Sydney | Betrayal Weekly

After suffering a devastating loss, Sydney almost made peace with her grief. Then she received an email. If you would like to share your story, you can reach out to the Betrayal team by emailing us at [email protected] mailto:[email protected]. You can also find us on Instagram at @betrayalpod https://www.instagram.com/betrayalpod/ and @glasspodcasts https://www.instagram.com/glasspodcasts/. To access our newsletter and additional content and to connect with the Betrayal community, join our Substack at betrayal.substack.com. If you are currently in crisis, please reach out to organizations that offer immediate support. We are including a few US-based resources here: 988 Lifeline. https://988lifeline.org/ If you or someone you know is in crisis or need to talk to someone immediately, please call or text 988 – the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline available 24/7/365. National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence. They offer 24/7 phone and chat support to help you create a personalized safety plan and connect you with local support. For resources on sexual violence, visit rainn.org/betrayal. You can also get free, confidential, 24/7 support through RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline. Text HOPE to 64673 or call 1-800-656-HOPE. Every state has a domestic violence coalition. If you’re looking for help in the US, search the web for your state’s domestic violence coalition. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• 2:59Speaker 05

  How in the world could someone stoop that low and go to that extreme? Were you too cowardly just to tell me the truth?

• 3:25Speaker 00

  I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  A little while ago, a woman wrote into our show to share a story of betrayal. We're gonna call her Katie. She attached a voice memo to her email. Here's that voice memo.

• 3:50Speaker 06

  This is the story of a woman who couldn't give up on love. My mom has not been the luckiest in love. This is a story about my mom.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  After hearing this, we got on the phone with Katie and her mom, who were going to call Sydney. This is her story.

• 4:19Speaker 00

  Sydney grew up in the Midwest with her parents and brothers. From a young age, her dad introduced the kids to a life of adventure.

• 4:28Speaker 05

  He was a private pilot and I would go out to the airport with him and we would fly all over.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  Sydney, her brothers and her mom would pack into her dad's tiny airplane and hold on tight as it lifted off into the sky. Sydney loved flying.

• 4:46Speaker 05

  It felt like you were far above everything. You were in the sky with all the clouds and my father was in complete control. And so the trust I had was just beyond belief. I loved looking down at the earth and all the glory that's down there and you're just amazed.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  They were a work hard, play hard kind of family. After school and on weekends, Sydney worked at her family's restaurant.

• 5:16Speaker 05

  At 50 cents an hour.

• 5:18Speaker 00

  They served hamburgers and fries. The restaurant was painted white with bar stools lined up in a neat row.

• 5:25Speaker 05

  You had an awning where people pulled up in their cars and then someone would go out and take their order. They would fix it and then you'd go out and put a tray on their car.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  It was a picturesque childhood. But after graduating high school, Sydney's young adult life was marked by a lot of hardship. She married young and got pregnant with her first son. But her entrance into motherhood was immensely challenging. Her son was born with a terminal illness.

• 6:02Speaker 05

  I lost my son when he was two. And then I had gotten pregnant again and lost a stillborn.

• 6:13Speaker 00

  Sydney dealt with waves of overlapping grief after losing her children. It was an incredibly difficult time. In the years that followed, her marriage ended as well.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  When she was ready, Sydney had other relationships. She remarried and gave birth to her daughter Katie. But that marriage also ended in divorce.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  After dealing with all shades of heartbreak, Sydney decided to stay single. She thought maybe a true, deep romance just wasn't in the cards for her. And besides, her life had plenty of meaning and beauty without romantic love.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  I was very busy because I was traveling a lot. I had great friends. We would always do things together. Friendship to me is extremely important and I value it very highly.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  She also spent as much time as she could with her daughter Katie.

• 7:12Speaker 05

  I have the most amazing daughter. We're very, very close.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Katie's an adult now with a daughter of her own.

• 7:20Speaker 05

  My daughter and my granddaughter are my whole life. I have the most amazing granddaughter. She's absolutely adorable and just as sweet as can be.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  When Sydney retired, she began traveling more often to visit her daughter and granddaughter. One day, she was boarding a flight to visit them. She found her seat and got comfortable.

• 7:43Speaker 05

  I tend to read when I'm on a flight. And I started to take out a book.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  That's when the man sitting next to her struck up a conversation. He asked her what she was reading.

• 7:58Speaker 05

  He started talking to me. And I was immediately intrigued by his mannerism and his kindness.

• 8:06Speaker 00

  His name was Dan. As the flight went on, the two kept chatting.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  He spoke so sweetly. And our conversation was lighthearted and humorous.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Before long, Sidney forgot about her book altogether.

• 8:23Speaker 05

  We talked about just a little bit of everything. And he just seemed so kind and so forthcoming. And as we got closer to landing, he asked if I would mind if I gave him my phone number because he would like to stay in touch with me.

• 8:45Speaker 00

  Sidney gave him her number. She wasn't sure if she'd ever hear from him again. Maybe this was just a one-time, serendipitous connection. But then...

• 8:56Speaker 05

  He contacted me as soon as I got back home. And we talked several times on the phone. We would have these hour, two-hour-long conversations that just flowed so easily.

• 9:12Speaker 00

  Dan shared that he was also divorced.

• 9:15Speaker 05

  He said that his wife had left him 18 months prior. Then it got into more serious discussions about he had lost a grandchild and was going through that grieving process. I shared that I also had some tragedy in my life and that years ago, I had lost a child myself.

• 9:40Speaker 00

  The death of her children was not something she told many people about, but she felt safe opening up to Dan.

• 9:47Speaker 05

  I shared it because I wanted him to know that I understood exactly how he felt. I wasn't just saying that I understood. It was coming from the deepest part of my soul and my heart that I do understand. And you can trust me with that.

• 10:05Speaker 00

  Dan held everything she shared with care. The parallels in their grief brought them closer together.

• 10:13Speaker 05

  All of a sudden, we felt this bond. We're sharing things that are the utmost, deepest issues in our lives. And we're becoming very close within a very short period of time.

• 10:31Speaker 00

  When they met on the plane, Sydney was preparing to move closer to her daughter and granddaughter. It turned out, Dan lived in the area too. So once Sydney got settled into her new place, Dan called. He wanted to come see her.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  He came to the condo that I was renting, and I remember opening the door, and the look on his face was like, "Oh, wow, I can't believe I'm actually standing in front of him." We're just not talking on the phone anymore. This is real.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  She welcomed him in. The chemistry they had on the plane came rushing back.

• 11:12Speaker 05

  We just talked and talked and talked, and then we went out to grab something to eat, and then he came back the next morning, and the same thing happened.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  The next two days were like an extended first date.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  He'd come over in the morning, and we would spend the entire day together. We did a lot of outings together, and dinners together, and walking in the park. And then he would leave that evening.

• 11:40Speaker 00

  And after their marathon date wrapped up, they immediately started planning the next one.

• 11:46Speaker 05

  We started seeing each other more and more and more.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  They were eager to learn everything they could about each other. Soon, they knew the details, big and small, of each other's lives.

• 11:58Speaker 05

  He was an engineer. He was outgoing. He loved to laugh. He joked a lot. He was very gentle, very engaging, would listen, I mean intently, to everything I said, and took it to heart, and made me feel very, very wanted.

• 12:22Speaker 00

  Dan took Sydney completely by surprise. She had given up on finding a connection like this.

• 12:30Speaker 05

  I have to say, that was a new feeling for me.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  It felt like life was giving her one more shot at love, one more shot at being truly happy with someone. But there were still challenges in their relationship. Dan was really struggling with the grief of losing his grandchild and decided to see a counselor for support.

• 12:54Speaker 05

  He was telling the counselor the hard time he was having getting past this event. And then he mentioned, however, I met someone and I'm really excited and I'd like to see where this goes. And the counselor said, well, wait a minute. You're in the middle of a grieving process. I don't think this is the best time for you to get involved with a new relationship. I believe you need to work through the steps of grieving before you decide to move on. So let's do that first and just put it on pause.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  It struck Sydney as an overstep from the counselor. But she knew that Dan was deeply affected by his grandchild's death. Maybe it was weighing on him more than she knew. So she was understanding.

• 13:49Speaker 05

  I told him, the most important thing is for you to feel better and to get through this very difficult time in your life. So I will step aside.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  So Dan and Sydney decided to take a break.

• 14:03Speaker 05

  It was difficult. I missed him. We didn't talk at all.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  Sydney tried going on a first date with someone new, but it wasn't the same as it was with Dan. After a few weeks, Dan called her out of the blue.

• 14:21Speaker 05

  And he said, I desperately need to talk to you. And I said, are you sure about that? I thought we weren't supposed to see each other. And he said, it's about that. I can't do it. I miss you too much. I don't care what the counselor says. I'm ready. I want to start seeing you again.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  The two picked up right where they left off.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  It was totally blissful. We just had the best time. It was just laughter and fun and we got along so beautifully and never, ever once had a disagreement or an argument or anything. It was just wonderful.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  The weeks turned to months. Their relationship became deeper, more stable, and more committed.

• 15:07Speaker 05

  We were sitting at a restaurant over dinner and he just looked at me and said, "I want to be together forever. I just believe that we were meant to be together." I had fallen very hard for him and I remember being extremely happy.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Sydney introduced Dan to her daughter Katie.

• 15:36Speaker 05

  My daughter really liked him as well. And I remember I had to go into the hospital for some surgery and he came to the hospital and he sat with my daughter and they spent the time together waiting for me in the waiting room. They just really hit it off and she really liked him.

• 15:54Speaker 00

  As Sydney recovered from surgery, Dan was facing some health challenges of his own. He had high cholesterol and saw a cardiologist regularly. One day, he opened up to Sydney about his doctor's concerns.

• 16:08Speaker 05

  The doctor had found an irregular beat in his heart, but they didn't think it was anything drastic. And they said that he had had a little bit more plaque around his heart, but they would raise his medication and he should be fine.

• 16:25Speaker 00

  Dan didn't seem worried, so Sydney tried not to worry too much either. A week later, Dan made plans to visit his brothers.

• 16:34Speaker 05

  They were going to get together to discuss his mother's will before she passed away, so they wouldn't have to worry about anything.

• 16:43Speaker 00

  Dan would drive a few hours away to meet up with them and stay for the weekend. Before he headed out, he met Sydney for a lunch date.

• 16:52Speaker 05

  I wished him a great trip and he said, "I will call you every day, let you know how everything goes."

• 16:59Speaker 00

  A few hours later, Sydney's phone rang.

• 17:02Speaker 05

  It was Dan. He had stopped for gas and he already missed me.

• 17:09Speaker 05

  And then he called me when he got down there.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  It was sweet to see how much Dan missed her after only a few hours. Sydney went about her day as usual. At this point, Sydney and Dan had been talking every day for five months. He always texted or called her to say goodnight. But on this night, she didn't hear from him.

• 17:32Speaker 05

  I tried texting, he didn't answer. I tried calling, he didn't answer.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  Sydney went to sleep feeling anxious. When she woke up the next morning, Dan still hadn't reached out. She checked her phone all morning and afternoon, but still, nothing.

• 17:53Speaker 05

  The last time I talked to him, he said he had arrived safely. And I thought, this is so strange. Why would he not contact me? And then I started worrying. What happened? Something must have happened. Did he have an automobile accident? And you start making up stories.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  The whole weekend passed without any word from Dan. She started to wonder, was this his way of breaking up with her?

• 18:23Speaker 05

  I've heard of people ending relationships kind of like that, all of a sudden, but not him. I trusted him way too much.

• 18:38Speaker 00

  The silence went on for a week and a half. She didn't have any way of contacting his family. She just hoped that if something had happened to Dan, they would find a way to reach her.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  I was going out of my mind, not knowing what happened.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  One afternoon, Sydney was getting ready to spend time with her daughter when she heard her phone buzz. Her heart leapt, hoping it might be Dan. Instead, it was a text from a number she didn't recognize. She started reading. It was Dan's brother. She'd never met him before, but he was writing with bad news.

• 19:18Speaker 05

  He said that he was so sorry to have to tell me this, but Dan had a heart attack.

• 19:27Speaker 05

  And he passed away.

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  Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.

• 20:32Speaker 07

  People would always think I was lactose intolerant, so I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic, in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.

• 20:43Speaker 00

  And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you are not alone.

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  One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.

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• 21:44Speaker 00

  Sydney's boyfriend Dan was on a trip with his brothers when he suddenly stopped texting and calling her back. Sydney didn't hear from him for days and was beginning to panic. Then she got a text from his brother.

• 21:57Speaker 05

  Saying that he was so sorry to have to tell me this, but Dan had a heart attack. And he passed away.

• 22:11Speaker 00

  Dan's brother explained that it happened suddenly one night on their trip when Dan was heading to bed. He said goodnight to his brothers and went upstairs.

• 22:22Speaker 05

  And that was the last that he heard until he heard a big crash upstairs where he fell. And when he ran upstairs, he called 911, tried to revive his brother, and couldn't revive him. And by the time he got to the hospital, he passed on the way.

• 22:44Speaker 00

  He said that in the first few days following Dan's death, he hadn't been able to find Dan's phone. Without it, he didn't have Sydney's number, so he had no way to contact her. He felt horrible that it had taken so long to reach her.

• 23:01Speaker 05

  His brother said, "I know how hard this has to be on you. Between my mother and his kids, everybody is just devastated. I'm sorry that we couldn't reach out to you as soon as it happened, but like I said, we couldn't find his phone."

• 23:24Speaker 00

  That's where his message ended. Sydney broke down.

• 23:29Speaker 05

  I was a mess. I was crying. I was out of my mind.

• 23:35Speaker 00

  Then her daughter Katie showed up at her house. They were supposed to spend the afternoon together.

• 23:42Speaker 05

  She walked in and I just screamed.

• 23:47Speaker 05

  I told her what happened and she dropped everything and just came to me and tried to comfort me the best she could, but she was upset too because she really liked him.

• 24:02Speaker 00

  A heart attack. Sydney remembered Dan's cardiologist's concerns, but she had no idea things were this serious.

• 24:10Speaker 05

  I was just devastated, absolutely devastated.

• 24:17Speaker 00

  The next few days were dark, especially when Sydney found out the family had already held a ceremony and buried Dan in the family plot. Kitty also reached out to Dan's brother, and he did his best to be there for her and Sydney as he dealt with his own grief.

• 24:35Speaker 05

  His brother responded to my daughter, saying, "I'm so sorry this has happened, and I know how much he loved your mother, and he told me he knew how much he loved me, and he spoke about me all the time."

• 24:48Speaker 00

  Hearing Dan's brother talk about him in past tense made the reality sink in. Dan wasn't coming back.

• 24:56Speaker 05

  I didn't know what to do. I was just... I was frantic.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  When Dan had been by her side, the world felt bright and full of possibility. Now, everything felt heavy. She missed Dan's laugh, their long conversations, their shared hikes. Most of all, she just missed him.

• 25:20Speaker 05

  It was horrible. I'm not a person that gets depressed. I've never been depressed in my life, but I felt like I was going to get to that point.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  She turned over the details again and again.

• 25:33Speaker 05

  Things didn't add up in my brain. I kept thinking, "How could this have happened? It doesn't make sense."

• 25:43Speaker 00

  But as time went on, she had to find acceptance.

• 25:47Speaker 05

  He's gone. It is what it is. I can't change it.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  For the first month after Dan's death, it was hard for Sydney to get out of bed. One day, one of Sydney's close friends, Peter, reached out to her. His whole family was going on a tropical vacation, and he wanted her to come with them.

• 26:07Speaker 05

  He said, "You need to get out of here, and maybe getting away would help mend my broken heart a little bit."

• 26:17Speaker 00

  Sydney decided to go. On the trip, while the rest of the group went on excursions, Sydney stayed behind and laid by the pool by herself.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  I remember screaming up in the sky going, "God, why did you do this? Please, I have to get past this, and what do I do?"

• 26:36Speaker 00

  It felt good to get some emotion out. That week gave Sydney the space to begin to process Dan's death.

• 26:45Speaker 00

  Sydney wanted to try and visit Dan's grave. Early on, she asked his brother about it, but he gave her a complicated answer.

• 26:54Speaker 05

  He gave me this long explanation of it was in some family grave out in the forest, and there was a private gate to go through. It just sounded so strange.

• 27:09Speaker 00

  Talking to Dan's family was hard. It often left her with more questions than answers. Eventually, she stopped reaching out.

• 27:18Speaker 05

  I decided that I would try and go on with my life, even though it was very hard.

• 27:25Speaker 00

  Sydney thought that with time, life without Dan would get easier. But a whole year went by, and as the seasons passed, Sydney was still struggling to move on. It was hard to find any closure with how suddenly Dan had died. She had never gotten to say goodbye. There was so much left unsaid. Her friend Peter told her about a strategy that helped him get through hard times in his own life.

• 27:54Speaker 05

  When things really get hard, or you're facing something really difficult, throw it out to the universe, and the universe will somehow take care of you. And I've always thought, yeah, right, whatever.

• 28:12Speaker 00

  Sydney was skeptical, but Peter wasn't kidding. He suggested she write everything she wished she could say to Dan in a letter to him. It might help her process her feelings and maybe get some small sense of closure.

• 28:27Speaker 05

  I was having such a hard time getting past everything. So I thought, you know what, what would it hurt? What would it hurt to do this? And I thought, but how do I do it? And then I realized I still had his email address. So I thought, okay, I'm gonna try this.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  So she grabbed her laptop and got set up at her kitchen counter. And then she began to write.

• 28:57Speaker 05

  Dan, I really still love you and I miss you. I know you are gone, but I just want you to know I love you. I will always love you. I will never forget you. My heart is broken. It will always be broken. Wherever you are in the universe, I hope you are well taken care of. I just hope that your soul is happy. And just know that your heart will be with mine forever. After I composed it, it took me a minute to hit send. And I thought, is this really ridiculous or what?

• 29:41Speaker 05

  And I thought, no, I'm gonna try it. And when I hit send, I just felt better. It was amazing. It felt like a huge brick was lifted from my body. Like, wow, this really worked.

• 30:01Speaker 00

  She felt a sense of lightness, a closure she had been chasing for almost a year and a half. A few days later, Sydney was getting ready to go over to Katie's house.

• 30:12Speaker 05

  And I thought, oh, I'm gonna check my emails before I go. And all of a sudden, I see a response from Dan's email.

• 30:26Speaker 00

  Sydney did a double take.

• 30:28Speaker 05

  I'm like, wait a minute, I can't be reading this right. Must be from his brother. So I opened it and I began reading. And it was just complete sheer shock of horror. The very first line of this email said, Darling Sydney, I have sinned against God and you. Please forgive me. I am not dead.

• 31:22Speaker 00

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• 32:07Speaker 07

  People would always think I was lactose intolerant. So I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone. One of the best guys that I dated, he made a Point to memorize all my food allergies. So join us and hear their stories and more because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat. It's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At The Table, the food allergy podcast on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At The Table and start listening on the free iHeart radio app today.

• 32:49Speaker 07

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• 33:18Speaker 00

  To help process her partner Dan's death, Sydney decided to put everything she wished she could tell him in an email as a final goodbye. She'd been dealing with this grief for almost a year and a half and was ready to move on. She wrote her message and hit send. She finally felt a sense of closure. But then, a few days later, she was checking her email when she saw something impossible. Dan had responded.

• 33:50Speaker 05

  I'm like, wait a minute, I can't be reading this right. Must be from his brother. So I opened it and I began reading and it was just complete sheer shock of horror. The very first line of this email said, Darling Sydney, I have sinned against God and you. Please forgive me. I am not dead. And I just sat there and went, this is a joke. This is literally a joke from somebody.

• 34:29Speaker 00

  But as she kept reading, it became horrifyingly clear. He was very much alive and he was writing with an explanation.

• 34:38Speaker 05

  It continued to say, I never got divorced. I am still married. I knew that you would never see me if you knew I was married.

• 34:54Speaker 00

  Not only had Dan's death been a lie, their life together had been a lie too. He had been married the entire time he was with Sydney.

• 35:03Speaker 05

  And the time that we spent together, his wife was back in the Midwest, taking care of a mother that was very, very ill.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  He'd been living a double life, and he couldn't keep up both. So according to Dan's email, his brothers stepped in to suggest a plan to end his relationship with Sydney.

• 35:29Speaker 05

  None of his family wanted him to get divorced. And they said, "Well, we will come up with a plan." And the plan was to fake his death.

• 35:42Speaker 00

  Sydney stared at the email in shock. She couldn't comprehend the words "fake" and "death" together. She thought she might get sick.

• 35:52Speaker 05

  He said, "I know you didn't deserve it," but that was the only way we knew how to end it with me.

• 35:59Speaker 00

  Sydney drove to her daughter's house in a daze.

• 36:03Speaker 05

  She looked at me and said, "Mom, are you okay?" And I said, "You need to follow me in your bedroom because I have something to tell you." And I told her, and she just couldn't believe it.

• 36:15Speaker 00

  Under the heartbreak and confusion, there was rage. Sydney felt deeply manipulated.

• 36:21Speaker 05

  There's no words to express how horrible and deceived I felt. How in the world could someone stoop that low

• 36:34Speaker 05

  and go to that extreme? How could anyone treat anyone like that?

• 36:43Speaker 00

  And this wasn't just anyone. This was Dan, the man who made her believe in love again. The man that just days ago, she would have done anything to hear from again. Her head was spinning. During the year of her life, she had spent grieving Dan's death and struggling to get out of bed. Sydney had to remind herself that there was nothing she could have done to prevent him from dying. But now she found out, this had all been a choice. His choice. He let her suffer alone and let her grieve his death while he carried on living. And he did all of this knowing how much loss Sydney had already endured in her lifetime.

• 37:25Speaker 05

  Death is horrible. It's the worst thing that can happen to a loved one. It sent me into despair and loneliness and unbelievable grief.

• 37:38Speaker 00

  The whole thing was horrific, but it was also ludicrous. It was so absurd that she found herself torn between crying and laughing.

• 37:49Speaker 05

  Now all of a sudden, I find out he's risen from the dead. Like, I mean, he couldn't just break up with me. He had to derive this plan that broke my heart into pieces.

• 38:05Speaker 00

  She sat with everything for a few days, letting the reality of the situation catch up with her.

• 38:11Speaker 05

  I just couldn't believe it. I was horrified. I was upset. I was angry and I just cried.

• 38:18Speaker 00

  She thought of Dan's wife and she felt horrible. She knew this must be painful for her too. Sydney kept rereading Dan's confession, not sure what to do next.

• 38:30Speaker 05

  Do I respond? What do I do?

• 38:35Speaker 00

  For three nights, Sydney lay in bed unable to sleep.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  And finally, I decided to reply.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  She began drafting her email, and everything she had been feeling came pouring out of her.

• 38:49Speaker 05

  Were you too cowardly just to tell me the truth? You could have just told me the truth, and that wouldn't have hurt near as bad. Do you even have the slightest idea of what your charade did to me and my daughter? Did you lie about everything you ever told me? I pray that you did not lie about losing your grandson.

• 39:19Speaker 05

  I wish I could say that I'd never met you, but that wouldn't have been accurate.

• 39:27Speaker 05

  I'm glad we met because I finally learned how much I was capable of loving so completely and unconditionally and selflessly. And for that, I'm gonna thank you.

• 39:42Speaker 05

  And I ended it.

• 39:45Speaker 00

  In the months that followed, Cindy was plunged into a new type of grief. She no longer had to face Dan's death. She was now faced with the reality of Dan's life and how he'd chosen to spend it.

• 39:58Speaker 05

  It took me a very, very long time to get past the anger and the hurt. I had so many unanswered questions. I was still extremely hurt and tormented by what Dan had revealed and what he had done to me. So I decided, one last time, to reach out to Dan.

• 40:24Speaker 00

  She wrote him another email, asking for a full explanation of what he'd done.

• 40:31Speaker 05

  I was writing it for myself because I was still angry with myself for believing everything he told me and not analyzing it any better than I did.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  A few days later, Dan responded. And in his email, he revealed that his lies extended far beyond his death and his marriage.

• 40:53Speaker 05

  He explained that he wasn't who I thought he was. His real last name was different. He lived somewhere else other than where he told me he lived. His kids' names weren't what they told me they were. Everything he told me was a lie, except for the fact of how he felt. He was begging me to meet him so he could finally tell me the whole story and tell me the truth about everything he did and why he did it.

• 41:28Speaker 00

  Sidney agreed to meet him. A few days later, he knocked on her door. And when she saw Dan in person, she was overwhelmed. For over a year, she wanted nothing more than for him to miraculously reappear, to talk to him one more time.

• 41:46Speaker 05

  All the grieving, and here he is. He's back.

• 41:51Speaker 00

  He said he was going to come clean and show her everything.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  He gave me a copy of his driver's license, a copy of his passport, to see what his real name was, who his kids really were.

• 42:05Speaker 00

  Then Dan pulled out a stack of business cards.

• 42:09Speaker 05

  He had a fake company, fake business cards, a fake name, fake email address, fake phone number. He traveled quite a bit, and he would give those out to women that he met.

• 42:26Speaker 00

  Their airplane meet-cute had always felt so one of a kind. Now, she saw it as part of Dan's pattern. He had lied to so many women.

• 42:39Speaker 00

  But Dan insisted with Sydney, it was different. When they met, it was clear to him that what they shared was real. He knew he shouldn't have let their relationship get as serious as it did, but he couldn't help himself.

• 42:55Speaker 05

  He had fallen in love with me and didn't know how to get out of it. He couldn't apologize enough and professed his love and asked if I would consider taking him back after all that.

• 43:16Speaker 00

  Dan admitted that he'd been a coward. He knew what he did was wrong. He had wanted to be with Sydney all along. He just couldn't find a way out of his marriage and his life. But now, he was ready to risk everything to chase what he really wanted.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Her. Then he takes out a divorce decree, and it shows that he'd just filed for divorce.

• 43:42Speaker 05

  Filing for divorce was his way to prove to me that it was truly over this time. And started crying while he's telling me how much he loved me and so sorry for deceiving me and hurting me. And he just wasn't strong enough to confront what he needed to do.

• 44:07Speaker 00

  Dan laid everything out in front of her. He knew his honesty would cost him, but it was worth it to him if Sydney would consider giving him a second chance.

• 44:18Speaker 05

  I didn't know what to do. There were so many questions, but I still, I loved him. I mean, I never stopped loving him.

• 44:27Speaker 00

  It felt like a miracle that Dan was sitting in front of her at all. The thing she had mourned for the last year was now possible, a future with Dan. And now, he wanted to start a new life with her.

• 44:41Speaker 05

  I wanted what we had again, because I'd never had that before. I'd made so many mistakes in my lifetime with relationships. Nothing ever worked out. And I thought, finally, finally, it was going to be what I wanted.

• 45:02Speaker 00

  Dan left her house and Sydney was left to grapple with the strange situation she found herself in. A few weeks later.

• 45:12Speaker 05

  He showed up at my door with all his belongings and everything and said, "The divorce is going forward and she's moved on. I've moved out of the house. Can I stay with you and can we try this again?" And low and behold, I took him back.

• 45:35Speaker 00

  Right away, that effortless joy Sydney always felt with Dan came flooding back.

• 45:42Speaker 05

  It was like a storybook. We couldn't spend enough time together. We started traveling together. We had hiked the Grand Canyon. It was amazing.

• 45:54Speaker 00

  Despite everything Dan had done, Sydney felt like they were on the other side. They had rebuilt the trust through dozens of hard and honest conversations. As unusual as their love story was, to Sydney, the relationship was stronger than ever.

• 46:10Speaker 05

  We were living together. He was going through his divorce. I knew when he was going to court. He didn't hide anything from me. We were finally open and honest and happy.

• 46:27Speaker 00

  In September, Dan and Sydney went on a trip to Denali National Park in Alaska to go hiking. It was just a few weeks before Dan's divorce was set to be finalized, and they were looking forward to leaving that painful chapter of their relationship behind them.

• 46:44Speaker 05

  And three days before his divorce was due to be final, he came home from work and said he had just seen his lawyer and that he had canceled the divorce.

• 47:02Speaker 00

  They had just sat down for dinner together. Sydney stopped eating and stared at Dan, stunned.

• 47:10Speaker 05

  What do you mean you canceled the divorce? And he said, well, she was going to take 75% of his wealth.

• 47:20Speaker 05

  He proceeded to tell me, "My money is too important. I can't lose everything I've worked for." So he informed me that he canceled the divorce and he was moving back home.

• 47:36Speaker 00

  Dan sat calmly at the dinner table, but to Sydney, it felt like the room was spinning.

• 47:43Speaker 05

  And I just sat there and I looked at him and I just remember saying, "You're doing this to me again?" I screamed and I said, "Get out."

• 47:58Speaker 05

  And he said, "Well, I'll make sure I'm out in the morning." I said, "No, you won't. You will make sure you are out now." "I never, ever want to see you, hear from you, repeat your name again."

• 48:14Speaker 00

  Dan stood up and began collecting his things.

• 48:17Speaker 05

  And he stopped and said, "This isn't what I want." And I remember just laughing in his face going, "I don't care what you want. This is what I want.

• 48:32Speaker 05

  And you are leaving now."

• 48:36Speaker 00

  Dan walked out the door and Sydney closed it behind him. She would never open the door to him again.

• 48:44Speaker 05

  I've spent the past four years getting past what happened. I dated, I had relationships.

• 48:55Speaker 05

  Nothing ever worked out.

• 48:57Speaker 00

  But as her daughter said in her voice memo to us, "This is a story about a woman who couldn't give up on love."

• 49:06Speaker 05

  Remember my friend I told you about? My very, very special friend?

• 49:12Speaker 00

  Peter, the friend who encouraged Sydney to throw how she was feeling out to the universe.

• 49:18Speaker 05

  Well, we're together.

• 49:22Speaker 05

  We're actually engaged. He's absolutely amazing. I'm very happy, and I couldn't ask for anything more. There's a bright light after this horrible story. That's him. So he threw it out to the universe.

• 49:41Speaker 00

  Maybe he was right about that strategy after all.

• 49:45Speaker 05

  My life finally turned around. Sometimes you have to go through really bad things to really then appreciate the best. And I have the best right now.

• 49:59Speaker 00

  Sydney endured so much pain in her relationship with Dan. But there was something she gained from the experience that Dan can never take away.

• 50:08Speaker 05

  I learned how to love, and I had never learned that before. In your darkest moments, it's amazing how strong you can become.

• 50:20Speaker 00

  We end every weekly episode with the same question. Why do you want to share your story?

• 50:27Speaker 05

  I was angry at myself for a long time. And I kept thinking, how could I have fallen for this, not once, but twice? Why did it happen to me? And the only answer I had was that I fell in love with him. I just wanted to believe. I wanted to trust. None of us are stupid. We're all smart people. And we gotta quit telling ourselves we're not when things like this happen. All I did was want to love someone.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  On the next episode of Betrayal Weekly.

• 51:18Speaker 06

  I don't know this person. What I had in my mind is not true. He's not the person I thought he was. I have no idea what he was capable of doing.

• 51:36Speaker 00

  If you'd like to share your story on betrayal, please email [email protected]. That is [email protected]. Please note that we are not a mental health organization. If you are in crisis or currently experiencing domestic violence, we encourage you to seek local help or dial 911. Please contact organizations that offer immediate support. In our show notes, we've included a list of US-based resources. You can follow us on Instagram @betrayalpod or find me @itsandrea gunning. To access our newsletter and additional content and to connect with the Betrayal

• 52:18Speaker 00

  community, join our Substack at betrayal.substack.com. We're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. Five-star reviews go a long way. Big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason. Hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning. Written and produced by Olivia Hewitt. Our story editor is Monique LaBord. Also produced by Ben Fetterman. Our associate producer is Lea Jablow.

• 53:01Speaker 00

  Production management by Kristen Malchurie. Booking support by Curry Richmond. Our iHeart team is Ally Perry and Jessica Krychek. Audio editing by Tanner Robbins with additional editing and mixing by Matt Talbekio. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Baines. Music library provided by MyMusic. And for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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