Chelsea Handler: Drugs, Dog Parks, & Dick Appointments

Join Alex in the studio for a fun and chaotic conversation with Chelsea Handler. Chelsea reveals her hottest one night stand, the time she got catfished by her scuba instructor, why sex gets better as you get older, and the absolutely unhinged breakup gift she gave a toxic ex. She also discusses her love of LSD, worst travel partner experiences, and the time she got called a whore at the dog park. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by the United States Virgin Islands, where every moment is naturally in rhythm. Whether you're exploring the historic sites in St. Thomas, snorkeling in the crystal clear waters of St. John, or exploring the cultural twin cities of St. Croix, you'll find yourself swept away by the rhythm of the islands. So why wait? Start planning your escape today and visit usvi.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Stouffer's. Let me tell you something. When I am hungry and I am trying to figure out what to eat, sometimes you can just actually become so... You're angry. You're like, I am busy. I'm hungry. I'm getting hangry. I'm getting angry. What can I eat? I need something hot and delicious and low maintenance.

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

  Well, introducing Stouffer's. Dinners are not only delicious, they're done in a flash. Serve up their classic lasagna, chicken pesto, or carbonara for two. Whatever you're craving, Stouffer's is your hot, delicious, easy meal fantasy. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. You can see all the delicious options at stouffer's.com.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Nowadays, you have certain expectations when you fly, like people napping on the airport floor or flying in your pajamas. You know what you don't expect? Free drinks. But now, T-Mobile members get a free premium drink when they fly Delta Airlines. So just sit back, relax, and switch to T-Mobile today. Visit tmobile.com/membership for details. It's better over here.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  Get a free premium Delta drink with eligible plan and link SkyMiles account 24 hours before qualifying. Flight required, must be 21 or older. CT life for terms.

• 1:35Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ashley. Okay, so whenever I am picking new furniture for my house or redesigning a room, it is so important to me to make sure that it also is cohesive with the rest of my house and the vibe that I'm feeling. And I think filling your home with beautiful durable pieces from Ashley will help you create a backdrop for growing family's biggest memories, right? You want your home to feel cozy and you want it to feel like you. And thanks to features like stain resistant performance fabric, even the messiest memories will be easy to clean. So, visit your local store or head to ashley.com to find your style.

• 2:19Alex Cooper?

  What is up Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy.

• 2:28Alex Cooper?

  No, she's already talking shit. Get in here!

• 2:37Speaker 03

  Oh my god, you guys. It's us, we're back together again! You're so stupid.

• 2:44Alex Cooper?

  Dude!

• 2:45Speaker 03

  You have no idea how stupid you are.

• 2:47Alex Cooper?

  No, you don't know!

• 2:48Speaker 03

  No, I do, I do.

• 2:49Alex Cooper?

  No, sit down. Are those pills?

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Those are Vicodin.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  I have a fever right now, just so you know. This is my Owl's Brew Chelsea Handler's Vodka Lemonade that's coming out with my book. I have three flavors: pink, yellow, and mint. Non-sparkling, very healthy cocktail. I'm gonna be drinking this while I'm here.

• 3:09Alex Cooper?

  So you wanna just do full promo and I'll just sit back and relax?

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Sure, that's why I'm here.

• 3:13Alex Cooper?

  Wait, what is...

• 3:14Speaker 03

  So I was supposed to... I'm in agony, I have a shoulder infection. And they wanted to have surgery today, and I have too much press, including you. I'm like, I can't blow off Alex. I don't even know who I'm talking to. Who am I talking to right now?

• 3:27Alex Cooper?

  Look at me!

• 3:28Speaker 03

  There are so many people here. Okay.

• 3:31Alex Cooper?

  We're all just staring at you.

• 3:32Speaker 03

  But my assistant put this in my car this morning, and I was like, "What do you want me to do with that?" He goes, "I don't know, take it around with you." I go, "Take it around with me?" He's new to town, so he doesn't know how things work.

• 3:43Alex Cooper?

  I think it's kind of incredible.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  But I thought it was really funny.

• 3:45Alex Cooper?

  Oh, I think it's amazing. Just put it right there.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  But I do have to take a Vicodin, and I thought, what better place?

• 3:49Alex Cooper?

  Do it right here.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  So I'm doing my surgery, I got an injection to help my shoulder, a PRP injection. Whoever's listening, don't ever fucking do that! And now, and I've had chills and sweats for the last, like, two weeks since the injection. And my arm was excruciating, like, my shoulder, I couldn't lift it, I can barely lift it now. And I, so I come back from Whistler, and I go to the doctor, and I was like, "Something's off." And they're like, "Let's give you an MRI." And they're like, "Oh, you have an infection." And I was like, "Okay." And they're like, "Do you feel like you're infected?" And I said, "Well, I've been having hot and cold flashes for the last two weeks, but I just assumed that was like perimenopause or something." So, I got estrogen, progesterone, and now I found out it's a fucking infection!

• 4:34Speaker 03

  And I'm probably not even in perimenopause.

• 4:36Alex Cooper?

  Wait, how...

• 4:36Speaker 03

  Even though I probably am, you know what I mean?

• 4:38Alex Cooper?

  Wait, so you're taking a Vicodin right now?

• 4:40Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 4:41Alex Cooper?

  I've never had one, what does it do?

• 4:42Speaker 03

  You want one?

• 4:42Alex Cooper?

  No!

• 4:44Speaker 03

  You should have one, actually.

• 4:45Alex Cooper?

  Should I?

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:46Alex Cooper?

  To calm me down?

• 4:47Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 4:48Alex Cooper?

  Does it relax you?

• 4:49Speaker 03

  It feels good. You know what I mean? It's like a nice buzz. Like, you'll see what happens to me.

• 4:54Alex Cooper?

  Like halfway through this interview, it'll hit?

• 4:57Speaker 03

  I, I, I cut it in half because it hits you faster if you do that. Just FYI for pills.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  I seem crazy right now.

• 5:04Alex Cooper?

  No, no, no. This is good. You look gorge.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  I know. Thank you. I loved your interview with Amy.

• 5:11Alex Cooper?

  Oh, that was fun.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was really funny.

• 5:14Alex Cooper?

  That was a good time. And she brought her, like, feet with no fucking nail polish. And she didn't wear, she didn't wear socks with her shoes.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  She, she dresses worse than you do. You know what I mean? She just does not give a shit. I just was with her in New Orleans. She, Amy will walk down the street in pajamas and go out. She does not care.

• 5:29Alex Cooper?

  She doesn't care. But I kind of love that.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  She did it, she did an episode with Oprah for something and I'm pretty sure it was, it was something like sweatpants and like a cardigan. And to do like some interview with Oprah somewhere. And I just thought, wow, look at you, girl.

• 5:46Alex Cooper?

  Is that how you feel about what I wore when I interviewed the Vice President?

• 5:51Speaker 03

  What?

• 5:51Alex Cooper?

  I don't, I wore a big fucking hoodie and everyone was giving me so much shit for it. Like, how, why did you dress up for that?

• 5:56Speaker 03

  I think what your shtick is, is good.

• 5:58Alex Cooper?

  I should keep it.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, keep it. Who cares who you're interviewing? She didn't win anyway, so obviously it didn't fucking matter. You know what I mean?

• 6:05Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Loser, loser.

• 6:09Alex Cooper?

  We're not smoking today.

• 6:10Speaker 03

  No, I don't think so.

• 6:11Alex Cooper?

  We can't, we can't. But it will be there, like, in memory of what we've done in the past.

• 6:14Speaker 03

  Well, you, I heard you on the Amy Schumer one say that you don't do drugs anymore. That was very disappointing.

• 6:18Alex Cooper?

  No, no, I don't do hard drugs.

• 6:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 6:21Alex Cooper?

  I smoke weed.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 6:22Alex Cooper?

  That's not a hard drug, is it?

• 6:23Speaker 03

  No, weed is not a hard drug.

• 6:25Alex Cooper?

  Exactly. So like, I, I still dabble with this.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 6:27Alex Cooper?

  Edibles, this, but I'm not like snorting a line today.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  But don't say you dabble with marijuana. That sounds like you're 85 years old. Dabble with pot?

• 6:36Alex Cooper?

  I do. I'm not hitting it like I used to. I used to have a bong in my apartment.

• 6:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:41Alex Cooper?

  Now I've kind of cut back.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Well, I, I don't, I'm such a mess. I don't know what I'm doing.

• 6:45Alex Cooper?

  So you're drinking alcohol?

• 6:46Speaker 03

  I'm drinking alcohol. I am on a liquid diet today for my surgery tomorrow morning. I'm not joking. I'm getting surgery tomorrow morning. No, actually, I have an Owl's Brew photo shoot tomorrow, so I have to wait until that's done because everyone's flying out from New York. And then I'm getting my surgery at around 1:00 PM. My photo shoot starts at 5:00 AM.

• 7:06Alex Cooper?

  I love being you.

• 7:10Alex Cooper?

  I love it. Chelsea Handler, welcome back to Call Her Daddy.

• 7:30Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. If your money is scattered across five different apps you never open, you're not in control. Your money should move you forward. With SoFi, you get award-winning banking, investing, borrowing, and more all-in-one app. So you finally know where your money is. Make your first move with SoFi Checking and Savings. Competitive APY, no account fees, a bonus when you join with eligible direct deposit. Terms apply. SoFi Bank, N A Member FDIC. When you're ready to invest or pay off that debt, everything you need is right there. As a SoFi member, you get access to SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners to help you know what to do next.

• 8:12Alex Cooper?

  Get started today at sofi.com/callherdaddy. SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. I always think it is so important to find time to take care of myself because I think self-care for me a lot of times is getting some alone time, even if it's just go on a 10-minute walk outside. Self-care can obviously look different at different stages of life and the ways that we practice it often evolve over time. But one possible way to take care of yourself is through therapy. Therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to prioritize your mental health, reflect on where you are, and check in with yourself.

• 8:55Alex Cooper?

  With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp has served millions of people globally. BetterHelp makes it easier to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience and they hold required education training. Certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers, counselors, you name it, they have it. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's better H E L P dot com slash daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ritual.

• 9:37Alex Cooper?

  We are learning so much about how the gut microbiome is key to our mental health, immunity, and of course digestion. And I just feel like I didn't know any of this until recently, which is a problem because this is literally everything that we do need to know to take care of ourselves. But did you know, because now I know, the gut microbiome shifts during pregnancy, ladies, and these shifts can impact mom and baby's health in pregnancy and postpartum. And that is why Ritual created NADAL Biotic, a specialized biotic with clinically studied strains for pregnancy and postpartum microbiome support to support digestive health, mood, vaginal health, and baby's immune health. I have been trying so hard to take care of myself during

• 10:21Alex Cooper?

  this pregnancy. And I think something that has been very helpful is actually learning about the things that now I will carry, not only just during this pregnancy, but I will continue to take care of myself in a way that I really never have before. I think sometimes as women, we don't have the tools or we don't know what we're supposed to be doing. And so we sometimes just freeze and we don't do anything. And since having Ritual in my life, it has been so nice to have this daily ritual where I'm actually taking care of myself and my baby, which feels great. So whether you're pregnant, postpartum, or looking for everyday trusted daily gut support, get clinically studied biotics to support your gut health with Ritual. My listeners can save 25%

• 11:02Alex Cooper?

  off their first month at ritual.com/callherdaddy. That's ritual.com/callherdaddy for 25% off your first month. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  How many times have I been here?

• 11:20Alex Cooper?

  Three. This is the third.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 11:22Alex Cooper?

  Do you know what's happening?

• 11:23Speaker 03

  Not really. I mean, I never know what's happening with you. I just know that there's always a lot happening.

• 11:28Alex Cooper?

  No, no. So I'm moving and this is like the original studio. I don't know if you've ever seen it, but like we film in here all the time. But you're getting what I would consider like a nice moment because we're kind of like saying farewell to this space.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  Oh, good. I love that. I love being part of that. I love that.

• 11:44Alex Cooper?

  Is this a lawn chair? Yeah, this is like a lawn soccer mom chair.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Oh, right.

• 11:48Alex Cooper?

  Because you don't get the nice high end chairs that we used to have in here.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Because you got rid of those?

• 11:51Alex Cooper?

  We got rid of those.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  And you couldn't even rent two for the day because of what? Didn't you just make a hundred million dollars? I don't understand what is going on here.

• 11:59Alex Cooper?

  I thought it would humble us.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  This, yeah, well, I don't want to be humbled. Okay? January has humbled all of us. Okay? The month of January should be taken off the calendar as they say in Spanish, enero finito.

• 12:15Alex Cooper?

  Okay, we're gonna play a game to kick this off.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  Oh, this is your new thing? I heard you do this with Amy. Okay, sure.

• 12:19Alex Cooper?

  We're just because like, you know, unlike you and Amy, like some people need to loosen up. You don't need to loosen up at all. Although I'm excited to see how this Vicodin hits.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, me too.

• 12:27Alex Cooper?

  Like, what's gonna happen?

• 12:28Speaker 03

  Maybe I'll take another one. Who knows, you know?

• 12:29Alex Cooper?

  How fast does it hit?

• 12:30Speaker 03

  I mean, it'll just, it'll make my pain subside, you know?

• 12:34Alex Cooper?

  So your arm will just start?

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, it'll start probably, yeah.

• 12:36Alex Cooper?

  Doing its thing?

• 12:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:37Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Restless arm syndrome.

• 12:39Alex Cooper?

  I'm asking you if you want to keep this trend in 2024 or if you want to bring it into this year. Lookalike contests.

• 12:47Speaker 03

  I don't want to keep any trend. Okay? You don't even have to finish these questions.

• 12:51Alex Cooper?

  No, you're on a podcast. You have to participate.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  Lookalike? No. What is that again?

• 12:56Alex Cooper?

  Timothy Chalamet, Jeremy Allen White, they've been doing like a lookalike.

• 12:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care about that. No. Those two do look alike, though, by the way. They're both little nuggets. You know what I mean?

• 13:05Alex Cooper?

  Um, would you ever attend a Chelsea Handler lookalike contest?

• 13:08Speaker 03

  I doubt that.

• 13:09Alex Cooper?

  Would you be insulted?

• 13:10Speaker 03

  No, I just don't care.

• 13:13Alex Cooper?

  How do you feel about clean girl aesthetic?

• 13:16Speaker 03

  Clean girl aesthetic. Every time I come here, I feel like I'm talking to somebody in kindergarten. That's how fucking old. What is, what is clean girl aesthetic?

• 13:25Alex Cooper?

  You kind of are giving clean girl aesthetic right now.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Well, I'm fucking, I'm a hot piece of ass. So if that's what that means, then great.

• 13:32Alex Cooper?

  Clean girl is like minimal makeup.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  I'm about that.

• 13:37Alex Cooper?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  I love that. I love that.

• 13:39Alex Cooper?

  But are you a pick me girl?

• 13:40Speaker 03

  A pick me?

• 13:41Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Pick me? Like, pick me? No. Despe? No.

• 13:47Alex Cooper?

  So you know what pick me is?

• 13:49Speaker 03

  I think it means, I think I can understand.

• 13:51Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, desperado.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, desperado.

• 13:53Alex Cooper?

  Appeal to the male gaze.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no. I don't need to appeal to the male gaze. They see me.

• 13:59Alex Cooper?

  Is it true that when you, is it true that when you shower?

• 14:03Speaker 03

  You know what my favorite thing is?

• 14:04Alex Cooper?

  That I point at you?

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Listening to your podcast?

• 14:06Alex Cooper?

  What?

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Is the only time, you can tell when you're laughing because it's the only time you're not talking. So when there's, so just right, like right, what's happening now to the listeners, when it's, when it's quiet? Cause she has, you have a very quiet laugh.

• 14:21Alex Cooper?

  It's like a little undertone, yeah.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:23Alex Cooper?

  So should I shut the fuck up?

• 14:24Speaker 03

  No, no, I, I love you, so you keep going.

• 14:27Alex Cooper?

  I like you too. We're now like.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  What do you mean, like me?

• 14:29Alex Cooper?

  No, no, like I like.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  You don't have any fucking things I've done for you? Are you fucking kidding me? I flew to fucking Nashville for your ass. She asked me, do you, she asked me to, that she would send me a plane to Nashville.

• 14:40Alex Cooper?

  I did, you didn't take the offer.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  Bitch, you don't need to send me a fucking plane, honestly. Send me a plane.

• 14:48Alex Cooper?

  But that's a good friend that you didn't even like, wanna take the offer. Some people would be like, immediately jumping on that.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Well, I've been on a lot of planes, so that's okay. Thank you, though. Thank you.

• 14:59Alex Cooper?

  But thank you for showing up.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I did show up.

• 15:01Alex Cooper?

  And now look what we're doing. We've got your fucking poster with your head on it.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've got this, I've got this, I've got my unwell. Here I am, everyone. Here I am.

• 15:09Alex Cooper?

  Um, I hear that when you shower.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  Uh oh.

• 15:12Alex Cooper?

  You only clean your hotspots, your vads, your butt and your armpits. Is that true?

• 15:17Speaker 03

  This has become an issue.

• 15:18Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  I don't know why my legs would be dirty. They're covered up all day in my jeans. And they're not out, you know what I mean? My legs aren't going out without me. And I'm pretty, like I, you know, I showered the day before also. And when I lather my hair with shampoo and conditioner, there is a lot of lather. And that drips down my body, over, cascades over my voluptuous breasts, onto my navel, and then down to my Pikachu. And the, my hotspots, which are, well, there's four, you know what they are.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  As long as I get in there, I can take less than a three minute shower and I often do. I should wash my hair because that's like, not washing my hair doesn't feel clean.

• 16:00Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, there's no point to a shower if you're not really washing your hair.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  Then you're kind of like sweaty, gross all day. And so I get in, I wash my Pikachu, I wash my asshole and I wash my underarms and, which has been hard lately because I can't lift my right shoulder. So getting under this armpit, I can actually smell it right now. It's not, and I never smell.

• 16:18Alex Cooper?

  You smell amazing and you look amazing. I'm going to be honest, I do the same thing.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  You don't wash your legs?

• 16:22Alex Cooper?

  I have no reason to wash my kneecaps. I have no reason to like get the back of the calf. Like I don't.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  Get back of the calf? I mean, I mean, honestly, like I'm getting the back of the calf? What about shaving? Doesn't that count for something?

• 16:34Alex Cooper?

  That's true. And that's like once a week?

• 16:37Speaker 03

  But your legs are so skinny. I mean, you shouldn't be washing them. What are they collecting dirt? I mean, it's so stupid. But you know, I guess, I don't know. I thought for a while, my God, maybe I really don't know how to shower. But then I'm like, things are going pretty great. So.

• 16:52Alex Cooper?

  Fuck it.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  Why am I going to rock the boat?

• 16:54Alex Cooper?

  I think you should keep doing exactly what you're doing. This is your seventh book.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 16:58Alex Cooper?

  What the fuck? I mean, congratulations, but also like, how do you still have so much to say?

• 17:03Speaker 03

  I, I know. I know. Because I have a real life. That's why I have things to say. Because I keep it, you know, I keep it real and I have real experiences and as long, I have to. Because if you are a creative person in any way and you forget to have a real life, then you have nothing to talk about. I do stand up and I write books and I need stories. So I have to travel the world and remain like, you know.

• 17:26Alex Cooper?

  It's a nice life.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  It's a great life.

• 17:29Alex Cooper?

  Why did you dedicate the book to flight attendants?

• 17:32Speaker 03

  Because they've been through hell. You know that. I mean, maybe you don't because you've been flying privately for so long.

• 17:39Alex Cooper?

  First of all, I do not fly that way often. I did that for you.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 17:45Alex Cooper?

  I thought the way to lure you in, I was testing our friendship. And then I wanted you to be like, I'd take a bus for you.

• 17:52Speaker 03

  I wouldn't take a bus for anyone. Let's be honest. But I do, I, I, I think flight attendants are some of the most un, unappreciated.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  Service people that we have, I think everyone in the service, what they went through through COVID made me

• 18:10Alex Cooper?

  Horrible.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Made me irate. I wanted to, I did go off on people on planes. I was, I'm part of the crew. When I get on a plane, I become part of the crew. And I want to be one of them. They know that I'm on their team. I'm not with the passengers. I'm with the, the crew.

• 18:25Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 03

  What I do on a plane ride is usually pop a Xanax and go to bed. I don't like to drink on planes. I find drinking alone sad.

• 18:32Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  And I definitely don't want to talk to anyone around me. So.

• 18:35Alex Cooper?

  I kind of like drinking on a plane.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  A lot of people do.

• 18:38Alex Cooper?

  I just feel like it doesn't count. I'm getting a little fucked up.

• 18:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:42Alex Cooper?

  I'm looking around, but I don't like to talk to anyone. Like if you're on a plane, are you talking to the person next to you?

• 18:45Speaker 03

  What do you think? What do you think?

• 18:49Alex Cooper?

  I hate those.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  I, there are not large enough headphones out there to send the signal to people that I do not want to be approached. I don't.

• 18:57Alex Cooper?

  You're doubling up on your headphones.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  I have headphones that are literally the size of a small car. So that it's like, you couldn't, I couldn't hear you if you had a megaphone. Um, but I do fly all the time and I fly commercially most of the time because I think that's the most responsible thing to do.

• 19:14Alex Cooper?

  I agree.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  I mean, I don't want to be somebody who's, you know, that out of touch. I do fly privately once in a while, but um, I just, I, I think flight attendants really deserve our respect. They are trapped in the sky with us and they have been treated with vitriol by idiots. And so, yeah, I always, I'm always, I will always have a flight attendance back.

• 19:37Alex Cooper?

  That's also though, how you know this is your seventh book though. Like, cause I feel like, who'd you dedicate the first one to?

• 19:43Speaker 03

  Who knows?

• 19:43Alex Cooper?

  No. But don't you think it goes like, family? And then it goes friends? And now you're like, fuck number seven, flight attendants. Next time it's gonna be your mailman.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Mars, the Trumps. I'm gonna dedicate the next book to Ivanka. I mean, yeah, you're right. That's actually a really good point. I was like, I'm out of dedications. I already did the sappy ones to my family.

• 20:02Alex Cooper?

  Next one goes to me. Um, okay. Let's talk about traveling, cause you travel all the time.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:07Alex Cooper?

  What qualities do you need in a travel partner?

• 20:11Speaker 03

  Oh, this is good.

• 20:13Alex Cooper?

  I feel like you have very specific requirements, cause you like the vibes high.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  So I have a cousin, my cousin Molly, um, she's like my, my person, one of my people that runs my life.

• 20:23Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 20:24Speaker 03

  And this year I was traveling to New Zealand and Australia and she's my favorite travel buddy. We love to travel together, but she's a type, she's anal retentive. She's a type A. Okay. And I'm a type Z. I am a type A from about eight to 11 in the morning. Once I get my shit done and it takes me about three hours to get my shit done and that's it. Okay. And then I like to go off the rails. You know what I mean? Love that for you. So Molly, uh, who has been, you know, she's, she, I've known her my whole life. Obviously she's my cousin and she's worked for me for many years on and off. Um, and I said, let's go to New Zealand and Australia. I was touring. I said, let's go together. And she's like, absolutely. She has a little three year old. So she's like, I have to be

• 21:06Speaker 03

  as safe as possible and I want to wear a face mask on the plane and I need you to wear one too, so that I don't get my daughter sick. And I'm like, we're going to be gone for three weeks. Right. Fuck your daughter. She's not going to be here. What are you talking about? Covid is over. I'm an anti-masker now. You know what I mean? Like now that it's over, I don't give a shit. Like stop it. I'm not wearing that for like a 14 hour flight. 14 hour flight, wearing a mask. And she's like, if you don't wear a mask, I'm not going to go with you. And I was like, okay, fine. I'll wear a mask. Psycho. So we're on the plane and I take my, I, uh, I have my face mask on and she's across from me, you know, in her little bed and we're like looking at each other. I get an orange juice and I love orange juice. Oh. And, um, I get an orange juice and I forget my mask is on and I take a sip with

• 21:51Speaker 03

  it and, and, and all the orange juice falls all over my shirt and I'm wearing a white t-shirt. I have no extra clothes. Everything has been checked. I didn't think I was going to spill like a fucking baby. So I, and I'm like, oh, god damn it, you know? So I get up and I go to the bathroom to start cleaning my shirt and then I, you know, I'm like, oh, let me go to the bathroom. So I sit down on the toilet and I pull my face mask down, somehow confusing that with my underwear and end up urinating into my underwear.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  And I'm like. Are there drugs involved? No, nothing has happened yet. Nothing has happened. This is like an hour into the flight. I haven't even taken my Xanax and that's what those flights are for. It's like, I love getting on a plane ride that long in that little cubby hole, taking my Xanax. Cozy. Going to bed like, oh my, it's like a little apartment you have, you know what I mean? And they take such good care of you. They treat you like a baby. I love that. So I, I, I, so now I'm soaked in orange juice and urine. Okay. And the flight, we have 14 hours left. So I come out of that fucking bathroom, I'm raging. I'm like, you are a fucking nightmare that you made me wear this face mask and now I'm soaked in my own urine and orange juice.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  So we land. Okay. Somehow we land. We get to New Zealand and you know, they're very strict in New Zealand and Australia. They're very strict about customs, what you're bringing in. There's a whole list of things to check off. I've never been. Did you bring, you know, did you bring fruit? Did you bring vegetables? Do you have a gun? Did you bring, uh, you know, whatever that you're not supposed to bring into their country? Do you have a dog or whatever?

• 23:27Speaker 03

  And my cousin, there's one says, you, did you bring it? Do you have any meats? And my cousin goes to check off meats.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  And I go, what, what are you, what are you, what are you doing? What, what are you doing? And she's like, I have a beef jerky in my backpack. Fucking god. Beef jerky. I, I looked at her. I go, you, what, what, throw that, rip that up and throw that. I have edibles, mushrooms and a sheet of fucking acid on me and you're declaring a Chomps beef stick? Are you fucking kidding me right? Get the fuck away from me. What the fuck? I'm covered in orange juice urine and have so many drugs on me and you're sitting here talking about beef jerky.

• 24:12Alex Cooper?

  I would have tackled her to the fucking ground.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  I didn't talk to her for three days. We went to a winery when we landed. We went to a winery. And we didn't speak. We sat across from each, we sat like six, six seats away because we're looking out into this beautiful valley. New Zealand is gorgeous. They have all these beautiful wineries. We're at this winery. We weren't even speaking. I was like, I hope you're having a good time on this trip that I invited you on free. I hope you're having a good time. Somebody who wants to declare beef jerky is not my friend.

• 24:39Alex Cooper?

  I love though that you, like, I would be interested to see what the internet would say is like, but was the orange juice your fault?

• 24:47Speaker 03

  It could have been my fault, Alex, but that's not the point. You know what I mean?

• 24:50Alex Cooper?

  That wasn't the punchline.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  This is the blame game. You know, I'm going to blame her and I will continue to blame her for declaring beef jerky. First of all, even if I didn't have acid, mushrooms and ecstasy, or sorry, edibles, mushrooms and acid. That's what I brought on that trip. Even if I had those non-threatening items that people want to get upset about, you know what I mean? No one, even if I didn't have that, I don't have time for someone who's going to declare a beef jerky stick.

• 25:15Alex Cooper?

  I agree with you.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  What are you gonna do? Infect a farm animal with that? Like, it's wrapped up.

• 25:21Alex Cooper?

  What does this sheet of acid look like?

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Oh, it's beautiful. It's got this like big Buddha on it and Whistler, I have a ski house in Whistler that I spend my winters in.

• 25:29Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  And I get, they have the best drugs. In Canada, most things are legal. It's all microdose, you know, it's nothing too crazy. It's not like I'm tripping my balls off, but I like a little mood lifter. So it's a big Buddha lady and she's, and, and it's one big sheet and it's got like 376 hits on it. And it lasts me throughout the year and I drug people wherever I go. I hit people. I'm like, you have to take this. It's such a mood lifter and an enhancer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:57Alex Cooper?

  Do you think I should try it?

• 25:58Speaker 03

  I mean, I don't know that you need anything else.

• 26:01Alex Cooper?

  You don't think?

• 26:02Speaker 03

  I feel like you're pretty amped up.

• 26:05Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  But what I do, like, we went whale watching in Australia and so I took it like for that, like, oh, we're gonna go see whales. I want to communicate with the animals. And so.

• 26:15Alex Cooper?

  Are you making noises?

• 26:16Speaker 03

  No, no, no. I just know where, like, I could tell where the pods of whales were before they could even pop up out of the water. And my cousin, I was like, the guy on the boat would say, everybody go to the right. There was like 150 people on the boat. And he'd be like, okay, there's a pod of whales to the right. And they take you out of Sydney Harbor and you go out into these huge swells. Everyone's throwing up. Not me, because I'm fucking seaworthy, you know? And everyone's throwing up. And then he's like, okay, there's a pot of whales at 45 degrees and everyone on the boat runs to the one side of the boat. And I'd be like, there's also a pot of whales coming up over here. And finally, my cousin Molly came up to me and she's like, why are you staying in the same spot? I'm like, because I am in communication with the whales, Molly,

• 27:00Speaker 03

  because I took LSD this morning. And she goes, it's kind of amazing that you've been right about where the whales are each time. And I was like, it would be kind of amazing if you would take an LSD too, instead of your beef fucking chopstick.

• 27:14Alex Cooper?

  I'm sorry, but the thought of being on a fucking boat on LSD, I've never done LSD, but like, it sounds fucking horrible, Chelsea. It sounds like a fucking nightmare. Only you are like, woo! Everyone else is throwing up and they're sober.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  It's not woo, it's like, ah, this is beautiful. Look at me, look at me talking to this whale. Like, wow, I'm on a different vibration. Like, everything's a little sparklier, a little bit more glittery. Like, there's, you have patience for people that you normally wouldn't.

• 27:50Alex Cooper?

  True. And I could see you on a boat with all those people whale watching. Like, you'd want to fucking kill yourself.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Well, and they're vomiting. So, obviously.

• 28:13Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. If your money is scattered across five different apps you never open, you're not in control. Your money should move you forward. With SoFi, you get award-winning banking, investing, borrowing, and more, all in one app. So you finally know where your money is. Make your first move with SoFi Checking and Savings. Competitive APY, no account fees, a bonus when you join with eligible direct deposit. Terms apply. SoFi Bank, N A Member FDIC. When you're ready to invest or pay off that debt, everything you need is right there. As a SoFi member, you get access to SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners to

• 28:52Alex Cooper?

  help you know what to do next. Get started today at sofi.com/callherdaddy. SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. Daddy gang, did you know the average person has to send out 51 resumes just to try to land a job? It is insane and it's a lot of work, but honestly, I believe that, right? I remember when I got my first job out of college, I literally spent months applying and applying and applying and then applying. And the worst part is you can spend all this time finding the right role, fixing your resume, writing the application, and then you might not even hear back, right?

• 29:35Alex Cooper?

  And it is so frustrating because you're like, okay, I know I would be so great for this job, but how do I actually get them to even notice me? That is where ZipRecruiter comes in, my friends. Okay, ZipRecruiter matches you up with the right job in minutes and their new feature even lets your application be seen first by employers. You can try it out by going to ziprecruiter.com/daddy. It is such a game changer, guys. When you apply for a job, you can be seen first. Just tell the employer why you're interested in the role and your application jumps to the top of their list. No matter where you are in your career journey, make your application be seen first only on ZipRecruiter.

• 30:19Alex Cooper?

  Try it out now by going to this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com/daddy. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com/daddy. Okay, I'm going to ask you situations and you're going to tell me what drug you would want to do in the situation.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  Sure, great.

• 30:34Alex Cooper?

  Girls tripping a Beza.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Molly.

• 30:36Alex Cooper?

  Waiting in line at the DMV.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  Oh God, I guess pot, pot.

• 30:41Alex Cooper?

  A first date.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Uh, just alcohol.

• 30:45Alex Cooper?

  Okay, your sister's wedding.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Molly.

• 30:49Alex Cooper?

  Watching The Notebook.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  Acid.

• 30:52Alex Cooper?

  What?

• 30:53Speaker 03

  I need a lifter for that, like for that's.

• 30:56Alex Cooper?

  Okay, a karaoke bar.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Oh God, I would need, I would need something serious.

• 31:02Alex Cooper?

  Mix a little.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  Something I probably haven't even tried yet because I can't sing and so I don't want to be seen singing.

• 31:08Alex Cooper?

  You can't?

• 31:09Speaker 03

  No, no, no, I can't sing and I can't dance.

• 31:10Alex Cooper?

  What if we just hit a tune right now?

• 31:12Speaker 03

  I can't.

• 31:13Alex Cooper?

  I can't sing.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  Defying gravity, defying gravity.

• 31:19Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, let's move on.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 31:20Alex Cooper?

  Um, grocery shopping?

• 31:22Speaker 03

  Don't do it.

• 31:22Alex Cooper?

  You don't go ever?

• 31:23Speaker 03

  I try not to.

• 31:24Alex Cooper?

  Okay, um, niece's high school graduation.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Oh, that would be drugs for sure.

• 31:30Speaker 03

  Oh, my, yeah, my nephew's bar mitzvah. I was handing everybody edibles at that, at that event.

• 31:36Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  At my cousin's wedding, I handed even my, my cousin's mother, who I think is my cousin.

• 31:42Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  Um, I gave her a little shit, a little hit of LSD. She didn't know what, what it was, but I said, just take this, your night's going to enhance. And, um, and she took it and she had a great time.

• 31:53Alex Cooper?

  The good thing about getting drugs from you is one, I know you've already tried them. Two, you're rich, so I feel like you are sourcing the best shit. And I feel like I'd be safe with you. Like, I wouldn't feel like, oh, God, I'm gonna have a bad trip because this is laced with something. Like, I feel like you're really, you know what you're doing.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I know what I'm doing.

• 32:10Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  I have, I was once, I mean, this is a little segue, but I'll take it.

• 32:14Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Um, I, I was in Mallorca and, um, I was, there was this, I, I take acid to Mallorca and I dose everyone. All my friends come, they have my, mind numbing, bending experiences. We all have a great time.

• 32:26Alex Cooper?

  Is it legal in Mallorca? Is acid legal anywhere?

• 32:29Speaker 03

  I think it is legal in, I, things are legal in Spain that aren't legal everywhere, but who knows? Anyway, um, no one's really looking for acid, you know what I mean? They're not gonna see that sheet of that Buddha woman and go, was that acid? They're gonna be like, oh, she's a really good artist. And I saw this elderly couple walking down the street and they just looked so in love, like they were in their eighties. And they were holding hands and I was on LSD, my whole group of friends was on LSD. And I said, look how beautiful that is. Like, they're still into each other. This man loves her. He was holding her one hand with both of his hands. And I stopped them and I was like, you guys are so cute. Like, what's the story? They're like, this is our 50th wedding anniversary. And I have a house in Mallorca, so I wasn't far from my house. And I said, oh, my God, your 50th wedding anniversary? I was like, that's incredible.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  What are you guys gonna do? And they're like, we're just walking around the port. And I said, this is, I have two kayaks that are in front of my house on the beach. I said, th- these are my kayaks. I said, please take them and go out for like a midnight stroll. It's so beautiful under the sky in Mallorca. The stars and the moonlight. I said, please. Take these kayaks and I also have some LSD.

• 33:38Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  And so I got their medical background. Neither of them had a heart condition or any sort of thing to be alarmed about. And I said, I have these little tabs. I go, don't be scared. They're microdosed.

• 33:47Alex Cooper?

  Oh, my God.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  They were only enhanced. If you are happy now, you can't imagine the level of happiness you are going to achieve if you take these. And, and the man was like, oh, we're, we're good. We're good. We're in, we're in love. I go, no, no, please trust me, you know, please.

• 34:02Alex Cooper?

  Please.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  And, and the woman goes, I'd like to try some. And I said, so I gave her a hit. I gave him a hit. They decided to take one kayak.

• 34:10Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 34:10Speaker 03

  They went out to the port. I forgot about them. I was with my friends. I was at some bar restaurant. I went to bed. We all went to bed. I woke up in the, the next morning. I was out on my terrace. It was like 7:00 AM. I'm working out and I see the kayak pull up.

• 34:26Alex Cooper?

  Shut the fuck up.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  And I'm like, who, oh, my God, that's that couple that I gave my kayak to. I go, have they been out all night? And I live in this port. And so you can kayak out into the Mediterranean, but there's all these little coves. And they came up the beach and they're walking towards me and I'm waving to them. I'm like, hey, guys. And they come up to the stairs to my house and I open my gate and they come in and they go, we spent the whole night in an alcove, like one of those caves.

• 34:54Alex Cooper?

  Oh, my God.

• 34:54Speaker 03

  We kayaked into a cave and we spent our 50th wedding anniversary up all night, talking about all of our favorite memories. You gave us the best gift we could have ever been given. And I was like, I had tears in my eyes, you know, like, like, I'm like, I'm a healer. I am healing people. And, and then the woman looked at me and she goes, do you have any more?

• 35:15Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  And I, and I did, and I gave it to her, of course, you know, because I share.

• 35:19Alex Cooper?

  You are like a, like a.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  Shaman.

• 35:22Alex Cooper?

  Shaman. Yeah, you're like a drug doula or whatever the fuck.

• 35:25Speaker 03

  I want people to experience the great, listen, drugs are not for everyone.

• 35:30Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  I respect that and I understand that it can be a problem for many people, but they're for me.

• 35:36Alex Cooper?

  I want to come to Mallorca.

• 35:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:39Alex Cooper?

  I'm inviting myself.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  I heard, I heard, I heard that.

• 35:42Alex Cooper?

  I feel like you have a big enough house. I could kind of like.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  You could come to Mallorca.

• 35:45Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  I'll give you the house for a week.

• 35:47Alex Cooper?

  No, no, no. I want to be there with you.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  I know. I know you do.

• 35:54Alex Cooper?

  You're like, yeah, here's the keys. We'll, we'll set a date. I'm not there.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  But this Ellis, like, listen, I'm not, people aren't like hallucinating. It's a mood lifter and a life enhancer. And I really believe it is medicinal. And I am pro that.

• 36:08Alex Cooper?

  Do you do anything when you're skiing?

• 36:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, all the time.

• 36:11Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  Edible, smoked pot.

• 36:13Alex Cooper?

  Is it true that you fucked your ski instructor?

• 36:16Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, several.

• 36:17Alex Cooper?

  What? How does that come about?

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Well, how doesn't it come about? You tell me how you keep your hands off of someone who's keeping, staying in charge of your body on a mountain that can ski better than you that's hot?

• 36:26Alex Cooper?

  How are you?

• 36:27Speaker 03

  How do you not have sex with that person? You tell me, Alex.

• 36:30Alex Cooper?

  Well, to be fair, I feel like skiing can be like a little bit of a catfish situation because you're like, what's going on under there? Have you ever been like?

• 36:37Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, oh, right. That's a good point, actually.

• 36:39Alex Cooper?

  Right? They looked a little sexy and then they're a little not because they take off the gator and they take off everything. And you're like, that's not what I thought you were.

• 36:45Speaker 03

  That's what, that, that once happened to me scuba diving. I had a dive instructor. We were in French Polynesia.

• 36:51Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  And we were diving and we were on this boat and we had two dive masters and we were diving with like a black tip reef sharks and white tip reef sharks. And they were pretty big. And I wasn't really good at scuba diving at that point. I had just gotten certified and I was really nervous. And I kept like, you know, you're under so, you're so far underwater that it's, it's scary that you can't just go back up.

• 37:14Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 37:16Speaker 03

  And I saw this, my cousin Molly, again, this fucking once.

• 37:19Alex Cooper?

  Jesus.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  She pulls the bottom of my ankle and I look down and there's a huge, like eight foot black tip reef shark underneath and I panic and I'm like having, I'm shaking and, and my goggles, I can't clear my goggles. I didn't, I kept getting water in them. So I couldn't really see. So you couldn't see anything. And I, and so I start panicking and I start going, trying to swim to the surface. And then the dive master came down, put my goggles right on my face, cleared my mask, and then looked at me and like held my hands. And he's like, and he's like motioning to breathe in and breathe out. And I'm looking at him and I'm like.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  And he's holding my hands. And then he's like, he's like, do you want to go up? And I was like, I want to, you know, I want to stay with you. And, and I was like, I'm, and then for the rest of the dive, he and I held hands. And we do, we swam around all the sharks while he guided me because he was now in charge of me. And this is a very big turn on to me and a lot of women, I think, who have been neglected in their childhood by their fathers. And, and, and all my friends, so we had two dive masters. There were 10 of us. I had one and the rest of them, the nine of them had one. And so I had commandeered this guy. And so we're holding hands diving and I'm like, I'm gonna have to fuck this guy, you know, when we get to the surface, I'm gonna fuck this guy. I am so turned on. He saved my life and I am attracted to him.

• 38:43Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  And then when we got to the top of the surface, we got in the boat, he took his mask off and I was like, get the fuck away from me. Don't even look at me again.

• 38:55Alex Cooper?

  Giving like ogre?

• 38:57Speaker 03

  Just not attractive.

• 38:58Alex Cooper?

  Not your vibe?

• 38:59Speaker 03

  My vibe at all. And he was like, really looking after me. And I had to be like, it's over now that we're on the surface of the water. That was, one relationship was underwater and now there's a different relationship.

• 39:12Alex Cooper?

  That's pretty good. But you were able to cut it off?

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, he was.

• 39:15Alex Cooper?

  You didn't pity fuck him?

• 39:16Speaker 03

  No, no, no, I, no, no, no.

• 39:19Alex Cooper?

  Are you often pity fucking people?

• 39:21Speaker 03

  That's a great question.

• 39:22Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  I have to say, you know, you do ask great questions, Alex. And I don't say that like, wow. But I mean, obviously it's, you've had a very successful career that is going to continue to be successful. But when I was listening to your last interview, I think Amy said that to you. And I was like, yes, you really are a good interviewer. These questions are good questions. These questions inspire me to want to ask better questions on my own podcast, but I'm too lazy to do that.

• 39:49Alex Cooper?

  But I also have to just say, I appreciate that the thing that got you to be like, damn, like, you're so good at me asking if you pity fuck people often. You're like, Alex, you are the next big thing. But do, okay, let's talk about pity fucks. Cause I've pity fucked.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm sure I've pity fucked. I mean, I, I wouldn't say I, I've done that recently, but I'm, I'm trying to think back to a time where, yeah, where you have a guy in your hotel room and you're like, oh God, how am I going to get out of this?

• 40:13Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  And then you're just like, maybe it's easier just to fuck him. Because it can be quick. The fucking? Yeah. Well, hopefully in that case. But, but, but no, if I'm grossed out, I will. You're out. I'm bouncing. What is the best one night stand you've ever had?

• 40:31Speaker 03

  So many. I mean, I had so many fun one night stands in my twenties and thirties. Oh. What's the best one? That's really hard. It's okay. I once had sex with this guy. What was his name? I like to be able to call people out with their first and last names, which is going to be hard for this because I don't even remember his first name. But I once had sex. I don't know if this was the best. Yeah. But it was sexy. Oh. And it wasn't a one night stand. It went on for like a week, but it was like a one night thing. I was in the London, at the London Olympics in 2012, I believe. And I was staying with my, a couple of gay friends of mine had a house. And I was walking home late one night, or I was being driven home and I was walking down the street to their house.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  And this really sexy British guy, just, we just locked eyes. And it was like sex. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I, I was like, it's something you would see in a movie. And I, and I was like, I'm in London. This was an impromptu trip. I'm like, what if I just had an affair with this guy? And I walked past him and I stopped and I turned around and he had stopped. And it was late at night, like this was dangerous, you know, it could have been. And it was late at night. And he said, would you like to come back to my place? That's straight up. That was the first thing he said. The eye look that we had was so intense. At, that I was like, yes. And we went back to his house. I mean, I, we barely spoke.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  I went over there every night after the Olympics for a week. Had a full on affair with this guy. I don't even know if I know his last name. Or his first, clearly. Or his first. And we had this incredible, it was just like, like just chemistry, but not a lot of like getting to know each other. It was just purely sexual.

• 42:19Alex Cooper?

  Kinda nice.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  And then I'd be like, okay, I'm going to the Olympics tomorrow. Like, and he's like, are you gonna come back tomorrow night? I'm like, yes, definitely. And then I'd get home at like 10. I'd be like, I'm coming over. And he'd be like, great. And we have a couple of drinks. And then we'd have crazy sex. And then I'd go back to the friends who do, and the friends whose house I was staying at, I never even told them what was going on. I don't know why, because I don't, I, it was just felt so steamy and like sexy. And I wanted to keep it to myself. You know what I mean?

• 42:45Alex Cooper?

  I think that's how people feel with an actual affair, sadly.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:48Alex Cooper?

  But you weren't cheating on your husband. You were just having a fling.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  No, but I would cheat on my husband. You know what I mean? Like, I definitely would. That's why I'm not married.

• 42:55Alex Cooper?

  Um, can I ask, you've talked about how sex has gotten better as you've gotten older. What has gotten better?

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Sex, I mean, this isn't kind of a boring thing to say, but you're just more into your body and being pleased and asking for what you want.

• 43:09Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 43:09Speaker 03

  And you don't care about your cellulite. You don't care about the way that you look, or if they see you in overhead lighting. I don't care what I look like on top of you or underneath you. I'm hot. I, I know, I know it. So like, you're, you're lucky to be fucking me. And that's what makes it sexy.

• 43:29Alex Cooper?

  Every woman needs to clip that from themselves when they're about to go out on a date night. We'll make that a TikTok. Cause it is very inspiring when you just said that. Like, it seems simple. But then I get it. When I think back to when I was having sex in college, I was like, thinking of everything but actually enjoying myself. So.

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Absolutely. And I hate that. I hate that women feel that way.

• 43:47Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  And we talk about it all the time. I know you talk about it on this all the time. Women don't ask for what they want. They're, they're, they don't even orgasm. You don't even orgasm half the time because you're just worried about pleasing men or, or not being confident about asking for what you want. So, I mean, that's totally true. As you get older, you're just like, this is what I want. Can you provide it? You know, these are the rules. And this is what's gonna happen.

• 44:12Alex Cooper?

  Let's talk about your love life.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 44:13Alex Cooper?

  Are you seeing anybody right now?

• 44:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:19Alex Cooper?

  Tell me everything.

• 44:22Alex Cooper?

  Spill the tea.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  I've been down that road before with having a public relationship.

• 44:26Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, you're not doing it.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  My last relationship. No, it's not that. It's more out of respect for their privacy. You know what I mean?

• 44:31Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  I don't want him to have to be exposed to my world.

• 44:35Alex Cooper?

  No, we don't need to know anything about him, but tell me about you. Like, when did you meet him? Like, how are you feeling?

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Um, I met him a long time ago, but we didn't, we didn't really become, um, like, like lovers until like about six or seven months ago.

• 44:49Alex Cooper?

  How does that happen? Because I feel like so many people know people that they would like to have sex with, but then if you didn't do it immediately, it's like, how did you bridge the gap? Did you initiate? Did he initiate?

• 44:58Speaker 03

  I invited him to Mallorca on a trip with a group of friends.

• 45:01Alex Cooper?

  Everyone's getting invited but me?

• 45:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, almost. Now that we're talking about it, it's almost like everyone has been, except for you. Um, I invited him on, I've known him for years. I've always been attracted to him, but he was not available. And I always have wanted like someone like him in my life.

• 45:17Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  He's hot. He's awesome. He's sweet and so caring and completely sees me and understands that I am not available a lot.

• 45:29Alex Cooper?

  Yep.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? My life is pretty crazy and he appreciates that. And he's around when I want him to be. And, um, he's great. I mean, listen, I go through periods where I have multiple lovers. And that's kind of like what I wanted to do when I was a little girl. I wanted to grow up and be a woman that did have multiple lovers. I've never been interested in marriage. I'm not interested in long-term commitments to work, to people, to anything. I am a free spirit and I want to remain and soar like an eagle.

• 46:07Alex Cooper?

  The mic didn't just hit.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  I want to

• 46:10Alex Cooper?

  I'm in the sky.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  I want to soar like an eagle with my heart and legs wide open.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  No, I've, I've had, I, I, I love men.

• 46:21Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  Listen, I love men. You know what I mean? And I want to have adventures with lots of them and, and I try to make sure everybody knows that's where I'm coming from.

• 46:31Alex Cooper?

  That's

• 46:32Speaker 03

  When I'm in a relationship or any sort of, you know what I mean?

• 46:35Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  I'm very upfront. I'm not a liar.

• 46:36Alex Cooper?

  You're direct.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  I'm just like, listen, this is the deal. Do you want in?

• 46:40Alex Cooper?

  Okay, let's pretend you're not dating someone.

• 46:42Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 46:42Alex Cooper?

  And I'm going to describe a man for you and you're going to let me know if you would date him.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 46:46Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, take a little sip.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 46:48Alex Cooper?

  Mix the alcohol with the Vicodin. Let's see if it gets weirder. Okay, no.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  I hope my doctors are listening to this.

• 46:54Alex Cooper?

  Is it going to be a problem that you're getting surgery tomorrow and you're drinking?

• 46:57Speaker 03

  No, they told me not to eat today, that I have to be on a liquid diet.

• 46:59Alex Cooper?

  But you think they meant liquid by like alcohol?

• 47:01Speaker 03

  I don't think they meant that, but they know what, listen, my doctors understand who they're dealing with.

• 47:06Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 03

  Half the time I'm correcting them.

• 47:10Alex Cooper?

  Okay, he's rich and successful, but only flies economy to save money. And not like first class, like back of the plane.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  Okay. Am I interested in him?

• 47:19Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm not interested in flying with him, but I'm interested in him. Yes. I like that.

• 47:25Alex Cooper?

  I do too.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  But I'm not flying economy with him.

• 47:27Alex Cooper?

  Totally. Love that. He's built like Jason Momoa, but he's scared of your dogs.

• 47:33Speaker 03

  Not, not, no, no. I don't like men that are scared of dogs.

• 47:38Alex Cooper?

  I agree. It's one of the bigger red flags.

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Why? What happened to you? Were you attacked by a wolf? Like, if you are scared of dogs, something is wrong with you and I don't appreciate that at all.

• 47:48Alex Cooper?

  And your dogs are adorable.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Unless you were attacked by a dog.

• 47:51Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 47:52Speaker 03

  And you're a woman.

• 47:56Alex Cooper?

  Period. He's been healed through therapy, but he refuses to go down on you.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  No, no, I love when guys go down on me.

• 48:05Alex Cooper?

  Is it like a hard thing for you if they're horrible? Do you teach or you just get rid of them?

• 48:10Speaker 03

  Uh, going down on you?

• 48:12Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, just like, ah, you know.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  I mean, I mean, that going down on you could work because like that's pretty much they're gonna hit the target at some point. But you can pretty much, I mean, in a position where a man is going down on you, you have most likely your hands on their head, directing them exactly where to go. But if someone kisses me in a sloppy, gross way, that is unrecoverable.

• 48:37Alex Cooper?

  I agree. A bad kiss make out is, it's kind of unforgivable.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:42Alex Cooper?

  You can't kind of come back from that.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 48:44Alex Cooper?

  Okay, he makes you laugh harder than anyone, but he hates that you're funnier than him.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  I don't mind that.

• 48:50Alex Cooper?

  You don't?

• 48:50Speaker 03

  No.

• 48:51Alex Cooper?

  A little competition?

• 48:52Speaker 03

  I don't care if somebody hates that I'm, that's not my problem, that's their problem.

• 48:57Alex Cooper?

  Okay, he's your best friend?

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Again, great line of questioning, Alex.

• 49:01Alex Cooper?

  Thank you.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  These are great questions.

• 49:02Alex Cooper?

  Thank you. It's really sparking a debate. Um, he's your best friend, but his best friend is his mom.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  He's my best friend? I don't want him to be my best friend, first of all. So that's already a cancel. I don't need, I don't need a guy, my lover, to be my best friend. That's stupid.

• 49:20Alex Cooper?

  I love how that wasn't like the problem.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  No, that wasn't even the question, but I'll just cut you off.

• 49:25Alex Cooper?

  Okay, have you ever fucked a mama's boy?

• 49:27Speaker 03

  No, that's not my thing.

• 49:29Alex Cooper?

  Really?

• 49:29Speaker 03

  No. I mean, you have to respect your mother, but not a mama's boy. I find that to be, yeah, like the same way, like a daddy's girl. Like, come on, we're all adults here. Grow, grow up.

• 49:40Alex Cooper?

  You've never been a daddy's girl?

• 49:42Speaker 03

  I mean, maybe I was a dad. No, not really. My dad didn't, wasn't that impressed with me. And I wasn't that impressed with him, quite frankly.

• 49:51Alex Cooper?

  I thought you were just gonna say, my dad wasn't that impressive.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  I was gonna say, my dad wasn't that attractive.

• 49:57Alex Cooper?

  I never wanted to fuck my dad.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  I wasn't that attractive to my father.

• 50:04Alex Cooper?

  We're not interested in fucking our dads over here. That's a fabulous answer. Thank you. Okay, he's tall, dark. He's tall, dark and handsome, but his whole Instagram is selfies.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 50:15Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 50:17Speaker 03

  I mean, I've definitely met guys on Raya where that is the case. And then I, I've, I've definitely had sex with guys like that. I don't know about dating guys like that. I mean, selfies, not really.

• 50:28Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, like imagine you walk into your bathroom and he's like shirtless, taking a picture.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, you're right. Selfies, no, actually, when I think about it.

• 50:35Alex Cooper?

  You being on Raya at a point in your life, have you ever fucked a DJ?

• 50:40Speaker 03

  Uh, DJ Diplo, is that who you're talking about?

• 50:42Alex Cooper?

  Well, not specifically Diplo, but if you fuck Diplo.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  No, cuz I didn't fuck him, no.

• 50:46Alex Cooper?

  Okay, good.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  I wanted to, I wanted to. I did a segment with him once on my Netflix show and I was like, he's hot. And then, you know, he's not that hot to me anymore, but um, a DJ. No, I've never fucked a DJ. Not that I'm aware of.

• 51:01Alex Cooper?

  That is very good to clarify. I feel like I could see you fuck a DJ.

• 51:05Speaker 03

  Me too, I could see that, yeah.

• 51:07Alex Cooper?

  Like you're on LSD, you're bumping.

• 51:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't, yeah, I'm not really good at dancing either. So, uh, dancing and singing are the two things. That's what I really appreciate about Wicked, is that they could dance and sing. I'm always amazed by people who can do that. Like Zoe Zaldana and Amelia Perez. I didn't know she could dance and sing.

• 51:25Alex Cooper?

  I was having this debate with someone the other day, though. Would you rather be really good at singing or be funny?

• 51:30Speaker 03

  I would rather be funny, yeah.

• 51:32Alex Cooper?

  Not that that's, you know, they're not great. I'm just saying like, I'm basically trying to hype you up in the process. It's okay that you're basically so fucking awful at these things. You're funny. So, take it or leave it.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can't have it all.

• 51:45Alex Cooper?

  And this one lasts kind of forever. Anyways, now that we're comparing, um, okay, you've been on your healthy therapy journey, I feel like. But before that, what was your most toxic trait in a relationship? Like, give me tangible. I know you're a fucking eagle with your legs spread, but what were you really toxic with?

• 52:00Speaker 03

  I think certain people bring out toxicity. You know what I mean? Like, certain dynamics are toxic. So like, you don't belong with certain people because they bring out the worst in you, you bring out the worst in them.

• 52:10Alex Cooper?

  Give me an example.

• 52:11Speaker 03

  I had an ex-boyfriend. We dated for a couple of years and we had a very toxic, very like, like, I would look through his phone. He cheated on me. He would be out all hours. I'd be paranoid about it. I, it was, it was the, the worst version of me that I've ever experienced. I remember I was, I was filming, I was shooting Chelsea Lately at the time. I was working on that show and I, I would be so consumed about when he was gonna call and, and how late he was out at night cuz he lived in New York and I lived in LA and, and we had this great chemistry. So, we had so much fun together and it was, and then, but it was toxic and there was gamesmanship and he didn't want to be controlled and I was trying to control him and, you know.

• 52:54Alex Cooper?

  That's the worst.

• 52:55Speaker 03

  None of that works ever. You can't ever try to control anyone. And if anyone's gonna cheat, they're, they're going to. They're not gonna not because you're calling them.

• 53:04Alex Cooper?

  Are you talking about 50 Cent?

• 53:05Speaker 03

  No, no, no. He was beautiful. He was a sweetheart. He was so sweet, yeah.

• 53:09Alex Cooper?

  I bring it up every time I talk to you.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  A lot of people bring that up. People seem to really like that story. I wonder why. Why do you think that is?

• 53:16Alex Cooper?

  I just think you're both such huge personalities and picturing you together. I I'm trying to picture a conversation between you two. And I don't.

• 53:33Alex Cooper?

  Like, I read his Instagram captions, for example.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I hear what you're saying. He was a sweetheart. Like, my, all my friends, when I dated him, just fucking loved it. Because he'd come over to our house every night and he'd have like a Lamborghini one day and then like a yellow Ferrari the next day. Meanwhile, I realized he was borrowing all these cars from different dealerships. I was like, you can do that? You know? I'm like, oh. And then I got a Bentley. I got a chocolate Bentley. Because he kept coming over every night and he'd have a different car. So as a joke, I went and bought a chocolate Bentley. I didn't know you could borrow cars. And as a celebrity. So I went and bought a chocolate Bentley and then we broke up. So there I am, stuck with this chocolate Bentley, like a fucking white dumb bitch asshole, driving around like I'm some rapper. And I had that Bentley, which was a really nice car, by the way. I had that Bentley for like two years.

• 54:22Alex Cooper?

  Okay, what's the most unhinged thing you've ever done during a breakup?

• 54:26Speaker 03

  I bought an ex-boyfriend, the toxic one, actually.

• 54:29Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 54:30Speaker 03

  He had a, he has a house in upstate New York and like an estate. And I knew I had to break up with him at some point, but I wanted him to really feel it, you know? And I bought.

• 54:42Alex Cooper?

  Go out with a bang.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  I bought, he had this huge drive that led up to his estate. And it is an estate. I use that word because that's what it is. It's a huge farm. It's gorgeous. It's on the Hudson River. And I bought him 35 Linden trees that I'm pretty sure I imported from Germany at the time. Very extravagant.

• 55:02Alex Cooper?

  How expensive is that?

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Who knows? And I had like 17 put lined on either side of the driveway. So that they would grow and form a canopy, so that when you drove in, you'd drive into his house under this alley of trees. And I knew that every winter, I mean, that every spring and every fall, the leaves would change and bloom. And and it would be beautiful and that everyone who saw them would be like, where, where did you get these trees? And every winter, I mean, sorry, every fall and every spring, I get a text from him. Shut the fuck up. Going, I can't believe I lost you. Look at your trees. Do you want to come see them?

• 55:48Speaker 03

  And I'm always like, not interested. That was just a message to you. You're good. That was a good breakup present. The fact that that's a br- and how did you tell him you were giving this to him? Well, I gave it to him as like a birthday present, but I knew I was leaving. And then you said goodbye. Yeah. And then the trees got planted after I was gone, you know? And so that was like, that felt great. I mean, the fact that that will stick with him forever and you have nothing to remind you of him, that's beautiful. Yeah. That was like your last big toxic hit and then you're out. Yeah. And then, and then I haven't had a toxic relationship since then. Proud of you. So that was kind of like, I went out with a bang and nature.

• 56:27Speaker 03

  So gorgeous. You know what would be good for you to have your dogs during your interviews? So I've thought about that, but I couldn't tell like, cause I think it helps people. I think anyone who's coming on this show understands that they're gonna dish, right? They know what's up. Yeah. You're gonna tell me the big thing soon, right? You're gonna, you're getting up to the big. I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant. And, um, and I've already gotten an abortion during this interview, all within this time. Um, but they know they're coming here. So I don't know that you need the dogs, but I. Oh, I like it. I like the idea of people softening and, cause dogs make people feel happy. Let's talk about our dogs. What is the most elaborate thing you've ever done for your dogs? Well, I've, I've, I've, I once flew one of my dogs privately alone. What?

• 57:11Speaker 03

  To meet me in Whistler, Canada, because I thought there was a quarantine. When I first started going there and I didn't know I could bring my dog. So I, I flew myself there first. And then when I found out you don't have to quarantine your dogs, I sent for Chunk. And he got on a plane with two pilots and a manifest that said Chunk Handler. So that was one extravagant thing. That is fucking, imagine being those pilots. That's exactly right. The other thing I've done is I'm in Maine, it's COVID. And I'm, I'm trying to fuck Andrew Cuomo at the time because I had a hot, hot thing for Andrew Cuomo. He was hot at the time. Yeah, he was hot. And, uh, anyway, I rented this house in Maine.

• 57:52Speaker 03

  Um, and it was in a, uh, and I, and then Andrew Cuomo blew me off. This is in the book, by the way. And this is the book and in my standup special, which is coming out after the book, but. He, he, uh, I, once he, I realized it wasn't happening with Andrew Cuomo. We had a long flirtation or a short one, but I was led to believe I'd be penetrated by him at some point. And when that didn't happen, I was with my brothers and sisters and a bunch of friends at this house that I'd rented in Maine. And I was like, God, I didn't bring Bert and Bernice. I've just been rejected by a man. It's, it's, it's COVID. I'm single. A lot of people during COVID were, who were single feared that maybe they would never get penetrated again. Maybe that was it, you know? What if I never am allowed to have sex again?

• 58:36Speaker 03

  So it was, it was a rejection, a dejection. It was, it was deep. And I, I was like, I came downstairs and I said to my sister Simone, like, I need Bert and Bernice here. I'm pissed that they're not here. I don't know what I was thinking. We're here for a month. Like, I need some comfort. And I'm not flying my dogs privately. That's ridiculous. Like, I did that once and I was shamed for it. And I don't want to be that egregious. So she said, let me figure it out. And she came downstairs and said she had found a service. There was a couple that could drive my dogs from California to Maine and then it could be there in 48 hours. It was a Monday at 7:00 PM. And I was like, 48 hours? I was like, is that, is that even possible? But you know, when things go my way, I don't ask a lot of questions. I'm like, great.

• 59:20Speaker 03

  So Wednesday at like 7:30, this couple pulls up in this like trailer hitch situation, like a van attached to something else. I don't know the vernacular for those types of things because, you know. And my dogs kind of scuttled out and my dogs aren't very affectionate. They were both, they're both dead now, but they were, they're just both aloof. They were a brother and sister combo platter. And they were chow chows and they're just kind of like slow, sluggish and just seemingly off. And I, I said to the couple that pulled out, I was so grateful, you know, to see my dogs. I was so, anyone who has an animal understands. And I went inside to make them a thank you cocktail. I went inside to my.

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  Uh, to the kitchen. My brother Roy was cooking. He's the chef in our family. And he was cooking and he was like, I, I said, I grabbed a bottle of Belvedere, grabbed some cocktail glasses. And he goes, what are you doing? And I said, I'm making the couple that just delivered Bert and Bernice a thank you cocktail. And he said, don't make them more than one round, Chelsea. Like very sternly, he's talking to me. And I'm like, excuse me? I go, what's your problem? He goes, look at me. And he lowered his glasses to the bottom of his nose, like in a very serious, like avuncular way. And he goes, look at me. Anybody who drove from California to Maine in forty eight hours is on crystal meth.

• 1:00:48Alex Cooper?

  Dude, did you go back out there and like take a harder glance?

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  No, I went back out there with the cocktails and I was like, I'm not judgy, you know, whatever it takes. So I go, I don't know anything about crystal meth. I mean, I do a lot of drugs, but I'm not like, you know, I'm not doing that. Jewish, we don't do that. So I, I hand them the cocktails and the guy's like, thanks a lot. Well, you know, we can't be, we can't stay for long. We have to be in Florida by midnight. That's, that's also not a five hour drive. I'm like, uh, okay. But the next couple of days, the dogs were walking around like very aimlessly and bumping into like, and one more. My dog like stared at a paddleboard for almost like twenty minutes. And I'm sitting outside on this like front yard of this house that we rented on this beach. It was so beautiful with my brother Roy. And I go, what's wrong with Bert and Bernice? Like, and he goes, what, what's wrong with them?

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  Chelsea, you just sent your dogs on a high speed methamphetamine car chase across the country. Because a governor wouldn't fuck you during a global pandemic.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  What the fuck? He's like, they're detoxing. They're coming down. Yeah. They're coming down off the drugs. Yeah, they were coming down. So that was, and then the next day, like, the Bushes were there. The Bushes were in Kenny Bunkport. The next day, Barbara Bush, George W. Bush, you know, one of the twins, Barbara and Jenna, she's like, she texts me, she's like, sissy, we call each other sissy. She's like, sissy, I hear you're in Bitterford Pool, which is where we were staying. And I was like, yeah. She's like, we're coming by. She comes by, unbeknownst to me, brings the first lady with her. There's like three Secret Service people and they're sitting on my porch. We're all talking. I'm trying not to be seen with that many Republicans. You know what I mean? I'm like, fuck, is there a drone around? Like, I can't be seen with a former first lady. And then Bert, Barbara Bush, loved my dog Bert. She loved him.

• 1:02:38Speaker 03

  She understood his body type the way I did, like, just a bundle of meat, you know? And he was, and she was like, why is Bert acting? I'm like, he's sick, he's sick. Cause I know, you know, like, I'm not gonna bring a crystal net to the fucking first lady. And my brother Roy's out there and I knew he was about to fucking say something. I'm like, you shut up. Do not, you know how Republican first ladies act about drugs, you know? There's a war on them. And I don't want them to think me and my loose lifestyle that I'm drugging my dogs. So, um, it was pretty ridiculous. They recovered, I think. You think? Wait, into now, do you have new dogs? I have a new dog, Doug. Doug. Yeah, he's black and beautiful. He's a full chow. Oh. Yeah, and a rescue, a full chow rescue. What? Yeah, yeah. Are you lying? No, no, no, no. I think our dogs need to meet.

• 1:03:22Speaker 03

  I would never lie about anything. I mean, why, why would I? I don't know. I have nothing to hide. You don't lie ever? You think I've, after everything that I've divulged today, I'm gonna lie about my dog being a rescue? I mean, honestly, Alex Cooper. Just god forbid you wanna like, get more street cred. No, no, no. You don't give a shit. I bought a dog once. I returned him though. Oh, fuck. Yeah. That's worse to admit. He was a loser, that dog. Why? He's such a fucking lunatic. I don't like, I like lazy dogs. I want, but this dog I have now, Doug, he's black. I wanted a dog of color. And he is so beautiful and friendly and a, and a real dog.

• 1:04:02Speaker 03

  Like, I've had such zombies for dogs for so long, because I don't really wanna exercise with them and do that stuff. Yeah. That I appreciate dogs that are a little bit on the lazy side. Yeah. I've never had a dog like Doug and he just brings so much joy to everyone he meets. He looks like a bear.

• 1:04:33Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Every year, my family takes a big trip together around the holidays. And right now, we're in the middle of planning it. So naturally, our family group chat has become everyone sending different homes that they found on Airbnb. And they're like, what about this one? What about this one? Because my family has a lot of opinions about what we need. Obviously, the house has to be big enough to fit all of us, especially now with the baby. My mom wants a huge kitchen because she is already planning out Christmas dinner. My sister wants to be close enough to town so she can walk around and she can explore all the different shops. And personally, I always love to have a really good hot tub.

• 1:05:18Alex Cooper?

  I feel like once November hits, everyone's either just like booking holiday travel or trying to coordinate where they're going to end up. And even though it's so fun, it can kind of be a lot. And that is why Airbnb has become my family's favorite way to travel. Everyone has different needs around the holidays, but Airbnb makes it easy to book a spot that kind of just checks all of your boxes. Having one place where everyone can hang and cook and slow down, it just makes the trip that much more special. So before the holiday rush really kicks in, find a place where everyone can actually gather, relax, and make memories together with Airbnb. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Revolve. Now that I'm entering this mom era, guys, I'm trying to figure out my style, okay?

• 1:06:02Alex Cooper?

  I'm looking for my good elevated basics. I'm looking for a lot of matching sets. I'm looking for cozy but practical. And so I'm just, I'm trying to figure it out. So whether you're preparing for your hot mom era, leaning into a new cozy fall wardrobe, or just wanting to feel hot and comfortable, Revolve has what you're looking for. In a wardrobe, Revolve has literally everything from cozy knits to event dresses, all curated in a way that makes getting dressed so easy. You also don't have to waste time endlessly scrolling, which is my favorite part, because everything already fits the look that you're going for. And once you find something you like, Revolve will show you similar options. So you can build off of that. This is my favorite aspect of shopping on Revolve. I'm like, oh, I really like the sweater. And then all of a sudden they're like shop the whole look.

• 1:06:47Alex Cooper?

  And then there's the pants and then there's the purse and then there's the shoes. And then there's the jewelry and then there's the sunglasses. And I'm like, oh, my God, I just put all this in my car and I never, I didn't have to do much. It's really nice. Also, you can find the best brands, keep coming back to shop new arrivals daily and find inclusive sizing. Listen, hot girl energy, hot mom energy, whatever era you're in, Revolve has the outfit for it. Revolve has the hottest brands, new arrivals dropping daily and pieces you'll wear over and over again. Go to revolve.com/chd and use code C H D for 15% off your first order.

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  Do you ever bring your dogs to dog parks? I don't, I try not to go to dog parks. I've had some of the worst interactions with human beings at dog parks. What happened? I was looking for Doug. Actually, they were bringing Doug to showcase me this Chow rescue that I got my last dogs from. They knew I was down one dog and looking for, you know, a refill. So they brought these two dogs to a dog park in Brentwood. I went to the wrong dog park and I opened, you know how they have those metal gates? Yeah. And I walk in and I'm like looking around to see if the people with the dogs are anywhere. And, and some guy screams at me going, shut the door now. Or shut the gate, shut the gate. And you know, it's like they have two gates to get into the dog park.

• 1:08:04Speaker 03

  One and then, and I, and I looked at him like I'm five feet away from the gate. There's, there are no dogs anywhere except for him and his two dogs, which he has on leashes. And he's like 50 yards away screaming. And I'm like, are you, I'm like, sir, Shut the fuck up. Can you please relax? And he's charging towards me. And I'm like, sir, calm, calm down. It just takes two seconds for one of these dogs to get out of the street and get hit on Barrington. And then what? And I'm like, sir, something happened to you today and it has nothing to do with me. So please stop talking to me. And I go, and stop looking at me, actually. You're freaking me out. And I'm looking at my phone, trying to figure out if I'm at the wrong dog park because there's two kind of catty corner.

• 1:08:48Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  Don't say catty corner. But and I, and so I'm looking down and then he goes, all of you celebrities think you can just get away with murder. And then I looked up on behalf of celebrities everywhere. I was offended. Do you know what I mean? And I looked up, I go, I'm sorry, sir, that's really uncalled for. I said, there are no dogs here, except for yours that are on leashes. I'm close to the gate. No dog could run past me. And he goes, you're a whore, Chelsea Handler.

• 1:09:16Alex Cooper?

  What the fuck?

• 1:09:17Speaker 03

  You're a whore. And I obviously started laughing because I was like, what the fuck do you even say to that? Like, we're literally talking about our dogs and you're just like taking it that aggressive? And then I realized he was gay on top of it, which was a double whoopsie doodle. Because I'm like, first of all, I think I've proven my allyship for fucking since I was before I was born. And obviously, no straight man is screaming like that at a, at a dog park. You know what I mean? No straight man is like, get out of here. That is.

• 1:09:47Alex Cooper?

  That's a pretty wild moment, though, to have someone scream in your face like that. But I feel like you handled that well.

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  Well, there was another guy that was walking up, luckily, because then he heard him. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, like, do you need any backup here? And I'm like, no, no, I just have a crazy gay I'm dealing with right now. And, and then the guy, the gay guy got in his minivan and started taking pictures of me. And I started smiling and waving. I was like, hi. And then I was like, should we get one together? You know, like, he was going to report me or something.

• 1:10:13Alex Cooper?

  The dog parks are not for the weak. Like, I went once and my dogs got some type of rash.

• 1:10:19Speaker 03

  Oh, oh.

• 1:10:20Alex Cooper?

  So I don't know.

• 1:10:21Speaker 03

  I don't, yeah, I'm not into dog parks. Listen, I don't really, I don't even walk my dog. Okay, like, I, let's be honest.

• 1:10:30Alex Cooper?

  Chelsea.

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  I don't.

• 1:10:32Alex Cooper?

  You cuddle with them.

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:34Alex Cooper?

  Okay, what do you think of dogs with food names? When people name their dogs like macaroni noodles chickpea?

• 1:10:39Speaker 03

  That's annoying. I like, my dog's name is Doug.

• 1:10:43Alex Cooper?

  My dog's name is Henry and Bruce.

• 1:10:45Speaker 03

  Exactly, exactly.

• 1:10:46Alex Cooper?

  Like, treat them as such.

• 1:10:47Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:10:48Alex Cooper?

  When you're like, oh, when they, when they call them a different animal? Like, oh, skunk. And you're like, why, why are you calling? You know what I mean? Do you know what I'm saying?

• 1:10:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess. I mean, I find dog talking, like, I find dog jargon very irritating. People who are obsessed with their animals, like, I, and listen, I'm obsessed with my animal.

• 1:11:09Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  I am showing pictures of him. I'm totally guilty of it as well.

• 1:11:12Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:13Speaker 03

  So it's very hypocritical, but I still don't like it. And I don't like, like, the, like, I have a dog person in Whistler that takes my dog on, like, three-hour hikes every day.

• 1:11:21Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:22Speaker 03

  And the way she talks about dogs, I just have to tune out. You know what I mean? Like, the first time I met a dog trainer in Whistler, this isn't who I have now, who I have now, Abby, who's very cool, but I had a woman who came and she said, okay, what are you looking? The today, the first session will be a discovery session. And I'm like, okay, let me cancel this meeting. I'm not dealing with you. And then she sent me links to YouTube videos to watch recall videos about how I was gonna, I'm like, listen, bitch, I'm not training him, you are. So you watch the video and then let me know what to do, because we're not doing it together.

• 1:11:56Alex Cooper?

  It is crazy, some people that are, I've had a, a person come to my house and say, like, we're gonna discover their personality. And I'm like, shut the fuck up.

• 1:12:05Speaker 03

  Seriously.

• 1:12:05Alex Cooper?

  Take the 200 bucks and like, teach him to do paw.

• 1:12:08Speaker 03

  She said, I, I, by the way, I don't even want that. Why, why do you want a paw? What for? Why, was, is that cute? I don't think that's cute.

• 1:12:15Alex Cooper?

  No, it's good for training. Sit, paw, treat.

• 1:12:17Speaker 03

  Sit is fine. I just want them to not attack anyone. That's all I want, is for my dogs to behave and be friendly to little children when they come and pet them.

• 1:12:26Alex Cooper?

  True.

• 1:12:26Speaker 03

  And not attack anyone. And I don't need them to run and do tricks and lie down and spin. It's all so dumb.

• 1:12:33Alex Cooper?

  It's a little circus-y.

• 1:12:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:35Alex Cooper?

  Um, are you having sex in the room with your dogs?

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a great question. My dog comes on the bed and he's so agile. He's, he's big and, and furry and he looks like he weighs like, I mean, he does weigh like 65 pounds, but when he jumps up on the bed, you can never hear him. So I, so all of a sudden, we'll be having sex and we'll look up and Doug is just like this. And I'm like, oh my God, Doug, I can't have him see his mother like giving a blowjob. Do you know what I mean? I don't want him to like.

• 1:13:04Alex Cooper?

  I've had that where you're like, look, you're given a little blowie and you see from the side eye. You're like, I'm like Bruce.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  But the look on their face is like, they're like, what is happening here?

• 1:13:13Alex Cooper?

  Inquisitive. They're like huh?

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Like, am I a part of this or am I not a part? It's like, you're definitely not a part of this. And I need you to actually get the fuck off the bed because this is weird.

• 1:13:23Alex Cooper?

  I've had that also where I'm like getting eaten out and I like look over and he's just staring like liking it a little too much. And I really, or the worst is like, I push them off the bed immediately. I'm not going to kick them out of the room. I think people that are like, they can't even be in the room. I'm like, my dogs are, one dog is running to the corner. The other one is like getting a little rambunctious and wanting to hump and it's freaking me out. We cut his balls, but the problem is he likes the smell.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  Of sex? So of your Pikachu, he likes the smell of that?

• 1:13:53Alex Cooper?

  He's in, I think.

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  How do you know that?

• 1:13:55Alex Cooper?

  Because after he's like smelling the sheets insane.

• 1:13:59Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:14:00Alex Cooper?

  We got a freak on our hands.

• 1:14:02Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 1:14:03Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. So that's what I'm dealing with.

• 1:14:05Speaker 03

  I, well, maybe you should go to the doctor.

• 1:14:08Alex Cooper?

  No, it's good.

• 1:14:09Speaker 03

  Do you know that it's a good smell that he's smelling? Maybe something, maybe you have an infection.

• 1:14:13Alex Cooper?

  I know that my vagina smells fucking perfect. Shut the fuck up. Worry about yourself and your fucking crooked arm.

• 1:14:19Speaker 03

  My.

• 1:14:21Alex Cooper?

  Bitch. Come for my vagina and I will cut you. Cause that's what's going to trend.

• 1:14:26Speaker 03

  My crooked arm, my crooked arm.

• 1:14:30Alex Cooper?

  That's what people will say. I have a smelly vagina.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:14:33Alex Cooper?

  But I don't want to get too defensive. So people are like, oh God.

• 1:14:36Speaker 03

  I think you already did.

• 1:14:37Alex Cooper?

  Um, oh, your breasts.

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  Oh my God, my pills.

• 1:14:39Alex Cooper?

  Okay. Your book comes out on your 50th birthday.

• 1:14:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm going to be 50.

• 1:14:42Alex Cooper?

  How are you approaching your new decade?

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  I'm just fucking psyched.

• 1:14:45Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:46Speaker 03

  I'm psyched.

• 1:14:46Alex Cooper?

  You're ready.

• 1:14:47Speaker 03

  I'm happy. I'm just happy. My life is so fun. I'm happy that I get to do what I love to do, that I, that I like my family for the most part. There are a couple, you know, but I, that I, that I have this life that I've created.

• 1:15:02Alex Cooper?

  What happened with Jane Fonda?

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  Jane Fonda, the book in, there's a story in the book where Jane Fonda calls me over to her house, summons me, quite frankly, this is like, I don't know how, I have no sense of time. So maybe 15 years ago, summoned me to her house.

• 1:15:21Speaker 03

  And no, it was 10 years ago. It was 10 years ago because I was 40 and I'm about to turn 50. So she summoned me to her house. She sent me an email and said, I, Chelsea, I'd like to talk to you about something. And it was a stern tone in the email. And I was like, she's like, are you free for dinner? And I'm like, sure, absolutely. It's Jane Fonda. I'm always free for you. What, when? And she's like, tonight, actually, it's 7:30. I'll see you at my house. And I'm like, uh oh, like, what? Oh, fuck. I was like, what is this about? And I, my best friend at the time, I was like, what, what do you think? She's like, I don't know. That's so weird. I'm like, can you come with me? And she's like, I'm not invited. I'm like, I know. So I got to their house and I had been to her party, I think it was her birthday party.

• 1:16:04Speaker 03

  She had a party of some sort and I had been to her party like months and months earlier. And she goes, you were terrible at that party. She goes, I don't know what drugs you were on. You insulted multiple people. You were a dark cloud hanging over the party. The whole conversation is in the book, so I'm probably paraphrasing.

• 1:16:25Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:25Speaker 03

  But, and I was mortified, obviously. And I, she wasn't wrong. I don't even, you know, I barely remember that party. I was on drugs, I'm sure, who knows which ones. And I had, and I had just started therapy. I had just began therapy. Thank God, because, you know, one of the first things you learn in therapy is like, if you are defensive about anything, then you're wrong or lying. You know what I mean? Like, if you're right, you don't have to defend yourself.

• 1:16:59Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, like my vagina.

• 1:17:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, like your vagina, like you just did that with your vagina. And, um, and I was sitting there across from her and I was like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. I'm mortified. This is so humiliating. And I was like, and I, I just said, I'm, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I, I don't know what was wrong with me and you're right. I, I was terrible that night, I'm sure, because I don't really remember much of it. It's kind of hazy. I mean, I remembered the party, but I didn't remember specifics and.

• 1:17:31Speaker 03

  And I, and in the midst of that humiliation and mortification,

• 1:17:36Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  The more overarching sentiment was, wow, that's a sister.

• 1:17:46Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:46Speaker 03

  Like that's sisterhood.

• 1:17:47Alex Cooper?

  She's, I mean, I met her once and I interviewed her and I was like happy I got my words out. Her like aura is so incredible and inspiring. And as women, I feel like I'm like, wow, I'm happy that I've gotten to like meet someone like that. And now I'm happy that obviously we're friends and I've gotten to meet you.

• 1:18:03Speaker 03

  Love it.

• 1:18:04Alex Cooper?

  Do you have anything left to say? Give me the book. Throw me the fucking book. Don't you have it in your lap? Throw it.

• 1:18:09Speaker 03

  I can't my shoulder.

• 1:18:15Alex Cooper?

  I want to say. Happy birthday to you. Chelsea's book is coming out on her 50th birthday date.

• 1:18:25Speaker 03

  February 25th.

• 1:18:26Alex Cooper?

  I knew that.

• 1:18:27Speaker 03

  February 25th, same as every year.

• 1:18:30Alex Cooper?

  The book is coming out Daddy Gang. If you want to laugh, if you want to cry, and if you want to fall more in love.

• 1:18:37Alex Cooper?

  Why is there nothing in?

• 1:18:38Speaker 03

  Because it's a fake book, you idiot. I mean, that's actually, what if that was the book? What if you had held it up and been like, I loved this part. And then you opened it up to nothing.

• 1:18:47Alex Cooper?

  Specifically this chapter where it said, what the fuck? No, Daddy Gang, go read the book. Chelsea, I love you.

• 1:18:53Speaker 03

  Love you too.

• 1:19:08Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by American Eagle. Holiday outfits just got way easier. American Eagle's new arrivals are basically everything you need right now. Super soft sweaters, lightweight layers, comfy lounge styles, heritage faves, and low rise jeans that are very much back in the rotation. Whether you're heading to a holiday thing or just hanging with your people, there's something for every plan. Just don't wait too long. Your new faves won't be around forever. You can check it all out at ae.com or just go to the store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by T-Mobile. Daddy gang, there are honestly so many reasons to just choose T-Mobile. They've got T-Mobile Tuesdays perks, tons of freebies,

• 1:19:52Alex Cooper?

  travel benefits like hotel and rental car savings. They make your phone plan feel like it's actually giving you something back instead of just being another bill that you have to pay every single month. And if you're a student, T-Mobile has student perks plans designed specifically for you. I remember being in college and constantly, literally just looking for ways to save money, understandably. And so these are the kind of perks I would have absolutely taken advantage of. Students can get things like a $5 movie ticket every month, exclusive access to concerts, okay? And even streaming benefits, so you can always have a reality TV binge night with your girls. And when you're already paying for your phone every month,

• 1:20:36Alex Cooper?

  getting all of these extra benefits on top of it, just, it makes sense, right? For all the reasons to choose T-Mobile, find yours at tmobile.com/membership. Qualifying plan required, visit tmobile.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Stouffer's. Let me tell you something, when I am hungry and I am trying to figure out what to eat, sometimes you can just actually become so, you're angry. You're like, I am busy, I'm hungry, I'm getting hangry, I'm getting angry. What can I eat? I need something hot and delicious and low maintenance. Well, introducing Stouffer's dinners are not only delicious, they're done in a flash. Serve up their classic lasagna, chicken pesto, or carbonara for two.

• 1:21:21Alex Cooper?

  Whatever you're craving, Stouffer's is your hot, delicious, easy meal fantasy. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. You can see all the delicious options at stouffer's.com.