Heather McMahan: Golf Wives, Hall Passes & Frat Daddies (FBF)

Join Alex in the studio for an unhinged and hilarious conversation with Heather McMahan where they discuss BJ techniques, the time her husband partied with his hall pass, being a golf widow, and what millennial trends are worth fighting for. Get ready to laugh your ass off Daddy Gang. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uncrustables. Daddy gang knows there is no disappointment like reaching for an Uncrustable sandwich and then remembering you have to wait for it to thaw. To speed things up,

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

  there are all sorts of hacks like, you know, sitting on an Uncrustable sandwich so it thaws faster. But you don't have to wait for that pillowy soft bread anymore. You can now keep Uncrustables in your fridge so they're ready to eat the moment that craving strikes. No wait time. Find them in the freezer aisle today. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. Make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. I feel like the best gifts are always the ones that feel really personal, right? Like, anyone can buy you something nice, but when someone gives you a gift that is actually meaningful, you appreciate it so much more. And that's what I do love about Pandora.

• 1:28Alex Cooper?

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• 2:13Alex Cooper?

  Say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now at pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ashley. Okay, so whenever I am picking new furniture for my house or redesigning a room, it is so important to me to make sure that it also is cohesive with the rest of my house and the vibe that I'm feeling. And I think filling your home with beautiful durable pieces from Ashley will help you create a backdrop for growing family's biggest memories. Right? You want your home to feel cozy and you want it to feel like you. And thanks to features like stain resistant performance fabric, even the messiest memories will be easy to clean.

• 2:56Alex Cooper?

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• 3:05Alex Cooper?

  What is up Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 3:13Alex Cooper?

  Heather McMahon, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Hi honey, how are you?

• 3:16Alex Cooper?

  I am obsessed with you. Just for context to everyone that doesn't know, we met virtually while I was in Paris.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:22Alex Cooper?

  You popped onto my live show. I had the best time with you.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  It was so much fun and it was like 6 a.m. at home and, and your team was like, hey, do you have a couple wigs? That you could just throw on real quick? And I'm like, yeah, sure. Let me just go down to my office and get my wigs. Yeah.

• 3:34Alex Cooper?

  You pulled out all the subs, but I'm more Heather, like, how the fuck have we never met before?

• 3:39Speaker 01

  I know. I feel like this is now a kismet moment.

• 3:42Alex Cooper?

  Right?

• 3:42Speaker 01

  We've been circling in this, well, we've been like on the, you know, we've been circling around.

• 3:46Alex Cooper?

  We've on the outskirts.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  We were circling the drain and now we're just fully going to the gutter.

• 3:50Alex Cooper?

  You're close with Jackie Schimmel.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  Yes, Jackie's like my best friend.

• 3:53Alex Cooper?

  And every time I feel like she's ever, I've ever heard her talk about you, she's like, she's the funniest person I've ever met. And I'm like, well, at first I thought Jackie was the funniest person I've ever met and love you Jackie.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  You're funnier.

• 4:01Alex Cooper?

  You're funnier. You're funnier. Um, I watched your standup, which we're gonna get to.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:07Alex Cooper?

  It's fucking amazing.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  You're so sweet. Thank you.

• 4:09Alex Cooper?

  Like. I was doing my makeup this morning, watching it, laughing like hysterically.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 4:16Alex Cooper?

  It's fucking brilliant.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  If you like, that's the response I love when people like, hey, I think I got a UTI after watching your special. I'm like, I fucking did my job.

• 4:25Alex Cooper?

  It's how I felt. Also, I just want to let you know that I'm on like too many cups of coffee right now because

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:31Alex Cooper?

  last night I didn't sleep for a fucking minute because my dog has explosive diarrhea.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Oh, I've been there. Honey, I have two French Bulldogs.

• 4:40Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  It is a dry heat. It is a, every morning I wake up and I bought like expensive sheets. That's one of the things I did when I started making money to treat myself.

• 4:47Alex Cooper?

  Classic.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  There is, my thread count is so fucked. There is a Frenchie barf every single night in the middle of the night.

• 4:53Alex Cooper?

  Well, I feel like you would prefer a barf over diarrhea.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Um, honestly, at this point, it's all, all starting to look and smell the same. So it's not great either way it comes out.

• 5:02Alex Cooper?

  No, Heather, I literally was like, so I'm watching TV last night. My husband falls asleep early. It's like 11:30. I'm watching like The Perfect Couple with Nicole Kidman.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Which is, I've got feelings.

• 5:12Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah. I have feelings too. Um, but you know, there's nothing to watch. So I'm like trying to enjoy myself. Matt's like, I can't watch this trash. I'm like, shut the fuck up and go to bed.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:19Alex Cooper?

  I hear the little noise and I'm like.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Do you hear it from the stomach? Like the gurgle? That wet gurgle? That's the worst.

• 5:26Alex Cooper?

  It's more of a little bit of like.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Oh, like, like some farts? Yeah, yeah. Some bubbles?

• 5:32Alex Cooper?

  Like, like a.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Why am I being demure being like, did you, did your dog fart?

• 5:37Alex Cooper?

  It was more of like a splatter.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:39Alex Cooper?

  Like a, like a big splatter. People hate when I talk about shit on this show, but I don't give a shit. Okay?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Shit. If you're in your 30s and you haven't shit yourself at a Costco in the last six months, then you actually need to see a doctor. Get your life right.

• 5:52Alex Cooper?

  Right. Like fuck off. Okay. So he's splattering.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:55Alex Cooper?

  And I wake my husband up and I'm like, Matt, Bruce just shit all over the carpet.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:59Alex Cooper?

  And Matt is like, okay.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  What do you want me to do?

• 6:01Alex Cooper?

  Go clean it up. Now I have never cleaned their shit ever if it's like in the house. Matt is the best. And I want to talk to you about Jeff, your husband today.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, we'll get into that. Yeah, let's talk about Jeff.

• 6:10Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah. We're going to talk about our husbands because I look at Matt like mortified. Matt never makes me really do much around the house. He's kind of like the house man, you know? Ellen, we're the breadwinners.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:21Alex Cooper?

  Well, Matt's also doing fine, but whatever.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:24Alex Cooper?

  So he won't get up and I am on my hands and knees and I am doing the Clorox. I'm doing it all. An hour later, he shits again. And two hours later, he shits again. So I, you are seeing a woman who is broken today.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  I'm seeing a woman who has literally had herself elbows deep in golden doodle doo doo. So I'm here for support. I actually have been having like the worst anxiety the last two days.

• 6:49Alex Cooper?

  Why?

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Just there's so much shit going on and this is what I've been looking forward to most. It's just like, I wear 65 different hats and literally I was at dinner last night trying to enjoy a nice, you know, porchini risotto and I literally was like, kind of like, you know, geeking out.

• 7:04Alex Cooper?

  Cause it's just, do you get anxious?

• 7:05Speaker 01

  I was short circuiting. I thought I had a stroke at dinner and I was like, is it the Aperol Spritz? Do I need a beta blocker? Do I need a Lord of the Dev? Like what do I need?

• 7:12Alex Cooper?

  A little bit of both.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  A little bit of both. I just took a Benadryl and I just let it fly.

• 7:15Alex Cooper?

  Do you get anxiety a lot?

• 7:16Speaker 01

  I never really had bad anxiety until my life started getting good, which is weird.

• 7:22Alex Cooper?

  Like, wait, what?

• 7:23Speaker 01

  I think it's a pressure thing. I think you just like, and I travel so much. I think I don't know like what time zone I'm in.

• 7:29Alex Cooper?

  Classic.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. It was like when, when life was tough, I was just cruising. When life got like, things started to, you know, start flowing. I think that's when I started to get anxious.

• 7:39Alex Cooper?

  Why? Cause you think it's like, there's more to lose. Like when you're on the up and up, you're like, I have nothing. I am worth nothing. I'm a loser.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  When I was rock bottom, I was like, fuck it, let's ride. And now I'm just like, oh, people are relying on me. There are comments on the internet. I don't know. We're, we're good.

• 7:54Alex Cooper?

  This is a safe space. The daddy gang is gonna fucking love you and you're funny as fuck. And so you're funnier than probably everyone that I've had sit in this chair. So just do your fucking thing.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  I know everyone calls you daddy and father, but my dad is dead. Can I just call you dad? Cause I'm looking for a father figure in my life.

• 8:08Alex Cooper?

  Call me dad. Um, I'm here for you. I've, oh, I've had a lot of girls reach out being like, I had a deadbeat dad. Like you're my dad. You're my father figure. Whatever way I can fit in fatherly to your life. I'm here for you Heather. I'm so sorry about your dad. But it happens, but I'm here. Okay.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Great.

• 8:44Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uncrustables. Daddy gang knows there is no disappointment like reaching for an Uncrustable sandwich and then remembering you have to wait for it to thaw.

• 9:28Alex Cooper?

  To speed things up, there are all sorts of hacks like, you know, sitting on an Uncrustable sandwich so it thaws faster. But you don't have to wait for that pillowy soft bread anymore. You can now keep Uncrustables in your fridge so they're ready to eat the moment that craving strikes. No wait time. Find them in the freezer aisle today. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by T-Mobile. Daddy gang, there are honestly so many reasons to just choose T-Mobile. They've got T-Mobile Tuesdays perks, tons of freebies, travel benefits like hotel and rental car savings. They make your phone plan feel like it's actually giving you something back instead of just being another bill that you have to pay every single month.

• 10:10Alex Cooper?

  And if you're a student, T-Mobile has student perks plans designed specifically for you. I remember being in college and constantly, literally just looking for ways to save money, understandably. And so, these are the kind of perks I would have absolutely taken advantage of. Students can get things like a $5 movie ticket every month, exclusive access to concerts, okay? And even streaming benefits so you can always have a reality TV binge night with your girls. And when you're already paying for your phone every month, getting all of these extra benefits on top of it, just, it makes sense, right? For all the reasons to choose T-Mobile, find yours at tmobile.com/membership.

• 10:54Alex Cooper?

  Qualifying plan required, visit tmobile.com. Okay, we need to talk about golf because it consumes my life Heather and I know a huge part of your stand-up is you talking about your fucking husband golfing.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  And the fucking golf.

• 11:09Alex Cooper?

  It is like, every woman understands it, the golf widow thing is so fucking real. Talk to me about like where you're at in your golf journey, have you seen him lately? Has he been on the golf course often? Like what's happening?

• 11:20Speaker 01

  I was, you know, getting full glam this morning, running around, taking calls, answering emails. And my husband's buddy put us in a group chat and sent me a photo. My husband's playing some prestigious course in the middle of nowhere, like rock, you know, upstate New York. And it's just like, look at, you know, look at big daddy swing. And I respond, I'm fucking working. Go home, take care of our frenchie children. Get the fuck out of here.

• 11:42Alex Cooper?

  You're like, I don't give a fuck.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  I don't give a fuck if he's, you know, letting it rip. I need, oh, you're stuck in a sand trap? Not my problem.

• 11:49Alex Cooper?

  It's so crazy. Matt is having like the biggest existential crisis because his country club, even that word, it does make me kind of like clench my butthole a little bit. He's our country club. And I say, your country club. He's like, it's ours, Alex. Like you're my wife now. Like you're a member. I'm like, I'm never going. I don't know, maybe I will. Like, but he is freaking out because it's getting closed for like some construction.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Oh, just the course scene.

• 12:12Alex Cooper?

  Oh, and so he's trying to get it, get it in, get it in, let's go, we gotta go play. I'm like, oh my God, you're never home.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  I have one stipulation. So we at our country club, and I actually think you would thrive as a country club girlie. I don't think people give country clubs, yes, there are archaic practices there, but I love going to my country club. It's the one I grew up at, the one my grandparents remembers of. I hang out with a pack of like 75-year-old women. They play bridge, we drink white wine, and nobody gives me shit. You know what I mean? But I did say there is a stipulation like in our prenup because I am actually the actual member of the country club because I was a legacy. So my thing is if like we ever divorce, like I get the club membership. And if you don't think I'm going into the men's locker room and ripping Jeff's plaque off of his locker, you must not know me.

• 12:55Alex Cooper?

  Oh my God, you're gonna be married forever. Even if you hate him, he's never leaving you.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  And I do have a great husband. So shout out to Jeff. We won't shit on you this whole episode. But I do, when I'm there, he got mad one day because they didn't know, like under our membership. You know, they would always refer to him as Mr. McMahon.

• 13:09Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  And he got upset one day. He was like, you know, it's just like, they don't know. I said, then Jeff, correct them. Let them know that you are Mr. Daniels, because I didn't take my husband's last name.

• 13:17Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  I'm in entertainment. I didn't want to do it. It's fine. Our kids will be Daniels. Live your life. And I was like, imagine what every woman feels like. You know what I mean? If I check into a hotel and they refer to me as Ms. Daniels, I go gladly.

• 13:28Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Like, don't let that, like, bruise your ego.

• 13:30Alex Cooper?

  Right, no.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Fucking pump the brakes, buddy. You got a tea time to make.

• 13:34Alex Cooper?

  It is so fucking true. They get like, I, I will be sitting in the hotel and Matt will hear like, hi, Mr. Cooper. And he's like, oh, oh, and I'm like, it's okay, Matt. Stand up for yourself or shut the fuck up. Like, I have, and I will continue to have to do for the X amount of years that people will say like, hi, Mrs. Kaplan, and I'm Mrs. Cooper. And I'm like, I don't care. I don't care. Because it's not emasculating me. My vagina's set and fine. Like, fuck off. Let's talk about the golf aesthetic.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Let's talk about it.

• 14:00Alex Cooper?

  Um, the golf outfits look pretty bad for women.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, it's pretty farty. It's, it's rough. It's a, like a pleated chino short that tucks right underneath where your bra fat is. It's, it's absolutely awful. I'm trying to fix it, so give me a little time.

• 14:13Alex Cooper?

  No, it's bad.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  But I'm trying to fix it.

• 14:14Alex Cooper?

  How do you feel when Jeff saunters down in the morning, wearing his golf outfit? Like, are you okay with the male golf outfits? Or are you like?

• 14:23Speaker 01

  Okay, so the way I feel about it is, you know, I, I say this in the special, but like, any man who wears a visor, that's an immediate, my vagina just shrivels up. Because here's the thing, first of all, it looks like you can't afford the whole hat. You know what I mean? I don't know why these men in visors. And then my husband will drive home from like the golf course. You know, sunroof is open. He's had a good match. He's singing, you know, Natasha Beddingfield, Feel the Rain on My Skin. And his like, hair is like flipped over the visor. So he comes in sweaties and a Peter Millar shirt, grass on his chinos. And I just go, I'm not trying to have sex with you right now.

• 14:55Alex Cooper?

  Why do they come back horny after golf?

• 14:57Speaker 01

  It's so, no. Because they feel empowered. Because they went out and won five dollars on the golf course. And then they're like, let's fucking do it.

• 15:03Alex Cooper?

  So I was thinking about that in your special, because I'm like, okay, they come home and Matt does the same thing. Like, Matt is successful. Like, he does great business. He will come home and be like,

• 15:13Speaker 01

  I won 50 bucks.

• 15:15Alex Cooper?

  And I'm literally like.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  He's like, you ready to blow me?

• 15:17Alex Cooper?

  We're like, no, take a shower. You smell like the outdoors. Get out of here.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  But they're so excited about like that $5 or that $10. They conquered something. It's work is one thing, but when you're out there, when you're in a foursome with guys and they're, you know, it's all shit talking and they're like, oh, here goes Jeff. He's got a 40 foot putt and he makes it. There is nothing that gives a man a bigger boner than sinking a putt. It's infuriating. It is infuriating. And I try and think about like, like what makes me that horny? And I think it, I'm really stepping up my golf game because I played growing up and now I'm like, I really do, I want to play because it's a great sport, but I also just want to steal the joy of the, you know, the one thing that gives Jeff joy. And he's like, I love when you play with me and we have a great time. We go out and it's like, I mean, I, you know, I drink wine and, you know, rip some old cigs and just have a blast in the outdoors.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  But I am trying to get better to beat him because I do, I need that for my ego.

• 16:09Alex Cooper?

  But you're like sneaky on the competitive. You're like, oh, I guess I'll play too, Jeff. Meanwhile, you're like getting sessions in the back. You're getting full like coaching sessions.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  Three coaches right now. I have, so I have a gal on the LPGA. Shout out to Maria Fosse, who I send videos to. And she literally is like, we got to tighten up the swing. Oh yeah, I'm getting good. But Jeff doesn't even know. So one day you're gonna come through. He's gonna hear this and be like, you bitch, you liar.

• 16:32Alex Cooper?

  Okay. So we don't roast our husbands this entire episode.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  No, Jeff's the best. He puts up with my shit.

• 16:37Alex Cooper?

  I was.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  Jeff is the only person who can look at me and be like, sit down, shut the fuck up. You're being crazy. And I'm like, yes, sir. Yes. Yes, daddy. Yes, Papa. Yes.

• 16:46Alex Cooper?

  I was gonna say, give me some like, talk about some of your favorite things about Jeff because then we're gonna keep roasting them.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, then we'll get right back to the roast. Um, no, Jeff is honestly like, you know, it's interesting if you ever like hang out with other couples and you can tell they're not actually buddies. Like Jeff is my buddy. I mean, yeah, we fuck hard, but like he is my buddy. I don't want to hang out with anybody else other than him. Like, of course I love hanging out with my friends, but like we fucking giggle together. And I think that's.

• 17:16Alex Cooper?

  No, it's what you need.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  It's what you need because you're stuck with this person.

• 17:19Alex Cooper?

  No, and it's so true. Like I used to cringe online when I would hear people being like. He's my best friend. Like, no, he is. Like, Matt is my best friend.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  If they're not your friend, what are you doing?

• 17:28Alex Cooper?

  Right, right. Just don't like say it like that. Like, girls be like, he's my best friend and we bought our forever home together.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  I don't just. We have matching butterfly tattoos. Like, I got one wing, he has the other. Like, okay, then you're, it's absolutely headed for divorce.

• 17:41Alex Cooper?

  Tone it down. Also, Jeff is, you know, I mean, listen, I'm a comic. I get up on stage. I rip him a new asshole. I talk about, you know, personal intimate things in our life and he lets me do it. And not that he like gives me permission, but I said early on, I was like, you know, I need you to be cool with me talking my truth and from my point of view, my perspective. And he's like, honey, I never, he is so proud of me when I'm on stage.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  And seeing him get excited when I'm having a moment, there is no ego in him. He has never threatened. He is like, go, let it rip. Do your fucking thing. And that's what makes me horny. So he's horny on the golf course. I come off stage and he's like waiting in the wings. He's like, you fucking crushed. I'm like, I am ready to sit on your face.

• 18:21Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  I'm getting kind of horny right now.

• 18:23Alex Cooper?

  I know.

• 18:24Speaker 01

  We went from anxiety, I'm a little horny. I mean, I don't know. This is a wave of emotions here.

• 18:29Alex Cooper?

  No, it is. When you start talking about sex on this show, sometimes people are like, oh, I gotta leave and go fuck my husband or my fiance or whoever the fuck. So enjoy. You're welcome, Jeff. Um, you're so successful as a comedian. Have you always been funny? Like, talk to me, you as a child. Like, what was going on? Is Heather funny?

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, I, well, I, you know, I was a fudgy kid. I, and that, I was the kid who like always had like a quarter pound of fudge in their, in their, uh, backpack. So yeah, I think I had to be, be funny. But no, I, I always, you know, I was always in theater and I always knew I wanted to do comedy. I mean, since I was like six, I was like, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna tell jokes. And, um, I, the first time I did stand up was at my junior prom. And I roasted the senior class. And that was like one of those pivotal moments. I was always doing theater and I was like, you know, think about how awkward high school is. Most awkward time of your life.

• 19:16Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  I must be a sociopath if I was like, I want to go up there and roast the seniors and do stand up. Like, that could have been social suicide.

• 19:24Alex Cooper?

  We need to pause because, hold on, you did stand up at your prom.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 19:31Alex Cooper?

  Pause. Are you at the prom? Like, also with the date?

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Yes, I am with a senior who invited me.

• 19:37Alex Cooper?

  So you're in a gown?

• 19:38Speaker 01

  I'm in a gown and no one knew. So, yeah, so I, I pop up literally like from under a table with a microphone. I'm like, are y'all ready to rock? So embarrassing. We have the video of it and it's just, it's insane.

• 19:51Alex Cooper?

  Is, is, I have never heard of this. Like at a prom, there's usually like a band?

• 19:55Speaker 01

  No, I was the surprise entertainment. Yeah, yeah, it was insane. And so I get up and I do like 20 minutes. And I remember walking off stage and thinking, oh, fuck, I have to do this forever. So then I just, I kinda never stopped.

• 20:10Alex Cooper?

  Cause you just knew.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  I knew. Yeah.

• 20:12Alex Cooper?

  But like, were you confident? Like you didn't give a fuck what people were gonna think about you at school?

• 20:16Speaker 01

  I honestly, no. And I, listen, I went to the same school from kindergarten through 12th grade. So I also wasn't trying to impress these fuckers anymore. But no, I think that like, listen, as a comic, if you don't feel like a touch cringey when you're trying out new shit, then you're not doing it right. Right? But no, I just, there was nothing, there was no other feeling in my life that I wanted to chase as much as that feeling of making people laugh.

• 20:40Alex Cooper?

  Love.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  And I'll tell you, another, uh, we're really gonna boost Jeff now, but when I, I was living in New York when I met Jeff, we've been together a long time. And I looked at him one day and I said, listen, I gotta go to LA. I gotta follow this. I gotta scratch that itch. And he, we were sitting in like a buca de beppo or some shit. And he's like, I love you so much. And he's like, follow your dreams. And in that moment, I was like, oh, fuck, I'm gonna marry this guy. Yeah. We were long distance for like eight years.

• 21:06Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  What? I know. It's, it's, I have girls call me all the time. Like Heather, I'm long distance. It's been like three months with my boyfriend. I'm like, if you're not thriving in your own zone. And if that person can't handle y'all doing your own thing, then you don't need to be together.

• 21:18Alex Cooper?

  Okay. Long distance where you, he stayed in New York and you went to LA?

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yes. And well, I was only in LA for like four or five years, but then I moved back to Atlanta after my dad passed and Jeff was finishing like a graduate program in New York. And we were just back and forth. I mean, we, we just made it work. Never had a breakup, never a pause. It was just always me and Jeff daddy.

• 21:35Alex Cooper?

  Okay. Because I'm gonna be real, you and Jeff daddy are define the odds because I have been the little cunt in my podcast sometimes. I've been like, I don't know if like long distance is worth it. I used to say that also in college mostly because I'm like, enjoy your college.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  It's also not worth it because if you're in college, you're, you're probably cheating on you. Like, let's be honest.

• 21:54Alex Cooper?

  If you're in college right now, listening to this with a long distance boyfriend, you're getting cheated on.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, leave it. Also, just say, hey, we're gonna break up during college and I'll see you when you're working for Goldman Sachs and you're out of here.

• 22:04Alex Cooper?

  Done.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  What are we doing?

• 22:05Alex Cooper?

  Done. Yeah, I think that was really my vision was like, it's just too hard in college. However, when you are adult and you can make it long distance work, it's amazing, but that takes very secure people to have trust and to be okay with that long distance. But like, good for you guys.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  He used to come to all my comedy shows and this is like when I was in New York and I, you know, performing for 10 people in an audience underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. And he'd be in his little suits from his real estate job and he'd sit on the front row and people thought he was my manager. So we were like, wow, your manager is like really dialed into your career. And I'm like, oh, no, no, I blow that guy.

• 22:36Alex Cooper?

  Stop, stop. Honestly, that was probably kind of hot. You're like,

• 22:39Speaker 01

  So hot.

• 22:40Alex Cooper?

  You're like looking at him like he your business manager. You're like, ooh, we're not supposed to, but we should. Let's go fuck in my car.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  A hundred percent.

• 22:46Alex Cooper?

  I love that for you guys.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. And the Jetta, I only sold the Jetta about three years ago. Kind of wish I would have kept it.

• 22:52Alex Cooper?

  Wait, the Jetta was the first car I ever wanted. And then I just could never get a first car until like I started making my own money. My parents were like, we're never getting you a car. So get a job. And I was like, oh, okay. Um, but I always wanted a Jetta.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  Jetta, shout out to Volkswagen.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  They're a great company.

• 23:07Alex Cooper?

  Sponsor us.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Sponsor us. I would love a new Jetta. I'm really, when I sold that car, I was actually sad about it.

• 23:12Alex Cooper?

  It's a cute car.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  And I got a sensible. I didn't go G Wagon. I went, you know, hybrid Audi Q5. Shout out to Audi. Sponsorship. I think I'm gonna, I want the Cayenne because that was the,

• 23:22Alex Cooper?

  It's the best car.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  Car my dad had and I really want it. I was like, that's when I know I think I might buy it.

• 23:27Alex Cooper?

  No, that was like, I realized that shit from your childhood really sticks with you. When I went to a private prep school that like I really couldn't afford. I got like a soccer scholarship for high school and I didn't have a car. And so I'm taking the bus every day and these bitches are rolling in with like Maseratis because their daddies are so fucking rich.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:44Alex Cooper?

  And I remember there was this one bitch that had this cool Porsche. It was the Cayenne and she had it like, it was a white one with like black wheels. And I was like, whenever I get my first paycheck, that's me not working at my smoothie shop job. Like I'm getting the fucking Porsche. And the first thing that I bought for myself for a car was the Porsche. And I'm like, the only reason I still got it was because I think of that girl. I can't say her name.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  But it's that core memory being like, fucking Michelle has it.

• 24:07Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  I'm getting it.

• 24:09Alex Cooper?

  I was like, and I'm like, I don't even know if I actually wanted the Porsche. I was literally just like living out my like high school insecurity, being like, I finally got it. And I'm like, do I like it? I actually do. Sponsor me. Um, okay. You went to University of Mississippi.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Hotty totty. Can you explain your experience in three words? Oh, yeah. Unhinged. Okay. Full throttle. That's true. That's true. Who gives a fuck? Okay, unhinged. Uh, mayonnaise. What? And, uh,

• 24:37Speaker 01

  just elated. I had the best four years of my life. Shout out to the University of Mississippi. I just did a show for them last week and I, I loved it. My college experience was out of this world. Wow. Yeah. Like from freshman year? From freshman year. Here's the thing, I, even being from the South, because I grew up in Atlanta, I didn't know anything about Mississippi. The reason I ended up at Ole Miss is because it was the only college that let me.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  You're like, actually, when I got accepted, I was like, fuck. But then you got there and you're like. I thought I was gonna go to Pepperdine and do like theater arts, like Imagine Me in Malibu. No, absolutely not. Um, so I thought I was gonna go to Pepperdine. It was two weeks before graduation and I didn't get in. Uh, because I thought I was gonna go to their prestigious theater program. Well, here's the thing, I was student body president, but a blind cat could have done better on the SATs. I'm not a, I'm not a scholastic test-taking kind of gal. Me either. On paper, it's rough, okay? So, I didn't get in and I was, I remember sitting down with like the college counselor and she's like, there's two schools that have good theater departments and they still are taking applicants. It was Alabama and Ole Miss. I swear to God, out my hand on the Bible. No. I visited Alabama. I'm in Tuscaloosa. I'm at like the Sigma Chi house.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  I watched a man snort cocaine off a chicken tender and I said, I called my daddy and I said, I'm going to Ole Miss. Like, I like to party, but this is, this is another world. This is some next level shit. So I showed up in Oxford, Mississippi. I didn't know anybody. I did the sorority rush. I had the time of my life. I don't know how I got into a good sorority. Like, all of the things, it just clicked and I, and I, uh, we own a home there now. I bought a house in Oxford. You did? I go back all the time. I love it. Hold on, cocaine on a chicken finger? Yeah, it was a lot. It was, and you know, in the South, we got juicy tenders. It's not like a light, it's not like a, like a, it's a slim tender. It's a thick boy. It's a thick boy. And I just remember going, I don't know if I'm gonna. That's some real shit. No, I love that your honesty is like, I.

• 26:31Alex Cooper?

  Love Ole Miss. Like it was my, it's the only place I got accepted, but like, who cares? You end up, and that's I think a great note for anyone that's in high school listening. God, I, maybe there are people that listen in high school.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  There are, you'd be surprised.

• 26:40Alex Cooper?

  You guys, like, it really doesn't matter where the fuck you go to school.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  Doesn't matter and you'll find your spot. Like I remember being so devastated thinking, okay, I'm not going to be this like, you know, Shakespearean actor, what, what is going on? And I ended up like, it's, it's the greatest joy in my life. And also I would not have met my husband. Cause my best friend Tina, who works with me and helps around my production company, she was from New York. So this bitch flies down, we're both in the theater department. I'm like, where the fuck are you from? She's like, where the fuck are you from? And she's the one who introduced me to my husband. So I had to go all the way to Mississippi to find a Yankee.

• 27:11Alex Cooper?

  It's, oh my God, it's so meant to be. Also, you mentioned sorority life.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 27:15Alex Cooper?

  I played soccer, so I didn't, I still to this day don't fully understand sorority life. And I feel like what I'm seeing on Tik Tok may not be the exact representation of what it maybe it used to be. Cause now bitches are like synchronized dancing and stuff, which maybe it was back then, but can you walk me through?

• 27:30Speaker 01

  It is really wild. I get asked this a lot about what my sorority life experience is like. I do think you're right. Social media has completely changed again.

• 27:37Alex Cooper?

  Oh my God.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  I mean, when I went to college, I hate to date myself, but it was the first year that Facebook came out. So, you know, I didn't have to worry about somebody looking at my online profile. I just showed up in a Lily Pulitzer skirt and was like, y'all ready to fucking do this or what? Um, I was pledge class president. I was bid day chair. I had the best time. And also like, I see girls online that talk about hazing. No one hays my ass. I showed up to the Delta Gamma House of the University of Mississippi. I had a monogram pillow with my name on it. And a new, you know, bottle of, um, like barefoot white wine. I had the time of my life. But also I'm 5'10". You don't really haze.

• 28:13Alex Cooper?

  You don't fuck with you.

• 28:14Speaker 01

  Large and in charge.

• 28:15Alex Cooper?

  No, I would, stop. I was going to fucking say like, I feel like what I'm watching on, on Tik Tok right now is like, first of all, the dorm situation, how were the, like, I showed up with a JanSport backpack and I had like a duffel bag and I like threw shit in that I like bought off of eBay. I don't know. What do you got? Like a Bed Bath and Beyond?

• 28:33Speaker 01

  I had a bed in a bag. That's what you did. I called my roommate who I had never met before and I said, what color scheme are we going with? We did lime green, hot pink and black. And literally it was a benda bag. You got, you got the comforter, the, the one sheet. You only had one set of sheets.

• 28:46Alex Cooper?

  That's it.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  There was no changing your sheet.

• 28:48Alex Cooper?

  That's it. And then I got, I remember like the, when the first day of school started, they had those like poster sales and I got like Channing Tatum on one wall.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 28:54Alex Cooper?

  And then I got like hot girls asses. Cause I was like, this will really like, the guys will think we're cool for that.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  They'll love this.

• 28:58Alex Cooper?

  Exactly.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  I'm hot if they see hot girls on my wall. Cause that makes sense.

• 29:03Alex Cooper?

  So much sense.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:04Alex Cooper?

  So I don't understand when they're like, let's do a transformation and they do the click and it goes from like a dreary dorm room to immediately, it's like, you look like you're in a fucking palace.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  I have a sorority sister who, that's her job now. She runs, has a whole business where she redoes the Ole Miss dorm rooms.

• 29:21Alex Cooper?

  Wow.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  They have like antiques in the room. They're built, I mean, I had literally like three, those stacked um, plastic bins that you, that you get at like staples.

• 29:30Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  I didn't even go to a container store. I went to like Office Max and I put my thongs in there and like a bottle of like bourbon that was rolling around in the back. Like nothing about my room. I had a desktop out. I didn't even have a laptop. My dad ran an IT company and he was so afraid that somebody was gonna like steal my identity. And finally I called him. I was like, dad, I gotta get a laptop. Like I can't be the person lugging the desktop on a dolly all the way up to the library. Like what the fuck are we doing here?

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. I was also a theater major, so I didn't really need, you know, a computer, but um.

• 30:03Alex Cooper?

  Still, the point is, is like, it was, it is different right now. And I do believe some of the bitches on TikTok are really going above and beyond for social media. Like if you're someone at college right now, that is literally just bringing your PB teens sheets and you got a book bag and that's all you.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  Pottery barn teen.

• 30:18Alex Cooper?

  Oh my god.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  That was lux.

• 30:19Alex Cooper?

  That was the shit.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Do you remember when jersey sheet, like jersey sheets came out and it felt like you were rolling around on a pair of Levi jeans, really actually not comfortable and not sweat wicking? I remember my mom is like a gift, sent me the jersey pottery barn teen sheets. And I was like in flames when I woke up. I thought I had the flu.

• 30:36Alex Cooper?

  So fucking hot. I remember I got like these dark gray ones.

• 30:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:40Alex Cooper?

  And the first time a guy came on my sheets and I only had again, one fucking pair.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:44Alex Cooper?

  So I was just looking at that shit like, damn, I'm fucked. And I just left it there.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Card that later on after the come had dried and you were. Like trying to scrape it off. You're like, we'll just get that off at the end.

• 30:54Alex Cooper?

  It's fucking disgusting. Anyways, okay. So you were rushing, you got into your sorority. Can you like, tell me, like, do you remember like your chants?

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Do I remember my chants? I thought you would never ask. So interesting enough. So I went to the home chapter. Delta Gamma was founded at the University of Mississippi. It was a big deal that they let a woman not from Mississippi into the sorority. I don't know who wrote me a rec, but they, they saw my ass coming and they said, she's got potential.

• 31:21Alex Cooper?

  Damn.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I, um, it was funny during rush. So we used to do this thing called a door song.

• 31:26Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  And you might've seen it on BMA TikTok. Now they banned it, but, um, like, so somebody comes and knocks on the door.

• 31:32Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  The door opens and like 200 girls hit the deck. I was always on the bottom because I was beefy. So I'd be on the bottom of this door, holding up the weight of my sorority sisters on me. And we'd be like, D E L T A, Delta D E L T A, and do this whole thing. And then what would happen is everybody would get off the dog pile and run out and grab a girl who's rushing. So you're like running through the lawn being like, Emily, Emily, where are you? And you had to pretend like you didn't know who they were, but you had like had giant cards. I mean, you're studying them. And then you're like looking around like, I can't see her. And then this little girl Emily pops out of the bush. She's like, it's me. And then we would run them through the DG house. And of course, since I was on the bottom, I was like breathless. So by the time I got up, I would

• 32:14Speaker 01

  literally be like, where's Emily? Emily from Jackson, Mississippi? Are you here?

• 32:20Alex Cooper?

  You're, all of your makeup is gone, your drenched.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  I am so moist. It's, it's, it's like, it's not healthy.

• 32:27Alex Cooper?

  Your back is blown out.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  It's awful.

• 32:29Alex Cooper?

  You have nothing left to give.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  I have nothing left. And then you crowd them in this room, this chapter room. And you know, we're like sitting at them, like breathing hot fire breath on them, just being like, trying to get them to cry to be like, do you want to be here? This is the greatest day of my life. I ate it up though. I had the time of my life.

• 32:46Alex Cooper?

  Oh my God. What do you think you loved about it? Cause it's a little culty, no?

• 32:50Speaker 01

  It is, but I really just met all my best friends there.

• 32:54Alex Cooper?

  Love.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  And again, I, there was not hazing. So when I see girls that had like a really, like if they ever lined us up and like circled our fat. I would have been like, I win. I get it. Just y'all go home. I'm the fattest one. I put on forty five pounds my freshman year. Like, just y'all go home. I, it was a lot of, I mean, we did like philanthropy work. We had raging parties. It really was not toxic. I'm sure a couple bitches, you know, I mean, we fought a couple of times, but I was also kind of the black sheep. Like, I was always sent to standards because I was smoking cigarettes, standing up. That's, that was a weird rule. If you, you know, if you want to smoke a cigarette, if you want to rip a heater, you gotta sit down. Cross your legs.

• 33:29Alex Cooper?

  We, what?

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, because you gotta look ladylike.

• 33:31Alex Cooper?

  Oh, my God. So you can smoke cigs, but you just have to do it?

• 33:34Speaker 01

  You just have to sit down. So if I was standing up, I couldn't. But if I was sitting down, having a cigarette, uh-uh, that's kosher, you know?

• 33:41Alex Cooper?

  Do you still, does this day sit down or do you stand up?

• 33:43Speaker 01

  Um, I only have, uh, I hope my life insurance policy doesn't hear about this. I love a, I'm kidding. Hypothetically, allegedly, I love just a cig when I'm in Italy. It's my vacation cig, but I'm not a smoker. Contrary to popular belief, people hear my voice, I'm not a smoker.

• 34:00Alex Cooper?

  You've got a great voice.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  But can I also say to this younger generation, I really get concerned about, I was at the college bar the other day, and we have the bar in our town called The Library.

• 34:09Alex Cooper?

  Oh, cool.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  So when my dad would see my, all my charges, he called me one day, he's like, goddamn it, Heather, return your fucking books to the library. This is insane. He didn't know it was a bar. Oh, yeah, it's my favorite bar in America. Oh, but, um, but literally, I see these kids, like, everybody's ripping the vape and they're all passing it around. And I turn to a young man in the bar and I go, honey, this is how you get mono or cold sores. I don't know what we're doing here, but y'all all need to just have your own vape.

• 34:37Alex Cooper?

  I'm, Heather, no, no. I thought you were gonna say something completely different.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  What'd you think he was gonna say?

• 34:43Alex Cooper?

  This is how you're gonna get lung cancer.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  No, no, fuck them. No, no, no. I'm worried about Epstein-Barr virus. I'm worried about their lungs, okay? Come on now. I don't have time for that.

• 34:54Alex Cooper?

  Instead of being like, you don't, you shouldn't have them, you're like, just each of you get your own. Stack up.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  I mean, this is why you guys are all gonna have strep throat. Get your own. Get your life together.

• 35:04Alex Cooper?

  Daddy Gang, stop jeweling.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  Stop jeweling.

• 35:06Alex Cooper?

  We're done. Um, okay. I know you refer to yourself as the elder millennial. Is that, that's true, right?

• 35:12Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, I mean, I, I am, uh, I'm, I'm, you know, thirty seven.

• 35:15Alex Cooper?

  You're a young woman.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you, thank you. I am young, youthful.

• 35:18Alex Cooper?

  You're very young.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 35:19Alex Cooper?

  I want to talk about some of the millennial trends.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 35:22Alex Cooper?

  And I want to hear your take is, do you think we should bring them back? Or how do you feel about them in general?

• 35:28Speaker 01

  I'm so excited for this.

• 35:29Alex Cooper?

  Side parts.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Oh, let me tell you, there is nothing more dramatic, more old Hollywood glam than a side part. I was actually in my sorority house the other day and I found my old composite photo. It was such a deep side part. It started at the base of my jaw. Okay? It was just a thick comb over. I had no eyebrows. But I think, I think the middle part, like I'm fighting for my life right now. I have an intense cowlick and if you knew the amount of time, effort and orbe, dry texture spray that is holding me together.

• 36:02Alex Cooper?

  We, cause which way do we go? Which way does your hair usually go?

• 36:05Speaker 01

  Naturally, it should go this way.

• 36:06Alex Cooper?

  So it wants to be comb over?

• 36:08Speaker 01

  It wants to go full Donald Trump. Yes. It really does. I love a deep side part. You know, obviously, uh, you know, if you do the deep side part and we do the stick straight, like the Chi straightener, it's not a good look.

• 36:21Alex Cooper?

  It's, it's really not a good look. And I feel like depending on what phase you're at in your life, like when I look back at pictures of myself as a young girl.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:28Alex Cooper?

  I was objectively not, I wasn't like the cutest. Okay? I really, it really wasn't, it wasn't me.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  I didn't know that though. No one pulled me aside and said, let's blend a smokey eye. Let's draw in our eyebrows. Let's maybe go for a, a leisurely walk so we can get some steps in. I was deep, deep throating like, you know, Hot Pockets, chugging bourbon. I had not a care in the world.

• 36:57Alex Cooper?

  But you were happy.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  I was, I've never been happier. Now, now I'm getting everything I want and I'm like, God, this fucking sucks.

• 37:04Alex Cooper?

  You're like, I want to go back to the good old days.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:06Alex Cooper?

  But it's true that like, when you don't have the eye for it, I guess I can say, when I look back at pictures of myself, there is a difference between a side part and the comb over. And when you do the comb over and you're not going for Hollywood glam, like you're not going to an event and you're just looking for the side part, it can really look busted. So I think, I think you're right. It depends on what, what you're doing with it. But I would say the side part is usually a flop.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Okay. All right. You know what? Fair enough, but you also have a perfect, straight line through your head. So I just think that you need to be a little more inclusive to the Calic community.

• 37:37Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  That's all I'm saying.

• 37:39Alex Cooper?

  You want to hear something crazy?

• 37:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 37:40Alex Cooper?

  I have a fucking Calic bitch.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  Where?

• 37:42Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, exactly. The amount of time that I spent.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Oh, oh.

• 37:46Alex Cooper?

  Pushing, pushing, moving. Gel starts at 7 a.m. bitch, and it's fucking almost 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This it was, it was sitting, setting, melting, pressing.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  The little clips and the clips. I, I'll go to an event. I'll be about to walk the red carpet and I'm like, take the clips out, remove the clips.

• 38:04Alex Cooper?

  Last minute, always. I, the amount of gel and like shit that I had to get to this point. And I sleep with it sometimes like that.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 38:12Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I'm dedicated.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  Sociopath. I love it.

• 38:16Alex Cooper?

  It's the trauma from childhood where I like, look back at those curvatures that I was putting over my fucking, it looked so fucking bad that I am straight part and I will never deter. Have you ever had side bangs?

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Uh, no. Well, I did go through a little bit of an emo phase. I was always, um, yeah. But I would be at, I feel like the band's Warped Tour in like junior high. And I would always be in like a full Hollister outfit and a puka shell necklace. I still dress like Dave Matthews Band, um,-esque, but I was at, could sing, you know, something corporate, Simple Plan or one of those bands.

• 38:46Alex Cooper?

  Stop. I feel like we would have been friends. Like I was, I went through such an emo phase and I would do the colorful, like skinny jeans with like a band t-shirt. I was obsessed with Simple Plan, Blink-182. Then I went into All Time Low. I had all these different, like I was obsessed with Avril Lavigne. I wanted to be her.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  Oh, Avril Lavigne is, I remember being like a, you know, a chubby sixth grader and I'd come home and I'd put her CD in, I like, I, cause. You know, we, we, we had a little money. So I had this six disc changer and I would just literally be like,

• 39:19Speaker 01

  it's just like rage out. My mom would be like this one.

• 39:22Alex Cooper?

  I was naturally, I would think like happy. Like I didn't want to be emo, but I loved the concept of being emo.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  We're just dramatic.

• 39:29Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, we're dramatic.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  We're a little dramatic.

• 39:31Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I'm sorry. That is annoying. Um, okay. How do you feel about tall Uggs?

• 39:48Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Every year, my family takes a big trip together around the holidays and right now we're in the middle of planning it. So naturally, our family group chat has become everyone sending different homes that they found on Airbnb. And they're like, what about this one? What about this one? Because my family has a lot of opinions about what we need. Obviously, the house has to be big enough to fit all of us, especially now with the baby. My mom wants a huge kitchen because she is already planning out Christmas dinner. My sister wants to be close enough to town so she can walk around and she can explore all the different shops. And personally, I always love to have

• 40:31Alex Cooper?

  a really good hot tub. I feel like once November hits, everyone's either just like booking holiday travel or trying to coordinate where they're going to end up. And even though it's so fun, it can kind of be a lot. And that is why Airbnb has become my family's favorite way to travel. Everyone has different needs around the holidays, but Airbnb makes it easy to book a spot that kind of just checks all of your boxes. Having one place where everyone can hang and cook and slow down, it just makes the trip that much more special. So before the holiday rush really kicks in, find a place where everyone can actually gather, relax and make memories together with Airbnb. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ritual. We are learning so much about how the gut

• 41:15Alex Cooper?

  microbiome is key to our mental health, immunity, and of course digestion. And I just feel like I didn't know any of this until recently, which is a problem because this is literally everything that we do need to know to take care of ourselves. But did you know, because now I know, the gut microbiome shifts during pregnancy, ladies, and these shifts can impact mom and baby's health in pregnancy and postpartum. And that is why Ritual created NADAL Biotic, a specialized biotic with clinically studied strains for pregnancy and postpartum microbiome support to support digestive health, mood, vaginal health, and baby's immune health. I have been trying so hard to take care of myself during this pregnancy, and I think

• 41:57Alex Cooper?

  something that has been very helpful is actually learning about the things that now I will carry, not only just during this pregnancy, but I will continue to take care of myself in a way that I really never have before. I think sometimes as women, we don't have the tools or we don't know what we're supposed to be doing, and so we sometimes just freeze and we don't do anything. And since having Ritual in my life, it has been so nice to have this daily ritual where I'm actually taking care of myself and my baby, which feels great. So whether you're pregnant, postpartum, or looking for everyday trusted daily gut support, get clinically studied biotics to support your gut health with Ritual. My listeners can save 25% off their first month at ritual.com/callherdaddy.

• 42:41Alex Cooper?

  That's ritual.com/callherdaddy for 25% off your first month. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Oh, God. Okay. Well, here's my thing. My best feature on my body is my thin ankle. Okay. I never, I mean, look at that. Have you ever seen a nice, more developed, thinner ankle?

• 43:02Alex Cooper?

  That is a very nice ankle.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  It's a very nice ankle, thank you.

• 43:05Alex Cooper?

  Because it gets thin?

• 43:06Speaker 01

  It's very thin. And I also have nice toe cleavage. I've been told from the toe, the foot fetish community, that my foot, while very wide, in a shoe, the top of my toes is apparently very sensual.

• 43:18Alex Cooper?

  Really? Have you ever thought about making a couple bucks?

• 43:20Speaker 01

  I have, but I did see that one person left me a bad review on WikiFeets, and it's knocked my rating down to like a 3.5. I'm very upset about it.

• 43:29Alex Cooper?

  You're not actually on WikiFeets, are you? What the fuck?

• 43:32Speaker 01

  I didn't know it was a thing, and somebody at one of my shows was like, hey, by the way, I just want you to know, like, your rating went down on WikiFeets. I was like, what the fuck is WikiFeets?

• 43:40Alex Cooper?

  Dude Heather, I'm not kidding you, I'm convinced that almost every single man in the world has a foot fetish.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  You know, here's the thing, it's not hurtful.

• 43:47Alex Cooper?

  No, it's not hurtful, it's just fascinating.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  I would do OnlyFans in a heartbeat if dudes want to send me money to look at my little piggies.

• 43:53Alex Cooper?

  You gotta do what you gotta do. And it's just, it's natural too.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  It's natural.

• 43:57Alex Cooper?

  It's either you got it or you don't. No one's getting like foot implants, no one's getting like foot really thick. It's you got it or you don't, and if you got it flaunt it.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  I would like to say, because you have such a huge international platform, I, you know, big Nike fan, but I've got a wide, wide girthy foot, and if you guys could send me some pairs cut in a wide, that would be fantastic. I go online and the only pair that's in an extra wide is an orthotic, so please, for the love of God, make a wide in an Air Force One. Okay, sorry, I had to take that opportunity. I could have, I could have said something to like find peace in the Middle East, but instead I'm like, can I get a custom Nike in a wide? Because my toes are falling asleep.

• 44:35Alex Cooper?

  Not other literally coming on here and be like, what other brand deals did I want to get out of this episode? Yes, I'm obsessed.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  We're getting a Porsche?

• 44:42Alex Cooper?

  We're getting a Porsche.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  We're getting a Jetta?

• 44:43Alex Cooper?

  Jetta.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  An Audi?

• 44:44Alex Cooper?

  Audi, and free shoes for life.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  And Orbe.

• 44:47Alex Cooper?

  And Uggs.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  And Uggs, okay.

• 44:49Alex Cooper?

  Thank you.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Back to the Uggs.

• 44:50Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so the Uggs, so the-

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Can I tell you, I'm having a lot of fun.

• 44:52Alex Cooper?

  I'm having a lot of fun with you too.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Okay, back to the Uggs. So here's the thing.

• 44:56Alex Cooper?

  To be fair, sometimes it's also hard to podcast with people that, like, my favorite podcasting usually is when people podcast for a living because like, you know how to do it. So thank you, thank you for showing up today. Um, okay, tall Uggs.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  Okay, tall Uggs. I, I don't like a sweaty calf.

• 45:09Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 45:10Speaker 01

  You know, I, I, I would wear them. I went to a Christian school, so we had to wear the uniforms. And in the winter, that was a thing. You wore the tall Ug.

• 45:16Alex Cooper?

  You could wear them with your uniform?

• 45:18Speaker 01

  We could wear them. We didn't have to wear like Mary Janes or anything. I'd wear a tall Ug with my little like Catholic schoolgirl uniform, and I just remember huffing it, you know, through the parking lot, just like, these are fucking hot.

• 45:28Alex Cooper?

  Wait, did you have boys at your school?

• 45:30Speaker 01

  We did.

• 45:31Alex Cooper?

  What the fuck Heather? I went to an, I went to a full coed, um, K through A, I was like in Catholic school, and I had to wear the plaid skirt, and I used to have to say this to like my boyfriends, I'm like, I know it sounds hot, like I was fucking hideous, and it's not a sexual fantasy, okay? Now I'd look hot in it, but back then it was like to the knee, and if not, they'd slap you with the fuck- Fucking ruler, like literally old school shit. And then we had to have the thigh highs. They weren't thigh highs. They went to the knee and they were the big socks.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  With the Mary Jane shoe.

• 45:57Alex Cooper?

  And the Mary Jane's and then they changed to saddle shoes at one point, which was like the black and the white shoe. And then we had the collared shirts. That wasn't hot.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  The whole uniform, we could wear the socks, but we, in the winter, they would allow us to wear the Uggs.

• 46:07Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  And then eventually they got pants. Cause I think I like walked into the principal's office and said, I'm fucking freezing. Okay. And I'm a heavy set. So if I'm cold, imagine what these thin bitches are feeling. This is unbelievable. We have rights.

• 46:20Alex Cooper?

  We do have rights. Fuck you.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  Fuck you.

• 46:23Alex Cooper?

  Um, okay. SoulCycle.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  Oh, well, that's a little triggering and I, you should have warned me that you were going to bring that up on such a

• 46:31Alex Cooper?

  Trigger word.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  I worked at SoulCycle.

• 46:34Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  In West Hollywood, around the corner. Yeah.

• 46:36Alex Cooper?

  Ta- oh, ha- what?

• 46:38Speaker 01

  I, when I moved to LA, I needed a part-time job.

• 46:40Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  And I couldn't get a job at a restaurant, which was really weird because I had worked at some of like the best restaurants in New York. I had this crazy, you know, Michelin star experience and I could not get a job working as a bartender, even like a hostess in LA.

• 46:52Alex Cooper?

  Why do you think?

• 46:53Speaker 01

  Because I wasn't a porn star. That's why. I wore a sensible, supportive bra to work. I would show up to these like interviews with this insane New York resume. And they were like, but are your nips hard? You know, I was like, I can make them hard. Give me 10 seconds.

• 47:06Alex Cooper?

  I'll be right back.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I would go and I would think that I was going for like a nice, uh, you know, like, like a, uh, an interview at Spago. And they were like, actually, we have a nightclub and we were wondering if you want to be a promoter. I'm like, I'm 23 years old. I should not be roaming the streets of Los Angeles, trying to get people to come to your nightclub.

• 47:23Alex Cooper?

  That's annoying.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  So I ended up at SoulCycle and I remember my interview. I was interviewing to be on the front desk. But I said, cause I wanted to let them think that like, I was here for the long haul.

• 47:32Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  I remember saying like, obviously I'd start with the front desk and I understand you have to work your way up, but my goal is to eventually be an instructor.

• 47:39Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  And the girl interviewing me was just like, yeah, we're good. Nothing about you says likes, you know, star of the fitness community. But I actually had a great time. SoulCycle was so fun. I met my best friends, my buddy Raymond, a shout out to Ray, he's still one of my best friends. We used to get in trouble because we would work at the front desk and be like, you know, gravely hungover.

• 48:01Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  And I'd be eating like a Chipotle burrito bowl and a Diet Dr. Pepper. And finally, my manager said, Heather, this is like a fitness studio. People don't, celebrities don't want to come in and work out when you're like dry heaving over a barbacoa bowl. Get your shit together.

• 48:16Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:17Alex Cooper?

  I kind of love that for you. You're like, you know what, though? Like, this is me and this is who I'm gonna be. And I'm only at the front desk. So like, you can go back there and fucking work out. I'm sorry, Heather, I've gone on one of the bikes before. I, when I was working this ad sales job, they were like, team bonding, let's go across the street. And like during lunchtime, go on the fucking SoulCycle bikes.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  It hurt. Yeah, it's not great.

• 48:37Alex Cooper?

  It's not like a good horseback riding where you're like, I'm getting a little turned on. It's rubbing my clit in the right way. This is like physical pain.

• 48:43Speaker 01

  No, this is where your urethra is just ripped off. Like you have road rash, but it's on your pee hole.

• 48:49Alex Cooper?

  Yes. I'm getting like bruises. And then like, you go to sleep that night, you can feel like your pelvis area like hurts.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Not in a sexual way, but then actually, once you do it two or three times, then you're in it. But see, I knew how to work the system there. I would, you know, all these big celebs would come in and I would slip my little business card that I made on like Vista Print. Okay, I'd have my headshot on it. And I would slide it into their like bags. And I'd be like, if you ever need an assistant, if you ever need somebody to open for you on the road, please ask me. So funny. I did that to Whitney Cummings. And I must have given her 10 business cards. She never once called me. And then we're buds now. And I literally was like, Whitney, I need you to just know that I used to drop my business card. I mean, this was 10 years ago.

• 49:26Alex Cooper?

  You're like, Whitney, I was either down to be your assistant or open for you. And I didn't either. So fuck you, but I also love you.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  But now I'm a guest on your podcast. So, it was amazing. I loved it.

• 49:35Alex Cooper?

  So we love SoulCycle. Okay, skinny jeans.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Oh, again, I am pro skinny jean because I do want to flex my best asset. But, um, I mean, God, that for me, you know, you said your crotch hurt during SoulCycle. I always had a yeast or a UTI from a skinny jean. It just was so tight, right in the grundle.

• 49:54Alex Cooper?

  It can't be worse than jean shorts, though.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't fuck with jean shorts.

• 49:58Alex Cooper?

  You don't?

• 49:58Speaker 01

  No, what are we doing here?

• 49:59Alex Cooper?

  I don't know.

• 50:00Speaker 01

  No, absolutely not. I'm not fucking with a jean short. What? I'm pushing 40. You know, I need to be in a jean short? Get out of here.

• 50:10Alex Cooper?

  We are, sorry, you just.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  What are we doing here?

• 50:15Alex Cooper?

  Of course I wear jean shorts. You do?

• 50:18Speaker 01

  I think I do.

• 50:19Alex Cooper?

  Are you lying?

• 50:20Speaker 01

  No, I, I- Is that the first time you've lied on this podcast? Say, are you just- It is. Here, can I tell you? I'm in a, I'm in a tough spot. I put on a little weight and I had all these jean shorts that I bought from Zara. And I just, I tried them on the other day and I was like, it's, it, it's a no go. So I'm just very bitter about that. No, no, no. And I get it, like jean shorts, you have to be really, like you have to be tan. You need to feel good. Yeah. It needs to be the perfect thing. Or just a short dress that's flowy is always a great go to. Like, I'm always like, oh, I can like relax here. But jean shorts are like, yeah, they're kind of the devil. I'm a baby doll dress kind of gal. And I know those had a moment on TikTok, but I've got giant jugs and I like a little, I like to just sit right here, titties under my neck. Are they real? They're real. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I'll tell you what, I got perfect nips. For a large breast, I got a really nice breast to areola ratio. Yeah, that's my one.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  You have so much good shit. Fuck you. You're like, let me show you my thin little ankle. Also, perfect fucking nipples. Come in here and been like, I had a great sorority. My husband is fantastic. Life is great. Now, I haven't shit today and I do have anxiety, but other than that, I'm thriving. No, but I, I mean, listen. Great tits. I, I'm, I am always, now especially, you know, being in the spotlight, I pick apart myself all the time. No, it's nice to like, be like, yeah, I fucking like something about myself. And you know what? They're not where they used to be. I definitely would love a lift, but they are, the areola is nice. I'm fucking jealous and I'm already picturing it. Like, I'm thinking of it sexually. Your husband is lucky, moving on, super thin eyebrows. Oh, no, those, they should never come back. Okay, but what's worse?

• 51:50Speaker 01

  The like giant, I mean, mine are looking a little big today. I mean, mine are thick too. I'd rather more than less. Really? Cause you can always pull a friend aside, take them to, you know, Coffee Bean and just say, hey, what are we doing? You know, this comes from love. Where we can peel it back. Yeah. But you can never- But the amount of growth serum, castor oil, you know, and all the eyelash serums apparently make you go blind and they ruin the collagen underneath the eyes. Wait, what? Oh, yeah, that's a whole thing now. Yeah. Apparently we've been using all the lash serums and they apparently dissolve all the fat underneath your eyes. Oh, perfect. I mean, I, you know, maybe I should start rubbing this all over my body.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  But um, no, thin eyebrows should never come back. That is a crime against humanity. It should be outlawed. You should have to do hard time. If you're over plucking, you need to get your life right.

• 52:38Alex Cooper?

  But then like, it's so unfair because I look at Pamela Anderson and like, in my twisted mind, I'm like, God, I wish I could pull that off. No one can pull it off but her.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  But her.

• 52:47Alex Cooper?

  And just let her have it and move on. I really, I suffered, and I think because you said earlier, you didn't have eyebrows. I, growing up, had, I had the hair. I had nothing to show for the hair because like, if you saw me in the right lighting, you'd see like, what looked like a unibrow and it's like, all just peach fuzz. I finally dyed them when I was in high school and I had never felt better in my life. I was like, oh my God, my five head is gone. I've got the angles. It looks good, but then I just kept building on it. And I feel like I really took it to a level where I see pictures of myself in the freshman year of college.

• 53:22Alex Cooper?

  It's bad.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  They were, they got too much.

• 53:24Alex Cooper?

  They were black.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. We definitely over-died for a long time.

• 53:28Alex Cooper?

  And they were cinder blocks.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  I always had thick, natural, bushy brows, but I would go to the nail salon and you know, they would just like, hold you down in the back. I never went to like, an eyebrow specialist.

• 53:35Alex Cooper?

  Oh my God.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  I'm like, I'm getting a fresh gel set and I'm getting my eyebrows done in the back. And I came out one day and the tips were gone. I mean, they, they ran away with them. And then, you know how long it takes to grow that shit back?

• 53:46Alex Cooper?

  Oh, you're fucked. You're fucked.

• 53:48Speaker 01

  So my entire college career, I had my deep side part. I'm in a pair of gaucho pants. I'm in a halter top. My, you know, perfect nipples are hanging out. I put on 45 pounds and I got no brows and I, and I didn't blend a smokey eye. I mean, I've really come a long way. Picturing you smoking a fucking cig. With a cig and a nice, you know, Jessica Simpson wedge.

• 54:08Alex Cooper?

  The gauchos?

• 54:09Speaker 01

  Gauchos, yeah. Oh, that was my time.

• 54:11Alex Cooper?

  They were good.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  Gauchos were great. And then if you wanted to hook up with somebody, I'm kind of in a gaucho now. You didn't even have to take them off. They could just slide a hand up there and just finger you. You know, and that was, that was fun.

• 54:24Alex Cooper?

  The width was impeccable. I think we should maybe bring gauchos back.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  I think we should. I know people are trying to do the barrel jean and I'm not in that. You know what you can't do is finger somebody in a barrel jean. You can't even get half a fist up there.

• 54:38Alex Cooper?

  I don't think.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  Also, who wants to finger somebody in a barrel jean? If I see a bitch coming down the street in a barrel jean, I'm like, I'm not attracted.

• 54:48Alex Cooper?

  No, it's not. It's not the look. Gals, that's what we need to, the barrel jeans are out. But don't you think that is where, that's a definition of women dressing for women? Where they like, the girls would think these are cute? I don't know though.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  Well, as a full woman, just, you know, right now, here in the flesh, I say no. Don't fucking do it. Let's get rid of it.

• 55:06Alex Cooper?

  Bring the gaucho's back. Bye to the barrel.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:09Alex Cooper?

  Okay, this is controversial because I'm staring at your ankle and I guess.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  I'm so worried.

• 55:13Alex Cooper?

  This goes against everything that we've talked about today about this one body part that's really a highlight for you. Ankle socks, I don't know if you realize are, they're currently out.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  What do you, oh ankle, oh, but what do you have?

• 55:27Alex Cooper?

  These are.

• 55:29Speaker 01

  Is that not an ankle sock?

• 55:30Alex Cooper?

  No. Ankle socks is where you're showing your fucking ankle.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Okay, but I have a no show. I thought that was a no show sock.

• 55:36Alex Cooper?

  You have no socks. I was like, get out. You stink ass.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  I got a wide fucking foot. If you think I'm letting these cheddar blocks just marinate in here, I'm not trying to bake a casserole, okay?

• 55:45Alex Cooper?

  Again, Nike, I'd like a wide.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  Okay, wait, so I thought that was a crew sock.

• 55:51Alex Cooper?

  So, this is whatever the fuck you want to call it, but this is not an ankle sock? This is that like Hailey Bieber.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, Princess Diana.

• 55:59Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, trendy.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  And I did not know that I was, I feel, I feel attacked.

• 56:04Alex Cooper?

  No, the problem is, this would cover your, one of your best assets.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, um, but I will say, I, I, my husband, one of his favorite looks is the look you have on right now. He likes the bike short, the oversized sweatshirt, and I'll do the, the, you know, the scrunch socks.

• 56:19Alex Cooper?

  You will.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  I will scrunch the socks.

• 56:20Alex Cooper?

  Because your outfit right now, you wouldn't technically, look at you.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  I know, now I'm like, I don't, I don't know what to do. Like, can I get, like, should I sit like this? I don't know what to do.

• 56:29Alex Cooper?

  Heather, it's getting hot in here.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  I'm so sorry.

• 56:33Alex Cooper?

  No, no, no. I started this fucking podcast saying to you I was breathing and now it's fucking hot. Can someone turn on the air? Okay, let's talk about, obviously you mentioned your family went through a hard time. You lost your dad and so that kind of like.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  Thanks for bringing that up.

• 56:47Alex Cooper?

  I'm your father, sweetie.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Yes, dad.

• 56:50Alex Cooper?

  R I P. We love you, Kyle.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, we love you, Kyle.

• 56:52Alex Cooper?

  Um, you moved in with your mom.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:55Alex Cooper?

  And you moved in with Jeff with your mom and at this point you weren't married, right? You're engaged?

• 57:00Speaker 01

  So, okay, backtrack. When my dad died, I was living in LA. I picked up my shit. I moved home.

• 57:05Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 57:05Speaker 01

  And then I moved at some point up to New York, but then when the pandemic hit, Jeff and I moved from New York back to Atlanta and I'm living in my childhood home. So Jeff and I are, and we haven't moved out. Like, like we are, we are still Three's Company.

• 57:19Alex Cooper?

  Why?

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Uh, great question. Because I talked to my financial advisor the other day and he's like, Heather, you're living pretty cheaply. You could, you could move on. I don't know why. I think, um, I mean, listen, I adore my mom. She's my buddy. I constantly think, like the thought of her sitting at home alone on a Friday night hits me in a deep way that like it just gives me the chills down my spine.

• 57:42Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  I, I don't know. It's not normal. Um, my husband loves it because he gets treated like a king. You know, I'm the one who can, I'm the one who gets yelled at.

• 57:50Alex Cooper?

  We, I was gonna say, walk me through this. So it's you, your husband, your mom.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 57:54Alex Cooper?

  And it's like a normal day.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 57:56Alex Cooper?

  Are you guys able to like slightly, like what's the room setup? Like where is where?

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Um, so you would think that I'd be in like the primary bedroom. I am not. We just blew out a couple closets. So we built like another primary. My mom is still in the main bedroom. Oh yeah, I'm in my childhood bedroom that we like blew out two closets to expand. Uh, you know, it's funny. Somebody asked me the other day, they're like, what's the wildest like place you've ever had sex? I'm like, where I currently have sex, in my home with my mom down the hall, who sometimes will chime in and be like, Jeff, I can tell from that sound, she doesn't like it.

• 58:27Alex Cooper?

  No, no, no. Had you ever had sex in your childhood room or like even gotten fingered or felt up or you weren't allowed to go in there?

• 58:34Speaker 01

  Oh, oh no, I was allowed to have boys in there, but I also, you know, I don't think a lot of guys called.

• 58:41Alex Cooper?

  Heather.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  No, I'm cute. Come on. Um, no, I, it is funny being back in my childhood home, but you know, my husband, my mom adores him and he just gets treated like a king where it is funny being back at my house because my mom, even though like I'm running the roost and like make money and pay for everything, she'll throw shit in a basket.

• 59:00Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  I don't know if your parents did this growing up, like my mom, I'll walk in the door from being on tour. Heather, you got 14 things you need to carry. It's all in your basket. I opened all your mail, your taxes are due tomorrow. You know, you've got some money in your bank account. I'm like, quit going through my shit. Doesn't matter that I'm an adult. She still treats me like I'm 13 years old.

• 59:17Alex Cooper?

  I kinda love it though. It's kinda cozy.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  It is so cozy. I mean, it's insane, but my mom is, you know, my mom and dad were each other's truly loves of their life. And my mom was 11 years older than my late dad.

• 59:28Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  Original cougar.

• 59:30Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. So my mom, it's been a while trying to watch her date now and she's been bamboozled on like these dating apps multiple times. There, it's like she thinks she's talking to an architect from New York.

• 59:40Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  He's, you know, somewhere, uh, in another country and he's trying to steal all her social security number. So really I, I have to live with my mom because it's Fort Knox. She's just trying to get, you know, a little dick on the side and I'm not going to have an inheritance because some guy in, uh, on the other side of the world is stealing all of the funds.

• 59:58Alex Cooper?

  Oh my God.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's bad.

• 1:00:00Alex Cooper?

  Oh my fucking God.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  And my mom's great and she's kind of at this point, she's 76, doesn't look a day over 40. My mom's hot.

• 1:00:07Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Perky titties, like tiny, she's spunky, she travels and I keep trying to, you know, I ask my audience all the time, I'm like, anybody got a rich uncle or a great dad who, my mom doesn't want to get married again. She just wants to travel.

• 1:00:19Alex Cooper?

  She wants to feel something with a guy.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  Something. Yeah. And she's like, Heather, I'm not dead yet. I'd still like to be intimate. I said, you get up on that horse and ride, girl.

• 1:00:27Alex Cooper?

  We, I, that's so incredible. And I actually agree, like the thought of a- Parent being alone as they're getting older makes me want to start crying. So I think you're like a lovely human being for do that. But like, are you guys caring at all? So you're not caring when you're having sex that your mom's gonna hear you?

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  No, but I do, I have much better sex when I'm on the road and I'm in a Four Seasons and Jeff, we kind of feel bad, like the parents got away. And it is funny, we do call my mom the toddler because when we like go to dinner with her, she sits in the backseat and she watches her iPad and she's giggling to her YouTube's.

• 1:00:58Alex Cooper?

  And Jeff gets along with her.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Jeff gets along with her. I mean, listen, he is so patient, but Jeff is, my mom's from up north and my husband's from up north, so they kind of like had their own banter. And I'm just sitting on the porch drinking an iced tea going, I do declare, why are y'all yelling in this house?

• 1:01:13Alex Cooper?

  I'm obsessed with it. I also just think like, the fact is, as a comedian, like, it's a really good dynamic. It, it works. It, it's working.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  It's working.

• 1:01:21Alex Cooper?

  That's, I'm like, I'm not mad about it.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  I would like a little bit more money because if I could expand, if we could upgrade, we need, I would like a big chateau with like a guest house. So I, I at least get to be in my own four walls without Robin barking down my throat. But you know, we're putting that on the vision board.

• 1:01:37Alex Cooper?

  Something, something that you talk about in your stand-up special that had me cackling. Well, two things. We have to talk about two things. One is blowjobs because.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  Love them and hate them.

• 1:01:48Alex Cooper?

  Sweetie.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Sweetie.

• 1:01:50Alex Cooper?

  Sweetie. The way that you described heading downtown to the wiener.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:58Alex Cooper?

  And seeing the wiener hole.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  The wiener hole.

• 1:02:01Alex Cooper?

  Approaching it.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  There is a goofy asshole down there. Yeah.

• 1:02:05Alex Cooper?

  The wiener hole. But it works if you like swirl your tongue in there a little.

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:09Alex Cooper?

  Oh, it's a little.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  If you don't get in that little hole, then they're not getting in yours. And we all know this.

• 1:02:14Alex Cooper?

  Give them a little surprise.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  But I never try and go for the other hole. You know what I mean? I'm like, that is, you do you. I'm, you know, I, when you're married at least, you know, when your spouse has diarrhea. It's every 30 minutes, just like your sweet dog. So it's like when people like, oh, you know, you, they eating butt? I'm like, no, Jeff had, you know, jalapeno poppers at TGI Fridays on a golf outing and he's been bitching about it all day. No, I don't want to lick his butt. I'm so sorry.

• 1:02:40Alex Cooper?

  No, it's fucked when you do like I have never like been opposed and I know that's like bad of me to say, but like I'm in the blowjob and it's the accessory to a blowjob moment.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:51Alex Cooper?

  But you know, in between that little gooch.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  I mean, I'll tickle, I'll tickle the gooch. I'm in the gooch. I am hitting the taint. I slap it around a little bit. I take the dick and just hit me on both sides. Like I'm doing a little, you know, uh, get ready with me. I mean, I'm doing the layers of blush, Patrick Tom, the whole works. But I'll tell you right now, I'm not getting, I'm not going for the bat.

• 1:03:12Alex Cooper?

  What I love about you.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  Unless he is rinsed out in the yard.

• 1:03:15Alex Cooper?

  No, that's what's crazy is if like I've had guys before be like, go down there, go down there. And I'm just like rubbing it cause I'm like, I can smell it through the tunnel. It's wafting.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  It's wafting.

• 1:03:27Alex Cooper?

  Towards my nostrils and I'm uninterested in the fecal matter.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  I got a long nail. You just tickle, you take the skin, you roll it around a little bit.

• 1:03:35Alex Cooper?

  Cause it's also not lost on me. If I go down there and then I go to the weener and then he puts it in, your shit is in my fucking V and I'm heading to the hospital.

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:03:42Alex Cooper?

  That's happened before to me.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  That, and you know what we're trying not to do? Have a repeat. Yeah.

• 1:03:47Alex Cooper?

  Okay. So.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. We get back to blowjobs.

• 1:03:49Alex Cooper?

  What I, what I do appreciate you doing, and I could feel the energy in the stadium when you were saying this.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  Oh, stadium. It was a theater, but yes, I am also playing stadiums.

• 1:03:59Alex Cooper?

  She's in a stadium. It was a stadium. It was a fucking stadium. Is you talking to men and just being like, you say it better, but like not really thinking about the dick while you're on the dick.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  The last thing I have ever thought about while I have a dick in my mouth is that dick in my mouth. I am thinking about the drama that is going on in the next door app. I am thinking about, you know, the rogue raccoon I possibly may have run over in the Audi Q5 hybrid.

• 1:04:26Alex Cooper?

  Wait, are you deep in the door, next door app?

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  It's insane.

• 1:04:29Alex Cooper?

  Do I need to get on that?

• 1:04:31Speaker 01

  No, don't. You don't have time. I mean, you're like, I'm running an empire, but you're running like a sh-empire. Okay. Um, no, I love it. I'm in a group chat with all the ladies of my neighborhood. And when I tell you. It is so fun. We had a car burglary like two weeks ago. If you give a pack of women, and I do say pack of women because we are like wild wolves. If you give a pack of women in a suburban community, two clues, they have already found the perpetrator. They found who's linked to, we have taken down a full cartel. So I just want to say fuck the FBI. Couple of white suburban women and we are off to the races. Not Karens, we are more Sharon's, you know?

• 1:05:08Alex Cooper?

  I am like not kidding you. I've heard people talk about this and I think I, even if I'm just on the periphery and want to read about, like read in on my community, I'd kind of like to get in there. Cause I like dumb shit drama that kind of has nothing to do with me unless I guess they're saying that there's like a murderer in our neighborhood.

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  It's so refreshing. If you're like, I can be on the periphery and just kind of like chime in every now and then. Fantastic. But yes, if there's a, if there's a murderer in my bushes, please let me know. Have you heard of stalker?

• 1:05:34Alex Cooper?

  You know what? No, but-

• 1:05:36Speaker 01

  Like not yet bitch. Challenge accepted.

• 1:05:40Alex Cooper?

  No, I've had one person that has lightly kicked it up a notch.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Oh, kicked it up a notch.

• 1:05:48Alex Cooper?

  That it could be, it could be equivalent to like getting a little stalkery. But I've done a pretty good job at really like putting things to an end when it gets a little out of control. But someone's kicked it up a notch recently and Matt's handling it.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  I like that. So Jeff, my, my husband runs his own meet and greets at my shows by the bar. So, you know, cause I have a ton of gals that come to the shows and he's in the corner just being like, oh, did you want to get a photo? And I'm like, Jeff, she's fucking nuts. I told you about her. Saw that's Carol Anne, run away.

• 1:06:15Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, he loves it. Do you have a stalker?

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but I did have a woman break into my backstage once.

• 1:06:20Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it was my fault because I had given the security guards a couple of Chick-fil-A party platters. So they were just raw dogging some nuggets. Meanwhile, I'm back there completely out in the nude. Cause I like to like really dress up for my shows. So I come out and I sweat like a beast on stage. And then I rip off my suit. So I was, had just taken off my glitter suit and I'm about to put on my jeans and a woman's in the doorway. And she's like, I found you. You know, so one thing you say to somebody, you don't say to somebody, I found you. And then she followed with, don't worry, I'm not going to touch you.

• 1:06:50Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  I was like, that's worse. I'd rather you just fucking grab my cooter and let's call it a day.

• 1:06:56Alex Cooper?

  You know what I mean? Let's get to the point. So what do you want? So what did you do? Did you scream?

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  Can I, I literally was like, can I just put on some clothes? And I put on my clothes. I was like, what's up girl? And she's like, man, I just told, I said, how'd you get back here? She said, I just told the security guard, you know, like my name's Lane.

• 1:07:11Alex Cooper?

  No, no. That's what's so funny about those moments. It's like when they tell the security guards, like, oh, we're friends, we're from this. Sometimes you're like, oh, go in.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Go in. I'm not worried about a male stalker. I think I'd like a little bit of a boost to the ego, but I have always said that I will probably be murdered one day in a TJ Maxx by a, you know, a white gal named like, you know, Michelle or Tanya. Like, that's gonna happen.

• 1:07:34Alex Cooper?

  That's who's taking you down.

• 1:07:35Speaker 01

  I think that's who's taking, like, you didn't read my DM. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I didn't see it.

• 1:07:39Alex Cooper?

  I didn't know. I didn't know. I think, um, I think a light stalker is always good because it keeps you like, oh, we're doing something right. We're kind of a big deal.

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  We're actually like, doing things.

• 1:07:48Alex Cooper?

  We're a really big deal. Back to the blowjobs.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  Yes, absolutely. Great transition.

• 1:07:53Alex Cooper?

  I actually think I'm dumb in the blowjobs. The point is, is ladies, you don't have to feel bad. And in your special breadwinner, you really, really touch on the important fact of like, no one is thinking about giving head when they're giving head. And it's okay if you're multitasking and that's fine. And what did, what was the other thing you fucking said? That was so funny. Oh, oh, my God, that you believe that all men are slightly on the spectrum and all women have ADHD. It's so true.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  I think so. Here's the thing. Men are really good at getting dialed into one thing. My husband is incredibly successful, but he's successful at one thing at a time. Meanwhile, I will be on stage delivering jokes. I already have my like Uber Eats order in my head. And I'm like, oh, fuck, I've got to call my attorney on Monday about the thing with the thing. And I'm multitasking all the time. I mean, there are some days where I feel like ADHD is, can cripple you, but I've realized it's actually, I feel like all women's superpowers.

• 1:08:45Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, it gets, it gets shit done.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  We get shit done. But yes, I do not think about any, anything sexual while I'm blowing my husband. And I tell women, the best thing, when people come to my show, you know, they used to be like, oh, I drug my husband. And then the husbands have the best fucking time. My show's for everybody. But my job is, I like to, I know, it's so fucking annoying. I had, I drug my husband here. I'm like, you didn't have to put a gun to his head.

• 1:09:07Alex Cooper?

  I thought you at first just said.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  I blow them backstage. If you come to my show, I will put your dick in my mouth.

• 1:09:14Alex Cooper?

  I thought you were saying, the people were saying they drugged their husband.

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  I'm sorry. I probably said that with a little country twang, like, they drug them husbands to my show.

• 1:09:24Alex Cooper?

  I'm like, all these men are fucked up.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  So what that did is the husbands were out working in the yard and then the women gave them a little, little date, you know, a little pill in a, in a Coors Light and next thing you know, they're at a Heather McMahon show. Could you imagine? No. If all of a sudden you just came to and you're like in a room and there's a glitter, uh, uh, you know, a full figured blonde woman in a glitter suit, just being like, this is what happens when there's a dick in your mouth. That would be like the worst trip of your life.

• 1:09:51Alex Cooper?

  I'm happy that I clarified Heather because I'm not fucking kidding you. Multiple comments would have been, damn, like, why didn't you talk about how like she drugs her?

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I'm so sorry. I meant, I meant when you drag, like you force them to come. Drag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the guys are like, fuck, I never saw it that way. And they have a great time. But yes, I, I don't think guys realize we're always, the mind's always swirling.

• 1:10:10Alex Cooper?

  We're always on the move.

• 1:10:11Speaker 01

  We're always on the move.

• 1:10:12Alex Cooper?

  We need to talk about the hall pass situation.

• 1:10:27Alex Cooper?

  Daddy gang, did you know the average person has to send out 51 resumes just to try to land a job? It is insane and it's a lot of work, but honestly, I believe that, right? I remember when I got my first job out of college, I literally spent months applying and applying and applying and then applying. And the worst part is you can spend all this time finding the right role, fixing your resume, writing the application, and then you might not even hear back, right? And it is so frustrating because you're like, okay, I know I would be so great for this job, but how do I actually get them to even notice me? That is where ZipRecruiter

• 1:11:09Alex Cooper?

  comes in, my friends. Okay. ZipRecruiter matches you up with the right job in minutes and their new feature even lets your application be seen first by employers. You can try it out by going to ziprecruiter.com/daddy. It is such a game changer, guys. When you apply for a job, you can be seen first. Just tell the employer why you're interested in the role and your application jumps to the top of their list. No matter where you are in your career journey, make your application be seen first only on ZipRecruiter. Try it out now by going to this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com/daddy. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com/daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify.

• 1:11:54Alex Cooper?

  I feel like it's that time of the year where everyone starts to slow down a little bit. We're reflecting on this past year, maybe even, you know, we're writing down a few goals for next year. And if you're starting a business and that is something that's on your list, thankfully, the internet has made it easier than ever to do. No matter what stage you're at, Shopify is the best place to start and grow a business. Personally, I have loved how their shop pay feature streamlines the entire checkout process. With the holidays coming up, my online shopping addiction is obviously, it's at its peak right now. And so I always get excited when I see that little purple shop pay button at checkout. It makes buying something so fast and easy.

• 1:12:38Alex Cooper?

  Instead of digging through and finding my credit card and typing everything in, and you can just check out in one click. Yes, I want those sweatpants. Yes, another pair of sweatpants. And for businesses, that also means fewer carts abandoned and more sales. I also love that Shopify lets me run my entire business straight from my phone. So I can upload new merch, check on orders and see what you guys are loving from literally anywhere. It does save me so much time and it lets me actually enjoy the season while growing the business. So are you ready to add entrepreneur to your list of accomplishments? Head to Shopify.com/daddy. That's Shopify.com/daddy. We need to talk about the hall pass situation.

• 1:13:22Speaker 01

  Okay, great. Yes.

• 1:13:24Alex Cooper?

  I'm not, I'm not trying to give away too much of your special because everyone needs to go watch it. And there's so much good fucking shit, but this hall pass situation, you almost can't help but be like, did this actually fucking happen?

• 1:13:36Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:13:36Alex Cooper?

  This is insane, Heather.

• 1:13:37Speaker 01

  This is insane.

• 1:13:38Alex Cooper?

  So walk us through.

• 1:13:39Speaker 01

  Also legally, I don't know what, I don't know what I'm allowed to say, but no. I, my, my husband's hall pass is the incredible gorgeous model, Kate Upton.

• 1:13:47Alex Cooper?

  Love.

• 1:13:48Speaker 01

  And we were down at the Dirks to Kekos and she had like DM'd because we had mutual friends. Hey, saw you're down here. Like, would you like to come over for like a? Cocktail.

• 1:13:55Alex Cooper?

  What a nice DM.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  What a nice DM. And I hadn't gotten my husband a Christmas gift and I leaned over and I was just like, "Hey, let's go to a, you know, let's go have some cocktails." I told him that my sorority sister was down there.

• 1:14:06Alex Cooper?

  It's so good.

• 1:14:07Speaker 01

  And so I get him there. I drag him over to this cocktail hour. The door answers and it's Kate's husband, Justin Berlander. And Jeff immediately, because you know, my husband's a big sports fanatic, he had a full boner, full boner, standing on the welcome mat of this like, you know. He's like my job. Holy fuck. And I just kind of turned around. I remembered, I'll have it in slow motion. I just kind of gave him that like, like, "Fuck you Jeff" look.

• 1:14:31Alex Cooper?

  And do you think he knew Kate was in there at that point? Or did he just think this is a random coincidence?

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  No, he immediately, like, he immediately, as soon as he locked eyes with Justin, he was like, "Let's fucking go."

• 1:14:40Alex Cooper?

  You're kind of like a brave woman to bring your husband into the same room as his hall pass?

• 1:14:45Speaker 01

  Well, also, Justin Berlander is an incredible athlete, makes a bajillion dollars and is like a model himself. So I wasn't worried about it. If Jeff ever made anything weird, this guy is, you know, an all-star athlete. I feel like he could have body checked Jeff.

• 1:15:00Alex Cooper?

  No, you're right. And by the end of the time, you're probably like, "If he's gonna go with her, I at least could go with this." And it's not about us.

• 1:15:06Speaker 01

  You know what I told Jeff later on? He was like, "I can't believe you made that happen." I said, "Of course," and we never told Kate. She didn't know until I sent her the clip from the special.

• 1:15:14Alex Cooper?

  I was gonna say, "Did you run it by her?"

• 1:15:15Speaker 01

  No, I was just like, "Hey, just want you to know, like, and Kate is the coolest chick in the world." I want you to know, she was so great. And of course, I did not tell her at that dinner. Like, we're sitting at this table with all their friends and I'm kicking Jeff. I'm like, "Jeff, you've been staring too long." Like, he's in the corner just kind of frothing at the mouth. And one of their friends had mentioned, they're like, "Yeah, it's so weird, you know, like Kate is just the coolest chick. She's so awesome, but like, guys get really weird around here."

• 1:15:39Alex Cooper?

  And I was like, "Jeff!"

• 1:15:41Speaker 01

  "Get the fuck out, Jeff! Smile! Eat a shrimp cocktail!" Getting weird. But no, they were awesome. But I do think that I have really, you know, exposed Jeff to these cool opportunities. He's gotten to meet all the sports heroes. And what have I gotten? Let me tell you. All I wanted, all I wanted were two tickets. I wanted an Eras Tour ticket and I wanted a Beyonce ticket.

• 1:16:01Alex Cooper?

  Did you go?

• 1:16:02Speaker 01

  I went on, because I made it happen.

• 1:16:04Alex Cooper?

  Duh.

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  We were in, actually, this is a great story. We were in, um... I was in Australia.

• 1:16:09Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  And I was doing my tour in Australia in February. Well, Taylor Swift just happened to be there at the same time.

• 1:16:14Alex Cooper?

  Love.

• 1:16:14Speaker 01

  You can't get tickets resale in, in Australia because they don't have like a stub hub. It's like illegal.

• 1:16:19Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:16:19Speaker 01

  But I was like, Jeff, figure it out. Call my agent, figure it out. Surprise me. I want to go. It's my last night in Sydney. I've been in Australia for a month touring.

• 1:16:26Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:16:27Speaker 01

  Jeff's like, I have a surprise for you tonight. I'm like, this is it. He got tickets. I'm going to the Eras Tour. I've got the friendship bracelets ready. Let's go. And next you know, uh, our hotel was right around the corner from the Sydney Harbor Bridge. So it's five o'clock. I'm like getting ready. He's like, no, no, just go dress casual. I'm like, oh, he's got a surprise. He probably has like an outfit for me. Like this guy thought of everything. He made me climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge instead of letting me go to the Eras Tour. Now, mind you, I have a fear of outdoor heights. If I'm on a tall balcony, I'm always like, not that I would ever want to harm myself. I don't have intrusive thoughts, but I'm always kind of like, what would happen if I just left?

• 1:17:02Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 1:17:03Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:17:03Alex Cooper?

  It's just a little bit like, what if?

• 1:17:04Speaker 01

  What if? Right.

• 1:17:06Alex Cooper?

  You can't help.

• 1:17:06Speaker 01

  So I am on the top of the bridge in this like full windsuit, windbreaker onesie gripping the side and they, they put me at the, the back of the, the the group. I can't even talk because I'm having like flashbacks of how dramatic that was. They put me in the back of the group. I'm clinging on to the side of the bridge and the guy comes up. He's like, are you good? And I was like, I was supposed to be at the Eras Tour and I'm freezing on top of this bridge. And we got off the bridge. We take a photo. The photo that we have on top of the bridge is the funniest shit. They're like, smile. And I'm like doing a peace sign, like just like,

• 1:17:42Alex Cooper?

  I hate my husband.

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  Oh, I had stroked out at that point. I was completely like, there was no mind body connection. I cried when we got off the bridge and I'm not a, I'm, I'm a tough cookie.

• 1:17:51Alex Cooper?

  Yep.

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  And Jeff went to give me a hug. He's like, wasn't that the best? And I was like, I don't know. It's just gonna work out.

• 1:17:57Alex Cooper?

  Like get away from me, you piece of fucking shit. Men, that can be so fucking dumb.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  So dumb.

• 1:18:04Alex Cooper?

  Like you knew I wanted this and because we're not going, like figure out something that we could at least, and also

• 1:18:10Speaker 01

  Surprise me.

• 1:18:10Alex Cooper?

  And also probably let you know beforehand, the surprise ain't gonna be Taylor, but I got something else for you to make it as big, like As great as I could to make up for it.

• 1:18:20Speaker 01

  His defense was, it was our last night in Sydney. Of course, we'd never get to do this again. And the fun, the best part was when you go to do the climb on the Sydney Bridge, they have all these celebrities that are up. And they play the photos while you're doing the safety briefing, they play the photos of all the celebrities. And there's a couple like D-list celebrities. And I was like, they didn't even ask to take my photo at the end of this.

• 1:18:42Alex Cooper?

  Like, do they know why?

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  So not only did I shit myself on top of this bridge, they don't even have a record of it for when other people go to climb the Sydney Bridge. They don't know that the number one comedian of all time, Heather McMahon, was on the bridge.

• 1:18:57Alex Cooper?

  Heather.

• 1:18:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, against my will, but it was a great memory.

• 1:19:00Alex Cooper?

  So have you ever gone and seen the era's tour?

• 1:19:02Speaker 01

  I did. I saw it a couple of weeks ago in London. And let me tell you what, it was awesome. I, I'm, you know, I'm a theater nerd. I love, I wanted to see the production and it was just fucking awesome. Good for Taylor.

• 1:19:13Alex Cooper?

  It is so incredible. Like I went once and I'm gonna go again and I am, I just fucking love her.

• 1:19:21Speaker 01

  I love her too. And I didn't really, I think I kind of missed literally the era of Taylor, like for the breakup moments, growing up. I was just like two years older than that. So while the girlies were crying to, you know, uh, yeah. When the girlies were crying to all these songs, I was in my dorm room, listening to 36 Mafia. That was what, you know, I was doing drive-bys in the Jetta, past the ATO house, just being like, nook if you buck, nook if you buck, you know? Like, that's.

• 1:19:47Alex Cooper?

  And I was like, it's a love story, baby, just say yes.

• 1:19:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was not, I was, I was in revenge mode. That's why Reputation's my favorite album.

• 1:19:58Alex Cooper?

  Oh, it is.

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  That's why I wear snake skin, you know? Yeah, I'm a Reputation girly.

• 1:20:02Alex Cooper?

  I'm literally like a folklore girly.

• 1:20:05Speaker 01

  But that's great. I mean, I have a softer side, but I, I love that. When she's in the full snake skin and the one leg's out, oof, I love it.

• 1:20:12Alex Cooper?

  When are you going on your cruise?

• 1:20:14Speaker 01

  That's in April. I'm doing a cruise. And again, you know, I talked about possibly getting murdered in a TJ Maxx. It also might happen on the Lido Day.

• 1:20:21Alex Cooper?

  I was gonna say, I don't know if you're coming back, but you'll have a good time.

• 1:20:25Speaker 01

  I will, and I might not come back because I'll get arrested in the Bahamas. I don't know what's gonna happen, but we are doing a cruise and it's like 2,000 fans on the cruise and it's other comedians and it's just gonna be four days at sea of us just letting it rip.

• 1:20:37Alex Cooper?

  And so will you just like?

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Roam around in a mu-mu? Yes, absolutely. With a pina colada and a rum runner in my other hand? Absolutely.

• 1:20:45Alex Cooper?

  And are you gonna just like, next to you could, like staying next to you could be like one of your fans? And like you could be knocking on the wall and they like, oh, you're just like one with the people?

• 1:20:53Speaker 01

  I'm one with the people. But also, you know, when you do comedy too, like I have meet and greets after my shows and I know everybody. Like, you know, I'm one with the people. Um, I mean, you did have to, you know, the cruise isn't a super cheap thing to do. So I'm hoping that people are making a financial investment or also like maybe a little touch less crazy. But actually the richest ones, you know, are the ones that are crazy. They'll bring you the gifts to the show. And it's like, you think, I bought you a Birkin bag and I put an air tag in it. So I know where you are at all times. You're like, I don't, the Birkin bag for me is a little too cumbersome. Okay. I think it's a bad investment. I said it. I'm gonna get absolutely burned at the stakes for saying that.

• 1:21:28Alex Cooper?

  I agree.

• 1:21:29Speaker 01

  It's, it's heavy. It's, it's just big.

• 1:21:32Alex Cooper?

  It's also like?

• 1:21:33Speaker 01

  It's clunky.

• 1:21:34Alex Cooper?

  It's not that cute.

• 1:21:36Speaker 01

  And you can't, like, you can't put it over your shoulders. So if you're trying to like, like look thin in a photo, you know what I mean? You're like, it's like, it just, it just squeezes the arm. It's not a good look.

• 1:21:44Alex Cooper?

  It's cumbersome.

• 1:21:45Speaker 01

  It's cumbersome. But yeah, we're doing a cruise. It's gonna be insane. Comedy at night. My mom's gonna be there. My husband's gonna be running poker tournaments in the casino.

• 1:21:53Alex Cooper?

  Taking pictures with the fans.

• 1:21:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, my sister's a criminal defense attorney, so I'm keeping her on land because I might have to, you know, we don't know what's gonna happen. She's gonna be at the port in Miami as people are getting off the boat or not getting off the boat. So she's gonna get a couple of new clients, I'm sure.

• 1:22:06Alex Cooper?

  Will you be posting on your social media about it when you're there?

• 1:22:08Speaker 01

  We're gonna, we really should make a full documentary about it.

• 1:22:12Alex Cooper?

  It's an X-Five festival?

• 1:22:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's Fire Fest and it turns like super dark. And then at the end, it's just all of us with like the norovirus just like, and that was the day that the ship never came back.

• 1:22:24Alex Cooper?

  I would know. It will never happen, but I honestly.

• 1:22:27Speaker 01

  But then I'd have it like an in memoriam at the Emmys and I have, you know, I haven't been nominated yet, but at least I'd be there. At least I'd be there. Glass half full, baby.

• 1:22:37Alex Cooper?

  I am so excited for you. Okay, can we talk about the special now?

• 1:22:40Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:40Alex Cooper?

  Wrapping up. Yeah. I mean, we've been talking about the special the whole time, but I do want to know, like, I was talking to Hannah Berner about this the other month.

• 1:22:45Speaker 01

  My girl.

• 1:22:46Alex Cooper?

  I just am so, it's so incredible to watch.

• 1:22:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:50Alex Cooper?

  People that truly deserve it and are actually so fucking funny, like, get what they deserve. And I'm so happy for you. How did this even come to be?

• 1:22:56Speaker 01

  Well, so I, um, I produced my own special and I did the, the first one, I did the same thing. So I, I didn't, in this business, you cannot wait around for people. I mean, listen, you're a self-starter. You just, if you build it, they will come. So I, uh, just shot it. I shot at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, which is like my home theater. I mean, talk about like a real full circle moment for me.

• 1:23:16Alex Cooper?

  Amazing.

• 1:23:16Speaker 01

  Um, and, and then I, you know, then you take it out to market and you sell it. So it is so cool. The one thing, the one thing I really love about stand-up is nobody can tell me no. You know, it, it is, in this business, you get in TV developmental deals, they take forever. You know, you gotta get a thousand attorneys involved, all this shit, but for stand-up, I can just pop into a place, get on stage, say my piece, do the damn thing. And as long as there are asses in seats, they, listen, there could be one person in the fucking audience. I'm like, we're gonna have a good time.

• 1:23:45Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 1:23:45Speaker 01

  But like, that is, it is the, the greatest love of my life, other than my family, is, uh, getting to do stand-up. And it just brings me so much joy.

• 1:23:55Alex Cooper?

  It's so incredible. It's gonna be on Hulu, right?

• 1:23:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, on Hulu.

• 1:23:58Alex Cooper?

  And what is the exact date it comes out?

• 1:23:59Speaker 01

  That's a great question. Um, I don't know, but we will post on Instagram. It's coming out very soon.

• 1:24:04Alex Cooper?

  I know it's going to be.

• 1:24:06Speaker 01

  Insane.

• 1:24:08Alex Cooper?

  I was gonna say the date.

• 1:24:10Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, can I just tell you right now, I do think it should win a Peabody. I should at least get nominated for the Emmys.

• 1:24:16Alex Cooper?

  People again.

• 1:24:17Speaker 01

  Hi, my name's Heather McMahon. My comedy special, Breadwinner, is coming out on Hulu. And when I tell you I'm a bad bitch, I'm wearing a denim outfit that's bedazzled, and it is probably going to be one of the greatest pieces of art and comedy ever seen. It should be nominated for awards, or at least give me a Mark Twain Comedy Award. Thank you so much. God bless. Live, laugh, love.

• 1:24:38Alex Cooper?

  Tune in on bleep.

• 1:24:40Speaker 01

  It's very soon.

• 1:24:41Alex Cooper?

  I'll fucking put it in the description.

• 1:24:42Speaker 01

  I've never been great with details.

• 1:24:43Alex Cooper?

  Okay. I'm so excited for you. Oh my God, that was like a, we're like bleep, hello. Okay, we're back. Um, wrapping up. We're like, we need to shut the fuck up. Um, and go film some content, but-

• 1:24:54Speaker 01

  This has been really fun.

• 1:24:54Alex Cooper?

  Has it?

• 1:24:55Speaker 01

  Can I tell you, I, I really enjoy you. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. This has been fun. I'm so proud of you. I know we just met, but it, it is so fucking cool to see fucking bitches doing it.

• 1:25:06Alex Cooper?

  I know.

• 1:25:07Speaker 01

  Just doing it. Period. And you should be so part of yourself.

• 1:25:10Alex Cooper?

  Thank you. I feel the same way about you. That's why it's so fun to do what we do. Cause I feel like we get to like see each other on social media. And it's always funny to be like, what is this bitch gonna be like? Like, I'm sure you thought that when you were coming here. Like, what is Alex Hoover gonna be like? And I, I am so happy you're so fucking normal. And like, you're humble and you're amazing and your tits are fucking amazing.

• 1:25:25Speaker 01

  Thank you. I really appreciate it. And I just want you all to know, you know, be the you today, that you want to be tomorrow.

• 1:25:30Alex Cooper?

  Heather, I love you. Thank you for coming on Call Her Daddy.

• 1:25:32Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me.

• 1:25:48Alex Cooper?

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• 1:26:23Speaker 02

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• 1:26:48Alex Cooper?

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