Begin Again Moments: The Secret to Confidence | Susie Moore & Eleanor Mills

In this episode of Begin Again Moments, we bring together two powerful conversations about confidence, self-belief and finding the courage to become who you truly are. Confidence expert Susie Moore shares the secrets to building inner confidence and explains why self-belief is something we can create, rather than something we are simply born with. Eleanor Mills reflects on her own journey of rediscovering confidence in midlife, sharing how letting go of expectations and embracing who she really is helped her step into a new chapter of life. Together, these moments explore what it takes to trust yourself, find your voice and build the confidence to begin again. To hear the full conversations, watch the complete episodes on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Garnier - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1n8Fs9bGs2UGD7dNLM0WU0Pan7l4X7hhY/view?usp=drive_link Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:02Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  When people are afraid of telling their opinion because it might upset someone, what's that about? And how can you stop doing that? How can you be more? I'm just gonna say how I feel, and how you deal with it is up to you. But it's easy to say that, for me to say that. I find it incredibly hard to be strongly assertive against an idea, or say something that I mean to say that might hurt someone's feelings without...

• 0:56Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Like, so I have an opinion, you disagree.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 0:59Speaker 02

  I'm scared to tell you because you won't like it, essentially. When we hold back, sometimes we lie, right? Sometimes we just completely abandon ourselves, right, in pursuit of just the peace of this relationship. Sometimes we actually even will abandon an idea, or we won't go for it because this person won't like it, or this person says that's bad. You see people do this in so many different ways. When we behave, or think, or speak a certain way to keep the peace, or because I don't want to disappoint that person, we're actually not treating that person with any respect. Because we're thinking, you're weak. You can't handle it. I'm strong, so I'll just do what I have to do

• 1:44Speaker 02

  because I can't trust you to be okay. We can let people be disappointed. We can let people not like our decisions. And that is actually an equal relationship, the same way they can do it to us.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  And what happens if, say, because I know a couple of people who also get very...

• 2:04Speaker 01

  They hate the idea that someone won't like them.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Hmm, well, what is that, right? Like, think about it.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  What is that?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  So, okay, number one, this is so, it's so funny. Imagine if you go and you speak in front of a thousand people. There are a thousand opinions of you, right? There is. Somebody like, you're the best ever. Someone else is like, that was so boring. Same with a movie, same with a restaurant. Someone's like, best, and I'm like, total crap. So, number one, this is back to controlling. Like, you can't, you can't, you can't make anyone love you, no matter how much you play up to them. That can take a while to learn in life. But if I'm just super sweet, but if I'm extra smart, but if I'm funnier, or but if I'm thinner, oh, you can't make anybody love you. And if your focus is, will she like me? Will he like me? Whether it's an intimate relationship, or social media, or maybe you have a certain level of influence in the world,

• 2:54Speaker 02

  oh, boy, I mean, it's almost funny that we think that there is any modicum of control that we have over someone's response, or someone's warmth towards us, or the opposite. So, when we are in our integrity, and I use this word a lot because, I mean, it sounds like formal and legal, or like, it's not ethics. It's really the origin of the world, of the word integrity, just to mean, it means to be whole. Your inside and your outside. It's to be, really just to be whole, to be the real you. Then, when you know that you're just doing that peacefully, not proving anything, I think the need to be liked just kind of diminishes on its own.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Your intentions are good, you're living your life your way. I mean, look at it. How many ways can you live your life? Think about all the places you can live, the careers you can... There's never gonna, people, I mean, in some parts of the world, if you're homosexual, you'll be killed. I mean, the world isn't this place where this is the way to be liked.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  It doesn't even make any sense. So I think if I'm trying to make someone like me in a particular moment, I think that I just need a bit more self-love that day. Or I need to speak more kindly to myself, or I need a good old dose of perspective.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Yes, what you're saying is self-love because if you are trying to make someone like you, you're not gonna be yourself, and then you're not gonna like yourself because you're not being true to your...

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, congratulations. All these girls like you now, and it's not really you.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, they like someone else.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Exactly. And then that's you for the rest of your relationship with... Yeah, awesome. Enjoy yourselves, yeah. You know, it's, and I think that when we pause and think about it, but most people, we don't pause and think about it. We just think, oh, this is the way to survive, or this is the way to be cool, or this is the way to make money. There are plenty, there are lots of paths. And when we abandon ourselves, even if it looks good on the outside, like, you know, it's choosing between almost authenticity or belonging.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  I mean, this is a brilliant one for school.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  You know, at school, when you're just trying to be in with the cool kids and...

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  You know, you change everything about yourself, but you end up thinking, who am I? Like, I don't know what's going on.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  But you belong, right? Or maybe you belong...

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Oh, whoop-dee-doo.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, but for how long?

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  And being who, and wearing what, and saying what, and laughing at jokes.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  It's exhausting.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, I mean, who can keep it up for long? So when you can choose this authenticity, I think slowly, it can happen one, like, degree at a time. One small, it's not like, today I'm gonna be myself. I'm, it's just small, it's saying no when you mean no, lovingly, you know? Saying yes to the things that really ignite some curiosity in you.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  This segment was sponsored by Garnier. Oh, my God! Ooh, lady over there. Hi, what's your name?

• 5:44Speaker 03

  Shashana.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  Shashana. We've got a colleague at work, Emma, who wants to have her hair colored. I'm trying to find somebody to come with me to come and color her hair with some Garnier Nutris at work.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, why not?

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Would you, would you really? Follow me, follow me. So this is the Begin Again Studio. And this is Emma! Shashana seemed really confident. She has colored her friends' hair and stuff before. We've got to put this one into here and shake to activate the color. Shake it like a Polaroid picture.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  Already, the color's lovely. The shade that we are doing on Emma is Mocha Brown, which is my shade.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  Mine, I own this.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  I don't... There are actually 35 shades to choose from. It's got fruit oils in it. They are, what nourish is it? Emma, you're very lucky, you have no gray hairs. But Garnier Nutris, the permanent color's got 100% gray coverage. I can vouch for that.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  That is it.

• 6:43Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Easier to do it yourself, just see what you mean? Is that easier than you thought?

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Very easy. Just like putting, like, hair oil in.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:50Speaker 03

  It's like, so easy.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Time to go. Go, Emma! Oh, my God, it looks great! Oh, my God, I'm not being funny. You've done a great job! It looks amazing! So look at that, can we just discuss the shine?

• 7:06Speaker 03

  That's amazing, are you pleased with it?

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Do you like it?

• 7:08Speaker 03

  Love, love, love, love, love.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  How confident are you now, out of 10?

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Oh, 10 out of 10. That was a lot simpler than I thought.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  I'm so pleased! We did a thing.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  For trusting us.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Thank you. You guys are doing amazing.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  And thank you, Garnier Nutris. Love you.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  One of the big things I say in the book is about saying yes to joy. And so one of the things I did, but I wasn't having to slog into, like, the Sunday Times all the time, is I started swimming every day in the Hampstead Ladies Pond, all the way through the winter, and just doing lots of things that made me feel good. And through that, and what I say to, and I now run lots of circles for my Queen Ages.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  I saw that, that on, with noon.

• 7:55Speaker 04

  With noon.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  If you go on to noon, you can actually find a circle.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  So you can find a circle near you. We started doing it just in Soho. I started sending out this Queen Age newsletter. And you know what it's like to begin with? You know, you have a few hundred, then you have a few thousand. And then it really kind of gathered pace. And I started just doing it in this flat in Soho that I borrowed, and it got too big for that. And now we've got chapters all over the place, which is really exciting.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  I love that, chapters like Hell's Angels.

• 8:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, like Hell's Angels, Hell's Queen Ages.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Hell's Queen Ages. You're gonna have to get some leather jackets or something made up.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  We've got some tape bags saying, "Join the Queen Age Revolution." And what you see, what's so amazing about the Noon Circle is just the sense of, that we're all in this. And one of the things we say in the Noon Circle is the say yes to joy. And I think that actually, following your joy, following, doing the things that you love, it are the stepping stones. You were saying, how did you set up this business? Well, I think following those pebbles of the things that really make you happy are the route to a kind of, a successful life, a truly successful life, a resonant life, a life that matches on the outside how you feel on the inside. And I think for a lot of women, that's not the case. They have a, it's one of the things I talk about in the book.

• 9:08Speaker 04

  In fact, when I was, after I left the Sunday, after I was made redundant, I went to Jamaica with my friend Decca. And we, I was lying there and I was feeling really terrible. It was in the really early bit. And we went and we swam out around this boat in the bay. And a woman put, popped her head over the top of the boat and was like, you know, oh, who are you? Come aboard. So we were sitting, it was about 11:00 in the morning, we were sitting there with a beer. And Nancy told us her story. And she was sailing around the Caribbean on kind of quite a funny, grossy little boat which she'd bought with her friend. They'd got it for 20,000 bucks from some marina in Puerto Rico. And she talked about living a resonant life, and how the life that she'd had as a kind of suburban woman in Chicago had really not been her.

• 9:52Speaker 04

  But this adventurous life, living like a pirate, kind of from day to day, sailing around the Caribbean. She was in her late 50s. She suddenly felt who she was really supposed to be. And that really lit a spark in me. I was like, wow. And that was the first time that I actually spoke aloud my kind of plan for Noon, and this kind of, how we could create a community that would help other women to live a resonant life with their truthiest kind of truth on show.

• 10:20Speaker 05

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