Pod Insights Call Her Daddy Podcast I Called Off My Engagement (ft. Lauren) About this episode Join Alex and Lauren for a deep conversation about why Lauren ended her relationship right before the proposal. The girls talk about feeling pressured to stick to a timeline, the difference between compromise and giving up the life you want, how to find confidence being single, and the ways your friends can support you through tough times. Enjoy!
Transcript 10,617 words · 2 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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3:14 Speaker 01 What is up Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy.
3:23 Alex Cooper? Daddy Gang, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. Lauren and I are sitting, we kind of feel like, we look like the parents from Willy Wonka. We are sitting on the couch, but we really wanted to like be comfortable and not have our feet fall asleep on the couch. And so, we're in a little bit of a relaxed situation, but we're happy.
3:47 Speaker 01 I could like doze off right here. Like I could take like a nap in this position.
3:51 Alex Cooper? I'm really cozy.
3:52 Speaker 01 Same.
3:53 Alex Cooper? Okay, wait. Oh, so just for context, Lauren and I are on kind of like a girls' weekend in Los Angeles. Matt is taking his brother to go golf because my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law? No.
4:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, your brother-in-law and sister-in-law.
4:10 Alex Cooper? Sister-in-law?
4:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:12 Alex Cooper? But does that make it sound like they're brother and sister?
4:16 Speaker 01 No, they're both, he's your brother in law, she's your sister in law.
4:19 Alex Cooper? Okay. It is?
4:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:21 Alex Cooper? Yeah. My brother in law and sister in law are having a baby. And so Matt is taking his brother to go golf and on like on a little golf trip before they like have a kid, whatever. And so Lauren's in town and we were like, oh my God, why don't we stay, relax, go have like a nice pool spa weekend?
4:37 Speaker 01 Girls weekend.
4:38 Alex Cooper? And we're gonna drink a little bit, we're gonna chill and it's gonna be a good time.
4:42 Speaker 01 We're gonna order these green margaritas that when it's the two of us, we like to order them for delivery and get a little weird together.
4:51 Alex Cooper? Well, they're just like those kind of sneaky margaritas that like you get really fucked up from them. And the last time, or the first time-
4:59 Speaker 01 First time, we didn't know how strong they were.
5:00 Alex Cooper? When I moved out of Los Angeles with Lauren, we were staying at Matt's house and he was away on a business trip. And Lauren and I, he was like, you guys should order from this place. And we got these margaritas. And they're so fucking good. They're these like cucumber green margaritas. So Lauren and I started downing them. And we're in the hot tub with floats, which was weird in itself. And we're in the hot tub and we're with our floaties and slowly-
5:26 Speaker 01 We're like blasting music.
5:27 Alex Cooper? Oh, and we found out how to do the strobe lights in the pool.
5:30 Speaker 01 Yes.
5:30 Alex Cooper? And we were DJing and then-
5:32 Speaker 01 We like passed out in the living room and like didn't turn the music off, didn't turn the pool strobe lights off. Matt's neighbor called him and gave him a noise complaint.
5:41 Alex Cooper? And so Matt looks at his security cameras and it looks like we actually threw a rager at his house.
5:45 Speaker 01 And he's like calling you, like you guys aren't like really like official official yet. He's like calling you and he's like, like I just have to say like, this is so disrespectful. Like I let you guys like use my house in my pool.
5:57 Alex Cooper? Throw a party? And we were like,
6:02 Alex Cooper? well, you see, actually, there was no party. Well, it was a party, but-
6:09 Speaker 01 Just two people.
6:10 Alex Cooper? It was just Lauren and I. And he's like, I'm having a hard time believing that Alex, like, look at my backyard. It looks like there was like a fucking brothel back there. And I was like-
6:18 Speaker 01 And like the neighbor called and gave me a noise complaint. Like I've never had that happen since I've lived here.
6:22 Alex Cooper? And I was like-
6:25 Alex Cooper? It's just the two of us. And so Lauren and I now always have a joke with Matt where we're like, we're hitting the green marge again. And he's like, Jesus fucking Christ, the two of you together. But to be fair, I feel like whenever it's just the two of us together and we're not like interacting with other people, we have a pretty like straight and narrow path that we always go on.
6:42 Speaker 01 What's our straight and narrow path?
6:44 Alex Cooper? We love either alcohol or marijuana to like, have a little fun together. Not in that way. That sounds weird. But you know what I mean? Like, we like our little like thing, but then we're like usually passing out pretty early.
6:57 Speaker 01 Oh, we're not, we're not night people.
7:00 Alex Cooper? No.
7:00 Speaker 01 We thrive in the daytime and we love like a 10pm bedtime.
7:04 Alex Cooper? And I feel like the older I'm getting, I'm like, I can have these like fun raider moments, which I feel like I've been having lately, but it has to be spread out. And a lot of times, like, I'm gonna go to bed at least by midnight.
7:18 Speaker 01 I'm not the type of person just to like, stay up for the hell of it. Like, if, if there's something worthwhile staying up for, like Miami, we had late nights.
7:27 Alex Cooper? And it was so fun.
7:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:28 Alex Cooper? Like, after we would be at the party, or we would go to the strip club, we need to talk about the strip club, I just thought about that as I'm staring at your face, we would go out, but then we would always come back to me and Matt's room and we would all sit there and like, have like a nightcap and talk and schmooze and do the thing. That was enjoyable to me. But if it's me and Matt, or it's just me and you, and there's no part-
7:46 Speaker 01 I don't need to ruin my tomorrow.
7:48 Alex Cooper? No.
7:48 Speaker 01 Like, we're gonna get, we're gonna hit the hay.
7:50 Alex Cooper? We can still drink a bottle of wine and go to bed and wake up the next day.
7:54 Speaker 01 Yep.
7:54 Alex Cooper? Um, speaking of the Miami strip club.
7:56 Speaker 01 Yes.
7:57 Alex Cooper? Can we tell the daddy gang?
7:58 Speaker 01 Yes.
7:59 Alex Cooper? Yes.
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9:01 Alex Cooper? SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. I always think it is so important to find time to take care of myself because I think self-care for me a lot of times is getting some alone time, even if it's just go on a 10-minute walk outside. Self-care can obviously look different at different stages of life and the ways that we practice it often evolve over time. But one possible way to take care of yourself is through therapy. Therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to prioritize your mental health, reflect on where you are and check in with yourself. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp has served millions of people globally.
9:46 Alex Cooper? BetterHelp makes it easier to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience and they hold required education, training and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers, counselors, you name it, they have it. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's better H E L P dot com slash daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Stouffer's. Let me tell you something. When I am hungry and I am trying to figure out what to eat, sometimes you can just actually become so...
10:30 Alex Cooper? You're angry. You're like, I am busy, I'm hungry, I'm getting hangry, I'm getting angry, what can I eat? I need something hot and delicious and low maintenance. Well, introducing Stouffer's. Dinners are not only delicious, they're done in a flash. Serve up their classic lasagna, chicken pesto or carbonara for two. Whatever you're craving, Stouffer's is your hot, delicious, easy meal fantasy. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. You can see all the delicious options at stouffer's.com. So we throw our Unwell Miami weekend and it was truly so fun. And Lauren comes and we end up after a night at the Unwell Club.
11:13 Alex Cooper? We do a late, late night and we go to 11 in Miami, which is a club slash strip club. So we get to the club and we are, we get a table. We are all standing there and I remember I'm like talking to Matt and he's whispering my ear. And then all of a sudden I look and Lauren is standing with this tall man and at our table. And I know who this man is because he's a reality star and he's been to a couple of our events before. But I know my best friend is barely has social media and doesn't watch reality TV. And she has no idea who this person is.
11:50 Speaker 01 No idea.
11:50 Alex Cooper? You just think he's like a hot guy.
11:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:52 Alex Cooper? And then the next morning I ask Lauren, like, wait, what? No, we get in the van to leave because we end up leaving because we were like, it was too crowded. And like, none of the strippers could even come to our table, which was like, I was ready for like lap dance.
12:05 Speaker 01 To throw some bands.
12:06 Alex Cooper? Yes, I want, I brought fucking a bunch of cash. I was like, ready to fucking pay the strippers and then they never ended up being able to get to our table. So we were like, uh, this isn't even as much as fun. We leave, we get into the van and tell the daddy gang what happened with your night.
12:20 Speaker 01 So I hadn't before we ended up at 11, I had maybe shared five words with this guy. Like quite literally five words. And when we're standing at the table, it's like really crowded. So like, we're just like touching because it's so crowded. And
12:40 Speaker 01 at this point, we've maybe hit a higher word count of like, we've shared a few sentences.
12:46 Alex Cooper? Okay.
12:47 Speaker 01 Like not much has been happening.
12:49 Alex Cooper? Yeah.
12:50 Speaker 01 And maybe sentence number five is he looks at me and holds out all of his money and goes, do you want to go to the back room right now and get a private lap dance, the two of us? And like, it's like 2:30 in the morning.
13:06 Speaker 01 And like, I'm like, kind of drunk, but I'm not like hammered.
13:09 Alex Cooper? And so you don't even have, I think at that point, because we had left the club and hung out for a minute before we went to eleven.
13:16 Speaker 01 Kind of a mission to get into eleven.
13:18 Alex Cooper? Yeah.
13:18 Speaker 01 Like, I kind of like sobered up a little bit in the process of like getting into eleven.
13:22 Alex Cooper? Yeah. So like you, we, none of us had a buzz.
13:24 Speaker 01 No.
13:24 Alex Cooper? We were sober at eleven.
13:26 Speaker 01 Yes.
13:26 Alex Cooper? Which is fine.
13:26 Speaker 01 Fine.
13:27 Alex Cooper? But to get a sober lap dance with a man that you've barely never met.
13:32 Speaker 01 I've been around the block.
13:34 Alex Cooper? Yes.
13:34 Speaker 01 A few times. No, I've been to, this is, this is like my third time at like eleven. So like, I know what goes down in the private rooms in the back.
13:43 Alex Cooper? Yes.
13:43 Speaker 01 It would not just be us getting a lap dance. It would be us having a threesome with a stripper. And I was like, you know, at this current intoxication level, I don't really have it in me to go from just like not having a vibe to having a threesome with a stripper.
14:02 Alex Cooper? But you were just like, I'm literally like fresh sober, basically.
14:06 Speaker 01 I'm like sober and like, there's not like.
14:10 Alex Cooper? A sexual tension yet.
14:11 Speaker 01 Yeah. Like we've had like, we're like, we're cracking the small talk.
14:18 Alex Cooper? Yeah, we're trying to like gauge.
14:19 Speaker 01 Like, what's your name? What's your occupation? Who are you?
14:24 Alex Cooper? Exactly. I remember in real time, when this was happening, I turn and I clearly hit you right in that middle of that conversation. Cause all I remember hearing you say is, uh, let me have one more drink and think about it. That was literally your response. And I'm looking at you and I'm looking up at him being like, what did he just ask her for Lauren to be like, let me have one more drink and think about it? Cause you're a down ass bitch. So I was like, what is Lauren postponing in order to like liquor herself up? And then I find out that he basically asked you to go into the private room and then we left and he stayed. But for now, um, Lauren's still on the hun.
14:58 Speaker 01 I'm just out there living my life.
15:01 Alex Cooper? But I feel like you're in a really good headspace of like. You are really, really, in a good way, single now because like, how long has it been since your breakup?
15:11 Speaker 01 Like five months now.
15:12 Alex Cooper? Okay.
15:13 Speaker 01 Wow. Something I was saying that I was really proud of myself, I was telling you this this morning. I went no contact after my breakup, which is like, anyone I meet who's going through a breakup and they're like, what's your best piece of advice? Truly, like, go no contact. Like, you have to, like, I have no better advice than go no contact. And like, you have to stick by it. I have not talked to my ex once in any capacity since October, since we broke up.
15:42 Alex Cooper? And it was like, I remember I had said to you, I was nervous for you because you guys obviously live together. So, once the breakup happened, you had to like, figure out like, all the logistics.
15:53 Speaker 01 Logistics to sort out.
15:54 Alex Cooper? But then, once that happened, and the last day that you guys saw each other of like, you got to take things from the apartment and all that stuff.
15:59 Speaker 01 Like a final, like, very nice, like, goodbye.
16:02 Alex Cooper? I was so proud of you because I was so scared of that, like, you guys also shared each other's locations and stuff. And I was like, is she gonna, is she gonna? And then I remember I talked to you like, a week after, and you were like, unshared location, haven't talked, it's over. And the fact that it's gone no contact for five months, I feel like it's really allowed you to focus on yourself and not feel like you're lightly getting pulled back into it. Even if you had any questions that you've been kind of like, going through in reflecting on the relationship. I feel like you've been just taking full accountability of like, I don't need to ask him, I'm gonna do the work in therapy about like,
16:44 Alex Cooper? why did I put up with this? Or why did I do this? Or why did I act this way? Like, whatever it is, you're finding the answers within yourself. And I think a lot of times, daddy gang, we can use questions we have and think, well, it's just closure. I just want to have one more conversation because I want to kind of like, figure out why we both did this. And it's like, that's just prolonging you being able to move on.
17:05 Speaker 01 I agree.
17:05 Alex Cooper? Right? So, talk to me now, though, about like, five months out of a breakup. What have you realized about yourself? Because...
17:18 Alex Cooper? I don't think the daddy gang knows how close.
17:21 Speaker 01 How like serious it was, our, my relationship?
17:24 Alex Cooper? Because I think in a beautiful way, I found my boundary of like privacy that I feel like I needed to instill in with this show and, and with the internet. And I'm so happy I did that. And I feel like you with call her daddy in a completely understandable way. Like he was a private person and you and I aren't that private of people that we don't really care. So, but the people we've are with and you were with wanted privacy. And so like you were respecting that. So you didn't really talk about your relationship a lot. So I think a lot of people online, I even saw still to this day are like, wait, Lauren broke up with the boyfriend. And like, so she's single and like, what's happening? Like, do you mind explaining how close?
18:07 Alex Cooper? You were to like this being the person you were about to spend the rest of your life with.
18:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was really serious. Um, we dated for almost three years. For the last six months of our relationship, we were living together. And it got to the point where he had a full plan to propose. He talked to my mom and her fiance, like, and had like a dinner with them and told them he was going to propose.
18:33 Alex Cooper? He talked to me and Matt. He talked to Kristen. Kristen's our other best friend from childhood. Like at our, me and Matt's wedding, he went to Kristen and was like, oh my gosh, I obviously like can't, I don't want to bring it up to Alex and Matt right now because they're literally getting married. But I want to propose to Lauren, um, during the like holiday, new year time. And can you just like, make sure you put us all on chat? Cause I want to make sure that they can be there. Cause they want, he wanted us to like surprise you like how you guys did for me.
19:01 Speaker 01 Him and I came to your engagement.
19:03 Alex Cooper? It was like very concrete.
19:04 Speaker 01 Oh, like there was a date. You knew a date where he was gonna, like you knew the date he was gonna propose.
19:09 Alex Cooper? And you guys had talked about the ring, right?
19:11 Speaker 01 We were gonna like do something with like a family like diamond and, um, you knew like where it was gonna be, like it was, it was planned.
19:19 Alex Cooper? Yes, that was happening. And I think. As your friend, I remember when I heard that I was so
19:29 Speaker 01 Torn?
19:29 Alex Cooper? Torn. Yeah, that's a good word because I was like, fuck. That could one day make sense, but from the stuff that I had heard from you. I wasn't sure you guys were like, ready for that, but I'm not in your relationship, obviously. So I was like, I need to just like, catch up with Lauren and obviously I didn't want to tell you. Uh, he's gonna propose to you.
19:53 Speaker 01 Can I say?
19:54 Alex Cooper? Yes.
19:55 Speaker 01 So like, you ended up did like,
19:57 Alex Cooper? Yeah, I had to.
19:58 Speaker 01 We had one of those dinners where you're like, you were just like, I can tell that like you're holding a lot in right now. Like, can you like, just let it all out?
20:10 Alex Cooper? Zero judgment.
20:10 Speaker 01 Zero judgment. You can tell me everything and if you want to stay, you can still stay, but like, I can feel you're not telling me everything and you're just holding a lot in like, let it out. So we had one of those three hour dinners where I was just like,
20:24 Alex Cooper? Word vomit.
20:25 Speaker 01 Everything.
20:26 Alex Cooper? Everything.
20:27 Speaker 01 And then after I told you that, you were like, I'm really feeling conflicted right now because like, if it does work out, like I obviously don't want to like ruin your engagement, but like, I don't know if you know how close it is to actually happening and I want you to be able to have the tools to feel in control of your life and not have it to sneak up on you. And you have, and you feel like you're kind of backed into a corner and saying yes, because you're like, ah shit, like how like what we're here. Oh, okay. Let's go through it. So like you, you ended up telling me he's gonna propose on this day to kind of be like, you kind of do have a window of like,
21:06 Alex Cooper? Yeah.
21:07 Speaker 01 You gotta figure some things out.
21:08 Alex Cooper? Cause I was like, Lauren, that was like one of the harder things I think I've, I was going back and forth with, and I think again, in the best way, I feel like our relationship is so beautiful because I feel like we both talk about, we have so many friends that you communicate with friends differently, but you and I have always had this thing where it's like, We're so honest with each other and I think we both have found our way to be even when it's hard what we're going to talk about. We are so like graceful in the way that we approach things with each other and respectful.
21:45 Speaker 01 We very, very much have, I feel like a policy of like, it is your life and I don't know your life and like, it's your life.
21:52 Alex Cooper? Yes, but it's also as your best friend.
21:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:56 Alex Cooper? I have to share this about the things I'm seeing and then I'm, once that's out, I'm here to game plan everything that you need.
22:03 Speaker 01 Like I'll support you.
22:04 Alex Cooper? Yes, whatever.
22:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:06 Alex Cooper? And I think that was like a thing that I would give Daddy Gang is like, I forgot that. I remember multiple times in that conversation because I had literally talked about it with my therapist and she had said like, you have to continue to reassure Lauren.
22:16 Speaker 01 I'm so happy you told me.
22:19 Alex Cooper? Okay, that makes me feel good. No, but and I, and you were great in the moment and I think I, I stand by it too. But again, Daddy Gang, if you are in this position where you're seeing your friend not in the best relationship and you're like, how do I do it? You have to come from the place of like, you have to remind them that you're not judging them, that you will be there no matter what and you're there to listen and, but you also have like some information that you want to give them, but you're not putting it on them to like now deal with alone. And I feel like when I told you it was going to happen over New Year's, you were like, whoa, okay. And we really.
22:53 Speaker 01 For context, like this past New Year's.
22:54 Alex Cooper? Yes, this past New Year's Lauren was going to get engaged and I think you were so, um, like, whoa, this is another big red flag of like, how does he think that can even happen? When all of these problems are happening? And I think that was kind of when it all started to unravel a little bit more for you because you really were just seeing like, huh.
23:15 Speaker 01 It was kind of like a, like a, like a, like a
23:20 Speaker 01 date that was like being put on like, oh, I have to like figure this out. Like it put like this like rush and urgency to like figure my shit out. Like before I was like, I'll keep figuring on it, keep figuring out. I was like, oh shit, like I have to like figure this out now.
23:33 Alex Cooper? And so, once you guys ended the relationship, what do you feel like you in now being single? Like what do you feel like you've now realized like you really want and need in a partner moving forward?
24:08 Alex Cooper? Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. So the other day I was just scrolling on my phone and one of those one year ago today notifications popped up. I usually don't pay much attention to them, but when I saw it was from my Napa trip with Lauren. I obviously had to go back through every single photo. I remember we drove up to Napa for a weekend and found the cutest farmhouse on Airbnb to stay in. The location could not have been more perfect. It was right by a vineyard and overlooked this beautiful golf course, which yes, Matt was very jealous of. During the day, we went wine tasting like a little cute couple.
24:53 Alex Cooper? Then we brought our favorite bottles back to the house at night for cozy, long girl talks on the couch. Obviously, I haven't had a drink in forever since being pregnant. So I cannot wait for wine nights again soon with my girlfriends. And now that holiday travel season is finally here, all of my group chats are going off with everyone trying to coordinate dates and just figure out where we're going to stay and where we're going to go next. But looking back through those photos reminded me that some of the best parts of a trip happen back at the house. Right? Like, that's why I love booking a home on Airbnb. It literally gives everyone space to just spread out and it makes every trip feel more relaxed.
25:38 Alex Cooper? You can even order groceries, which I love for your trip through Airbnb and have everything from breakfast, essentials to holiday snacks delivered after you arrive. If you're planning your Thanksgiving trip or any holiday travel this season, definitely check out Airbnb before you book. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. If your money is scattered across five different apps you never open, you're not in control. Your money should move you forward. With SoFi, you get award-winning banking, investing, borrowing, and more all-in-one app, so you finally know where your money is. Make your first move with SoFi Checking and Savings. Competitive APY, no account fees, a bonus when you join with eligible direct deposit.
26:22 Alex Cooper? Terms apply. SoFi Bank, NA member FDIC. When you're ready to invest or pay off that debt, everything you need is right there. As a SoFi member, you get access to SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners to help you know what to do next. Get started today at sofi.com/callherdaddy. SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. In now being single, like, what do you feel like you've now realized, like, you really want and need in a partner moving forward?
26:58 Speaker 01 I want to feel like they got me and that, like, I can have, like, a bad day or go through something difficult and, like,
27:13 Speaker 01 they'll pick me up and, like, kind of, like, help me get through it and, like, carry me through it. But, like, when I was talking to my therapist about it, she was like, "Oh, like, do you feel like that's something lacking in your life right now? Like, do you feel, like, unsupported and unable to, like, get yourself through hard moments?" And I was like, literally the opposite. Like, I feel...
27:36 Speaker 01 Like, I have very deep, fulfilling friendships I can lean on if I need to. I end my days and I feel strong and confident and, like, secure in what I need to work through and get through and, like, that I can handle it and I'm not, like, overwhelmed and, like, I'm not lonely, which I think I'm really happy that something that I want isn't like a need I'm trying to fill. Like, it's not like a deficit in my life that, like, I'm trying to, like, find a person to fulfill. It's just like...
28:09 Speaker 01 I just like want like partnership.
28:11 Alex Cooper? You said that to me the other day when we were in the car and I thought it was so profound and I wanna keep talking about this a little bit for the daddy game because you were like every time my therapist was challenging me like, oh, are you wanting that because of X? Like, I feel like you've gotten so good being alone. And I feel like you've always been a relationship girl, so I'm so proud of you right now. Like, I've never really, really, really seen you just like, single Lauren, like, for this long in a strong way where you're like, oh, I'm a little like, ooh, she'll, I wonder what she's gonna do. You're like, you've never been, I feel like, happier? And you don't have a partner?
28:55 Speaker 01 I was joking. I was like, I've never been happier and I've never been hotter.
28:58 Alex Cooper? No, little. No, it's so true. You've never been happier. You've never been hotter. You just turned thirty. You're thriving. And I feel like something that it's obvious is like for the daddy gang, like, we have both been at points in our life where we're both single and we aren't that good at being alone. And so we're like chasing after something. Um, like, tell me if I'm, if you're okay with me saying this, but I think something that you had talked to me about that was like, I think, very relatable was like, this was the first relationship that you were like, I actually felt like
29:37 Alex Cooper? I was like this person like genuinely loved me and like I was genuinely in love. So it's hard to walk away from that.
29:44 Speaker 01 I've, I had a relationship before, but it was like coming, it was like a college relationship that became post-college and like, that was the first time I was like, I was deeply in love. Like, I was in love with this person.
29:56 Alex Cooper? And I remember it was so sad because I remember you saying to me, Lauren, you were like, I just like, I feel like I've just like lost so many people in my life that like I love. So like I don't want to, what do you, I, I, my innate feeling is to hold on to this person because how am I gonna just like?
30:14 Speaker 01 Oh, I was, yeah, I was so like, this is it. Like, I, I've never, I had never been in love before and I had never felt that. And I was like, oh, like, this is it. Like, this is the feeling that like you fight for and like you go to like the end of like the earth for and like, I know that's not the case.
30:31 Alex Cooper? Well, now you know, once you've really have that like first like adult relationship of love. I'm not talking about like, we've all been in love hopefully before, but when you were talking about like love, love of like, oh, I could see a future with this person. Then you really start to realize, which I think, I'm so happy. I feel like we were able to have a lot of conversations with like me, you and Matt. Cause I've learned so much being in my first year of marriage that I felt like you started to kind of like ask Matt and I questions throughout this.
30:59 Speaker 01 Matt has a lot of good experiences and advice.
31:01 Alex Cooper? He does. And I feel like his advice a lot was like, you, there's so much more to a marriage than love.
31:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:09 Alex Cooper? Like if anything, that's like the easiest part of it.
31:12 Speaker 01 Yes. I like, I was talking about that in therapy too of like, I think I like thought that like love was so hard to like come by and it was so rare. But like, what is more rare is having that love and then like the compatibility aspect of like,
31:29 Alex Cooper? Yes.
31:30 Speaker 01 Just like what you want and need out of life is also gonna match up. Cause like,
31:33 Alex Cooper? Yes.
31:35 Speaker 01 That's the hard part.
31:36 Alex Cooper? Morals, values, compatibility, um, what you want as a family, what like,
31:43 Speaker 01 Career wise, like how.
31:44 Alex Cooper? Career, money.
31:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:46 Alex Cooper? Socioeconomic, uh, where you're gonna live.
31:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:49 Alex Cooper? How you interact with your in-laws, um, what you want to, how you want to raise your kids.
31:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:54 Alex Cooper? Like where you want them to go to school. All of that is like shit that I think. People don't talk about it maybe enough where it's like you have to have these fucking conversations. I genuinely believe before you get married and before you get engaged. And I think a lot of times it's like people are feeling in love and then they're excited and they're moving in. And then you think, once you get married, then like you become, you like start to do all this. It's like, no, no, no, Daddy Ying, you need to figure it out before because I think, again, you watched it with yourself. It's like you were in love, that was down. But then I think you've, you have a lot of friends around you who are going through like, whether they just got married or their first year of marriage or their second year of marriage.
32:39 Alex Cooper? And so you're watching all of us kind of like do this dance.
32:44 Speaker 01 My like, all of my like, I have like, like say like my like five closest girlfriends, like now they are all married and engaged.
32:52 Alex Cooper? Yep. And do you, to anyone that is the single friend in a dynamic like that, like, can you talk about how you don't feel pressured by people just by seeing your friends at one stage of their life? Like, how are you maintaining just like confidence to not feel like, oh, I'm the only one, so I have to hurry up and do it? Like, how are you feeling like you're managing that? Cause I, you could, I don't know if I'm saying that right. Like, I feel like you're doing such a good job of just being like, and I'm so happy for all of you and I'm happy for myself. And I'm good on my, like what I'm doing.
33:27 Speaker 01 Um, the easy answer and then like I'll give like the deeper answer. Like I do, like I have, I have a few like newer friendships that like I've been investing more time into because they are single.
33:38 Alex Cooper? Yeah.
33:39 Speaker 01 And I do think it's important to like, it's just helpful to like have people who were like, oh, like everyone's going on a date night tonight, like let's do this. They're like, everyone's kind of tired, but like, I like, I don't want to sit at home alone like all weekend. Like, let's at least like go out and like, get a drink and like be social for like a minute. So I think it is like really helpful to like,
33:59 Alex Cooper? Have single friends.
34:00 Speaker 01 Have single friends when you're single. And then something else we were talking about recently, kind of related to like, how am I not feeling pressured and comparison and like left behind when all of my friends are very much in like a different life stage than me? Like being single like is the minority of like of my close friends right now. Um, because like I truly, truly feel like very zen at this current moment and not pressured and not rushed. But when I first got out of my relationship, like the first, This is kind of like a new, this Zen-ness is kind of like, really within like the past like month and a half-ish?
34:33 Alex Cooper? That's nice to hear, because I'm sure girls are like going out of a breakup being like, bitch, I'm on my fourth month and I'm still struggling.
34:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's like a very new, like this level of like
34:42 Alex Cooper? Calmness.
34:43 Speaker 01 Calmness.
34:44 Alex Cooper? Yeah.
34:44 Speaker 01 Is like kind of new. When I first got out of the relationship, I knew for a fact, like I absolutely need to be single. I need to like reflect on stuff. I need to not rush into anything. Like I need to have me time. Like, I knew that, but I didn't feel that.
35:02 Alex Cooper? Right.
35:02 Speaker 01 I was like, I would be like, I need to be single, but I, like in back of my mind, I'd be like, oh, fuck, like, time's, the clock's kind of ticking, like, am I dragging my feet? I was doing like the numbers game where I was like, oh, so I'm thirty now. If I like take a year to be single, I'll start dating someone maybe at thirty-one. I don't want to rush into an engagement, so like maybe I'll get engaged at thirty-three, married at thirty-four. Am I gonna immediately have a kid then a year into marriage at thirty-five? And then like, I was like, oh my god, like I'm having a kid at thirty-five?
35:36 Alex Cooper? Right.
35:37 Speaker 01 And like, so I started playing that game and like that was like, kind of like suffocating and like consuming. I was so close
35:45 Speaker 01 to like locking in like this timeline that like I was seeing, like we were just saying, I was like about to get engaged and then I was like, okay, I'm gonna get engaged at thirty. I'm gonna, like, and I had that kind of like
35:55 Alex Cooper? Like it was all laid out in your head.
35:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was kind of like clicking into like step and it was like, although there were things that weren't right and that I wasn't sure about and that were causing me stress, kind of seeing my life kind of start to like unfold and like where it was going in front of me was comforting and like the sense of security and safety. So like it took a moment to like shed that.
36:18 Alex Cooper? Right, because I feel like that's something we should talk about too of like, I've done it before, a previous relationship prior to Matt, like, Daddy Gang, we've all been there, or you're currently in it where you are, you see the path. You see the future and it is so comforting knowing you, you can see like what your timeline is.
36:40 Speaker 01 I, I, I was at the point where I was like, oh, I can look five years ahead and I can see where my life is going.
36:44 Alex Cooper? And sometimes having the guy.
36:50 Alex Cooper? It makes you feel like even though I have these reservations, I'm okay with looking past it because I can't give all this up. I can't give this timeline up. Like I'm right here. I'm like, right, I'm so close.
37:06 Speaker 01 I was like, oh, I'm on like the last lap. Like I'm so close to the finish line. Like you don't throw in the towel like right before you're about to cross the finish line.
37:13 Alex Cooper? And I remember I said to Lauren, when she was like, I feel like I was like right about to hit the finish line. I was like, babe, you have not, you are literally putting on your fucking outfit and your gear. You're not even in the race yet. Like, I know that sounds cheesy, but it's so true. It's like, if you feel like you're just about to get there, you're about to get the engagement, you're about to, it's like, no, no, no. You haven't even started the fucking marathon yet. You are literally just putting on the clothes to see if they fucking fit. Does the uniform look good? Does it fit? How does it feel? Okay. Then when you start marriage, that's when the fucking race begins. And I feel like, or again, even if it's not marriage for certain people, whether it's you want to have a kid or whether you decide to be life partners, but for you, I feel like that's such a relatable feeling to women listening of,
37:55 Alex Cooper? you don't want to disrupt what you feel like you've spent so much time building and you're willing to potentially look past these problems. Because holistically, it's really starting to shape out. And the problem is, is what I've always said on this show, you guys, that my mom had always told me from a young age was like, anything that bothers you in your relationship will get 10 times worse when you're married.
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40:43 Alex Cooper? Anything that bothers you in your relationship will get 10 times worse when you're married.
40:52 Alex Cooper? And that is disorienting and hard to hear because I think you and I had a lot of conversations of like, your ex is a good guy.
41:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:00 Alex Cooper? Absolutely. It's just compatibility wise, we started to talk about things where it was like,
41:05 Speaker 01 It wasn't the right person for me.
41:07 Alex Cooper? And we would be like, no, no, Lauren, like you're saying this and this is how it's making you feel, but like,
41:10 Speaker 01 Which I think was like another hard layer, like nothing was like glaring, like,
41:17 Alex Cooper? Yeah.
41:17 Speaker 01 There was no moment of like, oh shit, like that was so bad. You have to end it.
41:23 Alex Cooper? It was just like these micro things that you kept, you know what it was a lot of too, which is, People listening, you may have this where you're just like, am I okay with this?
41:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:34 Alex Cooper? Am I okay with compromising? And when is it not compromising? And it's like actually kind of giving up.
41:39 Speaker 01 Something that's important to me or something I did think I want in life, but like, is that superficial to want that?
41:46 Alex Cooper? I think when you really got to the point of knowing is when you were laying it out and speaking to your friends a bunch. And it was like, you were literally starting to compromise on every single thing in your life. And everything, and it wasn't even compromise. It was just like.
42:00 Speaker 01 This isn't the life I saw for myself.
42:02 Alex Cooper? Yeah. You would say it, but it was like a story you were telling yourself. And then when you, and this is where daddy gang, like finding friends to make sure that, who won't judge you, but can talk with it. Because I've been in the scenario too, where I would go to Lauren when I was going through a breakup being like, I'm so devastated. But you kept me on track to be like, but that's not what you want. I feel like when you went through this, we did the same thing where it was like, this is hard that you're giving all of this up. But how about you reframe it and think, can you imagine? If you went through with it just because it felt like you were so close to the finish line, then you marry this guy and you have kids. And every problem that you have.
42:40 Speaker 01 I was gonna like look up and be like, how is this my life?
42:43 Alex Cooper? Wait, like I didn't want any of this.
42:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:45 Alex Cooper? I don't agree with the way where that we're doing this and this and this and this, but I wanted to just get the ring and get the marriage. And I think that's a really, really understandably relatable thing that women can feel. Like I remember dating a guy that was so like financially stable at a time where I really wasn't. And it became, and I think also like growing up and not being like, having my parents have like all this money, even though being around friends that had it, I definitely like wanted that. Like, and so it was attractive to me to have like financial security. And so I was completely avoiding a lot of things that upset me or made me feel not good about myself.
43:28 Alex Cooper? Because of this main thing that I thought it's okay, I can look past these things. Because I feel safe with him, but it's like, but why do you feel safe with him? You don't feel like he's actually being like faithful to you. It's because of the financial stability. And while that is a huge thing, when you think about certain aspects, that doesn't mean fucking shit. If you don't have an actual good relationship, money is fucking great, but it's not fucking great. If you're getting cheated on or you're getting fucking emotionally abused or whatever it be. So I think a huge lesson for the daddy gang that we can take from what you're talking about is like,
44:03 Alex Cooper? you felt in your gut,
44:07 Alex Cooper? compatibility wise, you were off in moments. But you kept going forward because you really also didn't want to give up the good parts.
44:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, that that there was love there. That it was all kind of falling into place and like making sense. And like I remember saying, like in one of my like therapies I was having before like ending the relationship, I was like, I feel like I'm about to blow up my life. And she was like, you are, but like, that's one portion of your life. Like, you still have all of your friendships. You still have your career. You're still gonna be you.
44:56 Alex Cooper? That's what's I think so crazy. I remember that because we talked about that after that session you had. It was like, yeah, I guess you could say you're blowing up your life. Not really. You're just ending something that was going to bring you in one direction, but it's a portion. And everything else is going to stay the same. I remember saying that to you. Remember I was like, you're gonna go to work on Monday, then you're gonna go to drinks with your friends that night. Like, everything is kind of the same. But then a huge chunk will be missing. And so it's really, really terrifying as women because we don't have the flexibility like men do to just keep it fucking moving. Oh, that didn't, that one didn't work out. I can go over here. Like they just, they have a different level of privilege. And
45:41 Alex Cooper? while that is true, I really truly believe that like, Staying in something just to appease one other aspect of your life that you're looking for is really gonna come and bite you in the ass. Um, so I also think being easier on yourselves if things aren't working, Daddy Gang, recognizing that sometimes neither of you are bad people. It's just, it quite literally is like your traumas and your strong suits and your issues and your things that you bring to the table that are good and bad.
46:13 Speaker 01 Sometimes they just don't fucking work with someone.
46:15 Alex Cooper? And, and instead of trying so hard to force it, while yes, a relationship is work, at some point you have to look at yourself and I genuinely believe for you, Lauren, like, I'm so happy that you lived with him. I'm so happy that you went all the way to the point of seeing yourself in a dress with a ring, all of it. Because now we talk about this a lot of like, I can't wait to see the person that you meet next because you are a better person because of that past relationship.
46:45 Speaker 01 Oh, like there's things.
46:46 Alex Cooper? Thank God you met him.
46:47 Speaker 01 And like there's things that, oh, my therapist used to say, every person you date gets you one step closer to the person you're supposed to marry. And like, there's things that I would have no idea that I did not like and that I definitely need.
47:02 Alex Cooper? Yeah.
47:02 Speaker 01 And that like trigger me and I feel like I just like know myself a lot more now.
47:08 Alex Cooper? And so technically though, think about this Daddy Gang, if we're doing the fucking math, although maybe you would be engaged right now and planning a wedding.
47:19 Alex Cooper? We have talked about like now knowing how much there was breaking down, there's a chance either one, you would have been in a really pretty unfulfilling, unhappy marriage, which could have ended in divorce. Now you're still so much closer though, to just pure happiness of finding your person.
47:38 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
47:39 Alex Cooper? And I think that should hold a lot of hope in a lot of people's minds if you're about to end something or this episode is helping you think about reevaluating, do you want to take that next step?
47:52 Alex Cooper? Well, yes, the next step seems super straightforward and easy. If you're not a hundred percent in knowing that's the right next step, you're then gonna have to take a lot of back steps. Once you go forward, because it's gonna be like, well, fuck, this isn't working. Don't force something that's not there. Everyone's timelines, while yes, it can be straightforward. A lot of times with timelines, they're just gonna like fuck you into making like more rushed decisions where it's like if you didn't have this in your head and if we didn't have a time clock, like, would you make that decision?
48:23 Speaker 01 I think that has been like the timeline and the time clock and the biological clock and children has been and like really sitting and thinking like about that aspect has been one of the things, the most freeing aspects for me of like, I truly feel like so, I've never felt more zen or peaceful in my entire life and calm and like not rushed and like awake and confident and like sure. And I think it's because I've been having really honest conversations with myself about what was really fueling that like urgency and that rush and that countdown. And it's children and motherhood.
49:02 Speaker 01 And I, if you would have asked me six months ago, a year ago, my whole life, I would have been like, no doubt I'm having children, like no question I'm having children.
49:16 Speaker 01 And I don't feel that way anymore. And it's a little surprising, but not sad, if anything, almost freeing.
49:30 Speaker 01 Because I think I was really just operating from that place of a, it's just a what you do. Like, oh yeah, like I'm gonna have children.
49:38 Alex Cooper? Right, like duh, like I have to, like.
49:40 Speaker 01 But like, when I like really think about it, I'm like loving this time period of like feeling like I am the main focus in my life, like truly just me and like what do I want and what makes me happy? And like, everything is revolving like around
49:56 Alex Cooper? You.
49:56 Speaker 01 Me and like I get to be selfish and like my entire life, like I. From like seventh grade was like put in positions that were like pretty crazy of like taking care of my family emotionally financially until like not too too long ago and like I'm like it's my time and it's like my turn and like if a child fits into that at some point like that's great and beautiful and like I know I'd be a great mother
50:31 Speaker 01 I might have a kid at forty, I might not have a kid.
50:34 Alex Cooper? And that's
50:35 Speaker 01 And it's like it was like pretty like wild to say that out loud because like
50:41 Speaker 01 I just wouldn't have
50:43 Alex Cooper? Thought it.
50:44 Speaker 01 Thought it.
50:44 Alex Cooper? And yet here you are and I feel like again had you gone down that path with that ex-boyfriend you wouldn't have probably even had a chance to recognize that because of just this timeline.
50:56 Speaker 01 That's what you and Matt, me, you and Matt were talking about when you're in something that you're unsure you or maybe it was me and you and Matt, you chase the next milestone. Because that like puts like a
51:10 Alex Cooper? It gives you something to look forward to and focus on. To distract from the problems and the relationships like, but we're gonna get engaged and then everything's gonna get better.
51:17 Speaker 01 And we're gonna get married.
51:18 Alex Cooper? And let's focus on the wedding. They're so and then all the wedding, everything's good.
51:21 Speaker 01 Let's start planning for the kid.
51:22 Alex Cooper? And then once you got the kid, we're like, oh, we're gonna and then it's all these distractions and you these milestones and everything's good for a little bit. And then once you hit that, there's a come down and then you're like, well, what the fuck is next? And you you've seen those those relationships with people. I think it's so beautiful. When you said this to me the other day and I was like emotional for you because I feel like we have so many things that were just taught from a young age as women and no one really tells us. But by the way, you can do it completely different. You don't have to do that. We don't have to do what our moms did. And I feel like this is such a beautiful place in your life that you're in. Like you're really, really in control right now and in tune with what you want.
52:05 Alex Cooper? And thank God you listen to yourself when you were in something that would have been easy to move forward with, but difficult in the long run. It's like the short term reward, really you have to think about the long term. And now the fact that you're able to realize all these things about yourself, I'm just so happy for you and I really hope. People listening can find their version of what you and I are both going through right now. Cause I think we're both at a period where we're really having to look at ourselves and as women, we don't feel comfortable.
52:38 Speaker 01 Kind of like silencing like the noise.
52:39 Alex Cooper? Yeah.
52:40 Speaker 01 In this moment, like what do I want?
52:42 Alex Cooper? And if you don't know, that's your first step that you need to spend some more alone time with yourself. If you're in a relationship, that still means you should be spending alone time and checking in with yourself. But you guys, Lauren and I this summer.
52:54 Speaker 01 Are aligned.
52:55 Alex Cooper? We are, I'm on my, I'm doing a huge fucking victory lap and enjoying my fucking time being a newlywed. And Lauren is fucking single and she's going to have a good summer. And so.
53:07 Speaker 01 I'm just celebrating myself.
53:08 Alex Cooper? Yeah. And so the two of us, I feel like it's this beautiful, gonna be a great fucking summer of us just like going.
53:15 Speaker 01 We have a lot of fun plans.
53:16 Alex Cooper? You guys, we have so many fun plans that I, I don't want to fully tell you about because it will be fun. To roll, like.
53:23 Speaker 01 To roll out our social calendar.
53:25 Alex Cooper? Our social calendar for you guys. Um, but also more importantly, I think Lauren and I will need to come back on this couch. Soon because um, there's a couple of things that maybe you'll find out soon.
53:38 Speaker 01 Couple of announcements coming.
53:40 Alex Cooper? That you and I haven't really ever, ever, ever talked about that I think will definitely.
53:47 Speaker 01 Catch people by surprise.
53:48 Alex Cooper? Yeah. I think the daddy gang is going to be like shocked, but also like.
53:53 Speaker 01 Oh, it all makes sense now.
53:55 Alex Cooper? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's all, all good things are coming this summer, but um, thank you for sharing all this. And because I do really think like so much of what you are going through right now and always is like so relatable. And I feel like a lot of people really appreciate whenever you come and sit down. So thank you, Lauren. This was, this was a fucking wholesome ass episode.
54:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
54:18 Alex Cooper? Daddy gang, we love you. Thank you so much for tuning in and I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.
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