Richard Bacon: Headlines, Addiction & Love “I Wouldn’t Be Alive Without Her”

What if your worst moment is actually your biggest gift? In this episode of Begin Again, broadcaster and television producer Richard Bacon joins Davina for a funny and deeply moving conversation about public failure, addiction, ADHD, love and building a new life after everything changes. Richard reflects on landing his dream job at Blue Peter, the betrayal by a close friend that turned his private life into a national headline, and what it felt like to lose everything so publicly at just 22 years old. He shares how unexpected people rallied around him, why the chaos that once got him into trouble later became one of his greatest strengths, and how he learned to keep moving forward when others believed his career was over. Together, Richard and Davina explore his relationship with addiction, his ADHD diagnosis in his forties, and the relief of finally understanding the way his mind works. Richard explains how that diagnosis helped him make sense of both his scattered attention and extraordinary ability to hyperfocus, and why the qualities he once struggled with have become central to his creativity and success. But this conversation is about much more than headlines. Richard speaks movingly about his wife Rebecca, the excitement of falling in love, and the grounding force she has been throughout their marriage. He recalls being told by his doctor that he might not be alive without her, and the terrifying moment, one year later, when he was placed into a coma and his family were warned that he might not survive. This is a conversation about love, public failure, second chances and finding the people who help you stay grounded when life becomes chaotic. If you’ve ever felt defined by a mistake, struggled to understand your own mind, or wondered whether it’s possible to rebuild when life goes completely off script, this episode is for you. ✨ Discover Richard’s podcast, Why Are You More Successful Than Me:Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/why-are-you-more-successful-than-me-with-richard-bacon/id1895025167 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WhyAreYouMoreSuccessfulThanMe Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6yWlm1mVITUj5DBDo15YAg 🌟 Like, comment and subscribe for more honest conversations about purpose, resilience, love, loss and beginning again. Tap the bell so you never miss a new episode. Follow us here: 📸 www.instagram.com/beginagain 🎥 https://www.tiktok.com/@beginagainpod ✨ Sign up for the Begin Again newsletter for behind-the-scenes access, recommendations and much more: https://linkly.link/2g2xm We'd love you to share your Get Busy Living stories with us at https://getbusyliving.beginagainshow.com/ (00:00) Intro(01:14) Intro to Richard Bacon(08:49) Richard's parents, their relationship, and his upbringing(11:10) Fidning Broadcasting(12:47) First job in live TV(17:08) How Richard got banned from the State Opening of Parliament with Newsbunny(20:09) Richard talks about some of the crazy shows he worked on early in his TV career(21:36) Getting banned from McDonalds for life(22:55) ADHD diagnosis in his 40s(27:21) Meeting his Wifem Rebecca(28:21) Monzo Ad(29:23) Ancient & Brave Ad(36:54) Landing Presenting Slot on Blue Peter(42:49) The Scandal that got him Fired(43:51) His Best Friend Leaking The Story To The Press(48:40) Shopify Ad(53:54) The Aftermath of Getting Fired(58:16) Getting into Radio and deciding to move to LA(01:05:50) Richard's near death experience and going into a coma(01:07:28) Richard's relationship with alchohol(01:11:02) What's next for Richard, how much he loves change Sponsored by: Monzo - Download Monzo. Monzo Current Accounts are for 16+ and UK residents. Ts&Cs Apply. Ancient + Brave - https://ancientandbrave.earth/pages/planet and use code BEGINAGAIN for 20% off your order Shopify - https://shopify.co.uk for £1 a month trial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  The doctor said to me, "I'm surprised you're not dead." She's keeping you alive.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  Oh my god, that is amazing.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  I know. Falling in love, subconscious, it might keep me alive.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Oh, love that.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  But I think there were three things I wanted when I was young. I wanted to have my own business, I wanted to broadcast, or be an MP.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  There's only one you've got.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  There's only one I haven't done, I know.

• 0:47Speaker 02

  There's still time, Richard.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  I think it's unlikely, there's too many stories.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  In television, it was an anarchic time, but you've enjoyed it.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  I did enjoy it, yeah. I'd just decided to tell Blue Peter that I was naughty. And all these things I'd done, chasing James Hewitt down the street.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Very naughty.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Getting thrown out of McDonald's for life. I'd warned them in effect, so they should have seen the early warning sign, because then it did go wrong.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  But then you lose your dream job.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  I'll tell you what happened. It's news of the world, cocaine, and lots of it.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  But you have a very good, loving relationship.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  I would not have predicted that I would stay married, because I obviously am an addict, and...

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Just talk to me about that.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  The doctor goes, "We've looked at your X-ray, it's bad. We need to put you into a coma in the next 20 minutes."

• 1:31Speaker 02

  Oh my god, wait, stop. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  I should be dead, I think.

• 1:35Speaker 02

  So you must have had that feeling of, "I've been saved." Why have you been saved?

• 1:41Speaker 01

  I think...

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Richard Bacon.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Hi, Davina.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  On my list of people that I wanted to interview when I started this podcast, you were like top 20.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  That's fair. Why?

• 1:58Speaker 02

  I really admire you.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  I think you're very brave. I think you've taken risks in this industry, and when it's quite easy to stay safe and stay where you are, you've kind of just gone, "Nope, not doing that, going over here."

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  And also, I am obviously married to Michael.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Who I know.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Michael loves you.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love Michael. I mean, I've known him for 15 years, I think, now. I mean, I really like Michael. It's funny, I've sort of been in your life without ever, we haven't like spent that much time together.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  That's how I feel about you.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it?

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Because of Michael.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Because of Michael, I mean, because of Michael. So it's always, like, I met Michael, and I don't know why he started doing my hair. And by the way, he's done my hair for today.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  I called him Friday, so this is a Monday. I called him Friday, went, "Mike, I'm going on your wife's podcast, and there's only one person who actually does my hair well. In my entire life, I've only met one person who can do my hair and make it look good, and it's Michael Douglas." And so I've known him, and then known you through him, and it was just interesting watching both of you kind of get together, you know, leave marriages. And I was watching that, not exactly as a spectator, but my wife Rebecca also loves Michael, as you know.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I mean, he loves her.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  And another thing that I've loved about you vicariously through him is your relationship.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  You have a very good, solid, loving relationship.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  I do.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  And I really respect that, and I really respect the way you talk about Rebecca.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  It's interesting, like, I really love Rebecca, and I think she's, the two best decisions I made, I think, as an adult were definitely her. And the other one was a strange one, which was moving to Los Angeles and the impact that had on my life, which we'll talk about, I'm sure.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  I definitely, I mean, this is one of the bravest things I think you've ever done.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was out there, and not really, like, fully thought through. And a lot of friends are like, "What are you doing? Do you mean you're going to Los Angeles?" And it ended up changing my career, because now I come up with TV formats for a living. But it was all a process of living there. But Rebecca is, um, yeah, she's my, I mean, I don't know if I'd even be alive without Rebecca. In fact, my ADHD doctor explicitly said that. Explicitly said, "You'd be dead if it wasn't for her."

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Do you know what I love? Already, we've already gone, like, in a thousand different directions, which I know I'm going to talk to you about at some point. And this is what, I knew I'd enjoy talking to you, because it's like, exciting.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, yeah, I mean, we've both got similar energy, I suppose. We've also both been around a long time. We were both on TV in the 90s, and if you think about that, I mean, that's basically 30 years ago, isn't it? I mean, if you met someone our age in the 90s who'd been on TV in the 60s, do you know what I mean? You would think, you would think they were so old, wouldn't you? It'd be like, go back to 95 and 96 and meeting someone who introduced the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show or something. That is pretty much the gap that we're talking about.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  So I want to go back to the beginning.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Go on, then.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  To you in Nottinghamshire.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  And I'd like to talk to you about an incident that happened to your mum when you were very little.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  And she was in an accident.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  She got burnt.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  Quite badly.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm really happy, I didn't know you knew about that, but I might have talked about that.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, because I feel like you were, what, five?

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, she was, no, she was five.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  She was five. What happened was, I mean, this is, it had a very profound impact on her, and I think on all of us. Because I've read some really interesting science as well about mums, well, if your mum goes through childhood trauma, it can cause ADHD in offspring. I read a load of science on this recently. So she went through a really significant trauma, she was five years old, she grew up in a pub in a mining town called Blydworth, and she was lying in front of an electric fire. And she caught fire, and she's to this day got scars all over, over her shoulders, all over her body, down to about here. And they expected her to die in the hospital. And her sister, there was a bottle, there was some lettuce in a bowl of water in the kitchen in this pub.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  And Yvonne, my aunt, grabbed it and threw it on my mum's face. And that is the thing that saved her face from being burnt, which obviously would have truly changed the outcome of her whole life. And it was very severe, and she had, her dad was horrible, a deep alcoholic, just a horrible bloke, Jack. I'm not worried about calling him horrible, because he was horrible.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  And I remember she told me this story where, mum and I went to therapy together, which was really interesting.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Wait, why? When?

• 6:45Speaker 01

  When I was living in Los Angeles. I think because I was doing therapy, and my therapist said, as they always do, they talk about your relationship with your mum, right? They just do. And one day, I was with a therapist, and I said, "Oh, my mum's in town, why don't I just, you talk about her that much, why not I just bring her to therapy?" And she went, "Oh my god, I love that." And it was so, so interesting.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  I'm potentially starting a podcast called, not with me in it, but called Take Your Mum to Therapy, where a celebrity goes to therapy with their mum, because it's so interesting. And I sat there with her, and you're guided by an expert, and she just told stories in a way I hadn't heard before, but she talked about, she said, "I can remember being five and in the ambulance going to hospital, completely burnt, and just holding her dad's hand, saying, 'Dad, am I going to die? Am I going to die?'" And when she was telling me that, the first time she told me that story, but she was in therapy, my daughter was only a little bit older than that at the time, and then you start to imagine, okay, imagine Ivy is doing that to me, and then I started crying in front of my mum, which I've never really done before.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Have you not?

• 7:48Speaker 01

  No.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  So did you, because you were talking about your mum had a very difficult relationship with her dad.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  But meeting your dad.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  You know, trusting another man.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  How old was she when she met your dad?

• 8:01Speaker 01

  I think, sort of, 18, 19, something like that. Working, my dad's a lawyer, he still does a little bit of legal work, but he, they met at his law firm, and he's very nice. My mum is wonderful, but quite intense, you know, she's very...

• 8:19Speaker 02

  In what way?

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Big, we're all big drinkers, really, in the family, you know. She'd been through anorexia, very young, something I'm not sure has ever fully left her. She's, yeah, she's wonderful, she's a huge personality, but, you know, has some narcissism qualities to her as well. She's, whereas my dad doesn't have any of her complexities. But she's fascinating. I mean, she is, when I went to therapy with her, she was just so interesting. I'd never really, not even heard her speak like that. I've understood just how transparent and honest she is.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  You know what I mean by that?

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Which is, I think, to somebody like you.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  Incredibly valuable.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's really valuable. She, you know, she came from a difficult background, and in the end, she has achieved what she set out to achieve in life. She's stayed married, she's had three kids, we're all really close, you know, she's found a type of stability that she never got for herself, if that makes sense.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  So your mum and dad had a good relationship.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  I mean, they felt solid to you as you were growing up? Did it feel...

• 9:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, sometimes I'm amazed he puts up with her, but, yeah, definitely, definitely. We had a lovely childhood, and I think, yeah, we, they, look, my dad, they're both from very working-class families. He became a lawyer, only one of his family to go to university. So they were very much new middle class, and it was very much like wanting to become middle class, if you know what I mean. I went to a private school, and it was, there was a lot of, you know, my dad prided himself on having a BMW with a private reg plate, you know? It was, they were the aspiring middle classes in a town in the Midlands.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  I mean, your dad was very inspiring for you, wasn't he?

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Because he inspired like, an aspect of you that was very socially minded.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is true. Yeah, how do you know that?

• 10:10Speaker 02

  You wanted to take care of people.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  This is a bit like being in therapy.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  He's quite similar.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  But you're very intuitive about that sort of stuff to me, now I must say. I mean, he did, he is actually, he is very social. That's absolutely true. And then, you know, very curious, and he's very bright. And they love having people around and they entertained a lot. And I suppose that's what I've got in me as well. You know, I think when you host TV shows, part of that is because you like, you do like entertaining at some level, isn't it? You like people, you're interested in people.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  You're interested.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  And I mean, again, your dad wanted to do good in the world. And, and you even had aspirations to become an MP. Talk me through that.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  I did. I still sometimes think, so I should have done that. There was one, I remember. I used to go to quite a lot of Labour Party events. And it was just in the dying month of Tony Blair being PM, I went to a Labour Party event. And I was on a table with Hazel Bullers, who was in the cabinet. And I was chatting to her, she went, you should become an MP, we'll get you a seat. And I was like, should I do this? And now I did want to be an MP. I think there were three things I wanted when I was young. I wanted to either, I wanted to have my own business. I wanted to, to broadcast, uh, or be an MP. I've, I've, I've done two of those things.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  I was just gonna say, there's only one you've.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  There's only one I haven't done, I know.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  There's still time, Richard.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I, it's unlikely. I think it's unlikely. It's just too much. There's too many stories. But I just loved politics and I still do follow politics. Sometimes I wish I followed it less. And then I became, I sort of fell in love with broadcasting. And my dad, being a lawyer, was interviewed a lot by the local radio station. And so like the BBC Radio Nottingham's radio call would come to our house and they'd put the mast up and it was just exciting. It was really exciting. The BBC logo was in the drive. Do you know what I mean? I fucking had the BBC logos in my drive. And I just thought it was absolutely amazing. And my dad got me a day's work experience at Radio Nottingham. And then I was so enthusiastic that, um, they asked me to stay. And that's how I got into, that's how I got into it.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  And you worked there for a few years and kind of worked your way up a little bit.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  And then my favourite thing that I learned about you is that your mum was an EPO mum.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  No, that is true. That is absolutely true. Someone from your podcast called me and said, oh, we're looking forward to seeing you on Monday. And, um, so you followed your mum into radio? I was like, no, I didn't. She followed me into radio. It's completely the other way around. So I literally got her a job when I left.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  And she loved it.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  I bet she did.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  God, and she was like finding stories and putting them on air. She absolutely loved it. She loved it so much. So yeah, that was, it was fun. And you know, BBC local radio to me was magic. I, I, there was one point when I would. I'd get in at 6am and I'd work on the breakfast show and they'd do live outside broadcasts and then. And then I'd stay till midnight editing a package for the next day's breakfast show. And you know, in the old days, you had those tapes and you would splice them together. And I'd be listening, picking records from the record library, what track went with a particular news story. Like, it was just so, I can't tell you how exciting it was.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  How did you get your audition then for Blue Peter? Cause that came, oh no, in between.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Live TV.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  TV.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Did you ever work there?

• 13:27Speaker 02

  No, but I remember.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Claudia worked there.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  I remember it happening and it being like, suddenly all these new independent like channels were popping up all over the place.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Funny. So there was this, the Daily Mirror set up a, a cable TV company called Live TV and they had all these crazy ideas. They tried to buy the premiership at one point. Like, it was all mad. It was completely crazy.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  You've got to admire the balls of it though.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  Fucking balls.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Like, big balls.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  And I went and I was like, I was doing film reviews on local radio, on Radio Nottingham. And I had to go to London to interview film stars for local, like junkets. And someone just said to me, oh, you should do an, someone who worked there said, you look like you could be on TV, you should do an audition. So I did one weekend, went there and I actually went straight on air. I did an outside broadcast from Covent Garden. And I loved it. And it was live and it was on the TV and it was just amazing. And then they were like, well, you should come and have a proper interview for a job. So Nick Ferrari gave me my first job in TV. The guy who does the Elvis and Breakfast Show now. He was really intimidating. And I went, I went to see him in his office. It was in Canary Wharf. But it was just amazing itself. 24th floor of like, it's just, you know, I'm from Mansfield and it's just these really grand buildings.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  And I sat in his office and he said, what do you do on Radio Nottingham? And the week before, I'd interviewed an English teacher who coached a girls' football team and they'd won the local league. And when I interviewed him, I said to him, look, you're an English teacher. Do you quote Shakespeare to motivate these girls? And he said, no, I don't. And I said, can you pretend that you do? And he went, I suppose so. So I said, say, you know, 2-0 or not 2-0. You know, once unto the breachers, dear players and stuff like that. And he went, okay. So he, he says all this in my interview that I've given him. And then start the machine. He goes, he goes, yes, I say 2-0 or not 2-0. That then goes on to the news wise and it's in the Sun. And in the Sun, when Nick Ferrari was interviewing me and he goes, what do you do at Radio Nottingham?

• 15:15Speaker 01

  On page eight of the Sun that day was half a page and they'd mocked up the bard on a football field and written a story about how an English teacher. You know, quote Shakespeare. And I said to him, I said, Nick, this is what I do. And I made that story up. And he went, fantastic.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  You're in.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're in.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  That is actually amazing.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was amazing timing.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  And very funny.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  And it was sitting on his, cause he'd worked at the Sun. He was just sitting on his desk and I flicked it open and I made that up. And obviously people from that tabloid era are quite happy with the sort of made up exaggerated story thing.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  And what, you were 19?

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  In that kind of position with a Nick Ferrari type person who is intimidating anyway, like he's such a big commanding.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  He's really intimidating.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Man.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  And his boss was Kelvin McKenzie. He was there as well. You know, the old Sun editors. Fuck, I mean, they were all there. God, I remember one, for Christmas going. I was just leaving the office to go home for Christmas and I just saw him in the corridor and I went, um, because I was scared of Nick Ferrari. And I, I, I admire him, I like him. I went, I went, um, happy Christmas, Nick. And he went, ho fucking ho.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  It was like, oh, okay. Got in the lift and went home.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  I still remember it. No, but if it's someone you're already scared of, right? Do you know what I mean?

• 16:35Speaker 02

  That's just the perfect thing for him to say, right?

• 16:38Speaker 01

  So it's so, if that was in a book about a Sun editor from the eighties, do you know what I mean? It's exactly fits, doesn't it? And then, but I, you know, that, it was.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Ho fucking ho, I'm gonna use that forever.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  Ho fucking ho. That was with aggression as well.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, right. But you were young. This is what I want to say is that you.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I took the job. I said, I went, I'm taking this job, moving, I went home to my dad. And I'd never even left house to go to university. So it was the first time I'd left home. And my dad, move into London. He went, okay. I said, I'm going to Cabot Place in Canary Wharf and I'm gonna live on the Isle of Dogs. He went, okay. And then a couple of days before, no, a week before I was due to go, he, he woke me up in the morning and a bomb had gone off. The IRA detonated a bomb at Canary Wharf.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Of course, I remember that.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  The week, I mean, we forget this, these old IRA companies. We used to live in a city where bombs went off. And I was like, and I went, he went, they've detonated a bomb at that place you're gonna work? He goes, you, you sure you wanna go? I said, I'm sure.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Fucking definitely going. So I went down there and then I had a, that was just an absolutely wild year. I mean, I, I got banned from the state opening of Parliament.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, talk me through that, cause that is very funny.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  I took a news bunny that, we used to have this thing called News Bunny and it was a man in a rabbit outfit. And he would like, he'd stand behind the newsreader and do, if it was a good story, thumb up, and a bad story, thumb down. It was, I mean, it was so funny. One, Kelvin McKenzie did have a funny idea. He decided to enter News Bunny into a by-election, right? So I had to cover News Bunny being in a by-election. And what Kelvin wanted was, he wanted the name News Bunny to be read out on election night, right, on TV. So the guy, he was called Ashley, had to change his name by deed poll to News Bunny. So that News Bunny got read out on television, on the other channels. There's a whole stunt. And he went, he went and campaigned in his outfit. And one of his, one of his campaign slogans or promises was to free carrots for everybody.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  And he was, he was in the middle of the road with a banner saying free carrots for everybody. And the police asked him to move and I was there covering it. And the police arrested it, arrested News Bunny. And they put him in the back of the car and he had these great big ears and they had to fold down his, you know, when they arrest someone, they do that with their head. They had to fold down his ears and put him in the back of the car. It was just the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life. And then I took News Bunny to state opening of Parliament. That really pissed them off. So black rod. I've got a letter somewhere saying you're banned from, from the House at the Palace of Westminster altogether, which is really exciting.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  I mean, this wasn't an, and, and this is very hard to say. I'm already struggling. An anarchic time.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  In, in television where suddenly the anarchy of the tabloids.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Was converted onto a channel. That's what Kelvin wanted to bring to a channel where like.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  With hardly any money as well.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  With no money, we're gonna mess it all up. We're gonna just throw it on its head. TV, we want everything to kind of go wrong.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  And a lot of it was awful and some of it was okay. Do you know what I mean? It was.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  It was exciting.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  I hosted a live show every day called Four. It was on from four until five. So it was called Four Two Five.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Obviously.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Obviously. And I hosted, I bet you, I mean, in terms of air miles of practising being on air, I did so much. I made a documentary called. Behind the Scenes of Topless Darts on Ice.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  It was Bayswater Ice Rink.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Oh my god, this is amazing.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Classic.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  It was a classic. Loads, yeah. Claudia was there, loads of people were there at that time. And it was just strange. I mean, I had never lived away from home. I was sharing a house with a load of people.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  And look at what you were doing.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  I've got.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  For a nineteen year old, what an achievement.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  I chased James Hewitt down the street once. Damon Oldman got really annoyed at me. I chased him down the street once. He threw a beer all over my face. It was, I was a commentator on ten pin bowling. That was, I mean.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  What?

• 20:33Speaker 01

  I did, where the ten pin bowling, they got the rights to ten pin bowling and I decided to commentate on it. Of course they did. I mean, god, fucking hell. I remember I got banned for life, not only from Parliament, I got banned for life from my local McDonald's. No, but I did. For life.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  And it was my local one.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  Something really bad.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  I know.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  To do that.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  I remember I already couldn't, I already couldn't cook. It was the only place I had to go for food. Banned from the place. It's because it was, it was, remember mad cow disease?

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  And so mad cow disease, mad cow disease hits. And I'm in the newsroom at Live TV and I'm standing near Kelvin McKenzie. And on the news, it said McDonald's has decided to continue to sell British beef. They have stubbornly decided, we are gonna, it was in the news, we're gonna cancel selling British beef despite mad cow disease. And Kelvin was looking out the window down at the McDonald's and the other dogs. And he went, he looked at me, I think he even knew my name, but you get, get in there, get a crew and go down there. And he went, get the manager and accuse him of murdering people.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  And you did.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  He said, go in there and tell him by continuing to sell British beef, he's murdering people. So I did. I went in there with a crew into McDonald's and I asked for the manager. And he came out and I said, you're murdering people. And then I had that's, I mean, it's legitimate reason to get banned from McDonald's for life.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  You're just unbelievably ballsy, but I think I'm gonna talk to you about this later. An ADHD diagnosis much later in life, like in your forties.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, forty, forty three, yeah.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Would have probably been a really nice explanation of why you were such a crazy risk to you. Because these, all of these things could get, get you into enormous trouble, but you sort of enjoyed it.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  I did enjoy, yeah. It's really, the ADHD thing is so interesting. It's, it explains, for some people, it explains addiction. You know, I have, I've really slowed blood flow to the front of my brain, to the prefrontal cortex. So I went to Orange County to the Amen Clinic, which is like the number one place in America for ADHD. And they did my brain scan and it was, and they showed it to me. And my, my blood flow here is so slow that it's a black patch on my brain scan. So you can actually physically see my ADHD because my blood flow here is so slow.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  And what does that mean?

• 22:57Speaker 01

  It means that I take loads of stimulants to speed it up or to make it feel like it's speeding up.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  For his coffee.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, it's my third black coffee today. You know, you can see why I got into cocaine. And it's, that's what it means. And it means scattered focus, it means hyper focus. But, but he was, even they at this clinic were like, oh, that's a big one. That's not even a normal ADHD. That is like, we can see it on your brain scan ADHD. He would, and that's when he said to me, he put his hand on Rebecca's shoulder and said, she's keeping you alive. He was like, I'm surprised you're not, he said to me, I'm surprised you're not dead. Then a year later, I was in a coma.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. I want to talk to you about this as well, but.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Do you want, do you want to go back to getting banned, getting into McDonald's?

• 23:39Speaker 02

  I, no, but I, I do quickly want to talk to you about Rebecca just there.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Where you said, she's keeping you alive. Cause I think you already had quite a good sense of that.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  That she is the person that grounds. She's your roots.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  She keeps you in the ground.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. And maybe subconsciously, you're looking for somebody like that. I met her at Capital Radio. I was hosting the drive time show. And she was, she was head of marketing. And I just, I mean, I really fancied her immediately, but I, but also she, there's just something about her, but there still is, you know, she's just got a real, I don't know what it is. Not exactly a hippie quality, but there's just something. She's a good person, Rebecca. I mean, at her core. I've sort of learned that more and more about her. We've been together twenty years, married eighteen. She's just a good.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Thanks. Can I just say, well done.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  That's, that's a big deal.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. I would not have predicted that I would stay married. Do you know what I mean? That's not, to come back to all the issues we've been hinting at here, is I'm not the sort of person you would expect to, but I want to. I want to stay with her forever. I mean, I just, you know, every now and again in your marriage, it can, it can be a bit difficult, can't it? And I'm like, God, whenever I've confronted the possibility that I might lose her, it's awful. Do you know what I mean? And I think, so maybe subconsciously, I was looking for somebody who I knew might keep me alive. But also she just has this quality about her that not only is she a good person, there's just, she's just one of those people who's touched with a bit of magic. And I, and we just talk and talk.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  But we also.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  That is a lovely thing to say about someone, Richard. She's touched with a bit of magic.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's touched a bit of magic.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Oh, I love that.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  But she really is. And I think, and we just talk and talk and talk and talk. I mean, fucking hell, it's like, even this morning, we were just talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. And then talk and talk and talk. And sometimes I say to her, isn't it wild? How do you not run out of conversation after eighteen years? And it just, I mean, you, you and Michael have that. I mean, isn't it great though?

• 25:39Speaker 02

  We're very lucky.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  We all.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely. And you had that cliche about someone being your best friend, but she is my best friend.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  And it's just, it is obviously true. And I know I just really value her and I really rate her and I really respect her. It's funny, isn't it? You just, the, the sliding doors thing of, you know, I might never have met her. Then I would, he doesn't mean, it's just, it's a random thing. I was working at XFM doing the drive time show, which I loved. And they poached me, put me on, it's a floor below on Capital Radio Drive Time Show, which wasn't really that suited to, because I like to do quite subversive things. So I had a year there, then I went back to XFM, but it's in that year. Falling in love with her was just really exciting. I mean, falling in love is exciting. It's just, it's overwhelming, isn't it? I mean, it's just, it's just, you can't wait to see each other and kissing in corridors. And

• 26:28Speaker 01

  it's just, it's just, but it is though, isn't it? It is, it's really something. And it was, you know, she was with somebody before me and that all was a bit tricky. And I mean, he certainly didn't like me. So you go through, you know, with all of these experiences.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  But yeah, I would think the, I mean, I would get excited just if she sent me a text. And I would, and it was back then when the phones weren't, this is, this is pre iPhone. It probably is, isn't it? It is. It's just pre iPhone coming out. So I'd get a text on like a Nokia. And her name would come up before you saw the text. You know what I mean? And even that, I would, I would find it exciting and almost sexy just to see the name Rebecca on a screen. Do you know what I mean? Like, it was kind of like, yeah, it was, it was, it was the happiest time of my life, I think, that year of falling in love with her.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  And how old were you then?

• 27:21Speaker 01

  I was probably thirty, yeah, thirty.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. So you'd already been through a lot.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  In your life.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  I had several careers, but you had as well, though.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  I saw a clip of you the other day introducing Oasis on MTV. And I think, but they weren't famous.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  No. It was the first time I think they'd been on MTV. I was introducing them as a new band.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Isn't that amazing?

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a band called Oasis.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  To have been a TV presenter so long, that you can find a clip of you introducing a band called Oasis that no one's heard of.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  As you know, I have been trying out Monzo, who are sponsoring Begin Again. And I think one of the cleverest things about it is something called Salary Sorter. Now, I'm gonna show you on a prop phone, by the way, because you're not seeing my actual bank balance, nosy. But what's amazing about it is your pay lands and it splits itself out. Bills, savings, spending sorted. Set it once and every payday it just happens. I know what money feels like. That running list in your head. Can I cover everything? Have I put enough by? What have I actually got left? I carried that for years. And what I love is how quietly Monzo takes that weight off you. You see it all, you sort it all, and the worry goes

• 28:32Speaker 02

  with it. I wish I'd had this at nineteen. It makes money feel clearer, calmer, far less scary. And that is brilliant. We should all be doing less counting and more living. So go and download Monzo. Monzo current accounts are for sixteen plus and UK residents. Ts and Cs apply.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  How do you take your tea, Davina?

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Milk, no sugar and a scoop of AMB T C, please.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  And you what?

• 28:57Speaker 02

  It's Ancient and Brave True Collagen, the sponsors of our show. Yeah. When you're born, your body stores of collagen are full, but in your twenties, it starts getting less and less each year. So now is a great time to start supplementing because it affects so many areas of your body. Hair, skin, nails, connective tissues, and Ancient and Brave, whose collagen I have been taking for years, is literally top shelf. These formulas are rigorously tested. But you know what really sets Ancient and Brave apart? It isn't just their amazing product, but it is their commitment to sustainability. So one percent of their sales, which goes to environmental causes. So if you want to give this a try, go to

• 29:42Speaker 02

  ancientandbrave.earth/planet and just use the code BEGINAGAIN to get twenty percent off. Result.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  Cheers to that.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  Cheers to that.

• 29:52Speaker 04

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• 30:23Speaker 02

  Now, we're not gonna make the Blue Peter thing a huge, great thing because it was only a year of your life, but I would like to-

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Twenty months!

• 30:30Speaker 02

  I would like, yeah, twenty months. I would like to say before we discuss it-

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  We've gotta say it's potentially the best thing that ever happened to you.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely. It's definitely the best thing that ever happened to me, apart from Rebecca. No, but it is, um-

• 30:46Speaker 02

  I mean, to talk, talk us through how, how you started at Blue Peter.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  How you started taking cocaine.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, and how you started, no, how you started at Blue Peter, because you got the audition.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  First time-

• 30:57Speaker 02

  You went up for the audition.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was amazing.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  And what did you have to do for the audition?

• 31:00Speaker 01

  I was all right, so I went through, you have to hold a snake, you have to go on a- I'm saying it like it's normal. You have to hold a snake, you have to go on a trampoline.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  So, Blue Peter.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  So, it was really fun, it was really, I mean, it was so exciting. I, I wrote, uh, so a guy at Live TV says, "Tim Vincent's leaving, you should go for that job." So I, I wrote a letter and I, and I said, um, "I'd just decided to tell Blue Peter that I was naughty." And all these things I'd done, chasing James Hewitt down the street, Damon Olburn, "I'm gonna go at me," you know, all this-

• 31:29Speaker 02

  I'm very naughty.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  Getting thrown out of McDonald's for life.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Uh, my first ever job was in McDonald's, actually, but thrown out, and then, and I wrote a letter to, to the editor of Blue Peter called Oliver McFarlane, and I said, "Dear Oliver, um, they say when you're tired of London, you're tired of life, but when you're tired of live TV, you've been there about a year." Right, it was my opening line. And then I sent it to them with all like the craziest or worst things I've done at Live TV, the getting in trouble things, and I thought, "I'm just gonna show them who I am." And, um, and that made them take note of me. I mean, they should have seen the early warning sign, because then, then it did go wrong.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  You did warn them.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  I'd warned them in effect. But that's what, that's how I think I stood out. I sent quite a bold tape of, of the stuff we've talked about and that letter, and then I went in and had the audition. It was fucking amazing. I mean, just these giant studios at Television Centre, you know?

• 32:26Speaker 02

  I mean, and, and so iconic. We'd all grown up with Blue Peter.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, so iconic.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  And Connie Huck and Katie L were lovely.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were a nice gang, and they were nice people. And then I was, um, where was I? I was at Smithfield Market doing a piece for Live TV when I got a call saying, basically saying, "The editor wants to see you," and they indicated I was gonna get the job. And then I went to see him and told me I got the job, and then I just couldn't believe it. I remember walking up and down Wood Lane, just going, "Oh my God." I just couldn't believe, I just couldn't believe it. It was, it'd be going to Television Centre for the first time, which was when I had that, or, no, I, I met the editor, then the audition, then went back to be told I got the job. Because just, you know, those, do you remember the dots on the wall at TV?

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  You know, and it was just, I mean, it's real, even now, if I go to TV Centre, I still feel something for the place.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? When I first started presenting at the show, and my first episode was in what's called TC1, which is still there.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  It was the biggest studio, it's where they do all the Children in Need, Comic Relief, election nights, all those things. And, and I remember, I was just, it was rehearsal, and all the crew were there, there's several cameras, and then there's a camera like on a crane, and those people with headphones, and it's a piece I had to do, I was talking to the camera, and I had to walk from one side of the studio to the other, and all the cameras tracked with me, and you know, and I couldn't, and I stopped, and they all stopped. And I walked a bit more, and they all went, and I know it doesn't sound that much, and I know you've done this a billion times, but when it first happens, do you know what I'm getting at? All these follow you, everyone's just waiting for you to move, and I'd say, "It's amazing." I thought it was amazing.

• 33:59Speaker 02

  Well, it's just so exciting.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  It's just so exciting.

• 34:01Speaker 02

  And it's something that you'd worked in. It's a bit like you were saying earlier about live TV being a practice for a year. Uh, when I first started on MTV, they put me on at midnight till three.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  They did?

• 34:13Speaker 02

  So, nobody was watching.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  So, I could do as many mistakes, I messed up, I, and I did this for six months.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  God.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  So, when I actually did something real, like quite big, I was, I was ready. You were ready.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  You're ready, you get your air mines, I know.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  Like, you were just absolutely, like, primed.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  You've done all this, done so much by then.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  You're only like 21 or whatever, it's amazing, isn't it?

• 34:34Speaker 02

  Yes, but you, I mean, I was 25, I was old. You were such a baby.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  And you did some amazing things. I did, is it true that you trained for Sandhurst?

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, they offered me a, they offered me a, uh, yeah, I did, I went and lived there for a week or so.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Wow!

• 34:49Speaker 01

  This is, the Blue Peter opens its doors, they did officer training at Sandhurst, and, um, and I had to do, uh, I had to change, everything we have to change really quickly into a chemical or biological warfare suit. I had to do the assault course, I had to wade through war, dirty water, through a tunnel with a rifle above my head, and then I did the passing out parade. And it went really well, and the, the head of Sandhurst, he might be called the Cop and Dance, I don't know, something like that, at the end of it, he called me into his office, and it's his wood-paneled office, and there's all your paintings of all, you know, World War II generals and things. And we were just really impressed, Richard, and, um, "We'd like to offer you a spot here at Sandhurst, and you can become an army officer."

• 35:30Speaker 01

  I said, "Yeah, but I'm a TV presenter. I don't, I don't want to be shot at. I want to, I want, I want to go to a big studio and have all these cameras follow me."

• 35:40Speaker 02

  I want to be shot at, but not in that way. Um, but-

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  Did you, did you not just kinda go, "Oh, that feels nice"?

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it did feel nice, yeah, it felt nice. It felt like, yeah, it did, it did, it was, "Oh, I didn't know I'd done it that well." And I were not, you know, being in, I mean, at, at my school, we had a mock army thing called CCF I got thrown out of, you know, so like, I wasn't, it's not my natural thing. But, um, it did feel nice. I, we, I went to Houston and studied mission control during a fucking mission, you know?

• 36:07Speaker 02

  Oh my God!

• 36:08Speaker 01

  This is giant swimming pool at, at NASA. It is so big, there's a fucking space shuttle at the bottom of it with these bay doors open so that they can practise weightlessness. The pool is so big, there's a space shuttle at the bottom of it, and they're on the arms, you know, like when you're in space. And I went in that, you know, that, that's what Blue Peter does. That, we did the, the Blue Peter Summer Expedition to India, went to Darjeeling, Calcutta, you know, all these places, and it was, it was fantastic. It was, it really was an absolutely amazing job.

• 36:39Speaker 02

  And you were only there for a year and you did all of that?

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Or twenty months?

• 36:44Speaker 01

  Twenty months, it took loads.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Amazing, isn't it?

• 36:46Speaker 01

  My parents were so proud, they're so funny.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  Oh, I bet.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  My dad, first time he came to see me, I was at Blue Peter, he went up to the receptionist at TV Centre, and he just went, "I'm Richard Bacon's dad."

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  And they were like, they didn't know, they didn't know I was, he's going, he assumed, they go, "Oh, come, come through."

• 37:02Speaker 02

  They were so proud.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  It's so sweet, isn't it?

• 37:05Speaker 02

  So proud.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  I know. Well, that's why then it's a hard fall when you lose the job, you know, that, that, that's why then it becomes, it's a long, he's a criminal defence lawyer, was a criminal defence lawyer, so, and then I've obviously done something illegal, so the fall is really big for them.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  How upset was he?

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Well, it's the only time my mum's ever heard him cry. I mean, he cried, and he went in the shower to hide his crying.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Oh no.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  So, he turned the shower on and cried, you know, well, she could hear him weeping, because he was so ashamed, I think, and he was embarrassed about going back to court the next day.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  Oh no.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  So, it really hit him hard. She only told me about that, about that a few years later. It was the week of my mum's 50th I got fired, and I've just turned 50. Um, but, um, yeah, that hit them, it was very difficult for them. It was, it was sort of slightly easier for me.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Can I ask you something, though? Because it was, I mean, how good a friend was it that set you up?

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Well, he was my best friend at the time.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  He was your actual best friend?

• 38:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, he recorded a phone call with me. So, he went to Max Hastings, remember him?

• 38:10Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Went to Max Hastings.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Said, yeah, he was basically jealous of me. We'd, we'd been working at Radio Nottingham together, and he'd been doing some PR there. Um, we came, and then I hung out with him in London. Actually, the first time I did cocaine was with him. We're in that, do you remember that place called Brown's?

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Did you ever go?

• 38:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  Of course you went.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  God, no, I remember the first time, and he got some, he gave me it, and I didn't really understand it, and I, I did the whole thing at once.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  Can I ask you a question about ADHD?

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  And cocaine?

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Because it doesn't have the same effect on people with, it, does it not?

• 38:46Speaker 01

  It doesn't, yeah, it doesn't do that much. That's the other crazy thing about it. It doesn't actually do that much to me. If, if anything, I talk less, I go quieter. So, typically, when people are on coke, they do a blah, blah, blah.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  So, why did you like it? What did you like about it?

• 38:59Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't know. I mean, I think it's the, um, it's the stimulant thing. I think it comes down to, what I now understand is having the ADHD diagnosis at age 42, at the Amen Clinic in Orange County, is just an understanding that you're trying to make up for something that's missing because your blood flow to the prefrontal cortex is so slow. So, you're making up for it, it's something to do with that. And so, um, I, I mean, but that's the craziest thing about it is, it's not, it didn't change me that much, but I did get into it, obviously. And he, so we'd had a big night out, and, um, he then called Max Hastings, who said, "You need evidence." So, he said to him, "Record Richard's phone

• 39:40Speaker 01

  call." So, it was a bit like a precursor to phone hacking in a way. So, this guy then recorded a phone call with me, and he went, "Oh, we had a big night the other night, didn't we?" And I went, "Yeah." And he went, "Remind me what happened." Looking back, it's obviously a crazy way to talk. And I went, "Oh yes, well, we went here, and we had some drugs here, and we went to that club in Covent Garden and had some drugs." And then that all appeared verbatim in the News of the World, you know, and I was like, "Well, how can they, how, how can they?" And so, I'll tell you what happened. There was a guy called Stuart Higgins, who I really like, who was doing some PR for my, my agent at the time, John Holmes, had hired Stuart Higgins, a former editor of The Sun, to do PR for all his clients. And so, I was at the Blue Peter's 40th birthday party at the Natural History

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Museum, and I left with Karen Keating, who I loved.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  I really used to fancy her. That I really did. And, I'm being very ADHD now on, I'm changing, so quick, rapidly changing topic. I left with Karen Keating, who's obviously passed away a long time ago now, and, um, and Anthea Turner, and there was, there was a photographer outside, and he was only taking pictures of me, and I was like, "But that's weird. Why, why would you not take a picture of Karen Keating and Anthea Turner?" Uh, and he just was shooing me down the street, and I said, "Why are you ignoring them? It doesn't make any sense. They're more famous than me. I don't know what you're doing." So, I called John Holmes, who called Stuart Higgins, and Stuart said I'd do some digging. And I was, I was at my little flat in Chiswick, my dad had come down to see me, and we were painting the living room, and we went to Wicks, B and Q, to get some paint. It was

• 41:13Speaker 01

  midnight mist. And, um, and-

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Details are very important, Davina.

• 41:24Speaker 02

  I feel like I'm really getting like the full account here.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Okay, quick.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  You are. There's nothing left out.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  No, I want, I want all of it, Richard.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  Well, no, but I, then I was, I was coming back from B and Q.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  And my mobile, and my dad's in the dri- he's driving.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  Oh my god, but I, your dad was there with you when you got the news.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's driving. And I'm in the passenger seat and it's, and it's, and I answer it and this guy goes, Stuart Higgins, he goes, it's news of the world, cocaine and lots of it. That was the exact phrase. News of the world, cocaine and lots of it. And what you meant by lots of it was lots of coverage, not lots of cocaine.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:02Speaker 01

  And, um, and so I looked at my dad and I thought, God, I can't, he's there, he's there next to me. And I'm like, I can't, I'm not going to tell him now. So we then got back to my house, started painting the living room, midnight mist. And I sort of went, oh dad, I think there's going to be a story about me tomorrow. You know, and the truth is that your parents don't quite get the severity of it. And then I thought, shit, I better tell the editor. So I went to Oliver McFarlane's house, the editor of Blue Peter. His wife answered the door. She made me tea and cakes.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  And I went, listen guys, there's going to be the news of the world tomorrow. And I explained what it was for. And she went, oh, she went, oh, everyone does that nowadays. I think she thought cocaine was weed. She went, everyone does that nowadays. She went, it will be fine. And I remember saying to them both, I don't think it's going to be fine. I don't think it's going to, and I'd, the other thing I wanted to be growing up was a newspaper editor. And I, there's a famous book called Stick It Up You Punter, which is actually partly about Kelvin McKenzie and all these people. And I actually was really, really interested in tabloids. And so I knew how they worked. And the truth is going to live TV and working with Kelvin McKenzie, he's not my cup of tea, as you can imagine, but nonetheless, they're interesting people.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  And I'd wanted to be a newspaper editor. And so I understood the severity of the story. And I remember thinking to myself, if I was the editor of the news of the world, I'd run this damn story.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  And they didn't put it on the front page, which actually was a fucking weird, I think it was a mistake by them. And so, you know, it did blow off and became a big thing. I went to East Tower TV Centre on Sunday morning to meet with Lorraine Hegesey. And I got in the lift with the head of HR, who was holding my contract. You know, yeah. I thought, are you going to tear that up?

• 43:50Speaker 02

  You know, when you've got that little idea in the back of your mind, something that you think, you know what, I might do that one day. And then life gets kind of busy and it just sort of stays there. Well, I was thinking about how sometimes overwhelming it can feel when you actually try to start something. Design, writing, photography, payments, tech, all of it. It's a lot. Well, Shopify, who sponsors Begin Again, sort of takes that chaos and it makes it feel achievable. Because it gives you a place to build your shop without needing to be an expert. It's got templates, it's got tools that help you write product descriptions and nudge you along a bit when you get stuck.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  It means that you can just start. If you've been sitting on an idea, or you could just maybe have a look, try it out. Go to Shopify.co.uk. If you want to, you can sign up for one pound per month trial and you could actually start selling right away.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  When you've had your dream job and you've been sold out by your best friend, you lose your dream job. Then they're going like, this guy did a bad thing.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  And we are ashamed of him. And he's ashamed of himself. Like, where does that leave you mentally?

• 45:06Speaker 01

  Well, it could, I mean, thankfully I did deal with it mentally quite well. I mean, it obviously was a few days when it was hard. And I was, you know, spiralling a bit. I was 22. So in two years, it would be, in two years, it would be 30 years ago. Yeah, I was young to go through a big public humiliation like that. And it was, they were talking about it in the House of Commons. I mean, I went, I went to the pub in Belsize, I went to hide in Belsize Park for some reason. Spent a lot of the week with Chris Moyles and Chris Evans. I mean, it just, but I was in.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  How did that happen?

• 45:34Speaker 01

  I can't quite remember. I think Mitch, the voiceover guy from Live and Kicking, I was friends with him and he said, come and live with me. Do you remember Mitch?

• 45:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, I remember his voice.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I remember his voice. For some reason, in my quite, I've had quite a cartoon life and I did find myself, so I went to live with the voiceover guy from Live and Kicking in Belsize Park. And then I was in the pub with him and Chris Moyles. So at that point, he must have been on like the early breakfast show, maybe it was fucking ages ago. Early breakfast show, I think. He wasn't famous. And I, and we were watching, and someone went, oh, they're talking about you on Question Time. So we put Question Time on in the Havestock Arms in Belsize Park. And I was, I was a subject of debate. And, and every time someone on the panel made a point in my favour, the whole pub applauded. The whole pub, the whole pub stopped and watched. It was on a TV up there. The whole pub applauded, applauded. And then every time,

• 46:25Speaker 01

  some Tory MP was like, he should be put in prison. The whole pub booed, you know. And then, then I had Chris Evans truly trying to get me to go on TFI Friday. And Stuart Higgins said, advised me not to do it. And I think it did make sense. He said, just look a bit more contrite than that. But then Chris talked about me for hours on the Virgin Radio Breakfast Show. And I remember when I was on.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  And wait, wait, because he's, he's an interesting guy, Chris Evans.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  Very.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Because I think he could see that something, that the reaction to you was unjust.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  That you'd been set up and this was unfair.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  He said.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  He loves the underdog.

• 47:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, he does.

• 47:01Speaker 02

  Doesn't he?

• 47:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  But there was something about you, he could see something in you.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  Well, we later became friends. I'm actually going on his podcast soon. And he's, we became friends. When I was on Blue Peter, he was so big. You know, this is 97, 98. Remember how fucking just.

• 47:16Speaker 02

  He was mega, wasn't he?

• 47:17Speaker 01

  It was just like this stuff. And I remember watching Good Don't Forget Toothbrush when I was at Radio Nottingham. He was, I remember thinking, I remember sitting in makeup at Blue Peter one day, remembering this daydream, thinking how amazing it would be if I one day got to meet Chris Evans. So I remember thinking, I remember consciously thinking, can you imagine even meeting Chris Evans? And then I get fired and he just talks about me for hours. He gave this quote where he said, half the BBC are on drugs. And that obviously then Sun Front Page, half the BBC are on drugs. And he was a real supporter. And, and so that was a long-winded way of me saying that I dealt with it all right. And I suppose at some point it became quite exciting.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  But you, part of the reason why you dealt with it all right, and I think this is an, an important message to everybody out there, was because people had your back.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  And strangers. So Chris Evans, Chris Moyles.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:06Speaker 02

  And the guy from Live and Kicking who did the voiceover, they took you in.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, they did, yeah.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  You were not alone.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  And they really helped you.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  They did help me, yeah, for sure. There's no question about it. And, and Stuart Higgins really helped me. You know, there were good people around me.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  I mean, there was one Blue Peter producer who said to me, you'll never work in TV again. I was like,

• 48:28Speaker 01

  it's just, but it's also not, it's just not a helpful thing to say to somebody. Like, it's, what's the point in saying it?

• 48:33Speaker 02

  So you left Blue Peter, but really, in a way, it was a bit of a gift.

• 48:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  Because as much as Blue Peter was your thing, you were actually the naughty boy that sent the original.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  Tape in.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  Like tape in with you going, this is who I really am.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  And you'd sort of put a lid on that for Blue Peter a bit.

• 48:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 02

  And then you took the lid off again.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  I did, yeah. Took the lid off again.

• 48:58Speaker 02

  So you went to radio.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, what did I do? After, after Blue Peter? I, no, I went to the big breakfast after Blue Peter.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  Oh yes, of course you did.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  It was really, I mean, it was about three months later, but I was, yeah, I, I remember the first show back. I watched it. This is the first Blue Peter back after I left. Partly because they were all, you know, Richard's been very naughty. But I also felt a sort of sadness that the team,

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Katie Hill, Connie Huck, Stuart Miles, they were all there on the set with the dog, you know. And, and I did feel like left out. You know, that was sad. That was quite hard. I was like, oh god, look, they all are. Because I'd always loved the big studio and all of that stuff. And then, again, continuing the cartoon life, Andy Peters calls me, who at that point is a commissioning editor at Channel Four.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  And calls me in and says, I think you'd be good on The Big Breakfast. And then, and then.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  That was a brilliant shout.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, the hosts of The Big Breakfast had been to prison for dealing cocaine. So it was like, this was nothing.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  And of course, you knew, you knew Johnny.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he was, I mean, that was intimidating in a way, because he was, he was the other Chris Evans. I mean, he was like, he was so good on The Big Breakfast. It was just so good at it. It was just a comedy masterclass every day. To stand in the back of the house and watch him work, you must have done it. Did you ever go down there when you did it? I was doing the outside broadcast. I worked at The Big Breakfast for three years. And my first outside broadcast, it was like scary. He was, he was famously would be a bit, he'd either get behind you or he wouldn't. Do you know what I mean? Quite quick decision making. And my first outside broadcast was in Liverpool. And, and it was an absolute chaotic mess. There was.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  Which is great.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was great. We, my first one was a feature called Bringing Home The Bacon.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  It was called Bringing Home The Bacon. And we decided to take a plate spinner to someone's garden and have a little party. And, and this plate spinner, the show's on at seven AM. So you get to this close in Liverpool where we're surprising a family. And I'd booked a plate spinner. He turns up at half six and he's called Bob. And it's called Bob, it's called Bob, it's called Bob the Plate Spinner. And this is my first job on TV after Blue Peter. And he turns up and the outside broadcast truck is there. And he opens his boot and I went, great lady here. And he goes, oh no. I went, what Bob? And he went, I've forgotten, he goes, I've forgotten my plates. And I said, I said, Bob, you're a plate spinner. There's only two things. There's the sticks and there's the plates. And he said, well, I've brought the sticks.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  I said, but you haven't brought the plates. And I went, okay. So I knocked on another door in this close, not of the house we're surprising. I said, this is really strange. Have you got, can I, have you got any plates and can I have them? And they went, yeah. So I went, Bob, we've got some plates. He went, no, no, he goes, we have, they have to, you have to, they have to have a hole in the bottom. They have to, so I went back to the person and went, can I have your plates? And have you got a drill? And they went, yeah. So we then drilled little holes into some stranger's plate. Woo, woo. And then we surprised this family, did the outside broadcast. Bob puts his plates on the sticks, but they haven't been drilled properly. And it turns out that the plates we got from the neighbour were too heavy.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  So he put all the plates on the sticks and one at a time. Each stick started to bend really slowly, really slowly. And the plate flipped off and shattered everywhere. And then the next one shattered and the next one and the next one. And it was a disaster. All of them went. And Johnny Vaughan thought it was just the best thing he'd ever seen. And then I stayed at the, and then I stayed at The Big Breakfast.

• 52:49Speaker 02

  And everybody would have been watching it, your first moment back on TV. After the grand scandal.

• 52:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  And it is amazing.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  And it was so funny. I was laughing so much. And I then did, I then, I then did a feature called Plate Spinning Bob Goes To Vegas. And I took him to Vegas. I took him to Vegas. I put him on stage at the Circus Circus Hotel. And I deliberately went and bought some plates that were too heavy.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  They fell off as well.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  But like, this was a time when the chaos was embraced.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Like, we've sort of gone, it's quite got, quite homogenized television now.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  And it was brilliant when you'd be watching it. You loved live TV because anything could happen and it always did. And that's what you were so good at.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  That kind of, and Chris Evans and Johnny Vaughan, that kind of, anything can happen.

• 53:41Speaker 01

  And the chaos of it.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  The chaos of it.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I miss that. And I, I can't, when I went to XFM, effectively where Johnny is now, it was called Radio X. But I did carry that on. I just carried on doing features like that. They're a bit dangerous.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  I did a feature called Employed Or Unemployed, where I'd go into Leicester Square with headphones on. And I'd have a caller on the line and I'd describe a passerby. And then I'd go, do you think they've got a job or not? And then I'd run up to them and say, are you employed or unemployed? And I did it one time and a guy beat me up. He was so annoyed that I'd even asked him the question. But so I just carried on that, just doing what, you know.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  Can I just ask you, what do you mean? How badly did he?

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Well, he just hit me a couple of times and I went to the floor. I kept asking him to stop. The producer in the studio went to an ad break. I was furious. I was like, no, don't cut to an ad break. That's the best bit. Me being beaten up is the best bit. Don't go to ads now. But it was just, it was, but yeah, that sense of, of doing stuff, I suppose, with a little bit of danger was what I carried on doing. Now I have a job where I come up with ideas and that's because of The Big Breakfast. It was so hungry for ideas. I diverted into news and current affairs for a while. But that is a place where if you like ideas, you suit it because it's so, it needs 20 a day, you know.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  So can I, can I skip forward a bit?

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  You worked in a lot of really good channels.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Radio Five Live, I was at for a long time. I did a night time show and an afternoon show there.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  And you were famous for that. I mean, your, your talk show was absolutely, you know.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  I loved it.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, and you were very, I think for you, that suited you so well.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I liked it and I liked being on the radio. Then I went to LA for a reason. It didn't really make much sense.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  So just talk to me about that because that was a big move. You were very, I think when people get into radio, radio is quite hard to get into anyway. You were in.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  I was very in, I got a good slot.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  I went to LA, I thought, right. Rebecca, Rebecca had lived in Malibu when she was really young. And she'd been a nanny to one of the Motley Crue.

• 55:38Speaker 02

  Oh my God, wait, stop. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh my God, that is amazing.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  I know. She, and she loved Malibu. And, and so we were like, oh, we want to live there. And they'd moved my Five Live show to Manchester.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  And I was doing half of them in London, half in Manchester, getting a train. My house was near Broadcasting House. I was like, why am I getting a train? So I just thought, I think if Five Live had not moved to Salford, I would never have gone to LA. So we just thought, well, we're going to go. And I had an idea for a talk show, a kind of interview series. And I took it to BBC America and they commissioned it. And the first episode was Ricky Gervais, who I knew because he's come on my radio show a lot. And there's a problem with my visa, nothing to do with the whole Blue Peter thing. But I, I was a problem with my visa and I couldn't get my passport back from the embassy. I couldn't fly. So I quit my radio show, rented my house out in London. It was quite fun. I rented it out to Woody Harrelson. That was all quite fun. And, and so we became friends. That was always very, I've had quite a cartoony life.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  And then, I then rented a house in Los Angeles and

• 56:46Speaker 01

  quit my job, got a show commissioned that I had come up with and that was going to host. It was a multi-location interview series. For Ricky, we were going to rig a car, we're going to go to the club in, at New York, where he did his first comedy gig in New York. We're going to go to the zoo because he loves animals. Everything was rigged and ready to go. And I couldn't fucking get there. I couldn't get my passport back from the embassy. So the whole thing collapsed. So, and it was, and it was so expensive when it collapsed and Ricky was waiting for me. Well, it's so expensive when it collapsed, they, they wouldn't put it back on its feet afterwards. So.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  But you didn't give up.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  I didn't give up. And then I was there and I was like, oh, fucking hell, I'm here now. And we'd rented our house out, we're in, and we got to LA. And the first morning was wonderful, actually. I was like, we were, we went to this place called Go Get Em Tiger, Larchmont Village, and just felt so at home. And I thought, okay, I think we'll make this work. But I didn't have a job. And I didn't really have much of a job for the first year. And I kept flying back and doing bits and bobs.

• 57:41Speaker 01

  And then after, I nearly took a job at ABC News, but just stuff didn't quite come off. And I'd never, since I was 17, not really been in work, you know, I, I like work, so.

• 57:51Speaker 02

  And how did you feel then?

• 57:52Speaker 01

  It felt really strange and I didn't like it. And I, I didn't like it. I didn't have enough to do. Like, my kids started going to preschool and I remember at one point feeling slightly jealous of them. I was like, oh look, because you've got somewhere to go with something to do. Do you know what I mean by that? I was like, God, they're actually got a place to be at a certain time.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  How old were Ivy and Arthur when they moved?

• 58:10Speaker 01

  They were one and three, you know, so very young. I mean, Rebecca, when I said earlier, she has a mild like hippie quality. That's her, she took a risk as well, like just going for that.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  That's a big ask for her.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, in the end, we loved living in LA. But at the beginning, it was, that first year, I didn't, I'd not been, I'd never in my life not worked before. And that was strange. And then eventually, I remember thinking, right, if I haven't got a job by a certain date, we're going to have to go home. And then through my agents, CAA, I was very proud when they started representing me and I'm still with them. They, they got me an interview for a job in New York and I, and I got it. And so we actually went and lived in New York for a year. It was National Geographic and ABC. I actually did a bit of ABC News during Trump's 2016 campaign.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Wow. And you never looked back, right?

• 58:56Speaker 01

  No, well then, yeah, then I, then I found my way back to LA where I was hosting a daytime show for Fox. And, but around that time, I started to think about how much I'd like to try and come up with game shows. My original idea was to try and come up with a game show for me to host.

• 59:13Speaker 02

  Were you slightly inspired by Chris Evans?

• 59:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely, for sure, for sure. And then I got into a coma and out of the coma.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Wait.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  You can't just brush over it like that. That was, that was a big deal.

• 59:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:29Speaker 02

  Right, that was, I'd like, I'd like to talk to you a little bit about what, what it was like facing the idea of the possibility that you could have died.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a strange one, isn't it? It's more, it hits you afterwards. I, I had an allergic reaction to something. It's never even been that clear what it was. But I, I was feeling funny in LA and we got a flight home. And on, on the flight, I was hallucinating. I was really, I was short of breath. And I thought everyone was trying to kill me on this aeroplane. And actually, there was an infection in both my lungs. It's a bit like double pneumonia, which is of course, both your lungs are taken out. So the infection, what I now know was filling up in both lungs. So there's not enough oxygen in my brain. And so I'm like, oh, you're all trying to kill me. And the, the annoying thing is that when the plane came in to land at Heathrow, the air pressure changes. So it gets better, doesn't it? And that meant I felt better.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  So I thought I was getting better, but I wasn't. So the air pressure had come down. So this, I've got more air into my lungs. I thought I'm over, whatever that was.

• 1:00:32Speaker 02

  But the infection's still there.

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  But it's really still there and still growing.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  You know, like when you're throwing up and then suddenly feel like it's past. It was like that. I thought, oh, it's past. What is this thing, what that fucking weird thing was, it's past. They took me off the plane in a wheelchair. And I went to my mother-in-law's house in Blackheath.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  And I was really short of breath again. And Rebecca's sister Kirsty was the one who was like, you've got to go to hospital. Get to hospital. So I went there, I went to Lewisham. And they saved my life. And when you, when I checked in, it's not a hotel. When you, when you get to the front desk. And I did have a long stay.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  I said I'm short of breath and it's interesting, they take it really seriously. I, I was like, I got an Uber to the hospital. I was like, it's not much. Don't worry about it. Um, but you know, I'm short of breath and they were like, right, you're going straight through. And I went through to a bay and they came to see me and what they, I remember them saying, one of their specialists was away. There's a doctor called Alex and they were like, he'd be really good at it. And I went, oh, why, why is he not here? And they went, oh, he's on Love Island. I was like, oh.

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  Wait, is that true?

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  That's true. So their specialist doctor.

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Their specialist doctor for you.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  Alex was on Love Island.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  He's not there.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  He's not there, he's on Love Island, but we know.

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  Oh my god. Doctor Alex, I mean, like, very famous, right?

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They're always sad, he'd be perfect for you, but he's on Love Island. As I'm short of breath in a bay in the hospital. And then.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  It was really serious.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. So then, yeah, basically I did a chest X-ray and they moved me to, you've got, you've got A and E. Then you've got, obviously you've got ICU, which, uh, you were in ICU right at one point.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  Intensive care. But between, there's another stage between that. I forgot what it's called and they took me there. And I'm on a trolley, things all over me, done an echocardiogram and stuff like that. But Vic, the consultant who saved my life, just appeared, me and Rebecca are there. And I've got oxygen mask and he just appears at the end of the bed and he goes, we've looked at your chest X-ray, it's bad, we need to put you into a coma. And it's obviously a very shocking thing to hear.

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  And I was like, um, and I thought, oh, I thought, I thought he'd be like hours away. I said, well, when? And he said, in the next 20 minutes. But I honestly thought, we could just do it in a couple of hours. He said, you wanna call your relatives? So I called my mum and dad, I called my sisters. I was due to go to the Soho House Festival that night. So I emailed Nick Jones and I went, can't make it. Cause I'm, I went, Nick, I can't make it cause I'm going into a coma.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  It's quite, quite a flex though, that, isn't it?

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  And what I, what I found out afterwards was the gap between Vic telling me I needed to be in a coma and being in a coma was four minutes. So I'd made those calls in that time, sent the email. And then Rebecca was rubbing my feet and they, you know, they, I guess they, they must have injected me.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  But wait, Rebecca said something.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  Oh, she said, don't walk towards the white light was her line. Sweet.

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  I love her.

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  It's very sweet, isn't it?

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  That is such a, because that's exactly what you'd be afraid of.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

  You know, if, if you think you're gonna go, don't, don't let go.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  Don't let go. There is something in that, actually. Yeah, stick around.

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  There's something worth staying for, you know what I mean?

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  Worth staying for. And, and I think they didn't tell how bad it was. Then I nearly died that night. I mean, they very much expected me to die and I, because they couldn't figure out what it was. And I remember they, I actually went back to hospital some weeks later, which is how I know all this. But there was, I was on a trolley and they were all surrounding me and my blood oxygen went to 58. If you go below 60, you either die or get brain damage. Yeah. And I'm not dead. So.

• 1:04:01Speaker 02

  Not got brain damage either, I can tell you that right now.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  Well, have I not?

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  Your brain works at like a thousand miles an hour, you can see it.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  No, but I went, um, I went blue. They said, well, you turned blue because we got the oxygen 50, blood oxygen 50 and I turned blue. And I remember Vic saying, he looked at another doctor and he was gonna say to her, what do you call the, juju, what it's called? You know those things?

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  Yes, I do.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  And he said, I was going to ask her for it and she just nodded, didn't, because I was crashing. He said, you were crashing. I didn't even need to say, I just looked at her and she went, mm. And then they slid it over and put it over my chest. And then at the last second, I've just gone out of it. So I'd gone into the dead, dead brain damage zone. And, uh, and for some reason, one of the many things they'd injected me with just started kicking in and then I didn't die. But they, they were like, you were meant to die. We really thought you were going to die. It wasn't like you might die.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  And Rebecca was.

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was in a waiting room at that point. And then, but she doesn't know how bad it is. And then obviously the kids don't know how bad it is. And, uh, yeah, it was, it was, uh, it was a lot because I think I was in a coma for nine days. And on day seven, I did 12 days in intensive care, but god, on day seven, they brought me out. They thought, cause I'd nearly died a few, couple of times. I'd had a tracheotomy. Day seven, they've tried to bring me out of this coma. And I was, it was horrendous.

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  Do you remember that?

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  I remember it really well.

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  Do you?

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  It was horrendous. I couldn't, I still couldn't breathe properly. I kept losing the oxygen mask in the bed. It was a really hot summer as well. It was just really hot in the room. And I just, you know, when you, when you can't get air in, enough air in, it's horrible. It's just.

• 1:05:37Speaker 02

  Panic.

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  I couldn't get enough in, couldn't, couldn't do a deep breath. I couldn't do a deep breath. Even then. And it was just absolutely awful. And you're just hallucinating, but it's not nice hallucinations. It's, there's nothing, there's nothing, you know, but they can be nice hallucinations. And it was just really, and I thought, for some reason, I thought Rebecca was, was dead or, it was all going crazy in my head. And then I started kicking things. I think I kicked a nurse. Then I was pulling pipes out my neck and alarms were going off. You know, and they went, and they just put me in another coma.

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  They went, right, okay.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  Only for two more days though.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  Only two more days. And then by that point, the infection had gone down enough.

• 1:06:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  It definitely, now that I've gone into this business of, of having my own company and working on ideas. That was as a result of that as well. And I came out the coma and I thought, I was a bit bored of this job. I was hosting this daytime show on Fox. And it wasn't challenging me. And so I wanted to pursue coming up with ideas. And I think having a company has been a really interesting experience, but I do like it. And we are, we're working on some ready being projects now. Going to LA on Saturday to pitch five new formats, you know, it, it's, and I like, having ideas makes me very happy. It kind of makes me high in a way. Well, I think, I think I've got another one.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  When you got your ADHD, why did you go for an H, ADHD diagnosis?

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  That was my, I had a, I had a therapist then, um, who was a specialist in ADHD. And he was like, you've got it, you should go and get diagnosed. So when, I think we spent seven grand on the diagnosis. I remember telling Jimmy Carr.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  God.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  I was friends with Jimmy and I said to Jimmy, I said, oh yeah, I spent seven thousand pounds getting ADHD diagnosis. He went, you could have just used my eyes.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  And saved seven thousand pounds.

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  But did it help you in a way?

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely. Well, it helps you understand addiction. It helps you understand who you are. It, it, it's, you know, the other side to it is the hyper focusing. So I notice now, like this weekend, I was working on an idea. I like, I like, I tend to write them the initial base of it on my own at home, then I go into the office and work with everyone else. But yeah, there's a thing called hyper focus, which is when you, it's like falling in love. It's actually like when I fell in love with Rebecca. You, you, the idea hits you. And you're just aware that you're really liking, thinking about it. And then you can do, you can think about it with the exclusion of everything. So for those people think that ADHD is just about a scatty attention, that it comes with the opposite.

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  And that, and understanding that you've got that and understanding when it's happening and feeling, oh, it's happening now. Good. Right. Go on then. Just, just get your iPad out and start writing and enjoy it. And then knowing I'm in that moment is really lovely. Yeah, use it.

• 1:08:19Speaker 02

  It's a superpower.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  It's a superpower and I'm, I'm aware, I'm aware of it. And that's really, that's really useful and interesting. And it's just a very big part of who I am.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  You've mentioned like addiction a couple of times and you've talked a bit before about drinking.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:34Speaker 02

  And enjoying drinking and.

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  Which I still do and I've given up a few times, but I haven't really.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  So where are you at with that now?

• 1:08:41Speaker 01

  Well, I drink.

• 1:08:42Speaker 02

  In a healthy way?

• 1:08:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean, I've got better for sure. Yeah. I've got much better.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  How come, how have you got better? Like, how has that happened?

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  I went to see a guy, I've, I've actually got an alcohol doctor. The prior, he has a branch in Harley Street. And I went to see a guy there and it's just really useful talking to him. I take some medication each day, which slightly reduces the cravings, but I still drink. I would still like to drink less than I do, but I do drink a lot less and I don't really get in trouble anymore. I think I'd like to give up one day and I, I, I do enjoy it. I mean, that's the reality. It's like, there's no point pretending I enjoy it. I do. I really enjoyed it last night. My friend came around and we just spoke for hours and I hadn't seen him for a few, few years and, you know, I like it is, is the issue. Um, and not the issue, but I do drink less and I, I, I've done AA a few times.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  And, um, I, I, it just, it's never really connected. I think, you know what it is, is I didn't, I never liked having a sponsor. I don't like it when they call me. Not, not, not because, not because I'm trying to drink, just because I, I just was like, I can't explain it, but I just found it almost a bit boring. And it didn't, AA is an amazing organisation and it does fantastic work. It's not that.

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  For people, but it doesn't suit everybody.

• 1:09:53Speaker 01

  Always work for everybody.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  That's why I think that it's quite nice to hear other people's experiences of how you did it. Like the idea that there is, um, an alcohol doctor.

• 1:10:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's great. And I, I go and see him every few months.

• 1:10:03Speaker 02

  Is it like a therapist?

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  He's very much like this. And we talk, you talk about your drinking and, and I can see that he's not worried about me particularly. And you know, I can, I talk to him and yeah, there's this particular medication that I take that, that is.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  What is it?

• 1:10:16Speaker 01

  I've forgotten what it's called. It does this amazing thing. It's, it lowers how much the alcohol interacts with your brain.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  So it stops the effect of it so much.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  It reduces the effect as well.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. So it doesn't.

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  No, exactly. That doesn't work as well. So, and that's been good. It actually protects your brain cells a bit from the alcohol. I mean, there's so much amazing medication out there when you go and explore.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  But, look, it's, I obviously am an addict and, um, and I think it's for the reasons that we have discussed. But at the moment, I think my life's pretty good. I'm not in trouble, you know, and I still enjoy it.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  I think one of the other things that I quite liked hearing about you was that when I was using, I was young and I was obviously trying to heal a hole in my,

• 1:11:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:04Speaker 02

  in my heart that was left by abandonment, you know, I just was like constantly hurting. And I took drugs and it went away.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  And then I'd run out of the drugs and come back again.

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:16Speaker 02

  But you don't, you don't use drink for that.

• 1:11:19Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:11:19Speaker 02

  You'd use it for happiness.

• 1:11:21Speaker 01

  It is interesting.

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  To run towards the joy.

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  That is true. I mean, I remember a friend saying to me, oh, what is it you're running away from? And I said, I'm not running away from anything. I think I'm running towards something. I think it is, it is. It's like, yeah, I think when I'm in my most danger, when I'm, the danger zone for me is like when I get some really good news.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:11:39Speaker 01

  Not when I get really bad news. I'm sort of less interested in drinking then because I think, oh, hang on, I better stay focused. I'm unhappy. So it was the opposite.

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:47Speaker 01

  It won't take away unhappiness. It will just make me more unhappy. Or it'll make me more happy. See what I mean?

• 1:11:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:11:54Speaker 01

  It's not a bad news thing for me. It's a good news thing.

• 1:11:57Speaker 02

  And I think that's where you can slightly control it, I think.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:02Speaker 02

  So you, I mean, you've lived a huge life already. You've got a couple of great kids, you're in a wonderful marriage, you've got your own business. You've done so many different begin again throughout your life to get yourself to a place where you are. You feel really happy.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  To me.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  Where do you, where do you, where do you want to be? Where are you going?

• 1:12:24Speaker 01

  It's a great question, Davina. I think I'm 50. I, um, I love so much coming up with ideas. So I'll keep doing that. I think at the moment, we've got quite a lot going on, stuff that isn't announced, but with the company and I'm really confident about what we're doing and I want to, I want to try and build this quite quickly now because a lot of it's taken a long time. I want to build this company quickly and then I'll probably will do something else. I think.

• 1:12:51Speaker 02

  What would you like that something else to be? I'm desperate to know.

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  I don't know. I mean, even building a podcast company is quite interesting, you know, the, the, I, I am doing a podcast now, but that actually means something on a much bigger scale. Something that is reactive, something that is you put it out and you get immediate feedback.

• 1:13:06Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  And I, I think after a few years of selling television formats, which is a slow process in which you're often quite powerless. I think I will probably have the need, and I don't suppose I particularly want to go back on the radio because I don't know. Having had my own company, do I want to go and work for another company? Probably not. I've done that. And I like to change my life, you know, I do, you know, a TV show and then I leave it. I do a radio show and leave it. And I think, I'm really enjoying having a company. I love the people I work with. I love going into the office. We've got a really nice team. We make each other laugh and we write fun, silly ideas and, um, and it's really, and sometimes I'm in the office and we're all giggling.

• 1:13:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  And, you know, the whole process of creation is what about this? What if we did that? And it was something I thought, God, isn't this a nice job?

• 1:13:49Speaker 02

  Exciting, fun.

• 1:13:49Speaker 01

  It's a nice job.

• 1:13:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You enjoy your life.

• 1:13:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. I was writing a show for Snoop Dogg last week. It's like, it's, it's, you know, it's silly and fun and I work a lot with Simon Cowell now. That's really interesting. And it's like, it's a, it's a privilege and it's a lovely thing. But I think having, when I've done a few years of this, which as I say, is a slow process, I think I'll want, I will, in my nature is to just keep changing and doing something else. I don't want to, I'll never want to think I want to do this same job until I retire or die.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:14:17Speaker 01

  So it will be, I'll flip it all over again.

• 1:14:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  And it will be something that's quicker and more reactive. But I'll always keep changing. I, you know, when I went to LA, I noticed life slowed down in a good way because when you do the same thing all the time, life goes quite quickly. When I did a lot of radio, I would notice that I couldn't remember one year from the next. And, you know, you've made so much change. And when you make change, whether you change your environment, your house, your home, your city, your job, in some cases a marriage, you know, that, time slows down, I think, and, and that's important as well. I don't want to be monotonous and it's just not who I am anyway.

• 1:14:51Speaker 02

  I don't think you ever could be.

• 1:14:53Speaker 01

  I hope not.

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  You can't. It's impossible. Richard, I'm coming over for a cuddle.

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  You're coming over.

• 1:14:58Speaker 02

  Rebecca, I'm sorry. Don't worry. I'm in love and married to Michael. This is a platonic hug. Oh my God, you are fucking brilliant. So just in case you missed this episode here, um, if you love this episode, I know you're going to love that.