The Unknowns of Motherhood

Join Alex in the studio for a conversation about the unknowns of becoming a mom. She opens up about the fear of losing yourself, the thoughts you’re scared to say out loud and what no one prepares you for when everything starts to change. From relationship changes and body image to the pressure to be the “perfect parent,” Alex gets into the honest reality of motherhood and the importance of removing the stigma around these types of conversations.

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• 1:57Speaker 00

  What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Here's the thing. Today, I don't want to talk about dating. I don't want to talk about red flags. I don't want to talk about toxic ex-boyfriends or, you know, how to break up with him. Today, I want to talk about the absolute wild mind trip that is transitioning into motherhood. So whether you are currently pregnant, maybe you're trying, or you're just at that age where your Instagram feed went from shots of tequila at 3:00 AM to, you know, just those aesthetic gender and nursery reveals.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  I want to talk about the side of motherhood that it seems like people are usually too terrified to talk about out loud. To remind everyone, this is my first pregnancy and I will say through this process already, I have been really fascinated by the entire world. It feels like I have just been opened up to and continue to be opened up to. There's so much new information, so many un-things women do or feel, things that women feel comfortable talking about when it comes to motherhood and pregnancy, things that people don't feel comfortable talking about.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  And it is very exciting, but it's also a lot because like anything in life, the unknowns bring a lot of excitement and positivity, and it can also bring some fear and negative emotions. And that is really what I wanted to talk about today. I kinda wanna talk about the deep, dark unknowns of motherhood. The excitement, yes, but also just to be quite frank, just like the absolute paralyzing panic of your entire life, your identity and your body changing forever. So grab a glass of wine.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  For me, I'll just be sticking to a glass of water today. And here we go. Let's get into it. Okay, so let's first start off with being completely honest for a second. Just you and me here, okay? Why does society act like the second that you see those two pink lines on the test, your brain is supposed to magically just delete the last 20 to 30 years of who you were? It just like doesn't, it doesn't work like that, right? And I think the biggest, most unspoken fear I have heard from women, and honestly, one

• 4:55Speaker 00

  that I have felt myself, is the fear of losing you. I just interviewed Emmy Rossum and she spoke about it so beautifully. You are allowed to be so deeply overwhelmingly excited to meet your baby and simultaneously mourn the girl who could pack a bag in five minutes and sleep until noon on a Sunday and make completely selfish decisions. Both of those things can exist in the exact same brain at the exact same time. And I think it's important that we just are acknowledging that so that we rid all women of the shame of having any doubts or fears or concerns around the new and next chapter

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  they're about to enter in life. Understandably, there are women who are sitting with the realization that, you know, she will never truly be alone or free in the same way again. And that concept, to be fair, that's really terrifying. You've lived 20 something or 30 something or 40 something plus years of your life and you've only really been responsible for yourself and now that's all about to change. That's pressure and responsibility and just extreme overnight change, right? And again, I really ask when I'm talking about all this today, that people are able

• 6:21Speaker 00

  to please see the nuance in the fact that I am not saying you don't want this new life. We want, we're so excited about this new life, but what I'm also saying is it's really normal to process and wonder and think about all of this. And yes, be a little freaked out or a little scared or whatever emotion comes up for you when you start thinking about this massive change because that's your reality and you should never feel shame for that.

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  Some women will go through an identity crisis where you feel like you are about to go from being this main character of your own life to suddenly feeling like you're just playing a supporting role to this tiny, very cute, precious, adorable little human, but it's a demanding little human, right? I also think the reality for a lot of women is they silently fear and they don't want to say it out loud, but like, am I gonna lose my drive? And how do I keep my career burning when my body is entirely focused on keeping someone else alive and being there for them? How do I balance that?

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  And so I think at some point, we have to strip away the polished Instagram filters and the nursery reveals and the toxic positivity for just a second. I'm not saying we don't love all that stuff, but it's a lot of that stuff, right? It's a lot of that. And I think we also need to get comfortable and a little bit more familiar with talking about the absolute psychological warfare that happens when a woman realizes that she is grieving her old life.

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  And that can be heavy and that can feel suffocating. And there is shame that comes with actually admitting that out loud. So I'm gonna do it for us, okay? I got you, okay?

• 8:22Speaker 00

  I do also want to clarify and to make sure to provide essentially a disclaimer here that when I am gonna talk today about normal negative feelings, those are different from pre or postpartum depression. And to clarify, pre and postpartum depression, that is not something that you should feel shame over or be afraid to discuss publicly, but I do think it's important to note there is a difference, which I could do an entire episode about and even have specialists come on and discuss and who knows what my personal experience will be, but I will keep you guys in the loop, right? And we can totally talk about that. I also understand as I'm gonna talk about this today, like in anything in life, there

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  may be some women who don't have any of these thoughts or experiences, right? They may just be like, oh my God, I am, I don't even know what you're talking about. My identity's never been more solid. I'm not worried about work. I'm not worried about this and this and this. That is so fair. I have yet to meet a woman. I've yet to meet a woman like that, so I would love maybe to meet you. Since I've gotten pregnant, all I feel like I have been doing is having more and more conversations with incredible women who are sharing their most honest and vulnerable truths around pregnancy and motherhood. Some of them are sharing some of the most fun and positive experiences and tips and

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  tricks and all of it, but when it comes to the fears or the negatives, a lot of my friends or people I've met or even guests I've interviewed off camera will say like, I'm telling you this, but I would never admit this publicly because I know the judgment and the backlash that would follow.

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  And doesn't that suck? Like, think about that. If a majority of women are feeling away, why are we not openly feeling comfortable to talk about it more, right?

• 10:31Speaker 00

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  and the new arrivals from American Eagle, kinda obsessed. We're talking sweet dresses, soft sweaters you'll want to live in, on trend jeans and cargos you'll want to wear on repeat. And if you see a style you love, grab it now because you already know the good stuff doesn't stay in stock for long. You can check it all out at ae.com or just go to the store. So first of all, you girls been in our research grind, okay? And there is a scientific word for what we as women are going through at this point in our lives. Now, I am praying to God that I get

• 12:41Speaker 00

  the pronunciation correct. The term is matressence, okay? It sounds like adolescence because it kind of is in that same vein as adolescence. So just like adolescence, matressence is the massive transition of becoming a mother. It is a huge, physical, hormonal, psychological shift. But of course, while we're all out here and we give teenagers grace for being so moody and confused, and essentially, these teenagers, we give them grace for being identityless, right? Somehow, we expect pregnant women and new moms to just instantly transition into this serene,

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  gorgeous, selfless goddess. It's a complete lie, you guys. It's a complete lie. Not to mention, over the last decade, there have been advances in neuroscience, obviously, and a lot of those advancements have showed and revealed that pregnancy and childbirth trigger one of the most radical rapid restructurings of the human brain ever observed, ever. Okay? And so I think a lot of people would be like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Okay, but then, like, slow it down. So if we are going through one of the most transformative restructurings,

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  why are we then being like, oh, she's having a little bit of a crisis, she's having a hard time, she's not a good mother? We should be happy to be standing up. We should be happy to be walking around and interacting with people, guys. Like, we give women no grace, and then we make us feel like we can't talk about it, and then it just makes us spiral more. Like, no wonder we are going through it. When you become a mother, your old self, I was thinking about it, it's like, it's not like your old self just exits the stage gracefully, right? The more accurate picture is like, we are dragged off while you're forced to kind of like,

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  step into a new role that you have never rehearsed. And we're like, wait, wait, wait, I need a little bit more time. I'm not ready. And they're like, go, get on stage, do your best. Award-winning, also, by the way. We expect award-winning behavior out there. And you're like, wait, but I, I've never learned about this. I've never done this. I don't know what I'm doing. And they're like, we don't care. Make it look easy. So of course, we're grieving. You're mourning the loss of the girl who had zero dependents, who could make reckless decisions, who owned her own time, and who was the main focus and priority of her life and her story.

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  And so like, this isn't to be negative, guys. I'm more just like, this, this whole episode, I want it to be like a big hug. This is a big hug to all the women around the world. I'm just like, come right into this cocoon, because I'm feeling it, okay? And we need more empathy from everyone. Because I think here is where the real damage, in my opinion, is done. It's not just the grief that hurts. It is the shame that we pile on top of it. And I want to talk about this on Call Her Daddy today, and I want to continue to talk about it moving forward because we have to. We live in a culture that demands absolute unwavering gratitude from mothers.

• 16:08Speaker 00

  That is a fact. We are told we should be so blessed, so lucky, and cherishing every single second. So when you have those late night thoughts, like, oh, my God, what did I do to my life? Like, I want my old body back. I miss when it was just the two of us. And you have those split little seconds where you're just like, oh, I miss, like, you're like, I don't know if I'm cut out for this. You immediately feel this wave of sickening guilt. You feel like a fraud. You look at other women who seem to be effortlessly glowing and doing it, and you cannot help but think, oh, okay, I guess there is something fundamentally broken in me, right?

• 16:51Speaker 00

  I'm already a bad mom. And a lot of this is, these thoughts are happening when the baby isn't even here, right? You're like, am I prepared? Will I do this? Will I be able to, all of this. And by not being so sure, and so ready, and so this, it's like, shame. And as we know, shame thrives in the dark. And then it grows because we don't talk about it over brunch, or we don't really post about it on social media as much as we do the positives. And so I'm like, you know what? Now we do on Call Her Daddy, folks. But it's, it is similar, if you think about it, the way that everyone is becoming more acclimated and attuned to, okay, Instagram is fake,

• 17:35Speaker 00

  and all this is, it's like, it is kind of similar to some of the motherhood stuff. Again, it is, I cannot wait to be a mother. I, I, growing up, wasn't sure if I wanted to be. I didn't know. I was selfish. I was loving my life. I was like, and then it hit me, and I was like, oh, I'm so ready to be a mother. I can't wait. And that doesn't mean I didn't have all of these other question marks and fears and all of it. But like, I cannot wait to meet my child. I, just, everything is feeling more and more real as the trimesters go on, and the time goes on, and I feel the baby, and I'm, you know, Matt and I are connecting more and all the, it is so exciting.

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  And it's so terrifying. When I have spoken to friends who have also, let me, let's get into this. When I've spoken to friends who have struggled with infertility, they have shared the shame for them, they feel like also is twice as loud, because you think, oh, my God, I fought so hard for this. How dare I complain now, right? And then if you're a career-driven woman, you feel guilty for mourning your independence, like, well, I chose this, so like, why am I questioning it? But thinking about your old life, and thinking back to it, and, and missing certain parts or whatever, does not mean you won't love your baby. Does

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  not mean you do not love your baby. It just means you loved your freedom, and it means you loved your life, and it means you valued the woman that you spent your entire adolescence, and then teens, and twenties building. And it's confusing to watch her change in a way that is so unknown and scary, and nothing is guaranteed. You are allowed to hold space for both feelings. That is okay. You can look at your pregnancy test, or your baby with tears of absolute pure joy. And then you can also still get a little emo for the girl that you

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  used to be. I'm not saying you're completely losing her, but things are gonna change. And it's not hypocritical. It is called being a human with emotions, guys. I think the truth is, we have to acknowledge how completely incapable the world is of understanding nuance when it comes to women approaching motherhood. Society has this incredibly toxic, black and white binary. They look at a pregnant woman, or a new mom, and think, you can only be one of two things. You are either the grateful goddess who is glowing, she's rubbing her bump, she's thanking the universe for her blessings, she never complains, she's so happy, she loves her

• 20:25Speaker 00

  life, yada, yada, yada. Or you are the ungrateful complainer, where if you voice even one second of fear, or exhaustion, or regret about how hard this is, you are labeled as bitter, broken, or unfit to be a mother. There is zero middle ground. And I have to believe this is driving women into isolation. I feel like the struggle to see the nuance comes from this just collective, cultural obsession with keeping women in, like, this gratitude prison, right? The second you get

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  pregnant, whether you by the standards had a quote unquote, you know, easy time conceiving, or if you went through hell to get there, like IVF, or losses, or years of trying, either or, people expect you then to sign, it feels like this invisible contract that says, okay, I completely waver my right to ever complain or to be scared ever again.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  How does that make sense? And then obviously, then when you're standing in the shower crying because you're terrified of the birth, or you're panicked about money, you're panicked, will I get postpartum? You're panicked, you know, can I manage my career and handle this child? You're panicked about how this is going to impact your relationship with your husband or your wife or your partner, you're panicked, you're just stressed, you're mourning your freedom.

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  Because of all of this, you just end up not telling anyone.

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  Because the response that you're terrified of getting is,

• 22:11Speaker 00

  well, you wanted this, didn't you? Yes, but I can also be scared. Like, yes, I want this. But guys, I've been in my cheesy analogies, but hear me out here. Guys, wanting to climb Mount Everest doesn't mean you aren't gonna freeze your ass off and panic when you're halfway up the mountain looking down the cliff. I could find a better analogy, but it, tell me it doesn't make sense. You are like, oh, I am a beast, I am powerful, I am strong, I am climbing Mount Everest. I am doing one of the craziest things a human being could ever do in the world. Some people don't survive it, right?

• 22:56Speaker 00

  Actually, this is kind of a good analogy. But it would be almost impossible to not have fears on that journey, right?

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  Human emotions don't fit into these like perfect neat little boxes. So I hope this is validating for women of like, we can be so happy and scared.

• 23:27Speaker 00

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• 25:45Speaker 00

  I was doing research on this topic. And there is data from clinical psychologists who basically specialize in prenatal mental health that explicitly states that ambivalence, AKA, holding on to two opposing emotions at once, is actually the most normal, healthy part of entering parenthood.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  So if we have studies, we have clinical studies to prove that this is normal.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  How, how are we still not up with the times socially talking about this? How are we still making women feel crazy for being scared and grateful and excited and nervous? Like, how are we still there when we have literal studies, psychological studies? Think about any other massive life event, okay? You start your dream company, you are thrilled, you're like, I cannot believe I left corporate America, I'm finally taking this chance on myself and I, this is my dream, this is my dream of all dreams. So that's all happening, you're excited and you're thrilled and

• 26:59Speaker 00

  you're sweating in bed. Baby, you're laying awake at night wondering if you're gonna go bankrupt, you're like, but I'm putting everything into this. So like, these, the duality of both of these emotions are colliding and you're managing it, because you're like, well, this is life, right? When you marry the love of your life, you are ecstatic, you are like, oh my God, I found my person, this is amazing, this is amazing. And you might feel a little freaked out by the word forever. This is a lot.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  But with motherhood, we strip that nuance away and we act like fear overrides love. If you are at all scared, if you are at all nervous, if you are all questioning yourself, then you don't love this baby, then you're a bad mother, you're horrible. What?

• 27:47Speaker 00

  I think something I'm now realizing, now that I am pregnant, is instead of ever asking another pregnant woman, like, are you so excited with that like intense energy that everyone always has, like, oh my God, can I touch your bump? First of all, please, everyone stop asking to touch people's bumps. Like, I don't know why we now feel more comfortable touching women's bodies unprovoked when they're pregnant. Like, we already are like on absolutely extreme inappropriate terms with women in general and how we treat their bodies. But then somehow, when a woman becomes pregnant, we almost feel more entitled to their bodies, like, let me touch. And you're like, please take your hands off of my stomach right now. But a lot of times, you know, people go up to pregnant women and are like, how excited are you?

• 28:32Speaker 00

  And it kind of like forces them to like, basically lie to your face. Again, they may actually be like, I am so excited, and that's true. But it's such a heavy question, of course I'm excited. And I'm also, my rib cage, I'll tell you how I'm feeling right now. I couldn't be more excited. But last night, if you want me to tell you, last night, I think I slept maybe a total of two hours. My rib cage is in so much physical pain right now from this pregnancy. Don't worry, I've checked with my doctor, the normal amount of physical pain, which is a lot of physical pain, because my rib cage is lodged up and being pressed on and there, my ribs are expanding.

• 29:16Speaker 00

  And a lot of times, if you're pregnant, your abs are separating, right? And sometimes they go to your back, sometimes they separate, whatever. And my stomach is completely moved and shifted up. My intestines are all the way over to the side of my body to make space for this womb. So there's just like a lot going on. But yes, I'm excited, I couldn't be more excited. I was feeling my baby all night. The baby was moving all around and I was like, we're in for a joyride right now. And it was so fun to feel this baby, but also, I'm, I'm starting to breathe like I am hard of breathing. So yeah, that's how I'm feeling, you know what I mean? So asking a woman if she's just so excited, like, of course, and

• 29:57Speaker 00

  so I think moving forward, I at least, am always going to ask and said, how are you doing trying to handle all this? And then if the woman, you catch her on a good day and she can say, I have never been more excited, I just went and got our nursery all set up and did that, amazing. Or asking with that tone and just that open-ended question, the woman can be like, I'm really excited, but it's been a little bit of a struggle this past month. I have been dry heaving over the toilet between meetings and I can barely, you know, hold down food and my bladder feels like I have a UTI. Like, leave some room, right?

• 30:38Speaker 00

  Give them permission to say, I am so incredibly grateful and I'm also really scared out of my absolute mind. Because when you allow those two things to exist together, that's when the shame evaporates. You aren't a bad mom for being terrified of how your life is gonna change. You're just a woman who is paying attention to your mind and your body and your reality. The unknown in life is always going to be a little exciting and a little intimidating. And there is so much beauty in that. So we as women should feel, we are entitled, not only able, we should feel entitled to talk about the hardships and struggles without feeling like we are coming off as nagging and ungrateful.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Cause we do this in every other aspect of our lives. We complain endlessly and express frustration or exhaustion or fears about our jobs, about our families, about our friends, about our relationships. So let's make some room and normalize putting motherhood in that category. Cause everything else, everyone's like, oh my God, like give me the tea. Like what's the family gossip? Like, oh my God, like drag Aunt Betty, like drag her, drag your mom, drag your dad. Oh my God. It's like, ooh, like we feel better after that event session. And you're like, ooh, I actually feel better. And like Aunt Betty's not horrible, but like, we just needed an event session. Why can't we have event sessions about motherhood?

• 32:01Speaker 00

  Don't get me on a sexist rant. I don't want anyone go there. I also think adding to the unknown element that can cause fear and anxiety, right? We're talking a lot about the shame and all of this. Let's now talk about the physical aspect of this. We are so bombarded with bounce back culture on Tik Tok and Instagram and it's a lot. It is a lot. And trying to wrap your head around the fact that your body is about to stretch and shift and literally tear itself apart to create life. That is one of the craziest, most incredible, most beautiful transformations. Yes.

• 32:44Speaker 00

  But it is also intimidating as hell. Like I have been meeting with my doula. I wasn't sure if I wanted a doula and then I had a lot of people saying they didn't do one. And then other women said they had a doula. And I was like, you know what? I feel like I'm the type of person who I'm very independent and I feel like I just do a lot on my own. And I weirdly was like, I actually want someone to really

• 33:14Speaker 00

  force me even more into the process. And even if she brings some woo woo or whatever it is like, I wanna immerse myself even more in this experience. And this woman has been so transformative already for me and just talking with me as a woman and, and being like, what are you worried about? What are you excited about? Like she has just this, it's what we're talking about today. She has this unwavering support that I feel so safe when I'm with her. And even just as far as like asking certain things about my body that I was like, what, like if I want to, you know, have this natural birth and, and of course we'll see what, you know, happens and where life takes me. And if I'm able to have a natural birth, like I,

• 33:58Speaker 00

  that is what I think I want to do. And what does that look like? And what is an epidural versus non epidural? And like all of this and like, I didn't understand, I didn't even understand when people are like, oh, she's 10 centimeters dilated. Like I didn't know any of this. What biologically and physically and all of that, I didn't know, I didn't know it because I'm sorry, in health class, they just said like, babe, use a condom. And if you have sex, cause I went to Catholic school, if you have sex, you're going to die before marriage. And I was like, okay, perfect. So I think I'm still alive, but that's crazy. I'm like one of the few who survived. I didn't die and I did have sex before marriage. This is wild. Like that's the gist. Put the condom on. Don't die. And we don't learn about our bodies and, and this process, right?

• 34:41Speaker 00

  And so I understandably fear comes with that. I had a whole idea of what I thought I wanted to do. And then I met with my doula and I've met with her and met with her and met with her. And slowly I will be honest, and I can share this in another episode, but my idea of my birth plan and certain things I wanted and certain things I didn't want it has evolved since becoming educated on what happens to your body and what your body goes through and just certain things. What a blessing, right? But we don't have a lot of this information.

• 35:23Speaker 00

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• 36:07Speaker 00

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• 36:50Speaker 00

  I'm obsessed with the cherry dark chocolate bar. Those flavors together, I couldn't be happier. I'm going to watch my favorite TV shows and I'm going to be eating that. Boom. Done. Take your sweet time. That's Dazs. Available at retailers nationwide. When we talk about the physical transformation, aside from like just the birth process, the absolute whiplash between feeling like a literal superhero. One of like, you, you will never probably feel more powerful, right? You're like, I can't believe I'm doing something that is this incredible and insane. And simultaneously, you also kind of feel like a hostage in your own body.

• 37:33Speaker 00

  On one hand, you're standing in front of the mirror, looking at your body and you're thinking, I can't believe my body is capable of doing this. My organs are shifting and expanding and moving and making space. Currently, I have two hearts inside of me. I have two hearts. Like what? I have two brains in my body. Like it is insane.

• 37:57Speaker 00

  And so how incredible, right? Your body's expanding. Like I said, creating new organs. We're preparing to push out a whole human being or, you know, have it, however you're gonna have it, right? It's so impressive. And so it's probably the most hardcore thing a human being could ever do, right? And then in the very next breath, you are hit with the cold, paralyzing wave of terror because you realize I am no longer in control of my body. Is this even really my body anymore?

• 38:29Speaker 00

  And that inevitably is going to create a lot of push and pull psychologically. I would basically equate this to, it's like your body has been rented out by this tiny demanding tenant who does not care about your comfort or your sleep or your mental health or your plans. And you can't control the symptoms, the nausea, the exhaustion, the random pains. Your body just does what it needs to do and what it wants, when it wants. And you just have to buckle up and you gotta just be along for the ride. And so you look in the mirror, your hips are widening, your skin is changing, your boobs are changing, your nipples are changing, your center of gravity is off.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  And I want to emphasize this because for women who have spent years learning to love or control their physical appearance, which is almost every single one of us during pregnancy, this sudden rapid change can be really triggering.

• 39:35Speaker 00

  And so as we're all dealing with all of this change and the unknown, then you go, okay.

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  So my body is completely changing. My brain is changing. It's not fully my own body anymore. I've got this little tenant in here. It's doing its thing.

• 39:53Speaker 00

  What about your relationship? Oh, right. The person you made the baby with or the person that you're going to raise, right? If you are doing that, right? And so if you have a partner in this journey of pregnancy, the dynamic is going to shift forever, permanently. You are no longer just lovers or partners in crime or roommate to hook up. You guys are now fully co-parents. Add that to the list. And so naturally, the unknown is gonna start to creep in. You're gonna wonder, oh my gosh, will he still look at me the same way? And he's probably wondering, oh my God, will she,

• 40:37Speaker 00

  you know, still look at me the same way and give me the same attention? Are we going to fight about stupid things like who got up last at 3:00 AM? And, you know, how are we going to keep the spark alive when we both smell like spit and throw up? And all the other things that come with it? How are we going to make time for each other? Like, these are normal things. These aren't superficial worries. They're real vulnerable fears about the foundation of your life shifting underneath your feet. Everything's changing. That's so normal. And it doesn't mean you have a bad marriage. It doesn't mean you're on the rocks or like, oh my God, there's trouble in paradise. They're asking these questions. Like, no.

• 41:21Speaker 00

  Most of the times, no. I obviously can't speak for everyone, but no. You just now have a huge added element being thrown into your dynamic. That is going to require a lot of adjusting and a lot of communicating and a lot of talking.

• 41:37Speaker 00

  You and your partner probably have schedules and hobbies and plans and rhythms that you're used to within your dynamic that naturally will have to shift when a child is born. And that's amazing. But it's going to be change and it will be sacrifices.

• 41:56Speaker 00

  And so the unknown, it's like, yeah, we can be excited and we can be scared. And I think that is my true advice for women watching today.

• 42:09Speaker 00

  Amidst all of this panic, there is this other incredibly loud feeling of just pure excitement and holding both is like, oh my God, what are we doing? I feel like I'm going insane. There is this primal, wild magic, it feels like, to realizing that your body is capable of creating a whole human being. And it is actually one of the coolest things in the entire world to be like, oh my God, my body can do that. And then there's also the excitement of the firsts, right? I will never forget seeing that like first flutter or kick when my stomach

• 42:53Speaker 00

  was moving, designer-ing the nursery, imagining them sleeping in that crib, bringing them home from the hospital, picturing the first time you're going to hold them, realizing, oh my God, this is the person that I am going to protect forever. And it's this brand new kind of love that everyone talks about, right? But you can't fully comprehend until you're on the edge of it. And it's going to be this ultimate adventure and it is the highest stakes game that we will all ever probably ever play in life. And the prize is just pure love. And it literally, from when I speak to other mothers and what I'm feeling right now, it

• 43:36Speaker 00

  just literally expands your chest, right? And so there is like so much to be excited about.

• 43:46Speaker 00

  And it's a lot. And at times, it might even feel like too much. At times, I've had my low moments during this pregnancy. I've had just moments where I'm like not feeling myself. And I also am feeling like, oh, I don't know if anyone else like around me right now is going to understand what I'm going through. And like, I've done the thing where I'm not giving the advice of this, but I've done the thing that I would give myself advice of like, talk to people, right? But when we feel like it's too much, I, it's not, because we are capable of all of this. Doesn't mean we won't need to lock ourselves in the bathroom for just

• 44:28Speaker 00

  the quick occasional cry, just a quick, just a quickie, just a little, I'm fine. Oh no, I'm completely fine. Have your full therapist on speed dial. Maybe we're hitting it multiple, multiple times a week. Oh my God, that month, you're just like, it's going to be a heavy one. Maybe you will get in some fights with your partner just out of sheer exhaustion, or because the dynamic is shifting and you guys are still trying to figure it out. Yes to all of that. Right? Also, if you're sitting in your car right now, you're walking your dog, you're at work, you're laying in bed, and you're feeling overwhelmed by

• 45:07Speaker 00

  the prospect of motherhood and all of these conflicting emotions, I just want you to take a deep breath. You are not failing because you are scared. I would actually argue, in fact, the fact that you are scared means you actually care. It means you understand the gravity of what you're about to do. I know it. I'm terrified, right? We want to give our children the best possible life. We want to give our children, you know, everything and more. And the pressure that we put on ourselves is intense and it can feel really overwhelming. You want to either give them, you know, a better life than what you had

• 45:50Speaker 00

  in your childhood, or you want to make sure you live up to the standards that your parents gave you. All of these fears and the dynamics that are going through your head are so understandable. But I'm telling you, and what my therapist told me, the fact that you are even thinking about these things, the fact that you were even thinking, okay, how do I right the wrongs of my childhood and do this better for my kid? And, and how do I be a present parent? And how do I show up? And how do I make sure this and this and this is this? If you're, all these thoughts, you're already winning. You're already showing up for your child. You're already doing it. We don't have to be perfect moms. We don't have to have the beige

• 46:32Speaker 00

  aesthetic through and through, okay? You don't have to have perfectly organized pantries. We never have to, you know, raise our voices. Like, we just have to show up. It's going to be a little messy at times. And we can be real. We can be ourselves. And we can love those babies with everything we have while also holding on to a piece of ourselves too. So what I hope and I ask Daddy Gang of you is like, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for your fears. Wear them, talk about them. I promise, you're going to get

• 47:12Speaker 00

  through this. And I genuinely believe it's way easier when you go through it together by talking with other women, being vulnerable, sharing the real truths of our experiences. I am convinced we will always be able to rise with that kind of support. So when you are feeling down, when you're feeling like, oh my God, maybe I am one of those like weird ones that's just like really not vibing right now, and call a friend, call someone who is going through something similar, because I promise you, they're probably going to be like, hmm, how much time do you have? I'm feeling the exact same way. Or I'm not feeling

• 47:54Speaker 00

  that, but I'm, I felt that last month. And let me, let me tell you, you're going to be fine. I just think that

• 48:03Speaker 00

  when I look back at my life prior to me being pregnant, I was so attuned to my body and my emotions and what I wanted. And having this baby inside of me makes things more clear and also confusing. Like, but again, the nuance, right? It's like, I've never felt more of this like maternal instinct. I've never felt more like I want to get rid of just like negative energy in my life. I feel like I'm, I'm very protective right now. And

• 48:45Speaker 00

  I'm very just like, I want to not be around bad energy or negative people. I don't want to involve myself. Like, there's just this feeling of like, I just want pure bliss going, because that's literally chemically a thing, right? I want to send bliss and happiness to this child. But then also, as I'm doing that, I'm, I'm sitting here and I'm like, I need to work harder than I've ever worked. I've got to get prepared for maternity leave. I've got to do all these things. And so it's like, there is this push and pull of Alex prior and Alex present and then Alex future. And a lot of us on the day to day, like unless

• 49:26Speaker 00

  you're the most mentally sound, psychologically strong person, like already without a child, you're a little like, oh, who am I? What am I doing? And so adding on that, it's going to add a level of just

• 49:39Speaker 00

  light chaos. And I want the chaos. I just want to know that I can talk about it and not get judged. And, and I hope a headline doesn't come from this being like, Alex Cooper is saying, you know, that like, you can be so unexcited. And no, that's not what I'm saying. And so I hope people really digest this and listen to this of like, give ourselves grace. That's all I'm saying. This is a lot. So I love you guys. You are going to be amazing. And don't worry, I am feeling it too, girl. Okay. Of course, every woman's experience looks a little bit different, but most of it is all connected. Same fears, same wants,

• 50:22Speaker 00

  same hopes. And so, yeah, I guess the fatherhood saga, it's going to be a wild ride. And it's just the beginning, which is very exciting. I hope this made anyone feel a little less alone, a little less in their heads. And just know, I promise, I'm always going to say what it is on Call Her Daddy, even, even if I'm the one that gets the backlash, guys, I got you. Okay. I got you. Um, please, no, guys, I am very hormonal right now. I don't need that, but you know what I mean. Okay. I love you guys. You know, the motherfucking drill. I will see fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye.

• 51:15Speaker 00

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