Oh Crap Dot Com

SUBSCRIBE TO THE BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr NEW MERCH: https://shoptmgstudios.com This week, Brooke and Connor reflect on the last year, including their first live event, and look towards a transformative future. Plus, they break down the drones flying over New Jersey and Connor’s haunted dresser. Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/ This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BANDC and get on your way to being your best self. Shop the SKIMS Holiday Shop at https://SKIMS.com and after you place your order, select Brooke & Connor under "podcast" in the survey. Get the coverage you need. Check out https://StateFarm.com or try their app because Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is there. Go to https://sundaysfordogs.com/BANDC for 40% off your first order or use code BANDC at checkout. B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 Popping buttons 0:36 Intro 0:55 Nuances of language 2:30 Recapping the live show 8:30 Nothing matters 11:28 BetterHelp 12:46 Treating overwhelm 13:50 Opening presents!!! 17:58 Twinning with Hunter Biden 20:45 The New Jersey drones 22:51 SKIMS 24:32 The drone conspiracy theories 25:56 Surviving animal attacks 29:09 Legendary Spongebob episode 30:50 Drone conspiracy theories 34:00 State Farm 35:15 Brooke is going back to college 38:55 Texas vibe states 41:44 Connor’s haunted dresser 47:30 Connor’s members only treehouse 48:56 Sundays 50:45 Tight and tiny holes 51:10 Toothbrush order 53:47 The Office uncut episodes 56:10 The Timothlee Chalamet train 59:49 Connor’s fit check 1:01:10 Santa submission 1:09:10 See you next year! 1:09:46 See you in bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  You sound horrible.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Oh, I feel worse. This flu is not playing around.

• 0:06Speaker 02

  Dad, you promised you'd be in my band, and it's showtime.

• 0:10Speaker 03

  Then it's Dayquil Intense Flu time.

• 0:12Speaker 04

  For fast and powerful relief of your flu symptoms, try Dayquil Intense Flu.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  Hit it. Yeah.

• 0:19Speaker 04

  Dayquil Intense Flu, the fast-acting daytime coughing, aching, aching, aching fever power through your flu medicine. Use is directed. Keep out of reach of children.

• 0:29Brooke Averick?

  Ooh, my new jeans are tight around the stomach.

• 0:32Connor Wood?

  Well, my button popped off in the bathroom.

• 0:36Connor Wood?

  We should have started with that as the cold opened. Are we recording?

• 0:40Brooke Averick?

  Okay, fabulous. I have not been able to stop saying fabulous since last week.

• 0:47Connor Wood?

  Hold that thought. Fabuloso. Where is my button? It's right here if anyone was wondering if I was being serious.

• 0:54Brooke Averick?

  The thing about you is you always have an extra button on hand.

• 0:58Connor Wood?

  Matthew Gray is close.

• 1:00Brooke Averick?

  What?

• 1:01Connor Wood?

  Matthew Gray is close.

• 1:02Brooke Averick?

  Goop, yeah, Matthew.

• 1:03Connor Wood?

  Matthew Gray Goop.

• 1:03Brooke Averick?

  It's fine.

• 1:24Brooke Averick?

  How are you?

• 1:24Connor Wood?

  Hey, how are you? Welcome back to Burke and Connor Make-A-Podcast, everyone.

• 1:29Brooke Averick?

  Happy to have you back. What a week we had last week.

• 1:34Connor Wood?

  What a week. It was, well, you had a crazy week. What a whirlwind.

• 1:37Brooke Averick?

  What a whirlwind. This is really like the first time I'm sitting at Stop & Smell the Roses.

• 1:41Connor Wood?

  Yeah. You're sitting at the Stop & Shop smelling the roses.

• 1:45Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 1:47Connor Wood?

  Something about calling something a Stop & Shop, like, Stop & Shop, like really just, Stop. And shop.

• 1:56Brooke Averick?

  I take it as the exact opposite.

• 1:58Connor Wood?

  Like run and grab something, run.

• 2:00Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 2:01Connor Wood?

  Thank you so much for... Feeling what I was putting down right there, because I know I wasn't being clear. But you knew what I meant.

• 2:10Brooke Averick?

  But we have the opposite take, though, right?

• 2:12Connor Wood?

  No, stop and shop.

• 2:14Brooke Averick?

  You're saying stop and smell the roses and shop. I'm saying stop and get the hell out of here.

• 2:18Connor Wood?

  No, but I'm saying I also want to get the hell out of there.

• 2:21Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 2:22Connor Wood?

  The stop and shop.

• 2:23Brooke Averick?

  But when you keep saying what you're saying, it sounds like you're saying stop and kind of smell the roses.

• 2:28Connor Wood?

  I want it to be that. I need to slow down and really shop.

• 2:32Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 2:33Connor Wood?

  You know, the come and go, appropriately named.

• 2:35Brooke Averick?

  That's the thing about the English language. You can take things to mean different things.

• 2:41Connor Wood?

  You totally can, girl.

• 2:43Brooke Averick?

  You can take, two people can take the same sentence and take away totally different meanings.

• 2:48Connor Wood?

  You can take what you want and you can head out, like at the Stop and Shop.

• 2:51Brooke Averick?

  Exactly.

• 2:52Connor Wood?

  Language is a beautiful thing. We haven't really talked about the nuances of language in a while. And I'm glad we got back to our roots.

• 2:58Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 2:59Connor Wood?

  We had, if you don't live in Los Angeles, we had our first ever like low-key live show with Meta. We did it alongside Meta. They kind of pushed us out of our, out of the Eagles nest.

• 3:13Brooke Averick?

  Ray-Ban Metas, too.

• 3:14Connor Wood?

  Ray-Ban Metas as well.

• 3:16Brooke Averick?

  I'm like, those are the most insane invention ever. You guys, they're Ray-Bans, but they're the future also. And this is not part of the ad. This is just me, like, telling my personal experience with the Ray-Ban Metas.

• 3:32Brooke Averick?

  They record everything that's happening in front of you. It's like that episode of Black Mirror.

• 3:36Connor Wood?

  You know.

• 3:37Brooke Averick?

  I can take pictures. I can say, hey, what's her name, Meta? Hey, Meta, take a picture. And she takes a picture of what's in front of me. She can also take a video. Also, Dancing Through Life was just blasting through my Meta Ray-Bans.

• 3:49Connor Wood?

  It was blasting my ass off. I also have been taking phone calls from them. This is, I want to emphasize this is not part of the ad.

• 3:55Brooke Averick?

  No, it's just truly so insane. I'm so excited to bring them to Florida to show my mom and pop up because they're just going to be like, what the, like, what the, what the eight?

• 4:05Connor Wood?

  Yeah. I took, I took phone calls on them yesterday and I was walking around and I just had sunglasses on, no headphones.

• 4:11Brooke Averick?

  You don't need headphones. You can go on a walk with just your sunglasses and listen to music.

• 4:15Connor Wood?

  It plays into your brain. So me and Brooke, this might be our last episode if we get cancer from whatever's happening in between.

• 4:21Brooke Averick?

  You're not going to get cancer.

• 4:23Connor Wood?

  Knock on wood. Well, no, we should just say that here.

• 4:27Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 4:27Connor Wood?

  It's a manifestation space.

• 4:28Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. But they were so cool, truly.

• 4:32Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Brooke Averick?

  And yeah, we did have a live show.

• 4:36Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 4:36Brooke Averick?

  I was, I really truly thought it was gonna be like 50 people in the audience. How many was it, Izzy? Do you know?

• 4:43Speaker 07

  Um, I think it was like 150.

• 4:46Brooke Averick?

  There was almost like 150 people in the audience.

• 4:49Connor Wood?

  It was a lot of people.

• 4:50Brooke Averick?

  But I guess at that point, like, there's no difference between 50 and 150.

• 4:54Connor Wood?

  No.

• 4:54Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 4:55Connor Wood?

  There were a lot of people there. Brooke did really, really well.

• 4:58Brooke Averick?

  Obviously, like, whenever I'm, like, doing well mentally, I'll find a way to spin it in a way that, like, no, there's actually something wrong with me. But like, I wasn't nervous, and that is what's, that scares me and makes me think that there's something deeper going on in my psyche, like, something very wrong.

• 5:14Connor Wood?

  I don't know how to help you.

• 5:18Brooke Averick?

  It's just, like, so weird.

• 5:22Brooke Averick?

  To go from, like, I will never do.

• 5:24Connor Wood?

  It's quiet, too quiet.

• 5:25Brooke Averick?

  Well, to go from, like, I'll never do anything live, to literally just being like, yeah, like, whatever, 150 is fine.

• 5:31Connor Wood?

  I can't emphasize enough, like, how many people I talked to that weren't you being like, she knows it's, like, in front of people? And you're, everyone's like, yeah. And literally Brooke was like, I didn't even respond. So we both got the email together. And I was like, I'll just let Brooke be like, no, I'm not gonna do it, cuz I'm not gonna respond. And be like, yeah, we'll talk about it. I'm just gonna let you respond. Be like, no. And she goes, yeah, let's do it. I go, she doesn't know that it's live, knows it's live. And I was like, something's weird, like I missed something.

• 5:59Brooke Averick?

  Something is weird.

• 6:01Connor Wood?

  Something's amiss. Yeah, but I think that, I told you, like, three months ago, we were going through a really transformational period.

• 6:09Brooke Averick?

  Well, you heard what happened to Gemini.

• 6:13Brooke Averick?

  Apparently, this year is supposed to be, like, crazy for Gemini in terms of transformation.

• 6:18Connor Wood?

  Who's Gemini?

• 6:19Brooke Averick?

  Um, the astrology sign that I am.

• 6:21Connor Wood?

  Oh.

• 6:22Brooke Averick?

  So maybe that's.

• 6:23Connor Wood?

  You heard what happened to Gemini. She got in a car wreck, so.

• 6:26Brooke Averick?

  So maybe that's what's happening. But.

• 6:31Brooke Averick?

  I don't know, like I'm freaked. Something's off. I didn't even like, guys, I'm not even kidding. Even when I got up there, I was like, okay.

• 6:40Connor Wood?

  What's that? No, literally, I was like, um, so like what, like your stage, cause we agreed, we were like, we're gonna talk about Brooke's stage fright for a little bit. I go, she's looking at me like, I was like, so you're stage fright? She goes, yeah, I had some drink, I've been drinking. I was like, are you about to hit me?

• 6:58Connor Wood?

  You were like, yeah, I've been drinking.

• 6:59Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I did have, I had a vodka pineapple to calm the nerves. I don't even know if I needed it. I was literally so fine. Watch me be like, I'm fine. Like, we can do live shows and me start to do a live show and then it's not fine. That's what I'm expecting.

• 7:14Connor Wood?

  I promise you, there's something about, I've told, I told you this a long time ago when I started doing stand up. There's something about when you get up on the stage where you just go like, you like, sorry for lack of a better word, lock in. You're sober, you're just like hyper aware and you see the light at the end of the tunnel and your time's already started and it's like, all right, I'm already going.

• 7:34Brooke Averick?

  You would think that, but there, I've thrown up on the stage twice.

• 7:37Connor Wood?

  Well, how old were you?

• 7:39Brooke Averick?

  Once during the chorus concert in eighth grade. And then once during a presentation, I had to excuse myself in the middle of a presentation in history class and sophomore year? So you would think that you'd just be able to push through, but sometimes, sometimes some people might not be able to, like in The Princess Diaries. And me too.

• 8:00Connor Wood?

  She, she pushed through?

• 8:01Brooke Averick?

  No, she ran off.

• 8:03Connor Wood?

  Oh, I don't, oh, in the second one?

• 8:05Brooke Averick?

  No, in the first one.

• 8:06Connor Wood?

  They're doing a third one.

• 8:07Brooke Averick?

  I know, I'm so excited. But remember she ran off and then she was upset and went rock climbing?

• 8:12Connor Wood?

  Wow, no, I guess I gotta revisit that.

• 8:14Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. So I agree that usually people can push through, but not everyone. But I was fine.

• 8:21Connor Wood?

  Well, Jim and I luckily had to have scundered like a recent transformation.

• 8:24Brooke Averick?

  I also, and this is just because I like to overanalyze myself and my mind. I think it could be because I know that I'm gonna have to do stuff with the book, like go on a book tour. So when I'm not given an option, when it's like, you actually have to do this, then it's easier for me to do something.

• 8:41Connor Wood?

  And it's like, fine, did you think I was not gonna do it? I was gonna do it.

• 8:44Brooke Averick?

  But when there's like, oh, like, let's do live tours, like if you're, if you can, and I'm given that leeway, then I'm like, I won't do it. But when it's like, you have to do this, I'm like, okay.

• 8:55Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I get it. That's how I work with a deadline. I be texting, I be texting.

• 9:03Connor Wood?

  Women be, women be shopping, I be texting.

• 9:06Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 9:08Brooke Averick?

  Is that it?

• 9:09Connor Wood?

  My eye won't shut up.

• 9:13Connor Wood?

  I, women be shopping, I be texting.

• 9:16Brooke Averick?

  Your eyelashes are gorgeous.

• 9:19Connor Wood?

  Happy holidays.

• 9:23Connor Wood?

  Woo, yeah, I don't know what's up with that left eyelid.

• 9:26Brooke Averick?

  Was that the end of the?

• 9:26Connor Wood?

  No, I be texting, uh, people right before my shows and be like, I can't do it.

• 9:33Connor Wood?

  I can't do it. And then I, all of a sudden, like when I'm like, you have an hour left. Something happens to me where it's like, I'm touched by the divine light.

• 9:43Brooke Averick?

  An hour left before the show?

• 9:45Connor Wood?

  Before the show or something. I'm like, I can't, I gotta rewrite something. This joke doesn't work here. I need like five extra minutes. Someone drops out and I need to do 10 extra minutes. I'll, I'll just send right for a show.

• 10:00Connor Wood?

  My hand is being guided by Ernest Hemingway.

• 10:04Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 10:07Brooke Averick?

  It's interesting.

• 10:07Connor Wood?

  And it's out of, it's an out of body experience. It's like the deadline's about to hit. You must get this done. No one can help you.

• 10:14Brooke Averick?

  No one can help you. Yeah, that can be comforting in a way.

• 10:18Connor Wood?

  That, that is.

• 10:19Brooke Averick?

  And then sometimes I like to zoom out and look at myself through the perspective of another galaxy. You can't even see me.

• 10:27Brooke Averick?

  And so nothing matters.

• 10:28Connor Wood?

  Wow.

• 10:29Brooke Averick?

  But knowing nothing matters.

• 10:30Connor Wood?

  See, I'm, I'm so torn in between the nothing matters and the crushing weight of everything mattering.

• 10:36Brooke Averick?

  Hi Connor.

• 10:38Brooke Averick?

  Have you ever listened to the song Dancing Through Life?

• 10:40Connor Wood?

  I have.

• 10:41Brooke Averick?

  I think that would help you navigate those emotions.

• 10:44Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 10:46Brooke Averick?

  But you're totally right. Sometimes it's like, life is so precious. So you have to like take it really seriously and live to the fullest. And then sometimes it's just like. YOLO.

• 10:59Connor Wood?

  Fuck.

• 10:59Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, like you, like, just like it is what it is. You're speck in the galaxy.

• 11:04Connor Wood?

  You're speck in the galaxy. I don't like the like dust in the wind, speck in the galaxy then, cause it's like.

• 11:11Connor Wood?

  Shut up, you know, kind of thing? And you, I don't know, I'm constantly going through the, right now specifically, I'm going through the, oh my gosh, how is anything gonna work? Like, like this is, it's overwhelming, what's gonna happen next?

• 11:28Brooke Averick?

  Do you know?

• 11:28Connor Wood?

  There's too much to do, and then like, all of a sudden, when I'm freaking out, freaking out, all of a sudden, it's gonna work out. Like, something comes back in my head, it's gonna work out.

• 11:40Brooke Averick?

  No, that's a psychiatric term.

• 11:43Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Brooke Averick?

  Overwhelm.

• 11:45Connor Wood?

  Overwhelm?

• 11:45Brooke Averick?

  That's what my psychiatrist always says.

• 11:47Connor Wood?

  What do you mean?

• 11:48Brooke Averick?

  Like, when I am explaining that feeling, that you just explained, she's like, okay, so your overwhelm is not, not good right now? Like, she just calls it, that feeling, overwhelm.

• 11:57Connor Wood?

  So overwhelm and Jim and I are going to lunch later, they have a table.

• 12:00Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 12:02Connor Wood?

  Wow, they're like individuals.

• 12:03Brooke Averick?

  So it's like, she says it like it's a condition.

• 12:07Connor Wood?

  You're overwhelmed.

• 12:07Brooke Averick?

  Like, I need to treat my overwhelm.

• 12:09Connor Wood?

  What did she say to treat your overwhelm with?

• 12:11Brooke Averick?

  Drugs?

• 12:12Connor Wood?

  Yeah, alcohol?

• 12:13Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, no, prescription.

• 12:14Connor Wood?

  Oh.

• 12:16Connor Wood?

  I was like, let's go to Tulum.

• 12:17Brooke Averick?

  A prescription of Wellbutrin.

• 12:19Connor Wood?

  Wellbutrin to treat overwhelm?

• 12:22Brooke Averick?

  I don't know.

• 12:22Connor Wood?

  Yeah, probably, at some point, at some crossroads.

• 12:25Brooke Averick?

  I don't know which one of my pills is for what.

• 12:27Connor Wood?

  Me neither, but I don't, it's not medication, it's just like, pills for horses that are supposed to help with your hairline. Uh, my hairline's fine, as everyone can see, I know everyone's always like, take your hat off. Not a piece of meat. I'm more than that, okay?

• 12:46Connor Wood?

  My hairline's fine.

• 12:47Brooke Averick?

  I didn't.

• 12:48Connor Wood?

  My hairline's fine, you guys.

• 12:49Brooke Averick?

  No one brought up your hairline besides you.

• 12:51Connor Wood?

  I was just thinking it, I could see the way you were looking at me. Hairline's fine.

• 12:54Brooke Averick?

  I agree.

• 12:55Connor Wood?

  So.

• 12:56Brooke Averick?

  Izzy, should we open these? Izzy got us presents.

• 12:59Connor Wood?

  Okay, if you're listening audio only, you have no respect for me, or my family, or my colleague,

• 13:08Connor Wood?

  because I told you to subscribe to our YouTube. So, we're gonna open our presents.

• 13:12Brooke Averick?

  I thought you were talking to Izzy.

• 13:14Connor Wood?

  No, I'm looking at the camera.

• 13:15Brooke Averick?

  Oh, sorry, well, that, look.

• 13:16Connor Wood?

  And I shouldn't even be looking at the camera, I should be looking at, like, a picture of her ear, because that's who I'm talking to, the audio-only people.

• 13:25Connor Wood?

  We have a picture of you laying around? No, I'm assuming not.

• 13:28Brooke Averick?

  Ooh, did you take your horse pills this morning?

• 13:31Connor Wood?

  I've been up since 6 with Brittany and Izzy. Get my glam going.

• 13:37Brooke Averick?

  It was worth it, you looked pretty. Which one should we open first?

• 13:40Speaker 07

  Maybe this bigger one.

• 13:43Brooke Averick?

  The green?

• 13:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:44Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 13:45Connor Wood?

  Wait, the greens together? The bigger one.

• 13:47Brooke Averick?

  Oh, it's from Santa. And it says, "You'll never be the same after this." I'm scared, Izzy.

• 13:52Connor Wood?

  Sorry to bring up poop.

• 13:54Brooke Averick?

  Yours says poop?

• 13:55Connor Wood?

  Yours says, "You'll never be the same after..." Yours, mine says poop.

• 13:57Brooke Averick?

  Are they the same thing?

• 13:58Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 13:59Brooke Averick?

  Okay, so they're both poop-related?

• 14:02Connor Wood?

  Oh, Izzy, yeah!

• 14:04Brooke Averick?

  Oh, Izzy.

• 14:06Connor Wood?

  Oh my gosh.

• 14:07Brooke Averick?

  Unkink your colon with Squatty Potty. Bamboo flip stool. And it's verse. Wow, Izzy. Doctor recommended too.

• 14:18Connor Wood?

  Oh, it's got the both 7" and 9" height for those crazy days. Oh Izzy, thank you.

• 14:25Brooke Averick?

  Oh wow, you can flip it at different heights. Did you just say that?

• 14:29Connor Wood?

  Yeah, but that's okay. Oh, this is brilliant Izzy, thank you so much.

• 14:33Brooke Averick?

  I love it.

• 14:34Connor Wood?

  No one talks about how, once you start, you cannot stop with the Squatty Potty. I just threw mine away because I'm showing my apartment right now.

• 14:44Brooke Averick?

  Yay!

• 14:44Connor Wood?

  And this one looks so clean

• 14:49Connor Wood?

  compared to what mine looked like. I'm not pooping on my Squatty Potty. Hang on.

• 14:55Connor Wood?

  I want to say that, like, mine wasn't dirty because of that, it was just white. And like... I'm gonna...

• 15:03Connor Wood?

  I didn't poop on it at all.

• 15:05Brooke Averick?

  I didn't poop on it at all?

• 15:07Connor Wood?

  I hope...

• 15:08Brooke Averick?

  Someone else did.

• 15:08Connor Wood?

  I hope you're happy. Okay. Should we do the next one?

• 15:12Brooke Averick?

  Okay. I'm so excited. Are these ones different from each other, Izzy?

• 15:17Speaker 07

  Yeah, these ones are different.

• 15:18Brooke Averick?

  You want to go first, or you want me to go first? Izzy, you're so good at wrapping, and I love the wrapping paper.

• 15:23Connor Wood?

  Oh my gosh, you guys know that I always like, look like I had a stroke when I wrap gifts?

• 15:28Brooke Averick?

  Stop!

• 15:30Connor Wood?

  Is it a bible?

• 15:31Brooke Averick?

  Stop!

• 15:33Brooke Averick?

  Stop it right now.

• 15:33Connor Wood?

  What is it?

• 15:34Brooke Averick?

  I've been wanting one of these so bad.

• 15:36Connor Wood?

  It's a story worth. Oh my gosh, no way.

• 15:39Brooke Averick?

  It's Kim K. Selfish.

• 15:40Connor Wood?

  Oh my gosh, nice, Izzy.

• 15:42Brooke Averick?

  Oh my god, Izzy, this is spectacular.

• 15:46Connor Wood?

  You talked about that recently.

• 15:48Brooke Averick?

  She, that's the thing, she clocks the smallest things.

• 15:55Brooke Averick?

  Oh my god. Oh, I love it. Oh, her, oh my god, her author bio, Kim was born and raised in Los Angeles. Period.

• 16:05Connor Wood?

  Wait.

• 16:05Brooke Averick?

  Wait, let me see. Let me see. Let me see.

• 16:10Brooke Averick?

  Oh.

• 16:11Connor Wood?

  The Biden Laptop Report.

• 16:15Brooke Averick?

  Is that real?

• 16:16Connor Wood?

  How did you find it? It was sold out. Oh my gosh, this year's hottest flying off the shelves gift is the Hunter Biden Laptop Report Coffee Table Book.

• 16:29Brooke Averick?

  That is a chunker.

• 16:30Connor Wood?

  Oh my gosh, let's read a random excerpt, shall we? Oh my gosh, this is over, can't read that on the podcast, we will get flagged.

• 16:38Brooke Averick?

  What was it?

• 16:39Connor Wood?

  It was a bunch of photos.

• 16:41Brooke Averick?

  Can I see?

• 16:43Connor Wood?

  If I can find the page, or I can just probably open it to a different one.

• 16:46Brooke Averick?

  It's in color.

• 16:48Connor Wood?

  Oh.

• 16:49Brooke Averick?

  Oh.

• 16:50Connor Wood?

  My god.

• 16:51Brooke Averick?

  Oh. No way. Wow.

• 16:57Connor Wood?

  What, the pictures they chose to cover her mouth over his wah wah is crazy. Oh my gosh.

• 17:05Brooke Averick?

  Wow, I didn't realize the extent.

• 17:07Connor Wood?

  Me and Hunter Biden have the same body. The same build.

• 17:11Brooke Averick?

  Ooh, put that on your hint profile.

• 17:13Connor Wood?

  The same build as this young man smoking crack on the front page of his book.

• 17:20Brooke Averick?

  He doesn't have like a bad body.

• 17:23Connor Wood?

  He smokes crack, though.

• 17:24Brooke Averick?

  So, do you remember that one guy we saw walking naked down the street?

• 17:28Connor Wood?

  Like my after body, if I worked out really hard for years.

• 17:32Brooke Averick?

  We looked at each other, obviously there was a guy.

• 17:35Brooke Averick?

  Very unwell, walking, obviously because he's walking naked down the street. And we both look at each other and we're like, damn.

• 17:43Brooke Averick?

  He has got a body. Oh, right. He's got a body on him. So, yeah, it doesn't mean anything.

• 17:49Connor Wood?

  Yeah. See, the thing is, it's like, why did I, you know, run two and a half miles last night? And have a smoothie that tastes, it was from Earth Bar and it tasted like it was just the earth. Why did I do that? And he just has, like, smokes crack.

• 18:09Brooke Averick?

  Hunter Biden or the naked guy?

• 18:11Connor Wood?

  Hunter Biden, and I'm assuming the naked guy. I'm just, I don't feel like that's that much of a reach.

• 18:16Brooke Averick?

  Hunter Biden and the naked guy don't have the same body.

• 18:19Connor Wood?

  Well, Hunter Biden is like a millionaire by proxy.

• 18:23Brooke Averick?

  The naked guy has a better body.

• 18:25Connor Wood?

  I know.

• 18:26Brooke Averick?

  Is what I'm saying.

• 18:27Connor Wood?

  The point is that they're smoking crack and I'm working out. That's what I'm, that's the point I'm trying to get across. I'm like, should I try crack?

• 18:34Brooke Averick?

  No. No. I don't think so. Are you still working out?

• 18:41Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 18:43Brooke Averick?

  I think you look fabulous.

• 18:46Connor Wood?

  Aren't you still working out? Hmm, okay.

• 18:53Brooke Averick?

  I think you look great.

• 18:54Connor Wood?

  Thank you.

• 18:55Brooke Averick?

  I really do. I can tell you've been working, I can tell you've been working hard.

• 18:59Connor Wood?

  We should have added a jawline to my makeup. It's a good note for next time. Well, Izzy, thank you so much for this.

• 19:07Brooke Averick?

  Are you doing exercises for your jaw?

• 19:11Brooke Averick?

  You're not going to magically get a jawline from doing pushups.

• 19:16Connor Wood?

  I think you get a jawline from smoking crack. There, I said it. I think, mewing, I'm not going to mew, sorry. That's, they ruined it for me. Like, everyone ruined mewing.

• 19:27Brooke Averick?

  Resting the tongue on the roof of the mouth while keeping the mouth closed. Isn't that just closing your mouth?

• 19:35Brooke Averick?

  What's the difference between just like normally closing your mouth and mewing?

• 19:38Connor Wood?

  You push your tongue up, I guess.

• 19:40Brooke Averick?

  My tongue is always on the roof of my mouth.

• 19:44Brooke Averick?

  Weird.

• 19:47Brooke Averick?

  Oh, there's different kinds of mewing.

• 19:51Connor Wood?

  Let's move forward. There's drones on the horizon. We need to talk about the drones.

• 19:56Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 19:58Connor Wood?

  Have you heard about them?

• 19:59Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I actually have heard about the drones. We don't, do we know where they're from?

• 20:05Connor Wood?

  Allegedly, no, we don't know where the drones are from. So if you're out of the loop, I guess there's, people are in New Jersey are seeing drones. We have a lot of people in New Jersey and we were seeing everyone the best with the drones.

• 20:14Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Connor Wood?

  Now, I'm seeing a lot of pictures recently on Twitter and it's just planes. Commercial airliners as well as Cessnas. It's a plane. There are drones though.

• 20:27Brooke Averick?

  Maybe someone's just pulling a prank.

• 20:30Brooke Averick?

  Like I could see me getting like 15 people together to hang out and be like, let's just fly drones over people's houses.

• 20:37Connor Wood?

  I think they're genuinely like big, like six feet.

• 20:40Brooke Averick?

  Oh, they're like the big kind of drone?

• 20:41Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 20:42Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I was thinking of the little kind.

• 20:44Connor Wood?

  Yeah, no, I was, I was too. And they were like drones in New Jersey. I was like, nice. That's fun. Is it a meetup? But it's like actual, like the size of a minivan.

• 20:54Brooke Averick?

  Okay, I didn't realize that.

• 20:55Connor Wood?

  And is there a man inside of the, of these drones? Every time I want to say drone, I want, no, the drones, the drones are over New Jersey because of that one always sunny thing. No one watches it here, so.

• 21:10Brooke Averick?

  When I think of drone, I think of operated from the ground.

• 21:13Connor Wood?

  I don't know what the definition of a drone is. I think it just means it can hover in place.

• 21:18Brooke Averick?

  Let's look it up.

• 21:19Connor Wood?

  Okay. Let's look it up. Why not like, why not find out?

• 21:23Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 21:23Connor Wood?

  We're sitting here with all the technology in the world. A drone is a continuous low humming sound. Okay.

• 21:31Brooke Averick?

  Lot of humming today.

• 21:35Brooke Averick?

  It's also a colony of bees, a male bee.

• 21:39Brooke Averick?

  A remote controlled pilotless aircraft.

• 21:42Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Oh, so there's not a man in there.

• 21:44Brooke Averick?

  Or small flying device. Yeah, I don't think there are men in drones.

• 21:47Connor Wood?

  Okay, I'll just walk through.

• 21:48Brooke Averick?

  Or any type of being.

• 21:49Connor Wood?

  Person.

• 21:50Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 21:51Connor Wood?

  Yeah, or being. Sorry.

• 21:56Connor Wood?

  Got one of the eyelashes down like Larnix.

• 22:00Brooke Averick?

  Did you?

• 22:01Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Now, what I've heard about the drones is that one

• 22:09Connor Wood?

  thing about these drones is this came out right after someone came out and was like, the aliens are in the ocean.

• 22:17Connor Wood?

  They're not in the air. Like, we had, we had that.

• 22:20Brooke Averick?

  I didn't hear that.

• 22:21Connor Wood?

  I'm on, oh, the, the weird side of the internet, like, cause I'm, I'm so susceptible to talking about conspiracy theories and watching them, even though I'm like, I know that's like, not a mermaid making that siren noise, you know, but I need to watch 11 more videos from different angles.

• 22:41Brooke Averick?

  Yes.

• 22:42Connor Wood?

  To just double check.

• 22:43Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 22:44Connor Wood?

  Cause part of me wants it to be a mermaid, you know?

• 22:47Brooke Averick?

  I believe in, I think I believe in mystical ocean creatures. Like, I believe in the Loch Ness monster, but I don't know if I believe in mermaids.

• 22:56Connor Wood?

  The version of TV that happened when people are like, like even Shark Week, I think is where it all started was when, when Shark Week was like, we're gonna show people basically the same TV show, 30 minute long. For one week and it's the same show filmed in different locations with different accents. And it's gonna be like, I was attacked. I lived, thank God. Now I'm surfing again. And they got my body out and they took me there. We didn't know if I was gonna make it, but I made it. Now I'm back standing at the water's edge, looking out.

• 23:25Brooke Averick?

  If you got bitten by a shark, do you think you'd ever get back in the water?

• 23:29Connor Wood?

  No, I'd probably move.

• 23:31Brooke Averick?

  To like Arizona.

• 23:32Connor Wood?

  To like a place with no water.

• 23:33Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. I'm not the kind of person that gets bucked off the horse and gets bucked on. If I get bucked off the horse, that is God telling me you don't belong on the horse.

• 23:41Connor Wood?

  Like, it's, it's so important to learn your lesson. Like, what, what happened to learning lessons?

• 23:47Brooke Averick?

  Learn your limits.

• 23:48Connor Wood?

  Yeah, it's not about like, sharks aren't monsters. Cool. They have, they're animals with huge teeth. I don't wanna do the, the hike in Rwanda where you go to the, the gorilla's habitat and if you move, they drag you into the woods and rip all of your arms off individually.

• 24:03Brooke Averick?

  I didn't, I haven't heard about that.

• 24:05Connor Wood?

  You can go on this hike in Rwanda, I think, and they take you up and you walk into the silverback gorillas, by the way. Matt, like biggest things ever that have ever existed.

• 24:17Connor Wood?

  And you go, you walk in-

• 24:17Brooke Averick?

  Can you look up the silverback gorilla?

• 24:19Connor Wood?

  You walk into their goddamn living room. And then they're like, okay, don't piss him off. I'm like, well, I feel like we shouldn't be here. You know, I don't need to be here.

• 24:27Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 24:27Connor Wood?

  There's a zoo. Yeah, it's Rwanda.

• 24:29Brooke Averick?

  Have people died?

• 24:31Connor Wood?

  Um, there's a video on TikTok, and by the way, that one looks cute. Like, I kinda wanna go.

• 24:37Brooke Averick?

  Uh huh.

• 24:38Connor Wood?

  But this is not wor- that one is not representative of all of these beasts.

• 24:44Brooke Averick?

  Uh, gorillas and other apes are another thing, much like childbirth and

• 24:50Brooke Averick?

  and, and all that, that makes me believe in magic.

• 24:52Connor Wood?

  Gorillas make you believe in magic?

• 24:54Brooke Averick?

  Like apes. Cause that's just like, if you really look at one, it's like, that's crazy. There's like no way that that could exist without some sort of like higher magical power. Like, they're so intricate.

• 25:08Connor Wood?

  They are intricate. Sorry. Can we type in woman getting dragged? Like, she just took a woman getting, woman getting-

• 25:17Brooke Averick?

  I don't know how much I wanna see that.

• 25:18Connor Wood?

  No, no, no, she didn't get torn up. She just, they dragged him or her out. I think it's a woman. I think it might be a man as well. Who am I to say? We'll find out. But gets, not attacks?

• 25:31Brooke Averick?

  Gorilla pushing lady on trail?

• 25:32Connor Wood?

  Yeah, maybe, but he, she, the gorilla drags this person out into the woods for a second. And everyone's like, hold still. No, darn.

• 25:42Brooke Averick?

  I believe you.

• 25:42Connor Wood?

  Whatever. Basically, like, you're supposed to stay so still, and this person took a picture. Was like GoProing. And the gorilla obviously like walked over, grabbed their leg and was pulling them. Wait, gorilla drags guide. Guide out into the forest.

• 25:59Brooke Averick?

  Oh, it wasn't a man or a woman, it was a guide?

• 26:00Connor Wood?

  Guide.

• 26:02Brooke Averick?

  I know, I said that.

• 26:04Connor Wood?

  There it is. Wait, yes? No.

• 26:09Brooke Averick?

  That's a big one.

• 26:10Connor Wood?

  Yeah, see, that one would make me lose my-

• 26:12Brooke Averick?

  Why does he have a buzz cut on his body?

• 26:13Connor Wood?

  Look, coming up, I'm gonna take this to go. And then just leaves. Oh my gosh, imagine your thought process while you're being dragged.

• 26:22Brooke Averick?

  I've had dreams like that.

• 26:25Connor Wood?

  Hey, I'm gonna have this one. Oh my gosh.

• 26:29Brooke Averick?

  I've got it from here. Wow, yeah.

• 26:30Connor Wood?

  That gorilla would split you into two.

• 26:32Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. He really would.

• 26:36Connor Wood?

  Every day I break my arms, every night I break my legs. I was born with glass paper, wait, glass bones and paper skin.

• 26:44Brooke Averick?

  I lie awake in agony.

• 26:45Connor Wood?

  One of the best episodes.

• 26:46Brooke Averick?

  I agree. Like to think that it's glass bones and paper skin and chocolate in the same episode. Hit after hit after hit.

• 26:53Connor Wood?

  Also just it being a scheme. Also, nice place, man.

• 26:59Connor Wood?

  I love you.

• 27:00Brooke Averick?

  Wait, what was the scheme for?

• 27:01Connor Wood?

  Sorry, this is SpongeBob. The scheme was for selling chocolate and the bags. He was selling the bags.

• 27:08Brooke Averick?

  Oh my god, that is literally a spoof on being a drug dealer.

• 27:12Brooke Averick?

  Right?

• 27:12Connor Wood?

  It's a spoof on something. It might be a spoof on capitalism. They're just selling you things that you don't need, like more the bag for your bag.

• 27:18Brooke Averick?

  No, but like, bags, wink wink, drugs.

• 27:21Connor Wood?

  Oh.

• 27:22Brooke Averick?

  Was it, what, bags? Bags of what?

• 27:24Connor Wood?

  It was bags for your chocolate.

• 27:26Brooke Averick?

  The chocolate bags, he's selling bags.

• 27:28Connor Wood?

  You needed a bag for your chocolate bag.

• 27:29Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 27:30Connor Wood?

  No, the chocolate, are you saying the chocolate's the drug, but then?

• 27:32Brooke Averick?

  No, I was saying the, it's like a, a bag of Coke.

• 27:37Connor Wood?

  I didn't ever get there, but.

• 27:39Brooke Averick?

  Um, I didn't either, to be honest, until I tried too hard to get there.

• 27:43Connor Wood?

  I could see it, like, that guy seemed like a drug dealer.

• 27:46Brooke Averick?

  Look at the real life chocolate woman.

• 27:48Connor Wood?

  Oh, she's, that's horrible.

• 27:51Brooke Averick?

  Hey, wait, that's a great Halloween costume.

• 27:53Connor Wood?

  Someone did it.

• 27:54Brooke Averick?

  You're kidding?

• 27:54Connor Wood?

  Mm-mm.

• 27:56Brooke Averick?

  But it still, it could be nice.

• 27:58Connor Wood?

  It could be nice to sit, like.

• 28:01Brooke Averick?

  Oh, it's called chocolate with nuts.

• 28:03Connor Wood?

  Yeah, cuz the.

• 28:04Brooke Averick?

  Sorry, I've been doing the chocolate accent so much recently that I feel like people are gonna think that's my real voice. I, I say chocolate, but it's just fun to say chocolate sometimes.

• 28:12Connor Wood?

  I agree.

• 28:12Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 28:13Connor Wood?

  I say it.

• 28:13Brooke Averick?

  How about you try it?

• 28:14Connor Wood?

  I say it every time I have to say sausages.

• 28:16Brooke Averick?

  Oh, sausages.

• 28:18Connor Wood?

  Uh, okay, well, the drones, basically, I, sorry, we started, we, we went way past the drones. The drones, basically, started with there's aliens in the ocean. And then they looked in the ocean and then all of a sudden there were drones in New Jersey. And they're saying the drones are trying to sniff out a lost nuclear warhead. So every night that I've had a can.

• 28:39Brooke Averick?

  Why is it in New Jersey?

• 28:40Connor Wood?

  I think it's off the shore of the East Coast, which is where they would keep it. I'm also shocked that I'm retaining this much. Surely I forgot a main piece, but.

• 28:50Brooke Averick?

  Now I'm thinking about like a war being waged at the Ocean City Boardwalk.

• 28:54Connor Wood?

  Hi, thank you so much. I, every single night I've, I've sat in my apartment by myself and had a can. I end up on, this is what the United States will look like after the inevitable nuclear war happens. And then I'm like, oh crap.

• 29:11Brooke Averick?

  Period.

• 29:11Connor Wood?

  Where do I, oh crap.com. But basically like I, I keep getting scared like if they started war with us, like they start, it's another world war. And then I had that thought. I was like, oh crap, like who is starting this war? Like I keep saying if they start a war with us and I'm like, who are they talking about? Anyone, literally anyone. I was thinking that. And then I saw a conspiracy theory. Cause I'm such a fool for these, that someone said, the drones are the United States drones. They've been the United States drones. They keep having these meetings saying, we don't know whose drones they are to create an enemy so that we can go to war. And everyone's like, yeah, go to war with whoever might have sent the drones.

• 29:49Brooke Averick?

  That is so wicked. That is so wicked.

• 29:51Connor Wood?

  But it's to get everyone like riled up and be like, yeah, we have to protect the country.

• 29:55Brooke Averick?

  Create a common enemy. That is wicked.

• 29:56Connor Wood?

  Create a common enemy.

• 29:57Brooke Averick?

  That is wicked. It's wicked as infiltrating the pores of our country. Seeping into it.

• 30:03Connor Wood?

  The what? Oh, the pores.

• 30:04Brooke Averick?

  P O R E.

• 30:05Connor Wood?

  Thought you meant like rich versus the poor we're saying.

• 30:07Brooke Averick?

  No, no, I'm not calling that, uh, people, the less fortunate, the pores.

• 30:13Connor Wood?

  I don't know. Um, cause the language today has been so, so nuanced in terms of Gemini and the overwhelm and the pores.

• 30:23Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, clinical overwhelm. I suffer with clinical overwhelm.

• 30:26Connor Wood?

  And I too.

• 30:28Brooke Averick?

  It is the worst feeling and it's such a specific feeling. So it makes sense that it has a name.

• 30:32Connor Wood?

  It's paralyzing.

• 30:33Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 30:33Connor Wood?

  Yeah. If you take any, anything I've said today out of context, any part of the serious part where I'm talking about the drones infiltrating our eastern border and you have it on my face like.

• 30:46Brooke Averick?

  Your lashes?

• 30:47Connor Wood?

  It looks insane. It looks insane.

• 30:52Brooke Averick?

  Can I tell you something? But it's not related to the drones. Are you ready to move on from that?

• 30:56Connor Wood?

  Yeah, totally. I just said, that's kind of like a watch. I guess before we move on. There's so much on Luigi too that we, I do want to talk about. Cause I feel like now it's, but they said, there's a lot of conspiracy theories now saying, are they just using this to distract from the slaying of the United Healthcare CEO?

• 31:14Brooke Averick?

  Oh, of all your theories that you just laid out, that one makes the most sense.

• 31:17Connor Wood?

  Because it is, it is kind of taken Twitter. I mean, you're not going to shake all the new things coming out about Luigi.

• 31:23Brooke Averick?

  All of my Twitter was Luigi. I didn't even know that Matthew Gray Gubler was coming back to Criminal Minds for an episode.

• 31:28Connor Wood?

  That's crazy.

• 31:29Brooke Averick?

  Because it was all Luigi.

• 31:30Connor Wood?

  You know what I have to say about that?

• 31:32Brooke Averick?

  What?

• 31:32Connor Wood?

  Matthew Gray is coming back. The one episode that we took him off set. He's coming back.

• 31:37Brooke Averick?

  I'm looking at him right now. But yeah, you're right.

• 31:40Connor Wood?

  Something to think about.

• 31:42Brooke Averick?

  I can't believe you guys are so close that you're just calling him Matthew Gray now.

• 31:46Connor Wood?

  Oh, I could call him Matt. I called him Matty last time I saw him.

• 31:49Brooke Averick?

  Oh.

• 31:51Connor Wood?

  Matty! Really, hey!

• 31:54Brooke Averick?

  That is crazy.

• 31:55Connor Wood?

  That was a good smoothie.

• 31:57Brooke Averick?

  I mean, I'm sure it was Connor. I'm sure it was a good smoothie. But I'm going to my sister's mom's weekend for her sorority.

• 32:07Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 32:08Brooke Averick?

  In February.

• 32:09Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 32:10Brooke Averick?

  And, um, like I'm gonna have to full on go to the frats. Tailgate. Et cetera.

• 32:20Connor Wood?

  Something happened inside of you recently.

• 32:24Brooke Averick?

  No, I was completely forced into this. My hand was forced by her.

• 32:28Connor Wood?

  I think you're gonna have so much fun. I think you'll also meet a lot of podcast listeners.

• 32:32Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, that is making me a little scared, but I've never, I never did that in college. So it'll be really interesting to do it at 20.

• 32:39Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Brooke Averick?

  You know? And I'm bringing, um, Channing's coming and Alexa is coming.

• 32:44Connor Wood?

  Wow.

• 32:45Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. And what's also interesting is there are like planned mom activities that we'll have to take part in.

• 32:51Connor Wood?

  Wow.

• 32:52Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 32:52Connor Wood?

  By the way, that is the best weekend to go. That is the most fun weekend because the parents are like. Having fun, like they go and they have fun. It's not like they're like, alright kids, like they're like, give me the fucking bottle.

• 33:05Brooke Averick?

  My dad went and him, him and Gabby had a ball at dad's weekend.

• 33:10Connor Wood?

  Those are my favorite weekends that I can remember from college.

• 33:12Brooke Averick?

  Can you imagine just like me at the frat, having to interact with the, the young boys in the frat?

• 33:19Connor Wood?

  The next Luigi?

• 33:21Brooke Averick?

  Or even just regular, not.

• 33:23Connor Wood?

  In terms of looks, like not.

• 33:25Brooke Averick?

  Not hobbies and whatnot.

• 33:28Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 33:28Brooke Averick?

  But I'm just talking about like your run of the mill, like frat boy, like

• 33:34Brooke Averick?

  thinking of interacting with that community is almost sending a shiver down my spine, but I'm looking forward to getting out of my comfort zone.

• 33:41Connor Wood?

  Good. I specifically Gabby's community too, who are like so in college. It's not like.

• 33:48Brooke Averick?

  I'm, I'm actually almost more scared of her friends, the sorority girls than I am.

• 33:52Connor Wood?

  I think it'll shock you going back. I don't even have an interest in going back at all.

• 33:58Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 33:59Connor Wood?

  And in that sense, but the only exception would be for a parents weekend. Oh, we go, cause that's so much fun. And all the, all the mamacitas are gonna be ready to throw some ass in a big way.

• 34:10Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. I mean, I think I'm ready to throw some ass.

• 34:12Connor Wood?

  Yeah. I'm looking forward to hearing about that.

• 34:14Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. I mean, all, Channing will probably vlog the experience. So that will be a fun one to watch us take mom's weekend. But I'm excited.

• 34:23Connor Wood?

  Hundred percent.

• 34:24Brooke Averick?

  To hit Bloomington, Indiana. I've always wanted to go.

• 34:27Connor Wood?

  That'll be fun. I'm telling you, the Midwest pops off.

• 34:29Brooke Averick?

  Is that Midwest? I guess so.

• 34:31Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Indiana?

• 34:32Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 34:33Connor Wood?

  Classic Midwest.

• 34:34Brooke Averick?

  Almost the, like the epitome of the Midwest.

• 34:36Connor Wood?

  Midwest place you could get.

• 34:38Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 34:39Connor Wood?

  It's crazy that they call it the Midwest, but even like Michigan is considered the Midwest. It's like as north middle as you could go.

• 34:47Brooke Averick?

  Michigan's not the Midwest.

• 34:50Connor Wood?

  Google. Wait, let me try my new series.

• 34:53Brooke Averick?

  Maybe the bottom of it is. Sorry, you're right.

• 34:59Connor Wood?

  But on the map, it looks really crazy.

• 35:04Brooke Averick?

  Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri. I always forget about Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota. Hey, here's a question for you.

• 35:12Connor Wood?

  Hit me.

• 35:12Brooke Averick?

  What other state do you think is like the most similar to Texas? In terms of like the culture and just like the overall vibes?

• 35:23Connor Wood?

  An entire state?

• 35:24Brooke Averick?

  I'm asking you for research. Yeah, so like for me, I would be like, oh, New Jersey's pretty close to Pennsylvania, just like geographically, but also like if someone tells me they're from New Jersey, it's like, oh, like I'm connected to you because I feel like we grew up in a similar environment.

• 35:40Connor Wood?

  It's weird because there's so many parts of Texas, so I couldn't tell you, like, and they're all different.

• 35:45Brooke Averick?

  Right, that's true. I'm sure the other side of Pennsylvania would relate to Ohio more. But like, what would you say from where you're from? What other state would you be like, oh, cool? I'm also from there, even though you're not. Because if someone told me they're from Jersey, I'd be like, me too.

• 36:01Connor Wood?

  We don't have that. Texas is so big that like, whatever would have been next to us.

• 36:07Brooke Averick?

  What is next to you?

• 36:08Connor Wood?

  Louisiana.

• 36:09Brooke Averick?

  And you don't feel connected to Louisiana?

• 36:10Connor Wood?

  No.

• 36:11Brooke Averick?

  It's on the other side.

• 36:11Connor Wood?

  There are of that, New Mexico? And I don't even know shit about New Mexico. Um, Oklahoma?

• 36:21Connor Wood?

  Texas is too big. Like, it actually has so many different ecosystems in it. Like, if you go super far north, it's snowing, it snows, and it looks like the Grand Canyon. If you go south, it literally goes into Mexico.

• 36:36Brooke Averick?

  So true, Connor. There was a crossword question about the Texas triangle yesterday. Do you know what that is?

• 36:42Connor Wood?

  No.

• 36:42Brooke Averick?

  It's something. San Antonio is the answer. I think that's the bottom of the triangle.

• 36:47Connor Wood?

  Is it like San Antonio, Houston?

• 36:48Brooke Averick?

  Probably.

• 36:49Connor Wood?

  Austin?

• 36:51Brooke Averick?

  Probably.

• 36:52Connor Wood?

  What is the Texas triangle? Oh, no, it's San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Austin. Okay, kind of, that's right.

• 36:59Brooke Averick?

  That was the answer.

• 37:00Connor Wood?

  That's just because that's like the four places you really, yeah, would go.

• 37:06Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 37:07Connor Wood?

  I don't know what the significance of the triangle is.

• 37:09Brooke Averick?

  But do you ever go to the part of Texas that's like tumbleweeds?

• 37:12Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 37:13Brooke Averick?

  What part is that?

• 37:14Connor Wood?

  Like, anywhere in between all of those.

• 37:16Brooke Averick?

  I'm thinking, but like sheriffs.

• 37:18Connor Wood?

  Okay, I know the vibe you're talking about. That is from the 60s, so I haven't been there yet. Um, because I know the vibe. You're talking about like Cowboys shootouts. Probably east Texas, I would say.

• 37:34Brooke Averick?

  No, you're serious? I thought, I would think that's complete west, because it's all western.

• 37:40Connor Wood?

  Sorry, west Texas. You're right.

• 37:44Connor Wood?

  And the western thing always confuses me because we're right smack dab in the middle. We should be called the mid-south, if anything.

• 37:52Brooke Averick?

  You can call it that.

• 37:53Connor Wood?

  I can call it whatever.

• 37:54Brooke Averick?

  Because of the nuance of language.

• 37:59Connor Wood?

  I have to tell you something about my dresser.

• 38:01Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 38:03Connor Wood?

  So, on Monday, I was laying in bed.

• 38:07Connor Wood?

  This dresser I got from Pottery Bar, or no, West Elm, I got it a while ago. It was like my favorite thing. You've seen it?

• 38:12Brooke Averick?

  It's pretty.

• 38:13Connor Wood?

  I'm getting rid of it for so many reasons. The other night, I'm laying in bed. And I'm home alone, and I had had a can, and I was sleeping great. I had a dream I was swimming. And I'm lying there, and then all of a sudden I hear a bang, and it's inside my house. Like, it sounded like it was inside my room. I'm like...

• 38:36Connor Wood?

  And then I hear bang again, and it was in my house. And I was like, "Hello?" Silence. And I go, "Hello?" And someone goes, "Hello?" And I was like, "Oh my god, I gotta get up. I have to do something."

• 38:48Brooke Averick?

  You were in the wrong house.

• 38:49Connor Wood?

  No, this is Monday.

• 38:53Connor Wood?

  Go, "Hello?" Someone goes, "Hello?"

• 38:56Brooke Averick?

  They were in the wrong house.

• 38:57Connor Wood?

  No, I get up. No, I grab my hydro flask that I keep full of water I don't drink from to hit someone.

• 39:04Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 39:04Connor Wood?

  And I walk out. There's nobody in my house at all, obviously. And I look out, like, the sun's coming up, so it must have been like 6:30 or something. And I go out and I look out, and there, my neighbors are outside.

• 39:20Connor Wood?

  This way. One of them is, in the backyard.

• 39:25Connor Wood?

  And I go back in my room. And I'm like, "Okay, what the hell?"

• 39:31Connor Wood?

  My door's locked. I checked all the doors. The doors are locked. I walk in my room.

• 39:35Brooke Averick?

  Your window's open?

• 39:36Connor Wood?

  I walk in my room. I show my two cabinet dresser drawers, and I get back in bed.

• 39:43Connor Wood?

  The fucking thing has become lopsided. I don't know if it was the earthquake, but my dresser's now leans forward and the drawers just come out and hit. They are like leans forward slightly so the drawers with stuff in them go

• 39:58Connor Wood?

  and hit.

• 39:58Brooke Averick?

  Who said hello?

• 40:00Connor Wood?

  My neighbor next door. They heard from my bed because we share a wall.

• 40:05Brooke Averick?

  Oh.

• 40:06Connor Wood?

  And I was like, hello? And they're like, hello?

• 40:11Brooke Averick?

  Oh, that's kind of sweet.

• 40:12Connor Wood?

  Imagine me in my room. My dresser's making all this noise. I thought someone broke in. I'm yelling hello top of my lungs and they're like, hello? Why would you answer that if you're my neighbor?

• 40:22Brooke Averick?

  Because someone's screaming hello.

• 40:24Connor Wood?

  I know, but.

• 40:24Brooke Averick?

  You weren't really giving them a choice, it sounds like.

• 40:26Connor Wood?

  No, well, like, it's so creepy. I heard them as if they're in my house. Like,

• 40:33Connor Wood?

  what can they hear?

• 40:34Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I was about to say. They probably.

• 40:35Connor Wood?

  I have people over all the time, like, playing music on Saturday. Even Tristan came over. I'm playing music loud for my new Alexa device.

• 40:44Brooke Averick?

  I'm sure he was quiet.

• 40:46Connor Wood?

  Like, they can hear all that.

• 40:49Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 40:51Connor Wood?

  That reminds me of my last apartment, that I did not share a wall with someone. And I I don't want to say this. Either farted or burped, like so loud. And someone said, bless you.

• 41:08Connor Wood?

  Through it like from the other building. So our walls must have been paper then.

• 41:15Brooke Averick?

  You had that window, though, that was always open.

• 41:17Connor Wood?

  It was always open.

• 41:18Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, they probably just heard it through that.

• 41:20Connor Wood?

  Fart exit through the window. I don't know how sound waves work.

• 41:22Brooke Averick?

  It must have been a burp.

• 41:24Connor Wood?

  That's true.

• 41:26Brooke Averick?

  That's my running theory.

• 41:27Connor Wood?

  Bless you. This is crazy. So needed to share that about my haunted dresser that I'm getting rid of. So if anyone is in the market for a West Elm haunted dresser, I have it.

• 41:37Brooke Averick?

  I'm thinking of getting rid of my sludge dresser.

• 41:39Connor Wood?

  Are you? You just painted it.

• 41:42Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I know. It's just like something about it. It's, it looks like someone painted it that didn't know how, too.

• 41:50Connor Wood?

  Sorry.

• 41:51Brooke Averick?

  It's almost losing its charm.

• 41:55Connor Wood?

  We're getting to the age as adults where sometimes it does actually make sense to just get the thing that you're gonna have for a while and spend a little bit of extra money.

• 42:01Brooke Averick?

  No, it actually does. It's starting to make sense to invest.

• 42:06Connor Wood?

  It does, cuz it just does.

• 42:10Brooke Averick?

  And I'm so excited because I enlisted the help of a young woman that I found on Instagram to help me completely redo my back room to make it an office, like a writing and reading cave. So that is gonna pop up in January 2025.

• 42:30Connor Wood?

  That's awesome.

• 42:31Brooke Averick?

  And I'm gonna get a desktop, which I am anticipating is gonna change my life. I've never had a desktop.

• 42:38Connor Wood?

  I got a desktop. I don't know how to turn it on. It's on my dining room table.

• 42:43Brooke Averick?

  Well, I'm gonna figure that out.

• 42:45Connor Wood?

  It looks really good.

• 42:46Brooke Averick?

  From my end, how to figure it on.

• 42:48Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 42:49Brooke Averick?

  I can let you know, but I definitely intend to use it, which I'm really excited about.

• 42:53Connor Wood?

  That's exciting for you.

• 42:54Brooke Averick?

  I haven't touched my iPad.

• 42:55Connor Wood?

  When you have a desk, it changes everything. You know, every single year in college and in high school, I would build a desk that I could pull with levers to pull it into the wall, and then it latched. So it would hang from the wall, like so. It would hang, and then I would pull these strings and it would fold up to the wall, and then I would latch it so that I could have room.

• 43:20Brooke Averick?

  I had no idea those existed.

• 43:23Connor Wood?

  In my room.

• 43:24Brooke Averick?

  That's so cool.

• 43:25Connor Wood?

  I made it, like desk with a lever system. And then you pull it and it goes up. I made it with wood.

• 43:29Brooke Averick?

  There's no way.

• 43:31Connor Wood?

  And strings. I'll show you a picture of it. I'll show you a picture of it after.

• 43:34Brooke Averick?

  Okay, I don't believe you. With nothing but respect.

• 43:39Connor Wood?

  Listen.

• 43:40Brooke Averick?

  You know how to do that stuff?

• 43:43Connor Wood?

  Yes.

• 43:44Brooke Averick?

  There's no way.

• 43:45Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Oh, I had a treehouse.

• 43:47Brooke Averick?

  I didn't know you had a treehouse, yeah. You spoke about the treehouse.

• 43:51Connor Wood?

  I had a treehouse, and everyone that came into my treehouse, I kind of started to set up kind of like a government system, and I was like, you have to pay taxes.

• 43:57Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 43:58Connor Wood?

  I had people paying taxes to me at the treehouse. I was like, if you want to be a member of the treehouse, you really, you certainly need to be paying taxes. For the property itself, someone's vacant lot that I had built, it fully gone in and infiltrated, brought all this wood up, you need to be paying taxes to me.

• 44:19Brooke Averick?

  I remember that.

• 44:20Connor Wood?

  And I started...

• 44:22Connor Wood?

  I was thinking of like a country club when like you get things, you get a gift every year like here's your, cause you're a member of whatever. Here's your gift. So I got everyone pens from my parents desk drawer.

• 44:31Brooke Averick?

  That's very sweet of you and thoughtful.

• 44:33Connor Wood?

  You're gonna get one of these pens once you become a member.

• 44:35Brooke Averick?

  Oh my god, the kids were dying for it.

• 44:39Connor Wood?

  And I delegated tasks. I said, you're definitely, you're definitely seeming like a project manager to me.

• 44:46Brooke Averick?

  How much were taxes?

• 44:47Connor Wood?

  I think it was like whatever you were able to pay.

• 44:50Brooke Averick?

  Sweet.

• 44:51Connor Wood?

  One person gave me a nickel and I said, you're not getting one of the pens. You understand, there's only so many pens to give.

• 44:56Brooke Averick?

  Why? They gave you payment.

• 44:57Connor Wood?

  Well, it kind of goes in a tier system. So the more you pay.

• 45:03Brooke Averick?

  Did you not have enough pens for everyone?

• 45:05Connor Wood?

  No. And it was someone's little brother, like you're not getting a pen.

• 45:08Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I can't stop looking at your ear holes.

• 45:11Connor Wood?

  My ear holes are phenomenal.

• 45:12Brooke Averick?

  They're so tight and tiny.

• 45:16Connor Wood?

  This old thing?

• 45:17Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Can you even stick your finger through your ear?

• 45:19Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I've been itching it the whole time.

• 45:21Brooke Averick?

  Can you, is it affecting your hearing at all?

• 45:23Connor Wood?

  I think I'm hearing better because there's a little bit of like a telescopic.

• 45:26Brooke Averick?

  It's like a focus.

• 45:27Connor Wood?

  Like a DVR, like a dish, uh, DirecTV dish type situation happening.

• 45:33Brooke Averick?

  Do you, when you brush your teeth, do you wet your toothbrush first?

• 45:36Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 45:37Brooke Averick?

  Wait, do you wet your toothbrush before you put the toothpaste on or after?

• 45:40Connor Wood?

  Doesn't matter.

• 45:41Brooke Averick?

  Yes, it does.

• 45:43Connor Wood?

  I, it's, if it's.

• 45:44Brooke Averick?

  Nothing matters more than that.

• 45:46Connor Wood?

  Really?

• 45:46Brooke Averick?

  Yes.

• 45:47Connor Wood?

  It's not like a cereal in the bowl, milk question.

• 45:50Brooke Averick?

  For me, it's, it is. There's only one way to do it. Cause I saw someone do it different than the way I did it and I was like.

• 45:57Connor Wood?

  I guess I put toothpaste on then I wet it.

• 45:59Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 45:59Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 46:00Brooke Averick?

  There are people that just put the toothpaste in their mouth without wetting it.

• 46:03Connor Wood?

  Sometimes I do that.

• 46:04Brooke Averick?

  That to me.

• 46:05Connor Wood?

  But I do wet the toothbrush. I just put the toothpaste.

• 46:08Brooke Averick?

  No, you have to wet on top of the toothpaste or else it's so like, it's like, it's like no lube. You know?

• 46:19Brooke Averick?

  It's like, I'm just saying like, it's like a lubricant of sorts.

• 46:21Connor Wood?

  I used to drink water using my toothbrush because it holds the, the drink of the little droplet of water in there.

• 46:28Brooke Averick?

  You used to drink water using your toothbrush?

• 46:30Connor Wood?

  I used to like wet the toothbrush and then it holds a certain amount of water because of.

• 46:34Brooke Averick?

  And then suck it out of the bristles?

• 46:36Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 46:38Brooke Averick?

  Sorry, show us what you do again.

• 46:41Connor Wood?

  No, that's what I would do and I would, I would get a full probably serving of water out of my toothbrush.

• 46:48Brooke Averick?

  My brother used to just wet his toothbrush every day and not brush his teeth. So then when he was asked, "Did you brush your teeth?" And my parents felt the toothbrush, it would be wet. But he never did.

• 46:59Connor Wood?

  It's time to go feel Noah's toothbrush.

• 47:00Brooke Averick?

  Well, he has like 85 cavities, so.

• 47:02Connor Wood?

  Me too. Me too.

• 47:05Brooke Averick?

  And you know I have never gotten one?

• 47:07Connor Wood?

  Okay, cavity cell. When's the last time you got checked?

• 47:10Brooke Averick?

  Six months ago.

• 47:10Connor Wood?

  Not to discredit you at all.

• 47:12Brooke Averick?

  Six months ago. Because every tooth hurt and I thought I had cavities. And I didn't have any and then randomly, once she told me that, my teeth stopped hurting. Oh yeah, I just wanted to let everyone know that you can do CPR to the beat of Dancing Through Life. Because there's like a list of songs that you can do CPR to, just based on the beat.

• 47:31Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 47:31Brooke Averick?

  Dancing Through Life is one of them. So this song has saved lives in so many ways. Oh my God, me doing CPR, listening to Dancing Through Life through by Rayman Meadows.

• 47:42Brooke Averick?

  That's a cybersaur eyes.

• 47:46Brooke Averick?

  Oh, they have a whole playlist.

• 47:50Brooke Averick?

  Is Dancing Through Life on it?

• 47:54Brooke Averick?

  CPR jukebox.

• 48:00Brooke Averick?

  Oh, here it is. Also, I've been rewatching The Office, so that's why it's feeling like so important to me. Because I was just watching.

• 48:07Connor Wood?

  That was, that's one of the best episodes. When he takes, when he cuts the mask off of the man, the young man.

• 48:11Brooke Averick?

  On Peacock, there's an extended version of every episode of The Office. It's like called like the fan, super, super fan cuts or something. It is literally like watching a different show. It's so incredible. It's like watching every episode for the first time. Because there are so many moments that were cut. And almost like entire storylines too. So.

• 48:32Connor Wood?

  Where do you find that?

• 48:33Brooke Averick?

  On Peacock.

• 48:35Connor Wood?

  They have the uncut version on Peacock?

• 48:37Brooke Averick?

  Uncut.

• 48:39Brooke Averick?

  Every episode is uncut.

• 48:41Connor Wood?

  How can they do that?

• 48:43Brooke Averick?

  It's the fan edition, super fan editions. They have both, they have the regular Office cut and then super fan uncut.

• 48:50Connor Wood?

  Wow, that's incredible.

• 48:51Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, so you literally, if you go to Peacock and start watching The Office from the beginning, you, it will literally be like watching an entire different show. I watched Dinner Party Extended Version last night.

• 49:02Connor Wood?

  What's Dinner Party?

• 49:03Brooke Averick?

  It's like the most iconic episode where

• 49:05Connor Wood?

  Oh, of The Office.

• 49:06Brooke Averick?

  Michael and Jan have people over.

• 49:07Connor Wood?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:08Brooke Averick?

  And Michael's plasma screen.

• 49:09Connor Wood?

  His, his little tiny TV, yeah.

• 49:11Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Jan is actually like one of the most talented comedic actresses ever, and she never got enough credit.

• 49:19Connor Wood?

  What does she in, other than that?

• 49:21Brooke Averick?

  Um, Seventeen Again.

• 49:23Connor Wood?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:23Brooke Averick?

  She plays like this like very like buttoned up, prim and proper woman with a kinky side so well.

• 49:31Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 49:32Brooke Averick?

  Like it's to a T, she has got that perfected.

• 49:35Connor Wood?

  She does.

• 49:35Brooke Averick?

  Cause it's kind of the same in Seventeen Again. But she's also in a lot of other random stuff. She was in, um, the Hannah Montana movie as Billy Ray's girlfriend during the Hoedown Throwdown and after.

• 49:48Connor Wood?

  So she's, she's doing really well for herself.

• 49:51Brooke Averick?

  I'm not sure what she's up to present day. But I literally think that she was like one of the most talented performers on The Office. Love that photo of her.

• 50:01Connor Wood?

  Did you see they're making a movie with Paul, Paul Rudd as a father? A24 is?

• 50:06Brooke Averick?

  Yes. I think I saw that a while ago. It's Paul and one other.

• 50:10Connor Wood?

  Jane Ortega.

• 50:12Brooke Averick?

  I'm thinking of something else then.

• 50:15Connor Wood?

  It's Paul Rudd, Jane Ortega, erm, Paul Rudd, Jane Ortega.

• 50:21Speaker 07

  Death of a Unicorn?

• 50:22Connor Wood?

  What?

• 50:22Speaker 07

  Death of a Unicorn?

• 50:23Connor Wood?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 50:25Brooke Averick?

  Oh, no, I don't know if I've seen this.

• 50:27Connor Wood?

  It's not out yet.

• 50:28Brooke Averick?

  No, I understand that. I don't know if I've heard about it, is what I'm saying.

• 50:33Connor Wood?

  You know who I'm kind of, I'm like getting on the train of right now?

• 50:37Brooke Averick?

  Kind of guy?

• 50:37Connor Wood?

  I didn't dislike him at all. Yeah.

• 50:40Brooke Averick?

  Are they a singer? Are they on TikTok? Are they on the internet? Are they an actor? Um, are they like-

• 50:48Connor Wood?

  So easy if-

• 50:49Brooke Averick?

  Just tell me, actually. I don't want to play anymore.

• 50:50Connor Wood?

  Timothee Chalamet. It's like every, every time I see him now, I'm like, ah, it's my brother.

• 50:55Brooke Averick?

  Did you see him on, uh, Britney's podcast?

• 50:57Connor Wood?

  I did.

• 50:59Brooke Averick?

  He is to die for. When he gets on his knees and hails the supreme leader of Brodsky Nation, he's literally, he's one of us. Britney was telling me he's literally just a boy. Like, he's one of us. He's the greatest.

• 51:13Connor Wood?

  He's very normal.

• 51:13Brooke Averick?

  He's so normal.

• 51:15Connor Wood?

  He went on the, the press tour that, like, I think Kamala Harris thought that she was on. And he's like doing it really well.

• 51:23Brooke Averick?

  And I think what a lot of people don't know about Timmy, because maybe you don't know Timmy as well as I do, he's hysterical.

• 51:30Connor Wood?

  He's really funny.

• 51:31Brooke Averick?

  He's completely hysterical.

• 51:33Connor Wood?

  Talk about comedic timing.

• 51:34Brooke Averick?

  Talk about comedic timing. Man, I'd like to see him in a comedy.

• 51:37Connor Wood?

  I can't tell if he's just a really good actor.

• 51:39Brooke Averick?

  He's everything.

• 51:41Connor Wood?

  You know, he's like, alright, I'm playing this part.

• 51:43Brooke Averick?

  But at his core, you know what he is?

• 51:46Brooke Averick?

  A theater kid.

• 51:47Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 51:48Brooke Averick?

  And that's why I love him.

• 51:51Connor Wood?

  That's so true.

• 51:54Connor Wood?

  He lights up a room.

• 51:56Brooke Averick?

  He lights up a room. He lights up every room he walks into and every camera that he walks in front of.

• 52:02Connor Wood?

  You love, you love to see him come, but you hate to watch him leave. Well, you love to watch him leave as well. His bony little ass.

• 52:11Brooke Averick?

  Amen, brother.

• 52:12Connor Wood?

  Amen.

• 52:13Brooke Averick?

  If that ain't the damn truth. I do, I, I love, I love Timmy.

• 52:18Connor Wood?

  Anemia. What did he say yesterday about? Anemic?

• 52:22Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, he did say something about it.

• 52:24Connor Wood?

  The anemic?

• 52:25Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, something for the anemic.

• 52:26Connor Wood?

  I said, wow.

• 52:28Brooke Averick?

  It was funny.

• 52:28Connor Wood?

  Is he anemic?

• 52:30Brooke Averick?

  No, I, I don't know, but he looks it.

• 52:34Connor Wood?

  I know, it's just like, oh.

• 52:35Brooke Averick?

  Like, with nothing but love, I'm like, very, like, in the, like, hot way. In the way that everyone's like, damn, like, need myself an anemic boy.

• 52:42Connor Wood?

  He's aware of it, too.

• 52:43Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I know.

• 52:44Connor Wood?

  He knows.

• 52:46Brooke Averick?

  Anemia supremacy? No, that's not what he said. Anemia community?

• 52:50Connor Wood?

  Anemia community.

• 52:51Brooke Averick?

  No, it wasn't that either.

• 52:52Connor Wood?

  It's big for the anemia community, because he's skinny and he, he's- Oh, it's an NPC.

• 52:56Speaker 07

  Excuse me, sir.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  How you doing?

• 52:57Brooke Averick?

  That is just crazy.

• 52:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, great, great.

• 52:59Speaker 07

  What's your name?

• 53:00Brooke Averick?

  She's so talented.

• 53:01Speaker 07

  Has anyone ever told you you look like Bob Dylan?

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 53:04Speaker 07

  Okay, what do you have to say to that?

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Uh, great, that's a handsome guy.

• 53:06Connor Wood?

  You know who Bob Dylan is?

• 53:07Speaker 07

  Zane, yeah.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Definitely, right, right? What's your ideal man?

• 53:10Speaker 07

  My ideal man is kind of like Jack Skellington in Nightmare Before Christmas.

• 53:15Speaker 07

  What? Look, look!

• 53:16Speaker 03

  Look at these limbs. Look, these pants are baggy, but look, if I...

• 53:21Brooke Averick?

  That's so precious.

• 53:22Speaker 07

  Hey, we're worried about you.

• 53:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, I'm worried about me. I'm worried about me.

• 53:26Speaker 07

  You, you know that, like, that demographic of boy is so, like, it's in, you're in.

• 53:31Speaker 03

  Why, it's, it's called empowering the anemic.

• 53:34Connor Wood?

  Yeah, you're right, you're right.

• 53:35Brooke Averick?

  Just empowering the anemic.

• 53:36Connor Wood?

  Someone just texted me and said, "You look like Rue, parentheses, Paul's Drag Race."

• 53:43Brooke Averick?

  Your current form?

• 53:44Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Like Rudolph.

• 53:46Brooke Averick?

  You, do you look very pretty.

• 53:48Connor Wood?

  I feel gorgeous.

• 53:50Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 53:51Connor Wood?

  I feel bonita.

• 53:52Brooke Averick?

  You look like you are ready for the James Charles Christmas party.

• 54:01Brooke Averick?

  You would eat it up, slay the house down, boots there.

• 54:06Connor Wood?

  I couldn't find my boots this morning.

• 54:08Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, your outfit, I, like, I obviously love your outfit, but I wasn't expecting the, what would you call those?

• 54:15Connor Wood?

  Chong clothes?

• 54:16Brooke Averick?

  Your chong clothes in the reindeer pe- piece.

• 54:19Connor Wood?

  Well, here's the thing.

• 54:20Brooke Averick?

  Not a lot of reindeer are wearing chong clothes.

• 54:21Connor Wood?

  Here's the thing, I, like, don't expect anyone to really understand my vision here, but this is Rudolph's

• 54:29Connor Wood?

  a full bo- like, I, I left the white part here.

• 54:31Brooke Averick?

  No, I, I get it, you look great.

• 54:33Connor Wood?

  The white part here, and then, see the white?

• 54:36Brooke Averick?

  Yes.

• 54:37Connor Wood?

  And then everything else is up to snuff, and then here's his legs. Now, I wanted these because these clonk when I hit the ground, like, hooves.

• 54:44Brooke Averick?

  Oh, wow, you really thought every piece of the vision through.

• 54:48Connor Wood?

  Well, I wanted my boots, but I couldn't find my boots, and then I remembered. Flick has my boots, he wore them to a wedding.

• 54:53Brooke Averick?

  Are you kidding?

• 54:54Connor Wood?

  Now I need to get those back.

• 54:57Brooke Averick?

  I agree.

• 54:58Connor Wood?

  Alright, before we leave, I want to do the submission that we got.

• 55:01Brooke Averick?

  Please.

• 55:01Connor Wood?

  From this young woman, yes. Um, we got a good submission reminder that you can submit at any damn time. Anytime your heart feels called, or any part of your body feels called to write into us, you can write us about anything, preferably keep it interesting. I feel like that goes with...

• 55:17Brooke Averick?

  That's just our preference.

• 55:18Connor Wood?

  That should go without saying, but it doesn't. So, keep it interesting, keep it light, but keep it heavy as well. Keep it beautiful, keep it gorgeous, y'all. Alright, here it is.

• 55:32Brooke Averick?

  You, I can read it too if you want, I've got my last today.

• 55:34Connor Wood?

  Oh yeah, if you want to.

• 55:35Brooke Averick?

  No, I mean, I don't, I just feel like you do so much of the heavy lifting with reading. I'd be happy to take some off your plate unless you want to read it.

• 55:41Connor Wood?

  Do we have something long and skinny I can itch my ear canal with? Something is happening. I would just love to...

• 55:47Brooke Averick?

  Your straw.

• 55:48Connor Wood?

  I would love to, oh, I can use my straw.

• 55:52Connor Wood?

  What if I put it in my ear and it makes the same noise?

• 55:56Connor Wood?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:58Brooke Averick?

  You want me to read while you do that?

• 55:59Connor Wood?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 56:01Brooke Averick?

  Thought I'd run this across your desk just in...

• 56:03Connor Wood?

  What?

• 56:03Brooke Averick?

  What?

• 56:04Connor Wood?

  Oh my, well, considering.

• 56:08Brooke Averick?

  You have one ear that's fully open. Thought I'd run this across your desk just in time for the holidays around the corner.

• 56:16Brooke Averick?

  I feel like it's a little distracting almost with the straw piercing your ear canal.

• 56:20Connor Wood?

  Okay, I'm almost done, it feels so good.

• 56:23Brooke Averick?

  Okay, I can just wait.

• 56:28Connor Wood?

  Okay. Do not go in there.

• 56:31Brooke Averick?

  Oh my god, that just gave me chills.

• 56:37Brooke Averick?

  Maybe almost you could throw it out.

• 56:39Connor Wood?

  It's fine.

• 56:41Connor Wood?

  Let's give this young, let's give this young woman her platform.

• 56:44Brooke Averick?

  Trying. Thought I'd run this across your desk just in time for the holidays around the corner. I'm a 24-year-old young woman and I believed in Santa until I was 15 years of age.

• 56:52Connor Wood?

  Oh!

• 56:53Brooke Averick?

  That's pretty old. Buckle up for a little backstory for those who didn't ask. My family would have a husband and wife who would come over to my grandfather's on Christmas Eve playing the part of Santa and Mrs. Claus.

• 57:03Connor Wood?

  That's cute.

• 57:04Brooke Averick?

  They would come with a picture book of their workshop with reindeer and made the experience more believable, of course. Mr. And Mrs. Claus also somehow knew all of the things I'd been up to for the year, which was always mind blowing to me. The year was 2015 and Santa had come and gone yet again. My uncle was then giving my cousin, who was 12 at the time, the talk of it not being real and me being 15 at the time, had my heart broken when the news was brought to my attention.

• 57:27Connor Wood?

  Holy moly, wait. Did they just assume she was just playing along?

• 57:32Brooke Averick?

  I don't know. Yeah, I would love to know if your family was intentionally keeping you in the dark or just so happened that you found yourself in the dark.

• 57:40Connor Wood?

  Like they're just like, oh, she's such a good sport, still keeping it up for her brothers.

• 57:44Brooke Averick?

  Because think about 15. You're a sophomore in high school.

• 57:49Connor Wood?

  People are...

• 57:51Brooke Averick?

  I don't know how you made it.

• 57:52Connor Wood?

  There's a lot of...

• 57:52Brooke Averick?

  I don't know how you made it. I don't know how you made it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, yet my family thought it was so funny that I was 15 years young and still believed in Santa. Sadly, I got reminded every year about how gullible of a child I was growing up and it is their favorite joke to tell. It transcends childhood for sure. I can laugh about it now since it's been almost 10 years since that incident. Anyway, love being C M A P. Merry Christmas Connor and Happy Hanukkah, Brooke. That's sweet. Thank you. You too.

• 58:21Connor Wood?

  I love the line of, "I can laugh about it now because enough time has passed."

• 58:30Connor Wood?

  Genuinely, it affected this young one. What do you mean? It's not 9/11, you know?

• 58:35Brooke Averick?

  You mean because she wasn't laughing?

• 58:36Connor Wood?

  Enough time has passed and now I can, yeah, now I can like...

• 58:39Brooke Averick?

  Right, because it was something traumatic.

• 58:41Connor Wood?

  Oh, that's funny. It was traumatic.

• 58:42Brooke Averick?

  No, I would imagine if you're, imagine, it's literally like the Truman Show.

• 58:49Connor Wood?

  Yeah, but like, do you not go to school? Like, maybe she's homeschooled?

• 58:54Brooke Averick?

  I don't know.

• 58:56Connor Wood?

  That, she, the thing is, if, if, if she's homeschooled, which I'm like, in this, or in this conversation in my head where I'm justifying how someone at 15... Could not, could believe in Santa and then be going to school and not being like, oh my gosh, you guys, Santa comes to my house. You guys realize that he comes to my house? Oh, like you guys are going to a homecoming after party and oh my God, there's gonna be-

• 59:18Brooke Averick?

  Maybe she was really shy and just like didn't-

• 59:20Connor Wood?

  Could be.

• 59:20Brooke Averick?

  -talk about that stuff.

• 59:21Connor Wood?

  But like, how does it not come up at all?

• 59:23Brooke Averick?

  It probably, Santa probably stops coming up when you hit a certain age. So she probably just made it through like third, fourth, fifth grade, like somehow by the grace of God. And then kids stop talking about it.

• 59:36Connor Wood?

  How-

• 59:37Brooke Averick?

  Cause they all know. So it's like old news.

• 59:38Connor Wood?

  How late could this go? If she wouldn't have overheard that conversation?

• 59:45Brooke Averick?

  I'd love to, please believe it or not, oldest person to still believe in Santa.

• 59:48Connor Wood?

  I'm, I think she probably has it.

• 59:50Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 59:51Connor Wood?

  Unless you went to like an, a tribe somewhere that we have, that's not been communicated with yet. And you're like, they're, they exist. And they'd be like, okay, I believe you.

• 1:00:00Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, that is- Oh, I, I do believe her.

• 1:00:05Connor Wood?

  There's no, yeah, of course. I believe her. It sounds so real.

• 1:00:07Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I believe-

• 1:00:08Connor Wood?

  The, the thing that I shocked me was enough time has passed now that I can laugh at it.

• 1:00:14Brooke Averick?

  You're right. That's the nuance of the human language. Like her saying that tells me that it was really an experience for her.

• 1:00:18Connor Wood?

  It was hurtful.

• 1:00:19Brooke Averick?

  You wouldn't say that if you're making it up.

• 1:00:20Connor Wood?

  I also, uh, love the idea of thinking about her applying to a job and being like, what, what is the biggest challenge you've overcome? And her being like, the year that I had to tell, that Santa came in and was like, you were really bad. When I turned 19, when Santa came in, I was like, you're really bad this year. But I still ended up on the nice list cause I fought and I overpowered.

• 1:00:41Brooke Averick?

  And she's dead serious.

• 1:00:43Connor Wood?

  Genuinely, that is-

• 1:00:45Brooke Averick?

  College admissions app-

• 1:00:48Connor Wood?

  Yes.

• 1:00:49Brooke Averick?

  Challenge you had to overcome?

• 1:00:50Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Like she's sitting there with like the dean of her school and me like, yeah, uh, yeah. Uh, I think one of the biggest challenges I've probably had to overcome is when, uh, Santa and Mrs. Claus as well, my family, they said we were really close growing up with them, close family, friends. Yep. Um, and I had a tough year, my 19th year and-

• 1:01:11Connor Wood?

  I got caught shoplifting and Santa obviously was aware and I had to kind of see myself from his perspective and it was tough being in front of Mrs. Claus as well there who I look up to. I've looked up to since I was so young and talking that through with them.

• 1:01:30Brooke Averick?

  If that was an essay and I was.

• 1:01:33Connor Wood?

  Wouldn't you be kind of taken by it?

• 1:01:34Brooke Averick?

  I would admit her in point five seconds. One, because I think she's doing a bit and I'd be like, that's hysterical. We need more humor on this campus.

• 1:01:42Connor Wood?

  We do. We need morale.

• 1:01:43Brooke Averick?

  We need someone to start the improv group. And two, if it is real.

• 1:01:48Connor Wood?

  It is real.

• 1:01:49Brooke Averick?

  She's definitely a special person.

• 1:01:52Connor Wood?

  Yeah, she's very, yeah, it's.

• 1:01:53Brooke Averick?

  Well, I was saying POV, I'm the admissions counselor and I don't know if it's, if she's doing a bit or it's real.

• 1:01:59Connor Wood?

  Right.

• 1:01:59Brooke Averick?

  I believe her, of course, but I don't know how I'd feel if I was the admissions counselor.

• 1:02:04Connor Wood?

  I just see it, I think so. Like, that's a skit. That's such a good skit.

• 1:02:09Brooke Averick?

  SNL, free, free idea.

• 1:02:10Connor Wood?

  Free idea.

• 1:02:13Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 1:02:13Connor Wood?

  Or being like, who's the most influential person in your life? Probably Mrs. Claus.

• 1:02:19Connor Wood?

  She's a woman and.

• 1:02:20Brooke Averick?

  And you know what? No one's talking about Mrs. Claus the way they're talking about her counterpart.

• 1:02:26Connor Wood?

  They actually made like a hot.

• 1:02:29Brooke Averick?

  I remember her.

• 1:02:30Connor Wood?

  Mrs. Claus.

• 1:02:30Brooke Averick?

  I remember her.

• 1:02:30Connor Wood?

  Like, no, she's on commercials right now and it's got, it's got a community online, of course, fired up. Why is she hot now?

• 1:02:39Brooke Averick?

  She can be hot if she wants to.

• 1:02:41Connor Wood?

  There must be such a confusing bodily conversation that happens with incels when they see Mrs. Claus become, become hot because they need her to be like a motherly figure to them.

• 1:02:53Brooke Averick?

  You'd think they'd want her to be hot.

• 1:02:56Connor Wood?

  Why do I want to fuck my, you know, like, I'm sure they're, they're confused, like their bodies confused. Same with this young woman is like,

• 1:03:03Connor Wood?

  what do you mean? It's my neighbors. Oh, my gosh. I wonder if she's okay with her neighbors, you know, like you guys have been lying to me this whole time?

• 1:03:11Brooke Averick?

  They were her neighbors?

• 1:03:13Connor Wood?

  Close family friends. We had a husband and a wife that would come over every Christmas.

• 1:03:19Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, that doesn't mean they're neighbors.

• 1:03:20Connor Wood?

  I guess you're right.

• 1:03:22Connor Wood?

  It's be a husband and a wife duo.

• 1:03:23Brooke Averick?

  They could almost live anywhere.

• 1:03:25Connor Wood?

  Oh, my gosh. They basically are Santa and Mrs. Claus because they probably dress up and go house to house.

• 1:03:30Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Okay.

• 1:03:32Connor Wood?

  We'll let you go. Happy everything to everyone, merry everything, etc.

• 1:03:37Brooke Averick?

  Happy holidays. We love you.

• 1:03:38Connor Wood?

  Happy holidays. Enjoy the new year. We got a fun episode next week of, like, a recap of the year.

• 1:03:44Brooke Averick?

  The best moments.

• 1:03:45Connor Wood?

  The best moments of 2K.

• 1:03:46Brooke Averick?

  I'm excited to watch that.

• 1:03:47Connor Wood?

  2K24.

• 1:03:48Brooke Averick?

  Also, we will not be releasing an episode the week of New Year's.

• 1:03:53Connor Wood?

  Thank you.

• 1:03:53Brooke Averick?

  Just to be with family and celebrate and whatnot. So, thank you for that, and we love you.

• 1:04:02Connor Wood?

  Thank you, guys, so much for an awesome year, and we'll see you in the next one.

• 1:04:07Brooke Averick?

  Love you. This week on Close Friends. I actually am not even kidding. I was thinking this yesterday. Like, there's, like, a full-on movie of Ryan Gosling in a relationship with a doll.

• 1:04:16Connor Wood?

  Well, I'm not kidding. I'd have got it. I'd have got it again. No, I'd have got it again. Sad again.

• 1:04:22Brooke Averick?

  It's actually imperative for my career that I get a boyfriend.

• 1:04:25Connor Wood?

  But bitch can fill her time elsewhere, too. The chrome dome. Who remembers Pig Latin?

• 1:04:31Brooke Averick?

  Metegi.

• 1:04:32Connor Wood?

  Sign up on TMGstudios.tv to watch a full bonus episode.