Part Two: Space Magic from Venus: A Literary Odyssey

Robert and Molly continue their exploration of Venusian health science which apparently involves eating nothing but raw fruit. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Cool Zone Media.

• 0:04Robert Evans?

  Uh, we're back and I'm thinking about the time John Lovitz beat up Andy Dick.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  I was also thinking about that earlier today. Why?

• 0:13Robert Evans?

  Yeah, cuz it's, it's what I'm like, it's, it's just a good moment of American history, Molly. It's a, it's a time I'm, it's like the, it's like the landings at Normandy, right? It's one of those moments that just makes me, "And I'm proud to be an American."

• 0:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  He had it coming. He had it coming.

• 0:32Robert Evans?

  He had it coming. I think it happened multiple times.

• 0:34Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh.

• 0:36Speaker 00

  And that was, that was before Andy Dick got caught hanging out with those neo-Nonci's.

• 0:40Robert Evans?

  No, but that was after Andy Dick played a role in the death of one of the greatest voice actors of any generation.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  He did kill Phil Hartman.

• 0:47Robert Evans?

  He did kind of help kill Phil Hartman, yes. And this is relevant, it's not relevant, but it's come up because I just saw a clip of, uh, that Hassan, the, the, the guy with, the very popular leftist streamer guy interviewing one of the Pod Save bros, uh...

• 1:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, different John Lovitz.

• 1:04Robert Evans?

  John Lovitz, who I had, I had all this time

• 1:08Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 1:08Robert Evans?

  in my head been assuming John Lovitz was on Pod Save America and been like, "That doesn't make any sense at all. Isn't he like conservative? I don't know much about John Lovitz." Other than that he beat up Andy Dick, but absolutely not. It's some fucking

• 1:22Speaker 00

  Not the same guy.

• 1:22Robert Evans?

  Very unimpressive looking dude. I don't know.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  100% me too.

• 1:26Robert Evans?

  Yes. Uh, I wish John Lovitz was on that podcast now. I don't know any of his opinions. I assume most of them outside of his Andy Dick opinions are bad, but I just can't hear John Lovitz's voice and not think of the critic, and that makes me happy.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  I mean, what better way to find out all of someone's awful opinions than putting them on a podcast?

• 1:45Robert Evans?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  Speaking of the podcast, on the last episode of this podcast, I promised the show listeners a horseshoe knife.

• 1:52Robert Evans?

  Sophie's weird knife, yeah.

• 1:53Speaker 00

  Oh, your show is your cool knife?

• 1:54Speaker 02

  This is my cool knife. Robert got it for me for my birthday a few years back.

• 1:59Robert Evans?

  Yeah, and the hope that you would find out how to use it. How do you use that thing?

• 2:02Speaker 02

  You can use it for, I use it for primarily for like a, like a cheese board, um, or you

• 2:07Robert Evans?

  Oh, good.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  or for herb slicing.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  It's a rocking motion.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  I didn't get any props. Should I have brought a prop to the part two?

• 2:17Speaker 02

  But isn't it stunning?

• 2:18Robert Evans?

  You should always, you should always bring a prop. By the way, my, uh, my prop, this, uh, this sword right here that I, uh, I brought up in the last episode.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 2:29Robert Evans?

  Uh, it's nice. It's actually a direct, uh, a, a, a bladesmith that I know, whose name I'll give you in a minute. Uh, read, uh, a new fantasy series. Uh, one of the books in it is called The Daughter's War. It's very good. You should check it out. Um, I read them both as well. And so when I saw he'd made a sword based on those books and it was very reasonably priced. I was like, oh shit, I gotta get it. Uh, if you look to our blade maker, Randall blade maker on Twitter, you can find his shit. He's very good. Uh, and again, opens a YouTube package like a son of a bitch. I also pruned a fig tree with this bad boy the other day. Pretty good time.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  Multipurpose.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  You, your fig tree is.

• 3:09Robert Evans?

  It's a scary fig tree. It's massive. Yeah.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  Giant.

• 3:12Robert Evans?

  Yeah. So I guess we gotta get back to it, huh?

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Apparently.

• 3:20Speaker 03

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• 3:25Robert Evans?

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• 4:01Speaker 04

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• 4:31Speaker 00

  During our, I guess we were gone for several days and or 10 minutes. I did discover that someone has made a LinkedIn page for Valiant Thor. I don't think he is still alive, but he does have a LinkedIn page that shows he still works at the Space Missile Defense Command.

• 4:47Robert Evans?

  Oh, that's good. That's good. Okay. What is he doing at this? Like, what's the job title?

• 4:51Speaker 00

  Advisor to the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

• 4:53Robert Evans?

  Uh huh.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  Yep. Yeah, he's the Space Missile Defense Command is part of the Army. So he advises the Joint Chiefs of Staff in that capacity.

• 5:00Robert Evans?

  Yeah, Valiant Thor sitting in. So Donald Trump is presumably having meetings with Valiant Thor at this point in time, right?

• 5:06Speaker 00

  He's at the table. He's at the table.

• 5:07Robert Evans?

  He's at the table. That's comforting, actually, you know, because he seems like he's got our best interests at heart. Speaking of which, shall we get back into our book, Venusian Health Magic and Venusian Secret Science by Michael X. Barton? Just a beautiful tome.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  I love the rainbow.

• 5:24Robert Evans?

  Gorgeous. It smells slightly of incense. I assume that's because wherever they print these books, a lot of people are burning a lot of incense. All right. So we're ready to get back into our friend, Michael X. Barton and his story, his experiences with Lonzara and Shalana, who have transcended their earthly bodies, but not the patriarchy, as we noted in the last episode, Molly.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  I'm ready to get healed. I'm ready to get healed.

• 5:49Robert Evans?

  You're ready to get healed? Well, this is gonna tell you how.

• 5:51Speaker 00

  Reveal it to me.

• 5:52Robert Evans?

  Yeah. And the spoiler is, it's just fruit. It's a shitload of fruit, Molly.

• 6:01Robert Evans?

  Lonzara, and so he's talking to, he reaches out after like having a, hanging out with his buddy, you know, they go to bed. His friend is sick, you know, he's been, he's been just getting worse and worse over the last couple of years. And Michael convenes with Lonzara to ask him, how do I help my buddy Jim get better? And Lonzara, when he last communicated with me telepathically, had taught me many astounding facts regarding the wonderful health and amazing longevity of the people of Venus. To a true student of the occult or hidden side of life, none of the Venusian secret science is the least bit impractical or even fantastic. You and I know that all the higher teachings of life are far more practical and true than the mere human mind can realize at first.

• 6:43Robert Evans?

  In time, as the personal vibrations become raised into higher and still higher octaves of being, all limitations vanish and man's spirit controls matter. Those of you who have studied Venusian's secret science and which I related my series of contacts with Lanzara know that he gave me special suggestions to observe in regard to the new age diet as well as other matters. By applying these suggestions and sticking to them until they become positive habits in my daily life, I discovered to my great droid that my health improved immensely. But that is not the only practical benefit. My mental and spiritual faculties became much more keener and active than ever before. So, he's doing, he's doing well and he, he wakes up his friend Jim Lindy the next day and he's like, "Look, I gotta tell you about some of this Venusian magic I know. I'm very excited."

• 7:27Robert Evans?

  And Jim says, "You talk as if you really know much more about the space people than you're letting on."

• 7:32Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 7:33Robert Evans?

  That's, that's, yeah.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  He does.

• 7:35Robert Evans?

  He does. He absolutely does. So he's happy that Jim is open-minded to, to his suggestions. And he takes him to his apartment. Uh, yeah. Uh, but we arrived at my apartment dwelling within 30 minutes from the time we left the airport. It is a large apartment, not new, but well-constructed and designed for human comfort and convenience. The rooms are large and cheerfully decorated. My housekeeper, Lenore, occupies another apartment in the same vicinity. She is a gentle and gracious soul, deeply interested in the advanced teachings of the Venusians. By putting their teachings into practice in her own life, Lenore succeeded in outwitting to a great extent the effects of Father Time. She is very-

• 8:12Speaker 00

  Okay, so how, how is this zillow ad helping me understand my life trons?

• 8:15Robert Evans?

  Unclear. She is very youthful-looking. In her estimation, mere Callenda years are of little importance. The thing that matters most is biological age, as the flexibility of one's cells and arteries. By true standards, Lenore is indeed young. I'm really trying to get a grip on what his relationship with Lenore is, and it is very unclear.

• 8:37Speaker 00

  It's his housekeeper, but he seems to know a lot about her flexibility.

• 8:41Robert Evans?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And again, within the, within the parlance of these essays, the fact that he's talking about like, "She's old, but she doesn't look it much better than what you normally get." So, I'm not gonna harp too much on this stuff. So, uh, yeah, Jim accepts the emotion to stay or the invitation to stay. They have dinner and it's just fruit salad. Jim has a great time because quote, "A vital natural diet is Earthman's first step in preparing himself physically and spiritually to meet the space people. You can't talk to the Venusians otherwise."

• 9:17Speaker 00

  Is it possible that these guys just weren't getting enough fiber before and that's why they feel better right away?

• 9:23Robert Evans?

  Uh, that's actually very likely. They were, they were eating a 60s diet, which consisted of nothing but fried cheese.

• 9:30Speaker 00

  Like Salisbury steak and cigarettes. Like he hasn't shit in days.

• 9:35Robert Evans?

  Yeah, that's his problem. Since Michael left in 1953, Jim has not taken a shit.

• 9:43Speaker 00

  Doctors can't figure it out. It hurts so bad.

• 9:49Robert Evans?

  I just imagine this like conclave, there's like 30 doctors in lab coats all chain smoking. Paul Malls? No idea what's wrong. What could it be? I don't know. Why don't we go get some Salisbury?

• 10:04Speaker 02

  We broke Robert.

• 10:14Speaker 00

  I mean, I don't know if you guys heard the news, but Cat Turd has a bowel impaction. So this is a very real problem facing America's men.

• 10:21Robert Evans?

  So we're returning to tradition on this stuff?

• 10:27Robert Evans?

  Oh, good times. So sorry, I skipped ahead a little bit earlier. Now is where he bids Jim goodnight, saying that like, you know, tomorrow, tonight I'm going to talk to my Venusian master and then, uh, we're going to, uh, we're going to start your health program. So I wonder, I know you're wondering, Molly, you know, the question everyone has, how do you get into contact with people from Venus?

• 10:47Speaker 00

  Psychically.

• 10:48Robert Evans?

  Well, thank God. Michael details in this book, his regular procedure. First he raises the vibratory rate of his psychic brain centers, the pituitary and pineal glands.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  Actually, I need a step before that one. That can't be step one.

• 11:02Robert Evans?

  That is step one.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  Are there some steps?

• 11:05Robert Evans?

  That's, that's the step one.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  Because I-

• 11:08Robert Evans?

  Substep: He places psychic gems "telolith" and "lapis lingua" directly over his pituitary pineal glands, and he exerts mild pressure with his hands. He then visualizes a beam of white light shining from the center of his forehead towards Venus. On this beam of light, I sent out my call to Master Lon Zara and patiently awaited his response to the message.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  So he's pressing a crystal?

• 11:32Robert Evans?

  Two crystals, Molly, two crystals. Like, one crystal is not gonna do it. If you've just got one crystal, you're getting nowhere.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  Where's my pituitary gland?

• 11:40Robert Evans?

  It's somewhere up in your head.

• 11:42Speaker 00

  So I imagine he's like pressing a crystal to the front and back of his head?

• 11:46Robert Evans?

  Yeah, I think that's something like that, because the pineal gland's like right here, if I'm remembering various paintings by Alex Gray about taking DMT.

• 11:56Robert Evans?

  Yeah, it would make sense if the other one was back here. So he's got a crystal on either side of his head, and he's thinking about a pillar of light, and then he sends his message, you know? It's just like calling AT&T, Molly.

• 12:06Speaker 00

  Okay, this makes perfect sense to me. Go on.

• 12:07Robert Evans?

  No, no one listening to this podcast is called AT&T in their entire lifespan. I don't know what to tell. Anyway. A minute passed, two minutes. Then suddenly, I felt the strange sense, the same strange sensation that invariably happens whenever a message is sent to me from the space people. I can only partially describe it by saying that it is a physical, mental, and spiritual feeling of at-onement with another living, thinking human being whose vibrations are extraordinarily harmonious. As his dynamic thoughts are conveyed one by one to my mind, I feel a sense of unusual peace, harmony, joyous stimulation, and timelessness. For a few precious moments, time ceases to be, and I am strongly aware only of his magnetic presence, his consciousness, and the living truth of his vital message. Briefly, this is the feeling of attunement

• 12:50Robert Evans?

  that came to me after I had sent out my call to Lon Zara. With this feeling, there also came into my awareness the special musical tone in the key of D, with which Lon Zara makes his presence known to me by tele-thought. Now Molly, that's a capitalized word.

• 13:05Speaker 00

  Obviously.

• 13:06Robert Evans?

  That's telegram, but with your thoughts, telethought, although it is spelled like telegram, but for like thoughts, like, like the kids talk about, T H O T.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 13:16Robert Evans?

  Yeah, makes, makes me, makes me giggle a little bit every time I come across that bad boy. Yeah.

• 13:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, the number of words he's creating and capitalizing is.

• 13:28Robert Evans?

  He has, he has unique, the Venusians have a unique attitude towards capitalizing words. They've ascended from our grammatical system, Molly.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Right. They've moved beyond it. They've graduated from it.

• 13:39Robert Evans?

  Yeah, yeah, they're, they're much better than us in that way and every other way. As his dynamic thoughts are conveyed one by one to my mind, I feel a sense of unusual peace, harmony, joyous stimulation and timelessness.

• 13:50Speaker 00

  Where does he feel that?

• 13:51Robert Evans?

  That's unclear, Molly. Joyous stimulation could mean a lot of things. And in this context, most of them aren't things I want to think about Michael X doing. For a few precious moments, time ceases to be, and I'm strongly aware only of his magnetic presence, his consciousness and the living truth of his vital message. Briefly, this is the feeling of attunement that came to me after I had sent out my call to Lonzara. With this feeling, there also came into my awareness, the special musical tone in the key of D, with which Lonzara makes his presence known to me by telethought. His masterful thoughts followed the musical tone. Greetings, Michael X. Blessings of life, love and ever increasing light to you and all our loved ones on planet Earth. Once again, it is our privilege and joy to serve our Earth brothers and sisters and assist them in their upward evolution. You beloved

• 14:35Robert Evans?

  brother, we're right in reasoning that we know of the serious illness of your dear friend Jim Lindy. We have been aware of his plight for some time, but it was not until recently. I love the idea. Billions of humans. This is the sixties. You know, millions of people are being incinerated from the air in Vietnam. There is so much suffering in the world, but these Venusians are like, oh yeah, Jim, of course. We can't stop talking about Jim Lindy.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Well, Jim's obviously special, right? Because he's seen the crap.

• 15:04Robert Evans?

  He is special.

• 15:04Speaker 00

  And that wasn't a coincidence.

• 15:05Robert Evans?

  Look, this is the man who's come the longest amount of time without shitting. And as Venusian.

• 15:11Speaker 00

  It is the chalk of the Life Tronic Health Spa.

• 15:14Robert Evans?

  This is, we can't put back people back together when they get blown to shit by a C 130. But what we can do is help Jim Lindy to shit.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  Like, just give him a bowl of honeydew melon.

• 15:27Robert Evans?

  That is literally the prescription. As much melon as you can fit in your body.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 15:36Robert Evans?

  We have been aware of his plight for some time, but it was not until recently that we could act in his behalf without interfering with his own will. Fortunately, Jim Lindy is open-minded regarding us. That is most important. We can and shall help him. We shall point out certain health secrets which should not be secrets at all, but common knowledge to Earthlings. At the Life Tronic Healing Center on Venus, we give out these and other teachings freely so that all Venusians learn how to work with nature's upbuilding measures from infancy on. So there are native-born Venusians. They're not all ascended, which means, and it exists because like, our Venus does not grow melons, Molly. It is not a good melon climate. Uh, I don't know if you spent a lot of time there, huh?

• 16:16Speaker 00

  Cosmology here. So, there have been both human beings from Earth who have ascended to Venus.

• 16:22Robert Evans?

  And become Venusians, yes.

• 16:23Speaker 00

  But then there are also human beings on Earth who are reincarnated from native Venusians? Or are they the reincarnations of humans who ascended to Venus, became Venusian, and then reincarned back into Earth?

• 16:34Robert Evans?

  It does appear to go birth both ways, and I would guess it's a matter of, here's, here's my guess, if I'm coming up with the cosmology, obviously.

• 16:41Speaker 00

  Is it a punishment if you get born back on Earth?

• 16:43Robert Evans?

  Venusians, we, we split off at some point, right? The ancient people who traveled into space, some of whom wound up in Venus, and they stayed smart, whereas we developed daytime television, which really took us, did a number on us. Um, so, the, the Venusians who were smart, and, and, you know, they still love us, they still care about us. And when a human being is like, wise and enlightened enough, they, they're able to see and communicate with his soul and bring it to Venus. But

• 17:08Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 17:09Robert Evans?

  Their interactions with Venusians who, humans who have ascended to Venus, make some of the nice Venusians feel very empathetic towards Earth, so that they choose to die and be reincarnated on Earth to help us, and that's where Jesus comes from.

• 17:23Speaker 00

  I was gonna ask, I was actually gonna ask-

• 17:25Robert Evans?

  If I'm selling this, that's how I'm selling this.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  No, because you said the X is to honor Christ, and so usually, guys that still believe in the existence of Jesus Christ but are also alien guys, they think Jesus was an alien?

• 17:37Robert Evans?

  Well, that, that's exactly it. And in this, it's a little more complicated, that the aliens are humans, but they didn't come from Earth.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  So Jesus chose to leave Venus and incarnate on earth?

• 17:48Robert Evans?

  Yes, that's my interpretation of this.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  Okay, I'm up to speed. I'm on board.

• 17:51Robert Evans?

  You're up to speed? You're good?

• 17:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:52Robert Evans?

  All right, let's continue. So, uh, yeah, they're gonna give him some secrets. In Jim Lindy's case, he must first intensify his desire to be well. Then he must himself send forth his desire directly to us, and we shall give him a sign of our recognition. And illumine his inner consciousness, illumine? I'm not sure if they were trying to say illuminate. I don't think illumine is a word.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Illumine him.

• 18:14Robert Evans?

  Illumine him. So if you look that one up, please. His inner consciousness from time to time. This we shall do by a series of, all caps, dream contacts.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  How am I spelling this word?

• 18:25Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 18:25Robert Evans?

  I L L U M I N E.

• 18:27Speaker 00

  It is. So it is. It can, it can be a literary way of saying to, to brighten something like illuminate, but also it can be to spiritually or intellectually enlighten.

• 18:38Robert Evans?

  You know what? I gotta give it to Michael X. I learned something today.

• 18:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is literature.

• 18:43Robert Evans?

  We all learned something today. You know what? Why don't we, why don't we meditate on that? Get some rocks, stick them on one side of your head and another. Push them in a little bit. Think of a pillar of light and listen to these ads.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  Do you think the rare earth metals inside my iPhone counts? Should I press that to my pen or gland?

• 18:58Robert Evans?

  Yeah, stick a couple of phones to your head. It doesn't matter. Fuck it.

• 19:03Speaker 05

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• 20:06Robert Evans?

  We're back. Actually, Molly, I kind of think the iPhones might do better because obviously the lifeblood of whatever child harvested those rare earth minerals is built into your iPhone, so it's haunted. And the ghost is probably like, that's like, that's like bringing in a guy to tune your TV antenna. Again, another thing no one has done in fucking 35 years. Good stuff. So Jim Lindy.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  I'm illumined.

• 20:30Robert Evans?

  Yeah, we have all been illumined on the word illumine. They're gonna do this by a series of dream contacts, which will be made by us while Jim is sleeping soundly at night. He will at those times experience unusually vivid dreams, each containing a vitally important message that's important for him to regain his health. "You believe, then," I said quickly, "that Jim Lindy can be cured, so he will once again be vigorous and healthy?" "There are no cures," replied Lonzara. "Jim's present state of painful illness was created by himself through his own unwise actions of eating nothing but Salisbury steak for 42 years."

• 21:06Speaker 00

  I do love, I do love the undercurrent of like, well, he can't get better until he actually wants to because he's sick because he doesn't want it bad enough.

• 21:12Robert Evans?

  There's a degree to which they're kind of being reasonable because what they're literally saying is like, there's a line here, "Those who claim they can cure disease are charlatans. They're only fooling themselves and those homiest souls who turn to them in misguided trust and confidence." The simple truth is, but then we get to this. The simple truth is humanity does not have to cure disease. All it needs to do is stop causing it, right? What you can do by only eating raw fruit, you know? I was like, I went through Whiplash there, I was like, oh, maybe this isn't gonna be so. Nope, there we go. Okay.

• 21:41Speaker 00

  I feel like a lot of people who are selling you something dangerous will make a valid point about how everyone else who's doing that is pretty bad.

• 21:50Robert Evans?

  Uh huh.

• 21:51Speaker 00

  But I'm not. I'm selling you the good lead vitamins.

• 21:53Robert Evans?

  I'm selling you the good, responsible life advice. So Jim's got to rebuild, like rebuild his health by reversing the pattern of disease and being healthy. And this is a super fast process if you, if you do it right. Now, normally it's very slow. The average person on earth, if they're sick, they have no control over the healing process, right?

• 22:13Speaker 00

  You have to replace the Thetans with the life trons.

• 22:16Robert Evans?

  Yes, yes. You must consider the natural time factor and allow for it. But, and this is Lon Zara again, many thousands of years ago, reckoning according to your earth time, the greatest minds of Venus found that the time factor in nature could be so minimized and reduced that we were able to accomplish results in weeks where formerly years were required. Then we progressed to a point where we could do so much in only a few days as we used to do in several weeks. Finally, our greatest breakthrough came when we discovered how to collapse time, all caps, within our own consciousness. The positive results were realized in mere seconds and minutes that previously took many hours and days to achieve. At the Life Tronic Healing Center on Venus, we had long studied the simple, marvelous laws of the universe and the forces of nature. Knowing

• 23:00Robert Evans?

  as we did that these natural laws are designed by the Creator for the good of all life, we did not attempt to change the unchangeable. Instead, we did our best to learn those wonderful laws and attune ourselves with them. As we ourselves learned higher truths, we taught themselves to all the people and showed them how to apply simple methods that brought health and happiness into their lives. To study and apply all that we can discover of our Creator's simple but wonderful principles brings us all the greatest of joys. Our delight is as your Psalm has it in the law of the Lord.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  Okay, I, I think this guy's fucking bullshitting us because he was like, oh, we want to share these secrets with everyone. They shouldn't even be secrets. We want to tell them to everyone. But you knew Jim was sick. You've been, you've been waiting for Jim to fucking die.

• 23:40Robert Evans?

  He was holding out on our boy Jim because he wasn't ready. Because he liked his steak a little too much. No, he had to come and eat a bowl of fruit.

• 23:49Speaker 00

  Lon Zara is fucking gaslighting us.

• 23:51Robert Evans?

  What's left out of this, this recitation of events is that while Michael is communing with Lon Zara, his friend Jim Lindy, who just ate his first fiber in like 20 years, fighting for his life.

• 24:09Speaker 00

  You know those hemorrhoids are hurting.

• 24:13Robert Evans?

  Poor man. Oh, man. Nearly killed him.

• 24:17Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 24:18Robert Evans?

  Our people, Lon Zara continued, became aware that health is the physical, is the physical body's normal reaction to a normal environment. So I know you're wondering, how do you make your environment normal? So you can cure all your illnesses, right? Very simple. Number one, vital air. Number two, vital sunlight. Number three, vital food. And number four, vital water. That's all you need. See, there's four supreme essentials to human life, right? And, and these are all in vital forms, or, as most of us do, you can assume them in dead forms, right?

• 24:54Speaker 00

  What is vital air?

• 24:55Robert Evans?

  That means the air is alive, Sophie.

• 24:58Speaker 00

  You need to positronically charge it with the crystals. Obviously, Sophie, keep up.

• 25:02Robert Evans?

  These are the four essentials, right? And if you have all of these, you can't get sick, right? But most people consume dead air, weak sunlight, dead food, and dead water, right?

• 25:16Speaker 02

  I'm charging my air.

• 25:18Speaker 00

  Oh, yes.

• 25:20Robert Evans?

  Gotta be live food. Gotta make sure your water's not dead.

• 25:23Speaker 00

  Have you heard the conspiracy theory that they replace the sun with a different, weaker sun?

• 25:28Robert Evans?

  Yes, and I do believe it.

• 25:30Speaker 00

  So I think that's what the problem is, like, we're not consuming vital sun.

• 25:34Robert Evans?

  We're not getting nearly enough vital shit, right?

• 25:37Speaker 00

  We've got this, like, stupid fucked up sun.

• 25:38Robert Evans?

  Yeah, the sun sucks. Our water's super fucked up.

• 25:45Robert Evans?

  I do, it is very funny to me that, like, he has to be talking about, like, water that comes straight from, like, a stream and is full of Giardia. Like, it is alive. There are living things in that water.

• 25:56Speaker 00

  It's not good for you.

• 25:58Robert Evans?

  You don't want some, yeah, he does have, there's a whole rant in here about how mineral water is killing you because rocks are dead.

• 26:06Speaker 00

  But the crystals are alive.

• 26:08Robert Evans?

  You know, that is, that is a contradiction in his cosmology that I don't think Michael X ever really grapples with.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  If I, if I ever get to Venus, I'm gonna be their fucking Socrates. They're gonna kill me for being so annoying.

• 26:21Robert Evans?

  They are going to poison you. They're gonna make you drink Venusian hemlock. Cause you're like, I don't know, guys, you have a lot of crystals around here. They seem pretty fucking dead to me.

• 26:33Speaker 00

  Just the Socrates of Venus.

• 26:34Robert Evans?

  Yeah. So what they're telling, what they're, what they're telling our boy Michael is that his friend Jim Lindy, he's been breathing dead air instead of live, fresh, moving air. Inactive air. It's like a stagnant pool of water. It contains almost no positive electricity.

• 26:48Speaker 00

  That's why dogs put their head out the window in the car.

• 26:51Robert Evans?

  Dogs understand all of this, Molly. And that's why dogs drink water that is disgusting.

• 26:57Speaker 00

  They're looking for the most vital puddle water in the neighborhood.

• 27:01Robert Evans?

  They need, they can't, they're in that dead water.

• 27:06Robert Evans?

  I'm gonna drink from a toilet somebody left out in the field. Filled with water from the rain and moss.

• 27:14Speaker 00

  Oh, the best water has stuff wiggling in it.

• 27:16Robert Evans?

  That's right. The dogs love that shit. Cannot get enough of it.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  Grabbing all of my, all of my crystals that are near my desk.

• 27:27Robert Evans?

  I'm pounding a Dr. Pepper Zero Sugar, which feels very vital to me.

• 27:33Speaker 00

  The bubbles, the bubbles are alive.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  I just really want my air to be good, be vital.

• 27:37Robert Evans?

  I wonder, I don't cook my kratom. Does that count? Is that vital?

• 27:40Speaker 00

  Wait, my juice is alive. It has probiotics.

• 27:45Robert Evans?

  I'm gonna guarantee you this guy was pro bucha, you know?

• 27:48Speaker 00

  I'm fucking vital right now.

• 27:50Robert Evans?

  Although he doesn't mention it, maybe kombucha hadn't made it really until like new age stuff in the sixties. That might've been a little early, the early sixties. That might've been a little too early for it.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  I just wanna say.

• 28:02Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  It's, it's alive. It's alive.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  So how are we bringing, how are we bringing vitality to our air?

• 28:10Robert Evans?

  I don't really get a clear example, other than like going outside, right?

• 28:14Speaker 00

  This is how we do it.

• 28:16Robert Evans?

  This is, look, like, like, honestly, like, a lot of, especially earlier new age stuff. If you do, like, half of what the time, if you do what they're telling you to do, it's like, fine, because half of what they're telling you to do is like,

• 28:30Speaker 00

  go outside.

• 28:31Robert Evans?

  You need to go outside and get natural sunlight, which like, yeah, you do.

• 28:34Speaker 00

  I guess like, I guess.

• 28:36Robert Evans?

  Good for you.

• 28:36Speaker 00

  Thing that really hits, if you could do one thing that would hit all four of these to cure you forever, so you could become Venusian and get all the life trons, is you know, like, when you put a watermelon in a stream to cool off?

• 28:49Robert Evans?

  Yes.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  So it's a sunny day, you're outside, it's windy, so the air is very vital.

• 28:54Robert Evans?

  Cold moving water.

• 28:55Speaker 00

  You put that melon in the water full of deer shit, so you definitely get giardia from eating it, and you'll live for fucking ever.

• 29:01Robert Evans?

  That's right. You get those chronic wasting disease prions in your fucking watermelon. You're never gonna die.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  Only eat melon and you have giardia.

• 29:10Robert Evans?

  Because here's the thing.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  Inside out.

• 29:12Robert Evans?

  Prions are very vital. They can't be killed.

• 29:19Robert Evans?

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna put out a book called The Prion Driven Life, and just try to see how many of like, the new QAnon people I can get to just consume chronic wasting disease meat? Look, the government wants to tell you that prions are bad for you, but the more of this stuff you get in your body, if prions can't die, and you only eat meat with prions in it, you'll never die. Probably, yeah, there basically was, because there was that British mad cow pandemic around the same time, it spooked a lot of people. Anyway.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  Sorry, I keep bringing up diarrhea.

• 29:54Robert Evans?

  So, look, if there's one thing this book is going to cause, it's diarrhea.

• 30:02Robert Evans?

  You are, you are going up to a bunch of very clogged up 50s guys and saying, what if you only ate raw fruit? Massive quantities of it, as much as you can fit in your body.

• 30:16Robert Evans?

  These, these guys did damage to the septic system in Los Angeles. That, that was a big part of why the fires got so bad.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Oh, Robert.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  This is actually very serious. We need to find out if Jim's okay.

• 30:36Robert Evans?

  So, this is their, this is their biggest advice, because Jim needs to get live food in his body.

• 30:40Speaker 00

  Live.

• 30:41Robert Evans?

  Vital food in his body.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  Vital.

• 30:43Robert Evans?

  Like the vast majority of humans on planet Earth, Jim Lindy is relied upon cooked food to energize his body. This is a serious error, for it is impossible to get something vital out of something dead.

• 30:53Speaker 00

  Cooking electrons out.

• 30:56Robert Evans?

  That's right. As they say, cooked and processed food is nine tenths dead. For the life energy, liftronic energy that was originally in the food has been forced out of it into the atmosphere by the vibratory action of the fire. If one knows how to cause-

• 31:10Speaker 00

  He does make the molecules move around faster, right?

• 31:14Robert Evans?

  And that makes me wonder, so if I like sit by a cooking fire and just breathe in, am I, am I okay? And he kinda says yes, because he's like, there are certain techniques that you can get more life energy out of the air, so you could be okay on cooked food.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  But if you want it- If the liftrons are like coming off at like a steam, why don't you just huff it?

• 31:29Robert Evans?

  Huff the steam. Apparently that does work to a degree, but as, as Lonzara notes, no true adapter master on any planet eats cooked food, for it is contrary to natural law and always has a destructive effect.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  Always.

• 31:44Robert Evans?

  Yeah. Oh, we get to the water here. Jim is drunk freely from the ordinary reservoir water and of water from mineral springs of this earth. Although this water contains a certain amount of li- of liftronic energy derived through contact with sun and air, it also contains quantities of inorganic minerals. These minerals are too low in corson vibration to be used by the human body. He does kind of explain why it doesn't work like crystals. Uh, so yeah, they, they just get deposited in, positive in your nerves where it's bad for you.

• 32:15Speaker 00

  So they're anti, they're anti-fluoride for sure.

• 32:17Robert Evans?

  They're, he, they, these guys definitely would not be happy to hear fluoride being in our water. However, I realize that liftronic, or that live organic water is obtained by simply eating fresh, juicy fruits. Don't eat, don't drink water. Get a camelback full of raw fruit. That's all you need to get you through the bush.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  The, the wettest fruits.

• 32:37Robert Evans?

  The wettest of the fruits.

• 32:40Robert Evans?

  Nothing but that. Um, so yeah, that's, that's, that's what keeps you alive, right? That, that, that's what's going to help you live forever. So folks, if you take nothing from this, eat nothing but raw fruit and you will never die and become God, or at least Venus.

• 32:54Speaker 00

  I did eat like 10 clementines earlier, so I think I'm pretty fucking vital today.

• 32:59Robert Evans?

  Mm hmm. You know, when you came on this, I was like, well, Molly looks like she has been powered by Venus. Like you look like you can never get sick again, you know?

• 33:09Speaker 00

  I definitely don't look like I stayed up all night reading old Hungarian newspapers.

• 33:13Robert Evans?

  Yeah. No, nothing, nothing goes with an old Hungarian newspaper like a Clementine. I'm always saying that. I've said that once, but it's true. You know what else is true, Molly?

• 33:25Speaker 00

  That all atoms are made of life trons, which descend from the thought trons.

• 33:28Robert Evans?

  This is very funny. I actually grabbed a couple of my crystals that I keep nearby for just such occasions in between the last, you know, couple of sentences that I read. We cut this out, but I focused on a pillar of light as I pressed in on my head and Lonzara actually came down and was like, hey, man, how's it, how's it going on? And I was like, I'm, I'm doing good. I'm just, I'm trying to figure out how can I deliver to my audience the maximum value and joy that they need in these difficult times in order to overcome the dark energy that's constantly assailing all of us. And he was like, I don't know, bro, maybe tell them to get off Twitter. But then he said, listen to these ads.

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• 35:09Robert Evans?

  We're back. What do you think Lonzara looks like, Molly?

• 35:13Speaker 00

  Probably really sexy.

• 35:14Robert Evans?

  You think he's hot? I was, I was going to ask. I was like, no, that's not a responsible thing to ask colleague. Do you think he's hot? But I was wanting to ask, do you think he's hot? Cause I think he's hot.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  That fake photo of young Stalin.

• 35:26Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I just feel like this is the kind of cult where like health is beauty, beauty is health. Right? I feel like that's very much sort of baked into the vibe here. So like if, what is his name Lonzara? If Lonzara is not sexy, like I'm not taking fruit advice from him.

• 35:41Robert Evans?

  No.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  No, you know, you know what? I bet, I bet, I bet everyone on Venus looks like um those hot Nazis from the um the Star Trek planet where.

• 35:49Robert Evans?

  Oh, where they tried to kill Wesley.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, where you can't break the rules. Yeah, you can't go in the grass.

• 35:53Robert Evans?

  Yeah, no, that's, I, that's my favorite planet because they tried to get rid of Wesley, which we should do. Um, anyway, that's outside of the point. I, I, I do agree, Molly, like a big unstated part of this is that like as silly as all of this sounds, I would do every piece of this if someone who was sufficiently sexy told me to. Like if Lee Pace is like, oh no, my old secret, nothing but raw fruit. I'm going to a raw fruit diet, you know?

• 36:18Speaker 00

  What you're describing is what has happened to millions of young women on Instagram.

• 36:21Robert Evans?

  I know, I know, I know. Lee Pace has tremendous power right now. And it really says something about how good a person he is that he just posts videos of himself learning how to build a house with his bare hands.

• 36:31Speaker 00

  I don't know who or what Lee Pace is. I'm just talking about getting bad, bad health advice from a sexy person.

• 36:37Robert Evans?

  Oh, man, no, Lee Pace has nothing but good advice, which is largely marry a dude and go live in the woods, building a farmhouse. Um, also be in several very good movies and TV shows. Anyway.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  I've, I've Googled Lee Pace and it's not helping. He doesn't look familiar.

• 36:53Robert Evans?

  Oh, you've never seen The Fall? Oh, Molly, you gotta see The Fall.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  The TV show with Gillian Anderson?

• 36:58Robert Evans?

  No, very different thing. It's a movie. It's great. He's also in Foundation, which is a TV show, also great.

• 37:05Speaker 00

  All men look the same to me. I'm so sorry.

• 37:07Robert Evans?

  Oh, not Lee Pace. Not once you really get a good Lee Pace thing in there. I'll send you some, I'll send you some.

• 37:14Speaker 00

  I started typing Lee Pace and Google asked me if I meant Lenny Riefenstall. So like just things are bad.

• 37:19Robert Evans?

  You do not, you do not want Lenny Riefenstall.

• 37:21Speaker 00

  They're bad on my computer. I can't.

• 37:22Robert Evans?

  No, no, no, we can't. I can't, I can't let this be.

• 37:27Robert Evans?

  I can't let this be.

• 37:28Speaker 02

  Keep reading to us.

• 37:30Robert Evans?

  No, no, we're doing a Lee Pace. Look, we're doing, we're doing a Lee Pace. I gotta, I gotta bring you guys a good Lee Pace. All right, all right, this is a good, this is a good Lee Pay shot. Okay, one sec, one sec, I'm doing a control and a plus.

• 37:43Speaker 00

  Control, yeah, you learned something today.

• 37:45Robert Evans?

  Uh huh.

• 37:48Robert Evans?

  Me being a hack and a fraud really paid off.

• 37:50Speaker 02

  Robert just went one, two, three.

• 37:53Robert Evans?

  I've just been clipping shit into Earth and View for years.

• 37:56Robert Evans?

  All right, look at that, look at that man, look at that piece of man, look at that shirt he's wearing.

• 38:02Speaker 00

  What are these outfits, what is this from?

• 38:04Robert Evans?

  This is Foundation, it's a great show, look at him, look at him in that shirt. Oh.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  Okay, yeah, I'll watch that for sure.

• 38:12Robert Evans?

  That's right, you're goddamn right.

• 38:13Speaker 02

  Not offended.

• 38:18Robert Evans?

  Anyway.

• 38:18Speaker 00

  All right, let's vibrate.

• 38:20Robert Evans?

  Three Rivers to Cross, Part Three, Jim Lindy wakes up the morning after.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  The best shit of his life.

• 38:28Robert Evans?

  Fighting demons on that throne.

• 38:35Robert Evans?

  He harbored the Dark Lord.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  What the fuck?

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 38:42Robert Evans?

  So, he's had a dream, as Lon Zara told our narrator, Michael.

• 38:50Robert Evans?

  I'm sorry.

• 38:52Robert Evans?

  He's had a dream, in this dream, a message was conveyed to him, he had three rivers to cross.

• 38:59Robert Evans?

  And he crossed all these rivers, he was, you know, felt weak, but then he managed to find the strength and did it. I'm not gonna read this guy's whole dream to you, I made one promise when I started podcasting, two. One was I won't sell Baldness Kears, and the other was that I won't read anybody's dream extensively. And I have kept those promises, you know, just to not be like Alex Jones, that's the only promises that I will keep. But yeah, so, he has this dream, and it convinces him that, like, and at the end of it, every, every cell of his body radiates health, and he sees the Grim Reaper flee from him in fear, so he knows like-

• 39:36Speaker 00

  Cause he's unkillable now, he's too life chronic.

• 39:40Robert Evans?

  He's got so much fiber in his diet.

• 39:43Speaker 00

  He's just in a Life Tronic mech suit. The Grim Reaper cannot touch him.

• 39:47Robert Evans?

  That's, that's what the fiber does is it builds like an Iron Man suit around you of like what used to be bananas and melons. Eagerly, he rushed to, it is really, it is very obvious at this point, how deeply this affected Steve Jobs. Like, he truly believed Lon Zara was going to save him from fucking pancreatic cancer.

• 40:05Speaker 00

  That's so troubling.

• 40:07Robert Evans?

  Or prostate, whichever one killed him.

• 40:09Speaker 00

  One of the pee cancers, for sure.

• 40:12Robert Evans?

  Yeah, I think it was pancreatic. I think it's what got my mom. Eagerly, he rushed to a mirror to see if by some magic means the wonderful dream had come true. So real, the experience had been to Jim. It seemed that surely it must have happened. But as he gazed into the mirror, he saw at once that no magic had taken place, at least any that was evidently, evident immediately to the eyes. His body was still sickly looking, prematurely old and lacking in vital strength. An unusually vibrant sparkle, however, shone strongly in his blue eyes, as if he had contacted living forces that could quite easily, if they so will, transform him into the happy, healthy individual he longed to be. This briefly was the first inspiring dream contact, as Jim related it to Ro while we walked. So, he's had a, he's had a, or I

• 40:56Robert Evans?

  think Bro was supposed to be me. Someone did a fine replace in this manuscript that fucked it up a little bit. So they have a dinner, which consists of fresh, delicious, organic fruit sliced into generous bowl topped with sunflower seeds, almond nut cream, and a sprig of mint leaf.

• 41:11Speaker 00

  Refreshing.

• 41:12Robert Evans?

  Yeah, everything, everything is, is uncooked. You can tell immediately when foods have been submitted to fire. And after breakfast, Jim has to wa, Jim has to write some letters while our author retires to his den. And then he describes his library, which is very exciting to me. "I went to my library room to catch up on some serious reading. My library is somewhat unique in that it contains several thousand books chiefly of an occult or mystical nature. My collection of flying saucer..." In 1960, he might have been. I desperately wanna see, cuz this is like, I gotta think, if this, if he's got thousands of books about like, spaceflight, interplanetary books, flying saucer shit in 1960.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  He has every single one.

• 41:54Robert Evans?

  And most of this shit, like, is gone forever now. Like, a lot of this did not get digitized. This man's library was a treasure trove of lost media that I would kill to get my hands on. We'd be set for years, Molly. We could do this twice a week.

• 42:11Speaker 00

  Think of the content.

• 42:12Robert Evans?

  Think of how much content we'd get. Ah, if only. If you know where fucking Michael X's library went.

• 42:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, where was this estate sale?

• 42:23Robert Evans?

  I will fight and kill to get my hands on it. So he starts looking through his library to find something on the subject of health that he can recommend to Jim. And he's disappointed. I think this is his explanation for why he had to write these books.

• 42:36Speaker 00

  Because the book he needed didn't exist, that's why he had to write it.

• 42:39Robert Evans?

  That's right. And every self-help book has that piece in the why I had to write it thing. And then, while he's reading, and don't you hate it, Molly, we all have this experience, you're deep in some research, you're in the stacks, as it were, and you get a call, you know, your phone starts buzzing, and you're like, goddammit.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  That never happens to me, mine doesn't ring.

• 42:58Robert Evans?

  Yeah, mine doesn't ring either, actually. You simply can't exist that way anymore. But his phone is not ringing, he is getting called by tele-thot communication, which I guess, is there like a do not disturb for that?

• 43:10Speaker 00

  Actually, that does happen to me.

• 43:11Robert Evans?

  You turn your tele-thot back on, you're like, oh shit, I missed a lot of calls from the fucking arborist who's supposed to come and cut that tree down. Fuck me, fuck me. I had one thing to do today.

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Do you think the Venusians can leave voicemails?

• 43:25Robert Evans?

  You know.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  Maybe that's what the dreams are. Cuz I was gonna ask, what's the difference between dream communication and tele-thot, if it's one easier, maybe the dreams are the voicemails.

• 43:33Robert Evans?

  You just go to sleep, and it's like, hey, uh, so, longs are here, and, uh, sorry, I'm in, I'm in traffic right now. Hey, hey, come on, speed up, man, it's the fucking highway. Sorry, anyway, I just wanted to let you know.

• 43:45Speaker 00

  So you're positing a universe in which even our ascended masters get stuck in traffic?

• 43:49Robert Evans?

  That, yes, because I, I can only imagine, and I get the feeling Michael imagines, that Venus is just like Los Angeles in the stars. It's just LA.

• 44:02Speaker 00

  Everyone's eating an Arowan.

• 44:05Robert Evans?

  Yeah, it's fucking Whole Foods as far as the eye can goddamn see. So he gets a call from Lonzara, and he's like, hey, good news, you know? Your buddy, we sent him a dream. The first river he crossed represents the basic, primary need to cleanse the mind of negative thoughts, false tradition, or race thinking. Uh-oh.

• 44:27Robert Evans?

  Uh-oh.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  The what?

• 44:30Robert Evans?

  And the error, he just moves right past it. And the error of reasoning from false or wrong premises. As long as Jim Lindy clings to the useless mental habit of worshiping, all caps, false gods, he will remain confused and sick. False gods are those ideas, beliefs, and practices based upon human ignorance, willful deceit, or mystifying complexity. They invariably, all caps, block the constructive healing power of the natural, all caps, life forces. This is why most methods of healing human ills on your planet are so ineffective. Many of them are ridiculous, some are actually destructive. Why? Because they ignore the divine intelligence, or god power, within the individual and interfere with its natural activity, which is always working towards good.

• 45:12Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:13Robert Evans?

  Yeah.

• 45:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:14Robert Evans?

  I mean, what's there to even say about that?

• 45:17Speaker 00

  I mean, what if that's, I mean, the first river seems like it covers a lot of territory. What are the second two rivers?

• 45:21Robert Evans?

  The first river covers, yeah, that's a real Ganges kind of situation there. So, yeah, he goes on, all these rivers are basically the same thing, which is you've got to cleanse yourself of different things that are bad.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  Well, the first river cleansed the mind, the second river cleanses the colon.

• 45:34Robert Evans?

  Emotional or desire. The colon got cleansed immediately, Molly.

• 45:41Speaker 00

  My god.

• 45:42Robert Evans?

  Oh, shit. Now, the second river is emotional or desire nature. The third river signifies the great need to cleanse all the cells of the physical body, as well as the atoms of which those cells are composed. Exhausting. About once every three years, I managed to clean the baseboards in my house, and I always feel like a fucking god. So I can't imagine if you got around to cleaning your atoms, you'd feel great.

• 46:06Speaker 00

  Well, if the atoms are like, if the atoms are gunked up, like the life trons can't.

• 46:10Robert Evans?

  They're not gonna move around. Yeah.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  The life trons will stagnate. Yeah. No, when I'm vacuuming the baseboards.

• 46:17Robert Evans?

  Like it's like a like a life tron reuptake inhibitor, which actually seems like it could be good. If you don't let the life trons leave, then maybe like they stay in you like an SSRI.

• 46:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, you need to re stimulate the the life receptors.

• 46:28Robert Evans?

  But then if you if you eat too much fruit, which I think is like the life tron equivalent of MDMA, you get life tron syndrome?

• 46:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  I'm vibrating at a too high.

• 46:41Robert Evans?

  Kids at the club eating fruit, like passing out. They have to get like fruit in our can, which I guess is just a steak.

• 46:49Speaker 00

  I'm vibrating at such a high frequency.

• 46:57Robert Evans?

  Yeah, you keep like some McDonald's fries in a breakaway glass thing in order to bring them down if they get too high up into space.

• 47:07Speaker 00

  There's a guy in a booth watching the surveillance camera. And if you disappear from the footage, you know, your vibrational frequency is too high.

• 47:12Robert Evans?

  Too high. You're too high.

• 47:13Speaker 00

  Hit him with the beef tallow.

• 47:14Robert Evans?

  Yeah, they're coming in there with a fucking sloppy joe.

• 47:20Robert Evans?

  The sprinklers just start dropping.

• 47:23Speaker 00

  Like in Blade, except it's.

• 47:25Robert Evans?

  Like in Blade.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  It's just warm tallow.

• 47:27Robert Evans?

  I but the second before you said that, I thought of Blade, Molly. Speaking of vibrations, you and I are clearly, we're clearly riding a similar wave right now.

• 47:40Robert Evans?

  Oh, fuck. Anyway, we'll move away from Jim's boring dream and to the prescription that Lonzara actually gives Michael while he's just trying to read a goddamn book. And it's that.

• 47:51Speaker 00

  The answers weren't in the fucking book.

• 47:53Robert Evans?

  It's a cleansing fast, Molly. It's a cleansing fast. So day one.

• 47:58Speaker 00

  But how are you gonna get any life trons that way?

• 48:00Robert Evans?

  Well, that's that's kind of the thing. The first you've got to get out the bad stuff that's blocking the life trons. All you get on day one, distilled water with a little bit of lemon or orange juice in it. 1% juice to 99% water.

• 48:12Speaker 00

  Dead water you can get. It's the deadest water.

• 48:14Robert Evans?

  Well, not according to this guy. I don't know, Molly. Do you know any guys from Venus?

• 48:19Speaker 00

  I'm just saying, if we're talking about like vital forces, distilled water is dead.

• 48:25Robert Evans?

  They're in LA. This book wouldn't have gotten written if they tried drinking from the LA River. That is just one, that is just a solid mass of Giardia.

• 48:35Speaker 00

  It's too vital.

• 48:37Robert Evans?

  The LA River is in fact too alive.

• 48:44Robert Evans?

  Oh, man. It's so funny, LA has a river and it's just concrete. The whole riverbed, everything's concrete. Yeah. No, there was a river going through LA and we just kinda made it all concrete. If you've watched Terminator 2, the great chase scene where Terminator's on the motorcycle, that's the Los Angeles River. They're driving on the riverbed. There's some water, not a lot usually.

• 49:10Speaker 00

  Where did they put the river?

• 49:13Robert Evans?

  They didn't put it anywhere. Everyone just moved to Southern California and bought cars and nature took its course. So, we've got this cleansing fast. Day three, finally, is when you actually start to eat again and you get all you can eat of one fruit, right?

• 49:29Speaker 00

  Fruit of your choice, like dealer's choice?

• 49:31Robert Evans?

  Fruit of your choice, yes, including tomatoes. He reminds us those are a fruit.

• 49:35Speaker 00

  What fruit are you picking?

• 49:39Robert Evans?

  I wanna say cherries, but I know that we lost a precedent that way.

• 49:43Speaker 00

  You can only eat so many of those.

• 49:44Robert Evans?

  I think probably mangoes, cuz I feel like that's gonna actually, or mangoes or pears are gonna like at least do the most to make me not miserable, right? That's, feel like they have the most body to them.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Mango's a really good choice.

• 49:56Robert Evans?

  Honestly, though, I, I tend to be a savory guy, so I think I might just be craving a tomato by that fucking point. Yeah. This is before all these guys were scared of night shades.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  Watermelon, pineapple.

• 50:08Robert Evans?

  Oh, I can destroy, oh, I gotta tell you, you know what, we're gonna close out on this, but I gotta tell you my watermelon story. So, the other day, or other year, my buddy, my buddies hanging out, he's from Berlin, he's back in the States, and he's the kinda guy, he's the guy who I had my muscle eating contest with, and every, every time one of us hears about a new weird eating thing, thing, we do it together. And the thing I read about was someone being like, hey, if you ever freeze a watermelon, then get naked in the shower and Just start eating it like literally shove it into your face like it really hot outside on a summer day like doing yard work heavy outdoor labor to where you're like exhausted you've been out for hours you're like sweaty and sunburnt then grab a half of a frozen watermelon walk

• 50:48Robert Evans?

  into the the shower and shove it into your face as you turn on the water it's a an ecstatic experience and it actually does rule definitely try that out folks eat eat a watermelon after coming in from the heat a frozen watermelon in the shower it rules just with your face washing the juices off it's a great thing

• 51:10Speaker 00

  Eating fruit should not have this many steps this sounds like some some venusian bullshit honestly did this come to you in a dream did this come to you in a dream

• 51:18Robert Evans?

  The venusians called me when I was trying to read a book and they told me to do this and so my buddy Lenny and I did it and we both agreed pretty good time

• 51:28Speaker 00

  Together or separately?

• 51:29Robert Evans?

  Separately there's not enough room there's not enough room to eat

• 51:32Speaker 02

  It's the way that the second you started to talk about this I was like it's fucking Lenny

• 51:39Robert Evans?

  Uh we had a good time anyway try that try that folks

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Okay is that the episode?

• 51:46Robert Evans?

  That's the episode this is fine this is good this is good enough I don't know that we're returning to this particular book of venusian health magic but if people like this there's some more old alien shit we can get to

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Can we see Carol Baskin one more time the cover?

• 52:02Robert Evans?

  Yeah

• 52:03Speaker 02

  The cover can you hold the cover?

• 52:04Speaker 00

  It's so beautiful

• 52:05Robert Evans?

  Yeah the cover I mean I I always worry about our listeners not seeing this but like yeah it's just like it's clearly a crayon drawing of a of a spacecraft shooting rainbows at a woman with long golden hair and flowers in her hair it's not a it does look like a child's illustration

• 52:26Speaker 00

  It looks like the cover of a coloring book

• 52:28Robert Evans?

  It looks like the color of a it looks like a Lisa Frank original coloring book yes

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Oh man

• 52:37Speaker 00

  I learned a lot about how to heal myself

• 52:42Robert Evans?

  Yep

• 52:42Speaker 00

  With vibrations and fruit

• 52:45Robert Evans?

  Are you gonna do it?

• 52:47Speaker 00

  I'm probably gonna go eat some clementines because that buy them in a big bag from Costco. So if I don't eat them 15 at a time, they go bad and then I feel bad. So I make myself feel bad by eating too many fruits.

• 52:56Robert Evans?

  House those fucking clementines. Look, until next time. Now here's my question, what about, because I do kind of wonder if raw meat guys are descended from this where they're like, who's right about cooking stuff, but it doesn't have to be fruit, you know? There's a lot of bacteria on raw meat. Why not?

• 53:15Speaker 00

  It's vital, it's very vital.

• 53:17Robert Evans?

  Yeah, especially if you're as obsessed with game as these guys are, there's a lot of parasites in there too. It's extremely alive.

• 53:23Speaker 00

  I mean, I do like a raw meat, but under a very specific circumstance, you know?

• 53:28Robert Evans?

  Yeah, nice sushi.

• 53:29Speaker 00

  Oh, I don't eat fish. I'm afraid of the ocean. I'm talking about steak tartare.

• 53:33Robert Evans?

  Oh, steak tartare can be pretty good. Well, Molly, where can people find you and your work? The steak tartare of writing about weird little guys.

• 53:41Speaker 00

  Wow, true. Just raw, raw and uncut.

• 53:44Robert Evans?

  Raw and uncut.

• 53:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can listen to Weird Little Guys every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts. It's fun and it won't make you sad, probably. It will make you sad.

• 53:55Robert Evans?

  It'll make you sad. Yeah. All right, everybody. Well, this has been Behind the Bastards, a podcast that this week was about Venus. Next week, I'm sure we'll be back with somebody more problematic.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  Behind the Bastards is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more from Cool Zone Media, visit our website, coolzonemedia.com, or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Behind the Bastards is now available on YouTube. New episodes every Wednesday and Friday. Subscribe to our channel, youtube.com slash at Behind the Bastards.

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