at the top of the staircase inside. It didn’t look like he had been involved in a violent altercation recently. His white t-shirt and red flannel sweatpants were spotless, and an expression of pure confusion was painted across his face. “What’s going on? What are you doing in my house? Why are you here?” he shouted down at the police.
14:29 Speaker 00 The officers kept their guns trained on Scott, barking at him to shut up, show his hands, and to get on the ground. He hesitated for a moment before complying, and was swiftly handcuffed as he lay prone on the floor. His demeanor was dazed yet eerily calm, as if he was completely detached from the chaos around him. To some, he looked as though he had just woken up. He kept asking, "What's going on?", over and over, and repeatedly inquired as to his wife's whereabouts. No one told him that Yarmila lay dead in the backyard, but with the flurry of police activity,
15:13 Speaker 00 Scott began to piece together that something terrible had happened.
15:18 Speaker 00 He urged the officers to search for whoever was responsible, expressing concern that the perpetrator might still be inside the house. But the police weren't buying Scott's innocent act. Little did he know, his neighbour Gregory Coons had witnessed him drowning Yarmila in the pool moments before they arrived.
15:41 Speaker 00 "How many people are in the house?", an officer demanded. Scott's answer caught them off guard.
15:49 Speaker 00 "Four", he revealed. "Himself, his wife, and their two children." Concern surged for the welfare of the fellated's 15-year-old daughter Megan and 12-year-old son Michael. Officers swept through the home, and, to their relief, found the siblings in their respective bedrooms, unharmed and fast asleep.
16:13 Speaker 00 Megan and Michael had no idea of the horror that had unfolded at their home that night.
16:20 Speaker 00 Upon waking the pair, officers initially told them that their parents had gotten into a fight and something bad had happened. The siblings immediately found this strange. They had never seen their parents argue, let alone fight. As they were escorted from the house, they were given the devastating news that their mother was dead.
16:44 Speaker 00 In an interview years later with ABC's 2020, Michael Fellada recalled that moment tearfully. "I went to bed as a 12-year-old kid with a happy life, and I woke up to a police officer telling me that my mother died, and it's everything you think it would be, and more."
17:06 Speaker 00 Scott Falata was taken into custody as investigators began searching the crime scene. Aside from some bloodstains splattered throughout the house and garage, everything appeared relatively normal, with no signs of a struggle.
17:22 Speaker 00 In the backyard, a large flashlight illuminated the pool pump equipment and the surrounding ground was stained with blood.
17:31 Speaker 00 The police collected the flashlight, as well as a few bloody gravel stones and eyeglasses with bloodstains. However, the most significant discovery lay in the garage.
17:45 Speaker 00 Through the window of Scott's white Volvo hatchback, investigators spotted a bloody white t-shirt in the rear cargo area. A search of the vehicle uncovered blue jeans, a denim jacket with a small Swiss Army knife in the pocket, and white socks. Hidden inside the spare tyre compartment was a black trash bag and a large, clear plastic container.
18:11 Speaker 00 The trash bag contained a pair of black leather gloves and brown leather hiking boots. The plastic container, typically used to store food, held the murder weapon. All the items were stained with varying amounts of Yarmila's blood.
18:34 Speaker 00 Shortly before 2 AM, Scott Falata was led into an interrogation room at the Phoenix Police Department to be formally interviewed by a veteran homicide detective, John Norman. He sat barefoot and hunched in a chair pressed into the corner, still wearing his pajamas and handcuffs.
18:55 Speaker 00 Though no one had explicitly told him Yarmila's fate, he stated that he assumed she was dead after noticing the homicide division signage around. Detective Norman confirmed: "Yes, she is."
19:11 Speaker 00 Obviously, you think I did it, Scott replied flatly. After a pause, he added, I don't know what makes you think that.
19:23 Speaker 00 Detective Norman informed Scott that there was a witness who had seen what happened. Geez, Scott said coolly. As the details of Gregory Coon's account were laid out before him, Scott maintained his demeanor of disbelief. He asked with a hint of skepticism in his voice. Neighbors saw me pushing her into the pool. Detective Norman said, well, actually, there was a lot more described than that. Scott retorted, you've got to be kidding. Detective Norman replied firmly, absolutely not.
20:08 Speaker 00 To police, there was no doubt that Scott had killed his wife. Yet, it was clear from the outset that he wasn't a typical murder suspect.
20:19 Speaker 00 Unlike most suspects who would vehemently deny the allegations, offer a staunch defence, or demand a lawyer, Scott meekly accepted everything Detective Norman asserted had happened regarding Yarmila's death. His only response was to apologize and repeat that he didn't remember anything. He offered no explanation as to why, just that he couldn't.
20:46 Speaker 00 Scott did recall the events leading up to it, though.
20:51 Speaker 00 After a day at work, he returned home and went upstairs to change into a t-shirt and jeans. Yarmila had dinner ready, so the family sat at the dining table together. According to the forlorn children, their dinner conversation was normal, with nothing seeming out of the ordinary between their parents. However, twelve-year-old Michael noted that his father seemed very stressed about a work meeting, and his mother was concerned because the pool pump wasn't working properly.
21:23 Speaker 00 After dinner, Yarmila went into the living room to watch television. Michael remembered seeing his father seated on the couch beside her.
21:34 Speaker 00 Sometime between nine and nine thirty PM, Michael went to his room to play video games.
21:41 Speaker 00 Before he went to sleep that evening, he headed back downstairs to kiss both his parents' goodnight. He didn't notice any tension between them, nor did he hear any strife before falling asleep.
21:56 Speaker 00 Fifteen-year-old Megan Falada's account was similar, though she added a few extra details as she had watched television with her parents until going to bed around nine thirty PM. She remembered them discussing the broken pool pump, with her father saying he would take care of it. Scott then got up to do some work at the family computer nearby.
22:21 Speaker 00 Before heading upstairs, Megan kissed her parents and told them she loved them.
22:27 Speaker 00 Like her brother, she didn't sense any animosity between them and didn't hear anything worrying that night.
22:36 Speaker 00 There was no one to verify Scott's version of events once his children had gone to bed. According to him, after finishing work on the computer, he went into the garage to fetch a pair of pliers, a screwdriver, and a large flashlight to repair the faulty pool pump. He then headed outside to inspect the equipment, noticing that a ring on the pump was broken and not sealing properly.
23:03 Speaker 00 Scott decided it would be easier to fix it in the daylight after buying a replacement. He put his tools back in the garage and washed his hands before re-entering the house.
23:16 Speaker 00 He found Yarmila sitting upright, asleep on the couch. Gently, Scott woke her and explained that he wouldn't be able to fix the pool pump until the following day. He then kissed her goodnight and went upstairs to bed.
23:33 Speaker 00 It was between nine thirty and ten PM. He was adamant that this was the last time he saw Yarmila.
23:43 Speaker 00 The next thing he remembered was waking up to the flurry of police activity, at which point his wife was dead. He maintained that he had no recollection of the events that took place in between.
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28:25 Speaker 00 Unconvinced, Detective John Norman pressed Scott for a motive. With his face buried in his hands, Scott professed: "I just don't know. I loved Yamala. We've been married all my adult life. She certainly didn't deserve to die. She's a good wife, a great mother. What will I do?" Detective Norman observed Scott's body language, the way he avoided eye contact, sighed deeply, leaned exasperated against the wall, and cradled himself curled up in the fetal position. To Norman, Scott carried himself like a guilt-ridden man.
29:09 Speaker 00 He wasn't at all convinced by Scott's claims of amnesia. "You remember more than that," he insisted. Scott took a deep breath and replied: "No." Scott's clean clothing raised suspicions that he must have showered and changed immediately after stabbing Yarmila to conceal evidence. But, as Detective Norman observed, he had missed a spot: a small smear of blood behind his ear. Pointing to Scott's ear, Detective Norman asked: "How'd you get the blood on you?" Scott seemingly feigned ignorance.
29:53 Speaker 00 "What blood?" Detective Norman pushed on: "The blood all over your neck." Scott reached up, touched his neck, and said: "I didn't know there was blood on me." Detective Norman didn't believe him, but pressed on to another significant discovery.
30:17 Speaker 00 A freshly-applied Band-Aid covered a small, recent wound above Scott's index finger. It wasn't unusual for someone wielding a knife during a violent encounter to injure themselves, especially if, as in Yarmila's case, the victim had desperately fought back. Detective Norman asked Scott directly: "How'd you cut your hand?" Scott hesitated, clearly contemplating his answer. Detective Norman broke the long silence with a sarcastic jab: "Forget that, too." Finally, Scott muttered: "I don't remember putting that on."
31:04 Speaker 00 By now, Detective Norman had heard enough. Reflecting on the interrogation for ABC's 2020, he remarked: "The only thing I believed about his story was that his name was Scott Falada."
31:20 Speaker 00 The brief interview ended without a confession, but the evidence and witness accounts painted a damning picture. Investigators believed Scott confronted Yarmila shortly before 10pm. Given the lack of blood staining inside the home, the attack likely began in the backyard.
31:42 Speaker 00 Scott then cleaned himself up, hid the hunting knife and bloodied clothing in his car, and to drown Yarmila to ensure she was dead.
31:52 Speaker 00 By leaving her body in the pool, he intended for their children to find her in the morning, allowing him to feign ignorance. By then, he would have driven under cover of darkness to dispose of the evidence somewhere.
32:08 Speaker 00 What he didn't account for was that his neighbour had witnessed part of the assault and alerted the police. As a result, Scott Falada was charged with the first-degree murder of Yarmila. He faced the possibility of the death penalty if convicted.
32:29 Speaker 00 Scott maintained his innocence while awaiting trial, spending his time in jail formulating theories about Yarmila's death. He suggested that he was being framed, that his neighbour Gregory Coons might have been responsible, or that he had unknowingly made an enemy who sought to ruin him. At the same time, investigators searched for a motive. Scott and Yarmila had been high school sweethearts who married soon after graduation. They had supported each other through further studies, interstate relocations and life's challenges, often being each other's only close friend and confidant.
33:11 Speaker 00 In Scott's words, Yarmila was his emotional lifeline, and her unwavering love and support had earned his lifelong devotion.
33:22 Speaker 00 Humility, kindness and selflessness defined Yarmila. A trained nurse, she had devoted years to raising her two children before recently returning to work as a preschool teacher's aide. She planned to become a certified teacher once she completed her qualifications. Outside of work, she enjoyed arts and crafts, particularly basket making.
33:49 Speaker 00 Friends described her as intelligent, witty and practical. While her marriage to Scott had its ups and downs, she never spoke ill of him. In the weeks leading up to her murder, Yarmila was in good spirits, showing no signs of distress or fear. The tragedy occurred just weeks before her 42nd birthday.
34:14 Speaker 00 Scott's reputation was just as positive. No one had a bad word to say about him. He had no criminal record, no history of domestic violence and no issues with substance abuse. Known as a mild-mannered nerd, Scott was seen as an earnest and hard-working family man.
34:35 Speaker 00 He built a successful career as an electrical engineer at Motorola, a leading electronics manufacturer, while also dedicating time to teaching daily religious instruction for high school students as part of his involvement in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Though Scott excelled in engineering, he had long-term plans to shift careers, aspiring to follow in Yarmila's footsteps by becoming a teacher.
35:05 Speaker 00 The Felladers lived a comfortable upper-middle-class life in a quiet, safe neighbourhood. Their finances were stable and their home life was peaceful. According to their children, Megan and Michael, their upbringing was full of love.
35:22 Speaker 00 The family had no secrets. Everyone was open, close and supportive. Their parents helped with homework, encouraged their hobbies, took them on vacations and even went caroling together at Christmas. Prior to the events of Thursday, January 16, 1997, Scott and Yarmila had been planning a family trip to Europe.
35:48 Speaker 00 Megan and Michael had never seen their parents argue or in conflict. They insisted that Scott and Yarmila typically saw eye to eye, only ever having minor disagreements that were resolved calmly and amicably. While Megan had seen her father become angry, she clarified that she had never witnessed him enter a full-blown rage. Scott and Yarmila's relationship was affectionate. They frequently kissed, held hands and went on date nights. Friends of the couple echoed this sentiment, describing the Felladers' marriage as harmonious and deeply committed.
36:29 Speaker 00 This made Scott's violent actions all the more baffling.
36:37 Speaker 00 Weeks into his incarceration, Scott Falater obtained his case file and studied it, including Gregory Coon's account of Yarmila's drowning. Scott knew Gregory well and considered him trustworthy. He couldn't fathom why he would ever fabricate such a story. At that moment, Scott began to accept that everything being said about him must have been true: he had killed Yarmila. Yet, he continued to insist that the reason behind the attack remained a mystery to him.
37:14 Speaker 00 In a jailhouse interview with ABC's 2020, Scott reiterated that he had been hopelessly confused when police arrived at his house that January evening. Nothing felt real, and he was certain he hadn't been 100% coherent as he was taken into custody. Even in the interrogation room, he struggled to believe Yarmila was truly dead. He maintained that he loved his wife and was still trying to make sense of what happened, stating: "I accept the fact that the neighbour saw me do the physical act. Would I have consciously and intentionally killed Yarmila? Absolutely not."
37:58 Speaker 00 Despite his growing acceptance of the facts, Scott remained adamant that he had no memory of the murder. He began to question whether something was wrong with his brain, perhaps an undiagnosed tumour was affecting his behaviour, or he had an undetected mental illness. The uncertainty prompted Scott's attorney to pursue an insanity defence.
38:24 Speaker 00 Scott's loved ones were outraged by this decision, convinced that he was a sane man. Their belief was reinforced by a state-appointed psychologist who found Scott to be an unusual case, entirely devoid of pathology.
38:41 Speaker 00 He exhibited no signs of mental illness that might have explained an intentional act of murder. Instead, the psychologist noted Scott's admirable qualities, describing him as a non-aggressive thinker who preferred resolving conflicts through discussion rather than violence. They concluded that Scott deeply loved Yarmila and felt genuine remorse for what had happened.
39:09 Speaker 00 Megan and Michael Fellata stood by their father, unable to accept that he could have intentionally harmed their mother. Scott's mother and siblings felt the same. They spent countless hours dissecting his past, hoping to uncover an explanation for such a shocking, out-of-character act. Scott's childhood was marked by trauma as he'd grown up with an abusive father who struggled with alcoholism. As the oldest child, Scott took on the role of protector, shielding his mother and siblings from his father's violent outbursts. The turmoil at home led to him withdrawing from his peers.
39:52 Speaker 00 During his adolescence, he also experienced occasional bedwetting episodes, which amplified his feelings of shame and embarrassment.
40:03 Speaker 00 Despite this, Scott became, in the eyes of his mother Lois, every mother's dream of the perfect child. He was incredibly helpful with his four younger siblings, highly intelligent, had a great sense of humour, and never displayed a temper. To Scott's family, nothing in his background indicated he would grow up to be a cold-blooded killer. Then, one day, while discussing the case with their mother, Scott's sister Laura had a sudden realisation. A med school graduate and a writer for a medical website, she recalled a murder case from her studies that bore eerie similarities to what happened to Yarmila.
40:53 Speaker 00 Early on the morning of Sunday, May 24, 1987, twenty-three-year-old electronics worker Kenneth Parks walked into a police station, appearing confused and asking for help. He announced, "I think I have killed some people."
41:11 Speaker 00 Kenneth lived in Pickering, Canada, with his wife and five-month-old daughter. He had been going through a difficult time lately. A gambling addiction had led to severe financial debt, and in desperation, he stole from his family savings. He had also been fired after he was caught embezzling money from his workplace. That May, Kenneth had been trying to overcome his addiction by attending Gambler's Anonymous meetings. He had come clean to his wife about his struggles, and also planned to tell his in-laws, Dennis and Barbara Woods, on Sunday, May 24. But that conversation never happened.
41:56 Speaker 00 Instead, sometime after 1:30 that morning, Kenneth drove fourteen miles to his in-laws' home in Toronto. Using a key they had previously given him, he entered the house and went into their bedroom while they slept. Armed with a tire iron, he brutally bludgeoned Barbara before stabbing her multiple times. He then attacked Dennis, choking him until he lost consciousness, before stabbing him as well. After the attack, still covered in blood, Kenneth got into his car and drove to a nearby police station where he immediately confessed.
42:38 Speaker 00 Dennis Woods survived the ordeal, but forty-two-year-old Barbara Woods succumbed to her injuries.
42:47 Speaker 00 Kenneth told police that before the attack, he had been watching television on his sofa at home. At around 1:30 a.m., he fell asleep. The next thing he remembered was standing inside his in-law's house, covered in blood, with a knife in his hands.
43:06 Speaker 00 Their beaten and bloodied bodies lay in front of him. Kenneth claimed to have no memory of the drive to their house or of carrying out the violence. He insisted he had no reason to harm Dennis or Barbara and expressed a deep remorse for what had happened.
43:26 Speaker 00 Over the course of seven police interviews, his story remained consistent. He never admitted to acting intentionally. Nevertheless, he was ultimately charged with Barbara's murder and the attempted murder of Dennis.
43:45 Speaker 00 At trial, Kenneth's legal team presented an extraordinary theory that their client suffered from somnambulism, more commonly known as sleepwalking.
43:57 Speaker 00 They asserted that he had been in this state at the time of the attack, with no will or conscious mind directing him.
44:06 Speaker 00 The defense cited thirty-five documented cases worldwide in which homicides were allegedly committed while the perpetrator was sleepwalking. One case from 1859 involved a London woman who threw her infant son out of a window while screaming, "Save my children." She later claimed she had been dreaming that her house was on fire and believed she was rescuing him. She was found not responsible for her actions.
44:39 Speaker 00 Another case in 1878 involved a Scottish man who dreamed of a wild beast breaking through the floorboards of his home. In his dream, he was protecting his family by smashing the beast's head against the ground. In reality, he killed his eighteen-month-old son.
45:00 Speaker 00 He escaped conviction, but was ordered to sleep alone in a locked room for the rest of his life.
45:08 Speaker 00 The first successful use of the sleepwalking defence in the US occurred in 1846, when a Boston man was found not guilty of murder after slitting a sex worker's throat.
45:22 Speaker 00 Since then, there had been more cases of apparent sleepwalking murders or near misses, including a wife stabbing her husband, a young girl killing her father and a brother, and a boy gravely injuring his cousin, none of which resulted in conviction.
45:40 Speaker 00 However, the controversial defence didn't guarantee freedom. A Pennsylvania man used the sleepwalking defence after fatally shooting his wife in the back. While it was found that he had a history of disruptive sleep, the fact that he knew his wife was about to leave him provided a clear motive, one that ultimately led to a guilty verdict.
46:07 Speaker 00 Kenneth Park's defence presented psychiatric and scientific evidence supporting their argument that he was sleepwalking when he attacked his in-laws. This included abnormal readings of his brain activity during sleep, as well as five expert witnesses who backed the defence's theory.
46:27 Speaker 00 In contrast, the prosecution posited that Kenneth knew what he was doing to the Woods, but blocked out the very terrible events which resulted in an amnesia effect. They suggested that his gambling and financial struggles provided a likely motive for the attack.
46:47 Speaker 00 After nine hours of deliberation, the jury sided with the defence, accepting that Kenneth was not conscious at the time of the assault.
46:58 Speaker 00 He was acquitted of all charges and returned to a normal life.
47:06 Speaker 00 Kenneth Park's case piqued the interest of Scott Falada's loved ones a decade later in 1997, as they sought to understand why he had suddenly stabbed and drowned his beloved wife, Yarmila. During discussions about Scott's past, multiple people mentioned that he had been a restless sleeper throughout his life, and was prone to getting up in the middle of the night. Scott's mother, Lois, recalled several sleepwalking incidents from his childhood. He once tapped a sleeping Lois on the shoulder, fully dressed and ready to go to school in the middle of the night. On another occasion, Scott put on a coat and picked up a Christmas present.
47:51 Speaker 00 When his father attempted to take the present from him, Scott resisted and retrieved another. He then returned to his room, took off his coat, placed the present under his bed, and crawled back under the blankets. When Scott was 15, he wandered into the living room completely naked while in a sleep state. During each of his sleepwalking episodes, his eyes remained open, his facial expression was flat, and he was unresponsive to those around him. By morning, he had no recollection of what had happened. To Lois, Scott's history of bedwetting made more sense in this context, as it was linked
48:36 Speaker 00 to sleepwalking. Furthermore, sleepwalking is considered a highly heritable disorder, and several of Scott's family members, including his own daughter, reported experiencing episodes themselves. Scott's most troubling episode was one that his sister Laura recalled. One night, when Scott was around 20 years old, Laura was watching television in the living room. Scott had gone to bed about an hour earlier, needing rest before his college finals the next day. Suddenly, Laura noticed him walking into the kitchen. She asked why he was up, but he didn't respond.
49:21 Speaker 00 Instead, he began fiddling with items around the sink before moving toward a door that led outside.
49:29 Speaker 00 Concerned, Laura rushed to the door and locked it. In that instant, an angry expression she had never seen before flashed across Scott's face. It was almost demonic.
49:44 Speaker 00 Without warning, he grabbed Laura by the shoulders, lifted her off the ground, and threw her across the kitchen.
49:52 Speaker 00 Stunned, Laura watched as Scott struggled with the locked door for nearly twenty minutes until he gave up and wandered back to his bedroom. The next morning, when Laura tried to talk to Scott about the incident, he brushed her off, too focused on his upcoming tests. Laura didn't mention it to anyone else at the time.
50:17 Speaker 00 With this in mind, Scott's mother and sister researched violent somnambulism extensively, eventually becoming convinced it was the only explanation for Yarmulke's murder.
50:30 Speaker 00 They discovered that sleepwalking, which is typically more common in males, was often triggered by stress and sleep deprivation, both of which had played significant roles during key periods of Scott's life when his episodes occurred. In the lead-up to Yarmulke's murder, Scott was under immense pressure at work, which involved leading a team of engineers who were developing a new product. His colleagues noticed how exhausted he seemed, his eyes were sunken and bloodshot, his energy levels depleted, and he often appeared dazed. He sometimes dozed off during meetings and had to rely on caffeine pills to function.
51:14 Speaker 00 Some observed that he had lost his usual spark, appearing withdrawn and possibly even depressed. Yet, one thing remained certain: whenever Scott spoke about his wife and family, there was an undeniable joy in his voice, making it clear he couldn't wait to get home to them.
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54:48 Speaker 00 On Thursday, January 16, 1997, Scott Faleter's boss had proposed a friendly competition between internal work departments. Scott openly expressed his dismay about this during a team meeting, admitting he was already under immense pressure and didn't need the added stress. This was the first time his colleagues had seen him come close to losing his temper. Despite his frustration, he ultimately conceded, even though the competition required more time and commitment than he could afford, and brought him no enjoyment.
55:26 Speaker 00 When Scott returned home from work that day, his stress levels were at an all-time high. On top of the competition he was now obligated to participate in, he had come to the troubling conclusion that the product he had been developing was unlikely to succeed, and might need to be scrapped entirely. This realisation weighed heavily on him, particularly because of its impact on the livelihoods of his team. He planned to break the news to them the next day, but there was little time to dwell on it. Scott was already stretched thin with other commitments, including preparing for a church seminary class he was scheduled to teach in the morning,
56:11 Speaker 00 and organising a food drive.
56:15 Speaker 00 Yarmila was also facing her own struggles, which in turn affected Scott. She was grieving the recent loss of her beloved father to cancer, a pain she'd tried to deal with alone to spare her family.
56:30 Speaker 00 Although she loved her job at the preschool, the daily challenge of managing and teaching a group of energetic three and four-year-olds left her drained. On top of everything else, the pool pump at home had malfunctioned. While a minor inconvenience on its own, it was yet another issue in the felladers' lives that needed attention sooner rather than later.
56:55 Speaker 00 Given all this pressure, Scott's loved ones believed he was a ticking time bomb, primed for a sleepwalking episode. To make matters worse, in the nights leading up to Yarmila's murder, both she and Scott had been jolted awake by what sounded like footsteps crunching across the gravel alongside their home.
57:17 Speaker 00 Fearing an intruder, Scott got up to investigate, only to find nothing. He convinced himself the sounds were just their dogs moving about outside.
57:29 Speaker 00 However, he had also noticed his family's tendency to leave the back door unlocked, a habit that heightened his anxiety.
57:38 Speaker 00 If someone truly had been lurking outside, they could easily enter the home through the unlocked door and threaten his family. Under these circumstances, Scott's loved ones found it plausible that his stresses had triggered a sleepwalking episode. His subconscious mind might have been in a distressed and defensive state, expecting to encounter a threat in or outside his home and instinctively acting to protect his wife and children. In his altered state, he might have dreamt that an intruder was breaking into his home and mistaken Yarmila for the threat. Acting on this false perception, he launched a violent attack,
58:22 Speaker 00 completely unaware that he was actually harming the woman he loved.
58:31 Speaker 00 There was also the possibility that the dreams Scott experienced was not dramatic or frightening at all. He might have simply dreamt that he needed to fix the pool pump and, in his sleepwalking state, he retrieved the hunting knife, either mistaking it for a tool or intending to use it to complete the task. Yarmila might have then noticed Scott inexplicably moving about the backyard in the middle of the night and approached him. Generally, sleepwalking is considered relatively harmless and waking someone in that condition isn't typically dangerous.
59:09 Speaker 00 However, experts caution against it as disorientation or confusion can sometimes trigger violent reactions, even if such instances are considered rare.
59:22 Speaker 00 Dr. Gai Leschenner, a sleep disorder specialist, explains the phenomenon of local sleep to help understand why such acts occur. He notes: "Most of us think being awake means our brains are fully awake, but actually, little areas of our brains are constantly dipping in and out of sleep. Feeling awake and looking awake doesn't always mean that our brains are active. There is very clear evidence that when people are sleepwalking, it's the parts of the brain responsible for emotion, movement, and vision that show this waking pattern,
1:00:01 Speaker 00 whereas the parts of the brain responsible for rational thinking and memory demonstrate sleeping behavior. If you think about which parts of those brains are disconnected, it's the bits that are responsible for being a sensible human being.
1:00:20 Speaker 00 This suggests that during sleepwalking, the brain is in a state where rational thought and memory are inactive, while the more instinctual and reactive parts remain active. As a result, a person may perform actions without conscious awareness or control, sometimes leading to unintended consequences."
1:00:45 Speaker 00 Before presenting their unconventional theory to Scott, his mother Lois and sister Laura first shared it with his attorney, worried it might be too outlandish to be taken seriously in court. However, Scott's attorney embraced the idea and decided to abandon the insanity defence in favour of pursuing the sleepwalking theory at trial.
1:01:09 Speaker 00 This shift in strategy quickly drew public attention. What had initially been considered a relatively unremarkable case now garnered widespread media focus as the unusual and controversial defence strategy took centre stage. Reactions were mixed. Some dismissed the idea of committing a crime while asleep as laughable, while others compared it to a bizarre movie plot.
1:01:38 Speaker 00 Scott Falata was initially sceptical of the sleepwalking theory himself. He had no recollection of the incidents from his past, including the one in which he allegedly threw his sister Laura across the kitchen.
1:01:53 Speaker 00 As a logical and methodical person, Scott felt the sleepwalking defence lacked any basis in reality, telling ABC's 2020: "I just felt it was a bunch of bullshit."
1:02:08 Speaker 00 For him to consider it even remotely possible, he needed scientific proof. So, in preparation for his trial, Scott agreed to undergo a sleep study.
1:02:21 Speaker 00 For four nights, he was connected to electrodes and monitors that measured the depth and quality of his sleep. While the results came back as inconclusive, they did indicate that Scott fit the profile of a sleepwalker. Scott's attorney also sought the expertise of several prominent sleep disorder specialists, including leading figures in the study of sleepwalking violence.
1:02:48 Speaker 00 One of the key experts was neurophysiologist Roger Broughton, who had previously testified in the trial of Kenneth Parks over a decade earlier.
1:02:59 Speaker 00 In Broughton’s professional opinion, Scott, like Kenneth, had been in a sleepwalking state when he committed murder. As such, he was not legally responsible for his actions.
1:03:14 Speaker 00 This conclusion was supported by other experts the defence consulted.
1:03:20 Speaker 00 Following this, Scott began to believe that sleep deprivation and work-related stress had indeed triggered a sleepwalking episode, which ultimately led to him killing his wife.
1:03:35 Speaker 00 The prosecution, on the other hand, remained adamant that Scott had consciously and intentionally killed Yarmila. His trial began in May 1999, nearly two and a half years after Yarmila's murder. While the defence presented all of their expert findings to support the sleepwalking theory, the prosecution contended that the crime scene evidence clearly demonstrated that Yarmila's death was far from accidental.
1:04:06 Speaker 00 According to the prosecution, the trajectory of Yarmila's wounds suggested she had been attacked from behind by someone who reached around to stab her in the chest.
1:04:17 Speaker 00 This contradicted the defence’s suggestion that Yarmila had approached and startled a sleeping Scott, provoking a spontaneous attack. The prosecution also referred to Scott’s claims that he had stirred in the nights before the attack, believing he’d heard an intruder lurking outside his home. “How?”, they questioned, “could Scott be roused so easily then, but fail to awaken as his dying wife screamed for her life?“
1:04:48 Speaker 00 The prosecution also cast a doubt on Scott's alleged history of sleepwalking. His sister Laura testified about the time Scott had supposedly thrown her across the kitchen while asleep. However, prosecutors highlighted that Laura never mentioned this incident to anyone until after Yarmila's murder, when she was the first to propose the sleepwalking theory.
1:05:15 Speaker 00 The prosecution emphasized how after killing Yarmila, Scott had removed his bloody clothes, hidden them along with the knife in his car, cleaned himself up, tended to his own wounds, and redressed. He then put on gloves before dragging Yarmila to the pool and drowning her.
1:05:36 Speaker 00 In total, they calculated that Scott had carried out 64 distinct actions from the beginning of the attack to its conclusion, a process they estimated had taken at least 45 minutes.
1:05:51 Speaker 00 The fellate's neighbour and key prosecution witness Gregory Coons provided a detailed account of many of Scott's behaviours, including him motioning for his dog to lie down, an action seen as too deliberate for someone supposedly unaware of their surroundings. Observers were left wondering, how could Scott recognise his dog but not his beloved wife?
1:06:18 Speaker 00 A sleep expert called by the prosecution said that Scott's actions were far too complex and methodical to have been done while asleep. While the expert acknowledged that sleepwalkers can interact with and misplace objects, he had never encountered a case where a sleepwalker intentionally hid something. Furthermore, the neat way Scott concealed the evidence in his car contradicted with the disorganised behaviour typical of sleepwalkers.
1:06:51 Speaker 00 But to the prosecution, what happened next was the strongest proof that Scott was fully awake when he killed Yarmulke. Supported by their experts, the prosecution argued that sleepwalking violence only occurs when someone physically confronts the sleepwalker, obstructing their movements and inadvertently triggering a defensive response. However, Yarmulke's drowning did not fit this pattern. By that point, she was lying on the ground, gravely wounded, and unable to pose any physical obstruction. According to the prosecution, this deliberate act of drowning demonstrated conscious intent,
1:07:35 Speaker 00 rather than unconscious reflexive behaviour. To the defence, Scott's many illogical actions that night were in and of themselves evidence of his lack of conscious control. First, he attacked a woman he loved while their children were home, making no attempt to hide her body and leaving it in plain sight. After changing clothes, he moved Yarmulke's body without any apparent concern about transferring her blood onto his new outfit. He also left the pool light on, unconcerned that it illuminated Yarmulke's body.
1:08:18 Speaker 00 Experts appearing on behalf of the defence chastised the prosecution for trying to invent a rational scenario out of something that was completely irrational. The defence also dismissed the prolonged timing of Scott's actions, pointing to the case of Kenneth Parks, whose sleepwalking episode, which led to his acquittal for the murder and attempted murder of his in-laws, had lasted well over an hour. Gregory Coon's witness account raised a significant question for the defence, one that Gregory himself couldn't explain. Why didn't he yell out to Scott to stop what he was doing to Yarmulke?
1:09:01 Speaker 00 In the defence's view, this action could have awakened Scott from his sleepwalking state and possibly prevented further harm.
1:09:11 Speaker 00 Scott's behaviour after police arrived was used to support the defence's narrative. Several individuals who confronted him that night described him as appearing dazed, detached, and as if he had just woken up. When asked how many people were in the house, Scott replied “four”, and listed everyone, including his wife. To the defence, this suggested that Scott was unaware that Yarmila was lying dead outside.
1:09:43 Speaker 00 Homicide detective John Norman, who interviewed Scott immediately after the murder, saw his behaviour in a different light. He pointed out that Scott didn’t seem very upset by the news of Yarmila's death, and did not cry.
1:09:59 Speaker 00 Esteemed neurophysiologist Roger Broughton appeared on behalf of the defence to present his opinion that Scott had been sleepwalking the night he attacked Yarmila. However, the courtroom was stunned during cross-examination when the prosecution presented crucial facts Broughton had not previously known, including how Scott had interacted with his dog. Broughton said that these new details gave him pause regarding his initial conclusions. Broughton also admitted that he’d never encountered a sleepwalking case where someone had changed their clothes once, let alone two, or even three times.
1:10:42 Speaker 00 Yet, he remained adamant that sleepwalking was the best explanation of the facts.
1:10:51 Speaker 00 Although the prosecution posited several possible motives for Scott to kill Yarmila, such as allegations of infidelity, none of these claims were substantiated by evidence. Attempts to argue Scott was a bad husband were countered by numerous character witnesses for the defence, who unanimously spoke highly of him. According to a close friend, Yarmila had once mentioned that Scott rummaged for clothes in the middle of the night while seemingly asleep. However, the witness admitted that she couldn’t recall if Yarmila had specifically mentioned the word “sleepwalking”.
1:11:31 Speaker 00 Scott took the stand in an attempt to convince the jury of his state of mind at the time of the murder. His testimony began with a question from his attorney. “If I had been a fortune teller and I had come to you on the morning of January 16, 1997, and told you, ‘Scott, tonight you’re going to stab your wife 44 times’, what would you have said to me in response?” Scott replied: “You’re out of your mind. There is just no way I would have done anything like this to my wife. I would never have envisioned something like this happening to someone like me, or especially to me personally.
1:12:15 Speaker 00 I don’t know what I would do without her.” As Scott’s testimony progressed and he spoke about life without Yarmila, he broke down in tears. He described living two lives, one in reality where he was confined to his jail cell, and the other in his dreams, where he imagined an idyllic life with his wife, as if nothing had ever happened. Whenever the prosecution posed a question that Scott couldn’t answer, he deferred to the sleep experts testifying on his behalf. However, he did claim that Yarmila was aware of his sleepwalking, and once told him about an instance where he had grabbed her arm while asleep.
1:13:00 Speaker 00 The prosecution attorney sharply responded: “And she can’t come in and testify, can she?” Maintaining that he still had no memory of killing Yarmila, Scott tearfully told the court: “It took me a very long time, before I could really even admit it openly to myself, that I had actually done that.” When asked point-blank if he knowingly killed his wife, Scott sobbed and replied: “No, not at all. I couldn’t knowingly kill her. No one deserved it less than anyone I know, than her.”
1:13:46 Speaker 00 The high-profile trial, described by observers as a battle of experts, lasted more than a month. It was complex, with experts who held similar experience and qualifications arriving at starkly different conclusions. In total, 52 witnesses were called and 180 court exhibits were entered into evidence.
1:14:11 Speaker 00 In closing arguments, the defence reiterated that Scott was a non-violent person who’d had a wonderful marriage. They emphasised that there was simply no motive for Scott to willfully kill Yarmila. The prosecution focused on the drowning aspect of the crime, stating: “One of the things that you cannot get away from, and Scott Falata cannot get away from, is the fact that when Yarmila was down, he did a violent act. Never in the annals of sleepwalking has there ever been a case where two different types of lethal violence have been applied in one case.”
1:14:55 Speaker 00 While the prosecution acknowledged that no one but Scott truly knew what happened that night, they confidently declared: “This guy here killed his wife, and he’s guilty of first-degree murder.”
1:15:11 Speaker 00 It took the jury just eight hours to reach a verdict. Ultimately, they found the prosecution’s experts more compelling than those of the defence.
1:15:24 Speaker 00 For the first-degree murder of Yarmila Falata, Scott Falata was found guilty.
1:15:31 Speaker 00 In a post-trial interview, jurors revealed that they were open to the possibility that Scott had initially attacked Yarmila while sleepwalking. However, they believed that he regained consciousness and panicked afterward.
1:15:47 Speaker 00 Despite the inconclusive evidence, the jury was certain that Yarmila was still alive when Scott pushed her into the pool. They agreed that he had premeditated the decision to drown her and was fully cognizant while carrying out the act.
1:16:05 Speaker 00 A significant portion of the jury’s deliberations centred on Scott’s use of a hunting knife, with one juror stating that such an item was not used for any other purpose, except for killing.
1:16:19 Speaker 00 While the prosecution pushed for the death penalty, the sentencing hearing, which took place a year after the guilty verdict, saw multiple character witnesses testify positively on Scott’s behalf. Among them were his two children, who pleaded for his life. Even Yarmila's mother supported Scott’s case. She acknowledged that although he should face severe punishment, his children shouldn’t be left with neither their mother nor father.
1:16:51 Speaker 00 During sentencing, the judge remarked: “Yarmila was a woman we all would have liked to know. She was independent, feisty, totally devoted to her children, and someone who did not accept everything at face value because she had a mind of her own. But because of the defendant’s cruel attack on her, she did not get to see her daughter graduate as a valedictorian of her class, did not get to see her son grow into the fine young man and good athlete that he is, did not get to share in the joy of her daughter attending one of the finest universities in the country, and did not get to pursue her own return to teaching.
1:17:34 Speaker 00 She also won’t have the opportunity to enjoy any grandchildren she might have had.”
1:17:42 Speaker 00 In deciding Scott’s punishment, the judge considered the testimony from Scott’s children, friends, co-workers and church members, all of whom described him as living an exemplary life and being a kind, gentle, peaceful and loving man who gave freely of his time in service to others. The judge also acknowledged that Scott had no criminal history, showed extreme remorse, and had been a model inmate with a positive influence on others. However, he also recognised that the murder was especially cruel and heinous.
1:18:21 Speaker 00 As a result, Scott Falata was sentenced to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole.
1:18:31 Speaker 00 At the time of this episode's release, Scott remains in prison, where he practices meditation and ensures he gets adequate sleep.
1:18:41 Speaker 00 Over the years, he has received letters of support from other sleepwalkers, whom he encourages to seek treatment to prevent a similar incident from occurring.
1:18:52 Speaker 00 He remains to be a model inmate, known for assisting, teaching, and providing spiritual guidance to other inmates and helping prison staff with technology problems.
1:19:04 Speaker 00 Scott stays in touch with his two children, with his son, Michael, stating: "He is still my dad, and I hope to always have a relationship with him, whether he's in prison or he's out."
1:19:18 Speaker 00 However, Scott himself doubts he will ever be released. Multiple attempts to appeal his sentence have failed. To this day, he maintains that he has no memory of killing Yarmila. "All I can say is I do not know what happened," he told ABC's 2020, adding: "There's no one else I can place the responsibility on. It's on my shoulders. I accept that, and I have to move on."
1:19:50 Speaker 00 The death of Yarmila Falata continues to prompt questions and debate to this day. Was it a tragic accident or a deliberate murder? The case's central questions have never been solved to everybody's satisfaction. Even those who accept Scott's version of events still believe he committed a terrible crime and must pay a price for it.
1:20:16 Speaker 00 As Scott's mother, Lois, stated: "He's technically guilty, but he's morally innocent. He was there, and he wasn't there."
1:20:28 Speaker 00 Scott's story elicits its fair share of critics and skeptics. While sleepwalking is a widely accepted phenomenon, some have expressed concern that if Scott were acquitted, sleepwalking might become an excuse for any crime. Others view the use of a sleepwalking defence as nothing more than junk science, suggesting that attorneys just pay experts to offer whatever testimony is necessary to protect their clients' interests. Since 1997, there have been a number of other criminal cases around the world that have employed the sleepwalking defence to varying success.
1:21:10 Speaker 00 Scott Falata maintains that in his case, the jury got it wrong. He insists that he is not a monster and believes his verdict was influenced by the complexity of sleep disorders, a still-evolving field that is not yet fully understood. Scott has expressed doubt that he will ever forgive himself for killing Yarmila. He believes they were meant for each other and has stated that he will miss her until the day he dies. He often reflects on the pain and terror Yarmila must have felt when he attacked her and is grateful that he does not have any memories of what he did to her that night.
1:21:53 Speaker 00 "I kind of wish she had grabbed the knife and done me instead," he said. "But because it was me, she didn't."
1:22:04 Speaker 00 Scott feels that Yarmila would have been more understanding and forgiving of him than he had been towards himself and expresses hope that they will be reunited in heaven, saying: "She knows more than I do about what happened that night and she will actually know how I've conducted myself since then. I want to be sure that I'm still worthy of her by how I carry myself now."
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