Pod Insights Brooke and Connor Make A Podcast The Ultimate Landlord Special About this episode SUBSCRIBE TO THE BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl
Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr
MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com
This week, Brooke and Connor teach themselves how to unlock their hottest self, break down the latest episode of White Lotus, and give a moment of silence (or like 2 or 3 moments). Brooke also gives an update on her book writing journey, while Connor gets the ultimate landlord special.
Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/
Check out Discover on Bumble.
Get 50% off your first box with code bandc50 at https://everyplate.com/podcast.
Get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at https://Nutrafol.com with promo code bandc.
Upgrade your wardrobe and get 40% off when you go to https://cozyearth.com/bandc or use code BANDC at checkout.
B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/
B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap
TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang
TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/
TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios
BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron
CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa
Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood.
Chapters:
0:00 Jennifer Anistons From Friend
0:19 Intro
0:37 Brains Working Over Time
2:13 MGG's GF Update
3:00 Having A Moment of Silence
6:55 The Urinal Dilemma
10:39 Bumble
11:46 Expressing Glands
13:38 Clashing Patterns
14:59 Checking In On Phoebe
19:02 Forbidden Fruits Synopsis
21:13 Every Plate
22:15 Hello My Name Is Doris
26:30 Connor's New Hair Cut
30:10 Unlocking Your Hotter Self
32:18 Just In Time Gets Cancels
34:28 Nutrafol
36:00 The Jonathan Larson Project
38:20 Remember Swine '09
41:39 Getting Read to Filth
45:18 Beware of the BJ Mints
49:40 Cozy Earth
50:44 Connor's Washer/Dryer Combo
53:30 Connor's Kitchen Hairball
55:47 Self Icks
59:26 White Lotus Recap
1:06:00 See You In Bonus!!!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript 11,104 words · 2 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Connor Wood? How, how, how do you, hey, hey you.
0:03 Brooke Averick? Hey.
0:04 Connor Wood? Welcome back to Brooke and Connor Make a Podcast, BNCNAP is what they're calling it on the streets. And I'm Jennifer Aniston. You may know me from the show Friend, and I'm here to offer you 1,000 MacBook Pro.
0:36 Brooke Averick? Tristan saw Jennifer Aniston this weekend.
0:39 Connor Wood? Where?
0:40 Brooke Averick? At the Bel-Air Hotel. That's a new place I'd like to try.
0:43 Connor Wood? Well, yeah, it can't hurt. I think.
0:45 Brooke Averick? Like fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy.
0:48 Connor Wood? I think if I saw Jennifer Aniston from Show Friend, I would be like, whoa, like, you're real. That's one of those people.
0:56 Brooke Averick? Yeah, that's one of those people, yes, where I would have no choice but to be like, whoa, you were on my screen, but now I'm seeing you in person. Whoa, you know? Like one of those horrible interactions.
1:11 Connor Wood? Yeah, like, like.
1:12 Brooke Averick? If it's Jennifer Aniston from Show Friend for MacBook Pro.
1:16 Connor Wood? Like, hi, what's, what's that pickle in SpongeBob's name?
1:20 Brooke Averick? Kevin?
1:21 Connor Wood? Hi, Kevin.
1:22 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
1:24 Connor Wood? Hi, Jennifer.
1:25 Brooke Averick? So true.
1:26 Connor Wood? That's what I would do. What did, oh, Kevin got stung by a bunch of jellyfish. I was thinking he was covered in acne in that show, in that movie.
1:34 Brooke Averick? No. Every time I see a billboard for severance, I think it says severe acne.
1:40 Brooke Averick? I'm like, oh, damn, why are they advertising that? But then I, then the pieces fall together.
1:46 Connor Wood? I saw a license plate the other day and I was like, does that license plate say Alex Earl? It was literally four L, three Z, like completely just like gibberish.
1:57 Connor Wood? So I think we're connected there.
1:59 Brooke Averick? Yeah, it's just a sign that our brains are working overtime.
2:03 Connor Wood? It's a sign that we're creatives.
2:04 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
2:05 Connor Wood? That we're not, that we're not able to read words. I think that's all, I think it's dyslexia, kind of.
2:10 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
2:11 Connor Wood? Create dyslexia.
2:13 Brooke Averick? You can't see this, but the Matthew FBI cut out is staring at me and I'm like, he has a new girlfriend, according to Dumas, which I don't read Dumas, of course. I'm, I don't need celebrity gossip, but I was reading it and he has a new girlfriend who's younger than me. So it's just a little upsetting to look at right now.
2:35 Connor Wood? That's kind of weird for me because it's weird that he wouldn't tell me that.
2:37 Brooke Averick? I, Connor, I was gonna say, I didn't want to like spring this on you, but it's definitely upsetting for both of us.
2:44 Connor Wood? Hmm, that's something to chew on.
2:47 Brooke Averick? Yeah, it is.
2:48 Connor Wood? When I see, when I see him later, I'll, I'll, I'll bring it up.
2:51 Brooke Averick? Yeah, please do.
2:52 Connor Wood? I wouldn't want to drive a wedge, but.
2:54 Brooke Averick? No, and you know, he will tell you.
2:56 Connor Wood? You have to do what you have to do. I'm sure he, I'm sure he will.
2:59 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
3:00 Connor Wood? Um, really quickly, I just want to take a moment of silence for retail workers and those who work in like coffee shops and things because
3:14 Connor Wood? who, who is picking, who is, who's making the playlist for some of these places? Like, no one that's shopping wants to hear a Calvin Harris remix of See You Again by Charlie.
3:27 Brooke Averick? Speak for yourself.
3:31 Connor Wood? It's 7:45 in the morning. It's like, when I see you again, and it's so loud. And I'm like, these poor people and they don't even have headphones. Like, I know that they don't even have a chair back there to sit down like, and I'm getting a green drink smoothie. I'm like, I'm almost, this almost feels less healthy for you.
3:52 Brooke Averick? That feels New York specific, honestly. LA, it feels a lot more like indie. I don't like stuff that I'm just like, this all sounds the same.
4:00 Connor Wood? I've just been noticing a lot lately. It was happening at the airport too. I was just like, whoa, how, how many times does this play? There was an elevator attendant who was just like pushing the buttons, which that feels like cruel and unusual punishment to have someone be in elevator. I got it. I got the button. Just one.
4:20 Brooke Averick? I would love that.
4:21 Connor Wood? Box.
4:22 Brooke Averick? Honestly, I would like that.
4:24 Connor Wood? You would?
4:24 Brooke Averick? Yeah, I like elevators. I feel like it's like
4:29 Connor Wood? You like elevators?
4:30 Brooke Averick? Yeah, and I could spend all day kind of just like letting my mind wander. Cause it's not like you're not doing much. Not to minimize the work, but I do like elevators.
4:40 Connor Wood? But like you're just
4:41 Brooke Averick? Unless someone else is in them. I guess you
4:43 Connor Wood? Well, yeah.
4:43 Brooke Averick? I guess.
4:44 Connor Wood? You would have to
4:44 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
4:45 Connor Wood? It's not just you going up and down all day.
4:49 Brooke Averick? Honestly, to think about how much time like somebody's probably not in the elevator. You have some alone time in there. That would suck. Have you seen Fifty Shades of Grey? Yes?
4:58 Connor Wood? I have, yeah.
4:59 Brooke Averick? Like, that sucks if like an elevator attendant is in there for like if you're needing to have one of those moments.
5:04 Connor Wood? You'd be like the elevator cuck.
5:06 Brooke Averick? Yeah, or the cock block either, depending on if they move forward or not.
5:11 Connor Wood? I guess people like probably wouldn't.
5:13 Brooke Averick? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Which sucks. Kind of like a bathroom attendant, like you're like, there's so many things I can't do in front of them. And by so many things, I mean like just like
5:25 Brooke Averick? poop.
5:28 Connor Wood? Oh, that is crazy. Oh my gosh, bathroom attendants too. Yeah, ooh. Ooh. Oh my gosh, moment of silence for bathroom attendants for sure.
5:38 Brooke Averick? Yeah, I wonder if they want to be there.
5:40 Connor Wood? I don't think they do. Like, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that they don't.
5:46 Brooke Averick? I don't know. Cause some of them take their job like really, really seriously.
5:50 Connor Wood? Well, you can take it very seriously, but like you also you're just like inhaling farts all day.
5:59 Connor Wood? It's like, no one, and if, and if they do like that, they really should be like put in jail.
6:04 Brooke Averick? And it sucks because like, no one is gonna be happy to see you. Like, like everyone's reaction to you is gonna be like, ugh.
6:12 Connor Wood? And yeah, you did, you enhanced my bathroom experience. Here's where I, here's what I'll say. If the bathroom is just like, you walk in and there's the stalls and there's the urinals and you're standing by the, by the sink, like, don't like that. If there was a, if there was a vestibule for the bathroom where we could, we could interact, like on my way out.
6:29 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
6:30 Connor Wood? Where there's like a little bit of a
6:32 Brooke Averick? Completely.
6:33 Connor Wood? A partition in between us and where I'm, where I'm at work, where I'm clocking in, and where you've clocked in, where you're on the clock.
6:42 Connor Wood? You know, that's, that's a good experience all around, I would say.
6:45 Brooke Averick? Can I ask you a question about your bathroom habits as a man?
6:48 Connor Wood? Of course, of course. I know it's like really out of character of us two to dive into something like this, but yeah, hit me.
6:55 Brooke Averick? If you walk into a bath, a public bathroom, and there's equal, an equal amount of like urinals and like closed door stalls, and you just have to pee, and there's people in there, are you going to the urinal?
7:08 Connor Wood? I'm not following. Like, I just have to pee and there's an open urinal?
7:12 Brooke Averick? Yeah, like I would, I would wanna pee in the stall
7:17 Brooke Averick? behind closed doors. If I had the option to pee behind closed doors versus an open door, I would pick the closed. No?
7:25 Connor Wood? No, because you kind of like, there's like an unspoken thing where it's like, you gotta leave that for someone who's, who's in
7:30 Brooke Averick? Oh, okay, there's an unspoken rule.
7:33 Connor Wood? Who's gonna poop.
7:34 Brooke Averick? What if it's like, obviously there's like five open pooping stalls, five open urinals, one man, guy already at the urinal. Okay, picture this, okay? You walk into the bathroom, there's five open stalls, four open urinals, one guy peeing at a urinal. So there's five urinals total. You just have to pee. You're going to the urinal?
7:55 Connor Wood? I'm, I'm standing right next to the only
7:57 Brooke Averick? You're standing right next to him.
7:58 Connor Wood? Yeah, so that, yeah, because there's another
8:01 Brooke Averick? Not one apart?
8:02 Connor Wood? No, no, no, no, no. The rule is, you have, you go next to who, whoever
8:08 Brooke Averick? Why?
8:09 Connor Wood? It's just a thing. It's how it's it's kind of an unspoken thing. I don't know. It's part of part of the culture of being a young man.
8:16 Brooke Averick? That's really weird.
8:18 Connor Wood? Yeah, you go as close as you can.
8:20 Brooke Averick? That if you have five open stalls, the choice that you feel that you have to make because of societal pressures is to just whip your you know what out next to someone.
8:32 Connor Wood? Yeah.
8:33 Brooke Averick? Instead of behind a closed door. And his you know what is out too.
8:37 Connor Wood? Yeah.
8:38 Brooke Averick? That's weird.
8:39 Connor Wood? It's it's part of, I don't know, it's part of being a man.
8:43 Brooke Averick? Damn.
8:44 Connor Wood? Yep. You want to go as close to your to your comrade as you can. Um, you know,
8:49 Brooke Averick? Just pee sitting down.
8:51 Connor Wood? I think the world would be a better place if everybody sat down to pee.
8:54 Brooke Averick? There's no reason for you guys to be standing up.
8:57 Connor Wood? That's a societal pressure. Like, I'm sure some people can't sit down to pee.
9:08 Connor Wood? But then what can they not sit down to poop?
9:12 Brooke Averick? They have to.
9:13 Connor Wood? Like, where do they put it?
9:16 Brooke Averick? I don't know. Somewhere else.
9:18 Connor Wood? Do they like throw it over their their shoulder like a like a fire hose?
9:22 Brooke Averick? I guess. Maybe on their leg. I don't know.
9:25 Connor Wood? They have to like like bunch it up and hold it, I guess.
9:30 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
9:32 Connor Wood? Oh, wow. Moment of silence for for our for our friends with absolute hogs.
9:37 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
9:38 Connor Wood? When I was playing soccer in high school, there would sound like a lot of the schools and the bathrooms at the stadiums and things would be not only open um urinals, like no partitions in between, open toilets.
9:52 Brooke Averick? That's sick.
9:53 Connor Wood? And people would sit there and
9:55 Brooke Averick? poop.
9:56 Connor Wood? Poop and there would be nothing separating. I that that's something
10:00 Brooke Averick? Why? What's why?
10:02 Connor Wood? That's something that I would I'm gonna go into toxic shock before I'm able to.
10:06 Brooke Averick? I was about to say I will literally go like anywhere else but in that open toilet.
10:13 Connor Wood? I'd I yeah, I'd be on the ground rubbing my butt like a dog. With who needs its anal glands expressed.
10:22 Brooke Averick? This is almost like the most disgusting.
10:25 Connor Wood? This is pretty foul and we jumped right into it and I just said I would rub my bear.
10:28 Brooke Averick? Ten minutes we've ever had.
10:30 Connor Wood? My bare asshole on the on the grass before I pooped in front of someone, but I would.
10:36 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
10:37 Connor Wood? Oh, Lord. Yeah. Um, I wonder if my dog, speaking of anal glands being expressed, I wonder if my dad's doing it, because my dad knows how to express a dog's anal gland. So I wonder if he's doing it.
10:53 Brooke Averick? I don't, I don't know, honestly.
10:56 Connor Wood? I don't know either. I don't know either.
10:59 Brooke Averick? Like, he would do that, like, DIY?
11:01 Connor Wood? Yeah.
11:02 Brooke Averick? No.
11:03 Connor Wood? And how?
11:04 Brooke Averick? No, I didn't ask how. I said, no.
11:06 Connor Wood? No, and how? He watched a YouTube, I don't know how.
11:07 Brooke Averick? Oh.
11:07 Connor Wood? He watched a YouTube video about it.
11:11 Connor Wood? He, my man, my man is on the tube. Like, he, my dad is learning more from YouTube than I ever have or will.
11:20 Brooke Averick? Good for him.
11:21 Connor Wood? He watches any time of day, like, his, like, leisure, leisurely show is to put on, like, a golf or pickleball or something lesson from a pro who's, like, walking you, and he's just, like, sitting there just, like, not even working on it, just watching.
11:35 Brooke Averick? So he's constantly learning.
11:36 Connor Wood? He can't stop learning.
11:38 Brooke Averick? Wow.
11:38 Connor Wood? So hungry for different strokes.
11:41 Brooke Averick? Good for him.
11:43 Connor Wood? Yeah, and one of those expressing canine anal gland.
11:48 Brooke Averick? That's just not something I would want to do on my own.
11:52 Connor Wood? I know. Like, let it, let it, let someone handle that behind closed doors.
11:55 Brooke Averick? It's the kind of thing where it's like, I'm happy to let someone else do that.
12:00 Connor Wood? Yeah, and also, someone went to school for that.
12:02 Brooke Averick? I'm happy to pay someone else to do that.
12:04 Connor Wood? Like, you're taking their job. You know?
12:08 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
12:08 Connor Wood? By putting your finger in your dog's butt, like, you are, you're taking away from someone else's profession. I know, it doesn't feel right, but it needs to be done, and it's very responsible dog ownership.
12:18 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
12:19 Connor Wood? To, to have that done, to get it, to do it.
12:21 Brooke Averick? Sure.
12:22 Connor Wood? Well, yeah.
12:23 Brooke Averick? Sure. Sure.
12:25 Connor Wood? Um, oh.
12:29 Connor Wood? I'm in my apartment right now.
12:31 Brooke Averick? That chair looks really cute.
12:33 Connor Wood? It is, it's, it is cute. Um, it is cute. I'm gonna see, I'm just gonna show you guys.
12:41 Brooke Averick? Love it.
12:42 Connor Wood? Yeah, it's it's cowhide.
12:44 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
12:45 Connor Wood? Um, and it's not cowhide at all at the same time. It looks like it's cowhide. It's like felt.
12:49 Brooke Averick? Nice.
12:51 Connor Wood? Yeah. I'm not sure what what vibe I'm going for in my house, but it is all over the place.
12:57 Brooke Averick? I I think I told you this last week, like my new obsession is like clashing patterns.
13:03 Connor Wood? Clatter clatter passing.
13:04 Brooke Averick? Yes, I love that.
13:07 Brooke Averick? I can't wait to show her in my office, probably today, honestly, it's so every single thing has a different pattern. There's gingham, there's florals, there's additional patterns as well.
13:22 Connor Wood? Oh, don't hurt him, Brooke.
13:23 Brooke Averick? What?
13:24 Connor Wood? I said, don't hurt him.
13:26 Brooke Averick? Don't hurt him?
13:27 Connor Wood? Don't hurt him, Brooke.
13:28 Brooke Averick? What's that mean?
13:29 Connor Wood? It's just like, go off, queen.
13:31 Brooke Averick? Oh, yeah, there's so many different patterns.
13:34 Connor Wood? Don't hurt him.
13:34 Brooke Averick? And colors.
13:36 Connor Wood? That's fun.
13:37 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
13:38 Connor Wood? It's gonna be an inspirational place for you to to perfect your craft and work on your your literature.
13:45 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
13:45 Connor Wood? Be frank and to be fair.
13:47 Brooke Averick? Wait, I'm at a part in my book.
13:50 Connor Wood? Go on.
13:51 Brooke Averick? I'm over halfway at this point, which is really exciting. Way over halfway, but I'm at a part and I have like a very deep connection with the main character. And there's a part that I just I like it's tough for her, you know, like kind of like a cringe, like, oof, don't.
14:12 Connor Wood? Yeah, yeah.
14:12 Brooke Averick? Moment. And I'm like right on the precipice of that scene. And every time I sit down to do it, I'm just like, eh, I can't not today, like I I'm gonna spare her today. But like I it's at the point where it's like I like, I'm really struggling putting her through this position willingly, because the scary thing about being an author is you have all the control like you you control these characters like puppets. And it feels really wrong to willingly put someone I love more than life itself through what I have to put her through.
14:46 Connor Wood? It's so bizarre to me that like I Have never heard anyone say that sentence and I wouldn't have unless it like it. I would never have been here unless you're writing a book like I would never talk to an author unless it was you like I would never would have heard that. And it's kind of it's it's eye opening. I'm serious. Like it's like it's so weird to hear because I'm like know what you mean.
15:09 Brooke Averick? Uh huh.
15:09 Connor Wood? But like I never would have heard that sentence, but I get it. I know what you're saying.
15:13 Brooke Averick? Yeah, it's just like someone you love and and they're about to go through a tough time and it's all because of what I'm about to do.
15:21 Connor Wood? Once it's written too, it's like, okay, that's it. That's like, this is her. This is her fate.
15:25 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
15:26 Connor Wood? Um, I just watched a Tik Tok of this girl just absolutely going ballistic reviewing Harry Potter for the first time.
15:33 Brooke Averick? Is it the one girl that cries over everything?
15:36 Connor Wood? Yeah, she's like screaming.
15:37 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
15:38 Connor Wood? Fucking Dumbledore, this old bitch like crying. It was that so funny. Like, that's how I feel like. Like that, that level of emotional connection is unreal and unreal to me, but you sent me your transcripts.
15:56 Brooke Averick? But I sent you some of some of my book, the manuscript. Yeah. Don't feel pressured to read it.
16:01 Connor Wood? I'm, I'm gonna read.
16:02 Brooke Averick? But also you can, you can also wait till it's done too.
16:06 Connor Wood? Well, I, I told.
16:07 Brooke Averick? But I feel like I kept talking about it to you. So I was like, how about you just have it in case you want, want to understand. Cause I'm being annoying, like nonstop talking about it, but.
16:15 Connor Wood? I just know for a fact that by the time I read like four pages, you'll be done with the other half of the book. Cause that's just my pace. It's my reading pace. But so excited.
16:26 Brooke Averick? Wait, I had something else to say. Oh, that girl, I think if we're talking about the same one, I'm not sure of her name. But that like cries over all the books and stuff within the book talk community, the book talk community, Connor. Can be like one of the most beautiful places and one of the most toxic places because people have such a chip. Some people have such a chip on their shoulder derogatory like about what makes a good book and you know, kind of think their taste is superior. And just kind of almost like. Failed to grasp that reading is subjective sometimes, but
17:00 Connor Wood? Firmly grasp it.
17:01 Brooke Averick? Yeah, so sometimes book talk can be a really toxic place. But I know that like, there was like a controversy with her and like, some book talkers being like, she's not a real, she's not a real book talker.
17:14 Connor Wood? She's not a real
17:14 Brooke Averick? I think. I just know there was something going on there that was like, really? Anyway, I obviously don't know too much about it, but there's always something going on in the book talk community. I'm always, because I'm on book talk, but I'm not like, as deep as some people. Every time I'm scrolling, there's some sort of like apology. About some, about something. Yeah.
17:36 Connor Wood? Like misspeaking or something?
17:38 Brooke Averick? Like about either like, they said they liked a book and then someone was like, this like, book is really problematic. And then someone's like, I'm so sorry. Like, it's always like, something.
17:49 Connor Wood? I have to read something off and it's like, it's like book adjacent.
17:53 Brooke Averick? Okay.
17:54 Connor Wood? But it made me L O L. So there was like a post from Film Updates about that new movie with like, all of those women, like Emma Chamberlain, Lily Reinhardt,
18:06 Brooke Averick? Emma Chamberlain's in a movie?
18:08 Connor Wood? Yeah. But I really want to read off the like, top line synopsis about like, what the film is about.
18:16 Brooke Averick? Okay.
18:20 Connor Wood? It's called Forbidden Fruits. Free Eden employee Apple leads a secret witchy femme cult with cherry and fig until new hire Pumpkin forces them to face their own darkness or meet a bloody fate.
18:32 Brooke Averick? Yeah. Free fig. Free Eden? Computer. Okay. Honestly, what I got was someone works at the Apple Genius Bar. And then joined the witchy cult. What?
18:46 Connor Wood? Her name's Apple. Free Eden employee Apple leads a secret witchy femme
18:52 Brooke Averick? But we're not supposed to know what Free Eden is.
18:55 Connor Wood? It's a someplace people can work.
18:58 Brooke Averick? Okay. Free Eden employee, comma, Apple.
19:00 Connor Wood? Leads a secret witchy femme cult with cherry and fig. Until new hire Pumpkin forces them to face their own darkness or meet a bloody fate.
19:11 Brooke Averick? I wonder if like, that's the same kind of thing, like, cause when you're announcing your book on like Publisher Marketplace, which is where like all the books are announced.
19:21 Connor Wood? Yeah.
19:22 Brooke Averick? The wording is so specific and odd and like, it has to be that way for whatever reason. Like when my book was announced, the synopsis didn't make any sense, but they were just like, that's how it is and how it has to be. So I wonder if it's the same thing in film, because that also didn't make sense.
19:40 Connor Wood? Like needing to be succinct, but like.
19:43 Brooke Averick? But also nonsensical.
19:44 Connor Wood? Like nothing, it's word salad.
19:46 Brooke Averick? It's word salad.
19:47 Connor Wood? It's intentional, I guess, but I just thought that was funny because I was like, what?
19:51 Brooke Averick? Yeah, that also would like show that to like your grandma.
19:55 Connor Wood? Right. Like it's not gonna connect, but I guess like for industry people it does.
20:03 Connor Wood? Um, anyways, I'm gonna see it.
20:05 Brooke Averick? I have to tell you about a movie that I watched.
20:08 Connor Wood? Tell me about the movie.
20:09 Brooke Averick? Old, it's been out, it's not that old, it's probably like 10 years old. Have you heard of Hello, My Name Is Doris?
20:15 Connor Wood? No.
20:16 Brooke Averick? Wow. Wow, Connor, this movie.
20:20 Connor Wood? What about it?
20:21 Brooke Averick? Rocked me. It was so precious and earnest and sincere and heartwarming and yet tragic. It is Sally Fields. Is it Fields or Field? Fields. Field. Singular. One Field. It's Sally Field. And she's kind of this like lonely hoarder who has lived with her mom, who just died and has been working at the same company for basically like her whole life. And it's just like very stuck. And like quirky and just like sweet older woman, but like sad and sweet at the same. It's just like, ugh, you know? Doris, you're just like, ugh, Doris, you know?
21:07 Brooke Averick? And she has a new boss who's played by Max Greenfield, who is Schmidt in New Girl. And she becomes like so obsessed with him. And starts like basically kind of like catfishing him like in real life. And like pretending to like, like all the like electronic music that he's into. And just basically becomes like this person that she thinks like he would be in love with. And she keeps like fantasizing about him and it's just like, oh my, like man, I get it, Doris. Like, I freaking get it. And man, I am scared.
21:44 Connor Wood? You see yourself in Doris.
21:45 Brooke Averick? I saw myself so deeply in Doris, which on one hand, it's like, oh, Doris, like she's so sweet. On the other hand, it's like, I like, don't want to end up like that, you know, at the same time. And yeah, it was just like so, and she's also catfishing him in real life as well. It's kind of like a real life catfish and that she's actually catfishing him on the computer as well with a, as a younger woman. But it is, it really just like hit me in my heartstrings. It plucked my heartstrings.
22:16 Connor Wood? It's mental illness.
22:17 Brooke Averick? It's mental illness, isn't it? Um, but yeah, that was, I don't know if you'll like it necessarily, but it was like very sweet and sad to me.
22:27 Connor Wood? That makes me, yeah. I'm gonna lay out.
22:29 Brooke Averick? But at the end, it's like, it is somewhat uplifting and heartwarming.
22:34 Brooke Averick? You know?
22:34 Connor Wood? How?
22:36 Brooke Averick? Well, I'm not going to give away the end.
22:37 Connor Wood? Oh, okay.
22:38 Brooke Averick? But I would recommend it. I also was like very high. So that could have had something to do with it, but I don't think it did. It was really, I really enjoyed myself.
22:51 Connor Wood? Well, I'll look into it if it, it might come across my desk, we'll see.
22:54 Brooke Averick? Okay.
22:55 Connor Wood? My TV's on the ground right next.
22:56 Brooke Averick? It's $3.99 to rent on Amazon Prime. So you probably won't.
23:01 Connor Wood? I don't know if I'm in the mood to cry. I cried a little bit this weekend.
23:04 Brooke Averick? About what?
23:06 Connor Wood? Um, these girls stopped me on the street and were asking about Max and I just started tearing up and I was like, I have to go. Like, I'm not gonna like tear up on the, in the middle of the street.
23:14 Brooke Averick? You're missing him?
23:15 Connor Wood? As I was like going through, obviously my phone made me like a slideshow of you and Max and it literally was like, I was like, oh, this is like, this is like evil to watch right now.
23:27 Brooke Averick? I, the most challenging thing about having a pet is just not being able to say, I'm right, I'm, here's where I am right now and here's when I'm coming back for you. I will never leave you.
23:40 Connor Wood? I know. It's so weird that we can't talk to them. Ugh, but I, it would be so freaky if Max had like a weird voice. I'd be like, ugh, ugh.
23:48 Brooke Averick? I know. John understands when I say, don't move, I'm coming right back. Like if I get out of bed in the morning to get up permanently, he'll follow me. But if I get up like at night, I'm like, don't, don't worry, man. I'm coming right back. I'm just brushing my teeth and he doesn't move.
24:03 Connor Wood? I believe you.
24:05 Brooke Averick? Yeah. I'm, I got him a harness and a leash.
24:08 Connor Wood? Okay. We, we need to, you need to be documenting the updates there.
24:12 Brooke Averick? Yeah. I will.
24:14 Connor Wood? Um, so I got a haircut.
24:18 Brooke Averick? Okay.
24:20 Connor Wood? Um,
24:22 Connor Wood? yesterday.
24:25 Connor Wood? It's so weird to get a haircut because I complain every time I get a haircut.
24:28 Brooke Averick? I used to until you know what?
24:31 Connor Wood? I know. I know. Well, I'm going to right now and it's not for the same reason. The guy was really nice, smiling the whole time. Um, kept like asking for advice. Like, do you think I should go shorter on the back? I'm like, I, I don't know.
24:47 Connor Wood? He really like cut my hair in a way that I can't explain. Like it's not, it's not.
24:51 Brooke Averick? Take your hat off.
24:53 Connor Wood? It's not setting, it doesn't look necessarily like, well.
24:58 Connor Wood? Okay.
24:59 Brooke Averick? I liked what you, the way you, you just had it for a moment. It's wet? Your hair's wet?
25:05 Connor Wood? No, it's not wet.
25:06 Brooke Averick? Okay.
25:07 Connor Wood? Um, I've just worn a hat all day. I put a hat on when it was wet, so it's like not.
25:11 Brooke Averick? Yeah. Wait, can you take your hat back off? You didn't show us. You were just.
25:14 Connor Wood? Well, I can't. It's not, it's not, it doesn't look good right now, but I, it looks fine right now. It's just one of those things where it's gonna grow out and I'm gonna look like, I'm gonna go to another barber and they're gonna be like, who cut your hair last time? Like, they can tell.
25:26 Brooke Averick? They can.
25:27 Connor Wood? They will, they'll have beef with.
25:29 Brooke Averick? Every hairstylist I've gone to has had beef with my past hairdresser.
25:35 Connor Wood? Yeah, and if they don't, I'm like, ooh, like, you don't know what you're doing, do you? Anyway, she's, he's cutting my hair and he's getting really close to me.
25:44 Connor Wood? And it was 2:30 PM in the afternoon and he had morning breath that had like stayed with him into the wee hours of the afternoon.
25:52 Brooke Averick? Awesome.
25:53 Connor Wood? There was one, at one point he breathed when he was cutting my sideburns and it went into my nose and I was like, you have, you have gingivitis.
26:00 Brooke Averick? Did you say that to him?
26:02 Connor Wood? No, but I was just like, I, I can smell like an actual gum disease from here. Like, it's like, it was like, it was like a smell where I was like, this is like a medical.
26:12 Brooke Averick? That's making me feel nauseous.
26:13 Connor Wood? I was like, this is like a medical grade. The cool part was.
26:17 Brooke Averick? The cool part?
26:18 Connor Wood? He's breathing hot breath onto me.
26:20 Brooke Averick? Oh my god, you're making me sick.
26:22 Connor Wood? He's messing up my, like, right and left, like, he's not cutting it short enough in places. I'm like, can we take some more off in the back? Like, it's still so long and, and then he's not cut, he's cutting too much in different places. Like, he didn't, he asked me if my sideburns were even. I was like, oh, this is just bad. And a tough part too was I looked really bad yesterday for some reason and he, he didn't turn me around. I had to just look at myself the whole time while he breathed his gingivitis breath into my mouth. And then on top of that, there was no AC and it was really like unseasonably warm and that. And I had like this like heavy cape on, so I'm sweating. It was just like, well, it was just like a bad experience and then I left with like a bad haircut.
27:06 Brooke Averick? I'm sorry.
27:07 Connor Wood? But you really just, sometimes you just have to be like, it's gonna grow back.
27:10 Brooke Averick? Also, no one has ever looked good in a haircut mirror.
27:14 Connor Wood? No.
27:14 Brooke Averick? I've never hated myself more than sitting in the haircut chair.
27:17 Connor Wood? It would be absolutely in everyone's best interest if they invented face tune mirrors that just lied to you so you could have a good day.
27:25 Brooke Averick? Or also like I would literally like give me filters, like I'll put the dog filter on me like while you're cutting my hair. As long as I don't have to look at my natural born features.
27:35 Connor Wood? Oh, you're just so, so, so brutal.
27:37 Brooke Averick? And there's, there's a fluorescent lighting situation happening too.
27:42 Connor Wood? I understand the lighting, but they need to invent a mirror that's like a liar.
27:46 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
27:47 Connor Wood? Like a house of mirrors that make you look good and then, and then you know what? You walk around the rest of the day being like, I look good, I look fly.
27:56 Brooke Averick? Do you ever?
27:58 Connor Wood? If my swag was, you could.
28:00 Brooke Averick? This is, this is interesting. I don't think I've ever voiced this. I don't know how to explain it necessarily, but like when you're lying down and closing your eyes. Do you ever envision that you're kind of like a different, like a much hotter version of yourself? In a way that you can actually convince yourself you are? Like I picture my, I'm lying down, I'm sleeping and I'm picturing a hotter version of myself lying down and sleeping, if that makes sense.
28:25 Connor Wood? Oh my gosh, I'm jealous of that. Where do I get some of that?
28:28 Brooke Averick? You just have, it's just, you have to think it. Does that, is that making sense though?
28:34 Connor Wood? Like not to me because I haven't experienced that.
28:36 Brooke Averick? Like, yeah, I don't know how to explain it, but I don't, sometimes that's how I fall asleep is just picturing me but hotter falling asleep.
28:44 Connor Wood? I would adore if I could do that, just like.
28:49 Connor Wood? Hot body.
28:52 Connor Wood? Hot body. Like, and then you can see your body hot? I have hot body now? My body is hot.
29:00 Brooke Averick? You can technically, like, if you're not looking at yourself in a mirror, you can, like, I can pretend right now that, like, I'm Sydney Sweeney.
29:09 Connor Wood? Brooke.
29:10 Brooke Averick? You know what I'm saying? I'm just pretending I'm Sydney Sweeney. I'm not, I don't see myself. There's no one telling me I'm not, there's nothing telling me I'm not Sydney Sweeney.
29:17 Connor Wood? Okay, I'm Jacob Elordi.
29:18 Brooke Averick? You can do, you can just pretend that if you want.
29:21 Connor Wood? I'm Jacob Elordi.
29:23 Brooke Averick? Do you know what I'm saying?
29:25 Connor Wood? Oh, my God.
29:26 Brooke Averick? Anyway, I don't really do that thinking I'm other people. I just sometimes have to do it pretending I'm a really hot version of myself.
29:32 Connor Wood? Oh, I'm Connor Wood. I'm sexy. I'm hot body, I'm hot body Connor.
29:35 Brooke Averick? Yeah. Try that when you're falling asleep tonight.
29:38 Connor Wood? Okay.
29:39 Brooke Averick? Basically pretend you're out of body, looking down at a hot version of yourself, like, sleeping cuddly, like, falling asleep as hot. Okay?
29:48 Connor Wood? Like, wow, okay, I'm excited to try that tonight.
29:51 Brooke Averick? Okay, I'm glad.
29:53 Connor Wood? Wow, it's fun to have, like, fun homework. It's like, I'm gonna be in shape tonight. I'm gonna be in such good shape tonight.
29:57 Brooke Averick? Yeah, exactly. Something, like, so horrible happened.
30:03 Connor Wood? Oh, yeah.
30:05 Brooke Averick? Likes. Obviously, like, there are worse things. I know that logically. In terms of my emotions, there aren't.
30:15 Brooke Averick? Um, I was supposed to be in New York next week. We were supposed to do the pod together even. Because in September, I believe, whenever tickets first went on sale, I got tickets to, uh, Just in Time, which is the new show that Jonathan Groff will be in. Um, I had never been to an opening night. Uh, the energy's supposed to be completely electric, so the fact that I was going to his, in my, my idol beyond belief. I, you know how excited I was. I've been counting down. I have had, you know, the countdown apps, I've had one going.
30:46 Connor Wood? Oh.
30:47 Brooke Averick? I got an email yesterday. I was supposed to leave next Tuesday.
30:53 Brooke Averick? Your show has been canceled. The first two performances have been canceled. So I was supposed to go the 28th. The first performance is now on the 31st. And now that's sold out. And it's in the middle of the week.
31:09 Brooke Averick? Cause they needed more time to set up the set.
31:12 Connor Wood? Ooh, someone's gonna get in trouble.
31:14 Brooke Averick? I don't understand. That. I don't think it can be, like, I think it has to be something else. And like, I don't want to speculate because I don't want to be on Justin Time's bad side. But like, I'm obviously like so completely devastated.
31:32 Brooke Averick? And like, I'll go eventually. But it won't be the same as the opening night experience.
31:39 Connor Wood? Yeah.
31:40 Brooke Averick? And I'm so sad.
31:41 Connor Wood? Well, what's good is they might needed more time because something bad is happening and then you're just avoiding that. And maybe opening night's gonna take a hit. And then you're gonna see a later show when they've gotten in the groove and it's probably gonna be better, to be frank.
31:55 Brooke Averick? And then I was like, oh, this is obviously so upsetting, but you know, I have been wanting to see maybe happy ending, the show that Darren Criss is in. Maybe I'll go see that. Darren Criss will not be performing these dates. Okay. Okay, thank you.
32:13 Connor Wood? What can you do?
32:14 Brooke Averick? What can you do?
32:16 Connor Wood? You make a plan and God laughs.
32:17 Brooke Averick? Yeah, but I guess, you know, for the best, I guess, I get to stay home with John Murray because I'm also leaving the next weekend too. So, you know, we get some more time. I have like a really big problem with leaving my home and my cat. So that's nice, I guess. And I mean, yeah, I'm disappointed to say the least.
32:38 Connor Wood? It's gonna work. It was, it happened for a reason. Maybe your plane would have gone down.
32:41 Brooke Averick? Connor!
32:44 Connor Wood? I'm trying to make you feel better. Like, I don't know what to say.
32:46 Brooke Averick? That's horrible. I was also supposed to see The Jonathan Larson Project. Did I even tell you about that?
32:51 Connor Wood? I don't think so.
32:53 Brooke Averick? A collection of his unreleased music has been made into a musical called The Jonathan Larson Project.
32:59 Connor Wood? Oh, that's exciting.
33:00 Brooke Averick? Yeah, but you'll see it. I'll go another time.
33:05 Connor Wood? How did they, how are they releasing it posthumously?
33:08 Brooke Averick? It's been collected.
33:10 Connor Wood? Who benefits? Like, the estate?
33:12 Brooke Averick? I guess. I guess. That's a good question.
33:16 Connor Wood? Because when they come out with like, like, I think this just happened with Mac Miller. I could be making that up, so no one get mad at me.
33:23 Brooke Averick? It did. As he says, it did.
33:26 Connor Wood? It's like weird to do that, to me.
33:29 Brooke Averick? I think when like, I don't know, when people are involved that like knew him, I don't know if they are actually. Apparently, everyone that knows him and has known him has been like, this has been the most beautiful tribute and exactly what he would have wanted.
33:44 Connor Wood? Yeah, I guess like you just have to rely on people, like people close to him. But like Michael Jackson having a holographic show in Vegas or wherever that is and like, they're just like printing money from this show feels very Black Mirror-y and like bizarre. He's, but Michael Jackson still makes, how much money a year? Can we look that up? I think he makes like a hundred million. I think they make like a ton of money a year off Michael, like his estate.
34:13 Brooke Averick? Yeah, I don't know.
34:15 Connor Wood? And it's not even like royalties. It's like live shows.
34:17 Brooke Averick? Yeah, you're right.
34:18 Connor Wood? Since Michael Jackson's death in 2009, his estate has earned over $2.7 billion, with Forbes estimating his annual earnings to be about $115 million in 2023 alone.
34:29 Brooke Averick? Wow. Do you remember where you were when he died?
34:32 Connor Wood? No.
34:32 Brooke Averick? Oh, really? That's one of the moments I remember where I was.
34:36 Connor Wood? Where?
34:36 Brooke Averick? Like, not exciting. I was at overnight camp, but I just like remember because it was just like, holy shit.
34:42 Connor Wood? Oh, my gosh. Brooke, I do know where I was. I had, I had swine flu.
34:48 Brooke Averick? That was swine 09.
34:50 Connor Wood? Oh, my gosh, because I remember writing a letter to someone at camp because I went home and I was like, Instagram got video. You can post videos on Instagram and Michael Jackson died.
35:00 Brooke Averick? That was when I was, my brother got swine flu and he's being sent home. And so I wa, I went to him in the infirmary and licked his cup.
35:12 Brooke Averick? Praying that I would be lucky enough to receive the flu and be sent home and I wasn't. And then I got it three weeks later when I was already home and missed the first week of eighth grade and I got my period for the first time. Thank you.
35:29 Brooke Averick? Horrible.
35:30 Connor Wood? I didn't get uh
35:33 Connor Wood? my period, but I got swine flu and we didn't want to go home so bad that we had one guy in there that was that was faked like a broken, like a sprained ankle or something who was stealing medicine.
35:46 Brooke Averick? The flu?
35:47 Connor Wood? Yeah, so that if we were getting sick, like we would, he was stealing the medicine and like getting it to us.
35:54 Brooke Averick? I wish I could transfer you the image that I have in my head of what the med line looked like before and after meals at a Jewish camp. Miles Connor, Miles, everyone chanting songs about like medications, um, like while they're in the line, like a really beautiful thing. Everyone's needing their Miralax, everyone's needing their antidepressants, everyone's needing their lactaid. Like it was really a gorgeous thing to be a part of.
36:24 Connor Wood? That's funny.
36:25 Brooke Averick? And like all the like employees like knew everyone's specialty cocktail. It was really nice.
36:31 Connor Wood? That's a beautiful thing.
36:32 Brooke Averick? Yeah, I wish you could have been a part of it.
36:34 Connor Wood? I can, I can, I feel like I'm there right now with your, you're explaining it, but I'm actually just in my apartment.
36:39 Brooke Averick? I mean, the rush, because we used to have to do like a prayer after eating and then you'd like slam your fist on the table and then sprint out the doors to try to make it first to the med line.
36:51 Connor Wood? To get medicine.
36:51 Brooke Averick? To get the meds. I mean, people were pushing each other like it was like truly a stampede to the med line.
36:58 Connor Wood? So insane to me.
37:00 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
37:01 Connor Wood? I mean, that's me now, honestly.
37:04 Brooke Averick? As you with your vitamins.
37:05 Connor Wood? No, that's, that's me now. Like every time I eat, I'm like, hmm, okay. It's a matter of time, like ticking time bomb. I had Himalayan food last night and I was so scared and then it was like totally fine. So I guess Himalayan food is the exception.
37:20 Brooke Averick? Can I ask what it is?
37:22 Connor Wood? It's Indian food adjacent. Like I got curry and like chicken and beef and rice and like dumplings and stuff. But there was less spicy. I don't know. Maybe it's the spice because I eat sriracha every day on everything.
37:37 Brooke Averick? And that doesn't sit well.
37:39 Connor Wood? Oh my God, it's definitely the amount of sriracha that I eat.
37:42 Brooke Averick? Could be.
37:43 Connor Wood? Oh my God.
37:44 Brooke Averick? Right. You need to try it elimination.
37:46 Connor Wood? Oh my God. Okay. I'm gonna lay off of the sriracha and see if it helps my crotch.
37:52 Brooke Averick? Yeah. Awesome.
37:54 Connor Wood? Um, I have to tell you something I just remembered.
37:57 Brooke Averick? Me too. You go first.
37:58 Connor Wood? Okay. So I was at CBS last night and there's this guy like walking around and I was like ignoring it and he was just like talking to himself. And then I think like one of the CBS employees said something to him and it like made him mad and I'm just buying nail clippers for my toenail.
38:16 Brooke Averick? I just ordered nail clippers.
38:18 Connor Wood? Okay. Like it's that time of month.
38:22 Brooke Averick? Really is.
38:22 Connor Wood? Cause I was in bed. I was in bed like night before and I like had an itch on my other foot and I used my toe and I was like, oh, like I like cut myself. So I was like, okay, it's time to take care of this. Okay. That, that was something I didn't need to share. Toenails are so long that I'm injuring myself. I'm a baby. I need to put like socks on my hands. Um, okay. So then he starts like being in every aisle that I'm in.
38:52 Connor Wood? And I, I don't know if he was like homeless or what, but then he just like walks like right up to me and he's like, you look like you've never had your throat slit.
39:03 Connor Wood? And I was like, do I?
39:06 Brooke Averick? Whoa, that could have been like your last moment.
39:08 Connor Wood? I was like.
39:09 Brooke Averick? On this earth.
39:10 Connor Wood? Yeah. And then he kept saying, I'm like walking away, put the nail clippers down. Like I, I'm still, I'm still like on.
39:17 Brooke Averick? Cause that's like, could be what someone says before they slit your throat.
39:21 Connor Wood? Weirdly, I was like, oh my God, he read me to filth. I haven't, I haven't.
39:25 Brooke Averick? Like a damn book.
39:27 Connor Wood? And I'm not, you know? I'm not, that someday, like, everybody will have their day in the sun when they get their throat slit. But I am, I'm unslit. And I was, I was just like, okay, you're right. You are absolutely right. I have never had my throat slit. Right now, like, as someone who's never had it slit, I'm not in a place where I really want to do that now. I'm waiting for marriage, you know, like, I want, I want to save myself a little bit. And so I left that CVS.
39:55 Brooke Averick? With or without the nail clippers?
39:56 Connor Wood? No nail clippers. I also had some tweezers I was gonna get.
40:01 Connor Wood? And I walked, like, so far.
40:03 Brooke Averick? What'd you need the tweezers for?
40:05 Connor Wood? I have one nose hair that's coming out of my nose.
40:10 Connor Wood? I, like, can see it when I look in the mirror. And I was like, I'm gonna take care of this. And you just need tweezers. Like, tweezers are something that you, you don't need until you, like, really have a need for tweezers. And then you're like, wow, I don't have tweezers. That's weird. Like, tweezers are something that you, like, have a pair and you have them for, like, 20 years.
40:28 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
40:30 Connor Wood? Then I walked, like, 10 minutes to this other CVS, and it's nighttime and it's cold. And they have, it's one of those CVSs where everything's locked behind a thing.
40:41 Connor Wood? And so, like, every time I needed something, I had to push the button. It's like, hey, like, this loser needs some tweezers. And so I just left. So I still have a nose hair and I still have all my toenails.
40:52 Brooke Averick? Oh, just order it. I order everything at that.
40:55 Connor Wood? At this point, yeah. So annoying, though.
40:58 Brooke Averick? Yeah. I'm sorry about that. It looks like you've never had your throat slit. Damn.
41:02 Connor Wood? It's, no, it's so true. I like that I'm on Do Not Disturb, and my dad called me to break through the Do Not Disturb.
41:09 Brooke Averick? That's, I love when people do that. You do that often.
41:12 Connor Wood? Yeah, I do, because I need help. Hang on, I want to answer this for a second.
41:17 Connor Wood? Hey, I'm, I'm recording the podcast. Okay, thank you. Like, is it an emergency?
41:23 Brooke Averick? What did he, did he say something that you said thank you to? Oh, okay, bye.
41:28 Connor Wood? Like, like, why'd you break? Can I, I gotta text you, like, is everything okay?
41:33 Brooke Averick? Yeah. That's a nice thing to do. Um, this weekend I was at
41:40 Brooke Averick? a bar.
41:41 Connor Wood? Yeah.
41:42 Brooke Averick? And I was like, meeting some new people.
41:46 Brooke Averick? And so as like a kind of like conversation starter, I was like, does anyone want a blowjob mint? Of course. And by the way, I don't like saying blowjob, but like, I don't know how else to describe the mints.
41:55 Connor Wood? Yeah.
41:55 Brooke Averick? You know? So it's like, do you want a blowjob mint? And every, you know, everyone took a blowjob mint. It was just like a good way to break the ice.
42:02 Connor Wood? Right.
42:02 Brooke Averick? And
42:03 Connor Wood? One down, pass it around.
42:05 Brooke Averick? So yeah, everyone had a blowjob mint. And then I went to the restroom.
42:10 Connor Wood? Mm hmm.
42:11 Brooke Averick? I come back. And then, and I'm giving everyone, my meta phobia girls a warning, because this is puke related. There was a puke on the ground. Uh, like the, everyone was drinking green beer. Cause it's St. Patrick's Day. I mean, I still think about, I think about it when I close my eyes, like green with Cap'n Crunch in it. And like, it was just like, I was like, what, what has transpired here? And it turns out, one of the young men had upchucked on the ground. And he said it was because of the blowjob mint. And I said, it was probably because you've been drinking all day.
42:53 Connor Wood? Yeah.
42:53 Brooke Averick? And he's, this young man is still insisting that the blowjob mint led to his downfall.
43:01 Connor Wood? Well,
43:02 Brooke Averick? I will say, he did not seem drunk to a level that he'd be throwing up on the floor. You know?
43:08 Connor Wood? Could have, it could have like been the catalyst that got him to vomit, because when you, right before you throw up your mouth, like it's all watery.
43:14 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
43:15 Connor Wood? So he might've been like, not there yet. And then the blowjob got him there. The blowjob mint.
43:19 Brooke Averick? He got himself, he got himself there.
43:21 Connor Wood? It got him to bust.
43:22 Brooke Averick? I, yeah. So I now, obviously I won't ever touch one again.
43:26 Connor Wood? Oh, yeah.
43:27 Brooke Averick? That's just as a precaution.
43:29 Connor Wood? It's okay.
43:30 Brooke Averick? But yeah, I mean, be careful out there, everyone. I still like, kind of don't think that's what happened. I do think it was probably the alcohol, but scary stuff, huh?
43:41 Connor Wood? Yeah, that is terrifying. Um, and also the St. Patrick's Day celebration.
43:46 Brooke Averick? The green beer.
43:47 Connor Wood? Yeah, it was far too, I was in Chicago for St. Patrick's Day. It was really cool, actually.
43:51 Brooke Averick? Oh, the Green River.
43:52 Connor Wood? The Green River. I saw it happen. I saw them die it. It was really cool. I really like Chicago.
43:59 Brooke Averick? I love Chicago when it's warm out.
44:01 Connor Wood? Oh, my gosh. My dad just called. Okay, he texted back. Sorry. I was like elsewhere.
44:05 Brooke Averick? What'd he say?
44:05 Connor Wood? Because I was just like, you know, when your parents-
44:07 Brooke Averick? Imagine worst case scenario.
44:08 Connor Wood? Call you and you're just like in, you're like, somebody, and the way he was like, okay, no worries, bye. Like, I'm like, oh, God, he's in the car, like, someone, like, Max got hit by a car, like, something like that.
44:19 Brooke Averick? Uh huh.
44:19 Connor Wood? He just said, all good. Just saw you and Brooke doing a show at the improv. It's about time. It will be so much fun.
44:24 Brooke Averick? Oh, that's sweet.
44:26 Connor Wood? So-
44:26 Brooke Averick? I'm obviously like completely at sick.
44:29 Connor Wood? Oh, Brooke, it's gonna be so much-
44:31 Brooke Averick? People commenting like I'm flying, like, there's actually two things that are happening separately. One is people being like, oh, my God, I'm driving 30 hours. I'm flying there. I'm so like, and that's making me feel sick. Cause it's like, I don't want you to do that for me. Cause like, what if I just walk out and say, never mind? And then walk back. Like, I would die if you flew out for that, you know? And then the other thing that's happening in the comments is people in Los Angeles saying, I wish you were doing this in LA. And it's 45 minutes outside of LA. So you have the people driving 30, and then the people who are like, damn, wish I could make it. It's 45 away, though.
45:11 Connor Wood? They're like, they're like, your neighbor, and you're driving from your place.
45:15 Brooke Averick? Yeah, uh, but, uh, I like, I don't want, I don't want this to be the first time I meet your parents. I don't want them to, they're not coming, right? I don't want them to see this.
45:24 Connor Wood? I don't know.
45:25 Brooke Averick? Okay, tell your dad not to come. Not because I don't want to meet him, but because they don't want him to see me like that.
45:30 Connor Wood? Cousin Logan's coming. I hope she brings a baby.
45:33 Brooke Averick? I hope she brings a baby. I don't want anyone I know to come, though, or anyone that I don't know.
45:40 Connor Wood? Perfect. Um, it's gonna be great, Brooke. It's gonna be awesome. And then you're gonna get addicted to it. I'm gonna say, I'm saying all this out loud, and I'm as if I'm in the manifestation space. It's gonna be just fabulous.
45:53 Brooke Averick? Fabulous.
45:54 Connor Wood? Let's move, let's move right along and stop even talking about it.
45:57 Brooke Averick? Okay, yeah.
45:57 Connor Wood? I have to tell you about my washer and my dryer combo. That's also my kitchen island.
46:01 Brooke Averick? Okay, and then I do want to talk about White Lotus in the main really quick.
46:04 Connor Wood? Yeah, we should. Well, we have time. How much time do we have?
46:08 Brooke Averick? Like 10.
46:09 Connor Wood? Oh, perfect. This is that picture of Colin Jost, by the way, that keeps popping up on the screen like.
46:14 Brooke Averick? Why is there a picture of Colin Jost?
46:15 Connor Wood? I don't know. Like it like is like not making me feel good. Anyway, um, so I use my washer dryer combo. That's also my kitchen island. Yesterday for the first, actually, sorry, today's Wednesday. I, I put the load in on Monday. And I clicked wash, all's well. Um, and I put it in and it's washing perfect. I go out for a bit while it's, while it's in its cycle and I get back and I'm about to go to bed. So I turn on dry. Um, and for some reason it says like eight, so eight, five, four. And I'm like, okay, it's just like a code for something.
46:58 Connor Wood? No, it's a nine hour drying cycle.
47:02 Brooke Averick? Yeah, it's got that sensor, huh?
47:04 Connor Wood? Yeah, but like Brooke, it took, it took me 13 hours to do like,
47:11 Connor Wood? like four pairs of pants and a T-shirt. It's
47:13 Brooke Averick? That's tough.
47:13 Connor Wood? And I'm gonna send you. What, what, what, what, what? Oh my God. Sorry. What my pants came out looking like?
47:20 Brooke Averick? Okay.
47:21 Connor Wood? Please look at, please look at them.
47:30 Connor Wood? What happened in there?
47:33 Brooke Averick? Could you like, those are so crispy. Could you like judge them out?
47:39 Connor Wood? Yeah, but like, I was like, oh my God. I mean, my pants look like they're, they're like, they're like cardboard leggings for like a six year old. They, they got so tiny and all the pants came out like that.
47:53 Brooke Averick? That is awesome, Connor.
47:54 Connor Wood? It was the funny, like when I took it out, I was, I was shaking with laughter. I was like, I don't even know what this, what these are. It looks like pants for a frog.
48:03 Brooke Averick? I wonder if there's like an some, another way to go about this.
48:06 Connor Wood? I think I bought a, a drying rack. Like it's just gonna be one of those things that I, I definitely should not wash in a rush. Like I was like, okay, I'll do it. Um, cause I go to Canada right when we finish recording.
48:20 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
48:21 Connor Wood? I'm leaving for Edmonton, Canada. I have to go to Toronto first.
48:26 Brooke Averick? That's so exciting.
48:27 Connor Wood? Yeah, I'm excited. It's gonna be so much fun. Um, and just like blanket statement, thank you for everyone that's come to the shows so far. It's been so much fun. Had so much fun in Mizzou and so much fun in Chicago. Thank you.
48:40 Brooke Averick? Yay.
48:41 Connor Wood? Um. Oh, okay. White Lotus.
48:45 Brooke Averick? Wait, really quickly before White Lotus, I want the hairball that is built into your wall?
48:50 Connor Wood? Oh, okay.
48:52 Brooke Averick? Can we, can we go there?
48:53 Connor Wood? I guess let's go there.
48:55 Brooke Averick? I mean, I don't even know what to say.
48:57 Connor Wood? Okay, um.
49:00 Connor Wood? Like, I was just like doing some, I was just kind of doing a deep dive in, in my kitchen. And there's just like a ball of hair that's like in my wall.
49:10 Brooke Averick? It's not like a typical like, oh, this is the hair that comes out like when I'm showering hairball. It's like 15 of those.
49:16 Connor Wood? It, yeah, it looks like a, like a wig.
49:20 Brooke Averick? Built into the paint.
49:21 Connor Wood? Built in and it's been painted over like landlord special, but like not the whole thing. Like it's clear that it's hair.
49:29 Connor Wood? And it almost looks like my building is like growing pubes. I'm being so serious. I don't, I don't know. That's what it looks like. And everyone is saying to me, they're saying that's a rat.
49:39 Brooke Averick? I think it could be a rat. I think it could be a dead rat.
49:43 Connor Wood? No. No.
49:48 Brooke Averick? I, I mean, I, tears in my eyes when you sent me that.
49:51 Connor Wood? Um, everyone was like.
49:53 Brooke Averick? It's always something with you, isn't it?
49:55 Connor Wood? There's just never like a dull moment, but in a bad way. Like, but the thing is, I, I think I go about life with such a childlike whimsy that I find these things funny. And then they're things that like, give me joy because I'm like, oh, they're not, Brooke's not gonna believe this, you know? Like now I have something to talk about on the pod.
50:17 Brooke Averick? Yeah, totally.
50:18 Connor Wood? So, yeah, my, my building is either. I mean, either way, we can just call it infested. That's the perfect word.
50:26 Brooke Averick? That was cracking me up, Connor.
50:28 Connor Wood? Oh.
50:28 Brooke Averick? You should like, put a frame around it, like an empty frame.
50:32 Connor Wood? I will. I'm gonna, I'm gonna send a picture to my landlord and just be like, hey, did you notice this? Cause you painted over it.
50:39 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
50:40 Connor Wood? A little bit. Like, they had to have seen that, right? It's almost impossible to miss. I noticed it immediately.
50:47 Brooke Averick? Yeah, it's, it's, it's, what's the word I'm looking for?
50:52 Connor Wood? Like disgusting?
50:53 Brooke Averick? No, the opposite of, like, it catches the eye.
50:57 Connor Wood? Oh, it's impossible to ignore.
51:00 Brooke Averick? Yeah. Um, wait, really quickly, one other thing, just like about the type of content we're putting out.
51:08 Brooke Averick? Two clips that we've put out, I have something to say about.
51:10 Connor Wood? Okay.
51:12 Brooke Averick? The one was, um, well, I had seen this originally on TikTok, was that clip from the bonus of me sucking water and you saying, you don't need to be doing it like that.
51:23 Connor Wood? Right.
51:23 Brooke Averick? And then me getting defensive.
51:25 Connor Wood? Right.
51:26 Brooke Averick? I didn't know that's what it looked like. I want to be really, really clear about that.
51:30 Connor Wood? Yeah, the visual is, is.
51:31 Brooke Averick? Oh, that is horrible. Like, God forbid, imagine I'm like, like, on a date and I do that, that would be immediate grounds for, I'm, I only see you as a friend, and I'd never know why. I am completely, this is how I drink water now.
51:52 Connor Wood? Just using gravity now. You make gravity.
51:55 Brooke Averick? It's hard. I don't prefer it, and I'm having trouble getting the water out.
51:59 Connor Wood? Maybe a straw, if you enjoy the sucking.
52:02 Brooke Averick? But my God, that was horrible. Like, it's hysterical, but really hard to watch.
52:08 Connor Wood? I hate putting videos up where we're like arguing about something, because people are always like, like, putting, like, I'm on her side, I'm on his side. It's okay, everyone calm down, we're cool.
52:19 Brooke Averick? Yeah, I, I learned something important. I learned something important. I think, the thing is, I think there are so many things I do like that, though.
52:29 Brooke Averick? And like, I don't know what they are, but like, I know there's so many more.
52:33 Connor Wood? I mean, the cool part is people will tell us. They always do.
52:36 Brooke Averick? Um, the other thing is the clip of when I was saying that I accidentally posted a nude of myself.
52:43 Connor Wood? Yeah.
52:44 Brooke Averick? And the whole clip was me like saying like, oh, I posted a nude of myself, blah, blah, blah. And then you very briefly chimed in like, oh, I did that too, once on Be Real. And the search bar was Connor would be real. Like, hello, I posted a nude too. No one gave a fuck or a shit. They just want to see Connor Woods be real. So you should feel, you should feel good about that.
53:06 Connor Wood? Well, I genuinely said I posted a dick pic and I'm getting DMs now.
53:10 Brooke Averick? I said, I posted my cock and box.
53:12 Connor Wood? Yeah, there's people DMing me.
53:14 Brooke Averick? People were confused about that. I meant, I meant my boobs and my vagina, but, but I just said it in a different way because I didn't want to say those other words.
53:21 Connor Wood? I mean, and I said, I posted a picture of my dick.
53:24 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
53:24 Connor Wood? And people, I'm getting DMs now like, hey, I heard you were selling spicy content.
53:29 Brooke Averick? I see. And I'm not getting those.
53:31 Connor Wood? I am not selling anything, but it's good to know that there's a market for it.
53:34 Brooke Averick? Yeah, it must be good to know that there's a market for your nudes.
53:38 Connor Wood? Well, I'm, now you'll get it too. And listen, it's not.
53:40 Brooke Averick? I promise I won't.
53:41 Connor Wood? I promise.
53:43 Brooke Averick? I'm not saying, this is the kind of thing, and I think this is what I was saying with what happened in Indiana when no one came up to me that I like, it didn't come out right. But the way I always feel is that I don't want to be, I don't want any attention. I don't want to be perceived. I don't want anything like that until I don't get it and then I get upset.
54:02 Connor Wood? It's like a baby with a toy.
54:03 Brooke Averick? Yes.
54:04 Connor Wood? Yeah. It's like, the baby has the toy, but now someone, actually Brooke, literally you did this with a toy when I had a toy. You were like, give me that. And I gave it to you eventually. And then you're like, you have another one? Give me that one.
54:16 Brooke Averick? No, that's not like the same because I really feel I dread it. I don't want attention. I don't want anyone looking at me. I just don't want to, I, yeah, I don't want any of that. And then when I don't get it, I'm like, well, wait, what?
54:28 Connor Wood? Right, right.
54:29 Brooke Averick? Really horrible. It's a horrible way to live.
54:32 Connor Wood? Yeah.
54:33 Brooke Averick? But, okay. White Lotus.
54:35 Connor Wood? Okay, yes.
54:39 Brooke Averick? I have a controversial opinion.
54:40 Connor Wood? Go ahead.
54:42 Brooke Averick? It's about the incest kiss.
54:45 Connor Wood? I knew that it was going to be.
54:47 Brooke Averick? I didn't think it was like that bad, like that, like as disturbing as people were saying.
54:56 Connor Wood? Right.
54:58 Brooke Averick? Like, I'm not like, oh, promoting like, oh, y'all should be like making out with your brothers. But I, I don't know. I was like, it's like, no, that like, they were both on drugs and it wasn't like a heavy make out. I wasn't thinking that it was like the craziest thing I've ever seen. Where it's like everyone else is thinking that.
55:20 Connor Wood? It was also like such a buildup that when they did it, I was like, yeah.
55:23 Brooke Averick? That's it? That's it?
55:25 Connor Wood? I was more shocked by the monologue.
55:28 Brooke Averick? I was so obsessed with that monologue.
55:31 Connor Wood? By Sir Sam Rockwell, who is married to, um.
55:36 Brooke Averick? Leslie Bibb. They're not married, but they've been together 18 years.
55:40 Connor Wood? Oh.
55:41 Brooke Averick? So essentially.
55:42 Connor Wood? That's, that's legally married.
55:44 Brooke Averick? Yeah.
55:44 Connor Wood? Civil marriage.
55:45 Brooke Averick? It's a common law marriage.
55:46 Connor Wood? Common law marriage.
55:47 Brooke Averick? I know that from Legally Blonde, the musical.
55:49 Connor Wood? Well done.
55:50 Brooke Averick? Thank you.
55:51 Connor Wood? The gift that keeps on getting, Legally Blonde, the musical.
55:53 Brooke Averick? Seriously.
55:54 Connor Wood? Um, I'm just thinking through.
55:57 Brooke Averick? That monologue was amazing. But here's what, here's my question for you. On Twitter, everyone is saying, or and Leslie Bibb even said like this, the monologue is what this season is about. What do you think that is?
56:13 Connor Wood? What did you say? I don't, I'm not following.
56:15 Brooke Averick? She was saying, and everyone else is saying like this, the monologue that he gave like represents what the entire season is about. And if you had to sum up what, what that is, what would you say?
56:26 Connor Wood? Like I, it has to be like finding yourself, right? Like he is now celibate and, but he's providing a huge gun for that guy to murder someone. So I don't know like how morally sound this guy is being like, I did all these things and I lost myself and now I'm finding myself again. I'm sober and I'm celibate. Right?
56:45 Brooke Averick? No, I don't think so.
56:46 Connor Wood? Well, what would you say?
56:47 Brooke Averick? I don't know. I'm like really confused.
56:50 Connor Wood? I feel like that's it. And then now it's like.
56:52 Brooke Averick? I feel like it's just like something about.
56:56 Brooke Averick? White men, maybe, and privilege?
56:59 Connor Wood? Oh, could be, yeah.
57:00 Brooke Averick? And like how you can just like decide to like be a Buddhist? I don't know.
57:05 Connor Wood? Yeah, I could see that. I mean, that definitely plays a part because of how many like old white bald guys are on that island, just like and it's like, it's a pattern.
57:17 Brooke Averick? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, something about a white man.
57:21 Connor Wood? Yeah.
57:23 Brooke Averick? But maybe people smarter than us could let us know.
57:26 Connor Wood? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, this, you know what? Lucius Malfoy needs to win every award known to man. When he put that gun to his head, my heart was pounding.
57:38 Brooke Averick? Have you been seeing all the interviews he's been doing and like, he's been firing back?
57:43 Connor Wood? Firing back at who? For what?
57:44 Brooke Averick? All the like interviewers are like, tell us about your like penis, essentially. Like, tell us about like that moment. And he's like, why do you care? Like, you wouldn't be asking a woman? Yeah, that was, it was completely out in the last episode. Not this one, but how did you miss that?
58:03 Connor Wood? I was on my phone until he had the gun against his head.
58:05 Brooke Averick? Oh, no, this was the episode prior.
58:07 Connor Wood? Oh.
58:08 Brooke Averick? Completely out. And everyone's been asking about it in interviews and he's like, I don't understand the fixation. Like, you wouldn't be asking a woman about this.
58:15 Connor Wood? Good call.
58:16 Brooke Averick? No, not really.
58:18 Connor Wood? What? Like, he doesn't want to talk about his penis in an interview? What's wrong with that?
58:21 Brooke Averick? Yeah, that's fine, but like he's making, like, it's not, he's not making the statement he thinks he's making. Like, he's trying to draw like on a double standard, but like, the whole reason it's there in the first place is because we don't even like question when women are naked.
58:37 Connor Wood? Right, I'm just saying like, yeah, like.
58:39 Brooke Averick? I feel like he's not getting it. Like, I would be fine, I would, it would make sense to me if he was like, why are we focusing on just my penis when like so much other stuff is happening?
58:49 Connor Wood? Oh, yeah.
58:50 Brooke Averick? But he's like trying to make some sort of statement about a double standard between men and women when like the reason people are asking about it, the reason people are so shocked in the first place is because it's rare.
59:00 Connor Wood? Right.
59:00 Brooke Averick? You know, whereas a postal woman like, you know, it's, it's, it's not.
59:05 Connor Wood? Yeah, I agree. I just think like interviewers. Bad interviewers are really showing up and showing out this year, asking like the most shallow questions.
59:13 Brooke Averick? Right, I think the more like valid critique could be like, why do you, like, why is it? Why is this the question?
59:18 Connor Wood? Why are we, yeah, why are we talking about nudity when my performance is like, that's what we're here to talk about?
59:23 Brooke Averick? Right.
59:23 Connor Wood? It's like when, it's like when interviewers ask like Travis Kelsey about day, like Taylor Swift, like in every interview, like post-game.
59:31 Brooke Averick? Yes, similar.
59:33 Connor Wood? Okay, we're not, yeah. Okay, we gotta wrap up, because I gotta, I gotta go, I gotta cross the border and into Canada.
59:41 Brooke Averick? I feel like there's really something we're missing about the monologue. Like, I enjoyed it so much, and I was like, this is such a phenomenal performance, and like, everything he's saying, I'm just like, what? Like, I didn't see you going there, and you just did, but I feel like we really are missing the meaning.
59:55 Connor Wood? There's like, there's a good chance.
59:56 Brooke Averick? And it's annoying me, that I'm missing it.
59:58 Connor Wood? There's a good chance if I missed, um, Lucius Malfoy's C and B out, then I definitely missed some meaning there, and I will find, oh, I hope I find it soon.
1:00:08 Brooke Averick? I do too.
1:00:09 Connor Wood? And it's gonna be an enlightening rest of this season, I'm excited, because to me, there's been a lot of buildup.
1:00:15 Brooke Averick? Yeah, there really has.
1:00:17 Connor Wood? I'm ready for some of, some of the plot to come through, because what I love, also, I've said this before, I hate when they give away everything right away, it's like they just tell us the character development in the first episode of a show. I hate that, but also, they've developed these characters enough now, I'm like, okay, I need, now I need them to do something.
1:00:39 Brooke Averick? Right.
1:00:40 Connor Wood? But it is fascinating, and it's amazing TV, and I'm so stoked on it.
1:00:43 Brooke Averick? I guess I'll just Google the monologue meaning.
1:00:45 Connor Wood? Yeah.
1:00:46 Brooke Averick? And I'll, and we can unpack it in the bonus.
1:00:50 Connor Wood? Okay, let's do that.
1:00:51 Brooke Averick? All right, well, I'll see you in the bonus.
1:00:54 Connor Wood? I'll see you there in one second.
1:00:57 Brooke Averick? Okay.
1:00:58 Connor Wood? Thank you, guys, for listening.
1:01:00 Brooke Averick? Love you, see you there.
1:01:02 Connor Wood? We will see you there. Bye.
1:01:07 Brooke Averick? This week on Close Friends.
1:01:09 Connor Wood? It's funny to think that I used to try to fuck up my teeth intentionally so I could get braces. I'm gonna do a reading nook over here, but I think the booger wall would be better on this side, on the east wing, because the light would hit it and you'd have some shadow effects.
1:01:22 Brooke Averick? Kids are disgusting.
1:01:24 Connor Wood? Ooh, I just got like a pregnancy craving for popcorn and peanut butter. What the hell is that about?
1:01:29 Brooke Averick? That sounds good.
1:01:31 Connor Wood? Sign up on TMGstudios.tv to watch a full bonus episode.
Previous Am I Boring? Next Growing The Family Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated