Begin Again Moments: It’s Never Too Late To Fall In Love

In this episode of Begin Again Moments, Davina brings together two heartfelt conversations with the late Married at First Sight relationship expert Mel Schilling and Great British Bake Off star Prue Leith, exploring why it's never too late to find love, rebuild trust and open your heart to new beginnings. Mel Schilling shares her expert dating advice for finding love after heartbreak, overcoming the fear of rejection and rediscovering your self-worth. From navigating dating apps to understanding what you truly deserve in a relationship, Mel reveals why learning to love yourself is the first step towards finding someone new. Prue Leith shares the beautiful, unexpected story of falling in love with her husband John at 70, reminding us that romance, connection and happiness have no age limit. A hopeful reminder that no matter your age or what you've been through, it's never too late to love and be loved. To hear the full conversations, watch the complete episodes on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  I think it's funny because I also believe that people slightly fall in love with your relationship. I think there is something so wholesome, but also inspirational about seeing two people just get on.

• 1:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is nice, isn't it?

• 1:18Speaker 02

  And there are so few people, if we're honest, in couples that really do.

• 1:23Speaker 03

  I'm really unlucky because he is good fun. We do get on well. And it's very interesting, one of the moments when I thought really I could spend my life with this guy was we went to an exhibition, modern art. And he goes, if we go into a gallery or an exhibition, he walks all the way around very quickly and looks at everything. He scans everything, and then he goes back and looks at what he wants to. I started the first one, I read the information, and I'm very slow and methodical, and so I'm miles behind him. And at the end of it, he said, was there anything here you would take home?

• 2:08Speaker 03

  And I said, absolutely, I'd take home that painting and that painting. And he said, snap. And we've been doing it ever since, and we've never not agreed with which was the best painting.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Or maybe two paintings, but we always know what we hate. And you know, often that sort of taste, or art taste, grows over years together.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  You know, I was 70 when I met John, and he was 64. We were very set in our ways. He'd had a life in fashion and designing clothes and things.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  How did you meet?

• 2:47Speaker 03

  We met, we met in a friend's house. And it was quite funny because the woman who I, a friend and I were taking, were sharing a cab to get back from Halifax to go to, for her to go to this party and for me to go home. And I said, let's drop me first because I'm on the way. And she said, no, I'm in such a hurry because I've got such an important dinner party. And my sister and I are giving it, and I'm, it's me and her giving it, so I have to be there. And she was panicking and very jumpy about this dinner party. And so I said, all right. So we dropped her, and she said, come in for a drink.

• 3:31Speaker 03

  And I went in, and there were, this dinner party was a table for four, with candles and champagne and beautiful lighting and all flowers. And I mean, it was an obvious setup for four people.

• 3:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  And these were two sisters who were giving the party. And John was one of the...

• 3:49Speaker 02

  So he was being matched made with one of the sisters?

• 3:52Speaker 03

  Yes, he was definitely to be, he was designed for one of them.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  And was it...

• 3:57Speaker 03

  Either of them either, I think.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Was it an instant attraction?

• 4:01Speaker 03

  Not for me. I was so, felt such a gooseberry that I just wanted to get out.

• 4:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I imagine.

• 4:08Speaker 03

  Conversations when you know you shouldn't be there. And so I wasn't concentrating at all, and I didn't listen to anything he said. But apparently, I told him that I was going to Canada, which I was, on a book tour. And so the next day, this guy arrives, on what I, I'm so unobservant that I thought he was driving a quad, you know, it was a big Rashid.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  As I thought it was a farmer's quad.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  And he said, oh, I brought you a letter. I thought you'd gone to Canada. So I said, and he said, I'm the guy from last night.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  So wait, he saw you? He thought you'd gone to Canada? And he wrote you a letter?

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  And came to your house to deliver it?

• 4:53Speaker 03

  Yes, to sell.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Wow, heen!

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think he, and said, the letter said, I know you're in Canada, but I just wanted to tell you where I live and also suggest we have a walk with our dogs, because we talked about our dogs when I come back. So I said, well, let's go now. In fact, I met him because just as I walked out of the front door with my secretary, my PA, we walked out together, we were going to walk the dog around the field. So I said, well, we're going to walk the dog around the field, why don't you come too? Which I don't think was what he had planned.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  But when you said, let's walk the dog together, he wasn't quite meaning with someone else.

• 5:34Speaker 03

  And with my PA. Anyhow, the three of us walked around the field. And Franciscan, my PA, very quickly got the message that, she was the gooseberry now. So she went off, when we, he came in for a drink and she went off. And you know that thing when you fall in love and you just talk all night?

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  So exciting. And he was chattering away. I realize now he was quite nervous, because I know him well enough, but he seemed to be totally confident. And he was just talking about history. I mean, I remember him walking up and down, I was sitting on the sofa, and he was walking about, and he was talking to me about traveling and why...

• 6:22Speaker 02

  And you love traveling, right?

• 6:23Speaker 03

  He does love it, and so do I. And then we went out to dinner, and then I went, then he said, would you come to my house and I'll cook you dinner? And I thought, oh, he could cook.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 6:35Speaker 03

  When I got there, he cooked me haggis. And you know haggis, nobody has to cook haggis, it comes ready-made.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  Must have been the first ready meal, because nobody would want to actually cook haggis. So you just heat it up in the microwave. So it haggis and Bashnipes, because he's a Scot.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  And of course, I love that, and it was absolutely delicious. So he always said, well, it worked because she stayed for breakfast. And unfortunately, it was the last thing he cooked for me.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Because the next time, also, that first couple of weeks, he, we were talking about beef, what was the best beef? And he, and I was so impressed because he bought some Dexter steaks. Dexter are a wonderful breed of, they're a bit like Aberdeen Angus, but they're much smaller.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Right.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  And they're, they're very flavorful, but they're quite small. Anyhow, they had two fillet steaks, Dexter fillet steaks. I mean, nobody buys fillet steaks anymore, they cost an arm and a leg. So I was really impressed that he had bought two fillet, but Dexter steaks. And he put the frying pan on the, on the heat, and he put a blob of butter in it, and it was just beginning to melt. And then he put the steaks in, and I just jumped it. I mean, there's only one rule about steaks, you get the hat, first of all, it's not a good idea to use butter straight away because it burns.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  You need to get a little bit of oil and put it, get it so hot that the pan is absolutely smoking, so that you get that lovely sear.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  And the juice doesn't run out the steaks. And then you can put some butter in. Anyway, I was just so anxious, I mean, I wasn't thinking about him, I was just thinking about, they're the best steaks in the world and you're ruining them. And I pushed him out of the way, and I...

• 8:34Speaker 02

  Sourced it.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  And I cooked the steaks.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Sourced it.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  So I've been cooking ever since.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  No!

• 8:39Speaker 03

  That was the last thing.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  You've made a rod for your own back?

• 8:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't care, because actually, I love cooking. And we, if you asked him what he lives on, he'd say leftovers. I do remind him that, you know, the only reason there are leftovers is because I must have done some prime cooking at some point, because leftovers from some...

• 9:00Speaker 02

  From what?

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Yes, exactly.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  How long have you two been together now? 16?

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, 15.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  15 years?

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Something like that.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  I mean, you know what's really nice, Prue?

• 9:08Speaker 03

  What?

• 9:09Speaker 02

  Is that when you talk about him, it's like you're talking about a new love. You look, you look happy and excited.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  He's a lovely guy, and I'm very lucky. I mean, not many people have one happy marriage, never mind two.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:27Speaker 00

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• 9:57Speaker 01

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• 10:26Speaker 02

  How did you put yourself out there? What made you think, I am now ready?

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Do you know what was interesting? And this is probably the only way I would have got myself into that space, it was through my work. So I'd been a psychologist for 20 odd years, and I decided to retrain as a dating coach, because that was my passion, that was, you know, because I was in that world and, you know, all the friends, I loved having those conversations about dating and all the nuance. And people would often come to me for advice and discussion, so I thought, I'm going to actually do this seriously.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  And they need your help.

• 10:58Speaker 04

  Pardon me? Yes, that's right, because there's so much psychology there.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Particularly around the self-love and, you know, self-worth. So I started retraining. And as I was learning these methodologies, I started applying them to myself. So I think, looking back, I think I was telling myself that I was just doing experiments.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  But actually.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  I was sucking myself in. I was actually really going in there for real. But I was, I think the way I allowed myself to let my walls down was, oh, this is just for my work and it's for my clients. So I started experimenting and dating and putting some of my principles into practice.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Tell me what kind of walls you had.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  Oh, sky high. Very much about do not get close.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:51Speaker 04

  My girlfriends would say if I went out to a bar, I had F off written across my forehead.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  But where did that come from?

• 11:59Speaker 04

  I think hurt, you know, early, early, young relationships with careless boys. You know, in the eighties and nineties who didn't know better. I, I think I can say that now. I think if it was happening now, I'd say, get a grip, mate. But looking back then where.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  They were young and they didn't know any better, yeah.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  Right. They didn't know how to treat girls and we didn't know what we deserved. So I feel like I put myself in so many precarious positions, so many unsafe positions. Which is why now a big part of the dating work I do is around dating safety, particularly for women and knowing those boundaries and how to protect yourself. But I think I got myself into too many positions that made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. So that when I grew up a little bit and was ready to start having adult relationships, I was like, I don't know, don't trust. Took a lot for me to trust.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  I mean, what's interesting is that this is a really, I think, for people who are maybe second time rounders or who are dating little, little bit later in life. This is the biggest barriers, the problem with trusting. And I, I've got a couple of friends of mine, including a, a man who got catfished and, and blackmailed. Um, from, from going on a, a dating app and it's, it's devastating, I think, to your confidence and, and ability to carry on or continue on, on those kind of apps. How did you, how did you start then? And what, I mean, what would be maybe your advice to anybody?

• 13:39Speaker 02

  I mean, you've got tons of it. I'm, I know. Like what would be your advice to anybody wanting to broach the, the apps again? Who may have just been like, do you know what? It just can't be asked anymore.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Hmm. Yes, I really want to talk to our listeners who are finding themselves coming out of long relationships. All of a sudden, single again, you know, maybe in your forties, fifties, sixties, seventies and starting again. All the rules have changed. Not just the rules, but the roles as well.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  And the tools.

• 14:10Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 14:11Speaker 04

  So there's some practical aspects there that you can get out of the way really quickly. Particularly if you've got kids, nieces, nephews, grandkids, get them on the tech with you. You know, don't, don't be daunted by it because you can surround yourself by people who can say, right, come here, mum, come in there. And I'm going to help you create a profile. You know, you can, you can get the tech stuff sorted. So don't worry about that. Put that to aside. I think the bigger, more important stuff is how you are going to choose to step into this next chapter.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 14:42Speaker 04

  Of your life. And what is your dating brand? Now that might sound like a funny thing to say.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  A weight.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  Right.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  A brand.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  You're a brand.

• 14:51Speaker 04

  You are.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  How are you going to sell the brand?

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Exactly. Right?

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Yes, I love that.

• 14:56Speaker 04

  I mean, we talk about it in our careers all the time. What's my brand? What's your social media brand? But what's your personal dating brand? So that is, once you figure that out, you can then make sure that the outside matches the inside.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  And that's where authenticity comes from.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  So here in the brand.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  Look, how, how would you identify your, your brand?

• 15:18Speaker 04

  Great starting point is your personal values.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  Oh, wait.

• 15:23Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Is this what we talked about?

• 15:26Speaker 04

  This is homework, Davina.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  I've got homework. I had homework. Can I just say, I really took it very, very seriously.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  So I think, so in fact, before we get the chart out.

• 15:37Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  Let's explain why, so you're thinking up your brand.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 15:43Speaker 02

  What's important to me? Can you just talk me through values and why they're important?

• 15:47Speaker 04

  Absolutely. Well, even before values, let's even take a step back before that, which is the self-awareness piece.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:54Speaker 04

  Because any personal development.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Triangle.

• 15:57Speaker 04

  This is the triangle. This is my pyramid.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  So the pyramid, at the bottom of the pyramid is self-awareness. Talk me through that.

• 16:03Speaker 04

  I think any step towards self-development or personal development has to start with looking at yourself.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 16:11Speaker 04

  And this is something that I find so often, particularly in a lot of the, the TV work that I do, where people are sort of fronting up and saying, okay, I'm ready. Ready for a new relationship or ready to do things differently without first taking accountability for maybe mistakes they've made in the past. Or, you know, issues they've had, pain they haven't dealt with. They haven't done their work, the work on the self. So that really, that's really where you need to start.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's Fall Drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon Fall Lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in store and on lululemon.com now.

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