Breakup Bootcamp

Join Alex and Laren in the studio as they discuss their worst breakups, reveal the craziest ways they got intel on their exes, and share their best advice for how to survive the end of a relationship. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches,

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

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• 1:30Alex Cooper?

  or the Scrub and Wipe for a scrubbing side and a sud-sing side. All three look good, scrub great, and they come with handy drain and dry stands that are super compact and cute. Hook yourself up, boost it with Bright. Shop now. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber. Uber just introduced a new feature called Women Preferences, which lets women riders request a woman driver directly in the app. It's honestly an amazing feature that gives women more control over their rides. Sometimes we all just want a ride that feels a little more comfortable and chill. So if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new Women Preferences feature is available now in the Uber app. Learn more on the Uber app.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  What is up Daddy Gang? It is your founding father Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 2:21Alex Cooper?

  Hello Daddy Gang, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. I just wanted to start out by saying thank you to everyone who watched and listened to my last solo episode about choosing the right partner. I am so happy that so many of you resonated with that one. A lot of you also reached out to me saying that the episode made you realize that you are in fact not with the right person. I got a lot of DMs that started to sound very similar, like, you know, Alex, I don't think I'm with the right guy, but I'm also scared to lose this person. I'm scared to be alone. I don't want to go through with the breakup and have to start over and so on. And so first

• 3:06Alex Cooper?

  thing I want to do is like validate you today because I know that breakups firsthand are so hard and a really big deal. And it can sometimes I get be easy for me to just sit here and joke around and be like, oh my God, bitch, dump him. Like, we don't need him. Like, he's not shit. Like, he doesn't match your standards and he doesn't respect you and all this. But in reality, I do know that relationships are such a huge, huge part of our lives. And ending a long-term relationship is a very big decision and it is extremely emotional and draining. So,

• 3:44Alex Cooper?

  the reason I wanted to talk more about this today is because I actually think we need to reframe how we look at breakups. Yes, they absolutely suck. I'm not going to sugarcoat that. Breakups can take you to some really dark and hard places, but I really do think they are also necessary in getting you closer to what's actually meant for you, right? You can learn so much from yourself from a breakup. They can end up being extremely important, transformative periods of your life. When a relationship ends, that just means that there

• 4:25Alex Cooper?

  is a lesson you still need to learn before you're able to choose and find that right partner. And if done right, a breakup can completely redirect your life into something so much better. But I also get that there is so much fear, right? That comes along with realizing you need to end a relationship. It can seem like you're completely losing the version of your future that you thought you were heading towards. The marriage, the house, vacations, kids, whatever you were looking forward to with this person. You now need to accept that you aren't heading down the path that you pictured and fantasized about and dreamt about.

• 5:08Alex Cooper?

  And sometimes that can make it feel like you're failing when a relationship ends. Sometimes it's not even about the person and actually losing them. It's also just, it's mostly about the idea of everything that you were building towards. And I just want to say, the reality actually is, is that you are succeeding at moving into a healthier stage in your life. If you are having to go through a breakup, that was not meant for you and you have to believe you're moving towards something healthier.

• 5:38Alex Cooper?

  But again, I know when we're in the thick of it, it is really hard to feel like something good is waiting on the other side. We always have our friends being like, girl, it's gonna get better. And your parents are like, it's gonna get better. And you say the same thing to your friends when they're going through it. But when it is you, it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I also think that we can fuck ourselves over with worrying about what other people are going to think about our relationship ending. And it sucks to admit, but it's true. I think it can be really overwhelming, wondering, you know, how is their family gonna take it? How is their mom gonna take it? How are his friends gonna react? Will people in my life be disappointed or mad?

• 6:21Alex Cooper?

  Like, that's a legit fear, right? It's this huge mental load because society still puts so much pressure on women specifically to be in relationships. And it's really scary to feel like you're not hitting an expectation. But I am here to remind you, daddy gang, that you have to remember, no one else has to live with your choices but you. After a breakup, people are gonna make dumb comments like, "Oh my God, you guys were so cute together." Or like, "Oh my God, I'm gonna be honest, like, I fucking hated that guy. Thank God, he's gone." Either way, you're gonna get in your head and start spiraling if you put too much weight on how other people are viewing your situation.

• 7:04Alex Cooper?

  The truth is, and I hate to say it, but no one actually cares. No one cares as much as you think they do. Because the decision on your relationship only actually affects your life.

• 7:20Alex Cooper?

  The only thing that you need to do when it comes to thinking about other people is remind yourself that they're on their own path and it doesn't need to look like your life, right? What they're up to doesn't really impact you. So every breakup that I've been through, I now, again, emphasis on now, can look back today and be like, "Seriously? Thank God that didn't work out." And I have been through some pretty rough and heartbreaking breakups. In my worst breakup, I was completely blindsided. I remember feeling like the rug was just ripped from out under me on everything I had pictured for my future life.

• 8:05Alex Cooper?

  I can quickly tell the story. If you are OG Daddy Gang, you probably already know this one. But, um, so one of, yeah, the worst breakup of my life. It happened in my early twenties when I was living in New York City after college. And I was living with my boyfriend. We were super in love, or so I thought. And we were always talking about the future and marriage and kids and where we wanted to buy a house. And at that time, we were so deeply ingrained in each other's lives. Like, you guys know how it goes. My friends were his friends, his friends were my friends. All of our free time was spent together.

• 8:49Alex Cooper?

  And because of that, understandably, I truly couldn't imagine a life without this person in it.

• 9:00Alex Cooper?

  And then I found out that he was cheating on me.

• 9:08Alex Cooper?

  And I still was willing to try to work through it. Because again, I just couldn't see a future for myself that he didn't exist in. He was my complete life at that point. So we did couples therapy. We went to like one fucking session and I could see that he wasn't really

• 9:36Alex Cooper?

  going to fully take accountability. And so I kind of ended up like taking the blame of like, well, I could have done this better. And I could have done this and maybe that's what drove you to feel that way. And I just tried to make it work.

• 9:52Alex Cooper?

  And I was essentially willing to do anything, even though in my gut, I knew this relationship wasn't working.

• 10:01Alex Cooper?

  But it's hard again to see when you're in it and you'll put up with things that once you get out, you wouldn't put up with, but when you're in it, it's really hard to be objective with yourself. And then one day, I will never forget this. It was a gorgeous fall Saturday in New York. My best friend was in town and I told my boyfriend that I was going to take her around. And we were just going to go around the city and have like a fun little girls' day. And we kissed goodbye. All was fine. I headed out. I didn't hear from him all day, but I wasn't too concerned.

• 10:39Alex Cooper?

  And then when I got back to our apartment,

• 10:44Alex Cooper?

  as I walked into our lobby, my doorman stopped me.

• 10:51Alex Cooper?

  And he looked at me and he said,

• 10:55Alex Cooper?

  Alex, I'm so sorry,

• 10:58Alex Cooper?

  but you're not allowed to go upstairs.

• 11:03Alex Cooper?

  I was like, wait, I'm sorry, like, I live here, like, what do you, I live here. Like, I was so confused. I'm like, what do you mean, I can't go upstairs? Like, all of my stuff is upstairs. My life is up there. I'm just trying to go home to my apartment. Like, what is going on? And before I could get any answers, he just proceeded to lead me towards a storage closet. And inside were garbage bags. Just a bunch of garbage bags filled with all of my clothes, all of my belongings,

• 11:44Alex Cooper?

  everything I owned, laptops, cards, everything had been thrown into garbage bags and tossed out of my apartment.

• 11:55Alex Cooper?

  And when I tried to call my boyfriend and figure out what was going on, I got no response. He was completely ghosting me and he essentially ended our relationship without even having the breakup conversation. I remember I went on to social media that day to see if I could even just like figure out where he was. And he was at a football game with his friends, drinking beers. He's at the Giants game. I was like, oh, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I'm fucked. And I'm like, sitting on the side of the road with garbage bags, calling my parents, like begging them to come pick me up and help me because I'm like, I don't know what to do.

• 12:35Alex Cooper?

  I literally, in that moment, remember tears coming down, but also feeling numb, but confused and scared and all the things. And I remember just like, I literally thought my life was fucking over. I was so lost after this happened to me. I felt so discarded and disrespected. Like, you cheated. I agreed to stay and try to make it work. And now, out of random, you're just, you're done? And so I had no apartment, no boyfriend. It was like everything in my life that gave me a sense of stability just suddenly was ripped from out under me.

• 13:20Alex Cooper?

  And it's so crazy to think now I'm sitting here almost 10 years later and I am so grateful that all of that happened. Yes, I was heartbroken. I was embarrassed. I was devastated, but I was also forced to literally pick myself up off the side of the road, get my shit together, and really look at myself and look inward. After I got broken up with, I needed to figure out what I actually wanted out of life. And had this not happened,

• 14:03Alex Cooper?

  I probably would have continued trying to make it work with this guy and would have sacrificed parts of myself to just preserve what was left of the relationship. I know it wouldn't have lasted forever, right? But it probably could have kept going. And I felt without a doubt rock bottom. Cause I had completely merged my identity with this person. I was relying on this person. It was just, it had just gotten so toxic. And even though it felt rock bottom, I got through it. I got a shitty little apartment that I rented for a couple of months off of Facebook Marketplace.

• 14:47Alex Cooper?

  I started figuring out what actually made me happy. And guess what that directly led me to?

• 15:00Alex Cooper?

  Right after that breakup, I went on to star call her daddy. So like, if I really look back, I want to send all of those fuckers flowers that made that breakup happen and be like kisses. Thank God. Thank you so fucking much. Like getting dumped set set me on a complete new path that changed my life for the better. In the moment, I was like, I'm, I actually feel like I'm gonna die. And meanwhile, little did I fucking know. I didn't see any of that at the time. I wouldn't have believed that things were gonna get better. My mom kept saying, it's gonna get better. I was like, you don't get it. You don't get it. Because after something flips your whole life upside

• 15:45Alex Cooper?

  down, understandably, it can feel impossible to move on. But daddy gang, listen to me when I say, I promise you, you can and you will get through it. If you know your relationship is coming to an end, or maybe you're fresh out of a breakup and you're struggling with how to cope, this episode is about to be for you. Okay. Today, I want to share some breakup wisdom. Whether you are the one who's doing the dumping, or the one who just got dumped, we've got you.

• 16:22Alex Cooper?

  What? We? Who's we? What are you talking about, Alex? I thought this is another solo. No, honey. We. I am not gonna do this whole episode alone. There is one girl who has been by my side for all of my terrible breakups. And I have been there through all of hers. So daddy gang, make some motherfucking noise for Lauren. Hi, Lauren.

• 17:07Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. As you guys know, I have basically been working double time throughout this pregnancy to bank episodes for the month that I will be on maternity leave. And a few weeks ago, it all just kind of hit me. I was like, wait, wait, wait, where did summer go? And I was talking about this with Matt and he ended up surprising me with a little staycation. He booked this beautiful home on Airbnb in Malibu so that we could pretend like it was summer while it's still warm here in LA. The weather was perfect. The house was right on the beach, which was so relaxing and amazing. It also had just such a gorgeous kitchen. We stayed in, we cooked dinner together. And you know, Daddy gave me my cooking skills. They have,

• 17:51Alex Cooper?

  they have gotten better. They've gotten a little bit better through pregnancy. But it was really just so nice to unplug and spend that time together before the baby comes and we move into this completely new chapter of our life. So whether you're planning a cozy weekend away, or you're just looking for an excuse to unplug for a few days, October is the perfect time to get out of town. Booking a home on Airbnb makes the trip feel even more special because everyone has room to actually spend time together. Whether you're coming back after a long day out, or you're also just cooking dinner, Airbnb makes settling in even easier because you can order groceries for your trip and have all the snacks and essentials delivered after you arrive.

• 18:34Alex Cooper?

  My favorite fall trips always have one thing in common, an amazing place to say. That's why I always look at Airbnb first. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by My Mochi. Everyone is talking about Dubai chocolate, chocolate with pistachio flavored cream. Well, now Mochi Ice Cream has its own version of Dubai chocolate. Spoiler alert, guys, it's delicious. My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream is premium pistachio flavored ice cream with cayf and chocolatey flavored bits.

• 19:09Alex Cooper?

  Wrapped in sweet chewy chocolate flavored dough. It's only 80 calories per piece, nut free and easy to share because it comes in a box with six individual snacks. I am obsessed with Maimochi. And when you give me that plus a good chocolate, I'm gonna have that in my freezer. Every single night, I'm gonna pop one in. I am obsessed. I love it so much. Taste the joy with every bite of Maimochi ice cream. Look for the green and brown box of Maimochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream in the freezer aisle of your local grocery store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Daddy gang, you know, I'm a little skeptical of the internet at times, aren't we all?

• 19:54Alex Cooper?

  But one thing I absolutely love is how much easier it has made starting a business. No matter what stage you're at, Shopify is the best place to start and grow a business. With Shopify, you get to own your storefront while still being discovered everywhere from Google to YouTube to the shop app. They also let you sell across TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, even directly inside AI chats. So your customers can shop wherever they already are and your products can appear directly alongside content. So as someone is scrolling, they just become part of their feed. Shopify truly makes it so much easier for customers to discover and buy products wherever they're browsing. And this has been such a game changer for unwell.

• 20:39Alex Cooper?

  I love being able to sell merch directly on all the Call Her Daddy channels. So everything is in one place for the daddy gang. So, ready to add entrepreneur to your list of accomplishments? Head to Shopify.com/daddy. That's Shopify.com/daddy. Okay, Lauren, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  Thank you. I've never been invited to podcasts in this studio before.

• 21:05Alex Cooper?

  I know. I, I think it's time. You deserve it.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  I've made it.

• 21:10Alex Cooper?

  This means literally nothing. We were just saying like, oh, I feel like we, this is a more serious topic and let's really like do a full interview conversation style. Okay, yeah, so you heard my breakup story.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, every time you say it, it's always like. Damn, like I forgot that happened.

• 21:27Alex Cooper?

  I know.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  And I can't believe that happened and I was literally there for it.

• 21:30Alex Cooper?

  No, you guys, not only were you there for it, but I have it ingrained in my mind that when I was going through that breakup and I found that random, because this is before Lauren and I lived together. I found that like random spot that I got for two months and I called you, you came over because you were living in New Jersey.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was living Hoboken.

• 21:48Alex Cooper?

  And she comes over and I'm, I, all I have in this place that I rent for, like get for the night is this like mattress on the floor.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, because you were doing like a subletter situation with like random roommates.

• 21:58Alex Cooper?

  Yes, and I like roll up, we've got the mattress on the ground and I remember Lauren's looking at me and she's like, "Let's go get a sandwich." And so we walked to this deli, we get a bunch of like shit food, we go back, we both like lay on my mattress and I just cry in your arms.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  I think that's what we did that night, though.

• 22:16Alex Cooper?

  That's all we did. We just slept and cried. And you were like, "Dear, dear, dear Alex." Meanwhile, you're like, "Who didn't see this one coming?" But again, I think that's like a perspective of a friend versus the person in it because you've been through breakups too. And it's like, when the person is going through it, the friends in the back of their head are a little bit like, "I knew this was coming most of the time."

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I wasn't saying that to you that night.

• 22:36Alex Cooper?

  At all. You were like, "This is horrible. How dare he."

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Like, "Oh my God, I didn't see it coming. Like, I can't believe, like, you're probably so, like, I was not telling you, like, Alex, like, you needed to get out. Like, you don't, it was too early for that."

• 22:48Alex Cooper?

  No, no, no. And I think what's so weird about breakups is like, I've been the person that's done the breaking up and I've been broken up with and both sting so much. So Lauren, why don't you take us through this conversation today? Really lead us in.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  So I have like a few things that I like, topics that I want to talk about that I think apply to both whether you're breaking up or getting broken up with.

• 23:11Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  Um, and the first one I want to talk about is the closure conversation and kind of hear your thoughts on when you think closure is necessary, when to have the conversation, what to say in the conversation and kind of both of our experiences with it.

• 23:27Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 01

  But let's start, because I even have more questions about this, with your breakup you just described. So can you like take it me through and talk about, like, when you had that first conversation? Talk to me about that.

• 23:38Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. Well, That's interesting of like when you deserve closure because I think my first reaction goes to this is a pretty perfect example because I think you deserve closure when you're blindsided, right?

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:50Alex Cooper?

  Like I was completely blindsided. So it was like, no, no, no, you now cannot disappear off the face of the earth and just never give me an explanation as to why this is happening, especially since he was the one that cheated. I was like, wait, I've put in so much work. Like if anything, I should be the one breaking up with you. Like what the fuck? So yeah, it was pretty brutal. I didn't hear from him. I'm again, and this is like 10 years ago. So this is just like, from what I remember is about a couple of days went by. And then I got an email from him.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  I forgot about that.

• 24:21Alex Cooper?

  I know that email, but I think I remember, I will never forget like the fucking subject line was like hypocrite. And I was like, oh, hello. But I like saw his name. So I was like happy and also terrified. And we then went back and forth on email for about 24 hours. And it started with him being like super nasty and it was clear that like his friends had gotten into his head. And then slowly it got to him being like, I've never been more miserable. I miss you so much. And that really fucked with my head because as hard as a breakup is, for those 72 hours, I was slowly trying to, like I said, pick myself up off the side of the road and really start to like repair. I was in no way, shape or form ready to completely be like, all right, I'm back on my feet.

• 25:07Alex Cooper?

  But you start to grieve. So then for him to come back and be like, I miss you was so disorienting. But I think I also clung to it because it felt like, it, I don't know, it felt like, why wouldn't I take that? Right? Like I was angry, but I also, when you're angry at the person that's breaking up with you, there's also a part of you that's like, but they also were the closest person to you in your life. So I was kind of like wanting to get closer to him again.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Conversation that you guys had going into that, were you hoping to get back together?

• 25:40Alex Cooper?

  I think I was just looking for some form of, I know this is fucked up to say, but like closure in the concept of like somewhat getting my power back. I felt so embarrassed and hurt that I felt like when he was telling me that he loved me and like he would, I remember him like texting me after we transitioned and he unblocked me. Um, and we got back to texting. He was like, I'm still your person, right? And so imagine the mindfuck, which I think we should get into today is like, I'm looking for closure, but he's still saying, I love you. You're still my person. So it's like, but why did then did you break up with me? And I think he kind of was unresolved in what he wanted. And so it made it really, really hard on me. And so the closure ended up lasting for like three months. We ended up

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Ongoing conversations?

• 26:26Alex Cooper?

  Ongoing.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Like trying to get back together, just trying to like, figure out like,

• 26:30Alex Cooper?

  I think it was a little

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Are we making the right decision? Is this really over?

• 26:34Alex Cooper?

  I think that was like, I think a part of us knew it was over. But then we wanted to like, see if we could relive it for a second. And maybe like, maybe we could make it work. And it was so clear that there was so much hurt on my end of like, you disrespected me. I mean, he had publicly tweeted our breakup. I guess when I look back, the closure was not the closure I would suggest for anyone listening is like, you should not allow closure to be that long and to continue to be that long. Cause you're really only hurting yourself by engaging in it. But who am I to say at the same time? Because it's like, well, I lived it and I did that.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  So that was going to be my next question, like now where you are and like the experiences you have, the other people you've dated, the therapy you've done, what advice would you give now?

• 27:23Alex Cooper?

  Okay. So I think my biggest advice, which is really, really hard again. And I'm giving you the advice that I wish I could have given myself is like, trying to avoid getting so into the weeds when you're having a breakup conversation, when you're the person that's getting broken up with. Because for example, I remember saying to him, like, we literally were like, looking at houses in Westchester. We were talking about getting a dog, like we, like, what do you mean? So like, how did this happen? And so pausing right there, I'm asking him like, how were we talking and planning our future? And then you're doing this to me. That's like something I needed to work on in therapy because what I now have perspective

• 28:03Alex Cooper?

  on is I was asking those things because my reality had just been completely shifted and it was now distorted and literally less than 10 minutes ago at one point, I was like, oh my gosh, I wonder like what color we should paint the walls of that house that we're looking at to then all of a sudden, he's no longer in my life. But asking the person like, but so did you not mean it about the Westchester house? No, most of the times they do mean it about the house and the planning and everything, but something shifted for them. And so getting so in the weeds of like, okay, but what about when we were looking for a dog? Did you know then? You're only going to upset yourself more and they are not going to give you the answer that you want. So try not to get so deep into like, but this,

• 28:47Alex Cooper?

  this, this, this, and just I think try as hard as you can to stay more high level about like, do you have an idea of like, when you knew, what is the biggest factor for this? And like, was there anything that we could have each done? Or have you known this for a while? Like, it's pretty much that.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  And I think you can kind of get clarity on like, is this done done? And like, do you see this as like completely not being fixable and like not holding on to hope? And if you're the person doing the breakup or initiating the closer conversation, like not giving false hope.

• 29:24Alex Cooper?

  No, and I think that that is one of the biggest traps on both sides that people get into because most of the time, even if it's a nasty breakup, this is someone that you were in love with, you sleep with, you are building a life with. When the person that's getting broken up with looks at the person and it's like, wait, but we but like, so this is it? I think the person that is doing the breaking up, there's a part of them that is like, if they loved you at all, is trying to ease the blow in any capacity.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  You think it feels better if you're like, well, like, maybe there's a chance sometime.

• 29:57Alex Cooper?

  And it's like, do not do that.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  That makes it worse.

• 29:59Alex Cooper?

  Cause it feels better. It's selfish. That that is you being selfish. If you're the one breaking up with someone and they ask you if it's completely over and you're like, well, maybe I don't know, like, let's, we just need some time. Do not do that, especially if you know that's not your true answer, because you're leading them on and it actually is so much fucking better if you just close the door. Like you guys, as I'm saying this, I'm realizing and we've talked about this before, Lauren, like, I don't know who I am to be giving advice. I guess now because I've like found a relationship that is working and works, but I have never ever in the history of all of my relationships ever been able to do a clean break. I have never been able to be like, okay, this is over.

• 30:40Alex Cooper?

  Goodbye. I have always lingered. Most of the time I'm the one that's doing the breaking up, except for that really, that tough one. We still lingered. When I've been breaking up with people, I still am going back. They're coming back and we're, and it is so fucking messy. Again, I think it depends on what point of your life you're at. Like I can sit here and tell my college bitches, like, guys, don't do that. Who am I fucking kidding you?

• 31:04Speaker 01

  It's so hard.

• 31:05Alex Cooper?

  It's so hard. It's so fun. Like it's so fucked up to be like, oh my God, fucking, then you see him in the fucking dining hall or you see him at the frat party and then like you're getting each other jealous. So it's like, I don't want to also be like, you know, don't go back and have a clean cut. If you're engaging in a little less mature relationships, I think that's normal. If you're really talking about life, partner, marriage kind of shit, you gotta close the fucking door right then and there.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Kind of keeping on this like closure conversation.

• 31:34Alex Cooper?

  Why don't I turn the tables on you, you little bitch? Because Lauren, we lived a breakup of yours and you've broken up with two people.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  I've ended two serious relationships.

• 31:45Alex Cooper?

  Yes, you've ended and um, you've gotten better. That's so funny to say, like you've gotten better at it. The first one I remember Lauren's like going to break up.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  We had to call your mom that morning. I'm breaking up with my college boyfriend. We're living in New York City.

• 31:59Alex Cooper?

  And I'm like, look at me in the eyes. Not more than an hour. Okay. I know that it's tempting because at that point you were like, he's going to be so blindsided and like, I need to really ease in. And I was like, not more than an hour. I'm not fucking kidding you. I think it's five hours later. I'm looking at your location being like, they're getting back together. They're getting back together or something's happening. Talk to me about that breakup of how you handled that conversation and like any advice you have for people or like learnings you had from that.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  I think like my biggest thing that I went into that one with was I was going to lead with, like we were just going to sit down. I was just going to lead with the line. I'm sorry, I'm not in love with you and I'm breaking up with you.

• 32:39Alex Cooper?

  We practiced it so many times.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  And like even your face.

• 32:42Alex Cooper?

  We add a little bit more emotion. She was like, literally, I remember telling Lauren, you have to let him know you're not in love with him anymore. And Lauren was like, okay, I'm not in love with you. And I'm like, Lauren, Lauren can be so like analytical, but I was like, no, no, no, like, like welt up a little tear. I'm like, Lauren.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  Well, the whole like thinking behind it was that like, we weren't sure if I was going to get literally anything else across. So I'm like, I just need to like rip the Band-Aid off immediately and legalize that line.

• 33:07Alex Cooper?

  So why do we think that?

• 33:08Speaker 01

  I wasn't in therapy then. I don't know. I was kind of like avoidant. I don't know what we thought, but we were just like, I need to get in there, sit down, look him in the eyes and say, I'm sorry, I'm not in love with you and I'm breaking up with you.

• 33:18Alex Cooper?

  Wait, I'm literally listening to us and I'm like, that is horrible. We were like, we thought we were so locked in. We were like, rehearse it again. Wait, one more time. She's walking out the door. I'm like, one more time. She's like, I'm not in love with you. I'm like, oh man, it's gonna be great. That is not the way.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  No, I was gonna say, I actually have a different opinion on that now.

• 33:38Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Because one of the things I have written, one of the things I had written down was when you're breaking up with someone, can you say like, I still love you? Is that fucked up? And if you're getting broken up with, can you ask like, do you still love me? And if they say yes, like, what does that mean?

• 33:54Alex Cooper?

  Two things. Number one, if you're getting broken up with, I will actually fucking punch you in the head. If you're like, but do you still love me? Shut the fuck up, girl. Take the fucking L and your pride.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Actually though, you feel that way?

• 34:07Alex Cooper?

  Lauren, what do you mean? If someone is like, I don't want to.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  We've been dating for like five years and like, I thought we were about to get married and like, you're breaking up with me. I can't be like, so do you not love me anymore? Oh my God, I just said that.

• 34:20Alex Cooper?

  Do you see how crazy and delusional that is? It's like, does it matter? He's breaking up with you.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Okay. So if you're getting broken up with, don't ask, do you still love me? But if you're breaking up with someone, because now I have thoughts on this, but I'm gonna hear your thoughts first. If you're breaking up with someone, can you say like, I still love you?

• 34:38Alex Cooper?

  Okay. First of all, I just want to be clear. Clearly we're not, we haven't had the best track record with this.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  No, my second one was better. I spent thousands of dollars in therapy preparing for that breakup.

• 34:49Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But still, we could have done better.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  We, listen, we.

• 34:54Alex Cooper?

  Oh, we did plan that one. We're getting to that. But for this, I think. I'm want to be clear, I'm saying, don't do that. I'm not saying I haven't done it, or I like, I get it, it can happen. If you're like, but do you still love me? Because I think it's a natural thing of like, maybe it's your only hope left of being like, wait, this part of this was real, right?

• 35:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:12Alex Cooper?

  And again, that goes to the person getting broken up with. You're trying to find some semblance of like, your reality, and you're trying to ground yourself in like, I just got fucking whiplash out of this thing. This has been my life. Now it's not. Hold on, give me one morsel of like, hope that I wasn't fucking missing everything.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  And I'm not like crazy. Like, am I just like a dumbass blind, like?

• 35:34Alex Cooper?

  Yes. But to answer that, I think that it is not appropriate to say,

• 35:42Alex Cooper?

  I'm still in love with you.

• 35:46Alex Cooper?

  I think that's beyond inappropriate. If you're breaking up with someone and saying, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you anymore. This isn't going to work out, but I'm still madly in love with you. Oh, okay, Fernando. Well, what do I do with that? Like, awesome. Should we go to dinner? Like, okay. I mean, because that's, that's where the person getting broken up with, and you've seen the movies where they're kind of like, so, are you still coming to my cousin's wedding this weekend? Like, what are we doing? I think that you can say, I still have

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Love for you.

• 36:20Alex Cooper?

  And I will always like, feel love towards you, but I just think, because you cannot be madly in love with someone and be like, I'm leaving you unless what I talked about the other week was like, I am madly in love with you, but you don't want kids and I do. And so like, I have to leave for myself and for you. This is not, that, if it's a very specific.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:43Alex Cooper?

  Baby, if you're just like, oh, it ain't working, but like, so, that's with you. Where do we go? Do you disagree? You disagree?

• 36:51Speaker 01

  No, I, I, no, this is the evolution from breakup one to breakup two for me. Breakup one, like, I wasn't in love with him. I still had love for him, just because there was so much history there.

• 37:03Alex Cooper?

  And I think you said, I, I like, of course, I still love you.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  No, for some reason in my head, we drilled it in that I have to go in there and say, I'm not in love with you.

• 37:12Alex Cooper?

  You were like, you disgust me. He's like, wait, what? You're like, I don't know. I just thought that was a pleasure.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  In my mind, it was like, if I even say like, I have love for you, like, that's misleading.

• 37:21Alex Cooper?

  You know what I think it was? And this is why that one was really difficult, is because the length of it?

• 37:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 37:29Alex Cooper?

  Seven fucking years. I mean, that's longer than most marriages.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  I felt like I needed to like, go in and be like,

• 37:35Alex Cooper?

  We outie. We fucking gone.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  I needed a hard break.

• 37:39Alex Cooper?

  So, yeah, that's true. I think we thought he was gonna like, fight you a little bit on that. We were worried he was gonna be like, Lauren, calm down, like, hold on, and talk you lightly out of it. In a way that you were like, oh, I'll fully get talked out of it. I'll stay another year.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:52Alex Cooper?

  Cause you would already been. You would already, guys.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  I'd already stayed, I'd already stayed five extra.

• 37:58Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I was gonna say, for context, for context, we knew about like, year two. And then all of a sudden, she's hitting year seven and she's like, what's another year? So I was like, you will not get talked out of this? That's why we had.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  That's why I went down and laid the hammer down.

• 38:15Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so any learnings from that breakup?

• 38:17Speaker 01

  I think my breakup one was cold.

• 38:19Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, she's cold as ice.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  So breakup two,

• 38:24Speaker 01

  I was in a very different place in life. I'd been through therapy. This was a much more mature relationship.

• 38:28Alex Cooper?

  Let's talk about this.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  So I think something I was thinking about the other day, like, knowing we were gonna like, talk about this, when I was living with him and we were having these. Very like, everything on the table conversations, acknowledging like, can we make this work? Is there compromise here? Are these differences too big to move forward? And when we were living together and like just in this house that we both lived in and that kind of represented like us trying to like have this adult relationship and like look to the future. I just like couldn't get myself to end it and like couldn't really picture ending it.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  And then I, we were going on tour for like tour two and I came out to LA to do rehearsals for like a few weeks with you. And like getting out of our shared space and kind of just having time away and it was at the point where we were having those like every single night, those like exhausting conversations where you wake up like, I'm so like emotionally exhausted, like I can't see straight, like I don't even have the energy to like. You guys were little, it wasn't even like fighting? No, it was just like, we were hitting such walls because we just wanted such different things. And I was just so emotionally exhausted and like also like confused

• 39:48Speaker 01

  that it took me like physically leaving our shared space and like, not that like I got to LA and you sat, you didn't like sit me down and be like, you need to leave or like anything like that. It was just, I think the act of like, which is my advice for people, if you're in something like I just described where you feel like you're in this cycle and like we just keep hitting the same dead end over and over and over and you have that gut feeling. You're just like, I know and I think, but you wake up and like you're kind of oscillating, like you go to sleep knowing you want to do it. Then you wake up and you see him and you're like, but wait, do I? It just made like the world of difference getting out of our shared space, having a week away.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  And then I literally, I remember it, I woke up, you had, we hadn't really talked about anything. I woke up, we sat at the breakfast table and I was just like, Alex, I need to end my relationship. And you were kinda like, wait, what?

• 40:41Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I remember that too, because I remember where, again, we had gotten to that point where you were so drained. And I agree with you. I think had you been not able to get away, I think that it probably would have gone on longer.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  Death. Oh, I know for a fact.

• 41:00Alex Cooper?

  Literally, Daddy Gang, even if you go away for a girl's trip, if you go stay with your parents.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  I was gonna say, like, go home for a weekend. Like, ask your friend, like, can I sleep over a night or two? And just like.

• 41:09Alex Cooper?

  Clear your head. Cause I agree with you. You were like, but then we're like, had, we had a nice dinner.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:16Alex Cooper?

  So then like, does that mean I should stay? And it's like, when you're in the weeds, again, of like, life, and then you have these moments where you're, it starts to kinda fuck with you because you have one little good moment. And then you can be like, okay, I can push it off. No, maybe it is gonna get better.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  There was still love there. So that, like you were saying, was what was confusing. Like, we'd have this fight and like, be crying and be like, can we make it work? And then the next morning, we'd be laughing over breakfast. And I'd be like, I'm so fucking confused.

• 41:42Alex Cooper?

  There is nothing that makes me happier than when I get a compliment from someone and they say, Alex, you smell delicious, okay? I mean, is there anything better than someone telling you, you smell good? No. And you wanna know what I'm wearing? You already know what I'm wearing. Yves Saint Laurent Beauty. Okay, let's go. If you are looking for a new statement fragrance, Yves Saint Laurent's Iconic Lieve Collection is everything you've been looking for to turn heads and feel your most confident. The vanilla fragrances are all the rage. And Yves Saint Laurent's Lieve Vanilla Couture is the best one out there. Listen to me, Daddy Gang. It's Lieve's first ever limited edition fragrance. It's sweet yet bold with

• 42:26Alex Cooper?

  rich vanilla caviar, rum liqueur, absolute lavender, and orange blossom. The most delectable version of Lieve. Of course, the original Lieve Eau de Parfum never misses either. It's iconic fragrance, is infused with lavender and orange blossom. It's the most amazing warm floral for every day, which you've heard me talk about. But Daddy Gang, this is your sign, okay? Lieve Vanilla Couture. Boom, here we go. You are gonna wanna be smelling amazing. And there you go. Shop now at Sephora. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs,

• 43:09Alex Cooper?

  where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. So anytime that I am finding myself having a habit that I just cannot kick, I'm like, okay, I need to talk about this in therapy. Listen, guys, everyone has habits, mindsets, or patterns that don't serve them. But recognizing what they are and learning how to let them go can be so important. It's literally the first step towards creating meaningful change. And therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to explore where those patterns come from

• 43:51Alex Cooper?

  and develop healthier habits and mindsets for a more fulfilling life. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp has served millions of people globally. BetterHelp makes it easier to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours on-hand experience and hold all required education, training, and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers and counselors. So Daddy Gang, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy.

• 44:35Alex Cooper?

  That's betterh-e-l-p.com/daddy. And so you do it on tour.

• 44:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:41Alex Cooper?

  It went as good as it could go.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:44Alex Cooper?

  Now, let's fast forward to closure. Talk to me about that part, because you ended up going back and seeing him and going back to your shared space because you had to get your shit.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  I think like the main driving force of the closure conversation was like logistic-based because we lived together. And we needed to figure out, like, when I was moving out... What, how we were dividing up all the stuff and the furniture. So that was like the main reason that we were having the closure conversation. And I also kind of just like opened the floor and was like, you didn't ask a single question really during the breakup. So like if you need me to answer anything or explain anything during the closure conversation, like I'm open to do that.

• 45:25Alex Cooper?

  That's really nice.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Um.

• 45:27Alex Cooper?

  Most people wouldn't do that. That's really nice.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you.

• 45:29Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  I mean, I cared about him.

• 45:31Alex Cooper?

  Totally. So I think overall, closure conversations, a lot of times I've learned, don't go in asking for the weeds. Don't ask all these. You can ask a couple of questions, but at the end of the day, most of the closure is going to come from within yourself. Um, after closure, without a doubt, something that I failed at, but we should talk about now that I'm reformed, um, is no contact. Let's talk about no contact, Lauren. How are your thoughts on it? Have you been able to achieve it? Cause we know I didn't. Tell me.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  I think if someone were to ask me and say, like, what, if you can give one piece of a breakup advice, what would it be? Without a question, no contact.

• 46:15Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I wish I could have done that ever. The, the self restraint is impeccable over there.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  Oh, well, um, okay, I'm lied. So I did go no contact in theory in the sense that like after the closure conversation, we like never texted. I didn't have social media at the time. So like I had.

• 46:37Alex Cooper?

  That makes it so much easier.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  So I had no social media to follow him or anyone. And we like, really didn't even have like a mutual friend. So like, it was like no contact and like I actually had like not the slightest clue what he was up to. Except I did this one like slightly creepy thing that was like my like. Back doorway into like a little bit of contact.

• 46:59Alex Cooper?

  You don't come off as a creep, so I'm ready for whatever this is about to be.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  I don't think I'm normally a creep. I think this was just like my one little thing.

• 47:06Alex Cooper?

  Creeper mentality.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. This is like my one thing where I kind of like look back and I was like, oh, whoa, whoa.

• 47:13Alex Cooper?

  I mean, breakups can make you go fucking crazy.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:16Alex Cooper?

  Okay, what did you do?

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Um, so the year prior for Christmas, I got his parents one of those digital photo frames that you can control on the phone app. So I had the phone app for his parents' um, photo frame. And I still like had the login, was like wifi up to date, getting all the live time. So the photo frame app became like my social media and I would just go in daily and see what photos the family were uploading to the family photo frame. I watched him go to a, a baseball game the week after we broke up. Uh, one of his little cousin's birthdays was a few weeks later. They looked pretty happy there.

• 47:58Alex Cooper?

  And you're like waiting to see him pop up with a new girl. How long did you do this, Lauren?

• 48:03Speaker 01

  Just like a month. And then I was, and then I was like, and then I was like, I need to delete this photo frame app. But, but I think they may be caught on because like you can like see like the little bubbles, like who's in the app, like who's logged into the photo frame. And I think they saw me in there because they then like really slowed the ropes on like the amount of photos they were uploading.

• 48:22Alex Cooper?

  Fucking creeper. They're like, I mean, Lauren's in here every fucking day, 24 hours. That's, yeah, that's gonna do it. Um, that's creep. That's creep mentality, but I agree.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  That's like creeping on the family.

• 48:34Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah. That's like a different level of creep. You're kind of like, what's your dad up to? And it's like, why do you care? I think that that's normal though, not that.

• 48:43Speaker 01

  To go on the person's photo, family photo frames?

• 48:47Alex Cooper?

  I think the curiosity, when you know someone's fucking family and have been to family dinners and functions, it's weird to just be like, okay.

• 49:00Alex Cooper?

  See you around or I guess I won't like it is an odd feeling to lose essentially this new community that you built into your life through this person. It's an extension of your life and then it gets completely cut off and every weekend you were going and seeing his family and now they're gone. You kind of need to wean off, you know? And so no contact can be a little difficult because when you go cold turkey, you can start to have like the jitters of like, oh my God, I think I'm like, I'm like, it's, it's too much. So I agree. I think social media plays that part, but my biggest advice for social media was, I remember when door number three and I, if you guys remember door number three, um, we had a very

• 49:40Alex Cooper?

  serious relationship and we ended so cordially, which is such a weird-

• 49:47Speaker 01

  It's almost harder.

• 49:48Alex Cooper?

  Oh, it's horrible.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:49Alex Cooper?

  And we had a really tough breakup because we were long distance and we decided it wasn't right, but then we continued to follow each other on social media because-

• 50:00Speaker 01

  Thinking you could do it like amicably because there was no bad blood?

• 50:04Alex Cooper?

  Yes. And then I would see him post or post on his story and every single time I saw his face pop up, I had either a negative or positive reaction. Some days I would be laying in bed and I would miss him and then I'm seeing him on social and then I'm romanticizing and then I'm going through our DMs. Sometimes I would see it, but I'm on a date with another guy and I'm like, why am I looking at this shit? And so eventually I did unfollow him and I knew it was the best decision, but it was really difficult because I think as much as I hate to admit this, we all take social media followings and blockings like the fucking word of God. Like people will be like, you unfollowed me? Like, or you're

• 50:49Alex Cooper?

  so fucking immature, whatever.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  That it's almost like a flex. Like, oh no, like we can still follow each other and be cordial.

• 50:54Alex Cooper?

  And it's like, please hear me daddy gang when I say, I would rather you have your now ex get pissed at you temporarily to be like, you're so immature that you can't follow me. And then that be the one conversation and then you keep moving forward rather than you stay following someone and you stay having to follow your life. And listen, you're all like, well, you can just mute the person. No, no, no.

• 51:19Alex Cooper?

  You can feel when you're following someone. Get this person out of your life. I so agree with that. I also think for no contact, something that I would put into the category of no contact, which is really, really, really, really hard is I am someone who takes pride in the amount that I save things. And prior to being married, when I started Call Her Daddy, it, it was like almost validating for me that I had kept all of my exes and I conversation, all of our pictures, all of our screenshots, and then it was great content for Call Her Daddy. And I was like, I knew I needed this one day. But in hindsight, when you do break up with someone, I really, really believe that if

• 52:02Alex Cooper?

  you know in your heart that you're never going to go back to this person, you really should be deleting your text messages with them because in dark moments where you're in bed and it's raining and you've got the notebook on and you're crying, you're like, what did he say to me on December 15th? And you go back to your text and you're reading it and it's only hurting yourself because you're rereading a reality that doesn't exist anymore. And you can trick yourself into being like, I missed that, I want that. But there's a reason it ended. So I would say delete the texts and I'm not saying you have to delete the pictures, but put the pictures on a computer or something that are not. Like a hard drive. Yes, because let me fucking tell you, as a girl that has 500,000 photos on her

• 52:47Alex Cooper?

  phone, when I'm scrolling and I'm like, oh, I need to find that picture from 2020. And I'm like, oh. Or when your phone's like featured photos of the day. And it's like you two cuddling and you're like, no, no, no. So I think delete. No contact though is hard. Let's pivot into when you have a similar friend group. Oh, I've been there. Yes, so have I. Let's talk about that because so.

• 53:13Alex Cooper?

  When you do a breakup, the best success you're gonna have is if you can literally cut off every single form of everything and you act like this person literally died. I know it's morbid, but that's the truth because you need to start to like flush your system of this person and that life that you had with them. When you have a similar friend group, it's close to impossible. And I remember, so I had a boyfriend in college that we were really serious. And when we broke up and I broke up with him, I remember being so resolute in this decision. I knew at the bottom of my heart, I loved him so much as a friend and I just didn't see us romantically lasting. But we were intertwined in everything in college.

• 53:59Alex Cooper?

  And then I will never forget, I think the bar is shut down now. It was called Tees back in the day at BU. We were all at Tees and he shows up with a girl on the field hockey team. And I am like, what is he doing? And in my head, I'm like, he's still mine. Meanwhile, it's like, you broke up with him, Alex, let him go. He's with this girl on the field hockey team and I'm really not proud of this. After like my like third shot, I remember being like, I'm gonna get him back tonight. And I was so immature and I went up to him and I ruined his good thing. And I seduced him into coming back with me and we had sex. And in the morning I woke up being like, why did I do that?

• 54:39Alex Cooper?

  It was like my ego needed to like not let him go, even though I was the one who let him go, but the proximity of seeing him with another woman clouded my judgment so heavily in believing that I still wanted him. But really it was just jealousy and all these things led to, I hurt him because he woke up and he asked me, so what does this mean? And in my heart, I was like, fuck, this means nothing. And so having similar friend groups, I started to realize like, I need to stop when I know he's going to that bar, go to a different fucking bar that night. The temporary annoyance of having to pivot with my friends to go to different places

• 55:23Alex Cooper?

  was worth me able to start to move on and him also being able to move on more importantly. What is your friendship situation?

• 55:34Speaker 01

  My solution is, I think, a little unrealistic, so I'll also give some like realistic solutions. Um, but when I broke up with my college boyfriend in New York, we, my whole New York friend group was our college friend group. Like, we had like the most overlapping possible friend group and that's when I moved. That's when I was like,

• 55:54Alex Cooper?

  You were like a fucking Audi bitch.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. So like, okay, yeah, to backtrack.

• 55:58Alex Cooper?

  She moved from New York to LA.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  So that's when I sat down and I was like, hey, so I'm breaking up with you. I'm not in love with you and in a week I'm moving to LA.

• 56:08Alex Cooper?

  He was like, are you going through an episode or something?

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Like, I actually knew if I did not move, because our lives were so ingrained that like, there's no chance that I would have stuck with the breakup. So, yes, I know that everyone can't just break up with someone and pack up their life and move. I know that's not realistic, but I really do think if you share a friend group, you need to do like, at least one month of, it's gonna be annoying, but like, being mindful of like, we're not gonna go to the same things. And like, asking your friends, asking people, do you know if he's gonna be there? Sorry, can you find out if he's gonna be there? Like, don't just like, do the thing where you go and being like, I don't think he's gonna be there. Like, knowing he probably will and like, because every time you see them, it's just literally like, setting you back and setting you back. And I also think like, don't let it become an ego thing where it's like, well, these are my friends.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Like, he needs to be the one to not come. Like, no.

• 56:59Alex Cooper?

  And when alcohol is involved, oh my God, I just feel like, every time you go out and you run into your ex and everyone's drinking, you're at bars or restaurants or whatever it be, really watch yourself if you know you do have to randomly be in a situation where you're gonna be with a recent ex. I think protect yourself from like, do not overindulge. Maybe don't drink that night because the minute you hit that second drink, he may start to look nice again, or you're looking for a fight. It's gonna go wrong. I agree with you though, Lauren. I think. This is probably one of the hardest situations is when, I mean, even if you have a fucking coworker, that's also fucking horrible.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Because when you go through a breakup, you're like, I want to lean into like the social element to like distract myself. So it's so much harder when you're like, oh, cool. Like now I have to like decide like, is he gonna be there? Am I gonna be there? That's giving me less social opportunities.

• 57:49Alex Cooper?

  I do think though, something that I could give people advice for, if you are in that situation with a friend group, is being really open with your friends. Because I do think sometimes when you are the person that you guys are both in the same friend group, you both broke up. Everyone's kind of like, okay, we know you broke up, but like, we're now not gonna like, not go enjoy our Saturday night because you guys don't want us to all be together.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  But I think you can make that clear. Like, guys, I'm not asking you to pick sides. I just need you to help me because I want to navigate this like the most respectful way.

• 58:21Alex Cooper?

  That's what I'm saying. I think you need to have an honest conversation, being like, guys, I know this is really annoying. Trust me, I didn't want this. Like, I really didn't want this. Like, I knew this had to happen for our relationship, but I didn't want this to impact the friend group. Unfortunately, this is my reality now, and I don't want this to fuck up your plans and everything. I just need you guys, if you don't mind, like, just help me out a little bit here in this transition. And I know it's annoying and I love you guys so much. I think just giving your friends a little bit of that, like, just acknowledgement that you know this is not ideal.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  And you don't want them to pick sides.

• 58:57Alex Cooper?

  At all.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Oh, you know what else this reminds me of? Kind of if you're navigating, I think if you're navigating a shared friend group, or you just have like a few mutual friends.

• 59:06Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Don't do the thing where you start like, sitting people down, like, so do you know if he's going on any dates recently? Like, oh, like, do you know what he's up to?

• 59:15Alex Cooper?

  Like, you literally did?

• 59:18Speaker 01

  I wasn't gonna throw that out there.

• 59:20Alex Cooper?

  You can like rewind and zoom in on Lauren's face. She's like, don't do this. You literally go. Oh my God, Alex calling me out.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  I didn't think you were gonna call me out for that. I didn't even think I told you about that.

• 59:30Alex Cooper?

  I know, sweetie, sweetie. We, I will not specify when and where, but I don't, trust me, you're talking to the queen of the fucking crazy back in the day. Are you kidding me?

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Cause I only have one, I actually only have one mutual friend with my ex.

• 59:46Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  And like, the odds that I see this person are so low. So I'm like, oh my God, the universe like just wants me to like corner this person and like grill them.

• 59:53Alex Cooper?

  Lauren, we get it.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  I'm like going to the bar and being like, you need another drink? You need another drink? I'm buying this like mutual friend, like all of these drinks to get them sauced up and then grill them.

• 1:00:01Alex Cooper?

  You're like, so what's going on? And meanwhile, it's like, you have, that's also what's so fucked. And that's why you'd have to get away from your ex. Is because there's such an ego trip where like you, I couldn't pay you to get back with this man.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:00:14Alex Cooper?

  I couldn't pay you to even kiss this man ever again. You have no interest.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  I was just curious.

• 1:00:19Alex Cooper?

  It's the curiosity.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:00:21Alex Cooper?

  Like I used to have memorized, like grid for grid, row by row, some of the fucking bitches that were dating my exes. I'd be like, wait, why did you delete that picture? It's like from like 15 weeks ago. I'm like, where did the picture go? I was such a creep, a creep on creep, but I get it. And that's natural. So if you can indulge a little, but don't overdo it.

• 1:00:59Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home,

• 1:01:41Alex Cooper?

  drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. So Daddy Gang, whether you have overlapping friend groups or not, one of my biggest pieces of advice is after a breakup, you have to switch up more than one thing from your routine. You just lost your girlfriend or your boyfriend. That is a big blow, but you now need to kind of like implement a couple other changes. So there is not just one glaring gap in the

• 1:02:25Alex Cooper?

  corner of like, I lost this person, but I'm still going to our favorite restaurant every Friday and I'm still going to the workout class we frequented. Like change it the fuck up. So you almost just feel like you're entering into a new season of your life and you're trying new different routines. Because I also think that can be extremely helpful in enforcing you to reengage and like stimulate yourself and focus on things. Like literally as dumb as like, if you went to the same coffee shop when he would sleep over and you would go down to this one coffee shop, go to a different one. Cause guess what's gonna happen? Not only are you not gonna think about your ex, you're also going to be stimulated by a new experience that then you're not even thinking about your ex. Oh, this new coffee shop. Oh, this

• 1:03:09Alex Cooper?

  aesthetic is cute. Oh, I just met this cool barista. Like change it the fuck up.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Oh, fully. I was even thinking like, this is like such a smaller example. Um, but I changed my perfume because you know, like how like scents can like, you smell something in your life?

• 1:03:25Alex Cooper?

  Like, oh, it's a good point.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. Like I, towards the end of that relationship, I had bought a new perfume and I didn't even like realize it, but like that perfume was just like reminding me like, I would spray that perfume after I moved out of the place we shared. I would spray that perfume and it would literally just like jolt me to like our shared bathroom of me getting ready in the morning.

• 1:03:45Alex Cooper?

  That's so, oh my God, I didn't.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  You know, neuroscience fact.

• 1:03:47Alex Cooper?

  No, that's like a really good point. Also, this was hard for me because you guys know I'm such a hoodie girl, but like I would always have hoodies from my exes and I think. A lot of times I would justify keeping them because I'd be like, oh, I get the fuck rid of their stuff.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:02Alex Cooper?

  I know that sounds so simple, but I do think we hold on to little things and like, again, as the lingerer, like I, I don't know if I've ever not gone back to an ex in my life. So I think if you're one, if you're someone like me in that way, I think that we fuck ourselves by not getting rid of the hoodies, not getting rid of the text messages. Cause why am I not deleting them? Cause a part of me thinks, oh, I'm definitely going to get back with them at some point. Like with door number three, we would end and in my head, I'm like, I'll talk to him in three weeks. That's not healthy for anyone involved. If you really want to move forward. So you gotta kind of get rid of it all.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  Restart some stuff. I think my final thing about redoing, change, making changes post breakup. I think it is definitely really hard if you shared a space and like you were living together. If you have the option, if like you guys are figuring out logistics and he's like, do you want the place? Or do you want, if you have the option, because I know like financially, this is like a huge thing. So like you might not have the option. If you're trying to figure it out and you have the option.

• 1:05:08Alex Cooper?

  Leave.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  Leave and start with a new place. If you don't and you guys break up and you are now living alone in your shared space. Mix some things up. Have some friends come over, do some rearranging, even if you just like Feng Shui, put the bed facing a different way, like go get a different pair of curtains, maybe put up a different piece of art. Ask a friend if they want to trade some stuff with you. If you want to be financially like savvy.

• 1:05:32Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  Go on Facebook marketplace, just like as much as you can mix up if you have to stay in your shared space after. So like, you're not just like constantly looking around. I think what we're saying is just like, when you're going through a breakup, you're essentially going through with a withdrawal. So you want to limit the amount of constant reminders you have.

• 1:05:50Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. And my last point would be, cause I know that there's probably a very, very just black and white line on you either recently got broken up with, or you recently broke up with someone. To the people who just recently broke up with someone. I'm assuming that there is a form of guilt that you have and there could also be doubts, right? Because when you do break up with someone and as much as we always wish in our head like, oh, I wish I was the one that was doing the breaking up, it's still really hard, especially if you were in love with this person. And my advice to you would be,

• 1:06:28Alex Cooper?

  you did this person such a favor by being honest. And again, I get you probably like, well, I could have done it a year ago. It doesn't matter. You did it. Breaking up with someone, especially because if you have people pleasing tendencies, if there is an emotional, true, true connection, it is so fucking hard to let go of someone that you love, no matter what the circumstance is. It's really fucking hard because it's really fucking rare to actually have like a genuine connection with someone. So I would say be proud of yourself, but also be proud of yourself for the other person as well, that you made a call that was hard, but in the long run, you're releasing

• 1:07:09Alex Cooper?

  that person and you're giving them the ability to now go find what will make them happy. And a lot of times I think when people are gonna have to break up with someone, something that, I mean, we've discussed when you were doing it, where it was like, oh, my God, it's gonna hurt them so much and it's gonna, no, what would hurt them more is if they know that you are in a relationship that you're, when you're not a hundred percent in it. If you're faking being with this person, don't stay with someone out of pity, because yes, at first glance, that person would be like, wait, no, don't leave me. No, no, no. They will thank you in their head. It may not be tomorrow and it may not even be in a year, but eventually they will see, thank fucking God that that person let me go. So you're fine. You did the right decision because when you know, you know, and

• 1:07:53Alex Cooper?

  you gotta fucking do it. Then to the people that just got broken up with, and it kind of goes back to the beginning of this episode. You are without a doubt, probably feeling like you are at one of the most devastating points of your life. You feel confused, depending on how close you were to the ring and the house and the marriage and the kids. You can feel, especially as a woman, like, I would almost just rather go back to him than start over because starting over actually as we continue to get older as women, looks like a bigger and bigger and bigger fucking mountain to climb. And it feels almost close to impossible. That settling feels easier

• 1:08:36Alex Cooper?

  than starting fresh. And what I will say to that is, my best friend sitting across from me had the ring, had the idea of the house and all of it. And we had these conversations. And now she is entering this new chapter of her life. And we were literally sitting together last night over wine. And we were like, can you imagine if you stayed? Yes, we're both 31. And we were like, bitch, it, it, guys, it changes in a couple fucking months. You will be back. You will find a new person and you will be thanking yourself for having the strength to actually get out. It is the momentary discomfort that forces

• 1:09:18Alex Cooper?

  you to think, oh, my God, maybe I should go back. Lean the fuck in. Everyone goes through it, you guys. Everyone goes through heartbreak. Everyone goes through breakups. You're not the only person that's had to deal with it. And prove to yourself, you're strong enough to not just settle and accept something. Force yourself to go forward because you're going to get something so much fucking better on the other end of it. Because that's where my best friend is right now. And I'm really fucking proud of you. So, this is a heavy topic, and it's not a fun topic, but it's also, it should start to, once you get out of the weeds of like, the first like, three months, four months of a breakup. It is kind of a fun topic. Because it's also just like, the beginning of something so new that's

• 1:10:01Alex Cooper?

  coming, that you have no idea what's about to happen. And that is exciting.

• 1:10:05Speaker 01

  Three months post breakup. The most common thing people were looking at me and saying was I have never seen you look lighter, freer, or happier.

• 1:10:14Alex Cooper?

  And if you asked her one month after, even though she was the one that broke up, you were doubting yourself a little bit, you were wondering if you made the right decision.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  I was overwhelmed. We talked about, I was like, oh my God, I'm 30. I'm starting my life over.

• 1:10:28Alex Cooper?

  And now here you are, better than ever.

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  Don't let it be for nothing. Like my therapist used to say, every person that you date gets you one step closer to the person you're supposed to marry, if you do it right. Because you're not just like having these past relationships and past experiences for like the hell of it and for companionship. Like, take stuff away from all of them. Like, let them be life experiences that inform the next person that you're gonna be with.

• 1:10:52Alex Cooper?

  So Daddy Gang, if you are going through a breakup right now, please be nice to yourself and gentle with yourself. This is not something that you're gonna wake up the next day and be able to just get over, especially again, if you were actually genuinely in an honest relationship where there was love. Like, that shit's gonna fucking sting and it's gonna take a lot of time. And you may have moments where you regress, right? You may go on a date with someone and think that you're ready to date again, and then you end up crying at home because you miss your ex. This is all normal shit. But overall, all I can say is, just be really, really fucking honest with yourself about what that was and what

• 1:11:34Alex Cooper?

  now you want in the future. And if you do that with yourself, any hiccups or whatever the fuck, have your friends and your family there for you. But you're gonna be okay. Because we both have gone through kind of really fucking messy breakups, some good, some really fucking bad. And look, one of them led me to start Call Her Daddy. Maybe, maybe you're about to start a fucking-

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm like, what did they lead me to?

• 1:11:58Alex Cooper?

  Um, so much.

• 1:12:00Speaker 01

  To Call Her Daddy. Because I wouldn't have moved with you to LA.

• 1:12:04Alex Cooper?

  Boom.

• 1:12:04Speaker 01

  Boom. They let us both to Call Her Daddy.

• 1:12:06Alex Cooper?

  So what is it gonna lead you to? I don't know. DM me and let me know. Maybe you're literally about to start a Fortune 500 company. Boom bitch, let's fucking go. Love you guys, and we will see you next Wednesday. Goodbye.

• 1:12:32Alex Cooper?

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• 1:13:14Alex Cooper?

  other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. I love to accessorize my outfits with jewelry, obviously, and I feel like all the time, depending on my outfit, it's going to be kind of dependent on what jewelry I'm wanting to wear that day. Discover Pandora Talisman, a new collection designed to help you express every side of who you are, because the most powerful statement you can make is being yourself, obviously. Daddy gang, they have meaningful zodiac symbols and personalized jewelry pieces. Each design tells a story that's uniquely yours, a reflection of what you stand for, what you believe,

• 1:13:55Alex Cooper?

  and how you choose to show up every day. Pandora Talisman, a new language of self-expression, because every version of you deserves to be seen. Shop new styles in-store or online at pandora.net.

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• 1:14:30Speaker 01

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