Bobby's Break Up Tips

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Shopify & Robinhood • Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/badfriends • Soul: Head to https://GetSoul.com and use code BADFRIENDS for 30% off your order. YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Pondering & Joe Rogan Zombie 7:00 Bible Study w/ Chrissy Chaos 12:00 Bobby Meets Fahim Anwar's GF 18:00 Sabrina Carpenter's Espresso 22:00 Hermaphrodites 27:00 January 6th Engagement 34:00 Rudy Goes Country 41:00 Headache Relief 47:45 Bobby's Break Up Tips 57:40 Liquid Love 1:04:00 Bobby Is Not Invited to the Wedding More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  You two are bad friends.

• 0:01Bobby Lee?

  Who are these two idiots?

• 0:03Speaker 00

  A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

• 0:08Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you two are something.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  We're bad friends.

• 0:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's complain to the guys in the booth about this.

• 0:15Bobby Lee?

  Go make a. Yeah, yeah, or maybe, you know, go up on stage. You know what I mean?

• 0:21Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 0:22Bobby Lee?

  We have work ethic. You know, you don't. And stop complaining then, you know? It's your generation, dude. I mean, we're gritty, dude.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  We are very.

• 0:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, we, we click, click, right? You know what that is?

• 0:34Speaker 02

  Click, click.

• 0:35Bobby Lee?

  What's that? My check at work, I'm checking in the work.

• 0:38Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 0:38Bobby Lee?

  At the factory.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, do you do that? Click, click, right? And then you go, hello supervisor Monroe. They go, hello there, you know what I mean? Lineman.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  La da da.

• 0:49Bobby Lee?

  What? Check it out.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  Look at this.

• 0:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. What? What are you doing?

• 0:54Bobby Lee?

  Why do you have that?

• 0:55Speaker 02

  That's Andrew C.

• 0:56Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  It sucks.

• 0:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh, it sucks. You want to switch?

• 0:59Speaker 02

  No, no, no, I want to.

• 1:00Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  It's what Andrew likes.

• 1:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, anyway, you click, click, click.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Opens up his butt.

• 1:05Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I know he has back, he has backaches.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 1:08Bobby Lee?

  He has a spinal disc.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  What a gay little boy.

• 1:10Bobby Lee?

  He's a gay disc.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  He has a little.

• 1:11Bobby Lee?

  He has a gay disc in his back.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  He's a gay.

• 1:13Bobby Lee?

  They're dismantled. What a crybaby, huh?

• 1:16Speaker 02

  He really is.

• 1:16Bobby Lee?

  Well, what if he hit his head on the toilet, remember?

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19Bobby Lee?

  Like a crybaby.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  How did he hit his head on the toilet?

• 1:21Bobby Lee?

  He got all woozy, like, woo, I'm redheaded, I get woozy. You know what I mean? He falls over.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  With an earthquake.

• 1:26Bobby Lee?

  Ooh, this is so good. Wait, what's mine? The Vietnamese one. What's yours? Uh, a white man's one. Mine is, um. Dude, dude. Oh, no. Because Andrew's not here, you're gonna try. I like it. Yeah. What did he say? Sa sa sa sa, sa sa sa sa. I can't do this today, man, I'm so tired.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, it's raining.

• 1:45Bobby Lee?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  What did?

• 1:46Bobby Lee?

  Ah!

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Oh! Oh, my God.

• 1:51Bobby Lee?

  Oh!

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Oh!

• 1:54Bobby Lee?

  Oh!

• 1:58Bobby Lee?

  Andrew's definitely not here. Andrew's not here.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Oh, my.

• 2:00Bobby Lee?

  So, you know.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Andrew be yelling at that? Does he not let? See, here's what's good about me and you doing the pod. I'll let you be you. I won't keep you in the cage.

• 2:07Bobby Lee?

  I know. Because when I do that, he doesn't like it.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  He doesn't like it.

• 2:10Bobby Lee?

  He's an oppressor, dude.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, dude, I'm gonna say this right now, dude.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:14Bobby Lee?

  I've had enough of him setting the rules. It's all about him, dude. We're gonna do it this time. You have to do it this, or you're not doing it. You know what I mean? He gets mad.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  And he does it, and he does it all while sitting on a seesaw. Yeah.

• 2:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  And he's like this on the seesaw.

• 2:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, like a seahorse.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like a seahorse.

• 2:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, seahorse seesaw.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  It's like a bike without a seat.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, like.

• 2:37Bobby Lee?

  No, you don't shut up. All right, you shut up.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  I can't believe this is what he does.

• 2:40Bobby Lee?

  All right, you beg.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  I love why now every time I see a clip of Andrew and he's like yelling or getting mad at being a tough guy, then he goes like this.

• 2:46Bobby Lee?

  I know, I know. He does woo, right? Oh, but your backwoods where you could play golf all day?

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 2:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, what kind of golf are you playing, dude?

• 2:54Speaker 02

  Scumbag.

• 2:54Bobby Lee?

  Scumbag golf. You don't play golf, do you?

• 2:56Speaker 02

  No.

• 2:57Bobby Lee?

  I know I.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  Why?

• 2:58Bobby Lee?

  Because you're a man.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:00Bobby Lee?

  You're a real man.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna do, I've.

• 3:02Bobby Lee?

  I'm either.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  I've made a decision. I'm not gonna do.

• 3:04Bobby Lee?

  Do what other people do.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna do the things that will advance my career. I'm not doing that.

• 3:09Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no. Get that back. Say it again. You're not gonna, you're gonna.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna play golf.

• 3:14Bobby Lee?

  Or what?

• 3:15Speaker 02

  Well.

• 3:16Bobby Lee?

  Bowl.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Bowl.

• 3:17Bobby Lee?

  Or what?

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Or pool.

• 3:19Bobby Lee?

  Pool. No, what we do, what do we do?

• 3:21Speaker 02

  What do we?

• 3:21Bobby Lee?

  We, what we do, what do you and I do?

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Kiss on the lips at the OR.

• 3:25Bobby Lee?

  We also read Kierkegaard.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Yes, we.

• 3:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Kierkegaard.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  Here and trembling.

• 3:28Bobby Lee?

  No, we do.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Philosophical books.

• 3:30Bobby Lee?

  Hold on, we read Kierkegaard? Yeah, watch Kurosawa films.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  Kurosawa films?

• 3:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  We meditate.

• 3:35Bobby Lee?

  We meditate, dude.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Meditate.

• 3:36Bobby Lee?

  With their dicks out.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Yes, we, we meditate a lot. We go for walks.

• 3:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 3:40Speaker 00

  And take your pants down.

• 3:42Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you know what I did yesterday?

• 3:43Speaker 02

  What?

• 3:43Bobby Lee?

  My friend, I was in the green room before you got there, right? There was all guys in there. I just pulled my penis out.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Good.

• 3:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and everyone laughed.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, like the old days.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  Kierkegaard comedy.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  They laughed.

• 3:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Kierkegaard, dude, it's Kierkegaard comedy.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Kierkegaard comedy.

• 3:57Bobby Lee?

  It's existential.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:58Bobby Lee?

  Philosophical comedy, dude. You have to think about it and ponder, dude. People don't ponder anymore, uh, Justifancis. Justifancis, they don't ponder anymore, Justo.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Let's ponder.

• 4:10Bobby Lee?

  I know, dude.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  What did you ponder about today?

• 4:12Bobby Lee?

  I was able to follow you last night.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Really? Yeah.

• 4:15Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm pub- pondering, dude. I was scared.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:19Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? You're a Madison Square Garden comic now.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, allegedly.

• 4:23Bobby Lee?

  Allegedly, dude.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Allegedly. We'll see what happens. Check your news feed.

• 4:26Bobby Lee?

  Yes, so, um. Great lineup last night.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  It really was. I like doing comedy here.

• 4:32Bobby Lee?

  You remember?

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 4:33Bobby Lee?

  You remember her?

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Hi. Ruby, Ruby.

• 4:36Bobby Lee?

  Ruby Tuesday.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Rudy, Rudy.

• 4:37Bobby Lee?

  Rudy.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Ruby Cake.

• 4:39Bobby Lee?

  Ruby Cake.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 4:40Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow, she's putting makeup on? Hi. Yeah, yeah, wow, oh, yeah, it's great.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  This is an arrangement.

• 4:45Bobby Lee?

  Tiger Bell is gonna do shit.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  Oh, wow.

• 4:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, but for bad friends, look at her.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  She was coming?

• 4:51Bobby Lee?

  I knew she was coming.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 4:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Hello.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Welcome again.

• 4:54Bobby Lee?

  What's, wait, wait, what's the name?

• 4:56Speaker 03

  The Stefano.

• 4:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Have you ever seen him online?

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Sometimes.

• 5:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you pops up?

• 5:01Speaker 03

  I see you the tubby wear.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Oh, tubby wear.

• 5:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what's that?

• 5:05Speaker 02

  I done, I mispronounced the word tubby wear on my old podcast, Hey Babe with Sal Vakano, and that's the thing that went viral, not the jokes that I've written.

• 5:14Bobby Lee?

  I know. The things that go viral, you can't plan.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  And I get, I have to do comedy shows and people bring tubby wear and I sign them.

• 5:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  I'm an accomplished comedian.

• 5:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Like that. Yeah.

• 5:24Bobby Lee?

  What was the bit? I've never seen that.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  I just mispronounced the word tubby wear because I thought it was T U B B E R.

• 5:29Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's so funny.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Like a tub, but it was tup. And I didn't know that. Yeah.

• 5:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I don't want to see it.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  You know what happened was, is, is the gay community on TikTok, I swear to God, they started coming out to their parents. They started doing like all like, you know, like TikTok, you could take the audio? They started coming out to their parents with the tubby wear video, and that's what made it super viral.

• 5:50Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  They would do that.

• 5:51Bobby Lee?

  They would come out like, I'm gay, I'm tubby wear?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Gay tubby wear.

• 5:54Bobby Lee?

  What do you, I don't get it.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 5:56Bobby Lee?

  Gay tubby wear, I'm gay?

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Gay tubby wear, I'm gay.

• 5:58Bobby Lee?

  What is it?

• 5:59Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 5:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  But they, this whole thing, and then it went viral. They had little buttholes and all.

• 6:04Bobby Lee?

  Let me ask you, your, your relationship with Sal good?

• 6:07Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 6:07Bobby Lee?

  But do you end it, then you, you, were you doing, are you done with him?

• 6:11Speaker 02

  No, well, we just stopped the pod. We were both, he was, he was going back on tour and practical joker started again. I'm a gambler, so I'm addicted to losing.

• 6:18Bobby Lee?

  Right, right.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  I like to lose it, get it back. Lose it, get it back. Lose it, get it back.

• 6:21Bobby Lee?

  I see, I see, I see.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  I canceled the show, I put it back.

• 6:23Bobby Lee?

  Now you're back with Yan.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Back with Yan.

• 6:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  And I'll stop and put it back.

• 6:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so happy that you're back.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  No, Yan, a shout, shout out his hyenas, because that is, was, I finally found a place too for me to just be so wild on the Patreon there.

• 6:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Just say what I want, do what I want.

• 6:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. You like to say wild things, huh?

• 6:39Speaker 02

  I like to say wild things, but I kept getting demonetized.

• 6:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  So now I don't.

• 6:43Bobby Lee?

  If you were at a Zoom, let me ask you a question. You're at a Zoom, you'd have fallen into a pit, okay?

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:47Bobby Lee?

  Animal pit, right?

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:49Bobby Lee?

  You have chimps? Would you rather fall into chimps, hyenas, or the third one's a good one?

• 6:57Bobby Lee?

  Joe Rogan zombie?

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Oh, I would say if I wanted to, out of all them?

• 7:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  I would say Joe Rogan zombie.

• 7:06Bobby Lee?

  There's no way.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  No, yes.

• 7:07Bobby Lee?

  He would fucking eat your fucking face?

• 7:09Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 7:09Bobby Lee?

  And then, and then do push-ups with your body?

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Because you know what I travel with? No, no, because I would know how to distract him. You know what I travel with? On it kettlebells.

• 7:19Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Kettlebells?

• 7:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  His company, the Honored Kettlebells?

• 7:22Bobby Lee?

  Right, right.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  So I would take one of his honored kettlebells.

• 7:24Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  I was like a gorilla head and I'd put it in the corner and he

• 7:28Bobby Lee?

  Right, right.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  And I'd run the other way.

• 7:29Bobby Lee?

  That's a good one.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Because the hyenas will eat you alive. That's what they like to do. They like to eat from the feet first.

• 7:34Bobby Lee?

  No, be-

• 7:34Speaker 02

  They'll eat you alive.

• 7:35Bobby Lee?

  I thought-

• 7:35Speaker 02

  The chimps will rip your head off.

• 7:36Bobby Lee?

  I'll tell you my logic with the hyenas, though.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Tell me.

• 7:38Bobby Lee?

  You want to hear my logic? You know about hyenas? Because you be- what do you know about them?

• 7:45Speaker 03

  They're, um...

• 7:48Bobby Lee?

  That merger, probably?

• 7:50Speaker 03

  Bible?

• 7:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. You know, he just converted. Do you know that?

• 7:54Speaker 02

  I just want to say something.

• 7:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, he wants to say, he has a message for you.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  I just want to say something.

• 7:57Bobby Lee?

  He has a message for you.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  During Jacobia's reign, Nebuzhazar, this is N-U-B-U-C-H, Nebuzhazar, king of Babylon, attacked and Jehovah became his vassal for three years. Then Jehovah turned and rebelled against him. The Lord loosed against him bands of Chaldeans, Armanians, Moabites, and Ammonites. He unleashed them against Judah to destroy him. According to the Lord's words, spoken through his servants, the prophets.

• 8:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  This befell Judah because the Lord had stated that he would put them out of his sight for the sins Manasseh had committed in all that he did, and especially because of the innocent blood-

• 8:29Bobby Lee?

  Because of Manasseh and the Jammamaites were, right, were cousins.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  And then you know what happened?

• 8:33Bobby Lee?

  Johann.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  The rest of the-

• 8:34Bobby Lee?

  Johann had something to do with it.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  The rest of the acts of Jehukim.

• 8:37Bobby Lee?

  With Jehukim, right, was, he was like Judas at that time.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:41Bobby Lee?

  Right, but then like Job.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:43Speaker 03

  Who's Jammama?

• 8:44Bobby Lee?

  That's exactly, that's the mystery, and that's what we're all asking, and theologians-

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:48Bobby Lee?

  Right, and religious people are always asking that question.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  The wicked have been corrupt since earth. Liars from the womb may have gone astray. Their venom-

• 8:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  Is like the venom of a snake, like that of a serpent chopping its ears.

• 9:00Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, let me review my favorite.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:04Bobby Lee?

  I'll review my favorite. I have my favorite too, dude. Oh, you want to go, dude? Here we go. Well, oh, my favorite parable, dude, Pharaoh's broken arm. Okay.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:15Bobby Lee?

  Oh, the seventh day of the first month in the eleventh year. And I was 14 years old then.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Really?

• 9:23Bobby Lee?

  By the way, little side note.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 9:25Bobby Lee?

  Okay, and that's when I lost my virginity.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  At 14?

• 9:27Bobby Lee?

  Oh, it's molested.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:28Bobby Lee?

  Same thing.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  I was, yeah.

• 9:30Bobby Lee?

  Um, I have broken the arm of Pharaoh, uh,

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 9:33Bobby Lee?

  King of the Egypt.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Why'd he do that?

• 9:35Bobby Lee?

  Let me, let me finish that fuckface. God damn it. See?

• 9:40Speaker 02

  King of Egypt.

• 9:41Bobby Lee?

  See, dude? It has not been immobilized for healing, nor set with a splint to make it strong enough to grasp a sword. And when they say sword, they mean dick.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:52Bobby Lee?

  Back then, you know what I mean? The sword is a symbol of dick.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Parable.

• 9:55Bobby Lee?

  It's a parable, dude.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  I like that.

• 9:57Bobby Lee?

  And you can't grasp yours. You have to use two fingers, right? We grasp. Yeah, we grasp.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Who, Carlos has a little dick?

• 10:03Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, this is fucking pork.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Fancy?

• 10:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, fancy pork.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's Spanish. It's okay if it's a little Spanish.

• 10:08Bobby Lee?

  I know, but he droops up with three fingers.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Really? He does?

• 10:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Like a, like a penguin? Like a penguin hand?

• 10:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and I don't know how you got your wife pregnant, but that's a mystery. With style.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Are you having a baby?

• 10:17Bobby Lee?

  Style?

• 10:18Speaker 02

  You had a baby already?

• 10:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just jammed the gummy, your gummy penis into their vag?

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 10:24Bobby Lee?

  So gross.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  How old is the baby?

• 10:26Bobby Lee?

  Two.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. There's all, and, okay, nice.

• 10:28Bobby Lee?

  Jules, would you read, um, Chris Di Stefano, our, our guest, a, a parable of your choosing, please?

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Yes, please, thank you.

• 10:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Go ahead, there you go. Jesus is among us all, remember that.

• 10:38Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  There it is.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Of usurpation of Athaliah. When Athaliah, the mother of Azia, saw that her son was dead, she began to kill off the whole royal family of the house of Judah.

• 10:55Bobby Lee?

  You're very excited about that.

• 10:56Speaker 03

  That's fun.

• 10:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, um, what'd you learn from that parable, Jules?

• 11:03Speaker 03

  That it's okay to kill your family.

• 11:04Bobby Lee?

  No, that, that's not what the parable was. Somebody killed her daughter, right? And then she killed the royal family.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 11:11Bobby Lee?

  Not her family.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  It's okay to kill your rival.

• 11:14Bobby Lee?

  That's great, that's very, is it, is it okay?

• 11:17Speaker 02

  I think in certain instances, it's okay.

• 11:19Bobby Lee?

  So I can kill Ronnie Cheng?

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:22Bobby Lee?

  Okay, good.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  I thought you did already.

• 11:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, no, no, no, no. So Jimmy Oh Yang, Ronnie Cheng.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:27Bobby Lee?

  Dr. Ken, they're on my hit list.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  Margaret Cho.

• 11:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Who are your rivals that you're gonna kill?

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Who am I gonna kill? Um, I'm gonna kill, uh,

• 11:34Bobby Lee?

  Schultz?

• 11:35Speaker 02

  No, no, I wanna kill Schultz. I don't kill black people.

• 11:38Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  I would kill, um, I don't really have like a, like a rival who's like me. I mean, um.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  I don't know. Who would I kill? Just because, maybe I'd kill, um.

• 11:52Bobby Lee?

  I think kills are harsh. Let's, let's, let's, let's reframe.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Kill Connie.

• 11:55Bobby Lee?

  Okay. Okay. That's not funny. You added that part out.

• 12:01Bobby Lee?

  I don't like it. It's a play on words. I don't like it. Right, right. So how about this? Okay. You're in an elevator. You see people running to get in. It's closing. Sometimes you put your hand in.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Right.

• 12:12Bobby Lee?

  Right to stop it. But who would you let it close?

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Who would I let it, who's?

• 12:16Bobby Lee?

  Who would you close on?

• 12:17Speaker 02

  Right in front of their face.

• 12:19Bobby Lee?

  So what I would do, I'll, I'll just, and this, and it has nothing to do with how I feel about them. I would just do it for a laugh.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  Who would you do?

• 12:26Bobby Lee?

  Fortune Feimster.

• 12:29Bobby Lee?

  Alright, so you're in an elevator now. Who would you, who would you, who's running toward?

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Sprinting towards me?

• 12:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  I would let it close on Fahima Mar.

• 12:41Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Just because I saw him last night.

• 12:43Bobby Lee?

  That's it?

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I, and I would, I would just fucking yell something.

• 12:47Bobby Lee?

  Because he would, I'll tell you why.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  I would look at his eyes and I would say, never forget.

• 12:51Bobby Lee?

  Right. Oh, 9/11?

• 12:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, 9/11.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  I'm a hack, I'm a hack, I'm a hack.

• 12:55Bobby Lee?

  No, I like it.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  But I like it because I love.

• 12:57Bobby Lee?

  Right, but so here's the thing. The reason I would do it to him is he wouldn't be, even when he's mad, he's not mad.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  No.

• 13:04Bobby Lee?

  He's too nice.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  And he was with a beautiful girl last night.

• 13:06Bobby Lee?

  Oh my, holy moly.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Oh, is that his girlfriend, I guess?

• 13:09Bobby Lee?

  It's the girl that he is seeing, yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  She's beautiful.

• 13:12Bobby Lee?

  Holy moly. I hugged her so hard last night. I hugged her so hard and I think he called me at 1:00 in the morning. I sort of got, and I didn't pick up because I think it's about the hug.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  Because you hugged her and then you were bubbling from, you had the spit bubbles in your mouth.

• 13:28Bobby Lee?

  No, we did a, like, here's what, we did a side hug.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:31Bobby Lee?

  But then her head hit my head.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:33Bobby Lee?

  And we touched heads like this, right? And I think we, our heads fucked.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  You fucked her head?

• 13:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Because I did come.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, you did.

• 13:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, I did come, right? So she went, I went, right? And then I saw his, like, you know, you know how Afghans get or whatever, you know what I mean? You get sand crazy.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  They really do.

• 13:53Bobby Lee?

  He gets sand crazy dude, right? Right, right, right, right? And they start thinking of crazy things, you know what I mean? Like taking a bag and putting some sort of contraption in it and just putting it on the side of the road, right? They get sand crazy dude, right? So what I'm saying-

• 14:08Speaker 02

  Do you think when he's fucking her, he has to take off his C4?

• 14:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  You think he does it with it?

• 14:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you know, I envisioned him putting on a mask, right? Having a pole, right? And then having someone dressed like Luke Skywalker, he's going, you know what I mean?

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Oh god.

• 14:26Bobby Lee?

  You remember that Bobby?

• 14:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:28Bobby Lee?

  The New Hope?

• 14:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:29Bobby Lee?

  I tattooed it.

• 14:30Speaker 02

  Why are we attacking tonight's-

• 14:31Bobby Lee?

  He's a great guy, my point is that-

• 14:32Speaker 02

  And he's got a beautiful girl.

• 14:33Bobby Lee?

  So we had, we, yeah, we hit, we hit heads. I came, right? He called at 1:00 in the morning, right? And I didn't pick up because I knew that's what it was about.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 14:41Bobby Lee?

  Like, why'd you fuck my fucking girl's head?

• 14:42Speaker 02

  What, but maybe it wasn't about that, it couldn't have been-

• 14:44Bobby Lee?

  Should I call him?

• 14:45Speaker 02

  Call him.

• 14:45Bobby Lee?

  Alright, what do you think, should I call him?

• 14:46Speaker 02

  He's also a very handsome man.

• 14:47Bobby Lee?

  He's a handsome, he's one-

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Wasn't he on SNL?

• 14:50Bobby Lee?

  He auditioned or, I don't know.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  He should do it.

• 14:52Bobby Lee?

  But, he's, not only he should do it, he's the best writer on the west coast.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Very, one of the funniest comics ever too.

• 15:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, so, right, if Behem-

• 15:02Speaker 02

  What a handsome man, what a handsome-

• 15:03Bobby Lee?

  Behem at 12:11 he called. So here we go.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  What do you want to talk about?

• 15:08Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, I didn't pick up.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  You know, you actually don't pick up a lot and it's a-

• 15:12Bobby Lee?

  I never pick up, I love it.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  And I also have something to talk to you about too after the-

• 15:15Bobby Lee?

  Okay, good, alright.

• 15:19Bobby Lee?

  What is the thing that you want to talk to me about?

• 15:20Speaker 02

  There was an episode you guys did two weeks ago, three weeks ago, when the fires were happening and then you checked in on each person, you, you-

• 15:27Bobby Lee?

  No, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. Please don't. You want to do it?

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do.

• 15:33Bobby Lee?

  Because I, I want to say to people right now, I have empathy, great empathy, for the people that lost their homes.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  You're letting me stay in your house.

• 15:42Bobby Lee?

  I'm letting you stay at my house because of the fire.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:45Bobby Lee?

  Because Kalila's house was in Altadena and it's, they still can't get there.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:50Bobby Lee?

  So the dogs and you can stay at my house forever.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:53Bobby Lee?

  Okay?

• 15:54Speaker 02

  So Kalila's house was set on fire?

• 15:56Bobby Lee?

  It it it got saved, but they can't go into the area.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Got it.

• 15:59Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 16:00Bobby Lee?

  Because of the lead. What?

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Because of looters?

• 16:02Bobby Lee?

  No, Carlos, what?

• 16:04Speaker 02

  What? I'm just asking.

• 16:04Bobby Lee?

  No, but that's because of looters, man.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Okay, I'm asking why you can't go back, dude.

• 16:07Bobby Lee?

  Because of the fucking chemicals and stuff that's in the air, man.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 16:10Bobby Lee?

  God, dude.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Chemicals, man.

• 16:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  So.

• 16:13Bobby Lee?

  Well, anyway, so then what happened?

• 16:15Speaker 02

  So I I was, I I texted, I I texted, I listened.

• 16:20Bobby Lee?

  You're in, you're in, you're in New York.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  And I'm in New York, and I hear this episode, everyone, Andrew and Bobby are going through the people who reached out to them. And then, and and I reached out to Andrew, and I have proof of that text, and I reached out to Bobby, and I have proof of that text. On Friday, January 10th.

• 16:33Bobby Lee?

  And I said that you you didn't.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  The day after the fires, you said I didn't. I said, hey, babe, how are you? Checking in on fires. I love you, is what I said to him. And then, two hours later, he sent me back the text that said, not great, followed by this picture of an Asian man burning himself alive.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  In a, in a protest to Vietnam, and that's what I was sent, and then, and then I wrote, I love you. And then he said, love you too, bro.

• 16:59Bobby Lee?

  You know, we just have for you to read another passage, dude.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  One more, one more, one more.

• 17:02Bobby Lee?

  God damn, dude.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  One more, and that's.

• 17:03Bobby Lee?

  You gotta get back on track.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  I like reading the New Testament.

• 17:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Okay, let me say, Parable 58, cry out full-throated and unsparingly.

• 17:10Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's enough.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Lift up your voice.

• 17:12Bobby Lee?

  That's enough, I already know.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Your voice like a trumpet blast.

• 17:14Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, I know what trumpet means.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  Proclaim to my people their transgression to the house of Jacob, their sins.

• 17:20Bobby Lee?

  Ooh.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  Ooh. Like a nation that has done what is just and not abandoned the judgment of their God. They ask of me just judgments they desire to draw near God. Why do we fast? But yet you do not see it. Why do we fast? Afflict ourselves, but you take no note.

• 17:35Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  See, on your fast, you carry out your own pursuits and drive all your labor, labors. See, you fast only to quarrel and fight and to strike with a wicked fist. Do not fast, as you do today, to make your voice heard on high. Is this the manner of fasting I would choose?

• 17:51Bobby Lee?

  Hmm, what does that mean?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  They don't eat.

• 17:53Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so they had, oh, so big back then.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  That's the thing. They used the intermittent fasting that I use called.

• 17:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:59Bobby Lee?

  Was there a Karen Carpenter back in the day?

• 18:01Speaker 02

  A what is?

• 18:02Bobby Lee?

  A Karen Carpenter, back in that time.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Huh? Who's Karen Carpenter?

• 18:05Bobby Lee?

  You don't know Karen Carpenter?

• 18:06Speaker 02

  I know Sabrina Carpenter. I went to her concert.

• 18:08Bobby Lee?

  Am I saying Karen Carpenter wrong?

• 18:09Speaker 02

  No, you're saying it correct.

• 18:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. How do you not know who Karen Carpenter is?

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Look, because I only know, I only know Sabrina Carpenter.

• 18:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you're out of the carpenters?

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Sabrina Carpenter, I went to a concert with my family and my family left and I stayed.

• 18:20Bobby Lee?

  There was a band called The Carpenters. And she was a drummer and a singer.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  And Jesus's father was a carpenter.

• 18:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and she died from bulimia.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  From bulimia?

• 18:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and I was trying to make a little, try to riff on something and you didn't know. So now it's kind of, it was a dead end.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, hold on.

• 18:35Bobby Lee?

  You hear me?

• 18:37Speaker 03

  You like Sabrina Carpenter?

• 18:39Speaker 02

  I love Sabrina.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  I think, and I'll say it off air, I think, I think we have a, we have a friend who, who I think did a little with her.

• 19:02Bobby Lee?

  No, really?

• 19:02Speaker 02

  I know a guy who.

• 19:03Bobby Lee?

  You know, I know a lot of.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  With her.

• 19:05Bobby Lee?

  We know a lot of guys. Here's a little secret, everyone listening, okay?

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Tell us.

• 19:08Bobby Lee?

  We've had people on this show, right? Unknown comics almost, right? People that are like, really? Right? That have hooked up with super famous celebrities.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Jeff Die.

• 19:20Bobby Lee?

  That we can never, we can never announce here.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Jeff Die, Jeff Die.

• 19:23Bobby Lee?

  Like crazy thing, like I know.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Adam Ray, Jeff Die.

• 19:26Bobby Lee?

  It's close, but like crazy things like that. But if I said it now, it would cause so much ruckus and chaos.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:34Bobby Lee?

  And I've nev-, I've never hooked up with an A-list celebrity actress. Shopify!

• 19:41Andrew Santino?

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• 20:00Bobby Lee?

  We have an online business here. We use Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify.

• 20:03Andrew Santino?

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• 20:04Bobby Lee?

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• 20:12Andrew Santino?

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• 20:57Andrew Santino?

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• 21:42Andrew Santino?

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• 21:58Speaker 02

  Have you ever seen hermaphrodite up close?

• 22:01Bobby Lee?

  You know, I don't want to Google it because I don't think we can show it, but can you describe it to me?

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Okay, so when I-

• 22:05Bobby Lee?

  So let me, okay, a hermaphrodite is this. Let me try to think of the definition.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Do it, do it, do it.

• 22:11Bobby Lee?

  Is a hermaphrodite somebody that was born with both genitals?

• 22:14Speaker 02

  With both genitals.

• 22:15Bobby Lee?

  Are they combined?

• 22:16Speaker 02

  They can be. There's a whole array of hermaphrodites.

• 22:19Bobby Lee?

  Now, which kind would you want to be?

• 22:20Speaker 02

  So I'd want to be-

• 22:22Bobby Lee?

  I want to be combined.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Com- combined?

• 22:24Bobby Lee?

  I want to be combined.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  I want to be mostly pussy with a little dick on the top.

• 22:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I want to be pussy and the clit be my dick.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  The dick. I want, you know what I want to be?

• 22:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so I can get the two on one.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  I want to have, I want to have a full pussy and just balls. No penis.

• 22:39Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really? Really?

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:40Bobby Lee?

  Or, or I want to have the penis, right? And have the fucking whole of the penis be a pussy.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Great.

• 22:46Bobby Lee?

  So only like, you know, like little rodents and things that can fuck it? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. So you're saying like you have a full penis, but just the end is a pussy?

• 22:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's shaped like, but it's not the hole that we have, right? It has the actual like labia and the clit, but it's miniature.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Well, what if you have a penis and both?

• 23:02Bobby Lee?

  So Fraggle's, like a Fraggle from Fraggle Rock and come back, oh, ee!

• 23:05Speaker 02

  What if you have a full, what if you have a full penis, but then both balls are just two pussies?

• 23:11Bobby Lee?

  Bro, that's cool!

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Like you have a penis and two, and that's what it is.

• 23:14Bobby Lee?

  But are the balls big?

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:16Bobby Lee?

  Okay, cause I want regular sized badges on the balls.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:20Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:20Bobby Lee?

  And then, right, what you could do is if Brittany and, what's her name? Abby and Brittany, the twins were lesbians.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:28Bobby Lee?

  That's, that's it. Two for one.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  So.

• 23:30Bobby Lee?

  Or two for two.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  When I was a.

• 23:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, two for two. Yeah, yeah.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  I was a physical therapist, like.

• 23:34Bobby Lee?

  What are we talking about?

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Well, I'm bringing it up because I was a physical therapist and there was a hermaphrodite who was a patient of ours. But my boss didn't tell me.

• 23:41Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  It was only my second week on the job.

• 23:43Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  So he, he knew, you know, we're not working in a hospital, whatever. And this person who was a hermaphrodite came in, they needed a total knee replacement.

• 23:50Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  So I just thought it was a regular patient. It was like, just like, like a regular guy.

• 23:54Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  You know, whatever. And he had, he had total knee replacement. So my boss was like, you know, I want you to do a, um, I want you to do a pelvic exam as well.

• 24:02Bobby Lee?

  A pelvic, oh, right. Is it a true story?

• 24:03Speaker 02

  It's a true story.

• 24:04Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  And I said, and I said, what do you mean? And they're like standing in the back like this, like laugh, you know, like holding in laughter. Cause even the guy was in on it, the actual patient. And I said, um, I said, a pelvic exam, but he has total knee replacement.

• 24:14Bobby Lee?

  What did he look like, this guy?

• 24:15Speaker 02

  He looked like a normal guy.

• 24:16Bobby Lee?

  Like Adrian Brody?

• 24:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:18Bobby Lee?

  Okay, good.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  He looked, yeah.

• 24:19Bobby Lee?

  I want him to look like Adrian Brody for some reason.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  He looked like if you combined Carlos and Fancy, but like.

• 24:23Bobby Lee?

  Not Adrian Brody.

• 24:26Bobby Lee?

  The opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  He, he looked like if you had, if it had Carlos's penis and Fancy's pussy.

• 24:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  So, so, so we go, so we go, um, I said pelvic exam, okay. And, and I started goes, you know, doing like my little pelvic exam above the robe. And then my boss is, no, you need to disrobe. He's giving permission. And I said, oh, okay, sir.

• 24:45Bobby Lee?

  And is it a goo, is it a trick?

• 24:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 24:47Bobby Lee?

  You're just real.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  No.

• 24:48Bobby Lee?

  I love it.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  So I go, so I get them in the proper position for a pelvic exam. Lay them down and it's like a, you know, very medical procedure or whatever.

• 24:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  And I'm going to do it and I pull down and I go, oh my God. Because you pull down and I'm, you see a penis, you see the penis, I see the top of the penis and then right off to the side. This guy had just a huge pussy coming off his thigh.

• 25:07Bobby Lee?

  There's no way.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  I swear to God.

• 25:08Bobby Lee?

  You swear to God?

• 25:09Speaker 02

  A huge pussy. It doesn't work.

• 25:11Bobby Lee?

  Why would you go, oh my God then?

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Cause you, you don't expect to see a pussy on, on the inside of a guy's thigh.

• 25:14Bobby Lee?

  You know what it's like? You know, it's in the movie Temple of Doom.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 25:18Bobby Lee?

  Right? When Kate Capshaw, right? Is getting that soup.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 25:21Bobby Lee?

  And she's really hungry.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:23Bobby Lee?

  And she's about to eat it.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:24Bobby Lee?

  And then the eyeball flips to the surface. That's what I'm gonna equate it to.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  I went Callum Martin.

• 25:29Bobby Lee?

  Holy smoke, Dr. Jones.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:32Bobby Lee?

  I saw it.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. So I saw it and then they, these guys are fucking dying laughing.

• 25:36Bobby Lee?

  Were you laughing?

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, well then I started to laugh.

• 25:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  But I was like, what? You couldn't do that today.

• 25:40Bobby Lee?

  Mmm.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Imagine today trying to do that as like a goof where it's, you just prank a hermaphrodite?

• 25:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  That's a new show on True TV.

• 25:46Bobby Lee?

  So if I honestly, be honest with me with your heart, with your heart.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Literally.

• 25:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, a hot hand on the, yeah, right. Honestly dude. If I was a hermaphrodite.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:56Bobby Lee?

  Okay? And I showed you my vag.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:01Bobby Lee?

  Okay? And it was like, um, I'm talking about like, you know, you know, like Kate Mott. You know, like I'm talking about like, you know what I mean? Just the perfect.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Perfect pussy.

• 26:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. Rebel Wilson.

• 26:16Bobby Lee?

  Rebel Wilson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  I like her.

• 26:18Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  I do.

• 26:19Bobby Lee?

  Is that, she's in Cats, right?

• 26:20Speaker 02

  She's hot. Yes.

• 26:21Bobby Lee?

  That lady in Cats?

• 26:22Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:22Bobby Lee?

  I like her.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  In Cats.

• 26:23Bobby Lee?

  Her vag. Like beefy.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Rebel. Like that.

• 26:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, like, yeah, but beefy.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:27Bobby Lee?

  She's, looks like a nice, tight beak.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  That's what I was thinking. Cause she looks like she has a kind of a vagina.

• 26:32Bobby Lee?

  I don't, we shouldn't talk like that about women.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe we shouldn't.

• 26:34Bobby Lee?

  We respect all women and, and Jules, we apologize, right? But let's, it's a very good one.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:39Bobby Lee?

  And I, and I looked at you and I went, you wanna? You would? Be honest.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  So you're saying you have a working vagina as a hermaphrodite?

• 26:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  You're you? You're fully you just with a vagina?

• 26:52Bobby Lee?

  Well, I could like half my face.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:54Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? Put makeup.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  I would do it. I would do it. You know why? You're hairless. That's what I like. If you were a more hairy guy, I would say no, but I'd like to, I would fuck you. I would fuck you.

• 27:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Because you have no hair. That's what I like about you. You're very, very, very hairless.

• 27:08Bobby Lee?

  I wish I could say the same for you.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  I don't have hair? No.

• 27:11Bobby Lee?

  I, I, I wouldn't do it with you.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  I have hair on my legs, but...

• 27:14Bobby Lee?

  You're too manly. You have all the chin. You have the fucking, you know what I mean? You look just too manly to me.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Do you think I'm handsome?

• 27:21Speaker 03

  You look like a, a Greek god because of your nose.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  What does Andrew Santino handsome? Am I more handsome than Andrew Santino?

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Was he a yes?

• 27:32Bobby Lee?

  Yes. One, one hundred. Dude, it's not even a, dude, that's not even a debate. You know what I mean?

• 27:37Speaker 02

  So then I should get the show?

• 27:39Bobby Lee?

  Like, yeah, he's like, um...

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:41Bobby Lee?

  Andrew's handsome at the top of the red.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:45Bobby Lee?

  Spectrum.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:46Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:47Bobby Lee?

  But if you take him out...

• 27:48Speaker 02

  He's handsome for a guy with special needs.

• 27:49Bobby Lee?

  Just a white spectrum, it's like special needs.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 27:52Bobby Lee?

  But red?

• 27:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:54Bobby Lee?

  He's top of the line.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Top of the line. The top redhead.

• 27:56Bobby Lee?

  And for little mythological Asian dudes, I feel like I'm the top of the line.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  You really are.

• 28:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  You really are. There's you.

• 28:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  It's Jackie, I would...

• 28:03Bobby Lee?

  Frodo Baggins?

• 28:04Speaker 02

  You, Jackie, Jackie and Frodo Baggins.

• 28:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  The, the panda in the Central Park Zoo.

• 28:09Bobby Lee?

  Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  That...

• 28:11Bobby Lee?

  I think amongst them in a lineup, I'd probably be, like, you know that thing where they put top pop the balloons?

• 28:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I don't think the pandas would pop my balloon.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  No.

• 28:19Bobby Lee?

  Their balloons.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  No, you're very handsome and, and you're also very confident. My Jasmine, my girl, she's very cute. She loves you. She's lovely.

• 28:25Bobby Lee?

  I was kinda juicing her up that night at the Hulu party.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  She loves you.

• 28:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I think juicing was the right, wrong, wrong word to use.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  This is the pattern with you because you tried to fuck Jasmine's head too.

• 28:34Bobby Lee?

  I did a head thing.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  You did a head thing.

• 28:36Bobby Lee?

  I, I did a head thing.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  That's what he does. That's how he marks his territory.

• 28:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  That's how he marks his territory.

• 28:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Because I kissed her on the head good night and it smelled like kimchi.

• 28:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you're good, dude. Yeah, she's, you know what, here's, can I be honest with you? That's what I'm looking for.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  She's beautiful, right?

• 28:52Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm looking for.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:53Bobby Lee?

  Someone that can, here's FYI for people out there, okay? That wanna-

• 28:59Speaker 02

  For women who wanna maybe date you.

• 29:01Bobby Lee?

  Maybe I wanna be my life partner.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:03Bobby Lee?

  Okay?

• 29:04Speaker 02

  Respect that.

• 29:04Bobby Lee?

  Is, um, it's one thing to be beautiful, cultured-

• 29:11Speaker 02

  She is, she is beautiful.

• 29:12Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, but, um- She's my daughter, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, like looking at my dogs or whatever. It's like, there it is. But, um, I love you, you know, I love all my animals. But my point is, is this, um, I'm sorry, that's so rude. I apologize, I love you.

• 29:25Speaker 02

  Her daughter would be nice to get-

• 29:26Bobby Lee?

  But what I'm saying is, is that, um, you know, beauty, right? And it's culture, right? But they need to adapt to every social situation.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Right.

• 29:37Bobby Lee?

  I feel like your wife can adapt to social situations. Am I correct or not about that?

• 29:42Speaker 02

  You're correct about her. And what I love about her, after being with her for 10 years-

• 29:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  What I love about her is she is very loyal and she knows bullshit right away. And she knows what people to say, "Hey, no more with this guy. There's something I don't like about him." And she's right. She's right because she grew up in the hood.

• 29:59Bobby Lee?

  What if she said that about me?

• 30:00Speaker 02

  No, but she knew-

• 30:01Bobby Lee?

  I know, but what if she did? Then you would fuck, start fucking with me?

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, then I would start fucking with you.

• 30:06Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  That's what I would do.

• 30:07Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  I would bring back the Asian hate.

• 30:09Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:10Bobby Lee?

  From three years ago, okay, good.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Now, now I listen, because you know we're engaged now. You know that.

• 30:15Bobby Lee?

  Oh, bravo, congratulations. Will you have a wedding?

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Yes, we're gonna have a wedding.

• 30:20Bobby Lee?

  Can I go?

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Yes, 100%. We got engaged on January 6th. I swear to God.

• 30:25Bobby Lee?

  You did?

• 30:26Speaker 02

  I swear to God.

• 30:26Bobby Lee?

  Well, that's a great day, a great holiday.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  We got engaged on January 6th and then we were gonna get married on, on 9/11, but I'm doing the show.

• 30:32Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 30:32Speaker 02

  But, but we might just get married at the show.

• 30:34Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  And, and, um, and so, so we got engaged because I said, "You know what? How long am I gonna keep not committing? How long am I gonna keep doing this?"

• 30:43Bobby Lee?

  We have children with her.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  We have children, and my daughter, you know, the first thing my daughter said when we got engaged, she said, "Finally daddy, we're gonna be a real family."

• 30:49Bobby Lee?

  Oh, did you cry, did you cry?

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Cried, 100% cried.

• 30:52Bobby Lee?

  I don't see you crying.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  I had to cry in that.

• 30:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, I cry, I, I, that, that was, that was something I brought tears. The only times I've cried in the last year, I swear to God, is that moment and when I rewatched Little Giants from 1994.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  That gets me.

• 31:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  You ever seen Little Giants?

• 31:08Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  The annexation of Puerto Rico. That's what I call my family.

• 31:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you really cry during that movie?

• 31:14Speaker 02

  I swear to God, I really did.

• 31:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  I really, really cried. And, um, but I cried when my daughter said that and it made me feel really bad about some of the decisions I've made over the course of my last 10 years of like, why didn't I just commit to do this with her earlier? What was I afraid of?

• 31:28Bobby Lee?

  Mmm.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  What I've done is I've committed to two people, Jasmine and this guy right here.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Have you tried eating the body of Christ already?

• 31:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:36Bobby Lee?

  Oh, he's eaten so many bodies?

• 31:37Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. You know why I do it? Because I follow a strict keto diet.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  He's high protein.

• 31:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  I hate his body, but yeah, I eat the body of Christ, the blood of Christ. I drink the blood.

• 31:47Bobby Lee?

  What is the body? Is it bread? I've never been to one of those things.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  It's the Holy Eucharist. It's a wafer that's been blessed by the priest and it is the body of Christ. It's a little wafer and it's only about five calories, according to my fitness pal. So it will not break a fast.

• 32:00Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  And then I have my, uh, and then you drink the blood of Christ.

• 32:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Which is wine, which is just so-her-home wine from the liquor store.

• 32:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's so interesting.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  They blessed it though.

• 32:09Bobby Lee?

  Wow, wow. It's interesting that I've never been to a church like that.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  I want you to come to church. Will you come to our wedding at the church?

• 32:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, I'm going to the wedding, but I've never, I know I've been to weddings in a church, but I've never been to like a Catholic church where they have the whole,

• 32:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:23Bobby Lee?

  you know, the bread and stuff.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  I'm gonna call Jasmine, see if you can come.

• 32:25Bobby Lee?

  You're promising.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  See?

• 32:27Bobby Lee?

  Okay, yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think so.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  He knows bullshit.

• 32:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Hold on, let's see. She doesn't, I think she literally looks at my call.

• 32:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  She knows that like when I'm on the road, I'm very lonely and I need her and she looks at the call and hangs up.

• 32:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, really?

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, because I think, you know what it is? Because she's an old-school woman.

• 32:41Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  She thinks it's weak if I say I'm lonely and I'm depressed.

• 32:45Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  Why don't you snap the fuck out of it and try to sell out your shows?

• 32:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Because we need that money and I need a new tip.

• 32:51Bobby Lee?

  Why haven't you, are you, is the acting thing not a thing you're gonna do?

• 32:57Speaker 02

  I've.

• 32:57Bobby Lee?

  You're very, I mean, let's get down to the business. At hand. Let's get down to the business at hand and look at this guy. He's gonna sell out Madison Square Garden. Let's be honest.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  Allegedly.

• 33:10Bobby Lee?

  No, you're gonna. Okay?

• 33:12Speaker 02

  Keep, keep, keep watching.

• 33:13Bobby Lee?

  So September, you know, and I'm gonna do the show. I'm gonna try to do the show.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  There'll be an announcement coming soon.

• 33:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Um, you're, um...

• 33:21Bobby Lee?

  Now a talk show guy, I mean, you're on the talk show circuit?

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you just did Kimmel, no?

• 33:25Speaker 02

  Well, he did Kimmel, and then, and then I got, Edward Norton was on, on YouTube, he got 500,000 views. Anthony Mackie on the week before, he got 250,000 views. I was on, 18,000 views.

• 33:36Bobby Lee?

  That's, that's pretty good, though, comparatively, comparatively speaking.

• 33:39Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 33:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:39Speaker 02

  Go on, keep going.

• 33:40Bobby Lee?

  All right, and so, um, and can you act is the question?

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Yes, I can. I've, I've, I, I work at it.

• 33:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  I've went on, on, I've kept track. I've went on 100, 103 auditions in 2016, and I've gotten one.

• 33:54Bobby Lee?

  Can we chat GPT, GPT a script for me and, um?

• 33:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 33:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I think we should do a three-way, you know what I mean, a scene between us three. I'd like to test your, you know what I mean, your chops here.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  I'm putting my product out there, Bobby, on a daily basis, and the people are saying no. That's what's happened.

• 34:11Bobby Lee?

  Okay, can I say this too?

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Happened.

• 34:12Bobby Lee?

  And I want to say this.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  I'm thankful and fortunate for what I do have, but the people are saying no.

• 34:16Bobby Lee?

  Hey, guy.

• 34:17Speaker 02

  Relatively.

• 34:18Bobby Lee?

  Guy, guy! Guy, guy, let me tell you something, guy, there's a disconnect between this and that. Between what we do in our ecosystem and Hollywood. Do you understand what I'm saying? There, there still isn't, you know what I mean, a complete, direct line, is what I'm saying. They think that what we, they don't understand what we do. And we don't quite understand what they do. But we want to do what they do, and they want to do what we, why don't we do it together, you know what I mean? But they won't let it. You know what I mean? That's why.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  But you're in?

• 34:51Bobby Lee?

  That's why, no, I'm not.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  You get a.

• 34:53Bobby Lee?

  I've done some stuff. I'm not fully in, though.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  You're like in, but you're there because you do their laundry.

• 34:59Bobby Lee?

  Oh, okay, oh, you did a more Asian analogy.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  How, no, yeah.

• 35:03Bobby Lee?

  Old West.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:04Bobby Lee?

  It's the old west.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:06Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I know what it is.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:07Bobby Lee?

  In the, let's say you're a cowboy.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:09Bobby Lee?

  Right? And I'm a Chinese laundromat guy at, in Deadwood. Where you come in, you, hey, man. Hey, Chang, you know what I mean? Wash these trousers. Okay, mister, okay, mister, right? And you go, delivered to my house, right? Okay, mister, right?

• 35:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 35:26Bobby Lee?

  And I get you the laundry, and I go in, and you invite me in for a second.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 35:30Bobby Lee?

  Come on in here, Chang. And I go in, that's the only time you're allowed, allowed in that house.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  Right.

• 35:35Bobby Lee?

  Is that the good analogy?

• 35:36Speaker 02

  That's a good analogy. And then you come in, and then we tie up your feet, because we.

• 35:39Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, what else, what else, what else, what else happens?

• 35:42Speaker 02

  The tie feet, we like to tie up the Asian feet.

• 35:44Bobby Lee?

  Down the stairs in the basement?

• 35:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:46Bobby Lee?

  And I go, and I go, what going on here, mister? I, I wash your trousers.

• 35:50Speaker 00

  It's on the house, please don't do this to me.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 00

  And then what do you say?

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Then I tie up, I said, I'm gonna tie up your feet.

• 35:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, why are you doing this to me?

• 35:59Speaker 00

  Mister Joe, Mister Joe, why are you doing this to me, Mister Joe?

• 36:03Speaker 02

  I'm gonna put a little soy sauce on your feet.

• 36:05Speaker 00

  Why? I'm not dumpling.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  I'm not dumpling, Mister Joe.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  You don't believe in Jesus?

• 36:12Speaker 00

  I don't, I'm Buddhist. I'm Buddhist, Mister George.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  I'm gonna eat your feet.

• 36:16Speaker 00

  No, please don't.

• 36:19Bobby Lee?

  Yo, I see, I see, yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:22Bobby Lee?

  And then the next time you go to the fucking plants, I'm just like wobbling around.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've, I've.

• 36:26Bobby Lee?

  And you're still, and you're gonna still go, wash my trousers.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 36:30Bobby Lee?

  Right, that's that guy. And I have, I have no, I'm walking on nubs, oh my.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Here's the scene, it's the laundry run. A small dusty laundry shop in a typical old west town. Clothes are hanging on a line outside, up, up. And there's the faint sound of a creek in the background. Inside, the smell of soap and steam from boiling water fills the air. The three men, Jed, Billy and Cole, step by counter, leaning on it with various laundry items in hand.

• 36:53Bobby Lee?

  Alright, so what am I playing?

• 36:55Speaker 02

  So you'll be, uh.

• 36:56Bobby Lee?

  Just throw it out.

• 36:57Speaker 02

  You'll, I guess you're.

• 36:59Bobby Lee?

  He's Jed. I'll be Jed.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  You're Jed and I'm Billy.

• 37:01Bobby Lee?

  You're Billy?

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:02Bobby Lee?

  And you're Cole, okay? Man.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  We have to do an accent?

• 37:08Bobby Lee?

  No, it's whatever, your choice, dude, you're the actor. Man, I've never thought I'd be standing in a place like this. Went out again, for my laundry to get done. Ain't no cowboy got time for laundry.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  You ain't wrong, Jed.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  But I reckon it's better than wearing these stinkers another day. I ain't been washed clean in the month. My old lady would have had a fit if she saw me like this.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  You boys are lucky.

• 37:44Speaker 03

  I don't have anyone to complain about me looking like a tumbleweed. My boots smell worse than a rattler's dance.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  I ain't bothering with no laundry.

• 37:57Speaker 00

  Ah, you got a good point, Cole. Ain't much to do when you're right alone all the time. I reckon you can smell as bad as you please out there in the wild. But come each town and folks start looking at you like y'all been rolling in cow dung.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  I reckon it's the dust. It gets in your pores. Makes you smell like you've been sleeping in the middle of a sandstorm like Fahim. I mean, I can't even tell if my shirt's dirtier from sweat or from just sitting in the sun all day.

• 38:37Speaker 00

  You okay, Cole? You coughing, Cole?

• 38:40Speaker 03

  I say, it's a little bit of both. You boys ain't much different, but this laundry place, hell, it's like a little slice of civilization. Clean sheets, hot water, and the smell of lavender.

• 38:56Speaker 00

  You sound like a lady, Cole. Lavender, what happened to riding hard and living free?

• 39:04Speaker 03

  Living free don't mean you gotta sting like a horse's backside. But I do like me some clean socks and underwear. Ain't too proud to admit it.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  You know, we might ought to be careful what we say. The way this laundry lady looks at us, I, I wouldn't put it past her to be listening in in our conversation. You seen her eyes? They got like that look, like she knows everything, even things you ain't said out loud.

• 39:36Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, I swear every time I come in here, it feels like she gonna read my soul. I ain't even sure how she manages to fold the laundry so perfectly.

• 39:49Speaker 00

  Like she's working magic.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  That ain't magic, that's skill. You don't survive out here without knowing how to take care of business. Maybe she's been in these parts longer than we think.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  See, that's what I like about the West. Everyone's got a story they ain't telling, but they all know how to make things work.

• 40:15Bobby Lee?

  I feel like we're, that's the truth. Well, fellas, I reckon it's time to get our shirts back before she starts making us fold them ourselves. Don't, wait, wait, wait, fuck, don't want no part of the kind of work.

• 40:33Speaker 03

  Let's get him before she puts a spell on us, boys. We may be.

• 40:37Bobby Lee?

  All right, let's go.

• 40:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, we got this from the Theo Von and Spade movie.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  That's it, that's it, that's what it's from.

• 40:44Bobby Lee?

  That's a funny callback, I like that. She feels very good commitment.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  Very great.

• 40:48Bobby Lee?

  You grasp onto the southern accent, that was really good.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  I followed you.

• 40:52Bobby Lee?

  You followed, yeah, and God, Chris, you can act, god damn it.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 40:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and one day, um.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  This shirt's designed to be inside out, by the way.

• 41:01Bobby Lee?

  I never questioned it.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  No, because I just want, I know the fans might start talking shit.

• 41:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  But it's designed this way.

• 41:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  So just, just FYI.

• 41:08Bobby Lee?

  And, you know, what I appreciated about it is that you haven't done one Asian accent since you've been on the show.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  No.

• 41:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because, why, what, why?

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Because I.

• 41:16Bobby Lee?

  When you do it, you get some heat online?

• 41:19Speaker 02

  I got some heat online, and like I, like I said before, I said this a couple of episodes, I came on here and I apologized because I got yelled at for some Asian accents I was doing, and I, and I made a genuine, deep-hearted apology.

• 41:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  I ended it with, "I'm a Saudi."

• 41:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  And then people got mad at me.

• 41:36Bobby Lee?

  I did, too.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  And people got.

• 41:37Bobby Lee?

  And they're gonna be mad at that, you think?

• 41:38Speaker 02

  They're gonna be mad at that.

• 41:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  And then, um, so I just, I just want to say, look into the camera this time, and mean, I really am actually sorry for saying that.

• 41:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but here.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  And I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, and it hurts me.

• 41:50Bobby Lee?

  But we're, you know, you know, I make one of you.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  I have.

• 42:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  It's a tension.

• 42:03Bobby Lee?

  I know, when white people, when you had, you, you, you, yeah, you gotta stretch it out farther, because it relieves the brain.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Sometimes I have a headache.

• 42:09Bobby Lee?

  You gotta get to the temple.

• 42:10Speaker 02

  You know what helps?

• 42:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Sometimes when I have a, my therapist said to do this.

• 42:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  The tension, you pull it back and you go, it goes.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  And that releases the pressure.

• 42:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, that's yeah, I do that too.

• 42:30Bobby Lee?

  I do it too, and it feels so good. Your headache goes away. White people, I'm telling you, no matter where you are.

• 42:35Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 42:35Bobby Lee?

  Sometimes. Yeah, when you're in Taekwondo class, or wherever you might be. Sometimes. At your local Chinese restaurant, if you have a headache. See, right there, you go, oh, oh, oh, yeah, that guy has a headache. That's not Mickey Rooney.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a guy with a headache. Sometimes, yes, last week, my daughter was asking me for help with her math homework, and I said, honey, I don't know the answer to that one like this.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Just to really depress her. And the answer just came to me.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  And then, okay, and then I just said, it's what is happening?

• 43:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:05Bobby Lee?

  Now, let me ask you, you're Asian, right, Jules? Well, you see white people behave like that. How do you feel?

• 43:12Speaker 03

  Well, if I don't know them, then it's annoying.

• 43:14Bobby Lee?

  That's the thing. There we go. That's what we're talking about here.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  But I was.

• 43:17Bobby Lee?

  It's about, we know each other. I make fun of white people's penises. I make fun of their dumbness. You know what I mean? Some of their cultural misgivings.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:27Bobby Lee?

  And I think if I know somebody, I feel like anything's at play here.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  I've made a decision in my life.

• 43:33Bobby Lee?

  Me too.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  It freed me from a lot of stuff online, is I don't care about anyone's opinion, good or bad, unless I personally know you. Or I've met you. Like, if you told me, Chris, what you said hurt me, I would genuinely apologize to you. But a random fan online, if they tell me I'm doing great or doing bad, I don't let it affect me either way. Only people that I personally know and I've met in the physical space. Because my brains are not equipped, I can't, I can't process praise or hate from Nebraska. I can't process it.

• 44:02Bobby Lee?

  Well, we have a friend, and I don't want to say his name, but we have a friend that was working through that. He called me a couple of months ago, paranoid.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Right.

• 44:10Bobby Lee?

  About a bunch of stuff online he was reading. He was super depressed.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  Right.

• 44:14Bobby Lee?

  And I told this person, I said, don't read it.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:18Bobby Lee?

  You just don't read it.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:19Bobby Lee?

  I don't read anything.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 44:22Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:22Bobby Lee?

  People go, oh, Reddit, this and that. I don't even know, I've never been on it. I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. And that's how you have to live. Because if I did read it. I think it would affect me.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  And you know what, and you know what, our friend, our mutual friend who

• 44:37Bobby Lee?

  I wouldn't say his name so bad.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  When we talked to him about it.

• 44:39Bobby Lee?

  I wouldn't say his.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Say his name and then put a Patreon dot com slash bad friends. No, we said, uh, he said, and he, this is very accurate of him. He said, you know, all that looking online for the comments, all that comparing stuff. It's a form of self hate. You hate yourself and so you're looking to be, you're looking for it to be justified by the comments. You want to say, oh, Chris sucks. You're looking for it because you think you suck, but if you're positive, you come from a positive place. You don't go looking for it. So I think you at times, Bobby, you know, I need therapy, you need this, you need that, but you're much more positive place than you think.

• 45:09Bobby Lee?

  No, I know. I think I am.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  I think that.

• 45:11Bobby Lee?

  I think I am. I, I've been doing things that let's be serious for a second. And we're doing a lot of like, you know, this and a lot of sand, crazy sand stuff. You know what I mean? All that stuff. But what I want to say is, is that, um, there's another thing that I do is I, I was at the Chicago improv. And I was at the Schaumburg improv. I was in the green room and a waitress came, you know, every green room, the club waitress is their, they're, you know, they take care of you.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  That's the head waitress.

• 45:36Bobby Lee?

  The head waitress. She's like, I'm, I'm, I'm going to be your waitress all weekend, whatever you need, just let me know.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  Wants the tips.

• 45:41Bobby Lee?

  And so she, she goes, this is so and so, and she's interning. And she seemed shy, but also she kind of looked me weird. She was like, she kind of looked at me like this. And when they left, I turned to the comics in the room and go, oh yeah, she doesn't like me. They go, and they, and they go, what? I go, I can, I go, I can tell. And then.

• 45:59Speaker 02

  You think it's because, but do you think it's because, were you making it up or do you think it's because you pulled your dick out?

• 46:04Bobby Lee?

  No, I didn't. That wasn't when I did that. Yeah. I would never do that.

• 46:12Bobby Lee?

  All right. I would never do that. I respect her too much. And that would be good.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  And by the way, I just want to make it clear, even if it looks like I did on camera before, I didn't pull out any of my penis. I, I.

• 46:21Bobby Lee?

  I know you do. I know.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  It was my thigh.

• 46:22Bobby Lee?

  Exactly. It was your thigh. I know. Exactly. All right. So let's get that on the clear.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:27Bobby Lee?

  But then two days later, she, she came up to me. She goes, hey, I just want, you know, I'm just like, I have a bad friend's T-shirt. I'm a huge fan.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 46:34Bobby Lee?

  So in my mind, I was like, oh, I make assumptions about people that aren't true. And it's because, um, I have, I know, growing up, I don't have to read my parents. Cause my parents were snapper heads.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Is that a, is that like a slur?

• 46:50Bobby Lee?

  Damn snapper heads, take it up all, no, um.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  For Koreans from San Diego.

• 46:54Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, they, they were, um, physically violent.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  Towards you.

• 46:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, and they would just, you know, and so every day was reading the situation and, and to protect myself.

• 47:05Speaker 02

  Right.

• 47:05Bobby Lee?

  Right, to like, for danger, and I do that out in the wild, you know what I mean? And I'm tired of doing it because it's like, it's usually not true, you know what I mean? And I feel comfortable with when they don't like me, and when people like me, I feel uncomfortable, which I want to change that narrative as well, but.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Here's the good thing to know is that most people don't care at all.

• 47:26Bobby Lee?

  They don't care, that's the thing, they don't think about.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  You know what it is with Zoom, you know what it is, you make an ass out of you and me, you know that.

• 47:32Bobby Lee?

  I know that, that's a really good, I like those little, yeah, yeah, I like those little.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Just one more.

• 47:38Bobby Lee?

  Here's another one, a little tidbit.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Here's another parable, and this one's for you, Don. Their wives are foolish and their children wicked, accursed their brood, but the children of adulterers.

• 47:48Bobby Lee?

  Don, how come you never sit down, come sit down.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  Come sit down, will remain without issue.

• 47:52Bobby Lee?

  You never come in.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  And the progeny of an unlawful bed will disappear, for should they attain long life, they will be held no esteem. Should they die abruptly, they will have no hope nor comfort in the daily of scrutiny, for dire is the end of the wicked generation.

• 48:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Don, did you listen, that was for you.

• 48:09Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, that was really good.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  What are you doing, what are you doing?

• 48:11Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that was a little advice I was telling him yesterday, you want to say it?

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Tell him, tell him.

• 48:14Speaker 05

  No.

• 48:15Bobby Lee?

  I shouldn't say it, no. Then why'd you just do that?

• 48:18Speaker 05

  Cause, cause I was practicing.

• 48:19Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, we're practicing, that was very good, though, you're a very good learner.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:23Speaker 05

  Um, um, Chris.

• 48:25Bobby Lee?

  Yes. I'll just tell you.

• 48:29Speaker 02

  Tell him.

• 48:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I could tell him.

• 48:30Speaker 02

  Tell him.

• 48:30Bobby Lee?

  But it has nothing to do with, I was just saying, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is, is that, you know, um, when you're in a relationship, right? And I was telling a bunch of comics this in the room, right? And you want to get out of the relationship, I can never end it.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 48:45Bobby Lee?

  All right? Because what you do is you have to find a window to get out.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  Right.

• 48:49Bobby Lee?

  Right? So you can force a window to open.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 48:53Bobby Lee?

  By doing some of my techniques.

• 48:55Speaker 02

  You can force a window to be open.

• 48:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  The problem is for me with that, where I, I have, I don't have, my house isn't the best right now, and I have air conditioners in the window.

• 49:02Bobby Lee?

  It's an analogy.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  So I'm gonna open the window.

• 49:05Bobby Lee?

  It's an analogy.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  I don't have central air.

• 49:06Bobby Lee?

  It's an analogy.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  Okay, but I have.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  I could hurt somebody.

• 49:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  I don't want to do that.

• 49:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:13Bobby Lee?

  Well, yeah, it was just an analogy or door to open. Whatever. Yeah, yeah.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:16Bobby Lee?

  An opportunity.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  An opportunity.

• 49:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Okay, and that's where you have to get out.

• 49:19Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:20Bobby Lee?

  So what it is, when you do the little techniques, and one of the techniques I was telling people was, you want her to break up with you.

• 49:27Speaker 02

  The coward way.

• 49:28Bobby Lee?

  That's the coward's way, right?

• 49:29Speaker 02

  The coward way.

• 49:30Bobby Lee?

  So you do subtle things, and one of my techniques is you forget their name for a split second every time, and you use a snap, right? So you go, hey, Kathy, right?

• 49:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:42Bobby Lee?

  Hey, what are we gonna eat tonight, Kathy? Right? You do that.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Smart.

• 49:46Bobby Lee?

  Thirty times. It seeps into their subconscious, and they don't know what's bothering them. They don't know what that's bothering them, right?

• 49:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:54Bobby Lee?

  And then it, that's where the windows will open. Another one, I have several of them.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Smart.

• 49:59Bobby Lee?

  What? Very smart, right?

• 50:00Speaker 02

  That's actually very smart.

• 50:01Bobby Lee?

  Tell them another one. Another one, which one? The, um, the, uh... I think I've told people this one before on this podcast before.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  Let's hear it, though. I haven't heard it.

• 50:10Bobby Lee?

  Okay, you haven't heard it, right?

• 50:11Speaker 02

  Remember this, you can, sometimes you can say things that you've said on a podcast before, previously, because guess what? As Marcus really said, you never step in the same river twice. Because the river's always flowing, it's always new water. So when you step in, it's a different light, a different...

• 50:24Bobby Lee?

  So you can say the same thing.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  In motion, yes.

• 50:26Bobby Lee?

  This is a different river.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Never step in the same river twice.

• 50:28Bobby Lee?

  Oh. The, the, the... Yeah, yeah, so all you have to do this is five times, okay? So those snapping thirty times, this five times, okay? When you orgasm, you don't make a noise. You look directly into their eyes. You had, they have to be looking at you, right? And you orgasm with your face.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  It's hard for me to, I'm never looking in when I...

• 50:50Bobby Lee?

  I know, but this is what you need to do.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  I'm always facing this way.

• 50:52Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:54Bobby Lee?

  In order for you to do this exercise, you have to be doing missionary.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  So I have to have a mirror in front of me?

• 50:59Bobby Lee?

  This is what you do, right? You look in their eyes and you go, you go like this, you go...

• 51:06Bobby Lee?

  Like that, right? If you do that five times, subconsciously, right? They will break up with you.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, terrifying.

• 51:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's terrifying.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Terrifying.

• 51:14Bobby Lee?

  Third thing. Yeah, third thing, right?

• 51:16Speaker 02

  That's the third thing.

• 51:17Bobby Lee?

  This is a basic one.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  No, this is good.

• 51:18Bobby Lee?

  You gave him the same present twice.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  That's huge.

• 51:22Bobby Lee?

  It's a good one.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  That's a good one.

• 51:24Bobby Lee?

  Right. Because they usually go, they always say, "I don't, it's just the thought that counts." You know what I mean? Like, "I don't care," right? "Right, here's two oven mitts, bitch."

• 51:37Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 51:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, a right-handed and a left one for the Christmas. One for Christmas, other Christmas.

• 51:42Speaker 02

  That's smart.

• 51:43Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Very smart.

• 51:44Bobby Lee?

  Those little hints, dude?

• 51:45Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 51:45Bobby Lee?

  The window will open, my friend.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  You know what? That's funny.

• 51:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:49Speaker 02

  Because I had a friend, he was dating a girl for five years.

• 51:52Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  They were gonna get engaged, and then, on her birthday one year, he gave her a card with a hundred dollar bill in it.

• 51:57Bobby Lee?

  That's a gift. Great.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  She broke up with him.

• 52:00Bobby Lee?

  That's great. Brilliant. Right.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  Broke up with him because she wanted an engagement ring. He gave her a hundred bucks cash.

• 52:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 52:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:05Bobby Lee?

  I did this once, and she didn't break up with me. Sarah Hyland, she couldn't even defend, she couldn't even back the stuff.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  The actress Sarah Hyland?

• 52:11Bobby Lee?

  No, there's a different Sarah Hyland. All right.

• 52:14Bobby Lee?

  The comedian Sarah Hyland, right? So Sarah,

• 52:18Bobby Lee?

  we were dating for a couple of years. The first year, she gave me a vintage painting from a store, like a vintage. She likes going shopping at like, um, antique stores and vintage, you know? And then I gave it to her

• 52:33Bobby Lee?

  the next year.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  You re-gifted it.

• 52:34Bobby Lee?

  I re-gifted it to her.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Smart.

• 52:36Bobby Lee?

  Forgetting that she gave it to me.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  Right.

• 52:38Bobby Lee?

  And it was super embarrassing, but she still didn't break up with me.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  Right, but she really loved you.

• 52:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, she really did love me.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  What about getting back with her? What about calling her?

• 52:44Bobby Lee?

  She's married now with, uh, to my friend Jen.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Oh, she's a lesbo?

• 52:48Bobby Lee?

  She's bisexual, and she's a very funny comic, and I love her, and she's family to me. But, you know.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  I think if you're gonna be a bisexual woman, you're the, you're a very good guy.

• 52:59Bobby Lee?

  Well, it's a

• 53:00Speaker 02

  Because you're neutral. You know what I mean?

• 53:02Bobby Lee?

  I've had a couple of situations where lesbians have gone dated me for a couple of years.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 53:07Bobby Lee?

  Everyone around them have been women. So I've never really questioned that about myself.

• 53:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:11Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? What do you think of that?

• 53:13Speaker 02

  Because, because it is, because you're very interesting.

• 53:14Bobby Lee?

  John, what do you think of that?

• 53:15Speaker 05

  Well, you got, you've, you've soft skin. And I think that that it's like a, it's smooth. So it's an easy transition. Like, I can look at you from across the room and go.

• 53:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I've seen you look at me like that from across the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 05

  Well, yeah.

• 53:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 05

  I can see it.

• 53:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 53:30Speaker 05

  I go, yeah.

• 53:31Bobby Lee?

  Interesting.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  His skin is, it's made of seaweed.

• 53:33Bobby Lee?

  Let's come up with another, let's come up with another one of these window opportunities together. So we can, so I can write a book.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  What you've done is, what?

• 53:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  What you, well, you, you have really, really good ones so far.

• 53:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  The, the, the best one was the, um, um.

• 53:48Bobby Lee?

  Snapping?

• 53:49Speaker 02

  Snapping, forgetting the name.

• 53:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gotta be a split second though. Everyone knows it. If you live too much of a thing, it, then it's noticeable.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  Right.

• 53:56Bobby Lee?

  And that's why I think the snapping is very important.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  You know what's another good one too?

• 53:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me write it down.

• 54:00Speaker 02

  Come home, you could, every time she comes home from work and is happy to see you, you're just laid out on the couch drinking a beer.

• 54:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  Like you're depressed, like, and then, and then, and then when your friends come over.

• 54:08Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  You jump up, you can't wait to go out with them. You kind of subconsciously tell her, I'm having fun with my friends and when I'm with you, I'm miserable.

• 54:14Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  And she starts to say, do I make you miserable?

• 54:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  That's what you do.

• 54:18Speaker 05

  You can, you can tell her you're gonna call her. Like, I'mma call you in 30 minutes. And you don't call. And then.

• 54:23Bobby Lee?

  Oh, those are good, those are good.

• 54:24Speaker 05

  Two hours.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  Never call her.

• 54:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, never call her.

• 54:26Speaker 05

  I, I.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but those are, um, immediate.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  You can tell her you're gonna pick her up from the airport and never show up.

• 54:30Bobby Lee?

  But see.

• 54:31Speaker 00

  This is a room full of cowards, I can see.

• 54:34Bobby Lee?

  I'll tell you why those don't work, because what, my things are subtle, right?

• 54:38Speaker 05

  Subtle.

• 54:38Bobby Lee?

  These will cause arguments right then and there.

• 54:41Speaker 02

  Subtle, right.

• 54:41Bobby Lee?

  I don't want that either. You know what I mean? I don't wanna like, hey, I texted you, you didn't text me. I want them not to know what's going on. Almost like, there's something weird, but I don't know what it is. You know what I mean? It's gotta be one of those.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Every time she texts you, I love you, you could just hard hit and not say it back.

• 54:57Bobby Lee?

  Ditto, yeah, maybe.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  Ditto.

• 54:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, ditto.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Thumbs up.

• 54:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 02

  Hold on, wait.

• 55:00Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah. Right.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  Just for Andrew.

• 55:03Speaker 05

  What if you brought home takeout food, but only for yourself?

• 55:07Bobby Lee?

  Ooh, that's good.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  That's a good.

• 55:09Bobby Lee?

  That's a really good one.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  That's a good one.

• 55:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Um, what if, um?

• 55:15Speaker 02

  What if you only, you only kissed her on her forehead like a child?

• 55:24Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean?

• 55:24Speaker 02

  Like you never kissed her on the lips. She wanted to make out, you're just saying, "Have a good day," and you kissed her on her head. Top it like a, or you patted her on her head like a little bit.

• 55:31Bobby Lee?

  That's a good one. That's good. Treat her like a dwarf.

• 55:36Bobby Lee?

  That's good. I like that. Treat her like a dwarf.

• 55:38Speaker 02

  Or every time you guys were driving somewhere, she would drive and you'd sit in the backseat.

• 55:43Bobby Lee?

  Oh yeah, like an Uber.

• 55:43Speaker 02

  Like an Uber.

• 55:44Bobby Lee?

  Uber, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Uber method.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  Relationship where it's like it's not intimate.

• 55:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, like a driving Miss Daisy kind of a thing. Yeah, yeah, I like that.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  What about, what about this? When you're walking somewhere with her, you always walk a little bit in front of her.

• 55:54Bobby Lee?

  That's a good one. But that, that's, but I've had fights like that before.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:58Bobby Lee?

  Where they go, "How come you always walk ahead of me?"

• 56:01Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 56:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, or like, you know, or have you had this happen? You're walking with your girl, right, on a beach, wherever, boardwalk, let's say, whatever.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  Right.

• 56:09Bobby Lee?

  At a mall, right?

• 56:10Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 56:11Bobby Lee?

  And you're just walking forward and a hot chick just walks in front of you? And then you're like, and they're like, "I saw that." "Oh, oh, why? Because I have eyeballs?"

• 56:23Bobby Lee?

  "'Cause I have eyeballs, I'm looking that way."

• 56:29Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? It's crazy. It's crazy talk. Have you had that? "You want me to walk like this, bitch?" Come on.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:39Bobby Lee?

  I hate it. It's so dumb. It's like, "You haven't checked in with me?" "You're not my parole officer." "I'm not a criminal."

• 56:49Bobby Lee?

  "I haven't done shit, bitch."

• 56:53Speaker 05

  Kindergarten, kindergarten.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  That's what it was.

• 56:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 56:56Speaker 05

  Let it out.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  Sorry, sorry. Kindergarten, yeah, sorry.

• 56:59Bobby Lee?

  It's true, though. What you're saying, we all agree with. It's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like all these things. It's just, now, when I say these things, I don't want to be in a relationship. Why?

• 57:09Speaker 05

  Oh, you told me another one.

• 57:11Bobby Lee?

  I did? Last time, what was it?

• 57:12Speaker 05

  Where you, where you, where you, where you don't.

• 57:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh, but that's different. That's different. Here's my theory.

• 57:22Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 57:22Bobby Lee?

  And I'm not a scientist, as you know. As you know, right, and I'm not a doctor.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  You only look like one.

• 57:33Bobby Lee?

  Okay, fuck was that? I'm emotional today.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  You are?

• 57:37Bobby Lee?

  I'm tired, I'm on the edge.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 57:40Bobby Lee?

  I'm going to express myself.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  Please.

• 57:43Bobby Lee?

  I believe

• 57:46Bobby Lee?

  that sperm is liquid love. Hear me out, hear me out. Okay? When I'm jacked up with it, I love my girlfriend. Right? When I release, I like my girlfriend.

• 58:03Bobby Lee?

  Okay?

• 58:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 58:04Bobby Lee?

  Right? So in order for me to stay in love, you don't come. And that's what I was telling you last night. You never come.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  What about this? Here's a, here's a third theory.

• 58:15Bobby Lee?

  Am I not?

• 58:16Speaker 05

  No, it means you don't really like them.

• 58:18Bobby Lee?

  No, even I, I was in love with Kalila. And even when I orgasm with her, it's not like, it's not like I hate, I love them still, but it's like, it's still less.

• 58:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:28Bobby Lee?

  A little less is what I'm saying.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 58:31Bobby Lee?

  Were you not a bit, or am I, am I in the, in the shadows here?

• 58:33Speaker 02

  No, I get it, because you, yeah, because maybe you were lust, maybe it was lust, and it was the lust juice.

• 58:39Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so what you're telling me, Di Stefano, is this?

• 58:41Speaker 02

  Liquid lust.

• 58:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, oh, it's liquid lust.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  Liquid lust.

• 58:44Bobby Lee?

  So what you're telling me is this, and maybe I'm wrong then, okay? That every time you orgasm with your, you feel the same exact way.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  Um, what do you mean?

• 58:52Bobby Lee?

  You don't feel empty?

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Like, empty, like, towards her?

• 58:56Bobby Lee?

  No, just toward her, but it's like, you know, you don't really want to cuddle as hard or whatever, you know what I mean?

• 59:01Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 59:02Bobby Lee?

  Um. That's not you, bro.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  I'm alone on an island.

• 59:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 59:06Speaker 02

  You're not on the boat?

• 59:08Speaker 05

  I, it depends on the person.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, really? Last night you were on the boat? We were on the boat together last night, I was like, we're all fucking in, you're not on the boat anymore?

• 59:16Speaker 05

  I get it.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  What happened? You jumped overboard?

• 59:18Speaker 05

  No.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 59:20Speaker 05

  It depends on the person.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  You're all liars, dude. Everyone in this blasphemy.

• 59:24Bobby Lee?

  Blasphemy. Yeah, yeah, give me the book. Done. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ, please, dear Lord, forgive these sinners. I mean, they do not know what they say or mean. They only do for public eye. Here you go. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. It's insane. All right, let's go back, then, forget it. So I try to edge, that's all.

• 59:41Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 59:45Bobby Lee?

  That's just edge, you know?

• 59:45Speaker 02

  That's it, it's great. It's the best way to do it. It's just, yeah, I, every time I've had, the last five times I've had sex with my girl, I've come, but she's just continued watching Landman on Paramount Club.

• 1:00:00Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:01Bobby Lee?

  Is it a good show?

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:02Bobby Lee?

  Land Man?

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  Every time I come, I hold Billy Bob Thornton in the background.

• 1:00:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's called Land Man.

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  It's, Land Man is one of the best TV shows I've seen ever in my life. And the character Billy Bob Thornton plays is fantastic.

• 1:00:13Bobby Lee?

  It's a very male, male show.

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:00:15Bobby Lee?

  It's on Paramount? And it's a TV show or a movie? I don't like it.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  TV show. No, girl, you don't think girls will like it? Ally Lard is in it. Ally Lard, who's beautiful.

• 1:00:23Bobby Lee?

  Yes. Yeah.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  It's a good show. The last, uh, Land Man, the, the, anything Tyler, Taylor Sheridan, Taylor Sheridan has put out, Land Man.

• 1:00:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  Uh, uh, the other one that I've seen. Lioness was fantastic. Yellowstone, this guy's un-

• 1:00:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh, Yellowstone I saw.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Yellowstone's good. Eighteen eighty-three, nineteen twenty-three. You should be, you could be in eighteen eighty-three.

• 1:00:42Bobby Lee?

  You could be in eighteen eighty-three. What could I play in eighteen eighty-three? What could I play?

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  The laundromat. No, the railroad, they build a railroad in it. Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I've already said this before, you know, I mean, we're in a different river, right? Same stream?

• 1:00:53Speaker 02

  Same.

• 1:00:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, whatever the analogy.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  You never step in the same river twice.

• 1:00:57Bobby Lee?

  River twice, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  Uh, success is not final, failure is not fatal.

• 1:01:00Bobby Lee?

  But I always said in the old west, I'd be opium.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  You'd be opium?

• 1:01:03Bobby Lee?

  Opium dealer. I'd be an opium dealer.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  Oh, shit.

• 1:01:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I would just get straight from China.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  You, that's what you would do?

• 1:01:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  And I feel like you're the guy that if, you know, you would get me, I would come in and shake your hand, and next thing you know, um, you got me in a finger trap.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  I don't like that.

• 1:01:18Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, let's, can we discuss that for a second? So let me see how that works, okay?

• 1:01:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Bobby Lee?

  Right? So you come into my opium den.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Bobby Lee?

  Right? I go, "Right this way." You do, right?

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:30Bobby Lee?

  And you go, "Thank you so much, you're my favorite opium den, right?"

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:32Bobby Lee?

  And we shake hands.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  We shake hands.

• 1:01:34Bobby Lee?

  And then when we release.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  You're like that.

• 1:01:35Bobby Lee?

  I go, "I gotcha."

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  I got you. And then I-

• 1:01:38Bobby Lee?

  You're right.

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  And then I can't, I can't-

• 1:01:39Bobby Lee?

  Right, but our two fingers are things?

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  No, no, you, you just snitch it on me.

• 1:01:43Bobby Lee?

  And your two fingers are in a trap?

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you got my hands in a trap, and then, and then you, and then you start hitting me with sticks.

• 1:01:49Bobby Lee?

  Dude, I mean-

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  What does opium feel like? It must feel-

• 1:01:51Bobby Lee?

  It's heroin, right?

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what it is, right?

• 1:01:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's heroin.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  You know heroin is not actually bad for you. It's the things that happen after.

• 1:01:58Bobby Lee?

  It's vitamin D, I heard.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  Actual heroin.

• 1:02:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  No, RFK, our new chancellor of health.

• 1:02:04Speaker 00

  He was just confirmed today.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  No, if you look, think of, Google heroin itself, that's not the bad thing.

• 1:02:10Bobby Lee?

  You know what's crazy? He's the chancellor of health and he's been inside my house. Isn't that weird to think about? It's so weird.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Isn't that wild?

• 1:02:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's so wild that he's been.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  That like somebody.

• 1:02:19Bobby Lee?

  You've met Trump?

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 1:02:20Bobby Lee?

  Have you met Trump?

• 1:02:21Speaker 02

  When I was a little kid, never, never.

• 1:02:23Bobby Lee?

  Who's like the biggest politician you met?

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 1:02:27Bobby Lee?

  Love him, voted him twice.

• 1:02:28Speaker 02

  Yes. I don't know, Eric Adams, the mayor of New York, Eric Adams.

• 1:02:32Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really?

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  He did history, hyenas.

• 1:02:33Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you did?

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  He did, in 2020, and now he's gonna go to prison.

• 1:02:36Bobby Lee?

  Who's the most famous guy you met, Don?

• 1:02:38Speaker 02

  Politician.

• 1:02:38Bobby Lee?

  No, just in general. Newt Gingrich, Speaker of the House. Who's the biggest famous person you've met? Um, probably Colin Farrell. How'd you meet him? I worked with him. Doing what? Show, TV show. No, wow, thank you. You were an actor? On it? Yeah. Yeah, and you played across from him? Yeah. Was he nice? He beat me up. Was he nice? He's the nicest man. Yeah, he seemed so nice. He's the fucking, he's the fucking greatest. Dude, he's, how talented. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I remember we were watching, the show was called Sugar on Apple TV, and I was having sex with my girl a couple of months ago, and I'm coming, and she goes, there's Don.

• 1:03:09Bobby Lee?

  Really? And you could see you on Sugar?

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you had lines and everything? I was in four episodes, yeah. Oh, okay, alright.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, see, why don't you shut your fucking mouth, Bob?

• 1:03:16Bobby Lee?

  I told you last night, though, what did I say last night to you? Did? You're, you're. I liked me. No, but also as an actor, you, you have such a distinct look. Thanks, man. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if that was a compliment, but yeah.

• 1:03:27Speaker 03

  You're so handsome.

• 1:03:28Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:03:28Speaker 03

  You're so handsome.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  Do you think he's more?

• 1:03:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:30Speaker 02

  He actually?

• 1:03:31Bobby Lee?

  He is way better looking than him. Yeah, a good voice, too.

• 1:03:33Speaker 03

  And voice.

• 1:03:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  So he doesn't look like a Greek god, though? You said I look like a Greek god from the side.

• 1:03:39Speaker 03

  Well, maybe he's just a superior being than you.

• 1:03:42Bobby Lee?

  Superior being? How do you? Right here. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:45Speaker 02

  But I'm more Aryan looking.

• 1:03:46Bobby Lee?

  Is that good?

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:48Bobby Lee?

  Okay. In, in today's America. Yeah. You're like an Italian baker to me back in the day.

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  He does.

• 1:03:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:54Speaker 02

  He does look like that.

• 1:03:54Bobby Lee?

  Are you Mexican? What are you? Italian. Okay, exactly. Yeah.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  From the south, they're rare. Sidney Sweeney, is that the most famous person now, maybe?

• 1:04:01Bobby Lee?

  Sidney Sweeney is famous. Oh, right, right.

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  I just did a movie with her.

• 1:04:03Bobby Lee?

  You did a movie with her, too?

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, just now.

• 1:04:04Bobby Lee?

  Wow, congratulations.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  Thanks, man.

• 1:04:06Bobby Lee?

  But you do stand-up, too? Still?

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  Debatable. He's coming with me to San Francisco.

• 1:04:12Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you do? Feature? Oh, that's awesome.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  I do two man shows. Don goes up to us 20, I do an hour, we'll see you the fuck later.

• 1:04:18Bobby Lee?

  Wow. You have fun?

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  I do, I have a good time.

• 1:04:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  We have a good time. Cobb's Comedy Club, shout it out.

• 1:04:24Bobby Lee?

  Oh, Fahim called.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  I'll call him back.

• 1:04:26Bobby Lee?

  Let's call him back.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. Thank you.

• 1:04:28Bobby Lee?

  Okay, stay here, Don.

• 1:04:37Bobby Lee?

  I have to tell him he's on pod.

• 1:04:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, what up?

• 1:04:40Bobby Lee?

  So I'm with the Sefano, you're on Bad Friends.

• 1:04:44Speaker 00

  Oh, what's up? Are you sharing that right now?

• 1:04:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, we're on air, I wanted to warn you. Okay?

• 1:04:50Speaker 00

  What'd you say?

• 1:04:52Bobby Lee?

  Don't get sand crazy.

• 1:04:54Speaker 00

  I'm in Laurel Canyon.

• 1:04:55Bobby Lee?

  Don't get sand crazy. You know, I know how you get. Anyway, um, what'd you call me last night, late at night for?

• 1:05:03Speaker 00

  Uh, just the trade notes.

• 1:05:07Speaker 02

  It wasn't about, it wasn't about Bobby rubbing his head on your girlfriend's head?

• 1:05:15Speaker 00

  I missed that.

• 1:05:16Bobby Lee?

  No, we did a side hog, we did a side hog photo and I bumped my head against that, she's a wonderful girl, by the way.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  She's beautiful, we were complimenting her.

• 1:05:25Bobby Lee?

  I touched heads with her and I came a little bit, is that wrong or?

• 1:05:29Speaker 00

  Sure, no, I mean, it's biological.

• 1:05:31Bobby Lee?

  It's biological, thank you. So that's, that's what you wanted to call me about?

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  Bobby, he noticed when he got home, he had a little bit of come on his crocs.

• 1:05:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 00

  That happens.

• 1:05:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Are you with her right now?

• 1:05:42Speaker 00

  I have a good pod.

• 1:05:42Bobby Lee?

  Are you with her right now?

• 1:05:43Speaker 00

  I'm just driving to the store.

• 1:05:44Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:05:45Speaker 00

  I'm doing my show in the belly.

• 1:05:46Bobby Lee?

  Well, we'll have a good show, bud, alright?

• 1:05:48Speaker 00

  Thanks, dude.

• 1:05:49Bobby Lee?

  Alright, bye bye!

• 1:05:53Bobby Lee?

  Anyway, that was Fahim Anwar. Yeah.

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  Should I try Jasmine one more time to see if you can come to the wedding?

• 1:05:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:58Speaker 02

  And then this is it, okay, sorry. Let me see, she doesn't pick up my calls, I think she might have somebody else.

• 1:06:02Bobby Lee?

  You're not going tonight, right?

• 1:06:04Speaker 02

  Whoa, you heard that? That was an, that was an immediate, go fuck yourself, now I'm calling back.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  She hung up on me, right? Yeah. That was obvious. It's probably just a not disturbed.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Where's Andrew tonight? See you in New York? Boston.

• 1:06:20Bobby Lee?

  Boston. Wilbur.

• 1:06:23Speaker 06

  Hi.

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  Hi. I just want to tell you that you're on Bad Friends right now with Bobby Lee.

• 1:06:30Speaker 06

  Don't worry.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  Okay, you're on the podcast.

• 1:06:33Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, she doesn't know who I am.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  With Bobby.

• 1:06:35Speaker 06

  What the hell is that?

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  With Bobby.

• 1:06:36Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:06:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, hang up now.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  With Bobby Lee.

• 1:06:40Bobby Lee?

  Hang up right now. If you don't hang up right now, we're done. Hang up.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  Oh, you heard us to tell him I love him.

• 1:06:46Bobby Lee?

  Did you know who I am?

• 1:06:48Speaker 06

  I know who you are.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  What do you think he, what is Bobby Lee from, other than Bad Friends? Where have you seen him?

• 1:06:54Speaker 06

  Um, where haven't I seen him?

• 1:06:57Bobby Lee?

  Very good answer. I like it's very political.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Just give one, just give one. All you, all you have to do is get one here.

• 1:07:03Speaker 06

  I don't know, honey.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Where do you think you've seen him? Just take a guess. Anything, anything that comes to mind.

• 1:07:10Speaker 06

  Sweetheart, I don't know.

• 1:07:14Speaker 02

  All right, just asking you to take one guess.

• 1:07:16Bobby Lee?

  The wedding, the wedding.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  Karate kid. One guess.

• 1:07:19Speaker 06

  Um, where have I seen him? I saw him at the hilarious party.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  Right, and what's he, what's he, did he make you uncomfortable at all?

• 1:07:26Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  Okay, because he has a thing where he likes to rub his head on other people's girlfriends' heads.

• 1:07:32Speaker 06

  That doesn't make me uncomfortable at all.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  Really? Okay, let me answer your question now. Is Bob, we said we want to keep things very, very small and intimate, close friends and family only for the wedding. And I want you to be honest. I know that you're on the show, but I want you to be genuinely honest. Is Bobby Lee invited to the wedding? With a plus one.

• 1:07:49Speaker 06

  Sorry.

• 1:07:52Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  He's not, is, is, are you being genuine, Jasmine? He cannot come to the wedding?

• 1:07:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 1:07:59Bobby Lee?

  Okay, good night.

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  All right, good night. So Bobby's not invited.

• 1:08:01Bobby Lee?

  I am not invited, yeah.

• 1:08:02Speaker 02

  Well, let me ask you guys real quick, real quick, and then I'll let you go. Is it, hold on, Jas, is Andrew Santino invited?

• 1:08:10Speaker 06

  I gotta think about you.

• 1:08:20Speaker 02

  Bobby walked off. Alright, I love you. Bye.

• 1:08:22Speaker 06

  Aw, they're all invited.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  No, no, no. He said no. Alright, bye, bye, bye, bye.

• 1:08:27Speaker 06

  Bye.

• 1:08:29Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 1:08:31Bobby Lee?

  Before we go, I want to say something. I have to rebuttal.

• 1:08:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:08:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, um, I will not go. I will not go.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're not invited.

• 1:08:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'm not invited. I will not go. Even if I was. I'm not going, you know, um, the next time I see her, right? It'll be a little different. Yeah, yeah, it'll be a little different. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  Could have believed the attitude.

• 1:08:51Bobby Lee?

  It'll be, it'll be political, but not as sweet.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:08:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be less.

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  It'll be less.

• 1:08:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, not more.

• 1:08:57Speaker 02

  You're not gonna touch her head.

• 1:08:59Bobby Lee?

  Won't be anywhere near her. Yeah, yeah. From afar, I'll go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The next hilarity.

• 1:09:04Speaker 02

  It's messed up.

• 1:09:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, keep her away.

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and, um, anything to promote down here? You have a website or anything?

• 1:09:15Bobby Lee?

  MustacheScott.com, I don't know. Okay, good. You're good. Uh, you?

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  Uh, Hulu special out February 21st.

• 1:09:22Bobby Lee?

  Yep.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  And Bobby's gonna do Hulu special too.

• 1:09:24Bobby Lee?

  Yep.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  Mine's called It's Just Unfortunate.

• 1:09:26Bobby Lee?

  It's Just Unfortunate.

• 1:09:27Speaker 02

  And then go to ChristieComedy.com. I got a lot of stand updates. Oh, and Patreon.com slash HistoryIneas. My history show is back.

• 1:09:32Bobby Lee?

  Yep.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  And also Jesus.

• 1:09:34Bobby Lee?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:09:34Speaker 02

  Remember to keep him in your heart and remember that an error is not a mistake until you refuse to correct it.

• 1:09:39Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 1:09:41Bobby Lee?

  Thank you for being a bad friend.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  Thank you for being a bad friend.