Dead Dads w/ Harland Williams

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Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  You two are bad friends.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  Who are these two idiots?

• 0:33Speaker 01

  A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Well, you two are something.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  We're bad friends.

• 0:42Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna get Botox.

• 0:43Andrew Santino?

  Don't, please don't get Botox.

• 0:44Bobby Lee?

  I'm getting Botox, I have to.

• 0:46Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 0:46Bobby Lee?

  Cause I look old now, it's catching up.

• 0:49Andrew Santino?

  And timeout, I know exactly where this started.

• 0:51Bobby Lee?

  Where?

• 0:51Andrew Santino?

  Do you guys know where this started? McCone was with me.

• 0:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 0:54Andrew Santino?

  I know where it started.

• 0:55Bobby Lee?

  That photo you posted.

• 0:56Andrew Santino?

  I posted a photo on my story.

• 0:57Bobby Lee?

  That angle, never again, dude.

• 0:59Andrew Santino?

  Brother, it looks like you.

• 1:01Bobby Lee?

  Do I look like a shrinking frog?

• 1:03Andrew Santino?

  You are!

• 1:04Bobby Lee?

  No, I'm not. It doesn't, it was not good. The bags, the liver spots, I gotta get Botox.

• 1:11Andrew Santino?

  You don't have liver spots.

• 1:12Bobby Lee?

  I do, look at it on the sides.

• 1:14Andrew Santino?

  Those are freckles, dude.

• 1:15Bobby Lee?

  Oh, they're gigantic freckles? Samoan freckles, that's what I have on my face.

• 1:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Samoa freckle.

• 1:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, listen, that's what I'm gonna look like.

• 1:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the oil London, right?

• 1:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I mean, I don't think people would notice if I got Botox.

• 1:26Andrew Santino?

  I think they would.

• 1:27Bobby Lee?

  Should I, okay.

• 1:28Andrew Santino?

  Do AI Bobby with Botox, can we see that?

• 1:31Bobby Lee?

  But if I get Botox, new rule, you can't make fun of me.

• 1:37Bobby Lee?

  You can't make fun of me, dude.

• 1:38Andrew Santino?

  Old rule, yes I can.

• 1:40Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:40Andrew Santino?

  Old rule. No, of cour-, I won't make fun of you if, if, first of all, you're not gonna get Botox.

• 1:45Bobby Lee?

  I am.

• 1:46Andrew Santino?

  No, you're not. Where would you get it?

• 1:48Bobby Lee?

  Korea.

• 1:49Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm saying where on your face?

• 1:51Bobby Lee?

  Oh my god, my eyes, like the puffiness of the sides here, the lips, a little bit.

• 1:56Andrew Santino?

  Don't you just wanna age gracefully? Don't you just wanna age gracefully? Cause you're doing a great job. Everybody thinks you're 40. No one knows you're about to turn 54 years old. Nobody knows that. Except for everybody that's listening to the show right now.

• 2:10Bobby Lee?

  I know, but you know what happens to Asians, right?

• 2:12Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 2:12Bobby Lee?

  The old rule.

• 2:13Andrew Santino?

  What's the old rule?

• 2:14Bobby Lee?

  One night.

• 2:15Andrew Santino?

  One night.

• 2:16Bobby Lee?

  Long ago.

• 2:17Andrew Santino?

  Long ago.

• 2:19Bobby Lee?

  I want to sleep.

• 2:21Andrew Santino?

  What happened?

• 2:21Bobby Lee?

  I woke up as Yoda.

• 2:24Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you think you're gonna turn into-

• 2:25Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna turn into Yoda one day.

• 2:27Andrew Santino?

  Okay, then if you get it, we're all getting it. That's it.

• 2:29Bobby Lee?

  No, here's the thing, okay?

• 2:31Andrew Santino?

  Cause Richie needs it too. Look at his face.

• 2:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but he's only 22, 23.

• 2:35Andrew Santino?

  How old? 24, just turned 24.

• 2:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:36Andrew Santino?

  Right, that's right, we asked you.

• 2:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:38Andrew Santino?

  But think about it and give it some good perspective. Yoda was so wise, everybody went to him for advice.

• 2:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but I don't know shit! I don't know anything!

• 2:45Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you do.

• 2:46Bobby Lee?

  Ask me something. Ask me, uh, uh-

• 2:47Andrew Santino?

  How many floors is the Empire State Building?

• 2:50Bobby Lee?

  I don't know!

• 2:51Andrew Santino?

  Well, neither do I!

• 2:51Bobby Lee?

  Oh, alright.

• 2:52Andrew Santino?

  You're fine.

• 2:53Bobby Lee?

  Give me a capital or a city in a state and I think I'm gonna give you the state.

• 2:57Andrew Santino?

  Easy.

• 2:58Bobby Lee?

  Okay, go.

• 2:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, country or you want here in America?

• 3:00Bobby Lee?

  A city in a state and I'll tell you what the state is.

• 3:02Andrew Santino?

  Okay, what is, what is the capital?

• 3:04Bobby Lee?

  No, not the capital, just give me a city.

• 3:06Andrew Santino?

  Wait, what do you mean? Give you any city?

• 3:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:08Andrew Santino?

  Albany.

• 3:10Bobby Lee?

  Albany, New Mexico.

• 3:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's new.

• 3:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 3:15Andrew Santino?

  New York.

• 3:16Bobby Lee?

  Albany, New York. That was a tough one.

• 3:18Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 3:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, give me another one, give me another one.

• 3:21Andrew Santino?

  Uh, Springfield.

• 3:23Bobby Lee?

  Ohio.

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, there is, there is one there, for sure. There's one in every state.

• 3:27Bobby Lee?

  Okay, well, that's a trick one.

• 3:29Andrew Santino?

  Okay, uh, how about this? Sacramento.

• 3:32Bobby Lee?

  California, come on.

• 3:33Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 3:34Bobby Lee?

  Lubbock.

• 3:36Andrew Santino?

  Texas.

• 3:36Bobby Lee?

  Very good.

• 3:37Andrew Santino?

  Um, uh, Zizzix.

• 3:41Bobby Lee?

  Zizzix?

• 3:42Andrew Santino?

  Zizzix.

• 3:42Bobby Lee?

  London, England.

• 3:44Andrew Santino?

  No, that's here.

• 3:45Bobby Lee?

  Zizzix?

• 3:45Andrew Santino?

  What's it? It's XXYXX. Zizzix? It's in-

• 3:48Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's a good one.

• 3:49Andrew Santino?

  You've seen it, it's in the desert.

• 3:50Bobby Lee?

  I saw it in the desert once.

• 3:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Zizzix.

• 3:52Bobby Lee?

  Zizzix. But that's a road, not a city.

• 3:54Andrew Santino?

  I think it's a city.

• 3:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 3:56Andrew Santino?

  It's a city. Zizzix, formerly Soda Springs, is an unincorporated town in San Bernardino County. By the way, I heard it was a developmental town for like a rehab clinic and it never took off.

• 4:04Bobby Lee?

  Fun Tang.

• 4:06Andrew Santino?

  Uh, that's gotta be China.

• 4:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I made it up.

• 4:10Andrew Santino?

  Fun Tang?

• 4:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it can be anyone.

• 4:11Andrew Santino?

  Sounds like a Chinese town.

• 4:12Bobby Lee?

  That was my nickname in high school.

• 4:13Andrew Santino?

  Welcome to Fun Tang. That's your, that was your nickname in high school, Fun Tang?

• 4:16Bobby Lee?

  Um, alright, well, I know something.

• 4:18Andrew Santino?

  Look, you know a lot of things.

• 4:19Bobby Lee?

  Alright, give me a random thing that maybe you might not think that I know.

• 4:23Andrew Santino?

  Uh, how about, um, how about like, uh, give me the name of the, of the first album released.

• 4:30Bobby Lee?

  Oh my god. I'm panicking already.

• 4:33Andrew Santino?

  You know music so well.

• 4:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 4:35Andrew Santino?

  Give me the first album released by-

• 4:40Andrew Santino?

  Trying to think of something, something easy. What? Talking Heads.

• 4:43Bobby Lee?

  Talking Heads, 1977.

• 4:44Andrew Santino?

  Perfect. See, you know a lot of stuff. I mean, you have to lead me to it. We'll get there.

• 4:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  How about, how about?

• 4:50Bobby Lee?

  What, Metallica's first album?

• 4:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's good. I don't, I don't know. What is it?

• 4:54Bobby Lee?

  Kill 'Em All, I think.

• 4:55Andrew Santino?

  Was that the first album?

• 4:56Bobby Lee?

  Kill 'Em All?

• 4:57Andrew Santino?

  Ron McGovney, 82 Garage Demo. Kill 'Em All, full album.

• 5:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 5:02Andrew Santino?

  Got it.

• 5:02Bobby Lee?

  Thank you, the Lord. Yeah, yeah.

• 5:04Andrew Santino?

  You know a lot of stuff, dude.

• 5:05Bobby Lee?

  Did you know anything? Richie, did you know any of those?

• 5:08Speaker 05

  No, I didn't know a thing.

• 5:09Bobby Lee?

  I know what you'll know. What was R E M's first album? Look at your face. Come on.

• 5:12Speaker 05

  R E, they did, um...

• 5:17Bobby Lee?

  Losing your religion, yeah.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  Losing your, yeah, yeah. That's the one.

• 5:19Bobby Lee?

  That's the one? Yeah, that's not the first album.

• 5:21Speaker 05

  That's not the first?

• 5:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:22Andrew Santino?

  Richie, are you wearing a sweater?

• 5:24Speaker 05

  I am wearing a sweater.

• 5:25Andrew Santino?

  It's like 94 outside.

• 5:26Bobby Lee?

  But doesn't he look like a college rock band bassist?

• 5:28Andrew Santino?

  He looks like a guy who's tinkering away with microchips in a basement.

• 5:32Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 5:33Andrew Santino?

  And we don't know if he's on our team or against us yet.

• 5:35Bobby Lee?

  I think he looks like Mike Mills from the R E M.

• 5:37Andrew Santino?

  By the way, Richie looks like every guy from a band in the 90s.

• 5:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 5:41Andrew Santino?

  Every band. Oh, yeah, you kind of do look like him, dude.

• 5:44Bobby Lee?

  You're that type of white.

• 5:45Speaker 05

  Do you think I could rock those shades?

• 5:47Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 5:47Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 5:48Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 5:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:48Andrew Santino?

  No, you can't even rock the glasses you're wearing right now.

• 5:51Speaker 05

  I'm actually allergic to them.

• 5:52Andrew Santino?

  To glasses?

• 5:53Speaker 05

  To these glasses.

• 5:54Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean, you're allergic to them?

• 5:55Speaker 05

  I just found out, so I'm allergic to metal now. So it's like, I, and these were my backup, so I broke my plastic pair. And then when I put these on, now like my ears all...

• 6:04Andrew Santino?

  Can we cut to commercial right now or something? Wait a minute, you're allergic to metal? I've never heard of that in my life.

• 6:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I ju, I just found out this myself.

• 6:11Bobby Lee?

  Contacts. Use contacts.

• 6:13Speaker 05

  I don't have any contacts.

• 6:14Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you, you can't afford them?

• 6:15Speaker 05

  No, I just, I didn't like how I put them in my eye. It hurt.

• 6:18Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 6:18Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay. Okay, so... People, metal allergies are a type of allergic contact dermatitis, delayed hypersensitivity reaction.

• 6:28Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 6:28Andrew Santino?

  So what happens? What's gonna happen to you with these on?

• 6:31Speaker 05

  I don't know. I just got a bumpy ear and I gotta figure that out.

• 6:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, buddy, you're a hypochondriac.

• 6:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 6:35Andrew Santino?

  The bump on your ear has nothing to do with the glasses on your face.

• 6:38Speaker 05

  What's it from?

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  Should you tell them or no?

• 6:41Bobby Lee?

  I didn't even listen to him.

• 6:43Andrew Santino?

  It's from Fun Tang.

• 6:45Bobby Lee?

  Fun, it was from, yeah.

• 6:46Andrew Santino?

  Little bit too much Fun Tang, you're gonna end up with bumps on your face.

• 6:49Speaker 05

  But I like a little Fun Tang.

• 6:50Andrew Santino?

  Careful Richie.

• 6:51Bobby Lee?

  Richie.

• 6:51Andrew Santino?

  Okay, you're not, we're not.

• 6:52Bobby Lee?

  When's the last time you had Fun Tang Richie?

• 6:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, when's the last time you got some Fun Tang?

• 6:55Speaker 05

  I like the Fun Tang.

• 6:56Bobby Lee?

  No, no, when's the last time you had Fun Tang Richie?

• 6:58Andrew Santino?

  When was the last time you had some Fun Tang?

• 6:59Speaker 05

  Fun Tang like, two or so weeks ago.

• 7:01Andrew Santino?

  You did?

• 7:03Bobby Lee?

  What's the definition of Fun Tang Richie?

• 7:05Speaker 05

  Fun Tang, it's a food. It's like noodles.

• 7:07Bobby Lee?

  Oh, okay.

• 7:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, it is a noodle, yeah.

• 7:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:10Bobby Lee?

  Let me reword it, let me, can I reword?

• 7:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:13Bobby Lee?

  When's the last time you got some actual?

• 7:14Speaker 05

  Actual.

• 7:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 7:15Andrew Santino?

  When's the last time you got laid, Rich?

• 7:17Speaker 05

  Uh, like probably this month, but like earlier in the month, like end of, or beginning of July, roughly.

• 7:23Bobby Lee?

  Oh, the beginning of July, one time?

• 7:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, just once.

• 7:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 7:26Speaker 05

  We do our best. I have like.

• 7:27Bobby Lee?

  Who's we?

• 7:28Speaker 05

  Me, me, me, I do my best.

• 7:30Bobby Lee?

  You and your clan.

• 7:31Andrew Santino?

  Him and his penis?

• 7:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 7:32Andrew Santino?

  Wait a minute, so was this a one time, was this, do you do one night stands, or are you only?

• 7:37Speaker 05

  I do, but LA is weird. It's like, I don't like the one night stands and I feel like people lean more towards that, but I'm more against it. I'm in the search of relationship, but people don't want to.

• 7:49Andrew Santino?

  We're gonna find you love.

• 7:50Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna find you love.

• 7:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I, I do think you deserve a really good, a good relationship.

• 7:54Speaker 05

  Oh, thank you.

• 7:55Andrew Santino?

  You know who loves one night stands? Carlos is the king of one night stands.

• 7:58Bobby Lee?

  You can teach him a lot.

• 7:59Andrew Santino?

  Are you not?

• 8:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, unfortunately, yeah.

• 8:02Andrew Santino?

  Why is that unfortunate? You, do you want a relationship now?

• 8:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's just been years and years.

• 8:07Bobby Lee?

  Are you a good kisser, Carlos?

• 8:08Speaker 06

  I think I'm good, yeah.

• 8:09Andrew Santino?

  I gotta be honest with you?

• 8:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 8:11Andrew Santino?

  Great kisser.

• 8:12Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 8:13Andrew Santino?

  He's a great kisser.

• 8:14Speaker 06

  We've kissed.

• 8:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you guys.

• 8:15Bobby Lee?

  Are you not, yeah, but we've, not open mouth.

• 8:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:17Bobby Lee?

  A little bit.

• 8:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 8:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you guys have kissed.

• 8:20Bobby Lee?

  What I do is, I don't go.

• 8:22Andrew Santino?

  Tongue first?

• 8:23Bobby Lee?

  What, what I, I don't do, um, bonsai style. Yeah, I, I don't do Pearl Harbor.

• 8:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right.

• 8:29Bobby Lee?

  I don't do sneak attacks with my tongue.

• 8:30Andrew Santino?

  Kamikaze.

• 8:31Bobby Lee?

  No, I make the noise.

• 8:36Bobby Lee?

  And then I. Go back.

• 8:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you back.

• 8:39Bobby Lee?

  I go, I back off, right? I don't actually hit Pearl Harbor.

• 8:42Andrew Santino?

  Right, you, you pull up, pull up, pull up.

• 8:44Bobby Lee?

  I pull up. I'm that coward. Remember in Godzilla, uh, minus one?

• 8:48Andrew Santino?

  The guy who couldn't do it?

• 8:48Bobby Lee?

  I'm that guy.

• 8:49Andrew Santino?

  He just couldn't do it.

• 8:50Bobby Lee?

  No, he didn't do it. He bailed.

• 8:51Andrew Santino?

  I would have been that guy, too.

• 8:52Bobby Lee?

  Me, too.

• 8:53Andrew Santino?

  By the way, you're in a plane. You can't catch me. I'm gone.

• 8:56Bobby Lee?

  I know, but you still have-

• 8:57Andrew Santino?

  They're like, "Where are you?"

• 8:58Bobby Lee?

  I know. But in, uh, in, um, Godzilla minus one, he had to land at an airfield.

• 9:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Bobby Lee?

  And he's like, "Oh, my, my plane's broke." And he was like, "Your plane are not broke." Yeah, you're-

• 9:08Andrew Santino?

  It's in perfect condition.

• 9:09Bobby Lee?

  It's in perfect condition, you know what I mean? But I think I would go pretty close and then pull up.

• 9:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, and you would just say it's a, it's a mechanical error. I couldn't do it.

• 9:18Bobby Lee?

  It's a check button.

• 9:19Andrew Santino?

  It ju-

• 9:20Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 9:21Andrew Santino?

  But then you're out over the ocean.

• 9:22Bobby Lee?

  No, then you swim to Hawaii and go, "I'm Hawaiian."

• 9:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 9:25Bobby Lee?

  Right? Why can't they say they're Hawaiian? They kind of look Hawaiian.

• 9:28Andrew Santino?

  Well, there's certainly a ton of-

• 9:30Bobby Lee?

  There were Japanese people in Hawaii. Yeah, yeah.

• 9:32Andrew Santino?

  So you're, you'd fit in. I guess that makes perfect sense. You think that was a story of a guy, that's a movie we need to write for Bobby. The one kamikaze who didn't do it.

• 9:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 9:40Andrew Santino?

  And he ended up living in Hawaii, like, becoming the king of one of the small little islands.

• 9:44Bobby Lee?

  But there's no-

• 9:44Andrew Santino?

  And then-

• 9:45Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 9:45Andrew Santino?

  What? Yeah.

• 9:46Bobby Lee?

  There were no kings back then.

• 9:47Andrew Santino?

  It's a made up-

• 9:50Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 9:50Andrew Santino?

  You become a king of a little tiny island and then some, someone, an ex, an ex-military, after years later, thirty years down the road.

• 9:58Bobby Lee?

  You.

• 9:58Andrew Santino?

  Me.

• 9:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 9:59Andrew Santino?

  I, I'm suspicious. I come to this little island, I marry a Hawaiian, and I'm like, "Who is this guy?"

• 10:05Bobby Lee?

  Mommy?

• 10:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, who, who are you?

• 10:07Bobby Lee?

  Gilbert.

• 10:08Andrew Santino?

  You're King Gilbert, huh?

• 10:09Bobby Lee?

  King Gilbert the ninth.

• 10:11Andrew Santino?

  There's-

• 10:11Bobby Lee?

  Generation, generation of Gilbert.

• 10:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, there's a rumor that you bailed as a kamikaze pilot. That's kind of being spread around.

• 10:17Bobby Lee?

  Look at my hair. Carpal tunnel, both hands.

• 10:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you can't fly.

• 10:20Bobby Lee?

  I can fly.

• 10:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that makes perfect sense. All right, well, God bless you, King Gilbert.

• 10:23Bobby Lee?

  And then cut to an hour later, I'm jerking off.

• 10:27Bobby Lee?

  And then you catch me.

• 10:27Andrew Santino?

  He can use his hands!

• 10:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 10:30Andrew Santino?

  Dude, this is good. And then, and then you need my help and I need your help.

• 10:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, like in Titanic, for instance. Um- I think I would have gotten off that boat pretty quickly.

• 10:39Andrew Santino?

  You'd be so dead.

• 10:40Bobby Lee?

  Well, I'd probably be bottom, though.

• 10:42Andrew Santino?

  You and I.

• 10:43Bobby Lee?

  I, you're upper deck.

• 10:44Andrew Santino?

  The Irish? No, dude, we were in the basement.

• 10:46Bobby Lee?

  Bottom deck.

• 10:47Andrew Santino?

  The, I think the Irish were, were like, the Irish were held in the basement, right?

• 10:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 10:52Andrew Santino?

  We were down low, down below.

• 10:53Bobby Lee?

  I would cli- I would climb over people.

• 10:56Andrew Santino?

  You know what's so funny to think about that? I, like, when they say, like, there's no, there's no order in chaos, like, I would have killed so many people to, to, to survive.

• 11:02Bobby Lee?

  What were the Asians doing down there, though? What were their jobs, you think?

• 11:05Andrew Santino?

  Probably scooping coal into the fire to, like, make the, make the boat engine go.

• 11:09Speaker 07

  Hey, Chan, we got a free trip.

• 11:12Andrew Santino?

  Where? Where to?

• 11:13Speaker 07

  We, I don't know where we're going to Arctic, but you know what? All we have to do is put the coal in the, in the thing.

• 11:19Bobby Lee?

  And all of a sudden, you're drowning.

• 11:20Andrew Santino?

  You're gone.

• 11:21Speaker 06

  They don't tell you the race. They just tell you it's common folk.

• 11:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because they don't want to admit the truth. They, they want you to still go to the museum, that's why.

• 11:28Bobby Lee?

  Ah.

• 11:28Andrew Santino?

  That's why they still want you to watch the movie.

• 11:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:30Andrew Santino?

  Once you learn of the actual atrocities that took place, then, then it loses the lore. It loses some of, like, the, the, the, the sparkliness. They're like, well, it was a bunch of minorities in the basement. They're like, that, don't worry about that. Don't worry about it, da, da.

• 11:42Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 11:43Andrew Santino?

  I want to go, isn't there, isn't there, like, a huge Titanic museum somewhere? And you can go visit, like, a perfect replica of the boat?

• 11:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's in the ocean, though.

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  No, no, the-

• 11:50Bobby Lee?

  I, I've gone to the real one.

• 11:51Andrew Santino?

  You went down there, huh?

• 11:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I went down there, too. Yeah.

• 11:54Andrew Santino?

  That sound still haunts me, when those people went down. So Richie, you're laughing?

• 11:59Speaker 05

  It's kind of funny.

• 12:00Andrew Santino?

  You are, just like Fancy. He's sick like Fancy. Yeah, where's that? Let's go to that. Branson, Missouri. Dude!

• 12:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Yakov's on-

• 12:08Andrew Santino?

  Falcone will be near Branson, Missouri. We have to go there.

• 12:12Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna go to that and Noah's Ark.

• 12:14Andrew Santino?

  They rebuilt that one, too?

• 12:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to see Noah's, yeah.

• 12:17Andrew Santino?

  You believe that? They got one of every animal?

• 12:19Bobby Lee?

  I, I do believe it. I'm not a naysayer.

• 12:21Speaker 06

  Kentucky.

• 12:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, cram it in there, though.

• 12:24Andrew Santino?

  I don't know. You know what's so funny, though? When you listen to the song, two alligators and long-necked geese, some Humpty-back camels-

• 12:29Bobby Lee?

  There's no way there's a song.

• 12:31Andrew Santino?

  Chimpanzees.

• 12:31Bobby Lee?

  There's a singing song?

• 12:32Andrew Santino?

  Cats and rats and elephants and birds galore.

• 12:35Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah!

• 12:36Andrew Santino?

  You don't know that song?

• 12:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:37Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm not making it up. Look, give me the lyrics.

• 12:40Bobby Lee?

  There was an actual-

• 12:41Andrew Santino?

  Two alligators and long-necked geese, some Humpty-back camels and some chimpanzees, some cats and rats and elephants and birds galore, but you won't see no dinosaur. That is the real song. Type in some of those lyrics and you'll see. So do, do Cats and Rats and Elephants and Birds Galore.

• 12:57Bobby Lee?

  But dinosaurs really didn't exist. You know what it was?

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  What? You think so. See, he's buying into it. This is Korean church coming back into play. Here, AI will find it out. Noah's Ark. The unicorn. Oh, you won't find no unicorn. Is that what it is? There were green, go up. There it is. There are green alligators and long neckies. Some emptyback camels and some chimpanzees. Some cats and rats and elephants and sure as you're born, the loveliest of all was the unicorn. See?

• 13:26Bobby Lee?

  Good.

• 13:27Andrew Santino?

  Old Noah was there to answer the call, finish making the ark just as it started rainfall.

• 13:31Bobby Lee?

  But where are the wombats in the song?

• 13:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, where are those?

• 13:34Bobby Lee?

  I want to know all the, all the animals. Wombats.

• 13:36Andrew Santino?

  Where's all these animals in the Philippines?

• 13:38Bobby Lee?

  Red panda. Is a red panda in there?

• 13:40Andrew Santino?

  That's my dog.

• 13:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 13:41Andrew Santino?

  Red panda for life. You don't believe that dinosaurs existed, huh?

• 13:45Bobby Lee?

  No, I really do believe that. Of course I did. That was silly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:48Andrew Santino?

  No, but a piece of me thinks maybe they got us.

• 13:50Bobby Lee?

  Maybe. But why would the devil do it?

• 13:53Andrew Santino?

  Can't have good without evil.

• 13:55Bobby Lee?

  But sadness is a real thing, too.

• 13:57Andrew Santino?

  You're not sad, though. You've been happier than you've ever been. I've noticed.

• 13:59Bobby Lee?

  No, the last two weeks has been the worst two weeks of my life.

• 14:01Andrew Santino?

  Okay, well, let's, this is what Bobby does and it pisses me off. Last night at the Comedy Store, I even said this in the recording today. Yeah, the kid absolutely smashed a piece.

• 14:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but I was sad up there.

• 14:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, then be more sad because you're killing. I hope for your taping, you're sad because you crushed.

• 14:14Bobby Lee?

  I think I left immediately. You seem to notice that?

• 14:16Andrew Santino?

  10 out of 10, though. You hit 10 home runs. It was crazy. Every joke you spit out, I was like, man, that's a hit. That one's a hit. That one's a hit. That one's a hit. You didn't miss.

• 14:25Bobby Lee?

  Amen.

• 14:26Andrew Santino?

  And then we gave Dax Flame a joke. Dax read one of our jokes.

• 14:28Bobby Lee?

  Did he, did he really do it?

• 14:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he did it.

• 14:30Bobby Lee?

  What was the joke again?

• 14:30Andrew Santino?

  He texted me and it did really well.

• 14:31Bobby Lee?

  I helped write it.

• 14:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he said, uh, the joke was, we're going back to this again. We were actually all talking about this last night.

• 14:36Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 14:37Andrew Santino?

  It was, um, California in 1948 outlawed the chair.

• 14:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:42Andrew Santino?

  And, uh, Bobby wrote the punchline, which was, "That's crazy because I went to Ikea in Burbank and they had a ton of chairs."

• 14:52Andrew Santino?

  It crushed.

• 14:53Bobby Lee?

  It did?

• 14:54Andrew Santino?

  It killed. It absolutely killed.

• 14:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:56Andrew Santino?

  It was a great joke.

• 14:56Bobby Lee?

  Did he do the tag that I made up?

• 14:58Andrew Santino?

  He said that-

• 14:58Bobby Lee?

  And I sat on one and I didn't die.

• 15:00Andrew Santino?

  No, he didn't.

• 15:01Bobby Lee?

  Oh, damn.

• 15:01Andrew Santino?

  I think he forgot the tag.

• 15:02Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 15:03Andrew Santino?

  But it was still good and it killed and then he gave you credit.

• 15:06Bobby Lee?

  Wow, okay, good. He said Bob or Andrew?

• 15:08Andrew Santino?

  He said Bobby Lee wrote that joke for me.

• 15:10Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 15:11Andrew Santino?

  I didn't write the punchline.

• 15:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but you care about the setup.

• 15:13Andrew Santino?

  So what? Punchline is all-

• 15:14Bobby Lee?

  Setup is a lot.

• 15:15Andrew Santino?

  Punchline is all that anybody cares about.

• 15:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 15:17Andrew Santino?

  Who's, who do we have?

• 15:18Bobby Lee?

  Who do we have?

• 15:19Andrew Santino?

  Who, who just showed up?

• 15:20Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God.

• 15:22Andrew Santino?

  If it isn't the-

• 15:22Bobby Lee?

  You have a sunburst here.

• 15:24Andrew Santino?

  If it isn't the corn bandit himself.

• 15:26Bobby Lee?

  What's up?

• 15:27Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, Harland Williams.

• 15:28Bobby Lee?

  Harland Williams, too.

• 15:30Andrew Santino?

  Hello.

• 15:33Andrew Santino?

  You don't have to clap dude.

• 15:34Speaker 07

  Well, I shouldn't have because now I've delayed putting these on.

• 15:37Andrew Santino?

  Get it on there. You don't have to if you don't want to. You can hear us just fine.

• 15:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, this will be a good bit.

• 15:49Bobby Lee?

  Hang on.

• 15:50Andrew Santino?

  You got it.

• 15:54Bobby Lee?

  Stupid.

• 15:55Speaker 07

  It's so stupid. It's so stupid. Where'd you get these things? It's so stupid. Damn it.

• 16:06Speaker 07

  Well, I didn't make the thing you did. Assholes. Why?

• 16:14Bobby Lee?

  Why are you acting so dumb dumb dude?

• 16:16Speaker 07

  Is this a podcast or Rubik's Cube?

• 16:20Bobby Lee?

  Don't break it.

• 16:20Speaker 07

  You have a technician?

• 16:22Bobby Lee?

  Take your time. McCoon, help him. Take your time dude.

• 16:25Speaker 07

  Somebody please.

• 16:26Bobby Lee?

  Jesus Christ.

• 16:29Speaker 07

  Not easy, right guy?

• 16:33Speaker 07

  When a hippie can't do it, how do you expect?

• 16:35Bobby Lee?

  Exactly. Okay. You know that guy, right?

• 16:39Speaker 07

  Yeah. I love that guy. You do? Yeah, he's my buddy. He helped mentor me.

• 16:44Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 16:45Speaker 07

  He helped.

• 16:46Bobby Lee?

  What year? What year?

• 16:47Speaker 07

  It was thanks to you, but we'll save it for later.

• 16:50Bobby Lee?

  We'll save it for later, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you something.

• 16:53Speaker 07

  Let him get settled. Is it?

• 16:59Speaker 07

  Good to go? I wanna go. Get out of here.

• 17:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, get out of here then.

• 17:04Speaker 07

  Assholes.

• 17:07Bobby Lee?

  Just get out of here dude. Anyway, Harlem Williams everybody.

• 17:10Speaker 07

  Harlem Williams, there we go.

• 17:11Bobby Lee?

  I fucking told you it wouldn't work out.

• 17:13Speaker 07

  I know, you're right.

• 17:14Andrew Santino?

  DraftKings Sportsbook.

• 17:16Bobby Lee?

  The rivalries, the marching bands, the upset Saturday's just got way more fun, my friends.

• 17:20Andrew Santino?

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• 17:24Bobby Lee?

  I do.

• 17:25Andrew Santino?

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• 17:27Bobby Lee?

  Pass interference.

• 17:28Andrew Santino?

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• 17:34Bobby Lee?

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• 17:40Andrew Santino?

  Own every single Saturday. Look- I'm very excited. Is Arizona State going to be a good football team this year?

• 17:45Bobby Lee?

  I think number three for sure.

• 17:46Andrew Santino?

  Number three for sure. You heard it from Bobby Lee. He's not taking a prediction on your betting. That is not okay, but he just thinks that is true. Okay, and it could be. Uh, new customers, DraftKings, uh, if you're new, by the way, you bet $5 and get $300 in bonus bets.

• 18:00Bobby Lee?

  Oh my God.

• 18:01Andrew Santino?

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• 18:01Bobby Lee?

  That's intense.

• 18:02Andrew Santino?

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• 18:06Bobby Lee?

  Bad Friends.

• 18:06Andrew Santino?

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• 18:42Bobby Lee?

  Simply Safe.

• 18:43Andrew Santino?

  I gave this to you.

• 18:44Bobby Lee?

  You gave it to me, Simply Safe. And you know what? I have never felt safer in my life in my home before. Because let me say something. I have, um, two Filipinos and seven animals in my house.

• 18:53Andrew Santino?

  Two and seven, that's eight animals in total.

• 18:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. And, um, you know, before I had Simply Safe, we were petrified at night. We could not sleep.

• 19:01Andrew Santino?

  So scared.

• 19:01Bobby Lee?

  And now we have, um, cameras all over the place and AI help. There's AI technology.

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  There's AI-powered cameras that identify threats lurking outside your home and immediately alert Simply Safe's professional monitoring agents. These agents.

• 19:14Bobby Lee?

  We saw a little gray walk by the other day.

• 19:16Andrew Santino?

  A little gray walks by and they intervene in real time before the break-in even begins. They access a two-way audio to confront the person, trigger sirens, spotlights, they scare him away. And the gray person went far, far away.

• 19:27Bobby Lee?

  This is real security.

• 19:28Andrew Santino?

  It's real security, ladies and gentlemen. We did give it to Bobby. We installed it at his house. It does work. Join the more than 4 million Americans who trust Simply Safe with their home security every single day, including Bobby Lee.

• 19:39Bobby Lee?

  And the two Filipinos and seven animals.

• 19:41Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 19:41Bobby Lee?

  And also we have six, there's a 60-day money-back guarantee.

• 19:44Andrew Santino?

  There is a 60-day money-back guarantee. No long-term contracts. That's amazing. Simply Safe earns your business by keeping you safe and satisfied every single day. So visit simplisafe.com/badfriends to claim 50% off a new system.

• 19:55Bobby Lee?

  That's simplisafe.com/badfriends.

• 19:57Andrew Santino?

  simplisafe.com/badfriends. There's no safe like Simply Safe.

• 20:02Speaker 00

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• 20:32Bobby Lee?

  He does not use those things.

• 20:33Andrew Santino?

  No, he's never.

• 20:34Bobby Lee?

  Come back.

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  Come back.

• 20:36Andrew Santino?

  All right, McCone, get up there and set it up for real for him.

• 20:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 20:38Andrew Santino?

  Mike doesn't call.

• 20:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the hippie out here. Yeah.

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  I like that. We should start calling him the hippie.

• 20:44Bobby Lee?

  Hippie.

• 20:44Andrew Santino?

  Good job hippie. Thank you hipp- dirty hipp- uh, hippie.

• 20:48Speaker 07

  Dirty smelly hippie.

• 20:49Andrew Santino?

  He's smelly, boy.

• 20:50Bobby Lee?

  He's smelly.

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  You know why he's smelly?

• 20:52Speaker 07

  They sting.

• 20:52Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't have an apartment. He doesn't have anywhere to live.

• 20:54Speaker 07

  Well, they live in the back of a Volkswagen van with flowers on the side. He stings.

• 20:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, he do.

• 20:59Speaker 07

  Dirty hippies.

• 21:00Andrew Santino?

  Hate him.

• 21:00Bobby Lee?

  Coming from a guy that goes to Burning Man every year.

• 21:02Speaker 07

  Yeah. Not this year, though.

• 21:05Andrew Santino?

  Why not?

• 21:05Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 21:06Speaker 07

  I need a break. Daddy needs a break.

• 21:08Andrew Santino?

  What do you do at Burning Man? What's your, what's, what do you, like, what's your?

• 21:11Speaker 07

  What don't you do? It's, everyone in the world should go.

• 21:14Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 21:15Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:16Andrew Santino?

  But you don't take any drugs or anything like that?

• 21:18Speaker 07

  Burning Man gives you that window of exception.

• 21:22Andrew Santino?

  Ah.

• 21:22Speaker 07

  Not that I've ever taken any.

• 21:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 21:25Speaker 07

  If I were to, that would be the exception.

• 21:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 21:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, you don't do them, right?

• 21:30Andrew Santino?

  I don't do Burning Man.

• 21:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 21:31Speaker 07

  Have you ever done hardcore drugs?

• 21:33Bobby Lee?

  I've been to a little, yeah, in my lifetime.

• 21:35Speaker 07

  Okay, yeah.

• 21:35Bobby Lee?

  Of course, of course. Yeah, yeah.

• 21:37Andrew Santino?

  What's your, which were your, what's your favorite?

• 21:39Speaker 07

  I haven't, but if I did, I would do it there.

• 21:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, if I drive out there, do I need a van or a bus?

• 21:46Speaker 07

  You should rent a, uh, an RV.

• 21:49Bobby Lee?

  You're out there with an RV?

• 21:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 21:50Bobby Lee?

  They don't accept money out there.

• 21:52Speaker 07

  No, there's, you can't buy anything.

• 21:54Bobby Lee?

  Right, so it's, um, you're trading.

• 21:56Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's what they say, but it's, it's, it's, it's not like, like a bartering system. It's just if you need something, like if you need a sandwich, you knock on a trailer. Give me, could you have a sandwich? They'll give you a sandwich.

• 22:08Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 22:09Andrew Santino?

  What do you give them in return?

• 22:10Speaker 07

  Whatever they ask for. A drink, another sandwich. You could do sandwich or sandwich. Like I could knock on a door and say, hey, could I get a tuna salad sandwich?

• 22:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 22:19Speaker 07

  And they would say, sure, but I need an egg. I would like an egg salad sandwich. And then you do like a sandwich trade, which you don't see a lot anymore.

• 22:27Andrew Santino?

  Nothing says a good sandwich in the desert.

• 22:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 22:31Andrew Santino?

  Like tuna and eggs.

• 22:32Bobby Lee?

  Exactly. Nothing. In that heat.

• 22:34Speaker 07

  That heat.

• 22:35Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 22:35Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 22:36Bobby Lee?

  It's grilled.

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  Perfect.

• 22:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 22:38Bobby Lee?

  Are there ladies out there?

• 22:39Speaker 07

  Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful women. Beautiful. Yeah. All the Victoria's Secret models go out there. They like to dress up.

• 22:46Bobby Lee?

  Right. And there's, is there dancings?

• 22:48Speaker 07

  There's dancings. There's, uh, it's mystical. It's magical.

• 22:52Andrew Santino?

  Is there any documentation of you at Burning Man dancing?

• 22:55Speaker 07

  Yeah. I actually made a documentary called Burning Men, which I've never released. I actually shot, me and Michael Rosenbaum went one year. I made a documentary of it.

• 23:07Andrew Santino?

  Burning Men?

• 23:08Speaker 07

  Burning Men, I called it.

• 23:09Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 23:10Speaker 07

  I should release it one day. It's all done, edited, everything, but.

• 23:13Andrew Santino?

  What's holding you back?

• 23:15Speaker 07

  I don't know. I just, I do a lot of that. I'll make things and then never put them out in the world. I think we all do that as artists.

• 23:22Andrew Santino?

  No, no, we put it all out.

• 23:24Bobby Lee?

  We put it out.

• 23:24Andrew Santino?

  All of it.

• 23:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 23:25Andrew Santino?

  We've never not put anything out.

• 23:27Speaker 07

  Wow. Okay. I've, a lot I haven't put out.

• 23:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, I think you should start putting more out.

• 23:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 23:33Andrew Santino?

  Cause you're so valuable. Everybody wants you.

• 23:35Speaker 07

  Say again now?

• 23:36Bobby Lee?

  You're on the rise.

• 23:37Andrew Santino?

  You're on the rise.

• 23:38Speaker 07

  Like yeast?

• 23:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 23:40Andrew Santino?

  And if you let it sit.

• 23:43Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  Get yourself some bread.

• 23:44Bobby Lee?

  Do you feel that though? Do you feel like that you're on the rise?

• 23:47Speaker 07

  No.

• 23:47Bobby Lee?

  Oh. Okay. Why are you winking?

• 23:50Andrew Santino?

  Don't, you're tricking him.

• 23:51Speaker 07

  I didn't wink. I did one of these.

• 23:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Have you ever brought Harland Williams onstage?

• 23:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 23:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's brought me onstage too.

• 23:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 23:59Andrew Santino?

  We've done it, we've done it both ways.

• 24:00Bobby Lee?

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:00Andrew Santino?

  We go both ways.

• 24:01Bobby Lee?

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:02Andrew Santino?

  Do you know how athletic he is? It's unbelievable.

• 24:04Bobby Lee?

  I know, I've touched his legs before, they're so strong.

• 24:06Andrew Santino?

  It's unbelievable, this guy.

• 24:07Speaker 07

  You've touched my leg?

• 24:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we've all touched your leg.

• 24:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:10Andrew Santino?

  He asked if I brought you onstage.

• 24:11Bobby Lee?

  Your legs are so, very strong.

• 24:13Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:14Bobby Lee?

  You know that?

• 24:15Speaker 07

  I just literally came from the racquetball court, uh, about an hour ago, I was playing racquetball.

• 24:20Andrew Santino?

  Who do you play with?

• 24:21Speaker 07

  Just the guys on the, on the list.

• 24:23Andrew Santino?

  But I thought you said that there's another comic that you play with.

• 24:25Speaker 07

  Dane plays with me sometimes, Dane Cook.

• 24:27Andrew Santino?

  Dane plays? Who else?

• 24:28Speaker 07

  Vinnie Vasline.

• 24:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Vinnie Vasline, yeah.

• 24:31Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait, let me ask you about Dane.

• 24:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:33Bobby Lee?

  Is he aggressive?

• 24:34Speaker 07

  Uh, yeah, yeah. He's got a, he's got a temper, he's fired up, but that's what you want with sport.

• 24:39Bobby Lee?

  Have you played Warzone with him?

• 24:40Speaker 07

  No.

• 24:41Bobby Lee?

  It's insane.

• 24:41Speaker 07

  Is it?

• 24:42Bobby Lee?

  Get behind the wall! Yeah, like, he, he, he takes charge, dude.

• 24:46Andrew Santino?

  Can you beat Dane at paddleball or, uh, racquetball?

• 24:49Speaker 07

  Easily. He's, he's new. I've been playing for like, nine years, he's just starting.

• 24:53Andrew Santino?

  He's gonna love this, that clip.

• 24:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:55Andrew Santino?

  Easily, easily.

• 24:56Speaker 07

  Oh, he knows.

• 24:57Andrew Santino?

  It's gonna fuel his fire.

• 24:58Bobby Lee?

  Harland, how come you haven't had one of your pool parties?

• 25:01Speaker 07

  You know, I-

• 25:02Bobby Lee?

  I love your pool parties.

• 25:03Speaker 07

  I know, you gotta come up for one. I, I still have to have one this summer, yeah.

• 25:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, this summer you haven't had one.

• 25:08Speaker 07

  I haven't, I've been busy.

• 25:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 25:10Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing?

• 25:12Speaker 07

  Uh, I was, um, down in Florida, fishing and scalloping. And, uh, you know, just, uh, taking it easy. I've been taking a, a class at DeVry.

• 25:25Andrew Santino?

  What are you taking?

• 25:27Speaker 07

  Well, people always say that I, I have trouble communicating a lot.

• 25:33Andrew Santino?

  Uh-huh.

• 25:33Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 25:34Speaker 07

  And sometimes people say I always like, make up stories and they have trouble like, communicating and getting like, a real story out of me, this type of nonsense.

• 25:47Andrew Santino?

  What does that have to do with the rye?

• 25:49Speaker 07

  So I took a cla- I took a night class in communication. I'm taking, uh, it's immersive. It's called, uh, Ouija therapy.

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, whoa.

• 26:00Speaker 07

  Have you heard of Ouija?

• 26:01Bobby Lee?

  I know Ouija, but that combo, I haven't, they combined the two.

• 26:04Speaker 07

  They combine it. So what they do is they train you to, because your face is so expressive. So when I can't get the words out.

• 26:12Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 26:13Speaker 07

  Uh, they sort of assign areas of your expressive face, almost like the keypad on your computer or typewriter. Everything's a letter.

• 26:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 26:22Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 26:22Speaker 07

  And since I have trouble like sometimes getting answers or stories out.

• 26:27Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 26:28Speaker 07

  I've sort of been trained by them to assign letters to my face.

• 26:32Bobby Lee?

  Do W.

• 26:34Speaker 07

  Well, what you do is you ask me a question.

• 26:36Bobby Lee?

  Oh, okay.

• 26:36Speaker 07

  And then I do.

• 26:37Bobby Lee?

  I thought, uh, you could do it.

• 26:38Speaker 07

  Because I can't get it out, but if I, if I practice my Ouija communication, it sort of helps.

• 26:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Oh, let me ask you a question then.

• 26:46Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 26:47Bobby Lee?

  Um, what is your favorite nocturnal animal?

• 27:02Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 27:05Speaker 07

  The answers.

• 27:08Andrew Santino?

  What is it?

• 27:08Bobby Lee?

  You brought a Ouija.

• 27:10Speaker 07

  Dude, I'm trying to grow.

• 27:12Andrew Santino?

  He's in class. Don't make fun of him, dude.

• 27:16Bobby Lee?

  He brought a Ouija thing.

• 27:17Andrew Santino?

  Cause he's taking a Devry. He told you.

• 27:20Bobby Lee?

  I know. I thought he was improvising, but this is kind of real. Okay. I apologize. I thought it was a joke that you, I thought you were doing improv or whatever. So this is real. I didn't get what you were saying there, but, um, could I?

• 27:32Speaker 07

  Ask again.

• 27:32Bobby Lee?

  Wombat.

• 27:34Speaker 07

  What is my what?

• 27:35Bobby Lee?

  Wombat.

• 27:35Andrew Santino?

  Your favorite noct-

• 27:36Bobby Lee?

  What were you saying with the Ouija?

• 27:37Speaker 07

  I'm, I have to ask again.

• 27:42Bobby Lee?

  All right. All right. What is your favorite nocturnal animal?

• 27:44Andrew Santino?

  Jesus.

• 27:50Speaker 07

  Fuck off.

• 27:51Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 27:53Speaker 07

  That this is, that was it, not me.

• 27:55Bobby Lee?

  Oh, oh.

• 27:56Speaker 07

  It was this.

• 27:57Bobby Lee?

  It's a spiritual thing. There are spirits involved.

• 27:59Speaker 07

  It's Ouija.

• 28:00Bobby Lee?

  Wow. It's Ouija. I didn't know.

• 28:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:02Bobby Lee?

  You ask a question, Andrew.

• 28:04Andrew Santino?

  I feel like I know the answer.

• 28:06Bobby Lee?

  You fuck off.

• 28:08Andrew Santino?

  Can I see it?

• 28:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 28:09Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 28:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:09Andrew Santino?

  Just toss it. Good toss.

• 28:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:12Andrew Santino?

  All right, ask me a question, Harlan.

• 28:14Speaker 07

  Uh, okay. Let me think of something deep and meaningful. Uh, what is the meaning of life? Well, that's too broad. Let me ask you a personal question.

• 28:25Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 28:26Speaker 07

  What makes you sad?

• 28:28Andrew Santino?

  This.

• 28:30Speaker 07

  That.

• 28:31Andrew Santino?

  This makes me really sad. Yeah, this bit makes me sad.

• 28:36Bobby Lee?

  The bit makes me sad too.

• 28:37Andrew Santino?

  It makes me sad.

• 28:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 28:39Speaker 07

  Well, maybe you shouldn't enroll at DeVry.

• 28:41Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna. Well, I'm glad you're enrolled at DeVry. I mean, that does seem like it's working very well.

• 28:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 28:46Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:46Bobby Lee?

  Do you read?

• 28:48Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:49Bobby Lee?

  It's a lot. Recommend me a book.

• 28:50Andrew Santino?

  Have you been to his office?

• 28:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I have.

• 28:52Andrew Santino?

  It's amazing.

• 28:53Bobby Lee?

  It's amazing.

• 28:53Andrew Santino?

  He's got books. He's got so much shit all over the place.

• 28:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 28:57Andrew Santino?

  It's beautiful.

• 28:57Bobby Lee?

  You have also the best view of the city. I mean.

• 29:00Speaker 07

  Shrank shoo.

• 29:01Bobby Lee?

  It's shrank shoo.

• 29:01Speaker 07

  I would say, uh, man. I would recommend The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.

• 29:10Bobby Lee?

  I've heard of it. I heard it's good.

• 29:12Andrew Santino?

  You're reading a lot of Ayn Rand lately?

• 29:14Speaker 07

  Have you read The Fountainhead?

• 29:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, dude.

• 29:16Bobby Lee?

  Is it good?

• 29:16Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:17Bobby Lee?

  Cause they did a movie, no?

• 29:19Speaker 07

  I don't know if they ever made a movie of The Fountainhead. I think they attempted it.

• 29:22Bobby Lee?

  I think they did. They attempted it, but I don't think it was that good.

• 29:24Speaker 07

  It's too big in scope.

• 29:26Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 29:26Speaker 07

  It's a very, very, uh.

• 29:29Andrew Santino?

  Gary Cooper.

• 29:30Bobby Lee?

  Oh, Gary Cooper.

• 29:31Speaker 07

  Oh, okay, yeah.

• 29:32Bobby Lee?

  So it's a fountainhead.

• 29:33Speaker 07

  The book is.

• 29:34Bobby Lee?

  Ayn Rand.

• 29:34Speaker 07

  Ayn Rand.

• 29:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 29:35Speaker 07

  Read it.

• 29:36Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna read it.

• 29:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 29:37Bobby Lee?

  Are you being, you're being real. I feel like you're being real right now.

• 29:39Speaker 07

  He is. I am.

• 29:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I am gonna read that tonight.

• 29:42Speaker 07

  Well, it's really big, so you won't read it in a night.

• 29:44Bobby Lee?

  No, no, but I'm gonna start tonight. I'm gonna audiobook it. Is that okay?

• 29:47Speaker 07

  It's up to you, but it's one of those books that draws you in and it's one of those savory books where it becomes part of your life for the time that you're reading it.

• 29:56Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow.

• 29:57Speaker 07

  And also Stephen King's The Stand is like that because it's a big, thicky.

• 30:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Cujo's like that with me too.

• 30:03Speaker 07

  Cujo, yeah. You love a good.

• 30:05Bobby Lee?

  Scary dogs.

• 30:05Speaker 07

  You love.

• 30:07Bobby Lee?

  I love it.

• 30:08Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 30:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, but Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead.

• 30:13Speaker 07

  What are you reading?

• 30:15Andrew Santino?

  The Insightful Man.

• 30:17Speaker 07

  By who?

• 30:19Andrew Santino?

  I don't remember the guy's name. Look up the name. What's his name? The Insightful Man book?

• 30:23Speaker 07

  Inside of a man.

• 30:24Andrew Santino?

  The Inside of a Man by Leon Mopipi. And at first, it got me. The Mopipi got me. I was laughing when I bought it.

• 30:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:32Andrew Santino?

  I bought it because of the Mopipi.

• 30:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:34Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna lie. I bought it because I saw Mopipi and I thought it was funny.

• 30:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:38Andrew Santino?

  It's actually given me a lot of knowledge and insight.

• 30:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:41Andrew Santino?

  It actually is.

• 30:42Speaker 07

  Well, I'd invite you to read my latest book.

• 30:44Andrew Santino?

  What is it?

• 30:45Speaker 07

  It's called Uncle Milton.

• 30:48Bobby Lee?

  Whoa.

• 30:49Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:50Andrew Santino?

  And?

• 30:50Bobby Lee?

  And? What is it? Is it a?

• 30:52Speaker 07

  It's a collection of short stories.

• 30:54Bobby Lee?

  Are you being real?

• 30:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 30:55Bobby Lee?

  Wow. Uncle Milton by Harlan Williams. Wow.

• 30:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:00Bobby Lee?

  It's short stories.

• 31:01Speaker 07

  Three short stories.

• 31:02Bobby Lee?

  That you wrote?

• 31:03Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:03Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 31:04Andrew Santino?

  Let's see the reviews.

• 31:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 31:06Andrew Santino?

  Click on the, click on the.

• 31:07Speaker 07

  There's a review. It just came out, so I don't know.

• 31:09Andrew Santino?

  Harlan Williams is good at anything he decides to do. His short story collections are no exception. In the realm of suspense and supernatural, the stories are unique, good read. I've read a lot of Stephen King's short stories and this gives me similar feels. In this collection, there are three separate stories touching on different aspects of relationships. Three, three is a magic number. The heart and the mind and the body. Harlan focuses on each of these in turn. Overall, very good. Hoping to read more books from Harlan in the future.

• 31:30Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 31:31Speaker 07

  I didn't even know those were there.

• 31:32Bobby Lee?

  Incredible.

• 31:33Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 31:34Bobby Lee?

  I got Hear Yourself by Prem Rawat.

• 31:37Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 31:38Bobby Lee?

  Maharishi, the Maharishi.

• 31:41Speaker 07

  Oh, wow.

• 31:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Do you know why?

• 31:44Speaker 07

  Why?

• 31:45Bobby Lee?

  Cause I'm going crazy. I need to dilute the mind, calm the mind down.

• 31:50Speaker 07

  What's going on, my guy?

• 31:51Bobby Lee?

  Nothing. I don't know what it is, but I'm trying to, a lot of anxiety. So I'm trying to calm down, meditating at night, being mindful about my breath. Doing breath work.

• 32:00Speaker 07

  What's causing the anxiety?

• 32:03Bobby Lee?

  I don't know. I don't know the root of it.

• 32:05Speaker 07

  You must have an inkling.

• 32:07Bobby Lee?

  The special, we've talked about this.

• 32:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 32:09Bobby Lee?

  There's a lot of pressure on the special.

• 32:11Andrew Santino?

  He's about to shoot a special.

• 32:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:12Speaker 07

  When?

• 32:13Bobby Lee?

  In January.

• 32:14Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's gonna be December, but. Anxiety thrust it into the new year.

• 32:18Bobby Lee?

  Maybe February.

• 32:19Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 32:20Bobby Lee?

  Depends on the anxiety.

• 32:21Speaker 07

  But I don't think you need the anxiety, cuz you're a confident, funny, human being.

• 32:26Bobby Lee?

  Wow. Are you my Messiah? Oh, I'm not my Messiah.

• 32:30Speaker 07

  I'm happy to help.

• 32:32Bobby Lee?

  Teacher?

• 32:32Speaker 07

  Happy to help.

• 32:33Bobby Lee?

  You know what? I would follow you if you had a philosophy.

• 32:36Andrew Santino?

  What is your philosophy of life?

• 32:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 07

  Chocolate.

• 32:40Andrew Santino?

  It is good. Dark?

• 32:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I would follow chocolate.

• 32:43Speaker 07

  Uh, Swiss. I like Swiss chocolate.

• 32:45Bobby Lee?

  Alright, me and you, we climb the temple. We get to the.

• 32:48Andrew Santino?

  I see it.

• 32:48Bobby Lee?

  Temple, right?

• 32:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm there.

• 32:49Bobby Lee?

  We see him. He's in a robe. We sit, you know, cross-legged.

• 32:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 32:54Bobby Lee?

  Right? We light some candles. We do a little bong.

• 32:56Andrew Santino?

  Bong.

• 32:56Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 32:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 32:57Bobby Lee?

  Our master's about to speak. What do you say?

• 33:00Speaker 07

  Mmm, chocolate.

• 33:06Bobby Lee?

  And then we go, chocolate. Master, master?

• 33:10Speaker 07

  Yes?

• 33:11Bobby Lee?

  I have a question.

• 33:12Speaker 07

  Yes, stupid.

• 33:14Andrew Santino?

  Sorry.

• 33:15Bobby Lee?

  Whoa.

• 33:15Andrew Santino?

  Because I'm so superior.

• 33:17Bobby Lee?

  I know, master.

• 33:18Speaker 07

  I didn't mean that.

• 33:19Bobby Lee?

  But, master, I'm going through a divorce and my, my wife cheated on me. What do I do?

• 33:25Speaker 07

  Uh, Humphrey Bogart said once that women are like streetcars. One goes and another one is coming right along.

• 33:36Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 33:37Andrew Santino?

  Very good. Master, master, master?

• 33:39Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 33:39Andrew Santino?

  My children have died in a horrible fire accident, a smelting accident. I owned a smelting factory and my child died.

• 33:46Bobby Lee?

  I worked there. I saw them die.

• 33:48Andrew Santino?

  He may have been the person that killed my child. We don't know, master.

• 33:51Bobby Lee?

  We don't know yet, master.

• 33:52Andrew Santino?

  What do I do now?

• 33:55Speaker 07

  Uh.

• 33:57Speaker 07

  Make some new kids.

• 33:59Bobby Lee?

  Ah.

• 34:00Speaker 07

  And uh, forget the oldies.

• 34:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. And chocolate, probably.

• 34:05Speaker 07

  And chocolate.

• 34:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 34:08Speaker 07

  And I got a hole in the desert. You can put the dead kids too.

• 34:11Bobby Lee?

  Oh, master.

• 34:13Andrew Santino?

  Thank you, master.

• 34:16Speaker 07

  I would love to help you, my guy. I don't like it when you're, you're like, you know, when my guy is feeling anxiety.

• 34:24Bobby Lee?

  Are you talking to me as master or me Harland?

• 34:27Speaker 07

  As Harland slash.

• 34:29Bobby Lee?

  Master. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:30Speaker 07

  Master.

• 34:31Bobby Lee?

  You want to help me now?

• 34:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 34:32Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 34:33Speaker 07

  You're a, you're a funny, funny, beloved, uh, guy. Don't, don't, don't feel anxiety.

• 34:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 34:40Andrew Santino?

  I told him.

• 34:41Bobby Lee?

  I know. People tell me.

• 34:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 34:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I just, uh, I just feel the anxiety. I don't know what it is.

• 34:47Andrew Santino?

  What's your fix?

• 34:48Bobby Lee?

  I have, you know what I, you know what I have, master?

• 34:50Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 34:51Bobby Lee?

  Um, imposter syndrome.

• 34:52Speaker 07

  What's that?

• 34:53Bobby Lee?

  I don't feel like, um, you know, people go, oh, you're doing well or this and that. And I always go, ah, you know what I mean? I always downplay it.

• 35:01Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 35:01Bobby Lee?

  You know, I like, you know, I like just going to the Starbucks and getting my horchata, my horchata beverage. You know what I mean? And just being normal, you know what I mean? All that, you know what I mean? But then people go, oh, can we get a photo and this and that? I just have a conflict about it. What do, what's my, what do I do, master?

• 35:18Speaker 07

  I would say ride the anxiety like, like a snake, like, like a dragon, like ride it.

• 35:24Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 35:25Speaker 07

  You know this, sometimes when you perform, your mood can feed your performance. Sometimes you feel down, sometimes you feel up, sometimes you feel anxiety ridden, but whatever it is, just take it on to the stage.

• 35:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 07

  And let it be part of the journey.

• 35:42Bobby Lee?

  Also, I know it'll pass.

• 35:44Speaker 07

  It might not pass it, you might.

• 35:46Bobby Lee?

  No, just say it's gonna pass. I think it's gonna pass.

• 35:49Speaker 07

  Use it as fuel on the night of the special.

• 35:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will.

• 35:53Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 35:53Bobby Lee?

  Oh, let me say something about this, about myself. I know this.

• 35:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 35:58Bobby Lee?

  When I get a ball, I hit it.

• 36:00Andrew Santino?

  You do.

• 36:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 36:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. So I will hit the ball.

• 36:03Andrew Santino?

  You will hit the ball.

• 36:04Speaker 07

  I think the anxiety is just giving you, you know, without the anxiety, your experience might be mundane. And so the anxiety is giving you a little bit. It's life saying, hey, feel the energy, feel the electricity.

• 36:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 36:19Speaker 07

  That's the anxiety versus you've been doing this a long time. You know the terrain.

• 36:24Bobby Lee?

  I know the terrain.

• 36:25Speaker 07

  And so think of the anxiety as a little electrical charge. A little air under your feet and it's gonna make it more interesting and provocative and, and infused with life.

• 36:37Bobby Lee?

  God, you're.

• 36:38Speaker 07

  The master has spoken.

• 36:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I love it.

• 36:40Speaker 07

  Now go suck a chocolate bar.

• 36:44Andrew Santino?

  That's our Messiah.

• 36:45Bobby Lee?

  That's my Messiah.

• 36:46Speaker 07

  Suck a Milky Way.

• 36:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 36:47Andrew Santino?

  You're a little, you are a little chocolate boy. You love snacks.

• 36:49Speaker 07

  I love it.

• 36:50Andrew Santino?

  Whenever I go to his house, he has snacks.

• 36:52Speaker 07

  Oh, I sleep with a, with a can of Pringles, like in my arm.

• 36:56Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 36:56Speaker 07

  Like I snuggle it.

• 36:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 36:58Andrew Santino?

  Is it a big one? That's a big can.

• 36:59Speaker 07

  No, it's just a regular can, but I can't, how do you close your arm? But it's a sour cream and onion and I just, oh.

• 37:05Andrew Santino?

  Is that your favorite chip?

• 37:06Speaker 07

  I love it.

• 37:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 07

  I just snuggle with it at night. I used to have a teddy bear, a teddy ruxpin. You know the ones that talk?

• 37:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:13Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:14Andrew Santino?

  Had one.

• 37:15Speaker 07

  Mine got possessed and spoken tongues and I had to flush it in the toilet. Literally in the middle of the night, I'm stuffing its head in the toilet. Flush, flush.

• 37:23Bobby Lee?

  What was it saying?

• 37:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, Satan stuff.

• 37:26Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 37:26Speaker 07

  Satan devil talk.

• 37:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 37:28Andrew Santino?

  I know that.

• 37:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you know that?

• 37:32Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no, you're gonna summon it if you do that.

• 37:34Bobby Lee?

  You know, one time, this is a true story. I had this roommate, his name was Aaron, redheaded kid.

• 37:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 37:39Bobby Lee?

  Christian.

• 37:40Andrew Santino?

  Why are you looking at me?

• 37:42Bobby Lee?

  I don't know. Mine is just drifting. Factor.

• 37:45Andrew Santino?

  We're busy boys. We're busy little bodies.

• 37:47Bobby Lee?

  And if you want really delicious food and you want a meal kit, Factor is the number one in the world.

• 37:50Andrew Santino?

  More variety, more meals. Okay, choose from a wider selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood choices, like salmon and shrimp, and no extra cost.

• 37:59Bobby Lee?

  Savor, you wanna savor goat, you wanna savor global flavors?

• 38:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I love the world.

• 38:03Bobby Lee?

  For the first time.

• 38:03Andrew Santino?

  I wanna taste the whole world.

• 38:04Bobby Lee?

  Try Asian-inspired meals with bold flavors influenced. By China, Thailand and China.

• 38:09Andrew Santino?

  China, Thailand and much, much more. And by the way, support your wellness goals. I don't care what you're going through. Bobby lost a ton of weight. By the way, he's looking really good. He's staying healthy. Enjoy even more GLP-1 friendly meals and new Mediterranean diet options packed with protein and good for you fast. We've been using Factor for a while. They sent a bunch and thank you so much for Factor. It is delicious, incredible, because we do have such busy schedules. Right now, we're in Detroit, Michigan. And even on the go, you can grab a Factor meal and stay healthy, stay happy.

• 38:36Bobby Lee?

  Ninety-seven percent of customers said that Factor helped them live a healthier life.

• 38:40Andrew Santino?

  And feel the difference no matter what your routine is. We love Factor. You should try it too. No matter how busy you are, no matter what you've got going on, no matter how many kids you have or what your schedule is, Factor's there for you. Eat smart at factormeals.com/badfriends50off. Use the code BADFRIENDS50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year.

• 38:59Bobby Lee?

  That's code BADFRIENDS50OFF at factormeals.com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year.

• 39:05Andrew Santino?

  That's right. That's pretty incredible. Get delicious, ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchases.

• 39:15Bobby Lee?

  Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex?

• 39:17Andrew Santino?

  I want better sex.

• 39:18Bobby Lee?

  You know what? Sometimes, you know, you need some help. And what I do is I get little toys from Adam and Eve.

• 39:25Andrew Santino?

  Tiny little toys from Adam and Eve.

• 39:26Bobby Lee?

  I get an electronic, you know, vaginal equipment.

• 39:28Andrew Santino?

  You do? And Adam and Eve is the best place because they're offering 50% off just about any single item on their site, plus free shipping. You want free shipping for anal beads? You can get them at Adam and Eve.

• 39:39Bobby Lee?

  It doesn't even matter how much you spend or what you buy. All, all will be packaged and sent discreetly and fast and really fast.

• 39:44Andrew Santino?

  You've got to bring satisfaction and pleasure to your bedroom like Bobby Lee does. Everybody wants to be like a Bobby Lee. He knows Adam and Eve is the place to go to get anything. Just go to adamandeve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything that you desire.

• 39:57Bobby Lee?

  I do it all the time. Bring more pleasure and pleasure in your home.

• 40:00Andrew Santino?

  Just enter the code BADFRIENDS at checkout. That's BADFRIENDS, B-A-D-F-R-I-E-N-D-S at adamandeve.com.

• 40:06Bobby Lee?

  This is an exclusive offer specific to our podcast, so be sure to use BADFRIENDS. So get your discount and 100% free shipping code BADFRIENDS.

• 40:14Andrew Santino?

  That's right. The code is BADFRIENDS once again at adamandeve.com to get the toys that Bobby Lee uses.

• 40:21Speaker 00

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• 40:51Bobby Lee?

  And he was coming to my church. And I sat down and the, I guess it wasn't a big church. And the sermon, well, the preacher eyed me. And then everyone started speaking tongues. And they all touched my head. And as they touched my, I stood up and I literally walked out of the church.

• 41:11Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 41:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I was so scary.

• 41:13Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 41:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, do you think it's real, speaking in tongues when they're in church?

• 41:16Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you think it's real?

• 41:18Andrew Santino?

  There's videos of people speaking in tongues.

• 41:19Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:19Andrew Santino?

  They connect to the higher power.

• 41:22Bobby Lee?

  What are you talking about?

• 41:22Andrew Santino?

  No, they do.

• 41:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:24Andrew Santino?

  God speaks through you.

• 41:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 07

  The best time to do it, the best time to do it is when you're performing cunnilingus.

• 41:31Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 41:31Speaker 07

  Because it's like.

• 41:35Speaker 07

  You know, girls love it.

• 41:36Bobby Lee?

  They love it, yeah, yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 07

  It's like foreplay, Satan's foreplay.

• 41:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 41:39Andrew Santino?

  See, they're speaking in tongues here. They can show you this.

• 41:48Speaker 07

  Is he a cracker, Merle?

• 41:49Andrew Santino?

  These guys are just.

• 41:54Bobby Lee?

  Okay. All right, it is real.

• 41:56Andrew Santino?

  I think those guys are just Latvian. I don't think that.

• 41:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, that's what I felt like, yeah.

• 41:59Andrew Santino?

  I'm pretty sure that was just another language.

• 42:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, I think you're right.

• 42:02Andrew Santino?

  How many languages do you speak? You speak a few, don't you?

• 42:04Speaker 07

  I speak a little French and a little German.

• 42:08Andrew Santino?

  Das ist gut, ja?

• 42:09Speaker 07

  Das ist gut, and that's it. Das ist gut.

• 42:12Bobby Lee?

  That's a little?

• 42:14Speaker 07

  I did speak a little when I lived there, but I speak a little French because I'm French-Canadian. But that's it.

• 42:21Andrew Santino?

  Say Bobby, it's so good to see you today and I can't wait to go out to eat with you later.

• 42:27Speaker 07

  Uh Bobby, c'est bon, uh mange les uh papillons uh avec uh Montreal uh fireworks festival.

• 42:39Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 42:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 42:40Bobby Lee?

  Wow, that's really good.

• 42:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 42:41Andrew Santino?

  That was good.

• 42:41Bobby Lee?

  L'encanto, paella y los pantalones, la escuela, el sol y la fiesta.

• 42:49Andrew Santino?

  I'll wear my pants to school on la fiesta.

• 42:51Bobby Lee?

  Something like that, yeah.

• 42:52Andrew Santino?

  That's actually pretty good.

• 42:52Bobby Lee?

  I said school, I said school in there too, right?

• 42:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, escuela, yeah, escuela, pantalones.

• 42:56Speaker 07

  How come you guys aren't fighting? Usually when I watch this show, you're like just going at each other.

• 43:01Andrew Santino?

  We were fighting a little bit. No, we were good before.

• 43:03Bobby Lee?

  We haven't fought today.

• 43:04Andrew Santino?

  We didn't fight.

• 43:04Speaker 07

  I know, but why?

• 43:05Bobby Lee?

  You want us to fight?

• 43:06Speaker 07

  I was sort of looking forward to a good fight, like a bruhaha.

• 43:09Bobby Lee?

  All right, well, give us a topic and we'll fight over it.

• 43:11Andrew Santino?

  We'll fight about anything.

• 43:13Speaker 07

  Oh, it's your show. You should have the topic.

• 43:15Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 43:16Speaker 07

  You should have the topic.

• 43:18Andrew Santino?

  We're just gonna brew a fight.

• 43:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 07

  I don't know. Usually you're yelling at each other.

• 43:23Andrew Santino?

  Well, okay, he said that he liked your shirt. I hate that shirt.

• 43:25Speaker 07

  Wait a minute.

• 43:26Bobby Lee?

  I was lying.

• 43:26Speaker 07

  This shirt has a lot of-

• 43:27Bobby Lee?

  I hate that shirt.

• 43:28Andrew Santino?

  Awful.

• 43:28Bobby Lee?

  It's awful.

• 43:29Andrew Santino?

  It's bullshit.

• 43:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's a bullshit shirt.

• 43:30Speaker 07

  This shirt has a lot of meaning.

• 43:32Bobby Lee?

  What are you, a bee? What are you, a bee comb? You like them?

• 43:34Speaker 07

  This shirt has a lot of sentimental meaning before you rip into it.

• 43:38Bobby Lee?

  I don't, oh, okay, what is it?

• 43:39Andrew Santino?

  What is it?

• 43:40Bobby Lee?

  Let me guess. Your uncle, your uncle Harvey was on a golden temple mountain with a panda and it pooped out an egg. It broke open and there's a shirt. Cause you tell stories like that all the time and they're not real.

• 43:53Speaker 07

  Dude, my father died today. Nine years ago.

• 43:59Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 44:00Speaker 07

  And he died when we were watching the movie. The whole family were at his house. We were watching Children of the Corn. This is a corn shirt.

• 44:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 44:11Andrew Santino?

  I'm sorry. I didn't know.

• 44:14Speaker 07

  So, Children of the Corn is full of jump scares. I don't know if you've seen that.

• 44:19Bobby Lee?

  Malachi was a scary.

• 44:20Speaker 07

  Malachi, the niblet children are popping out of the rows, like just crazy. So, we're at my old man's house. This guy, you said I like sports. The old man liked fish. He loved fishing.

• 44:33Bobby Lee?

  He died today or nine years ago?

• 44:34Speaker 07

  Nine years ago today. Every year, we put on the corn shirt. And he had a nine-foot marlin hanging over the wall, behind the couch, right here. We're all sitting on the couch. He's got a knife. He loves this. He has fish tanks all over. He had a fish tank full of piranhas. You ever heard of these things from the Amazon?

• 44:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, piranhas.

• 44:54Speaker 07

  They eat flesh.

• 44:55Andrew Santino?

  They're like piranhas.

• 44:57Bobby Lee?

  Oh, piranha.

• 44:58Speaker 07

  He has piranha, piranha, however you want to Swiss it up.

• 45:02Bobby Lee?

  Why would you lie?

• 45:03Andrew Santino?

  I don't know.

• 45:04Speaker 07

  Well, there's two pronunciations.

• 45:06Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 45:07Speaker 07

  The botanists call it, or students of ichthyology, call it piranha.

• 45:12Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 45:12Speaker 07

  But the layperson like yourself calls it piranha.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  Lay.

• 45:17Speaker 07

  So, the old man's got a piranha tank over here. He's got a nine-foot marlin up on the wall with the snout. Here we are, huddled in the den. We got Pottery Barn candles on the table. We're all huddled together, nine of us, and we're watching Children of the Corn like we do every year, which is his favorite horror movie. This thing's packed full of jump scares.

• 45:39Andrew Santino?

  Big time.

• 45:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 45:40Speaker 07

  We're sitting there. Malachi pops out with some of the niblet children out of the corn. We all jump. The old man goes back, hits the wall. The marlin cuts loose from it. It's hanging on the wall. This thing comes down. The snout of the marlin goes into the old man's spine. The old man flails across the room, right? He hits the wall. He hits the light switch. The fucking ceiling fan starts going on.

• 46:11Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 46:11Speaker 07

  Now, this thing's got a wire on the back of the marlin.

• 46:15Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 46:15Speaker 07

  Now, the wire's up in the ceiling fan. But when the old man went back, he put his hand into the piranha tank. These things took off two of his fingers. Here goes the ceiling fan. It starts constricting around his neck. He's got a marlin in his spine. He goes to turn off the ceiling fan switch. He ain't got the fingers that you flick the switch with. This is my old man. It's like a Final Destination dad.

• 46:49Andrew Santino?

  Sorry, man.

• 46:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, so.

• 46:51Andrew Santino?

  I like the shirt.

• 46:53Speaker 07

  It's just, it's a memory. So before you rip into it, uh, this is like in memorandum of my old man.

• 46:59Andrew Santino?

  And let me tell you something. I do like the shirt. Okay? Cause it's.

• 47:03Bobby Lee?

  You would never wear it.

• 47:04Andrew Santino?

  Never. It's fucking hideous.

• 47:07Andrew Santino?

  It's a hideous piece of shit shirt. It's insane.

• 47:09Bobby Lee?

  It's, I don't even know where to buy a shirt.

• 47:11Andrew Santino?

  Where did you buy that shirt?

• 47:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:13Speaker 07

  Look, up at Forest Lawn, they've got.

• 47:17Andrew Santino?

  At the cemetery?

• 47:18Bobby Lee?

  The cemetery?

• 47:18Speaker 07

  The cemetery. You know, everything's a theme.

• 47:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:23Bobby Lee?

  You can't even find that kind of corn shirt online. Look at it.

• 47:26Andrew Santino?

  You can't. Yes, you can. That's it right there. Corn cob background shirt.

• 47:29Bobby Lee?

  No, that's not it, dude. That's not what that is.

• 47:31Andrew Santino?

  That's a one of one.

• 47:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:32Speaker 07

  I think, well, I mean, this is, it's not about the shirt. It's about my father.

• 47:37Andrew Santino?

  You're right.

• 47:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's right. You're right. You're right. Let's go back to that.

• 47:39Speaker 07

  Good lord.

• 47:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:40Speaker 07

  He passed away, guys.

• 47:41Bobby Lee?

  Okay, so, um.

• 47:43Speaker 07

  Malachi, if I can reiterate.

• 47:46Bobby Lee?

  No, please.

• 47:46Speaker 07

  Malachi popped out through the rows of corn.

• 47:50Bobby Lee?

  That's a shirt.

• 47:50Speaker 07

  With the niblet children.

• 47:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:52Speaker 07

  And the niblet children were, well, now I feel like you're making fun of my dad.

• 47:57Andrew Santino?

  No, we're not. I just, I, we see where you got it for your father.

• 48:01Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 48:01Andrew Santino?

  It's for any occasion. Street leisure, the party, or golf occasion.

• 48:05Speaker 07

  For, to commemorate his death.

• 48:08Andrew Santino?

  I, I, look, I think when your dad, I mean, Bobby, your dad died pretty dramatically.

• 48:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 48:13Speaker 07

  Oh no, how?

• 48:13Andrew Santino?

  Tell them how your dad died.

• 48:15Bobby Lee?

  My dad died.

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  Cause you're wearing the shirt as well.

• 48:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. My dad died in a hospice.

• 48:19Speaker 07

  Oh no.

• 48:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and he, he was like, oh, like that for a week.

• 48:23Andrew Santino?

  And he loved Metallica.

• 48:24Bobby Lee?

  He loved Metallica.

• 48:25Andrew Santino?

  That's why he's wearing the shirt.

• 48:26Bobby Lee?

  He loves it.

• 48:27Speaker 07

  A hospice? What, what is a hospice?

• 48:29Bobby Lee?

  Best two of puppets.

• 48:33Speaker 07

  What is a hospice?

• 48:36Bobby Lee?

  Oh, it's where people go to die, Harland. I'm sure your fingerless dad died in one as well.

• 48:42Speaker 07

  No, he died on the ceiling.

• 48:43Bobby Lee?

  He died instantly?

• 48:44Speaker 07

  He died right, he choked out.

• 48:46Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 48:46Andrew Santino?

  Who took him down?

• 48:47Speaker 07

  Oh, I don't want to talk about that. But the cleaning lady.

• 48:52Bobby Lee?

  Oh, what? The next day or?

• 48:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, we went, we had to go out and eat, but she came in the next day.

• 48:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, cleaned it up.

• 48:59Speaker 07

  Cleaned it up.

• 48:59Bobby Lee?

  I know socks, Harland. That's a little weird.

• 49:02Speaker 07

  Uh, oh, I didn't know you were looking at down there.

• 49:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 49:06Speaker 07

  Uh.

• 49:07Bobby Lee?

  It's one of my pet peeves when people don't wear socks. How about you?

• 49:10Andrew Santino?

  You know, do you have stinky feet?

• 49:13Speaker 07

  No.

• 49:14Andrew Santino?

  Let me smell your shoe.

• 49:15Speaker 07

  Well, no.

• 49:16Andrew Santino?

  Take one off. Take one off. Prove it. Because otherwise I'm going to find out if you've got stinky feet or not.

• 49:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:28Speaker 07

  Yay or nay?

• 49:30Bobby Lee?

  I can't do it. I'll vomit. I can't do it.

• 49:32Andrew Santino?

  I almost threw up.

• 49:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 07

  Is it bad?

• 49:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 49:34Andrew Santino?

  It got me.

• 49:34Speaker 07

  What's it smell like?

• 49:35Andrew Santino?

  My eyes are fucking watering.

• 49:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 49:37Speaker 07

  What's it smell like?

• 49:38Andrew Santino?

  Fucking, it's bad.

• 49:39Bobby Lee?

  It's pretty bad.

• 49:40Speaker 07

  Tell me.

• 49:42Andrew Santino?

  Big one.

• 49:42Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God.

• 49:43Andrew Santino?

  Big whiff.

• 49:43Bobby Lee?

  I hate it. I already did it.

• 49:45Andrew Santino?

  Do a big whiff.

• 49:46Bobby Lee?

  I get it!

• 49:47Andrew Santino?

  Put your fucking nose in it, you pussy.

• 49:49Bobby Lee?

  There's no way.

• 49:49Speaker 07

  What's it smell like?

• 49:51Andrew Santino?

  I don't.

• 49:51Bobby Lee?

  Corn, chocolate.

• 49:54Bobby Lee?

  All of it. Your dead dad, everything.

• 49:56Speaker 07

  Ugh.

• 49:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's bad. Yeah, yeah.

• 49:59Speaker 07

  Ugh.

• 49:59Bobby Lee?

  Wear socks, Harland.

• 50:01Speaker 07

  Jesus.

• 50:02Bobby Lee?

  I know. Do you ever wear no socks?

• 50:04Andrew Santino?

  You got to do a shoeie now. Pour your drink into your shoe and drink it. That's, that's, that's what Australians do.

• 50:09Speaker 07

  It is?

• 50:10Andrew Santino?

  That's what they do.

• 50:11Bobby Lee?

  They don't do that.

• 50:12Andrew Santino?

  Yes, they do. Shoeies. You've never heard of a shoeie?

• 50:14Speaker 07

  Shoeie.

• 50:15Andrew Santino?

  Bring up a shoeie in Australia. That's literally what they do.

• 50:17Speaker 07

  So what do you do?

• 50:18Andrew Santino?

  You pour a drink in it and you chug it to some.

• 50:19Bobby Lee?

  No, don't do it, Harland. Harland, don't do it.

• 50:21Andrew Santino?

  Why not?

• 50:22Bobby Lee?

  It's gross.

• 50:23Andrew Santino?

  Well, no, it's a celebration. Look, it's a celebration.

• 50:24Speaker 07

  All right.

• 50:25Bobby Lee?

  All right.

• 50:25Speaker 07

  What do I do?

• 50:26Andrew Santino?

  You pour, look, you pour it in and you chug it.

• 50:31Andrew Santino?

  A real man.

• 50:32Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God.

• 50:34Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 50:36Andrew Santino?

  Aussies love you, mate. We love. Oh, no.

• 50:40Speaker 07

  No, I would have. I think I got a tang now. Oh.

• 50:45Speaker 07

  I got a toenail. Wow, wow.

• 50:49Andrew Santino?

  Harland, are you in love right now?

• 50:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he is.

• 50:51Andrew Santino?

  Cause you seem like you're in love.

• 50:52Speaker 07

  I do?

• 50:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you kind of are bouncing.

• 50:54Bobby Lee?

  I know that you are.

• 50:55Speaker 07

  Really? What do you mean?

• 50:56Andrew Santino?

  He is.

• 50:57Bobby Lee?

  I know that you are. I know you personally. I know that you are.

• 51:01Speaker 07

  In love with what, though?

• 51:03Bobby Lee?

  A female.

• 51:03Andrew Santino?

  A human.

• 51:04Speaker 07

  Uh, define.

• 51:07Bobby Lee?

  Uh, a woman with appropriate genitals.

• 51:14Andrew Santino?

  What's in it, bro?

• 51:15Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, I don't know.

• 51:16Andrew Santino?

  You're in love with a person?

• 51:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you're, yeah, a human being. Because you've mentioned it a couple of times. You don't, you don't probably notice it, because you never go, well, I have a girlfriend. But you've said like, yeah, the girl that I'm seeing, and we're doing this and that, and it's, it's fun. It's, I can see a joy off of your.

• 51:31Speaker 07

  You do? Well, thank you. Yeah, I do, I do have a joy.

• 51:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 51:35Speaker 07

  I don't talk about my personal life like you do.

• 51:38Bobby Lee?

  I don't.

• 51:39Speaker 07

  We're opposites.

• 51:40Bobby Lee?

  There are things about me that no one knows.

• 51:42Speaker 07

  You, oh, you're an open book. You're an open, like, collection of dictionaries or encyclopedias.

• 51:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, okay.

• 51:49Speaker 07

  Like, what don't we know about you?

• 51:51Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 51:51Andrew Santino?

  No, what, there are some things that he.

• 51:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, there are things I hide.

• 51:54Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 51:55Bobby Lee?

  There are personal things like my recovery, or like, you know.

• 51:57Speaker 07

  Well, you just let it out.

• 51:58Bobby Lee?

  No, but like, personal things I do with my, okay. But there's just some things that I do hide.

• 52:04Speaker 07

  Like what else?

• 52:04Bobby Lee?

  I'm not gonna say it. No, it's trick now. I, I understand your tricks.

• 52:08Speaker 07

  Well, I just drank out of a shoe.

• 52:10Andrew Santino?

  You did. He's good at tricks.

• 52:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but there are things that, uh, about you that you do hide a lot.

• 52:14Speaker 07

  I don't hide. It's not like I'm hiding them. It's just I choose not to divulge everything about me.

• 52:22Andrew Santino?

  He keeps me close.

• 52:23Speaker 07

  Like.

• 52:24Bobby Lee?

  But what, what, what does it hurt if we ask you?

• 52:26Speaker 07

  You can ask. Oh, God.

• 52:28Bobby Lee?

  You are seeing somebody, and that, and we don't want to know specifics. But we see a joy radiating from your body.

• 52:35Speaker 07

  I love, I love that you feel that and sense that.

• 52:38Bobby Lee?

  That's all I'm saying.

• 52:39Speaker 07

  I love that.

• 52:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 52:41Speaker 07

  He wants more.

• 52:42Andrew Santino?

  No, I love you. You gave me a ride home that night. We talked deep. When you're in his, in his car. I gotta tell you about this guy's car. You think your old car was a mess?

• 52:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 52:54Andrew Santino?

  This guy.

• 52:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, we're the same time.

• 52:55Andrew Santino?

  It's unbelievable.

• 52:56Speaker 07

  What was in my car?

• 52:57Andrew Santino?

  Everything. I don't know what, what wasn't in your car.

• 53:00Speaker 07

  Wow, guy.

• 53:02Andrew Santino?

  It was insane.

• 53:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 53:04Andrew Santino?

  There was, there was, uh, like a half-built crib, like a baby crib.

• 53:09Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 53:09Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't have a baby.

• 53:10Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 53:11Andrew Santino?

  Uh, there was a, um, you remember pegs on, on BMX bikes?

• 53:14Bobby Lee?

  Sure.

• 53:15Andrew Santino?

  Had, had four or five sets of pegs in the backseat.

• 53:17Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 53:17Andrew Santino?

  This is all real. This is all real.

• 53:19Bobby Lee?

  Hyper, like needles?

• 53:21Andrew Santino?

  Hy- what? Hypodermic needles?

• 53:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 53:23Andrew Santino?

  I don't know. Did you have any of those?

• 53:24Speaker 07

  You, I don't know what you saw. I might have some. It's just what you saw.

• 53:28Andrew Santino?

  He had, I'm not kidding. He had a paint bucket, like a, a fucking, what are those? Like a few gallon bucket?

• 53:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 53:33Andrew Santino?

  Of Elmer's glue.

• 53:34Bobby Lee?

  Well, I have that.

• 53:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you do have one of those.

• 53:37Bobby Lee?

  No, I have hundreds of bottles of Elmer's glue.

• 53:39Andrew Santino?

  Do you know why he has glue?

• 53:41Speaker 07

  Uh, well, I know he doesn't like horses and glue is primarily made up of ground up horse hooves.

• 53:49Andrew Santino?

  That's true.

• 53:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 53:51Speaker 07

  And so.

• 53:51Bobby Lee?

  I don't like the hooves. I like the horses.

• 53:53Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 53:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 53:54Speaker 07

  You don't like horses hoof?

• 53:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 53:56Speaker 07

  Okay. So that's why he has the, all the glue.

• 53:59Andrew Santino?

  Get rid of the ho- the hooves.

• 54:00Bobby Lee?

  No, but I, why, why, why would I have Elmer's glue at home?

• 54:04Speaker 07

  Um.

• 54:06Andrew Santino?

  The way that they seized Diddy's house and got all that baby oil, they seized your house and have, what was he doing with all that?

• 54:13Bobby Lee?

  Hundreds of bottles.

• 54:14Speaker 07

  And who's Elmer, by the way?

• 54:17Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, but I, I do want to meet him.

• 54:18Andrew Santino?

  I mean, it sounds like a short story you would write.

• 54:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:20Andrew Santino?

  Tell us who Elmer is.

• 54:22Speaker 07

  That's a good idea.

• 54:23Andrew Santino?

  Who is Elmer behind Elmer's glue? Who is that guy? Cause he's gotta be someone significant. We've all used his glue. Elmer was a no- Elmer's glue is Elmer the Bull, a character who is a husband of Elsie the cow.

• 54:35Speaker 07

  Oh, see hooves. That's almost a slap in the face to our hoofed friend.

• 54:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:41Speaker 07

  Why would you make your logo of the thing you're killing? To make the product.

• 54:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, wow.

• 54:47Andrew Santino?

  Is it, ketchup always has a tomato on it.

• 54:49Speaker 07

  Okay, well.

• 54:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:51Speaker 07

  Just slap me down in front of your audience.

• 54:53Bobby Lee?

  Good point, good point.

• 54:54Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 54:54Speaker 07

  Great point, like, one of the best.

• 54:56Bobby Lee?

  What I do with Elmer's glue is I dry them onto my hand and I peel them.

• 55:00Speaker 07

  Oh, so it looks like you have that aging disease?

• 55:03Bobby Lee?

  No, but I do, no, I do like forty layers with a, with a blow dryer.

• 55:07Speaker 07

  Oh, wow.

• 55:08Bobby Lee?

  And then I put a complete glove.

• 55:11Speaker 07

  Oh, that's so cool.

• 55:12Bobby Lee?

  You know that, right? And I stuff.

• 55:14Speaker 07

  That's so cool.

• 55:15Bobby Lee?

  I stuff cotton in them and I draw on them.

• 55:18Speaker 07

  Oh, that is so cool.

• 55:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:20Bobby Lee?

  So, it's like an art thing.

• 55:21Speaker 07

  I get it, I can relate. What I do is I sit in the bath for about two hours.

• 55:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:27Speaker 07

  I get my fingers pruned wrinkled. And then, when I get out of the tub, I touch myself with the wrinkled fingers and pretend I'm getting molested by an eighty-seven-year-old priest.

• 55:42Speaker 07

  Oh, so I can't have my thing?

• 55:45Bobby Lee?

  I just, yeah.

• 55:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:47Bobby Lee?

  That's good.

• 55:48Speaker 07

  Whoa.

• 55:48Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, dude.

• 55:51Bobby Lee?

  Do you love the movie Spotlight?

• 55:52Speaker 07

  What is it?

• 55:53Bobby Lee?

  Okay. Do you ever see it?

• 55:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a great movie.

• 55:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's a great movie.

• 55:57Speaker 07

  What's it about?

• 55:58Andrew Santino?

  It's about some of the, some of the.

• 56:00Bobby Lee?

  The Boston Globe.

• 56:01Andrew Santino?

  Crimes of the church.

• 56:01Speaker 07

  Oh, right, right, with Michael Keaton.

• 56:03Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 56:04Speaker 07

  Whoa.

• 56:04Bobby Lee?

  It's a good movie.

• 56:05Andrew Santino?

  Spotlight. What is the quote that people yell at you the most in public?

• 56:09Speaker 07

  The quote?

• 56:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like, something that you've said in movies and stuff. What is some?

• 56:11Speaker 07

  Oh, I thought you meant in real life.

• 56:13Andrew Santino?

  Or on the pod. Yeah, no, no. In real life, do people ever say a line to you in public?

• 56:17Speaker 07

  Uh, well, in real life, they say, "Hey, no chin." I get that a lot, because I have no chin.

• 56:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you do.

• 56:23Speaker 07

  Not really.

• 56:24Andrew Santino?

  Turn to this, oh, yeah, look at that. It's like a one-piece.

• 56:27Speaker 07

  Like, I get, "Hey, no chin" a lot.

• 56:29Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 56:30Andrew Santino?

  Uh, the good news is, when, because it's connected like that, it's, you know, you don't ever, it's always protected.

• 56:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 56:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 56:36Andrew Santino?

  You're not gonna get knocked out easy.

• 56:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's, I'm like, almost an instant shadow-like punch.

• 56:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 56:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, you are.

• 56:44Bobby Lee?

  In fact. Could I ask you, I don't want to be critical.

• 56:49Speaker 07

  No, please. I can take anything. You could be as critical. I can take. If one thing my father's death taught me is life goes by fast and anything can bounce off you. So you can be mega critical.

• 57:01Bobby Lee?

  All right, well, your face looks like a gigantic canvas, but I only drew a little face on the bottom half of the canvas.

• 57:07Speaker 07

  Oh, so like, like one of those cartoon guys that like a caricature?

• 57:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 57:12Speaker 07

  So my face is big and my body's small or my?

• 57:15Bobby Lee?

  It's just a longer, but it's, I like it. It's dimensional.

• 57:18Speaker 07

  My face is long.

• 57:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. What about mine?

• 57:20Speaker 07

  Well, let's stick with this.

• 57:22Bobby Lee?

  No, I want to.

• 57:23Speaker 07

  I want to get to the bottom of your hatred.

• 57:26Bobby Lee?

  There's no hatred.

• 57:27Speaker 07

  I thought you said you hated my face.

• 57:29Bobby Lee?

  Did I say hate? Did I say hate?

• 57:31Speaker 07

  No, you, no.

• 57:31Bobby Lee?

  I, observation, I said.

• 57:33Speaker 07

  What is it again? Say it.

• 57:35Bobby Lee?

  What do you think I said? Okay, long face?

• 57:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 57:38Bobby Lee?

  And it's like, you know what I mean? This half of the face is where all the, the thing. It's like Antarctica. Like if you looked at the, like earth, the globe, Antarctica, nothing going on.

• 57:47Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 57:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:49Andrew Santino?

  He's saying, you know how you look at it?

• 57:50Speaker 07

  Keep going.

• 57:52Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 57:53Andrew Santino?

  Like when you look at a map.

• 57:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 57:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 57:55Andrew Santino?

  Of like, of like cities and the, and, and way down below, there's all the city life.

• 57:59Speaker 07

  Hold on.

• 58:01Andrew Santino?

  And everything else is black.

• 58:02Speaker 07

  Hold on. Shh.

• 58:03Andrew Santino?

  Sorry.

• 58:04Speaker 07

  Got it. Fuck off.

• 58:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I was kidding, dude. You're very handsome. You know, I don't know, you know?

• 58:11Speaker 07

  No, I got no problem with your face, but I don't mind criticism. I, I like it. It's the only way I can grow.

• 58:17Bobby Lee?

  Criticize me?

• 58:19Speaker 07

  Hmm. Like physically or?

• 58:21Bobby Lee?

  Or just even in terms of my attitude?

• 58:24Speaker 07

  Sometimes you're

• 58:28Speaker 07

  a little bit elusive and distant.

• 58:30Bobby Lee?

  That's being a ninja.

• 58:32Speaker 07

  I know, but it's.

• 58:33Bobby Lee?

  I have ninjutsu behaviors.

• 58:36Speaker 07

  Okay, if that's the answer, I accept that. As a friend.

• 58:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 58:40Speaker 07

  I think you're deflecting if I'm being honest, but if you want to play the ninja game.

• 58:44Bobby Lee?

  I know what you're saying. This is what you're saying.

• 58:47Speaker 07

  Talk to me, guy.

• 58:48Bobby Lee?

  Guy, I'm here and I'm listening.

• 58:50Speaker 07

  Well, I said, talk to me. Don't listen. Talk.

• 58:52Andrew Santino?

  Talk to him.

• 58:53Bobby Lee?

  All right. Right now, are you getting a little aggressive?

• 58:55Speaker 07

  I sure am.

• 58:56Bobby Lee?

  You too, but guy.

• 58:58Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 58:58Bobby Lee?

  All right. So what I want to say, I know what it is, what you're saying.

• 59:01Speaker 07

  Talk to me.

• 59:02Bobby Lee?

  I did your podcast and then the, you know, and then like six months later, you want me to do it again? And I don't return your phone calls. Is that what it is?

• 59:09Speaker 07

  No.

• 59:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 59:10Bobby Lee?

  Oh, fuck.

• 59:11Speaker 07

  I just think sometimes when buddy.

• 59:15Bobby Lee?

  Hey Bud.

• 59:15Speaker 07

  Buddy.

• 59:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 59:17Speaker 07

  Tries to get close to Buddy. Buddy doesn't always let Buddy all the way in.

• 59:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:23Speaker 07

  And maybe Buddy's a little guilty of it too.

• 59:25Andrew Santino?

  What do I, what did I do?

• 59:26Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 59:27Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck did I?

• 59:28Speaker 07

  Sometimes, I feel like there's little barriers with you two.

• 59:32Andrew Santino?

  Between us or?

• 59:33Speaker 07

  No, with me, like Buddy tries to get in and you guys will open the doors so far, but then Buddy, you kind of put a foot in the door and Buddy can't get all the way in and be Buddy Buddy.

• 59:43Bobby Lee?

  I'm sorry Buddy, can I say this? Every time I see you on the lineup, what do I do? You're sitting there in the booth in the back, I always walk up beside you and I always say hello.

• 59:54Speaker 07

  But a hello is fleeting. I always try to engage. I try to get a conversation going with Buddy. And Buddy sort of flirts with it, entertains it, but never fully engages with Buddy. And so Buddy ends up feeling alone and sad when he walks away and turns his back on Buddy.

• 1:00:15Bobby Lee?

  I see.

• 1:00:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, maybe if Buddy didn't wear corn shirts, we'd have a better conversation.

• 1:00:19Speaker 07

  My father was killed.

• 1:00:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:23Andrew Santino?

  And let me tell you.

• 1:00:24Speaker 07

  By a marlin.

• 1:00:25Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so can I just say something Buddy?

• 1:00:27Speaker 07

  Yes Bud.

• 1:00:28Bobby Lee?

  If you call me B, uh, I'm so, I'm so emotional, I can't even speak.

• 1:00:31Andrew Santino?

  Do it.

• 1:00:32Bobby Lee?

  So let me, let me calm down.

• 1:00:33Speaker 07

  I think we're getting somewhere.

• 1:00:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 07

  No, stay, stay am.

• 1:00:36Andrew Santino?

  Stay am.

• 1:00:37Speaker 07

  This is where the real stuff comes down.

• 1:00:38Bobby Lee?

  I'll stay am, alright? When you see me in public, right, why don't you call me by my name? You don't. You call me Sarah Silverman.

• 1:00:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:45Speaker 07

  It's a term of endearment. Do I call him Sarah Silverman? No.

• 1:00:50Bobby Lee?

  What do you call him?

• 1:00:51Speaker 07

  That's special for you.

• 1:00:52Bobby Lee?

  What do you call him?

• 1:00:53Andrew Santino?

  He calls me Earthquake. The big black comedian, he calls me Earthquake.

• 1:00:57Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:00:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, that's why Buddy, we can't get in with you Buddy.

• 1:01:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:01Speaker 07

  But why let a title get in the way of our intimacy?

• 1:01:06Bobby Lee?

  Because when you scream it across a room, "Hey, there's Sarah Silverman!", the whole room turns around and it's me, it's a little awkward.

• 1:01:15Speaker 07

  Well, can't you get around it and engage with me and, and be intimate and have a real conversation for once in your life?

• 1:01:24Bobby Lee?

  Well, how can I have a real conversation with you when you don't call me by my name?

• 1:01:28Speaker 07

  Well, get over yourself, Sarah.

• 1:01:34Bobby Lee?

  And then I call you Johnny Meatloaf.

• 1:01:35Speaker 07

  Fine, I love it.

• 1:01:36Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:01:37Speaker 07

  Slap me with the gravy.

• 1:01:38Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:01:39Speaker 07

  I'm in.

• 1:01:39Bobby Lee?

  All right.

• 1:01:40Speaker 07

  It's just a title, but beyond the title, and again, you're deflecting all over the place. He can see it.

• 1:01:46Andrew Santino?

  I'm not looking at him.

• 1:01:47Bobby Lee?

  You're not looking at me?

• 1:01:48Andrew Santino?

  No, I am.

• 1:01:48Speaker 07

  When does the real buddy conversation happen between us three?

• 1:01:53Andrew Santino?

  We try.

• 1:01:54Speaker 07

  You wanna sit around all day and eat Styrofoam peanuts? Great, I can party.

• 1:01:58Bobby Lee?

  You know what I would do?

• 1:01:59Speaker 07

  But when does the talk happen?

• 1:02:01Bobby Lee?

  Let's go to Joshua Tree.

• 1:02:02Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:02:03Bobby Lee?

  Air B- Airbnb a house. Get a fire going.

• 1:02:07Andrew Santino?

  I'd love it.

• 1:02:07Bobby Lee?

  I love smores.

• 1:02:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh, smores.

• 1:02:08Bobby Lee?

  You know I love smores.

• 1:02:09Andrew Santino?

  Smores, the Jewish smores. Have you ever had smores?

• 1:02:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:12Andrew Santino?

  Smores are unbelievable.

• 1:02:13Bobby Lee?

  They're unbelievable. Know what a schmore is?

• 1:02:15Speaker 07

  I sure do.

• 1:02:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 07

  Paulie Schmore?

• 1:02:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'll get the marshmallow.

• 1:02:21Andrew Santino?

  And I'll, and I'll get the gefilte fish and we'll have ourselves a.

• 1:02:23Speaker 07

  Isn't it interesting? Isn't it interesting that you wanna drive three hours into the desert to open up to your buddy? And I wanna open up right here and now while we're right in proximity. I wanna live in the moment and you wanna create some fantasy getaway in the desert where maybe we can talk, but you know when there's a crackling fire, it's hypnotic and you can't talk to anyone because you're hypnotized by the crackling flames and this is all part of your deflection so that you don't have to look buddy in the eyes and talk and get to know the real me. And I get to know the real Sarah, get to know you.

• 1:03:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Okay. All right, let's get real.

• 1:03:08Speaker 07

  Here we go, finally.

• 1:03:12Bobby Lee?

  I love you.

• 1:03:13Speaker 07

  Okay, how? There's a lot of layers of love.

• 1:03:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. But as a comedian, um, you're one of the ones that I feel safe with and trust.

• 1:03:23Speaker 07

  Love this.

• 1:03:24Bobby Lee?

  I feel like you're an ally.

• 1:03:25Speaker 07

  I love this.

• 1:03:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I've always had a fun, playful relationship with you. Like we're two kids in a schoolyard, jumping with glee. Don't you feel that?

• 1:03:35Speaker 07

  I do.

• 1:03:35Bobby Lee?

  There's a, there's a childlike banter that you and I both have.

• 1:03:39Speaker 07

  But in that schoolyard, and thank you for opening up.

• 1:03:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Speaker 07

  The janitor built a wall.

• 1:03:47Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 1:03:47Speaker 07

  And I need you to get over that wall.

• 1:03:50Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:03:50Speaker 07

  And come to me.

• 1:03:51Bobby Lee?

  Okay. I'll break through the wall.

• 1:03:53Speaker 07

  Maybe your friend Little Red over here too.

• 1:03:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:56Andrew Santino?

  I'm the janitor. I'm building the wall.

• 1:03:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:58Andrew Santino?

  Someone's gotta clean up this mess.

• 1:03:59Bobby Lee?

  And no, no, no, since I was on the hot seat, you talk to Harland about how you feel.

• 1:04:07Andrew Santino?

  Harland, I, I don't get you.

• 1:04:10Bobby Lee?

  Come on, don't make a joke.

• 1:04:11Andrew Santino?

  All right.

• 1:04:11Bobby Lee?

  Get real.

• 1:04:12Andrew Santino?

  It's a comedy show.

• 1:04:13Bobby Lee?

  I know, but get real for a second. He made it real.

• 1:04:15Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 1:04:16Bobby Lee?

  Right, yeah, you're welcome, buddy.

• 1:04:18Andrew Santino?

  Harland, you're one of the most elusive comedians I've ever known.

• 1:04:23Speaker 07

  Talk to me.

• 1:04:24Andrew Santino?

  I think you're-

• 1:04:25Speaker 07

  Is that hurtful?

• 1:04:26Andrew Santino?

  No, is that, is that-

• 1:04:27Speaker 07

  Is that hurtful to you?

• 1:04:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:30Speaker 07

  It is.

• 1:04:30Andrew Santino?

  Can't pin you down. Don't know you. I just don't know the real you. I've tried.

• 1:04:35Speaker 07

  Tell me how you've tried and let me-

• 1:04:37Andrew Santino?

  You hide.

• 1:04:37Speaker 07

  Help you get there.

• 1:04:38Andrew Santino?

  You hide.

• 1:04:39Speaker 07

  How?

• 1:04:40Bobby Lee?

  Well, can I-

• 1:04:41Speaker 07

  I wanna help you get there, guy.

• 1:04:42Bobby Lee?

  Can I intervene real quick?

• 1:04:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, please.

• 1:04:43Bobby Lee?

  Like this story about your dad.

• 1:04:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:46Bobby Lee?

  I don't think that's real.

• 1:04:47Andrew Santino?

  I don't think that's real.

• 1:04:48Speaker 07

  Would I show up in a corn shirt?

• 1:04:52Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:04:53Speaker 07

  If it wasn't real?

• 1:04:54Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:04:54Andrew Santino?

  We're worried about it.

• 1:04:55Bobby Lee?

  Can I say another thing?

• 1:04:56Speaker 07

  Please.

• 1:04:57Bobby Lee?

  Is you did a pod a couple of years ago with my brother Steve.

• 1:05:00Speaker 07

  Steve-O? Stevie Weeby.

• 1:05:02Bobby Lee?

  Stevie Weeby.

• 1:05:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:03Bobby Lee?

  That's my little brother.

• 1:05:03Speaker 07

  Steve-O.

• 1:05:04Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 1:05:04Speaker 07

  Your little brother, yes.

• 1:05:05Bobby Lee?

  And you had a little cap in your jacket.

• 1:05:08Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 1:05:09Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 1:05:09Speaker 07

  From my dad, a memento.

• 1:05:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and the cap was what?

• 1:05:12Speaker 07

  A mushroom cap.

• 1:05:13Bobby Lee?

  A mushroom cap from a man's penis?

• 1:05:15Speaker 07

  Well, my dad was in the circumcision game.

• 1:05:18Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:05:20Andrew Santino?

  Was that his profession?

• 1:05:22Bobby Lee?

  I don't know.

• 1:05:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Speaker 07

  Don Circumcision's down on Melrose, 782. Right over the door, it says, "We love it when you leave a tip." And it was right over the door.

• 1:05:32Andrew Santino?

  I know, I remember that.

• 1:05:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I guess, I have had some procedures done.

• 1:05:36Andrew Santino?

  Urban outfit, yeah, I've been there.

• 1:05:38Bobby Lee?

  Been there, yeah. So that's your dad, Don.

• 1:05:40Speaker 07

  Don?

• 1:05:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. And he tragically died the way you described him dying.

• 1:05:45Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:45Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:05:45Speaker 07

  Watching Children of the Corn, nine years ago today. Well, what's wrong? Why?

• 1:05:52Bobby Lee?

  Okay, alright, you are being real.

• 1:05:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you are.

• 1:05:55Bobby Lee?

  Sometimes you have to, because it seems.

• 1:05:57Andrew Santino?

  Seems not real.

• 1:05:58Bobby Lee?

  Fantastical.

• 1:05:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it seems fantasy.

• 1:05:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and it seems like it's not grounded in reality.

• 1:06:02Speaker 07

  Hey guy, everyone has their journey. Sorry if I'm not in your playbook. Sorry if I don't, uh, I'm not a cookie cutter. I'm just living my life. Sorry, my dad got a sailfish through his spine. Uh, sue me.

• 1:06:17Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:06:18Speaker 07

  We all got our stories.

• 1:06:19Andrew Santino?

  Don't sue him.

• 1:06:20Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:06:21Andrew Santino?

  We'd like you to be unsued.

• 1:06:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:23Speaker 07

  He would?

• 1:06:23Andrew Santino?

  I don't want you to get sued.

• 1:06:24Bobby Lee?

  Well, now, now.

• 1:06:25Speaker 07

  Maybe I wanna get sued.

• 1:06:26Bobby Lee?

  Harland, talk to Andrew about how you can be a better friend.

• 1:06:29Speaker 07

  How can I be a better friend to the And Man? Like, I wanna get in. I wanna be closer.

• 1:06:34Andrew Santino?

  I wanna let you in.

• 1:06:35Speaker 07

  How do I do it, my guy?

• 1:06:38Andrew Santino?

  I just don't think you can keep wearing those corn shirts.

• 1:06:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, me either.

• 1:06:42Andrew Santino?

  And.

• 1:06:42Bobby Lee?

  Any foods.

• 1:06:43Speaker 07

  It's only one day a year.

• 1:06:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:45Andrew Santino?

  No more food.

• 1:06:45Bobby Lee?

  I've seen you with barbecue, with actual barbecue on your shirts.

• 1:06:49Speaker 07

  Well, that was real, but like, stains?

• 1:06:52Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 1:06:53Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:06:53Bobby Lee?

  Wash it.

• 1:06:54Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:06:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, um.

• 1:06:56Andrew Santino?

  But outside of that, I think the only way to really get to know you is to spend time with you without clothes, without restriction, in a spa, talking, naked. You said, strip away the fire, strip away all the distraction.

• 1:07:11Bobby Lee?

  I agree.

• 1:07:11Andrew Santino?

  I think we should go to the, we should go to the Korean spa.

• 1:07:13Bobby Lee?

  We should go to the We Spa.

• 1:07:14Andrew Santino?

  The We Spa with you, get naked, sit around like real men and just talk.

• 1:07:18Speaker 07

  Would you want to see this naked?

• 1:07:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but.

• 1:07:24Bobby Lee?

  Yes, I mean, it's not, it's not a challenge.

• 1:07:26Speaker 07

  What I have under this fabric, do you want to see it?

• 1:07:31Bobby Lee?

  Seeing is not the right word. Witness is the word.

• 1:07:33Andrew Santino?

  Witnessing.

• 1:07:34Bobby Lee?

  I'd like to witness it.

• 1:07:35Speaker 07

  You would?

• 1:07:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:36Speaker 07

  What is it about what's under this fabric that is provocative for you?

• 1:07:42Andrew Santino?

  This is just a shroud, whatever you've got on. This, this, the clothes are as, uh, as, as false.

• 1:07:48Bobby Lee?

  It's a shield.

• 1:07:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a shield.

• 1:07:50Bobby Lee?

  It's a shield to your heart.

• 1:07:50Speaker 07

  What part of my ana-, I guess, so I prepped for this.

• 1:07:54Bobby Lee?

  Your penis.

• 1:07:54Speaker 07

  That's the part of my anatomy.

• 1:07:56Bobby Lee?

  I've never seen it.

• 1:07:57Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:07:57Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:07:58Speaker 07

  Have you visualized it in your head?

• 1:08:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:00Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:01Speaker 07

  Would you like to describe it to your audience?

• 1:08:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, corn dog, but a Korean one. So there's like stuff on top of the, the breading.

• 1:08:08Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, and they dip it in stuff?

• 1:08:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's got like corn nuts and like, you know.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  Little snacks, little candy.

• 1:08:14Bobby Lee?

  Little bacon bits, you know? I don't feel like it's a, I feel like there's other flavors involved.

• 1:08:18Andrew Santino?

  Well, let me say this.

• 1:08:19Bobby Lee?

  Go ahead.

• 1:08:21Andrew Santino?

  We're gonna go to the spot of connect. And I think that will bond us together. We'll get through, we'll get rid of all this other.

• 1:08:26Bobby Lee?

  They have shorts there that you can wear if you're like European about it.

• 1:08:29Speaker 07

  I'll go pink. I, when I'm nude, I look like a shrimp, by the way, a cocktail shrimp.

• 1:08:33Bobby Lee?

  That'd be too.

• 1:08:34Speaker 07

  And if I curl my body sort of like this.

• 1:08:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Speaker 07

  I look, I look like a cocktail shrimp. Like, you know how they hang them on the glass?

• 1:08:41Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:42Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:42Speaker 07

  I'm pink like that.

• 1:08:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's fine.

• 1:08:45Speaker 07

  I'm me like that.

• 1:08:46Andrew Santino?

  Me too.

• 1:08:46Speaker 07

  Yeah. So what, just so I can put this into context, the three of us, sitting naked, in a spa.

• 1:08:56Andrew Santino?

  Getting to know each other.

• 1:08:56Speaker 07

  Is it a steam room? Like, can we?

• 1:08:58Bobby Lee?

  Rye sauna, steam room, the whole bit.

• 1:09:00Speaker 07

  So is it like I'm watching almost like a ship emerging through the fog, your pasty white bodies? Or is it a clean steam room where the air is clean and I can have a crystal clear vision?

• 1:09:13Bobby Lee?

  There is, there is steam.

• 1:09:14Speaker 07

  There is steam.

• 1:09:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:15Speaker 07

  So it's ghostly.

• 1:09:16Bobby Lee?

  Sometimes you can't even watch me walk in. I'm just there.

• 1:09:19Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 1:09:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, like a ghost.

• 1:09:21Speaker 07

  It's just like, yeah, I know that swirling, that's almost like John Carpenter's The Fog.

• 1:09:25Bobby Lee?

  The fog, yeah, exactly.

• 1:09:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:27Andrew Santino?

  You wait in there long enough?

• 1:09:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:29Andrew Santino?

  And the karate ghost appears.

• 1:09:31Speaker 07

  Wow. I'm in, guys.

• 1:09:33Bobby Lee?

  Let's recap.

• 1:09:34Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:09:35Bobby Lee?

  We learned a lot about you.

• 1:09:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:37Bobby Lee?

  Uh huh.

• 1:09:38Speaker 07

  Oh, I thought you were recapping.

• 1:09:40Bobby Lee?

  No, I was saying.

• 1:09:43Speaker 07

  My dad used to do a lot of recapping down at Don's Circumcision.

• 1:09:49Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you can reattach?

• 1:09:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:50Bobby Lee?

  Oh, he did that procedure as well?

• 1:09:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:53Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:09:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, every now and then there was a slip up.

• 1:09:56Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 1:09:57Speaker 07

  But, uh.

• 1:09:57Bobby Lee?

  I want a thicker cap. Can I get mine replaced?

• 1:10:00Speaker 07

  Uh, how thick are we talking?

• 1:10:02Bobby Lee?

  Shaquille O'Neal.

• 1:10:03Speaker 07

  Whoa.

• 1:10:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, big.

• 1:10:05Bobby Lee?

  Really big, black.

• 1:10:05Speaker 07

  A hubcap almost.

• 1:10:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I want a hubcap.

• 1:10:07Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 1:10:08Andrew Santino?

  Harlan, we, we, we hope we get closer.

• 1:10:11Speaker 07

  Yeah, I think I'd like that. I don't know that it's gonna happen, but maybe.

• 1:10:15Bobby Lee?

  I feel farther away, actually, gotta be honest.

• 1:10:17Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, don't you feel farther away?

• 1:10:19Speaker 07

  Maybe the mystery.

• 1:10:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:21Speaker 07

  Maybe the distance makes us more interesting to people now than we ever, maybe this was an exercise in distancing ourselves from each other.

• 1:10:30Andrew Santino?

  Good.

• 1:10:30Bobby Lee?

  Good, good, good, good.

• 1:10:32Speaker 07

  And your crowd now sort of sees us as a Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, mystery type of setup, where maybe we don't want to give the ending away.

• 1:10:42Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:10:42Andrew Santino?

  Let's not do it.

• 1:10:43Bobby Lee?

  Let's not do it.

• 1:10:44Speaker 07

  I'm in.

• 1:10:45Bobby Lee?

  I'm in too, bud.

• 1:10:46Speaker 07

  You in?

• 1:10:48Andrew Santino?

  I'm in.

• 1:10:49Speaker 07

  Nancy Drew, the mystery of the swirling steam room.

• 1:10:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:58Bobby Lee?

  Are you good at puzzles?

• 1:10:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:11:00Bobby Lee?

  God.

• 1:11:00Speaker 07

  Hit me.

• 1:11:02Bobby Lee?

  You want a riddle?

• 1:11:04Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 1:11:05Bobby Lee?

  Can I give him a riddle?

• 1:11:07Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 1:11:10Bobby Lee?

  Grandfather, his son, and his son's son, they go fishing.

• 1:11:15Bobby Lee?

  You caught up yet?

• 1:11:15Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 1:11:16Bobby Lee?

  Okay. On the way home from fishing, they get in a car accident.

• 1:11:21Bobby Lee?

  The grandfather's son and his son's son die.

• 1:11:25Bobby Lee?

  No, no, that's not what it, that's not what it is. Let me start from the top, let me start from the top, let me start from the top.

• 1:11:30Speaker 07

  You just riddled yourself, you know that.

• 1:11:32Bobby Lee?

  Grandfather, his son, his son.

• 1:11:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's why the phrase is riddle me this.

• 1:11:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grandfather, his son, his son, they go fishing, right? On the way back, the grandfather and his son die, the grandson lives. He's in the operating table at the hospital. And the surgeon walks in and says, I can't operate on this boy, he's my son, what happened?

• 1:11:51Speaker 07

  It's his mother.

• 1:11:54Bobby Lee?

  Very good, you're good, you're good at puzzles.

• 1:11:56Speaker 07

  The surgeon was his mother?

• 1:11:58Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 1:11:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:59Speaker 07

  That was way too easy, guys.

• 1:12:03Bobby Lee?

  Do you have a riddle for him?

• 1:12:04Andrew Santino?

  No, that was, that was really.

• 1:12:06Bobby Lee?

  Easy.

• 1:12:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was easy.

• 1:12:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:08Andrew Santino?

  I don't know if I know any of them.

• 1:12:10Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, I got one.

• 1:12:11Speaker 07

  I know where you got that riddle, by the way.

• 1:12:15Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:12:16Speaker 07

  You're gonna love this guy.

• 1:12:19Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:12:19Speaker 07

  That riddle came from an episode of All in the Family

• 1:12:26Speaker 07

  where Archie and Meathead and little girl Edith toiled over that one. Because back in the seventies, it was always presumed that a surgeon would be a male.

• 1:12:42Speaker 07

  So back in the seventies, that was actually a very difficult riddle to figure out. Because people weren't accustomed to picturing women as surgeons.

• 1:12:53Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 1:12:54Speaker 07

  And so many people didn't get that riddle. And this ain't the seventies anymore, Silverman.

• 1:12:59Bobby Lee?

  Alright, guy. Alright, guy. I got another one for ya.

• 1:13:02Speaker 07

  And if you want to look that one up on YouTube. The riddle with the, you don't believe me?

• 1:13:08Bobby Lee?

  I got another one for ya.

• 1:13:09Speaker 07

  Everything Harland says is fake and wacky, like his dad didn't die by a sailfish. But look it up on YouTube.

• 1:13:15Bobby Lee?

  Here's another one.

• 1:13:16Speaker 07

  The All in the Family, the doctor riddle. Surgeon riddle.

• 1:13:20Andrew Santino?

  Look it up.

• 1:13:21Bobby Lee?

  Wow, that's actually in the show.

• 1:13:23Speaker 07

  I told you that's where it's from.

• 1:13:25Bobby Lee?

  Wow, okay, well, I was just...

• 1:13:26Speaker 07

  There it is. And I'm the guy that makes shit up.

• 1:13:31Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:13:31Speaker 07

  How dare you, sir?

• 1:13:33Bobby Lee?

  Here's another riddle.

• 1:13:34Speaker 07

  How dare you with your nutty little koala fingers and your chocolate fudge cluster eyes and your coconut cream pie pubis?

• 1:13:45Speaker 07

  How dare you, sir?

• 1:13:46Bobby Lee?

  I apologize. One more riddle before the...

• 1:13:48Speaker 07

  Yes, please.

• 1:13:50Bobby Lee?

  There's a hundred cows, twenty-eight chickens. How many didn't?

• 1:13:54Andrew Santino?

  How many didn't?

• 1:13:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:56Speaker 07

  Cause it was their mother?

• 1:13:59Andrew Santino?

  There's a hundred cows and twenty-eight chickens. How many didn't? None.

• 1:14:04Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 1:14:05Speaker 07

  Priest.

• 1:14:06Bobby Lee?

  No. Eighty.

• 1:14:09Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 1:14:10Bobby Lee?

  Twenty-eight chickens.

• 1:14:13Bobby Lee?

  Twenty-eight chickens. How many didn't?

• 1:14:20Bobby Lee?

  Twenty-eight of them. Eighty didn't.

• 1:14:25Andrew Santino?

  Harland, thank you for being a bad friend.

• 1:14:26Bobby Lee?

  Thank you for being a bad friend.

• 1:14:29Speaker 07

  Uh, guys, surprise, I'm not done.

• 1:14:58Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big. For the small. The short. And the tall. Peacemakers. Risk-takers. For the optimists. Pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts. And extroverts. The thinkers. And the doers. For old friends. And new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.